.
.
I found my medications and set them up. As it turned out I had the one I will be taking at half dose in that dosage, from the past. The rest I will be taking full dose. It's a bit of a risk, but may limit the length and depth of the fall, only having one pill to increase. I cannot be sure when I will increase that, but I will wait until I get my breath from this initial start, probably in two weeks to a month. I haven't been off it all that long. Truly, a month isn't that bad. So there is some hope my body... still has some taste for the stuff, some resistance or endurance regarding it. While I was messing with medicine I found extra needles for blood sugar testing and filled the pocket those go in. I also did a bit of cleaning, hoping to get to more shortly. And, yes, I did take the first doses.
Docs say going on this stuff, or off it, too quickly, can be fatal. I seem quite impervious to some things, if much more susceptible to others. In this case I do well. More so since I know there is the potential for function, and much better function actually, on the other side. I can take starting doses that are large enough to kill. And I have. They spent a year getting me up to dose, the first time. See, that is part of the problem. Then again I didn't have much faith in them, so they had to take it slow, allow me breathers and to gain some trust. And they did try to add even more, but I backed that down on my own as I never was able to get through that particular tunnel. I never even got to a point where I saw light on the other side. At least I trust them, mostly, now, and the medicine.
Now to just do what I can until deep night falls, then just try to... keep up with taking the medicine and... staying awake when I can, as well as I can. Gosh but I really hate this part. But then I am just barely functioning as is. The difference is I am conscious, awake for normal waking periods, and my memory is cohesive and connected, moment to moment, for long periods of time in recent and distant past. That will all be gone, shortly. Whine, whine, whine. Yeah? You try this stuff. Shut your pie hole. :p *whine* Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. Yes, I max out the whah meter. Gah! I just want you to know I do this under a form of protest.
Later.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Love me some stories.
.
.
Just a quick post, nothing fancy. Don't know if I will ever see it. I know the story, many versions of it, and others.. Interesting to see them edge nearer... some things. Tales, fables, myths, or are they. If not, they haven't grabbed the tiger by the tail. They are grabbing all of them, hoping one will work. Only the word of one Man will end it, when the time has come.
.
Just a quick post, nothing fancy. Don't know if I will ever see it. I know the story, many versions of it, and others.. Interesting to see them edge nearer... some things. Tales, fables, myths, or are they. If not, they haven't grabbed the tiger by the tail. They are grabbing all of them, hoping one will work. Only the word of one Man will end it, when the time has come.
Alright, fine, medicine.
.
.
I will be starting this today, in smaller doses, save for the insulin. Blood sugars run from 120-150 ranges, so not a major issue, currently. Three days of testing is about all I can do unless I can figure out where more puncture needles are though. I don't know how fast, or even if, I will go down. I suspect it though, as per my history with this stuff. It won't be a slight down, as with the notion of a gentle first snow. No, this will be a hard dark long freeze, more akin to moving to the arctic circle. I never know what all will go in there, thoughts, memories, and such collide. Out here, now, even in this gentle down, I have more than a memory or two. I can filter the poison of some of it with what else has happened, is happening, and future notions. But in there, the darkness of a memory or dream is all I have, at times. And I have lead such a dark life. That is what you see when you see some of my posts. Darkness of flesh, concentrated into it's purest forms and fed to a man with nothing to cut it.
Then again, as I said, I lived with just those dark moments filling all of my psychic screen at times, and for decades, before medicine opened a window to more, more often. I will go there, knowing this time that there is a window for more, again, on the other side... somewhere. To remember that, though, always, is difficult. As well, the physical affects of the medicines themselves makes taking them difficult all on their own. It is no small testament to my faith in their efficacy for me to even ponder taking this step. Could you put your hand in a lit kiln, even knowing that the leprosy would be burned off and your hand made whole again? It may depend on how long you have suffered with the leprosy, and how much you had lost so would hope to gain. Ugh.
I dreamed, last night, about giving a talk to a group of youth. They were mixed, mostly faithful of one sort or other. Catholics, Mormons, and a Protestant mix. *shudders* Talking to youngen's, of any sort... a spooky thing. Still, I went on about it. I asked who all had faith. Most, if not all, raised their hands. I asked about their faiths, generally speaking, so I figured out what I initially wrote in this paragraph. I saw some snuffling, pride about being in this group or that, and such. I suggested that the faithful were the majority, to some small cheering. I asked if they realized, in the world population, that they were the minority, as Christians. Hmm? Yes, a small minority. With, what, seven and an half billion people, only, maybe, one and an half to two billion are Christian of nature. Further, I suggested, many, perhaps most, of them would lose their faith in their education systems. An education system originally set up, at the lower levels, to break Catholicism, has been turned into a system, at all levels, to break Christianity. I spoke a bit more, but the gist of it was to, while holding on to their faith by learning it well and deeply, and testing it, to look about and see who, exactly, their friends and kin are. There is, after all, no matter how separated, only one Church. The faithful are people, not institutions. For no institution can save you, only your personal living faith can do that. And only through the teaching and sacrifice of one Man. An institution can preserve those teachings, present them, and offer outlets for observing serving and learning, but that institution will not take your place should you fail to do what you know and presumably it teaches. Catholics, I have been assured, can easily go to hell, if we so choose. No brand or life choice can generically save you.
Speaking to children. *shudders* Arghhhhhh! Never mind, it didn't end up being the nightmare it could have been. And, from the dream and my approach, I know it would never be allowed, so there is that. My own children, you ask? Sure, not a problem, if I had them, mostly. But then I have authority with my own children. It would be more about getting past the wife to be allowed to speak to them. *grins* Not so with other people's children, I have no certain authority to manage them. I'll have to think about what I said in the dream. I am neither endorsing or rejecting, just reciting, in this post. It's a dream to chew on, for sure. As a general idea, though, it seems sound.
Well, I should... get to something. Good day.
.
I will be starting this today, in smaller doses, save for the insulin. Blood sugars run from 120-150 ranges, so not a major issue, currently. Three days of testing is about all I can do unless I can figure out where more puncture needles are though. I don't know how fast, or even if, I will go down. I suspect it though, as per my history with this stuff. It won't be a slight down, as with the notion of a gentle first snow. No, this will be a hard dark long freeze, more akin to moving to the arctic circle. I never know what all will go in there, thoughts, memories, and such collide. Out here, now, even in this gentle down, I have more than a memory or two. I can filter the poison of some of it with what else has happened, is happening, and future notions. But in there, the darkness of a memory or dream is all I have, at times. And I have lead such a dark life. That is what you see when you see some of my posts. Darkness of flesh, concentrated into it's purest forms and fed to a man with nothing to cut it.
Then again, as I said, I lived with just those dark moments filling all of my psychic screen at times, and for decades, before medicine opened a window to more, more often. I will go there, knowing this time that there is a window for more, again, on the other side... somewhere. To remember that, though, always, is difficult. As well, the physical affects of the medicines themselves makes taking them difficult all on their own. It is no small testament to my faith in their efficacy for me to even ponder taking this step. Could you put your hand in a lit kiln, even knowing that the leprosy would be burned off and your hand made whole again? It may depend on how long you have suffered with the leprosy, and how much you had lost so would hope to gain. Ugh.
