Awake, again.

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A call.  She wanted to speak with Elizabeth.  Wrong number, I apologized.  A drone.  You can tell when it is a human and it is human acting as a bot.  Unpaid student loan?  Left, or even right, as if there is a difference these days, political pollster, or beggar, or influencer.  When the target isn't available, they go from smiley, sunny, to bot.  Drop all pretense and become cold blooded reptilian.  They don't even pretend, and hang up as if tossing a dirty rag.  You know that is how they feel about not just you, but whoever they were calling, most of their friends, and even themselves.

I was awake anyway.  Just... sorting out how, or why, to get up?  No, I... know why.  How, though?  No, when?  Yes, when to get up.  I wasn't feeling quite up to it, but sleep was no longer available.  So... up it was, right then.  I came downstairs, to sit the machine.  But it was a bit fierce.  For whatever reason, the normal temperature for down here feels ugly hot.

What to do?  Ah!  Upstairs.  Cleaning.  Where it is cooler.  So.  Upstairs.  Cleaning.  I got bits and pieces picked up, and about two thirds of the free floor open, then vacuumed, then powdered... with baking soda and diatomaceous earth.  That'll stay down for a few days.  And I'll try to get the rest of the floor cleared, vacuumed, and powdered, even yet today.  I just... wanted... to start.  To say I did something.  And, to have actually done something.  Done?  Started.  Well started.

But, that... was what I could do, cool or no.  So, down to the machine.  I'll take a break, then begin in on the kitchen.  The freezertop needs to be cleared, washed, and let dry.  Then I will start in on dishes.  What is rinsing will be drained and reset.  Then I'll start a load of laundry?  Sure.  Taking a break after that.  Then, back and forth, on dishes and laundry.  Perhaps hitting the counters, and cupboard doors?  Maybe.  Then, back, forth, break, and on.  Until I... either finish for the day, or get up and clear the floor and finish vacuuming and powdering.

Tomorrow?  Continue until dishes are done, laundry is done, the first vacuuming and powdering is done, and the counters and cupboard doors are washed.  I may begin getting rid of plates, and cups, and such.  Keep some?  I do have some of those pseudo disposable, lightweight, walmart specials, that won't likely break.  I could keep those and the bowls from the set.  Only four.  And silverware, flatware that is.  I'll keep that.  But much else will just go.

Pie plates, huge mixing bowls, I may keep one or two casserole rectangles.  But much else will go.  I'll look through my pans.  Probably keep most, for now.  But some of the ugly, cheap even if stainless, will just go.  Same with utensils.  Rollers I have never used, electric to manual devices, just... toss it.  Taking it to charity places seems the thing, but they are drowning in junk.  Junk people don't want, or even know how to use these days.  How many women even use a sifter.  How many young women even know what it is?

Out with the old, I guess.  The new is nothing.  Making do.  If my hands and simple tools can't do it, then I won't do it.  I am planning on looking for a way out and a way on down the road.  A simpler life, here or there.  The idea of car and trailer roading is interesting.  But, as a solo gig, it is a bit much.  More so with fuel either too expensive to afford, the world coming down on "bums", good one or not, or even the end to the availability of fuel.  That... just... this might not be the time for that.  No, if I go, I think I'll head overseas almost immediately.  I don't even think I will be able to find a way to see my mother.  With gas, lodging, and an... only partially welcoming visit?  I... it might be best to just go.

I am alone.  I get that.  Everyone, however, is alone.  No matter what you think.  You... are alone.  Someone may help you, but it isn't... as it seems.  Even if you offer help for free, that doesn't work in this world.  You will either be taken advantage of, for your seeming frailty, or despised for it.  No one here understands actual gifting.  And, if they are doing you a favor, don't take it personal.  They want something, or are doing it for... someone else.  Even I do that, when I do that.  Or at least in part.  What I do for you, especially if you are the least, but even if you are held with esteem in my eyes, I do it for Christ, through you.  So... to a degree, I get that.  Wish other people got it, would accept that, or find that within reason.  Unwelcome, I am.  And, not... totally unfairly.

Time to find another place.  The first thing to go, as I walk out the door, is this.  No t.v., no computer, a change.  Even my cellphone will... be used differently.  Perhaps visits to libraries, as I go to places, and buying books to read if libraries aren't available.  A change in how I learn.  Going back, to a simpler way.  The internet, blogging, has made it seem like I am not alone.  But... I am.  I suppose I have always known it, too.  Just, liked the idea that there might be people out there.  Friends.  Oh, some, lightly, from a distance.  None who would wish to see me in real life.

Anyway...  Yes, a change.  Further and further from a home that... never was?  Perhaps to a better place, if I doubt it.  At this point in life, there isn't a better place.  Just other places.  Places I haven't seen, if all are familiar from one point in my life or another.  Now to take my actual break, look around the web, and then get to dishes in a bit.  Later.