Not terrible, not great.

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I think I went to bed around ten?  I woke up... after 23:00.  How much after I just can't say.  Within an hour or two?  Probably.  Just not doing all that well.  Not in pain.  Not mechanically inept.  Foggy, of mind, from having pushed and not quite being able to get back on my feet.

I am tracking a few things.  Keeping up on a few things, and preparing to try a few things in order to use compression more often.  What I currently have, for compression socks, are... mostly... harsh.  I can't wear them daily.  So, I am looking at a few alternatives.  Lighter and longer.

On the good side, I think I have gotten my legs and body emptied of a lot of excess fluid.  I may not be dying, but living without suffering takes a lot of work for me.  I have to be careful what I eat, drink, and how much of each.  I have to be careful not to cut myself by accident, everything I do needs to be planned, and implemented... assuming I can.  But it's what I have got.  God hasn't let me die?  Not absolutely sure on that, but the things I have lived through, just the things I tried to do to myself?  If that isn't miraculous, I don't know what is.  And, add in what the world, biology, and other men have done, attempted?  Yeah.  It... sure looks miraculous.  Still, there it is.  A lot of work.  At this point, I... do it... I do my best.  I'm not just being sustained by and external force.  I am doing my part.

A dream.  I have lost most of it.  But it was extremely long.  Every time I thought it was about to finish, a new chapter would occur.  In time lapse, it was probably about a month of living.  With sleep, days remembered, some days fully lived.  I could discuss enough to give you an idea, but won't.  You'll... probably understand before long anyway.

A double bloody nose this morning.  But they are done, mostly, so far, already.  I've had a few, recently, lasting all day.

Sassy slept with me much of the night.  Sometimes she does, usually she doesn't.  Cats aren't dogs, that's for sure.  And, usually, when she sleeps with me, it's just to try to wake me to get food!  She's a practical girl.  Last night she was just up there to sleep.  I enjoy having her with me, but cats are cats.

On to something?  Gaming, if I can.  Though the game might be having a problem.  Some trophies don't seem to be popping as they should.  And one of them doesn't seem doable?  It requires actions, that produce an outcome, that doesn't seem to be happening.  I'll... keeping trying.  If... I can get to it.

Haven't eaten much.  Can't really get to it.  Not all that hungry.  I'll have some kefir shortly.  Didn't even eat that yesterday.  Too tired, had missed resetting it for a day or two and was low, and really wasn't all that hungry.  Too tired.  Oh, and I best pull meat from the freezer.  A pork roast and a beef roast, burger, liver?  Something... two of those, three if liver as that is a single meal.  Hmm, need onions for that, and stock to be thawed.  Bleh.

Good morning and day.  Later.

What was possible.

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No work.  Only short times of gaming.  But awake until 13:18.  Trying to push back into full day.  Might take a while.  This is a good shot.  I'll now see about staying down long enough to push it along.  Chances aren't all that great.  As well, staying up tomorrow?  That will hurt.  This hurts.  Still, will give it a shot.  Need to try to be able to be awake later in the day by the end of the week.  Ugh.

It looks like y.t. is stuck on not adding things.  So be it.  I keep waiting for a fairly large refund from amazon.  Not that I need it, just want to use it in order to buy a few things out early, before next month.  We'll see.  And, looks like my account has stabilized, visa vie checking.  Nothing more has gone back out.  More than half of what I put in remains.  It can be sent back to savings if that remains, on top of else into savings.

Okay, a few things.  But very small checks on things.  On to bed.  Goodnight.

Better.

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I made it through the crash.  Easy gaming, the food, and electrolytes in a drink mix to actually slake thirst.  I have been so terribly thirsty, yet so foggy of mind, that I couldn't make sense of things.  Drinking more water won't necessarily slake thirst.  Something in my system was just off.

So, carbonated water, electrolyte powder, and red wine vinegar... a much greater portion of water mind you, just enough red wine vinegar to taste and then a touch more.  That mix hits thirst like a freight train.  I had to do it twice, but am so satisfied.

Usually I have kefir to deal with thirst, or mostly.  But I didn't reset it yesterday, for exhaustion.  I got it this morning, but all things are low.  It'll be another day before I am back to drinking it well.  Two days of not resetting?  Or did I drink more the other day?  Something in there.

I'll make tea in a bit.  Seems cold.  That helps.  It snowed, not sure how much.  Doubted if I could get out today, so wasn't worried.  But it has been cleared.  Such a fine gift.  I didn't see who did it.  I've got other gifts to offer.  Nothing fancy, nothing they might feel a need to reject.  Not even sure they would enjoy it.  But... it's one of my favorites.  In time.  May offer them several, so they can share it out, or eat several times.  Canned corned beef hash... a treat with eggs and maybe bacon, and toast if you are allowed.

I also called my mother this morning.  I aimed for right after her breakfast.  And... I hit right after her breakfast.  I like it when a plan comes together.  She wasn't perfect.  Thank God.  But she sure tried.  She did what she could, and more.  It's not a fair world, it wasn't to her, or her parents, or theirs, or anyone's.  All we can do is the very best.  She didn't spare the rod, or belt, or hug.  She spent her life on us boys.  Good to talk to her, from time to time.  Would like to see her, just don't have the money.

