Napping.

.
.
Two, up to four, naps through the last day.  It has been too hot to really do anything.  AC makes sleep possible, but the heat pounds me to much to work down here.  By the time I get upstairs, sleep is required.   I just can't fit work in when 76° is typical.  I am doing good to sleep in the 70°s.

A shower shortly.  At nearly midnight, with windows open and fans going downstairs plus ac upstairs, it is still 77° to 78º in here.  Bleh.  No humidity, but it just never cools much below, except upstairs.  It wears me out.  I don't think it is quite right for most ac, or swamp coolers, it's mixed country.  So ac is cheaper and easier to work with.

Yea.  A shower.  I lost track of medicine through the naps.  I best get restarted.  Later.

A quiet Sunday.

.
.
Sleeping as required.  Sore from it.  I am getting used to sleeping on the floor, but no matter where you sleep, soreness happens when bedridden.  The better thing about sleeping on the floor is that I really try to be at least awake and of the floor as much as possible.  It is more painful of an oversleep medium.

It has been right at 92º F since I woke.  Outside.  It has gone from 73º to 76° in the main house, in part due to me, as well as the tv and ps4 console.  It's time to go upstairs and read or rest.  I have camping chairs, made for my size, up there.  One of them is a rocker too.  I love those.

The ducks got a shower.  While setting it up, I looked around the yard.  Better.  Later.

Good.

.
.
Blood sugar went up to 107 after two hours.  It takes... curiosity, faith, hope, and a few other things, to leave it alone when it gets that low.  At least as things have been.  I have been able to sense when there is a problem.  That... I don't have complete faith in that.  But, with a greater focus and that, during smaller reads... it is something.

I watered the front yard.  That is finally looking a bit better.  The back yard is being watered.  It is looking better.  No need to water the side yard.  It gets watered when I let the ducks play.  It looks the best of the yards.  Only the sideyard looks really good, but compared to the start, they are all seriously better.  I thought I might lose all the grass up front.  Half, maybe, if I'm not sure how much grass was ever really on that, and what was there is greening a bit.

Three pork chops went on the grill.  As well as a can of cut green beans.  Not garden fresh, but good.  I did the chops about as rightly done as I ever have.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  A glass of milk to go with, and a solid tablespoon of butter on the beans filled it out just right.

The watering is almost complete.  I won't worry about my next blood sugar reading.  I believe I will turn all off and sleep?  Nap?  It will be the first time in days I haven't been chased to sleep by some sort of collapse.  Yeah.  Later, much later, or good night.  Dinner was just right.

Something has changed.

.
.
Something drastic.  It is not on my end.  Perhaps the food I am eating is having an effect, but I have rather cleanly been eating this way for years.  It has happened suddenly, after two changes.  First, I have my home locked from the inside while I am home, making breaking and entering more difficult.  Secondly, I am sleeping on the floor, in ac... if only to 68º~71º.

I also, by happenstance, changed some things regarding the type and way I use sweetener.  Same volume as before, same stuff, but new and different containers.  So... maybe it was being poisoned, sugared.  I simply can't rule that out.  There are serious haters pretty much everywhere, on the left, right, religious, atheist, people are looking for targets, and singles are easy targets.

Hell, there are Catholics who would happily murder me for being against pedophilia and drug use and illegal immigration that goes with those and other evils, such as the destruction of state they pretend is a good.  Not all Catholics are holy, or wish to be.  It's just a means to earthly filthy ends.  Most churches are pretty much living in darkness at this point.  Some of my readers would murder me, if they only could, depending on the day.

It seems my blood pressure drops as blood sugar is dropping.  The insulin, actually, drop, or the bp drop, can cause a massive exhaustive state to set in.  What sent me to bed was a fast twenty point, systolic and diastolic, bp numbers, drops, probably triggered by the onset of an insulin purge.  As I napped from 19:26 to my reading shortly after waking at 22:22, blood sugar collapsed from 184 to 86.  That after dropping only a few points nearly an hour and an half after eating and dosing up to my 19:26 fall.  Something is different.  My body is figuring out how to get rid of lots of extra insulin fast.  Now I have to relearn how to eat and dose.  Probably eating a few more carbs.  I thought this was a one time trick.  Nope.  Then again, if additives were going in without my knowledge...  Yea.

