Just a bit.

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The ducks have been really enjoying the larger water tub and warmer days.  Cracking above freezing easily, and with the larger tub, especially with fewer ducks, baths for everyone!  I am well pleased.  If it means changing the water, I do it happily.  Clean ducks are warm ducks, which are healthy ducks.  Not just friends, if mostly for my part, they are beings to serve.

While figuring out how to serve, functionally might be annoying (if I would debate even that frequently), actually offering them what it takes to possibly enjoy their lives, even when I am terribly sick, is no bother.  Something human elites have forgotten.  Serving, even at cost, is far superior to merely sheering and otherwise consuming in a grossly derelict manner.

They are definitely enjoying the day.  The girls too.  Even if I am stuck in less than ideal health, I am beginning to figure things back out for myself as well.  Dishes were reset, and should get another shot or two before bedtime.  Perhaps laundry and food.  I need to thaw steaks, chops, or ground meat.  I do have egg casserole too.  Hmm, salsa, from mother, hot as hell, don't you know.  The woman might not be able to handle it, but she sure can dish it!

I did call her yesterday.  She sounds much better.

Yeah.  I'm climbing back up, doing better at least by feel.  If I can get cleaning, medicine, diabetes, and schedule back in line.  Ugh.  Later.

Almost a reset.

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I was down by 21:00, maybe up to an hour earlier.  Slept until midnight, give or take an half hour.  A few more hours awake then back to bed.  Not sure what woke me, if anything.  Couldn't wake until noon.  I wanted to be up early.  Woke a few times, but everything seemed Picasso or Dali.  No use staying awake in that mindframe.  Trust me.

I dreamed after my last attempt at waking.  A plague had befallen man.  Literally.  Women survived without a single loss.  Only one in ten men, perhaps less, survived.  Women thought this would bring them to power, initially.  Not so, just the opposite.  The men simply turned our backs on it and women surrendered easily.  It must have been the weaker men who died.

A system of pairing had been devised.  Any woman who wanted a husband would put in her name.  He would blindly pick a name.  He would start with five, eventually deciding if those women would fit, eventually choosing up to fifteen wives.  He could veto a few for any reason, rid a few more and replace, keeping between ten and fifteen.  Sex was mostly for breeding.  A lot of angry women, outside the marriage market.  No, not near as good for a guy as it sounds.  Actually I think women, if they could marry, were more satisfied.  At least the risk of her cheating was all but eliminated.  Mostly for us too.

Since waking, I tested blood.  Pizza yesterday, fast food most of the week.  Blood sugar is ugly.  I wanted to see if the electrolyte powder I use is diabetes friendly.  They are supposed to be.  This one not so much.  A hundred point spike in half an hour.  I had looked over ingredients.  Nothing stood out as problematic.  Either they are lying or something new to me is a problem.  I was beginning to suspect something was wrong with my ketonic.  So, each morning until I test each ingredient independently, I will try one ingredient, in plain tea.  Any failures I will attempt to replace.  This stuff is going in the trash, and will get an amazon comment.  Nothing bitchy, just the facts.

Might as well finish the pizza with such a terrible read.  Oddly sometimes that helps, if I wouldn't count on it.  It is good to begin finding problems again.  I was sure about this stuff, and wrong.  The rest should be good.  I hope.  Later.

Posting late, but for reasons.

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Awake late.  I did set the alarm for 10:00, if the alarm got bumped, pushing mountain into central time, which meant the ducks were fed an hour early.  Or whichever made 10:00 actually seem like 9:00.  All good.  I'd be feeding them at 7:00~8:00 if possible.  I couldn't wake until 11:00~noon, for the day, however.  Then I needed a shower, but cleaned, swept, and mopped the bathroom first.  Very nice looking.

Then visitors, to work in the front room.  Quite a bit done.  Then I set finished dishes to rinse, a few small portions to soak in soapy water, then I had to rest.  Didn't hear knocking or the doorbell.  My neighbor was flabbergasted that I heard nothing.  He can't understand that with all, given all, sometimes I rend the fabric of the veil of tears, end up walking just on the other side.  It wasn't focus, it was a little death.

Anyway...  A bit of rest and I am back enough for a quick post.  Soon to check on the ducks then, perhaps, sleep early.  Later or good night.

Dark notes and high points?

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She is up to her old tricks.  German, if through UN or EU, troops back in France.  In all of the riotous nations?  Probably.  As with the Nazi era, they own the European news, with enough Chamberlains in politics on the opposition sides to quell foreign news, and with American news in there pockets at least as well as Stalin and Hitler held them.  I wonder how many have really been murdered?  Tienanmen Square numbers?  More, less?  Surprised when I did a spelling check it showed.  I don't gulag things.  I laughed, when I heard gulag isn't producing the censored browser for China.  No need, that is google.