I am thinking about more to eat.  Not sure what.  It would have to be canned.  Soup?  Not my favorite, but it's light.  Adding cheese, perhaps a can of extra veggies, and some hot spice.  That might do.  And, I have keto crackers.  I really enjoy crackers, but can't have them.  This is... nearly like those.

Still awake.

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Not doing much.  Even gaming is... a bit much for long.  I can play for a bit, then need a break.

I did find a last piece of roast beef, and had that as my meal for the day.  It was something, though not great.  There is a bit of a limit to how long those last.  It hadn't gone over it, but was getting close.  Food, some days, is... just food.

I had hoped to get to a few things.  Probably won't, can't.  Just too weary.  I may end up back in bed in a short bit.  All good.  If required, it is simply what must be done.  I'll get to work when I can.  It might not be this week.

Did get a text.  Messaged back.  Letting people know what is possible.  Well, and that I am sort of down for a while.  But I'll get to things.

My foot is hurting, again, today.  Every other or third day, lately, it has hurt.  Not sure why.  The pain isn't disabling, just... annoying.

On to a bit more gaming, then probably to bed.  Had hoped to gather trash, and get it out, and to the curb.  But that just isn't going to happen.  Can barely stand.  Just moving to where I can play the game, then doing that for an hour, will be a trick.  Later.  Or,,, more likely... goodnight, again.

Awake, pleasantly?

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No pain, water weigh most purged, not confused or foggy, really, a pretty good morning.  Not that I'll do a lot.  Still recovering.  I did some twists and flips with sleep and wakefulness, and some work, which I wasn't ready to do.  So my body is weary in ways I can't fully express.  Down to the marrow in my bones, there is an emptiness which is crushing.  Though, without pain, it isn't... so bad.  I just have to slow down, relax, and just... breath.

It'll be a week or two before I am back on my feet.  Getting back to mass is being planned.  I looked up the schedule at the closest church.  Looks like they have masses every day of the week, now.  Wednesday mass is in Spanish, but I might still go, if that is a day I can go.  I won't be able to go every day.  Just in fuel, I couldn't afford it.  But, I could go several times a week?  Plus one of the holy days (Saturday or Sunday, depending on my sleep schedule).  Really, for me, there are three masses on those days which are doable, in English.

As well, there are now two days for confession.  With the old business cleared, I can take care of these things locally and regularly.  I will be examining anger, gluttony, and laziness specifically.  I am terribly limited, in focus and function.  But I will be looking to see if these are issues, or when they are the issues.  When this close to dead, it really is a hard life.  And, yet, there might be... small increments which might be improved.  They are unknowns.  Areas which give me pause.  Of course, there are the usual.  Three months of pure chastity, at a time, is the best I have been able to do.  Usually just days.  Still, it's... an ongoing effort.  I would like to speak with those who have taken the vows, among those the ones who take them serious and keep them.  I am curious if my difficulties are... common.  Or if I just am not good at the vow.

I think I went to bed somewhere between ten and eleven, and woke after 22:00.  Perhaps half after.  Sleep was good.

I turned kefir when I woke.  Should have done it before bed, but was crashing so harshly I couldn't.  Am working the sprouts.  They are taking longer, for whatever reason.  And I need to figure out something for food today.  I may have a bit of roast?  If so, I am all good.  But I'll need to take meat out of the freezer as otherwise I am nearly out of cooked meats.  Burger, pork this time, and more chicken?  Something like that.

I need lemons, cultured buttermilk, and blue cheese from the store.  Perhaps a few potatoes.  I'm thinking I should clean and bake all those, then wrap them for the refrigerator.  To be second baked whenever needed.  A few times a week.  Not sure how long they will last in there?  May find out.  Just need one or two a week.  I'd like to check the theory of resistant starches with potatoes, rice, and... other things.  I'll start with potatoes, see if second baked spike my blood sugar, and if so by how much.  I need something else from the store, but not much.  Maybe fresh veggies, and salad?  Not a lot, but... yeah.

This week I am hoping to make more creme fraiche, ranch dressing, and this time blue cheese dressing from the same pre-ranch base.  As well, I am hoping to make mascarpone cheese.  Oh, something good with mascarpone cheese?  It is a superior stabilizer for whipped cream (homemade).  It makes it last much longer.  And, mascarpone cheese is just cream and lemon juice!  Check.

As I get these things together, I keep looking toward the crustless pumpkin pie/pudding.  The only thing I won't have squared, yet, is ricotta cheese.  But, if I actually end up making homemade butter, that... may solve itself.  Not something I would do every day, or week, or month.  More like a once a year thing.  Twice?  Like cooking turkey, or ham, or... such.  A rare treat.  

But the skills, and knowledge?  Those are priceless.  Especially considering the savings over purchased whole products of those natures.  Remember, the French merely made do.  They had a bit of cream, and some citrus, so... rather than eating each independently, they combined.  Realized one was an acid, the other reacted favorably to it.  Whatever they had, they might have little of it, fresh, at any time.  So... they learned to mix and match.  The French, other than the king... who ended up beheaded, and rightly... all kings, and queens, deserve that... were relatively poor.  Had to make due.  And did.  Ate like kings.  And, really.  Now, the king had ten courses, or fifteen.  The peasants just one or two, if lucky.

