.
.
Not that life ever really took off. But for seven months or so I thought it was about to. My home was kept well, dishes were (mostly) kept up, laundry was maintained, Church was attended, and I was getting out several times a week. No exercise, there were still things I had trouble with, sleep would occasionally flip-flop, so it wasn't perfect. But these last two or three months have been brutal again. Talk about a tease. I suppose if I can eke out a good seven months and lose on two or three, then get back to it... That is much better than the last 25 years where it was the opposite, in the best of times.
Though this might be an odd gauge, I do believe I am improving slightly. The game I am playing was kicking my teeth in on the beginner levels. I made it through those, twice on the lowest level, then went on to the next the hardest game style. I am now on the next to the hardest level. I am absolutely crushing through it. Then again, it may be that the way I play is literally discouraged in the lesser games. I don't just mean "geared toward" another play style but actually harmfully disfavored by direct design. I play rather cautiously. My reflexes truly are still good, at least in gaming parlance, if I prefer to not have to depend on them. Reflexes are a resource that cost a certain something... call it 'nerve' if you will. You spend nerve like you do stamina. The more you use it the less you have for the situations that only allow for success with the use of that resource. At least I am finally enjoying the game. The "easier" settings are actually much harder, unless as I suggested and I am improving.
Having the windows open for a few chilly hours today was wonderful. I still haven't quite gotten over the chill but my nose loves me for the favor. Any day I think it is over 50, perhaps in the high 40's, and the windows will be opened for various lengths of time from here on in. That clean odor gives me a push to do more cleaning and maintain that. I need incentive.
Tomorrow I hope to make it to town. A bit of shooting, if it is warm enough. Otherwise, shopping and a meal with company. More cat food and I want to see about swimming trunks. Maybe the surfer trunks with compression underwear, failing trunks I like. I prefer longer legged trunks anyway, I just don't like buying two sets of items instead of one.
Bed time, and past it, actually. Good night.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Ups and downs.
.
.
Without putting effort into it, it seems my days and nights have straightened out. It's just been a few days of it, from just before I started medications. I am no more functional now than then, it is just that I am staying up until 22:00 and getting up around 8:00, if the times are a bit variable hopefully smoothing out if I can keep on that track. I'm a little sore from the change, when I sleep different hours, until I get used to it, I sleep wrong and wake up with aches.
While I didn't make a raspberry gravy I did eat some of those on the side with fried pork steaks. Fantastic, all around. A little variety to add to my meats. The berries were canned quite well. They are just sweat enough to be tasty, not cloying. They retain their fresh sour notes that make once wince just a bit. And they go quite well with rich meats, like pork or lamb. Sure, you can eat them with anything but they pair up better with richer or fatter meats. They cut each other's edge or something.
I am hoping to get out shooting tomorrow. I plan on taking my friend along. The sky is clear today but it is a bit chilly. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I also need to talk to the hospital about that bill and do some research regarding my suit. I just have to get things going somehow. Maybe the medicines will kick in before long. Though I am suspecting that they don't do well in the winter, nothing ever has and as I get older it seems to be getting worse in the winter.
I had been thinking that if I do buy something, and soon, it might have been an automatic cat litter device. After reading some reviews, however, I see that I would be getting out of the pan and into the fire. When, while, it works, after the cats adjust, it is great. When it fails, and it does and often, the results are somewhat overwhelming. Well, and when it works, as it dries the container after a cleaning cycle, it seems to stink as left over bits of cat poop are cooked. No, I suppose I just have to figure out how to be more attentive. At least with, say, a chainsaw, it works as advertised.
After finally getting the kitty litter cleaned out and all that taken out, and with today being moderately warm, I may turn off the furnace and open the windows for a couple of hours. Oh it will get chilly but it would be nice to get some fresh air in and stale old cat litter smells out. Besides, when you get chilled, then get warm, life is good all over again in a new and wonderful way.
Later.
.
Without putting effort into it, it seems my days and nights have straightened out. It's just been a few days of it, from just before I started medications. I am no more functional now than then, it is just that I am staying up until 22:00 and getting up around 8:00, if the times are a bit variable hopefully smoothing out if I can keep on that track. I'm a little sore from the change, when I sleep different hours, until I get used to it, I sleep wrong and wake up with aches.
While I didn't make a raspberry gravy I did eat some of those on the side with fried pork steaks. Fantastic, all around. A little variety to add to my meats. The berries were canned quite well. They are just sweat enough to be tasty, not cloying. They retain their fresh sour notes that make once wince just a bit. And they go quite well with rich meats, like pork or lamb. Sure, you can eat them with anything but they pair up better with richer or fatter meats. They cut each other's edge or something.
I am hoping to get out shooting tomorrow. I plan on taking my friend along. The sky is clear today but it is a bit chilly. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I also need to talk to the hospital about that bill and do some research regarding my suit. I just have to get things going somehow. Maybe the medicines will kick in before long. Though I am suspecting that they don't do well in the winter, nothing ever has and as I get older it seems to be getting worse in the winter.
I had been thinking that if I do buy something, and soon, it might have been an automatic cat litter device. After reading some reviews, however, I see that I would be getting out of the pan and into the fire. When, while, it works, after the cats adjust, it is great. When it fails, and it does and often, the results are somewhat overwhelming. Well, and when it works, as it dries the container after a cleaning cycle, it seems to stink as left over bits of cat poop are cooked. No, I suppose I just have to figure out how to be more attentive. At least with, say, a chainsaw, it works as advertised.
After finally getting the kitty litter cleaned out and all that taken out, and with today being moderately warm, I may turn off the furnace and open the windows for a couple of hours. Oh it will get chilly but it would be nice to get some fresh air in and stale old cat litter smells out. Besides, when you get chilled, then get warm, life is good all over again in a new and wonderful way.
Later.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Another fine day, mess?
.
.
No, life is pretty good. My neighbor has been bringing food by rather regularly. And fine food it is. Last night it was sloppy joes and a jar of home canned... raspberries if I remember rightly. I will eat some of those as is, but I am going to try to make a raspberry gravy for breaded deep fried pork cutlets too, if I can get my motor running. I really need to get cracking and get my home in order. While a wife might help, I don't have one and wouldn't want to completely depend on one for all of it. Then again, women are less patient about... clutter... dirt... than I could even contemplate so a woman has usually gotten to those things before I ever get the chance. By the time I even notice a thing needs clean, well, she cleans it. Even that feminist gal I recently dated. Ha! No, I don't mean to not notice, I just... don't. Men! :p
It is snowing today, and maybe tomorrow from what I heard. I didn't think it would actually stick, being as warm as it has been lately. Mother nature can and did fool me though. I am still thinking about showering again and going back into town. Why? One more very quick, short, shopping session. I really do need swimming trunks. More cat food would be good too. I ought to keep enough cat food around, like tobacco, for several months. It expires rather quickly though, so no long term supplies of the canned cat food are possible, unfortunately. While cats can live on human meats, along with hunting, they won't live as well or as long I suspect. And cooked food is really bad for them.
I have heard it suggested, in survival circles, that the military may be more of a threat than gangs in a post SHTF-EOTWAWKI scenario. And, that may be true. But all militias will be a threat. That includes the deep preppers who are in a clan. They will begin looting themselves, taking from those who have but can't defend what they have, as parts wear out, as needs or wants arise, or just because. The history of men will not change. Christianity can be a mitigating factor, but if history holds true you will find that this denomination will, for example, believe they can take that other denominations stuff because that other denomination 'aren't true believers'. Christianity is only as good as the Christian in question, perhaps as a very mild cultural or social device. But when people are starving or threatened beyond reason, even this often fails. Many Christians are Christian right up until they are not and few have been tested to know which is which. It will get messy, everywhere and always.
The various groups and powers that be, however, seem to keep thinning the nickle in order to keep the illusion alive though. The rich really aren't getting richer, they are simply collecting more of monetary devices which are becoming worthless faster than they can be collected. Those who have stores of food, means of defense (and thus offense), means of food production to supplement then take over for the food stores, communications, tools... those are who will be the next elite. Land is only valuable if you can stay alive to use it. Like I said though, they are keeping the game going.
I had a dream last night that I was totally randomly picked to have a dinner with Obama, and went. He was less than an empty suit, as there was no suit. An empty, void, being, confused with being a man at all. I was amazed at what little he was. Or how wretched the Dem Party had become, knowingly choosing this being to represent them. They voted for "black". The leadership knew it was a horrible choice, but that is what they are now. Evil. Obama left during to meal to try and speak with the Dem congress leadership, who pretty much told him to get lost. They neither need nor want him, either. He is just a placeholder, less than a coffeeboy to one of the few straight Dems. Weird dream. Don't know how much of it is true but I suspect a great deal of it is rather true. To be honest, I pity the "man". An empty shell with no meaning and purpose now that he has done what he was created to do. And that is coming from my weak position, not a general sympathy.
I need to get my life back online, somehow. I simply don't know how to work it. My efforts, while decent at times, are hollow, unsustainable, empty. I just can't get something to work. I keep thinking maybe it is more than my heart, or maybe there is a better way to fix things. But no, I know. When you are, medically, a candidate for a heart transplant (putting that your "disobedience to medical oversight" drops you from the list aside), you are in bad shape. That I do, somehow, manage to live on my own, and do what I do... That's a minor miracle. Still, I want more. I'll keep digging, maybe I'll find it. How much dirt must be sifted for a gem worthy top grade one carat diamond? And I have a half a carat, just need to find the rest. *grins*
Later.
.
No, life is pretty good. My neighbor has been bringing food by rather regularly. And fine food it is. Last night it was sloppy joes and a jar of home canned... raspberries if I remember rightly. I will eat some of those as is, but I am going to try to make a raspberry gravy for breaded deep fried pork cutlets too, if I can get my motor running. I really need to get cracking and get my home in order. While a wife might help, I don't have one and wouldn't want to completely depend on one for all of it. Then again, women are less patient about... clutter... dirt... than I could even contemplate so a woman has usually gotten to those things before I ever get the chance. By the time I even notice a thing needs clean, well, she cleans it. Even that feminist gal I recently dated. Ha! No, I don't mean to not notice, I just... don't. Men! :p
It is snowing today, and maybe tomorrow from what I heard. I didn't think it would actually stick, being as warm as it has been lately. Mother nature can and did fool me though. I am still thinking about showering again and going back into town. Why? One more very quick, short, shopping session. I really do need swimming trunks. More cat food would be good too. I ought to keep enough cat food around, like tobacco, for several months. It expires rather quickly though, so no long term supplies of the canned cat food are possible, unfortunately. While cats can live on human meats, along with hunting, they won't live as well or as long I suspect. And cooked food is really bad for them.
I have heard it suggested, in survival circles, that the military may be more of a threat than gangs in a post SHTF-EOTWAWKI scenario. And, that may be true. But all militias will be a threat. That includes the deep preppers who are in a clan. They will begin looting themselves, taking from those who have but can't defend what they have, as parts wear out, as needs or wants arise, or just because. The history of men will not change. Christianity can be a mitigating factor, but if history holds true you will find that this denomination will, for example, believe they can take that other denominations stuff because that other denomination 'aren't true believers'. Christianity is only as good as the Christian in question, perhaps as a very mild cultural or social device. But when people are starving or threatened beyond reason, even this often fails. Many Christians are Christian right up until they are not and few have been tested to know which is which. It will get messy, everywhere and always.
The various groups and powers that be, however, seem to keep thinning the nickle in order to keep the illusion alive though. The rich really aren't getting richer, they are simply collecting more of monetary devices which are becoming worthless faster than they can be collected. Those who have stores of food, means of defense (and thus offense), means of food production to supplement then take over for the food stores, communications, tools... those are who will be the next elite. Land is only valuable if you can stay alive to use it. Like I said though, they are keeping the game going.
I had a dream last night that I was totally randomly picked to have a dinner with Obama, and went. He was less than an empty suit, as there was no suit. An empty, void, being, confused with being a man at all. I was amazed at what little he was. Or how wretched the Dem Party had become, knowingly choosing this being to represent them. They voted for "black". The leadership knew it was a horrible choice, but that is what they are now. Evil. Obama left during to meal to try and speak with the Dem congress leadership, who pretty much told him to get lost. They neither need nor want him, either. He is just a placeholder, less than a coffeeboy to one of the few straight Dems. Weird dream. Don't know how much of it is true but I suspect a great deal of it is rather true. To be honest, I pity the "man". An empty shell with no meaning and purpose now that he has done what he was created to do. And that is coming from my weak position, not a general sympathy.
I need to get my life back online, somehow. I simply don't know how to work it. My efforts, while decent at times, are hollow, unsustainable, empty. I just can't get something to work. I keep thinking maybe it is more than my heart, or maybe there is a better way to fix things. But no, I know. When you are, medically, a candidate for a heart transplant (putting that your "disobedience to medical oversight" drops you from the list aside), you are in bad shape. That I do, somehow, manage to live on my own, and do what I do... That's a minor miracle. Still, I want more. I'll keep digging, maybe I'll find it. How much dirt must be sifted for a gem worthy top grade one carat diamond? And I have a half a carat, just need to find the rest. *grins*
Later.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Hungry as a bear!
.
.
I'm not sure what is going on with that, but my snacks are turning into six course meals. Rather than a quarter of a salami and 12 smaller chunks of cheese, I end up eating half the salami and a quarter of the cheese before realizing how much I NEED, then putting that up, going for the Cheetos but knowing I shouldn't eat too much of those, so going on to something else. *munch!* It's been like that more and more the last few days. Has spring sprung? Is my body just ready and feeding up to go? Not sure. As long as I use it rather than just gain back weight.
I did sneak out again last night. I couldn't make it beyond the grocery store, where I simply bought a few more vittles. I still need cat food and to peruse swimming trunks. I still have severe limits. I become exhausted like rarely before and must return home. At least I am going out in spite of the exhaustion. Knowing that the problem isn't mental makes a huge difference. Being a physical thing makes the problem more... of a hurdle than a threat, or something. Still, it's a quite real and serious hurdle. No worries, I am getting out. I would like to go shooting soon, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I know my friend would like to go. He has reloaded all he has and keeps buying little bits and pieces more to reload even more. No, we have to get him out.
While I ponder what I could buy, of the things I would like to purchase, I am simply holding my breath and saving at the moment. A chainsaw? A chronograph for reloading? A new dryer? Even perhaps a dishwasher (along with my soaking, the dishes would be much easier to maintain, if they would always look shittier, which I hate). No, for now, I'll just sit on things, hold my breath, store more cash, and see where I am when I get my feet back under me. I may simply, when I get a bit more saved, pay off the last credit card. Not sure where that is, and I am already paying on it pretty well. Heck, there might not be anything to pay on it by the time I get around to thinking about it.
For now I am absolutely making sure I keep $5k in savings. That would cover four new tires, a water heater and install, and some other disaster, if they all happen at once. It is a tiny nestegg but it is the best I have ever had. If I can grow it to three times that I have some other things on my mind. Some of which I can do, some I will have to have done. I simply hated living hand to mouth in constant fear of a real crisis. Even that won't cover anything truly major. It looks like I am doing well though, clearing in the black, easily, with a little bit of care and thought through the month. But it is so very easy to just say, "Well, I have the money, why not just...", fill in the blank. I could spend that in a day, a minute, on one item. I could use it to as a down on something that could end me up further in debt! The hassles of reality, money.
Hmm, on to a few other things.
.
I'm not sure what is going on with that, but my snacks are turning into six course meals. Rather than a quarter of a salami and 12 smaller chunks of cheese, I end up eating half the salami and a quarter of the cheese before realizing how much I NEED, then putting that up, going for the Cheetos but knowing I shouldn't eat too much of those, so going on to something else. *munch!* It's been like that more and more the last few days. Has spring sprung? Is my body just ready and feeding up to go? Not sure. As long as I use it rather than just gain back weight.
I did sneak out again last night. I couldn't make it beyond the grocery store, where I simply bought a few more vittles. I still need cat food and to peruse swimming trunks. I still have severe limits. I become exhausted like rarely before and must return home. At least I am going out in spite of the exhaustion. Knowing that the problem isn't mental makes a huge difference. Being a physical thing makes the problem more... of a hurdle than a threat, or something. Still, it's a quite real and serious hurdle. No worries, I am getting out. I would like to go shooting soon, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I know my friend would like to go. He has reloaded all he has and keeps buying little bits and pieces more to reload even more. No, we have to get him out.
While I ponder what I could buy, of the things I would like to purchase, I am simply holding my breath and saving at the moment. A chainsaw? A chronograph for reloading? A new dryer? Even perhaps a dishwasher (along with my soaking, the dishes would be much easier to maintain, if they would always look shittier, which I hate). No, for now, I'll just sit on things, hold my breath, store more cash, and see where I am when I get my feet back under me. I may simply, when I get a bit more saved, pay off the last credit card. Not sure where that is, and I am already paying on it pretty well. Heck, there might not be anything to pay on it by the time I get around to thinking about it.
For now I am absolutely making sure I keep $5k in savings. That would cover four new tires, a water heater and install, and some other disaster, if they all happen at once. It is a tiny nestegg but it is the best I have ever had. If I can grow it to three times that I have some other things on my mind. Some of which I can do, some I will have to have done. I simply hated living hand to mouth in constant fear of a real crisis. Even that won't cover anything truly major. It looks like I am doing well though, clearing in the black, easily, with a little bit of care and thought through the month. But it is so very easy to just say, "Well, I have the money, why not just...", fill in the blank. I could spend that in a day, a minute, on one item. I could use it to as a down on something that could end me up further in debt! The hassles of reality, money.
Hmm, on to a few other things.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Out.
.
.
For just a bit, this afternoon, I made it out of the house. I took my friend shopping a bit and looked for swimming trunks. I couldn't stay and do more shopping though. I... just didn't have it in me. I hope to get out again soon though. Friday, perhaps for shooting. Actually, I may sneak back out yet tonight. I need some groceries, cat food, and to look for trunks at Walmart perhaps. I'm simply not into those spandex type "trunks". Just can't go there. Though the guy at the store I shopped had an idea (since I like longer trunks). Long beach type shorts and compression underwear. An interesting idea. I no longer fit extra large. Even large is a bit loose, if medium is just too tight. But my legs themselves are huge. I have very muscular legs, which makes finding underwear difficult. *blathering*
I'm into a new game, one that hasn't glitched at the end, so far. Dead Space 2 is a decent game, if extreme on the intensity side of things. Don't play this if you have a bad heart! Uhrm, unless you are cocksure and rough around the mentals. Definitely don't play it if you are female. I would not let any child play this one. I wouldn't even let some twitchy adults play it. I'm not sure I should be playing it, either, to be honest. It's not just game play. There are scenes that are extreme in that, no matter the difficulty the game is difficult. I played on casual the first time and it ripped me up as if I was a five year old game virgin. Some things are extremely difficult to figure out.
