To town?

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So little is going on in this news cycle.  Well, sure, there is all the cannibalism, and the Romney surge and Zero/Democrat fall and party betrayal.  And of course there is the ongoing saga of the Speedway Bomber et. al.  Well, and Europe is fast approaching the end of a fabricated reality show called the E.U. and You, which might as well have been created and hosted by Goebbels or Lenin.  You know the NAZIs who were executed for trying to create this same thing in Europe, if by *tanks not banks, are rolling in their graves, laughing at their brazen kindred running the E.U., cheering them on.  Hell, they are even still trying to say it is just a monetary union (ignore the supranational rulings by "commissions" and "judges" elected and appointed, apparently, by Nemo).  No?  And that is one story of many.  Oh, and of course, Japan is hitting 28 year stock lows.  Yada yada, none of it is striking.  There is more surprise in that much of this is even considered news, in the sense that news pertains to something... unexpected, novel, or different.  Hammer, nail, wood, done!?  Something.  When the Speedway Bomber et. al. are arrested, then convicted, of domestic terrorism, that will be news.  With Holder in office, I have some doubts justice will be done in that case until he is thrown out (and hopefully exiled).  The rest of it is exceptionally "unexpected".
*h/t to Vox terminology

Well, there was something out there the other day that seemed interesting.  Flirting, it seems, is worthy of an article.  Of course, I don't think the author has a clue.  Well, okay, there are some things almost correct.  The biggest mistake is choosing sex as the objective.  Though from there it doesn't get much better.  Suggesting that men respect sluts?  I am not sure where the author was 'learned', my guess is somewhere between comic books and the edited tall tales alphas tell.  Even when sex is seemingly the objective, it never is.  Oh, for some very small(?) group of men, and padawan learners, sure.  For most, sex was just something that came with the package, if not a bad thing, at all, in the least bit, usually.  The advice given to men, by men, is on par with advice remembered from the third grade in a secular school.  This author should know, he was already handing it out, having lassoed and ridden at least three girls by then.  Yeah, shut it.  It's just the way it was.

So, what does flirting mean?  What is flirting?  Flirting is a form of safe sexual exploration.  Flirting is a collusion of sexual interest expressed non-verbally.  The article indicates that the goal of flirting is to inculcate sexual desire.  That seems patently false.  Without an initial spark of mutual interest no flirting will take place!  Most of the time, flirting is merely a sign of approval, a mutual sign. Mostly, flirting is just a little bit o' fun, an ego booster, or such.  It is only really useful with a woman who might be becoming your woman, or who has become your woman, to check a few things.  Though sometimes it can be used, in the right setting, to get Nancy out of the pack.  She may be letting you know, in the only way that is acceptable, that she is ready to be cut from the heard.  From there, the thing goes to another stage if flirting should still be a part of the future too.  And while it doesn't occur every time possible, the door is always open to it.  And it usually does occur.  Woot!  One might even call it a romantic form of counting coup. 

Monday is it?  The last four days have been pretty foggy.  Something about something, and like a child that has been awake too long, gotten too little food and water, grumpiness of existence seems to be a common thread.  Several things are needed, however, and there may be a way to squeeze just enough from the batteries to get robocopdoom to the stores.  Milk, easier to administer caffeine, some foods to include cat food, and perhaps... more food!  Ah, and the first month of the patch, or at least three weeks worth of 21mg. Next month I will buy one more three week supply, of 14mg, which should do it. Advice for quitting tobacco is out there. On that list only 1, 2, 9, and 10 are possible ones for me.  Though number 10 led to extreme health issues.  Doing things socially just doesn't work. And quitting chewing is not being done for any perceived health or dental benefits. Simply put, there is serious doubt if health benefits outweigh the costs. That might be different for smokers, but not for gobbers. Quitting has more to do with getting rid of a minor but potent addiction. Caffeine would be on the list save it isn't as serious of an addiction, withdrawals consist of a few days of headaches, then... done. Beside that, the benefits of caffeine are extreme. Perhaps if blood pressure can ever be brought in line, a review of how life goes without caffeine might go forward.

Even with all else, it seems life might be improving, just a bit. It almost seems like something might be forming, like a front to the West on a hot day. It won't be here for a bit, but the sense that things are coming back into play exists. Tomorrow? The day after that? Friday? Next week sometime? A slight headache haunts the day. A bit more aspirin might tend that. Even with that and a stiff neck, life still seems to be improving. A good omen one could think. Headaches often bring poor prognostications for the future, so a sense of well being through minor aches and pains seems to hold great promise.

My friend just called.  It seems he is in the market for a fan.  It is too hot to go shooting today, though, so that's good.  He wondered if a trip to town was in the offing.  Being that it is hot, this evening seemed to be a better time, so that is the plan.  Now with more reasons than before, a trip to town after 18:00, maybe even an hour later, is the idea.  Hmm, is a shower and grooming possible before then?  Yeah, it is that bad... for the moment.  But as noted, there is a sense that something good is happening, too.  Time will tell about any of it.

Have a good day.

Rough.

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Sleep is not happening well.  Waking is becoming difficult.  Staying awake is harsh.  Medicine can do this, so can illness, though a dropping blood pressure can too.  If you have ever been in shock, you might know what a quickly dropping blood pressure can do to you.  What is happening is slower, so there is not fainting.  It might even be guessed that the blood pressure is both dropping and rising as the medicine waxes and wanes.  The regimen will continue, the blood pressure was far too high to not do something drastic.  Attempts at keeping things going will continue.  No trip to town tonight, it simply wasn't possible.  Thankfully food was delivered.  It was much needed.  To bed? 

Good night.

Frustration.

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Sleep came late.  It was difficult to finally crawl into bed.  Sleep did come swiftly though.  Waking this morning was just as difficult as getting to bed.  Whether it was 10:00 or 11:00 is lost to memory fog.  Very little, if anything, will go forward today.  It seems that the medicine or physical changes the medicine is producing are taking their toll again.  Still, with blood pressure having dropped 50 systolic and 64 diastolic in a week there should be some understanding that capacity would be diminished.  While those number still need to come down, say, 40 systolic and another 20 diastolic, stable function may not happen until the fall in blood pressure stabilizes.  It is frustrating waiting for that to happen. 

Sassy seems a bit off her feed.  She does eat some, and seems to beg for more, but will eat little when it is offered.  She is the big wet cat food eater.  So dry food just isn't that appealing to her if she will eat some of it.  Lately that has been almost all she is eating, but more at her normal dry food levels.  The wet cat food is the same brand of food she has been eating almost since she arrived.  The packs come with three different flavors, and the packs themselves vary in flavor and texture.  It isn't for lack of variety.  She isn't starving, she just isn't eating like she did.  Then again, she isn't a kitten anymore.  As temperatures rise, perhaps she is less inclined to eat as much?  But why the mewling?

