Not up to it.

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I didn't want to give up, either.  I had 'kraut and half the kielbasa, so I heated that.  Needed food.  While that was heating, I did some work on the chicken.  I didn't part it, but I did remove the skin for frying, and stored it.  As well, I removed the wings.  I'll be saving those, for a treat when I have enough.

I am still buying hindquarters, in parts or whole if I can find them.  But, too, I am buying whole chickens as well.  At .99 a pound, hindquarters can't be beat.  Bone in, but still.  Breasts are, what, $2~$3 a pound, bone in?  Double boneless?  Anyway, chicken is inexpensive.  Hindquarters more so.  And none of them, like fish, were raised or processed in China.  So far.  I am going to, hopefully, practice carving and deboning chicken.  Just... to have the skill.  It may take some time.  And, like tonight when I just can't, it isn't going to be a fast process.

Very tired.  A cool day.  I thought it dropped to 42, last I looked?  And it has been mostly dark today.  It didn't even get close to 60, from what I saw.  Staying in the mid or lower 50's all day.  It was a pleasant day, if the cold was beginning to creep in.  I had to turn the heat up.

Oh, right.  The chicken is cooking, pressure cooking.  I'll probably deal with the thing in the morning, just let it cool overnight.  The trick will be to get it cool enough to be able to safely put it in the refrigerator before going to bed.  Then, it is to pull the meat, cook the bones for about an hour.  Let that cool.  Then add stock and veggies, add the meat to that when it's done, and serve when it is all good.

I have tired easier ways.  It just doesn't work.  If you want a good stew or soup, you have to do it in pieces and parts.  Failing that, everything will be overcooked and soppy, mushy, and unpleasant.  Worth the work.  I am so hungry for it.  I just can't stay awake, I don't think, to get it all done.  I might have a bit of the meat, though.  Just to tide me over.  Later.

A bit dark.

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Overcast, mostly partly... it can change moment to moment, or remain the same then completely change.  Volatile, the weather, lately.  It is 63 out there, but rather nice... for that temperature.  I had the furnace set to 70, but decided to put it back down to 68.  Not a lot of difference, but... it makes a difference.

The cool is making it difficult to get going.  Dressing warmly only does just so much.  It's... the environment... the cold, or heat, gets into the whole of the world.  Can't escape it.  Especially if the body doesn't work like it should already.  No troubles.  I'll get to what I can do when I am able to do so.

Sleepy.  But trying stay awake.  Chores haven't been finished.  They will be before long.  I have been out several times, to offer momma duck and her little ones feed, and to water them.  Plus, to give Sam treats and food.  When she is out, I try to make sure she has food and water.  She uses the litter the most, so... she saves me by being out.

A pleasant day, but a quiet, slow, one.  I did hone a few knives, in prep for parting the chicken.  And would really like to get that done yet today.  Very good weather for chicken vegetable soup or stew.  I have leftover cabbage which still looks good, plus fresh veggies to add.  No mushrooms.  Oh well.  Oh, right, I need to check the timing on cooking chicken, at my altitude.  The problem is, a lot of people are used to very overcooked food.  A lot of women simply don't know the difference between cooked and boiled to death.  True, very true.

Later.

It doesn't always work as planned.

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I did got up, got into bed, around the last post.  Or the one before?  Can't remember if I wrote a later post.  Anyway, at about 01:00 or so?  I just could not sleep.  So, up and at it, again, until 04:30~05:30.  I am sure it was after 04:00, and probably at least half after.  But it wasn't 07:00 yet.  Slept well.  

I set the alarms, or more forgot they were still set from the previous attempt to sleep.  The 06:00 alarm was shut down without thought or comment.  I must not have thought about the 09:00 alarm, or... left it as an opportunity to wake in spite of the improbability of that happening.

I kept snoozing it.  Until it was out of snoozes?  Or did I shut it off.  I just can't be sure.  Sam came up to wake me.  Then Sassy joined the gig.  They are hungry little critters.  They still haven't eaten the mouse.  Bleh.  I fed them before going to bed the second time, so...  Brats!  Still, I used them to be out of bed by 11:30 or so.

I haven't done all the chores, but watered the ducks, and fed them.  Through seed where momma could see, and take the chicks.  Plus the place she seemed to favor yesterday as well.  Nine little ones, for now.  She keeps them away from the others, and denies suitors.  I will do what I can for her and them.

