Getting to it.

.
.
Dishes have been in progress, the laundry is drying, and the tub is clear between runs for a shower.  I checked the ducks as the sun was going down.  Their food was plentiful and water was clear and open.  Cats and myself have also eaten.  Plus I pulled meat to thaw.  Pork steaks and chuck roast, should be good for most of the week.

Blood sugar is a bit high, though not outside of wants.  At 114 and 115 while taking smaller doses of insulin, it will do.  Well, and half a dose of slow acting insulin for yesterday.  And I ate too much chicken, protein really.  I should have had more fats.  It happens.  Tomorrow.

I'll get the list tonight.  Just dishes and a shower left, and an easy part.  All dishes have been hit once.  Later or good night.

A sunny day.

.
.
Rather cool.  Definitely below freezing, but bright.  Without wind or even a breeze it just doesn't feel all that cold.  It is a picture perfect winter day.  Oddly, apricity seems negligible?  Pretty, just nothing doing.  All good, at least on this day.  Bright makes up for nil on still air days.  I wonder if their is a word for calm air days or periods, more positive than doldrums?

I have had trouble waking the last few mornings.  This morning it was because I was awake so late.  Supper took me to 1:30, between cooking, eating, and settling.  It wasn't as good as the turkey, but it was still quite good.  I have two left over, one after lunch.

A few things.

.
.
With one tire fixed, another would get a hole in it.  But the youngest neighbor son brought a kit.  So, mostly holding a light on my part, the tire was pulled, repaired, the chain put back on, and reassembled.  Then he got the roof snow rake out and cleared some of that.  He needed to take that home, it is not always used, but it puts the mind to ease with two and more feet in a day.

Blood sugar has been good, 113 after lunch, 101 now.  I was a bit surprised, it often goes up in the late afternoon.  My averages are trending higher.  Not because they actually are higher, it is just that I  am only doing fasting read and one other daily reading.  Fasting read is sticking higher, oddly because I am eating less, and less often, thus fewer readings.  Ugh.  I may cut slow acting insulin, while I eat less.  Who ever knows!

 I will be up a bit late.  I am brining chicken hindquarters.  One of the turkeys had been brined, the smoked one.  While both were done expertly, when I thought about chicken, the brined one popped into memory.  No choice.  I used italian mix, lemons, and ground salt.  Oh yes, I will enjoy.

I need to figure life, sort some things out.  I need to get off my butt.  I have to find a way to push.  Either shit, die, or get going.  I... would like to say I refuse to remain stuck here.  But not even that is mine to choose.  But, I can say I will do anything moral and legal to gain traction.  I have to... try.  And, yes, there is, sometimes, only try.  Hopefully not this time.

Later, or good night should I not post again.  You will be in my prayers.

A bit more snow?

.
.
According to predictions, it would be no surprise.  I looked out from upstairs.  It looked like more snow, but the angle is wrong to be sure or tell how much.  Waking, breakfast, and the cats fed.  Soon to get to the ducks, then I will know.  I am not moving fast today.  I really didn't want to get up.  I simply couldn't sleep more.

Blood sugar was 129 fasting this morning.  No, I wasn't careful with what I ate yesterday, if I watched volume?  A bit, if not exactly a diet volume.  And I did go for a minor helping of seconds.  No pie though.  I guess a feast is possible from time to time.

I am hoping to roast hindquarters later.  Hmm, I may begin their brine.  Not necessary, but it does add that chef, mom, or wifely touch.  Food should receive proper attention, it is the sacrifice of mundane life.  Something dies so something else can live.  And we yet live in a world of miracles.  Food availability is just one.  It is Thanksgiving every day.

A fatted coffee as I decide whether I can get going or need a nap.  Later.

An invitation.

.
.
I heard work happening outdoors, so went to chatter.  It was the father, but the two boys still at home showed up shortly.  The lawn tractor helps, but the walk behind blower has failed due to the wetness.  I really would like to see if pieces of mudflap would really help.  As well, it was the amount of snow.  Just making or finding a place for all that snow, was the trick.

