Troubles with fasting.

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While I was chewing way too much gum, I have reviewed things.  While I didn't need it to fast as I had been, it might be useful at this point.  Part of the problem with fasting, currently, is not being on a good regular schedule.  I AM, probably, fasting... but in an uncontrolled manner.  Fasting and feasting, more than running a program.  So I have ordered enough gum for a good long period.  The hope is, though, that between using the calendar to know when and what I have eaten, plus the gum for control when I could otherwise slip, and going mostly back to plain tea, I might be able to get it all going again.

Beside feasting and fasting without a good handle on that, keeping up to cook isn't happening well either.  I'll keep at it.  At least I don't really need to go to the store for much, being primarily a meat eater.  Milk, eggs, that sort of thing.  Fruit once in a while, and now some vegetables.  But those are sides.  I can do without, for a long time, if needed.

Gabbing as usual.  It does seem that, at any time, I can quit the program.  I'm thinking on it.  Later.

Sleep is simply off.

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It looks like days and nights have halved.  About two per day.  Yeah.  Medicine and the season.  I can't quite get back onto medicine perfectly.  Too exhausted to focus and memory just doesn't survive the various seeming days and nights within each real day and night.  No worries, I don't feel horrible or anything.

Food... I just can't seem to eat much of it.  When I can bother to remember I am hungry.  Food just doesn't get digested anyway.  I've been munching on almonds, as they are easy and I can eat a small enough dose that they don't clog up the gut.  Yogurt too.  Which tells me it isn't mental tiredness, but my body simply not able to function.

I will keep thinking about what I wish to do.  Sometimes, if I see it and do it, work can draw me out of that dead zone.  Hmm... a bowl of yogurt, I think.  Later.

Awake at a normal time?

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Awake by 7:00, give or take an half hour.  I have three different times on various clocks for various reasons.  Softly waking means I am never sure which time I saw.  It is better than not remembering a time at all though.

I have no idea how to get going on things.  I know I wish to do so.  Even taking medicines regularly is a bit of a task.  Not a task I am successful regarding.  I do well for four to ten days then drop the habit.  It's not willful, it's simply incapacity.  No focus, foggy memory, poor time tracking.  No real problem if it isn't a real problem, I guess?  *grins*

I am not hungry.  I try to eat.  I make food from time to time.  Just... nothing really tastes good.  I have yogurt.  It's soft enough, and easy on the system.  Yeah, it's... to that.  My body has to work to hard to digest almost anything, which is a part of the problem.

I'm not terribly ill or such, save that time with the doctor.  Then again, as with when I tried to push through to get to the doctor, if I feel bad, and I back off and go to bed if necessary, it all works.  I get better quickly.  Not ill, just not really in charge of my schedule and at risk if I attempt to push it.  Just of illness.  I suspect I could function quite well, but there would be a price.  I've done that often enough.

On the good side, I may be getting back on schedule so I might be able to make the next visit.  He had an opening fairly soon, so it'll work out.  Later.

Wonderful.

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As headaches go.  Not a migraine.  I have given it enough time, I do believe.  I hate medicine, even, perhaps especially, painkillers.  Pain has made me what I am, like it or not.  Still, this stupid little thing has had enough of my time and patience.

I am feeling better.  I don't think I have good control of my sleep/wake cycles though.  Which... was what I ran into.  Between this and that, I run a very rough range.  Sleeping six to maybe fourteen hours, but staying up from twelve to twenty four hours.  Once in a while I crash short, but mostly if I've done a couple of long hauls, and then probably back to back or more.  It is what it is... Fall to winter crashes versus the push to not fall.  Massive effort against the fall of a titan.

Tonight?  I don't know.  I am in the process of making a meatzza.  I would like a shower.  Perhaps some work in the bathroom, kitchen, or both.  If I get the shower in a timely manner, I may hit a load of laundry.  And... dishes are always something to do.  Bleh.  I truly hate dishes.  Even with disposable, there is always something to wash.  Always.  Always.

