Medicine does help.

.
.
After the decent start and still pulling swimming yesterday, I was beginning to wonder.  I am still undecided about why Monday was a flop.  It could have been no medicine Sunday, hunger, or the weeks of swimming up to that point at my health level, or even some combination of those things.  Yesterday could have been the former, latter, or a mix of those two things.  Of course, at the moment, I wasn't as sure.  Having gotten back on my medicine, yeah, that does play a big part of things.  Stopping those medicines, a couple of times, in one week, seems to really knock me for a loop, nearly stopping efforts in their tracks.  Actually, even restarting medicine when I saw the problem only begins to correct the problem.  It will take me a bit to climb out of the hole.  Amazing, really, but there it is.

I went to bed late, again, last night.  I am hoping to pull back on bedtime, taking it back to more like 20:00 from the, trending, 23:00.  I was up at 6:00, though, which is better than pushing to, and through, the alarm lately.  I do have some plans for today.  I have one last load of laundry to finish, those dishes to do *grumbles*, the last of the painting as I think the mudding is finished, and finally perhaps the securing and wiring of the light that started the rest of the drywall repairs and painting.  Odd how the beginning of things can be the last to be finished, if it was the most involved of the tasks.

What is frustrating, physique wise, is that as I am coming back to some sort of life, and getting in shape...  I notice the improvements.  I see my chest muscles plumping.  I see and feel my arms and legs tightening, becoming defined again.  And I see the fat the more for it.  It is almost depressing.  Further, I note all the problems I will always have.  Being a large guy, and being blocky anyway, I will never be sleek.  I have the clean lines of a C-130 (as compared to a fighter plane).  I guess I don't mind, it is just that I had lost much of this to the gray fog of poor health.  Now it is right in front of me, incontrovertibly, presented in the fine detail of a waking mind and opening eyes.

Much is becoming apparent, again, as I wake... literally wake up, from the fog of a lost twenty years.  Reading, working out, thinking, looking, traveling, being 'out there', all brings to home just what it is I have slept through, what I have become, and what is here, now.  The last post was a reaction to some of that, and what is going on.  And, while I still recommend that folks begin checking the exits, exporting and adding liquidity to their wealth if they have it, and looking for a spot somewhere out there before there isn't one or they can't get to it, I am... considering things.  I would definitely, if I had the means and more health, be considering setting up a place to go, if I wouldn't quite be heading out quite yet either.  I do think it is over though, the America I knew.  I don't think the new one is safe, let alone sane, either.  Still, perhaps I jumped that a bit too quickly.  There hasn't been a response, yet.  I will hold off until I see the response and the... effect of it or them.  If I don't think there IS a strong enough reaction possible, at this point.

Yes, waking 20 years after pretty much going to sleep.  While not in a coma, I can't say I have always been that far from it.  Now, consider, I went to 'sleep' near the end Reagan's second term, and in my early 20's.  While I have lived on my own seemingly, I have attended college, I have traveled, and been politically involved, most of that has been on a very basic level.  It still is, but the door to a more full and awake life lies ahead of me.  If it isn't quite fully open to me yet, and I haven't done more than take a baby step or two toward getting out of my health prison, I am able to finally, fully, recognize where I am and where I have been through the contrast of what I see around me and what I see out that door.  The world has changed, as have I.  Brutal, all of it.

I am still not sure if I will go swimming tomorrow or skip it too, yet.  I simply haven't made up my mind.  I will always hold out on deciding.  My hope will always be to get to swimming, or whatever exercise is available to me.  It may even be wise to take a few days to a week off each month, just to let my body switch gears, grow, get used to growth, relax, whatever is needed.  I don't know yet.  Sure, on Ritalin I seemed to need no such rest.  But that was as unnatural as you get.  I think they are still surprised that didn't kill me.  Just can't kill the rooster?  :p

Well, whatever.  Get to it today.  Just... keep an eye on things.  Be thinking, because America is looking less like my home nation and more like a closing trap.  Just as I am coming out of health I am heading to a political prison?  Really?