.
.
They have been increasing my blood pressure medicine while I have been fighting through that as best as I am able. I am working on the home loan, have been looking at properties, doing a few other things, all while trying to maintain some kind of personal life of interest and value. It has been a tightrope. Of course, I have been listening to advice, looking at what is and was available in housing, and somewhat worrying about that. My work is nearly done though, on some things.
I have placed a bid and it has been accepted. I have some time to back out, and the bid is based on a good inspection and appraisal. The house and property, as of the most recent appraisal, is valued at $154,000. The asking was $127,000 plus closing costs. I bid $122,000 plus they pay closing costs. They countered and I countered again. The agreed is $125,000 and they pay closing costs. I will have, assuming all things go through, 1.25 acres (currently under agreement for alfalfa (I believe) crop with a neighbor (that contract ends at my taking of the property, of course). But, until I figure out everything, I will probably maintain that deal. I still have plenty of room for a beginning garden, and (Lord helping) will make use of that land this very spring.
The city, town really, of between 500 and 600 people, does have cable. I am not sure of water. I am secure about the house (depending on inspection of course, but just from a very serious review, speaking with the current owners, and some other things). There is work to be done, but nothing serious, demanding, or fundamental (which is great by me). Little projects, some costs but worthy ones, and of course some elbow grease (though light). If all goes well, the turnover date is set at April 23!
I am sorry, but that is as good as I could do in the time and with the money available. I have been looking for something more rural since I moved here. Nothing in my price range, even stretching it a goodly sum, has been on the market (here in Utah or in Idaho). This is at least equal to anything I have seen on the market. Further, I know the town just a bit. I have driven through it and stopped in it frequently, as it is on the path to the area my friend and myself most usually go to shoot. It is a mere 2 to 3 miles from the range I use.
As I said, given my available cash, the time frames included, and the other factors involved, this is as good as I could have done. And, it is almost done. Scary? Yes. Overwhelming? Of course. But avoiding stepping in and doing what one wants because of fear is not the way. So, I tread in and find out. Who knows, but I will have my own little place very soon... with a spread... a garden... and maybe by next year, goats and a horse? We shall see!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I looked.
.
.
Instead of twelve places, there were only nine to view. The three not included are manufactured houses, which V.A. loans do not include. One of them included nearly 5 acres, if it looked very rough as well. I have an strong interest in one of the houses I viewed, and a milder interest in two others. The main of the strongly interesting house was rock construction, which drew me in. The inside is quite nice and the basement is reasonable for the purposes I have in mind. It has a garage with enough room for a decent work space. And there is enough room for a visitor or two, easily and comfortably. It is in a town, a very small one albeit. None of the properties were, exactly, rural. All of them were in towns, or collections of houses equivalent to small towns.
As well, an acre is not as much land as I had thought. The land on the house I am looking at most closely is clear and in good shape. A horse would work there well, though I would need to build up the fencing most likely, and build a shelter. Neither of which is too difficult, if expense would come into play. There were two other homes of interest. One, the next favored, with a fantastic view and close proximity to the mountains, would be a bit of work. The house is in decent shape, if just a bit rough. But the land would need a lot of work to get it in shape for a horse or anything really. It would be mostly manual labor, and a lot of it, but the work would be one time only. The last of the three best choices is on shortsale, which would make for a long purchase. There is already a bid in, so I probably will not mess with that. It was the newest home I looked at, and looks new. Newer houses are so... regular. What they offer in brute space they lose in character and charm.
I did not really know the prices of the houses while I was choosing and looking. I did not want that to interfere with my choice, one way or the other. Oddly, price did not really indicate what I liked, as it turns out. My favorite house is being offered at $127,000. The more expensive houses, at $159,000, were of no interest to me at all. I am seriously thinking about placing a bid of $122K and sellers pay closing on that house, where price is negotiable but closing costs are not, and seeing where that will get me (depending on a rigorous inspection of that house). It may not be in the country, but a country house is simply not available. This town is, I would guess, around 600 people and around 8 to 10 square blocks. It is about 20 miles from Logan, should I find my way back to school.
It is a very nice home, with a basement, garage, workspaces, upstairs, and a good deal of character. I think it has 2 bathrooms, 3 to 4 bedrooms, and decent storage and closet space. The land is ready to use. And it is about as rural as it gets. The house itself is quite charming, interesting, and comfortable feeling. It was built in 1883, though there have been additions. I really think I am going to speak with my broker tomorrow and see where we should go from here. A few questions, the planning of an inspection along with a bid discussion, perhaps another visit to specifically look at things, and then onward from there, I think. I want to look at it again, and really look at some things and ask some questions. What type of heating and cooling does it use (and take a look at utility bills from when it was lived in regularly), look at the rooms and spaces more closely while attempting to disregard my general good feel for the place, questions about different things which might become a cost sooner or later (how new is the roofing, furnace, and whatever).
When I returned home, I tried to find the email my broker had send which included the properties, to look over some of the details. I simply could not find it.
I was absolutely exhausted. Perhaps that is why I could not find the email. I took a nap, intending on sleeping for about 2 hours. I set the alarm to that end. I do remember waking to the alarm, using the snooze to try and revive, and failing. I 'napped' from about 14:00 until 20:00. I had to drag myself out of bed even then. And at 23:30, I am ready for bed again. Zapped. Tomorrow I need to get to the V.A. in Ogden, the clinic, and let the do a check-up and blood draw. No food after midnight, so I best get a bit to eat before I go to bed. After visiting the V.A. tomorrow or Friday, I will take a week off. I have been pushing very hard.
Doing what I can, I tell ya. That is all I can do. I must admit, I wish some of my people lived a little closer, so I could take them on a tour of the house as well and discuss some of this a bit. Then again, both are women and with very different tastes and interests. Still, that is not always a bad thing. They might come up with questions or thoughts, or at least ring a bell that got me to think about something I wanted or needed to ask. Oh well, I think I will do fine as is.
Good night.
.
Instead of twelve places, there were only nine to view. The three not included are manufactured houses, which V.A. loans do not include. One of them included nearly 5 acres, if it looked very rough as well. I have an strong interest in one of the houses I viewed, and a milder interest in two others. The main of the strongly interesting house was rock construction, which drew me in. The inside is quite nice and the basement is reasonable for the purposes I have in mind. It has a garage with enough room for a decent work space. And there is enough room for a visitor or two, easily and comfortably. It is in a town, a very small one albeit. None of the properties were, exactly, rural. All of them were in towns, or collections of houses equivalent to small towns.
As well, an acre is not as much land as I had thought. The land on the house I am looking at most closely is clear and in good shape. A horse would work there well, though I would need to build up the fencing most likely, and build a shelter. Neither of which is too difficult, if expense would come into play. There were two other homes of interest. One, the next favored, with a fantastic view and close proximity to the mountains, would be a bit of work. The house is in decent shape, if just a bit rough. But the land would need a lot of work to get it in shape for a horse or anything really. It would be mostly manual labor, and a lot of it, but the work would be one time only. The last of the three best choices is on shortsale, which would make for a long purchase. There is already a bid in, so I probably will not mess with that. It was the newest home I looked at, and looks new. Newer houses are so... regular. What they offer in brute space they lose in character and charm.
I did not really know the prices of the houses while I was choosing and looking. I did not want that to interfere with my choice, one way or the other. Oddly, price did not really indicate what I liked, as it turns out. My favorite house is being offered at $127,000. The more expensive houses, at $159,000, were of no interest to me at all. I am seriously thinking about placing a bid of $122K and sellers pay closing on that house, where price is negotiable but closing costs are not, and seeing where that will get me (depending on a rigorous inspection of that house). It may not be in the country, but a country house is simply not available. This town is, I would guess, around 600 people and around 8 to 10 square blocks. It is about 20 miles from Logan, should I find my way back to school.
It is a very nice home, with a basement, garage, workspaces, upstairs, and a good deal of character. I think it has 2 bathrooms, 3 to 4 bedrooms, and decent storage and closet space. The land is ready to use. And it is about as rural as it gets. The house itself is quite charming, interesting, and comfortable feeling. It was built in 1883, though there have been additions. I really think I am going to speak with my broker tomorrow and see where we should go from here. A few questions, the planning of an inspection along with a bid discussion, perhaps another visit to specifically look at things, and then onward from there, I think. I want to look at it again, and really look at some things and ask some questions. What type of heating and cooling does it use (and take a look at utility bills from when it was lived in regularly), look at the rooms and spaces more closely while attempting to disregard my general good feel for the place, questions about different things which might become a cost sooner or later (how new is the roofing, furnace, and whatever).
When I returned home, I tried to find the email my broker had send which included the properties, to look over some of the details. I simply could not find it.
I was absolutely exhausted. Perhaps that is why I could not find the email. I took a nap, intending on sleeping for about 2 hours. I set the alarm to that end. I do remember waking to the alarm, using the snooze to try and revive, and failing. I 'napped' from about 14:00 until 20:00. I had to drag myself out of bed even then. And at 23:30, I am ready for bed again. Zapped. Tomorrow I need to get to the V.A. in Ogden, the clinic, and let the do a check-up and blood draw. No food after midnight, so I best get a bit to eat before I go to bed. After visiting the V.A. tomorrow or Friday, I will take a week off. I have been pushing very hard.
Doing what I can, I tell ya. That is all I can do. I must admit, I wish some of my people lived a little closer, so I could take them on a tour of the house as well and discuss some of this a bit. Then again, both are women and with very different tastes and interests. Still, that is not always a bad thing. They might come up with questions or thoughts, or at least ring a bell that got me to think about something I wanted or needed to ask. Oh well, I think I will do fine as is.
Good night.
A big day!
.
.
Today is the day. I will be looking at houses. I may see as many as all twelve available. Then, the decision among them or to exclude any of them. I suspect I will narrow my search to two or three, then begin working price while waiting for a few more to choose from if I cannot get what I want. But who knows. I may see the exact house, get the right price negotiated quickly, and be looking at a time to move in before the day is done. I doubt it, but I have learned to rarely say never.
I stopped saying never say never as that defeats the saying. I have always wondered if that off manner of saying that was a bit of levity on the part of whoever made that up or whether they just were not thinking and people enjoy the irony of it or were also a bit slow so kept saying it. At least rolling stones gathers no moss makes sense if it might not be true? I suppose it might depend on if it is rolling in water or on dry land? I am no biologist though, I cannot be sure.
