I didn't nap.

.

.

I was just certain it would burn all the work I have done to develop a day schedule.  It has been... a month, or two maybe, of work to get to being awake before dawn (until this morning for reasons I still don't understand).  And, then being awake until 18:00 to 20:00 or so.  That was a rough long hard tug.  But I got there.  Just didn't want to relinquish it.

There is no reason for it.  I am just... waiting to die.  Then again, I have been waiting for 35 years, since falling in.  And, really, even since I was a child... around seven I realized death was the last thing I would do, here.  I began waiting for it, to some degree, then.  No push for it, just and understanding that it was coming.  I didn't like that answer, but began settling with it.

Still, it's... being on and off my deathbed for the last thirty five years, and mostly on it, I don't have a great deal of worry.  I suspect I can make it another thirty five years.  Might even take on a wife, if I could find the right woman.  Children would be... interesting.  Troubling, difficult, and else.  But... watching a small one grow into an adult, then get off my porch?  I'd do it, if possible.  Maybe a small gang of tuffs.

Anyway, up.  Still.  Will probably see about making something to eat.  Perhaps a bit more kefir.  See if kefir is ready to flip.  Take care of Sassy.  Oh... I didn't make my bed.  Was in a hurry to dress and get to the door.  Bleh.  I'll go up, make the bed, and set the electric blanket to warming the bedroll.  Nice.  Then take care of Sassy, then myself.

Feeling a bit better.  But am growing weary.  It's cool, was 18 much earlier.  It was 12 just recently.  Cool?  No, that's... cold.

I am not going to eat much more.  Last time I was at the store, I picked up another butternut squash, and two acorn squashes.  I... can't remember what acorn squashes taste like?  I'll find out tonight.  I split and seeded on, then put it in to the oven.  Once you get used to cutting them, and don't lose a limb or digit, they aren't too difficult to prepare.  And cooking is literally just turning on the oven, turning it on, setting a timer, and checking it until it is done, if it isn't finished when the timer rings.  

The only downside is waiting.  There is, however, a good side to the down side?  Yes!  Smelling it bake.  At least the other two dispersed and aroma that was wonderful.  I didn't add butter, or brown sugar, just put them in.  Let them bake.  Like... cookies!  The smell is wonderful.  Maybe a hint of pumpkin pie?  Oh, it was wonderful.  Especially, now that the oven is clean, I am keeping up on the foil replacement in there.  Or even it begins to put off a skunky odor.  So, I am getting the smells, as if from a fresh, even new, oven.

Well... I'll game a bit.  Nothing much happening.  Everyone who has grumped about stuff is continuing, as if it matters, or has moved on.  Some are in hiding.  They realized no one has done anything, save side with the election thieves, from elected to judicial to bureaucratic.  No one is coming to their rescue.  It's just a slow decline into the obvious fall.  I suppose some of the more knowledgeable Russians saw this coming, when their nation was surrendered for the communist experiment, or punishment, or whatever that was.  It arrived slowly, then suddenly, then was done.  Both the good and the wicked were slaughtered in the millions, in and out of the nation.  It think that was the point, really.  They still haven't, won't ever, recover.

It's coming, it seems.  And there is no cavalry, no help, no law, not constitution, going to save them.  Either they will do something, or join the trotskyites against the wall.  Sooner or later, starting slow, then suddenly.  Then again, I think even Biden will be up against the wall, for not going fast enough.  Whatevs.  

My brother finally called.  He did get it.  Today, he said.  But it was in yesterday.  All good.  It is in the 70's there, so the packaging should last.  Wasn't sure how to process it, so I told him.  All good.  Had a good long talk as well.  We don't have a lot in common, these days, if we ever did?  Memories, at once, but enough bad that the good were difficult too.  Still, I do like to hear how he is doing, the family.  What is happening.  He seems a bit lonely.  The wifey works, the kids are all growing up, about ready to fly the coop.  I think it's getting to him.  It's rough, as we age, especially if we have major health issues.  We get smaller, the world gets farther... out of reach often.  Still, it's... a life.  Strange, at one time, at least for me, I would have killed for some time off, some downtime, some me... alone... time.  Just... not the rest, or whole, of my life.  I... get that.

Well, the squash is, or is almost, ready.  I put it back in for twenty minutes.  Sort of excited to try it.  Took an hour and an half to do this post?  Ah, got the squash going, and talked to my brother for a goodly bit.  It happens.  Later.