Laugh at myself? I do. For good reason.

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Going private has done little.  Less than I thought.  They just think I don't realize they are still watching.  What they can do electronically, however, I can do natively, without no wires or electricity.  Oh but they do see.  They aren't the only ones.  They, however, aren't used to being watched back.  They know that exists, they just aren't comfortable with it.  I am almost certain they know they aren't the only fish in the watching ocean though.  They can probably only guess who else watches, and watches even them.  I could give them a list.  Funny world we live in.

Still, it did cut down on the chaos noise.  Legion is gone, the youthful free-radicals no longer tease, haunt, giggle, misuse.  Not that many understand, it is just that, like talking to a child too young about the birds and the bees, all you end up with is confusion, laughter, blushes, and such.  The ones who remain are intent, devoted... though to what depends on the group, and adult, if human.  They have learned not to let their feelings spill onto the screen for those like me to pick up on.  And yet, I can feel you, sitting there, quiet like, as a deer being hunted.  You don't know why you are quiet and unmoving, and intent, while reading here.  It's because you are in bear country, of the mind, spirit, flesh, and even soul.  I see right into your eyes with every word your eye reads here.  Do you see me in the words?  Careful, child.  You just helped me see even more.  Don't squirm, don't rock, don't twitch, don't... breath.  Closer... closer...  I'm behind you.

Crazy Ivan, baby.  But don't think it was blind.

The choir was wonderful.  It was a fine mix of men and women, adults and children.  They performed admirably.  There were treats for afterward, but I...  I could not stay.  Family, my church, this church, that convention, I... usually sneak out.  I love company, sometimes.  But I needed to think, after the music, I think.  I enjoyed the company, but I see that they see.  There was that, too.  Yes, yes, crazy old coot.  Hushutup.  I am blind but I most definitely see.

I did get dressed, shaved, and put on my Sunday best.  It is not typical.  Chords, but the right shirt.  No tie, and I couldn't find my suit coat... or whatever these modern fineries are called.  The tie was too tight tonight.  The suit jacket just a touch out of reach for my stumbling mind to guide my hand to.  I looked as good as I get.  Butt ugly, but large as a rock and twice as dense... in all ways one could take that.  Now, all I could find in the time allotted was hiking boots.  They are leather, though, so...  Urhm, probably need polishing, and waterproofing, but...  I did what I could.

I could say more, but I like to let the unofficial readers... wonder.  :p  *laughing grin*

Afterward I made it to town.  Milk, cat food, cat litter, and a few things to make sure Christmas can be celebrated without great hunger or privation.  Simple things, but it is the simple things that... mean so much sometimes.  A glass of milk, fresh, whole, real.  You only have to sweat it out in some shithole of a jungle for a couple of weeks to start wanting mommy and milk, and cookies.  And, and, and...  But I have it.  And, at least I can call my mom.

Later.