I will have to figure some things out.

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I needed a bit of a nap but couldn't take one until about 17:00 or so. Even then I cut it short as all I could do was rest a bit. My lungs are filling fuller than ever, even raising the head of the bed and extra pillows aren't enough to give me comfort now. If I take the diuretic, I know I will be cramping constantly, so my sleep will become just as bad only add cramps. I remember this from the past, several times actually.

I need to get into town and do a bit of shopping for supplementals, ordering them would simply take too long. And yet I can neither wake up solidly, escape the pain, concentrate, or breathe right at the moment. I am going back to aspirin with caffeine, Anacin. The last doctor suggested Tylenol would deal with the pain better. As my prior experience showed, it doesn't. Still, I gave it a shot. I am sure a problem with aspirin, of any sort, is that it thins the blood. Tylenol doesn't thin the blood. But why couldn't he be honest and say that is his call rather than lie about the pain reduction qualities? With high blood pressure and thinned blood, death by accidental exsanguination is a even more serious risk. Still, without dealing with the pain, I will not sleep, something I have to do in order to have any hope of caring for what I can actually tend. I feel like a mouse in a maze and the rules keep changing while the traps become more and more dangerous.

Right now I feel like I am in a boxing match and I have three opponents. Right now, after taking medical advice and having to retreat from that, I am pretty much defenseless. Thankfully, probably, I don't go down easily... or for long, well, save for the last fall. I have given myself enough time off Tylenol to switch to Anacin and will be taking that shortly. Hopefully that will see me in town even yet tonight. I am awake enough, currently, but in pain and having trouble breathing. If I can handle the pain I might be able to ignore the gasping.

My mother called today. I told her what I knew. She doesn't seem all that worried. I think she thinks if the doctors thought I was in that bad of shape they would have hospitalized me. I did correct her phone number with the V.A. I couldn't remember her address, so I got that again and I will update that. I am sure I did this before though. I probably won't be having her out this year. I need to save money for the possibility that she needs to... handle things. I won't say I am dying and that it is useless. I merely strongly suspect that they won't give, that I can't give, and without give I will die. I think their only problem is that I could die before they could grab my near dead corpse and shove it into a long term care facility through which they could medicate at their will and make whatever money they can off it until it finally dies sometime far into the future. Cynical? Really? They are unionized and government. what a combination.

Anacin, if possible a trip to town, and when I can do that, back to taking the diuretic. I am simply keeping my head just barely above water. I have had worse, but it's been a while. Oh well, I'll figure it out or not.