Slow cooked roast.

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More intricate this time.  From doing work on the grill to create a much lower and slower cooking environment to scoring the fat for better rendering results and else.  It took longer to figure the temp, get the grill up to speed.  Now I will check every quarter to half hour, to get and maintain between 250 and 300.  I wish I  could do better, and it might end up being stable.

It is cold, about 10° F.  Still in pj's, a t-shirt, socks, and flip-flops.  Though the grill creates a wonderful little zone, mostly, once lit and going.  I seem to handle "the cold" fairly well.  Morning or night, even working with frigid water, once I got used to doing that.  Even when quite ill.  Oh, and my feet remain in excellent condition from the pedicures.  Still, I am hoping to afford one next month.  They really help.

I emptied the ducks water, setting the pan over for a refill in the morning.  The dishpan material is far superior in the cold.  If it holds up, that will be my choice.  The other, harder, plastic chips, even freezes faster.   I know I can put up the water when it begins to freeze over.  That means the duckles are finished for the night.  I don't pull it until then as I prefer them to eat, drink, and bath as much as possible.

I am slightly surprised no other ducks were lost.  I think two others were bitten, for sure.  The bite can kill.  They are all looking good.

I've done some dishes.  A shower after my next check on the roast.  Then the dishes that were washed will get a soak, and more small batches of dishes soap soaked, and a recycling of laundry.  Oh, I must admit, non-stick really... can be good.  I had a pan of... something, out for... a while.  One quick sudsy soak and done.  Yeah.  Cancer?  If what I have already done doesn't merit it, and age doesn't induce it?  I expect a crocodile or meteorite will finish me anyway.  ;p  I am hoping to work through the roasting process.  Earn it.  So hungry, for work as well as food.  Later.

Late but moving.

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Better cold.  The egg casserole that is.  On balance I think I added too much meat.  More mushrooms by half, less meat by half, to improve it while warm.  Cold though, it is as good as it gets.  Can't taste the mushrooms, but I usually can't when it is cold.  I'll keep practicing now that I am almost back to some function, if every other week is as much as I can handle.  It is too rich to eat much even cold, especially cold?  I think either way it is extremely filling.  It is almost magic.

A shower, then paperwork.  Laundry to continue, and dishes in small batches.  Ducks and cats have been tended.  Baby, it's cold out there, if I didn't bother with boots, coat, or gloves... just pj's, a t-shirt, socks and flip-flops.  I am trying one of the new water troughs.  It holds 18 quarts, more than double what it is replacing?  Nearly double.  The other possible replacement is close, at 15 or 16 quarts.  Different types of plastic, seeing which holds up better.  Easy enough, full of water, for me to handle.

I did get back on medicine.  It's been spotty this week.  Still, I kept at it.  Missed about two days, one whole and two half days, I think.  I also forgot aspirin.  Got it in today, finally.  Oh, I have a few batches of dishes before I can shower, which I want to do before laundry.  Always something.  Later.

Snowing.

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Lightly, through the morning to the last time checked.  I didn't want to do the whole drive with it is still falling.  However, I had packages arriving.  The guy has always done me square, if that isn't the whole point.  I shoveled a path to both the front and back door, plus for the inside to the curb portion of his truck, salting there as well.  It's a tough gig in this weather, delivering packages.

I did both doors, in case he was in a hurry... Christmas and all.  Usually back door, as it is less visible to thieves... which has happened... and covered from the elements.  Favor favored, back door it was.  Serve those who serve, if possible.  It works best.  New boots, winter, the right size to accommodate thick socks and poor circulation.  A few other items to hopefully put up planters, hung from the ceiling, I want green out here.

A few loads of dishes started.  Laundry possibly rotated shortly.  Ducks checked a bit ago.  Egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps a pork roast later.  Fatted tea shortly... a good way to break the intermittent fast.  When I get stock and coffee back in rotation, I'll mix and match.  Sometimes with or without cream, mtc oil, perhaps try ghee.  Yeah, it sounds strange, but if I can add hard muscle just sitting... it works.  I can only imagine if I could get to working out or swimming.

Oh, medicine!  I keep losing track.  I'll... get to it.  Later.

Shaved an hour off.

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Awake earlier.  No good reason.  I'll take it.  It has usually meant I am about to begin losing my days.  Not always, but, yeah.  Once in a while it is just a fluke.  Oh, I keep forgetting medicine, and aspirin.  Then again, very strangely, I have forgotten to drink tea, even fatted, the last few days.  Highly irregular.  Today, for those things.  If fatted tea will be considered a meal, and save for the appropriate times.

I got some things done yesterday.  More today.  The ducks were fed and watered first thing.  It looks like it snowed just a touch, or blew in the wrong direction a while.  Nothing to remove, from what I saw.  I ought to check the front walk.  It isn't to cold out, if back below freezing well enough.  Some days just feel colder, or less, disregarding the thermometers.