I dreamed, last night, about giving a talk to a group of youth. They were mixed, mostly faithful of one sort or other. Catholics, Mormons, and a Protestant mix. *shudders* Talking to youngen's, of any sort... a spooky thing. Still, I went on about it. I asked who all had faith. Most, if not all, raised their hands. I asked about their faiths, generally speaking, so I figured out what I initially wrote in this paragraph. I saw some snuffling, pride about being in this group or that, and such. I suggested that the faithful were the majority, to some small cheering. I asked if they realized, in the world population, that they were the minority, as Christians. Hmm? Yes, a small minority. With, what, seven and an half billion people, only, maybe, one and an half to two billion are Christian of nature. Further, I suggested, many, perhaps most, of them would lose their faith in their education systems. An education system originally set up, at the lower levels, to break Catholicism, has been turned into a system, at all levels, to break Christianity. I spoke a bit more, but the gist of it was to, while holding on to their faith by learning it well and deeply, and testing it, to look about and see who, exactly, their friends and kin are. There is, after all, no matter how separated, only one Church. The faithful are people, not institutions. For no institution can save you, only your personal living faith can do that. And only through the teaching and sacrifice of one Man. An institution can preserve those teachings, present them, and offer outlets for observing serving and learning, but that institution will not take your place should you fail to do what you know and presumably it teaches. Catholics, I have been assured, can easily go to hell, if we so choose. No brand or life choice can generically save you.
Speaking to children. *shudders* Arghhhhhh! Never mind, it didn't end up being the nightmare it could have been. And, from the dream and my approach, I know it would never be allowed, so there is that. My own children, you ask? Sure, not a problem, if I had them, mostly. But then I have authority with my own children. It would be more about getting past the wife to be allowed to speak to them. *grins* Not so with other people's children, I have no certain authority to manage them. I'll have to think about what I said in the dream. I am neither endorsing or rejecting, just reciting, in this post. It's a dream to chew on, for sure. As a general idea, though, it seems sound.
Well, I should... get to something. Good day.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Man has never been good at some things.
.
.
There have been times when war was less frequent. Intrigue, corruption, and other rot filled those times. Never fear, men's failings never truly fail. It seems war is only put aside when greed may be satisfied without it. There have been times where disease was relatively tamed. There have been times of wealth, learning, travel. It seems for every gift, there comes a perversion of it that turns the thing to poison. Personal, communal, political, financial, social, all can and have been poisoned by excesses, sometimes all at once such as with the use of drugs, free sexual mores, and the like. Not to mention the loss of souls, a greater price yet.
.
There have been times when war was less frequent. Intrigue, corruption, and other rot filled those times. Never fear, men's failings never truly fail. It seems war is only put aside when greed may be satisfied without it. There have been times where disease was relatively tamed. There have been times of wealth, learning, travel. It seems for every gift, there comes a perversion of it that turns the thing to poison. Personal, communal, political, financial, social, all can and have been poisoned by excesses, sometimes all at once such as with the use of drugs, free sexual mores, and the like. Not to mention the loss of souls, a greater price yet.
Yeah, well, medicine.
.
.
I had hoped to get to things, and will still try if I can and through the beginning of restarting medication. I don't have much hope, to be honest. I will be doing well to even remember that I wanted to do things as focus fades, if this is a typical restart. Plus, I'll be starting at lower doses and moving up some time in the near future. As such I will have two major hits to productivity coming, back to back. I am looking at taking the first level of dose until I can begin to see light at the end of the tunnel, then titrating up. I have no idea how long that will take, or how long it will be before I see the final light then struggle out into the light of day again. If the past is even a rough gauge, it will take months, two to three. I just know this is going to hurt. Bad as it is, right now, in my inability to get working, it will get worse. Much, much, worse. Think about only being able to live in a moment of life that becomes goldfishesque... or at least as popular notions would present them. Life spent in three second bubbles with only what you can think and recall from that, mostly. Notes don't help, they often just confuse. Fog. Deep, impenetrable, dark, and forever for the moments in there, moments which will be lost to me once I come out of there. A type of death you don't want to know. That was most of my last 25 years though, so... I can handle a bit more to get my heart back in order, I suppose. Fack! But I'll... do it.
.
I had hoped to get to things, and will still try if I can and through the beginning of restarting medication. I don't have much hope, to be honest. I will be doing well to even remember that I wanted to do things as focus fades, if this is a typical restart. Plus, I'll be starting at lower doses and moving up some time in the near future. As such I will have two major hits to productivity coming, back to back. I am looking at taking the first level of dose until I can begin to see light at the end of the tunnel, then titrating up. I have no idea how long that will take, or how long it will be before I see the final light then struggle out into the light of day again. If the past is even a rough gauge, it will take months, two to three. I just know this is going to hurt. Bad as it is, right now, in my inability to get working, it will get worse. Much, much, worse. Think about only being able to live in a moment of life that becomes goldfishesque... or at least as popular notions would present them. Life spent in three second bubbles with only what you can think and recall from that, mostly. Notes don't help, they often just confuse. Fog. Deep, impenetrable, dark, and forever for the moments in there, moments which will be lost to me once I come out of there. A type of death you don't want to know. That was most of my last 25 years though, so... I can handle a bit more to get my heart back in order, I suppose. Fack! But I'll... do it.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Are Republicans winning the standoff?
.
.
Actually, yes. They are. But that isn't their point, as we will see any time now. Their job is to demoralize the Republican base and lose the fight. They will do this with complete capitulation. It isn't even about Zerocare for the leadership. Look to their backroom deals and supposed emails that have been released. Even without that, it is the Republican party doing exactly what it always does, getting something it wants on the backs of what voters want but with no intention of doing what voters need.
No, I got off that particular bandwagon long ago. I realized the party wasn't, never will be, and probably never was, a party for anybody but themselves and big business. Dems are actually far more similar than most would think. They aren't for the little guy. Government is only about business, who gets what in the business and union world. They aren't about us at all. Which in truth, is sort of how it has always been. It just hasn't improved and the spoils have become excessive. There are some reasons to vote Republican instead of Dem, for conservative libertarian mixes. Not that I always do, Republicans are fail, weak, and progressive, just not as liberal. There is no reason to ever vote for a Democrat, unless you plan on becoming a crippled dependent. I am one and still do not vote Dem, because it isn't a good place to be in life and I won't just stay here if I find myself to other options. Once you surrender to being crippled and dependent you will never get better.
Go, cheer for whichever you want. Neither party is on your side. Nor will their be one on your side. About the only thing to be hoped would be to make government smaller. But with no more than a handful of zealots there, and those of a questionable nature (easy to talk the talk when you don't have access to the keys), there really isn't a method to that. As well, it has never happened in history. Governments get greedy and expand until they pop. There really hasn't been a way out once the wheels are set in motion. I suppose we will find out if Americans are exceptional or if Putin's barb was apt. With half of the country directly tied to the government tit, and some large section of the remaining population getting a little something through hook or crook, I think the answer is obvious.
For me it's just something else to hear about. I'm surprised the shut down has lasted this long. Isn't it almost time for Boehner to surrender and have a tear fest? Whatever.
.
Actually, yes. They are. But that isn't their point, as we will see any time now. Their job is to demoralize the Republican base and lose the fight. They will do this with complete capitulation. It isn't even about Zerocare for the leadership. Look to their backroom deals and supposed emails that have been released. Even without that, it is the Republican party doing exactly what it always does, getting something it wants on the backs of what voters want but with no intention of doing what voters need.
No, I got off that particular bandwagon long ago. I realized the party wasn't, never will be, and probably never was, a party for anybody but themselves and big business. Dems are actually far more similar than most would think. They aren't for the little guy. Government is only about business, who gets what in the business and union world. They aren't about us at all. Which in truth, is sort of how it has always been. It just hasn't improved and the spoils have become excessive. There are some reasons to vote Republican instead of Dem, for conservative libertarian mixes. Not that I always do, Republicans are fail, weak, and progressive, just not as liberal. There is no reason to ever vote for a Democrat, unless you plan on becoming a crippled dependent. I am one and still do not vote Dem, because it isn't a good place to be in life and I won't just stay here if I find myself to other options. Once you surrender to being crippled and dependent you will never get better.
