.
The meeting. Was given reminders. A recorder, no a musical
instrument, but the minutes keeper, was needed. So it was, I can do
that. And did do that.
There were several gents I hadn't seen in a bit. Most welcoming, one
not. I'm... not there for him, or even the welcoming. I am there
to be a party to those who act charitably. Though, to be in good company
is a part of that. So, having one turd is always something. But,
that's... his problem. They are fishing for any reason to disallow
me. If they had something, definitely disqualifying, they would use
it.
Being snoopy isn't enough. Even if they don't like what they see, they
can't seemingly remove me for it. But they want to. Some of
them. There is a whole group of them, if only one or two shows up at any
given time. These are often the worst of the worst. Dress rightly,
behave correctly, but hate those who tell it like it is. You can't watch
for them, but often they will give themselves away. Always looking for a
way, legal or not, to stab you in the back. They are the evil they
suggest they are. Judas never left the church. He's running some
small portion of it, still getting his pieces of silver for it.
As they were told then, they are told today.
Still, all good. I am to take minutes, then transfer them to a
book. Meant to get that going tonight, but didn't get the book. I
will keep the notes from being buried, and contact the big chief. We'll
get it all going and right. While taking notes, I am trying to make
sense the meetings, and goings on. Who does what, who needs what, and
how I can help. It's not fancy, for my part, just... trying to
understand.
Not to climb any ladder, or make a name, just to see how I may serve. In
the better ways of that idea. I am not in it for me. I am in it to
do something outside of me. Though, the idea of being out, and doing
more, is a whole other thing. There are advantages to it. Just
going to the meetings is a good thing. Unwelcome as I am, by some.
It's getting cold. The house is down to 70 pretty much everywhere.
If I were going to stay awake for a while longer, I'd turn the furnace
up. It's 45 out there. I could see it snowing, if precep keeps
up. I will leave the furnace at 68. If it's 68 in the morning,
I'll warm it up for a bit. Sheesh. Warm, the cold, hot, then
frigid. It's... a fun game anyway.
My body is hurting, in odd ways, as it changes with weight loss. Well,
and I have to remember to take the water pills even so. If I don't the
water fills back into open spaces being created by fat loss. But parts
don't fit, as they used to fit, so the jigsaw puzzling of pieces and parts
that is taking place hurts, sometimes it is excruciating.
Strangely? While I want it to get over, as soon as possible. I am
still grateful for the pain. It... allows... a form of compassion.
Even for myself. But certainly for others. And... it teaches me
humility. I... have admitted that humility is not something I am good
at. Pain... doesn't leave me a choice. Especially when I must
press on into it.
Plus, it gives me something to offer for those in purgatory. Seriously,
don't forget to add them in your prayers. You... may understand why
before you are done. Imagine having to walk through fire in order to be
with God, for some unknowable length of time? You... could choose not to
go? I couldn't, but maybe some will? But... that... is your choice
there. Oh, and don't think it won't hurt. I was "next in line"
close, and it hurt me even from that distance. Oh my Lord, you have no
idea. Pray for them, that they get to go, and that they will go.
Oh, but... do pray.
A Jimmy Johns' sandwich. Two, actually, a sixteen incher. But I am
only eating half. Not, carnivore, strictly. But I am hungry, and
have nothing. I need to get chicken out thawing. Will... try to
remember tonight.
I also need to check on the diosecan website. To look for a child safety
program and protocol. While certifying, they do a background
check. Invasive, but... for some things it is just better. As I
said, I avoid kids like the plague. Will, to some degree, avoid my own
children if I have them. At least until they can speak without crying,
pooping their pants, or whatnot. Some interaction, but... limited.
Initially.
Even most twenty somethings. Now, if considering a 30'ish old woman for a wife puts me on some list? If I can do it? Sign me up, and kick me out.
Well... on with something. A bit of gaming, then on to bed. Early? We'll see. Good night, possibly.
Dug out some frozen "mystery" meat. Figured crock-pot and a bunch of spices could make do. Nope, woke to a pot of nasty freezer burnt... I wouldn't feed this to anything short of a Hyena or a passel of Buzzards. So I went down and got some Cajun chicken fresh out the fryer, maybe I should have just fasted. Dogs are happy. 275# steady for? a month? I may need to prepare for a 10# fast. Craving Ice cream for some weird reason, almost to the point of going out to get some. I have yogurt, I'll make that work. Dogs left me with chicken on my plate, is something wrong with the food? The more questions I ask, the more questions I have.
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing? really, are you OK? Don't know why I'm asking, or what I expect in reply. Maybe I'm just reaching out, which is part of why I started commenting here in the first place. Could be I'm just lonely. Maybe I'll watch a movie or two with some of them cute movie reaction babes, gosh that sounds pathetic, but I don't have to pay for her ticket.
What a mess of a comment this is, My brain needs to "dump" from time to time. Blood sugar, body chemistry, toxins...something causes..."this".
Maybe I DO need a "vision quest" clear the mind, tickle the soul.
Take a life, chop wood, make fire, cook, eat, survive.
Simple basic, life or death.
NOT whatever "this" is.
When the brain is trying to switch from burning carbs to burning ketones? Especially if you are flipping and flopping between the two frequently? You'll get what I call dry drunks.
ReplyDeleteWell, and coming off alcohol, you are probably still going through the psychic part of that. Not sure long how long you have been clean, without a slip? But that... it's still there. It was in my blood for years, still get a hiccup, for that and tobacco, from time to time. And it's been... six, seven years since either regularly, and two or three years since the bud light fiasco that got me to kick even my once every six month binges.
It is difficult to realize how messed up we are until we start changing things to the better. It's like, when I start cleaning my house, finding things down under that are a problem, but I didn't know because I couldn't see.
Weight, diabetes, possible infections, toxins in the body stored in the fat, brain fog, and pathways from that which can be cleaned, but possibly repathed? I don't know, healing hurts. Even my ribs and organs are still going through displacement issues. But, for the first time in... thirty to forty years, I can actually stand straight, tall, without my belly pulling me down, hunching me over. It's... incredible... but painful.
Just remember, if you go full carnivore, and can suffer through it (mostly, I did, and still, cheat), it will hurt like you probably haven't hurt in a long time. It's humbling. You will become less of a man, in more ways than one.
One day at a time. Remember that show. Ha. That's a flash.