I didn't read up on it first, and I didn't seek a guide before or during the first playthrough. I used my own raw gaming abilities. Well, there was a cheat, near the end of the game, that I had heard about. I did use that. Doesn't help with the first game since it is pretty much at the end. It does help set up the next game if you use alternative weapons (which I don't, save for trophies). I just wanted to see if it actually worked. It does. But intensity? I have to remember to breath, which does put a bit of a strain on my heart at times, literally. I honestly think they need to dial it down a little. Then again, you are starting with bad weapons and little or no armor. But you are on the run, outnumbered, with little or no lighting, and sometimes being shot at from things you can't even find. It's too intense. Even when I improved my primary weapons and armor (before the cheat), it was difficult. I am playing through on a difficulty two levels higher than the "casual" setting this time. And it is still a kick between the quads. I think it's making me poop dark matter of the physics sort though.
Hmm, on to town again. I don't want to go. It is late. But I do need some things and want some others. And I have just enough juice to get me back into town and back. I compete with the Volt for incompetence, I just don't start fires, mostly. Later.
.
For just a bit, this afternoon, I made it out of the house. I took my friend shopping a bit and looked for swimming trunks. I couldn't stay and do more shopping though. I... just didn't have it in me. I hope to get out again soon though. Friday, perhaps for shooting. Actually, I may sneak back out yet tonight. I need some groceries, cat food, and to look for trunks at Walmart perhaps. I'm simply not into those spandex type "trunks". Just can't go there. Though the guy at the store I shopped had an idea (since I like longer trunks). Long beach type shorts and compression underwear. An interesting idea. I no longer fit extra large. Even large is a bit loose, if medium is just too tight. But my legs themselves are huge. I have very muscular legs, which makes finding underwear difficult. *blathering*
I'm into a new game, one that hasn't glitched at the end, so far. Dead Space 2 is a decent game, if extreme on the intensity side of things. Don't play this if you have a bad heart! Uhrm, unless you are cocksure and rough around the mentals. Definitely don't play it if you are female. I would not let any child play this one. I wouldn't even let some twitchy adults play it. I'm not sure I should be playing it, either, to be honest. It's not just game play. There are scenes that are extreme in that, no matter the difficulty the game is difficult. I played on casual the first time and it ripped me up as if I was a five year old game virgin. Some things are extremely difficult to figure out.
I didn't read up on it first, and I didn't seek a guide before or during the first playthrough. I used my own raw gaming abilities. Well, there was a cheat, near the end of the game, that I had heard about. I did use that. Doesn't help with the first game since it is pretty much at the end. It does help set up the next game if you use alternative weapons (which I don't, save for trophies). I just wanted to see if it actually worked. It does. But intensity? I have to remember to breath, which does put a bit of a strain on my heart at times, literally. I honestly think they need to dial it down a little. Then again, you are starting with bad weapons and little or no armor. But you are on the run, outnumbered, with little or no lighting, and sometimes being shot at from things you can't even find. It's too intense. Even when I improved my primary weapons and armor (before the cheat), it was difficult. I am playing through on a difficulty two levels higher than the "casual" setting this time. And it is still a kick between the quads. I think it's making me poop dark matter of the physics sort though.
Hmm, on to town again. I don't want to go. It is late. But I do need some things and want some others. And I have just enough juice to get me back into town and back. I compete with the Volt for incompetence, I just don't start fires, mostly. Later.
A window.
.
.
Okay, looks like something might be opening up. I did a goodly bit back when without a window, hopefully I can do more with one. Perhaps even get back on track with a few things. I took a shower this morning. Long overdo and well deserved for no other reason than that humans deserve cleanliness. I was able to sleep until just before 6:00 too. Usually I put a timer on, then feed the girls after two hours (it cuts down on their begging, almost have that licked). Being that they usually eat at 2:00 or 3:00, and have for weeks/months now, and that it was almost 6:00, I fed them right away this morning, and then fed myself a bit of cheese and summer sausage (nummm!). I brushed my teeth before that. Before getting into the shower I looked myself over. I am looking... thinner. Not thin, not by a long shot. But I noticed I am losing fat/size. So, before jumping in the shower I weighed myself. I came in right at 262.2! That's twelve pounds down from my last weighing in, and forty pounds off my entrance (to Utah) weight, a nearly 20% sale! :)
What am I going to do today? I need to get to Mass. I need to find swimming trunks that fit, preferably with pockets. I need to do some shopping. I need to see my friend. I want a meal out of my home, but a good restaurant type not fast food. What will get done today I can't be certain. A couple more hours to get my brain working, then maybe a bit more food down the tube, a little home cleaning, and I'll be thinking about it. Oh, and I think I will restart my medicines again today, minus the diabetes stuff. It gives me a severe fever for about two hours after taking it, and the shakes like I just chugged a pot of fresh, hot, top-notch, high-powered coffee. Can't do that.
A local man brought by some of his wife's cooking last night. Do you like elk, he asked? As my friend might reply... Do I! Absolutely delicious. He's a lucky man. I am pretty sure the carrots with it were home-canned! At least he appreciates his wife's special nature. And she can cook quite well. She even has a job of some sort. On top of being mother, wife, cook, gardener, canner, and all that jazz. And she's a pretty woman. That type of woman actually scares me. Men can compete with "high-powered", "intellectual", "rich" women with ease, one way or another. Same with your average celphone gossip do-little woman, your typical self-absorbed woman. But a good woman can't be denied, or topped. The best a man can do with such a woman is try to compliment her on the guy side, and that is a tough racket. Just saying. Delicious food though. I'll have to cook them a chicken dinner, my way. That and send them out on a date somewhere nice. If I can't have romance, I at least like to see someone else enjoying the sport.
Well, on to a few other things. Later, maybe, if an update is needed.
.
Okay, looks like something might be opening up. I did a goodly bit back when without a window, hopefully I can do more with one. Perhaps even get back on track with a few things. I took a shower this morning. Long overdo and well deserved for no other reason than that humans deserve cleanliness. I was able to sleep until just before 6:00 too. Usually I put a timer on, then feed the girls after two hours (it cuts down on their begging, almost have that licked). Being that they usually eat at 2:00 or 3:00, and have for weeks/months now, and that it was almost 6:00, I fed them right away this morning, and then fed myself a bit of cheese and summer sausage (nummm!). I brushed my teeth before that. Before getting into the shower I looked myself over. I am looking... thinner. Not thin, not by a long shot. But I noticed I am losing fat/size. So, before jumping in the shower I weighed myself. I came in right at 262.2! That's twelve pounds down from my last weighing in, and forty pounds off my entrance (to Utah) weight, a nearly 20% sale! :)
What am I going to do today? I need to get to Mass. I need to find swimming trunks that fit, preferably with pockets. I need to do some shopping. I need to see my friend. I want a meal out of my home, but a good restaurant type not fast food. What will get done today I can't be certain. A couple more hours to get my brain working, then maybe a bit more food down the tube, a little home cleaning, and I'll be thinking about it. Oh, and I think I will restart my medicines again today, minus the diabetes stuff. It gives me a severe fever for about two hours after taking it, and the shakes like I just chugged a pot of fresh, hot, top-notch, high-powered coffee. Can't do that.
A local man brought by some of his wife's cooking last night. Do you like elk, he asked? As my friend might reply... Do I! Absolutely delicious. He's a lucky man. I am pretty sure the carrots with it were home-canned! At least he appreciates his wife's special nature. And she can cook quite well. She even has a job of some sort. On top of being mother, wife, cook, gardener, canner, and all that jazz. And she's a pretty woman. That type of woman actually scares me. Men can compete with "high-powered", "intellectual", "rich" women with ease, one way or another. Same with your average celphone gossip do-little woman, your typical self-absorbed woman. But a good woman can't be denied, or topped. The best a man can do with such a woman is try to compliment her on the guy side, and that is a tough racket. Just saying. Delicious food though. I'll have to cook them a chicken dinner, my way. That and send them out on a date somewhere nice. If I can't have romance, I at least like to see someone else enjoying the sport.
Well, on to a few other things. Later, maybe, if an update is needed.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Gaming.
.
.
It's a junky thing. I know if I have kids they won't touch games. I only do it because, at this point, it is either that or lots of sleep. I need significant neural activity along with little physical exertion in order to stay conscious. And while it doesn't lead to productivity it does give me some sense of accomplishment. Further, it requires me to do things I don't want to do, it does stimulate some of my core capacity such as reflexes and hand-to-eye coordination, some logic, and requires some creativity. Most people shouldn't play games, just like most people shouldn't take Oxycontin. For those who need it there is a price. Now, if you can truly limit your game play to a few hours a day, it is better than television. Then again, television is as bad, perhaps worse as an anesthesia... a painkiller for the stupid/lazy. Games are at least interactive. Hey, if I am going to toss a bomb that bites me in the ass, I might as well make it nuclear. :)
Medicines are reset. Dishes are soaking. A new game is getting DLC added.
By the way, don't buy or play Mass Effect 2 on PS3! I have had two "insanity mode" games go belly up at the last mission. Something about playing more than a few hours can cause the save file (for that whole game, even the old saves, to become corrupted. Each of those games cost me 50-60 hours of 'heavy lifting'. Don't waste your time. I have heard that they are coming out with a patch. Haven't seen it. Trust me, it isn't worth it. The game is a fantastic game. The level of difficulty can be extreme, but the payoff is there mostly. But to get to the final mission only to find your game, all the saves, are destroyed? Not worth it. Oh, their work-around is to quit the game every few hours, backup your saves, then play on, hoping you know when your saved files are corrupted (though how you will know I can't be sure) so that you can do a restore (hopefully from before the corruption, if you caught it). DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2 ON PLAYSTATION 3!!! 'Nough said.
The new game is Dead Space 2. I bought and played the first one, for context. I think I played the first one on the computer. Way back when. It must have been one of the last games I could play on the computer before age ate the machine's capacity to play. Still, it was like playing it for the first time with four or five years over the bridge since. I'm adding DLC (download content) to it now. With PS3 there are few or no cheats. Glitches once in a while, but usually time intense ones not worth the effort. Playstation makes some of it's money 'selling you cheats'. Better weapons, armor, more content for added money, additional "glitches". And glitches? Those are created. Do you think people actually "accidentally" find a glitch? Those were created for the programmers/gamers by themselves. Some get leaked. Free money accidental glitch my butt. Never mind. I rarely use those, there is a chance they will bug the game/saves, too. Didn't use them in Mass Effect 2 and it didn't matter. DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2!!!
Heh. Never mind, I best get to some other things.
Later.
.
It's a junky thing. I know if I have kids they won't touch games. I only do it because, at this point, it is either that or lots of sleep. I need significant neural activity along with little physical exertion in order to stay conscious. And while it doesn't lead to productivity it does give me some sense of accomplishment. Further, it requires me to do things I don't want to do, it does stimulate some of my core capacity such as reflexes and hand-to-eye coordination, some logic, and requires some creativity. Most people shouldn't play games, just like most people shouldn't take Oxycontin. For those who need it there is a price. Now, if you can truly limit your game play to a few hours a day, it is better than television. Then again, television is as bad, perhaps worse as an anesthesia... a painkiller for the stupid/lazy. Games are at least interactive. Hey, if I am going to toss a bomb that bites me in the ass, I might as well make it nuclear. :)
Medicines are reset. Dishes are soaking. A new game is getting DLC added.
By the way, don't buy or play Mass Effect 2 on PS3! I have had two "insanity mode" games go belly up at the last mission. Something about playing more than a few hours can cause the save file (for that whole game, even the old saves, to become corrupted. Each of those games cost me 50-60 hours of 'heavy lifting'. Don't waste your time. I have heard that they are coming out with a patch. Haven't seen it. Trust me, it isn't worth it. The game is a fantastic game. The level of difficulty can be extreme, but the payoff is there mostly. But to get to the final mission only to find your game, all the saves, are destroyed? Not worth it. Oh, their work-around is to quit the game every few hours, backup your saves, then play on, hoping you know when your saved files are corrupted (though how you will know I can't be sure) so that you can do a restore (hopefully from before the corruption, if you caught it). DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2 ON PLAYSTATION 3!!! 'Nough said.
The new game is Dead Space 2. I bought and played the first one, for context. I think I played the first one on the computer. Way back when. It must have been one of the last games I could play on the computer before age ate the machine's capacity to play. Still, it was like playing it for the first time with four or five years over the bridge since. I'm adding DLC (download content) to it now. With PS3 there are few or no cheats. Glitches once in a while, but usually time intense ones not worth the effort. Playstation makes some of it's money 'selling you cheats'. Better weapons, armor, more content for added money, additional "glitches". And glitches? Those are created. Do you think people actually "accidentally" find a glitch? Those were created for the programmers/gamers by themselves. Some get leaked. Free money accidental glitch my butt. Never mind. I rarely use those, there is a chance they will bug the game/saves, too. Didn't use them in Mass Effect 2 and it didn't matter. DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2!!!
Heh. Never mind, I best get to some other things.
Later.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Back in the rut.
.
.
I do okay for a day or two, or get some projects completed, then I have to cut and run. Run being entirely figurative. My plans for Monday failed miserably. I didn't even realize it until Wednesday I believe. Never mind all that jazz, I'm still pointing in the right direction and waiting for traction. At least I know I can do some things even without a window of opportunity. That is a seriously good and new thing. I have and can do amazing things, but usually it requires the silky whip of a woman's tongue. Can't hurt my ego, I'm actually too strong for that. But if a woman is all sweet, or better vulnerable like, she can get me to hoist my bullocks and sprint. :)
I just made a fried hamburger. Deep fried. Well, I fried the outside to get that crisp outer then baked it. Not bad at all. Next time I think I will do it the other way around though. Delicious. I made fried potatoes yesterday. I'm seriously loving these fried foods. Oh, no worries. It's a fad. Though, while I experiment, I am learning a technique that will last me the rest of my cooking career. Fried fish, chicken, giblets, chops, and even cheaper cuts of beef, add variety. Further, it is one of the fastest methods of cooking out there. If you go to try it, remember... HOT! You want a drop of water to bring the oil to a boil. Just a drop though, even that can be slightly to very dangerous so USE CAUTION. Now that I have the oil right, I bet I can make fried chicken like my mother used to make it. The batter is my next trick to make it truly correct to memory. She used to make it with a thick crunchy exterior a quarter inch thick it seems. Yeah, that is the plan.
It snowed, that went away. Did it again. Snowed again just recently. That will be gone before long too. Very little snow this year, and the mountains only had 40% snow pack last I heard. But the rain has actually filled the reservoirs so it's all good. As I was telling a local man, though I'm not a farmer, living in farm country makes me 'pull for the team'. Who do city people pull for? Themselves, mostly.
The girls are doing well. Sassy is getting closer to being a lap cat. She is amazing and just over a year and a half or so (is it). Sam stays so slim and Sassy is such a chunk-0-catbunny. Same amount of food. I don't mind, and Sassy isn't rotund or anything, just chipmunk chubby. Sam must think she is going to try out for Cat Style Mag cover girl or something. Heh.
I have called my mom a time or two, tried to call my gal-pal, and tried to do a few things. I just can't keep anything on target for very long. I have much to do and no capacity to get to it. I am waking at midnight and staying up until somewhere between noon and 17:00. I am trying to stay up later, to adjust my day, it just isn't happening. I'm not yet back on medication, but it's... a goal.
That's that for that. Plus I got to use three "that"'s in a sentence, so hush. Later.
.
I do okay for a day or two, or get some projects completed, then I have to cut and run. Run being entirely figurative. My plans for Monday failed miserably. I didn't even realize it until Wednesday I believe. Never mind all that jazz, I'm still pointing in the right direction and waiting for traction. At least I know I can do some things even without a window of opportunity. That is a seriously good and new thing. I have and can do amazing things, but usually it requires the silky whip of a woman's tongue. Can't hurt my ego, I'm actually too strong for that. But if a woman is all sweet, or better vulnerable like, she can get me to hoist my bullocks and sprint. :)
I just made a fried hamburger. Deep fried. Well, I fried the outside to get that crisp outer then baked it. Not bad at all. Next time I think I will do it the other way around though. Delicious. I made fried potatoes yesterday. I'm seriously loving these fried foods. Oh, no worries. It's a fad. Though, while I experiment, I am learning a technique that will last me the rest of my cooking career. Fried fish, chicken, giblets, chops, and even cheaper cuts of beef, add variety. Further, it is one of the fastest methods of cooking out there. If you go to try it, remember... HOT! You want a drop of water to bring the oil to a boil. Just a drop though, even that can be slightly to very dangerous so USE CAUTION. Now that I have the oil right, I bet I can make fried chicken like my mother used to make it. The batter is my next trick to make it truly correct to memory. She used to make it with a thick crunchy exterior a quarter inch thick it seems. Yeah, that is the plan.
It snowed, that went away. Did it again. Snowed again just recently. That will be gone before long too. Very little snow this year, and the mountains only had 40% snow pack last I heard. But the rain has actually filled the reservoirs so it's all good. As I was telling a local man, though I'm not a farmer, living in farm country makes me 'pull for the team'. Who do city people pull for? Themselves, mostly.
The girls are doing well. Sassy is getting closer to being a lap cat. She is amazing and just over a year and a half or so (is it). Sam stays so slim and Sassy is such a chunk-0-catbunny. Same amount of food. I don't mind, and Sassy isn't rotund or anything, just chipmunk chubby. Sam must think she is going to try out for Cat Style Mag cover girl or something. Heh.
I have called my mom a time or two, tried to call my gal-pal, and tried to do a few things. I just can't keep anything on target for very long. I have much to do and no capacity to get to it. I am waking at midnight and staying up until somewhere between noon and 17:00. I am trying to stay up later, to adjust my day, it just isn't happening. I'm not yet back on medication, but it's... a goal.
That's that for that. Plus I got to use three "that"'s in a sentence, so hush. Later.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Ha-ha!
.
.
Hell's yeah. I got out tonight. Don't know why not last night or any day in the last week. At this point I don't care. I purchased enough food to last a week or two, and tobacco to last nearly two months. Since I didn't know when I would be in again I decided, after doing my major grocery shopping, to call my friend. While late I thought he might like the chance to get out. He did and so out we went. Nothing fancy. He picked up some bullets for reloading, I bought the one thing my usual store doesn't stock... the type of wet cat food I feed the girls. Then I grabbed a meal and ate it at his place while we watched some tube. Every time I see television again I am reminded why I dropped it. Commercials and all around shitty product between the aforementioned.
Really nice. I also sort of promised-suggested I would try to make it in again Monday. I am not sure I can, but... it's a goal. I let him know that too. I hope to go to Mass Monday, and maybe swim. Hmm, I need trunks that fit though. Everything I have is now too big, way too big. I'll have to figure that out. This weekend I hope to get my act together and finish my place. With the clothes and the bedding and most of the dishes sorted out, I need to do the sweeping, mopping, bathroom, picking up here and there.
What is the final goal? Well, I suppose all of those things ARE the final goal. Dreams of more are fading. Keeping myself and my home up, then doing what else is necessary, that will be as good as it gets and probably only something I will be able to do once in a while. I'm driving on three flat tires, I'll never get up to even highway speed, forget about 200 like I used to go. Not really complaining, we were only ever meant to go fast for so long anyway. Beyond that it becomes false bravado. If only I may truly know what has happened, I know I have nothing left to prove to men, or even women. To God? Well, that's an everyday thing now. I will always have to prove myself to Him. Personally, if not completely on the moral side just on the living side, I would guess I impress Him. The man with both no heart and all heart? Yeah, perhaps.