Any males in the lot will be harvested, once of size.  As for hens, it depends on how many are hens.  If it's half and half, I may well keep the hens, this time.  A few more muscovy is a good thing.  Though there may be 'mule' (crossbreed) ducks too.  If they are of size, they will be eaten.  Otherwise culled?  I'm not sure.  They might help with breeding pressure though too?  Not sure.  I am learning as I go, for there is no other good way.

I have doubts that anyone actually raises ducks commercially anymore.  Chickens are far cheaper, for meat and eggs.  Even small scale, ducks and else are a bit rarified.  Plus, the small restaurants which might once have created some demand seem to have gone away.  There weren't many of that sort here locally, if any.  A few in Iowa City, but even that wasn't common for bigger cities in Iowa.  More something from college towns.  This local is a college town, just not that... sort.  Anyway...

I did look over the closer rabbits feed and water.  That all looks good, so I'm not in a rush.  Still tired, too.  I'll get to them later.  Minor aches and pains.  I'd like to go without tylenol today, so I won't be pushing it.  Some cleaning in the kitchen, breaking down a chicken to parts, and maybe deboning, then cooking a chicken stew in parts and steps.  And maybe some cleaning in the bathroom.  I... keep... planning, and failing.  Feeling better, but just on the surface.  Not sure what will get done, other than chores.

Later.

Late.

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Not as late as has often been the case recently.  I will set the alarms, as yesterday.  Hoping to rise earlier, if for no other reason than to keep to days.  It may not be possible.  The cool, even cold really, might actually be helping?  It is easier to sleep, but tougher to wake, as I finally acclimated, to a degree, to the warmth.

Pain is mostly gone tonight.  I didn't remember to take tylenol today.  I really wanted to, earlier, just... lost track?  Didn't have something to drink.  Then, by the time I got something, I just forgot.  All good.  I've been leaning on that too much this week.  Friday is already gone?  Wow.  This week just got ate by nothing and pain.

It is 67 in this front room, with the machine going, a light on, and me in here.  Rather cool for late May.  It seems like it has been raining or drizzling a good part of the day.  Not sure when it stopped, though I think it was off and on much of the day.  It certainly was on my way back from town... and to town.

Yes, I did at least clear the freezer and get things put up.  I left some things out, at least in the refrigerator, for cooking this... weekend.  Wow, the week just disappeared.  A whole chicken I plan to cut to parts, remove bone and skin for various things, and pressure cook.  I need to cook it less.  I overcooked it the last two times.  Perhaps that is just how chicken is?  No, I am sure I have cooked it more correctly before.

Something with pressure cookers?  I think that while recipes and time schedules, by weight, are good, high and low pressure systems, higher or lower humidity, and variations in room temperature, can all throw those things off, and by a lot.  If you keep your home at an exact temp, and have a humidifier or dehumidifier and keep that under control, I think you really can do a bit better.  Then, only occasional high and low pressure fronts will put a hitch in your cooking stride?

Anyway... tomorrow, definitely chicken soup.  Oh, I'll pull chicken stock out.  Say a quart?  To add with what else?  Yes.  I'll add it after the meat has been cooked, and the bones have had what can be pulled out of them after that.  I'll add it when cooking veggies... the zero time thing.  What went wrong with that last time was I cooked it with too few veggies, and with the broth still too hot.  Actually... I could probably add the stock and veggies, put the meat back in, and just let it set, covered, even sealed as if to pressured cook it, for about fifteen minutes.  Yes... I think that will do.  Or... that is my next experiment.  If it fails, I can still either heat it back up or even pressure cook it for the zero time.  I... almost forgot.  Oh, I best pull the quart, or two pints, out of the freezer.

Good night.

The trick to probiotics.

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Well, something to note.  If purchasing, or bothering to make, foods with probiotics, cooking can destroy your work, forethought, and waste money.  Imagine that, forethought killed by afterthought?  Only if your timing is off, I guess.  So far, all I had was non-fermented sauerkraut.  So I had this in mind before getting it.

But I didn't have the answer I needed.  You can have your probiotics, and eat them warmed too.  The temperature you need to avoid is 115 F or above.  For me?  I can do that easily.  Cooking the sausage first is my usual way.  Then adding the 'kraut at the end.  Well, instead of continuing to cook, I can add it, let the heat of the pan and sausages be absorbed by the 'kraut, and call it good.  I think that will do.  Especially if the 'kraut has been set out to gain room temperature before cooking.

