Attack of the alarm clock.

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I started it.  Literally, last night.  And I meant it.  I started going to bed at 18:40, but didn't get there until 20:40.  Yeah, but I've had worse.  As well, I had to push meds.  I was sure I took them first thing.  Wrong day?  Double... no.  I... crap, I took Thursday's morning meds too.  Bleh.  Anyway...  Awake, finally, at 3:40.

I heard the 3:00 alarm and we danced!  I kept hitting snooze, hoping to... sure I would... wake.  At some point I either wore the poor dear out, or bumped the off button.  The alarm is almost perfect.  If battery operated, batteries last years.  It has a 24 hour mode, the light isn't on unless I tap what also passes for the snooze bar.  It is adjusted easily enough.  The only real complaint is that the buttons are too easy to tap.  Further, either ghosts, or... else..., set the alarm(s - it has two, another plus) to active, or it auto turns on from some fluke, a few times a month.  I haven't had it turn of, but I have slept through it.  It is mild, but will ring several times, five minutes apart, and flashes a lemon led while it sounds, so you can see the time.  Oh, and it starts gently and builds volume, I think both through each episode and over the episodes.  It is, for me, as perfect as I have found.

Teeth brushed, meds in, tea going down.  I'll hit brewing tea soon.  I'll set the alarm, to feed the girls and shower in a couple hours, reset the alarm for a few more hours then deal with ducks.  Then, hopefully, on to work today.  Yes, I know what day it is.  If you don't think God doesn't understand, you are a blind zealot.  And if you think you have judgment over God... good luck with that.  Pack for hot when you die.

Blood sugar is 281.  It will come down, but I really have to eat more.  Last night it dropped to 230.  I ate nothing else, and it rose to 331?  Crazy but true.  More fat.  A fatted tea, another cereal, a burger crumble salad and another fatted tea, then a late fatted tea and half a cup of mixed nuts?  Something like that.  Hmm... maybe a fatted bone broth to replace one of the teas.

I am... better.  I feel good, great actually, if still tired.  I am hoping to manage more today.  I promise nothing, merely hope and focus at the efforts.  I'd like to go out, sit, and let the ducks out for a bit.  Sam would probably go out happily.  Yes.  Perhaps acclimating to the outside slowly.  Fresh air and what sun there is does magic, or as close as such goes.  Sunshine, fresh air, a woman, children, and home cooked food from scratch, with a relationship with God.  That is as magic as it gets, or needs to be.

Oh, well, I best set the alarm and get to waking.  Get to church.  And if you do, say a little prayer in my stead, if you would be so kind.  God knows.  Later.

Bedtime.

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The only thing I did was call my mother.  She is having respiratory problems, enough for an emergency room visit.  Some days ago.  It disturbs me that she didn't call, or have someone call for her.  The emergency diagnosis was pneumonia.  After visiting her doc, they both think it is something else.  I couldn't make it out with here rasping breath.

I know that.  At least the symptom.  No fluid buildup, so far.  I hope she... gets better.  Not much I can do.  I'll check on her every few days.

Tired.  All else is good.  To bed shortly.  I thought alarms were set for 3:00 and 5:00, but I don't remember them.  I will set them again tonight, or tonight for certain.  Good night.

A very good sleep.

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I am feeling better.  I am still doggedly dodging through life, having difficulty eating well, correctly, regularly.  You really have to eat, and a lot, and regularly, of mixed means.  Meats, dairy, veggies, fats, proteins, and some carbs.  It is complicated.  Add in diabetes and heart issues and complications treble.

Sometimes I can't eat, lately, until I am so hungry I eat anything... everything.  Sometimes food just isn't interesting, sometimes I simply can't cook, or keep up on groceries.  I'll keep at it.  Spring has sprung, but it's a cool wet one.  A few warm days, to air the cave and warm the bones would help.