Well, on to things. Hmm, breaded fried chops and a salad are in the offing later, I believe. Yeah, I got some salad makings. I also bought spinach for some fresh steamed goop. Love that stuff, once an occasional. Mostly meats though, that's just what I do.
Good night.
.
Hell's yeah. I got out tonight. Don't know why not last night or any day in the last week. At this point I don't care. I purchased enough food to last a week or two, and tobacco to last nearly two months. Since I didn't know when I would be in again I decided, after doing my major grocery shopping, to call my friend. While late I thought he might like the chance to get out. He did and so out we went. Nothing fancy. He picked up some bullets for reloading, I bought the one thing my usual store doesn't stock... the type of wet cat food I feed the girls. Then I grabbed a meal and ate it at his place while we watched some tube. Every time I see television again I am reminded why I dropped it. Commercials and all around shitty product between the aforementioned.
Really nice. I also sort of promised-suggested I would try to make it in again Monday. I am not sure I can, but... it's a goal. I let him know that too. I hope to go to Mass Monday, and maybe swim. Hmm, I need trunks that fit though. Everything I have is now too big, way too big. I'll have to figure that out. This weekend I hope to get my act together and finish my place. With the clothes and the bedding and most of the dishes sorted out, I need to do the sweeping, mopping, bathroom, picking up here and there.
What is the final goal? Well, I suppose all of those things ARE the final goal. Dreams of more are fading. Keeping myself and my home up, then doing what else is necessary, that will be as good as it gets and probably only something I will be able to do once in a while. I'm driving on three flat tires, I'll never get up to even highway speed, forget about 200 like I used to go. Not really complaining, we were only ever meant to go fast for so long anyway. Beyond that it becomes false bravado. If only I may truly know what has happened, I know I have nothing left to prove to men, or even women. To God? Well, that's an everyday thing now. I will always have to prove myself to Him. Personally, if not completely on the moral side just on the living side, I would guess I impress Him. The man with both no heart and all heart? Yeah, perhaps.
Well, on to things. Hmm, breaded fried chops and a salad are in the offing later, I believe. Yeah, I got some salad makings. I also bought spinach for some fresh steamed goop. Love that stuff, once an occasional. Mostly meats though, that's just what I do.
Good night.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Bah!
.
.
Still haven't been able to get out. Not sure what the deal is. I did, however, change my bedding, leaving my bed to air out overnight. I have been eating, cooking, and tending the dishes rather well as well. I just can't get things arranged to get out. Everything is ready. I've taken care of my list. I honestly don't know what else to do. Then again, there was no 'window of opportunity'. Perhaps there are limits to what I can simply create out of thin air. It sounds impossibly stupid, when looked at directly. And yet it is the truth. I am stuck. At least I am stuck with clean clothes, mostly clean dishes, and a clean bed now. Oh, and I am clean too. All of that is an improvement, some are needed for when I finally am able to get out.
I simply don't know how to shake free. Eating well isn't doing it. I tried the Anacin to see if it would work twice. I think it only gave me a jolt because it was combined with relieving pain. There must not be enough of a hit of caffeine in them to otherwise give me the boost the first dose gave me recently. I would use a prybar if I knew where to apply it. Hah!
Well, later.
.
Still haven't been able to get out. Not sure what the deal is. I did, however, change my bedding, leaving my bed to air out overnight. I have been eating, cooking, and tending the dishes rather well as well. I just can't get things arranged to get out. Everything is ready. I've taken care of my list. I honestly don't know what else to do. Then again, there was no 'window of opportunity'. Perhaps there are limits to what I can simply create out of thin air. It sounds impossibly stupid, when looked at directly. And yet it is the truth. I am stuck. At least I am stuck with clean clothes, mostly clean dishes, and a clean bed now. Oh, and I am clean too. All of that is an improvement, some are needed for when I finally am able to get out.
I simply don't know how to shake free. Eating well isn't doing it. I tried the Anacin to see if it would work twice. I think it only gave me a jolt because it was combined with relieving pain. There must not be enough of a hit of caffeine in them to otherwise give me the boost the first dose gave me recently. I would use a prybar if I knew where to apply it. Hah!
Well, later.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Could be?
.
.
Tonight might really be the night that I escape my digs for the first time in... I don't even know when the last time I left was. It's not important to the task, to know. I've definitely had worse. And while I did sink into the morass a bit deeper than usual for out here, last winter was worse if for it's own particular reason. I am surprised I am climbing out on my own. That truly is a first, if an inconsequential thing if viewed from the outside. It must be like watching a fast slug compared to a slow slug. While relativism as a human notion is bunk, there are applications where it does apply. *grins*
I showered last night in prep to shower again tonight. Sounds silly but, just go with it. I fixed a more real meal tonight, spaghetti and meat sauce. This time I had a small collection of extra spices to add my own real touch to it. More garlic, of course. But also more oregano, a touch of my gnarly cayenne, a bit of cumin, and a few other things. My sauce does not taste like it was store-bought. It brings a twinge to the jowls like those bitter-sweet candies, only without the regret and not quite so sour. Loverly.
I see it is February 22nd already. Time flies when you are unaware. Oh, and I have been keeping up on dishes. I won't plan anything else beside going to the store tonight. I think that was my undoing last time. Too many things on my list and I bog down like a computer with bloatware! At least at this point. I also collected some of the trash, and all of the recycling, and that will be the one thing to do beside shopping, but it is as simple as going out with me as I leave. Bit by bit I am getting my feet back under me and my wind back. I'm just faking it at the moment but I can live with that.
Later.
.
Tonight might really be the night that I escape my digs for the first time in... I don't even know when the last time I left was. It's not important to the task, to know. I've definitely had worse. And while I did sink into the morass a bit deeper than usual for out here, last winter was worse if for it's own particular reason. I am surprised I am climbing out on my own. That truly is a first, if an inconsequential thing if viewed from the outside. It must be like watching a fast slug compared to a slow slug. While relativism as a human notion is bunk, there are applications where it does apply. *grins*
I showered last night in prep to shower again tonight. Sounds silly but, just go with it. I fixed a more real meal tonight, spaghetti and meat sauce. This time I had a small collection of extra spices to add my own real touch to it. More garlic, of course. But also more oregano, a touch of my gnarly cayenne, a bit of cumin, and a few other things. My sauce does not taste like it was store-bought. It brings a twinge to the jowls like those bitter-sweet candies, only without the regret and not quite so sour. Loverly.
I see it is February 22nd already. Time flies when you are unaware. Oh, and I have been keeping up on dishes. I won't plan anything else beside going to the store tonight. I think that was my undoing last time. Too many things on my list and I bog down like a computer with bloatware! At least at this point. I also collected some of the trash, and all of the recycling, and that will be the one thing to do beside shopping, but it is as simple as going out with me as I leave. Bit by bit I am getting my feet back under me and my wind back. I'm just faking it at the moment but I can live with that.
Later.
Moving on.
.
.
But not going very fast or very far. More dishes were done, including the cleanup for the last few meals. I redid the stove going over the whole thing this time. Just trying to keep up. Then a major headache hit and that was that. I haven't had a migraine in months, perhaps a year or more? I really ought to get back on my medicine. You would think I could just do... whatever. But I can't. I did play the game, it took my mind off the headache, mostly. I finally gave in and took aspirin, the type with caffeine, 1200 mg.
In other words, I didn't get out, I didn't change and wash my bedding, and I didn't finish the last of the dishes. So be it. I have today, or really tomorrow. I am doing what I can. For the moment I am stuck. I'll get there. Like I said, this is new territory. I am making a window, not simply going through one or trying to go through something presented to me. And, actually, I am pleased that I have come so far while blind. Blind you ask? Yes, when I am without... mind, body, something... I am blind in a way you can't quite know. Most of you have had times where you didn't know what what the moral, correct, right thing to do was. Just imagine if everything from eating to dressing to checking the mail, and definitely anything more complicated became just as... unsure to you. It is a type of blindness, though I am not sure what it is I don't see, only that I can't figure things out. If you have watched (or better read) The Lord of the Rings series, the Nazgûl might be a type of similar irregularity. They don't have normal spacial reasoning among other things. They 'understood' differently. Just... a sort of example. Never mind, just trying to explain. To you and me.
The medicine worked, the headache is mostly gone, but it is nearing bedtime. I try to stay up between 15 and 18 hours a day, sleeping between six and eight hours. I am not using my alarm clock though. When I am in this sort of haze, an alarm clock will irritate me to sleep longer, to try and escape it or... ignore it... or beat it... or surrender... or something. I haven't figured out how things work in the fog, I just know that a few things do function differently and know some of them. Not all of them. Footdragging seems to be a method of sanity for me, in these times. I suppose that is how I have survived so long with such a bad heart? Probably.
Well, on to a bit more gaming before I crash. This is becoming quite annoying, even with my modest but appreciable and real successes. Later.
.
But not going very fast or very far. More dishes were done, including the cleanup for the last few meals. I redid the stove going over the whole thing this time. Just trying to keep up. Then a major headache hit and that was that. I haven't had a migraine in months, perhaps a year or more? I really ought to get back on my medicine. You would think I could just do... whatever. But I can't. I did play the game, it took my mind off the headache, mostly. I finally gave in and took aspirin, the type with caffeine, 1200 mg.
In other words, I didn't get out, I didn't change and wash my bedding, and I didn't finish the last of the dishes. So be it. I have today, or really tomorrow. I am doing what I can. For the moment I am stuck. I'll get there. Like I said, this is new territory. I am making a window, not simply going through one or trying to go through something presented to me. And, actually, I am pleased that I have come so far while blind. Blind you ask? Yes, when I am without... mind, body, something... I am blind in a way you can't quite know. Most of you have had times where you didn't know what what the moral, correct, right thing to do was. Just imagine if everything from eating to dressing to checking the mail, and definitely anything more complicated became just as... unsure to you. It is a type of blindness, though I am not sure what it is I don't see, only that I can't figure things out. If you have watched (or better read) The Lord of the Rings series, the Nazgûl might be a type of similar irregularity. They don't have normal spacial reasoning among other things. They 'understood' differently. Just... a sort of example. Never mind, just trying to explain. To you and me.
The medicine worked, the headache is mostly gone, but it is nearing bedtime. I try to stay up between 15 and 18 hours a day, sleeping between six and eight hours. I am not using my alarm clock though. When I am in this sort of haze, an alarm clock will irritate me to sleep longer, to try and escape it or... ignore it... or beat it... or surrender... or something. I haven't figured out how things work in the fog, I just know that a few things do function differently and know some of them. Not all of them. Footdragging seems to be a method of sanity for me, in these times. I suppose that is how I have survived so long with such a bad heart? Probably.
Well, on to a bit more gaming before I crash. This is becoming quite annoying, even with my modest but appreciable and real successes. Later.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Deep fried chicken gizzards.
.
.
In lard. Like I said, my arteries are clean as a whistle, I don't have gout, and I doubt if it would matter anyway. I have a strong suspicion that most "food science" is about as politically motivated as "global warming"(tm). The more they have gotten people to eat less meat and fat, the fatter people have gotten. Then again, with an aging, dying, population, that is just what happens. Only a few genetically special people remain svelte their whole lives. Well, those and the moderately poor and those too foolish to use their slim moneys for food.
I am hoping tonight is the night to sneak out. I just haven't been up to it so far. It's not, always, that I have an order by which to do things that cannot be altered, save for having clean clothes but that is fair. It has to do with having enough stored energy, or the sense that I do, to risk leaving my home. Like a very long drive with no gas stations, if you aren't sure your vehicle will make it don't take the risk. While I am almost certain, and have never failed, to go out and come back, I realize this is just a sensory thing. Then again, I have seen the devistation to my life when I push too hard too fast. Eventually it will be fatal, one way or another.
The fried gizzards where splendid. I kept trying to figure out how my mother made them so crispy. When we were kids, she made them ever so often. And her regular fried chicken was the stuff of county fair blue ribbon material. I figured it out, hot. Not just a little, not mostly. HOT. And you really have to keep an eye on those things while they are in. But crispy? If I can make this and fried chicken like this every time, if it wasn't unconstitutional, I'd marry myself! Sex wouldn't suffer (can't). *shrug* And, no, I'm not a narcissist. But who marries for love anyway. But excellent fried foods? You bet!
And, yeah, all of my meal dishes are soaking. I need to redo the sudsy water and try and kick out more of the remnants of the other dishes that remain. Something about a clean, tidy, decent to live in home that makes one happier to be alive. My mother had here faults. She had here qualities too. Beside letting us know, very often, that she loved us she instilled in us manners, propriety, and certain ethics, including work ethic. I had thought the work ethic failed on me but I think I was a bit ill even back then. Not at disability levels, just... a nagging lack of energy at times. And she did it mostly on her own. Two boys who would otherwise have been orphanage rats. I like to think she did the world, and us, a great favor. She did what she could with what she had, and like most country girls, that ain't bad.
Yeah, yeah, I know. A soaking of some dishes, stripping of the bed to air out, a bit of laundry, and a few hours of gaming in between, and maybe to town tonight. The cats are getting very long in the face about hard cat food. And I really have to keep an eye on water for them now too. Still, it's good for them to learn to live lean from tine to time. In summer I ought to go solely to hard cat food to induce mousing. And I am thinking about having weekends be hard cat food only days... call it 'chef's holiday'.
Later.
.
In lard. Like I said, my arteries are clean as a whistle, I don't have gout, and I doubt if it would matter anyway. I have a strong suspicion that most "food science" is about as politically motivated as "global warming"(tm). The more they have gotten people to eat less meat and fat, the fatter people have gotten. Then again, with an aging, dying, population, that is just what happens. Only a few genetically special people remain svelte their whole lives. Well, those and the moderately poor and those too foolish to use their slim moneys for food.
I am hoping tonight is the night to sneak out. I just haven't been up to it so far. It's not, always, that I have an order by which to do things that cannot be altered, save for having clean clothes but that is fair. It has to do with having enough stored energy, or the sense that I do, to risk leaving my home. Like a very long drive with no gas stations, if you aren't sure your vehicle will make it don't take the risk. While I am almost certain, and have never failed, to go out and come back, I realize this is just a sensory thing. Then again, I have seen the devistation to my life when I push too hard too fast. Eventually it will be fatal, one way or another.
The fried gizzards where splendid. I kept trying to figure out how my mother made them so crispy. When we were kids, she made them ever so often. And her regular fried chicken was the stuff of county fair blue ribbon material. I figured it out, hot. Not just a little, not mostly. HOT. And you really have to keep an eye on those things while they are in. But crispy? If I can make this and fried chicken like this every time, if it wasn't unconstitutional, I'd marry myself! Sex wouldn't suffer (can't). *shrug* And, no, I'm not a narcissist. But who marries for love anyway. But excellent fried foods? You bet!
And, yeah, all of my meal dishes are soaking. I need to redo the sudsy water and try and kick out more of the remnants of the other dishes that remain. Something about a clean, tidy, decent to live in home that makes one happier to be alive. My mother had here faults. She had here qualities too. Beside letting us know, very often, that she loved us she instilled in us manners, propriety, and certain ethics, including work ethic. I had thought the work ethic failed on me but I think I was a bit ill even back then. Not at disability levels, just... a nagging lack of energy at times. And she did it mostly on her own. Two boys who would otherwise have been orphanage rats. I like to think she did the world, and us, a great favor. She did what she could with what she had, and like most country girls, that ain't bad.
Yeah, yeah, I know. A soaking of some dishes, stripping of the bed to air out, a bit of laundry, and a few hours of gaming in between, and maybe to town tonight. The cats are getting very long in the face about hard cat food. And I really have to keep an eye on water for them now too. Still, it's good for them to learn to live lean from tine to time. In summer I ought to go solely to hard cat food to induce mousing. And I am thinking about having weekends be hard cat food only days... call it 'chef's holiday'.
Later.
Dishes.
.
.
After days of monkeying around with the drain plug I just went back to the trusty old dishpan. Well, that and the other-other sink. Two loads and two pots done, plus the stove top receiving a proper scrubbing. While there are some things I don't like about glass top stoves, their fragility spooks me, there is much to like. Cleanup is an absolute breeze.
With laundry done, save bedding, and dishes well over half way completed, I simply need to police the place up a bit, take out the trash and recycling, redo my bed, and life will be back to some sort of sanity. I hope, yet tonight, to sneak out. I need to check my mail, get more canned cat food, milk, and a few other things. I am thawing chicken gizzards, hamburger, and a couple of t-bones currently. I need to keep the food supply up or this will all fail. It may anyway, but food is vital.
Oh, yeah, I ought to grab some more salami and cheese. It makes for a perfect meal. And while expensive, even the $10 chunk lasts for four meals or so. Too rich to just down, especially with some cheese and crackers on the side. Cheese can be pricey too, but as with the sausages, it goes a long way. Let me see, $20 over 5 meals is $4. I think I can do that. I am not sure I have much choice. Only beans and rice are cheaper but I need meat in there which shoots the cost way up. You just can't get away without spending, and spending, and spending. Even when you think you don't have it.
I was trying to figure out what day today was. Then I realized I didn't know which week in the month it is. I finally realized I have no idea what month it is. I still haven't checked. I would guess it's February but I simply don't know. I would actually say I think it is January I just don't want to sound dated. :p
Well, I will need a shower before going to town. I am not sure I am up to it. If not, I am getting much closer. Later.
.
After days of monkeying around with the drain plug I just went back to the trusty old dishpan. Well, that and the other-other sink. Two loads and two pots done, plus the stove top receiving a proper scrubbing. While there are some things I don't like about glass top stoves, their fragility spooks me, there is much to like. Cleanup is an absolute breeze.
With laundry done, save bedding, and dishes well over half way completed, I simply need to police the place up a bit, take out the trash and recycling, redo my bed, and life will be back to some sort of sanity. I hope, yet tonight, to sneak out. I need to check my mail, get more canned cat food, milk, and a few other things. I am thawing chicken gizzards, hamburger, and a couple of t-bones currently. I need to keep the food supply up or this will all fail. It may anyway, but food is vital.
Oh, yeah, I ought to grab some more salami and cheese. It makes for a perfect meal. And while expensive, even the $10 chunk lasts for four meals or so. Too rich to just down, especially with some cheese and crackers on the side. Cheese can be pricey too, but as with the sausages, it goes a long way. Let me see, $20 over 5 meals is $4. I think I can do that. I am not sure I have much choice. Only beans and rice are cheaper but I need meat in there which shoots the cost way up. You just can't get away without spending, and spending, and spending. Even when you think you don't have it.
I was trying to figure out what day today was. Then I realized I didn't know which week in the month it is. I finally realized I have no idea what month it is. I still haven't checked. I would guess it's February but I simply don't know. I would actually say I think it is January I just don't want to sound dated. :p
Well, I will need a shower before going to town. I am not sure I am up to it. If not, I am getting much closer. Later.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Hmm, well, let's try that again.
.
.
Was all geared to go out last night. No clothes, no clean clothes anyway. So, through the night, I have done about six loads of laundry. I folded, hung, and put away all as appropriate save a large basket of socks that need sorted. I would have done dishes along with it but for some reason my sink simply won't hold water. Damn plugs. Never you mind, I'll figure it out. With clean clothes I am more sure to get to town tonight or tomorrow. I am still... grinding my way through this. Stupid heart just isn't there. And it's not just the gaming keeping me occupied. My wounds aren't healing. A sign that what is ailing me is quite real and very physical.
