The military might have done more than most people do in a whole day, before breakfast. As for me, all I have done is become tired before breakfast!

(Day 25)

Ok, what is this grumbling about, you ask? I went to bed a little past midnight last evening. I slept well, with no interruptions to my knowledge. I awoke at 6:43, refreshed and hale, and ready to do several things on my lists. I completed a few morning regulars, checked my email, looked over my sources of information, visited a blog or two, then decided that a bagel or two would do well, with a little cream cheese. By the time I began to write this, I was already exhausted. So much so, I am not sure how much longer I will last this morning. I can barely keep my eyes open.

Normally I do not struggle, however, an old friend stopped by and we are making plans for next weekend. We both have an interest in boating kayaking for her, probably, most likely canoeing for me. There is a watersport center we both have some attachment with which is having an event next weekend, which we both of us seem interested in attending. If I pay for a place to sleep, she will pay for the gas. She is interested in both a new and better kayak, she currently has a rank beginner kayak (probably, though a canoe might work too, this part of discovery is really fun). She is also looking to add equipment to her truck which makes the sport simpler for her. She is a tough little lady, but she is fairly slight and a lady. With technology and engineering, there is no reason she needs to stretch precariously or extend or lift beyond her natural capacities just to enjoy something she so dearly loves. For my part, I am interested in a single man adventuring canoe, capable of some whitewater (though by no means is whitewater my target, I only wish to be able to survive it should I natively happen upon even serious whitewater), and it must be able to handle my 300 pounds plus 400 to 600 pounds of gear. I, as well, have not decided absolutely, perhaps a kayak would do, I would like to know more. I would like to make friends and meet people in the community, perhaps see if I could join a group for an outing or two, and perhaps as well, try out various types of boats and equipment in the lead up to a purchase in the next year or two. I am hoping to make a whitewater adventure this spring or summer, depending on Res Ipsa, money, and a few other realities.

On a side note. It might seem odd for a grown, middle aged even, full bull ogre male to have a lady friend with whom I may share a room, perhaps even a bed, without being sexually involved, but it happens. I am only a beast on the outside and in war. Perhaps that is why I am singular, having no mate, one way or the other. Life is a fix, is it not? And, yes, she is pretty. And, of course, I am a gorgeous hunk of a man beast animal. We have even been lovers in the past, and quite pleasantly so. I know her body and I remember her body well. But that was then and we are potent beings enough to be in control of our flesh, in spite of our great hungers and mutual interest. It is no small thing to be trusted, or to be able to trust. Women have no small lust of their own, so it is a mutual thing. I tease her that I see her as a sister. She knows better, and yet understands a tool, and that there are others. Life can be so much fun, and so rich, and still be right. Got to love that.

Oh, and hey, it has been a cold, snowy, silly winter. A little vacation with a dear friend is nothing to sneeze at. The Bahamas might seem more inviting, but time and money are against such notions. As well, I am a winter creature. I have a burning in my breast which allows me no comfort in warmer climbs. At 23 F, though today with pants and a shirt on, but without coat, let alone shoes and socks, I will go outside and chill a bit. Just call me a hot body. Well, that does come and go. Anyway, I look forward to this coming trip. She, my friend, is a nag and a leftist, but… She is a friend, and a good one. And, she is a pretty lady whose company it is always (almost) a pleasure to pursue.

Oh, so, I am staying up merely so that we may consolidate our plans and be set for next weekend. She was off to the laundry, though, first. When she finishes there, she will bring the flyer for the event to me (I had one, but it seems in a fit of cleaning, I accidentally parted with my copy). Still, I am sooooo tired. Ritalin and Coca-Cola are nothing to this exhaustion.

Well, just as I was finishing, she stopped over. With the information in hand, we discussed the available options and made a decision, and a stopgap decision. We discussed a few odds and ends, talked about what we were looking for, and just had a pleasant discussion. As she was preparing to leave, she suggested I call her at work once I had completed the registration. I suggested I just do it while she waited so that she might know not only that it was done but also have some input into any variables. We completed the registration, with a slight language barrier (Indian) to overcome, and the deal is now done. A little patience and a regrouping of ideas on both parties part, and a switch to other aspects of the conversation in the meanwhile, end up with a much more satisfactory communication through language barriers. I find if I do not get hung up and stuck with the misunderstanding, I can do better getting on with other things and then come back to deal with the misunderstanding later, that is. Just a thought.

*sigh* Now I cannot rest. Where is that list, again… *sigh*

What is this thing?

Some months ago, visiting a place of times past, I happened to see a friend of a past love. This woman had become my friend herself, and to the best of my knowledge she remained a friend. So, I decided to speak with her. We caught up a bit on each other’s lives, families, and personal complaints joys and thoughts. It was a pleasant affair, and as it was coming to a close, we seemed to gauge each other about the prospect of discussing the initial means of our friendship, my past love. The topic just flowed and we discussed how she was doing, what she was doing, and such. It appears this past love still has interest. And though I share some interest, I could never be more than a friend. I know that would not work, neither my conscious nor my past loves lack of constraint would be sufficiently satisfied with any deal we two might arrange. Though when proffered a phone number, I accepted if with reservations, knowing I would not call.

Not so long ago, as I was in that particular area again, I met the lady herself. It has been some time since we were together, and we had been together for 8 years. She was looking good, sprightly perhaps, and pleasant. We spent some time discussing life and all, and I enjoyed the visit, and knowing that she is well. But as all visits must, our time together came to a close. She invited me to stop by, gave me her phone number, and there was a set to her I had no doubts about. She is still open to me, to my touch, to my love.

As I said, I have no intention of reinvigorating an incorrect love. Celibate four or more years, temptations are probably more potent than ever. Still, I did nothing. Even more recently, I happened to be in that area once again. This time, I never saw her, she did not approach, she actually snuck past me, I do believe. I saw her face, as she cast a glance my way, then drove off. I realize she was crushed. Crushed by my failure to visit, crushed by her feelings from this.

Though it would be so easy to say “Such is life.” or “Time heals all things.”, I think I will keep my mouth shut. I truly had hoped she would move on. She would be a good find. She is a good love, a good cook, she obeys and yet lends guidance (playing me like a fiddle, after a little social tuning, from time to time, and actually much to my joy after I figured it out). She has wisdom and some smarts, she is a good woman. We parted because she would not move from that place and, I think too, because she cannot have children. Or at least, that last was something I was beginning to feel called toward. Not being able to be a father would always have been a difficulty. I do not understand why she has not gone on, and I probably cannot understand the depths of her pain, but I can pray for her, in her loneliness, but that is all I can do. What a thing, this thing called love.

Tired, confused, and hot. (Day 24)

The last few days have been exhausting. I have been cat napping, having several short sleep periods each of the last two days for certain. It has been difficult staying awake or asleep. I have been able to do the old homework in preparation for the test (today, if class is not canceled again). However, after doing that two or three times, as I moved into the next set of homework (what will be due today) I am having difficulty. Focus, last night and this morning, has been lacking. Still, I will dig in and do what I may. I do have a few tricks up my sleeve and I will get it done.

I phoned my mother this morning. I have been trying to pace my calls, now that she is better. Every other day, if I do not hear from here, I call. Today was the right day, she had been thinking about calling me with some information and was intending to call me right after she finished a few tasks. She is doing quite well, she is fully able around the house, in the kitchen, and with personal care again. She has reduced her pain tabs, using ibuprofen as her mainstay. But the real news is that she is well enough to travel. Beyond, she will be driving herself! It is difficult to keep a farm girl down. In spite of being a smoker, a bit overweight, and beyond retirement age, she does quite well, and recovers extremely well. She lost two pints of blood in her 8-9 hour surgery on the 7th of this month. The surgery was supposed to be 4-6 hours, apparently there were complications.

Roast! Last night I produced a fine chuck roast. I have found a method which I really enjoy. First, I pick a healthy chuck roast, about 4-6 pounds. I then salt the meat on all edges and sides, and let it stand salted for 40 minutes. I then add a little water (several cups) to the roaster (open roaster), turning the oven to broil. When the oven is heated, and the meat has been salted for 40 minutes, I put the meat into the heated oven (with scrubbed potatoes around it in the roaster). I set the timer for 15 minutes. When the timer dings, I turn the meat and let it broil for 15 minutes longer. I then add onions, placing them on top of the roast, but quickly so as to keep the heat in the oven (cut in two, usually two onions for four halves). I also then turn to oven off for 40 minutes. When the timer goes off again, I turn the oven to 350 degrees and cook the meat for 45 minutes, allowing the reheating of the oven to be a part of the time. You do not have to believe me, but unless you have tried it, you will never know.

Oh, about the hot, do not ask. For some reason, I am just burning up today. If I thought I could get away with it, I would go outside for a bit in my boxers. As it is, since my door is a bit shielded, I have just been letting the 18 F air in on me for spits of moments, ducking in quickly if I hear a noise. It has been like this for two days. Maybe I am dying! Nope, I am not in pain, just hot.

Well, I am off to bug other people. Be well.

Reloading Equipment

If you are curious about reloading equipment, read on. I have tried to create an information base, beginners to be sure, here for any interested parties. I will not say everything here is absolute. Among other reasons, such as the variability of the systems available, differences of definition which occur from user to user and manufacturer to manufacturer or even one field of science to another within the scope herein, is the fact that I am fallible. If you are not interested in a study of the general material, and are more curious how this involves me, then skip to the “***”. I will get on with it there.