Go, cheer for whichever you want. Neither party is on your side. Nor will their be one on your side. About the only thing to be hoped would be to make government smaller. But with no more than a handful of zealots there, and those of a questionable nature (easy to talk the talk when you don't have access to the keys), there really isn't a method to that. As well, it has never happened in history. Governments get greedy and expand until they pop. There really hasn't been a way out once the wheels are set in motion. I suppose we will find out if Americans are exceptional or if Putin's barb was apt. With half of the country directly tied to the government tit, and some large section of the remaining population getting a little something through hook or crook, I think the answer is obvious.
For me it's just something else to hear about. I'm surprised the shut down has lasted this long. Isn't it almost time for Boehner to surrender and have a tear fest? Whatever.
Self-serve today.
.
.
I'm taking a break for a while. I will do the contest this week, and continuting. But if you don't otherwise here from me for a couple of weeks? Wait longer.
Just a thought on meds before I take my break. Not one pill I take will prevent a heart attack or stroke. They don't have it in them. They might, assuming they do what is hoped, if they do that by a large enough margin, help lead to a healthy heart by making sure it has rest periods, which in turn, in theory, may reduce my risks of those things. Rest periods it went without for twelve to fifteen years when high blood pressure went unchecked on top of 25 years where the heart was badly damaged but went unnoticed. Will it really work? The heart has improved a bit, true. Not enough to take me out of the end stage heart failure category, or at least not yet. Which means, so far, no. Then again I wasn't able to stay on my medicine full time. My recent break, and the break last summer, while not good, are better than ever before. Shorter and all.
Still, it's a very rough mechanism that somehow might relate to heart improvement which only maybe will lower my risk for catastrophic failure of one or more sort. Actually, I think little breaks from medicines are good in their own way. First, medicines are simply hard on the body, regardless of what they try to tell you. Treat the body is if you were walking on egg shells by bubble wrapping it and putting it in cold storage at your peril. Further, sometimes the body has to be run a little rough. At least my body. Rough and natural, how it would run if left to it's own devices. Not doing so, and taking breaks from medicine, is dangerous all by itself. I think it allows my body to 'see the difference' and train up to improvements. Yes, I really think so.
I have gotten to nothing so I will be, as I suggested, restarting medicines. I am fearful. What I just went through as to fatigue and confusion, with angst and dark memories haunting me, is small potatoes. Like a rough white-water river can be bad, but now looking at paddling an open ocean. Both can be lethally difficult, but one is far more negotiable. In a river, if it looks bad, the shore is 'right there'. Just hiking your kit past a large fall, look ahead a bit to know what is beyond you, pay attention. On the ocean? Good fucking luck. Hope you don't run into a hurricane, or a shark that thinks you look tasty, or even a whale which thinks you are too close. Shore? What shore. But... that is where I am going. Not happy about it, but... Oh, I'll survive. I may not see you for a while, that's all. I ought to see if I have an appointment at cardiology any time soon before I lose track. Get that into the phone and trying to use it to keep some bearings. No, they don't want to see me. Mutual but it's their job and my life, it's the way of things.
Good day.
.
I'm taking a break for a while. I will do the contest this week, and continuting. But if you don't otherwise here from me for a couple of weeks? Wait longer.
Just a thought on meds before I take my break. Not one pill I take will prevent a heart attack or stroke. They don't have it in them. They might, assuming they do what is hoped, if they do that by a large enough margin, help lead to a healthy heart by making sure it has rest periods, which in turn, in theory, may reduce my risks of those things. Rest periods it went without for twelve to fifteen years when high blood pressure went unchecked on top of 25 years where the heart was badly damaged but went unnoticed. Will it really work? The heart has improved a bit, true. Not enough to take me out of the end stage heart failure category, or at least not yet. Which means, so far, no. Then again I wasn't able to stay on my medicine full time. My recent break, and the break last summer, while not good, are better than ever before. Shorter and all.
Still, it's a very rough mechanism that somehow might relate to heart improvement which only maybe will lower my risk for catastrophic failure of one or more sort. Actually, I think little breaks from medicines are good in their own way. First, medicines are simply hard on the body, regardless of what they try to tell you. Treat the body is if you were walking on egg shells by bubble wrapping it and putting it in cold storage at your peril. Further, sometimes the body has to be run a little rough. At least my body. Rough and natural, how it would run if left to it's own devices. Not doing so, and taking breaks from medicine, is dangerous all by itself. I think it allows my body to 'see the difference' and train up to improvements. Yes, I really think so.
I have gotten to nothing so I will be, as I suggested, restarting medicines. I am fearful. What I just went through as to fatigue and confusion, with angst and dark memories haunting me, is small potatoes. Like a rough white-water river can be bad, but now looking at paddling an open ocean. Both can be lethally difficult, but one is far more negotiable. In a river, if it looks bad, the shore is 'right there'. Just hiking your kit past a large fall, look ahead a bit to know what is beyond you, pay attention. On the ocean? Good fucking luck. Hope you don't run into a hurricane, or a shark that thinks you look tasty, or even a whale which thinks you are too close. Shore? What shore. But... that is where I am going. Not happy about it, but... Oh, I'll survive. I may not see you for a while, that's all. I ought to see if I have an appointment at cardiology any time soon before I lose track. Get that into the phone and trying to use it to keep some bearings. No, they don't want to see me. Mutual but it's their job and my life, it's the way of things.
Good day.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
While I sufffer...
.
.
My mind, like an old hound too old for the chase, takes me to... a better state of the body. The soul? It was what it was. I have found better paths but I can't pass on the glory of those days, wrong as they were. Without the right tools you cannot build a castle... or a Church. Never the who. Yes, a bit of music.
.
My mind, like an old hound too old for the chase, takes me to... a better state of the body. The soul? It was what it was. I have found better paths but I can't pass on the glory of those days, wrong as they were. Without the right tools you cannot build a castle... or a Church. Never the who. Yes, a bit of music.
Tough day, now with sinus problems?
.
.
I can't be sure what the problem is, exactly. It feels like my upper left cheek bone and teeth are being mal-nipulated. It's not in the mouth, but up in the cavities in the cheek and jaw. I'm not having any other symptoms. I've had it before, from time to time, but I have never really known what it is. Slight aches from sleeping wrong persist, but are much more muted. And I am still quite tired. But I am up, woke easily enough, slept well, and have a plan or three. Oh, and taking my blood sugar at noon turned up a 120 on the meter. Wow, that's... not bad. I did have several cups of coffee... if what I call a cup isn't... fair. And, yes, a cup of heavy whipping cream per... dose. Give or take, mind you. Oh? You should see my beer glass. Just trying to keep sipping to a minimum, one way or another, as per doctor's orders. *salute*
No, I haven't gotten to anything. However, I have been looking around. I know what I want to do, when the window opens. It seems a silly thing, to be crippled up like this. I know the dietician I spoke with yesterday, and my doctors, don't understand. They don't really believe, not fully, either. Or, more, they are borderline. The problem, for them, is that they don't think I look that ill. Perhaps some of them truly don't understand the severity the tests indicate. Believe some test or my own damn lying eyes, I suppose some of them might say. At least at the cardiology clinic they DO understand. They won't help me out with it, but, yeah, they get it. They do believe the testing, especially when coupled with some of their own little tricks. So, I am where I am at, will do what I can when I can, and am hoping it happens soon. I don't have a lot more input to make. But if nothing is done by Friday I will simply go back on medications as that may be the only, eventual, way to... something again.
