So difficult.

.

.

A misplaced, or lost, wallet.  Driving at night, realizing age is catching up.  Becoming angry at another driver.  Passing him, and realizing... he is just older, alone, maybe driving in a strange place.  Life can get very difficult, very quickly.  Having some jerk, giving you razzes on top of it?

At least I hadn't honked, or done anything else but grumble.  I could see it in his face.  Lost.  Perhaps he is a local.  But, at night, driving by himself... there are times when even I feel... lost... here.  Or there.  Anywhere.  I can only imagine another decade or two.

I will pray just for him, tonight.  That his life, time here, and passing, will be peaceful.  From then on, I tried to be patient.  Even when it was the driver behind me who was impatient.  Odd how quickly the shoe can change feet.  Such a strange world.

Still pretty warm.  I have looked for my wallet in several other possible places.  I am trying to remember the last time I used it, definitely.  I didn't have it the last time I went out as a passenger.  The night before?  I... just don't know, not for sure.  Did I use it, here at the house, for something?  A call?  I don't think so.

I checked the pack I take with.  Upstairs.  The pants and shorts I have worn recently.  I checked a common drop-off place, and where I would typically go when calling.  I checked both vehicles.  Though I may check with a flashlight.  Perhaps it slid back under the seat... a seat.  The difficulty of not having one's wallet is profound.  Especially when the world is so difficult to navigate even with it.

Death, honestly, seems so much... easier.  Not suicide.  I shouldn't need suicide.  I shouldn't be alive.  Even missing medicines, through simple inability to take them at times, isn't enough to kill me.  It is a cruel world.  Though, too, suffering the humilities, barbs thrown or naturally falling, pains, and else... is a grace.  I know some don't see it as such.  I honestly do see it that way.

Not that I want heaps of these.  But, should they befall me... as they befall me... in even this current set of events... I simply have to accept what is given.  A cross?  Crosses?  My guess is, if you learn to bear a cross, another will be given.  Oh, no worry, we are no threat to Him.  If we learned to carry every cross possible, while walking a tightrope, we still wouldn't near parity.  We aren't able to carry that set.

So, I guess, load up.  Pray in thanks for the opportunity.  Take the punishments, barbs, and suffering due or not.  Be at peace with it.  And carry on.  Frustrating as it might be, it is what it is.  Oh... the medicine is in, at least a partial prescription.  Plus. I will not be taking the nightly extra pill I had thought I was supposed to be taking.  Between those two, I have several weeks supply.  One problem partly managed, for a while.

Good night.  Prayers your way, from a great sinner aiming at sainthood... be you enemy, friend, family, holy, or sinful.  Especially for those who are most of those, one way or the other.  Amen.