Not much else to report. It was good to get the laundry done though. Next, the bedding and dishes, if I can get the sink to plug up properly. I may look around online, see if anyone has advice about that. Whatever.
Later.
.
Was all geared to go out last night. No clothes, no clean clothes anyway. So, through the night, I have done about six loads of laundry. I folded, hung, and put away all as appropriate save a large basket of socks that need sorted. I would have done dishes along with it but for some reason my sink simply won't hold water. Damn plugs. Never you mind, I'll figure it out. With clean clothes I am more sure to get to town tonight or tomorrow. I am still... grinding my way through this. Stupid heart just isn't there. And it's not just the gaming keeping me occupied. My wounds aren't healing. A sign that what is ailing me is quite real and very physical.
Not much else to report. It was good to get the laundry done though. Next, the bedding and dishes, if I can get the sink to plug up properly. I may look around online, see if anyone has advice about that. Whatever.
Later.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
No window.
.
.
I'm not seeing a way through. So, for the first time in memory, I am going to try to make my own path. To that end, I roasted a chuck roast the other day to feed up, then roasted enough chicken to see me through a few days of good solid eating. I got a shower in today, and the phone is charged. I plan on another shower, then a trip to town tonight to tend shopping needs. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon, or the day after as I can't make promises yet, I will go in and get my friend out of his place. I don't know if it will work, but there it is. Oh, and I need to get back on medicine. Tonight or tomorrow I will be resetting my medi-set.
I just don't have what it takes. Everything I do is a major effort. While I enjoy the games, they actually become more like work as I go to the higher levels and try to carve out specific plans. I tend to think games do enhance intelligence, if they are played at the harder levels and without cheats. No pain no gain works for the mind as much as it works for the body, and hard game modes are painful at times. The games don't add to my life in some ways, and yet that create something I can do in my time, at my pace, and at the level of difficulty I am prepared to participate with.
I best get going. A bit more gaming, then a shower and to town. I don't know how well it will work just forcing things. But at this point it is as much as I can do and the only option I have. I am absolutely tired of being sick and tired! :P Life is still good, it just has no meaning currently. I'd like to fix that.
Later.
.
I'm not seeing a way through. So, for the first time in memory, I am going to try to make my own path. To that end, I roasted a chuck roast the other day to feed up, then roasted enough chicken to see me through a few days of good solid eating. I got a shower in today, and the phone is charged. I plan on another shower, then a trip to town tonight to tend shopping needs. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon, or the day after as I can't make promises yet, I will go in and get my friend out of his place. I don't know if it will work, but there it is. Oh, and I need to get back on medicine. Tonight or tomorrow I will be resetting my medi-set.
I just don't have what it takes. Everything I do is a major effort. While I enjoy the games, they actually become more like work as I go to the higher levels and try to carve out specific plans. I tend to think games do enhance intelligence, if they are played at the harder levels and without cheats. No pain no gain works for the mind as much as it works for the body, and hard game modes are painful at times. The games don't add to my life in some ways, and yet that create something I can do in my time, at my pace, and at the level of difficulty I am prepared to participate with.
I best get going. A bit more gaming, then a shower and to town. I don't know how well it will work just forcing things. But at this point it is as much as I can do and the only option I have. I am absolutely tired of being sick and tired! :P Life is still good, it just has no meaning currently. I'd like to fix that.
Later.
Oh, right. I am still in here, are you still out there?
.
.
Time flies when you aren't aware. Last I knew it was... the 25th? Yeah. Now it's already the 17th or 18th or something. I think I've been out of the house once in that time, maybe twice. I've been out of soda for days, that always gives me huge headaches. I'm almost out of tobacco. I buy tobacco for two months at a time now, when I can. Running out of that and not being able to get out is really harsh, especially when added to the effects of caffeine withdrawal. Never mind.
My friend has called a number of times. My lady friend called too. Lots of email. I couldn't have answered or read, my phone has been dead for... a week, two? Just not on things right now. The phone still isn't charged enough to use yet but I am not ready to get out in any case. I hope to sneak out in the next day or night or two to take care of my own stuff first, as I don't have what it takes, atm, to shop for myself and help my friend browse at the same time. If I take care of my needs first, then I can go in and just let him go where he wants and get what he needs or wants.
Gaming is going well. The game I am playing is non-linear and a bit buggy. It's a fantastic game but it has it's drawbacks. What I mean when I say non-linear is that missions can be done in a large number of orders which makes going back to replay something very difficult unless you save after every mission and catalog the saves somehow, as you don't get to name the saves. It's not perfectly designed, either, in that if you do the missions one way, you may not get something. And more, the way to "win" doesn't always work. The gameplay is fun, and varied though.
I took a shower today. Absolutely wonderful things, showers that is. I am sure a bath would be even better but you have to draw it, then figure out how to keep it hot, and... all that stuff. I'm not sure why women love baths as much as they seem to do? It seems like a lot of work to my mind. Or at least a lot of fuss. Hmm, they don't have to stand? I dunno. Then again, like I have any real clue about the human female mind. Though I have come to suspect that they rarely have a grasp of their own mind, wants, and needs either. How did I get on the subject of women? Bah!
Later.
.
Time flies when you aren't aware. Last I knew it was... the 25th? Yeah. Now it's already the 17th or 18th or something. I think I've been out of the house once in that time, maybe twice. I've been out of soda for days, that always gives me huge headaches. I'm almost out of tobacco. I buy tobacco for two months at a time now, when I can. Running out of that and not being able to get out is really harsh, especially when added to the effects of caffeine withdrawal. Never mind.
My friend has called a number of times. My lady friend called too. Lots of email. I couldn't have answered or read, my phone has been dead for... a week, two? Just not on things right now. The phone still isn't charged enough to use yet but I am not ready to get out in any case. I hope to sneak out in the next day or night or two to take care of my own stuff first, as I don't have what it takes, atm, to shop for myself and help my friend browse at the same time. If I take care of my needs first, then I can go in and just let him go where he wants and get what he needs or wants.
Gaming is going well. The game I am playing is non-linear and a bit buggy. It's a fantastic game but it has it's drawbacks. What I mean when I say non-linear is that missions can be done in a large number of orders which makes going back to replay something very difficult unless you save after every mission and catalog the saves somehow, as you don't get to name the saves. It's not perfectly designed, either, in that if you do the missions one way, you may not get something. And more, the way to "win" doesn't always work. The gameplay is fun, and varied though.
I took a shower today. Absolutely wonderful things, showers that is. I am sure a bath would be even better but you have to draw it, then figure out how to keep it hot, and... all that stuff. I'm not sure why women love baths as much as they seem to do? It seems like a lot of work to my mind. Or at least a lot of fuss. Hmm, they don't have to stand? I dunno. Then again, like I have any real clue about the human female mind. Though I have come to suspect that they rarely have a grasp of their own mind, wants, and needs either. How did I get on the subject of women? Bah!
Later.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Weird.
.
.
Despite not knowing the day of the week, or... much else regarding the outside world, I have been eating fairly well. And, somehow, losing significant belly size. I'm slimming down. I haven't been this "slim" since I first became ill. Though, to be fair, much of the medicine I have been asked to take caused weight gain, and further the real cause of my illness caused me to gain water weight excessively. Still, it is fantastic to be slimming down, if my clothes, even the newer smaller clothes, are beginning to seem more like gunny sacks than clothes. I still weigh 270, so it doesn't make sense. I guess it is all a matter of were you lose and what you lose.
I haven't been able to get to anything, pretty much. Gaming, still, continues. And I play incredibly long spells. I quit the gaming and I just end up sleeping and even more confused, so I will keep it. Medicines... I keep dropping off that. I just don't understand. It used to be easy to take. I need to reset the medicine container and begin trying it again. As I said, I have been eating. Two meals a "day", and decent meals. They are neither too big, mostly, nor too small. I can't keep up with the six meal a day thing, but when I can I will get back to that. Just a bite, now and again. Never hungry, never full. But it is a high maintenance operation when you add in shopping, prep, cooking, and cleaning. Fruits just don't do it for me, even when paired with peanut butter or something.
I absolutely destroy games. Now, I don't get every last detail known, and how it functions. But for using (mostly) unscientific methods, I learn how to crack a game open, rip it apart, and assemble the play to my liking within (and sometimes outside a bit) of the design. While it is not profitable, I learn nothing functionally useful for the world in general in real terms, and some other problems, it does give me problems I can solve given the energy I have. It gives me something nearly real to do. And it keeps me out of that FUCKING bed. Sorry. I just hate being bed-bound. I hate being even more down and out, confused, in pain.
I'm thinking about life. I just don't have a way back to it. But it is good. I'm not in bed and I don't think my health is deteriorating. I think diabetes is on the retreat as well. Later.
.
Despite not knowing the day of the week, or... much else regarding the outside world, I have been eating fairly well. And, somehow, losing significant belly size. I'm slimming down. I haven't been this "slim" since I first became ill. Though, to be fair, much of the medicine I have been asked to take caused weight gain, and further the real cause of my illness caused me to gain water weight excessively. Still, it is fantastic to be slimming down, if my clothes, even the newer smaller clothes, are beginning to seem more like gunny sacks than clothes. I still weigh 270, so it doesn't make sense. I guess it is all a matter of were you lose and what you lose.
I haven't been able to get to anything, pretty much. Gaming, still, continues. And I play incredibly long spells. I quit the gaming and I just end up sleeping and even more confused, so I will keep it. Medicines... I keep dropping off that. I just don't understand. It used to be easy to take. I need to reset the medicine container and begin trying it again. As I said, I have been eating. Two meals a "day", and decent meals. They are neither too big, mostly, nor too small. I can't keep up with the six meal a day thing, but when I can I will get back to that. Just a bite, now and again. Never hungry, never full. But it is a high maintenance operation when you add in shopping, prep, cooking, and cleaning. Fruits just don't do it for me, even when paired with peanut butter or something.
I absolutely destroy games. Now, I don't get every last detail known, and how it functions. But for using (mostly) unscientific methods, I learn how to crack a game open, rip it apart, and assemble the play to my liking within (and sometimes outside a bit) of the design. While it is not profitable, I learn nothing functionally useful for the world in general in real terms, and some other problems, it does give me problems I can solve given the energy I have. It gives me something nearly real to do. And it keeps me out of that FUCKING bed. Sorry. I just hate being bed-bound. I hate being even more down and out, confused, in pain.
I'm thinking about life. I just don't have a way back to it. But it is good. I'm not in bed and I don't think my health is deteriorating. I think diabetes is on the retreat as well. Later.
Friday, February 10, 2012
A fluke. Bah!
.
.
The few good days I had seem to have been more of a kind accident than a path forward. My days and nights are all messed up again. I've fallen and hard. At least the game keeps me occupied, so that I am not sleeping all of the time. And, yes, that is a nice thing. When you sleep for many hours a day, or even days on end, the world seriously gets out of control.
I am continuing medicines and food, mostly. Dishes are, of course, becoming a problem again. Well, and laundry, neatness, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, KoC work, other efforts. It's all conspiring to... not get done. I have been feeding the cats, too. Though I really need to change the litter boxes. I simply can't quite think myself to action. I don't have that vital something. I had hoped getting out would do it. I hoped too that the tree work (little of it that I did) would shake me up. Nope. I really just want to sleep. I don't even want to play the stupid game. How odd, having to force yourself to play video games? As a gamer?
I never said it would make sense. I try to make sense, but my world, my reality, they don't work out no matter how well designed the equation. My heart should have given out long ago. And my sanity, from being falsely accused of being mentally ill, should have collapsed. I shouldn't be able to do the things I can do. I shouldn't be able to even scrape by on my own. Should, could, would, all have meanings. In my world though those meanings are suspended.
Still trying to angle toward recovery. I just don't have anything to grasp at that might get me there at this time. There is no window. I am just here. Never mind, this will pass. Good night or day or something like that.
.
The few good days I had seem to have been more of a kind accident than a path forward. My days and nights are all messed up again. I've fallen and hard. At least the game keeps me occupied, so that I am not sleeping all of the time. And, yes, that is a nice thing. When you sleep for many hours a day, or even days on end, the world seriously gets out of control.
I am continuing medicines and food, mostly. Dishes are, of course, becoming a problem again. Well, and laundry, neatness, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, KoC work, other efforts. It's all conspiring to... not get done. I have been feeding the cats, too. Though I really need to change the litter boxes. I simply can't quite think myself to action. I don't have that vital something. I had hoped getting out would do it. I hoped too that the tree work (little of it that I did) would shake me up. Nope. I really just want to sleep. I don't even want to play the stupid game. How odd, having to force yourself to play video games? As a gamer?
I never said it would make sense. I try to make sense, but my world, my reality, they don't work out no matter how well designed the equation. My heart should have given out long ago. And my sanity, from being falsely accused of being mentally ill, should have collapsed. I shouldn't be able to do the things I can do. I shouldn't be able to even scrape by on my own. Should, could, would, all have meanings. In my world though those meanings are suspended.
Still trying to angle toward recovery. I just don't have anything to grasp at that might get me there at this time. There is no window. I am just here. Never mind, this will pass. Good night or day or something like that.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Getting back on my feet.
.
.
Two days, two goals. Done. I didn't get to Church again today, but I wasn't sure that was possible anyway. I seem to be doing a bit better, a lot better. Tomorrow the goal is to make it to Mass, go swimming for the first time, and then visit my friend. I have checked for a price for another pistol he wants to buy. I might be able to get him a slightly better price through my contacts. New, all else same-same, it is just that the seller is pretty much simply not looking for profit and has no overhead.
Not much else in the news here. Good night.
.
Two days, two goals. Done. I didn't get to Church again today, but I wasn't sure that was possible anyway. I seem to be doing a bit better, a lot better. Tomorrow the goal is to make it to Mass, go swimming for the first time, and then visit my friend. I have checked for a price for another pistol he wants to buy. I might be able to get him a slightly better price through my contacts. New, all else same-same, it is just that the seller is pretty much simply not looking for profit and has no overhead.
Not much else in the news here. Good night.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Awake and in time?
.
.
I am awake and considering Mass. It is just a matter of watching the clock closely enough that a shower and getting dressed in time. It's a minor trick for most of you, a major one for me at times. Alarms don't really work, not when I am like this. It's more a matter of having the strength of mind to remain focused. It's a goal. No more than that. I can't allow myself to become too upset about missing a goal, it then just comes to focusing on the next goal should I succeed or fail.
For the next three days, today included, I have timed events. Oh, and I just received an appointment card for the 7th to top those things off. As well, I hope my goggles arrive in time to begin swimming on the 5th. Every other day with swimming, along with Mass mostly. Thankfully gas prices have dropped just a bit.
I have been keeping up on eating, but the kitchen needs some... work. So that goes though. Between food and medicine I have been able to keep from simply not being for a while. An empty husk I may be, but aware enough and with some memory. I at least know I have missed something. Crazy from lame, I suppose. Still it's better to coast than free-fall.
I really want to get that automatic cat litter box. That would make me and the cats very happy. Automation, it's your friend. Gaming is going well. You really don't learn much from them, not even how to play the next game. What I would love is a game that actually requires you to learn math and science facts in a functional manner. I think people would be surprised how well that went over. Seriously, calc and physics based games where you have to use the basics to launch attacks, or figure out puzzles. I'd buy it, I just can't write it. No fudging though. Engineering students (gamers) would eat it up.
Best get going. Later.
.
I am awake and considering Mass. It is just a matter of watching the clock closely enough that a shower and getting dressed in time. It's a minor trick for most of you, a major one for me at times. Alarms don't really work, not when I am like this. It's more a matter of having the strength of mind to remain focused. It's a goal. No more than that. I can't allow myself to become too upset about missing a goal, it then just comes to focusing on the next goal should I succeed or fail.
For the next three days, today included, I have timed events. Oh, and I just received an appointment card for the 7th to top those things off. As well, I hope my goggles arrive in time to begin swimming on the 5th. Every other day with swimming, along with Mass mostly. Thankfully gas prices have dropped just a bit.
I have been keeping up on eating, but the kitchen needs some... work. So that goes though. Between food and medicine I have been able to keep from simply not being for a while. An empty husk I may be, but aware enough and with some memory. I at least know I have missed something. Crazy from lame, I suppose. Still it's better to coast than free-fall.
I really want to get that automatic cat litter box. That would make me and the cats very happy. Automation, it's your friend. Gaming is going well. You really don't learn much from them, not even how to play the next game. What I would love is a game that actually requires you to learn math and science facts in a functional manner. I think people would be surprised how well that went over. Seriously, calc and physics based games where you have to use the basics to launch attacks, or figure out puzzles. I'd buy it, I just can't write it. No fudging though. Engineering students (gamers) would eat it up.
Best get going. Later.
Perfect, perhaps not.
.
.
But I am off my butt. At least for today. My friend called, but he has been calling for a few days, off and on, I think. Yeah, yeah, I heard the calls. No one was home. Just because I hear it doesn't mean I can do a thing about it. It busts me up too. It reminds me of those times when I was truly torn up in a hospital somewhere, lying on my back, and the phone would ring. I really am no better at answering the damned thing now than then. At least it gives me a goal. It is real, somehow. Oh, and I finally got in and joined the gym. Just for the pool at the moment. But that could change.
I keep looking at the chainsaws. The man that came and cut the tree had the exact one I am considering, a Husqvarna 455 Rancher. He takes about eight trees a year, he would guess. And he likes it quite well. He said that or a Stihl. After a bit of research, it was suggested that either would be fine, if there was a local dealership and repair shop. So, a bit of digging and? I find a repair shop for each, locally. More than that, I find a shop that sells and services both brands. A good place to visit, don't you think? I have a lot of wood to dice up and more branches to bring down. And I might know a way to it.
More than that, plans are in the works. I have a Mass to attend tomorrow. Don't know how, I just know I have to get there. It's making it on time, I have no... measure or rhythm that allows me to... gauge time? I don't see it coming or going. It would be like you, while drifting at sea after a few weeks, to be able to see a wave and then touch it, or... something crazy like that. Anyway, Mass tomorrow. Then catching a football game, the game, with my friend in Logan on Sunday, and maybe another Mass. No, I just like to go to Mass. I really do, I am simply fettered.
As well, I have an appointment for a haircut next Thursday and a meal two Wednesdays from now, so about two and a half weeks away. I invited the man who cut the limb, and his wife. I hope to have the wood cut up for him by then, and my home cleaned. Ugh! And, swimming Monday, along with Mass and taking my friend out to shoot one of his pistols. He is getting 'shooting cranky'. It's almost as bad as a young man not getting any female attention. As well, I need to get going on some KoC affairs and making appointments with the V.A. I clean missed two of those. I saw them coming, sort of. And I saw that I had passed them. Like the wave to the sea-blind man, I could not touch them, couldn't even see them as real. Yeah, yeah. Believe me, I try.
So, plans and more plans. Some things done, more to do. So be it. I will do what I can. This crazy lameness has gone on far too long. Hup! Go, go, go! *shhhh* Just... do it while they aren't watching.
.
