Like a baby.

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The trip to SLC was pretty easy. There was tension, always is as the time to say goodbye approaches. But I was like a rock. My mom did everything she could not to pick a fight, and I did though that isn't usually my m.o., I think. In any case, I got her to the airport this morning, took a risk and left my vehicle alone to get her into the terminal. Then said goodbye and gave her a hug. I could see she was about to lose it and I know she doesn't like to do that, so I scampered out so she could cry and be done with it enough to recover and find her plane. I drove home, comfortable and secure. Not the easiest driving, the sun wasn't up and it was raining. SLC drivers are not good in good conditions, in these conditions and at that hour, many were all over the road. But I made it easily. I had planned to pick up some milk on my way through Logan, but just wasn't up to it so I just kept on going. Home.

I made it home, unpacked, put the X in the garage. The cats haven't had can food for a bit, I've been out for two days but we were busy and I was pretty tired too so I didn't get into town. I picked some up on my way through town yesterday. And I set forth to feed them right away. But they looked around me. They wanted to know where she was. Where is the nicer one? Then it hit. And, yeah, I became like a baby. It sure hits hard if I never quite know when it will hit. Ah well, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now to try and keep up what she has set up. It won't be easy but my home is so nicely arranged and freshly cleaned that I can coast more than I used to be able to coast. And when I need to clean, the arrangement makes that rather simpler. I am grateful, both for the help and for having her here when I went through the angiography. It's a scary thing, being my first surgery like thing. Oh, sure, I've had stitches, and even looked death right in the face and danced a jig with him a time or three or ten. But all that I knew going in, sort of. This, no, this was a potential manmade accident waiting to happen. One in which I had little choice other than to accept or decline. And there was no way out once I was there.

It's going to be a bit brutal trying to get back to my normal life. While I am no monk and would not wish to be, I have come to terms with being alone. Visits throw that completely out of whack. Perhaps, until I know better, I am distancing myself from the world as I die. Having someone around makes me forget. And when I am alone again I have to face that again, and try and... make it all fit into my human leather skin. It's a tough trick. No, no, and again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Have a great day.