.
.
After several days of rain we are finally getting snow. On my way to town, I went the way south first. There were places were water was overrunning the road. Not quite enough to stop traffic, enough to slow it a great deal though. Luckily, I hit the first of those when I was at a slower speed, and so started watching for them. Hitting one of those at speed would be a serious wake-up call, very possibly a serious accident. I slowed it down a great deal after that. I would say it might have been deep enough to put a small car out of action, perhaps as deep as six inches and up to 15 feet long, perhaps more. On the way back I took the other way. By then it had changed from rain to snow. Slick too. There was one place I really needed my Iowa driving skills, even with 4-high, out of over-drive, and going only 45mph. It looks like the snow machine is trying to make up for the lack of snow so far and all at once.
Because of the slow down in traffic, there was no way I was going to get my friend shopping and make it to Church. So, tomorrow, either in the morning or afternoon, I need to make it to Church. I need to get back to going on weekdays too. My problem is exhaustion.
I have nearly finished the dishes. I think I have a pot that I mixed the spaghetti in, for heating, earlier, and a few other items. Very little is left. Then I need to clean the kitchen and do laundry, finish it anyway. The exhaustion is excruciating right now. While the medicines seem to help, in full winter they have a limited ability to help. I really need to get the day-lamp set up and begin using it. I never gave it a chance before because I never could quite figure out where to set it up. That isn't a problem this time. I pray that it works. I need something to help, the medicines just aren't cutting it. And the threat of falling off them again, simply due to a lack of ability to stay even modestly functional, is real. It says a lot for medicine if I am seriously trying to take them.
My waterproof mp3 player arrived today. I won't be setting it up until tomorrow or... later. I knew, being an Apple, I would be ripped off by being forced to use the Apple store, but it was the best of options as far as an mp3 player for swimming and working out more generally. I prefer Zune, which allowed anything to be put on the player. But that simply wasn't available. Never mind, this should do. My shoes have been shipped too. I can't wait to try those. I hope they work. Novel, but also... interesting. I often will use my heels to walk, but prefer the barefoot style of motation, using the palms of my feet to get around on. These shoes were designed for the latter style of walking. It's why my calves are so well defined.
I believe I am about ready to crash. I simply can't stay awake much longer. Up at 8:00, down by 20:00? Ugh, not the best, but in the condition I am in, that may be as good as it gets. Good night.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The gamble.
.
.
Last night, while deciding whether to make food or not, I had to take a risk in the end. While I had done a few dishes, as a token promise, I wasn't sure if cooking and eating would end up putting more dishes in the longer term queue or whether the food would induce me to finish up the dishes, all of them, sooner rather than later. While I don't know if food helps, or if I just have good and bad days based on their own merits, such gambles are just that. It ends up that the food, if it does that, or if today is just a good day "because", I have finished most of the dishes.
As for lazy, I keep wondering about that. Can you be said to be lazy if you can't service your addiction? I have been out of tobacco for the last several days. Crazy as it makes me, I haven't been able to break out of my troubles and get to town. I promised my friend I would be to town today, and I would like to make it to Mass, but troubles are just that. If I can do that, either or both, I hope to get on laundry tonight, and maybe trash and kitty litter duty ahead of time this week.
Having a bit of food, right to hand, has been nice. It does seem to add a bit to life. And I suspect it helps with energy. It is a temporary thing though. Take it where you can get it. I best get going if I want to be in town in an hour or two. Have a good one.
.
Last night, while deciding whether to make food or not, I had to take a risk in the end. While I had done a few dishes, as a token promise, I wasn't sure if cooking and eating would end up putting more dishes in the longer term queue or whether the food would induce me to finish up the dishes, all of them, sooner rather than later. While I don't know if food helps, or if I just have good and bad days based on their own merits, such gambles are just that. It ends up that the food, if it does that, or if today is just a good day "because", I have finished most of the dishes.
As for lazy, I keep wondering about that. Can you be said to be lazy if you can't service your addiction? I have been out of tobacco for the last several days. Crazy as it makes me, I haven't been able to break out of my troubles and get to town. I promised my friend I would be to town today, and I would like to make it to Mass, but troubles are just that. If I can do that, either or both, I hope to get on laundry tonight, and maybe trash and kitty litter duty ahead of time this week.
Having a bit of food, right to hand, has been nice. It does seem to add a bit to life. And I suspect it helps with energy. It is a temporary thing though. Take it where you can get it. I best get going if I want to be in town in an hour or two. Have a good one.
Not bad.
.
.
To bed by 0:00, give or take, and up before 8:00 by one to twenty minutes. Sleep was good. Dreams of women, just flirtatious stuff but there was some serious mojo with it. As much as women drive me to distraction, I just can't turn my back on them. Unless I think they might do something interesting for when I turn back around to face them. Wow, how do women move so fast, sometimes. Never mind.
I wanted something to eat. Not that I was starving. I decided on a reheat of some of the spaghetti. That went down quite well. I won't say I make, or remix, the best spaghetti and sauce. I will say I do extremely well with what I have. Somethings get better, like chili, with some time for the ingredients to marry. With spaghetti, since the sauce it out of a jar it is pretty much "married" as is. But it doesn't get worse, either. A plate of that made for an excellent breakfast, with a side of cottage cheese. An absolute fantastic mix (avoid 'yogurt' tasting cottage cheese (and sour cream)).
I can't tell if it is just overcast or if the sun isn't quite up yet. Nor am I awake enough to really tell. I might look it up, out of curiosity. I hate it when I ask a question, and someone who just freshly looked it up right before I asks acts like they know something. To be honest, without your watch or other device, there is a good chance, on any particular day, you wouldn't know what day it is. How much do we honestly just know, how much do we only know where to go to find the answer. I think the answer to that will absolutely crush you. Take away your tools, take away programs, take away phones, take away calculators or data sets, now... do your job alone. We would fall into a pile of gibbering foolishness in days without electricity, and more so alone without it. Don't let anyone fool you, a minor incident could turn into the end of the world in days. All it would take is an incident, a minor one, and then a loss of faith (even if the authorities really were on the brink of fixing it). More so in this 'get-it-now', 'has-to-be-done-already-right?' population. Won't affect the country immediately. We are used to "hold your breath and wait, we'll be 'right there'" type of b.s. We have learned, often, to do it ourselves or skip it.
Of course, at some point, the city dwellers will begin heading to us. Some will be welcomed, but most will be what they already are, a pariah, a blight. They will not be welcomed. The more dangerous among them... will become pray. There are many of them but they aren't used to mosquitoes, their fancy shoes will not last in the winter, their belligerence might initially get them what they want but it will see them abandoned and avoided, a nearly impossible way to live. Turning to absolute criminal ways? More than a losing proposition. Even if they succeeded, being unhindered and undefeated, what socialist thieves worldwide have found is that if you steal from the productive and give to the unproductive, eventually you wipe out the economy. No matter the scale.
Blathering. Later.
.
To bed by 0:00, give or take, and up before 8:00 by one to twenty minutes. Sleep was good. Dreams of women, just flirtatious stuff but there was some serious mojo with it. As much as women drive me to distraction, I just can't turn my back on them. Unless I think they might do something interesting for when I turn back around to face them. Wow, how do women move so fast, sometimes. Never mind.
I wanted something to eat. Not that I was starving. I decided on a reheat of some of the spaghetti. That went down quite well. I won't say I make, or remix, the best spaghetti and sauce. I will say I do extremely well with what I have. Somethings get better, like chili, with some time for the ingredients to marry. With spaghetti, since the sauce it out of a jar it is pretty much "married" as is. But it doesn't get worse, either. A plate of that made for an excellent breakfast, with a side of cottage cheese. An absolute fantastic mix (avoid 'yogurt' tasting cottage cheese (and sour cream)).
I can't tell if it is just overcast or if the sun isn't quite up yet. Nor am I awake enough to really tell. I might look it up, out of curiosity. I hate it when I ask a question, and someone who just freshly looked it up right before I asks acts like they know something. To be honest, without your watch or other device, there is a good chance, on any particular day, you wouldn't know what day it is. How much do we honestly just know, how much do we only know where to go to find the answer. I think the answer to that will absolutely crush you. Take away your tools, take away programs, take away phones, take away calculators or data sets, now... do your job alone. We would fall into a pile of gibbering foolishness in days without electricity, and more so alone without it. Don't let anyone fool you, a minor incident could turn into the end of the world in days. All it would take is an incident, a minor one, and then a loss of faith (even if the authorities really were on the brink of fixing it). More so in this 'get-it-now', 'has-to-be-done-already-right?' population. Won't affect the country immediately. We are used to "hold your breath and wait, we'll be 'right there'" type of b.s. We have learned, often, to do it ourselves or skip it.
Of course, at some point, the city dwellers will begin heading to us. Some will be welcomed, but most will be what they already are, a pariah, a blight. They will not be welcomed. The more dangerous among them... will become pray. There are many of them but they aren't used to mosquitoes, their fancy shoes will not last in the winter, their belligerence might initially get them what they want but it will see them abandoned and avoided, a nearly impossible way to live. Turning to absolute criminal ways? More than a losing proposition. Even if they succeeded, being unhindered and undefeated, what socialist thieves worldwide have found is that if you steal from the productive and give to the unproductive, eventually you wipe out the economy. No matter the scale.