Gabbing a bit.  This time of night it's mostly Brits and cousins.  They don't understand us anymore than we really understand them.  They aren't fighters.  Some small history of it, but...  More like hobbits compared to men, really.  Brits have gotten in it, but they are horrible at war.  For them it has always been survival, no more.  And they aren't very good at it.  Their elitist classes are worse than ours, and totally based on who, not what is known.  So... it's slow to gab at this time of day/night.  And... they keep to their own, somehow.

Well?  I don't know.  Later.

Missed the appointment.

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Rough.  I woke in time.  I was simply horribly off.  Sick.  A bit of nausea, a general sense akin to vertigo, and some other general problems.  Nothing serious, but... hmm... grounding.  I could get in to shower.  I had to sleep more.  Rough, rotten, untenable.  Still, I called to reschedule.  No fuss it seems.

Why so ill though?  I haven't felt bad for a very long time.  Perhaps lethargic, not ill.  And this was something else.  As illness goes, it was bad.  The thing is, just a few hours more sleep and it is completely gone.  Well, mostly.  What remains... I'm not even sure it was involved with that.  It may just be typical creaks, groans, and such from life.  What remains doesn't seem associated.

I am rather tired, and sore about the shoulders.  No idea why the soreness.  I think the exhaustion is simply less sun and cooler temps.  Seasonal.  All good.  I just wish I could catch a break on that.  Sometimes, if I can get used to it, I can come back part or full.  I'd like to get back to work on some things.  I like to work.  And I like what work creates.

Later.

More reading?

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Maybe.  With Dantes finished, I may move on to the new testament, but this time in full study mode.  Not only do I want to look at the notes much more closely, and of course review any cited material, but also look at a good study guide.  Perhaps the whole new testament, or many just a focus on the gospels?  As the seasons change, this might be a good way to stay focused.  I may need to source a study guide I find acceptable.  Just because it says Catholic doesn't mean it is, or even if it is that it will suffice.  Much of Catholicism has been adulterated, more so since the Vatican II, then faster and faster with these last popes.  Perhaps there is something from before.

Hmm... Okay.

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Whatever went wrong seemed to have corrected.  I seem, now, to be able to visit blogs.  And that post did go through.  Or seems to be in place from my perspective.  Difficult to know otherwise.  Later.

I am not sure what happened.

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It looks like the browser I have been using no longer works to view other blogs.  I seem to still be able to blog.  This is a bit of a test for that.

I can't seem to get going in life.  If you can't get going, the best thing to do is fall back and regroup.  If you have to fall, fall somewhere more comfortable or close enough to get there.  Some people don't get the option, I have it so employ it.  I will keep looking for opportunities.  I simply haven't been seeing them.

Medicine has become quite regular.  Just getting that back on track will help, if I am not quite up to specs.  Still, twice daily, so as I add the last medicine, then increase dosage, it should be smooth.  Depending on how bumpy the start of carvedilol is.  That can be a monster or simple, I never know.

My feet are really back in shape.  They are still healing, but well and well into that.  There were some serious risks with them.  And, even with the good, they are still a weak spot.

I've been comfortable with the house at 66.  I don't think that is holding me back, to be honest.  I don't get that zombie cold sensation when it is too cold.  I am back to having a fairly warm body, if I can handle warm days still too.  Something is right, that is how it used to be.  Hot, cold, humid, arid, it really didn't matter to extremes most people couldn't take.  Whatever I am doing, it seems to be about right.  Probably.

Later.

Conversations lead places.

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Various people, men for our part, women for their part, in various topical and not conversations, spun my mind into considerations.  How fickle love, even if true, and the grandeur of it?  Maybe.  How trusting, foolish, and necessary... love that is.  Maybe.  Such a strange thing.  Would only fools dare?  I hope not.  While a fool in many ways... then again.  Maybe.

A different dinner.