What am I discussing? Fair enough, a good question for most people. I wrote the article below, starting at the “***”, and then realized many people have no idea about what I discuss in this piece. Reloading equipment is an equipment system used to reload (make ready to fire through a firearm again) already fired ammunition or it may be used to construct new bullets from new components so as to actually manufacture virgin ammunition. The primary piece of the system is called a press. This piece literally uses a pressing action in order to do a variety of tasks in the ammunition manufacturing process. For nearly each caliber of ammunition, a group of dies, powder dispensers, powder checking systems, capping devices, and other equipment may be used for a variety of those and other processes. The processes include actions such as: reforming the brass so that the bullet will fit properly; decapping/capping (removing the old bullet primer then placing a new one into the brass); adding the powder to the newly capped brass; adding the bullet to the brass, then pressing that into the brass to a specific and necessary depth. There are other potential steps in the process. As well, some men perform some of these steps by hand (using alternate equipment of course) while others use the press itself for everything, depending on the type of press to personal preferences.

There are four types of reloading equipment systems, only 3 of which are what I consider press based. The oddball is the “hand press”. These are little units one may build ammunition from with equipment which fits in the palm of one’s hand. It is very slow, and there are other difficulties with it. However, once I get going on this, I may consider such a thing because of it’s portability. Perfect for backwoods camping and hunting trips. Of the presses, there are three types. Single station presses, which allow only one function at a time to be completed. With this press, the manufacturer must, for example, resize all of his brass at one time (or whatever of his stock he wishes to work with). Then, he will need to reset to decap/cap (some presses allow the decapping and capping in one step). Each process will need to be run one process at a time, generally speaking. It is laborious, time consuming just because of the need to change out processes, and with those problems, the chances of interruption (not a good thing) increases. The next two types of presses have multiple process stations. How the processes are arranged and what processes are set in the system, beyond the necessities (decap/recap before adding powder by necessity of needing a new cap in place to hold the powder and the fact that once the powder is placed, removing and recapping would be unwise in more than one way, as an example), is quite up to the artist. Next is what is called a tower press. It usually has a set number of stations (often four or five process stations) which may be set to do the various processes involved. Sometimes it is automatic, meaning a pull on the press’s lever or handle will not only lower the press systems, activating the various processes, it will rotate the plate upon which the ammunition sits after the processes have been completed and the systems disengage the under-construction bullets, moving the ammunition to the next station for that station's process. Some of these presses do not do this, requiring the artisan to manually rotate the bullet plate. The next type is called the progressive press. These are always automatic (though they may have the option to be set to manual rotation of the bullet plate). These last are, by far, the fastest. They have their drawbacks, but few in my opinion, cost often being the turnoff for most.

Beyond the mainstay of the press, yet still equipment used in the process, one finds the need for everything from scales (for powder), calipers (to ensure the brass has been correctly formed and that the bullet is properly seated in the brass, to dozens of more and less essential additional equipment. Finally, the bullet components must be considered. Everything from caps (which ignite the powder in the bullet) to brass to powder (among several other consumable products), many types and manufacturers of these items must be considered, and then compared by firing the final constructed bullets with these various consumable goods, as one attempts to find the best shooting, least expensive, ammunition ingredient for the shooter’s purposes. I hope that helps.

***
I have been researching equipment which will allow me to load my own ammunition. After looking at the actual base equipment, types of equipment, and options of those pieces which are directly applied to the process, I find that the research only starts there. To give you an idea of how complicated it is, think of buying a car. Now, imagine if you bought the body, engine, tires, and interior components separately, down to the window handle (or electric window opener, with various speeds to choose from). As well, imagine that before you could use your car, you actually needed to buy or build a garage (garage = reloading station bench in this case, which is not vital, it is necessary for reloading). Ok, sounds complex right? Now consider that every single component I just spoke of can be economic to deluxe, often with several variations between the top and bottom rungs; that each company can make parts that work for both their and other manufacturer’s systems, though neither absolutely nor equally; that everyone says their products are the best (of course); and every end user believes the systems they have purchased is the best, or good enough, or foolish to spend more or less than what they have spent.

I have done years of research, as I said. And, yes, I could probably get into a functional system for $600 dollars. That is the minimum for a complete system, including press, dies, a press bench, and all non-consumable and minimal bullet equipment. However, like anything else, buying the cheapest is not wise, satisfying, or probably necessary. When the cost is spread over a lifetime, as these systems really will last that long, even double the cost is not unreasonable if the system works better and would be more enjoyable and practical to use, especially over a lifetime. The system I am considering, with every bell and whistle I see as truly worth my time, and within the parameters I absolutely must have (though not including bullets, powder, etc either) will cost about $1200 plus the cost of a bench.

This system will allow me to produce bullets by the piece or realistically scale production to near mass production of up to 4-600 bullets an hour in just about any caliber I would have interest in producing. It has a lifetime warranty unlike any other system, and that warranty is transferable, meaning if I gave it to a son or sold it to a friend, the company still warranties the press. The warranty is good, if something breaks (usually a minor piece, gaskets, o-rings, and typical culprits such as those being the huge majority of difficulty from what I have found), they will trouble shoot on the phone if necessary, then send (free) what is needed or suspected to be the problem. The press I am looking at is the Dillon 550b, initially set for the .45 acp. I also have plans for other calibers, namely the .500 S&W magnum and the .308. It saves a great deal on ammunition, allows for a far greater accuracy and regularity of ammunition, and it is definitely a nerdish activity, blue collar and yet as technological as I might care to engage. It is right for me, for a great variety of reasons.

Oh, any opinions are welcome. Any advice, as well, is more than welcome. I will have to see how money is this coming month, but I believe I am at the point where I will be buying this item as early as February, though as late as May. It would have been guaranteed this month, but because of the elimination of a chance for school funding, I am having to re-evaluate everything financial. As well, I did spend a bit more, thinking I would be a bit more set, so there is that too (Counting chickens before the eggs hatch and whatnot. Hush, You!). I will get there, but I am excited now.

I have to wonder. (Day 23)

I started thinking about when and why I pull back from responding to other people’s blogs. What I realize is that if people slow down and begin blogging one piece every few days, I might end up commenting on every piece they have. And, ok, after a quick review, I realize my comments can be a bit potent (that is, offensive to the politically correct crowd, automatically, even when that was not at all my point or intent). And, a lot of responses from me on a slow writer can heavily and quickly make their blog politically incorrect, harsh to middle-of-the-roaders and definitely toxic to anyone even lightly leftist, as the sun is to vampires (or so the myth goes). After a few days of this, I realize I may be tilting their teeter-totter too hard, fast, and far in one direction. So, I quit. Oh, I know, I am slow to take a clue and this happens pretty hard and heavy before I realize… but I do try to be cognizant.

I become a little perturbed, because I really enjoy sharing, debating, saying my mind, and such, but I do have some notion of… fairness, tranquility, privacy, and a few other things. As well, I note I must be nearly singular. As many people as I get visiting here, I receive feedback from one woman. I guess I am amazed. I would love to have responses, tons of them. Those who agree, do not agree, those who correct, or advise. I would have the response level I give. Though I am broken, maybe permanently, I am not delicate. I would not hunt someone down and do mean or hurtful things upon their body because they disagree. I think I have thicker skin, and more often, than most “healthy” people. Of course, if one looks like Frankenstein, sticks and stones had best become comfortable aspects of one’s environment. Ha… I kill ME. Where is Ac (ckuhhhh) med when you need him.

So, does anyone think I should respond anyway? Do you all think I should hold my tongue (pen… drats, urhm, keyboard) as I do? What is the consensus? What would you rather from me on your blog, a comment on most of your postings with additional posts as I see fit, one comment only, or an occasional comment (say one comment per three of your posts)? Should I stick to politics light and empty content, keeping everything politically neutral, staying very on topic, or should I wander as I may? I am not going to jump you for this. I may or may not agree, I may or may not ask for clarification if you post, and I may or may not comply. This is just taking stock, I do not act in accordance with any non-governmental democracy, if I do attempt to find what reasonable etiquette is and live reasonably within that. So, now is your chance.

If I have been freaking you and yours out, tell me. If you wonder why I have not responded when you had hoped I would, now you know why and have a chance at some input. Well, I think I will shower, do a spot of cleaning, go to the store, do some more homework, and figure out what to do with life in general. Oh, I ought to call the U. of I. That woman did not get back to me. I think they are about as interested in having me back as Europe is hoping for the plague (well, non-government Europe). And, I think it is high time I break down and admit I have a problem with Saturday mornings, then make an appointment for confession. *sigh* Ok, crutches when they are called for, se la vie.

Romney, most likely.

I will not promise he will win. I neither know nor care who else supports him. I am not happy about voting for him. However, I think he can be hammered into form, for the most part. As with President Bush, he will do things I really do not like. He, like Bush, will have to be forced to do “the right thing”, sometimes. He will have a different view from us peons, but look, he is running for president, we are peons *laughs* (if darn rich peasants, and believe as we do that we are far above our real stations (though, too, we are “above our station”… we are Americans, freemen)), go figure. He is more liberal than I care to understand. Actually, his Mormonism is a plus, his liberalism is his problem for me. With enough groveling on his part, and enough of an enjoinment with the conservative aspects of the party (meaning proper cabinet members and advisers, I will need to see that happening), he might do.

Sure, I was for Thompson after I was against him. But really, he was a weak fourth choice for me when everything shook out. But in truth, third, actually, as one of the four was actually never in the race (and that was satisfying to me because he stalled too long while deciding whether to enter the race, and, I had hoped Thompson would stay out too, for a similar reason as well as his modest claim to conservativism.) Such is politics. Yes, it sounds crazy, but like any plan, it was a great plan while it lasted… which ended up being shorter than even the start of the darned race.