Blathering. Later.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Close enough.
.
.
I have been trying to simply do the dishes for days, weeks really. I nibble on bits of the task, now and again, and at least keep even, give or take. No more dishes are created than are washed. Well, I got just a little further ahead tonight. I have wanted spaghetti for a while. Something always goes wrong regarding having my friend over for dinner lately. And I was tired of waiting. Besides, I can have him over for spaghetti soon. This time I was able to add some of my beat-you-over-the-head cayenne. I don't think it is all that but most people who get a touch of it do. I love spicing my spaghetti sauce into the lower stratosphere. When I have my friend over, I will be nice... most likely. No, he really can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. Same with most people I know. If you think Tabasco is hot, you fit in this category (Tabasco is 4k on the scale, my cayenne is 90k, for proof and other examples click).
I did many more things than I dirtied. I didn't overeat, either. Well, for me. Then again, maintenance calories for me range between 2670 and 3160, or something like that. Well, if I was at all active. I would guess I should probably only eat between 2,100 and 2,500 calories a day. I simply don't do enough. I know food will not get me into activity. If I try to eat myself to success I will merely gain a ton of weight. I am broken. Now, if I eat a bit more when I happen to be able to be more active? That works, so long as I cut down when I begin to slide. Though I seem to lose my appetite in those times, so it's usually easy to back off.
Blathering. But I did stay up until 23:25! Youch, it is bedtime. I wondered why, reading this over, even I thought I was blathering! Good night.
.
I have been trying to simply do the dishes for days, weeks really. I nibble on bits of the task, now and again, and at least keep even, give or take. No more dishes are created than are washed. Well, I got just a little further ahead tonight. I have wanted spaghetti for a while. Something always goes wrong regarding having my friend over for dinner lately. And I was tired of waiting. Besides, I can have him over for spaghetti soon. This time I was able to add some of my beat-you-over-the-head cayenne. I don't think it is all that but most people who get a touch of it do. I love spicing my spaghetti sauce into the lower stratosphere. When I have my friend over, I will be nice... most likely. No, he really can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. Same with most people I know. If you think Tabasco is hot, you fit in this category (Tabasco is 4k on the scale, my cayenne is 90k, for proof and other examples click).
I did many more things than I dirtied. I didn't overeat, either. Well, for me. Then again, maintenance calories for me range between 2670 and 3160, or something like that. Well, if I was at all active. I would guess I should probably only eat between 2,100 and 2,500 calories a day. I simply don't do enough. I know food will not get me into activity. If I try to eat myself to success I will merely gain a ton of weight. I am broken. Now, if I eat a bit more when I happen to be able to be more active? That works, so long as I cut down when I begin to slide. Though I seem to lose my appetite in those times, so it's usually easy to back off.
Blathering. But I did stay up until 23:25! Youch, it is bedtime. I wondered why, reading this over, even I thought I was blathering! Good night.
Heart isn't all.
.
.
I went to bed at about 17:00 last night. Simply put, running from 1:00 in the morning onward, I ran clean out of gas. But fair enough. I slept until 4:00. A little bit of extra sleep, but if I am remembering correctly, I have been shaving a bit of sleep time while I shift my sleep patterns. Even if not, shifting my schedule takes a little extra energy. So I don't mind the extra sleep. I woke pain free for the first time in a while. My goals haven't changed and I would attempt them with or without pain anyway, it just makes it all just a little easier.
I noticed Vox writing something about slowing down as we age. He finds that seems to be the case in his games. Slowing down intellectually and reflexively past the age of, say, 45. My guess is? Bunk to a greater degree. Or at least, not severely and probably not for the reasons given. Most 45 year old men are in a relationship and a career. These things are given a great deal more weight at that age, as most are finally coming to realize that time is against them. While men of this age may begin slowing down, I believe it has more to do with their minds being more concentrated on a few more things than a younger man will concern himself with. Much like a computer with a faster chip and more memory, but with bloat-ware, it may seem that the cleaned slower chip and memory configuration somehow runs faster. It doesn't, it just isn't being taxed otherwise. Physically, of course, there is some slowing. But how much of that is due to the fact that most 45 year old and older men have found more efficient ways of doing things and so have ceased the practices that would have kept them that fast?
However, I notice that in gaming, sometimes I do try to take my time. Rather than rush in, or depend on reflexes, I depend on knowledge. I am sure at times that my reflexes are slower than what I would like. Then again, the games are meant to be right on the edge of human reflexes. Too, when I was younger, I would just fight through until I was out of too much, and hope I had saved recently enough with whatever resources I might need. Young guys are like that. It also leads to seemingly faster reflexes, yet I easily finish a game faster, and with more resources, than a young player generally will. Different game play and style, with different results, and for a reason. I wonder if most older gamers gravitate to a different play style? Is it because of autonomic reduction in speed or is it based on a more reasoned approach, or... both? Who knows.
I hope to actually get to some of my goals today. Then again, I've been working on getting to them for a while. The medicines are helping, but I seem to be weighed down with something else. Perhaps less sun really does beat me into the dirt. I have a sun lamp, I really should set that up this year and experiment with it. I, for obvious reasons, don't believe in anti-depressents, per se, but I do believe in using methods and equipment as possible tools to combat a physical phenomenon. If I can't figure things out, I may just get that device set up, right beside where I play my games, and let her rip. I hate being stuck in this no-man's land.
It is a beautiful day. I am at least up to doing some of my routine, to include opening the curtains. I shaved my beard. Wow is it white. I only have parts of the mustache, and that going on down into my beard, that are somewhat dark. I must look to be 60 with that thing on, save for the obvious strength of my body one would not know? Bah! I love my beard, I just didn't want to trim it this time and it has been warm, mostly. Well, and I need to get some pictures taken for the dating site. I am not going to have a goat looking beard on for those photos! I'll save the goat beard for a wedding present! :)
Have a great day. Later.
.
I went to bed at about 17:00 last night. Simply put, running from 1:00 in the morning onward, I ran clean out of gas. But fair enough. I slept until 4:00. A little bit of extra sleep, but if I am remembering correctly, I have been shaving a bit of sleep time while I shift my sleep patterns. Even if not, shifting my schedule takes a little extra energy. So I don't mind the extra sleep. I woke pain free for the first time in a while. My goals haven't changed and I would attempt them with or without pain anyway, it just makes it all just a little easier.
I noticed Vox writing something about slowing down as we age. He finds that seems to be the case in his games. Slowing down intellectually and reflexively past the age of, say, 45. My guess is? Bunk to a greater degree. Or at least, not severely and probably not for the reasons given. Most 45 year old men are in a relationship and a career. These things are given a great deal more weight at that age, as most are finally coming to realize that time is against them. While men of this age may begin slowing down, I believe it has more to do with their minds being more concentrated on a few more things than a younger man will concern himself with. Much like a computer with a faster chip and more memory, but with bloat-ware, it may seem that the cleaned slower chip and memory configuration somehow runs faster. It doesn't, it just isn't being taxed otherwise. Physically, of course, there is some slowing. But how much of that is due to the fact that most 45 year old and older men have found more efficient ways of doing things and so have ceased the practices that would have kept them that fast?
However, I notice that in gaming, sometimes I do try to take my time. Rather than rush in, or depend on reflexes, I depend on knowledge. I am sure at times that my reflexes are slower than what I would like. Then again, the games are meant to be right on the edge of human reflexes. Too, when I was younger, I would just fight through until I was out of too much, and hope I had saved recently enough with whatever resources I might need. Young guys are like that. It also leads to seemingly faster reflexes, yet I easily finish a game faster, and with more resources, than a young player generally will. Different game play and style, with different results, and for a reason. I wonder if most older gamers gravitate to a different play style? Is it because of autonomic reduction in speed or is it based on a more reasoned approach, or... both? Who knows.
I hope to actually get to some of my goals today. Then again, I've been working on getting to them for a while. The medicines are helping, but I seem to be weighed down with something else. Perhaps less sun really does beat me into the dirt. I have a sun lamp, I really should set that up this year and experiment with it. I, for obvious reasons, don't believe in anti-depressents, per se, but I do believe in using methods and equipment as possible tools to combat a physical phenomenon. If I can't figure things out, I may just get that device set up, right beside where I play my games, and let her rip. I hate being stuck in this no-man's land.
It is a beautiful day. I am at least up to doing some of my routine, to include opening the curtains. I shaved my beard. Wow is it white. I only have parts of the mustache, and that going on down into my beard, that are somewhat dark. I must look to be 60 with that thing on, save for the obvious strength of my body one would not know? Bah! I love my beard, I just didn't want to trim it this time and it has been warm, mostly. Well, and I need to get some pictures taken for the dating site. I am not going to have a goat looking beard on for those photos! I'll save the goat beard for a wedding present! :)
Have a great day. Later.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A few more things.
.
.