I wonder if people realize that while the king dined, a dozen people, between him and the kitchen, tasted bits.  From testing for quality, flavor, and else, some checked for poison.  Bureaucracies have existed since the first king realized he couldn't enforce things himself.  Then, even he, became a slave to the system.  But everybody who could took a bit off the king's plate, out of the treasury, etc.  All stolen from the workers.

What?  Just... chuckling.  Mostly.

On to... something.  Good 'morning', evening, night, or whatnot.

Absolutely exhausted.

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I did what I could.  I pushed beyond my boundaries.  I did get things done.  But it will cost me.  I have been fighting to stay awake, even to get to some work.  That isn't going to happen.  In fact, I am going back to bed before I fall out of my chair.  Can't focus on gaming, or blogging, or seeing what is happening around the world.  Just too tired.

I have dumped a lot of fluid.  Been going about every fifteen minutes.  Must have stowed way too much... wherever it goes.  Four liters out last night.  So, yes.  I am getting rid of fluid.  If, too, I am getting leg cramps.  I'll have to add minerals when next I wake up.  Vitamins too.  That does help.  Maybe potassium pills, the heavies.  Just until I have dried out a bit.

Well, on to bed.  Good day and goodnight.

Not exactly certain when I went to bed.

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Definitely looked at clocks.  Down here, upstairs at the alarm, and at the phone as I was setting it for night mode.  Nothing stuck.  No surprise.  My last post was sent in at 18:45... I thought I just read.  Sandy morning head fog.  Sometime around there.  Though, I added a vid or two a bit after that, perhaps an half hour later?  Somesuch.

I woke at two, right at.  Spent time binding my feet and legs, with the elastic bandages.  Not quite up to compression socks today.  Yet need something to help dump water.  A few days of, I think, running hot on hours, and twisting my schedule, in the wind, pushing well past may abilities to do well, I think, caused massive water buildup.  Sodas didn't help with that yesterday, but was necessary for other things.  I'm tending that... water pills, compression, what I can.

Foot is killing me, again, today.  But no painpills today.  I get those, generally once a week, or every third day on which pain persists... unless I can just say I am going to and skip it.  I hate pills, even more than pain, mostly.

Still, given what I just did, things... are good.  Now I can die in peace, should that happen.  Prayers are now efficacious.  I told the priest I would pray some rosaries this month, in gratitude.  As well, I have penance.  Usually we do that there, and then.  But I was crashing so quickly, and roughly, I... couldn't.  I know what the prescription is, and will abide it.  And more, of course.  Back on the road, and in the right direction.  Did I say road?  I meant path.  While it seems narrow, rocky, strewn with peril... and is.  There is only one way home.  I, for my own part, believe this is it.  And will not stray for popular collectivism, cynical denials, blasphemous among us, or else.  If today's leaders fail, then look to the fathers of the church, to the magisterium, to the church doctors, and let the false continue on their damned merry way.  Do as thou would, I will not go that way.

Not... really happily awake.  Just awake.  Kefir, raw, going down.  Breakfast, later.  There is a method of cooking I would like to try.  If it works, especially if I could do several eggs at a time, this would... ease cleanup without much fuss.  Oh, I don't think I have shared this.  Not sure I believe, but I don't need to believe, just try.  My problem is I can't find my industrial roll of parchment paper.  Was looking for it to make fish, anyway.  Playing with food is a joy.  I'll keep looking for it.  If I don't find it by April, I'll order another big roll of the stuff.

Life can be a joy.  It doesn't even have to expensive, if you can use your imagination and the ideas of those who came before us.  Look, the whole world is out there.  Even being broken, in pain, hobbling around, I... am doing what I really didn't want to do.  Living.  And rightly, well in my little way.  Later.

Made it.

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I was all messed up.  Things weren't right.  But... I got there, in time, if later than my friend had hoped.  I had to have regular soda on the way.  Caffeine, and sugar.  Which... caused it's own problems.  But it got me there, awake enough to speak, if in pretty rough shape.

Glad to have gotten the opportunity, though.  And been able to do it.  The hard part was simply trying to get it all together, and be there.  Even with a bloody nose, and my foot hurt, again.  I was gimping around, trying to get the nose to stop bleeding, getting dressed, while my body was trying to crash.  So I... was late, and needed a stop for soda.

The confession, itself, was... very good.  I didn't dither, stutter, whine, or prattle.  I merely stated a few things, explained how the course diverged, perhaps why as contributing difficulties.  But... brief, pretty plain, without being course or rude.  Some things are difficult to put too simply, but clarity and brevity were sometimes sparring, sometimes allied.  Went... very well.

I have practiced, some if it, for so long, it was easy enough.  Some things no other ear has heard.  I have even dreamed of it.  Odd, but the process, now that I have a good templates, of literal and figurative natures, really went well.  I will use these same templates going forward, if beginning to seek alternative methods... so long as they hold to traditional methods, the magisterium, and right ways of thinking.