As well, I thought I should add this. I have had great anger regarding President Bush. Darned Texan got on my nerves more than once. He seemingly missed some very important points, and often kissed the wrong hands in his political romances. But every man we send to the White House will do so. As well, every man we send there should do so. (No, I do not like that either, hush, my story… comment if you have something to say.) I do not vote for a slaves, I vote for leaders. Once he takes his place, he is on autopilot and will do what he believes is correct, using more information than I have, with my and your and that stinking liberal hippies' welfare in mind, all of our welfare in mind as best as he is able with what power he has. Which means he has to do for the hippie as he does for me, if he does slightly more for me than not… that last bit is only a hope and then only in certain areas (why would he make me safer than the hippie?).

In President Bush’s case, he really was a decent conservative, not perfect, decent. And, more, he is the first president since President Reagan, and President Eisenhower before that who I could respect across the board. Clinton, Carter, Ford, Nixon, LBJ, Kennedy, disgusting or weak, people who just happened to be where they were when someone was needed or criminally elected miscreants. Drugs, stupidity, timidity, illegality, lust, criminality, and corruption are all I have to say about those. Yes, not only has President Bush, and his father, been a good man, they have been good family men. Their wives have been powerful ladies, but ladies indeed. The wives have had ideas, supported programs, but more, they supported their men, their husbands, and their whole families first. I have been pleased to have these people, as people, represent my nation domestically and internationally.

I can see that last bit more with Romney, much more than with Thompson, if Thompson might have been a bit more conservative (questionable). I do think Romney is a bit slick looking, yet I am making some room as I am seeing him look more human in his exhausting run. As I see my choices dwindle, it is down to writing in a candidate or Romney. I thought if Thompson dropped, I would fold, but I have changed my mind. As I think about this last… I wonder… By their fruits will they be known… Sorry Fred, Romney has you there. But, Lord knows, McCain and Rudy are horrid choices that way as well.

I am taking a break from study. I have studied off and on all weekend for my test later today. It is supposed to rain, freeze, slush, then snow before class, so I am not sure it will happen. Still, I would rather be ready than be wrong. I have rewritten my notes and redone my homework twice, and am about to hit it again. I did not really have time to try some of those problems I wrote down which were extras, but they will get done. If nothing else, I want them for my final review. Well, off I go. Oh, I believe I am finished pouting. Not sure what that was really about… a little anger at the slow blogging (he is lying), but I think more an ongoing frustration with my tobacco thing. Well, I am happy to be pissed, it means I am winning that fight.

Blessings. And yes, even if I do not agree with you, heck, even if you or I do not like the other… I do love you. Once again, blessings.

Fighting… (Day 21, technically and here)

Do you really want to know how to fight? First question, have you ever been in a fight before? If the answer is no, less than 5, really, less than many, there is no real way to train you. I, or much better trainers, could teach you how to stand, move, attack, defend, and when to run. Yes, run, in war, there is no room for pride. Tuck that up around warm fuzzies, fear, and a few other things, and learn how to deal with or ignore those super fast or over-ride them (depending on humidity, mood, feel of the thing, etc) as you go into war. No matter what anyone teaches you, however, this learning means nothing without context. Think of it this way, if I told you how to do calculus, could you do it? If you did not already know how, the answer would be “No”, do not jive me or you.

So, you really want to learn how to fight? Ok, but you are probably not going to like this. As well, if you are really that stupid, understand you may not survive. There is only one way to learn how to fight, that is by getting the stupid kicked right out of you. Yes, you will have to fight. Most likely you will be fighting people who know how to fight and probably even enjoy it. Needless to say, you will lose. You will lose not once, not twice, you will lose until you strengthen up, smarten up, and mean up. After you have had your ass handed to you several times, then I would guess is about when you might consider going in for training. At this point, you will understand some things. At this point, when your teacher shows you something, you will know why that is better and he will have your attention. When he shows you how to avoid pain, it will mean something. When he shows you how to inflict pain in order to end the thing without death, you will understand that. And, when he teaches you how to know you are way out of your league and how to manage that, it will grab you like pliers on your testicles. Sorry ladies, this is for men only. You, ladies, might be able to avoid, escape, elude, and a few other things, but you will never be trained to tackle a male warrior of any quality, thankfully there are guns. Get one, learn it, practice, and be quiet.

Now, if you are psychotic enough to be interested in fighting, and really are going through with it, I might suggest starting out slowly. Perhaps country bars, go in dressed like a city slicker (nowadays most people in those bars are city slickers dressed as cow pokes and cow girls, it is the notion that will upset things). Then act like they are hicks and should accommodate you. Insulting pretty women who are in the company of a man (or not for a real stir) is one good way of getting the thing going. Noticing some are actual city slickers and laughing about that works too. Whatever, at this point I would advise you to stick to country, rock, and maybe punk bars for your experience. Keep whichever venue you choose relatively mainstream. Your chances of just getting pounded upon are good, and control should be kept in those situations by the establishments. Keep the hell away from biker bars, sailor bars, marine bars, and a few other places. You have not earned your keys to these and may end up worse than a little bruised. You probably cannot even physically take the pounding yet, let alone what else you might face. You need to learn to pick your fights, then survive them, before tackling those last. Oh, if you have the capacity, in and out friend. Give and take some licks, then get out fast. Later, learn how to lure the thing outside, once you think you can survive (and limit your draw).

Now, after you have been pounded into the dirt a few times (maybe even gotten lucky and won), it is time to seek a trainer. Boxing is not bad, but it is a slow way to learn. Wrestling has some advantages, but like boxing, it is a slow way to go. I really would focus on practical hand to hand combat initially. Stay away from Tae Kwan do until you have improved simpler and more direct applications, legs last in my opinion. After you have mastered hand-to-hand (better several forms of hand-to-hand in a mixed bag), go on to legs, wrestling, or maybe boxing for fitness. How far you go depends on how far you want to take it. Now, telling most sensei you are actively engaging in live wild combat might not be easy, but you must do this. Most likely, he will disengage training. However, I suspect you will eventually find a master who understands. He might even, eventually, wish to watch and critique. Oh, horrors… Yes, sometimes a good master understands that training is useless without live-fire exercises. The dojo is fine, but it is controlled, so there is much that can be missed.

Well, that is my opinion. Granted, I have never officially been trained. I learned to fight as a tot, I learned how to take damage, think on my feet, and deliver horror, pain, and whatever else was necessary in order that I might, if not always prevail, at least come out with the least damage possible. You might be surprised what a little experience, keen senses, a hungry yet controlled vengeance, and keeping one’s head on one’s shoulder really can accomplish. Anything I may or may not have come into contact educationally after my teens was merely a refresher. Oh, I also think you are an idiot, most likely. If you have not been lead to become a fighter to this point, you probably never will. You will be trading in what you are for something you may not be able to handle being, and you might not survive the trek. I have spent nigh on to 15 of the last 20 years hiding from that life. Only the last 5 years have I finally decided to face that. Still... Es ist mir egal.

(This article is for entertainment purposes. Any legal responsibility lies solely with the reader. This is neither meant to be actual practical advice, nor literally interpreted in any manner which might induce actionable responses.)

Go, go, go, get em’!!!

How much more? Day 21

No one seems to be writing, commenting, or even responding to comments. I am joining the writers strike. I will do something each day, about this size anyway. It should be no more impotent than a long post and yet be easier to muck through. I have been avoiding comments unless something really strikes me and then I am able to comment with at least some skill. I just do not have what I need to write, well anyway. Neither, at the moment, do I have the nerve to push beyond my emptiness. Frustrating, but that is the way of it. Then again, I always wonder if this is the way it is temporarily, or if I am just cognizant of it at this point. Could one ever know?

Are you short in stature? Go to China, still short? Which is true?

Hmmm. Day 20.

I missed a day of posting. I write today. Good day.

Do I want to know? Day 18

I woke nicely. After a great, uninterrupted, restful sleep, I did struggle to become awake, a bit. In a reasonable amount of time, however, the feet hit the floor and I started looking around the place. My appointment is a bit off, and I am a bit nervous. What did my doctor and counselor decide? Was a decision derived, or did they agree to have ongoing conversations with me, so that this thing will turn into a nightmare of ongoing proportions. I will know in just a bit.

I was reading the news today, and noticed John McCain’s mother had indicated that John had no support with the base. I just roared. I knew if I was running for president, I would have been so unhappy with my mother for saying that (true as it is). She has said other things which just do not fit in politics this election cycle. She is a loose cannon. Oh, right, I guess that is his way, now we know where at least some of that comes. Now, she is 95 years old, or so, managing her might be a wee complicated, especially adding that she seems to have her wits about her. He really has nowhere to go for redress, and I hope even if it makes him angry that he enjoys the fact that moms are just moms and will be our moms until probably after their funeral service.

I cannot remember all I must do today. The doctors and study for a test Tuesday, without question. What else, I do not know. Oh, right, I really have to quit commenting. I am surprised I have not been banned. I keep looking at the two to three word, at most sentence, comments of others and then see mine. People could not like that.

Update:

After doing all the work and pushing past my nature to get something done, in a rush, requiring this that and the other thing, it appears... it was all for naught. The paperwork I had rushed to get completed and to my doctor, in an ongoing attempt to enable VA Voc. Rehab. to re-initiate my program and funding, which I completed and waited to hand to a real and talking human person of some significance, and though I was assured it would be given to the doctor and the call would be made... did not happen.

Well, the seeming worst case scenario was always a possibility. Not receiving funding for school this term. Still, that stings. However, in truth, that is not the actual worst case scenario. The Rehab. people may have closed and buried my case. That is where the thing stood. I had indicated that when I turned in the paper work, when I had spoken with my doctor, no one could have misunderstood. Now, I wait. My doctor indicated, today, that he would call me and tell me how any contact he makes worked. I am more than a bit nervous at this point. I suspect I will begin looking for alternative financial aid packages, but that will be tight and lean for certain reasons.