Ah, bp 134/90 at a 79 pulse and an 86 blood sugar.  Later.

Better, definitely tired though.

.
.
I should be tired.  Fair.  Supper was the higher carb burger soup.  I hadn't remembered it being very good, but that was late, full from other food, and not feeling well.  It was good enough for tonight, and not bad.  A larger dose of insulin, for both the food eaten and starting blood sugar.  A check in an hour and quarter.  If it is reasonable, a nap.  If the reading is in the eighties, two tabs and a nap.  Plus the glucometer goes with.  I need a nap.

Actually, I will check now.  I am starting to feel bad.  Hmm.  Hmm?  BP is down to 118/81 at an 82 pulse.  Blood sugar only dropped six points, to 182 in the last hour and quarter, having used nearly 30 cc's.  Which, fine, I can sleep without worry.  I will tinker with it only when I can stay awake.  Crashing... later.

Better.

.
.
Awake just before 15:00.  Blood sugar is high, at 188 but high, this time, is fine.  I can easily treat high.  I have never seen blood sugar run away low like that.  I have seen it slip, but not nearly untreatably tumble.  I ended up eating two meals, drinking a quart of milk, and taking seven or nine carb tabs, one of which usually works.  BP is 141/96 at a 74 pulse.

It's not the insulin, same stuff I have been using for a bit now.  I am drinking a lot less.  BP is acting up, possibly, on the side.  Less fluid, far less sweetener, and less chance for that sweetener to be doped with real sugar.  Difficult to know, but... something, things, have changed.

As mentioned, I am feeling better.  I won't be out chasing records in track and field, competing in dwarf tossing, or such, but I am hoping to get a shower, shave eventually, eat food, and look about for a few things to do after I've had a chance to wake.  I will hold off fasting until the end of the week.  Obviously I wasn't ready.  Later.

Another hour.

.
.
BP is up.  Better?  It stopped collapsing.  It is 130/84 with an 82pulse.  Higher, but safe.  Blood sugar is still problematic.  I had it up to 166 an hour ago.  It has dropped forty points to 126.  I seem to be bleeding insulin.  I... will stay up another hour.  If it drops again, dump three tabs and go to bed.  If it stays the same, two tabs.  If it goes up ten, a single tab.  I don't trust it.  I could take tabs now, trying to get it to settle on it's own.
---------

Blood sugar went to 145.  Technically I said I would do nothing.  I don't trust it, so two tabs and sleep.  Not worried about bp, just too late.  Feeling better, save so tired.  Good night.

Delays.

.
.
Because I can and because I am able, plus because I should, I stay up.

A duty of care to self is no less a duty, perhaps moreso when... the heart is amiss concerning the matter?  I... think so.

Of course, I feel bad.  As the cave cools ever so slightly there is easement.  But the numbers, they keep dropping.  An hour after getting blood sugar up to 112 it fell to 92.  I believed I could eat by then, and obviously sensed a need.  Green chili with beef and bean, and keto pita, plus a glass of milk.  I can't handle more than a small bowl.  I didn't check bp.  There is nothing I can do about that anyway.

I will finish the milk, then check numbers in another hour.  I want to see blood sugar satisfactory and stable for several hours in a row... three, two if really right.  I just have no way of bumping bp.  Still not sure if it is a cause, symptom, or both.  I am pretty sure it has been both, both bp and insulin have been both.

Someone seemed to tease... mock.  Definitely seemed a mocking.  Then... seemed to take another pass, from a different angle.  And, finally, pulled a video I didn't play before... it used to not be available to play.  Just... resemblances.  It must be someone who knows me.  Thought I was younger?  Now understands?  Sometimes I look older.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes, I think, even my real age shows through this vessel.  I was about to be peeved, until the last two popped.  But whoever never uses my favored videos.  Odd.  Toying with me?

Here.  See what I mean.

That's not good.

.
.
Right after dinner I started to feel bad.  Tunnel vision, dilation problems, weakness...  Stats.