Crash, still, but the caffeine is keeping me awake for a short bit.  Will be crashing, hard, shortly.  Would have been down by 9:00, if I had not had something.  So glad this is completed.  Now I can... keep it topped off.  Oh, and a thought?  Doing a daily examination of conscience?  Well, in the neighborhood of it.  Yea, I think I'll work on that.  Taking notes for confession.

Now I can begin participating in all the reindeer games, getting to mass, being there for masses where they want KoC participation, etc.  Well, yes.  That is the idea.  I had really gotten hung up on this.  Was just at getting it tended when covid hit, or whatever that was.

Good evening and goodnight.  I... will sleep easy, tonight.

Such strange... suggestions?

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A few songs popped.  At the... damnedest time.

They almost seem fierce.  Unless you understand?  I understand.

A few more things.

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Bed was made first thing.  So, there was that.  Then, I made sure the towels were dry, with a short run and check.  Being well dry, they were folded and put up.  Sassy, of course, her needs and some wants.  Kefir, then beef, and finally a bit of burger, beans, cheese, and sour cream.  Not sure I am done with that.

A shave was had.  Not a trim, or not just one.  I did use the electric trimmer to know back the light growth, then shaved.  Only two minor nicks, on the upper flat of the chin.  I was a bit nervous, I haven't shaved with a safety razor (hahaha, though, I suppose, compared with a straight razor).  I'll shave again, later.

I'll get kefir turned, if I can.  Hoping to get a nap, though.  Then a shower.  Everything takes time and energy.  Sometimes I run on adrenalin, paranoia, a certain type of fear... duty.  We'll see.

I did set up new sproutlings.  Not sure what I thought was a return of an old batch will actually make it.  I'll just clean that round out and wait for the next run.  The middle batch is hatching, but... just?  Or it doesn't produce as much?  We'll see.  Until you really do these things a lot, the learning curve must be endured.  Even when you get good at things, like kefir for me, there are still variables that can't be fully accounted.  It may not, generally, be rocket science (if... rocket science isn't rocket science, but rocket engineering)... but it is.  Sometimes.

Anyway... on to a few things, and maybe a nap.  A shower?  Gotta have a shower.

Oh... and found, perhaps, a better way to make butter?  Maybe.  I do have a stand mixer.  Not sure I ever used it.  Might have to dig it out and set it up?  And, make a few pounds of butter, and check the economy of that, this next month, or the month after.  Yes... yes I do like playing with my food.

A bit of effort.

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Even when I remember, going in can throw me off.  I haven't been great at confession, since the start.  Nor am I good at going on time, regularly.  If, mostly, it isn't sin these days, but flaws.  Certainly blessed to be away from mortal sins.  I have things thought out, set up, prayers and the initiation memorized, sins considered for presentation, when I get in there that all goes away.

I have learned to write certain things down.  As to sins, I keep those to just cues... in case I should lose the notes.  But the prayers, and such, I...  When I get in there, I can't maintain.  So, do what is wise.

However, being very out of practice, I wanted to examine a few sound reviews of the processes.  I can't read well, on these topics.  Vids are my best bet.  I went looking, and found what was required.  I have viewed the first completely.  Took notes.  Looked up a few things.  Then moved on to the second vid.  I am just starting into it, but will watch the thing in entirety yet tonight.  And... take... down notes.  Or, as mentioned, create cues.

Getting to it.

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This recipe has been plaguing my mind, since first investigated.  Now, it takes a lot of things, especially if making the additives by hand.  Beyond even the ingredients to be made are the products to be purchased.  However, being keto (doing my best)... or really more carnivore now, means... no actual brown or regular sugars.  So, alternatives must be found.

Butter?  Especially now that I know to wash it?  A maybe, as to making my own.  It still may not work as intended.  Still, I will try that.  So, that is an open question currently.  Mascarpone cheese?  I am calling that a probably doable project.  However, the ricotta cheese?  That is, most likely, not possible.  For me.  As much the time of standing and mixing, while cooking, and creating that much buttermilk?  I could but that particular buttermilk, but it is $9 or $10 a quart.  I really can't afford to just buy it.  I may simply have to break down, plug my nose, and buy it from as clean a source as possible, probably the whole foods store.  It'll cost, no matter how I go about it.  Though buying it outright is most likely the most frugal, by a longshot, way to go about it... even if that won't be cheap, just less expensive.

It is quite a laundry list of items.  Though, as mentioned, perhaps the best way to go is the path outlined.  And, yes, I will be using canned pumpkin.  It happens to be organic, if I would have chosen other if I could have found it with as clean of ingredients as the brand I found.  I just don't believe in "organic" foods.  It's a starvation farming method, which will starve too many people.  We just... pulled away, mostly, from mass starvation.  Shouldn't encourage going back to it.  Still, it is what I could find, which otherwise matched as closely my wants and needs as possible... and at a price I could, and would, afford.

So... I am lining up the target.  It won't be until after payday, and maybe later.  But the ingredient list has been formulated, the plan has been made, and things are moving in the right direction.  Why make it?  Well, it would be good to have a recipe I could make for a potluck.  Something slightly special.  And, for one, I miss pumpkin pie.  I loved the crust, at least on fresh out of the oven pies.  But never miss the crust on day after consumption.  So, this would work well for me.  I might even make homemade whipped cream, if I think that would be good with it.  Not the first tasting.  But the day after, if needed.  Or thereafter, if I don't have enough cream left from all.

