Complicated.

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Still sleeping a lot.  I finally closed the upstairs windows.  While it seems warmer, that isn't making much difference.  If I suspect, until it can be nearly seventy up there, regularly, it really is too cold to allow improvements.  And, of course, it will only be that temp for a while, before rising into the eighties or higher, so requiring ac.  Which... complicates temperature regulation.

There are things I like about my home, and the temperature changes, there are things I don't like.  My health issues add to the complications.  As sometimes, no matter how warm or cool, my body simply doesn't correspond to environmental inputs... fevers in the winter, chills in high summer.  Let's just admit I must embrace misery or suffer the more?  Something like that.

Two days down.

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Three?  Lots of sleep.  Trying to wake twice a day for food, water, and medicine, for what good the last is doing.  Though, I suppose, it could be worse otherwise.  However, the medicine isn't reducing my blood pressure as much as it should.  Keeping it in the 150-160/90-110 ranges, in spite of taking larger doses than should be indicated, double to triple the usual doses per reading.  I don't think the waterpills are working either.  I am at 224, last time I weighed.  Which is up fourteen pounds in spite of very few calories or water in.  Oddly, I sure seem to pee a lot?

I'll keep at it.  I may switch some things up.  Trying, for example, to drink plain carbonated water instead of flavored.  And reducing how much bread I eat.  I ate a bit more, with the experiment.  But, too, it isn't causing problems.  I don't think it would be the weight issue.  I think I had gained the weight before starting bread.  Mother says my color is better, after finally resting and sleeping so much more.  I... was getting into trouble there for a bit.  Feeling better.  If more sleep would yet be good.

Oh, the bread.

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I did, last night, get the last loaf of sourdough baked.  Now, for whatever reason, I could not get that loaf to rise to even 200 F.  I think the highest it got was 185.  I baked it for... Four hours?  Five?  At 480.  Checking the internal temp every forty minutes to hour.  Ugh.

Now, it did seem done, not burned or raw.  The flavor was definitely more sour.  A very odd loaf.  Seriously, pretty good.  So very strange though.

A few thoughts.

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I keep seeing bits in even the forms of what passes for news even in my materials regarding modern family issues, inflation or whatever that really is, and else.  I pretty much ignore these things, because to a degree, they don't have too much to do with me.  Still, I thought I would clear some things, like dumping a memory cache, so that I can move on to real issues.

The problem between men and women is pretty simple.  The solutions?  Those will solve themselves.  Currently, those aren't considered as worth pursuing as a social or political problem.  The effects of the disconnects, fewer children, a collapsing modernist population, is considered a feature by those with hands on levers.

Mom is distressed.

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Between wrist surgeries back to back, the good weather and neighborly help, plus what I can and am doing, she has pushed herself.  Pushed to an exhaustion which has exacerbated her palsey to a serious level.  She refuses to believe in cause and effect.

I know.  I... used to push to my near ends, and suffer greatly for it.  I can plainly see what she did and the costs.  That is why I don't let her, myself, or events, push, pull, drag, or crush me that deeply anymore.  I turn off the world, crawl in bed, and sleep as much as needed, wanted... to how much want has anything to do with... anything.

A few things right.

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The bread was finally baked.  It took nearly twice as long as suggested and barely opened along the cut?  Ah, altitude... it is nearly a mile high here.  I am hoping, next full batch, to add bloomed yeast.  As well, even the next loaf (too late to add yeast, as it is formed), to both set it out to come to room temperature, work it lightly to wake it, and add fresh surface tension.  As well, spritz water into the dutch oven as I close it up, in the hopes moisture will allow the skin to rise better before hardening.  As well, the next batch will be made using the keto einkorn flour, which should be much lighter than ground whole wheat.  I suspect, hope, it will be more like white flour, rising much easier.  Though will the sourdough or yeast have as much effect?

