.
.
I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night. I went down hard. I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off. I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time. So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning. I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while. Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so. I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule. I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back. I could almost swear that it rained last night. Is that even possible? I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real. Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real. Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.
I'm doing okay this morning. Oh, I best turn up the heat. I needed the rest. All of it and maybe more. Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong. Something about pushing through to do some minimums. It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can. Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little. I absolutely hate this. Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope. This has been a tough winter.
Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon. That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to. It'll get better. Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated. A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat. Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment. Hospitals aren't safe for sick people. Some parts less so than others. Yum.
Bleh, later.
The phone, or an alarm, both fake, is a common disturbance in my early morning sleep, or sometimes my afternoon nap. I am convince they are external in origin, but not of the physical world...
ReplyDeleteGood, bad, or neutral. I, now that you suggest that, am able to take that suggestion as... rather viable. Actually, thinking about it... I think it is good, probably almost always that I can recall and put into place. I can't tell you why I think so, but I do. At times I have wondered if it wasn't to mess with me. And while sometimes it has left me feeling a little or a lot short, I do think, in afterthought, that it was for wisdom and health that I woke.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, it ended up being actual physical calls. I haven't found out why, yet, but will know sooner or later.