But I am off my butt. At least for today. My friend called, but he has been calling for a few days, off and on, I think. Yeah, yeah, I heard the calls. No one was home. Just because I hear it doesn't mean I can do a thing about it. It busts me up too. It reminds me of those times when I was truly torn up in a hospital somewhere, lying on my back, and the phone would ring. I really am no better at answering the damned thing now than then. At least it gives me a goal. It is real, somehow. Oh, and I finally got in and joined the gym. Just for the pool at the moment. But that could change.
I keep looking at the chainsaws. The man that came and cut the tree had the exact one I am considering, a Husqvarna 455 Rancher. He takes about eight trees a year, he would guess. And he likes it quite well. He said that or a Stihl. After a bit of research, it was suggested that either would be fine, if there was a local dealership and repair shop. So, a bit of digging and? I find a repair shop for each, locally. More than that, I find a shop that sells and services both brands. A good place to visit, don't you think? I have a lot of wood to dice up and more branches to bring down. And I might know a way to it.
More than that, plans are in the works. I have a Mass to attend tomorrow. Don't know how, I just know I have to get there. It's making it on time, I have no... measure or rhythm that allows me to... gauge time? I don't see it coming or going. It would be like you, while drifting at sea after a few weeks, to be able to see a wave and then touch it, or... something crazy like that. Anyway, Mass tomorrow. Then catching a football game, the game, with my friend in Logan on Sunday, and maybe another Mass. No, I just like to go to Mass. I really do, I am simply fettered.
As well, I have an appointment for a haircut next Thursday and a meal two Wednesdays from now, so about two and a half weeks away. I invited the man who cut the limb, and his wife. I hope to have the wood cut up for him by then, and my home cleaned. Ugh! And, swimming Monday, along with Mass and taking my friend out to shoot one of his pistols. He is getting 'shooting cranky'. It's almost as bad as a young man not getting any female attention. As well, I need to get going on some KoC affairs and making appointments with the V.A. I clean missed two of those. I saw them coming, sort of. And I saw that I had passed them. Like the wave to the sea-blind man, I could not touch them, couldn't even see them as real. Yeah, yeah. Believe me, I try.
So, plans and more plans. Some things done, more to do. So be it. I will do what I can. This crazy lameness has gone on far too long. Hup! Go, go, go! *shhhh* Just... do it while they aren't watching.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Alive and... something.
.
.
Life is simply moving forward, pretty much without me. No serious problems, mostly. The things that exist are beyond my ability to manage at the moment, little and big things. I am, for the most part, back on a day schedule, for what it matters. I am pretty much just alive, not quite living. I wish I could say it was the gaming. The gaming is helping me to regulate my days and stay awake. When I don't play I simply end up sleeping long cycles, running into days.
I would still like to figure out how to set up the 'day lamp'. It is not that it takes a great deal of effort, but it means making choices, creating space, figuring out how to plug it in, minor things that attack my fragile consciousness like mosquitoes attacking my body in heavily wooded swampy areas.
I'm working on working on things. I am back on my medicines, after many tries. The last week has seen to regular taking of medicine. I don't take it perfectly, sometimes remembering later in the day to take my "morning" dose, and then taking my evening dose shortly following. That is as good as I have been able to do in quite some time. The medicine, at times, will help me take it simply through whatever it does for me. Not now. It is a struggle.
I may need to buy a chain saw. A very large limb came down out back. Further, I may need to learn a bit about electricity and risk turning off electricity. The branch snagged one of the power lines to one of the outbuildings. This whole process will be somewhat risky. The missionaries plan to help. Just having someone around in case I... do something else exciting and interesting will be good. At least they could call 911 for an evac.
Enough for now. Just letting you know that I am alive. Later.
.
Life is simply moving forward, pretty much without me. No serious problems, mostly. The things that exist are beyond my ability to manage at the moment, little and big things. I am, for the most part, back on a day schedule, for what it matters. I am pretty much just alive, not quite living. I wish I could say it was the gaming. The gaming is helping me to regulate my days and stay awake. When I don't play I simply end up sleeping long cycles, running into days.
I would still like to figure out how to set up the 'day lamp'. It is not that it takes a great deal of effort, but it means making choices, creating space, figuring out how to plug it in, minor things that attack my fragile consciousness like mosquitoes attacking my body in heavily wooded swampy areas.
I'm working on working on things. I am back on my medicines, after many tries. The last week has seen to regular taking of medicine. I don't take it perfectly, sometimes remembering later in the day to take my "morning" dose, and then taking my evening dose shortly following. That is as good as I have been able to do in quite some time. The medicine, at times, will help me take it simply through whatever it does for me. Not now. It is a struggle.
I may need to buy a chain saw. A very large limb came down out back. Further, I may need to learn a bit about electricity and risk turning off electricity. The branch snagged one of the power lines to one of the outbuildings. This whole process will be somewhat risky. The missionaries plan to help. Just having someone around in case I... do something else exciting and interesting will be good. At least they could call 911 for an evac.
Enough for now. Just letting you know that I am alive. Later.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Clear skies.
.
.
And, actually, very little snow on the ground. Much of it melted. The ground here just wasn't cold enough to pile the snow on, with the rain for the last few days softening and warming it all up. It, thankfully, doesn't look too slick either. I really enjoy having mountains to look out my window. More the reason to open my curtains.
I slept until about 6:00. My sleep is not very satisfying lately. No matter. I am eating and sleeping much more regularly, even if I don't feel like it. Something odd I am finding is that, in my games, the periods where my reflexes are the fastest have no correlation with how I feel. Whether I feel very tired or not, that is, I can be at my best. I don't understand that at all. I would have thought that when I am very tired feeling that I would also not be fast in the game. I really don't understand this illness. Now, when I am tired, I don't always feel like playing, but sometimes I do anyway. Which is why, in part, I am a gamer. It eats time, it keeps me somewhat more functional, and really... it keeps me out of bed. I hate being bed-bound. I hate it when I can't stay up.
I think I need a nap, so morning Mass is probably out. I don't mind naps, if I can keep them to just an hour or two. It is when they begin to take over my days and stretch for many hours, ruining my work and changing my schedule around that "naps" become a problem. And, fight it as I may, often it matters little. If I have to sleep then I have to sleep. I don't have any tools to fight that at times. I just wish the medicines, now that I am back on them more regularly, might help more. It might be the diabetes kicking back in though too. The V.A. finally sent those. They must have realized I hadn't picked them up (they sent the scripts to a local pharmacy, but though it was on my list, I simply couldn't be there, on time, to get them, in a timely fashion). I still haven't started those.
You would think that it is quite easy to just add a medicine to a routine. Odd as it seems, that isn't as easy for me as it might seem. I have to think about it. Do I really want to take this stuff? After the decision is made, then I have to find the stuff, and then I have to add it to my medicine set. Being that everything moves slowly when I'm in this kind of a funk, it just... doesn't happen. Well, until it does happen. I need to reset my medicine-set, and I have decided to take them, so it should be on the schedule tomorrow... a month after they were prescribed? *sigh* I really do try.
Oh! The sun just rose above the mountains to the east. What an absolutely beautiful morning. Perhaps God just wants me to see a little more beauty, to realize a little more love, and to buy a bit better property with minor suffering before I go? It is nice, even in my odd little sad ways, to finally actually enjoy this life. I won't mind trading it for heaven, but I'll take what I get for as long as it is mine to have. Good day.
P.S. I haven't been editing lately. I just don't have the juice. So if it looks bad, reading here, that is why. I can't focus.
.
And, actually, very little snow on the ground. Much of it melted. The ground here just wasn't cold enough to pile the snow on, with the rain for the last few days softening and warming it all up. It, thankfully, doesn't look too slick either. I really enjoy having mountains to look out my window. More the reason to open my curtains.
I slept until about 6:00. My sleep is not very satisfying lately. No matter. I am eating and sleeping much more regularly, even if I don't feel like it. Something odd I am finding is that, in my games, the periods where my reflexes are the fastest have no correlation with how I feel. Whether I feel very tired or not, that is, I can be at my best. I don't understand that at all. I would have thought that when I am very tired feeling that I would also not be fast in the game. I really don't understand this illness. Now, when I am tired, I don't always feel like playing, but sometimes I do anyway. Which is why, in part, I am a gamer. It eats time, it keeps me somewhat more functional, and really... it keeps me out of bed. I hate being bed-bound. I hate it when I can't stay up.
I think I need a nap, so morning Mass is probably out. I don't mind naps, if I can keep them to just an hour or two. It is when they begin to take over my days and stretch for many hours, ruining my work and changing my schedule around that "naps" become a problem. And, fight it as I may, often it matters little. If I have to sleep then I have to sleep. I don't have any tools to fight that at times. I just wish the medicines, now that I am back on them more regularly, might help more. It might be the diabetes kicking back in though too. The V.A. finally sent those. They must have realized I hadn't picked them up (they sent the scripts to a local pharmacy, but though it was on my list, I simply couldn't be there, on time, to get them, in a timely fashion). I still haven't started those.
You would think that it is quite easy to just add a medicine to a routine. Odd as it seems, that isn't as easy for me as it might seem. I have to think about it. Do I really want to take this stuff? After the decision is made, then I have to find the stuff, and then I have to add it to my medicine set. Being that everything moves slowly when I'm in this kind of a funk, it just... doesn't happen. Well, until it does happen. I need to reset my medicine-set, and I have decided to take them, so it should be on the schedule tomorrow... a month after they were prescribed? *sigh* I really do try.
Oh! The sun just rose above the mountains to the east. What an absolutely beautiful morning. Perhaps God just wants me to see a little more beauty, to realize a little more love, and to buy a bit better property with minor suffering before I go? It is nice, even in my odd little sad ways, to finally actually enjoy this life. I won't mind trading it for heaven, but I'll take what I get for as long as it is mine to have. Good day.
P.S. I haven't been editing lately. I just don't have the juice. So if it looks bad, reading here, that is why. I can't focus.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Snow, heavy snow.
.
.
After several days of rain we are finally getting snow. On my way to town, I went the way south first. There were places were water was overrunning the road. Not quite enough to stop traffic, enough to slow it a great deal though. Luckily, I hit the first of those when I was at a slower speed, and so started watching for them. Hitting one of those at speed would be a serious wake-up call, very possibly a serious accident. I slowed it down a great deal after that. I would say it might have been deep enough to put a small car out of action, perhaps as deep as six inches and up to 15 feet long, perhaps more. On the way back I took the other way. By then it had changed from rain to snow. Slick too. There was one place I really needed my Iowa driving skills, even with 4-high, out of over-drive, and going only 45mph. It looks like the snow machine is trying to make up for the lack of snow so far and all at once.
Because of the slow down in traffic, there was no way I was going to get my friend shopping and make it to Church. So, tomorrow, either in the morning or afternoon, I need to make it to Church. I need to get back to going on weekdays too. My problem is exhaustion.
I have nearly finished the dishes. I think I have a pot that I mixed the spaghetti in, for heating, earlier, and a few other items. Very little is left. Then I need to clean the kitchen and do laundry, finish it anyway. The exhaustion is excruciating right now. While the medicines seem to help, in full winter they have a limited ability to help. I really need to get the day-lamp set up and begin using it. I never gave it a chance before because I never could quite figure out where to set it up. That isn't a problem this time. I pray that it works. I need something to help, the medicines just aren't cutting it. And the threat of falling off them again, simply due to a lack of ability to stay even modestly functional, is real. It says a lot for medicine if I am seriously trying to take them.
My waterproof mp3 player arrived today. I won't be setting it up until tomorrow or... later. I knew, being an Apple, I would be ripped off by being forced to use the Apple store, but it was the best of options as far as an mp3 player for swimming and working out more generally. I prefer Zune, which allowed anything to be put on the player. But that simply wasn't available. Never mind, this should do. My shoes have been shipped too. I can't wait to try those. I hope they work. Novel, but also... interesting. I often will use my heels to walk, but prefer the barefoot style of motation, using the palms of my feet to get around on. These shoes were designed for the latter style of walking. It's why my calves are so well defined.
I believe I am about ready to crash. I simply can't stay awake much longer. Up at 8:00, down by 20:00? Ugh, not the best, but in the condition I am in, that may be as good as it gets. Good night.
.
After several days of rain we are finally getting snow. On my way to town, I went the way south first. There were places were water was overrunning the road. Not quite enough to stop traffic, enough to slow it a great deal though. Luckily, I hit the first of those when I was at a slower speed, and so started watching for them. Hitting one of those at speed would be a serious wake-up call, very possibly a serious accident. I slowed it down a great deal after that. I would say it might have been deep enough to put a small car out of action, perhaps as deep as six inches and up to 15 feet long, perhaps more. On the way back I took the other way. By then it had changed from rain to snow. Slick too. There was one place I really needed my Iowa driving skills, even with 4-high, out of over-drive, and going only 45mph. It looks like the snow machine is trying to make up for the lack of snow so far and all at once.
Because of the slow down in traffic, there was no way I was going to get my friend shopping and make it to Church. So, tomorrow, either in the morning or afternoon, I need to make it to Church. I need to get back to going on weekdays too. My problem is exhaustion.
I have nearly finished the dishes. I think I have a pot that I mixed the spaghetti in, for heating, earlier, and a few other items. Very little is left. Then I need to clean the kitchen and do laundry, finish it anyway. The exhaustion is excruciating right now. While the medicines seem to help, in full winter they have a limited ability to help. I really need to get the day-lamp set up and begin using it. I never gave it a chance before because I never could quite figure out where to set it up. That isn't a problem this time. I pray that it works. I need something to help, the medicines just aren't cutting it. And the threat of falling off them again, simply due to a lack of ability to stay even modestly functional, is real. It says a lot for medicine if I am seriously trying to take them.
My waterproof mp3 player arrived today. I won't be setting it up until tomorrow or... later. I knew, being an Apple, I would be ripped off by being forced to use the Apple store, but it was the best of options as far as an mp3 player for swimming and working out more generally. I prefer Zune, which allowed anything to be put on the player. But that simply wasn't available. Never mind, this should do. My shoes have been shipped too. I can't wait to try those. I hope they work. Novel, but also... interesting. I often will use my heels to walk, but prefer the barefoot style of motation, using the palms of my feet to get around on. These shoes were designed for the latter style of walking. It's why my calves are so well defined.
I believe I am about ready to crash. I simply can't stay awake much longer. Up at 8:00, down by 20:00? Ugh, not the best, but in the condition I am in, that may be as good as it gets. Good night.
The gamble.
.
.
Last night, while deciding whether to make food or not, I had to take a risk in the end. While I had done a few dishes, as a token promise, I wasn't sure if cooking and eating would end up putting more dishes in the longer term queue or whether the food would induce me to finish up the dishes, all of them, sooner rather than later. While I don't know if food helps, or if I just have good and bad days based on their own merits, such gambles are just that. It ends up that the food, if it does that, or if today is just a good day "because", I have finished most of the dishes.
As for lazy, I keep wondering about that. Can you be said to be lazy if you can't service your addiction? I have been out of tobacco for the last several days. Crazy as it makes me, I haven't been able to break out of my troubles and get to town. I promised my friend I would be to town today, and I would like to make it to Mass, but troubles are just that. If I can do that, either or both, I hope to get on laundry tonight, and maybe trash and kitty litter duty ahead of time this week.
Having a bit of food, right to hand, has been nice. It does seem to add a bit to life. And I suspect it helps with energy. It is a temporary thing though. Take it where you can get it. I best get going if I want to be in town in an hour or two. Have a good one.
.
Last night, while deciding whether to make food or not, I had to take a risk in the end. While I had done a few dishes, as a token promise, I wasn't sure if cooking and eating would end up putting more dishes in the longer term queue or whether the food would induce me to finish up the dishes, all of them, sooner rather than later. While I don't know if food helps, or if I just have good and bad days based on their own merits, such gambles are just that. It ends up that the food, if it does that, or if today is just a good day "because", I have finished most of the dishes.
As for lazy, I keep wondering about that. Can you be said to be lazy if you can't service your addiction? I have been out of tobacco for the last several days. Crazy as it makes me, I haven't been able to break out of my troubles and get to town. I promised my friend I would be to town today, and I would like to make it to Mass, but troubles are just that. If I can do that, either or both, I hope to get on laundry tonight, and maybe trash and kitty litter duty ahead of time this week.
Having a bit of food, right to hand, has been nice. It does seem to add a bit to life. And I suspect it helps with energy. It is a temporary thing though. Take it where you can get it. I best get going if I want to be in town in an hour or two. Have a good one.
Not bad.
.
.
To bed by 0:00, give or take, and up before 8:00 by one to twenty minutes. Sleep was good. Dreams of women, just flirtatious stuff but there was some serious mojo with it. As much as women drive me to distraction, I just can't turn my back on them. Unless I think they might do something interesting for when I turn back around to face them. Wow, how do women move so fast, sometimes. Never mind.
I wanted something to eat. Not that I was starving. I decided on a reheat of some of the spaghetti. That went down quite well. I won't say I make, or remix, the best spaghetti and sauce. I will say I do extremely well with what I have. Somethings get better, like chili, with some time for the ingredients to marry. With spaghetti, since the sauce it out of a jar it is pretty much "married" as is. But it doesn't get worse, either. A plate of that made for an excellent breakfast, with a side of cottage cheese. An absolute fantastic mix (avoid 'yogurt' tasting cottage cheese (and sour cream)).
I can't tell if it is just overcast or if the sun isn't quite up yet. Nor am I awake enough to really tell. I might look it up, out of curiosity. I hate it when I ask a question, and someone who just freshly looked it up right before I asks acts like they know something. To be honest, without your watch or other device, there is a good chance, on any particular day, you wouldn't know what day it is. How much do we honestly just know, how much do we only know where to go to find the answer. I think the answer to that will absolutely crush you. Take away your tools, take away programs, take away phones, take away calculators or data sets, now... do your job alone. We would fall into a pile of gibbering foolishness in days without electricity, and more so alone without it. Don't let anyone fool you, a minor incident could turn into the end of the world in days. All it would take is an incident, a minor one, and then a loss of faith (even if the authorities really were on the brink of fixing it). More so in this 'get-it-now', 'has-to-be-done-already-right?' population. Won't affect the country immediately. We are used to "hold your breath and wait, we'll be 'right there'" type of b.s. We have learned, often, to do it ourselves or skip it.
Of course, at some point, the city dwellers will begin heading to us. Some will be welcomed, but most will be what they already are, a pariah, a blight. They will not be welcomed. The more dangerous among them... will become pray. There are many of them but they aren't used to mosquitoes, their fancy shoes will not last in the winter, their belligerence might initially get them what they want but it will see them abandoned and avoided, a nearly impossible way to live. Turning to absolute criminal ways? More than a losing proposition. Even if they succeeded, being unhindered and undefeated, what socialist thieves worldwide have found is that if you steal from the productive and give to the unproductive, eventually you wipe out the economy. No matter the scale.
Blathering. Later.
.
To bed by 0:00, give or take, and up before 8:00 by one to twenty minutes. Sleep was good. Dreams of women, just flirtatious stuff but there was some serious mojo with it. As much as women drive me to distraction, I just can't turn my back on them. Unless I think they might do something interesting for when I turn back around to face them. Wow, how do women move so fast, sometimes. Never mind.
