Tired beyond belief.

.

.

We have been half running, as able, for a week and more really.  That with her just out of the hospital.  With us eating, mostly, poorly because of our various limits.  If we have, or I have, gotten back to (mostly) right eating.

I tried an apple, from a neighbor, today.  I was hoping home grown, fresh, it might be doable.  Nope.  One small apple took blood sugar from 113 fasting to 188.  Those, the apple sauce, and apple butter mother makes from the busshel or so will be for her.

Ever thought you might be near death?

.

.

And really didn't mind the idea?  Too exhausted, pushing every limit... financial, social, physical, medical, and else.  No, I don't actively wish to die.  I simply wouldn't mind if today was my last day, hour, moment.  That isn't, however, how it works.

Although, being on point too pontently, for too long, as fragile as I am?  Yeah.  It could just happen.  My job is to tend my life, as any life.  As a duty, but even beyond, as a joy even in the suffering.  God did buy me the time to... accept the gift of life humbly, for as long as He wills it.  Even the pain, misery, and other negatives have become gifts of their own.

Much done.

.

.

Both mom and myself were doing better.  Getting used to the cooler weather?  Resting up while trying to push through?  Health returning?  Eating a but better again?  Can't be sure.  Not certain it will last.  Got a lot done.

The grab bar in the shower was installed.  We sized it for her.  May add another inside the shower.  Her safety is very important, and that mostly being incumbent upon keeping her on here feet.  Also finally set up her knew end table, got it plugged in and in place.  Set up four magnetic strips in the kitchen, as a knife rack (or set of them).  Got Jasmine over for a bit of socializing and training, then took her for a short walk, near mom... who also got a walk in, just not trying to control Jasmine yet.

A bit done.

.

.

Coffee going.  Food in the oven.  Trash and recycling to the bins, then the bins to the curb.  Gaming while food, coffee, water filtrstion, and the ice machine did there things.  I would have made mom her coffee, set it up anyway.  But she had already done that.

Later than I thought.  Not sure when I really started, though thought it was nearing and just after two?  Being just after five, I suppose that is to be expected.

My breath, air, was fine through the efforts.  But while sitting, gaming, coming down?  My breath seemed to escape me again.  That's actually spooky.  Oh well.  Good night.

Brutal exhaustion.

.

.

The goal of helping mother with the salsa went terribly.  To be fair, two days ago, we ended up on the road, in shops, and else, from ten to seventeen thirty.  Me being exhausted at the start.  Then she wanted to try to work a half bushel of roma tomatoes.

I did what I could do.  Had to call it off.  Especially with her wanting that, this, else, and help on top of it.  Not a happy night.  As well, she has been pushing on this and that even through today.

I hit a point when I couldn't breath well.  Not quite to the point of going to the hospital, but to the point where standing, helping, became questionable.  She had awaken me too many times, I couldn't get back to sleep, or help her.  I had to make sure she understood that more pressure might see me to the hospital... so there would be no help.

I eventually got down, for a bit.  Resting mostly.  Sleeping a bit.  Now awake for a bit again.  I'm planning on getting coffee, perhaps heating leftover roast, drinking water, and taking night meds.  On the good side, bp was 118/68 or so, pulse around 76.  Not sure about blood sugar.  Bleh.  But that is an excellent bp and pulse.

I'll get trash out.  See if that gives rise to breathing issues.  Was it breathing, or simply my body being unable to use oxygen?  Was short of breath, to the point of seeing stars.  Not good.  Well, and feeling as if my body was nearly suffocating.  

Oh... a few vids.  One on essays, one on learning techniques, and one on... relaxing, just a bit.  Living, a bit more in the present.  And a final one on... me, I think.  Though, who ever knows?  Still haven't figured out how to embed vids, so it is what it is.

Anyway... on to food, domestics, and maybe some gaming before I attempt to sleep again.  Brutally tired, painfully exhausted, but I can't sleep.  I'll keep doing what I can, or must, or must not.  Later or good night.

Difficult week.

.

.

I am having trouble.  Mother is having trouble.  Exhaustion weighs on both of us.  Mom keeps trying to push through.  I want to help, but have hit a wall of sorts, hit it hard.  Plus, I have so many things I need to do, new and old.  Keeping on top of just my stuff is terribly problematic.  Add in her wants and needs and life gets really rough quickly.

She has various therapists visiting.  As well as medical appointments.  Though, too, wants to work with Jasmine, has a couple half bushels of two types of tomatoes to make into salsa, and is trying to catch up on the house, and keep up.  However, also while very degraded from the hospitallizarion.

Up earlier.

.

.

It has been some time since I woke before even say ten?  So tired.  Sore.  Other problems.  Including body cramps, usually legs, somtimes arms, ribs.  Yesterday night it was, strangely, just the left leg.  More, all of my normal methods failed.

Standing on it only made it worse.  Massaging it didn't help at all.  In desparation, I had to try something novel... laying back down, and completely telaxing the leg, bending it at the knee, tucking it into myself so as to have no muscles in contraction or extension.  It worked very well, oddly.  Took a very long time to figure out though.

Rough.

.

.

I was supposed to be up to see mom Thursday.  Then Friday.  Tomorrow?  Things, exhaustion, an appointment today.

New windows.  Scheduled soon.  A final fitting before long.  Then, in eight weeks, installation.  Most of the downstairs windows to be replaced.  Save the new one recently installed.  Part payment, mostly financed.  The windows really needed replaced.