While talking, if he decided to check with the wife first, an invitation to dinner.  I get asked often, but my sleep schedule can be so off.  I don't know when I will be awake in a week.  Truly.  I had just awaken, but needed a shower.  There was time.  So... it all fit.  I was going slow, but aimed just right.

It was a picture perfect Thanksgiving dinner.  Two families, my friend family and a sibling's family, plus the matriarch.  Many children, it was good to see in every way?  Are families difficult?  The options are worse.  Dinner was excellent, a part of the picture perfect part.  A very good day.  AND, I didn't overstay.  Sometimes I am clueless.

Blood sugar is 88.  I did dose right as I left?  I think so.  A higher dose.  All good.

I called my brother, twice.  No one answered.  I left a brief greeting.  Sometimes the place is busy, perhaps they went out.  As long as they know I called, it is all good.  I will try, from now on.  I won't take it personal, unless he asks that I not call, or never answers after some number of holidays.

I hope your Thanksgiving was good, maybe great.  Mine was quite fine.

Good night.

Two feet?

.
.
If not, three.  Snow.  That is a terrifying lot of it.  Both of my machines have been pressed into service.  The fellows working to keep areas clear have been hitting it every three to four hours through yesterday.  Had to sleep and we got as much again overnight as all of yesterday, give or take.  The snow blower isn't excellent, but with that much snow even it beats shoveling.

Blood sugar is 140 fasting.  I really need to cook.  The place is a bit messy.  Baking a chicken hindquarters before long.  I'd like to shower and do a bit of cleaning first.  The remaining burger isn't tasty anymore, but it will do, one last time.  I am baking a potato for a quick start.  Carbs, but it is Thanksgiving.

I'll also have to shovel my way to feed the ducks.  I'm up late because it was unusually cold up there last night.  It wasn't all that cold outside, so... no wind either.  I would have thought snow pack, 25° F, which would create a frozen seal, but without wind, it would get toasty.  Nope.

Oh, right.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Nothing is a complaint, here.  Just how it is.  I am... happy.  I already called my mom, will call my brother sometime between lunch and dinner... to try to miss their meal.  You know how that often goes though.  Some people eat in the early afternoon.  Ackh!  Too funny.  Later.

Sleep was difficult.

.
.
Or, well, getting to it.  Too many body grumps?  Or, just... just because?  I was up past two.  To three or even later I can't remember.  When I got to bed I slept extremely well. A dream though.  For me, a very good dream.  I started a bit cool, but warmed well and quickly.  A good night.

I woke a bit after nine.  I woke well and happily.  The body still has minor aches, but the kind a man who stays active or fit loves to know.  The little muscle twinges from rest days... for whatever reasons.  It's organ, skeletal, and head aches and pains that are troubling.  If I could stay active enough, I would ache like this pretty much every day... this, actually, would be my most rested day, actually.  I used to live perpetually in this sort of pain.  Fitness never felt good, to me, but it felt right.  I miss the perpetuity of those days.  Pain is your friend.

Ah, the dream.  A fresh filly got a bit close.  I got closer.  Yeah.  A child, on the way.  She came to me, for money, for an abortion.  I refused, but opened my home.  She accepted.  Not the best way, but we ended up married, with a small tribe.  Like?  Love?  Getting it done.

I'm almost starting to believe all hopes and dreams about romance boil down to finding someone of the opposite sex who won't kill you in your sleep, or wide awake actually, who has a decent chance of not just leaving.  There has to be enough time, support, money, and space... no longer "middle class" assets, albeit.  Anyway, yeah, a good dream, if a bit ugly around the edges.  Not her, just the way it happened.

A look outside.  Another six to ten, and still snowing.  I had thought my lawn tractor key unreturned or lost.  Found it.  A bit of plowing shortly.  It sure looks pretty.

Right there I called my mom, to see about her weather.  They already got our last storm.  It was spent last night, I think she said.  I hated to tell her, but definitely more in the terrestrial mail.  Though they got a lighter load, perhaps they will slip through again.  Love when it works that way.

Blood sugar is 146 fasting.  I just... that isn't making sense.  Never mind, I will figure it all out.  Later.