I will try that tonight.  Yes, yes, I do think of these stupid little things.  If I am going to bother to bother with details, such as probiotics and else, then I want to get my moneys' worth, make my efforts worth the time, and eat right start to stop.  Why bother hunting and pecking for something you just boil off?  Just... stick with flavored, brined, cabbage, and take what you get.  Or... do it right, start to stop.  Amen.  No... get off my porch!  :)

Groceries, anyway.

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Picked up, a bit late, later than even suggested.  Even so, in a reasonably timeframe so no one was butthurt.  I haven't put it up yet, falling, hard.  But... I will clear away the freezer top and get it put up.  That might also kickstart the work in the kitchen.  Not all that much, but... it's... stacking up.

It is still cloudy, and has been raining and sprinkling through the day.  While upstairs, dressing for the outing... shorts just wouldn't do today... I noticed Kay and chicks out back.  With them not worried, and peck foraging, I was able to count.  Nine chicks.  Two eggs remain in the nest, if I suspect those either didn't, or won't be, hatched.  While the drakes do try to fertilize her, even while brooding, it doesn't always happen.  The hens are in such a state, when they go out for feed and water, that it's... difficult to get near them.

I spread feed for them, and that is where they were eating.  So, for today, that is how I will continue to feed them.  Water?  I'll... put out a few bowls, plus occasional runoff and puddles from rain.  It's what I can do for now.  I really don't know how best to serve them.

Oh, I'll put a few bowls of water out, then scatter more feed.  Then I'll figure out food, putting it away and all.  I found fermented, live, sauerkraut, finally.  I will be eating that with sausage tonight.  I'm not sure if I should heat it?  Just heating the kielbasa, and plating a side of the 'kraut?  I'll... investigate.  Why have 'living' food cooked to death?  Just... thinking.  Later.

Pleasantries, on a gloomy day.

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Two of the broody hens just... quit.  Not sure if the eggs didn't work, or the other ducks got to them... ate them.  There was still one in there.  But I started seeing broken egg parts.  I... wasn't sure if any would remain, or... if she was just sitting, still, for no good reason... not quite ready to quit a lost cause.

Then, I was out this morning, looking for Sam.  When it is cold and rainy, I like checking on her, seeing if she wants to come back in yet.  She did, this time.  But, looking up from her, along the asparagus path, I noticed several ducks, and Kay... the last of my brooders.

At first, I was somewhat anxious.  Was she just out for a stroll, or was she done with the empty nest?  I was almost heart-broken, didn't want to know?  Still, I looked on.  She was being attacked by something?  A bunch of somethings?  Wait, those aren't attacking!  Those are chicks!  I can't say for sure how many, but I would guess eight to twelve?

How many will make it?  How to get them feed?  I... just don't know.  I put feed out near her nest, but that might be too big.  The pans are too high for the chicks, and the food might be too big.  Not sure if crushing adult food will work.  I have to go to town soon, will pick up chick feed while in.  And ask what the difference is.  Protein levels?  And water.  I can sort out water, am, currently.  But food is going to need to be sorted further.

We'll see.  Not sure any will make it.  But I will do what I can to encourage them to make it.  And they were out in the rain without even a thought.  Ugh... to figure it all out.  Funny thing is?  She doesn't know all that much more than I do.  It's her first batch.  Whatever, I am pleased to see chicks and mom out having a feast, I would guess, or their first walk.

So much for outdoor plans.

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Not sure I would have gotten to them anyway, but I had planned to work on twigs, branches, and logs.  It is raining.  Well, mildly, but for a while now.  It's all going to be too wet to muss with.  Fine.  If I can I will work inside.  If.  I love and hate that word, especially when it isn't a notion I control.

Sam is staying outside.  It's cool out there.  Still, she gets it her way.

We need the rain, or so they say.  May have to give it until they regret stealing.

Ugh... anyway... later.

Pain, yes indeed.

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Better, worse, here, then there, if rather constant... as to what I feel.  It is far from maxed out, conscious wise.  The behind the scenes suffering is maxed.  I am moving very slow for it. But the conscious pain is only a roaming between, say, four and eight on a ten scale, averaging mostly around six.  

I did take more tylenol last night, had to try something.  I have been living on the stuff this week.  It has stopped being as effective, so I won't be trying double duty again.  One pop a day, call it good at that.  Which... yes... I am used to pain.  It's just... it hurts worse when it has been gone for a while, and comes flying back.