The thought of getting to work is a cocnstant.  And while some work will be done, actual harder work, such as digging, sees to complete exhaustion in minutes.  It is difficult to keep goals in mind when nothing serious is able to go forward.  Time is being lost in fog, along with intent and will.  Even visiting my friend sees to utter exhaustion.  The shower, grooming, and dressing pretty much takes all the energy available and that only trickles back enough to get out just a bit.  The notion, for today, if something can be done, is to get to the store sometime this evening.  Just a bit of shopping, some easy foods, milk, a few containers, cat food, and a few other odds and ends.  Tonight, tomorrow... sometime soon, the store.  Frustration.

Changes to the blog.

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The writing will be done somewhat differently, if that hasn't been noticed.  The words "I", "me", "mine", among others are being retired.  Further, the topics will be themed around news, odd bits of data, and such.  Some personal information will be included, little things taking place, minor updates, mostly near the end of the posts.  Oh, music will go on, and themed as it is, though whether that is favored or not is still unknown.  Who knows how long this will continue.  For now it just seems better.  Oh, and some editing of ideas will go forward.  A bitter tongue is just that.  Even if bitter tongues simply mean laughter on this side of the monitor.  Some people just don't get it.

In recent reading a soldier and gentleman came to be known.  Some men fight for glory, gain, or such.  Some men fight for freedom, for their homes, their family, their fellows.  The latter being the best of men, more so when they sacrifice their lives, and freedom.  Witold Pilecki was just such a man.  This man fought against the Germans in two world wars, the Russians twice, he volunteered to enter Auschwitz where he developed an intelligence cell in order to get information about what was happening in the camp and NAZI intentions for Jews to the the outside world.  In his final battle, he returned to Poland while working for the  Polish Government in Exile (based in England).  Though he had been compromised, and knew it, his work was not done.  He was finally captured, tortured while revealing nothing meaningful, then executed by the communist puppet government of Poland.  After the fall of the Eastern Bloc, when his tale could finally be told, he was posthumously awarded Order of Polonia Restituta.  While battle is something to live for perhaps, freedom is worth dying for.  And such a death should not be forgotten, here or there.  Some men simply deserve a mention.

This next piece is an example of hope in a beaten and battered nation.  One of the 50 states has decided to take a stand against poor schools, offering hope to the children stuck in them.  Louisiana has struck out on a bold new plan to offer children a chance at a good education.  The cost is probably less than doing nothing, strictly monetarily.  In other ways, doing nothing is the worst of possibilities.  Not only will children get a chance at a good education, public education will be seriously challenged to improve, private schools will flourish, and children will be able to find the type of education that best suits them.  Imagine a young man becoming a mechanic, plumber, electrician or such, and being nearly finished with his apprenticeship before he would otherwise have graduated, assuming he wasn't in the 50% drop-out statistic and therefore ineligible for such programs!  There are some good things coming.  The author of the article seems to be trying as hard as she can to find fault in the program.  About the best she seemed to be able to come up with this is that the teacher's union and Democrats hate the idea and are considering a lawsuit, and that some schools (God forbid) might have bible based education or biology books that attempt to disprove evolution (although why bother with disproving evolution, just teach the scientific method and let the students try to fit the theory into the method, done)!  Oh noes!

A final little tidbit, going along with the diy, save some money, tinkering meme.  If you have a cellphone...  Well, do you?  "Do I?", as a friend might laughingly exclaim.  Yeah?  Well, if you do, perhaps you are tired of spending extraordinary amounts of money for accessories that don't seem to be all that luxurious?  Have no fear, a plan is here.  It seems there are ways to tell if someone is a witch.  Wait, momentary confusion, but it's getting better.  No, there are ways to roll your own accessories.  Sure, you might look like a bit of a geek, some of it is pretty... well... nerdy.  But you will be laughing all the way to the bank... in your lilting weird little way.

The hour is late.

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Time flies so swiftly.  Twas only morning a bit ago, was it not?  Aye, but much has happened this day contrasted with other recent days.  A bit of business, a bit of socializing, a bit of shopping, and some money issues tended, all to the easing of a wandering spirit trying to find a place to settle.  There is much to do, yet, much to do indeed.  What will happen and when is a guess only Nemo would be sure to answer rightly.

While in town today a blood pressure station presented itself.  Upon tossing those bones the prognostication was good, 174/101, much better than recently.  That might be checked in the morn, after waking and medicine.  A suspicion remains that as those numbers fall work will go forward more surely.  So too will play and maybe exercise.  Life just seems easier, whether it is the medicine itself, the lowered bp, a mix of the two, or something else entirely will never be known.

Tomorrow, it is hoped, a bit of work will take place.  Laundry and dishes and digging should do nicely.  No promises can be made to that affect, and only hope with a bit of faith and a sense of things are what such predictions are based upon.  Who knows?

Get your home in order!

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It has taken many years for a proper perspective to come into play.  Without the belief in a future life is difficult to plan.  If death seems imminent, putting down roots seems fruitless.  Why save for a rainy day when all there is are rainy days?  No one can tell you what to do.  But many will.  And more still will guide through their actions.  Buying a home, saving money, storing up a bit of a larder, making the right appointments and keeping them.  The wisdom is there.  And, when someone is ready, it will all begin to make sense. No one can live your life for you.

Think before you ink?

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It turns out that, as the economy tanks, and people grow up, they learn that what was cool is no longer so profitable.  Have you seen some of the ink on some guys and even gals today?  If they are thinking working for the circus or being a permanent member of the occupy movement is the way to go, I suppose it could make sense.  Think long and hard before you ink up, you might just end up paying for it forever or at least twice.  Think.  Hard.

People are thinking to make their children bully-proof.  No, I love the notion.  I do.  It just isn't possible.  The pecking order in schools is maintained through child-to-child interaction.  And that interaction boils down to who is the biggest, strongest, or by other measures who can command.  Not only can teachers not be everywhere, or know everything, they make it their rule not to even try.  Some of them do attempt to maintain discipline within their view, though that is not an absolute especially if the bully is favored by the teacher.  As well, teaching a child self defense is fine.  But there are extreme limits to self defense.  Self defense, as well, requires a means of getting out.  Children can't quit school or even change schools.  A child who is taught well enough to defend himself to be inured to bullying will likely become the next bully.  That is how that works.  Children aren't mature enough to handle power.  If you want your children not to have to deal with might-makes-right power structures then homeschool.  Otherwise understand that your child will be party to that power structure.

Ah, here is something I would like to begin adding to my blog!  Things to do at home, ways to cut costs, and little techniques that save time,  money, or both.  Today will be regarding house cleaning.  Yeah, not my strong point, true.  But something I like to keep in mind for those rare occasions where I can get my butt in gear.  I will be looking for tool tips, reloading and general gun care ideas, home repair, and such.  For today, here are five ideas for household upkeep.