I just ate two chicken thighs, a can of carrots with a tablespoon of butter, and a glass of milk.  Along with it I took 10 cc's of insulin.  In the half hour it took to finish, everything was going wrong.  Blood sugar inexplicably dropped to 66 and blood pressure is down to 107/70 with an 83 pulse.

I popped a carb tab.  Too full to eat more.  If it keeps dropping or I don't feel better, another in an hour.  Upstairs to cool off.  But I don't dare sleep.  If I begin nodding off too powerfully to stop, I will take another tab... or two.  Would rather way too high than just enough too low.  Ducks in first.
---------

An hour after the last read and two carb tabs total, blood sugar is at 112 but bp is 98/65 at an 82 pulse.  Not good, but there is nothing else I can do for the night, including stay awake.  Surprised I didn't crash, which is why I took two tabs without waiting, was falling.  I will take the glucometer and bp machine upstairs.  Not sure... why.  The phone too, 911 may be required.

Fasting is delayed.

.
.
Blood sugar is not behaving.  It was still at 138 after a fatted coffee and 26 cc's of insulin.  With nothing else but plain tea on the side, only a quart the whole day.  That won't work.  I will just have a regular meal shortly, figure out blood sugar, and fast when that is regulated or able to be managed in a single dose.  BP is 112/77 and 85 pulse?

Still feverish, but that might be from closing things up early, as well as trying something with how I control air flow.  It is 77° in my area.  After dinner I will retreat to the cool upstairs for a while, perhaps the night.  I could see about getting the timer to work.  I had it set, but it ran to and on after what I thought was the shut off.  The thermostat controls indicated they weren't active, but the thermostat setting was set for lower.  Perhaps that is an internal automatic logic system designed in that you just have to know, or typical stupid Chinese tech.

It got to about 90° out there, or the hottest I saw.  Earlier in the day I could go out without being knocked for a loop.  This low bp is causing problems.  As the day passed, I had hoped to get to things.  It got hotter, I shriveled inside of myself, and, here I sit.  I lit the grill, will heat something, with veggies currently warming, add milk, do 8 cc's, perhaps watch something after a meal prayer, then go cool off.

Ugh.  A shower first.  Taking pretty good care of my teeth, two, often three, rarer four brushings and three gargles a day, with various formulations for each process from typical, easy, and nice to about as close to a belt sander and sand blaster as possible.  Uhrm, I may be overdoing it.  Damned if I do... even.  It is down to 82°, unless the grill..? No, if it was upticking, it would be higher.

Warning?

.
.
Why not hope instead?  That is honest to God War.

Waking a bit past noon.

.
.
Sleep must have been a doozie.  Not by the title.  That would have been reasonable, at least to have done once, but even all three times, if I had done it all three times, let alone once.  Wought?  And a fair question.  Hold on, I just woke at a quarter to noon, and am shifting my own understandings.

Right.  Anyway.  I kept waking, then checking the time.  All I could ever remember was that it always read ten to twenty five after lunch.  Never could remember what the last time was supposed to have read, which makes sense now.  Not a crazy thing if definitely an odd experience.  Three times I dreamed I woke after noon.  Imagine my confusion when that clock read 11:44 as I was actually out of bed.  Or, am I?  I ended checking it three times, then my other alarm, my wristwatch, the clock in the living room, the fast ones in the kitchens...  I just wanted... an explanation, and definition of time.  I felt so confused about it.  All good finally, mostly.  Odd how even little dreams can throw me.  Rare, but surely.

BP right out is rather low, at 102/77 with an 87 pulse.  The pulse is unusually high, especially for the bp, unless that is the new trade-off.  Blood sugar was monstrous, at 178.  I need to dose, so a fatted tea or coffee, plus 26 cc's.  Then a check three hours after consumption.  The fever remains.  It is slight, sometimes normalizing, sometimes tipping int slight chills.  Very odd numbers and symptoms.  From floor sleeping, sun poisoning, something else?  I just don't know.

Not feeling great.