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Oh, well, not an every night event.  Still, once in a while, a treat is good.  A feast.  Have you ever eaten signal crawfish?  It was in the works for a while.  That and some very good adds, including shrimp, red potatoes, fresh (somehow(?)) green beans, onions, spices, and such?  Oh, right.  Not a meal for every day, or even monthly.  I am still rolling my eyes back in my head.  A lot of work for a little meat.  True.  But beats a fork soup diet.  It was quite good.  In a few months, or so, give or take and all, I might have to do oysters.  Share out for a hand shucking.  Some for half-shell, some to be frozen for soup?  Yeah.  That would be nice.  If you've ever been sea-side and more, don't eat anything.  That stuff is addictive!  And pricey if you move away.  Then again, they usually don't have good meat on the hoof.  A good steak, seaside, costs as good seafood does inland.  Gah!  There has to be a better way?  Really, though?  I don't think so.

I've been Gabbing like a fool.  Oh, I mean online.  I can't do a whole lot more, right now.  I should be acclimating to medicine before long, but then I have to add another, then do a couple of titrations.  So... it's not going to be quick or easy.  I will push when I can, I just haven't had... the pedal is mush.  While that isn't an improvement, clarity is better.  I'll take what I can get.

I found another tv series I thought I might like.  I ordered a few seasons, and will after seeing the first season, order the rest.  Teen Werewolf, or some such.  Yes, from mtv.  The music sucks, unlike Supernatural.  But the story is okay, so far.  Yeah, the teen stuff sucks, as with the romance and such from Supernatural.  Ew, kissing.  Yeah, maybe I've become a pre-teen again.  Though, maybe that is just a guy thing.  Especially a single guy.  I may check out Diaries of a Vampire and the Originals too.  Hey, other than the trampy, trashy, chick-flick aspects, some of these are okay.  Except for the kissing, if I didn't mention.  But then again, I've never really been a voyeur.  Just isn't my gig.  Play or do not, but don't watch.  Heck, I'm that way with sports too.  Uhrm... in a very different different way.  *blink, blink*

Uhm?  Later.

Yes, starting medicines can be a drag.

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Not so much... hmm... troubles... merely losing concentration.  I've been on them a couple of days, for sure, again.  Tracking well enough, if I had to make some changes.  Keeping up, just on food, forget blogging, has been... interesting.  I am trying to mix in more good carbs, as it is somewhat needed, while still trying to keep those down as far as possible.  After this two-week setup, I will begin switching in carvedilol.  Yeah, it takes a while.  Everything has to be perfect, then I have to be in shape to fill the dispenser, then I have to... be will and able to take a nosedive.  I am a reluctant patient.  If someone wants to clean and cook, I would do it more quickly.  Barring that, wait.

Gabbing is continuing.  They are trying to welcome leftists on.  The problem?  Question a lefty in the least and they run away to where no one doubts their lies and foolishness.  Yes, they know they are lying.  That is why they try to angle in to it.  If they don't look directly at their lies, I think they think they can believe.  When shown, and forced to look directly into the matter, their theories splinter and shatter.  Their ego is so involved with their lies that they simply can't handle the truth.  So... gab gives those "harrassing" the lefties a shadowban timeout.  It doesn't seem permanent, it does happen.

I see gab as just another form of twitter at this point.  They want both demographics, left and right, for advertising.  No more, no less.  It's simply a business.  And the only way to ensure that is to shadow ban whichever group seems weakest, prone to fleeing the truth or direct debate, needing a safe space.  They are only, perhaps, better than twitter in that the bans aren't permanent.  But, no, you can't speak freely always.  So... get that straight.

I am still working on developing the account... adding those I follow, some following back, commenting, and just reading.  I am not sure when an account can be ended.  Not yet, the mechanisms aren't in place.  Yes, I am considering ending my account when that is available, give or take.  Maybe this one too.  Just... leaving the interwebs as I left television.  I suppose I have to keep an email, but if those things happen, it will just be for business.

Maybe.  I have things to do and these things are distractions... and costs.  Later.

Sure cleared up fast.

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I went from being rough to being well before dinner yesterday.  I am doing well again.  Sluggish, a bit, sure.  But well enough.  Visitors to the blog continue.  I can't see where they are looking.  Though the story I began, then quit, seems even to have been dug from the dust of age.  As I said then, I won't become a slave to writing for only a few measly bucks.  The average writer, assuming they put out enough, makes around $6k a year.  What with leftist gatekeepers on one side and raw markets on the other, now is not a good time to try one's hand at it.  Sure, if you want to produce, edit, figure out how to get that into ebook format, advertise it, and run yourself ragged, for such small money, go for it.