Home mortgages at the best rates ever!  Well, but few can take advantage.  I wouldn't even necessarily advise anyone to buy a home.  I did, but I didn't do it based on economics.  I did it for a freedom, and adventure.  I had my own reasons for doing so, not in line with much of the typical reasons for purchasing a home.  I do not know how much I have lost in the purchase, I don't know if I will ever recoup that in my lifetime, I do know that this is what I want.  Although, in some fairness, renting this home would be more expensive than buying.  There is that.  And I doubt if I could have found a place to rent like this in a more reasoned area like where I live.  Rent in even the smaller local the cities for anything like my home would actually cost double what I am paying, plus with neighbors I would have to worry about.

I keep getting offers, cost free to me, to halve my payments using some sort of ARM or other.  I have also been seeing articles about how companies are absolutely messing people over with these programs.  I honestly don't know about these offers.  I can't seem to dig into them deeply enough.  Oh, sure, cutting my payments in half would be nice, but not if I sold my low interest rate for a potentially higher, much higher rate, in ten years or something.  It's a dangerous world and neither banks nor the government are on your side.  So far, if a deal looks too good?  It is.  I don't take one step beyond that unless I know everything, have actual consumer advocates who know what they are doing supporting the notion, and all my research says "yes".  Thieves and liars, cross my heart, I hope you die.

I had a tough time waking this morning.  Rather than just turn off the last alarm I reset it for 9:00.  I just had a feeling that it was worth giving that a shot, and it worked.  Some days I know that no matter how many times I reset it won't work.  Some days I don't know and keep failing.  Today was good.  I won't say I jumped out of bed right at 9:00, but... I finally made it out of bed thereabouts.  I am moving slow, I am weak, but I have plans.  My friend called.  He wanted to know if he woke me.  I think he and my mother both sort of hope they do!  Bah!  Nope, not this time.  Then he wondered if I would be to town today.  Of course, mostly.  I told him I was working on it.  I have been using my timer, segmenting half hour bits of time in order to wake up, gain focus, pay attention?  Something.  I have, since starting the use of the timer, let almost two cycles go by.  Today it looks like I will need three timed segments to get going, maybe four.  But the timer does keep me in the game.  At 12:30, or 13:00, I will go in for a shower and such.  When I am dressed and heading out I will give my friend a call, letting him know to be ready.

I do realize my medicine can initially cause problems.  When I first went back on them I could not stay awake for long.  I became more functional though.  I was aware that I was sleeping a great deal but could maintain some food, my small needs and wants that are required at this point, and I was able to stay on the medication.  I did improve to being able to maintain a day schedule after a week or so of medication.  After doubling the troubling medication I am still able to maintain the day schedule I worked to create.  However I am able to do almost no work.  It is both a concentration and energy issue.  I knew there would be consequences.  And there are.  I have no idea how long it will take for me to become even a bit more functional again.  Though I suspect that has something to do with how long it takes my blood pressure to come down, which I haven't seen.  So...  Still, I am aware and awake, on a day schedule, on my medication, and heading into more function.  It's just a matter of time.  I sure hope the bp starts coming down though.  It has been exceedingly high lately.

Hmm, well, on to a bit more waking up.  Have a great day.

Got milk?

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Living in Iowa, I had come to believe that raw milk was illegal. Now, I had found a place to get my illegal goodies. It was a bit of a drive though, actually a goodly drive. Eventually I just stopped going to get it. Since moving to Utah I didn't think about raw milk. I have had too little functional time and too much else needing to be done when I could get going. An article, however, just reminded me of my love of raw milk. And led me to understand that it is not only legal in some states, it is legal to buy in some grocery stores in some states! A quick check and... Okay, not legal to buy in stores, but quite legal to buy from farmers directly. So, this morning, I have been looking for a local source! So far no luck online.  I think asking locals might be the way to go.  Not just cows milk either, I wouldn't mind finding a source of goat milk too.

Ha! Rattling nerves.

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This morning when I turned on my machine my screen was... sideways.  Someone decided a little hacking was in order.  Some woman, or more likely her white knighting beta (or delta or less)?  Or was this a Brett Kimberlin et. al. attack?  I can't be sure.  My guess is it was Brett and lackies, though some women have been known for a penchant for absolutist notions too.  Neither can handle the truth, generally.  Feminism, which many, perhaps most, American women have been branded with right down to the bones is no different from the politics of Brett.  On the good side, it looks like that sort of politics is on the way to the scrapheap of history.  Little signs of the possible changes have been seen in the Democrat nomination process, the Michigan Walker recall polling, political polling on many fronts, and the general vibe.  This next election isn't about a president, the house, or the senate, it is about whether America returns to a free nation with non-partisan equal laws (save those that favor minorities and women, of course, for now) or if we continue into the madness that has become America.  If the left loses they will not soon gain access to power.  It is whispered that not in the lifetimes of their young activists will communists/socialists get to this level.  While I won't hold my breath on that, I can hope that it won't be seen again in my lifetime.  If they win, America as it has been known is lost.

All good.  I love reaching out and touching.  It makes me feel like I'm really there for people.  They, in time, see how weak they are.  When they cannot deny the truth, they must attack from the shadows.  The place of lies, deceit, hate, and rage.  Weakness and foolishness and their fellows in that darkness should be a clue that they are in the wrong place.  Usually they are so hate-filled that they will not relent.  Until they bow a knee they will never know truth, success,  or more... love.  Only hate festers in the dark.  I will pray for them, if too I will do everything in my power to see them undone in their actions.  I can, and do, forgive.  That doesn't mean I don't seek just punishment.  If they don't leave those circles, let go of even small pieces of that hate, they are damned.  Hate was the hardest of the first things for me to surrender, to God.  I don't hate, I simply recognize evil.  From my own past.

Hmm, not much else going on today.  I woke late but went to bed late.  I'll... try to not do that in the future.  I have a good thing going with this day schedule run.  I would like to get a few things done today.  Laundry and dishes might go forward, and more digging.  I don't think I am up to two digging sessions yet.  But it is hoped that before long I will begin being able to work twice a day.  That will only ever be a summer thing, winters are too brutal for me.  I might be up to digging a bit more, though I honestly think that I should only dig or otherwise work hard every other day.  I don't know.  For now that is probably best.  Tomorrow I have business in town.

Good day.

Having been crushed...

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by estrogen, I have no way to go but to concede.  So, I thought some mood music would be good.

All dang day!

