Bed time.

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I did read a goodly chunk of my current Chesterton book. And, as it turns out, it is an excellent starter for the series of books I have coming in. Oh, and I learned a new word, plutocrat. Sure, I should have known it. But... don't you say that about all the words you find yourself looking up? My guess is at one time I did know it. Being so rarely used, in the general public however, it slipped away. Chesterton is an excellent critic of modernism. He also criticizes the extremes of individualism as well. That was... something I was missing, but felt. I could easily defend against collectivism but I had no defense against, or even a surety of what, the other extreme is. I will be exploring this more in my readings.

Little else was done. I had forgotten to call my friend. Thankfully he called me. Same time, same place, but he thinks the .45, 9 mm, and the .380. Can do. And I do have ammo on hand for that as well. He wants to stop at Walmart, and I will. I asked why and I am 99% sure he lied, or in part. I am guessing he is going to buy cigarettes. I won't stop him, or refuse to stop, I simply will not buy these things for him. *shrug* He has an opportunity, I wish he would take it. For him it is a money thing. I have asked my mother if she will go on the patch with me, here. But she has to promise not to smoke on top of it. I won't force her, I am simply offering. I, too, would go on the patch with her. I will do it with her or after she leaves, makes no difference to me. So, yeah, I do know how hard it is.

I've got to admit, I am suspecting the medicine is not working. I could be wrong, but I think I'm headed straight for a heart attack. I could be wrong, it's just a sense. If I can hold on until my mother shows up, and I get in for that angiography, I'll know more certainly. It might just be one of those weird feelings, dreads, we get. And I am not going to slow down just for it, as if I am right it simply doesn't matter. Further, being in better shape, should it occur, will make recovery (if that is possible) easier. Maybe that is why the doctors have sort of given up. Perhaps they know there is no chance and they simply don't want to come out and just say it, or argue with me. I'm through arguing though. Then again, I wouldn't take their advice, let them split me from stem to stern, even to put in a device, and I certainly wouldn't accept a heart transplant. Those are damned dehumanizing things and I simply won't do it. Unlike the actor who played superman who would (or would have) been very happy to have babies eviscerated should it allow him to walk again. We all know this.

Have a good one. Even if I am right, I am going to have a fine day right up until I don't, and maybe even after. Don't you worry.