The tumble down the stairs, while it didn't hurt my outer body much, stretched and pulled things inside.  Mostly in the torso, though muscle groups, from trying to hold, even with little strength, pulled.  Mostly the innards though.  Still, it's amazing something didn't break or rip or shred.  That is a lot of weight going head first down the stairs.  And I fell pretty much while taking the first step.  I did catch near the bottom, or I suspect I would have gone through the door at the base of the stairs.

I had the alarm set for 06:00 and 09:00.  Not a chance.  I think, it part, it is pain.  In part, it is recovery from work and falling.  It was 11:30 before I could crawl out.  Funny, even though there is significant pain, I was able to get out, and up, comfortably (for it's part, didn't hurt to get up or get dressed).  Down the stairs, cat treats first thing since I'm running late, and then checking the temp.

It is ~57-58 out there.  I looked, and remember, but the gauge is right between those.  Still that cool out?  Then again, it was 66 in the main, upstairs, 69 near me?  That is odd.  It is 66 downstairs, still.  Very odd weather, but I'll take it.  I'll... get to chores when I can.  Get some trash out.  Then?

Whatever I can do.  Maybe not much.  Depends if the tylenol works, or if I can overcome the pain anyway.  Later.

The post is in.

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It will have to cure.  And it might not be exactly perfectly straight... windy out there.  Some stakes were driven in, and rope was used in an attempt to even it out.  Should be plenty good enough.  And a bit of work on a door.  The lock was wobbly and the door was sagging.  Done and done.

I offered him some fruit I have been ordering, for short to mid-term storage, to try.  As well, a jar of peanut butter... made without sugar, only three ingredients.  Why three?  So it will last, be consistent, and such.  I understand that they literally can't just make something and ship it, hoping it will last.  It doesn't work out well.  So, I am trying their peanut butter.  Good for with veggies.

It has really chilled out there.  Last I looked, it was down to 60, and the wind was rather strong and cool, maybe cold.  I'll take it though.  On the other end, clouds are gone, swept away by that heavy wind.  I may be able to close the cave up tonight.  It really is rather cool.

Headache, neck ache, a few other problems.  Nothing fancy, but troubling.  Sleepy, if not weary or exhausted.  Strange how that can work out.  I did place a grocery order for tomorrow.  But their interface has changed.  There used to be several pages for the ordering system.  On one of them, you could set the pickup time.  Now it is all on one page, and you just pick which area you want to adjust.  I didn't notice, but will next time.  So I called and set it for a later pickup tomorrow.  

I will also consider what else I may need or want.  They usually call to ask, in case we forgot something.  Oh!  Lettuce.  Shredded.  And, maybe, hamburger.  I tried pork and turkey, but... I'm not completely pleased with those.  If they are in clear packages, they work well.  If in tubes?  Sometimes, some brands, put horrible things in there.  They grind everything, and don't do it well.  I will only do ground meats, from now on, if I can clearly see what is there.

It is just about bedtime.  I am so hungry though.  Blood sugar was... something... below a hundred.  So I ate several things.  Later still, it was 68.  I don't have anything ready to eat, I can't cook or clean and then cook.  So... I took a few glucose tabs with kefir.  It's all I could do.  I can't take more tylenol.  

I guess it will just be a rough evening.  Bleh.  Bedtime soon though.  Later.

Shivers from fear or delight?

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Rabbits.  I wanted to do a few little things, and check on critters, outside.  I visited the local cages and gave each critter a bit of time.  Petting and light scratches behind the ears, between them, and on the foreheads.  One or two still tried to run.  The rest mostly just surrendered.

Some shivered, though with eyes rolling I think it was with pleasure?  Some squealed, rather unpleasantly.  Still, I persisted.  Just... being careful not to get bit or scratched.  I really think some are beginning to enjoy company.  Others don't, and maybe never will.  Or, maybe, they go through moods, just like we do.  One more week and I will be wearing a thick longsleeved shirt and thick long gloves to boot, and begin holding them, looking them over, and just getting them used to being held.

The temp is falling out there.  Partly to mostly overcast, if that could change at any time.  It dropped from 68 to 62.  Still, quite a nice day to be out.  If I can get going, I may get out and begin moving the middling limbs over near the smaller kindling... to, in time, get that all restacked and remove anything that isn't good.  

I purchased cinder blocks for under.  I had thought to use the longer middling limbs as a base, but it would be better to cut those and just stack all up on cinder blocks.  I need to start burning some of that, too.  Not heavy burning, just a little campfire, or in the rocket stove, from time to time.  If that is better in earlier spring or cooler fall and winter days.