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Yeah, well, I am pleased I ever even got to town.  I did get my shower and shave in about when planned.  I simply could not get to the next stages.  Finally, at about 16:00, I was able to shame myself into getting into the X and driving into town.  I did return the other hydrant, and they took it, without a receipt.  I think they did that because I bought more than I brought back?  I bought both the digger bar and a post hole digger (for $10 less than Amazon's offer plus no shipping, and I think about the same less than HD, on the items).  All good.

That digger bar is something else.  It is a more serious tool than what I suspected.  But it weighs a ton too, quite a tool to work.  I evened the sides of the step I dug, and dug a bit on the next step down, but I pretty much crashed.  It wasn't the muscle usage.  It was more that today is not a work day, as per my lame corpse.  My darned corpse simply will not kick over.  Getting showered, shaved, dressed, and to town took everything I had and more.  Son of a gun it's a brutal thing to have your body act more like a corpse than a living mobile working tool, like mine does.

Hmm, I really do think I am more commonly read than even I sometimes suspect.  Women were just gnarly today.  A few of them kicked over when I used a little charm on them, but pretty unwillingly.  One betrayed the women's cause, actually flirting, after a little attention, before remembering herself and backing off a little bit... but not too far.  She was a cutey, too.  Oh yeah, the old boy still has thump!  A rat bastard I may be, but that don't confront any women in the way of my charm, even if she hates my male chauvinist pig guts, so there?  Hehehe  God loves me, this I know. 

Well, probably not much is going to be done with the remainder of the day.  But I have the digger bar and the post hole digger when I can get to it.  I would like to set up an appointment with cardiology tomorrow, but if it requires a visit to my "primary", I may just skip it.  I get tired of going to places where I am not welcome.  SLC may not want me but they know how to keep it in their pants.  Not so much so at Ogden.  While I have a new doc there, and he seems okay, the staff makes it clear that it is their clinic and I am not welcome.  Which is fine, then don't make me go there.  Union people wonder why so many of us hope not just states, but the feds, bust the unions in their ranks... they only have themselves and their rotten attitudes to thank for it. 

Hmm, on to some reading.  Have a good evening, night.  Sleep well and all that.

Up and at it?

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I don't know about today.  I was up with the second alarm or just shortly thereafter.  I wasn't going to allow myself to sleep in, even a little bit.  It was tough getting up.  I even went to bed and fell asleep quickly and early last night.  Never mind, I am still planning to get a shower in a hour or less then go to town to do my tasks.  That is the plan, anyway.  Ah, coffee is brewing.

I seem to have made a lot of women angry recently.  Talk about being snubbed at other blogs.  Here, there, they are like hot little baked potatoes, some of them even split open and steaming.  Why?  Some of it may have been my recent writings here and things I have written at their blogs to include that I don't believe women have a good handle on justice.  One woman suggested she knows all about justice, having to deal with children all day.  I suggested that her children probably don't kill each other and that if that occurred not only wouldn't she handle it, most likely she couldn't.  The truth hurts.  Angry?  Be angry.  Really.  Go pout, ignore my comments, whatever makes you think you can ignore the truth and live on in your fantasy.  And, no, your poor sportsmanship will not change me, it will only add to my belief.  The two go together like a fine wine with a true Italian meal.  I will not cave on the truth or buy your bullshit just because you pout.  If boys and men couldn't beat me into submission, women can't pout me into it.  Need a hanky?  Get it yourself big baby.  Yeah, and that is exactly what my women get told when they went there.  I never pandered for a little leg, didn't need to either.  :)  Heck, even some local women seem a little put out.  Good for them.  I love to see a woman pout in the morning!  It smells like... estrogen napalm!

I didn't get the trash out yesterday.  Yep, I need to start on that two days ahead of time it seems.  Then again, I didn't have that much trash so it isn't a worry.  I don't know how some people fill that darned thing every week.  Is it mostly food prep, or do most families just use a lot of everything?  If it wasn't for the odor that would be created, I could honestly only need to put the trash out once a month, perhaps in slower times once every other month.  Even when I cook I just don't go through that much packaging, mostly cooking things from scratch so just having meat, dry bean, and such packaging.  Anyway, I should at least get the kitty litter changed yet this morning.

I am feeling better this morning, I think, as I wake.  A cup of coffee, a little more reading, setting out a plan for the day, a shower, a shave, getting dressed, and getting out.  I have no idea how long it will take, but I think it will get done.

Have a great day yourself.

Blogger arrested for blogging.

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The same convicted domestic terrorist who chased Stacey (The Other) McCain out of his home has, through filings on another blogger, gotten the Maryland court system to arrest another blogger.  Ostensibly both McCain and Aaron Walker (and many others) are being harassed by a domestic terrorist to the point of leaving their homes, losing their jobs, and now being jailed.


FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION Aaron Walker, whose complaint against convicted terrorist Brett Kimberlin became a conservative cause célèbre this past week, was reportedly taken into custody today after a court hearing in Rockville, Maryland. One person who attended the hearing in Montgomery County District Court said that Kimberlin asserted that Walker’s continued blogging represented a violation of a “peace order” Kimberlin had obtained against the Virginia attorney, who says Kimberlin tried to “frame” him for assault earlier this year. During the course of the hearing — which reportedly lasted about an hour — Judge C.J. Vaughey appeared to become increasingly hostile toward Walker, who was taken into custody when the hearing concluded. On Thursday, May 17, Walker published a 28,000-word account of his experience being targeted by Kimberlin, which soon caught the attention of leading figures in online New Media, including University of Tennessee law professor Glenn Reynolds, who writes the popular Instapundit blog, and bestselling author Michelle Malkin, who warned her readers, “Please remember: Kimberlin is a radical, violent, lying, dangerous felon.”

Stacey is keeping this story updated, there are updates at his site at the link above.  All I can say is some judge is about to get the wake-up call of his life and a terrorist is about to find out the cost of such behavior.  Fast or slow, this is still America.  Hmm, should be interesting to see what all gets shaken out of those fruit trees, innit?  While it is a problem, right now, for a lot of people, military men and the police are not the only ones who have to pay sometimes.  And if they, we, don't pay, we lose our claim to freedom.

Keep it up guys.  This has to be solved, it has to be figured out, it has to be dealt with.  Go, go, go!  This is OUR soil, fight for it!

I wish I knew how to pin things, so that they stay at the top of the heap.  This is big.  Otherwise I'll just have to keep supplementing posts with snippets and links.

Ah! So that's the problem.

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Just staying awake today has been difficult.  Waking up has taken a very long, unusually long, time as well.  When I finally started to make sense of my world I realized something.  I'm COLD.  Chilled to the bone, really.  I thought perhaps I had turned the furnace off.  Nope, 72 F and running.  If it gets below 66 I can have a difficult time waking.  At 70, definitely 72, I usually do well.  Save when it doesn't matter, like now.  Something fails, in my body, to be able to use heat, retain heat, whatever.  This is one of those days.  And those days are difficult.  I will be doing good just to stay awake until bedtime.