Which recipes?  Ah, right, this and this.  Learning to make my own is far less expensive, on some things.  Though, if I successfully make butter, I may end up making... a lot of it.  Freezing some, refrigerating some, and keeping about a pound out at room temp, basically always.  So, maybe, in time, ricotta cheese might even be on the menu.  Made on a good day, and in prep for the whole thing.  Though... only continued if it actually makes a difference... a noticeable difference, and is cost effective.  Bleh...  Right, here.

Days and nights are still off.

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I could only make it to 13:00, 1:00 pm for most of you.  I crashed so hard it almost hurt.  And I had to make the bed, hadn't gotten to it yet.  Still, that done, I crawled in for one of the best sleeps I have had in... a while.  Warm, finally.  The last few nights have been bitter cold, but I couldn't do much about it before, during, or after.  Fixed, with the bed reset and bedding set right.

Woke around 20:00.  Would have liked more sleep.  Not sure I could have had it in any case, but this horrible headache wouldn't let me sleep again even if I otherwise could have.  Sassy has been fed, laundry is set to one more drying cycle, and the whites will be put over.  I'm doing well with laundry.  Now to hit dishes and the house a bit.

I heard nothing back from the priest, but have heard he is using a new email address.  Which happens.  Still, there might be another way to get it done.  Plans are made.  I have been given an offer, and am set to manage this.  Ugh.  It's a tricky world, you have to fight for things, especially if you really are nearly dead.  Heaven is worth fighting for, even if I happen to fall short.  There is... an app for that too.  If I'd rather not have to depend on it.  Trust me.

Some painkillers.  I keep talking of taking them, when the skin felt flayed, when the foot hurt, when... other things caused great pain.  But I haven't used them in a month or so.  Today?  Already down.  Some days just... just get to me.  Although rarely do I take them even then.  I guess every third or fourth day, when pain almost brings me to my knees... then I... allow it.  Suffering is good for soul, though, and again, painkillers used too often stop working.  At least these aren't addictive.

Good morning, and evening, day, or whatnot.  A classmate, as an eighth grader, but not familiar until 9th, was the first gent I ever heard use "whatnot", "somesuch", and a few other now familiar favorites.  Became a friend, for my part.  Clay... the undertaker's son.  A good chap.  I... have had a few good friends.  And a few backstabbers.  Who stabbed all they way through.

Still... I thank God for each.  And bless them.  I wouldn't ask God to harm even the betrayers.  They... tend to fix themselves, or end up as Judas.  There are only two ways in life.  Only two.  Like the sexes, there are no middle, ulterior, or exterior ways or forms.  Either you work for God within His will, or you work for Him by being a bad example.  What you do, good or evil, to another, you do also to Christ.  Even to this day.  He isn't a dead Son, or purely risen, to my mind.  Not sure what the church says, but I think our sins still wound.  And, yet, that He hasn't returned?  Means we... haven't neared to slaying the church completely enough for His return.  Though... don't take a breather.  Our church leaders seem to be trying.  And many who share a pew don't even believe.  Just... what... business?  Comfort?  Social?

Be grateful, even if allowed to be martyred, a true martyrdom.  Though, if not being directly martyred, thank God for the opportunity of being persecuted in His name.  I'll tell you, stand up to that, don't back down from your praise of God, and His truth, and the mansion will be yours.  Anything you could gain, even another thousand years of breath, is not worth the price of upholding truth... Truth, really.

I'm no preacher, mind you.  Just a fool who found gold in a field, while digging my grave.  Enough to abandon my grave, even to live in poverty, without a true worldly place, titles, or else which I thought I might obtain.  Rightly?  Wrongly?  In the worldly way, there is no right way.  Be in it, not a party to it.  Amen.

Later.

Awake, early, in some way.

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I didn't get to bed until 23:xx.  I have no idea what xx is, was.  But it wasn't midnight yet.  So, waking at six was... doing good.  Remember, I have been going to bed between now and noon for the last... two weeks?  So, yeah.  Not sure it will stick.  We'll see.

Sleep was cold.  I was cold all night.  I haven't been making the bed, or turning it, since I broke my foot.  I fell out of practice, with the pain an nausea, and never picked it back up.  Today, though, I reset my sleeping roll(s), and will make the bed fresh today.  Hey, it's winter.  Other than the cold from not having blankets sets, there isn't as much... nastiness of sweat and grime.  Especially if I shower much more regularly, or given the cold I do?  :p

Beside tearing the bed down, letting it air out, I sorted the clothes I took upstairs.  Dang it, forgot to bring the towels down.  Which... is okay actually.  I want to go up and make the bed up before going to bed tonight.  Have it all ready.  I'll bring them down then.  I think I brought other things down, so my hands were already full, and I wasn't interested in another trip up the steps.

Ah, right.  I brought compression socks down, and set them to a hand wash in a dishtub.  Gotta wash those things every third or fifth wear, depending on if they are the primary or secondary layer.  Though... a few more wearings isn't terrible.  Then I got whites going, in the washing machine.

Having a bit of kefir as I write.  Will game for a bit.