How to live like you were used to living on allowance... It could be a book. One I may need to read. Am I supposed to give up my lifestyle, what of it I even actually have, to be a monk student? I do not know, I would certainly have to re-evaluate the whole thing, and look at what financial aid is honestly available. Hmmm, 4 years of three-quarter time education and a few summer courses (more like 3 years if I can find 2 summer classes each year). That is a long time to monk it. Students loans, perhaps, but that might even be a bit tight. Thinking... And waiting... Oh, and a little (lot) pissed... Then again, at least this time and beyond any doubt, it was not my fault. I wonder, how many times has it not been my fault and I just took it because I could not remember? More often than not, I am thinking. *steaming*

Well, I had a very busy day, I think?

As I said, I could not sleep a wink last night. Still, it was fine this morning. I was already up of course, and then I showered, dressed, and at my only (first as it turns out) appointment fifteen minutes early (and I was seen early, that is always a bonus, though never to be expected). We covered enough material in order that I might get a good grip on my road to graduation. As well, we covered old issues, unfinished business really, and the various means of dealing with it all. Of course, I completed both of the recommended steps to manage the old business (an email to a former professor of mine, and an administrative query), however, administrations do not work just because one has done their part (first step). But things are on the road. With old business being tended, a recommended schedule to graduation (with all but one terms at ¾ level, one full-time term, (9 and 12 credits, respectively), and weak summers I hope to find a way to beef up in order to graduate fast, I have about four years. Now, I know that is stretching it too, actually. I know I have more non-engineering credits and some engineering credits for which she is not accounting. I suspect that, with 2 course summers, that 12 credit term, and a few other tweaks, I should be done in 3 years. A long time, and that makes me nervous about VA Voc Rehab. So, I also discussed other financial aid sources.

After that, I returned home. I remember that my tooth had been bothering me, with the lollipops and bubble and chewing gum excesses of late, it felt as if a cavity was coming loose. So, I buzzed the VA, and they had just had a cancellation and so saw me right away. I get ready and make that appointment. There went my nap before class, risky as a nap might have been. But I was not done.

Actually, I may find out good or bad new tomorrow regarding VA Voc Rehab. As I had noted, I gave my doctor written permission to speak directly with the VA VR counselor and then had also given him the phone number. I believe a call was placed the day I did so. I have heard nothing from either party since. Tomorrow I will know at least what occurred in the conversation. Either way, my work is not unimportant. I have assessed my professional advancement, such as it is. I have started planning to win, while understanding reality. I have started looking for funding, of several sort.

I am feeling better about class. I will be taking a test next Tuesday. I was able to get in early, however, I was stuck messing with a problem from class and was not able to see my instructor about the book. However, he was gracious enough to stay a little longer and let me take down the non-homework graded problems so that I might begin a further study having some hope I might eventually know. I just took down the numbers, As I get into them, then I may check. Although having been up and busy all last night and this morning, I was in pretty poor shape for class. That I was there anyway was good.

I really need sleep. A drink almost sounds good but I think I would end up wearing more of it than not. I should be able to wake easily tomorrow, and make it to the appointment.

Hmmm, on another note, it is supposed to warm up here, and soon. I hope all the snow does not disappear before I get to ski next week. I would be truly depressed. I have waited, worked, and pouted myself a bit into this opportunity. Though, too, I know this will not be the last snow.

I have got to crash. Have a great night. I would love to straighten this out, add some common sense to the thing, and make you all happy (you, there is only one of you here;), but I am all in. Be a dear, and if you are more ambitious than I and of a mood to do so, flip a few paragraphs around, ordering time a bit better. Oh, and see to the grammar, spelling, and word usage at your leisure. Or, just enjoy the oddity. Good night, Louise!

I could not sleep. Day 17

I am not sure what the deal is, but as yesterday seemed to be a sleepthrough, today and last night was a sleepout. Not an hour of sleep did I get, nor could I even approach the process. My body just said no. Well, fine, I have an appointment this morning. I was able to reset my appointment quickly. I think there was time so that I could have done it yesterday, but that just was not going to happen. Now, I have class this afternoon, so I may try to get some sleep. I need to be careful though, as it would be really easy to oversleep and I am very much trying to make classes.

I did some work last night, homework from class. I looked at a lot of things, and figured a few things out (I think). But this would be akin to me taking the average driver into a room, telling them a bit of mild theory regarding an engine, and then asking them how the drive shaft would turn (speed and direction), if I twisted something which I have not taught about, and which really was not even involved with the theory. And, of course, this is practically based, though theoretical in that the practical is impossible (or could be), only being theoretically functional based upon some given instructions and allowances. Did that confuse you? Gee, I am sorry.

I did make some progress, but I certainly do not understand this. As I said, this is not a source of stress. I will either do, or not. I am pretty sure I cannot know, if I get close the object will be moved or obscured. Though I am to learn, it is not in that type of objective manner. I am to learn through learning itself. I am not sure I agree with the approach, but I have no power, so I pay the bill and play the game. My instructor writes back, and is as elusive as what lead me to write him, or nearly so. Each time I pick up something. Sometimes I kick myself for not having seen it originally and myself, other times I realize he is not talking about anything from which I can make heads or tails. Then again, on occasion I get a spark from that, go look things over again and figure something out (I think… not sure what I “figured out” is correct, and there is no way to know).

I called my preferred ski rental shop yesterday. It seems as if the price is $15 a day, $30 for M-F, or $60 for 7 days. I will probably be doing the $30 at least twice a month. That gives me a lot more time to go when I feel like it and maybe a bit more often. It would be great to be able to do that every week, but it is a bit of money, with school costs also bearing down atm. I had intended to rent for a day today, but without getting rest last night, I do not think it wise to both end up with little rest and exertion pulling me down as I head into class, trying to glean an ounce of reason from whatever sources are available.

Oh, I best be off. A shower, a shave, a few brushings, and I will be off to see the academic advisor. After seeing what the school I am attending now offers for physics, I may take a look at what the U. of I. offers. I am tired of playing education bingo, I am looking for solid teaching, not this game thing, at least when I can get it my way. I am off!

I cannot even seem to comment well. 16

I started by telling Cruel Virgin that I would not comment there. I felt that I was in echo mode. It was not to slight her views, or discourage her writing, I was just stating what I thought was obvious. She disagreed, though she seemed to understand. Then, I started noticing that I just could not comment well anywhere. I was off at least a quarter of a degree, my comments lacked interest, definition, humor, or my living human manner. I feel as if my comments (and blog posts) are stale, like cardboard, and flat just so.

I have tried to write a comment recently, several times, only to just end up leaving without posting. Nothing I was about to post was offensive, for the most part (some truth is offensive, but there is a difference between offensive opinion and offensive fact). I just do not wish to leave little nothings, with no life, often off topic to some degree, and more just blathering than not.

I am not sure what to do about it. I will continue to blog. I am trying to put at least one thing out per day. It may be dry, flat, tasteless, and stale, but it will give me something to do, keep my writing skills at least in ready reserves, and hopefully when the flow returns, I may just splurge and surge.

Oh, the good thing is, as I mentioned at Cruel Virgin’s place… this is as bad as it gets. I have come a hell of a long way, from wanting to pull the plug every time the wind changed direction, I sneezed, or a chill ran through the room to not even noticing a hurricane, and dealing pretty well with this privation and that befoulment. I have even found some power and some brilliance in the old body. It might even be made functionable! I could get through school, or at least learn to mountain man a bit (hobby form, mostly). I might be able to find a good woman, spin her up, pop out a few mini-mes, and show her a wonderful world. Yes, I have come a ways.

Now, like that last as I do, it does not change the shape I am in currently or overall (in a way). So, I still have to grumble and gripe my way through, at the moment. And, I will do it, but I do not have to like it. Which, really, is fine. At least this time I have a little value added to the typical work like this. It has been 16 days and counting. I think from now on, I will put the number of days tobacco free in the title.

Weird day.

Well, I got much of the list completed. I did not call the dentist, it just slipped. As well, I have had a devil of a time staying awake. Sleeping on and off, crashing to sleep then dragging my self back to consciousness. And, it looks like I will need to shovel the snow. I do not believe the snow blower is the way I should go. As I said, I believe I will shovel.

After the announcement that Fred Thompson was withdrawing from the race, I realize there is no one running who is representative of my views. The remaining candidates are either liberal or “conservative” versions of progressive politics. Thompson would have been tolerable at most, he is not a great loss individually. However, he was the only marginally conservative candidate remaining in the race and in his loss is an end of hope for this election cycle. To the south of him, the Huck McJuliomny conglomeration is just a Democratic preference. If one of those four win, the Democrats realize they will still have a Democrat in office. And of course, who would vote for a weak Democrat when they could have the real deal? People drank RC because it was cheap, votes are free if the cost will arrive harshly in truth and in time, short or long. Neither a conservative, liberal, or moderate would vote for a leftist conservative, so the beast of four is headed for solid defeat. Will I vote? Maybe, but not for anyone running. There is a blank line, and for president, I will use this. Oh, and it will not be Fred “barely saw ya, barely knew ya, gotta go” Thompson, it will be Hunter who gets my nod.

I just called my Mother. I started thinking, with all this snow, I wonder if she has enough food and things laid in so that she can handle an extended period down? Does she have people coming by and checking in and on her? The call was good, she is doing well. She has plenty of provisions. And, she is being tended, at least twice daily, by visitors or phone checks. Anyway, now I had best get out and do that bit of shoveling. Though I will not do my several of my neighbor's walks and such this time.

It could be a great day.