Not much.

.
.
It isn't that everything hurts.  Not all at once.  I'd say 66 percent of everything hurts at any given time.  As well, what hurts changes.  The pains are mostly mild.  Sometimes some of them cancel, though in minor ways.  Aspirin this morning, and as bedtime approaches.

The ducks were fed, watered, and offered time out.  Which they mostly declined.  I refreshed their water later in the day.  I do what I can for them.

I am trying to pull it together to go to the post.  A package.  I'll try to stay up on that.  Few boxes, many packages, so when it is my turn, I try to do my part.

Blood sugar has done fairly well.  After lunch it hit 96 then 123 this evening.  It often goes up, especially if my day stretches.  I went with 25 cc's of slow acting, since none went in yesterday.  Will see how well things work out tomorrow.  I sure hope I can keep it going.  I've gotten on a generally good track.  Bleh.

Good night.

Strange.

.
.
Blood sugar.  It was 113 fasting, in spite of the wrong foods and no slow acting insulin... actually no insulin... yesterday.  And a 172 fasting blood sugar, actually from fasting?  Bah!  Very strange.  I am about to have a burger, warmed, on salad, with ranch.  As well, a fatted tea.  Back to keto.  It isn't a bad diet.  It could be better with a little help.  But it isn't bad.  It is just restrictive.

I need to get going, get the ducks fed and watered.  This month I will be buying a few more five gallon buckets, for mouse traps.  Life is cruel.  It is hard.  But who says it can't be fun?  Don't worry, with just enough water for the hordes to keep open, and the cold, they drown right as they freeze.  Becoming bait themselves.  "Is it cold"?  "Heck, no, come on down"!   "Dirty rat"!  "Ah, ah, ah... clean, name's Misery, I love company".

It is cold, probably permanently... for the winter.  More snow every day for the next three or four.  I'd gues we have had eight to twelve inches so far, if much has melted in.  And cold.  The wet from snow adds to it.  The right gear helps.  It is, beyond any doubt, winter now.  On the good side, it is healthy and timely, for a white winter.

On to chow.  Actually the ducks first.  Later.

A bit yesterday.

.
.
Nothing planned, mind you.  Snow arrived.  I wasn't even much help.  Mostly a passenger.  The tire that keeps going flat was finally removed for repair.  Though tubeless, a tube was installed.  All good by me.  Yes, I asked, if only because the driver noted the discrepancy.  So after years, hopefully no more filling every time it is needed?

Then he arranged for room for a vehicle.  The trade was an allowance of space, under a roof for the family bikes.  After that, I became just the passenger.  He had things to do. I had a human ear.  So, I was out until pretty late, if more a talking pet rock.  It was good to get out.

I didn't get cold.  Oddly.  I think the cap and the gloves did the trick.  I wasn't sure if pricier gloves and mittens were worth the price.  In a simple and conclusive word, the goretex gloves I bought (on a major sale but still expensive to my mind) are fantastic.  So thin, not sure how they do that.  I have matching mittens, as well.

I did eat unwisely, then forgot slow acting insulin last night.  It was a long day.  I was beat just from being out and about, but quite glad for it.  Today?  I woke earlier than expected.  I hope to use the gift.  A bit sore, but nothing unusual.  Later.

Heated pork on crisp salad.

.
.
With ranch dressing, mostly.

It doesn't always have to be fancy.  Often it can't be.  Still, that was fancy enough.  The dressing wasn't as strong as hoped, but not bad.  I may add a bit more spice.  I ended up eating the whole steak, but it had a large bone in it, and was only a quarter on an inch thick.  Delicious.  Blood sugar is slightly elevated, but 111 is doable.

I have only eaten twice.  So only two doses, smaller ones.  I am trying to ease back on the sticks, but still hitting it a bit stronger.  While I didn't use 25 cc's of the slow acting, I split the difference between that and 20.  Moderation while leveraging back from a mistake.  In part due to financial uncertainty.

Oh, and aha!  I finally found out why mineral high carbon steel has been such a dismal failure.  Stainless without non-stick?  All the time.  Cast?  Absolutely.  Just not these pans.  I tried so many ways.  I even tried seasoning them in the oven, then using them on the stove.  I was starting to take it personal.  Here is why.