I've been doing quite well on meds.  Almost slipped two eves back, but pushed a bit to get it in.  It's now, definitely, been over two weeks of perfect medication.  Brushing teeth has been nearly perfect, up to four times a day, minus three days, for nearly three months.  I missed two nights and one morning.  After my next check-up I may relax to twice, sometimes three times, a day.  I suspect much more, after they are back into good trim, will be detrimental.

I haven't been in pain, mostly, for a long time.  Except for muscle cramps and tightness as a side effect, and other side effects.  Organs have been good.  As well, I may ease off on the water pill.  Without the junk medicine somehow flooding my body, I am starting to go a bit too dry.  It almost seems as if that fake medicine may have altered a few things more or less permanently.  It was seriously nasty stuff.

Oh, I have been told that Nissan will not be leasing.  They were quite willing to sell.  No thanks.  I'll hold off before seeking again, from anyone.  Why lease?  Limited to three years, then renegotiate or just walk away.  If you have a second vehicle it is far less stress.  I refuse to go into debt for six years on a vehicle that won't sell when it is finished.  Their problem is car lots of new cars, priced out of sales, clogging up lots.  Nothing is moving, they are terrified of thousands of used cars coming back and having to store, and sell, those.  Then again, their used cars are way overpriced.  Last year, with 40k, only a couple grand off sticker?  Insulting. My eyes see half sticker, and that last year's sticker.  Best to walk until right before they nearly literally are driven to cannibalism.  I am assuming all sales teams have been put on suicide-stupid mode.  I wish them all the luck they deserve.

Hmm... fatted tea, start chia soaking, ducks in a few hours, then a shower... no shave for a bit, until Monday.  I nicked myself seriously last time, want that to heal a bit more.  Then to the bathroom and bedroom if possible.  Ugh.  I am doing better, finally, again.  If the weather would cooperate.  I'll do what I can in the interim.  Later.
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This was written several hours ago, three almost exactly.  Everything has been completed save the shower.  It... I thought it was warming up out there, when feeding the ducks. If it has warmed it hasn't effected the cave much.  I'll turn on the heat in hopes of showering and getting other things going yet today.

Fasting blood sugar was 270.  Not superior, but I had pizza and regular soda yesterday.  When the gents are over, I like to treat and was starving as well.  After breakfast read was the same.  Often it drops, but I ate... if all keto... more than usual.  It'll start dropping quickly, if I can keep on keto.

Are you following me?

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Wow.  The music just keeps popping.

Today, is it?

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I had an appointment yesterday.  Early but not very early.  I was up very early, in plenty of time.  I was also so exhausted I couldn't get going.  At least I called to reschedule several hours in advance.  On days like that, when the bottom falls out, that is as good as it gets.  I do my best.

Then, as I was about to go to bed, a text.  Some help with chores, and the young man working on my computer, wanted to visit.  I was so exhausted, but I'd like to get things going, so... said I'd be awake.  The computer is together but glitching.  And most of the new fencing is up for the ducks.  Posts were much easier than anticipated, if for my exhaustion I only drove a few.  Oh, and the dead ducks have been buried.

I was wheezing through the little I could do.  Almost blind with exhaustion.  I don't mind, for my part.  I just hate being nearly useless.  And I was.  On the good side, I really pushed back into days, as a schedule.  If I can keep it, I will.  I don't prefer days, but that is when life happens.  While even that, in ways, is against the very nature of the rider of the red horse, when God graced me with more than my nature, and a hope for more of an existence than my truly humble, otherwise final, nature, I choose, when able, to indulge, however feebly, in this odd grace called life.

Up, around 3:30, if I am just doing this post nearly an hour later.  I feel rested, but the underlying exhaustion persists.  I would like to try more work.  A bit of sweeping and mopping in the bathroom, and cleaning the toilet.  I have been keeping up in there.  But a bit of a larger hit in there, at least once a week, is good.