I ought to get working on the haiku contest. It's nice to have that figured out before the time or it just doesn't get the attention it deserves. Getting people to even participate has been murderously difficult lately. Busy, busy, sick, and lame. If nothing else though, a shot at fame. I won't go there, but I always do. Save when the theme is to akin, to me, of poo! Hush.
Later.
.
I ought to get working on the haiku contest. It's nice to have that figured out before the time or it just doesn't get the attention it deserves. Getting people to even participate has been murderously difficult lately. Busy, busy, sick, and lame. If nothing else though, a shot at fame. I won't go there, but I always do. Save when the theme is to akin, to me, of poo! Hush.
Later.
If you had told me...
.
.
While I saw it coming, the speed of change has been incredible. I had some hope to outlive the fall. Here it is.
When academics are upset by policy? This is what they have been pushing and hosting since the 70's. Perhaps they merely thought they were, mostly, exempt much as congress. Tools don't get a pass. If they had kept in touch with actual history they would have known that. Their bad. I guess being reported to the feds for not playing ball got their attention.
In Illinois, the governor has released the names of people who care for disabled family members to a union. Which means union thugs have been invading homes to try to force people onto their shrinking rolls. Really? Yes, really. While the Supreme Court has decided to take up the lawsuit against the governor's zero-like state level executive order, just how much faith do you still have with the Supreme Court? As I see it, it is a broken, failed, dead arm of government at this point.
And finally, as far as the losing homefront goes, the thug in chief has tried to block WWII veterans from visiting the memorial built FOR them. The vets aren't taking it lying down, old and tired as they must be. For some of them, I truly do believe Zero is trying to deny them a once in a lifetime event, and probably the last time they will get to visit the monument and park.
At least Russia is doing something positive. They are doing what America failed to do until we became ruled by these types. I love the article. I can only imagine what it must be like to not have access to organic food, or the horror of second hand smoke, or being just ever so slightly chilly. As to the latter, it seems their protest of the use of fossil fuels has bitten them in their frosty asses. One can only hope they get a cushy prison, somewhere in Siberia. Perhaps working in a coal mine would keep them warm? Added to this would be that Putin kept us out of a war with Syria. The man is downright pro-American when compared to Zero.
.
While I saw it coming, the speed of change has been incredible. I had some hope to outlive the fall. Here it is.
Avoiding Hollywood, especially what they advertise heavily.
.
.
I simply have blown Hollywood off. It has, at the least, stopped being an American institution. Which is fine, if their business is for foreigners, I just consider it an export franchise and leave it at that. The anti-Americanism reached a level so as to make all of their major stars and productions toxic to locals, if they stopped and thought about it. Then again who was it that Romans through to the lions to entertain the masses? It was their own countrymen for the most part. So it goes, I suppose. For my part, I simply have declined to accept. Having said that, I have seen a few movies in the latter years. Most do not fail to disappoint in their worthlessness. Once in a while, however...
Over at AoSHQ, there was a link to a list of movies that, for various reasons, I may consider viewing. Sorry, I don't seem to be able to link to the exact post, and the particular bit was a part of a larger smorgasbord of links and notions anyway. But they often have interesting stuff, so visit if you are curious about... things... almost anything. As to the movies, rental, if they can be found, or purchase if in the cheap enough section somewhere. Not all of them, mind you. But what I might would almost certainly be different from what you would choose.
Now, I have looked at the trailers for the movies I want to see, and they look like they might do. Big, bold, hard, different. I don't see much multicultural or anti-me stuff, though I will do more research on the cast and look a bit closer. I hate biting into a great looking steak only to find out it is a crap sandwich with a faux exterior. I have seen one of the movies, Pandorum. And, while not a super movie, it was at least entertaining and non-offensive... assuming you can handle hard realities, hard choices, and some mind-bending final understandings. Zouch. Truth be told, I was pretty sure what was going to happen by the end, just not all the details. And it wasn't truly mindbending, to me, just... interesting. Still... The only problem I had watching it is that I was too often distracted by looking for the typical Hollywood political and social asshattery so that I sometimes couldn't keep focused... that sort of keeps me from entering into a movie. Don't even look at me that way. Entering a movie that is against your moral, social, religious, and political beliefs is selling out. Believe. It IS indoctrination. Enjoy that if you will, I refuse. Anyway, after having seen, and approving of, Pandorum, I am more inclined to give the movies on the list which interest me a shot. I love a well told, or visually stunning, performance as much as the next. I just won't sell my soul to enjoy it. Oh, I have also seen Descent. It was okay. It's not really my type of horror, but beside that it was intense. It didn't contain one aspect of the horror genre, dealing with women, that I really don't like. For that alone it gets a boost. Not bad, a solid good, but not truly great, either. As I recall.
Rough, this morning. I needed a bit extra sleep. I did stay up until 21:30 or so, I think. I almost, or did, stretch that a bit much. Waking at... who knows, but before 6:00 by a half an hour or two... I am a bit sore and tired this morning. I am pretty sure I slept wrong, but nothing I did with the pillows and rolling allowed for comfort last night. Lower back is rough, most upper body joints feel just every so slightly out of alignment, and there was a headache, if that seems to be easing a bit. Yeah, my exhaustion, this time, isn't just mental. And the little drives and efforts the last few days have strained my resources.
Hmm, but... before I go back on insulin they want me to do blood sugar tests four times a day. I just about protested, but I think I can do this for the few days they want it done. I won't do that on a permanent basis, usually only testing three times a week max. I simply won't do that. Nasty it is. Anyway, the sooner I get going on that the sooner it will be finished. *poke*
Still, my goal today is to do a full day, if a nap may be required. I might have to limit the nap with an alarm and a lot of willpower though. Getting the testing done rightly. Hmm, best set an alarm or it will be forgotten in the fog. And, as I suggested, I will begin looking for little tasks to do. Tasks, specifically, which will open up the possibility of doing bigger tasks when I can finally get to those. Baby steps, always, and again, baby steps, and those are only hoped, planned, not guaranteed. But it's all I have to give. If not today then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then the next day. Making and keeping goals in mind until I can do them has been a huge part of my successes. I have to remember, I have been more successful, seen more things done, in the last few years than in the last 25 before them, combined. I must remember, when in a slump, that I am indeed getting somewhere. Not far, not fast, not laudable for most, but with my givens? Golden.
Later.
.
I simply have blown Hollywood off. It has, at the least, stopped being an American institution. Which is fine, if their business is for foreigners, I just consider it an export franchise and leave it at that. The anti-Americanism reached a level so as to make all of their major stars and productions toxic to locals, if they stopped and thought about it. Then again who was it that Romans through to the lions to entertain the masses? It was their own countrymen for the most part. So it goes, I suppose. For my part, I simply have declined to accept. Having said that, I have seen a few movies in the latter years. Most do not fail to disappoint in their worthlessness. Once in a while, however...
Over at AoSHQ, there was a link to a list of movies that, for various reasons, I may consider viewing. Sorry, I don't seem to be able to link to the exact post, and the particular bit was a part of a larger smorgasbord of links and notions anyway. But they often have interesting stuff, so visit if you are curious about... things... almost anything. As to the movies, rental, if they can be found, or purchase if in the cheap enough section somewhere. Not all of them, mind you. But what I might would almost certainly be different from what you would choose.