I think I am running out of energy. After today, I am going to take some time off. I have been, considering everything, burning the candle from both sides. Cleaning, cooking, business affairs, getting out for this and that, and such. I will continue with the house, but I am zapped. I am getting confused, messing things up, and missing appointments somehow. Yesterday's appointment was not in Ogden. It was not medical. I was supposed to see optometry. Luckily, I had a question and called the clinic. When they called back with an answer, they asked why I had called since I missed my fasting appointment and optometry was not doing a blood draw. Well, at least we got a bit of a chuckle out of the debacle. And, I did make it that extra hour drive to SLC, and on time. When I got home, I checked the cards. Of course they were right. Why or how I missed it I cannot be sure, other than that I am overdoing and getting confused. I had two cards. I read half of one and half of the other and cleanly missed that there were even two separate appointments. Even if my bad times, I did not get that confused (if I would simply fail to read the cards to begin with).
As I said, the house will continue to be cleaned, but I will have to back things off a bit otherwise. A week of semi-down time is needed. Perhaps less, I will just have to see. Still, what I have done is very good. Even just cleaning the house and stocking the larder will be much more than I have been doing and will be wonderful in itself. And, if I can at all get to it, push-ups and set-ups in the morning and evening might begin. Just a few, 10 of each perhaps, to start with and for a good 2 weeks to a month. Low doses, I have to do everything slowly.
I am back in the game, I have simply been playing too hard. I am jealous of many of you. You can, and do. Then again, if it were not for you, I would not have anything to set standards by. Jealously, like greed, are technically bad things. But without them, applied in the right way, nothing would advance, nothing would be done, and we would sit in our socialist stew merely hating without hope. So do not worry about my jealousy, I need it! And, it is as healthy of a jealousy as I can make it.
Be well!
.
Today is the day. I will be looking at houses. I may see as many as all twelve available. Then, the decision among them or to exclude any of them. I suspect I will narrow my search to two or three, then begin working price while waiting for a few more to choose from if I cannot get what I want. But who knows. I may see the exact house, get the right price negotiated quickly, and be looking at a time to move in before the day is done. I doubt it, but I have learned to rarely say never.
I stopped saying never say never as that defeats the saying. I have always wondered if that off manner of saying that was a bit of levity on the part of whoever made that up or whether they just were not thinking and people enjoy the irony of it or were also a bit slow so kept saying it. At least rolling stones gathers no moss makes sense if it might not be true? I suppose it might depend on if it is rolling in water or on dry land? I am no biologist though, I cannot be sure.
I think I am running out of energy. After today, I am going to take some time off. I have been, considering everything, burning the candle from both sides. Cleaning, cooking, business affairs, getting out for this and that, and such. I will continue with the house, but I am zapped. I am getting confused, messing things up, and missing appointments somehow. Yesterday's appointment was not in Ogden. It was not medical. I was supposed to see optometry. Luckily, I had a question and called the clinic. When they called back with an answer, they asked why I had called since I missed my fasting appointment and optometry was not doing a blood draw. Well, at least we got a bit of a chuckle out of the debacle. And, I did make it that extra hour drive to SLC, and on time. When I got home, I checked the cards. Of course they were right. Why or how I missed it I cannot be sure, other than that I am overdoing and getting confused. I had two cards. I read half of one and half of the other and cleanly missed that there were even two separate appointments. Even if my bad times, I did not get that confused (if I would simply fail to read the cards to begin with).
As I said, the house will continue to be cleaned, but I will have to back things off a bit otherwise. A week of semi-down time is needed. Perhaps less, I will just have to see. Still, what I have done is very good. Even just cleaning the house and stocking the larder will be much more than I have been doing and will be wonderful in itself. And, if I can at all get to it, push-ups and set-ups in the morning and evening might begin. Just a few, 10 of each perhaps, to start with and for a good 2 weeks to a month. Low doses, I have to do everything slowly.
I am back in the game, I have simply been playing too hard. I am jealous of many of you. You can, and do. Then again, if it were not for you, I would not have anything to set standards by. Jealously, like greed, are technically bad things. But without them, applied in the right way, nothing would advance, nothing would be done, and we would sit in our socialist stew merely hating without hope. So do not worry about my jealousy, I need it! And, it is as healthy of a jealousy as I can make it.
Be well!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Bit by bit, now in larger bits.
.
.
I viewed the houses available, in my price range, and sent an email to the broker. When I leave for my appointment later today, I will leave a little early so that I may send the loan package through the mail. I have swept the house, mopped parts of it, taken the rugs out shaken them and they are airing outside. I am washing some of the rugs though too. When the kitchen floor dries, I will finish the dishes. I ate a bit late and was feeling rather exhausted, so I let the dishes "rest" for the night. I cannot eat this morning, I have a fasting appointment. You would know, the one morning I cannot eat, I feel a dire urge to do so. Ha!
I honestly cannot believe how well I am doing. No, this is still not optimal. Leaving the house, doing many chores at once, and some other things will still put me down. Getting put down, now, however, only lasts a few hours to a day. I also realize I cannot multi-task. If I am making calls, I cannot clean. If I am cleaning, business and fun outdoor activities become limited. As well, how long I work is still rather limited. After the big ski trip this year, I am sure I can do more. Then again, that made me sore and cranky, bodily, for a couple of weeks. I still have real limits. I can push those, and further, but there will be a price. I need to open that up a bit. When I find the time to set business aside for a bit, I will begin working out however I may with what is available. I am guessing that set-ups and push-ups are a simple way to start, walking after those are back online and if I still have excess energy or want or ability. At that point, I will begin trying to expand my horizons by adding calculus study in, making my hours and days more of a multi-task training period.
I have noticed that my writing has become much more bland. I think it is because I do have limits, and I am riding right up to, and often a little or a lot past, those and so have little left over for creativity and such. As well, being busy, my mind is not ruminating as much about this topic or that subject. It is doing what it can. It will improve as I 'grow into myself' again. Bland updates, task tracking information for myself, and just the act of blogging itself is what I have for now. Apologies...
Have a great day!
.
I viewed the houses available, in my price range, and sent an email to the broker. When I leave for my appointment later today, I will leave a little early so that I may send the loan package through the mail. I have swept the house, mopped parts of it, taken the rugs out shaken them and they are airing outside. I am washing some of the rugs though too. When the kitchen floor dries, I will finish the dishes. I ate a bit late and was feeling rather exhausted, so I let the dishes "rest" for the night. I cannot eat this morning, I have a fasting appointment. You would know, the one morning I cannot eat, I feel a dire urge to do so. Ha!
I honestly cannot believe how well I am doing. No, this is still not optimal. Leaving the house, doing many chores at once, and some other things will still put me down. Getting put down, now, however, only lasts a few hours to a day. I also realize I cannot multi-task. If I am making calls, I cannot clean. If I am cleaning, business and fun outdoor activities become limited. As well, how long I work is still rather limited. After the big ski trip this year, I am sure I can do more. Then again, that made me sore and cranky, bodily, for a couple of weeks. I still have real limits. I can push those, and further, but there will be a price. I need to open that up a bit. When I find the time to set business aside for a bit, I will begin working out however I may with what is available. I am guessing that set-ups and push-ups are a simple way to start, walking after those are back online and if I still have excess energy or want or ability. At that point, I will begin trying to expand my horizons by adding calculus study in, making my hours and days more of a multi-task training period.
I have noticed that my writing has become much more bland. I think it is because I do have limits, and I am riding right up to, and often a little or a lot past, those and so have little left over for creativity and such. As well, being busy, my mind is not ruminating as much about this topic or that subject. It is doing what it can. It will improve as I 'grow into myself' again. Bland updates, task tracking information for myself, and just the act of blogging itself is what I have for now. Apologies...
Have a great day!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Getting close.
.
.
A load of laundry was completed yesterday. More cooking was done today, I needed more beans for the meat. Last week I looked at freezer to fridge to oven bowls, and a few chef knives (I am addicted to cooking wares, by the way). I called about my V.A. check today, to get that posting here. I called about my DD-214, hoping to have some news regarding that for the loan broker. I had no luck, so I discussed that with him. He said to go ahead and send what I have, they do not need the DD-214 immediately. Well, I am doing what I can. Oh, cleaned the bathroom a bit today. I would call it more prep cleaning than the actual deed, but it was needed.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor's office. I will not be seeing her, just a checkup with her staff. Right! It is a fasting appointment. So I will have to keep that in mind. I am glad I am tallying my projects here. So much yet to do, but I have been burning through my list. I still have a long and growing list, but that is as it should be. It is good to know though, that when I can, I do. That always worries me. Worrying if I might actually just be lazy. Nope. Mostly. :p
Now to check finances. I could not log into my account in Iowa today, the site was down or for some other reason, my browser would not connect. I will be trying a few times today and tomorrow. Barring connecting, I will call them tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday.
No time for much play yet, but that is coming. I need to get out hiking and fishing. I think snow is pretty much done here, so no more skiing. Hmmm, I wonder just how cold that water is. I might have to find a nice quiet little pool and find out. Ha! No, it will not kill me. For as bad of shape as I am and have been in, I am fit as an iron fiddle. Weird but I love it.
Be well.
.
A load of laundry was completed yesterday. More cooking was done today, I needed more beans for the meat. Last week I looked at freezer to fridge to oven bowls, and a few chef knives (I am addicted to cooking wares, by the way). I called about my V.A. check today, to get that posting here. I called about my DD-214, hoping to have some news regarding that for the loan broker. I had no luck, so I discussed that with him. He said to go ahead and send what I have, they do not need the DD-214 immediately. Well, I am doing what I can. Oh, cleaned the bathroom a bit today. I would call it more prep cleaning than the actual deed, but it was needed.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor's office. I will not be seeing her, just a checkup with her staff. Right! It is a fasting appointment. So I will have to keep that in mind. I am glad I am tallying my projects here. So much yet to do, but I have been burning through my list. I still have a long and growing list, but that is as it should be. It is good to know though, that when I can, I do. That always worries me. Worrying if I might actually just be lazy. Nope. Mostly. :p
Now to check finances. I could not log into my account in Iowa today, the site was down or for some other reason, my browser would not connect. I will be trying a few times today and tomorrow. Barring connecting, I will call them tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday.
No time for much play yet, but that is coming. I need to get out hiking and fishing. I think snow is pretty much done here, so no more skiing. Hmmm, I wonder just how cold that water is. I might have to find a nice quiet little pool and find out. Ha! No, it will not kill me. For as bad of shape as I am and have been in, I am fit as an iron fiddle. Weird but I love it.