They say diabetes can do this, but I have had this problem in pretty much the exact pattern for a very long time.  Days or weeks where I just can't get warm, sometimes where I can't get cool.  It probably has something to do with the heart, though what precisely I don't know.  It might even be other organs having problems with a low oxygen.  I don't think doctors know.  Odd, with heart disease being so prevalent how little they know about it.  Then again, even with super-funded things like some cancers, they still seem to know the disease, or how to treat it, no better.  Basically the human body is too different, one from another, and too complex even where that not so, for anybody to get a good grip on diseases and how to treat them.

I have tried several times to schedule an appointment with the cardiology clinic, or whatever it is called, but keep getting referred to the wrong places.  I will look through my wallet.  Perhaps I have a card with the exact information, a specific name, or something.  Just calling and asking isn't getting the job done.  And I am quite sure they will want to continue having me come in.  My guess is the place is bedlam after a three day weekend, so it will be up to me to get through.  I'll call on the medicine too, soon.  Though, if I have been timed out of that clinic I might not have refills.  This could get tricky and I'm just not up to being clever today.

Dang but I want a nap!  Later.

Up late, moving slow.

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Yada, yada.  At 9:30 I finally crawled out of bed.  The dream of Sassy, the young cat, pouncing through the air at me in some as of yet unseen in reality act of fury at not being fed woke me.  So, the girls were fed right away.  It is hitting 11:00 and I am just coming to grips with the fact that I am alive, awake, and need to get going.  I need to buy a breaker bar and aspirin.  I will just take the hydrant that was too short in and worry about getting a refund there.  Something about not asking for permission, just doing.

Sleep was good.  Another cool night.  There can't be many of those left though so I might as well enjoy them.  My bp, after getting to my max dosage of medicine since Thursday, is 214/133.  I need to set up an appointment with my doc and order some medicines.  Though I don't know what they can do.  More medicine isn't viable.  There might be another medicine they could try but new medicines have a way of not working out well at all, one way, another, or sometimes not working in every way possible.  I am sort of, possibly, at the end of the road with doctors and medicine if this stuff doesn't kick in though.  I did see the other day where they might have a procedure which deadens some nerves near the kidney(?).  But that only drops bp by 33 points or so, and is experimental.  I stayed away from their experimentation in psychology/psychiatry though.  I'm not about to let other quacks start doing weird stuff now.  They are all the same.

You know, remembering back, I realized they did some minor checking of my heart when I first became ill, and throughout my illness.  It wasn't until they did an ultrasound type of test, where they actually looked at my heart, that they found the problem.  They suspected the heart, they just didn't look at the problem closely enough.  In all other tests my heart seems perfectly normal.  Odd.  And they didn't consider looking at my heart more seriously, even after high blood pressure, until I had severe edema.  They missed that boat at every turn, but at least now, in my mind, given the general incompetence inherent in medicine, another form of science, I am at ease that they were at least considering things.

Well, I best get going.  Another hour is needed to wake up though.  It's been tough breaking out of sleep lately, today is no different.  If I can't, there is tomorrow.  I just hoped that a little rest over the weekend would help.  Have a great day.

So many men.

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If you look around the web a bit, you find articles about the number of men, officially, that America has lost in the many wars.  There are those not included in those numbers, too, of course.  Indian fighters both official and men who died trying to protect their family, small patch of land, and livestock, it isn't convenient history at this time.  Men who died doing things the government denied.  But also not counted are officers of the law and intelligence services.  I don't know how many more than the one million plus official count that becomes, just that they should be remembered with honor as well.

Beside the real number is the quality of men.  These were not men who had few options, no hope of a future, and no choice.  The men who have died, and continue to die, for the cause that is America are men, barring conflict, who could have been just about anything.  They were free men.  They could have pursued an education, or chosen a career as a carpenter, they might have become a candidate for some office, or even become the president of the U.S.  These were men with a wide open future.  Young healthy intelligent men full of potential.  

I personally am grateful to these men.  My grandfather, father, all of my uncles, some of my cousins, and some of my brothers have served.  Some have served in war some in peacetime.  While I lost none of my family to war I did get to see something else.  It is amazing to see what men who make it back go on to do with their lives, their country, and their families.  It is painfully obvious what a treasure we have left on battlefields the world over.  We get to do what many men can't do. 

To the men who are still serving, home and abroad, thank you.  I know how hard you work, how thankless it can all seem, and how little we pay you!  I hope you know, in your heart, what you do is right.  I hope you keep it up, do your work, but more that you end up at home ready for the next day or the next deployment or the next part of your life.  You really are appreciated.

Very good.

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Up before 8:00 again.  Sleep was a little off last night.  I couldn't tell you why.  I did let the girls sleep with me and on cooler nights they tend to crowd me.  I had my bedroom windows open and it was rather cool.  Coffee is already on, just a half a pot if I do use three dosers and change for six cups, which ends up being just one of my cups.  I may start just setting the thing up at night, setting the timer to have coffee waiting first thing when I wake up.  It seems like common sense save that usually I have no idea when I will actually be climbing out of bed.  While cold coffee is fine, for me, beyond not knowing when I will be getting up I may well forget there is even coffee out there in some of my stupors.  Still, for now, I think that is the plan.  Who knows, maybe coffee will be my ticket to regularity.

The sun is out this morning for the first time in... days!  I have enjoyed this cool weather, it may well be the last of the truly cool we get for the summer.  Now temps will be riding the higher trend until they start hitting the hundreds.  At least it will be drying out.  Sleep may become impaired due to the heat.  I really need to think about a way to cool the house just a bit more.  While I can, for the most part save the absolute hottest days, keep the house below 80 in here, or 20 degrees cooler than the outside, that still gets a bit tight.  If I could cool the place to 72 it would feel actually almost chill.  Even just having a single room cool would help, definitely for sleeping or naps.  I'm thinking on it.  The good thing about the heat is it does get me going, work wise.  So I actually don't think I would want central air even if I could afford it.  Like a ship with sails, I merely need to learn to capture that heat energy, which takes focus.  I need sleep to focus.  And heat can be an extreme deterrent to sleep.  There is always a catch.  Last summer was the best summer in my history.  This summer?  I hope to make it even better!  If the trend continues, next summer I will build an extra house out back!  :p

Memorial day, huh?  I have always said that I celebrate important holidays every day of the year.  Christmas and Easter are every day celebrations, if too I do like the notion of them having their own day.  But memorial day is probably the most everyday holiday for me.  So many people have been lost to time and death for me personally.  Almost everyone I ever knew is gone one way or another and I knew a lot of people.  And I do think of all the men who have died for this country.  In part because, no matter what, this country has been good to me in many ways.  I don't always claim to be America, I don't.  After looking at that notion more closely though I realize that it is simply because I am ill and that illness keeps me detached.  While I have my fears for her future, I do think America has been an exceptional nation among nations and through history.  May her flag fly forever, and may those colors and the sacrifices made by many men for her flag mean freedom so long as our flag flies.