Mom seemed to like it.  Me?  Not so much.  I did a good thing, I went by internal temperature, to between 200 and 210 F.  This is why I have had a gummy loaf before.  As well, having a pizza stone under the Staub dutch oven (on a lower rack, not directly under the dutch oven) made it so the bottom of the loaf didn't burn, or even brown.

Getting there.

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Yes, two stretch and folds, as they are properly termed, were enough.  Now I have split the dough into two loaves, and begun shaping them.  Just a bit of stretching and foldind first, to waken the dough, then to form and begin creating a circular, global really, form.  Then rolling and pulling in order to create surface tention.

Once that has been worked as well as possible, a bowl or such is put over the portions.  Which are left for an hour.  I will do that one more time.  At which point, if I feel the tension is good (most likely), I will then heavily flour the battenons, place the portions in, the put those in two gallon plastic bags.  Putting the whole parts in the fridge.

Bread.

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A bit late, an hour later than hoped or so.  The sourdough starter had started deflating, from peak rise, but was still within ten percent of peak.  So, as good as I could do.  Might try using the alarm clocks to do better.  I thought I would be up in time, having slept so much.  But no.

I think the autolyse process went well.  According to what I was expecting , hoping, from a guru, the results were right.  Currently I am letting it rise.  Being whole wheat through and through, it won't bulk ferment to double.  As well, I am receiving conflicting data regarding flipping and folding the dough.

Some things.

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Having a heck of a time getting things done, tracking business and health affairs, being awake well or for long, and else.  I did get four or five things started or going.  But am stuck again.  I have... four or five more things still awaiting work or back in my court again.

I have been checking the sauerkraut varieties.  I may have oversalted?  Will find out.  Looking good, moving along.  So not too little salt or it would go bad.  Obtaining a pH tester next payday... helps track ferments, helps sort the right amount of salt needed, and when a ferment is ready, or safe to refrigerate.  As well, I added a jar of red radishes to begin pickling, a brine pickle as with the sauerkraut.

A short sweet dream.

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I was on a space station, in my current health and age.  It was rather roomier than would be realistic, something I consciously noted outside the dream.  A bit of a fourth wall break, something I generally avoid unless possibly needed to continue the suspended disbelief required for some of my dreams.

The dream survived both the obvious problem and my attempt to bridge the gap.

So sleepy.

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I didn't wake until early afternoon, nearly two/14:00.  But, just to eat.  I couldn't stay up.  Mom had half a dozen things she wanted me to do.  I told her I would do things later.  She wasn't happy.  She ended up just doing some of those things.  As I have said, if she wants things done on her schedule she may have to do them herself.  Not being rude, just... I have serious limits.

If you lived in my skin, you would understand.  Imagine going to bed at, say 21:00 to 22:00.  Waking at, say, 5:00 to 7:00.  Now, imagine being awaken every few hours, being asked to take out the trash, or put up kitchen rods, do these or those chores.  Sometimes, often, you couldn't.  Sometimes I can't even eat, even if it has been actual days between meals.

Trump or nay?

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As presented?  Sure, mostly.  If I have my doubts. 

I mean, most of what he seems to offer, suggest, sounds good.  From ending daylight savings to lowering personal and corporate taxes, shrinking the government, enshrining real enumerated rights... even clawing some of those back.  A lot of good things.

Some things are of no interest, such as attacking Iran for Israel, our involvement in African conflicts or the Ukraine debacle.  Though some of that is business.  Literally.  Like it or not.

Nausea.

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And more.  Like the extra side effects from the flu.  Dizziness, nausea, a mild headache, mild aches of various sorts, exhaustion, something like fevers from time to time.  Not actually sick, not with the flu.  Perhaps bad food in?  Or maybe the fast warming has thrown me?  Some such.

Mother is loving it.  Thus outside working.  Wants me to help.  Forcing me to help.  I got the riding mower gassed and going, she kept getting it stuck on a minor burm in the front yard.  After the second time in minutes I parked the mower, grounding her from using it.