I am still recovering from some work I did recently.  Yes, still.  I thought, while doing it, this might be the time.  I might skip, escape, do better.  Not so much.  Then again, I pushed it two more times.  So, really, I did do very well.  Then I pushed it right off the edge.  Meh.

As it warms, until or unless it gets far too hot, I am hoping to try to push a bit more.  The ejection refraction, for my heart, is at 47%.  It had initially been 15%, got up to 53% (not 73% as I had been mistakenly told), before dropping a bit.  It's... better.  But not perfect.  It is, by their standards, a little better than half of '100%' (which is actually between the high sixties and low eighties, percentile).

To think, for many years they didn't treat it.  They knew the whole time.  They just didn't think medicine would help, and a heart transplant is just a gimmick, mostly.  If they had just been honest with their diagnosis, I might have had a real life, not been a shut-away.  It was a cruel thing.  Did they really think they were doing right, medically?  Or was this because I was politically incorrect?  I honestly don't know, and they will never tell the truth.

Waterers are reset.  It's easier to stay up on them.  They drink and eat so much less, when in single cages.  Even when the weather is moderate.  I expect consumption to soar, perhaps two waterings a day.  But food consumption will plummet.  Digestions is work.  Work creates heat.  They will figure that out shortly.  I have one sortie of water bottles frozen, and two more groups ready to go in, when I clear and clean the freezer top.  I've been stuck, due to pushing other workload areas and crashing for it.

Today?  Or tomorrow.  Yes.  I... think so.  I haven't done much, so far, today.  But I was surprised to get to what I have done.  And... with it cooling... I might get to more.  Or crash.  I'll keep trying until I succeed, or die.  Wee!  As I've said, I don't mind living, or dying, as long as it is God's will.  But, even in pain, misery, suffering, and such, I will continue, strive, to live as honest and simple a life as possible.  Even knowing that is as good as it gets.

The funny thing is?  A humble simple life is... far better than the life I was trying to obtain.  I would never have known it without great political enemies or incompetent physicians... or both.  So be it.  Hmm... beginning to hurt from the small efforts.  Pretty harshly.  A few painpills, a prayer, resting just a bit, and... I'll know more soon.  I'd sure like to do more work.  Later. 

A nap?

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I can't be sure when I went down.  After 07:00, before 09:00?  Maybe later, not earlier.  I crashed so hard I... don't remember the decision, time, or actions.  I began to wake an hour or two ago, but it wasn't quite time.  At a quarter to half to 14:00, I finally crawled out.  Stumbling, shambling, twitching.

Between good sleep and the need for it, all those last took place.  It was 73 up there, but it was about that this morning.  Odd.  Still, a bit warm for naps, or sleep, which adds to the twitching I think.  Still, it was somewhat restful.  I will still try to get to bed earlier tonight.  It is possible, especially if it begins to cool, and I can get some of that in the house.

Oh, but it isn't all that warm outside.  Just hitting around the low 70's, high 60's, if I... let me go check.  Memory isn't working well even yet.  Wow... it's 66 out there.  So I opened the east and north sides of the house.  The west side yet has sun to beat on it.

Fed the cats, got kefir for 'lunch', and a dose of insulin.  Blood sugar is reading over two hundred for no good reason.  Might have thought to have more insulin, but... no.  That... doesn't work as it should.  I'd rather have slightly high blood sugar than too low.  Cats are fed, Sam is outside enjoying her near summer weather, and chores were done.  It looks like I don't have to check every day, but will anyway.

In about a week, after daily, or twice daily, mild handling of the rabbits, I am going to begin hold them.  Just so that they are used to being managed.  So I check check their kits without them killing them... probably... and such.  If... when... they will ever breed.  Ugh.  I don't want to be shredded every time I reach into a cage.  They are getting much better at not trying to run when I pet them.  That itself took over a week.

Today?  I have the same list.  Cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom.  As well, I would really like to craft a waste, high, shelf/platform for the four-cage caging unit, and get the smaller males out there and going.  I won't be getting them to breed this spring, so it will have to be fall.  It's just how things go.

On to waking up.  If that seems to be doing well.  The rest was needed, and well timed and placed.  Have a great day.

Not even 06:00?

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Not to bed until after... let's call bedtime 01:30.  It was warm, sleep wouldn't happen.  So... why awake at before 06:00?  I didn't leave the house open last night.  It would have been too cool, I surmised.  While 43 this morning, outside, and that seems okay, there is a stiff breeze from the nwn, I would say.  Maybe a wind.  Upstairs is 73, so... maybe I will start opening the house to that.  It is ~68 everywhere downstairs.

