The closer to death the closer to her.

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I wasn't the Narrator trying to become Durden.  Just the opposite, after everything fell apart.  I couldn't seem to die.  No one near me could remain alive.  I burned myself with a cigar, but I ate the lye.  If you wonder why I doubt I am human... find any one else who ate half a cup of the stuff and even lived.  Yeah.  I was trying to forget, or the rest of it, not intending to become something special.  Well, since death was being such a fair weather friend.  I have forgotten most of it, save the recent rent about to be mended.


I sent this movie to my last woman.  Once I understood I thought it fair she know.  What she understands of it I can't say.  I know she understood there was a problem, if not all of it.  She knew some of why, I suspect.  You can never bury it all, or deep enough.  Sometimes I am still Tyler.  Even now, more so since it all started becoming open.  Health improvements, I suspect.

Her?  I think she was the first lover I didn't have to hide, or worry about impregnating.  We hit it hard.  She got fat fast.  Don't know how she died.  I just know when I near death she gets so much closer to me.  Two people shouldn't, can't, be that close.  Is it really her, or my mind making a salve to ease death, or it's proximity?  You decide for yourself as will I.  It's not... a bad thing, mostly.

Such strange things. The world either falls away, or changes, or something.  Sometimes I think she is trying to do me right.  Or, just... is she just yet jealous?  Witch!

She comes to me, awake or asleep, joining in ways few married couples can know.  A little too close, but with the blood duty hanging over my head nothing to be done for it.  On the good side I believe it is her presence that blocks the pain, more.  There is no pain, even deep down, if there is the cost of manifestation.  Ah, that.

I remember some of her lament?  Desires so strong can, did, kill?  In some ways I suspect her way was the easier way, she might even have preferred death.  It was she who loved so deeply.  I... was what I was, she knew.  As I poisoned her she infected me with her love, broke my heart, she poisoned me in some graceful, dark, true, way.

It isn't time for her to take the wheel, if I am... dying for it?  Just when it gets this bad.