I don't know.

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Something is wrong, if I don't know if it will be fatal?  Perhaps it is just what going through high summer is like, with ac.  I am able to be more aware.  And, while the air conditioners make life bearable, the oppressive heat is still all around.  Step outside and I just about go blind, in the day.  But, it's more than just blind of the eye.  The heat hits so hard I end up having to go back in and sit.  It's murder out there.

I could only imagine what living in that, full time, must be like, and must do to people.  It takes you right down to the sheer basics, animal instincts, and a meanness that is dangerous.  Assuming you can survive it.  Any extremes, heat, cold, altitude, all... change the human body and mind.  You become more able to survive... assuming you do survive.  But at the cost of some of your humanity.

I've... been there, done that.  Living in Iowa seems a pleasant place, but the extremes there are severe.  And, I lived there before ac was a thing, for private (middle class or below) homes.  Even heat was limited, in homes.  People worked half to be able to not heat their homes as much as anything.

That is probably why toilet paper became scarce of a sudden, during the plandemic.  A lot of people who used company tp all of a sudden had to find their own.  And, a few other things.  Same paper, new places.  Plus, corporate tp isn't good enough for most people.  It'll do, for free, if one is already at work.  But no one wants John Wayne tp... it's rough, and it's tough, and it don't take shit off nobody.  Only the suit section gets real, good, tp.  And they don't share.

Food prices are also going up, in part because cafeterias, at businesses, public and private, schools or more colleges, are just... either gone or not being utilized.  There is more to it, but that is a part of it.  Those were horrible, expensive, places to eat.  But, if by parts, one could make do.  Even now a lot more people are eating at home a lot more.

I think, too, people realize how lousy they had been eating.  Tried the fast food places, but burned out and more.  Realized that is worse than even the cafaterias.  Weaponized food, tastes great, killing you faster than wine, maybe whisky, perhaps even faster than cigarettes.  And, really, you can eat pretty good for a McMeal.  Heck, you can eat really good for half that.  Plus, cut carbs, full on sugars, seed oils, and a lot more bad things.

I have to guess, now that people are too broke for McDonalds, or have wised up, and really McDies is just a stand in for all fast food, those stores have to be cutting back, and down?  Though, even stores are taking a hit.  I have cut way back on what I order.  Just a load of meats a month, plus some very few additives or veggies.  I am down to two to three hundred a month, if too that is eating better foods.  Down from double that.  If I got much more, wasted much more, and such.  I don't eat every day.

Fatted coffees.  Water.  Often not much more.  Once in a while I'll pull out meats, eat what I can.  No more larger packages of, say, pork chops.  I just don't eat much anymore.  Maybe one, or two, every three days?  The only thing I have no difficult consuming is steak, but I can't afford that.  One a week, or every other week.  Or... even just one a month.  Can't afford it, even when I get it on sale.

I still gain, sometimes.  Because of inactivity, and my g.i. shutting down.  I have to... eat a good deal, to get it all to push through, from time to time.  Well, and avoid cheese and salami for a while.  Ugh but that is like eating concrete.

It's down to 67 outside.  I probably won't open up tonight.  I'm not up to fussing with the windows, and this, and that.  And the fear of forgetting something open, and losing all the cool.  Suffering for a day, or half a day.  I'll do that, from time to time.  If it gets into the 50s.  But not daily.  I am fried.

Dreams, of women?  Well, yes.  More just the relationships.  Talks, with various women.  Trying not to look at their boobs, take them seriously, not get an erection every time they turn around.  It's difficult trying to be "mature" with a woman.  To a degree, there is no such thing.  Then again, they aren't much better.  When one, or both of us, gets sex on the mind, rational thought becomes dubious.

Still, there were times.  And, these dreams were about those quasi-lucid moments, with various women.  They were still... pretty... alluring... but sometimes we could talk like two people, not one or two horny animals.  Remember what I was saying about stepping out into the sun?  How bedazzled, confused, and such?  How difficult that was?  That was much of what being around a woman, for me, was like.  When I didn't have an erection, I planned on using, after that was over, I wanted to... go away.  Such an odd thing.

Sometimes we could talk.  About plans, with friends, or family.  Or something we heard, or saw, that was interesting or we thought might be interesting to the other.  I really wanted to be friends, with my women.  So very... difficult.  Though, to, sometimes men and women simply cannot talk, agree, or even debate some things.  We just come from such different orientations.

Women are created to "lose", in a man's vernacular.  Men are competitors, in a woman's world.  Though it's not that women don't wish to compete.  They just want us to do what they say without warring about it.  Which... isn't how men work.  We'll fight tooth and nail for much, even if we then hand it over.  As long as we win, sometimes, we don't care after that.  They don't want to fight, they just want to be obeyed.  Ugh.  No.

Anyway.  Pleasant dreams.  I really, even if I was a bad boy, had some... good relations with my women.  Or tried.  It wasn't a horrible life.  Just not as full, or right, as I would have liked.  Sure miss having a woman around, don't miss the bullying they try to do.  But the leg, and boobs... damn boys, but I miss a good deal.  Good dreams.  Woke stiff as a rock, but... whatever.  Can't just talk to women, it gets to you, as a man.  Even their voices are so... fuckable!  Ugh.  Later.