Be well.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I have been busy and well.
.
.
Saturday was shooting day. I am improving, slowly. Still, it is not all about hitting the target. Getting out of the house, talking to someone, and of course just the pleasure of sending a few hot ones down the way. The drive and being outside are also very good. And, usually, a meal. As I get better though, rather than eating out, I am cooking myself. Lobster and some sort of large crab legs were on the menu, along with a baked potato and beer. About once a month is all I can take of that though. Well, perhaps twice? The lobster tail are quite sweet, and only about $6 each. Two is quite enough, from now on. Now that I clean up quickly afterward, I will probably do a good deal more entertaining... How good it is.
In spite of just having had company over yesterday, I did so again today. I had beans I needed to use up and thought a ham would work perfectly for that. But there was a bit much to eat on my own, so I asked my friend to find his way here. I did not realize the buses do not run on Sunday, so I went and fetched him. It was a quick quiet affair. The meal was quite nice, neither of us is used to home cooked foods. Him because he just does not do that, me because I have been ill. Beyond, I plan on having spaghetti dinner this Thursday. But this time I will be asking some other people over. I have already asked regular friend over, I just have to contact a few others.
On the way back, after giving my friend a ride home, I grabbed some cleaning supplies. The kitchen is now at 70% spic and span, the rest of the house needs a good deal of attention. The bathrooms first. My main one is in very poor shape, poor thing. The other is pretty good, but it is good to give it a once over while I am at it. Laundry is being kept up, dishes are being kept up, and business is being tended as I remember and get to it. I am still a bit sluggish, to my mind. I do, however, see the finish line. That finish line is the beginning, not the end, however. That finish line is where everyone else starts, I have been quite behind.
Life is looking good again, very good.
.
Saturday was shooting day. I am improving, slowly. Still, it is not all about hitting the target. Getting out of the house, talking to someone, and of course just the pleasure of sending a few hot ones down the way. The drive and being outside are also very good. And, usually, a meal. As I get better though, rather than eating out, I am cooking myself. Lobster and some sort of large crab legs were on the menu, along with a baked potato and beer. About once a month is all I can take of that though. Well, perhaps twice? The lobster tail are quite sweet, and only about $6 each. Two is quite enough, from now on. Now that I clean up quickly afterward, I will probably do a good deal more entertaining... How good it is.
In spite of just having had company over yesterday, I did so again today. I had beans I needed to use up and thought a ham would work perfectly for that. But there was a bit much to eat on my own, so I asked my friend to find his way here. I did not realize the buses do not run on Sunday, so I went and fetched him. It was a quick quiet affair. The meal was quite nice, neither of us is used to home cooked foods. Him because he just does not do that, me because I have been ill. Beyond, I plan on having spaghetti dinner this Thursday. But this time I will be asking some other people over. I have already asked regular friend over, I just have to contact a few others.
On the way back, after giving my friend a ride home, I grabbed some cleaning supplies. The kitchen is now at 70% spic and span, the rest of the house needs a good deal of attention. The bathrooms first. My main one is in very poor shape, poor thing. The other is pretty good, but it is good to give it a once over while I am at it. Laundry is being kept up, dishes are being kept up, and business is being tended as I remember and get to it. I am still a bit sluggish, to my mind. I do, however, see the finish line. That finish line is the beginning, not the end, however. That finish line is where everyone else starts, I have been quite behind.
Life is looking good again, very good.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Another day out.
.
.
"Gone shooting." I need a sign with that on it. Of course, no one ever visits, so whatever. It looks to rain, snow, or something tomorrow while today is sunny and almost 50 F. So, it is back to the range. One box of .45's and I think I will be taking my .22 pistol this time as well. Perhaps it will help me get back into pistol usage just as well, less expensively, and without worrying about brass. I feel downright foolish missing as often as I do. At 50 to 60 yards, I should not miss a pop can, let alone bottle, more than a few times a magazine, and then usually only when I get silly. And that is discussing the 13 round magazines. This last summer, I rarely missed even with the .357, it with a 2" barrel.
Of course, dinner after. Though I might talk my shooting partner into lobster here at my place. Two tails cost about $10, some baked potatoes cost little, and frozen broccoli or something is pretty cheap too. Plus, I could do double duty and buy the rest of items on my grocery list. I like doing double duty, cooking and eating rightly, and doing so on the cheap. Odd how little a home cooked meal costs, how much better it is from quality to taste to the freshness of ingredients. The main costs being time, clean up, and serving one's self. But I am on those last now, my kitchen is nice and clean dishes, pots, and pans are plentiful!
Well, I best be going. Time is running out, I said I would be there at 13:00, so, gotta go. Have a great day!
.
"Gone shooting." I need a sign with that on it. Of course, no one ever visits, so whatever. It looks to rain, snow, or something tomorrow while today is sunny and almost 50 F. So, it is back to the range. One box of .45's and I think I will be taking my .22 pistol this time as well. Perhaps it will help me get back into pistol usage just as well, less expensively, and without worrying about brass. I feel downright foolish missing as often as I do. At 50 to 60 yards, I should not miss a pop can, let alone bottle, more than a few times a magazine, and then usually only when I get silly. And that is discussing the 13 round magazines. This last summer, I rarely missed even with the .357, it with a 2" barrel.
Of course, dinner after. Though I might talk my shooting partner into lobster here at my place. Two tails cost about $10, some baked potatoes cost little, and frozen broccoli or something is pretty cheap too. Plus, I could do double duty and buy the rest of items on my grocery list. I like doing double duty, cooking and eating rightly, and doing so on the cheap. Odd how little a home cooked meal costs, how much better it is from quality to taste to the freshness of ingredients. The main costs being time, clean up, and serving one's self. But I am on those last now, my kitchen is nice and clean dishes, pots, and pans are plentiful!
Well, I best be going. Time is running out, I said I would be there at 13:00, so, gotta go. Have a great day!
Friday, March 5, 2010
The spirit is willing...
.
.
As they say, but the flesh is weak. It will take some time to get the body back into shape. I can do well on small things for short periods, but an afternoon of anything, or a morning full of calls and business, wear me right out. I see my doctor the 9th. I have been considering asking her about physical therapy of some sort. It would need to be as local as possible, but it could really help. When the body does almost nothing for months, flexibility, strength, and endurance disappear. Those things are necessary for simple life, and least life as most people know it. Just some thoughts.
I am very tired this evening. I am getting ready to hit it and hard. Good night!
.
As they say, but the flesh is weak. It will take some time to get the body back into shape. I can do well on small things for short periods, but an afternoon of anything, or a morning full of calls and business, wear me right out. I see my doctor the 9th. I have been considering asking her about physical therapy of some sort. It would need to be as local as possible, but it could really help. When the body does almost nothing for months, flexibility, strength, and endurance disappear. Those things are necessary for simple life, and least life as most people know it. Just some thoughts.
I am very tired this evening. I am getting ready to hit it and hard. Good night!
Not too bad.
.
.
I got busy today. I checked on the medicine, it was sent two days ago. Check. I made contact with my buyer broker, he is sending out new leads to the email account to which I have access and we will begin looking at houses next week. Check. I called my loan pre-approval agent. I did not reach him and he has not called back yet. I did let him know I was having difficulties knowing how to obtain my DD 214 (discharge papers). That is as much as I can do. Check. I made my car payment over the phone. Check. And finally I took care of a major worry. I realized I must be fairly late on my storage fees. I kept fearing that I had lost everything (you know how not knowing for sure how far behind you are when you realize you are behind but have been too... out of it... to think straight for a while?). I was two months behind, and had late fees for that. I explained my condition and difficulties, in apology. She went ahead and halved my late fees! I then paid for another six months plus the late fees. Now I have no worries until this July. Expensive, no doubt, but worth the loss of worry and there is a discount. That, if luck holds, will easily see me into my new house, perhaps with a rebate if I can move quickly and early. Check.
I still have things to do, but I ran out of nerve, energy, and will. Monday will be the day to move on getting my Social Security and V.A. checks directed to my local bank, check on two other bills, and attempt to contact the mortgage center agent again. Not bad, really, just not too bad. Calling and doing business is often a fearful thing, while I am in a funk or even while coming out of one. There is something strange about actually interacting with the world and people and money and all. That should improve. Actually, it already has. I would not have been able to do this a week ago. It only has not been done sooner because it takes time to get to things, and just having a few things at home taken care of first was primal.
I did make a wonderful meal with some of the beans I had recently cooked and some brots I had recently bought, thawed, and cooked. I had half a brot by itself, wonderful it was! But heating the beans with some of the brots in some of the cooking juice from the beans to make a mild soup, then adding a quarter cup of whole whipping cream and a little salt. Fantastic is all I can say. Plus, keeping up on dishes. Oh, and when I cook a large portion now, I feel no need to overeat. I have containers, the owners containers, which go from freezer or fridge to oven and back. So I have been eating well, the right amounts, having leftovers, and doing very well in this regard, thank you very much.
Life can be so simple. For me that means just the right medicines. For others, I suppose it means a little more attention to detail. Nice... That is all I can say. It is nice to be alive and well.
.
I got busy today. I checked on the medicine, it was sent two days ago. Check. I made contact with my buyer broker, he is sending out new leads to the email account to which I have access and we will begin looking at houses next week. Check. I called my loan pre-approval agent. I did not reach him and he has not called back yet. I did let him know I was having difficulties knowing how to obtain my DD 214 (discharge papers). That is as much as I can do. Check. I made my car payment over the phone. Check. And finally I took care of a major worry. I realized I must be fairly late on my storage fees. I kept fearing that I had lost everything (you know how not knowing for sure how far behind you are when you realize you are behind but have been too... out of it... to think straight for a while?). I was two months behind, and had late fees for that. I explained my condition and difficulties, in apology. She went ahead and halved my late fees! I then paid for another six months plus the late fees. Now I have no worries until this July. Expensive, no doubt, but worth the loss of worry and there is a discount. That, if luck holds, will easily see me into my new house, perhaps with a rebate if I can move quickly and early. Check.
I still have things to do, but I ran out of nerve, energy, and will. Monday will be the day to move on getting my Social Security and V.A. checks directed to my local bank, check on two other bills, and attempt to contact the mortgage center agent again. Not bad, really, just not too bad. Calling and doing business is often a fearful thing, while I am in a funk or even while coming out of one. There is something strange about actually interacting with the world and people and money and all. That should improve. Actually, it already has. I would not have been able to do this a week ago. It only has not been done sooner because it takes time to get to things, and just having a few things at home taken care of first was primal.
