Difficult?

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Yes, and no.

I haven't been able to get going.  To begin chores.  To push, pull, grapple, wrestle, my way to things.  And, yet, I don't hurt.  Just... I am tired?  Unable to focus?  Something.  I keep trying to move along.  And I keep failing.

So many things to do.  Dishes, laundry, a shower.  Then, getting an inspection for the vehicle.  As well, pushing for getting someone in on tax arrangements for the property.

Stuck, in my own ways.  But, too, unable to get the attention of those who I believe are required for some things.  From getting the taxes sorted to getting help with figuring out the bike.  No one is... able to do much on that side.  And I am stuck even on my side.

Tired?  Yes.  Unable to push through, focus.  Yes.  But, feeling better.  Warmer.

I warmed up the patties left over from yesterday, adding a type of blue cheese to the meal.  Just one coffee, so far, today.  Trying to keep it to just two doses of the stuff a day.  If thirsty beyond that, drinking water.  I do wonder if too much coffee was part of the problem.  I am all but certain it could become toxic, itself.  Whether freeze-dried or fresh, it doesn't seem to matter.  So, backing off.

I keep hoping to push a little more, get things done, open the way.  But, not today it seems.  Sleeping better, which may help.  Less pain which will eventually definitely help.  Doing better, just not quickly.  Frustrated, with the pace of things.  But seeing good potential, if I can just... push through over the last difficulties.  So close, but... still feeling like I am clawing at air, while falling off a cliff?  I suppose that is an improvement over not... even clawing, just falling?

I've got to try to and push, pull, jump, grab, climb this, avoid that.  Would help even help?  I think it might.  Hmm...

I do think I'll send one of the helmets back Monday.  And, see about getting some help in figuring helmets out.  Not just for my sake.  Anyone who rides should take a lot of time and sort out the right shape, and size, for a helmet.  And... then get one, or even two.

As well, I need to figure out riding gear.  A jacket, and pants or chaps.  Not leather, so much.  Better protection.  I don't heal well.  Taking off a lot of skin would be... difficult, more so for me than for most.  I haven't even tried the boots on yet.  But they are here.  Over the weekend, I'll get those sorted, see if they work for me.  They do need to be broken in, if they fit correctly.  So... yeah.  Just fitting them is only the start.

I'll have another coffee.  I get two a day.  And need some, or I will fall asleep very shortly.  I may crash anyway.  We'll see.  I am surprised I haven't just... died... finally... yet.  It's rather impressive, if brutal.  I'll keep trying, so long as I keep living.  And I will attempt to keep living.  Seems to be a God level request.  And, so, I do as requested.  Now that I am beyond a simple believer.  I know there is God.  Don't understand, not fully.  But believe, and aim to please, abide, obey as fully as possible.  I'm even good with that, even when it hurts, or I can't focus.  I'll do my best, and He knows it.  Thankfully, that means I don't worry about legitimate and immoral naysayers.  I don't care what the false or wrong believe, or say.

Later, or goodnight.