Now, I have looked at the trailers for the movies I want to see, and they look like they might do. Big, bold, hard, different. I don't see much multicultural or anti-me stuff, though I will do more research on the cast and look a bit closer. I hate biting into a great looking steak only to find out it is a crap sandwich with a faux exterior. I have seen one of the movies, Pandorum. And, while not a super movie, it was at least entertaining and non-offensive... assuming you can handle hard realities, hard choices, and some mind-bending final understandings. Zouch. Truth be told, I was pretty sure what was going to happen by the end, just not all the details. And it wasn't truly mindbending, to me, just... interesting. Still... The only problem I had watching it is that I was too often distracted by looking for the typical Hollywood political and social asshattery so that I sometimes couldn't keep focused... that sort of keeps me from entering into a movie. Don't even look at me that way. Entering a movie that is against your moral, social, religious, and political beliefs is selling out. Believe. It IS indoctrination. Enjoy that if you will, I refuse. Anyway, after having seen, and approving of, Pandorum, I am more inclined to give the movies on the list which interest me a shot. I love a well told, or visually stunning, performance as much as the next. I just won't sell my soul to enjoy it. Oh, I have also seen Descent. It was okay. It's not really my type of horror, but beside that it was intense. It didn't contain one aspect of the horror genre, dealing with women, that I really don't like. For that alone it gets a boost. Not bad, a solid good, but not truly great, either. As I recall.
Rough, this morning. I needed a bit extra sleep. I did stay up until 21:30 or so, I think. I almost, or did, stretch that a bit much. Waking at... who knows, but before 6:00 by a half an hour or two... I am a bit sore and tired this morning. I am pretty sure I slept wrong, but nothing I did with the pillows and rolling allowed for comfort last night. Lower back is rough, most upper body joints feel just every so slightly out of alignment, and there was a headache, if that seems to be easing a bit. Yeah, my exhaustion, this time, isn't just mental. And the little drives and efforts the last few days have strained my resources.
Hmm, but... before I go back on insulin they want me to do blood sugar tests four times a day. I just about protested, but I think I can do this for the few days they want it done. I won't do that on a permanent basis, usually only testing three times a week max. I simply won't do that. Nasty it is. Anyway, the sooner I get going on that the sooner it will be finished. *poke*
Still, my goal today is to do a full day, if a nap may be required. I might have to limit the nap with an alarm and a lot of willpower though. Getting the testing done rightly. Hmm, best set an alarm or it will be forgotten in the fog. And, as I suggested, I will begin looking for little tasks to do. Tasks, specifically, which will open up the possibility of doing bigger tasks when I can finally get to those. Baby steps, always, and again, baby steps, and those are only hoped, planned, not guaranteed. But it's all I have to give. If not today then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then the next day. Making and keeping goals in mind until I can do them has been a huge part of my successes. I have to remember, I have been more successful, seen more things done, in the last few years than in the last 25 before them, combined. I must remember, when in a slump, that I am indeed getting somewhere. Not far, not fast, not laudable for most, but with my givens? Golden.
Later.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Well, okay, a haiku contest is on the menu.
.
.
It seems foam has chosen one of my poems from the contest. I am always a bit pleased, a bit surprised, and a bit disappointed, winning or losing. Can't please Doom, you say? Well, true... but like a friend of mine always says. "Hush." I think he means it. I know I do. Hush. If I were solidly, purely, logical, this discussion would not occur. For my part I am pleased to be quite, and simply, organic, and with split decisions not always requiring certainty or a final analysis.
The poem that won surprised me. I always have my favorites, for others and for myself. The first one of mine was probably my favored, then the one about a cat's eye due to the humor of the visual, with the one about imaginings pulling up the rear but being more... generic, for a general audience. Still, that is the wonderful part about having judges on a rotating basis. The one which took the laurel? I am always curious as to the choosing, but do not wish to burden others. Our judges have been so busy in their own lives, lately. But, having been a judge, I know that there isn't always an answer. Save perhaps the simple "Because".
.
It seems foam has chosen one of my poems from the contest. I am always a bit pleased, a bit surprised, and a bit disappointed, winning or losing. Can't please Doom, you say? Well, true... but like a friend of mine always says. "Hush." I think he means it. I know I do. Hush. If I were solidly, purely, logical, this discussion would not occur. For my part I am pleased to be quite, and simply, organic, and with split decisions not always requiring certainty or a final analysis.
The poem that won surprised me. I always have my favorites, for others and for myself. The first one of mine was probably my favored, then the one about a cat's eye due to the humor of the visual, with the one about imaginings pulling up the rear but being more... generic, for a general audience. Still, that is the wonderful part about having judges on a rotating basis. The one which took the laurel? I am always curious as to the choosing, but do not wish to burden others. Our judges have been so busy in their own lives, lately. But, having been a judge, I know that there isn't always an answer. Save perhaps the simple "Because".
to see in the night
is to see into the soul
darkness is not evil
The nice thing about getting one picked that wasn't among my favorites, though, is the notion that others see things I can't. In my work, maybe in me. I know I see a lot of good in a lot of other people, people who don't see it in themselves. It is a reminder that, perhaps, others see things they like that I don't see in me. That goes to Christian ethics, but also to some of what I saw at Burning Man. Now, to get the two groups to... associate. I think there would be some surprises. Never the who...
As to what and when? I hope to have something out Friday, if I can contain myself. Maybe Thursday but I am trying to be more official. I am quite excited to get a contest going though. I, myself like, and sometimes need, long simmer times. I have worked up the brass to put something on the haiku plate immediately, usually, save when I'm being a big baby about something or in a fit... Still, I know others just can't always do that. I want em' large, tall, long, fast, slow. I want all who can to write. I've become a sucker for haiku.
I'll be thinking between now and then, perhaps even have the post written up and ready, so I can just deliver it at a more appropriate time. Later... Hmm, no. Good night.
Haiku Monday - Nocturnal or Night
.
.
It seems foam has been chosen to chair the judges post. She has decided the theme, and posted her spot regarding the notion. Join and play if you so choose and have a moment or want. Yes, yes, I have offered several. More to come on such a... precious topic, and with health and mind back in line a bit.
.
It seems foam has been chosen to chair the judges post. She has decided the theme, and posted her spot regarding the notion. Join and play if you so choose and have a moment or want. Yes, yes, I have offered several. More to come on such a... precious topic, and with health and mind back in line a bit.
muted shades glisten
sound and shape blurred, cool falls
life for some starts - ends
-----------
to see in the night
is to see into the soul
darkness is not evil
-----------
a cat's eye, open
sense of being unseen, yum! -
cloaked in freedom
-----------
the scent of quiet
dew and quickened flora growth
restful xor fervent
-----------
imaginings come
without conveyances of day-
a gift from our nature
-----------
dew and quickened flora growth
restful xor fervent
-----------
without conveyances of day-
a gift from our nature
-----------
I did make it.
.
.
Brutal though. While I am "doing days" again, finally, I am pushing it to do whole days. Tossing in prep for a trip, then driving several hours up and back, plus a doctor or medical visit, and I am toast. An appointment yesterday, but much closer. Then again I almost canceled that. Rough I tell you.
The appointment today regarded carb counting. As well, I wasn't sure where to start my insulin, so asked about that. Okay, despite my... doubts... I think the trip was well worth the effort. I certainly understand things a bit better, at least from their standpoint. I was also orally and in paper, given information about what is what. I had actually considered milk as a protein and fat, but they showed it as a carb. A list of various carb charts, by levels, some added information. Yeah, well... I suppose I had tried to consider a diet, not as in weight lost but as in what to eat daily, for some time. I became tangled up. Perhaps I will try to eat a bit more often, as well, and begin exploring these things again. Start from the start and go from there.