Sleep was so very cold.  Could not warm up.  Checking outside this morning, I see why.  It is 4 F, and crisp.  Must be dry as a desert bone out there too.  And... snow.  Three to six inches, five?  Depends where, but I think so.  I dressed warmly, today.  Some days I dress less warmly, hoping I'll get a shower.  Then I don't, for a day or two.

And, found out, finally, how to do a bun.  Hair.  Don't worry, I wouldn't wear it outside unless for a moment, if the house caught fire.  Women, in my opinion, shouldn't wear them outdoors either.  Men definitely not.  But, that's just me.  If you have long hair, and are at home, either to keep it out of the way to work, or sleep, or if going to bed with a wet head as I did, then... sure.  It's like pj's.  Not... a public thing.  But... women will be women, and sissies will too.  It's... actually pretty easy.  Almost falling off a log easy.  But you have to have some idea what to do.  Oh, and it adds volume to thin hair, when removed.  At least if put up wet.

Yeah.  I think I'll get to it, in a short bit.  Well, after kefir, web browsing, checking email, sending an email, gaming a bit.  I may take a stab at clearing and cleaning the hallway.  I am keeping up on the bathroom.  And catching up on what fell by the wayside with the broken foot, deep winter, and other obstructions.  Yes, a good day, perhaps.  Not heavy work, but, maybe, a number of small chores, duties, else.  Later.

The last load right on through.

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Two?  No, I think three loads through.  The last one is in the dryer.  But I am going on to bed.  I have whites collected, and in the washing machine, to be soaped and bleach added in the morning.  Or whenever I get to it, remember.  I even got the first two loads, plus some malingering clean clothes from the past on upstairs.  One heavy load.

I only had a piece of beef because I am up so late, having been awake so long.  Brutal, in some ways.  And my legs swell more the longer I am awake.  Ugh.  Perhaps I should take waterpills.  Yea, I may end up filling three to nine liters.  But ow well.

Quite a good day.  I even heard back, and have an email in my attempt to find a confession which will fit my needs.  I'll email tomorrow, see if an arrangement can be made.  What price, diligence, and duty is worth the soul?  I should have had this done, but when you are lost, alone, and dying... in the middle of busy frightened world, even standing or talking being a bit of a trick, it's... difficult to catch an ear.  Too busy, too many things to do, places to go.  And, I... understand.  Still, since I am still hear, I'll get to it.

My least favorite task.  In part because I never feel like I really know what I am doing.  In part, because it is stressful as hell... uhrm, no pun intended.  It's part of why I wouldn't have chosen Catholicism... the Church of Christ really.  It's... a difficult path, for as gentle as they offer some of the sacraments.  

Now, I truly enjoy the Eucharist (communion).  It's not crackers and wine, as some might suggest.  It is, in part, about the transubstantiation.  It is.  But, even more, it is being in union with God during these events.  If you aren't right with God, taking these, even as a Catholic, is a sin... or... as I see it.  Otherwise it is back to the wine and crackers mentality.  Not even the touching of the cloak, hoping for healing.  Do I believe?  How can I not.

Anyway.  I'll hope to get this wrapped up shortly.  Then I can make stronger attempts to join the knights, when at masses with causes, or saying the rosary between masses, or being at meetings, doing things, joining in.  I am not welcome, necessarily.  I... don't need to be.  Not by men.  I am not necessarily there for anyone but God.  Though, it is hoped, if I can get going, be more reliable, perhaps... there might be room for the more right of the men there.  Who knows.  Not my problem, even if it seems so.  Been at this gig, being alone, excluded, for most of my life.  I don't mind.  Just... trying to be useful.

On to bed!  Goodnight.

A... pretty good day.

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It's already 18:38.  That's... going to sting.  But, it might help kick the days back into square.  Right in the sweet spots, to do it though.  Ouch?  We'll see.

Kefir was reset.  It's got a fast turn around, so I have to drink a lot of it.  Some of the old seeds being sprouted were simply crowded out.  But, with the first top layer batch eaten, they have started to sprout.  As well, the new sprouts are beginning, if a bit slower.  All good.

While I didn't do any dishes, I did get them out of the way.  Had to get to pee jugs.  Cleaning, bleaching, drying.  Done.  That's a lot more work than it sounds.  Five full three liter jugs to empty, rinse repeatedly, then to hot water, then bleach and hot water and letting them soak until they cool.  Then, emptying, flushing with a shot of hot water so they dry faster, and... shaking them out and waiting for them to dry.  It's... a bit of work.  But, done.  I hadn't been able to keep up, so the last few days I just dumped and went with dirty empties.  It's all I could do.

Feeding Sassy, and myself.  Clearing her litter box, cleaning my toilet.  And attention when she wanted it.  Or while I was passing by.

Finally, some laundry.  One load clean through, wash to dryer, to out.  The last load is drying now.  Hoping to make it up long enough to finish that last load and take all of it upstairs.  I have another load in, but dry and without soap, to be done tomorrow.  After that load, a white load.  Should work out well.