My mother and my lady friend both called this morning. I surprised them both! I was awake AND I answered the phone. I hate it when I am up but the phone is in another room so that I don't hear it. Neither had a lot to say. My lady friend was a little disappointed that I didn't send her a birthday card. Fair enough, she always does. It is just that I scratched her birthday off my to-do list being that I sent her the gift... scratched it off in my mind. Yeah, no. I'll have to work on that. Then again, I wasn't in much shape to have remembered anyway. Hmm, perhaps I should buy a small stack of cards for various people I mean to send cards to. Yeah, when I get around to it. Hey, it's sort of fun.
I placed one final order with Amazon. Oddly, I was having difficulty even placing the order. For whatever reason, nothing I tried (if there were only two things to try) was working. I called their number again. Another Indian, but a guy, so I don't care if he was cute or not, looked into the matter. He said there was no problem, but I know there was. I don't know if he took something off or changed something, but after he cleared it to work on his computer, it then worked on mine. Odd, very odd.
I ordered the waterproof mp3 player, and headsets listed there, a band to hold the earplugs in place a bit better perhaps, some shoes for the pool/gym area (in the blue/gray camo), and corrected vision goggles for swimming. Yes, but I have been watching my money, closely. Mother. I haven't spent more than I intended, and still have enough to get me through the month. If I did spend down right to the limit, leaving just enough to eat, drive, and have a meal or two out.
Next, a few emails are about to be sent regarding KoC. Just business sorts of things. Then a quick trip to town. I will skip joining the gym until the first of the month (if I do have that money set aside, I just like starting on or close to the first of the month, for billing purposes, besides my gear won't be in until then). But I do want to look for the clerk of courts, and see if they keep the records in the office or if they keep court records in another building. It is time to do research. A little shopping may occur as well.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am getting back on my feet. The curtains have been opened again as well. Odd how everything has to be just right for me to get to the things I like. Good day.
.
My mother and my lady friend both called this morning. I surprised them both! I was awake AND I answered the phone. I hate it when I am up but the phone is in another room so that I don't hear it. Neither had a lot to say. My lady friend was a little disappointed that I didn't send her a birthday card. Fair enough, she always does. It is just that I scratched her birthday off my to-do list being that I sent her the gift... scratched it off in my mind. Yeah, no. I'll have to work on that. Then again, I wasn't in much shape to have remembered anyway. Hmm, perhaps I should buy a small stack of cards for various people I mean to send cards to. Yeah, when I get around to it. Hey, it's sort of fun.
I placed one final order with Amazon. Oddly, I was having difficulty even placing the order. For whatever reason, nothing I tried (if there were only two things to try) was working. I called their number again. Another Indian, but a guy, so I don't care if he was cute or not, looked into the matter. He said there was no problem, but I know there was. I don't know if he took something off or changed something, but after he cleared it to work on his computer, it then worked on mine. Odd, very odd.
I ordered the waterproof mp3 player, and headsets listed there, a band to hold the earplugs in place a bit better perhaps, some shoes for the pool/gym area (in the blue/gray camo), and corrected vision goggles for swimming. Yes, but I have been watching my money, closely. Mother. I haven't spent more than I intended, and still have enough to get me through the month. If I did spend down right to the limit, leaving just enough to eat, drive, and have a meal or two out.
Next, a few emails are about to be sent regarding KoC. Just business sorts of things. Then a quick trip to town. I will skip joining the gym until the first of the month (if I do have that money set aside, I just like starting on or close to the first of the month, for billing purposes, besides my gear won't be in until then). But I do want to look for the clerk of courts, and see if they keep the records in the office or if they keep court records in another building. It is time to do research. A little shopping may occur as well.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am getting back on my feet. The curtains have been opened again as well. Odd how everything has to be just right for me to get to the things I like. Good day.
While I am still up...
.
.
Going back to bed was a no-starter. The cats have been fed. Maybe dishes will finally be done. A few emails are about to go out. And I am hoping to have enough going to go to town. While I was sitting there, sitting there, I started thinking about food. Well, yes, I am hungry. Thank you. But, that isn't what crossed my mind. As I consider joining a gym, for swimming at the moment, I need to consider food. Now, I have been cutting down, well, before I simply stopped eating. Cutting meal size and increasing the number of meals. However I believe I really need to dig further.
Calorie counting is something I never had to do when I had better health. I was in my twenties though. If I want to actually figure some things out I best consider food. It is such a tricky thing though. How to keep up with it, mostly. Adding in counting calories, adjusting carbs, fats, and proteins too, to an already somewhat baffling and overwhelming task? I fear my organizational skills and... something(s) else, is maybe lacking. How do you even begin to try to calculate calories? Do you really need to weigh everything? How much fat does a piece of meat really have? I have, in the past, attempted to count calories. The project is as much art as science, literally. And, in the end, I never felt satisfied with the notion. I was never secure in the idea that my count was accurate, no matter how fine of detail I took the process down to.
Still, it might be worth another crack at it. I would probably need a good guide. Initially, I wouldn't be changing the calories I eat. I would merely be tracking them, give or take. In time, the goal would be to adjust, switch things out, cut a bit here or there. Nothing drastic or immediate. And actually, I should probably be eating more. It might help with energy, a bit. I have to be careful though, as there is only so much "enough" food will do considering the bad heart. So I could easily end up simply chunking out. My third fiancee, a sweetheart if a troubled one, got me up to 350 pounds in a year. She loved having me fat and happy. She still should have bought a leash, but that is a whole other story.
It is tricky for me. There isn't going to be a good guide for people in my condition. We are supposed to be bedbound and being waited on, slowly turning into worm food. I am not supposed to be considering swimming, biking, hiking, or any of that. There are a few others like me. My doctors indicated as much. But we are considered extremely rare and... they don't like us much. Moving targets are much more difficult to hit... or fix in this case?
I did think this site, Freedieting, had some excellent calculators. By their rough guess, my body fat is more like 22.4%, which seems a LOT more plausible than the ridiculous numbers my doctors have tried to hand me. While I do have a 40" waist and a belly, I also have a 51" chest with some decent solid in there, my wrists are thick but mostly bone. That looks to be a reasonable site until or unless I find a better minor guide.
On to other things. Good day.
.
Going back to bed was a no-starter. The cats have been fed. Maybe dishes will finally be done. A few emails are about to go out. And I am hoping to have enough going to go to town. While I was sitting there, sitting there, I started thinking about food. Well, yes, I am hungry. Thank you. But, that isn't what crossed my mind. As I consider joining a gym, for swimming at the moment, I need to consider food. Now, I have been cutting down, well, before I simply stopped eating. Cutting meal size and increasing the number of meals. However I believe I really need to dig further.
Calorie counting is something I never had to do when I had better health. I was in my twenties though. If I want to actually figure some things out I best consider food. It is such a tricky thing though. How to keep up with it, mostly. Adding in counting calories, adjusting carbs, fats, and proteins too, to an already somewhat baffling and overwhelming task? I fear my organizational skills and... something(s) else, is maybe lacking. How do you even begin to try to calculate calories? Do you really need to weigh everything? How much fat does a piece of meat really have? I have, in the past, attempted to count calories. The project is as much art as science, literally. And, in the end, I never felt satisfied with the notion. I was never secure in the idea that my count was accurate, no matter how fine of detail I took the process down to.
Still, it might be worth another crack at it. I would probably need a good guide. Initially, I wouldn't be changing the calories I eat. I would merely be tracking them, give or take. In time, the goal would be to adjust, switch things out, cut a bit here or there. Nothing drastic or immediate. And actually, I should probably be eating more. It might help with energy, a bit. I have to be careful though, as there is only so much "enough" food will do considering the bad heart. So I could easily end up simply chunking out. My third fiancee, a sweetheart if a troubled one, got me up to 350 pounds in a year. She loved having me fat and happy. She still should have bought a leash, but that is a whole other story.
It is tricky for me. There isn't going to be a good guide for people in my condition. We are supposed to be bedbound and being waited on, slowly turning into worm food. I am not supposed to be considering swimming, biking, hiking, or any of that. There are a few others like me. My doctors indicated as much. But we are considered extremely rare and... they don't like us much. Moving targets are much more difficult to hit... or fix in this case?
I did think this site, Freedieting, had some excellent calculators. By their rough guess, my body fat is more like 22.4%, which seems a LOT more plausible than the ridiculous numbers my doctors have tried to hand me. While I do have a 40" waist and a belly, I also have a 51" chest with some decent solid in there, my wrists are thick but mostly bone. That looks to be a reasonable site until or unless I find a better minor guide.
On to other things. Good day.
It never is easy.
.
.
To bed by 21:00, give or take, I woke just before 1:00. I woke hard this morning. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, other times like today I had no chance. I feel good. Getting up this early just doesn't work well when trying to be awake in the daytime. I can do it but I become so stretched that nothing gets done. I am hoping, in a few hours, I can lay back down, setting the alarm for 8:00 or some such. I have things I would like to do in town, things I have not gotten to yet that have been in my plans for weeks, perhaps months, now.