Up late.

.

.

Up all day as well.  Not doing much.  Just to be awake a whole day is something I haven't been able to do for months.  The last few days have been better that way.  In spite of temps, in the house, being down in the high sixties to low seventies.

Feeding the girls.  Giving them more attention.  Not a lot, but it is something.  With mother planned to be returning Monday, I need to do some cleaning and straightening.  It isn't too bad.  But... there are things to do.

On to bed.  Good night.

Visited mother.

.

.

I stayed overnight as well.  I had meant to be up earlier in the day, then leave near the middle of the next day.  As it turned out, I got there later, so stayed until later in the afternoon.  I got to see how well she was doing, and what she was doing.

Much better, but still somewhat limited.  Able to do many things, but her flexibility is limited, reaching to the floor, her feet.  She'll need the brace until she doesn't.

Problems, plans, a next few starts.

.

.

I finally put out the word, on mother's condition.  Texting a lengthy writ about what is and isn't a problem, what is being done, and a few bits beside.  It took a while.  I was waiting on more complete information, then forgot.

Something else I forgot was medicine.  Checking bp today was back to spooky.  It was 220/110.  *sigh*  I started back on medicine.  What caused me to notice was swelling in the feet.  Ugh.  On the good side, my blood sugar readings are superb.  The weekly average is 95, biweekly is 98, monthly is 104, and three month is 130.

Mom called.

.

.

She sounded healthy, better, much better.  They are doing physical and occupational therapy.  The latter is more cognition, memory, and such like testing.  She is doing exceptionally well.  Which I suspected she would.  Which is why I wanted her in the more intensive program, there at the hospital.

Beside my belief she would do well, I was sure she could handle it.  Which is proving out.  I feared a nursing home.  Much less rigor.  And they want to keep them, don't really want them to improve.

Late, but I made it.

.

.

Traffic was tough.  Construction to stoppages.  But that wasn't the problem.  I was up early enough.  Couldn't get going.  Moving slow.  Did take a shower, trimmed my whiskers, brushed the teeth.  Dressed.  Thought I was moving along well.  No, I was going very slow.

I started in on things around 10:30 to 11:00.  Didn't hit the road until 14:00 or so.  Got up there around 15:00.  My new route should have seen me there a quarter to, but traffic and construction slowed me down.

Oh good!

.

.

An early call.  I have my phone on, charged, near me, and am attempting to be attentive... even if I am still sleeping a lot.  At a bit after five this morning, mom called.  Wasn't absolutely sure it was her, looked to be the number from the hospital.  I figured it was her so answered.

A bit of a talk.  She is coherent.  Sleepy, groggy, a bit rough, but awake and aware.  She didn't know I had visited.  But that didn't surprise me.  They said they were lowering her pain pills, and changing them.  It took a while for that to happen, or take effect.

Snoozing and losing?

.

.

I meant to be to the hospital yesterday.  Barring that, today.  Both days even.  Not possible.

You may not know, but I have a bad feeling about hospitals.  For more reasons than I could easily pen.  Stress levels are teetering on the high end.

Out, finally.

.

.

Later than planned.  But to it, yesterday.  I started my shower at a quarter to noon.  Planned to get to the hospital by 13:00?  For some reason, or several, I didn't make it there until 15:00, or nearly.

It wasn't that long of a drive.  An hour?  Or so.  I really didn't exactly know where I was going, but had a general idea?  I pretty much got it.  Passing the turnoff, but suspecting I had within... five blocks, getting my phone out, and using the map app.

Awake, for a while.

.

.

Late, at waking.  Fed Sassy.  Will check on Jasmine, and her food.  A prong collar arrived today, something the trainer suggested.  As well, other items he recommended are on the way.  Training tools.  Plus the extended leash, and choke lead, he recommended and I purchased after the lesson.

When I can... get to more, I will.  Working with her, walking her, doing some training.  To make her more manageable, socialize her, and things?  We will see.  While only a medium sized dog, she has outsized potential.  She has to be managed, trained.  But will yet always be a dog.

Difficulties.

.

.

Stress.  Down.  Had hoped to visit mother today.  Maybe to bring her home, if hoping she would stay a bit longer.  I won't be able to make it today.  Hoping to get a shower in a bit.  Well, after a nap, or longer sleep.

I woke for a few hours, to now.  But have just been crawling.  My uncertainty regarding mother, her condition, what all to do, and just my continued lethargy, have me pinned.  Blood sugar was 90.  Haven't checked bp.  I have been so off my game that medicine has been forgotten.  If food too.

Again.

.

.

Mother took another, if much worse, tumble.  Again, while trying to handle Jasmine.  This time through a grouping of things.

We invited a trainer, for a free (first), sample.  I wasn't sure what to honestly expect from a single session.  But, to be absolutely honest, I was impressed.  As was mother.  I... am beginning to believe she might just work out.

Spooky.

.

.

Well, to some.  Actually to me as well.  Too close.  Haven't figured out how to embed vids.  And rarely watch vids these days.  But, sometimes, something catches... my attention.  Not sure I should share.  Don't always.  But... sometimes.  That, to me, was more than a wee spooky.

Oh, but not hidden for fear, darlings.  While some might understand?  The depth it would require to develop understanding would require volumes, days of discussion, and that for some of the brief considerations.  Even then, many wouldn't, most can't, understand.  If I don't care to be, or that I am or am not, understood.