I did make a wonderful meal with some of the beans I had recently cooked and some brots I had recently bought, thawed, and cooked. I had half a brot by itself, wonderful it was! But heating the beans with some of the brots in some of the cooking juice from the beans to make a mild soup, then adding a quarter cup of whole whipping cream and a little salt. Fantastic is all I can say. Plus, keeping up on dishes. Oh, and when I cook a large portion now, I feel no need to overeat. I have containers, the owners containers, which go from freezer or fridge to oven and back. So I have been eating well, the right amounts, having leftovers, and doing very well in this regard, thank you very much.
Life can be so simple. For me that means just the right medicines. For others, I suppose it means a little more attention to detail. Nice... That is all I can say. It is nice to be alive and well.
Oops!
.
.
Or, thank God it's Friday (and not Saturday). I got nothing done, as I had written, yesterday. My friend called and suggested we go shooting. Well, we went shooting, then had dinner. Our shoot days are all day, at least from the time they start onward. As well, I got into a minor project and ended up not going to bed in a... timely manner. It was after 5:00 when I rolled my bones into the hay. I decided not to allow this to mess up my schedule, so I set the alarm for 10:30. And, I woke up at 9:00 without the alarm, and called it good. I think I will begin my calls at 12:00, instead of 13:00 though, as there is an hour or two difference between here and some of the places I may end up calling which favors an early start.
The shooting was good. I only shot one box in the .45 though. It is too slushy to retrieved cases, so I simply do not wish to pick them up. In many cases, I cannot pick them up. My shooting is improving, though it will be slow because of the one box limit I have self imposed in the wait for easier retrieval of cases. But that Henry .22 is a golden gun. I am shooting sub-quarter sized clay remnant shards at 60 yards and more. S A W E E T! I think that is how it is said?
I have, however, been keeping up on the dishes and I did get the regrowth off my face. After shaving my beard a bit back, I had failed to managed the fuzz until it became an ugly 'tweener' man-face-hair... thing! And, I have taken control of finger and toe nails, and the wretchedly dry skin on my feet and toe nail areas. It takes a while to get nearly bone hard skin out of the cuticle areas once that sets in.
Bit by bit, one thing at a time, one day at a time. But I am coming back online. Wow, all I can say is wow. You have no idea how nice it is to be coming back to life. I know many people take this for granted. And, I think that is good to some degree. We cannot be down on our knees all of the time or we would not produce the things that make life amenable, let alone survivable. If nothing else, my illness allows me moments of retrospect in which I get to see all of the grandeur of the wonderful thing that we call life. The price is high but the view is gorgeous.
Be well!
.
Or, thank God it's Friday (and not Saturday). I got nothing done, as I had written, yesterday. My friend called and suggested we go shooting. Well, we went shooting, then had dinner. Our shoot days are all day, at least from the time they start onward. As well, I got into a minor project and ended up not going to bed in a... timely manner. It was after 5:00 when I rolled my bones into the hay. I decided not to allow this to mess up my schedule, so I set the alarm for 10:30. And, I woke up at 9:00 without the alarm, and called it good. I think I will begin my calls at 12:00, instead of 13:00 though, as there is an hour or two difference between here and some of the places I may end up calling which favors an early start.
The shooting was good. I only shot one box in the .45 though. It is too slushy to retrieved cases, so I simply do not wish to pick them up. In many cases, I cannot pick them up. My shooting is improving, though it will be slow because of the one box limit I have self imposed in the wait for easier retrieval of cases. But that Henry .22 is a golden gun. I am shooting sub-quarter sized clay remnant shards at 60 yards and more. S A W E E T! I think that is how it is said?
I have, however, been keeping up on the dishes and I did get the regrowth off my face. After shaving my beard a bit back, I had failed to managed the fuzz until it became an ugly 'tweener' man-face-hair... thing! And, I have taken control of finger and toe nails, and the wretchedly dry skin on my feet and toe nail areas. It takes a while to get nearly bone hard skin out of the cuticle areas once that sets in.
Bit by bit, one thing at a time, one day at a time. But I am coming back online. Wow, all I can say is wow. You have no idea how nice it is to be coming back to life. I know many people take this for granted. And, I think that is good to some degree. We cannot be down on our knees all of the time or we would not produce the things that make life amenable, let alone survivable. If nothing else, my illness allows me moments of retrospect in which I get to see all of the grandeur of the wonderful thing that we call life. The price is high but the view is gorgeous.
Be well!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A day at the museum.
.
.
Yesterday was a bit odd, health wise. I ended up not taking my medicine, any of it, in spite of having it with me. I look for "the right time" to take things when out of the house, and with everything going on, that time simply never happened. With things going on, driving, and such, I simply lost track. Still, my friend and myself had a fairly decent day. We visited the Browning museum, which includes trains, guns, and cars. We viewed a good bit of the train part and the guns of course, but ran out of time so did not view the automobiles. Next week, very possibly, we will do a return visit. We also had lunch there. I was getting grumpy from being overly tired on the drive back. I did not grump at my friend, just at typical drivers. Then again, I am a moody driver anyway. I do not go overboard, I merely grump and adjust my driving to avoid bad and stupid (yes, talking on a cellphone while driving and driving poorly for it will get someone on my "stupid list"). When less tired, I just adjust and forget, not bothering to grumble.
While we were in Ogden, as is our want, we ended up at one of our favorite gun, ammunition, and reloading shops. I found bullets, if not what I had hoped to find. I was looking for full metal jacket 230 grain round nose bullets for reloading. They had 230 and they had round nose, they just did not have them together. I ended up walking out with 500 200 grain round nose plated bullets, and 300 230 grain truncated full metal jacket bullets. I still have 200 round nose 230 grain bullets, so I guess it is all right. Of course, my friend bought 100 of the 200 grain plated bullets when we got home. He found some used 9 mm cases. It is good to have more.
I was very tired when I returned. We had a few beers. We had thought about supper, but were both still full from lunch. I took him on home and tried to stay up a few hours more, but at 20:00, I was finished. I woke up at 2:00 or so, and almost could not get back to sleep. I knew it would ruin my day schedule, so I eventually settled down and got back to sleep. Waking at 7:00 or so, I got up and began tinkering. Gaming on the machine to begin the wake-up process. I fixed a little breakfast, too much actually. Now I am gaming again, and blogging, and waiting until about 13:00 to begin a slew of business processes. Checking on the medicine, contacting my broker, contacting the loan agent, trying to figure out how to get my checks to my new bank, paying a bill, checking some other bills, and then maybe some cleaning and shopping after a couple hours off after I have done what I can on those scores.
Not only is my mind just coming into it's own, with all the fuss that goes with it, so too is my body. Food is like a new thing to it. Regular food requires regular bm's. My body is so used to being fed very irregularly that it is having to figure out how to pass waste again. It is not as easy as it might sound. Though I must admit, it is a pleasure to once again be biologically more functional. It is just knowing when one process or another is what is needed, both for me and my body, that can be a bit harrowing. Gas, as I am coming to understand, is not always gas. This is only a problem during restarts, but it is one I often forget about. No mistakes yet, just some funny facial expressions and a bit of a weird walk hurry mode rush to the nearest facility.
My kitchen is staying even, so far. I clean after each meal. Which allows me to cook with a clear conscience. As I said, by Sunday or Monday, I hope to have the whole of this house up to specs again. I think I can do this, and I will feel so much better about it. There is nothing like being in a clean, kempt, concise house. The mind and spirit become settled and new tasks become easier to take on and complete somehow. When this is done, I will begin my studies in calculus. Then perhaps physics.
Life is coming back together nicely but slowly. Too much rush and I will overdo, which will cause a setback. And yet not doing enough will cause a slip into lethargy. And knowing which is which will take a little trial and error, a little patience with myself, and a little faith in myself, the medicine, and the world in general. Coming out of a coma in self-help mode is a tricky thing. And yet it feels so good. Like being trapped, seemingly forever, in a frozen no-man's land and then to finally begin nearing the borders of a safe place while at the same time feeling a breath of spring on the face. It is good.
.
Yesterday was a bit odd, health wise. I ended up not taking my medicine, any of it, in spite of having it with me. I look for "the right time" to take things when out of the house, and with everything going on, that time simply never happened. With things going on, driving, and such, I simply lost track. Still, my friend and myself had a fairly decent day. We visited the Browning museum, which includes trains, guns, and cars. We viewed a good bit of the train part and the guns of course, but ran out of time so did not view the automobiles. Next week, very possibly, we will do a return visit. We also had lunch there. I was getting grumpy from being overly tired on the drive back. I did not grump at my friend, just at typical drivers. Then again, I am a moody driver anyway. I do not go overboard, I merely grump and adjust my driving to avoid bad and stupid (yes, talking on a cellphone while driving and driving poorly for it will get someone on my "stupid list"). When less tired, I just adjust and forget, not bothering to grumble.
While we were in Ogden, as is our want, we ended up at one of our favorite gun, ammunition, and reloading shops. I found bullets, if not what I had hoped to find. I was looking for full metal jacket 230 grain round nose bullets for reloading. They had 230 and they had round nose, they just did not have them together. I ended up walking out with 500 200 grain round nose plated bullets, and 300 230 grain truncated full metal jacket bullets. I still have 200 round nose 230 grain bullets, so I guess it is all right. Of course, my friend bought 100 of the 200 grain plated bullets when we got home. He found some used 9 mm cases. It is good to have more.
I was very tired when I returned. We had a few beers. We had thought about supper, but were both still full from lunch. I took him on home and tried to stay up a few hours more, but at 20:00, I was finished. I woke up at 2:00 or so, and almost could not get back to sleep. I knew it would ruin my day schedule, so I eventually settled down and got back to sleep. Waking at 7:00 or so, I got up and began tinkering. Gaming on the machine to begin the wake-up process. I fixed a little breakfast, too much actually. Now I am gaming again, and blogging, and waiting until about 13:00 to begin a slew of business processes. Checking on the medicine, contacting my broker, contacting the loan agent, trying to figure out how to get my checks to my new bank, paying a bill, checking some other bills, and then maybe some cleaning and shopping after a couple hours off after I have done what I can on those scores.