A fatted tea or three, and chia cereal in a bit.  Teeth brushed.  Beside the critters and bathroom, I'd like to hit the bedroom, again, finally.  If I can.  Still honestly recovering from that so-called medicine.  Seriously, that was nasty stuff, if too weather has broken for the worse.  It's a bit of both.  Well, and I am hoping for it to be warm and dry enough to air the cave out a bit.  That would help I believe.

I'll... begin things shortly.  I have an alert set for two hours.  Then will start.  Good morning and day.

No idea.

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I can't remember when I went to bed.  I woke up after 22:00, but a few minutes or an hour and change later?  When you push your wake cycle twelve hours and change, but can't adjust sleep, something has to give.  Memory, this time.  Sleep was good.  Can't complain.  A bit groggy, but two days of pushing as a given, it isn't too bad.

I'd best brush, then put fresh tea on.  I have the alarm set for a few hours after a while after waking... kitchen alarm.  I'll feed the critters, perhaps ducks too if it isn't freezing outside.  I'll probably shower first.  I have my other alarms set to get other things going as well.  Ugh, probably another longer day.  If I won't be stretching quite as desperately.

Exhausted from travel, schedule changes, the stress of checking on the auto (no reply, don't expect one), and still getting over that poison prescription.  Yeah, they can murder you with medicine, and mean it... or cripple you.  It's a dangerous world out there.  Still, I think I might be improving.  It has been dark, cold, and wet out there too.  Ugh.  Still, improving again.

Later.

Hilarious.

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Many bloggers seem to think with Mueller, and his investigation, finished, that now Dems and the media, among other groups and orgs, will not only apologize, but be punished.  I laugh.  The level of naivety involved to believe any such thing is beyond my compression.  I keep posting comments only to have those removed, even from blogs which usually don't filter... thanks Doug.

There is some notion, too, that certain media is being hurt, financially, for their misdeeds.  Not at all, I say.  It is merely people finding cheaper ways to gain access.  Antennas to streaming, they simply aren't supporting cable or dish.  I doubt if it is at all political either.  It's just about inflation, wage stagnation, and general Interest... or disinterest.

Further, people don't politically care.  Those on the left would be happy to see Trump removed.  It has nothing to do with logic.  Their think tenders and feelz people have convinced them that someone they know nothing about politically, personally, socially, or in any other way, is evil.  Given that many are low-q, drug users, sexually amoral (at best), foreigners, and female?  Yeah.

Then again, many on Trumps side (including former anti-Trumpers... Doug) seem to be financials.  I am, mostly, pro-Trump.  But that doesn't mean I think his shit doesn't stink.  I refuse to be a fanboy.  Further, as mentioned, if five hundred miles of the wall, with viable plans for completion aren't in order, the one reason to elect him... isn't satisfied... I won't vote.  No local politicians worth electing.  McRomney country now.

Go ahead, keep glorifying him as fanboys do, don't hold him to his promises, and you will get what you deserve.  Perhaps, as with Brexit, the tptb have said no.  Perhaps Trump and congress couldn't build the wall if they truly wanted too.  I don't know if the republic AND democracy are that dead.  But, maybe.

Yeah.  That should about cover it.  They might be able to hide what I write, but they can't stop me from writing it.  Later.

Day number...

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Hmm, that would take some thinking.  Well, and some decisions which could cause some unknowns to be introduced.  If counting in utero, which I do, how can one be certain of exact conception?  Anyway, not a project for today.  It is more a... philosophical exercise... a looking back without too much depth... without an excess of depth.

I went to bed sometime after 17:30 but before 19:00... I think.  I looked at the clock out here several times in the minutes leading up to sleeping, then at the alarm before rolling and tucking in.  Given that I stretched my day twelve hours, it makes sense memory is shot.  I woke at 1:30 but didn't get up until 2:00.  I was thinking I could sleep more.  Just couldn't and didn't really end up wanting more sleep.