.
.
I have definitely felt worse, even hours ago.  Middling?  Yeah, but that is like trying to split the difference between heaven and hell.  It really doesn't work.  The numbers look good.  I had to eat a final bit, and take another dose, but it worked.  BP is 118/86 pulse 88, unchanged.  Blood sugar is 103.  The bp is low, for me, but as nearly average as I have seen it in decades, mostly.

I am fevered, or sweating.  It hasn't dropped but one degree all evening, starting at 21:00 to here at 2:15.  I hope I turned on the other ac.  Bleh.  Nausea is mild, aches and pains are reasonable but there, fever or sweating isn't too tight, it's just not tops, or even well.  I don't think life is supposed to be perpetually... wrong.  If, as mentioned, I have had worse.

I keep dreaming to warn.  Though I don't think it would matter.  If I don't post it in time... it, trouble and death, are coming in a hurry.  "Mother" enjoys her games.  Odd who she chooses to target, but then Satan and minions like killing the lost, before they might repent.  Crazy like a fox, sometimes.

Good night.

The bad was returning.

.
.
That falling feeling.  It wasn't blood sugar.  Something similar just not the same.  Blood pressure?  At 109/82 and a 90 pulse, I think that is it.  While that, currently, is an okay bp, it is a bit low, for me it is very low.  Any lower and it will become a problem.  The questions, now, are why the severe dips?  Are they the cause or a symptom?  How to work with or solve the problem.  This is as bad as blood sugar drops.  Or nearly.  But I can fix those.

Checking blood sugar, at 129 that isn't a part of the problem.  This is only an half an hour after the last of dinner and insulin, so that is a higher read than it should be, but not an unreasonable one considering the 133 start.  Just... checking.  From now on, I need to check everything when there is a problem.  Hmm, I should bring out the ear thermometer for when I feel fevered or chilled, just to know.

The lawn is being watered.  Unless I misread the outdoor thermometer, it was 68° by 21:00.  So I opened everything up as I set water going.  It sure felt a lot cooler outside than in.  With everything open it hasn't dropped a degree in here.  Crazy.  Some nights it works quickly, some nights not so much.  Some nights it doesn't work at all.  I should start the secondary ac upstairs.  Another several hours of watering, though only using a single line and sprinkler.  Then bed?  If possible.

At least I have something to work with, if no good leads as to whether it is cause or affect.  Perhaps a call to primary care tomorrow.  I think the nurses who do the nightsquad are, well, fully quad squad qualified and racially mean it.  They don't want them anywhere near living patients, even their own.  Later.

Still pretty rotten.

.
.
A feverishness remains.  If you have ever been in a jungle, where you don't have access to ac so you are always a bit too hot, it is more like that.  It took a while for the muscle use heat to fade, another hour or two.  But it did.  It is 76° in here, 88° outside, not going upstairs to check.  I only have one ac running currently, and it is on saver mode.  At twenty hundred I will turn both on, at bedtime I'll turn the saver one off.  Every other night and day, the other one will get a break.

I need to set up a desk and day couch up there.  In time, perhaps a dvd player, and small tv, for my science and math vids... start attempting to create more regular class like times/days.  My day schedule failed, again, and quickly.  But health took a dump.  It doesn't perfectly count.  Plus, I was still able to break through to do things in the morning through serious sickness, physical stress, and lack of sleep some recent mornings.  All of it almost miraculous, compared with my history.  I am not close to giving up on failures of very minor sorts given how catastrophic they would usually be.

I am going with an 18:00 meal, thus a fasting day tomorrow.  A few pieces of chicken, a fatted drink, more milk, a veggie if available, and some unsweetened canned fruit with whipped cream.  In batches, over two to three hours.  I am eating smaller amounts.  Attempting to concentrate flavor while reducing calories.  Almost getting back to hauteur cuisine, save excluding added or... unnatural... carbohydrates.  It takes so few rich fats to fill, and remain full.  Unlike carb based foods, like Chines or Mexican foods which create slaves... not really for the production of food, but to the food.  And it creates a weakness in the people.  India doesn't want great innovators, less so doers.  Feed them plants.  No fats, few proteins, crushes the will.  Pot works too.