Not only is my mind just coming into it's own, with all the fuss that goes with it, so too is my body. Food is like a new thing to it. Regular food requires regular bm's. My body is so used to being fed very irregularly that it is having to figure out how to pass waste again. It is not as easy as it might sound. Though I must admit, it is a pleasure to once again be biologically more functional. It is just knowing when one process or another is what is needed, both for me and my body, that can be a bit harrowing. Gas, as I am coming to understand, is not always gas. This is only a problem during restarts, but it is one I often forget about. No mistakes yet, just some funny facial expressions and a bit of a weird walk hurry mode rush to the nearest facility.
My kitchen is staying even, so far. I clean after each meal. Which allows me to cook with a clear conscience. As I said, by Sunday or Monday, I hope to have the whole of this house up to specs again. I think I can do this, and I will feel so much better about it. There is nothing like being in a clean, kempt, concise house. The mind and spirit become settled and new tasks become easier to take on and complete somehow. When this is done, I will begin my studies in calculus. Then perhaps physics.
Life is coming back together nicely but slowly. Too much rush and I will overdo, which will cause a setback. And yet not doing enough will cause a slip into lethargy. And knowing which is which will take a little trial and error, a little patience with myself, and a little faith in myself, the medicine, and the world in general. Coming out of a coma in self-help mode is a tricky thing. And yet it feels so good. Like being trapped, seemingly forever, in a frozen no-man's land and then to finally begin nearing the borders of a safe place while at the same time feeling a breath of spring on the face. It is good.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Where to begin?
.
.
Have you ever had a job which either upon taking or somewhere while in that employ in which you were handed a terribly botched assignment? The paper work was all wrong, time lines are all messed up with some events very overdue others simply corrupted and some still good yet all complicating the time issues involved, and a host of other difficulties? Yes, well, that is my life. When, where, and what do I start with. Okies, we have the when down. Now! But which project and how. I am only starting to live again, but I see the whole world of business and personal needs that have to be tended and I only have so much energy and 'togetherness' at hand and my skills at organizing and throughput are sketchy at best in the best of times.
Where to start? For me, there were several sure places. Home, it is where I live and breath, think and work, and all such. Home is much more to me than most, many might as well simply live in a hotel for all they have to do with their homes. I have little choice in the matter, so my home is my whole world. Outside is even a little spooky anymore (hence why I carry on boldly, usually, when leaving my shell). To that end, I have done two loads of laundry with more to go. Though there really is not much to do. I changed about as often as I showered and we will not go further into that. Still, after I did most of what was needed clothing wise, I think the bedding (sigh) needs washed. I never did wash the bedding after my lady friend visited, if she only slept in her bed proper for one or two nights, preferring the lounger until I figured out her issues and turned the heat up, took out the window insulation so some light got in, and a few other things. My personal bedding on the other hand... We will not go their either. At least it does not 'look' too bad. *sigh*
As well, I have been busy with dishes. You might be able to imagine the pileup there. But add that it piled up long ago and at best was soaking. I have done two loads in the dishwasher and two loads by hand and it is done, save one load from the dishwasher to be put away. This was no simple wash job. All of it got a fresh resoaking (or two), and even what went into the dishwasher was sort of hand washed first. It was a real chore but a happily completed one. Next I am eyeing the broom and mop, and searching for the vacuum cleaner (searching is not, yet, a do all at once project... it might be before long... still... waking... up).
Next, medicine. I have a little over a week left of the main medicine, Lisinopril. Worried, I called the V.A. today (meant to yesterday, but... today is better than tomorrow). It is a very good thing I did. They did not have it planned for me to receive those until April 28th! What is going on in there? The woman said she would do what she could to rectify that. The woman being a worker at the main V.A. in SLC. She said she would call back when she figured this mess out. I was too tired at that time to call further, but I plan to call the closer clinic I usually visit and ask them what the problem is, get them in on the solution, and give them a small piece of my mind. This is exactly what happened last time. I cannot let this simply slide. They are as much a part of the problem, now, as I am. I am too sick to look after myself half of the time, I cannot be expected or depended upon to look after them too. I am just a wee riled at the moment.
Next, some business. Since my banking has not become local yet, I have to pay many bills manually. The internet helps, the phone helps, but nothing is quite like having everything on automatic. That helps! So, I need to tend to some bills and check on a few others. I also need to get some cash into the local bank so that I may begin using it to some extent. As well, I can put a certain amount in and use that as a limiter on my spending. Much as I used to do with the savings and checking accounts. Further, I need to figure out how to get my DD214 and contact the company I am working with on a V.A. pre-approval for a housing loan.
Wow, just wow! So much to do, and that is just the half of it. So much more house cleaning is needed. So much more business must be tended. Groceries must be bought. And, while I am gearing up, I need to also tend the little things as they happen. Cooking means cleaning. Going out means laundry. Everything that one begins starts something else in a chain that is fundamentally maddening at first. Being a ghost has a privilege that frees one from the things of flesh, but at a damned high cost. If I am going to be forced to live, I want to be in the game with foot and claw. I have to be. Either in or out, that is how I play the game when given a choice at all. Actually, I will not wait to be given a choice, I always have a choice... a whole slew of them... even as a cripple I am no pushover.
The game is on! Be well.
.
Have you ever had a job which either upon taking or somewhere while in that employ in which you were handed a terribly botched assignment? The paper work was all wrong, time lines are all messed up with some events very overdue others simply corrupted and some still good yet all complicating the time issues involved, and a host of other difficulties? Yes, well, that is my life. When, where, and what do I start with. Okies, we have the when down. Now! But which project and how. I am only starting to live again, but I see the whole world of business and personal needs that have to be tended and I only have so much energy and 'togetherness' at hand and my skills at organizing and throughput are sketchy at best in the best of times.
Where to start? For me, there were several sure places. Home, it is where I live and breath, think and work, and all such. Home is much more to me than most, many might as well simply live in a hotel for all they have to do with their homes. I have little choice in the matter, so my home is my whole world. Outside is even a little spooky anymore (hence why I carry on boldly, usually, when leaving my shell). To that end, I have done two loads of laundry with more to go. Though there really is not much to do. I changed about as often as I showered and we will not go further into that. Still, after I did most of what was needed clothing wise, I think the bedding (sigh) needs washed. I never did wash the bedding after my lady friend visited, if she only slept in her bed proper for one or two nights, preferring the lounger until I figured out her issues and turned the heat up, took out the window insulation so some light got in, and a few other things. My personal bedding on the other hand... We will not go their either. At least it does not 'look' too bad. *sigh*
As well, I have been busy with dishes. You might be able to imagine the pileup there. But add that it piled up long ago and at best was soaking. I have done two loads in the dishwasher and two loads by hand and it is done, save one load from the dishwasher to be put away. This was no simple wash job. All of it got a fresh resoaking (or two), and even what went into the dishwasher was sort of hand washed first. It was a real chore but a happily completed one. Next I am eyeing the broom and mop, and searching for the vacuum cleaner (searching is not, yet, a do all at once project... it might be before long... still... waking... up).
Next, medicine. I have a little over a week left of the main medicine, Lisinopril. Worried, I called the V.A. today (meant to yesterday, but... today is better than tomorrow). It is a very good thing I did. They did not have it planned for me to receive those until April 28th! What is going on in there? The woman said she would do what she could to rectify that. The woman being a worker at the main V.A. in SLC. She said she would call back when she figured this mess out. I was too tired at that time to call further, but I plan to call the closer clinic I usually visit and ask them what the problem is, get them in on the solution, and give them a small piece of my mind. This is exactly what happened last time. I cannot let this simply slide. They are as much a part of the problem, now, as I am. I am too sick to look after myself half of the time, I cannot be expected or depended upon to look after them too. I am just a wee riled at the moment.
Next, some business. Since my banking has not become local yet, I have to pay many bills manually. The internet helps, the phone helps, but nothing is quite like having everything on automatic. That helps! So, I need to tend to some bills and check on a few others. I also need to get some cash into the local bank so that I may begin using it to some extent. As well, I can put a certain amount in and use that as a limiter on my spending. Much as I used to do with the savings and checking accounts. Further, I need to figure out how to get my DD214 and contact the company I am working with on a V.A. pre-approval for a housing loan.
Wow, just wow! So much to do, and that is just the half of it. So much more house cleaning is needed. So much more business must be tended. Groceries must be bought. And, while I am gearing up, I need to also tend the little things as they happen. Cooking means cleaning. Going out means laundry. Everything that one begins starts something else in a chain that is fundamentally maddening at first. Being a ghost has a privilege that frees one from the things of flesh, but at a damned high cost. If I am going to be forced to live, I want to be in the game with foot and claw. I have to be. Either in or out, that is how I play the game when given a choice at all. Actually, I will not wait to be given a choice, I always have a choice... a whole slew of them... even as a cripple I am no pushover.
The game is on! Be well.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Excellent!
.
.
Not perfect, not yet completely well, but the situation does look much brighter.
The medicine is doing what I had hoped. Thankfully, for several reasons, she started me on a low dose, 5 mg twice a day, as early in the morning as possible and mid to later afternoon is how I am doing it. The lift I get is comparable to soda, which is to say not a lot, but it allows me to stay conscious without being completely out of it while awake. I can also do small things, such as shopping and shooting and such again, if it can be done only occasionally that is enough for the moment. This dose will allow me to get back on some schedule, take care of myself, the house, and business minimally, and then it should set me up for a higher dose and nearly actually living again.
I have quit the sugar. Juice mixed with CO2 water, plain water, and soon tea, along with milk of course, are on the menu. I still have a great thirst as diabetes is still probably out of control and in the 300 range. One thing at a time. One piece of it all at a time. Once I am functional again, we move on to that stage, and I could see that happening by my next visit. I need to call and make sure my medication is set to be sent out. I only have a few weeks supply and that makes me nervous. Other than that, it looks like I am set to get back into taking care, being on the right medication, being off soda, and living fairly well again.
Not much else of news. Then again, I am just learning how to walk again. But the prognosis is good. Have a great night.
.
Not perfect, not yet completely well, but the situation does look much brighter.
The medicine is doing what I had hoped. Thankfully, for several reasons, she started me on a low dose, 5 mg twice a day, as early in the morning as possible and mid to later afternoon is how I am doing it. The lift I get is comparable to soda, which is to say not a lot, but it allows me to stay conscious without being completely out of it while awake. I can also do small things, such as shopping and shooting and such again, if it can be done only occasionally that is enough for the moment. This dose will allow me to get back on some schedule, take care of myself, the house, and business minimally, and then it should set me up for a higher dose and nearly actually living again.
