Self-serve today.

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I'm taking a break for a while.  I will do the contest this week, and continuting.  But if you don't otherwise here from me for a couple of weeks?  Wait longer. 

Just a thought on meds before I take my break.  Not one pill I take will prevent a heart attack or stroke.  They don't have it in them.  They might, assuming they do what is hoped, if they do that by a large enough margin, help lead to a healthy heart by making sure it has rest periods, which in turn, in theory, may reduce my risks of those things.  Rest periods it went without for twelve to fifteen years when high blood pressure went unchecked on top of 25 years where the heart was badly damaged but went unnoticed.  Will it really work?  The heart has improved a bit, true.  Not enough to take me out of the end stage heart failure category, or at least not yet.  Which means, so far, no.  Then again I wasn't able to stay on my medicine full time.  My recent break, and the break last summer, while not good, are better than ever before.  Shorter and all.

Still, it's a very rough mechanism that somehow might relate to heart improvement which only maybe will lower my risk for catastrophic failure of one or more sort.  Actually, I think little breaks from medicines are good in their own way.  First, medicines are simply hard on the body, regardless of what they try to tell you.  Treat the body is if you were walking on egg shells by bubble wrapping it and putting it in cold storage at your peril.  Further, sometimes the body has to be run a little rough.  At least my body.  Rough and natural, how it would run if left to it's own devices.  Not doing so, and taking breaks from medicine, is dangerous all by itself.  I think it allows my body to 'see the difference' and train up to improvements.  Yes, I really think so.

I have gotten to nothing so I will be, as I suggested, restarting medicines.  I am fearful.  What I just went through as to fatigue and confusion, with angst and dark memories haunting me, is small potatoes.  Like a rough white-water river can be bad, but now looking at paddling an open ocean.  Both can be lethally difficult, but one is far more negotiable.  In a river, if it looks bad, the shore is 'right there'.  Just hiking your kit past a large fall, look ahead a bit to know what is beyond you, pay attention.  On the ocean?  Good fucking luck.  Hope you don't run into a hurricane, or a shark that thinks you look tasty, or even a whale which thinks you are too close.  Shore?  What shore.  But... that is where I am going.  Not happy about it, but...  Oh, I'll survive.  I may not see you for a while, that's all.  I ought to see if I have an appointment at cardiology any time soon before I lose track.  Get that into the phone and trying to use it to keep some bearings.  No, they don't want to see me.  Mutual but it's their job and my life, it's the way of things.

Good day.