Have a great day.

Weird.

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The last few nights I have simply been able to get to bed at a reasonable hour, and stay up during the day after rising early enough for my tastes.  I am not even trying, if I have been setting the alarm clocks just as a booster.  The days have been overcast and cool, too.  I am not getting much done but I did work a goodly bit (for me) for a couple of days in a row.  Further, I have cranked up the medicine.  I can't tell if this is a fluke, the medicine, more sun (even if I can't see it), or what.  I only know that this is the type of schedule that most of you do naturally almost every day.  For me to get that little bit of a taste of normalcy is like you finding $1k to $10k somewhere, or receiving something like that.  It is a rare, very rare treat.

I do hope to keep it going.  If I can find my feet while in a day schedule, I might begin planning to attend Mass again a bit more regularly.  I might be able to get my home in order again.  I could see myself to more work on the projects.  For right now I just want to cement this schedule into place as much as possible.  My first steps at beginning to use the day schedule, or even a regular schedule, will be Tuesday.

The plan that day is to go to town, preferably rather early.  Then to get the digger bar, return the hydrant, and get aspirin for my medicine regimen, have a lunch either in town or grab something on my way home.  Then, chill for a few hours after the meal and get to digging.  The digger bar would make it a lot easier for me to carve out the next step in the pit.  As is, the handled pick would be a little odd to wield in the tight space, down on the that first platform I dug down to create.  It might take me a day or two to dig that next step.  After that, I would like to continue by digging down into the hole.  I need about a foot, I should think, below the pipe, for gravel, to allow the hydrant to drain properly.  I am, I think, getting stronger.  Not by leaps and bounds but in a slow progression.  Stamina is a pain to increase.

The trash does not, it turns out, need to be put out tonight.  So, simply, I won't.  But I do plan to do that earlier in the day tomorrow.  I hemmed and hawed and now it is bed time.  At just a bit after 23:00 I am beyond ready for sleep.  I don't know why I am receiving this gift of good sleep and solid days.  I just know I am pleased as punch and grateful to know even this humble pleasure.  Something I realized, remembered, is that when I have a woman in my life, she has always regulated my days and nights to a great degree.  I have always liked sleeping with my woman.  And I won't be with a woman I don't like a fair amount of time together with during the day.  That last one was weened on a dill pickle, and showed it quite often.  If too I enjoyed even that, mostly. 

Yeah, a woman, a wife, would... help.  It's odd how much having a woman to love helps.  I like to think I helped them as much, and I think they would agree.  I honestly do.  I'm not always pleasant, and I won't tolerate bullshit or doublespeak, and even with that I'm solid to a woman.  Yeah.  Marriage, prayer, it's all coming together.  I've decided I don't have shame for even the worst of my sexual history (none of it was any worse than having a one-night stand with a married woman with a girlfriend/fiancee at home though (oh yes, there is much worse out there, if too that is quite bad enough)).  What I feel, oddly, is sadness.  I am sad that I missed out on having a long life with a woman, growing old with her, and having someone who knew everything and still mostly liked and loved me and me likewise.  It's sad.  So, I best get off my sad ass and get busy fixing that.

Good night.

Men and wine?

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While reading a recent blog that deals out advice for men I saw, what I hope, was a joke about an article regarding men ordering wine as a means of attracting better women. Now, I can't be sure, since the post regarding the article was rather straight lipped. But when the the post went on and on about men not drinking beer, that ordering wine was the thing, I kept getting this funny feeling that my leg was being pulled. And I hope it was. Either that of the author was back, fresh from a "Be Beta or Less" seminar.

No, wine is fine. For home consumption, on rare occasions such as high dining with the dame de delight, or just as a rare thing just because. But for social events I will sooth my taste buds and nerves if needed with a bit o' barley and hops in a glass sans glass preferably. Further, while looking for a mate, I am not going to give up my choices to hope to please some unknown potential Miss or even Misses. It won't happen. She will know who and what I am up front. I suggested if the men were going to begin kowtowing to some anonymous woman's wishes before they even meet her perhaps they ought to just hand her their junk, car keys, house, and whatever else she will take in the divorce.

Now one commenter piped in about how elegant ordering wine is to a potential mate. He, of course, has an income double the baseline wealthy, at least. No, I won't jump on that. If you have it, great. What I will say is when you have the kind of money to self select, you can do pretty much whatever your pampered butt wants. But in real America, in any of the bars or joints I've been in, if you order wine and you are male, you might as well do it in a dress. Further, one thing you will note? Kings, Emperors, Clergy, and academics on stage... all do wear dresses, essentially. Oh, call it what you will. It is a sign of power to do what would get a common man beat in the street for doing. Lets not play games.

If you don't have the money, power, fame, or some combinations of such, don't try to pull off some things. Don't. Even then be careful where you try it. I doubt if he has been in a bar where the drinks cost less than an average hourly wage, as a regular patron and ordering wine anyway, in... maybe never. While I did learn to do my own thing, and became handily powerful enough to enforce my ability to do so, I also learned that there are limits for the common boy and man. I would love to see him forced to live on my income, in my world, and try ordering wine at my joints. I don't know if he was serious, which would mean he is delusional about much of the real world... or was joking to see who would play along... or what.

Beside that, as I said, if you like beer, drink beer. If you happen to like wine, fine, do that, but be a little discrete about it. Just know there may be real social hits. And just because some woman prefers wine drinkers? Don't think all, or even a majority, or just the pretty ones do. Be yourself, do your thing up to a point, that is all. Some people's kids...

Memorial Day.

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I really don't like this holiday.  No, it's good to remember family, friends, and even associates who have died.  It is good to celebrate life, and the bittersweet part of it that is love and love lost.  It is good to get together with family and friends and have a small feast.  For me, I remember some of the lost every other day it seems.  I enjoy life as I live it.  And every meal is a feast for me.  Still, I'm not a working stiff, I won't begrudge you all.  So, enjoy it!

The weather has closed in.  I suppose I could still figure out how to fire up the grill and get something grilled, just because.  And I might too.  I might even drive into town later, whenever I get my legs under me, and see if there is anything good to eat.  Nothing fancy, nothing special, something however that I might be able to make mostly rare.  I love the outside seared sometimes, just to fool my eyes.  Or, really, fool the eyes of other people.  Even my chuck roast is sometimes cooked that way.