I awoke very early, though I had been ready to sleep last night at 22:00 or so. Sleep was wonderful, actually. It was restful, satisfying, and felt long and full in spite of having the need to get up 3 times to use the facilities. I had consumed anchovies a few hours before bed, and the saltiness of it took me more by surprise than I remembered, so I needed to drink a couple of quarts of water. I suppose I was a bit dehydrated and I suppose quitting chewing is changing tastes, spittle biological function, and such. I may have dreamed, though I cannot remember. I have a suspicion I had pleasant dreams.

I started gathering my trash, in order to put that out. Imagine that, the place actually looks a lot better. It was not as bad as I had started to suspect. As I was getting things prepared to be taken out, I started thinking that there are many things needing attendance. A new list is in the offing. School did not restart last night, by the way. I suspect the school needed to do more than just clean the lots of the new snow. We have had a great deal of snow and in a very relatively short period of time. I suspect they needed to rearrange how and where they are stacking the white stuff.

I need to find out about getting another appointment with the U. of I. engineering academic adviser, she has not called back. I also need to check with my dentist. I seem to have chewed enough lollipops to loosen a cavity or two. They are a bit painful from time to time. As well, I hope to actually call about ski rentals, and if I find myself pleased with a particular rental shop from the conversations, perhaps a visit to the shop to set up size for future rental reference. There are a few more items on my list, but that is a start. I might just get a bunch done. Oh, and I want to look over the school work and next chapter too.

Oh, I wish I could write something interesting, but for right now… This is as good as it gets. I am mostly, right now, just writing to do something, as far as the blog goes. It really is all I have to offer. Sorry. I feel flat, dull, and slow. I am sure it shows.

It has been 15 days, starting the morning of January 7th, since I quite Tobacco.

Oh, it is not much, really. People do it every day, honestly. Though not everyone who quits stays tobacco free this long, yet some who make it this far end up going back to tobacco. I am not finished, and there are no guarantees, just my surety. I just checked the ticker on that, my surety was never a high-flyer, and it is not even decently humble value wise these days. But, it is what I have, it is what I offer, it will do. In an artificial world with odd connects and disconnects, our word, when held in honest relief to our actions, no matter who we are, is weak. Those whose words are nearly a correlation with their action are people who have learned not to speak until a job is done or all but done. If our will is not our own, which I believe or at least the results of our will are not our own, then what we ever intend almost cannot be. Even if we are deeply involved with God, it is not for us to know, not most of us, and not in a functional way anyway (leaving some room for prophecies and certain acts, such as those of Moses and the others at God’s behest).

I am still twitchy, I am still hungry, and I am still moody. Each has faded, a bit. Mood is the most explosive, and thus what I keep a closer tab upon. Hunger comes in next. Actually, hunger is the dominant gremlin in the lot, but since it is less destructive, it is allowed a little more room for indulgence. The twitchy part is slacking and is the easiest to deal with anyway. I am pleased that I have made it this far. Even if I mess up tomorrow, I have 15 days down.

Rocky has whittled his playmates down to 5. Usually I name none of the goldfish per batch, however, every second or third batch I see a fish that is either lucky, a bit smarter, or has a coloration which allows it to survive longer (only has to survive long enough to become big enough that Rocky cannot get him, or about 6 to 8 weeks, far less if it becomes the singular fish). I have spotted one which is being contemplated as to a name. When I first got him, I wondered, something seemed right about him. After two and a half batches, I am pretty sure. Now, I have to consider a name for him though. It is still a gamble, and I hate to then lose a named fish, but, what is life without some risk? We will see, I have been having difficulty coming up with a name I like, wish us luck? Ha.

Lots of fluffy white stuff!

It is raining snow flakes and… well, snow flakes. What with the leash laws, there are no more dogs and cats to rain, plus, it is winter. I have had the snow blower out three times this week, or after today. I cannot remember if I shoveled too within this week, or if that was the end of last week. I have been going way down, doing sidewalks two and three houses down (until I run into a cleaned sidewalk or out of interest), and doing my whole driveway, and trying to get the duplex to my south’s two driveways. This is a great time to consider snow skiing though. School has been canceled, though I will definitely check by tonight. It has stopped snowing, and the sun is out. Twelve hours could easily mean night course could be back on track. As a fact, I suspect they will be.

Just not too much more to report. Homework went well. The only problem giving me difficulty is the same one giving my study partner difficulties. I have written my instructor about it, I will see if he can, I should say ‘will’ since I know he can, add anything. We are really being given small amounts of what is needed to solve problems. The hope is that we will hyper extend and find some solution. Now, honestly, I do not believe I have enough base material to go that distance, so I am relying on my instructor. If that is not the way it is set up, then I will fail. I will understand I do not fit. We will see, I am just not going to fret it. Bugger that whole overload overstress thing, though I will try my darnedest. Balance, I think, is the word.

Well, I am not quite dry enough to go out and battle the snow but I am just blathering here. So, I shall check the news, harass my fellow bloggers, and play some parlor game or something until this wetback gets his greencard. Hasta luego, Manana?

*poof*

Interesting!

I have wondered why the women hereabouts created very little interest from me, and visa versa.. Now, mind you, I really want to find a little woman to co-manage our future. Well, so long as she takes orders in a fundamental manner. I knew it was not here, and tonight I may have found out why. Interesting, when we do not understand, and ask, we come to know.

Tonight, while I was… having a sip or so… I was checking out my new TV. Well, it is actually an old TV. HDTV, one of the first 32 inch tube ones, and Sony so it ought to be good. I did not and still do not like flat TVs. They really are not as good. They are thinner, and lighter, like modern women… That should be enough. Ok, fine, thinner and lighter means fewer children (and lower quality video). Well, ok, my tastes in women and TVs, among many things, are a bit dated. I suppose, that leads into the actual topic. As I was saying above, I wondered.

As I was watching my better viewing crappy old school TV, I was clicking around like an honorable American male (red blooded, mostly). Three clickers at the ready, I first set up the cable channels, adjusted the 1000W receiver, attempted to get things just right (which I have as of yet failed to do). Then, I looked at Sci-Fi (which seems more on trek with MTV (pre-kid-talk-show, but about to change). It is junk. The Liberal, I mean… nature and history channels have, if anything, turned even stupider (lefter). Then, as I clicked and complained… I found it! The reason for my difficulties.

On one channel, still broadcasting truth and science, my difficulty was explained. It seems, when women are using birth control, they choose poorly. They choose males who make poor mates. They also lose their sex drive. Meaning, as far as I am concerned, they get what they deserve. I know, when I wrote recently at Bane’s, I meant something… about a pretty woman he had posted (not the nasties, I am not in to porn, this one was… tasteful, to my eyes in any case, mostly). I could not put it fully into words until I heard it tonight. Without the raw unfettered pheromone of raw woman, I cannot find interest. Nor would they be able to find it in me. In their changed chemistry, I would be overpowering. Perhaps, if I can find a good woman, I will learn, know, and teach. And… a few other things. Stupid broads, get off the poison.

Wow, this nicotine thing.

I keep getting mashed on this. I had hoped it would be more tolerable by now. I am, however, happy to report that I am chugging right along. I am still avoiding people, for the most part. I have fits of moods, not unlike what my early days and certain Norsemen might understand. Bear wrestling sounds fun, if I get to eat what I kill especially. Now, I refuse to blame tobacco companies. Though I was young when I started, it is not like I could not read. It is not like anyone pulled the wool over my eyes and told me this lead to health and vigor. It is not even as if other smokes pulled me in. My mother and most others, especially smokers and chewers, adamantly said “No!”. I saw older smokers, like my grandpa and his gang of rowdy ol’ boys at his favorite pool hall or in the local greasy spoon. And yeah, though his lungs were not in the best shape, and though he may have lived a few years longer (in the nursing home), I think he would rather have smoked and died at 76 then to have lived to be 82 or 92 or 150. And though I miss him, I understand.

I am not quitting to live longer. I am quitting in part because the prices have made me angry, in part because I do not like having that extra “need”, especially one I can actually be rid (if only in theory, so far). And, to save my teeth. Not that my teeth are falling out, but the gums have taken a bit of a beating. It is easily recoverable at this point, at least. Oh, and smoking as an alternative really does cut into my wind and is bad for hunting. As I gear up to get out, I do not wish to wrestle with less lung, extra pack, and an artificial unsustainable “need”, which also has a strong chance of running dinner away. Coffee and tea, meh, they pack easier, are not required, and the deer love them (he is lying).

Any quitters out there? Any real advice? Anything, in particular, which gnawing upon keeps the hunger at bay a bit without adding on tons and which helps curb the urge? Actually, something that does one or the other alone would be good. Hard candy has been of limited use, though it is something (I will not go sugarless). I know I will do this, though I would like to lighten up a bit, if not light up.

I do not know where you live, but it is co co cold here. I think 0 to 10 F has been about the usual day time temperature here for a week, maybe a bit more. Plus, there has often been a decent breeze (say 5 mph) or more moving the dry cold air refreshingly over frozen fingers, and right down lungs so that breathing through the nose becomes highly recommended. Now, I enjoy the cold, but below 20 degrees, even I like a coat, gloves, and ear muffs, mostly. If you have it better, or happen to be in Hawaii, I am happy for you. This is, actually, my favorite time of year, though a little more snow would be nice if we have to have this kind of sustained cold. A foot of snow would be cool. Do not tell my neighbors I said that, especially if we get it.