I dreamed of what is to come shortly. I am going to offer the leader of the KoC a chance to 'let me go'. If I am too hot to handle, he will be given an opportunity to simply say the word. Yes, I suppose I have a few emails to write as well. I have to set that meeting up, first. And I have business with another knight, specifically. Then I am going to put out a call to the other knights generally. Recruiting needs to begin occurring, which means I have to have a plan in place. A plan requires participants. I will be seeking those who attend a particular Sabbath Mass regularly, who might also be willing to set up a table, put out some literature and posters, and either sign men up or send them to me. I will act as backup if someone can't make it. As well, I hope to get a registry of men in the Church and begin cold calling from that list, minus those who are already knights. When we have a schedule of events for the KoC, I would like to have that printed as part of the drive. Knowing what knights do might induce others to join. All of it is social, some of it is more like work, some of it is more like play. As well, since father is a knight as well, and I need to speak to him anyway, I may ask for his participation in recruiting.
I keep having darker dreams. Until I manage some problems I believe they will remain dark. I know I am like handling a firecracker, or worse. I am a man of extreme action, if more so only in thought these days. Then again, there has been little use for anything beyond that in some long time. I avoid trouble now, always tried to before but I had little choice in where I went or was sent. And, to some degree, I chose to be sent where there was trouble. Who knows if I can still even defend myself. If I doubt if weaponized people can ever quite change, at least after they have become feral about it.
I figured I had lost some weight. I finally remember to weigh myself before eating or drinking anything this morning. Down to the low 270's. That has to be funny for some of you? I suppose if you lost 15 pounds, you would see it? And the notion of "down to the low 270's" has to be a gas? I don't see 15 pounds gone, not really. But my underwear slide down, what I consider my tight ones. And my blue jeans need my belt to be cinched, down to the last slot. Now is the time to hit swimming! Hit it while I am losing. I bought a watch specifically to monitor my heart rate while swimming, to try and keep my heart at the best pace for losing weight. I haven't decided, yet, what pace that is. I will need to do a bit more research. Then again, initially, my goal is simply to begin piecing together laps. When I get to being able to swim, say a mile, then I can honestly begin using the monitor. Until then I will simply be experimenting with it. It will be good, at first, to check about returning-to-rest heart rate normalization. That will tell me a great deal. Yes, I am taking this seriously. Those fighting dreams really grabbed me by my brass ornaments and shook my cookie tree something awful. I still tense up when the subject comes to mind.
Hmm, later.
.
To bed by 21:00, give or take, I woke just before 1:00. I woke hard this morning. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, other times like today I had no chance. I feel good. Getting up this early just doesn't work well when trying to be awake in the daytime. I can do it but I become so stretched that nothing gets done. I am hoping, in a few hours, I can lay back down, setting the alarm for 8:00 or some such. I have things I would like to do in town, things I have not gotten to yet that have been in my plans for weeks, perhaps months, now.
I dreamed of what is to come shortly. I am going to offer the leader of the KoC a chance to 'let me go'. If I am too hot to handle, he will be given an opportunity to simply say the word. Yes, I suppose I have a few emails to write as well. I have to set that meeting up, first. And I have business with another knight, specifically. Then I am going to put out a call to the other knights generally. Recruiting needs to begin occurring, which means I have to have a plan in place. A plan requires participants. I will be seeking those who attend a particular Sabbath Mass regularly, who might also be willing to set up a table, put out some literature and posters, and either sign men up or send them to me. I will act as backup if someone can't make it. As well, I hope to get a registry of men in the Church and begin cold calling from that list, minus those who are already knights. When we have a schedule of events for the KoC, I would like to have that printed as part of the drive. Knowing what knights do might induce others to join. All of it is social, some of it is more like work, some of it is more like play. As well, since father is a knight as well, and I need to speak to him anyway, I may ask for his participation in recruiting.
I keep having darker dreams. Until I manage some problems I believe they will remain dark. I know I am like handling a firecracker, or worse. I am a man of extreme action, if more so only in thought these days. Then again, there has been little use for anything beyond that in some long time. I avoid trouble now, always tried to before but I had little choice in where I went or was sent. And, to some degree, I chose to be sent where there was trouble. Who knows if I can still even defend myself. If I doubt if weaponized people can ever quite change, at least after they have become feral about it.
I figured I had lost some weight. I finally remember to weigh myself before eating or drinking anything this morning. Down to the low 270's. That has to be funny for some of you? I suppose if you lost 15 pounds, you would see it? And the notion of "down to the low 270's" has to be a gas? I don't see 15 pounds gone, not really. But my underwear slide down, what I consider my tight ones. And my blue jeans need my belt to be cinched, down to the last slot. Now is the time to hit swimming! Hit it while I am losing. I bought a watch specifically to monitor my heart rate while swimming, to try and keep my heart at the best pace for losing weight. I haven't decided, yet, what pace that is. I will need to do a bit more research. Then again, initially, my goal is simply to begin piecing together laps. When I get to being able to swim, say a mile, then I can honestly begin using the monitor. Until then I will simply be experimenting with it. It will be good, at first, to check about returning-to-rest heart rate normalization. That will tell me a great deal. Yes, I am taking this seriously. Those fighting dreams really grabbed me by my brass ornaments and shook my cookie tree something awful. I still tense up when the subject comes to mind.
Hmm, later.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Returns.
.
.
A few of the items I ordered for the PS3, and my computer actually, need to be returned. I bought a pair of headsets. I only opened one. Within six days, the headset stopped playing out of the left side. Six days! I don't want to give the other set a chance to break. I have had headphones die, after years of use before. I know a broken wire when I "hear" one. My guess, they tried to use the absolute thinnest wire they could and it bit them and me in the butt. However, for whatever reason, the Amazon site was not letting me do the return process. Further, when I tried to get contact information, that was not showing up either. The heading was there, but the field where that information should have been was blank. I figured this process was going to be difficult, not this difficult. Finally I searched for contact information. I found it off Amazon's site at a blogger. Bloggers, coming through where companies fail. I had to call twice. The first time I was transferred, I was transferred to nowhere. The second time I got someone right away. Though she was obviously Indian, she actually was understandable, and probably cute. Nevermind. She set it up so UPS will stop by my house in the next 1-5 days, with a label. I would have had to call anyway, as it turns out. My printer isn't working and I couldn't have printed the return label. ARGH! Nothing works anymore, not for long, not well.
While I do like, and use, Amazon. I am quite sure they can be one step below Walmart in the quality of their goods. And the companies who sell through them are even worse. Still, often, it is good enough. The returns, at almost any store, are rather weak, though too. Mom and Pop stores used to be some of the worst offenders, Walmart being, generally much better. Mercantile has never favored the buyer, much as banking has never favored anyone. Everyone cheats, just a little to a whole lot. It is the way of the world and it is as it has been from the beginning. Somehow, in there somewhere, we got spoiled with good products at fair prices. That is over. Now they are trying to end returns as well. Just make it hard enough and people just might give up in frustration. Not this time.
I will be getting to town today. I promised my friend I would be in by 15:00 or so. I want to be in earlier though, to get the gym membership going and find the clerk of courts or at least where they hold court records to examine them. I really need to begin studying those to see about the accident return. Like I said, three professionals have told me what I should expect and the insurance company is offering about half of what the lowest suggestion was (over expenses). I don't like that, not at all. Plus, just getting showered, dressed, and out would be good for me.
Later.
.
A few of the items I ordered for the PS3, and my computer actually, need to be returned. I bought a pair of headsets. I only opened one. Within six days, the headset stopped playing out of the left side. Six days! I don't want to give the other set a chance to break. I have had headphones die, after years of use before. I know a broken wire when I "hear" one. My guess, they tried to use the absolute thinnest wire they could and it bit them and me in the butt. However, for whatever reason, the Amazon site was not letting me do the return process. Further, when I tried to get contact information, that was not showing up either. The heading was there, but the field where that information should have been was blank. I figured this process was going to be difficult, not this difficult. Finally I searched for contact information. I found it off Amazon's site at a blogger. Bloggers, coming through where companies fail. I had to call twice. The first time I was transferred, I was transferred to nowhere. The second time I got someone right away. Though she was obviously Indian, she actually was understandable, and probably cute. Nevermind. She set it up so UPS will stop by my house in the next 1-5 days, with a label. I would have had to call anyway, as it turns out. My printer isn't working and I couldn't have printed the return label. ARGH! Nothing works anymore, not for long, not well.
While I do like, and use, Amazon. I am quite sure they can be one step below Walmart in the quality of their goods. And the companies who sell through them are even worse. Still, often, it is good enough. The returns, at almost any store, are rather weak, though too. Mom and Pop stores used to be some of the worst offenders, Walmart being, generally much better. Mercantile has never favored the buyer, much as banking has never favored anyone. Everyone cheats, just a little to a whole lot. It is the way of the world and it is as it has been from the beginning. Somehow, in there somewhere, we got spoiled with good products at fair prices. That is over. Now they are trying to end returns as well. Just make it hard enough and people just might give up in frustration. Not this time.
I will be getting to town today. I promised my friend I would be in by 15:00 or so. I want to be in earlier though, to get the gym membership going and find the clerk of courts or at least where they hold court records to examine them. I really need to begin studying those to see about the accident return. Like I said, three professionals have told me what I should expect and the insurance company is offering about half of what the lowest suggestion was (over expenses). I don't like that, not at all. Plus, just getting showered, dressed, and out would be good for me.