I wanted something to eat. Not that I was starving. I decided on a reheat of some of the spaghetti. That went down quite well. I won't say I make, or remix, the best spaghetti and sauce. I will say I do extremely well with what I have. Somethings get better, like chili, with some time for the ingredients to marry. With spaghetti, since the sauce it out of a jar it is pretty much "married" as is. But it doesn't get worse, either. A plate of that made for an excellent breakfast, with a side of cottage cheese. An absolute fantastic mix (avoid 'yogurt' tasting cottage cheese (and sour cream)).
I can't tell if it is just overcast or if the sun isn't quite up yet. Nor am I awake enough to really tell. I might look it up, out of curiosity. I hate it when I ask a question, and someone who just freshly looked it up right before I asks acts like they know something. To be honest, without your watch or other device, there is a good chance, on any particular day, you wouldn't know what day it is. How much do we honestly just know, how much do we only know where to go to find the answer. I think the answer to that will absolutely crush you. Take away your tools, take away programs, take away phones, take away calculators or data sets, now... do your job alone. We would fall into a pile of gibbering foolishness in days without electricity, and more so alone without it. Don't let anyone fool you, a minor incident could turn into the end of the world in days. All it would take is an incident, a minor one, and then a loss of faith (even if the authorities really were on the brink of fixing it). More so in this 'get-it-now', 'has-to-be-done-already-right?' population. Won't affect the country immediately. We are used to "hold your breath and wait, we'll be 'right there'" type of b.s. We have learned, often, to do it ourselves or skip it.
Of course, at some point, the city dwellers will begin heading to us. Some will be welcomed, but most will be what they already are, a pariah, a blight. They will not be welcomed. The more dangerous among them... will become pray. There are many of them but they aren't used to mosquitoes, their fancy shoes will not last in the winter, their belligerence might initially get them what they want but it will see them abandoned and avoided, a nearly impossible way to live. Turning to absolute criminal ways? More than a losing proposition. Even if they succeeded, being unhindered and undefeated, what socialist thieves worldwide have found is that if you steal from the productive and give to the unproductive, eventually you wipe out the economy. No matter the scale.
Blathering. Later.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Close enough.
.
.
I have been trying to simply do the dishes for days, weeks really. I nibble on bits of the task, now and again, and at least keep even, give or take. No more dishes are created than are washed. Well, I got just a little further ahead tonight. I have wanted spaghetti for a while. Something always goes wrong regarding having my friend over for dinner lately. And I was tired of waiting. Besides, I can have him over for spaghetti soon. This time I was able to add some of my beat-you-over-the-head cayenne. I don't think it is all that but most people who get a touch of it do. I love spicing my spaghetti sauce into the lower stratosphere. When I have my friend over, I will be nice... most likely. No, he really can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. Same with most people I know. If you think Tabasco is hot, you fit in this category (Tabasco is 4k on the scale, my cayenne is 90k, for proof and other examples click).
I did many more things than I dirtied. I didn't overeat, either. Well, for me. Then again, maintenance calories for me range between 2670 and 3160, or something like that. Well, if I was at all active. I would guess I should probably only eat between 2,100 and 2,500 calories a day. I simply don't do enough. I know food will not get me into activity. If I try to eat myself to success I will merely gain a ton of weight. I am broken. Now, if I eat a bit more when I happen to be able to be more active? That works, so long as I cut down when I begin to slide. Though I seem to lose my appetite in those times, so it's usually easy to back off.
Blathering. But I did stay up until 23:25! Youch, it is bedtime. I wondered why, reading this over, even I thought I was blathering! Good night.
.
I have been trying to simply do the dishes for days, weeks really. I nibble on bits of the task, now and again, and at least keep even, give or take. No more dishes are created than are washed. Well, I got just a little further ahead tonight. I have wanted spaghetti for a while. Something always goes wrong regarding having my friend over for dinner lately. And I was tired of waiting. Besides, I can have him over for spaghetti soon. This time I was able to add some of my beat-you-over-the-head cayenne. I don't think it is all that but most people who get a touch of it do. I love spicing my spaghetti sauce into the lower stratosphere. When I have my friend over, I will be nice... most likely. No, he really can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. Same with most people I know. If you think Tabasco is hot, you fit in this category (Tabasco is 4k on the scale, my cayenne is 90k, for proof and other examples click).
I did many more things than I dirtied. I didn't overeat, either. Well, for me. Then again, maintenance calories for me range between 2670 and 3160, or something like that. Well, if I was at all active. I would guess I should probably only eat between 2,100 and 2,500 calories a day. I simply don't do enough. I know food will not get me into activity. If I try to eat myself to success I will merely gain a ton of weight. I am broken. Now, if I eat a bit more when I happen to be able to be more active? That works, so long as I cut down when I begin to slide. Though I seem to lose my appetite in those times, so it's usually easy to back off.
Blathering. But I did stay up until 23:25! Youch, it is bedtime. I wondered why, reading this over, even I thought I was blathering! Good night.
Heart isn't all.
.
.
I went to bed at about 17:00 last night. Simply put, running from 1:00 in the morning onward, I ran clean out of gas. But fair enough. I slept until 4:00. A little bit of extra sleep, but if I am remembering correctly, I have been shaving a bit of sleep time while I shift my sleep patterns. Even if not, shifting my schedule takes a little extra energy. So I don't mind the extra sleep. I woke pain free for the first time in a while. My goals haven't changed and I would attempt them with or without pain anyway, it just makes it all just a little easier.
I noticed Vox writing something about slowing down as we age. He finds that seems to be the case in his games. Slowing down intellectually and reflexively past the age of, say, 45. My guess is? Bunk to a greater degree. Or at least, not severely and probably not for the reasons given. Most 45 year old men are in a relationship and a career. These things are given a great deal more weight at that age, as most are finally coming to realize that time is against them. While men of this age may begin slowing down, I believe it has more to do with their minds being more concentrated on a few more things than a younger man will concern himself with. Much like a computer with a faster chip and more memory, but with bloat-ware, it may seem that the cleaned slower chip and memory configuration somehow runs faster. It doesn't, it just isn't being taxed otherwise. Physically, of course, there is some slowing. But how much of that is due to the fact that most 45 year old and older men have found more efficient ways of doing things and so have ceased the practices that would have kept them that fast?
However, I notice that in gaming, sometimes I do try to take my time. Rather than rush in, or depend on reflexes, I depend on knowledge. I am sure at times that my reflexes are slower than what I would like. Then again, the games are meant to be right on the edge of human reflexes. Too, when I was younger, I would just fight through until I was out of too much, and hope I had saved recently enough with whatever resources I might need. Young guys are like that. It also leads to seemingly faster reflexes, yet I easily finish a game faster, and with more resources, than a young player generally will. Different game play and style, with different results, and for a reason. I wonder if most older gamers gravitate to a different play style? Is it because of autonomic reduction in speed or is it based on a more reasoned approach, or... both? Who knows.
I hope to actually get to some of my goals today. Then again, I've been working on getting to them for a while. The medicines are helping, but I seem to be weighed down with something else. Perhaps less sun really does beat me into the dirt. I have a sun lamp, I really should set that up this year and experiment with it. I, for obvious reasons, don't believe in anti-depressents, per se, but I do believe in using methods and equipment as possible tools to combat a physical phenomenon. If I can't figure things out, I may just get that device set up, right beside where I play my games, and let her rip. I hate being stuck in this no-man's land.
It is a beautiful day. I am at least up to doing some of my routine, to include opening the curtains. I shaved my beard. Wow is it white. I only have parts of the mustache, and that going on down into my beard, that are somewhat dark. I must look to be 60 with that thing on, save for the obvious strength of my body one would not know? Bah! I love my beard, I just didn't want to trim it this time and it has been warm, mostly. Well, and I need to get some pictures taken for the dating site. I am not going to have a goat looking beard on for those photos! I'll save the goat beard for a wedding present! :)
Have a great day. Later.
.
I went to bed at about 17:00 last night. Simply put, running from 1:00 in the morning onward, I ran clean out of gas. But fair enough. I slept until 4:00. A little bit of extra sleep, but if I am remembering correctly, I have been shaving a bit of sleep time while I shift my sleep patterns. Even if not, shifting my schedule takes a little extra energy. So I don't mind the extra sleep. I woke pain free for the first time in a while. My goals haven't changed and I would attempt them with or without pain anyway, it just makes it all just a little easier.
I noticed Vox writing something about slowing down as we age. He finds that seems to be the case in his games. Slowing down intellectually and reflexively past the age of, say, 45. My guess is? Bunk to a greater degree. Or at least, not severely and probably not for the reasons given. Most 45 year old men are in a relationship and a career. These things are given a great deal more weight at that age, as most are finally coming to realize that time is against them. While men of this age may begin slowing down, I believe it has more to do with their minds being more concentrated on a few more things than a younger man will concern himself with. Much like a computer with a faster chip and more memory, but with bloat-ware, it may seem that the cleaned slower chip and memory configuration somehow runs faster. It doesn't, it just isn't being taxed otherwise. Physically, of course, there is some slowing. But how much of that is due to the fact that most 45 year old and older men have found more efficient ways of doing things and so have ceased the practices that would have kept them that fast?
However, I notice that in gaming, sometimes I do try to take my time. Rather than rush in, or depend on reflexes, I depend on knowledge. I am sure at times that my reflexes are slower than what I would like. Then again, the games are meant to be right on the edge of human reflexes. Too, when I was younger, I would just fight through until I was out of too much, and hope I had saved recently enough with whatever resources I might need. Young guys are like that. It also leads to seemingly faster reflexes, yet I easily finish a game faster, and with more resources, than a young player generally will. Different game play and style, with different results, and for a reason. I wonder if most older gamers gravitate to a different play style? Is it because of autonomic reduction in speed or is it based on a more reasoned approach, or... both? Who knows.
I hope to actually get to some of my goals today. Then again, I've been working on getting to them for a while. The medicines are helping, but I seem to be weighed down with something else. Perhaps less sun really does beat me into the dirt. I have a sun lamp, I really should set that up this year and experiment with it. I, for obvious reasons, don't believe in anti-depressents, per se, but I do believe in using methods and equipment as possible tools to combat a physical phenomenon. If I can't figure things out, I may just get that device set up, right beside where I play my games, and let her rip. I hate being stuck in this no-man's land.
It is a beautiful day. I am at least up to doing some of my routine, to include opening the curtains. I shaved my beard. Wow is it white. I only have parts of the mustache, and that going on down into my beard, that are somewhat dark. I must look to be 60 with that thing on, save for the obvious strength of my body one would not know? Bah! I love my beard, I just didn't want to trim it this time and it has been warm, mostly. Well, and I need to get some pictures taken for the dating site. I am not going to have a goat looking beard on for those photos! I'll save the goat beard for a wedding present! :)
Have a great day. Later.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A few more things.
.
.
My mother and my lady friend both called this morning. I surprised them both! I was awake AND I answered the phone. I hate it when I am up but the phone is in another room so that I don't hear it. Neither had a lot to say. My lady friend was a little disappointed that I didn't send her a birthday card. Fair enough, she always does. It is just that I scratched her birthday off my to-do list being that I sent her the gift... scratched it off in my mind. Yeah, no. I'll have to work on that. Then again, I wasn't in much shape to have remembered anyway. Hmm, perhaps I should buy a small stack of cards for various people I mean to send cards to. Yeah, when I get around to it. Hey, it's sort of fun.
I placed one final order with Amazon. Oddly, I was having difficulty even placing the order. For whatever reason, nothing I tried (if there were only two things to try) was working. I called their number again. Another Indian, but a guy, so I don't care if he was cute or not, looked into the matter. He said there was no problem, but I know there was. I don't know if he took something off or changed something, but after he cleared it to work on his computer, it then worked on mine. Odd, very odd.
I ordered the waterproof mp3 player, and headsets listed there, a band to hold the earplugs in place a bit better perhaps, some shoes for the pool/gym area (in the blue/gray camo), and corrected vision goggles for swimming. Yes, but I have been watching my money, closely. Mother. I haven't spent more than I intended, and still have enough to get me through the month. If I did spend down right to the limit, leaving just enough to eat, drive, and have a meal or two out.
Next, a few emails are about to be sent regarding KoC. Just business sorts of things. Then a quick trip to town. I will skip joining the gym until the first of the month (if I do have that money set aside, I just like starting on or close to the first of the month, for billing purposes, besides my gear won't be in until then). But I do want to look for the clerk of courts, and see if they keep the records in the office or if they keep court records in another building. It is time to do research. A little shopping may occur as well.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am getting back on my feet. The curtains have been opened again as well. Odd how everything has to be just right for me to get to the things I like. Good day.
.
My mother and my lady friend both called this morning. I surprised them both! I was awake AND I answered the phone. I hate it when I am up but the phone is in another room so that I don't hear it. Neither had a lot to say. My lady friend was a little disappointed that I didn't send her a birthday card. Fair enough, she always does. It is just that I scratched her birthday off my to-do list being that I sent her the gift... scratched it off in my mind. Yeah, no. I'll have to work on that. Then again, I wasn't in much shape to have remembered anyway. Hmm, perhaps I should buy a small stack of cards for various people I mean to send cards to. Yeah, when I get around to it. Hey, it's sort of fun.
I placed one final order with Amazon. Oddly, I was having difficulty even placing the order. For whatever reason, nothing I tried (if there were only two things to try) was working. I called their number again. Another Indian, but a guy, so I don't care if he was cute or not, looked into the matter. He said there was no problem, but I know there was. I don't know if he took something off or changed something, but after he cleared it to work on his computer, it then worked on mine. Odd, very odd.
I ordered the waterproof mp3 player, and headsets listed there, a band to hold the earplugs in place a bit better perhaps, some shoes for the pool/gym area (in the blue/gray camo), and corrected vision goggles for swimming. Yes, but I have been watching my money, closely. Mother. I haven't spent more than I intended, and still have enough to get me through the month. If I did spend down right to the limit, leaving just enough to eat, drive, and have a meal or two out.
Next, a few emails are about to be sent regarding KoC. Just business sorts of things. Then a quick trip to town. I will skip joining the gym until the first of the month (if I do have that money set aside, I just like starting on or close to the first of the month, for billing purposes, besides my gear won't be in until then). But I do want to look for the clerk of courts, and see if they keep the records in the office or if they keep court records in another building. It is time to do research. A little shopping may occur as well.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am getting back on my feet. The curtains have been opened again as well. Odd how everything has to be just right for me to get to the things I like. Good day.
While I am still up...
.
.
Going back to bed was a no-starter. The cats have been fed. Maybe dishes will finally be done. A few emails are about to go out. And I am hoping to have enough going to go to town. While I was sitting there, sitting there, I started thinking about food. Well, yes, I am hungry. Thank you. But, that isn't what crossed my mind. As I consider joining a gym, for swimming at the moment, I need to consider food. Now, I have been cutting down, well, before I simply stopped eating. Cutting meal size and increasing the number of meals. However I believe I really need to dig further.
Calorie counting is something I never had to do when I had better health. I was in my twenties though. If I want to actually figure some things out I best consider food. It is such a tricky thing though. How to keep up with it, mostly. Adding in counting calories, adjusting carbs, fats, and proteins too, to an already somewhat baffling and overwhelming task? I fear my organizational skills and... something(s) else, is maybe lacking. How do you even begin to try to calculate calories? Do you really need to weigh everything? How much fat does a piece of meat really have? I have, in the past, attempted to count calories. The project is as much art as science, literally. And, in the end, I never felt satisfied with the notion. I was never secure in the idea that my count was accurate, no matter how fine of detail I took the process down to.
Still, it might be worth another crack at it. I would probably need a good guide. Initially, I wouldn't be changing the calories I eat. I would merely be tracking them, give or take. In time, the goal would be to adjust, switch things out, cut a bit here or there. Nothing drastic or immediate. And actually, I should probably be eating more. It might help with energy, a bit. I have to be careful though, as there is only so much "enough" food will do considering the bad heart. So I could easily end up simply chunking out. My third fiancee, a sweetheart if a troubled one, got me up to 350 pounds in a year. She loved having me fat and happy. She still should have bought a leash, but that is a whole other story.
It is tricky for me. There isn't going to be a good guide for people in my condition. We are supposed to be bedbound and being waited on, slowly turning into worm food. I am not supposed to be considering swimming, biking, hiking, or any of that. There are a few others like me. My doctors indicated as much. But we are considered extremely rare and... they don't like us much. Moving targets are much more difficult to hit... or fix in this case?
I did think this site, Freedieting, had some excellent calculators. By their rough guess, my body fat is more like 22.4%, which seems a LOT more plausible than the ridiculous numbers my doctors have tried to hand me. While I do have a 40" waist and a belly, I also have a 51" chest with some decent solid in there, my wrists are thick but mostly bone. That looks to be a reasonable site until or unless I find a better minor guide.
On to other things. Good day.
.
Going back to bed was a no-starter. The cats have been fed. Maybe dishes will finally be done. A few emails are about to go out. And I am hoping to have enough going to go to town. While I was sitting there, sitting there, I started thinking about food. Well, yes, I am hungry. Thank you. But, that isn't what crossed my mind. As I consider joining a gym, for swimming at the moment, I need to consider food. Now, I have been cutting down, well, before I simply stopped eating. Cutting meal size and increasing the number of meals. However I believe I really need to dig further.
Calorie counting is something I never had to do when I had better health. I was in my twenties though. If I want to actually figure some things out I best consider food. It is such a tricky thing though. How to keep up with it, mostly. Adding in counting calories, adjusting carbs, fats, and proteins too, to an already somewhat baffling and overwhelming task? I fear my organizational skills and... something(s) else, is maybe lacking. How do you even begin to try to calculate calories? Do you really need to weigh everything? How much fat does a piece of meat really have? I have, in the past, attempted to count calories. The project is as much art as science, literally. And, in the end, I never felt satisfied with the notion. I was never secure in the idea that my count was accurate, no matter how fine of detail I took the process down to.
Still, it might be worth another crack at it. I would probably need a good guide. Initially, I wouldn't be changing the calories I eat. I would merely be tracking them, give or take. In time, the goal would be to adjust, switch things out, cut a bit here or there. Nothing drastic or immediate. And actually, I should probably be eating more. It might help with energy, a bit. I have to be careful though, as there is only so much "enough" food will do considering the bad heart. So I could easily end up simply chunking out. My third fiancee, a sweetheart if a troubled one, got me up to 350 pounds in a year. She loved having me fat and happy. She still should have bought a leash, but that is a whole other story.
It is tricky for me. There isn't going to be a good guide for people in my condition. We are supposed to be bedbound and being waited on, slowly turning into worm food. I am not supposed to be considering swimming, biking, hiking, or any of that. There are a few others like me. My doctors indicated as much. But we are considered extremely rare and... they don't like us much. Moving targets are much more difficult to hit... or fix in this case?
I did think this site, Freedieting, had some excellent calculators. By their rough guess, my body fat is more like 22.4%, which seems a LOT more plausible than the ridiculous numbers my doctors have tried to hand me. While I do have a 40" waist and a belly, I also have a 51" chest with some decent solid in there, my wrists are thick but mostly bone. That looks to be a reasonable site until or unless I find a better minor guide.
On to other things. Good day.
It never is easy.
.
.