Oh, hey, is everyone on vacation? Beyond few writing, fewer even seem to notice I visited. Now, my comments may be a bit off, even a bit more off than usual. I see things in a very weird light, admittedly. And I take angles that probably do not fit modern thought, certainly might get you banned from a bridge club, and may have your wife refuse to even look at you for a week if spoken, but come on. It is me. Shoot me down, blow me off, I have had worse. And, it is my sincere hope, I am indeed getting better. At worst, find a grain of salt, put that on your tongue and immediately drive the grain of salt and your tongue in cheek. Read a little more, do that step above again, rinse and repeat as necessary. Yeah, I know women seem to be very angry lately. I am not sure if it has been my comments or my posts. I am multi-talented that way, sometimes, though.

Well, beerthirty came and lasts.

Lowbrow, to be sure. If to be sure to the last drop as well. Oh, why not, I have dated ugly girls too. Actually, some of those have turned out better than many of the pretty women. I dissemble. In any case, cold beer and good memories have been on tap this night. If you do not remember, or did not see, last week while my friend was visiting, I purchased two little kegs. And, as you must know by now, good or bad, memories are always on tap hereabouts. Though I did fib a bit. I did not drink until far after I finished my pizza and did a bit more work. It did not help, or hurt probably.

I am having the damnedest time running nicotine out of this corpse of mine. I go from grumbly to angry, mellow for a spit, then consume what I did in my growing years. My top ever, by the way, was two and a half chickens, fried. My mother required that I eat, with every 2-3 pieces of chicken, a helping of mashed potatoes, a serving of mixed vegetables (though that ended up varying throughout the meal, she ran out of particular vegetables), and a whole glass of milk (I do not think there was skim or 2% back then, this was either whole or farm fresh, I cannot remember). I was less than eleven, perhaps nine years old? In any case, she could not believe how much I could eat before this. She did not believe me when I said I was still hungry after what she considered a good meal, even an excessive meal. So, I talked her into the experiment. I think I amazed her. At the time, and throughout my youth, they called me twig. Both because I was very tall and because I was so thin I seemed ill. Well, I was talking about nicotine. Anyway, I am hungry again, like I was then. I am at wits end, though I will continue.

I have also been trying to find blogs I lost in the great computer mishap of ought seven. I found a few. And more, I found a new place or two. Imagine that, a cranky old monster creeping around leaving little sweet nothings in the mailboxes and comment places of broken, twisted, beautiful, and original boys and girls, wherever they might be. Yeah, not to worry, if I was evil you would not ever think to see me coming. Trust me, I have contemplated the deal. Suicide is stacked higher in the deck, even though it doe not seem to work, I think if I had been or was about to become evil, it would let me go. Even God knows better than to let a one such as myself turn evil and live.

Yeah, I am full of it. Bull, and beer to boot. Still, I am enjoying myself. I hope you are? Enough about me, tell me, truly, what do you think of me? *laughs* Sometimes I wonder if that is all I am. And, I know, I fall to that often. But with people like you out there, I am reminded of what else there is and why I do not just walk away. *splash* Hey, I am talking to you!

Well, I think I shall return to the normal broadcast, and your screen should come back to your control. Have a good night. And amended according to recent information… May the bed bugs not suck. (really, they suck, they do not bite, so I have been told… maybe I am a sucker?... do not go there, on beer, you could trip and… wake up sore…) Again, good night.

Beauty

I have thought long about this term. I have crafted a number of devices in order to define the term, not all of them will be enumerated here, but these are some mainstays. An old, yet fairly well reviewed and earned device relied upon a saying. The saying indicates that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Another tool builds upon that by multiplying the numbers of eyes tallied. In so doing, a general pattern emerges and beauty becomes both a rare and commonly perceived quantity of qualities. As well, there is the notion that beauty cannot be quantified, in a Zenlike notion, it might said to “Just be”. To be difficult, of course, is the notion that beauty indeed is quantifiable, perhaps completely, in parts or some might say as a whole. A recent example of quantified beauty could be seen in a recent survey in which the perfect extra length of legs (women’s) for them to be beautiful was set at an extra 5% (I cannot be completely sure, but it is close, and the point is made).

Of course, some of these tools of understanding seem quite contrary. Indeed, they are. However, if you understand physics (which I do not, yet I understand this much), you will note that some things which are studied, when they are studied, they must exclude one important aspect to define another. For example, knowing where an item is, exactly (assuming perfect is possible) excludes the possibility of knowing in what direction at what speed it travels, and completely. The closer you get to knowing the location, the further from the knowledge of it’s motion becomes to you. So, this is not, in itself, an end to the considerations.

The notion that beauty is dependent upon the observer is something I have heard at least since high school. And yet, it is not something I innately knew, thought, or even believed when it was first received. I did not quantify beauty, try to understand, or try to find it as a child, I simply enjoyed it when I saw it, went toward it when I could, and nothing more went through my mind about it. Although, I did note that beauty was not confined to women, girls, flowers, art, pretty sunny days, or the usual suspects. I found beauty to be present in unexpected ways and in unexpected things. A thought connecting this reality with that idea and then exploding into understanding, an ugly child or animal doing something kind beyond their appearances, even the sadness of their loneliness, all provided powerful beauty. Life was, and remains, full of beauty. As I grew I saw this, too, in the darker sides of life. Beauty will not be denied, not even by shadow.

But back to the notion of the dependency of beauty to perception. When I first came to know this idea, I struggled against it, initially. It seemed to elevate an individual beyond our possible station. Or so it seemed initially and to me. It also excluded various forms of beauty. Or, so I first thought. As time went by, I came to accept this notion. Never completely, there were major flaws, holes in the fabric, missing meanings, too many of these for the thing to ever be completely obeyed. Yet like much of what is used as scientific theory, for a time, it was the best I had. And, I believe I had earned the usage of this saying. It had come to fruition through time and thought, it was not received as a cast off saying from another, who knows nothing and tosses this to stem their own ignorance on the topic and avoid facing that while reeling under the assault of my quest for understanding.

As I was becoming comfortable with this notion, I began to delve further. If one dollar is good, should not three be better? If three is truly better, what is best? Why, of course, as many as one may obtain! So, my thoughts turned to the idea of beauty pageants, competitions of all sorts, and the price of art. Surely, the more votes a contestant receives, the more opponents one defeats, or the more that is paid for art surely indicates greater beauty. This lead to a disappointing time in life. Though I began to see the corruption inherent in pageants and competitions and the falseness of equalizing economic value with beauty, I could not completely step away from the theory these are based upon. Simply, there was not an option. At least, until I remembered how I understood beauty as a child. Now, I have not completely ridded this notion, that of beauty being in the eye of the beholder, but I have weighted it. It is now one tool of many, to be used in my evaluations as I please and sense rather than as the only available option.

During this struggle with terms and through my growth, a separate opportunity to ponder arose. The question about whether beauty could be quantified or not began to peek around the intellectual corner and wink at me in a come hither fashion, then dart off leaving me in a quandary. With my mental hands full, should I chase this pixie of a notion? It was never in doubt, and eventually I chased that fox until I was breathless, the horn was sounded, and I returned with nary a close call to my knowledge. Though some of that remains, I have set the thing into some sort of track which is more manageable.

Some aspects of beauty can be quantified. Some art is highly numeric, some of it is quite geometric. Even with women, a cheekbone too high or too low by just a half a percent might mean a contract or not as a model. Some things, however, cannot be measured in such a manner. How do you measure a bloom? If merely by size, which size, large or small? Either path would lead to missing some of the rare and special flowers on our planet. And, how wet must a puppies lick on the surprised child’s face be for it to be a beautiful thing? Again, there is contradiction. And, again, there are now two tools rather than one confusing, arbitrary, and often wrong tool, to evaluate and enjoy the fantastic world around me.

Well, if you must ask… It has been bothering me for a day or two, so I thought I would write it out. Now, maybe, I can get back to work. Oh, but do not forget beauty. It will feed your soul, though not your belly. Pizza, and beer, I think, will finish this beautiful day! Oh, and some more beautiful homework until it arrives, and probably long after it is gone. So, bugger off you thought thieves!

Snowing again, little else seems to be on the go.

When and if it stops snowing, I will get out and probably shovel today. It is fun, and less trouble than the snow blower for smaller tasks. And, actually, for an inch or two or less, I think it is faster. It if happens to be more work, it is such light work that it does not cause me to be sore. Plus, it brings back youthful memories… not always happy ones. After enough time, even bad memories can be funny. Especially if they were only bad because of my having been in a cranky mood when the memories were made. Now I know why people picked on me then, it was fun. Moms can be cruel that way, probably the meanest people on earth. Ha

I plan on doing a good deal of homework. The book is a poor choice of reading material according to my friends, instructor, and a few other advisers, a point which I was beginning to note on my own. It does offer many problems, that is the beginning and end of it's usefulness. Since we are only assigned a small fraction of all the problems available, my instructor has taken this course and taught it 2 or 3 times now, and among other reasons, he now has quite a set of problems worked out beyond the set we receive for grades, my options and opportunities with those have been greatly expanded. This next week I will be in to school early enough before class to find out which problems I can do and know that I can check my work. If and when I get this class down, and have it humming like I want, I am hoping to begin a closer examination of statistics. Really, it is coming. I have not heard back from the woman from calc III, so I may just go with what I have. I just thought, because she seemed to like stats and calc beyond just utilitarian practical reasons, she might be an excellent adviser, perhaps mentor. Since the love thing did not seem to fit, this would have been perfect (yes, I can work with women I find attractive, especially well informally actually). I cannot be sure if her mathematical interest beyond the mundane is artistic, philosophical, some mix of those, or something novel like a spiritual or religious. It is and artistic interest, with some lighter mix of the other aspects, for me. I will eventually check around and see if I can find someone with a taste for, and understanding of, statistics to act as a type of informal adviser or mentor. Tea and coffee, rolls and pastries, and perhaps a monthly fine tea/coffee/chocolate house brunch for a lady or steak house night for a gent would be enough to cover their side of it. Hey, bribery works! And, bribery is not always a bad thing. What do you think your pay check is?