I did just open up a few windows, to let some cool in.  I am having kefir for breakfast.  And I just took the first day of the eighth week of medicine.  Sassy now sleeps on my chair, the one I am sitting on.  She... isn't happy to see me in the morning, especially when I wake up early.  Like a kid who uses the couch as a day bed, and doesn't want to get up or share it first thing.

I will probably have to take a nap later.  Though, if it warms as it has been, that might be difficult.  At least, without installing ac.  Which sort of sucks.  After tending the hot water drip, electricity has gone down to $41 a month, form ~$130 to $140 a month.  Ac will jack that back up.  Though, to use it sparingly?  Will see.

Not sure why I am waking.  The warmth?  I have a fan going up there, so it isn't traffic.  And there isn't much traffic quite yet anyway.  I don't even feel tired, but know I should.  I should be absolutely wiped.  Well, whatever.  Later.

A little bird.

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I thawed the cornish game hen for dinner yesterday, but wasn't able to eat, or cook.  I don't want to waste.  Those are slightly expensive, considering how much bone there is.  So, I started the grill tonight.  Yes, an odd thing to grill.  But I don't want to heat up the house.

Odd, but at 73, inside, in this front, the warmer of rooms, I am actually a bit chilly.  An oven, even on 350 for warming up then for thirty to forty five minutes, would make the place too warm.  And it would take a few days to cool off.  Grilling has it's place, especially in the summer.  The pressure cooker isn't bad, either.  I... just have to get that clean before use.  Not up to that quite today.

Oh, a good thing.  My body is beginning to heal.  Very slowly.  But, for months now, it hasn't been healing at all.  Cat scratches.  I get one or two a month.  Usually, when in better shape, one batch disappears before the next.  As is, I have four or five incidents piled up.  They are all starting to heal, but more or less just in this last week.  

It was from before starting medicines that healing stopped.  If I think medicine, until I became used to it again, was part of what was continuing to hold up healing.  I do worry, at times.  If my visible flesh isn't healing, what bad could be going on inside?  Who knows.  I fear this new medicine, but will try it as recommended unless I can't.  It might crash my system.  Slow doses though?  I'll have to review the medication.  Can't remember the name of it.

Well, best check on the grill.  Later.

Nearly 80 outside?

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Not a bad thing.  Or, at least not yet.  It is up to 72 inside.  Opening up at night, and closing up in the morning, is the trick.  I was lucky to be able to wake in time to shut everything down before it got too warm.  Not sure that will always be possible.  Which is why I am going to try to make it back to days, and keep to them... waking in the morning.

Still a bit in recovery from work, travel, and falls.  I'm not sure how much the fall hurt, as I can't tell what did which.  Most of the pain, most of the time, is in the background.  It's like adding fifty or a hundred pounds, in a backpack, to my back.  It just slowly eats my energy, even while sitting.  Though, sometimes I comes through.  Painkillers arrived today.  The ones the doctor suggests.

I am moving very slowly today.  I just got to chores.  The critters weren't hungry or thirsty.  Though a few rabbits were low on food or water.  I found a source for more small waterers and ordered them.  Actually I found two places.  One was two to three dollars more per, the other was double the price.  While I am hoping to get a gravity fed watering system going for them, I will always want the bottles for backup.  In the summer, I don't need as many, but in the winter, if I have to use them, I have to have enough for two per day for two days, for thawing and refilling turnaround times.  Just in case the bucket/tank freezes or something else goes wrong.

It looks like one of my ducks has lost her eggs.  There is one left, maybe two though if so, their nests are hidden and I have been looking.  I can hope some chicks will make it, but... just not sure.  I may just close her in, and get feed and water in there with her.  Or... just give up.  I'm not sure the ducks will work out.  Who knows.

The next trick is to get to bed earlier tonight.  As it warms, though, it becomes more difficult to sleep earlier.  If need be, I may put the ac in, and see if that will help.  Summers are always a bit tricky... more light, more heat.  I am willing to fight for it.  Especially as I acclimatize to the heat so much better for the last two years.  It isn't as much of a struggle.

Now for something to eat.  Later.

Now I can tell you.

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Before I said anything, I wanted to make sure I wasn't broken.  Sunday, or Monday, while coming downstairs... without strength for it had left me, I fell.  sliding, rolling, bumping. most of the way down the stairs.  Nothing hurt, immediately.  I thought I was okay.  Still, I waited to write about it.