As well, my blood oxygen levels are low, 90 I think.  BP wasn't bad, or super, at 146/100(ish).  I understand what the prescribed poison did that caused muscles and lungs to burn and be exhausted now.  It purged oxygen from, pretty much, my whole body.  I am still, days after quitting, low on oxygen.  Blood sugar spiked as well, and remains way too high.  Many other symptoms have receded or disappeared.

Tea, ham and beans, after brushing, medicine shortly.  Beans aren't the best, but it is homemade.  It was easy and needed.  Big grain, stone ground, mustard on the side.  Pretty darned good.  Tea is brewing, for a fatted tea or two shortly.  A chia cereal later.  I have to try to get back to keto, but with oxygen levels lower and blood sugar spiked, all effort wears excessively, which also greatly reduces focus.  Both physical capacity and mental clarity are needed to keep on keto and intermittent fasting... even extended fasting.

I'll keep at it.  I will win.  I may not conquer but... that isn't my task even if I am cosmically branded with the titles of war, destruction, and other such.  That, still, when it is time, is your job.  Odd thing?  You, most of you, hate your duty so much, as a group you created weapons which require some level of peace or nearly total destruction.  They... won't save you from your nature.  Nor will they give you as much of a shortcut through as some of you had hoped.  Ask any Timekiller.  For we all know.

Good morning anyway, and day.

Teeth and... wheels?

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Dental today.  X-rays, cleaning, and a checkup.  Wow.  My teeth are amazingly clean.  Further?  A perfect checkup, from gums to... everything.  Further?  I think my teeth are growing.  I had eaten them way down.  I am positive they are longer.  I have other evidence.  Crazy, true.

I only made the appointment because I started being able to brush three to four times a day.  If I can't keep up, I shouldn't ask for help.  Or, that is how I see it.  Oh, received a call from the V.A.  A reminder about another upcoming appointment, with primary care.  I requested a testosterone lab.  I don't know if it is low.  If it is, with heart improving, I want that back.  I've done my part, they can do theirs.

As well, I stopped to check on a car.  They wanted me to buy.  Too long, 72 months, at $240 or so.  No.  Asked what would do it for a purchase today?  An impossible $150 a month.  It was impossible.  I only really want to lease.  I only want a stick.  They only wanted to sell the less expensive stick or lease the next model up.  No tacked numbers.  I... will have to keep looking.  They have priority, if they can hit the sweetspot.  If they end up being a bit more, I will square it.  It they are double and keep being squishy?  Life is tough, and competitive.  I am hoping for their lease, but it isn't to die for.  I'll keep looking.

It's been a long day.  I need to rest, tend the critters, then crash.  Amen.

Sleep was good.

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I slept longer than anticipated.  In part because most pain is gone, so sleep is pleasant.  I can sleep much deeper.  I am still tired, which also helps.  Add that it is dreary, dark, damp, and cold?  Oh yes, sleep is a breeze, a needed one.  I wake fairly well... when I wake.  Ugh.

After a bit of waking I will get a shower and shave going.  The ducks were fed immediately.  The girls will be fed right before grooming.  Two hours down, then into the bedroom.  I mean to work in there as much as I can work.  If I can hit two solid work periods in there, if I can work more, I will hit the dishes and some surfaces.  Any work after that will be back in the bedroom.

Such dreams.  They fade so quickly, but... women.  The good parts.  You know women fight, not to win... it's a trick, test.  Oh, sometimes it is for a real reason, just mostly not. Can they control you?  Will you let them destroy or ruin?  Are you weak?  I... always enjoyed, or ignored, or just won.  None of that, that I remember in the dreams.  Just the cracker jack prizes from answering her hindbrain well enough.  ;p

The neighbor has switched the plow off for the mower, then mowed.  I... heard what I thought might be mowing, though might have been a dream or a neighbor doing something with their machines.  Couldn't quite wake even enough to look out.  I think I rolled a bit, tried to get to where I could look.  Just wasn't happening.  While checking the ducks it was obvious.  Looks like grass fill is doing okay.  I have more seed, might spread that out over a few sparser areas.  Spring is here, as spring is hereabouts.