To bed by 21:00, give or take, I woke just before 1:00. I woke hard this morning. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, other times like today I had no chance. I feel good. Getting up this early just doesn't work well when trying to be awake in the daytime. I can do it but I become so stretched that nothing gets done. I am hoping, in a few hours, I can lay back down, setting the alarm for 8:00 or some such. I have things I would like to do in town, things I have not gotten to yet that have been in my plans for weeks, perhaps months, now.
I dreamed of what is to come shortly. I am going to offer the leader of the KoC a chance to 'let me go'. If I am too hot to handle, he will be given an opportunity to simply say the word. Yes, I suppose I have a few emails to write as well. I have to set that meeting up, first. And I have business with another knight, specifically. Then I am going to put out a call to the other knights generally. Recruiting needs to begin occurring, which means I have to have a plan in place. A plan requires participants. I will be seeking those who attend a particular Sabbath Mass regularly, who might also be willing to set up a table, put out some literature and posters, and either sign men up or send them to me. I will act as backup if someone can't make it. As well, I hope to get a registry of men in the Church and begin cold calling from that list, minus those who are already knights. When we have a schedule of events for the KoC, I would like to have that printed as part of the drive. Knowing what knights do might induce others to join. All of it is social, some of it is more like work, some of it is more like play. As well, since father is a knight as well, and I need to speak to him anyway, I may ask for his participation in recruiting.
I keep having darker dreams. Until I manage some problems I believe they will remain dark. I know I am like handling a firecracker, or worse. I am a man of extreme action, if more so only in thought these days. Then again, there has been little use for anything beyond that in some long time. I avoid trouble now, always tried to before but I had little choice in where I went or was sent. And, to some degree, I chose to be sent where there was trouble. Who knows if I can still even defend myself. If I doubt if weaponized people can ever quite change, at least after they have become feral about it.
I figured I had lost some weight. I finally remember to weigh myself before eating or drinking anything this morning. Down to the low 270's. That has to be funny for some of you? I suppose if you lost 15 pounds, you would see it? And the notion of "down to the low 270's" has to be a gas? I don't see 15 pounds gone, not really. But my underwear slide down, what I consider my tight ones. And my blue jeans need my belt to be cinched, down to the last slot. Now is the time to hit swimming! Hit it while I am losing. I bought a watch specifically to monitor my heart rate while swimming, to try and keep my heart at the best pace for losing weight. I haven't decided, yet, what pace that is. I will need to do a bit more research. Then again, initially, my goal is simply to begin piecing together laps. When I get to being able to swim, say a mile, then I can honestly begin using the monitor. Until then I will simply be experimenting with it. It will be good, at first, to check about returning-to-rest heart rate normalization. That will tell me a great deal. Yes, I am taking this seriously. Those fighting dreams really grabbed me by my brass ornaments and shook my cookie tree something awful. I still tense up when the subject comes to mind.
Hmm, later.
.
To bed by 21:00, give or take, I woke just before 1:00. I woke hard this morning. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, other times like today I had no chance. I feel good. Getting up this early just doesn't work well when trying to be awake in the daytime. I can do it but I become so stretched that nothing gets done. I am hoping, in a few hours, I can lay back down, setting the alarm for 8:00 or some such. I have things I would like to do in town, things I have not gotten to yet that have been in my plans for weeks, perhaps months, now.
I dreamed of what is to come shortly. I am going to offer the leader of the KoC a chance to 'let me go'. If I am too hot to handle, he will be given an opportunity to simply say the word. Yes, I suppose I have a few emails to write as well. I have to set that meeting up, first. And I have business with another knight, specifically. Then I am going to put out a call to the other knights generally. Recruiting needs to begin occurring, which means I have to have a plan in place. A plan requires participants. I will be seeking those who attend a particular Sabbath Mass regularly, who might also be willing to set up a table, put out some literature and posters, and either sign men up or send them to me. I will act as backup if someone can't make it. As well, I hope to get a registry of men in the Church and begin cold calling from that list, minus those who are already knights. When we have a schedule of events for the KoC, I would like to have that printed as part of the drive. Knowing what knights do might induce others to join. All of it is social, some of it is more like work, some of it is more like play. As well, since father is a knight as well, and I need to speak to him anyway, I may ask for his participation in recruiting.
I keep having darker dreams. Until I manage some problems I believe they will remain dark. I know I am like handling a firecracker, or worse. I am a man of extreme action, if more so only in thought these days. Then again, there has been little use for anything beyond that in some long time. I avoid trouble now, always tried to before but I had little choice in where I went or was sent. And, to some degree, I chose to be sent where there was trouble. Who knows if I can still even defend myself. If I doubt if weaponized people can ever quite change, at least after they have become feral about it.
I figured I had lost some weight. I finally remember to weigh myself before eating or drinking anything this morning. Down to the low 270's. That has to be funny for some of you? I suppose if you lost 15 pounds, you would see it? And the notion of "down to the low 270's" has to be a gas? I don't see 15 pounds gone, not really. But my underwear slide down, what I consider my tight ones. And my blue jeans need my belt to be cinched, down to the last slot. Now is the time to hit swimming! Hit it while I am losing. I bought a watch specifically to monitor my heart rate while swimming, to try and keep my heart at the best pace for losing weight. I haven't decided, yet, what pace that is. I will need to do a bit more research. Then again, initially, my goal is simply to begin piecing together laps. When I get to being able to swim, say a mile, then I can honestly begin using the monitor. Until then I will simply be experimenting with it. It will be good, at first, to check about returning-to-rest heart rate normalization. That will tell me a great deal. Yes, I am taking this seriously. Those fighting dreams really grabbed me by my brass ornaments and shook my cookie tree something awful. I still tense up when the subject comes to mind.
Hmm, later.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Returns.
.
.
A few of the items I ordered for the PS3, and my computer actually, need to be returned. I bought a pair of headsets. I only opened one. Within six days, the headset stopped playing out of the left side. Six days! I don't want to give the other set a chance to break. I have had headphones die, after years of use before. I know a broken wire when I "hear" one. My guess, they tried to use the absolute thinnest wire they could and it bit them and me in the butt. However, for whatever reason, the Amazon site was not letting me do the return process. Further, when I tried to get contact information, that was not showing up either. The heading was there, but the field where that information should have been was blank. I figured this process was going to be difficult, not this difficult. Finally I searched for contact information. I found it off Amazon's site at a blogger. Bloggers, coming through where companies fail. I had to call twice. The first time I was transferred, I was transferred to nowhere. The second time I got someone right away. Though she was obviously Indian, she actually was understandable, and probably cute. Nevermind. She set it up so UPS will stop by my house in the next 1-5 days, with a label. I would have had to call anyway, as it turns out. My printer isn't working and I couldn't have printed the return label. ARGH! Nothing works anymore, not for long, not well.
While I do like, and use, Amazon. I am quite sure they can be one step below Walmart in the quality of their goods. And the companies who sell through them are even worse. Still, often, it is good enough. The returns, at almost any store, are rather weak, though too. Mom and Pop stores used to be some of the worst offenders, Walmart being, generally much better. Mercantile has never favored the buyer, much as banking has never favored anyone. Everyone cheats, just a little to a whole lot. It is the way of the world and it is as it has been from the beginning. Somehow, in there somewhere, we got spoiled with good products at fair prices. That is over. Now they are trying to end returns as well. Just make it hard enough and people just might give up in frustration. Not this time.
I will be getting to town today. I promised my friend I would be in by 15:00 or so. I want to be in earlier though, to get the gym membership going and find the clerk of courts or at least where they hold court records to examine them. I really need to begin studying those to see about the accident return. Like I said, three professionals have told me what I should expect and the insurance company is offering about half of what the lowest suggestion was (over expenses). I don't like that, not at all. Plus, just getting showered, dressed, and out would be good for me.
Later.
.
A few of the items I ordered for the PS3, and my computer actually, need to be returned. I bought a pair of headsets. I only opened one. Within six days, the headset stopped playing out of the left side. Six days! I don't want to give the other set a chance to break. I have had headphones die, after years of use before. I know a broken wire when I "hear" one. My guess, they tried to use the absolute thinnest wire they could and it bit them and me in the butt. However, for whatever reason, the Amazon site was not letting me do the return process. Further, when I tried to get contact information, that was not showing up either. The heading was there, but the field where that information should have been was blank. I figured this process was going to be difficult, not this difficult. Finally I searched for contact information. I found it off Amazon's site at a blogger. Bloggers, coming through where companies fail. I had to call twice. The first time I was transferred, I was transferred to nowhere. The second time I got someone right away. Though she was obviously Indian, she actually was understandable, and probably cute. Nevermind. She set it up so UPS will stop by my house in the next 1-5 days, with a label. I would have had to call anyway, as it turns out. My printer isn't working and I couldn't have printed the return label. ARGH! Nothing works anymore, not for long, not well.
While I do like, and use, Amazon. I am quite sure they can be one step below Walmart in the quality of their goods. And the companies who sell through them are even worse. Still, often, it is good enough. The returns, at almost any store, are rather weak, though too. Mom and Pop stores used to be some of the worst offenders, Walmart being, generally much better. Mercantile has never favored the buyer, much as banking has never favored anyone. Everyone cheats, just a little to a whole lot. It is the way of the world and it is as it has been from the beginning. Somehow, in there somewhere, we got spoiled with good products at fair prices. That is over. Now they are trying to end returns as well. Just make it hard enough and people just might give up in frustration. Not this time.
I will be getting to town today. I promised my friend I would be in by 15:00 or so. I want to be in earlier though, to get the gym membership going and find the clerk of courts or at least where they hold court records to examine them. I really need to begin studying those to see about the accident return. Like I said, three professionals have told me what I should expect and the insurance company is offering about half of what the lowest suggestion was (over expenses). I don't like that, not at all. Plus, just getting showered, dressed, and out would be good for me.
Later.
Nice.
.
.
I got my friend out and about yesterday. Not sure what is going on with that lump on his head, I thought he was going to have a ct-scan yesterday. It seems not. Not sure at all. In any case, he was approved to by a pistol. He bought one and is planning to buy another. All good, I suppose. Which reminds me, I need to get back to working on buying my own pistol again. Of course, approval means nothing, not with the ATF (the ones who brought you illegal murder weapon sales to Mexico) cracking down on sellers. It seems my friend must get new ID that the ATF approves before he can buy a gun he has already received approval from the state to buy. Never mind. It's a government brown out, don't expect much.
I was up until 18:00, and was considering crashing, when some locals showed up. They just saw the lights on and decided to stop in. We had a great conversation, which lasted about three hours. I think all of us were a bit surprised when we looked at the time. Nothing like three guys talking to get some chuckles too. Chuckles are easy, when women aren't around to monitor. Then again, I've even gotten a woman or two to chuckle. Once. :p *bait*
I tried to stay up a bit longer. Well, no try about it. I am not sure how much longer I stayed up, but I realized by my game mojo that I was well beyond the daily "use by date". Sleep was easy and good. I woke at about 2:00, but this time I went back down easily. Sleeping until 4:30. Perfect. If I could hold that time period, I would be glad. Honestly though, especially in the winter, I think my mornings will slide up to 9:00 or 10:00 as a wake up and somewhere around noon as the beginning of my functional day.
If I can get in better shape, perhaps I will have more control, for longer periods of time. Remember, back when televisions were analogue, and you had a perpetual screen roll? You had to jimmy the control knob fine tuning to mostly stop that? That is how my world works. The best I will ever do, most likely, is getting those "page flips" down to a tolerable quick thing. Just an occasional blip. I just need to be on my medicine to do it.
Later.
.
I got my friend out and about yesterday. Not sure what is going on with that lump on his head, I thought he was going to have a ct-scan yesterday. It seems not. Not sure at all. In any case, he was approved to by a pistol. He bought one and is planning to buy another. All good, I suppose. Which reminds me, I need to get back to working on buying my own pistol again. Of course, approval means nothing, not with the ATF (the ones who brought you illegal murder weapon sales to Mexico) cracking down on sellers. It seems my friend must get new ID that the ATF approves before he can buy a gun he has already received approval from the state to buy. Never mind. It's a government brown out, don't expect much.
I was up until 18:00, and was considering crashing, when some locals showed up. They just saw the lights on and decided to stop in. We had a great conversation, which lasted about three hours. I think all of us were a bit surprised when we looked at the time. Nothing like three guys talking to get some chuckles too. Chuckles are easy, when women aren't around to monitor. Then again, I've even gotten a woman or two to chuckle. Once. :p *bait*
I tried to stay up a bit longer. Well, no try about it. I am not sure how much longer I stayed up, but I realized by my game mojo that I was well beyond the daily "use by date". Sleep was easy and good. I woke at about 2:00, but this time I went back down easily. Sleeping until 4:30. Perfect. If I could hold that time period, I would be glad. Honestly though, especially in the winter, I think my mornings will slide up to 9:00 or 10:00 as a wake up and somewhere around noon as the beginning of my functional day.
If I can get in better shape, perhaps I will have more control, for longer periods of time. Remember, back when televisions were analogue, and you had a perpetual screen roll? You had to jimmy the control knob fine tuning to mostly stop that? That is how my world works. The best I will ever do, most likely, is getting those "page flips" down to a tolerable quick thing. Just an occasional blip. I just need to be on my medicine to do it.
Later.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
It seems so easy.
.
.
I probably won't make Mass again today. I have to be out of the house, I promised my friend. I meant to be... further along here at home too. I ran out of steam somewhere along the line and... that was that. More was done though. And I think I will kick out dishes before I leave. I made a mistake, I had not taken care of all the backlog of clothes. I found a couple more piles. Must have still been pretty asleep when I assessed my progress earlier. Never mind that, I got to it.
Why this is so complicated? I know and it still baffles me. No reason to get angry, I have learned patience with myself. To know what I can do, at my best, is amazing. That I can only be at my best, now, for moments in a month, is frustrating. I am amazed, to a degree, that I can blog, coherently (I think?). I even do it regularly. Then again, blogging, writing, requires nearly zero energy. Energy seems to be a defining thing. The limiting factor. There is the thought processing, but this goes on with me whether I remember it or am aware of it or not. The language skills are a once-learned thing and I learned them well enough. I just wish I could do more of life like I blog.
I had a lunch. Canned chicken and noodle soup didn't sound all that appetizing but it ended up being quite good. It was too salty, way too salty, of course. Other than that, it really was tasty. And warming. I wanted something to warm my insides and that worked. I am trying to eat more. I had almost literally stopped eating. I simply forgot food, and with the dishes there, I didn't want to add to the pile. There aren't that many dishes, my last push saw to most of them being done. It is just that I didn't want to lose ground. Since I can only seem, at times, to concentrate on one area/thing at a time, concentrating on not adding to the dishes until I finished them precluded cooking, and for the most part eating. That is how my odd little world works. One thing at a time. Almost obsessive compulsive, but based on no energy rather than obsession or compulsion. Including a lack of energy to find a way around a problem, at times.
Still, it's sort of a neat little world. A Mad Hatter world. He had his place, I suppose I have mine. Later.
.
I probably won't make Mass again today. I have to be out of the house, I promised my friend. I meant to be... further along here at home too. I ran out of steam somewhere along the line and... that was that. More was done though. And I think I will kick out dishes before I leave. I made a mistake, I had not taken care of all the backlog of clothes. I found a couple more piles. Must have still been pretty asleep when I assessed my progress earlier. Never mind that, I got to it.
Why this is so complicated? I know and it still baffles me. No reason to get angry, I have learned patience with myself. To know what I can do, at my best, is amazing. That I can only be at my best, now, for moments in a month, is frustrating. I am amazed, to a degree, that I can blog, coherently (I think?). I even do it regularly. Then again, blogging, writing, requires nearly zero energy. Energy seems to be a defining thing. The limiting factor. There is the thought processing, but this goes on with me whether I remember it or am aware of it or not. The language skills are a once-learned thing and I learned them well enough. I just wish I could do more of life like I blog.
I had a lunch. Canned chicken and noodle soup didn't sound all that appetizing but it ended up being quite good. It was too salty, way too salty, of course. Other than that, it really was tasty. And warming. I wanted something to warm my insides and that worked. I am trying to eat more. I had almost literally stopped eating. I simply forgot food, and with the dishes there, I didn't want to add to the pile. There aren't that many dishes, my last push saw to most of them being done. It is just that I didn't want to lose ground. Since I can only seem, at times, to concentrate on one area/thing at a time, concentrating on not adding to the dishes until I finished them precluded cooking, and for the most part eating. That is how my odd little world works. One thing at a time. Almost obsessive compulsive, but based on no energy rather than obsession or compulsion. Including a lack of energy to find a way around a problem, at times.
Still, it's sort of a neat little world. A Mad Hatter world. He had his place, I suppose I have mine. Later.
Operation Rolling Blunder
.
.
Hush. My game, my call.
I woke several times this morning. By 2:00, I realized the gig was up. Up and to waking. Gaming serves that purpose. But first I had a bite to eat. Nothing fancy, no cooking involved. I bought romaine lettuce, had carrots and croutons, and added a bit of ranch dressing. While ranch is fine, I think my last love called it right, I make far superior dressings. A little olive oil, vinegar of balsamic wine apple or a few other types, a bit of seasoning, and a little shake. Unfortunately I am not on top of things enough and don't have the good olive oil. You really need extra virgin, the real stuff, for salad makings (and dipping or over pasta). I am not familiar with what brands locally are really cold pressed and which are just the equivalent of plain old oil. Imagine using canola oil in a salad dressing. I suppose in a pinch, but it has a dead, filmy, nothing taste to it.
Anyway. After a bit of gaming I went on to other things. I was going to hit laundry, then dishes. When I entered my room I realized I had been a bad boy. I had not been putting up my clothes, the ones I have washed, in the last few weeks/months. So I had three baskets of clean clothes, and a mess of them at that. The cats knock over these baskets in an attempt to wake me. Then enjoy playing in the loose clothes. Oh, they are still clean. I'm a bachelor, remember?
I have taken care of those. And, while putting some things on hangers, and sorting my closet, I decided to get rid of some clothing. Five or six shirts, to be exact. Two of them for wear, the rest because they never quite looked right (in my opinion) on me. I don't like stripes, even vertical ones. And other than hard dark heavy gray, gray is not my color. I will replace three of the shirts. The rest will just offer a bit more room in my closet. I need to go through other things, eventually.
That is it, so far. I would like to re-re-re-soak the dishes, put a load in the laundry now that the backlog of clothes to be sorted is fixed, then play some more game for an hour or so. Then change the laundry load, hit the dishes, another rest, and then a shower. I have to be in town today and I would like to go to Mass, specifically to pray for a number of people in medical and financial trouble. You know, even you all online, I really do think of you as real.
Well, another shot at getting up and getting going. Be well.
.
Hush. My game, my call.
I woke several times this morning. By 2:00, I realized the gig was up. Up and to waking. Gaming serves that purpose. But first I had a bite to eat. Nothing fancy, no cooking involved. I bought romaine lettuce, had carrots and croutons, and added a bit of ranch dressing. While ranch is fine, I think my last love called it right, I make far superior dressings. A little olive oil, vinegar of balsamic wine apple or a few other types, a bit of seasoning, and a little shake. Unfortunately I am not on top of things enough and don't have the good olive oil. You really need extra virgin, the real stuff, for salad makings (and dipping or over pasta). I am not familiar with what brands locally are really cold pressed and which are just the equivalent of plain old oil. Imagine using canola oil in a salad dressing. I suppose in a pinch, but it has a dead, filmy, nothing taste to it.