Feeling ever so slightly better.  Not going to work.  A shower, tending the animals, trying not to break more of a sweat let alone tear back into a fever.  A shower before long.  Maybe reading upstairs in the relative cool... not too much, I fear the fevered chills too.  Bleh.  At least I can manage my illness... as much as it can be managed, solo.

Best light the grill.  I like reheating on the grill.  Oh, 4 cc's of insulin to boot.  Hmm, to see if there is a veggie to heat with?  Beats, I'll bet.  Make it 6 cc's if so.  Later.

Better, after many hours of sleep.

.
.
I did wake, if a bit roughly, around 7:30.  Just to close up the downstairs.  I may have fed the girls.  I keep thinking of going to once a day plus dry with them, but then they become... weird with food.  Actually, though, they are still weird with food, just not, quite, as ferociously.

I was in such pain that it was back to bed.  Blood sugar was 133 then, is 132 as I actually wake now.  I thought I was waking for the day, so did a reading at 7:30.  BP, as I wake, is better, at 129/89 with a pulse of 94.  The pulse is still off.  The bp is good(er) but a bit lower than usual.  After a bit of work with a milder light and the bathroom mirror, I was able to get dilation last night.  Dilation was a bit clunky, but it worked.

Poison to be sure.  For some of us, those who have been dead before?  Those of dark parentage?  The sun can really hits us.  It gets easier through the summer, but each year that passes, for me, that first large exposure gets worse.  Toss that in with sleeping on the hard floor, and you get what you get.

I had slept from 18:00 to 21:00, then was up to a quarter after midnight.  Then slept until 7:30 until about 8:00.  Finally waking at 13:30.  Sleep, itself, is wonderful.  Going to bed, getting down to the floor, isn't bad.  Getting up is still a challenge.  Using those muscles ignites an internal burn.  I am still sweating almost an hour later.  Want to prove you have what it takes?  Just for a challenge, vow to sleep on the floor until you can do it without difficulty, but at least a month.

Use sleeping mats, a rug, bundles of blankets, I'd even spot you a minor mattress (baby).  I'll bet, even if you have a bad back, you will end up in far better shape.  No worries, most just want a pill or to be left alone in their misery.  Actually suffering through to health is too much to ask, which is why doctors have given up on us, and why I have to force their hands!  Gah!

Dinner isn't until... 16:00 tonight, 18:00?  I'll figure it out.  If the latter, tonight is the last late night meal.  If so... while not ready for a three day fast, a single day fast might work?  That way I would fast, pretty much, weekly.  That wouldn't be a bad thing at all.  Intentions?  The return of vitality to the church.  Would require removal of a few scabs, and allowance of gangrenous discharges.  Doable.  Been done before.    Either that or accepting end times.  God's will, not mine, if we each play our part for which we will be judged.  Amen.

Hmm, that is strange.

.
.
I finally got around to brushing my teeth.  It isn't just mild tunnel vision.  My eyes are not able to dilate.  I could see myself, but not well.  Couldn't focus.  I don't know, but that seems really bad.  It has been this way for days now.  Oxygen deprived too, or it sure feels like it.  Poisoned.

There are simply too many disparate symptoms for it to be natural.  Ten to one no autopsy will be done should I die.  Definitely no legitimate autopsy.  Lungs are failing, breathing is too difficult, not enough oxygen.  Couldn't be just from sleeping on the floor.  I may call down, see if there is a triage nurse on call.  There is no way I could drive down, can't see right.

...
Call 911, I was told.  Will they get me to the V.A.?  No.  I can't afford an emergency room visit, and the V.A. never pays.  I can't drive, both exhaustion and vision issues.  Tough, I guess.  Not much to do else.  She is putting in for my doc tomorrow.  A consult.  But if things haven't improved, I'll need to get a ride.  BP is very low, at 90/70 but the pulse was 102.

Will see tomorrow.  Time to shut the water off and hit it.

A perfect start to a sleep.

.
.
I was hoping to wake, at least to check my blood.  As well, I didn't brush my teeth, ick, or put the chicken away.  And that is mighty fine chicken.  Right at 21:00, probably just a few minutes before as it took a while to sort head from ass, figure out how to sit, find light, then check the time.  Not bad given a partial sleep and all.