Great, now I have fallen as often as my mother.  Though, the two legs in one shorts leg was a once ever thing while I was in a rush for some reason, and this was due to strength failure.  I had a grip on the rail, but no strength to arrest my velocity, which I rely upon.  So nothing doesn't make sense, it wasn't some unknown failure.

The last few days, part of the pain I have been knowing is from that fall.  Some of it is from efforts I have been putting out.  Still, for what I have done and put myself through?  Not bad.  Blood sugar is high.  I forgot slow acting and ate a few tabs last night before sleeping.  But it had been down to 93.  While I had some kefir, that doesn't usually protect against drops, so... tabs since I couldn't cook.  I'll... keep with it.

Today?  Chores, of course.  Cats as well, which aren't officially chores?  Cats are more like myself...  They are family, not livestock, mostly.  The hope is to clear and clean the kitchen and bathroom, then make something to eat.  If I can.  Gaming the new game between this and that.  Good afternoon and day.

Cooling helps.

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Once I cooled, the pain lifted.  Much of it.  My heart is tired.  It's a weird thing.  If you don't know it, don't worry.  It has been taxed, and is calling in dues.  No major problem, just... what must be paid is being paid.  Chair time.  Though the anacin probably helped a goodly bit.

Blood sugar dropped to 93.  So more kefir, as planned.  I am hoping that will be enough to keep it stable enough for bedtime.  I think I have tabs up there.  I will take a roll, just in case.  I do my best, I just haven't quite figured out food, appetite, insulin, and all.  Even so, it really, truly, isn't an absolute science.  I'm beginning to doubt it is a single disease.  I'm not... sure what it is.  But it isn't what they say it is.

Now that I am cooled, and pain is mostly relieved, I can't sleep!  I could have crashed at 16:00, when I got home.  Not now?  Very odd.  I'll go game a bit.  It might help me fall.  It's a new game, Resident Evil Village.  So far I can't say it's all that interesting.  Though I was trying to play while my body was crashing.  I'll find out with a bit more play.

Oh, I got a call, for some reason, from a shipper in Iowa.  Somehow they had my number.  They were looking for my mom.  Weird.  Anyway, I took their number, called my mom, and... she... was tired of hearing from me.  I'm not sure we can live together as such.  Still, I gave her the message and got off the phone as soon as I could.  But, then, she didn't want to stop talking!  Ugh.  It was almost funny.

Cats fed, I'm fed, medicines in... save slow acting insulin.  Blood sugar is good, new heart medicine on the way.  A call, to the V.A. tomorrow.  I did get the travel paperwork in for both today and the 3rd... blood draw.  Anything else I'm missing?  No, rabbits and birds are good too.  Oh, and I reordered some of that which was packaged in with what hadn't been ordered.  Stupid thing.  Might have to order everything independently, and make... no... wouldn't matter.  Didn't order, and none of it was sent prime on top of it!  Bleh.  If it keeps happening, I'll just cancel them.  The world is becoming open again.

Whether I play for an hour or five minutes, it's good night.  Sleep well, pray before you sleep, dream well, and wake well.  Even when hellish, I... like this little life.  I hope you enjoy your walk here.  Not saying to not take it too seriously, just... don't take it too seriously.  Or... pick which is right to take seriously?  Something.  Good night.

Ouch.

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Everything hurts.  Even one of my pinkies for reasons I cannot understand.  My shoulder blades, probably from driving while tired.  My legs, arms, back, and several muscle groups.  The feet.  Oh, the feet.  You'd have thought I walked ten miles.  So sore.  Plus tired, worn, and sleepy.  But there is a warmth which surrounds me.  It's the warmth of healing.  It's a good thing.  More anacin.

Another meal, of kefir.  I can eat that stuff pretty well for two meals, as long as I have a decent traditional meal sometime in the day as well.  Pork, or beef roast, or chicken, plus a veggie, two, or veggie and fruit.  And perrier really is working.  I am having tea from time to time, every other day.  And trying to sweeten it with liquid stevia now and again.  But, mostly, kefir.  I may have to increase the amount of milk I get.  One more gallon, maybe two.  As well, put another half gallon jug of the stuff into production.  As is I run out for both reasons by Thursday quite often.