I am hoping to make an egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps slow cook a picnic pork roast on the smoker later.  Longer, slower, more frequent turns, for those.  Food needs to be on hand, or I go bad.  Good food.  Avocado, sliced, if one of them is ready.  I am working on intermittent fasting again, so it'll be afternoon before a meal.

Later.

Almost not today.

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I still can't believe it is Tuesday.  If only for a while.

Not yesterday.

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Today.

Up at the same time.  Same mood, if too same squishy body.  Maybe a bit better.  No aspirin yesterday, perhaps today. I remembered to raise the thermostat, to 74.  A shower was easy then.  Back to 70 after.  A load of laundry should be finished.  A trip to the post office.  So far.

I am hoping to redo paperwork.  Then get that in.  Maybe do some shopping.  I was almost sure, with today being the day, it would have snowed.  No complaints, just an understanding.  No snow, or yet.  All good in any case.  I thought it must be Wednesday already, but not quite.

Oh, I best get to the ducks.  If I shop, new watering containers for them.  Hmm, I may use their feed bowl for water today, switch them.  They will clean their food become water bowl quite clean.  They have done it before.  Well, clean of food, they are dirty birds.

Later.

Good morning.

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A bit rough, and dark.  I woke late.  But general mood is quite good.  Good enough to slowly rise, perhaps take aspirin, begin sorting life, and getting back on track.  I think so.  I'm about to heat the last of the meatzza, and make meatloaf... probably for tomorrow.  Cooking it on the grill.  An instant thermometer is your friend.

I need to begin again with food, and drink.  Cutting artificial sweeteners to eating times, and only twice a day, cutting meals to an eight hour period each day and only two... one liquid, one more physical, with perhaps a snack... macadamian or other nuts, sardines (in olive or their own oils).  Well, and then back to multiday fasting every week, or every other.  Yeah, it is time.  I am back well enough on medication, plus over the flu well enough.  I won't recover from exhaustion without returning to better foods and methods of eating.  I am enough better to begin attempting better eating.

In time I will return to a four to six hour eating period, perhaps less... perhaps approaching a single meal, if I found that a two hour slow meal works best.  It will take time to get back to that sort of eating.  Notice I don't call it a diet?  It isn't what most call a diet.  It is just how to eat, for life.

I'll be making broth as soon as I can sort the kitchen around.  Beef and chicken, a mix, slow cooked in a 20 quart pot.  I think I'll need the whole thing.  It is for intermittent fasting, a way to get minerals, fat, and other stuff.  Not a daily, even then... an alternative to fatted tea, every other day if I can keep up.  Good stuff.

I am hoping to be ready to hit things tomorrow, at the latest, if by clearing the way today.  It is exciting to begin seeing the future again.  A bright one.  If hoping I don't hear a train whistle as I head into the light.  *grins*  Later.

Wow, a little goes a very long way.

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Keto food that is.  I felt terribly hungry.  Using a pound of meat, perhaps a quarter pound of else, though some went away through rendering, I tried to feast.  I couldn't eat half.  I really charged at it.  I forgot how dense keto food is.  Further, it turns of taste buds.  It was like hitting a culinary brick wall, but in the best of ways.

Keto helps sustain intermittent fasting.  You just don't sense the need to eat.  If, though, the trick is to eat anyway, but as wisdom not desire dictates.  If you fail to eat wisely you will eat wrongly, one way or another.  Eat, well, correctly.  If, even then, good luck.  You will need a small portion of it.

I am hoping to get back to keto.  It really allows me to eat less, better, and more efficiently.  The last two days I couldn't fill myself as well on twice as much burger, on buns, with fries and soda.  It really is the way to go... if you can handle not loving food.  It becomes a chore, to eat.  There is no more love... just chewing, swallowing, repeat.

The ducks were well.  Shuttered for the night.  The girls were fed twice today, they deserve, need, luxury from time to time.  Nothing else, but fine.  Aspirin did handle the pain.  Every third day, if needed... wanted.  Good night.

Finally, a recipe I think will work.

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Several were possible.  But each seemed too much.  Simplicity, with ingredients I have on hand, yes.  I will add to it.  Anchovy and tomato paste, anchovy into the meat, tomato into the sauce.  I don't have olives, but I can work with finely diced onion and garlic, perhaps some other add?  Hmm, maybe mom's salsa instead of actual tomato else?  Though with paste to thicken.  As well, half burger, half lamb?  Yum!

Ducks, aspirin, and medicine.

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Up late, even getting to bed well.  It is What it is.  The body hurts a good bit.  Too much junk food.  Until I can get to cooking, fast food is it.  Hopefully I can start today.  More meat thawed.  I sort of got stuck on burger.  Chops and steaks are easier.  Meds and a handful of aspirin in a bit.