Later.
Nice.
.
.
I got my friend out and about yesterday. Not sure what is going on with that lump on his head, I thought he was going to have a ct-scan yesterday. It seems not. Not sure at all. In any case, he was approved to by a pistol. He bought one and is planning to buy another. All good, I suppose. Which reminds me, I need to get back to working on buying my own pistol again. Of course, approval means nothing, not with the ATF (the ones who brought you illegal murder weapon sales to Mexico) cracking down on sellers. It seems my friend must get new ID that the ATF approves before he can buy a gun he has already received approval from the state to buy. Never mind. It's a government brown out, don't expect much.
I was up until 18:00, and was considering crashing, when some locals showed up. They just saw the lights on and decided to stop in. We had a great conversation, which lasted about three hours. I think all of us were a bit surprised when we looked at the time. Nothing like three guys talking to get some chuckles too. Chuckles are easy, when women aren't around to monitor. Then again, I've even gotten a woman or two to chuckle. Once. :p *bait*
I tried to stay up a bit longer. Well, no try about it. I am not sure how much longer I stayed up, but I realized by my game mojo that I was well beyond the daily "use by date". Sleep was easy and good. I woke at about 2:00, but this time I went back down easily. Sleeping until 4:30. Perfect. If I could hold that time period, I would be glad. Honestly though, especially in the winter, I think my mornings will slide up to 9:00 or 10:00 as a wake up and somewhere around noon as the beginning of my functional day.
If I can get in better shape, perhaps I will have more control, for longer periods of time. Remember, back when televisions were analogue, and you had a perpetual screen roll? You had to jimmy the control knob fine tuning to mostly stop that? That is how my world works. The best I will ever do, most likely, is getting those "page flips" down to a tolerable quick thing. Just an occasional blip. I just need to be on my medicine to do it.
Later.
.
I got my friend out and about yesterday. Not sure what is going on with that lump on his head, I thought he was going to have a ct-scan yesterday. It seems not. Not sure at all. In any case, he was approved to by a pistol. He bought one and is planning to buy another. All good, I suppose. Which reminds me, I need to get back to working on buying my own pistol again. Of course, approval means nothing, not with the ATF (the ones who brought you illegal murder weapon sales to Mexico) cracking down on sellers. It seems my friend must get new ID that the ATF approves before he can buy a gun he has already received approval from the state to buy. Never mind. It's a government brown out, don't expect much.
I was up until 18:00, and was considering crashing, when some locals showed up. They just saw the lights on and decided to stop in. We had a great conversation, which lasted about three hours. I think all of us were a bit surprised when we looked at the time. Nothing like three guys talking to get some chuckles too. Chuckles are easy, when women aren't around to monitor. Then again, I've even gotten a woman or two to chuckle. Once. :p *bait*
I tried to stay up a bit longer. Well, no try about it. I am not sure how much longer I stayed up, but I realized by my game mojo that I was well beyond the daily "use by date". Sleep was easy and good. I woke at about 2:00, but this time I went back down easily. Sleeping until 4:30. Perfect. If I could hold that time period, I would be glad. Honestly though, especially in the winter, I think my mornings will slide up to 9:00 or 10:00 as a wake up and somewhere around noon as the beginning of my functional day.
If I can get in better shape, perhaps I will have more control, for longer periods of time. Remember, back when televisions were analogue, and you had a perpetual screen roll? You had to jimmy the control knob fine tuning to mostly stop that? That is how my world works. The best I will ever do, most likely, is getting those "page flips" down to a tolerable quick thing. Just an occasional blip. I just need to be on my medicine to do it.
Later.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
It seems so easy.
.
.
I probably won't make Mass again today. I have to be out of the house, I promised my friend. I meant to be... further along here at home too. I ran out of steam somewhere along the line and... that was that. More was done though. And I think I will kick out dishes before I leave. I made a mistake, I had not taken care of all the backlog of clothes. I found a couple more piles. Must have still been pretty asleep when I assessed my progress earlier. Never mind that, I got to it.
Why this is so complicated? I know and it still baffles me. No reason to get angry, I have learned patience with myself. To know what I can do, at my best, is amazing. That I can only be at my best, now, for moments in a month, is frustrating. I am amazed, to a degree, that I can blog, coherently (I think?). I even do it regularly. Then again, blogging, writing, requires nearly zero energy. Energy seems to be a defining thing. The limiting factor. There is the thought processing, but this goes on with me whether I remember it or am aware of it or not. The language skills are a once-learned thing and I learned them well enough. I just wish I could do more of life like I blog.
I had a lunch. Canned chicken and noodle soup didn't sound all that appetizing but it ended up being quite good. It was too salty, way too salty, of course. Other than that, it really was tasty. And warming. I wanted something to warm my insides and that worked. I am trying to eat more. I had almost literally stopped eating. I simply forgot food, and with the dishes there, I didn't want to add to the pile. There aren't that many dishes, my last push saw to most of them being done. It is just that I didn't want to lose ground. Since I can only seem, at times, to concentrate on one area/thing at a time, concentrating on not adding to the dishes until I finished them precluded cooking, and for the most part eating. That is how my odd little world works. One thing at a time. Almost obsessive compulsive, but based on no energy rather than obsession or compulsion. Including a lack of energy to find a way around a problem, at times.
Still, it's sort of a neat little world. A Mad Hatter world. He had his place, I suppose I have mine. Later.
.
I probably won't make Mass again today. I have to be out of the house, I promised my friend. I meant to be... further along here at home too. I ran out of steam somewhere along the line and... that was that. More was done though. And I think I will kick out dishes before I leave. I made a mistake, I had not taken care of all the backlog of clothes. I found a couple more piles. Must have still been pretty asleep when I assessed my progress earlier. Never mind that, I got to it.
Why this is so complicated? I know and it still baffles me. No reason to get angry, I have learned patience with myself. To know what I can do, at my best, is amazing. That I can only be at my best, now, for moments in a month, is frustrating. I am amazed, to a degree, that I can blog, coherently (I think?). I even do it regularly. Then again, blogging, writing, requires nearly zero energy. Energy seems to be a defining thing. The limiting factor. There is the thought processing, but this goes on with me whether I remember it or am aware of it or not. The language skills are a once-learned thing and I learned them well enough. I just wish I could do more of life like I blog.
I had a lunch. Canned chicken and noodle soup didn't sound all that appetizing but it ended up being quite good. It was too salty, way too salty, of course. Other than that, it really was tasty. And warming. I wanted something to warm my insides and that worked. I am trying to eat more. I had almost literally stopped eating. I simply forgot food, and with the dishes there, I didn't want to add to the pile. There aren't that many dishes, my last push saw to most of them being done. It is just that I didn't want to lose ground. Since I can only seem, at times, to concentrate on one area/thing at a time, concentrating on not adding to the dishes until I finished them precluded cooking, and for the most part eating. That is how my odd little world works. One thing at a time. Almost obsessive compulsive, but based on no energy rather than obsession or compulsion. Including a lack of energy to find a way around a problem, at times.
Still, it's sort of a neat little world. A Mad Hatter world. He had his place, I suppose I have mine. Later.
Operation Rolling Blunder
.
.
Hush. My game, my call.
I woke several times this morning. By 2:00, I realized the gig was up. Up and to waking. Gaming serves that purpose. But first I had a bite to eat. Nothing fancy, no cooking involved. I bought romaine lettuce, had carrots and croutons, and added a bit of ranch dressing. While ranch is fine, I think my last love called it right, I make far superior dressings. A little olive oil, vinegar of balsamic wine apple or a few other types, a bit of seasoning, and a little shake. Unfortunately I am not on top of things enough and don't have the good olive oil. You really need extra virgin, the real stuff, for salad makings (and dipping or over pasta). I am not familiar with what brands locally are really cold pressed and which are just the equivalent of plain old oil. Imagine using canola oil in a salad dressing. I suppose in a pinch, but it has a dead, filmy, nothing taste to it.
Anyway. After a bit of gaming I went on to other things. I was going to hit laundry, then dishes. When I entered my room I realized I had been a bad boy. I had not been putting up my clothes, the ones I have washed, in the last few weeks/months. So I had three baskets of clean clothes, and a mess of them at that. The cats knock over these baskets in an attempt to wake me. Then enjoy playing in the loose clothes. Oh, they are still clean. I'm a bachelor, remember?
I have taken care of those. And, while putting some things on hangers, and sorting my closet, I decided to get rid of some clothing. Five or six shirts, to be exact. Two of them for wear, the rest because they never quite looked right (in my opinion) on me. I don't like stripes, even vertical ones. And other than hard dark heavy gray, gray is not my color. I will replace three of the shirts. The rest will just offer a bit more room in my closet. I need to go through other things, eventually.
That is it, so far. I would like to re-re-re-soak the dishes, put a load in the laundry now that the backlog of clothes to be sorted is fixed, then play some more game for an hour or so. Then change the laundry load, hit the dishes, another rest, and then a shower. I have to be in town today and I would like to go to Mass, specifically to pray for a number of people in medical and financial trouble. You know, even you all online, I really do think of you as real.
Well, another shot at getting up and getting going. Be well.