Later.

Lots of meat.

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Even with a minor log sized bone, I'll bet there is... was... six pounds of meat.  Some of it will be lost to tough bark, but most will do nicely.  I had a pound to start, if a fifth was lost to hard bark... a sixth.  Later I cut the rest from the bone.  From that I ate two thirds of a pound, a quarter of which wasn't edible.  That should, mostly, be all for hard bark.

I have four or five pieces, good sized chunks, remaining.  I'll put those up shortly... should be cool enough.  I am surprised how well it cooked.  The thermometer is your friend.  It got hotter near the end, in spite of stoving the smoker down.  The roast went from 101° to 150ish° F in the last half hour, which surprised me.  Next time I will watch more closely toward the end.  I suppose it's size turns it into a mantle... increasing heating as it heats.  Still, not horrible.  I'd like more edible bark.

I did have to switch day and night meds, again, yesterday.  Today too probably.  I'd like to bag trash out, though not actually needed.  There simply isn't enough to go to the curb.  Perhaps I could finish laundry.  I did put dishes to soak in the sink.  I probably won't finish those this morning.  I am tiring.  Medicine and towels, bedtime, then a shower and shave first thing upon waking.  Sleep and waking are short shifts, and I am still exhausted.  I'll keep trying.

Good night.

Dinner and a movie.

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A mistake.  No, dinner is delicious.  The pork has a perfectly cooked rind, juicy succulent interior, and the fat had just perfectly partially rendered.  Corn and a glass of milk on the side.  After a bit I will have a salad.  Not too much to eat.  I didn't eat too fast.  Perfect.

That's a lot of pork!

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Bone in, though nearly ten pounds anyway.  It has been grilling for several hours, with the internal temp just hitting over 101°  F.  The timer is set for forty five, or was.  Probably twenty to thirty minutes left.  I am excited.  An half pound, pound, plus a salad, and fatted tea.  Honestly, this fresh, and freshly cooked, this is food fit for a king.

Someone reviewed back, based on my most next recent post.  Chuckling at my obvious musical understanding of what I just wrote and have written previously, and more briefly expressed.  I hadn't quite meant these in this context, but if the shoe... boot... fits?  Yeah.

Awake and better.

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I woke an hour ago, but wasn't feeling ready to start up quite yet.  I tried to get back to sleep.  It just wouldn't happen.  It's a darker, colder, day.  That and I am very ill yet from the prescribed poison.  I refuse to call that medicine.  I hate reclining if I can't sleep.  So up I got, feeding the girls again.

I was thinking though.  I recently watched a short documentary on men dying alone in Japan.  At three every minute, long before the height of the geriatric tsunami truly hits, and this just of men, dieing alone, often unknown for days to weeks, they are keeping busy.  I can only imagine when sone places become more full of the dead than the living, for a time with not enough people to tend the dead.

The idea was that the family unit has been destroyed... wars have consequences.  Feminism was unleashed, forced, required.  Was it Patton?  Yea, whichever, he toasted Japan, and Europe actually, worse than a dozen more bombs could have done, per country.  Anyway.

Still, a couple of notes.  The single men, who here as there generally eschew medical, are living longer than married men and men living with extended core families.  If the data was correct.  Even those who drink heavily live longer.  Remember, Japanese employees are expected to work long hours, then drink with their coworkers after.  No surprise alcoholism is a plague.

What I realized is something I mentioned before.  Women traditionally were the doctors of the family.  Beyond that, they would decide, because of that, if someone should be euthanized.  Not... just to ease suffering, or only, but because she realized she couldn't keep up, and the condition would get worse, plus bedsores and the spread of illness from all that.