I fed and watered the ducks first thing.  While still cold, at 22° F, it is very bright, sunny, out there.  It was truly nice... good for the spirits.  The ducks were a bit skiddish again.  I assume the killer has been back.  I hope I catch it.  I may have to use a trick or two.  Probably leave it to animal control or the sheriff.  Assuming I can obtain evidence.

Dreams indeed, but just for me.  If it helps, they... or it?, was reassuring.  Why I have fear and worry, even now?  Though it will grow so very dark.  And I can't always focus on God.  Some of us have work in the deepest of darkness, have to go in, look, focus.  God knows, only gives what we can handle.  As a Herdsman to His sheepdogs, even us monsters among them.  Work, but care, assurances, feeding.

I'll get medicine shortly, with the pain pills.  I am hoping to get trash and recycling out.  Starting in on laundry and dishes, plus getting paperwork ready to go.  Ugh.  I'll try.  If the aspirin helps it will be easier.  Later.

Such things.

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I avoided this song, for many reasons, for a year now?  More.  Years.  I made excuses to not watch it.  The truth  is, I knew watching it would remind me of a future which bothers me.  A present to.  Knowing does not mean being able, or even willing, to change anything.  Would you stop Christ's return to prevent the rest?  I can't, wouldn't, as little as I like what will happen, even to the darkness I lead to destruction.

Not much possible.

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I checked on the ducks.  They really seem to be enjoying the extra bedding.  Their water remains open.  I did add more food.  As much as is eaten, actually say a quarter of what is eaten, is lost to becoming frozen in their water plus food feast.  I am just glad to see them eating again.  I may move the food further from the water trough, but am not terribly worried.

Milk and cream arrived.  That is always a joy.  I am thinking of making a meatloaf, if I am not sure I can.  Going keto... almond flour, cream cheese, cream gravy...  and a bit fancier with burger and ground lamb.  I need to find an exact recipe from which to begin.  While I don't believe in recipes in the end, in the beginning, with brand new ingredients, wisdom suggests them.

A major problem with youtube recipes is you often have to watch the whole vid to know if it's what you want.  Why not coconut flour?  Takes a lot of eggs and other moisture... each varied ingredient comes with it's own quirks.  And I don't have all ingredients.  Some I won't carry, some I can't/won't afford.  Still looking for a solid recipe.

May nap first though.  So tired.  Later, at best.
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Some answers to the question.

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Who are you?

I think those who offered answers are not those who asked, mostly.  Some ask rhetorically.  I believe.  As well, the answer offered comes down to...

He said...

Down right.

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Down right at 22:00, up at an half to 10:00.  Too much sleep, no choice.  At it right away, one of my goals.  Fresh wood chips, and another bag of leaves, out for the ducks.  I would have added more straw but they really didn't need it.  They seem to keep their nesting area clean.  Food and water after that.  Late, but as timely as possible with the givens.

I started the grill while at it.  I use a lot less charcoal, as I learn, and only on half of one side.  If I slow cook something, just about stopping it all down, run it for hours, then I'll create a full and deep bed of coals.  It runs a lot hotter, gets there faster, with an half bed.  Not really hungry, if that isn't a reason to, or not to, eat.  Sensations should only be a clue, a tip to investigate further.  If you shouldn't be hungry, see what last you ate.  If your food isn't sustaining rightly, choose better food.  In my case, often, it is becoming just the opposite.  I have to remember to eat.  Better.

I lost track of medicine yesterday.  Back on it today.  It is 26 ish F out there, I think.  Not bad but still rather chilly.  Later.

A difficult day.

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Getting started was brutal.  Down a bit after 23:00, up around 9:30.  A shower nearly immediately?  I... think so.  Couldn't get a move on, further, until 13:30.  A call, medical.  Incoming.  Some information given, received.  A call for a lab set up, next week perhaps.  Closer than SLC .

I did get the lime.  Then cat litter and a few other items.  Everything except groceries.  I'm not ready to cook, or much, anyway.  Well, other than feeding, watering, and litter duty this morning.  Forgot meds though.  It really is a difficult last few days.  I can't focus.  I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks a bit ago.  Water is good, food too.  I hope to put out wood chips and leaves tomorrow.  It is getting and staying right around the low teens.  The duckles seem good with it, but I'd like to help.  I am pleased to have the birds.  I hope they have a good life, minus dogs.  I'll get that sorted for spring.

Okay, I did forget extra watering containers, four... perhaps six since I also use them for food and they get so fragile when frozen.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Groceries and those, a short fast run.  So tired though.  Not sick, just exhausted.  Oh, I have lost more weight back on the feed bag than when sick.  I am down to 158.  Crazy.

Good night.

Visitors.

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Dead.