.
I took her in, with hope... and doubts. Cancer. Two types. Advanced.
It was a tough call, one I am still not sure about. I held her, petted her, gave her the attention I haven't been able to provide because of her conditions... and my limits. Then the first shot. I kept holding her. She slept, finally, and well. Probably the best she has slept in months. I petted and talked to her, while she slept. And then the final shot was given. I felt her heartbeat slow then stop.
They cleaned her up, put her in a box, and I have her here at home. I put her in the freezer, and will bury her when the weather allows. One of her favorite blankets, and her favorite toy. A wad of paper, believe or else. Of all the toys I bought for her over the years, she had no interest in any of them. But she loved a wadded paper ball. Would spend hours with it.
I tried to show Sassy, but she knew. And wouldn't come near. I suppose, with cats, it's different? Yes, Sassy loved Sam. Sam was her mother, as much as any could be. It was a love-hate relationship, but it's all Sassy had.
My mom called, but I didn't answer. I called her, out in the vehicle, when it was all finished. Hard to keep it together. My brother lost his mother in law, and we are just being told. No, they... had, have, much to do. And... just handling it... It is a difficult day.
She was such a champ. All through her waning, from age, then illness. I just... didn't want to take her in. I was pretty sure they were going to take her away. She still got up, and led the way, and... loved me. So very rough. But she is at peace. I know she wanted rest, peace, painlessness. Her eyes, I could see it. She was still here, with us, but just.
I'm so very sorry. I was hoping for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteAs much as it tears your heart to pieces, I'm glad you were able to be with her.
My tears are for both of you.
Thanks, Jean. I think I knew, long ago, I just didn't want to know. I have been crying for her for a while now.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, Sassy... Initially, she... was apart from me, just an extra. When I brought her home, I think she had to make some decisions. She will never be Sam, but she can be Sassy. And has started to be her old self again.
She is talking to me, and coming up to sleep with me for a while at night. She came back up, this morning, and talked to me me a bit. Things she hasn't done for a very long time. It still hurts, a lot. How could I have thought I was immune? I'm definitely not. But, as I said, I'm glad it hurts. It wouldn't have been right if it didn't? Or something more serious would be the matter, wrong, with me.
I thanked God for such a wonderful gift, last night. And prayed He tend her until I can be there, if that is how it goes. Or to at least take her, if I am not found deserving. I pray it so, but it may not be so. Anyway... Thank you.