Ok, it turns out the snow was quite short lived and light. I could take a broom to it, but a shovel, let alone the snow blower, would do nothing. I did get a few things done though. Things which have been on my mind and not receiving their due.

I got on the horn to find out about my Ruger 22/45 .22. She is in the shop, and I am chomping at the bit to get her out and let her sing. The sight that came with it never quite worked, the adjustment to it was not functional. The replacement was horrid. So, this will be my first actual chance to see what this pistol can do, or more what I can do with her. I have no doubt she is better than I. I was able to speak with the gentleman who’s fine hands are treating my little one to some mechanical ministrations. He was worried that I might be in a hurry and want it back right away. Though technically completed, his hold up is that the weather has been a little rough so that getting her out to the range has not been practical for him. I indicated, quite clearly, that time was not as important as function. I suggested he take his time, and when it works to test it, and those tests are up to his specs, all would be well. Of course, I hope he enjoys plinking and playing too, there no reason a man should not whistle while he works. I assured him that I just wanted to make sure there was not a disconnect, for example if he had finished it but could not reach me, my phone number having been incorrectly written or read. It happens. For sure, I would rather have it done right than to have it right now. And, I respect a man who does things the right way, leaving professionals to do it their way most of the time and within reason is always a good plan. If he does a good job, and I am patient, I will have found a man I can work with in the future. Good gunsmiths are hard to find. (By the way, I found this one in the oddest way. A man I was speaking with, someone I ended up deciding I did not like for reasons I do not know or care, was telling me about this grumpy gunsmith who did things his own way. Haha There are SOME people whose advise is generally exactly what I intend to follow adversely, immediately, and with intent. He may not be a bugger, but he was a curmudgeon, a real one, and wrong almost every time he opened his too often open pie hole. Nothing personal mind you, ha!

Next, I called the cable company. I received a very good offer for cable TV. At $14 a month, for a year at least, I receive basic cable. It used to be $40 dollars. Now, I will not be watching it, unless it has FOX News. I used to watch National Geographic flicks, and really most of the nature, science, and sci-fi stations, but they all went so left and agenda driven that I refuse to watch. However, when my mother visits, she really does need something. At least, until I get another computer. I won’t give her another top end computer, she just lets brats play on it and mess it up, then opts for a $50 piece of junk because no one can fix and maintain the better equipment when she lets kids goof with it. Ack! Drats, I meant to contact the ski rental shop. However, a complication (complications really mess me up, sometimes job ending, in spite of all I am and am capable of being… odd, really, but true) has occurred. I seem to have lost the information. I know how to work around it, I know where to regain that information, I know a potential alternative source for that information, but I do not want that… Weird, some things have to be just so OR I DO NOT DO THEM. Ok, so I am trying to get around that. At least it is out, maybe with the mind puss being released I will be able to get on with it. Blarney and brimstone, lots of things tied up in there about things like this. I wish there was such a thing as an intellectual enema. So long as there was a place it could be deposited out of my sight and away from my knowledge.

I also called my mother. They put her on another medicine, painkiller actually. It sounds like her doctor thinks she is doing well, and probably pushing herself too hard (she always does). The surgery was more complicated than usual, and she needed two pints of blood during the surgery, it was a whole knee replacement surgery. Anyway, she became quite tired all of a sudden, and I let her know I just needed to be brought up to speed since I knew she was visiting her doctor today, and… I need to hear her voice, and know that she is functioning solidly, which I did. Oh, the wounds are healing very well, all looks good, and she is on her way to health. After a life with a bad back and bum knees, I wonder what she will be with both knees and her back finally in decent shape. I, of course, let her get back to sleep and suggested she call me next time, so that I do not become intrusive. Plus, then she can call when she has more energy to talk.

Update:

I actually finished several more tasks. Including paying my neighbor a visit. His youngest is going to be a pro-football player. He is just huge for his age, and active. We talked a bit, got caught up, and made some plans. He seems interested in skiing. When I get that going, I will let him know. I also worked on homework, although with little success. I finally broke down and wrote my instructor an email. I will try and work on some other areas of homework and extra work in the meantime. I also got Rocky some more goldfish. That crawdad has killed and eaten over 10 fish in the last two weeks. Oops, over 11. He is fast. There were some other things I did as well. Not great, but better than it was seeming. Oh, yes, I also tracked down a local U. of Iowa ski club web page, with rental facilities, recommended ski areas, and some other information. I suspect I will be placing a call tomorrow. I tried to email the club, to see if it is university only, but the email was returned. There are some more general numbers listed, but they seem to have office hours. I may try one of those Monday.

Back on track? Good Question.

Other than being more noisome in the blog world, and probably making a whole string of enemies, mostly women, minorities, the majority, the enemy, and some new and old friends, I think I am good today. With people very possibly calling for my blog head, others considering banning me for my very unpc spice, and perhaps even a few trying to figure out where I live so that they may beat themselves to death with my fury on my fists, I cannot help but think… I need a new kitchen rug. It is best to keep one’s mind on the important things. That is all I am saying.

Anyway, I am not sure I am back in the game. However, I was able to get the bookcase delivered, and was pleased to receive many thanks. It is rare the times I may be of service, am called on to be so, and then am serviceable successfully. So, it was good. Plus, it was something off my mind, and oddly, off other people’s minds. Sometimes, other people’s ease is more… satisfying. In some ways, I know neither ease nor discomfort. The beast just is.

School work beat me up. I am hoping I can figure a bit more out about the topic. I spoke for a goodly bit with my instructor tonight. He offered some serious suggestions, redirected my studies a bit, and indicated if I want it, it is there, but I will have to earn it. And, really, he is not being unfair. Though this material is not, at our level and generally, overly difficult, it is not something one learns overnight, nor is this something I wish to learn and forget. He has been fair, now it is my turn. The good thing about the discussion is that I was able to clear my own various twitches, panics, and paranoias. I often feel as if the professorship/instructors might be against me. Though, in truth, it might be (and very possibly is) the other way around, with these people hoping I make it. Of course, one might be against, one might be for, most could give a rat’s petuti either way through pure disinterest, too busy a life, or the understanding that attrition is real and harsh and they have learned to stand back a bit. I also wonder if I am too stupid to be doing this. Though none of it is impossible, neither is it easy. Still, none of it, save very few areas, are singularly extremely intense, if throughout the whole course load one understands and elevated sense of demand, constant, exacting, demand. And, you cannot learn any of this overnight. Bit by bit, you build. It is not unlike trying to create a savings account on a modest income, it takes discipline and devotion, and seemingly it can be blown very quickly (though losing it fast is more illusion than not, black dog effect or some such). So, that is where I am with that. We test in a couple weeks. I twitch, and study… *flick* Do they do brain enhancement surgery? I sure am not going to make it on looks.

I did not get much done today, other than bring the garbage barrel back, snow blow my driveway and sidewalk, my southern neighbors driveway, and my northern neighbors sidewalk, it was all each neighbor needed as it seems they or someone else had finished the other parts. Vroom! Vroom! My snow blower has 6 forward gears and 3 reverses, plus it has a foot and a half scoop, it is a monster. It was fun in any case. They would surely do it for me in spite of the fact that they NEVER DO! *laughs* They do not have a snow blower, and that is just a tease, and a little bit from my tobacco withdrawals. I have a 30’ plus double wide drive, and a good 50 feet of sidewalk or more, I would not ask someone to do that. Oh, I had left the house thinking I could get to school in plenty of time for the pre-study hour and office hour. Well, I blew that! I had not realized it snowed. Nobody deigned to tell me. At least I was coherent enough to not go with my first impulse. I had thought to just shovel it, but realized that would take a good hour just on my stuff. Not much faster with the snow blower, but some, enough, and it still took more than an hour with the snow blower, an hour and a half I think. I lost track of time and almost did not make it to class in time. But, being the amazing man thing I am, I was there in time, enough to help a friend who helped me by indicating he had missed something on the homework. Something he had discussed with me. I think he got the general gist of the thing A1, he just used an incorrect number in one calculation (but carried it through, so it all worked out, odd how that is). Because of some of the twists in the problems we are solving, however, it is not always easy to just change that number and what came from it… But I think he got it done. I am still dragging butt a bit, but things picked up somewhat. Tomorrow, or whenever I wake up, I would like to really dig into the work. I would like to try some of what my instructor suggested, and look some of the new and old material over with that in mind. I put it to him this way… I am not really after an A, I am after understanding which should produce an A. The A is nice, but it is merely a side effect. We will see. He said something interesting. He said a large part of who gets an A depends on who is ready to go on to the next classes. That just causes some thought, in a good way, but deeper.

So, off I go to bed… Well, when I can relax to sleep that is. Oh, as might be noticed, I have another day away from tobacco. I am still using a patch, 14mg, every other day. Next week I may cut that back to 7mg every other day. I dunno.

Cartoons, I just love them.

This one is really quite good. Of course, if you do not have nine and a half minutes... free up your schedule.

Tough Day.