My first priority was checking blood sugar.  I had some fear I had exceeded dosage.  At 100 I couldn't have hoped for better.  Perfect.  A concern managed.  Then I had to decide whether I could wake, do a few things.  Actually that took care of itself.  While my mind was debating, my body just did it.

Since I will be up just a bit, I first set the water going, for the lawn.  The front east lawn isn't looking all that good, but it feels wonderful on bare feet!  I don't get it.  I will run up front for a while, then hit the back.  Which also isn't looking better, if it seems to be doing better.

Then I  opened the house.  At 19:00 it was 80° , at 21:00 it is 65°, if I remember correctly.  Inside it is 75 main, 78 front, and 70°/69° Upstairs.  The area, the southeast corner where I lay my head, is where it is usually 69°.  The other area is above the window at my feet, through which the power saver ac unit is installed... it greatly varies, if that matters.

I left the milk out, and with blood sugar good, I am consuming that.  The girls will be fed shortly, though I left them reasonably meaty remains of the chicken.  Oh, I put the chicken up, bagged nicely.  I hate dropping everything and dropping, but it was brutal. I was done and failing so fast.

Even now, these problems make the few things I did exhausting.  There is no way I could replicate the efforts.  The only way watering might be done is because everything is set up, so just flipping a few crossovers will do it.  Assuming I can stay awake, and I don't.  But maybe.  I will at least have to turn it off.

My vision is still closed in, about half of my full field is available to me.  That doesn't make perfect sense unless getting up from the floor is an extreme stress.  It sort of feels like it is, the muscle aches you get from extended constipation, from pushing, to exhaustion, but without the constipation.  Even the binding as muscles and else cross, knot, twist.  I think that is just from getting up.  Hopefully, soon, that will... normalize.

Bedtime will be early.

.
.
I am staying up to do a two, then three hour blood sugar check.  I took a larger dose, thinking supper would be larger.  The corn might counter that almost on it's own.  Otherwise I could only eat a thigh and an half and a glass of milk.  I was so sure I would eat more.  The body just can't.

I am so exhausted just from making super, vision  is narrowing again.  It had expanded to two thirds my field of view, but has been cut to half, and may be shrinking still.  I... will not make it to the three hour mark.  I don't think the two hour mark is possible.  I will take the glucometer, and a box of carb tabs, up with me.  I will probably wake well enough to check it sometime, and my ability to sense an insulin drop should kick in.  If not, I guess I get to die!  -  No such luck.

I'll put the chicken up.  It was tasty.  Don't wish to waste.  Brush the teeth, put the ducks up, and feed the cats.  Ugh.  Freezing fever is returning.  I best get blanketed.  Good night.

Fevered yet.

.
.
In the background, on a back burner.  As long as I am not too active it should be good. I want to be somewhat into life, or I will get the chills.  It is a precarious balance.  Chicken is finally going.  I lost track.  I'll have to watch it carefully, as hot as it hot.  Hmm, I never set the tea either.  I am so very sick.  I hope food will help.  I 'll add corn with supper.  The second to the last bag of Iowa corn my mother sent.  Still amazingly fresh.

So stuck in illness.  Will be for a while.  I need to get out , but not in the heat.  Too sleepy at night, perhaps in the morning?  If possible.  It wouldn't have worked this morning.  Beef, cabbage, lettuce, some pork, more chicken, but... small.  I am beset for at least the next two months.  As is, all "discretionary spending" will only be on food, and even there it will be the most meat to the mile.  Chia seems expensive, until you realize two tablespoons is a full meal.  A two pound bag lasts months.  As an example.

I can't believe I am so sick, and that there isn't a thing to be done for it bug gobs of aspirin, rest, staying cool and down, and the passage of time.  Literally sun poisoning.

I pulled the chicken early.  Or the outside would have burned.  It was already rather crispy.   With residual heat, sitting in the cold oven while corn finishes, it should cook off.  I just hope the skin stays crispy.  Essentially, a fat based faux potato chip!  Love it or hate it.  I'll gladly cover for haters.  Blood sugar is 178?  I... can fix that.  Later.