Rough.

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I was supposed to be up to see mom Thursday.  Then Friday.  Tomorrow?  Things, exhaustion, an appointment today.

New windows.  Scheduled soon.  A final fitting before long.  Then, in eight weeks, installation.  Most of the downstairs windows to be replaced.  Save the new one recently installed.  Part payment, mostly financed.  The windows really needed replaced.

Up late.

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Up all day as well.  Not doing much.  Just to be awake a whole day is something I haven't been able to do for months.  The last few days have been better that way.  In spite of temps, in the house, being down in the high sixties to low seventies.

Feeding the girls.  Giving them more attention.  Not a lot, but it is something.  With mother planned to be returning Monday, I need to do some cleaning and straightening.  It isn't too bad.  But... there are things to do.

On to bed.  Good night.

Visited mother.

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I stayed overnight as well.  I had meant to be up earlier in the day, then leave near the middle of the next day.  As it turned out, I got there later, so stayed until later in the afternoon.  I got to see how well she was doing, and what she was doing.

Much better, but still somewhat limited.  Able to do many things, but her flexibility is limited, reaching to the floor, her feet.  She'll need the brace until she doesn't.

Problems, plans, a next few starts.

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I finally put out the word, on mother's condition.  Texting a lengthy writ about what is and isn't a problem, what is being done, and a few bits beside.  It took a while.  I was waiting on more complete information, then forgot.

Something else I forgot was medicine.  Checking bp today was back to spooky.  It was 220/110.  *sigh*  I started back on medicine.  What caused me to notice was swelling in the feet.  Ugh.  On the good side, my blood sugar readings are superb.  The weekly average is 95, biweekly is 98, monthly is 104, and three month is 130.

Mom called.

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She sounded healthy, better, much better.  They are doing physical and occupational therapy.  The latter is more cognition, memory, and such like testing.  She is doing exceptionally well.  Which I suspected she would.  Which is why I wanted her in the more intensive program, there at the hospital.

Beside my belief she would do well, I was sure she could handle it.  Which is proving out.  I feared a nursing home.  Much less rigor.  And they want to keep them, don't really want them to improve.

Late, but I made it.

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Traffic was tough.  Construction to stoppages.  But that wasn't the problem.  I was up early enough.  Couldn't get going.  Moving slow.  Did take a shower, trimmed my whiskers, brushed the teeth.  Dressed.  Thought I was moving along well.  No, I was going very slow.

I started in on things around 10:30 to 11:00.  Didn't hit the road until 14:00 or so.  Got up there around 15:00.  My new route should have seen me there a quarter to, but traffic and construction slowed me down.

Oh good!

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An early call.  I have my phone on, charged, near me, and am attempting to be attentive... even if I am still sleeping a lot.  At a bit after five this morning, mom called.  Wasn't absolutely sure it was her, looked to be the number from the hospital.  I figured it was her so answered.

A bit of a talk.  She is coherent.  Sleepy, groggy, a bit rough, but awake and aware.  She didn't know I had visited.  But that didn't surprise me.  They said they were lowering her pain pills, and changing them.  It took a while for that to happen, or take effect.

Snoozing and losing?

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I meant to be to the hospital yesterday.  Barring that, today.  Both days even.  Not possible.

You may not know, but I have a bad feeling about hospitals.  For more reasons than I could easily pen.  Stress levels are teetering on the high end.

Out, finally.

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Later than planned.  But to it, yesterday.  I started my shower at a quarter to noon.  Planned to get to the hospital by 13:00?  For some reason, or several, I didn't make it there until 15:00, or nearly.

It wasn't that long of a drive.  An hour?  Or so.  I really didn't exactly know where I was going, but had a general idea?  I pretty much got it.  Passing the turnoff, but suspecting I had within... five blocks, getting my phone out, and using the map app.

Awake, for a while.

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Late, at waking.  Fed Sassy.  Will check on Jasmine, and her food.  A prong collar arrived today, something the trainer suggested.  As well, other items he recommended are on the way.  Training tools.  Plus the extended leash, and choke lead, he recommended and I purchased after the lesson.

When I can... get to more, I will.  Working with her, walking her, doing some training.  To make her more manageable, socialize her, and things?  We will see.  While only a medium sized dog, she has outsized potential.  She has to be managed, trained.  But will yet always be a dog.

Difficulties.

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Stress.  Down.  Had hoped to visit mother today.  Maybe to bring her home, if hoping she would stay a bit longer.  I won't be able to make it today.  Hoping to get a shower in a bit.  Well, after a nap, or longer sleep.

I woke for a few hours, to now.  But have just been crawling.  My uncertainty regarding mother, her condition, what all to do, and just my continued lethargy, have me pinned.  Blood sugar was 90.  Haven't checked bp.  I have been so off my game that medicine has been forgotten.  If food too.

Again.

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Mother took another, if much worse, tumble.  Again, while trying to handle Jasmine.  This time through a grouping of things.

We invited a trainer, for a free (first), sample.  I wasn't sure what to honestly expect from a single session.  But, to be absolutely honest, I was impressed.  As was mother.  I... am beginning to believe she might just work out.

Spooky.

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Well, to some.  Actually to me as well.  Too close.  Haven't figured out how to embed vids.  And rarely watch vids these days.  But, sometimes, something catches... my attention.  Not sure I should share.  Don't always.  But... sometimes.  That, to me, was more than a wee spooky.

