Why so rough?

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I am trying to push through.  Shoving pain, limitations, troubles, thoughts, fears, aside.  With ease, too, honestly.  It just doesn't matter.  No matter how easily I climb over, crawl under, sidestep, vault, or dodge this, that, and the other things, I still end up getting nowhere.

It doesn't make sense.  It seems no matter how well I do, there is simply too much in my way to ever do more than get a step or two ahead while my goal gets two, three, four steps further out of reach.  I'm not even wearying for the exercise, if too making absolutely no advance.

I... am going to force my way to cooking food.  Steak.  And then force my way to get a shower taken.  Then, get dressed, as if I was going somewhere.  Even knowing that, by that point, I will be absolutely exhausted.  Tomorrow?  Saturday?  Monday?  Next Friday?  I'll get out, soon.  Maybe.

Food and a shower will rig me for eventual success.  Especially if I can do those things daily, for the next few days, or until I can get in.

The aches are wonderful.  If you are into that sort of thing.  I'm not.  I have simply come to appreciate various pains, aches, maladies, and else.  I know a solid health issue when I see it.  I can't say what the cause is.  Medicine is going in.  Fluid is really coming out... if I could still probably lose another three to six gallons.  My feet are almost looking human, again.  If the ankles and lower legs are still more like posts.

All good, I'll keep working at things.  Take what you can get.  And it is improving.  Just... slowly.  Though I am finally to a point where I can start backing off the waterpills... down to normal dose?  I'll try that today.  I was taking five to seven a day for the first week, then down to three to five.  This last week I am down to three.  I think two will do, most likely.

Though, I think the cracked feeling, inside, is due to too much fluid.  But, it is coming down well, and steadily.  Time to relax the outflow.  That might help my body... adjust.  And I am pretty sure it will continue to drain, just at a slower pace.  That's... been my last month, or month and a half.  That is how much extra fluid I had.  Promise, if I didn't have enough fluid, that would have killed me.

I'll keep at things.  Steak first.  Then a shower.  Corn, or peas, or... something on the side?  I'd really like to have gotten out, for fresh butter.  While I do have tinned butter, it is... too far out of date to enjoy.  It can be eaten, barely.  Meh...  I'll... pull some of that up, use it, anyway.  It's something.  Oh... and a salad, blue cheese.  The gorgonzola is gone.  Was delicious.  Mostly on salad, but a few nibbles just solo.  A bit rich for me, for too much more, without else.  Hmm... yeah.

I'll keep at it people.  I'll pray for you.  If you know my name, you are on my list at least three times a week.  If you don't know me, or I don't know you?  You get hit even more often, stranger, friend, foe, family, or any mix of those, gets spit and a lick, in prayer, five to seven days a week.  Sometimes my prayers are just to God, gratitude... even for pain.  Graces aren't always... as they seem.  I wonder how many think I am a fool for suggesting such.  I... pray for those the most.  Little is their holdings in heaven.  Not that I'll get to spend it, save grace.  But I have a pretty good larder from said waiting to hand out up there.  You didn't think your heavenly gains are for you, did you?  *grins*  Lots to learn.

Anyway...  Oh, I added a vid I had forgotten in the "Hmm?" post.  It was an important one.  Not sure how I missed that.  Dying slowly and painfully can sometimes lead to forgetfulness.  But... I think I'm forgetful even on good days.

Later.