Now, after the appointment, I splurged right away. Beef ribs, smoked, with tea, coleslaw, and steak fries. The meat was probably fine, if the sauce was probably not. Fries, I am told, are to be limited to ten. I only, officially, counted nine. I am unofficially certain there were more. Ah, but that is the most I have had in some time. My bad, probably one I will repeat each time I go to town there. Thankfully, like the police at the door of a loud party, they don't want to see me again, or soon. So, no problems.
I want to go to bed so badly. I will push it though, at least to 19:30-20:00, maybe a bit later. I sleep better if I push it. I am also hoping that the last few days won't break me down but build me up. So that I can then get to some things here in the house. Gosh but I need to do some things. Zapped though, hard. Tomorrow? Not so much, probably a simple recovery. Though I will be trying to motate a bit more, and... see and do. Just little things. But those lead into bigger things if I focus the little things on getting to the bigger things. *sigh* I do try, you know.
Be well. Later. Unless I don't make it back to the machine. Good night if not.
.
Brutal though. While I am "doing days" again, finally, I am pushing it to do whole days. Tossing in prep for a trip, then driving several hours up and back, plus a doctor or medical visit, and I am toast. An appointment yesterday, but much closer. Then again I almost canceled that. Rough I tell you.
The appointment today regarded carb counting. As well, I wasn't sure where to start my insulin, so asked about that. Okay, despite my... doubts... I think the trip was well worth the effort. I certainly understand things a bit better, at least from their standpoint. I was also orally and in paper, given information about what is what. I had actually considered milk as a protein and fat, but they showed it as a carb. A list of various carb charts, by levels, some added information. Yeah, well... I suppose I had tried to consider a diet, not as in weight lost but as in what to eat daily, for some time. I became tangled up. Perhaps I will try to eat a bit more often, as well, and begin exploring these things again. Start from the start and go from there.
Now, after the appointment, I splurged right away. Beef ribs, smoked, with tea, coleslaw, and steak fries. The meat was probably fine, if the sauce was probably not. Fries, I am told, are to be limited to ten. I only, officially, counted nine. I am unofficially certain there were more. Ah, but that is the most I have had in some time. My bad, probably one I will repeat each time I go to town there. Thankfully, like the police at the door of a loud party, they don't want to see me again, or soon. So, no problems.
I want to go to bed so badly. I will push it though, at least to 19:30-20:00, maybe a bit later. I sleep better if I push it. I am also hoping that the last few days won't break me down but build me up. So that I can then get to some things here in the house. Gosh but I need to do some things. Zapped though, hard. Tomorrow? Not so much, probably a simple recovery. Though I will be trying to motate a bit more, and... see and do. Just little things. But those lead into bigger things if I focus the little things on getting to the bigger things. *sigh* I do try, you know.
Be well. Later. Unless I don't make it back to the machine. Good night if not.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Easily mistaken.
.
.
The way I write and the vids, music, and lyrics I present could easily allow some to think, perhaps, that I am a hidden monster. And, while that is true, it isn't true in the way it might appear on the surface. No man, or woman, need fear, lest they present me with what they shouldn't. Unwarranted violence, love that is not ripe, these things have lead me down some... questionable roads. But it isn't who I am or even truly what I have sought, only the facts of life for those who travel without purpose or warrant.
.
The way I write and the vids, music, and lyrics I present could easily allow some to think, perhaps, that I am a hidden monster. And, while that is true, it isn't true in the way it might appear on the surface. No man, or woman, need fear, lest they present me with what they shouldn't. Unwarranted violence, love that is not ripe, these things have lead me down some... questionable roads. But it isn't who I am or even truly what I have sought, only the facts of life for those who travel without purpose or warrant.
The truth behind feminism.
.
.
I have been told, and it is obvious to see in the historical records, women have taken their seat in society beside men. Their are more women in undergraduate studies and graduate studies by many accounts. As well, more women, now, are working then men. While they are at about 19% in congress, a slip of a percent iirc, it is supposed that all things are now open to women. Women, in some nations, and on limited bases, were being given the vote as early as the early 1700's, with restrictions, often limited to widows, propertied taxpayers, or for local elections.
As progressives gained power, on the backs of improving standards of living and wealth, more nations allowed women to vote. It is plain to see that in underdeveloped nations that did not take root early, well, or easily and is often contested today. As with atheists riding the coattails of Christianity, living under those morals when that is or was the majority of the population, progressives road the coattails of industry. Simply in the wake of some things, other things seem to spring up. Things which are just as often as not quite contrary to their progenitors. Call it rot to wood or rust to steal and iron. As with an atheist society, a feminist society will in time undo the freedoms which allowed it to occur if left unchecked. And it has been left unchecked.
At this point in time, even discussing the fact that women are not equal to men can cause some, many, most women, and some, many, men, to become rather undone. A fact, known by all of history, is unknown to an educated populace... but how? An education system run by women, for and by the government, has lead to a complete disavowal of the truth of the matter, many matters actually. This doesn't change the facts, it merely makes discussing them uncomfortable for those who have hidden from them. I am absolutely surprised we haven't brought back feinting couches. When I am in mixed company they would certainly be welcome, for some.
Now, for a while, I really thought women were to blame. Quite honestly, I don't see that now. Feminists are, and have always, merely been faces for other forces. Speak with a feminists, with authority, and you will understand the chicanery of such a notion. And I did consider whether our forefathers of just a few generations back were to blame for being weak-kneed. Again, I don't think so. They had as much power to affect things as we do now, sum total, which is not much. So I started looking at what would be to fault. As it turns out, it was small but powerful political movements and large businesses which saw the usefulness of allowing women to vote.
Those political movements realized women would, did, and still do, vote in a very particular way. That way allows certain entities access to power. Power no free man would give them, and didn't. The power to even consider removing constitutional rights. The power to create a central bank and keep it for eighty years. The power to pat down grandmother's, children, even babies, even strip search them, at airports. No free man would allow such a thing. Well, okay, there are some. But they are a vast minority, and not free.
As for business? While still cynical about the notions, they did realize putting more of the population to work would cheapen labor. Further, with women working, fewer children would be born, which would allow them to demand that immigration be allowed, as per their needs, legal or otherwise. National identity? Who cares, it's the next billion in the bank that is important. It is always the bottom line.
The results are as predicted. Oh, yes, there were grumps like me from back when. Chesterton comes to mind. There is Clemens, though that depends on what part of his life one might be discussing. As he became doddering, I think foolishness came with it. Either that or one of those earthly angels got to him. What did he care, he was near the end.
We sit on the precipice of civilization. We are at, it has to be admitted, the pinnacle of what man has ever before achieved. We are also facing, for modern nations, a collapse in births and aging. Those brought in to do the work will not be able to sustain what has been built. Nor will they be interested in propping up and sustaining the doddering fools who let it all go for a few more dollars, useless as those are becoming, faster and faster. As well, the financial truth is everyone in the world owes everyone else more wealth than has ever functionally existed throughout all of man's time.
The edifice has crumbled, the floors are rotten, and looking down it is plain to see the structure was built on sand, and blood. The blood of those never born and those tossed to be ground in the machinery of wealth production, a wealth squandered on foolish bobbles, wine, and easy pleasures. Some things deserve, like few other things, to be destroyed, and by their own hand. Rome, to be sure, several times, fell, even similar reasons persisted if feminism wasn't among them as it is today. I bet you didn't know that they had the pill in Roman times, lost for thousands of years and for good reasons. So it goes, I suppose. But women can't be blamed for being allowed to do what women do. Blaming them for the mess is akin to blaming butterflies for hurricanes.
