Down early, up early.

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I think I made it just to 14:00?  Or near it, maybe right after.  The plan was to make it to 16:00 to 18:00.  I just couldn't do it.  Sleep was wonderful.  I am taking medicine, again, regularly.  That might be what is, temporarily, bringing me to heel a bit.  But that will be fixed shortly.  Regularity brings a bit more health and strength, with medicine.

Sleep was super.  I only made it to 23:00.  Tried to sleep longer, just wasn't going to happen.  I got up, pretty much, as soon as I woke.  I realized I woke too well to go on back to bed.  Though not quickly.  There is the walrus song, is there a turtle song?  I am... the turtle!  Not the slowest waking I have ever done, but it was pretty slow.

I opened up the upstairs, turned off the ac, turned on the alternate fans.  It just is better if fans get a break, from time to time.  But, the upstairs really has to have fans going to stay cool, with or without ac.  Definitely with windows open.  It was 70/72 upstairs, 75/76 down here, 78 near the computer, and 68 outside.  Not all that cool, for this late, but... so it goes.

My mother called, while I was asleep.  I'll call her back in a few days.  My aunt texted me yesterday.  Haven't heard from her in... a very long time.  Quite pleased.  I... have been avoiding family.  I know I am dying.  I have that edge.  When people get to my place, no matter how long they are here, they get a... sharp edge.  We know that muddling words, parsing them, especially if we have seen that heaven and hell are real, just isn't going to happen.  

We won't have to be asked to spit it out, and we won't be telling you what you want to hear.  Don't negotiate with evil, don't believe lies even (especially) if you like them, don't sell your soul for a foolish belief or disbelief.  So... I can be... difficult, for people who just want a soft, easy, stroll to their deaths... sometime off in some unknown future.  Besides, it is difficult to keep up.  Or to ask people to get to know you well, include you, when you may just be dropping off at any time.  That side of things can be a bit lonely, but death is a lonely passage.  If I had ten thousand friends?  I'd still have to go alone... whenever that happens.  That's part of the bite, when dealing with people.  

Animals do it too.  When it is time to begin going, they... try to get on their own.  Natural instinct.  Vulnerable, though, too.  And our own kind, or similar, rightly and wrongly, can be so cruel to those who... are failing.  "Why don't you just..."  Fill in the blank.  Well, because I can't stand, I can't always even eat, and shitting might be a bridge too far, some days.  That's... pretty much... why.  They don't understand.

Never mind.  I still appreciate contact, from time to time.  I should... make some calls... soon.  Try to just keep in a small loop.  Everyone I know is in rough shape, so... maybe.  :p  Or has been there, done that.  Save one.  Even mother has been through some serious surgeries, and difficult times.  But she is already on the list.  How many years, now, have I been talking to her regularly?  It took a lot of years before that could happen, but... there it is.

Something to eat, tonight.  Eggs and corned beef has were superior the other day.  But I may have chicken and/or pork roast?  Is it still good?  I had peas, corn, and mushroom with butter today, and meat sticks.  Nothing fancy, but it's... something.  Meat sounds good, tonight.  If it's good, I'll heat a few pieces, or slices, up, in with the spinach.  Then add vinegar to the spinach?  Or butter, salt, and pepper?  Meh, I really do prefer vinegar.

On to something.  Same list as yesterday, as to what to do, if I can.  Later.