Basically, grandma, then mother, would end whoever became too sickly.  No one said boo, no one questioned it.  That is until medicine took over.  Initially, with access to medicine, it was right.  They could return the healthy to function.  As it became lucrative, they began to be able to keep the terminal alive longer.  The problem becomes obvious.  Someone has to pay... for the surgeries, medicine, food, and extended care.  We, as Japan, are about to hit the same bump.

Whoever can't figure out how to escape care, live on their own, are going to end up murdered.  In nations where infanticide has been legalized... mandated, who thinks the old and ill will escape the same?  I actually wonder if that last medicine wasn't such an attempt.  I won't get much better.  Even if I could?  The V.A. is for practice, and if I am right that is the direction medicine is going.  I wonder how many nursing home guinea pigs aren't able to say no and end up with a heart attack or stroke from the medicine?  Everyone involved will simply tell you they are just doing their job.  And, right.  I suspect women will be allowed back into the killing game.  So many for the slaughter, so few to do it.  Though I suspect, with the numbers I have seen, that they are back to it.

I suggest that is only from a lack of faith.  Wait until you become ill, or even unemployed, or are considered to have too many children, too few, too little education, too much education.  Be careful, despots have used every reason under the sun as an excuse for murder.  It is returning.  It looks like they are targeting the middle to upper middle classes, using any reason available.  The lower classes are auto self-selecting for elimination or prison slavery.  Don't trust your doctors, and watch your woman with great care.

Rain snow mix.

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Huge flakes, many of them, with many nearly invisible very wet rain drops filling in the little space available.  The ducks were fed and watered at a serious chill factor cost.  Still, it was pretty out there.  Pretty wet.  Oh, but I also mean it as suggested.  If you enjoy weather conditions, in the mountains, today is one of the better days, especially knowing if I needed to travel I could do that.  Or, I believe so.

It took a bit after waking to get to it.  And it will be a bit before tending the girls.  But I am feeling better, thinking more clearly.  I won't be awake much longer.  Still suffering from the side effects.  But I will do a few more small chores and will probably be working more much sooner, perhaps the next wake cycle.

Ducks already, plus sweeping the bathroom floor and keeping up on the toilet.  Personal care is vastly improved.  A bit of laundry before I go back to bed... and continuing with the medicine that works.  I really want to clear the bedroom and kitchen this week, as well as getting sleep cycles back to nights, perhaps get a swim and a hike in as well.  A bit much, but as the poison leaves my system, perhaps some or all of it.  Then, next weekend, fasting.

First medicine, laundry, then cats... food, water, and litter.  Maybe putting tea up and starting another batch before a nap or longer sleep.  I will sleep as required to ease the symptoms.  At this point, I think doctors have become as bad as psychologists and psychiatrists... both should be banned as political antiscience antiAmerican malpractices.  The medical practice is going the same way.

Later.  Or much later.

Better, but it will take time.

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On top of a host of other problems, blood sugar was spiking to the 450s the last four days.  It is down to 350 today.  Didn't matter what I ate.  Bad medicine.  I crashed at 5:30, just waking a bit before 9:30.  I was overheating, with the door closed, no furnace, and the fan going.  You guessed it, another side effect of the "medicine".

I am beginning to feel better, but it will take a while.  Even the lungs burn.  I had thought that a condition of excess fluid in the lungs, which it might have been, in spite of being on a large dose, three of, the heavier acting water pills.  Sour stomach and heartburn are easing, pains in the chest are relaxing, I am more alert.  No, that wasn't medicine, just the opposite.

I am hoping to get back to work today.  I won't be able to do as much as I had been, but some.  Perhaps a couple hour long sessions.  A shower and shave as well.  As well, I hope to grill one of the pork roasts... today or tomorrow.  I can't do a multiday fast in my condition.  I can't believe how cheap pork has gotten.

Later.

It is the new medicine.