Sleep has been great.  Getting to bed has been so natural lately, even with the overcast days.  I am getting to bed before midnight and waking before 8:00, if this morning it did take the first alarm clock to get me ready, and the threat of the 8:00 alarm to get me up by 7:30.  A pot of coffee is on, and I put the whole pot of beans on the heater.  That is lunch and dinner, if I might cook an egg.  If I do get to town, I will probably grill tomorrow.  I am on the higher dose of medicine, finally, too.  If, in two weeks, I am normalized on the stuff and bp is still not coming down I may consider adding just a bit more.  The doctors want double the amount I am taking, and possibly even more, so me creeping up isn't a problem.  For me, I just have to watch out for medicinal wipe-out.  That is worse than even my occasional crashes, deeper, darker, blanker.  And, while I am not extremely active, I am keeping some things... at least in the queue.  I am doing a few small things.  I am keeping fed, mostly.  All good, it keeps the door open from my side, so when an opportunity knocks I have a chance to scramble to it.

With this weekend I have taken all bets off the table and am just enjoying some down time.  But conscious downtime, and there is a big difference.  If you push, and nothing moves, but you are sweating and cursing and sore, did you do any work?  A physicist will tell you that you did not.  God knows I did.  I need some time, sometimes, where I am simply leaning.  That is this time.

I hope you have a great weekend.  Get out with family, friends, co-workers, or even join me in the virtual slacker lounge.  I might even join you in a beer or two.  I think I have some olives left for a beertini.  Love those myself.  Hmm, a snifter of scotch after a grilled meal tomorrow would be nice.  My bottle is feeling a bit neglected.  May your memories be powerful, moving, and every bit as bitter and sweet as you can handle.  There is nothing wrong with that.  

Fighting.

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Just the other day I watched two boys tussle.  Before that I saw some boys in a physical debate.  In neither case was the issue settled.  None of the boys really knew a thing about fighting.  My instinct was to instruct.  Some number of unnamed aspects of my mind told me to bite my lip and to 'keep it shut'.  I could, technically, teach these boys how to block, throw a punch, and get their minds activated.  I could teach them many things.  How to stand, how to grab, how to use the arm or leg of their opponent, or even his mass or momentum if that might take just a bit longer to get set in.  Yes, much.  I could make them into fearsome young combatants.  They were not my children.  For several reasons, teaching them would be wrong.  Who knows what the sensibilities of the parents are, though most likely they do not want their boys learning combat skills beyond what they get in roughhousing.  I don't have the authority, nor would I request it.   

I realize that most grown men grew up without ever having actually fought a fight to a conclusion.  Few are those who know the very basics of fighting.  They don't know how much a punch hurts, nor how to deal with the pain.  Schools have cracked down, parents who are too busy crack down so as to have hassle free children.  While some boys go ahead, what I found in my fights is that quite often even bullies have very poor skills.  The elite usually have even less.  Imagine declawing a cat, then putting it outdoors.  Wouldn't that be cruel?  That is what is being done to men in this country.  Civility is fine, but it is just one aspect.  And it shouldn't be the only one for men for many reasons.  Civility, when dominant in men, means surrender.  And it shows in this nation.

Should I have boys, they will learn to fight.  They will learn to defend themselves.  They will learn that size doesn't matter, with some attention to detail and using the brain as the primary fighting tool.  Having fought, for the most part, older and bigger boys, and sometimes in multiples, I know what it means to stand up against the odds.  As it discusses in the bible, just show up, God does the work.  Or, that is how it seemed at times.  Of course, if you can avoid the fight, all the better.  God may be with you but He leaves the bruises, bloody lip, and sore hands.  There is a time to fight, and if you do your best to live an honest life, and you find yourself fighting, most likely you didn't get to choose the time.  My boys would be prepared.

Was it public school, as a rule, that has broken the will of American men?  Was it feminism, medicine, psychology, a combination, or something else?  Men used to learn these things.  They learned the pecking order, when to challenge it, and how.  Men are lost in this world, not because they have changed but because the world has changed.  Too much wealth?  To much of an emphasis on peace?  I don't know.  And while I don't want my sons to go through what I went through I also don't want them to be like the boys that give up everything to the bully, to include their dignity.  My boys won't be Democrats by design, or sit to pee.

Just... thinking.  Oh, the wife will learn to shoot, should I find one.  A decent 9 mm will be hers, if I might start her out with a .38 special.  One thing I have noticed, either with hand or arms is that when someone steps into the league of self assurance they become a lot less unstable, a lot less hostile, and much more security minded.  They do not wander into bad areas "without thinking".  They don't go out at night "looking for fun".  They don't involve themselves in the business of people who they shouldn't even speak to.  Yes, and that is right.

Yes, just thinking.

Storms and turtles?

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Yeah, they have something in common.  Slow moving storms anyway.  They are both faster than me at times!  Bah!

I've been sitting here watching a storm roll in.  I've been meaning to get to things.  I have.  It wasn't until 11:30 that I finally got a pot of coffee on.  Then it wasn't until 12:30 before I finally ate, after starving all morning, then got a cup of coffee.  The train is more a wreck than arolling.  I can't seem to focus, get going, something.  Two days of work may be the problem.  Like it or not I have absolute limits.  I stretched those too.  The storm is nearly here, looking and feeling more like a fall storm and day.

I did, finally, get my medicine dispenser set back up.  I even tried to call the V.A. about medicines I am running short on.  Holiday?  Oh, wait, yeah, it's Saturday.  Monday will be a holiday though, as I now see.  So, Tuesday, if I remember, I need to call in refills.  Yes, there is a way to do it automatically but it seems I am using medicine prescribed by other than my SLC doctors.  I must have used the newer stuff first and am now into medicine from a previous doctor.  Oh, never mind, just...  So, the numbers on them won't get me new medicine is what that boils down to.  And I did go ahead and double the carvedilol.  I'm nervous about taking it.  That's probably what made me stall in setting up the medicine right when I should have.

I may still make my way into town to get the digger bar and take back the hydrant.  I may yet dig, before the storm races the turtle here.  But probably neither will go forth today, tomorrow, or Monday.  No, Tuesday may be my next real work day.  Which, all in all, is just fine.  I probably do need a break.  Sad as it is, that is as good as it gets.  For now.  Although I am considering, after this bit of digging, to begin a trench from the front to the back of my house in order to connect the two water systems.  A half an hour of picking and digging a few times a week would be good for me, and it is a project I want done.  Though, actually, after this pit is dug I need to get my room cleared and figured out the bathroom first.  Then I can start the other dig and some other things.  The code frost depth for Logan is 30 inches.  I don't mind an extra six inches for a little more surety though.  That is the plan, three feet deep.

By that time I will have done a bit of copper pipe soldering, and when I get all the pipes where I want them, I can probably do all of the pipe work I want all at once.  That should make a tidier job of the whole thing.  I also want to put in the "y" connection to before and after the water softener for a new outside faucet on the east side of my house (wash vehicles with softened water, water plants with straight tap water).  Doing it all at once might even save me some pipe while costing nothing extra in fittings.  Even a slug can dream.  And, like today, dreaming is all I have.