That isn't all though.  Music.  I can tell through various means that a lot of music is being reviewed.  Are the words being read around it?  I don't know.  Might not be possible, unless it is many visitors, not just a few.  I wish there was a way to know, but I haven't found an honest, trustworthy, tracker (that visitors won't cancel... and can't blame them).  I think one is still on, but only because I don't know how to remove it now.  A block of code in there somewhere.

Today?  Well... who knows.  More laundry, another shower, setting up the dishes which I didn't do the other day...  No more, probably.  Oh, perhaps seeing about male-in balloting.  I'm not sure if there is still time, how to do it, and all.  I like it as it would give me a chance to review some things that I don't currently know.  First I need to wake a bit.  I'm at 3,900(?) I am following in Gab, with about 1,500 followers.  So I hear much.  Can be a silly place.  As memeingful as... well... as memes are.  I'm backing away  from memes.  Going more for supporting news, literary, arts, and music.  Now I know, for sure, what a meme is.  It's a slogan... and how the West has nearly been lost.  Bleh.

Later.

Rough.

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All good.  A new week, a fresh start.  Little works ongoing.

It looks like many visits today, but this time it was mostly, potentially, from "my" browser.  I had it sitting on my blog for edit and a page.  I can't be absolutely sure it was my browser being counted (won't let me turn off self-counting on this browser).  Now, usually it will only count the first visit.  But if the internet is intermittent, which is becoming fairly regular, that might be causing this.  No guarantees, just a suspicion.  I'm not tech savvy, mostly.

Then again, even the big boys have no real clue who or what is dinging their visitor counts, even with the gooder trackers... especially with yahoos like me who do everything we can to NOT be tracked.  Oh... I get it.  I just wish there was a tracker that bloggers and visitors could agree upon.  The problem is, as soon as they make one, get it a good name, they then sell it to Russians or the Chinese, who immediately savage everyone using it.  I've had to trackers sell and become poison, I just stopped doing it.  And, yeah, no, ms's tracker?  Yeah, no.  That might as well be Russia and China combined.

On a food note, I have found the diced raw cabbage goes quite well with any salad dressing I like.  Cabbage seems to last longer as well.  Not sure it's for everyone, but I like the meatiness of the vegetable.  Oh, and when prepping?  I cut the heart out, chef's treats.  Those truly are fantastic.  I don't even salt them.  They have a peppery taste, and just a bit of a bite.  You have to be 'this tall" ~adult and with an acquired taste~, but if so, this stuff is good.  Raw, as salad, or cooked in with fatter meats.  The fats sweeten the cabbage, the cabbage soaks up the mess, and it all comes out cleaner.  Once I have the ground meat(s) fried, I add the cabbage and let it cook for eight minutes, stirring it in at the start, middle, and end.  Not fancy, not bad.  Hot, more simple savory, or even slightly sweet will do.

Well... on with something, or nothing, depending on how it works.  Good evening.

Lots of visitors.

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I didn't think I left a link to my blog from... the chat sight.  Maybe I did, or maybe some there knew me there and here, or...  Many visitors.  I didn't think they liked me there.  Though, favor isn't always the point?  I did wonder if it was a fluke.  Perhaps someone purposefully or accidentally pushing my numbers here, for any of a number of reasons.  But there were enough different browsers that... it might be legit.  Not sure why they would visit and not comment though.  That seems odd.

Perhaps they are just music raiding.  Little written here could be of interest.  Who knows though.  Kids these days.  Well... and adults?  Could be.  Still, it's... interesting.

I notice that some who I know who are lining up to vote for Hillary are surprised that I am not surprised.  They have been trying to convince themselves they are conservative, but only really supported that when they believed the party would rather lose than actually stand on real positions and actually fight to win.  The Republican party has been a leftist drone since before I was born, only making a slight inkling of something substantively conservative with Reagan.  But that was a fluke and was suppressed immediately after.  No, not surprised.