I had to stop gaming.  The console overheated.  Then it wouldn't turn on.  I thought I might have killed the thing.  Nope, just had to manually push the startup button on the console.  But I don't have the controller connected directly to the console.  Too many problems.  Just tethered to a battery tender.  Can't trust Sony, or whoever makes those anymore.  When an American company won't or can't spy on us... for corporate greed or governmental overreach, there is always a foreign one which will do that.

I finally got it to work, after several cursory attempts.  And, now that it is working, I moved the game just a bit on in the story, then closed up shop because I am wiped.  As well, I found a few more billing numbers, and added those to my phone.  And, paid a few cards.  Just... a bit.  I have to be careful.  Though, I received a refund from amazon, and am expecting another.  If, too, I should have enough money now to get to the end of the month, and put that money on something.  Should be good, if I do have to make up for what I pulled out.  Shouldn't be a problem this coming month?

Oh, and I cleared the way to shower, as well.  It is set up in there for that.  As well, I have a bit of the roast heating.  It should be done when I get out of the shower... allowing me to dry off, as I eat a spot, then go on to bed.  The most successful day in... I can't remember.  Good night, day, and else.

Working on rebuilding my contact list.

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It is taking a while.  Bank, a few friends and family, requests for more through those.  I need to find my utility numbers, and billing numbers.  Some things are on my computer.  Or can be found through it.  I have bills, as well.  Some will probably be lost forever.  But those were numbers which were used for a short time, or never really used.  Just collected through time.

Gaming, here and there.  I turned the heat up, today, for a little extra warmth.  And, that made gaming difficult.  Too hot, the machine said.  Then again, I had been doing a trick, which required a great deal of reloading.  That... might have done it.

I called my bank today, and had to put money into checking.  It just goes that way some months.  I did... spend a bit freely this month.  But, still, it's been ten steps forward, to one step back, or nearly.  No... I think at least that.  I have been doing well.  Still, a step back is... annoying.  I'll be more careful this month.

Snow, again.  I'm not sure how much we got the other day, yesterday?  The day before.  Nor how much we really got today.  No worries, we need it.  Or... so they say.  I don't trust them, at all.  Bureaucrats are compromised, and either American hating, compromised, incompetent, or all of those and then some other things.  The ones who don't hate you certainly don't like you.  No friends in government, and the government is almost always, and decidedly, wrong.

No more food.  But the gizzards with mushrooms, with beats on the side, made a very good meal.  As well, kefir before and after.  Though I may have just a tad more kefir before bedtime, as I attempt to get a final trophy in the first game.  The second game is completed.  The third game has a few things to pick up... three I think.  And the set trophy collection requires only one more.  Getting there.  The most worrying, and difficult, was getting all three games finished, at insanity difficulty, and getting that to register.  Finally, I finished all the games... at any level, though too.  I had to wait, what, fifteen years to finish one and two?  Or at insanity level?  Can't be sure, but I think they were simply broken when they came out, and several years after.

As to playing on the most difficult level?  Some of it was simply not fun.  But it is completed.  Great to be playing on the easy mode, to pick off the last few things.

Oh, and it is past noon!  So, I did make it up.  As to finding a confessor?  I called that place three times now, to no good.  But there may be a workaround.  Not certain, but maybe a more direct contact solution set.  I can hope.  Then I can... go about this thing in a simpler manner.  We'll see.  I do keep trying.  Good to have friends who may be able to help.

Have a good day.

A bit more gaming, coffee, and kefir.

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Well, the kefir is just going down now.  I do enjoy the stuff.  Think of fizzy, slightly thick, yogurty, milk.  Drinkable, but just.  Add a little sweetener, sometimes, to top if off.  Or just enjoy it plain, if that is... an acquired taste.  And, strangely, unlike milk or yogurt, it actually cuts thirst like a fine blade cuts steak.

More snow.  How much?  I can't quite tell.  There are areas with an inch, others with several.  Not sure if the wind pulled some areas down, piled up some areas, or both.  Just can't get a read on it.  As well, it's only 14 F out there.  It looks to have stopped snowing.  I'm not even sure if it snowed before I woke, or since.  But the drive has an inch or three back on it.  Bleh.

In a bit, I'll crisp up the gizzards.  And... perhaps have them with beats?  Or spinach and vinegar?  Something.  I don't have plackets, or many, of much.  But I do have a variety of nifty foods.  For when I don't have fresh, or can't get out.  Getting down on a few things.  Tomato puree, and even whole tomatoes.  Canned isn't perfect, but the do last well.  A few cans a week, to add something to meat otherwise.  It works.

As to sprouts?  I have been eating those just by the pinch, as I go by.  What I have learned about those is?  Don't water them near what they recommend.  The first few days, twice a day is good.  After that, once a day.  Then, the last day or two?  Nothing.  And, if you can, open those up to the air... let the stretch to the ceiling.  Then they won't go bad for days.  Eat a tenth of the round a pinch, as you go by.  And, in a few days, they will be gone.  I never did add this last batch to a salad, but I didn't have a salad.  So... I just made those my salad.  Nice little... green somethings.  As good a snack as one can have, I suppose.  No salt, oil, vinegar, or else.  Just... greens.  Don't taste super, but they are crunchy and... different.