Real food does help.

.
.
I didn't bother with a final blood draw last night.  It had been running in the one teens to one forties.  I had a real meal, a dose, waited several hours the had the slow acting insulin at bedtime.  I was a little disappointed to see it 144 this morning.  Corrections take time.  A single half pound burger and half an avocado, with milk, a dose, and many hours later a 106 blood sugar.

I will have another meal shortly.  I am keeping them on the smaller side.  An half a pork steak and a smaller salad.  I really wish I had gotten sour cream.  Mayo and cream will have to do for salad dressing... well and spices.  It will do, if sour cream really jazzes things.

I may snap beans for tomorrow.  Sometime today.  Those and half a pack of mushrooms are the sorts of carbs I tolerate, moderated by a heaping lot of butter, dash of salt, and pinch of pepper.  I have a few cheeses to try.  I almost bought the more famous of stinky cheeses, but lost my nerve.  I need to find an approach vehicle, something(s) it goes well with?  I have other artisan cheeses to sample.  I should keep a log.

I have continued to eat salami.  More every other day or three, and probably less than an ounce, possibly less than half an ounce.  A slicing device which could do paper thin would be very helpful.  It is for taste more than substance... if one is wise.  Hmm, that might be what would go with the stinky cheese?

Ducks have been out twice today.  I have been awake at the right times and able to remember.  They are enjoying, or were.  The girls seem happier.  It seems like a good day, moment.  I thought about getting to church, it just wasn't possible.  But I smiled at God's place and He beamed back.  He knows.  Besides, He is literally always on or in my mind, plus a side focus... connection.  We are farther from strangers than some might suspect.  Smile?  When you are close, you are always in His smile.

Later.

A shower.

.
.
And more!  I finally made it to the store.  I had to scrub first.  I must still smell.  It is the house.  Anyway.  Enough groceries to see me through to payday, with one special meal.  Has thanksgiving passed?  I think so.  Rather than turkey, or chicken, I went with oysters.  Strange, perhaps.  Usually a Christmas Eve thing when growing up.  Far easier than doing a whole turkey or chicken.  And, yet, still festive.

Not tonight.  Grilling.  Burgers, pork shoulder steak, and a veal chop I got a very nice deal on.  Food ahead for the week.  I've never had veal before, to my knowledge.  I didn't even know they still raised it!  I like trying new things.  I thought I forgot my list, so winged it.  Not the best, but some.  It was in my pocket, it just didn't feel like it, until I pulled my wallet as I was leaving.  Couldn't have afforded it all anyway.  *sigh*

Dinner is done and done.  Veal it was.  I don't think veal is best grilled.  It wasn't awful, it was more that it is too delicate a meat to handle the strength of smoke.  Some might truly enjoy it, but most wouldn't.  As I suggested, not awful.  As to veal itself?  I... suspect that is an acquired taste, to some degree.  Tender?  Amazingly.  But not terribly beefy.  No complaints, mind you, just notes.  It is amazing in texture and... something else.  A gentle meat to begin eating meat again with.

So tired.  Must sleep soon.  It is good to know food will be available.  Blood sugar has been going up, dosing hasn't been helping.  Good night.

Doldrums indeed.

.
.
Winter... fall?  As often as it freezes I could mostly call it either if it is more a combination.  Much better than summer doldrums, that heat is a ballbreaker.  At least with the cool, sleep is good, IF I can figure out enough bodily warmth.  Elevated feet, the right blankets, a stocking hat, and a robe as needed.  I don't sleep cold.  Actually, I am wondering if my body puts out more insulin if it is too cold.  Blood sugar was 143 this morning, while I am toasty warm.

Nothing, yesterday.  Part of it was no heat.  The furnace was at 66°.  I never realized to turn it up.  First thing today.  Eating almost nothing, barely drinking a gallon a day, sometimes half that.  I know, I said I was down to a gallon before, if more like that and an half.  And, that was true... of cold tea.  I was drinking three to four quarts of fatted tea or coffee too.  Now, the gallon or less includes all.