I received a mail in ballet.  I will see how to do it, and if there is time.  If so I may go that way.  Simply, it is difficult to stay on track and be ready on any given day.  Although the window of opportunity is rather wide.  Still... might be best this way.  Have to figure it out though.

Another load of laundry going through.  I am hoping for a shower and setting up dishes, but no promises.  Ugh.  Later or good night.

Days are slipping.

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Yes, noted the other day.  The slip hasn't gotten too much worse.  Instead of 8:00~10:00, it's an half hour later.  The slippage hasn't been heavy or fast, simply sure and small.  Which is fine with medicines being started, fall here, and just the tide of my cycle.

I got some of the work planned done, yesterday.  I started a fresh load of laundry this morning.  The other load I only set to partially dry, meaning to finish today.  Another shower, then at least setting up some of the dishes, should go ahead.  Then, probably, some cleaning in the kitchen.  The new month approaches and I really want a plumber in to do and fix some things, perhaps do it all depending on his quote and willingness to stick with the quote.  I simply want the areas he would be working in to be reasonably clean and neat.

I am tired.  I feel it right down into my bones.  In a way, it seems worse than what it has been.  Truth be told, I don't think it is.  I just think that as I get better I notice how bad it has gotten more acutely.  Darkest before dawn and all that.  It'll be a couple of weeks before there is much improvement, then there will be setback of starting the heavy medicine.  Then that will be increased twice, over a month or two.  THEN I'll be... maybe better, usually better, better until my next fall unless I am still in this one.  All good.

On to waking.  Good morning and day.

Hmm, I think I can.

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Not tomorrow.  Maybe then too, but today I mean.  I called my mother but she didn't pick up.  Next, a shower I hope.  Then setting up dishes and getting laundry back, perhaps getting a load going.  If I do laundry, just one small load.  As I may have mentioned, for me, I have learned a right configuration... two to four towels, shirts, underwear, perhaps two t-shirts, and two pair of jeans/slacks.  There might be room for a few odds and ends, but... too much more and folding and such just is at risk of not happening.  Yeah, I like clothes and towels folded and put up or hung.

Dishes?  I might be able to wring a load out tonight, but no promises.  If I can get a load washed, and reset to a fresh soak, after a bath, I'll be happy.  If I can get those things done or started, I might be able to hit the kitchen just a bit.  No more, but it's a start.  I won't say medicine is helping, but the thought of it might be.  I like being back on the road.  It's a tough road, whichever way I go.  Even just flopping into a ditch, since I can't seem to die.  So... better to at least be fruitful as I drag ass... at least if I can be.

Up very late.

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It wasn't the effort yesterday, I am sure.  It was the restarting of medication.  I am not even on the worst of it yet.  And I won't be starting that, even then, fullout.  Probably half of half.  Still, that's the way it goes.  I didn't think the rest of it would cause a hit, drop, fall.  I guess, compared to the other, it doesn't.  But it sure does.  I am glad I was more cautious this time.  Although, this time, I am only going up in ranks of medication twice.  After this.  Yeah, I can tell it was restarting medicine.  It's just... a different feel.  All good though, I suspected it might happen, which is why I am taking it slow.  It is even why I was... taking my time restarting it.  I hate adding a load to an already stressed system.  I know, it gets better on medicines... mostly... usually.  The highs are higher but the lows are worse, even sometimes to having to stop taking medicine.  HuP!  No I know and attend better though.

I hit the tub with the plunger today.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Gurgle.  *swoosh*  I had cleaned the tub recently.  I was terribly surprised to see only a little ring remain, which I will clean off when I shower next.  I thought I was being punished for a good dead and would need to scrub the thing all over again.  Sometimes a good deed remains untarnished even through the flood.  :p

I just brushed my fangs.  I might even begin trying to hit them three times a day.  I have some specialty gargle that... well...  For a couple of weeks I want to hit them hard.  Oh, they are healthy.  Healthier than I have any right to, it's just they get a little... long in the, well, tooth, from time to time when sorely neglected.  I am also hoping to hit many other things, if I can.  Back to work in the cave.  I want to get the kitchen and bathroom reset for a plumber to be in without too much fuss this next month.  Yeah.  At least I don't have to call him early.