Oh, but not hidden for fear, darlings.  While some might understand?  The depth it would require to develop understanding would require volumes, days of discussion, and that for some of the brief considerations.  Even then, many wouldn't, most can't, understand.  If I don't care to be, or that I am or am not, understood.

Yeah, no.

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She is definitely out of the game for a bit.  She did wake, get up.  We had coffee, a bit of a talk.  I helped her with a few things, then got her back to bed, and bundled.  She is in rough shape.  I'll try to get her to take it easy for a bit.  I don't think it will be a hard sell.

I canceled the appointment.  If I need to cancel another and make two others.  Ugh.  But not this morning.  Later.

I did get trash together and out.  Almost chilly out there.  But supposed to get into the 90s the next two days?  It does cool better, and isn't staying hot long.  Very strange year, for heat and cool, this year.

It's time to go on back to bed myself.  My ribs hurt just a bit, have for a while.  Final healing processes from my fall?  Or just... something else?  I never can be sure.  On to rest.  Can't do much else.

Wanted a shower, and last night.  Can't quite pull it off.  Now or then.  Be well.

Up on time.

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Now, down to take a shower.  Checking on mother.  And, probably, canceling a procedure.  It is her ribs of most concern.  Not sure she will be able to get out of bed today.  Hoping her back isn't hurt too, but think it was her ribs.  So delicate, even I at times, in ways.

Dreamed.  Resurrected from the casting of stones in the form of the bowie knife.  It hurt more to heal than the production of the wound.  Now I am sure I can have dreams continue.  I was pretty sure I have, but heard that isn't possible.  Again, so much for experts.

Mother went down hard.

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Took the dog for a walk.  She took off on her.  Mother wouldn't let go of the leash.  Ended up down very hard.  Glad I reminded her to take her phone.

I have learned, sometimes, to ignore what mom thinks, and do things more my way.  In this case, getting her up.  If not until we got her sorted, making sure we should move her.  Still not absolutely convinced, on that account.  May yet need to call an ambulunce.  I will leave that call with her, until or unless I have greater cause to set her wishes aside.

Oh, for selling house?

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I must admit, I missed the bubble.  If I could sell, at this point, it would most likely just clean the slate.  Pay off debts, perhaps walk with a few tens of thousands.  Buyers are not out there, for listed or suggested prices.  Not even steeply discounted prices.  I have been watching for a while.  More locally, regionally.

Some think a drop in interest rates would help.  And it might, for a few who are ready to buy and sell, or on/in the market.  It would be a trick, short term.  Only for a few, and not a great bet even then.  Possibly better than renting?  In some odd markets, maybe.

But, houses seem not only be have prices crashing, without selling even so.  But with very little interest on any front.  As mentioned, I would only sell if I could pay everything and then pay off another house.  The market won't support that, no matter what the state or else says the house is worth.  It's about as good as the used diamond market, currently.  Even with a serious downgrade in house size.

Absolutely couldn't take the hit, only to have to buy into a different house, in the inflated market even with those caveats, at this interest rate.  Stuck.  No way out whatsoever, unless selling and going overseas.

Renting the place is a thought.  But that would be rough.  Assuming the government doesn't stop landlords from collecting again?  They really... killed trust by doing that, in an already rocky industry.  I have to think that was part of why it was done.

Rent is good money, if you can actually get it.

Of course, there is mom.  But if she pushes beyond my ability to recover?  I'll have to figure something else out for her anyway.  I simply won't allow her to drive me into the grave.  Ugh.  My brother and she are better matched, but he'd have none of it.  Too bad.  He could use the help, and oddly could keep up with her.  His wife wouldn't have it either.  Oh well.

I suppose he already has a woman shoving him toward his casket.  Two is at least one too many.  *grins*

Later.

Sleeping in volume.

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Mom is getting lonely.  But I can't do much for it.  Every time I wake to talk, she begins making lists of things to do.  It is, if reports are accurate, back into the high eighties again.  Between her and the heat, medicine, and what has been done this summer in the heat, I am done until I can recover.

I won't let her, or events, kill me.  She just refuses to understand.  So must be left to herself.  She asked that I wake and be present with her this noon, for a few hours.  I said I would, but that I wouldn't work.  Will see.  If it is more attempted pushing, it will be a short visit.

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A monster?

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How would you know if you are one?  I can't say for all.  For me?  I couldn't see until I came to the light.  Until I first began discerning virtue from vice.  And, more, seeking virtue.  If virtue, I further came to understand, was truly God writ small.  A terrifying realization, mind you.  As I have written, I initially thought I could obtain virtue, but use it to my ends, and turn it on or off as if it had a power switch, like a light.

But, no.  Virtues aren't toys, tools, or owned items.  I either had them, used them, as on-only systems (to within my limited abilities, mind you), or not.  And, as strongly as I tried, even with sincere practice, to some degree, virtues escape me.  Still learning.

Much sleep.

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Mother calls me, she says.  I don't remember.  Sleeping eighteen, twenty, more hours at a time.  Do I get up, for water, a bite, the facilities?  Not that I recall, though not that I would.

Tired beyond some of your ability to uunderstand.  I won't say sleep is helping?  But it isn't hurting.  Mostly sleeping, now.  Not partly resting as before.