And, a bit after kefir, blood sugar is 95.  Which actually worries me.  Even with a low insulin dose, it... can crash.  I don't fully understand.  Perhaps my body is healing that way, but it is so used to high blood sugar that it just goes that way almost naturally now.  But it isn't good at keeping blood sugar up.  It's a façade.  So that just a tap on that and it crumbles.  I'll have another kefir shortly.  Tuesday, right?  I may go pick some up tomorrow, if I can get out.  Ugh... rough.

Rough but pleasing.  I did some things, and made it today.  I don't mind the pain, so long as I do what I need to do.  I have limits, in what I can do, how much and far I can go, but... I... did okay.  I should sleep quite well tonight.  I won't do late chores, but the birds are well fed and watered, the rabbits were very well set up this morning, only the girls will be fed one more time tonight.

Hopefully the anacin will kick in tonight.  Generic tylenol should be here tomorrow.  Besides, I am out of anacin.  I will probably toss the ibuprofen, but get another, small, bottle of anacin for... if the tylenol doesn't work.  Those rare occasions.  Though sometimes nothing works.  Later or good night.

I made it, this time.

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At least I called last time.  An electro-cardiogram?  Echo?  Echo...  She couldn't tell me anything, but the V.A. did call.  But my phone was off.  I had stopped to eat.  But, earlier, I had put on a few apps, gotten into one, and couldn't immediately figure out how to extricate the phone from it.  So I turned the stupid thing off.

Again, I avoided going off keto.  I wasn't as happy with today's meal.  Somewhere else, next time.  Blood sugar is a bit high, but then I just ate an hour ago.  I also got in paperwork for travel.  Traffic wasn't bad, but wasn't great.  I was getting pretty hot.  Even with ac, it's... warming up out there, especially in the lower and more central state.

I'd best feed the girls.  They are acting restless.

Someone, the other day, suggested I shouldn't plan something for today.  I thought I would be able to do something, but let their advice stand.  Glad I did.  I am absolutely burned out.  Exhausted.  The drive home was brutal.  My feet are killing me.  I am hot, tired, I hurt in old places, and new... even from the echo-cardiogram.

I would love to sleep, but I don't think I should.  I want to be awake until 20:00, 19:00 anyway, if possible.  I did stop for mail today, and took care of that, mostly.  Bleh.  Do what I can, even as the captain... on a ship of fools.  Kefir!  I think I will have a big ol' sip of that, then a dose of insulin.  Not... a bit dose, just... a typical smaller dose.

Shoes off, flip-flops on, and to try to relax.  I am soon to replace the flip-flops.  I think they are bad for my feet.  Slip on trekker type shoes, it is hoped.  Two versions on the way.  I am hoping to find something a bit more solid, but not quite so exacting, at least to start out.  Maybe work up to real shoes again?  That's the hope.  Ugh.  Hot.  Later.  Or... much later.  Later or good night.

Up and going, earlier than hoped.

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I couldn't get to bed until... rather late.  It was 02:00, give or take an half hour.  I just can't remember for sure, save that it was at least half past one.  In part, I was awake because I wanted a shower, and couldn't get to it.  Yes, the last thing I did, and all I could do, a shower was taken.  Another, soon, this morning.

I set the alarms for 06:00 and 09:00.  I knew the first was a non-starter.  I only had hope the last would hold.  As it turns out, I began to wake by 08:00, if it took another half hour to actually get out of bed.  Not much sleep, but... I... have to be awake today.  Or... should have to be.

Chores, shortly, then a shower and hopefully a shave.  A few other tasks.  I hope.

Sore, again, today, but I didn't wake up with the raw form of pain.  I am just feeling the bits that get through.  Almost more tired than pained.  At least what is felt without being a part of the exhaustion.  Some innards feel as if they are slightly twisted, but all good healthwise.  Just what happens when you do what you haven't done in a while.

Blood sugar is 149 fasting.  I had a few small portions of fruit to allay the blood sugar drop that was about to begin, last night.  I wasn't up to cooking, so it was that or carb tabs.  Control is getting better.  At least it isn't in the higher 100's or even 200's.  It's what I can do.

After chores, a healthy dose of kefir, a shower, shave, and dressing like an adult.  Then a bit of business?  Hmm, I think I'll just have the kefir now.  I don't get two hours to wake today.  But I'll take an hour.  Being up early has it's benefits.  If I could do it every day, I would.  I am certainly trying.

Bleary of eye, half-hitched of step, but I have... things to do.  Birds, rabbits, and cats first, then my business, then my business... different business operations of course.  If I could just wake up these things would be so much easier.  Maybe someday.  Until then, I'll just have to make do.  Good morning and day.