Yeah.  I need to get to the store.  Believe it or not, I am extremely hungry.  Not thirsty, could fix that.  Cooler weather slakes thirst.  Same plan as yesterday.  Plus grocery shopping if possible.  Ugh.  I better reset the furnace before another day is gone.  Later.

Someone is, or is trying to, put two and two together.

.
.
Insanity?  Or a true timekiller?  He fears he experienced it.  Denial.

Not eating.

.
.
Between too little variety, something just wrong, and no energy to overcome the first problems, food just...  I can't eat.  Blood sugar is going high, 140 fasting this morning.  Higher yesterday, if I ate absolutely nothing so didn't dose two days ago.  Yesterday I had a fatted tea and nuts, for breakfast, so I could dose.  Blood sugar was down to 99 at bedtime last night.  Not doing well.  Shopping, soon?

A shower and trim shortly.  A fatted coffee and very small portions of salami, cheese if I can find some.  Recheck my grocery list.  Tend the pets.  And... see from there.  May shower before starting my waking time.  Going to hit it, push, if I can find substance from mind and will and get it to engage with my flesh.  I may not be the ghost of Sparta, but a ghost I am, sometimes.  Later.

Must have needed it.

.
.
Down by 20:30.  I initially woke at 3:30, and was almost sure I was awake.  I started to think about something, then nothing.  4:30?  Wow.  Weird, but I am up now, for sure.  I rolled over to 6:30!  Very weird!  But definitely awake, as sleep almost ate me again.  No!   So, I got up, used the facility, set up the machine, and sit writing this, as the clock says 6:06?  So toast.  No, both the upstairs clock and this one are radio linked to the Colorado nuclear time system.  I... don't know what... that... was.  I very rarely see that in waking time.  Others have experienced it for the first time in my presence.

When I suggest accidental transcendentalism, I don't mean it merely in a personal, private, or psychological way.  In some ways, it is purely objective and impersonal.  Quite real, no longer having much to do with me.  It can frighten or terrify friend, stranger, or foe.  Perhaps it is some sort of pheromone or hormone released, which has slightly... hallucinogenic properties?  I...always seek potential scientific explanations.  I like spiritual, faith has it's reasons.  But, in time, what faith now requires will become actual science as a knowledge.  So...

Of course, I neither need or expect belief, even from those of you who have experienced it.  Like the guys I k.o.ed, their minds always looked for any explanation which didn't leave them naked, alone, vulnerable, in the dark, without any say.  It terrifies more to lose temporary control than almost anything else.  Denial is common. Even I... attempt denial, when I forget, or it's possible.

So warm upstairs.  62° F.  It was 57°  at bedtime.  Almost too warm.  It doesn't seem to matter whether I leave the door downstairs open or not.  Sleep was good enough.  And I actually didn't feel too cold or hot.  It is just strange.  Thursday already.  I suppose I best get busy before I have another dead week.  Later.

Oh, probably just quirks.

.
.
Strange new and old, popping like popcorn.  Irresistible.  Could it be?

Nothing more doing.

.
.
I don't function well lately.  Almost not at all.  And today, blood sugar remains slightly elevated, in spite of my best efforts.  I suspect it is from a lack of better, more substantial food.  I haven't been staying away from the store for financial reasons, mostly.  I just haven't been able to get all together and go.  For weeks.

Working on it.  If I can find corned beef at a price I can do, that and cabbage.  Perhaps carrots.  Or a chuck roast.  The rest will be chicken and or pork, unless that too has become to expensive for the "middle class".  Man, it is getting so that starving isn't a choice.  It's what's for dinner.

On the other hand, when people have had it, I don't think elites will even see it coming.  When was the last time Biden, Pelosi, Ginsberg, McConnell, or even Trump had to go without beef, or whatever they like, because the price was simply too high?  If I am choking, I can only imagine a family.  Is the whole under $40 to $50 k lot drowning?  Have to be.  It can only last so long.

Bedtime.  Sleep well.

Whether of thatch, logarithm, or other...

.
.
It makes no difference to me.