Well... got lost, tinkering with my phone.  Trying to get it shut down, without it being bricked.  It's... tricky.  Having problems.  Hate that I have to allow google anything.  Not sure there is a choice, on this phone.  Not that iphones are better.  Just a different group of grifters, if the same group of snoops.  That is how they got all the idiot congressmen and senators to obey.  They know everything they have said since they got a cellphone.  And control the narrative, so can crush them.  Own dems, so that doesn't matter.  But control repubs... who obviously don't care, as long as someone brushes their rock and roll hair.

Hmm... a bit of gaming, then dinner.  I loved the kefir.  Will enjoy the gizzards twice as much though.  Kefir beats all, but... as a daily.  I couldn't eat much else daily.  But kefir?  It's workhorse.  And keeps everything well digested, helps maintain ketosis somehow, is acidic which is a good thing, and as mentioned is a daily driver, two to three times of consumption a day.

Sleep well.  See you in the morning.  Even if I am hard on you, your feelz, or such, I do love you.  God sort of required it.  I'll kill you, if you go bad, but in as quick and kindly a manner as possible.  And I'll even stay with you while you die.  Say a little prayer for... us... on your way out.  Just how I do.  Later.

Took all night to wake up?

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I have no idea when I went to bed.  I wanted to try to make it to afternoon.  I don't think I made it to dawn.  Can't recall, exactly, however.  Here it is, 20:15, after waking, using the facilities, feeding Sassy, and a few other toils before finally sitting and tryping.

Sleep hurt.  Sitting hurts.  Standing hurts.  Well, it's... not that unusual.  I just can't figure out why.  It's the body, not organs or other.  Too much fluid loss?  I've been fighting that.  Winning sometimes, losing sometimes.  But the body gets worn by having a flood followed by a drought, back to back.  Tissues get flooded, expand, get used to that a bit.  Then it all goes.  I think that is what hurts.

I dreamed that there was some layer, like N32?  Or some such, of the physical body.  Was trying to receive mri scans, on that layer, or some sort of scans.  I wanted to look over the area, see if I could find a solution, or understanding.  It is as if I have been flayed, with a broad leather item, separating fat from muscle.  It stays with the skin, thankfully.  Yes, probably just water buildup and removal, in large quantities, back to back.

A bit of kefir, then some coffee.  I don't have coffee, or tea, very often these days.  You'd think it would do... something... when I do have it.  But kefir covers that so well that caffeine just doesn't do much these days.  Still, I like the taste from time to time.  A few times a week.

Then, in a bit, I'll fry the gizzards I steamed yesterday.  Fried in butter, lightly salted, eaten gladly.  But, back to gaming.  It at least keeps me awake for longer stretches.  And, satisfies some small portion of my need to feel like I am doing something.  And, it fits within my ability to act, which is very little.

I did sleep well, other than the pain, and draining 2.5 liters.  Ugh.  Warm enough, mostly pleasant while asleep.  Difficulty in dreams, but I worked around some of it.  Woke well, when I could finally wake.  All good, mostly.  I don't mind physical pain as much as organs, or headaches.  So... it's... not terrible.

Well, later I suppose.  Maybe.

When?

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Someone cleared my drive?  Well, then again, could have been when I was asleep?  No.  I didn't hear them.  Usually I do.  Oh, but finishing the game, at the highest difficulty... that... I wouldn't have heard.  It isn't just the volume of the headphones, but the intensity of gaming.  Might have heard a few choice words, if they happened by while I play.

I did get the most difficult nearly final trophy, that of insanity level for the third game.  Already have the others.  Very good.  Now I am just going back to clear up a few last trophies.  On easy mode.  I don't care.  May have to play one portion on medium difficulty.  But... I think I can do that.

Beef and corn, then two pieces of chicken as I begin getting ready for bed.  I'll give Sassy the last of her food too.  I had hoped to stay up later, but it's just not possible.  I had hoped to shower, too.  So exhausted.  The games take it out of me, but too, I don't have much physical ability currently.  Or for decades.  Just been getting by.

Had a bloody nose from when I woke until currently.  Not sure what that is about.  It's not even all that dry.  I did some experimenting, in an attempt to cut down on nosebleeds.  What I learned is, don't pick your nose.  Not just with fingers, but even avoid coiling facial tissue, and trying to get things loose.  For me, that just doesn't work.  Second, blow your nose morning and night, and any time it is blocked.  If you can't blow it out, take a shower.  A hot one.  The steam... helps.

And, while that has worked for the most part, I am still prone to nosebleeds.  And, I will get them from time to time.  But this one, lasting many hours now?  Ugh.  I'll pull everything out, clear and clean the area again, and plug it back up if needed.  That is the one time I'll twist facial tissue and put it up the nose.  No other choice.

I checked, just a bit ago.  It was between 20 and 22.  The light wasn't perfect, for checking.  And snow and ice had coated some of the plating.  But, too, I was a bit too tired to focus.  The wind was going though too.  And there was ice, or rain which froze on contact.  Something... in that wind that really could chill to the bone.  I was feeling good, so it didn't get to me.  Refreshing, to my tastes, at the moment.

On to bed.  Sleep well, or... actually, have a great day.  I'll put you in my prayers, think kind thoughts, and hope your life is good.  Now get off my porch!

*wink*