Warming in bounds.

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Leaps and bounds.  It was 45 to 55 for a goodly bit.  Then it dropped into the 20s and 30s for lows.  Finally it seemed to improve, but on paper only... reaching 57 but that feeling cooler somehow than the day before when the high was 42.  Then it warmed into the proper fifties again.  Then hit 67 yesterday and 76 today.

Spring has rolled the

dice on summer.  It comes soon,

like it or otherwise?

Dreams.

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A set of them... three.

In the first, I was an older woman.  Early to mid fifties, single.  Working, but not in a real career.  Never married, no children, currently alone.  A doctor appointment and potentially dark news.  Cervical cancer?  I had to look it up.  Not sure which stage, or treatment plan, as of the dream.  Just... realizing... I was alone, poorish, and in possible serious trouble.

In the next dream, or portion?  I was an older mechanic.  Car?  Plant?  Again, not career, just employed, if partly self employed... Think shop employee and shade tree mechanic.  Married, with grown children.

Another day.

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I reset kefir last night.  Plus, changed all the jars.  I can use the jars four to six times before they start making the kefir a bit too sour due to buildup of old goop.  Though, too, I wanted to put new, cloth thus breathable, caps on the first ferment jars.  If nothing, to see if that makes a difference.

It does seem to make a difference.  From simple observation, the kefir grains float rather than sink in.  I'll know about taste shortly.  Oh, but the yeast scent is... fresher?  It smells more pleasant.  Though, with new, fresh, jars, that may be the cause, or part of it.

Ugh.

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Not everything hoped or planned.  Four things, pieces of business.  Plus bird seed in the feeder.  That was easy.  Most of the business that was completed was easy.  But two of the tasks took quite some time and multiple operators to fix.  However, as far as I can go, everything I started, from my end, was completed to my ability.  Two things are now in other people's hands.

I had planned to wake earlier, to get mom to the workforce center.  She has to, again, again, try to get medicaid in Utah.  They keep trying to deny her by playing ignorant.  Basically the denial game private health insurance uses.  Same game, public instead of private.  Though in Utah there is more to it.  Out-of-staters are third class cutizens.  If in-staters (save the favored) are second class.

Many things.

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This last week has been... more productive.  Shopping, business in town, a few things here at home, this and that.  Today, a lot of business.  I was surprised how much I could do just this afternoon.  Three bills checked, one left to check.  A few numbers obtained, or found again.  Various mortgage business done or arranged.  Several texts and emails received and relayed.  Ugh.

I finally made a final version of a keto flour which includes einkorn wheat, this morning.  And copied four recipes to file cards lately, two this morning.  It's as if I am having to relearn to write cursive again... getting better.  Plus we have been cooking and eating well.  Tonight I had a portion of kidneys.  Once you get used to them, I anyway, like them at least once a month, twice if I can remember.

Sorting things.

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Started burying myself in the cell phone.  Reading, here and there.  Watching vids.  Blogging.  Just killing as much time as possible, when I couldn't sleep.  I needed rest, and sleep.  So, for a bit, it was a method to that madness.  It is time to change that.

What can I do otherwise?  Gaming, some of the time.  Beginning exercises.  More chores and tasks.  Trying to attempt to be awake more often, reengage with life if and as possible.  And eat a bit more.  So cook a bit more.  I have begun exploring those keto recipes, I want to dig in further.  Some work, some don't.

Lots of sleep.

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At eighteen to thirty six hours at a time, only waking for a few hours at most, twice to three times a day, to drink and maybe eat, check vitals, and take medicine if possible, life is... strange.  I am only waking that if because mom wakes me.

She needs more help after carpal tunnel surgery on her right arm.  Which pretty much has made that arm useless to her.  So I am not just wanted, but needed.  I am doing my best to help, take over some of her duties including cooking, and being available when she just needs help.