Anyway. After a bit of gaming I went on to other things. I was going to hit laundry, then dishes. When I entered my room I realized I had been a bad boy. I had not been putting up my clothes, the ones I have washed, in the last few weeks/months. So I had three baskets of clean clothes, and a mess of them at that. The cats knock over these baskets in an attempt to wake me. Then enjoy playing in the loose clothes. Oh, they are still clean. I'm a bachelor, remember?
I have taken care of those. And, while putting some things on hangers, and sorting my closet, I decided to get rid of some clothing. Five or six shirts, to be exact. Two of them for wear, the rest because they never quite looked right (in my opinion) on me. I don't like stripes, even vertical ones. And other than hard dark heavy gray, gray is not my color. I will replace three of the shirts. The rest will just offer a bit more room in my closet. I need to go through other things, eventually.
That is it, so far. I would like to re-re-re-soak the dishes, put a load in the laundry now that the backlog of clothes to be sorted is fixed, then play some more game for an hour or so. Then change the laundry load, hit the dishes, another rest, and then a shower. I have to be in town today and I would like to go to Mass, specifically to pray for a number of people in medical and financial trouble. You know, even you all online, I really do think of you as real.
Well, another shot at getting up and getting going. Be well.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Maybe?
.
.
Up until 18:00, I should sleep well. This is as far as I will push things. Next I need to work on sleeping until a bit later. A 1:00 wake-up is too early. Bit by bit I am taking the day back. It baffles me how such a little thing can be so difficult. Then again, I realize in my condition everything IS difficult. I shouldn't be able to maneuver. How do you negotiate a bad heart? Well, I don't know precisely, I only know that I am. A bit of medicine and the right attitude, a bit of patience, some prayers, and some other things combine to allow me just a very little wiggle room.
I still like the analogy of the ill fated Apollo 13 mission. If someone had offered the exact scenario, beforehand, and requested that a schedule for a safe return be created, engineers would have simply suggested that this not happen. The tedium, terror of the reality, limitations, velocity, and such all suggest bad news. A little energy savings here, oxygen preservation there, finding spare resources here and there. They made it. Most would not have made it. The little things they did, or often didn't do (avoiding exertion), all seem oddly simple upon reflection. But it is all they could do. I'm in the same boat... only I will never get off that boat. Not a bad boat though, once I got used to the fact that I live on the reserves of the reserves. It's a gas, almost literally.
I am definitely blathering. Just... wanted to share my small but satisfying victory. Carpe diem, seize the day (or moment), has always been a saying of mine, a highly favored one for many reasons. How odd that it would become so literally prevalent?
Good night.
.
Up until 18:00, I should sleep well. This is as far as I will push things. Next I need to work on sleeping until a bit later. A 1:00 wake-up is too early. Bit by bit I am taking the day back. It baffles me how such a little thing can be so difficult. Then again, I realize in my condition everything IS difficult. I shouldn't be able to maneuver. How do you negotiate a bad heart? Well, I don't know precisely, I only know that I am. A bit of medicine and the right attitude, a bit of patience, some prayers, and some other things combine to allow me just a very little wiggle room.
I still like the analogy of the ill fated Apollo 13 mission. If someone had offered the exact scenario, beforehand, and requested that a schedule for a safe return be created, engineers would have simply suggested that this not happen. The tedium, terror of the reality, limitations, velocity, and such all suggest bad news. A little energy savings here, oxygen preservation there, finding spare resources here and there. They made it. Most would not have made it. The little things they did, or often didn't do (avoiding exertion), all seem oddly simple upon reflection. But it is all they could do. I'm in the same boat... only I will never get off that boat. Not a bad boat though, once I got used to the fact that I live on the reserves of the reserves. It's a gas, almost literally.
I am definitely blathering. Just... wanted to share my small but satisfying victory. Carpe diem, seize the day (or moment), has always been a saying of mine, a highly favored one for many reasons. How odd that it would become so literally prevalent?
Good night.
Not today.
.
.
I won't make it to Mass and probably won't get out of the house today. It just isn't going to happen. I might get more work done. Even that is iffy. It seems that one could just "do". Well, sometimes one can't "do". I'll keep working on it. If nothing else I hope to stay up as long as I did yesterday. I guess these day stretching exercises take more out of me than what I think going into it. Bah!
I do have a project I want to arrange. I would like to create steps up to a perch. Sam is too old to be jumping like she tries, and even Sassy could hurt herself. I might have enough wood and plywood. I suspect I could get some cheap carpet somewhere, remnants, leftovers, whatever. Of course, I have to figure out what sort of design I want to create. This could get interesting.
Later.
.
I won't make it to Mass and probably won't get out of the house today. It just isn't going to happen. I might get more work done. Even that is iffy. It seems that one could just "do". Well, sometimes one can't "do". I'll keep working on it. If nothing else I hope to stay up as long as I did yesterday. I guess these day stretching exercises take more out of me than what I think going into it. Bah!
I do have a project I want to arrange. I would like to create steps up to a perch. Sam is too old to be jumping like she tries, and even Sassy could hurt herself. I might have enough wood and plywood. I suspect I could get some cheap carpet somewhere, remnants, leftovers, whatever. Of course, I have to figure out what sort of design I want to create. This could get interesting.
Later.
Not a bad day so far.
.
.
I am not sore today, mostly. A bit of lower back pain and my left cheek. Don't ask me why this or that hurts, and those and these don't. It simply doesn't make sense to me. Sometimes, as I improve, I simply seem to have to go through pain. This, at least, seems rather short lived. While it wasn't mild it wasn't extreme either. And I have been able to work without exacerbating it. All good.
A few phone calls. My lady friend was unavailable. I think she gets the weekends off, so today might be a sleep in day or she might have found something to do or somewhere to go. As bad as she is with fiances she always seems to have a nickel stowed away somewhere. Just enough to go do something. I left her a message. My mother, however, was home. I hope if I have to live for a while beyond her time that I don't have to suffer that loss long. Then again, doesn't heaven make up for that?
Just goofing, so far, this day. But plans are being made. I am fixing breakfast, oats and tang, as I write. Shortly after, I will figure out the laundry for a load or too, do some dishes, then sit for a bit. I don't actually have that many dishes, but what I have are big items. I hate doing those. A shower after that. Then, later, to town. I have some checks deposit, I need to stop at the clerk of courts to figure that all out, then I am planning on stopping at the gym. I really need to get going with that. And Mass will fit in there somewhere. I simply am not sure what can happen by when. I just know what I need and want to do. Too much? Maybe. But that is the plan.
Later.
.
I am not sore today, mostly. A bit of lower back pain and my left cheek. Don't ask me why this or that hurts, and those and these don't. It simply doesn't make sense to me. Sometimes, as I improve, I simply seem to have to go through pain. This, at least, seems rather short lived. While it wasn't mild it wasn't extreme either. And I have been able to work without exacerbating it. All good.
A few phone calls. My lady friend was unavailable. I think she gets the weekends off, so today might be a sleep in day or she might have found something to do or somewhere to go. As bad as she is with fiances she always seems to have a nickel stowed away somewhere. Just enough to go do something. I left her a message. My mother, however, was home. I hope if I have to live for a while beyond her time that I don't have to suffer that loss long. Then again, doesn't heaven make up for that?
Just goofing, so far, this day. But plans are being made. I am fixing breakfast, oats and tang, as I write. Shortly after, I will figure out the laundry for a load or too, do some dishes, then sit for a bit. I don't actually have that many dishes, but what I have are big items. I hate doing those. A shower after that. Then, later, to town. I have some checks deposit, I need to stop at the clerk of courts to figure that all out, then I am planning on stopping at the gym. I really need to get going with that. And Mass will fit in there somewhere. I simply am not sure what can happen by when. I just know what I need and want to do. Too much? Maybe. But that is the plan.
Later.
Yeah? No.
.
.
Even with a second chance at making the meal, helping out, it simply didn't happen. Even though the guy heading it up has, to date, been disrespectful, that isn't the point. You do what you can, when you can, how you can. Simply put, I wasn't able to be conscious at the needed time.
On the good side, dishes, garbage, laundry, and food have begun to become a normal process again. Today I stayed up until well past 15:00, a record, without extraordinary effort, in the last two months. Daytime still doesn't feel normal, that will come though. I have things to do, not least of all Church and KoC matters. But too, personal matters.
I received a call from my friend today. Bad news. He has a tumor, behind his left eye I think. They don't know what it is yet. He goes in for a ct-scan tomorrow. Today, actually. It all gets confusing when day and night is messed up. Because tomorrows medical affairs will take everything out of him, I suggested I come in Tuesday. If it ends up bad, I'll continue to be a friend. I'm not good at this crap, but I'll do it anyway. Then again, it might just be something relatively benign. Prayers, too. As he said, he thinks he's got a good 15 years in him. I think so too.
Up at 1:30. I woke at 20:00, then at 0:00, but was able to go back to bed. Not this time. Which is fine. I think I can make Mass, do some business in town, get some more cleaning kicked out, and stretch my day a bit. At a minimum I think I can hit yesterday's high. Well, on to... waking up.
.
Even with a second chance at making the meal, helping out, it simply didn't happen. Even though the guy heading it up has, to date, been disrespectful, that isn't the point. You do what you can, when you can, how you can. Simply put, I wasn't able to be conscious at the needed time.
On the good side, dishes, garbage, laundry, and food have begun to become a normal process again. Today I stayed up until well past 15:00, a record, without extraordinary effort, in the last two months. Daytime still doesn't feel normal, that will come though. I have things to do, not least of all Church and KoC matters. But too, personal matters.
I received a call from my friend today. Bad news. He has a tumor, behind his left eye I think. They don't know what it is yet. He goes in for a ct-scan tomorrow. Today, actually. It all gets confusing when day and night is messed up. Because tomorrows medical affairs will take everything out of him, I suggested I come in Tuesday. If it ends up bad, I'll continue to be a friend. I'm not good at this crap, but I'll do it anyway. Then again, it might just be something relatively benign. Prayers, too. As he said, he thinks he's got a good 15 years in him. I think so too.
Up at 1:30. I woke at 20:00, then at 0:00, but was able to go back to bed. Not this time. Which is fine. I think I can make Mass, do some business in town, get some more cleaning kicked out, and stretch my day a bit. At a minimum I think I can hit yesterday's high. Well, on to... waking up.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Oh? Wait then.
.
.
Here I was, thinking it was Sunday. Being Saturday, I have a chance, slim if it is, at being to the dinner to help and shmooze while trying to recruit. I love it when a plan falls apart... often to greater opportunity! My bad luck often turns into good luck, it really does. I guess that is why 7, 11, and 13 are lucky numbers for me, if I believed in such things. I always stayed far away from "lucky charms", as they really did seem to have the opposite effect. But when you think about it... a lucky rabbit's foot? Uhrm, that just doesn't seem all that lucky to me. Or as my friend puts it... he saw a sign... Looking for a mongrel small dog. The dog is blind in one eye, missing an ear and a hind leg... goes by the name "Lucky".
I was about to get to dishes when I realized Sam and Sassy were being weird. As I entered the kitchen I think I realized why. Cat litter needed changing. While I was at it I got the trash and recycling together. Quite a little task, all told. The dishes will just have to wait. It was when I was taking out the trash, and I looked at the time, and the date, and realized no one else had their trash out. Ah-ha! Saturday! A lady at Walmart also indicated that it was Saturday evening, I just thought she was mistaken... or didn't even really catch it. When I realized my mistake it all came together. Yeah, life can be a little complicated when you don't know what day it is, for weeks at a time. Still, I think this is a temporary relapse. I'm working on it.
No big cats out tonight. This time I had all the outer lights on, a head-light strapped on, my .45 at the ready in my back pocket, and I did look around, up in the trees, and kept my head on a swivel. That 'scream' blasted right into my bones. I have never heard such a thing, ever. Still, it was rather neat. I just wish I could have seen the critter. My guess is I scared it as bad as it scared me. I am the size of a full grown black bear, something this kitty knows about I am sure. The cats and dogs of the wild world must know each other.
A bit more gaming. Perhaps in a few hours I can get to the dishes and clear out the laundry.
.
Here I was, thinking it was Sunday. Being Saturday, I have a chance, slim if it is, at being to the dinner to help and shmooze while trying to recruit. I love it when a plan falls apart... often to greater opportunity! My bad luck often turns into good luck, it really does. I guess that is why 7, 11, and 13 are lucky numbers for me, if I believed in such things. I always stayed far away from "lucky charms", as they really did seem to have the opposite effect. But when you think about it... a lucky rabbit's foot? Uhrm, that just doesn't seem all that lucky to me. Or as my friend puts it... he saw a sign... Looking for a mongrel small dog. The dog is blind in one eye, missing an ear and a hind leg... goes by the name "Lucky".
I was about to get to dishes when I realized Sam and Sassy were being weird. As I entered the kitchen I think I realized why. Cat litter needed changing. While I was at it I got the trash and recycling together. Quite a little task, all told. The dishes will just have to wait. It was when I was taking out the trash, and I looked at the time, and the date, and realized no one else had their trash out. Ah-ha! Saturday! A lady at Walmart also indicated that it was Saturday evening, I just thought she was mistaken... or didn't even really catch it. When I realized my mistake it all came together. Yeah, life can be a little complicated when you don't know what day it is, for weeks at a time. Still, I think this is a temporary relapse. I'm working on it.
No big cats out tonight. This time I had all the outer lights on, a head-light strapped on, my .45 at the ready in my back pocket, and I did look around, up in the trees, and kept my head on a swivel. That 'scream' blasted right into my bones. I have never heard such a thing, ever. Still, it was rather neat. I just wish I could have seen the critter. My guess is I scared it as bad as it scared me. I am the size of a full grown black bear, something this kitty knows about I am sure. The cats and dogs of the wild world must know each other.
A bit more gaming. Perhaps in a few hours I can get to the dishes and clear out the laundry.
Could be.
.
.
Alright, two loads washed, the first in the dryer. Dishes set to a fresh soak earlier. A trip to town, tobacco of course, but milk, Tang, and a dozen other things to drink. As well, I purchased enough to begin filling my larder back up. Cans of tuna, big and small, and easy foods. For short term food stores you need foods that are not difficult to make. I am trying a bunch of mac and cheese types, to see which I like the best. Tuna goes good in there, as does the (otherwise terrible) cans of chicken chunks. I also bought a number of sweeteners. I really have to try some of the non-sugar stuff, like agave juice. But too, in a global meltdown, my guess is sugar will again be fine. Since no one will be eating anywhere near what we are eating now. Salt? It is required for most reasonable preservation. If I am too fragile to tolerate salt I have more troubles than one can imagine. I bought enough to store packets of things I know I like. Several drink mixes, several sweeteners, and a few other odds and ends have been marked with today's date. After I find out how long these things store well, I will put another date mark on them. After that, they will go into my lower pantry for long term use and rotation.
Right now though, I am shot. That was a lot of work. My body is sore, my back, my neck, even my hips hurt. I have been in pain for days now though, it isn't from the work, little as that was. It is merely that pain has caught up with me. I will goof on the game for a few hours, then get back to it if I can. I don't know what I can get done tonight, perhaps that was it. Maybe though I will finish the dishes and do another load or two of laundry.
Something odd, financially. Even after paying a bunch of things off and buying my game system I seem to have... way too much money left. No, I've (mostly) checked. All bills are paid, my extras have been taken out already. It doesn't make sense. Fine. If all things remain clear at the end of the month, I may spend all the extra in my account to pay on the last actual debit type debt I owe. Oh, and some thinker woman is probably getting a small gift sometime soon. Sounds like she could use it. I just need to be sure. I am trying to be extra careful. I like having an emergency fund, a more serious one. After that, other than utilities of course, I am down to the car and home payments. I would like to begin looking at limiting utilities, cutting where I can. As well, I want to begin looking at saving. Before I get to, say, solar power I want to have a definite idea of how much it will cost, what of it I can do, and have enough to pay for three quarters of the bill out of pocket. My goal is to pay for half of it out of pocket, the rest on loan if I can, and have the extra for any hidden or "unexpected" costs.
Ugh. Back to gaming, for a while. At least I have the right kind of tobacco and some things to drink, and foods should I finish dishes tonight. A bit at a time. That is all I have. If I give it gladly. You know, for all my problems? I am a very happy man, deep down in sometimes but it is there. I like this life and even look forward, someday, to my death. With Father, Christ, and the Holy Spirit in my life and acting as my leader, the rest is just a waiting and working game.
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Alright, two loads washed, the first in the dryer. Dishes set to a fresh soak earlier. A trip to town, tobacco of course, but milk, Tang, and a dozen other things to drink. As well, I purchased enough to begin filling my larder back up. Cans of tuna, big and small, and easy foods. For short term food stores you need foods that are not difficult to make. I am trying a bunch of mac and cheese types, to see which I like the best. Tuna goes good in there, as does the (otherwise terrible) cans of chicken chunks. I also bought a number of sweeteners. I really have to try some of the non-sugar stuff, like agave juice. But too, in a global meltdown, my guess is sugar will again be fine. Since no one will be eating anywhere near what we are eating now. Salt? It is required for most reasonable preservation. If I am too fragile to tolerate salt I have more troubles than one can imagine. I bought enough to store packets of things I know I like. Several drink mixes, several sweeteners, and a few other odds and ends have been marked with today's date. After I find out how long these things store well, I will put another date mark on them. After that, they will go into my lower pantry for long term use and rotation.
Right now though, I am shot. That was a lot of work. My body is sore, my back, my neck, even my hips hurt. I have been in pain for days now though, it isn't from the work, little as that was. It is merely that pain has caught up with me. I will goof on the game for a few hours, then get back to it if I can. I don't know what I can get done tonight, perhaps that was it. Maybe though I will finish the dishes and do another load or two of laundry.
Something odd, financially. Even after paying a bunch of things off and buying my game system I seem to have... way too much money left. No, I've (mostly) checked. All bills are paid, my extras have been taken out already. It doesn't make sense. Fine. If all things remain clear at the end of the month, I may spend all the extra in my account to pay on the last actual debit type debt I owe. Oh, and some thinker woman is probably getting a small gift sometime soon. Sounds like she could use it. I just need to be sure. I am trying to be extra careful. I like having an emergency fund, a more serious one. After that, other than utilities of course, I am down to the car and home payments. I would like to begin looking at limiting utilities, cutting where I can. As well, I want to begin looking at saving. Before I get to, say, solar power I want to have a definite idea of how much it will cost, what of it I can do, and have enough to pay for three quarters of the bill out of pocket. My goal is to pay for half of it out of pocket, the rest on loan if I can, and have the extra for any hidden or "unexpected" costs.
Ugh. Back to gaming, for a while. At least I have the right kind of tobacco and some things to drink, and foods should I finish dishes tonight. A bit at a time. That is all I have. If I give it gladly. You know, for all my problems? I am a very happy man, deep down in sometimes but it is there. I like this life and even look forward, someday, to my death. With Father, Christ, and the Holy Spirit in my life and acting as my leader, the rest is just a waiting and working game.
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