.
Hush. My game, my call.
I woke several times this morning. By 2:00, I realized the gig was up. Up and to waking. Gaming serves that purpose. But first I had a bite to eat. Nothing fancy, no cooking involved. I bought romaine lettuce, had carrots and croutons, and added a bit of ranch dressing. While ranch is fine, I think my last love called it right, I make far superior dressings. A little olive oil, vinegar of balsamic wine apple or a few other types, a bit of seasoning, and a little shake. Unfortunately I am not on top of things enough and don't have the good olive oil. You really need extra virgin, the real stuff, for salad makings (and dipping or over pasta). I am not familiar with what brands locally are really cold pressed and which are just the equivalent of plain old oil. Imagine using canola oil in a salad dressing. I suppose in a pinch, but it has a dead, filmy, nothing taste to it.
Anyway. After a bit of gaming I went on to other things. I was going to hit laundry, then dishes. When I entered my room I realized I had been a bad boy. I had not been putting up my clothes, the ones I have washed, in the last few weeks/months. So I had three baskets of clean clothes, and a mess of them at that. The cats knock over these baskets in an attempt to wake me. Then enjoy playing in the loose clothes. Oh, they are still clean. I'm a bachelor, remember?
I have taken care of those. And, while putting some things on hangers, and sorting my closet, I decided to get rid of some clothing. Five or six shirts, to be exact. Two of them for wear, the rest because they never quite looked right (in my opinion) on me. I don't like stripes, even vertical ones. And other than hard dark heavy gray, gray is not my color. I will replace three of the shirts. The rest will just offer a bit more room in my closet. I need to go through other things, eventually.
That is it, so far. I would like to re-re-re-soak the dishes, put a load in the laundry now that the backlog of clothes to be sorted is fixed, then play some more game for an hour or so. Then change the laundry load, hit the dishes, another rest, and then a shower. I have to be in town today and I would like to go to Mass, specifically to pray for a number of people in medical and financial trouble. You know, even you all online, I really do think of you as real.
Well, another shot at getting up and getting going. Be well.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Maybe?
.
.
Up until 18:00, I should sleep well. This is as far as I will push things. Next I need to work on sleeping until a bit later. A 1:00 wake-up is too early. Bit by bit I am taking the day back. It baffles me how such a little thing can be so difficult. Then again, I realize in my condition everything IS difficult. I shouldn't be able to maneuver. How do you negotiate a bad heart? Well, I don't know precisely, I only know that I am. A bit of medicine and the right attitude, a bit of patience, some prayers, and some other things combine to allow me just a very little wiggle room.
I still like the analogy of the ill fated Apollo 13 mission. If someone had offered the exact scenario, beforehand, and requested that a schedule for a safe return be created, engineers would have simply suggested that this not happen. The tedium, terror of the reality, limitations, velocity, and such all suggest bad news. A little energy savings here, oxygen preservation there, finding spare resources here and there. They made it. Most would not have made it. The little things they did, or often didn't do (avoiding exertion), all seem oddly simple upon reflection. But it is all they could do. I'm in the same boat... only I will never get off that boat. Not a bad boat though, once I got used to the fact that I live on the reserves of the reserves. It's a gas, almost literally.
I am definitely blathering. Just... wanted to share my small but satisfying victory. Carpe diem, seize the day (or moment), has always been a saying of mine, a highly favored one for many reasons. How odd that it would become so literally prevalent?
Good night.
.
Up until 18:00, I should sleep well. This is as far as I will push things. Next I need to work on sleeping until a bit later. A 1:00 wake-up is too early. Bit by bit I am taking the day back. It baffles me how such a little thing can be so difficult. Then again, I realize in my condition everything IS difficult. I shouldn't be able to maneuver. How do you negotiate a bad heart? Well, I don't know precisely, I only know that I am. A bit of medicine and the right attitude, a bit of patience, some prayers, and some other things combine to allow me just a very little wiggle room.
I still like the analogy of the ill fated Apollo 13 mission. If someone had offered the exact scenario, beforehand, and requested that a schedule for a safe return be created, engineers would have simply suggested that this not happen. The tedium, terror of the reality, limitations, velocity, and such all suggest bad news. A little energy savings here, oxygen preservation there, finding spare resources here and there. They made it. Most would not have made it. The little things they did, or often didn't do (avoiding exertion), all seem oddly simple upon reflection. But it is all they could do. I'm in the same boat... only I will never get off that boat. Not a bad boat though, once I got used to the fact that I live on the reserves of the reserves. It's a gas, almost literally.
I am definitely blathering. Just... wanted to share my small but satisfying victory. Carpe diem, seize the day (or moment), has always been a saying of mine, a highly favored one for many reasons. How odd that it would become so literally prevalent?
Good night.
Not today.
.
.
I won't make it to Mass and probably won't get out of the house today. It just isn't going to happen. I might get more work done. Even that is iffy. It seems that one could just "do". Well, sometimes one can't "do". I'll keep working on it. If nothing else I hope to stay up as long as I did yesterday. I guess these day stretching exercises take more out of me than what I think going into it. Bah!
I do have a project I want to arrange. I would like to create steps up to a perch. Sam is too old to be jumping like she tries, and even Sassy could hurt herself. I might have enough wood and plywood. I suspect I could get some cheap carpet somewhere, remnants, leftovers, whatever. Of course, I have to figure out what sort of design I want to create. This could get interesting.
Later.
.
I won't make it to Mass and probably won't get out of the house today. It just isn't going to happen. I might get more work done. Even that is iffy. It seems that one could just "do". Well, sometimes one can't "do". I'll keep working on it. If nothing else I hope to stay up as long as I did yesterday. I guess these day stretching exercises take more out of me than what I think going into it. Bah!
I do have a project I want to arrange. I would like to create steps up to a perch. Sam is too old to be jumping like she tries, and even Sassy could hurt herself. I might have enough wood and plywood. I suspect I could get some cheap carpet somewhere, remnants, leftovers, whatever. Of course, I have to figure out what sort of design I want to create. This could get interesting.
Later.
Not a bad day so far.
.
.
I am not sore today, mostly. A bit of lower back pain and my left cheek. Don't ask me why this or that hurts, and those and these don't. It simply doesn't make sense to me. Sometimes, as I improve, I simply seem to have to go through pain. This, at least, seems rather short lived. While it wasn't mild it wasn't extreme either. And I have been able to work without exacerbating it. All good.
A few phone calls. My lady friend was unavailable. I think she gets the weekends off, so today might be a sleep in day or she might have found something to do or somewhere to go. As bad as she is with fiances she always seems to have a nickel stowed away somewhere. Just enough to go do something. I left her a message. My mother, however, was home. I hope if I have to live for a while beyond her time that I don't have to suffer that loss long. Then again, doesn't heaven make up for that?
Just goofing, so far, this day. But plans are being made. I am fixing breakfast, oats and tang, as I write. Shortly after, I will figure out the laundry for a load or too, do some dishes, then sit for a bit. I don't actually have that many dishes, but what I have are big items. I hate doing those. A shower after that. Then, later, to town. I have some checks deposit, I need to stop at the clerk of courts to figure that all out, then I am planning on stopping at the gym. I really need to get going with that. And Mass will fit in there somewhere. I simply am not sure what can happen by when. I just know what I need and want to do. Too much? Maybe. But that is the plan.
Later.
.
I am not sore today, mostly. A bit of lower back pain and my left cheek. Don't ask me why this or that hurts, and those and these don't. It simply doesn't make sense to me. Sometimes, as I improve, I simply seem to have to go through pain. This, at least, seems rather short lived. While it wasn't mild it wasn't extreme either. And I have been able to work without exacerbating it. All good.
A few phone calls. My lady friend was unavailable. I think she gets the weekends off, so today might be a sleep in day or she might have found something to do or somewhere to go. As bad as she is with fiances she always seems to have a nickel stowed away somewhere. Just enough to go do something. I left her a message. My mother, however, was home. I hope if I have to live for a while beyond her time that I don't have to suffer that loss long. Then again, doesn't heaven make up for that?
Just goofing, so far, this day. But plans are being made. I am fixing breakfast, oats and tang, as I write. Shortly after, I will figure out the laundry for a load or too, do some dishes, then sit for a bit. I don't actually have that many dishes, but what I have are big items. I hate doing those. A shower after that. Then, later, to town. I have some checks deposit, I need to stop at the clerk of courts to figure that all out, then I am planning on stopping at the gym. I really need to get going with that. And Mass will fit in there somewhere. I simply am not sure what can happen by when. I just know what I need and want to do. Too much? Maybe. But that is the plan.
Later.
Yeah? No.
.
.
Even with a second chance at making the meal, helping out, it simply didn't happen. Even though the guy heading it up has, to date, been disrespectful, that isn't the point. You do what you can, when you can, how you can. Simply put, I wasn't able to be conscious at the needed time.
On the good side, dishes, garbage, laundry, and food have begun to become a normal process again. Today I stayed up until well past 15:00, a record, without extraordinary effort, in the last two months. Daytime still doesn't feel normal, that will come though. I have things to do, not least of all Church and KoC matters. But too, personal matters.
