Feeling better.

.
.
Today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than I have been for a week. Perhaps relief in having a diagnosis, even a bad one potentially, frees me to begin making plans and doing some other things. I woke too late to do much, my sleep still troubling to obtain if it is good when it does come. Though I can't do some things I had hoped to manage today, I can do some other things on the list, mostly related to a bit of cleaning.

I am still looking for possible places for Sam and Sassy. I spoke of my concern with the missionaries who visited today and they will ask around. I keep looking for places using the internet as well. And, I thought as I was going to sleep, of calling veterinary clinics as another possible source of finding the ladies a home or homes. And yet, I need to talk to a doctor to find out what kind of window I have. I am not sure how imminent death is, only that it is almost sure at this point. I would like to minimize the time I will have to be alone.

As for suicide, that is not what this is. If I do anything, I will consider not using the potassium. It would weight the form of death to favor a heart attack. I am still not sure if I will do that though (and haven't to date). Since the pills are upsetting taken without food, which has made it so taking the potassium regularly is not doable, I am being sent a powder form of potassium which, I am told, I can add to whatever I drink without muss or fuss. And, I will do so. Though, from what I have seen, even when I was eating more regularly and taking potassium regularly, my levels remained low. In other words, I may not even need to cheat the system to receive a preferred outcome.

I am out on a limb and all alone. If I make mistakes through ignorance or animal instinct, sue me. I have learned I can't trust the medical field, they obviously either don't trust me or can't help me in any case and as well. Fair is fair. I have taken what I can but I refuse to be subjected to the terror that taking what they offer brings. If you can do it, fine. But don't even compare apples to oranges and ask me why the acidic difference. I do the best I can with what I have and know. So, back it off. If you wish to be angry, be angry at Adam and Eve. For it is they who have killed us all. I think more of Christ, who brought me the chance to live again, and forgive.

Hmm, some aspirin, a little time to get that to work, then a bit of cleaning I think. It is a good day, the sun even came out for a short bit. Tomorrow I plan on taking my friend to Ogden. I would like to find a primer flipper tray and maybe some bullets. I can't remember what he is looking for. I could probably buy locally, but since I am going to be there I will just shop there. Oh, and my sleep study device came today. I will figure that out before I go to sleep, whenever that may be. Ah, right, I was supposed to call them and let them know it had arrived. I will do that first thing.

Later.