.
I have been told, and it is obvious to see in the historical records, women have taken their seat in society beside men. Their are more women in undergraduate studies and graduate studies by many accounts. As well, more women, now, are working then men. While they are at about 19% in congress, a slip of a percent iirc, it is supposed that all things are now open to women. Women, in some nations, and on limited bases, were being given the vote as early as the early 1700's, with restrictions, often limited to widows, propertied taxpayers, or for local elections.
As progressives gained power, on the backs of improving standards of living and wealth, more nations allowed women to vote. It is plain to see that in underdeveloped nations that did not take root early, well, or easily and is often contested today. As with atheists riding the coattails of Christianity, living under those morals when that is or was the majority of the population, progressives road the coattails of industry. Simply in the wake of some things, other things seem to spring up. Things which are just as often as not quite contrary to their progenitors. Call it rot to wood or rust to steal and iron. As with an atheist society, a feminist society will in time undo the freedoms which allowed it to occur if left unchecked. And it has been left unchecked.
Now, for a while, I really thought women were to blame. Quite honestly, I don't see that now. Feminists are, and have always, merely been faces for other forces. Speak with a feminists, with authority, and you will understand the chicanery of such a notion. And I did consider whether our forefathers of just a few generations back were to blame for being weak-kneed. Again, I don't think so. They had as much power to affect things as we do now, sum total, which is not much. So I started looking at what would be to fault. As it turns out, it was small but powerful political movements and large businesses which saw the usefulness of allowing women to vote.
Those political movements realized women would, did, and still do, vote in a very particular way. That way allows certain entities access to power. Power no free man would give them, and didn't. The power to even consider removing constitutional rights. The power to create a central bank and keep it for eighty years. The power to pat down grandmother's, children, even babies, even strip search them, at airports. No free man would allow such a thing. Well, okay, there are some. But they are a vast minority, and not free.
As for business? While still cynical about the notions, they did realize putting more of the population to work would cheapen labor. Further, with women working, fewer children would be born, which would allow them to demand that immigration be allowed, as per their needs, legal or otherwise. National identity? Who cares, it's the next billion in the bank that is important. It is always the bottom line.
The results are as predicted. Oh, yes, there were grumps like me from back when. Chesterton comes to mind. There is Clemens, though that depends on what part of his life one might be discussing. As he became doddering, I think foolishness came with it. Either that or one of those earthly angels got to him. What did he care, he was near the end.
We sit on the precipice of civilization. We are at, it has to be admitted, the pinnacle of what man has ever before achieved. We are also facing, for modern nations, a collapse in births and aging. Those brought in to do the work will not be able to sustain what has been built. Nor will they be interested in propping up and sustaining the doddering fools who let it all go for a few more dollars, useless as those are becoming, faster and faster. As well, the financial truth is everyone in the world owes everyone else more wealth than has ever functionally existed throughout all of man's time.
The edifice has crumbled, the floors are rotten, and looking down it is plain to see the structure was built on sand, and blood. The blood of those never born and those tossed to be ground in the machinery of wealth production, a wealth squandered on foolish bobbles, wine, and easy pleasures. Some things deserve, like few other things, to be destroyed, and by their own hand. Rome, to be sure, several times, fell, even similar reasons persisted if feminism wasn't among them as it is today. I bet you didn't know that they had the pill in Roman times, lost for thousands of years and for good reasons. So it goes, I suppose. But women can't be blamed for being allowed to do what women do. Blaming them for the mess is akin to blaming butterflies for hurricanes.
D.I.Y. funerary statue?
.
.
I've sure thought about it. Look, I have probably 20 years to get the thing done, maybe more. Certainly if I found a wife I would be forced to live at least 30, and maybe 40 more years. Trust me. Wives don't let their men just run off. Heh. In that time I could carve something wonderful. I could go slowly, so as to do it right. It would be ready to weigh down wherever I am put to keep me there. Oh, and yes, I have an image in mind.
.
I've sure thought about it. Look, I have probably 20 years to get the thing done, maybe more. Certainly if I found a wife I would be forced to live at least 30, and maybe 40 more years. Trust me. Wives don't let their men just run off. Heh. In that time I could carve something wonderful. I could go slowly, so as to do it right. It would be ready to weigh down wherever I am put to keep me there. Oh, and yes, I have an image in mind.
(patina and finishes not included)
They couldn't be too large. Simply the cost of materials would be prohibitive. But what stone alone would cost, compared to what workmanship would cost along with it, is nearly negligible. Which would you choose, for me, if you had the option? The top being a mixed breed, the bottom being the angel of death, victorious, most likely one of the good ones often credited as such, St. Michael or St. Gabriel, not Abbadon or Samael, mind you. True, the Catholic Church does not sanction, to my knowledge, assigning tasks to specific angels. Just... clarifying a bit.
Haircut went well. The young lady had seen the commercial for the gift in question, and was quite pleased with it. She had thought to gift the product for Christmas, and wondered if it really works. I shall find out when I return shortly before Christmas. I certainly hope it works, and provides the new queen a powerful... weapon in her quest to keep the throne... sweet smelling. :) I told her my BMan, and functional side, name, so her title. The Hairdresser of Doom! She liked it. I told her just a bit about BMan, but being tired I really just said that I thought it to be a fantastic experience. I had no trouble keeping to my notions and survived, and enjoyed the trip. I brought my camera this time, so I have some pictures of my hair, and her. I asked if she minded if I posted. She thought that would be fine. So, as soon as I figure that out I will put up some photos.
A lunch on the way home. But boy am I bushed. I have a trip tomorrow, to the clinic. I best check what time that is. Early afternoon it seems. At least it fits into the middle of my "day". I wanted to try and stop in to see my friend but I simply didn't have anything left. I also wanted to check another store for .22 bullets but that was a no-go as well. I simply didn't have anything to put in the effort pot. Bankrupt of energy to the bone. I almost canceled the haircut but... I saw it early enough that I was able to rouse myself. So tired. So very tired. Later.
Up and at it.
.
.
I've been up since 3:00 or so, to bed by 19:00, give or take. Sleep has been good. I did crash yesterday. No worry about not getting sleep, no choice. Making it a full day, though, is satisfying. I am pushing to be able to do that some days though. The clouds seem to have lifted today though so maybe I can get back to doing things. When it clouds over, especially before I am quite set for winter, I can crash. I understand the problems it would be to be the moon, if the moon had feelings. We are both tied to the sun, but both of us have our own... difficulties with the sun as well. Overshadowed in a direct contest but not visible without it for the moon. My relationship is just as contentious.
A couple of fried hot dogs with a can of chili and hoagie buns. The hot dogs and chili were fine, but the bread... a bit of an overdose there I think. I feel like I just drank a liter of sugary soda. I may be getting as bad as Desert Cat. Then again it might be the type of bread. Well, and they have started adding sugar to everything. I didn't look at the ingredients, something I usually do. Perhaps the fat they used, as well. I'll look at that later.
I went to check when my hair cut appointment is. Good thing I looked. Today is the day, in the early afternoon. Which means I need to get a shower in, get properly dressed, and head to town very shortly. Plus I have an appointment with the diabetes clinic tomorrow. All good. A bit of a drive and two busy days, for me, of late. Maybe they will bust me out of my coma. Sure, I have been better. But just being able to do days, not much else. And not feeling as tired when awake. Not much of an improvement. I'll take it, but I am asking for a "raise". Just enough to get some things sorted so my pending down time is more comfortable. Le sighe.