I received a call from my friend today. Bad news. He has a tumor, behind his left eye I think. They don't know what it is yet. He goes in for a ct-scan tomorrow. Today, actually. It all gets confusing when day and night is messed up. Because tomorrows medical affairs will take everything out of him, I suggested I come in Tuesday. If it ends up bad, I'll continue to be a friend. I'm not good at this crap, but I'll do it anyway. Then again, it might just be something relatively benign. Prayers, too. As he said, he thinks he's got a good 15 years in him. I think so too.
Up at 1:30. I woke at 20:00, then at 0:00, but was able to go back to bed. Not this time. Which is fine. I think I can make Mass, do some business in town, get some more cleaning kicked out, and stretch my day a bit. At a minimum I think I can hit yesterday's high. Well, on to... waking up.
.
Even with a second chance at making the meal, helping out, it simply didn't happen. Even though the guy heading it up has, to date, been disrespectful, that isn't the point. You do what you can, when you can, how you can. Simply put, I wasn't able to be conscious at the needed time.
On the good side, dishes, garbage, laundry, and food have begun to become a normal process again. Today I stayed up until well past 15:00, a record, without extraordinary effort, in the last two months. Daytime still doesn't feel normal, that will come though. I have things to do, not least of all Church and KoC matters. But too, personal matters.
I received a call from my friend today. Bad news. He has a tumor, behind his left eye I think. They don't know what it is yet. He goes in for a ct-scan tomorrow. Today, actually. It all gets confusing when day and night is messed up. Because tomorrows medical affairs will take everything out of him, I suggested I come in Tuesday. If it ends up bad, I'll continue to be a friend. I'm not good at this crap, but I'll do it anyway. Then again, it might just be something relatively benign. Prayers, too. As he said, he thinks he's got a good 15 years in him. I think so too.
Up at 1:30. I woke at 20:00, then at 0:00, but was able to go back to bed. Not this time. Which is fine. I think I can make Mass, do some business in town, get some more cleaning kicked out, and stretch my day a bit. At a minimum I think I can hit yesterday's high. Well, on to... waking up.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Oh? Wait then.
.
.
Here I was, thinking it was Sunday. Being Saturday, I have a chance, slim if it is, at being to the dinner to help and shmooze while trying to recruit. I love it when a plan falls apart... often to greater opportunity! My bad luck often turns into good luck, it really does. I guess that is why 7, 11, and 13 are lucky numbers for me, if I believed in such things. I always stayed far away from "lucky charms", as they really did seem to have the opposite effect. But when you think about it... a lucky rabbit's foot? Uhrm, that just doesn't seem all that lucky to me. Or as my friend puts it... he saw a sign... Looking for a mongrel small dog. The dog is blind in one eye, missing an ear and a hind leg... goes by the name "Lucky".
I was about to get to dishes when I realized Sam and Sassy were being weird. As I entered the kitchen I think I realized why. Cat litter needed changing. While I was at it I got the trash and recycling together. Quite a little task, all told. The dishes will just have to wait. It was when I was taking out the trash, and I looked at the time, and the date, and realized no one else had their trash out. Ah-ha! Saturday! A lady at Walmart also indicated that it was Saturday evening, I just thought she was mistaken... or didn't even really catch it. When I realized my mistake it all came together. Yeah, life can be a little complicated when you don't know what day it is, for weeks at a time. Still, I think this is a temporary relapse. I'm working on it.
No big cats out tonight. This time I had all the outer lights on, a head-light strapped on, my .45 at the ready in my back pocket, and I did look around, up in the trees, and kept my head on a swivel. That 'scream' blasted right into my bones. I have never heard such a thing, ever. Still, it was rather neat. I just wish I could have seen the critter. My guess is I scared it as bad as it scared me. I am the size of a full grown black bear, something this kitty knows about I am sure. The cats and dogs of the wild world must know each other.
A bit more gaming. Perhaps in a few hours I can get to the dishes and clear out the laundry.
.
Here I was, thinking it was Sunday. Being Saturday, I have a chance, slim if it is, at being to the dinner to help and shmooze while trying to recruit. I love it when a plan falls apart... often to greater opportunity! My bad luck often turns into good luck, it really does. I guess that is why 7, 11, and 13 are lucky numbers for me, if I believed in such things. I always stayed far away from "lucky charms", as they really did seem to have the opposite effect. But when you think about it... a lucky rabbit's foot? Uhrm, that just doesn't seem all that lucky to me. Or as my friend puts it... he saw a sign... Looking for a mongrel small dog. The dog is blind in one eye, missing an ear and a hind leg... goes by the name "Lucky".
I was about to get to dishes when I realized Sam and Sassy were being weird. As I entered the kitchen I think I realized why. Cat litter needed changing. While I was at it I got the trash and recycling together. Quite a little task, all told. The dishes will just have to wait. It was when I was taking out the trash, and I looked at the time, and the date, and realized no one else had their trash out. Ah-ha! Saturday! A lady at Walmart also indicated that it was Saturday evening, I just thought she was mistaken... or didn't even really catch it. When I realized my mistake it all came together. Yeah, life can be a little complicated when you don't know what day it is, for weeks at a time. Still, I think this is a temporary relapse. I'm working on it.
No big cats out tonight. This time I had all the outer lights on, a head-light strapped on, my .45 at the ready in my back pocket, and I did look around, up in the trees, and kept my head on a swivel. That 'scream' blasted right into my bones. I have never heard such a thing, ever. Still, it was rather neat. I just wish I could have seen the critter. My guess is I scared it as bad as it scared me. I am the size of a full grown black bear, something this kitty knows about I am sure. The cats and dogs of the wild world must know each other.
A bit more gaming. Perhaps in a few hours I can get to the dishes and clear out the laundry.
Could be.
.
.
Alright, two loads washed, the first in the dryer. Dishes set to a fresh soak earlier. A trip to town, tobacco of course, but milk, Tang, and a dozen other things to drink. As well, I purchased enough to begin filling my larder back up. Cans of tuna, big and small, and easy foods. For short term food stores you need foods that are not difficult to make. I am trying a bunch of mac and cheese types, to see which I like the best. Tuna goes good in there, as does the (otherwise terrible) cans of chicken chunks. I also bought a number of sweeteners. I really have to try some of the non-sugar stuff, like agave juice. But too, in a global meltdown, my guess is sugar will again be fine. Since no one will be eating anywhere near what we are eating now. Salt? It is required for most reasonable preservation. If I am too fragile to tolerate salt I have more troubles than one can imagine. I bought enough to store packets of things I know I like. Several drink mixes, several sweeteners, and a few other odds and ends have been marked with today's date. After I find out how long these things store well, I will put another date mark on them. After that, they will go into my lower pantry for long term use and rotation.
Right now though, I am shot. That was a lot of work. My body is sore, my back, my neck, even my hips hurt. I have been in pain for days now though, it isn't from the work, little as that was. It is merely that pain has caught up with me. I will goof on the game for a few hours, then get back to it if I can. I don't know what I can get done tonight, perhaps that was it. Maybe though I will finish the dishes and do another load or two of laundry.
Something odd, financially. Even after paying a bunch of things off and buying my game system I seem to have... way too much money left. No, I've (mostly) checked. All bills are paid, my extras have been taken out already. It doesn't make sense. Fine. If all things remain clear at the end of the month, I may spend all the extra in my account to pay on the last actual debit type debt I owe. Oh, and some thinker woman is probably getting a small gift sometime soon. Sounds like she could use it. I just need to be sure. I am trying to be extra careful. I like having an emergency fund, a more serious one. After that, other than utilities of course, I am down to the car and home payments. I would like to begin looking at limiting utilities, cutting where I can. As well, I want to begin looking at saving. Before I get to, say, solar power I want to have a definite idea of how much it will cost, what of it I can do, and have enough to pay for three quarters of the bill out of pocket. My goal is to pay for half of it out of pocket, the rest on loan if I can, and have the extra for any hidden or "unexpected" costs.
Ugh. Back to gaming, for a while. At least I have the right kind of tobacco and some things to drink, and foods should I finish dishes tonight. A bit at a time. That is all I have. If I give it gladly. You know, for all my problems? I am a very happy man, deep down in sometimes but it is there. I like this life and even look forward, someday, to my death. With Father, Christ, and the Holy Spirit in my life and acting as my leader, the rest is just a waiting and working game.
.
Alright, two loads washed, the first in the dryer. Dishes set to a fresh soak earlier. A trip to town, tobacco of course, but milk, Tang, and a dozen other things to drink. As well, I purchased enough to begin filling my larder back up. Cans of tuna, big and small, and easy foods. For short term food stores you need foods that are not difficult to make. I am trying a bunch of mac and cheese types, to see which I like the best. Tuna goes good in there, as does the (otherwise terrible) cans of chicken chunks. I also bought a number of sweeteners. I really have to try some of the non-sugar stuff, like agave juice. But too, in a global meltdown, my guess is sugar will again be fine. Since no one will be eating anywhere near what we are eating now. Salt? It is required for most reasonable preservation. If I am too fragile to tolerate salt I have more troubles than one can imagine. I bought enough to store packets of things I know I like. Several drink mixes, several sweeteners, and a few other odds and ends have been marked with today's date. After I find out how long these things store well, I will put another date mark on them. After that, they will go into my lower pantry for long term use and rotation.