Later.

A start. Restart.

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Murderously stumbled at it.  First to get the shower.  Ugh...  Wash, scrub, double soap, triple.  Rub a dub dub.  I love showers, especially when truly needed.  Of course, now the tub as full and not draining.  I have plunged a great deal.  I'll try again tomorrow.  If all else fails, if I will keep at it I may call a plumber in.  While he does that, I'll get a quote for some other work.  Bleh.

I made it to the post office first.  Several packages.  Including a device by which miso can be added to broth.  Yeah, I know.  Not absolutely necessary.  It's just...  And I think it can be used for other things.  Not used in the US, that ended up shipping from Japan and took... a month or two?  Bleh.  Still, it's here now.

Then I needed to get some packages returned.  Even with me saving boxes of various sizes, getting the right one for the right one is often a bit of a trick.  Which is why I save packing material.  Just the paper kind and I doubt the blown plastic bubbles will last and I think old peanuts might get nasty, and fast.  I almost just didn't do it, but... darn it.

I then drove through the car wash.  Yeah, I like paying upfront and just being able to clear any time I happen to be in town without worry about cost.  She needs to be detailed a couple of times.  I let the cleaning go for a bit.  I'll... fix it.  And I ate pizza.  Yeah, I know.  But I have been off everything for a while.  The pizza was a kiss off to how I have been doing.

Medicine was taken, for the first time in a while.  I started wearing the socks again.  I'll take meds tonight.  I'll brush my teeth again.  I did shopping and will begin mixing milk and whole cream in an attempt to get thicker kefir, probably tomorrow.  And tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my diet.  Or, that's the plan.  I do have to have carbs, but greens, whole rice (a little), quinoa, onions, things like that.  Smaller doses, but good, slow burn, carbs.  Gotta have some.

Yes, today.  A restart.  Good night.  I have a bit more time to be up, a few things to do, but... I'll be getting there soon.  Sleep well.

Some days...

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As I wrote there I will suggest here...  Some days I just don't seem to be able to do it right.

I've been off of all right things of late.  No work.  Odd and wrong timing and food for eating.  I haven't been taking medicine or else.  I am going to push through today, in an attempt to get some things started.  I think medicine, some of it, is required.  Though, too, there will always be times when I simply fail.  That I am not failing all of the time... the why of that is above my paygrade.  It is above the paygrade of doctors.  I am starting to think not even the angels could say why.

That doesn't mean I will quit.  While it might not be an opportunity to enjoy, it is an opportunity to serve my Lord.  How?  Witnessing to life, through suffering, illness, and pain... showing that death cannot defeat will, only the body, and not even always then.  How much less in God's grace and beyond the veil.  Well, and, once in a while, a good deed here.  It's difficult for me to find them to do, but... it happens.

Interesting.

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As you know, I don't have cable for television.  I also do not have an antenna so as to pick up local broadcasts.  I mean not to have either ever again.  So watching the debates isn't likely.  I don't think they broadcast that on radio, either, and would have no idea what channel to tune in if so.  In any case, I was able to "watch" the debate through Gab.

Now, not verbatim.  But when a topic would come up, there would be a ripple.  I would see something about, say, emails.  I'd have a pretty good idea, but then other bits, such as... she is claiming Russia.  Then I would know, for sure, which emails.  On and on, and then the general idea of a response.  It was an interesting way to 'listen to or watch' the debate.  I even brought a few things up that I hadn't seen broached, like zerocare (obamacare if rightly named).  After I wrote it, I caused a ripple in the chatter, and then the topic was broached.  I... think they are, the handlers, listening to us.  I do.  I honestly think my notion made it to the ears of at least one side of the debate and the handlers of the debate.  Coincidence?  Maybe.

Had a bit of a ball.  A few notes, some shared comments, listening to other folk, and a jab at my situation.  All good.

I need to start getting back into real life though.  Not quite today.  Some work around the house today.  And a trip to town in the next four days.  Food and cleaning, medicine and whatnot.  And, of course, blogging and Gab.  It's what I have.  Later.