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from the strange color to frequency of bms, to heartburn (something rare for me), to a persistent sour stomach which is also rare, to muscle and general exhaustion, and half a dozen more "rare", "uncommon", or "unknown" symptoms on the medication's list, I see clearly that it is all from the new medication... amplodipine.  It's finished.  I have a third to half of the more negative symptoms while lacking the only symptom they suggest is common... swollen feet and ankles.  Done.  Starting tonight.

I gave it a reasonable chance.  All those things I thought were from something else.  To be honest, I think these things are often given to create the side effects.  They want to put sick people down, or even create conditions which can also be medicated.  Just how much medicine is handed out to treat side effects?  Most doctors either don't know or don't care.  It's just money.

My muscles were feelingly sore.  Any use and they felt exhausted of oxygen immediately, beside hurting as if bruised.  This stuff they offer is horrible.  If, as I mentioned, the symptoms are wanted by doctors, and perpetual illness is part of their goal as well, whatever the main illness is.  If you fuss, they then try to strip your disability before you are actually well.

I hope I can get back to being better soon.  Sometimes a few days will get me better, sometimes a week.  At least I know.  One of the side effects was confusion, which delayed my research.  I wonder how many people in nursing homes are jacked down on a bunch of these pills just to shut them up and down?  Most?

Later.

The exhaustion is real.

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My muscles hurt... leg, arm, shoulder, and back.  Sore, and stiff as if I had been doing weights or swimming.  Perhaps I did more than I thought.  I don't mind.  Given the physical proof of having seriously taxed my body, I can easily see that rest has been needed.  I don't mind.  Not at all.

Corned beef and cabbage is going.  It's down to the last hour.  I could have pressure cooked it, but with veggies and meat it would have meant more immediate effort if over less time.  I might as well take morning meds before supper, as I attempt to stretch my day.  It smells good, if you like said.  I do.

I am so amazed with the bathroom.  I did a small bit of cleaning after showering, before?  Both.  Just getting the bowl and around the base.  I have enough whites to do a load.  Two towels is all it takes, if I have more.  Mostly towels and hand cloths, easy to fold etc.  Yeah, I'll put that in as dinner finishes.  Later.

Some of it, again.

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Running low on money, had to get groceries.  First a shower.  I will shave later.  The shower drained me.  And with the drive to town ahead I couldn't do both.  Perhaps if I had hit it earlier.  As was, I was down to having to push through.  I dressed and headed right out.  Cabbage, finally, salad makings, eggs as I am seeing if the hens will brood.  Beef and pork roasts were both inexpensive and two-for-one.  I am running very low on money, have two trips to the V.A., and am hoping to swim soon.  But, couldn't pass those up.

It has been raining, perhaps with snow in there at times.  The roads aren't slick, but a few areas can give concern.  As written, all good.  Someone is really going to town with hatred, I am sure of it.  Perhaps many.  I can't really sort it out.  It isn't, mostly, my problem.  I cut off their method of hate spamming.  Now it's not my problem.  I just... they are so erratic with the expression of their hatred that it just, I can't pinpoint who, or why... mostly... probably.  I do realize, given womens' nature, it might not be at all for the reason logic would indicate.  Hatred is a feminine thing, dealing with a lack of logic and man's indifference and lack of understanding of the feminine.  When it is pointed at us.

I had thought to work on the heels, but there is nothing to do.  My feet are smoother still.  I might be brutally tired, but some things improve.  If, when I increase the new med, fail more, I will dump it.  Meds are improving my health, if bp remains an issue.  It isn't worth crippling myself on medication for ten points on bp.  Swimming, hiking, and keeping up on the house are far more important.  Though if half doses work, and I can push through, I might be willing to do that.  I'll find out soon.  It's been a week and a day since I got back on meds.  Haven't missed a dose, if I did have to switch day and night doses, and will do that whenever necessary.

Ugh.  Later.

Such... thoughts.

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The videos or music populates, the puzzle pieces begin to fit, and even exhausted out of my gourd, it all still... becomes a representation of... a thought, a chain of them.  Art?