A bit better.

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I know there is pain under there, beside the crushing pain I am feeling.  All good.  I think I am feeling the least of it.  I am quite grateful, and of body gifted, in mitigating pain.  I am also, somehow, a master at attracting, finding, creating, developing pain.  Most of this is of body.  The only reason I feel the horrendous muscle and bone pain is because whatever else is hurting is using up a ton of my anti-pain mojo.  This is enough pain to make breathing shallow, what I consciously feel.  The whole of it, if I had to lay money on it, would put the average person into shock.  Maybe just what I feel consciously.  What I do feel would certainly take the average person out and down.  You don't have to believe me.  Some day, though, you will know.  All things, in time, will be known.  All things.  And in a place where truth cannot be denied.  This truth, or your rejection of it, is so far down the list of things that you will learn that it is essentially inconsequential.  Just telling you in advance though.  Each truth denied, when understood, will be like a little sting.  Only your faith in Christ, if you have it, will spare you just deserts.  You will suffer each.  If warned, however, you have a chance of... relaxing your grip.  One even just one lie you believe, you will be grateful.  Oh, yes, I will go through the same thing myself, if I make it out of shadows as a shadow.  That isn't your problem though.  If your own are serious enough.

Anacin is helping a bit.  I am a bit surprised though.  I thought it would take care of most of it.  The pain must be much more intense, both conscious and unconscious.  As horrible as I feel, I still think I can do a few things.  To be honest, being in pain is much better than being in thick psychic fog, buried away from pain by a needful overdose of natural pain killers and an inability to hold on to reality.  Trust me.  Especially when no matter how bad or deep, one cannot seem to die.  Now THAT can drive someone insane.  I guess I was just too stubborn for even that.  Stubborn, sure, but not insane.  At worst just in a twilight of pain mitigation.  But that is rare.  I would even say those days are gone.  My heart is working just enough better that I don't fog out, almost ever.  A drift, from time to time, but still functional in absolute need.  As ill as I have been, for example, I still was able to make an appointment, get to it, tend my cats, generally keep up on life, if food is slipping.  At my absolute worst, currently, I am doing as well as I was doing in engineering school, on special medication, only sans special medication.  Just 5% improvement in my heart, maybe a bit more now, and I am alive most of the time.  I rarely approach death and never enter that impossible maze of fog.

I hope to finish the dishes.  They just sit there.  And fold and put up, and use, the towels.  Perhaps do more laundry.  And hit the kitchen as I may.  I had hoped to get out but that just isn't going to happen.  It took everything I had, plus a compromise, to make it to the post box.  Getting to town is a bit off.  I did, finally, just order the target system I was hoping to price check.  Nothing fancy.  Large enough for a 1,000 yard shot yet small enough for pistol work at 15 paces.  Few believe us mostly dead can do much.  Truth is, if you want, I'll be your Huckleberry.

Hmm... I'll give the anacin a bit longer to work, watch a video, play a game if I can handle it, and aim to work or more sleep, whichever has to happen.  If I can work I'll get to it.  Later.