I am a disbeliever.

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No, having nothing to do with God.  God?  I know is real.  So... I suppose I am no longer, technically, a commonly termed believer.  Knowing has nothing to do with faith, or belief.  I saw, otherwise sensed.  God is.  I would die before denying it.  At this point, denying would be... essentially... a sin against the Holy Ghost.  It would be the worst form of death.

This is dealing with diet, weight loss, and such.  Impossible.  Even when I eat right, by my understanding, and do this and that... or not but keep inactivity in consideration... I haven't been able to lose weight.  So... why would this be different, this time?  I don't know.  Perhaps, I thought, that tracking food might actually make a difference?  Aye, but could it curb appetite?  Bah!

So, I weighed in three days ago.  I put in 280, but it was actually 281.6... I believe.  I just... I don't know... was being a bit of a spoiler?  Being a punk?  A bit.  Yes.  And I have been logging, and approximating consumption.  It seems probably fairly accurately.  My guru suggested weighing in daily, but I... in spite of trusting... didn't... believe?  Didn't want to face the truth of failure?  Didn't... believe... I just didn't believe, so didn't want to know it was false.

I decided to eat today.  Breakfast was and will be two ounces of salami and cream cheese, half a cup of diced yellow onions, and a fatted coffee using a tablespoon and an half of cream.  That was about 586 calories (ish).  That leaves nearly 1100 calories for the rest of the day.  I have chicken thighs brining.  One or two in a salad, skinless, one with skin on, warm.  That'll be about six to eight hundred calories, I would guess... leaving just a bit more for a supper.

Yes, I found the scale, pulled it out, cleaned it up, and pressed it into service.  I measured, within reason.  An extra .2 ounces on the salamin, if only 1.9 ounces of cream cheese... there are limits to fuss.  And I accounted for the differences in the food log... it allows for less than whole numbers.  I will, from now on, weight everything.  I suppose I could go to grams, but I don't see that as all that much different.  But, the food wars have begun they have.

And?  I stepped on the scale.  Of course, there would be no difference.  I would have lost nothing.  I knew that.  I was quite wrong.  In three days, if two days of fasting, I have gone from 281.6 to 276.1... a five and an half pound change.  It couldn't be water loss.  I take large doses of the water pill.  If anything, I have missed at least one of those, so am probably holding on to more than usual water!  No... that was weight loss!

Okay, I am hooked.  There... might be something to this.  Of course, figuring out which foods, how much, and in my particular situation, is another thing.  The food blogger helps, but I really need a bit more foresight.  Just plugging in, then adjusting consumption values, is a bit dangerous.  I need to attempt to create near weekly food plans.  This is much more difficult than they say.  You really can't just wing it.

Still, that was... a wakeup call.  I am really interested.  Yeah.  This might actually work.  I have decided I probably won't go too far.  Perhaps to 240?  I don't want the flaps of skin.  Some people think that is okay, I just don't.  Some proportion between appearance and health will be good enough.  I wonder how much skin removal would cost.  Seriously, I won't have extra skin hanging off me for years, or decades... something is just... wrong with that... to my mind.  I have never heard of anyone getting rid of that naturally.  Anyway... I would be happy at 240... it might not be perfect, but it would be better.  Perhaps enough to become active... more active.

I'm still not a complete believer.  It might be a fluke.  It might not be sustainable.  It might be just from fasting in a way I can't necessarily maintain.  But... I am going to go ahead, as full steam as possible.  There... is some hope.  Then again, when I went into this, hope was all I had, for faith was nonexistent and charity, on this matter, was long gone.  We will see.