I have quit the sugar. Juice mixed with CO2 water, plain water, and soon tea, along with milk of course, are on the menu. I still have a great thirst as diabetes is still probably out of control and in the 300 range. One thing at a time. One piece of it all at a time. Once I am functional again, we move on to that stage, and I could see that happening by my next visit. I need to call and make sure my medication is set to be sent out. I only have a few weeks supply and that makes me nervous. Other than that, it looks like I am set to get back into taking care, being on the right medication, being off soda, and living fairly well again.
Not much else of news. Then again, I am just learning how to walk again. But the prognosis is good. Have a great night.
Friday, February 26, 2010
A week.
.
.
That is how long it took me just to figure out how to pick up my medicine... through exhaustion, confusion, and an otherwise inability to put together a shower, being dressed and at the right time, and driving to the post office. I, of course, went to the wrong one though finding the right one was quite simple. I walked in with only minutes to spare. I started the process at about 14:30, could not quite get out of bed until 15:34 though I tried several times. Then a shower and dressing. Then, I was almost sure I could get there. The minutes were flying off the clock though. I was moving through mud. I was never sure, but I thought I could. And then it was done. A weeks worth of hard labor, truly.
The truth of being me is a bit embarrassing. I debate moral and ethical, social and economic, issues and I think I do so reasonably, and yet I cannot go down town and pick up medicine? Then again, I would suggest that Einstein left to his own devices would have had at least as bad of a situation, probably much worse. No, I do not produce as he did if what he did is just as questionably termed scientific poetry mixed with mysticism than pure science, but that is for another discussion. Still, I am pleased to just be who and what I am. And a little success sure can be sweet!
I do not think I will start it today. I know, you would think I would want to hop right on it. I want to give myself another day just to put myself in as much order to begin this as possible. And, actually, I need a rest after fighting the mental plague for this week. Though, as a mental physicist might say, since I did not move (until today), that I did no work. Which, in a way, proves physics wrong, since I worked harder doing nothing while attempting to do something than some people will ever work their whole lives. Yeah, crazy, but true.
I am looking forward to starting Ritalin again though. I have a long list of things that need to be done, that I want to do, and that I should do. I have places to go, people to see, things to do, and a life to get a bit more busy within. I have subjects to study, words to learn and write, and blogs to visit. It is time for me to start up again. And in my new home I have a brand new glowing chance at starting over. I have a world to build. I have just been given, I think, the key to the kingdom, barren as it is at this point. It is time.
Have a great day!
.
That is how long it took me just to figure out how to pick up my medicine... through exhaustion, confusion, and an otherwise inability to put together a shower, being dressed and at the right time, and driving to the post office. I, of course, went to the wrong one though finding the right one was quite simple. I walked in with only minutes to spare. I started the process at about 14:30, could not quite get out of bed until 15:34 though I tried several times. Then a shower and dressing. Then, I was almost sure I could get there. The minutes were flying off the clock though. I was moving through mud. I was never sure, but I thought I could. And then it was done. A weeks worth of hard labor, truly.
The truth of being me is a bit embarrassing. I debate moral and ethical, social and economic, issues and I think I do so reasonably, and yet I cannot go down town and pick up medicine? Then again, I would suggest that Einstein left to his own devices would have had at least as bad of a situation, probably much worse. No, I do not produce as he did if what he did is just as questionably termed scientific poetry mixed with mysticism than pure science, but that is for another discussion. Still, I am pleased to just be who and what I am. And a little success sure can be sweet!
I do not think I will start it today. I know, you would think I would want to hop right on it. I want to give myself another day just to put myself in as much order to begin this as possible. And, actually, I need a rest after fighting the mental plague for this week. Though, as a mental physicist might say, since I did not move (until today), that I did no work. Which, in a way, proves physics wrong, since I worked harder doing nothing while attempting to do something than some people will ever work their whole lives. Yeah, crazy, but true.
I am looking forward to starting Ritalin again though. I have a long list of things that need to be done, that I want to do, and that I should do. I have places to go, people to see, things to do, and a life to get a bit more busy within. I have subjects to study, words to learn and write, and blogs to visit. It is time for me to start up again. And in my new home I have a brand new glowing chance at starting over. I have a world to build. I have just been given, I think, the key to the kingdom, barren as it is at this point. It is time.
Have a great day!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wow, impressively difficult.
.
.
I can still think, inside here, sort of. My mind works fine. It simply will not focus and it cannot control my body. I am left wondering why high blood pressure medicine, or just as likely, lower blood pressure, would cause me such difficulties. The situation probably indicates that it is not a psychological issue. Not that this is important, since there seems to be no interest in the medical community at looking for the real cause and I simply do not have the tools, knowledge, lab, and whatever else might be required to find a fix. So, I have to rely on bandaids rather than a cure or particular regimen for the root cause(s).
I have tried to turn things around. I have tried to affect my sleep patterns by trying to sleep at night so that I might wake during the daytime hours. I have set my alarm, as well. I merely end up sleeping more and waking up late in the afternoon. I cannot remember hearing the alarm go off. Sometimes, in my bad periods, I remember hearing it, messing with it, and ending up being too tired to do anything more than hitting the snooze for an hour and then turning it off. At this point, I am not sure what happens when the alarm goes off. Do I simply sleep through it? I do not know.
I need food, activity as my body actually hurts from sitting and sleeping so much. My eyes, somehow, hurt. I cannot seem to get anything done. I ran out of soda and I do not have my meds. I will have to push to get one or the other. Wish me luck.
Oh, the other night I dreamed I was a professor. There was a fellow professor with whom I wished no contact. As can be the case, this made him very interested in becoming my friend. So, I decided to have a conversation with him. I cannot remember what he did that made me feel this way, but I told him I considered him evil. He had committed spiritual suicide. He had, whatever he had done, slain his soul. I told him I knew there was a chance he could be saved, but that it was very unlikely since he truly believed in whatever he did, and continued to do so. He was vested in evil and to change would probably cost him everything he knew. I said physical suicide is similar, though if it is merely to escape pain, that suicide was not only understandable it was forgivable.
Then, after considering the difference between spiritual and physical suicide, I started thinking about the differences between physical suicide itself. The only time an animal will commit suicide, for example a deer in the clutches of wolves which explodes the heart within it's body, is when pain or surety of death is there. Only after it has tried to run to it's ability, after it has fought as it can, and probably even then only after it has been physically damaged beyond repair, will it submit to the natural course of events and kill itself.
I realized, then, that this is why (assuming my "near death experience" was true) I was not in the worst part of that. I had done what I did because of pain and knowing that I was beyond repair. No, suicide is no longer an option for me. I must carry on as I should. I simply understood something from the dream that helped me understand the past. At this point, any suffering I bear is for Christ, and life, with the Holy Spirit, and through those for the Father. I know it seems odd, but suffering is a learning experience. Just as is the humility of the life I lead by the nature of my condition.
Still, it would be nice to be able to figure out how to go to the store, pick up some food items, do the dishes, and have a meal. Or, pick up my medicine, or maybe some soda until I can get that. Anyway, if I can handle a little pain and degradation, anyone can! :P Be well, and know that in here, if deeply sometimes, is a thinking feeling human who does his best. And he has the nerve to snicker about it from time to time on top of that. Ha!
.
I can still think, inside here, sort of. My mind works fine. It simply will not focus and it cannot control my body. I am left wondering why high blood pressure medicine, or just as likely, lower blood pressure, would cause me such difficulties. The situation probably indicates that it is not a psychological issue. Not that this is important, since there seems to be no interest in the medical community at looking for the real cause and I simply do not have the tools, knowledge, lab, and whatever else might be required to find a fix. So, I have to rely on bandaids rather than a cure or particular regimen for the root cause(s).
I have tried to turn things around. I have tried to affect my sleep patterns by trying to sleep at night so that I might wake during the daytime hours. I have set my alarm, as well. I merely end up sleeping more and waking up late in the afternoon. I cannot remember hearing the alarm go off. Sometimes, in my bad periods, I remember hearing it, messing with it, and ending up being too tired to do anything more than hitting the snooze for an hour and then turning it off. At this point, I am not sure what happens when the alarm goes off. Do I simply sleep through it? I do not know.
I need food, activity as my body actually hurts from sitting and sleeping so much. My eyes, somehow, hurt. I cannot seem to get anything done. I ran out of soda and I do not have my meds. I will have to push to get one or the other. Wish me luck.
Oh, the other night I dreamed I was a professor. There was a fellow professor with whom I wished no contact. As can be the case, this made him very interested in becoming my friend. So, I decided to have a conversation with him. I cannot remember what he did that made me feel this way, but I told him I considered him evil. He had committed spiritual suicide. He had, whatever he had done, slain his soul. I told him I knew there was a chance he could be saved, but that it was very unlikely since he truly believed in whatever he did, and continued to do so. He was vested in evil and to change would probably cost him everything he knew. I said physical suicide is similar, though if it is merely to escape pain, that suicide was not only understandable it was forgivable.
Then, after considering the difference between spiritual and physical suicide, I started thinking about the differences between physical suicide itself. The only time an animal will commit suicide, for example a deer in the clutches of wolves which explodes the heart within it's body, is when pain or surety of death is there. Only after it has tried to run to it's ability, after it has fought as it can, and probably even then only after it has been physically damaged beyond repair, will it submit to the natural course of events and kill itself.
I realized, then, that this is why (assuming my "near death experience" was true) I was not in the worst part of that. I had done what I did because of pain and knowing that I was beyond repair. No, suicide is no longer an option for me. I must carry on as I should. I simply understood something from the dream that helped me understand the past. At this point, any suffering I bear is for Christ, and life, with the Holy Spirit, and through those for the Father. I know it seems odd, but suffering is a learning experience. Just as is the humility of the life I lead by the nature of my condition.
Still, it would be nice to be able to figure out how to go to the store, pick up some food items, do the dishes, and have a meal. Or, pick up my medicine, or maybe some soda until I can get that. Anyway, if I can handle a little pain and degradation, anyone can! :P Be well, and know that in here, if deeply sometimes, is a thinking feeling human who does his best. And he has the nerve to snicker about it from time to time on top of that. Ha!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
A breath of fresh air.
.
.
