Wow. That was heavy.

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The last few days have been... something else.  No need for me to ever experiment with "stuff".  It seems the dosing seems to have ended, or the pain is gone, never sure which comes first, what does what, just that playing with raw bits doesn't hurt in that bubble.  Done, though, I do believe.  Now to get back on my feet.

I did not get out for the event tonight.  Oh, I tried.  I got a shower in before going to bed, made sure I had clean clothes, and set the alarm for 14:00.  It did take me to 15:15 to get up, so 15 minutes earlier than I had... (you thought?) jokingly suggested.  But, then, it stopped right there.  There was no way, in my condition, I could shower, dress, and be out among people for even a few hours, let alone more.  Fried, cooked, burned, my eyes are still bloodshot as hell.  I would have been gasping for air within an hour, psychic, and needing sleep so bad it would have been extremely miserable.  I gave it all I had.  All I had was not enough.

It took a bit to get back to bed.  I tinkered, but everything hurt.  The painkillers must have been off by then, or I was pushing their capacity, so I didn't linger long.  Back to bed until... 20:00 or so?  Something like that.  I fed the girls right off, since my schedule is sliding so much.  Now to get it to continue sliding right on over into the day zone.  Then get back to life again.  I think, in the interim, I can begin handling the unpacking, washing, sorting, and storing.  And if I am still not back to days I can begin working on plumbing again.

Hey, a couple weeks to a month down isn't bad at all.  Beside the year I spent down, the first five years out of the service were all this, all the time.  Nothing could dent it.  Sleep didn't help.  Nothing did.  I understand, reluctantly, why I came to some of those early conclusions.  I must admit, if this lasted even a year again, I would... seek help myself.  I just wouldn't let them do whatever.  I would guide them, not simply obey or allow them.  They are idiots.  And it would be fully object oriented, results being the absolute and non-negotiable test.  Ugh.  But, gratefully, I think I am fully out of those woods, that of long term shadow world living.  Now I will just get a taste of it here and again.

Tonight?  I don't know.  I'm just trying to shake off the numbing, slightly sickly sweet taste, and some other after effects from... whatever the hell that actually is.  Probably quite a physical thing though.  I have felt much the same when in physical shock.  It is a biomechanical, natural, grouping of painkillers that do a lot of weird things, but can really help with pain.  Can be slightly... hallucinatory too.  I have to guess some people, who have never had this, when they get hit by it, can slip into... bad places, I mean really bad places.  The problem is the doctors don't know one from the other, and further that group is a very rare, small, group.  Lock them all up, I am hearing.  As per our national nature, culture, uniqueness, fundamentals, that is just as evil as it gets though.  Guilty before trial?  But they do need to figure out which ones are a problem, well and treat those who are clearly having a problem and seeking help!  Gah!  Idiots.  It seems the impetus is on extremes to one side or the other, not a reasoned approach.

My women knew about this side of me, and sort of treated it as if I had a bad case of the flu.  I would ask later, when better, about their side of things.  None of them feared me, if they seemed to have some sympathy.  The horrors I would discuss hurt them, but it wasn't really an issue other than making them sad.  And I assured them, as I do you, that whatever else, when I get better, as I will here and now, these are just... stories.

Good to be back though.  Hmm, I wonder if even trying to make it, and pushing, was what brought me out, if it simply helped, or...  I'll have to think on that.  There is still much I don't know.  Back to "Pleasantly annoying...".  I... really like that song.  The vid is just a happy kick in the quads courting on the quick thing, for me.  Approach my seed with caution.  :p  Testing and training will ensue, the shorter the time, the more intensive.  Not for my sake, or her sake completely, but to be sure she can handle what she is about to be given.  That which she obviously requested, albeit.  Telegraphing all but the last, the last being to make sure she understands the fullness.  Romance... even Doom has it.

Hmm, well, later.