I do not know what the problem is today. I could not wake up, when I did I could not get going. I have done almost nothing and still cannot get my feet underneath me. When I finally woke, I thought I was too late to get the trash out. Instead of pouting, however, I raced to get dressed, looked everywhere for a hat but finally just had to brush my hair to the best of my ability as fast as possible, then ran out to peek. The trash had not been taken, so I grabbed the barrel and got it to the street. I missed my appointment with the U of Iowa engineering intake guidance councilor. I did not even realize I had missed it until 15:30 or so. I had it in my phone, which has an alarm function. It was supposed to go off two hours before the meeting (so at 8:30 this morning it should have sounded). It did not, and it was beside my bed and on. Very frustrating. Again, rather than pout, I called the U., and got her phone number which I wanted anyway, then had them transfer me to her office. I spoke with voicemail, left a message indicating I would like to reschedule, left my phone number (slowly), and grumbled a bit at my foolishness. I may actually do something tonight, but I am just dragging. I received an email and something I needed in order to pick up the bookcase I had been asked to retrieve. I wrote back, because I was getting little in the way of direction in what where and when. I got back, from this source, a very direct and sure email. So, just so I do not end up empty handed today, I will really try and get this done. If not, early in the morning. Beyond all that, I just cannot get to study. I am exhausted and cannot focus. I will try, after a shower and the bookcase, but…

I am not sure what the deal is. I do know that panicking, pouting, and ignoring do not work. I also know, sometimes, nothing works. I will keep my goals in mind and push as hard as I can. I hate when I am excited about something, classes and continuing school, earning an income, and learning, only to be thwarted by… exhaustion, as in this case, or ghosts which I have been told do not even exist, or ghosts which unquestionably do exist from my past, or whatever. How can I be shut down by a wisp of doubt, how can memories cloud out the present and future so completely, why does an exhaustion that is neither physically earned nor related to present stress disable a healthy powerful mind and body? I do not care, in some ways, so long as I can push a bit and get it done. We will see.

On the up side…

Ok, so I maintain a little humor, even when there is not an up side. Well, time to shower and call. Strike that, call and shower if there is still time. I hope to wake enough to look over the homework tonight. It is not a lot, but it is important and involved, and new to me.

Not much done…

I have an appointment and I have a task for a friend, tomorrow. I had hoped to do a few things today, but no such luck. I awoke at a proper time considering when I went to sleep. I have been taking my medicine fairly well, and trying to brush my teeth more often (sort of trying to replace chewing with something other than eating… well, trying anyway). I tinkered on the kit for a bit, but nothing serious.

At least I am comfortable with the homework from class. And, honestly, because my physics is so weak, it is going to get harder very fast. But for today, I have managed to act like I knew what I was doing. Class is coming up shortly, I am ready. I will be going in a couple of hours early, first to spend about an hour reading and maybe rereading the old material if there is time, then spending some time in group study. Our instructor has suggested this. In spite of studying alone and with my old friend, I will probably partake in this every chance I get (as a plus, being on time for class is a lot less problematic).

I now have several resources regarding statistics. The woman I had asked for advice about study materials and a decent book did not give me enough information to comfortably place an order. I sent her an email again recently, but I have heard nothing back. There are about 30 books out their with the author’s names on them (two authors). Beyond that, I have been looking for the programs she suggested. I have only found one of them, but so far I have not found out if they have a student version. The other seems to be elusive. I see it talked about, or find a help book, and those are relatively current, but I cannot find the program’s home page, distributor, or author(s) page. I am in no great hurry, but it would be nice to get this settled in a reasonable time.

I cannot understand how I made it away from such strong suicidal notions. Neither did I transfer that to masochistic, sadistic, or homicidal urges. I did not fall for drugs, I did not become (more of) a sex addict. I should amend that, I am not a sex addict as such, I just have the drive of a Mack Truck. Meaning, I will not do anything and everything to have it but I will have it every chance I can, within some rather important (to some degree then, more so now, moral strictures, but certainly legal and ethical strictures). My interest is far more than any woman I have ever known can even think about dealing with. Still, I have managed with a single love, urhm, at any one time. Anyway, I did not go into that addiction. I did not find myself to prison, either. Really, if one has to fail, this has not been the worst of failures. I am not even, truly, poor, if lower in those measures than what my talents and natural forces would perhaps should generate. Sometimes, with just the right amount of salt and a perfect twist to the tongue in cheek, I can paint the thing so I look more like a caterwauling middle-class dramaticist, with nothing all that bad wrong with them or their world except that the sky is falling, and again, and then again, ad museum. It is not really so, but… Anyway, for being the type of cripple I am, I am grateful.

*poof*

Not a fantastic day, but I will take it.

No, friends, I did not cure a baffling and nearly inescapable form of cancer, I did not develop the next Nobel Prize winning scientific notion (as if that has any real meaning at this point, in any case), I did not even win a couple hundred million dollars. I am another day without tobacco. I did my homework, and did it fairly well considering I am just faking it, plus I went over and studied with the gentleman I studied with last term. We tried to figure some things out, or he did. I think he has a point, however, I do not think we understand well enough, the mathematics or the electronics, to try and combine calculus II and III with what we are doing, at this point for certain. Beyond, there is a far simpler and surer method. However, I do not want to lose the thread he started, either, as in real applications his method will work well, swiftly, and I believe much more eloquently (we are working on theoretical operations that probably will never be seen in work or real study). As well, earlier today I finally purchased an electronics kit. There are better ones, and if I finish this one and the labs within it, I may order a better one. I know a few good homes which would welcome this kit. I have already started playing with it, and purchased batteries and started up my old multi-meter as well, in order to add it to the learning mix.

I did not move fast or do a great deal today. I know I need to get cracking on my speech. I know I could push a little more in my studies. I know I need and want to get more information about ski rentals. Though I am not lazing completely, I did take today slowly. I will probably be slow to do too much until I get the hang of this class. Then these other things, along with a beginning study of statistics should begin as well. At least I feel more confident these days that these things are not just words. I will get to them, and probably much more. I am doing well, and I have found a capacity to follow up on my plans and expand and modify (more and more) as time goes on. I will not say I am well, I will say I have more potential to make it now than I ever have. The door really is open. I am excited, yet I will not sprint out and increase the risk of tripping. I will walk out of my prison. I will sit down from time to time to account for needs and wants to a small degree, and to be sure I have my heading and wits about me.

Tomorrow we will be having a long class. Usually we have an hour of lecture and then two hours of lab on Tuesdays. Our instructor believes we need to be advanced far enough in study that we may begin lab work, thus the extra class time. It will be a bit grueling though, 3 hours of any topic is enough to stretch the mind to boredom, even if care and capacity are in evidence. He seems like a straight shooter, and I enjoy his methods, and I am doing quite well, so I will just have to see.

Oh, I am still guilty of occasional flash-in-the-pan temper tantrums. I have noticed something odd, however. I think I have fewer of these in higher stress periods (like driving) than I used to, at this point in my regimen. I have also noticed it is much easier and quicker to get over them. I still want to gnaw on anything edible in several square miles around my general location. I realize I used to put chew in right after I ate, every time. So, since I do not have chew in, my body thinks it is still dinner time. I do have hard candy, but that does not help much. I am using a patch about every other day, just letting it wear out beyond use I believe. Eventually I hope to have my natural capacity to not take things on time to bring me to end even those. My study partner had 3 smokes tonight, though he steps out on his porch a bit. Still, it did not tempt me in the least. And, I finally gave him the lighter he had liked. He seemed reluctant to take it, I wonder if my conservativism is a significant issue for him, maybe his wife, perhaps both of them. Who knows. In any case, I am hoping to be done with this stupid addiction in a couple more weeks, a month at most.

So, like I said, nothing stellar, but I did not trip and break my neck. Oh, and I did pick up some more little goldfish friends for Rocky. The last crew seems to have found out why crawdads are best loved from afar. Tomorrow speeds my way, and I wish to do a few things before school, so off with my head… by pillow. Goodnight.

My last two posts were rather poorly written.

Well, I have been trying to put up at least a post a day. Somedays I will have little time to do a proper job, other days I might be ill, and on some days such as yesterday, I enjoyed both problems. The day before that though, my writing suffered mostly just because I was being rushed and I was sleepy to boot. A lot went on, and I enjoyed my friends visit, good food, a bit too much drink, and still got other things done to include a success in an area I really would not call my own. I just was not able to present those well. And today, I am just tired. I must still be recovering. (great scotch!)

This morning I was able to get up a little before 6:00. Which means my sleeping is back in order, to some degree. I have stayed away from tobacco, and the bite is mostly gone, but I still have a severe case of the munchies. As well, my moods can still tilt quickly from the nice fellow to the hang’in judge in short order. It must be 4 or 5 days now.

I woke up took care of my daily routine, had a bit to eat, then goofed for a bit. From the calls I received from my classmate, I was unsure about homework. I was nervous. I decided to re-scribe the notes, look at those as I did so, and then try to complete the problems. That actually went well. The book is not the best, the supplements I have are not the greatest, so I need to see if I have other texts and I really need to go get an electronic multi-kit and get batteries for my multi-meter so that I may actually check some problems. I would love to buy a quality kit oscilloscope and build it, but now is not quite the time. Perhaps if the VA comes through, I may use that money for such a thing. Perhaps I should speak with my professors and see what they think about it, whether they think the kit would be a good plan, and whether having one and or building one would really help. Still, I was able to rewrite the notes and then do the problems fairly quickly. I am not sure they are correct, but I think I did fine. I will go in early tomorrow and see if I can get a better idea. Our instructor has suggested we group up before class and show and tell a bit. Compare notes, as he put it.

I also phoned my Mother today. She is doing better, but she is still fairly groggy. She is doing her exercises, she has a friend staying, and she is improving. As long as she knows someone is out here and concerned, and she has some local resources, she will be fine. Luckily spring break is after my speech, so I will be able to take the whole week off and visit. With only one class, depending on how everything goes and the schedule for speech preparation meetings, I might be able to get down for a weekend or two in there as well. I am a little worried with it being winter and her not having as many friends as she used to, while being disabled by the surgery.

Well, another lame blog, but it is what I have for now. More later, maybe something decent. *poof*