Some days are difficult.

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It wasn't the assessment from the last post.  I honestly don't let that sway me.  Perhaps it was just the heat.  It was too hot today to do much.  I never got around to cycling the ac.  I forget that it is getting hot, like a frog in a slowly heating pan of water.  By the time I realize the problem my goose is cooked.  So it went.  But that isn't all of it.  The worst of it was a humbling understand.

While I am working more often, and sort of getting things done, I realized I am still, quite often, in a fog.  I can, sort of, sometimes, focus enough to do a few things.  But if I try to switch to another subject or project, I can easily become baffled.  My retorts can be quite harsh, when I am not thinking, or able to think.  Though I think they are true enough, so I don't worry.  Satan is the greatest diplomat.  Smooth.  I am not smooth and have little wish to be.  My way is sort of a bug repellant.  The truth will hurt, some can't take any pain.  Thin skinned to the bone.  Not my style either.

Yeah, I think it is that last that is bugging me.  Oh, I'll take some function over no function, certainly.  I had... just... for a while... thought I had made it to a plateau.  A higher plain of function.  And, perhaps I did.  But if I did that is somewhat failing, or gone.  Oh, I'll keep at it.  Sometimes, as with sports practice, pushing beyond exhaustion is where much of the muscle memory will come.  Push too far past and you may well dull the skills being sought though too.  Balance.  I just don't have cues that really track every time.  I don't know when I am just being lazy and when I really can't function without risking taking me out of action for a long time.  Sometimes I can't even push to push, though, so...

It's a harsh life.  I hope you never get this trapped.  There isn't a way out and I can't seem to just die.  Of, fie, I'll keep at it.  I'm going to try to sleep a bit earlier tonight.  I hope I can.  I feel as if I can.  Good night.