Faculties came back online again, a bit. I came out of the fog well enough to begin planning how to further extricate myself from this sticky situation. I did not ponder why, at first, I merely used the time to make some plans and do some things. After doing a few minor things, like preparing a meal and calling my friend to set up an outing tomorrow (the meal REALLY helped as I knew it would), I started to try and figure out what had happened. Ah, I had become so down I had forgotten to take my medicines for a few days. Off the medicine I was able to function again. Still, that will not do either. So, back on the medicine. With plans in play to be out tomorrow, I will ensure I pick up the new medicine, which should help.
I can only hope Ritalin works as it has in the past, and yet is not too much. It does not drive me off the deep end, but it does push my personal (not physical) tolerance. Going from zero to mach 3 is a bit daunting mentally, especially while still groggy. Until I regain the reins, I am on a runaway horse. Still, it can be sort of funny. I can leave my corpse well enough to watch the animal aspect contained therein do what critters do when hyped a bit. Feed a mouse caffeine, then watch, you will understand.
I keep thinking about the 'human condition'. I see that we have an animal aspect. Animals are purely and simply biological robots. They know neither future nor past. They do not choose to breed or not, they react to chemical processes. They have, at most, a suspicion of anything other than biological directives and that only among the higher functioning among them, perhaps dolphins, great apes, and maybe elephants, among a very small other assortment. Still, even those animals have no idea about the world. They have no need or interest in affecting their environment. That aspect of us only comprises a small amount of what we are, could be, or should be.
Humans are different in many ways. I almost feel sorry for those who do not understand. And, yet, I still wonder if there are many among those who would be human who are actually merely animal. I do know, however, that there are some, perhaps many, who are more. I would like to think I am among those who are more. If lessened by illness, I realize there is a difference and attempt to act on being more than just an animal.
If we are just animals, then culling is in order. If we are merely animals, then there is no purpose to being other than to gain as much as we can and live in as much luxury as possible, for as long as possible, and at the expense of anything or anyone else. If we are purely biological in nature than life on this planet (and to our actual knowledge disregarding the "alien hypothesis", the banal hope beyond hope of the soulless) and indeed all of existence is doomed. And life, regardless of anything anyone tells you is the most precious gift given to anything in existence. I suppose that is why I am so anti-abortion. I could see being anti-death penalty too, but at this point the risks the prisoners present is too great for that for me. No, life is so very special, rare, and doomed, that but for there being God and a greater meaning, this would all be a great big cosmic joke... a bitter one.
Anyway, from one human hopefully to another, live well. Time IS short here, whether you know it or not. And though I think for the most part where we are going is far finer, missing out on the possibilities here is like missing out on high school and college (if you went) events. Though those were lesser than say, hopefully, marriage, work, adult friends, they can never be revisited or done over. Do not skip out on this life. Have a good night.
.
Faculties came back online again, a bit. I came out of the fog well enough to begin planning how to further extricate myself from this sticky situation. I did not ponder why, at first, I merely used the time to make some plans and do some things. After doing a few minor things, like preparing a meal and calling my friend to set up an outing tomorrow (the meal REALLY helped as I knew it would), I started to try and figure out what had happened. Ah, I had become so down I had forgotten to take my medicines for a few days. Off the medicine I was able to function again. Still, that will not do either. So, back on the medicine. With plans in play to be out tomorrow, I will ensure I pick up the new medicine, which should help.
I can only hope Ritalin works as it has in the past, and yet is not too much. It does not drive me off the deep end, but it does push my personal (not physical) tolerance. Going from zero to mach 3 is a bit daunting mentally, especially while still groggy. Until I regain the reins, I am on a runaway horse. Still, it can be sort of funny. I can leave my corpse well enough to watch the animal aspect contained therein do what critters do when hyped a bit. Feed a mouse caffeine, then watch, you will understand.
I keep thinking about the 'human condition'. I see that we have an animal aspect. Animals are purely and simply biological robots. They know neither future nor past. They do not choose to breed or not, they react to chemical processes. They have, at most, a suspicion of anything other than biological directives and that only among the higher functioning among them, perhaps dolphins, great apes, and maybe elephants, among a very small other assortment. Still, even those animals have no idea about the world. They have no need or interest in affecting their environment. That aspect of us only comprises a small amount of what we are, could be, or should be.
Humans are different in many ways. I almost feel sorry for those who do not understand. And, yet, I still wonder if there are many among those who would be human who are actually merely animal. I do know, however, that there are some, perhaps many, who are more. I would like to think I am among those who are more. If lessened by illness, I realize there is a difference and attempt to act on being more than just an animal.
If we are just animals, then culling is in order. If we are merely animals, then there is no purpose to being other than to gain as much as we can and live in as much luxury as possible, for as long as possible, and at the expense of anything or anyone else. If we are purely biological in nature than life on this planet (and to our actual knowledge disregarding the "alien hypothesis", the banal hope beyond hope of the soulless) and indeed all of existence is doomed. And life, regardless of anything anyone tells you is the most precious gift given to anything in existence. I suppose that is why I am so anti-abortion. I could see being anti-death penalty too, but at this point the risks the prisoners present is too great for that for me. No, life is so very special, rare, and doomed, that but for there being God and a greater meaning, this would all be a great big cosmic joke... a bitter one.
Anyway, from one human hopefully to another, live well. Time IS short here, whether you know it or not. And though I think for the most part where we are going is far finer, missing out on the possibilities here is like missing out on high school and college (if you went) events. Though those were lesser than say, hopefully, marriage, work, adult friends, they can never be revisited or done over. Do not skip out on this life. Have a good night.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Huh?
.
.
Still in absolute burned-out mode. I am trying to break the chains that bind it just is not working. I have found that obsessive gaming allows me to remain conscious, if being conscious hurts. Though I can do little else, I at least am awake more of the time and keep my mind somewhat active. Surprisingly, those games require quite a bit of thinking. As I said though, it hurts.
I am working at getting showered, dressed, and going out today. I need some food, for one thing. I might get out to shoot, as well. It seems like an easy matter. Stand up out of this chair, go to the shower and undress, shower, brush the gums, shave the face, and dress. Then make a call and head out. And, it is that easy. But it is not that easy. Moving through fog is difficult, knowing that I will have to force myself every step of the way is daunting, and knowing that I cannot just stop and rest if needed is fear inducing. Think of it like deciding to get on a bus in L.A., with a ticket to N.Y.C., with no means of getting out of it. I am sensitive to noise, tired beyond understanding, with a headache and a lack of ability to simply think straight or for long.
If not today, then tomorrow I will get to the post office and pick up my medicine. It seems they have arrived, but because of the Ritalin, they cannot just leave it at the door. I cannot get out, mostly, and seem to have missed every time they have visited (I received the notice on Friday). Oh well. It will be done, soon.
Never worry though. I am used to this, to a degree. I enjoy what I can how I can. At least I do not have to worry about scratching out an existence too. If I am not always happy with the V.A., at least they are taking care of me financially. I could well have been a bum if not for them. I have little choice in my condition. Actually, if it were not for my ability to communicate at a high level in spite of being ill, I am almost certain I would be in a ditch or under a bridge somewhere. Many are. Pray for them before ever praying for me.
.
Still in absolute burned-out mode. I am trying to break the chains that bind it just is not working. I have found that obsessive gaming allows me to remain conscious, if being conscious hurts. Though I can do little else, I at least am awake more of the time and keep my mind somewhat active. Surprisingly, those games require quite a bit of thinking. As I said though, it hurts.
I am working at getting showered, dressed, and going out today. I need some food, for one thing. I might get out to shoot, as well. It seems like an easy matter. Stand up out of this chair, go to the shower and undress, shower, brush the gums, shave the face, and dress. Then make a call and head out. And, it is that easy. But it is not that easy. Moving through fog is difficult, knowing that I will have to force myself every step of the way is daunting, and knowing that I cannot just stop and rest if needed is fear inducing. Think of it like deciding to get on a bus in L.A., with a ticket to N.Y.C., with no means of getting out of it. I am sensitive to noise, tired beyond understanding, with a headache and a lack of ability to simply think straight or for long.
If not today, then tomorrow I will get to the post office and pick up my medicine. It seems they have arrived, but because of the Ritalin, they cannot just leave it at the door. I cannot get out, mostly, and seem to have missed every time they have visited (I received the notice on Friday). Oh well. It will be done, soon.
Never worry though. I am used to this, to a degree. I enjoy what I can how I can. At least I do not have to worry about scratching out an existence too. If I am not always happy with the V.A., at least they are taking care of me financially. I could well have been a bum if not for them. I have little choice in my condition. Actually, if it were not for my ability to communicate at a high level in spite of being ill, I am almost certain I would be in a ditch or under a bridge somewhere. Many are. Pray for them before ever praying for me.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
It went down from tough.
.
.
I took a nose dive this week. I think I still know where the tp is, and generally where my behind is, but getting the two together? Yes, it stinks. I think this is to be expected when I start the high blood pressure medicine. It often sneaks up on me though. I did not see that coming. It was not incremental and when it happened... it has taken several days just to realize I have out of commission for a while. Of course, I will pick up where, when, and how I am able.
As always, I am nervous about the new medicine. Even though it is what I want and is better than what I have, every time it is like getting up into a saddle on a horse, as if for the very first time. Or really, for the first time in a long time. It is exhilarating and daunting at the same time. The medicine really gives me more juice, something that has to be managed. I am so used to having just a fraction of it. I have some wonder if mentally I fear power and so underclock, or if that is done through a physical problem. Rather than an energy problem, as if I were an engine or electrical system, perhaps I have the energy but it is not being utilized or delivered correctly. Oh well, I will probably never know. But, with my worries about the medicine, I see into the notion that it might be a holding back, at least in part.
Nothing, needless to say, has gotten done that should have been done. No, wait, I did pay some of my bills. And, I will pay another today (which I had said I would pay a few days ago). *sigh* Lord knows I try to keep it on the tracks. I am not even sure how many days I have been down now, I simply... got lost. Maybe it will improve when the medicine arrives.
Oh, and never worry. Enjoy life, do what you can, and love somebody one way or another.
.
I took a nose dive this week. I think I still know where the tp is, and generally where my behind is, but getting the two together? Yes, it stinks. I think this is to be expected when I start the high blood pressure medicine. It often sneaks up on me though. I did not see that coming. It was not incremental and when it happened... it has taken several days just to realize I have out of commission for a while. Of course, I will pick up where, when, and how I am able.
