Sleep, pain, and heat.

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Nope, the pills are definitely beating me into the ground. I sleep not because I feel like it but because I simply have no choice. I do not feel groggy, I nearly pass out. I can barely get my butt up and over to the bed. The headaches are severe, as is the neck and general body pain. I would rank it at about 7 to 9. If I consume 1400 mg's of Tylenol when I can drag myself over to the kitchen, that knocks the pain down to a tolerable 2 or 4 for a while. Sometimes I am simply too exhausted to move so I suffer until I can rise. And, my body temperature has shot up. What had been a pleasant, even cool, 72 F to 76 F here in the cave has become an intolerable sweat box. I am pretty sure that even at 66 F I would be pleasantly warm if not still hot. It is not the a/c, now, it is just me.

Why the doctors do not believe me, I have no clue. I ought to ask for more Tylenol, prescription strength, when I go there next time, if everything works out. I do not want anything heavier, it causes nausea and dizziness so that the pain becomes a lesser entity. After having tried 12 or more other regimens, this is as good as it gets. I feel like, even with the Tylenol, someone used my head for batting practice a few days ago. The muscles at the base of my neck, the headache, and a general pinata feel over the rest of my body are mine for simply being awake. Even in my sleep I sense it. And, as for sleep, there is no rest there, only fevered dreams and shallow dips into that pool, or occasional coma like sleep. Since my body is demanding so much sleep, and not getting it, perhaps just being in the sleeping position is what is making the rest of my body sore.

I have decided to do my best at taking this poison for this trial month. After which, if my b.p. has not dropped enough, and they refuse Ritalin, I will simply cancel my subscription to their pain factory again. I simply cannot and will not do more. Life is quite good without this junk, if it might be shorter. But this simply is not life at all. Perhaps, through the month, I will pick up though. I am certainly hoping so. And I am trying to fight through it. Right now, that is a losing battle. It reminds me of trying to fight through some of the worst fever flu events I have had. It is difficult, in the fevers of either, to even know what is real, exactly, what time it is, or if I am talking to someone real or one my my fever delusions.

I was not able to get out and do laundry last night or this morning. I am only able to stay awake a few hours, at least well enough to function. And then only just barely. I am trying to push how long I am awake, and I have had some recent success, but that spreads out what little strength I have over a greater period so that I am able to do far less. I suppose it would be like putting your laptop on low voltage to save battery life. Your options and it's capacity become quite limited.

I am hoping to push and get showered and then do laundry. I must smell like a varmint, as I have not been able to take my daily (preferably twice daily) shower for... a while. Maybe while I am out I will tend a few other purchases I have been meaning to make, a few items for clothing storage. I can only imagine that I will have a zombie look while I am out. Maybe that will allow me some peace from intrusion. Either that, or I will be the one shot and stacked as cord wood, to be burned. Bah, they would only wound me and make me angry. That animal side has a way of taking over, and it does not seem to be affected by what ails me. If too, it costs me greatly for that to be in control. It hearkens back to darker days, days I do not really remember or want to remember. And it uses resources as if burning a whole house to warm, rather than just using the fireplace. Costly, I tell you.

I finally finished off the Mexican food the other day. Wow is that filling. I figure, next time I order there, I will order two meals again. Only this time I will only eat about a quarter or less of it a day. The rest will feed me for a week! I mean to get in there at some point to ask about the really hot sauces (I KNOW they have it! Yipee!) and to take some time to really look over their whole menu. It is difficult to really look over the menu with someone waiting to take my order and people behind me waiting to place their order. Of course, that stuff is so filling that it really adds to my sleepiness. Perhaps I ought to only eat it at night in order to get my sleep patterns in order.

I did do some cooking tonight, this time in my cast iron skillet. I cooked lamb shoulder blade chops. They were exceedingly delicious. Along with that I brewed some of that fare trade coffee. I bought some the other day, locally, to see if it was worth the pretty nickle they ask for it. It is less expensive than in Iowa City or Coralville, but it is not cheap either. It is worth the extra pennies (dollars), and so with my French press, I have started to try and use it to boost my time out of the sack. I cannot afford the whole whipping cream here. It costs about $6.75 for a quart! I am used to it costing $2.50 a quart of so. The half and half costs more than what I am used to paying for whole whipping cream. Well, I suppose after I get over the shock, I may go back to it. At least once in a while. I have a few more lamb parts, though of a different variety, and some boneless beef ribs to cook up before long. Maybe the extra meat will help regain some strength.

If I can get things going a bit, I believe I will try to contact the sister of a friend. She lives in SLC, so it would be a bit of a drive, that is if she is interested. I am not sure how to meet and greet yet. Meals are for once the relationship has taken off. Perhaps she has some things we both might be interested in doing, say strolling a local park, going for a short hike in a well used area, or something like that. I like meeting in neutral areas where there are plenty of other people for the first several events. After that, I still like mostly group events, like dining as a group with some of her friends or family, and going the slow rout. Once trust is established, then other options can be contemplated. And, no, not those options. More like a rowboat ride, or a more private picnic. I have decided to remain celibate until married or dead, and I mean that.

Well, that is it... for a while. I will try to blog as I can, but no promises. As is, I am losing days, forgetting many things, and not always being sure of what is going on. I hope this ends up being worth my sacrifices.

Good night.