Right now though, I am shot. That was a lot of work. My body is sore, my back, my neck, even my hips hurt. I have been in pain for days now though, it isn't from the work, little as that was. It is merely that pain has caught up with me. I will goof on the game for a few hours, then get back to it if I can. I don't know what I can get done tonight, perhaps that was it. Maybe though I will finish the dishes and do another load or two of laundry.
Something odd, financially. Even after paying a bunch of things off and buying my game system I seem to have... way too much money left. No, I've (mostly) checked. All bills are paid, my extras have been taken out already. It doesn't make sense. Fine. If all things remain clear at the end of the month, I may spend all the extra in my account to pay on the last actual debit type debt I owe. Oh, and some thinker woman is probably getting a small gift sometime soon. Sounds like she could use it. I just need to be sure. I am trying to be extra careful. I like having an emergency fund, a more serious one. After that, other than utilities of course, I am down to the car and home payments. I would like to begin looking at limiting utilities, cutting where I can. As well, I want to begin looking at saving. Before I get to, say, solar power I want to have a definite idea of how much it will cost, what of it I can do, and have enough to pay for three quarters of the bill out of pocket. My goal is to pay for half of it out of pocket, the rest on loan if I can, and have the extra for any hidden or "unexpected" costs.
Ugh. Back to gaming, for a while. At least I have the right kind of tobacco and some things to drink, and foods should I finish dishes tonight. A bit at a time. That is all I have. If I give it gladly. You know, for all my problems? I am a very happy man, deep down in sometimes but it is there. I like this life and even look forward, someday, to my death. With Father, Christ, and the Holy Spirit in my life and acting as my leader, the rest is just a waiting and working game.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Up and at it?
.
.
No, not really. The alarm didn't work to wake me in time to go help with the meal. I did get out of bed somewhere around 21:00, give or take a lot as I have no real idea, still foggy now. Disappointed, but not wanting to yield the energy I stored for this evening, I took a shower right away, then set the dishes to a fresh soak, and finally so far separated the laundry and started one load. I need to get into town tonight. I need things to drink; milk, splenda soda, Gatorade (only for taking potassium now), and perhaps some other things. And food is required. I have a good load of meats in the freezer. I have little else. In the mood I am in, I am not even sure what else to get. Fresh vegetables, while wonderful at times, go bad in 3.275293943 seconds. At least on my timescale.
Just doing the few things I did do absolutely mashed me into the ground. That could be because I am out of it and have been or because I got on these things immediately after waking up. That is something I don't do even in good times usually. Yeah, well, to town and to shopping. I might just get a fast food meal while in town. It puts something warm, filling, and tasty in my belly. Good for morale, good for basic subsistence. While not the best food, it is cheap and easy.
I think, for a while now, I want to make sure my pistol is with me when I go out at night. It usually is if travel is required but not just for standing outside. The horses out back, both in my pen and the one behind it, were extremely skittish this morning. When I went out, pistol in pocket, this morning, they all bolted pretty quickly. I think, with the llama and number of (if pony sized) horses out back, the mountain lion just didn't think they were a good bet. I'm telling you, that "scream" tore right through me, even only being half awake. It reminded me of the Nazgûl, and loud? Wouch. I felt it as much as heard it. Never did see it, and I have good night eyes, not sure what that was about. Still enjoying the excitement, since I made it alive and in one piece. :)
I do hope to get some serious work done. It might not happen, hope only takes a dying corpse just so far. Still, I'm grumpy enough about things that I might get to it anyway. Later.
.
No, not really. The alarm didn't work to wake me in time to go help with the meal. I did get out of bed somewhere around 21:00, give or take a lot as I have no real idea, still foggy now. Disappointed, but not wanting to yield the energy I stored for this evening, I took a shower right away, then set the dishes to a fresh soak, and finally so far separated the laundry and started one load. I need to get into town tonight. I need things to drink; milk, splenda soda, Gatorade (only for taking potassium now), and perhaps some other things. And food is required. I have a good load of meats in the freezer. I have little else. In the mood I am in, I am not even sure what else to get. Fresh vegetables, while wonderful at times, go bad in 3.275293943 seconds. At least on my timescale.
Just doing the few things I did do absolutely mashed me into the ground. That could be because I am out of it and have been or because I got on these things immediately after waking up. That is something I don't do even in good times usually. Yeah, well, to town and to shopping. I might just get a fast food meal while in town. It puts something warm, filling, and tasty in my belly. Good for morale, good for basic subsistence. While not the best food, it is cheap and easy.
I think, for a while now, I want to make sure my pistol is with me when I go out at night. It usually is if travel is required but not just for standing outside. The horses out back, both in my pen and the one behind it, were extremely skittish this morning. When I went out, pistol in pocket, this morning, they all bolted pretty quickly. I think, with the llama and number of (if pony sized) horses out back, the mountain lion just didn't think they were a good bet. I'm telling you, that "scream" tore right through me, even only being half awake. It reminded me of the Nazgûl, and loud? Wouch. I felt it as much as heard it. Never did see it, and I have good night eyes, not sure what that was about. Still enjoying the excitement, since I made it alive and in one piece. :)
I do hope to get some serious work done. It might not happen, hope only takes a dying corpse just so far. Still, I'm grumpy enough about things that I might get to it anyway. Later.
The local wildlife?
.
.
Up again, at night. I did eat a bit. And I have been taking my medicine. Improvement is slow. I ran out of chewing tobacco, but had a package of cigarettes, so I used those to get me by until I can get into town. As you may know, I don't smoke in my home. So, outside I went. Sam often comes out with me whenever I step outside, for whatever reason. And she did a few times last night. Then she started acting extremely weird. I figured a dog, perhaps a raccoon, was scaring her. I haven't seen her act this weird ever before. Perhaps the critter was something she had messed with before?
On the last smoke of the night, Sam did come back out with me. I walked over to the far edge of my driveway, standing pretty much in complete darkness, smoking. Sam was staying behind me, near the house. Odd. Then I heard it. I didn't see any movement. I just heard a blood curdling scream. I have never heard one in real life, before now. Mountain lion, no more than 50 yards, and not happy for the company! No, yeah, I headed right for the door. I honestly think I could take one, probably, but I would lose some things too. Lots of blood, maybe an ear or an eye, very possibly some fingers or toes. It would be an unpleasant affair. Sam was being weird. I called to her, from behind the storm door, which was slightly ajar. She came near the door, I had the light on now. She acted all normal until I hissed "SAM!". Then she got all weird, nearly ran away, then finally darted into the house. I closed the door, grabbed my .45 (just for a bit of comfort, that was far too close, and who knows that it might not try to get in?), and went back to gaming.
That was a very unhappy mountain lion. The sun just came up, or is in the process. Still, the critter might still be out there. I am going to have another smoke, but this time with my .45 in my pocket. Oh, never fear, I don't have to take it out to aim. If I think I had time I would, otherwise, right from the hip, right through the jacket. What a gas.
I am hoping to be up in time to make it to a dinner tonight. I would like to help out and experiment with recruiting. I need to find out what time it is and get to it. I may not be able to make it though. Ugh, I hate this. I need to get better faster! Good night.
.
Up again, at night. I did eat a bit. And I have been taking my medicine. Improvement is slow. I ran out of chewing tobacco, but had a package of cigarettes, so I used those to get me by until I can get into town. As you may know, I don't smoke in my home. So, outside I went. Sam often comes out with me whenever I step outside, for whatever reason. And she did a few times last night. Then she started acting extremely weird. I figured a dog, perhaps a raccoon, was scaring her. I haven't seen her act this weird ever before. Perhaps the critter was something she had messed with before?
On the last smoke of the night, Sam did come back out with me. I walked over to the far edge of my driveway, standing pretty much in complete darkness, smoking. Sam was staying behind me, near the house. Odd. Then I heard it. I didn't see any movement. I just heard a blood curdling scream. I have never heard one in real life, before now. Mountain lion, no more than 50 yards, and not happy for the company! No, yeah, I headed right for the door. I honestly think I could take one, probably, but I would lose some things too. Lots of blood, maybe an ear or an eye, very possibly some fingers or toes. It would be an unpleasant affair. Sam was being weird. I called to her, from behind the storm door, which was slightly ajar. She came near the door, I had the light on now. She acted all normal until I hissed "SAM!". Then she got all weird, nearly ran away, then finally darted into the house. I closed the door, grabbed my .45 (just for a bit of comfort, that was far too close, and who knows that it might not try to get in?), and went back to gaming.
That was a very unhappy mountain lion. The sun just came up, or is in the process. Still, the critter might still be out there. I am going to have another smoke, but this time with my .45 in my pocket. Oh, never fear, I don't have to take it out to aim. If I think I had time I would, otherwise, right from the hip, right through the jacket. What a gas.
I am hoping to be up in time to make it to a dinner tonight. I would like to help out and experiment with recruiting. I need to find out what time it is and get to it. I may not be able to make it though. Ugh, I hate this. I need to get better faster! Good night.
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