As always, I am nervous about the new medicine. Even though it is what I want and is better than what I have, every time it is like getting up into a saddle on a horse, as if for the very first time. Or really, for the first time in a long time. It is exhilarating and daunting at the same time. The medicine really gives me more juice, something that has to be managed. I am so used to having just a fraction of it. I have some wonder if mentally I fear power and so underclock, or if that is done through a physical problem. Rather than an energy problem, as if I were an engine or electrical system, perhaps I have the energy but it is not being utilized or delivered correctly. Oh well, I will probably never know. But, with my worries about the medicine, I see into the notion that it might be a holding back, at least in part.
Nothing, needless to say, has gotten done that should have been done. No, wait, I did pay some of my bills. And, I will pay another today (which I had said I would pay a few days ago). *sigh* Lord knows I try to keep it on the tracks. I am not even sure how many days I have been down now, I simply... got lost. Maybe it will improve when the medicine arrives.
Oh, and never worry. Enjoy life, do what you can, and love somebody one way or another.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Good but tough.
.
.
That sums up life, recently. I am having to fight every inch of the way. The good is that I am, at least to a degree, able to do so. I miss something here for a day, I still have not completed my financing package (still have not figured out how to obtain my DD214), I tell my friend I will be there in an hour and a half and it ends up being three hours, and lots of little failures. But these failures also mean I am actually doing something. And, I am so close. Yes, I am a cripple. And I hate that, but so what. I hate needing to use the facilities, sleep, and even eat (except for the flavor, yum!). So what, I do what I can in my little world and fantasize about being more. Heck, I even work on being more. I do what I can with what I have. That, I think, is all that God asks. He loves us so much, He sent His only Son. Which also means He knows us. Not a man among us could have filled those Shoes.
I am frustrated. Like the autistic who tries to communicate, the lame who tries to motate, and the blind who tries in his own way to see, I try to function. I would love to give the autistic my clear communication channel, the lame my fantastic ability to be mobile, and the blind eyes, but I cannot. I have these things but not their will or ability to use them. How odd that is. We all try, harder than most will understand, and we all fail in many ways. Frustrating. At least now that I know and understand, it is not frustrating to the point of suicide. I just get grumpy, then chuckle about it, then carry on carrying on. Even this can be, and has become, a joyful little exercise in an odd little life.
I have several things to do today. And I woke early enough that I might be able to try to do some of them. Wish me luck? Now break it up and go about your business. You have more important things to do then read the foolishness of a blind, lame, inarticulate man! Go have a good day. Ha
.
That sums up life, recently. I am having to fight every inch of the way. The good is that I am, at least to a degree, able to do so. I miss something here for a day, I still have not completed my financing package (still have not figured out how to obtain my DD214), I tell my friend I will be there in an hour and a half and it ends up being three hours, and lots of little failures. But these failures also mean I am actually doing something. And, I am so close. Yes, I am a cripple. And I hate that, but so what. I hate needing to use the facilities, sleep, and even eat (except for the flavor, yum!). So what, I do what I can in my little world and fantasize about being more. Heck, I even work on being more. I do what I can with what I have. That, I think, is all that God asks. He loves us so much, He sent His only Son. Which also means He knows us. Not a man among us could have filled those Shoes.
I am frustrated. Like the autistic who tries to communicate, the lame who tries to motate, and the blind who tries in his own way to see, I try to function. I would love to give the autistic my clear communication channel, the lame my fantastic ability to be mobile, and the blind eyes, but I cannot. I have these things but not their will or ability to use them. How odd that is. We all try, harder than most will understand, and we all fail in many ways. Frustrating. At least now that I know and understand, it is not frustrating to the point of suicide. I just get grumpy, then chuckle about it, then carry on carrying on. Even this can be, and has become, a joyful little exercise in an odd little life.
I have several things to do today. And I woke early enough that I might be able to try to do some of them. Wish me luck? Now break it up and go about your business. You have more important things to do then read the foolishness of a blind, lame, inarticulate man! Go have a good day. Ha
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The mountains and winter, such a fine set.
.
.
I made a mistake by staying up too late over the weekend. I overdid, and paid the price. I am just now getting back to regular days again. I have overdone more severely and paid higher prices in my youth, then again I could afford more pleasure and pain. Still, no blood, no foul. As well, several of my projects have moved forward and it was a great day today.
I called my shooting friend and we decided that a day at the range and then a dinner was in order. I really need to get back into practice with the .45. Then again, we are shooting at pop bottles at 50 yards and more. And, despite my friend's age, condition, and "blurry vision", he can hit 7 out of 10 quite often. In my defense, I have been shooting my rifle mostly, holding off to obtain a little stockpile of reloading components and a decent stock of .45 ammunition. I suppose I could have shot my .22 pistol more. But that thing is so dead on accurate that it was not much of a challenge, shooting accurately to almost as far as a .22 rifle will shoot. Then again, maybe if I try it next time, I will have lost some skill in that too. It is good to have a friend who really can almost shoot eyes out at 50 yards with a .45 (and even better with a 9 mm). Oddly, I can beat him with the .22 pistol (or used to be able too). Not that it is a competition, well, not an unfriendly one.
When we finished, I remembered our last outing. We arrived in town and went right to our more usual eatery, Angie's. It's a great place by the way. I do not like everything on the menu, but there is always something I do like and enough variety of my favorites (especially the all day breakfast menu). Anyway, I remembered that we arrived too early for our favorite womenz! So, today, I thought we ought to go shopping (or window shopping as is often the case) first instead of after the meal. It worked out perfectly. We arrived late enough that our ladies were not only in, but they were on the floor.
The mountains out here, and the weather patterns in the valley for them, is something fantastic to experience. My friend has suggested that he does not notice the mountains all of the time, or even some of the time, now. I tell him that life is just not the same without them. They are the same, seemingly, every day. But a closer look will lead one to notice that they are never the same. They are a challenge, should one so endeavor. They are also shelter, should one care to understand. And they simply are. I enjoy the humility and safety of mind they bring. They remind me, every day, that I am merely an ant on much more than a molehill. They prove my limitations, physical and spiritually. It has been said that a man with an ounce of faith would be able to move mountains. Though, and again, a man of great faith would no more do so then he would pilfer the wealth of the world even to give to the poor if he had great faith. Great faith is not for here, I think.
Cold, it is. It is seeping into my bones tonight. I think I will turn the furnace up just a bit from my 62 F setting tonight and sleep a bit more warmly. Just one of those things. On unrelated news, I received a message that my doc is going to prescribe Ritalin again. They also upped the (more minor) blood pressure medicine (which I implemented as soon as I got the message). The requirement is that I continue on the medicines and, when Ritalin arrives and I begin taking it, to stop drinking regular soda. That is all I asked for and much preferable to the current state of affairs! It is a deal! While we were out, one of our new games when we visit Wallyworld is to check our blood pressures. His, on the medicines, is excellent. Mine is not too bad, at 143/86 or something. They want me sub 130/80 I think. I am getting there. Now to keep the system from crashing because I lose track...
Hey, have a great one! If you cannot handle your cold winter, get the car warm then just take a cruise. If where you are is warm, get out! This is a fantastic world, there are really nice people to meet, there are interesting things to do and see, and the t.v. just is not the same. Go, do, be.
.
I made a mistake by staying up too late over the weekend. I overdid, and paid the price. I am just now getting back to regular days again. I have overdone more severely and paid higher prices in my youth, then again I could afford more pleasure and pain. Still, no blood, no foul. As well, several of my projects have moved forward and it was a great day today.
I called my shooting friend and we decided that a day at the range and then a dinner was in order. I really need to get back into practice with the .45. Then again, we are shooting at pop bottles at 50 yards and more. And, despite my friend's age, condition, and "blurry vision", he can hit 7 out of 10 quite often. In my defense, I have been shooting my rifle mostly, holding off to obtain a little stockpile of reloading components and a decent stock of .45 ammunition. I suppose I could have shot my .22 pistol more. But that thing is so dead on accurate that it was not much of a challenge, shooting accurately to almost as far as a .22 rifle will shoot. Then again, maybe if I try it next time, I will have lost some skill in that too. It is good to have a friend who really can almost shoot eyes out at 50 yards with a .45 (and even better with a 9 mm). Oddly, I can beat him with the .22 pistol (or used to be able too). Not that it is a competition, well, not an unfriendly one.
When we finished, I remembered our last outing. We arrived in town and went right to our more usual eatery, Angie's. It's a great place by the way. I do not like everything on the menu, but there is always something I do like and enough variety of my favorites (especially the all day breakfast menu). Anyway, I remembered that we arrived too early for our favorite womenz! So, today, I thought we ought to go shopping (or window shopping as is often the case) first instead of after the meal. It worked out perfectly. We arrived late enough that our ladies were not only in, but they were on the floor.
The mountains out here, and the weather patterns in the valley for them, is something fantastic to experience. My friend has suggested that he does not notice the mountains all of the time, or even some of the time, now. I tell him that life is just not the same without them. They are the same, seemingly, every day. But a closer look will lead one to notice that they are never the same. They are a challenge, should one so endeavor. They are also shelter, should one care to understand. And they simply are. I enjoy the humility and safety of mind they bring. They remind me, every day, that I am merely an ant on much more than a molehill. They prove my limitations, physical and spiritually. It has been said that a man with an ounce of faith would be able to move mountains. Though, and again, a man of great faith would no more do so then he would pilfer the wealth of the world even to give to the poor if he had great faith. Great faith is not for here, I think.
Cold, it is. It is seeping into my bones tonight. I think I will turn the furnace up just a bit from my 62 F setting tonight and sleep a bit more warmly. Just one of those things. On unrelated news, I received a message that my doc is going to prescribe Ritalin again. They also upped the (more minor) blood pressure medicine (which I implemented as soon as I got the message). The requirement is that I continue on the medicines and, when Ritalin arrives and I begin taking it, to stop drinking regular soda. That is all I asked for and much preferable to the current state of affairs! It is a deal! While we were out, one of our new games when we visit Wallyworld is to check our blood pressures. His, on the medicines, is excellent. Mine is not too bad, at 143/86 or something. They want me sub 130/80 I think. I am getting there. Now to keep the system from crashing because I lose track...
Hey, have a great one! If you cannot handle your cold winter, get the car warm then just take a cruise. If where you are is warm, get out! This is a fantastic world, there are really nice people to meet, there are interesting things to do and see, and the t.v. just is not the same. Go, do, be.
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