Wow, I'm almost loopy from lunch. I really do think it was the bread. There is a man in Texas who it is believed fermented beer in his stomach, or g.i. tract. No, really. I don't think that is my problem, more a diabetes thing. Then again I might have overeaten? No, just two dogs and half a can of chili at most. Bread. I'll have to watch that a bit more closely. Whole grains, mixed especially, and rye for sure, don't do this.
On with it, in... a bit. Time sure flies though. Later.
.
I've been up since 3:00 or so, to bed by 19:00, give or take. Sleep has been good. I did crash yesterday. No worry about not getting sleep, no choice. Making it a full day, though, is satisfying. I am pushing to be able to do that some days though. The clouds seem to have lifted today though so maybe I can get back to doing things. When it clouds over, especially before I am quite set for winter, I can crash. I understand the problems it would be to be the moon, if the moon had feelings. We are both tied to the sun, but both of us have our own... difficulties with the sun as well. Overshadowed in a direct contest but not visible without it for the moon. My relationship is just as contentious.
A couple of fried hot dogs with a can of chili and hoagie buns. The hot dogs and chili were fine, but the bread... a bit of an overdose there I think. I feel like I just drank a liter of sugary soda. I may be getting as bad as Desert Cat. Then again it might be the type of bread. Well, and they have started adding sugar to everything. I didn't look at the ingredients, something I usually do. Perhaps the fat they used, as well. I'll look at that later.
I went to check when my hair cut appointment is. Good thing I looked. Today is the day, in the early afternoon. Which means I need to get a shower in, get properly dressed, and head to town very shortly. Plus I have an appointment with the diabetes clinic tomorrow. All good. A bit of a drive and two busy days, for me, of late. Maybe they will bust me out of my coma. Sure, I have been better. But just being able to do days, not much else. And not feeling as tired when awake. Not much of an improvement. I'll take it, but I am asking for a "raise". Just enough to get some things sorted so my pending down time is more comfortable. Le sighe.
Wow, I'm almost loopy from lunch. I really do think it was the bread. There is a man in Texas who it is believed fermented beer in his stomach, or g.i. tract. No, really. I don't think that is my problem, more a diabetes thing. Then again I might have overeaten? No, just two dogs and half a can of chili at most. Bread. I'll have to watch that a bit more closely. Whole grains, mixed especially, and rye for sure, don't do this.
On with it, in... a bit. Time sure flies though. Later.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Ugh? Yes. Definitely. Ugh.
.
.
I woke well, and about right on time. Slept well before that. And went to bed as hoped. No matter, even with the furnace pushed to 75 I simply can't get to things, anything really. And the blogosphere is deader than I am. Oh, I can read, a bit. And I can tinker if I don't use much energy. It just seems ugly. Is it the season? I am getting hit with a short term cool front, which does tend to slow things down. And less light seems to hit some switch in my brain which causes temporary zombie levels itself. Perhaps I am simply not the only one? Maybe I said something I shouldn't have? Wait, that's not a question.
I keep hoping that the vigor I had the other day returns. It was tough to get out, and even get geared for it the other day. I did buy some foods I can eat without cooking. Perhaps some of that would help. Braunschweiger isn't to everyone's taste, but I sure enjoy it once in a while. Hmm, I really out to get my grill together, that makes cooking quite simple. I also thawed a portion of corned beef yesterday, so I ought to get on that. I do have a clean pot, all the ingredients, and all it takes is a certain amount of time per pound. A simple sandwich, now, though, would help. Ugh... Perhaps this evening, a real meal!
I did find a hooded long sleeve t-shirt, as per Desert Cat's preference. Only I went with black. I keep telling him that black is quite comfortable in heat but he just won't believe me. I bought only one, to make sure it would fit. I had thought to buy two. But being how well I like them, I might buy a few more, and not just for camping. These are extremely comfy. While extra extra large are a bit baggy, it works great. It allows for a short sleeve t-shirt underneath it, and is long enough without being a tall. I don't like standard shirts this loose, I just fear that an extra large, or even a large, while the last would fit perfect I would have nothing to tuck. Even this size is pushing that. Yes, several of these would be quite nice, maybe a few white ones for under other shirts. Great, for me, for winter as well.
Yeah, later.
.
I woke well, and about right on time. Slept well before that. And went to bed as hoped. No matter, even with the furnace pushed to 75 I simply can't get to things, anything really. And the blogosphere is deader than I am. Oh, I can read, a bit. And I can tinker if I don't use much energy. It just seems ugly. Is it the season? I am getting hit with a short term cool front, which does tend to slow things down. And less light seems to hit some switch in my brain which causes temporary zombie levels itself. Perhaps I am simply not the only one? Maybe I said something I shouldn't have? Wait, that's not a question.
I keep hoping that the vigor I had the other day returns. It was tough to get out, and even get geared for it the other day. I did buy some foods I can eat without cooking. Perhaps some of that would help. Braunschweiger isn't to everyone's taste, but I sure enjoy it once in a while. Hmm, I really out to get my grill together, that makes cooking quite simple. I also thawed a portion of corned beef yesterday, so I ought to get on that. I do have a clean pot, all the ingredients, and all it takes is a certain amount of time per pound. A simple sandwich, now, though, would help. Ugh... Perhaps this evening, a real meal!
I did find a hooded long sleeve t-shirt, as per Desert Cat's preference. Only I went with black. I keep telling him that black is quite comfortable in heat but he just won't believe me. I bought only one, to make sure it would fit. I had thought to buy two. But being how well I like them, I might buy a few more, and not just for camping. These are extremely comfy. While extra extra large are a bit baggy, it works great. It allows for a short sleeve t-shirt underneath it, and is long enough without being a tall. I don't like standard shirts this loose, I just fear that an extra large, or even a large, while the last would fit perfect I would have nothing to tuck. Even this size is pushing that. Yes, several of these would be quite nice, maybe a few white ones for under other shirts. Great, for me, for winter as well.
Yeah, later.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Hmm, love, yes... There is that.
.
.
I have no misunderstanding, at this time, what love is. What it isn't. It isn't a magic pill that makes it all good. It's a lot of work. In many ways it is a pain in the assessments. I had half hoped Father would lift the command, shut off the... needs, wants. I am not sure if He won't... or if when He makes some things He makes them so well that they can't be undone. So, there it is. The want, need, for love remains, as strong as ever. Tempered, perhaps. Wizened, I should hope. With specific goals, understanding of limits, fresh though, like spring.
My understandings do not come from the minds of others alone. I have seen much, done much. Seeing, touching, feeling... smelling. I haven't hunted mates. They are the hunters. You merely make yourself their prey item, let them vie. Titrate that into, in my experience, action. Then in the past moving on was elemental. To be caught without anyone knowing then to undo even that little bit. Why? I don't know. I suppose it is what I was taught. I learned well.
.
I have no misunderstanding, at this time, what love is. What it isn't. It isn't a magic pill that makes it all good. It's a lot of work. In many ways it is a pain in the assessments. I had half hoped Father would lift the command, shut off the... needs, wants. I am not sure if He won't... or if when He makes some things He makes them so well that they can't be undone. So, there it is. The want, need, for love remains, as strong as ever. Tempered, perhaps. Wizened, I should hope. With specific goals, understanding of limits, fresh though, like spring.
My understandings do not come from the minds of others alone. I have seen much, done much. Seeing, touching, feeling... smelling. I haven't hunted mates. They are the hunters. You merely make yourself their prey item, let them vie. Titrate that into, in my experience, action. Then in the past moving on was elemental. To be caught without anyone knowing then to undo even that little bit. Why? I don't know. I suppose it is what I was taught. I learned well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)