Not sure when I went down.

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Somewhere between 20:00 and... I think it was 22:30?  21:30?  Sometime between those last two.  Up at about 1:30... for a while?  I had such a long hard day that sleep is eluding me.  Not much of a day, but it was rough.  And warmer than it has been in a while.  It was at least up to 45 here at home.  But I'm guessing it got to the low 60's, mid 70's in the car.  It was nice, but... I... wasn't ready for it?  More made me sleepy than burned me out though.

Oh, and while the Xterra was in the shop, I walked to my credit union.  The walk there, say a quarter of a city block down to the light, then half a city block to the building, about did me in.  Strangely, the walk back was much easier.  I more or less just had to work some kinks out of the legs, ankles, feet, and shoulders?

I loosened up in line, then had a more pleasant stroll on the return.  What that helped me realize, though, is that I need to walk, swim, something, or I am going to die.  If I literally can't do it, I am a dead man.  And, it is going to be difficult.  I will start with laps around the block.  Maybe to the post office.  One or two a day, three?  Four?  I... if I don't start, I am going to die, quickly.  If I can't, I am going to die quickly.

If I can, I will absolutely have to push through to swimming.  I... if I don't do something, if I can't do something, I am going to die.  Medicine can't do anything for me.  Though, too?  I know it is going to hurt.  Not occasionally.  Not every other or third time.  Every time.  I am going to have to struggle to live, for as long as I can live.  I am not looking forward to this.  But my choices are very limited.  I will die, very shortly, if I can't get out and get going.  That is, if that doesn't kill me.  I think I'm in that tight of a spot.  Crap, but there it is.

I have perpetual tunnel vision.  Usually light, but... getting more potent as time goes on.  Getting good breath is difficult.  Walking, working?  All very problematic.  I... have to figure things out.  If that is even possible at this point.  Look, even my muscles, in my arms and legs, hurt.  Sometimes without any effort.  From lack of oxygen.  I can tell what it is.  Ugh.

If I can get back to sleep, I will.  But for now I can't sleep.  The goal, even today, is to get out walking.  And, every day?  I need to push, but that might be too much to start.  Though, if I can, I will go for walks as often as possible.  Even short ones, just around the block.  Slow if I must, faster if I can.  The goal, if snow isn't everywhere, is out to the dam and back.  If... there is no way I can do it as a single trip initially, or even do it in any way, until I... quicken.

If you ever thought to do a kindness?  A small prayer for the old dying gimp.  Nothing fancy, include prayers for others, yourself, peace, wisdom, real justice.  I could easily just be a footnote, or passing point, if you wish.  But, a prayer would be greatly appreciated.