Have a good Saturday.

Up and at it.

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 To bed by 22:30, asleep by 23:00 I should think, then up at 6:30. That is close enough to the times anyway. I set the alarms for 7:00 and 8:00, just in case. It was a cool night and I left the windows open, that can make waking difficult. I'm not sore today either. And, oddly, no blisters. I used gloves two days ago when I shoveled, but not yesterday. And I have done more shoveling those two times each than I did the first time. Of course, I still don't think I've done enough work to deserve blisters, it's just that logic should seem to dictate that I would get more blisters since I haven't formed calluses. I will get more digging in today. I may have to dig another foot back before I can reasonably make another step platform down. My problem is that at my size I need more room to work, somehow. But before I get to that I may make a run into town to get that digger bar. I forgot the heart-dosed aspirin too, which would be good to have. And buying a couple of containers would be good. I am all out. Big plastic containers for beans or whatever.

 The morning is cool, perhaps nearing cold. I will have to push it a bit to get going. A shower and getting dressed really does take care of the cold, especially since the day will warm some. Sun, clouds, and possible rain are all vying for control. Hmm, a pot of coffee might be good too. I might just start making half a pot, and have that as a standard morning thing. A full pot is a bit much, though it sure puts some spit back in the old dried out bones once in a while. Hot coffee is best when it's cool, but in hot times I can just ice it down. Yeah, I know, purists everywhere are gagging on that notion. But... have you ever tried it? With ice, whole whipping cream, and a sweetener of your choice, it makes quite a nice cool drink on a hot summer day.

I can't tell you what the dreams have been about, exactly. But I have been dreaming. I know they have centered on women. Women, women, women, and more women. I don't think they have been erotic in nature, more about the interplay between women and myself. I didn't wake up agitated, dispirited, or such, and remember none of that either. It is more that my mind seems to be... recalling the past and looking at things it wants to use in the future maybe? It's been pleasant, basically, though too. Women are a real treasure. Yeah, I know, I talk about their faults. Yeah. And I have my doubts, sure, true. But never think I hate women. Think of it this way. Is gold precious? Would you love a ton of it, and more? Would you be willing to start randomly digging in a mountain to try to find it? See, that's the deal. Even when you find a vein, you still have to dig. You have to maintain the mine so it doesn't collapse for at least two reasons. You may have to mitigate flooding, you need to check for gas buildup while you are working, and then you have to worry about other people getting the gold once you find it and after you have extracted it and then purified it. It's a load of work. Women are like that. From a man's point of view. I'd honestly be curious about a woman's perspective on women. Okay, I lie. But go for it if you think you can.

I did wake in a bit of a foul mood, unrelated to dreaming though. Given a bit of time I usually pop out of that. Just... leave me alone for a bit, I have told my women in the past. Let my brain reconfigure to consciousness and I become much more pleasant to deal with. The smart ones would leave me alone, or better bring me a cup of coffee then go. Coming back in a bit yields much better interactions. Don't start jabbering about things I can't comprehend as soon as my feet hit the floor.  Don't.  I don't care if the house is on fire.  Don't.  The day can then be planned, business attended, a little morning flirtation, perhaps a little more if we were on the same page, then on to whatever else there was to do. I can be a big baby. And I'm good with that. Still, with women, what I realized, is that we take turns being the big baby. The trick is to find a woman who can tolerate my big baby mode, and whose big baby mode is in areas I myself can tolerate, and that we don't become big babies at the same time or for the same events. If done right, everyone gets pampered and powdered pretty much on call, but then gets on with life. Yeah, life with women can be quite good, with a little work, some negotiating, if both parties are interested in making it happen. Ah, but my mood has definitely improved. Both kittehs know it and are crowding me now. Angry gorilla to teddy bear, they like it all though too.  They add contrast for the relationship, and are unavoidable in any case so one might as well enjoy them.  Either that or they consider me a nice warm place upon which to perch. Love is never just one thing though, it's a whole bunch of things put together, time, the reals, the seen, and the unseen. Some of it is simply unknown, possibly unknowable.

Hmm, on to... something. Coffee! Later.

Remembering the schtick.

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Not so long ago, life was simple.  Find a woman, make the moves, get her to ready, then do it.  It's not difficult.  However, for those who need more help, there is this.  My thing is I used to do this in as little as an afternoon.  Now I'm moving... a little slower.  My aim has to be surer.  This time it is for a keeper.

Half-assed.

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My attempts at things are often just so.  I do try.  God knows.  Even He must sometimes just say, damn but that boy is slow and dense!  Well, it could've happened.

My friend called at 11:00.  My phone was in the other room, however, and I did not hear it.  At about 11:30 I realized there was a problem.  I found my phone and realized what part of the problem was.  So, I headed to town, with checks for deposit in hand, and a rough understanding of what I might need from the hardware store.  I was going to deposit the checks then go to the grocery store to speak with the manager about some business for the KoC.  By the time I deposited the checks it was potentially already lunch time for the manager I needed to speak with, according to a conversation with the other manager I had spoken with on Wednesday.  So, I just called my friend, to let him know I would be arriving soon, and got over there.

After picking him up, we headed to the hardware store in question.  I didn't bring the other hydrant in as the packaging is messed up.  I may call and ask if they would still take it back.  It's not too bad but it is rough (the hydrant is fine though).  I picked up a hydrant with a five foot bury depth and looked for fittings.  They didn't have most of what I needed so I decided to go to another hardware store for that.  We went there and got what I needed quickly.  Both my friend and myself were quite hungry by this time, so as we cast about for a place to eat, we hit upon just the place.  It was nice and quiet, the food was very good, all good for a nice lunch. After that, a trip to a sporting store next door.  He browsed reloading supplies and I looked over everything else, mostly.  I then went to the grocery store, where I finally met with the correct manager, and got a tentative okay for the items of need for next Mother's Day.  After that I dropped my friend at his place, told him to call if he didn't hear from me but wanted to go shooting, then headed home.

Beside, probably unwisely, not taking the other hydrant back, I also forgot to get a pole pick.  It is like a pick, with both the pointed part and the chip side, but the functional parts are on each end of a heavy metal bar, part of the bar actually.  That would help dig the actually hole part.  Some things done, some parts that may or may not be what is needed, plumber's goop for the pipe fitting, but not everything.  At least I did get out and dig some more.  I may be at the end of that for today though.  Still, I more than doubled the initial step now, taking out a three foot by three foot by three foot swath of earth in the last two days of picking and shoveling.  Oh, I know, some guys would do that then get the next level shoveled and just be done with it.  Though someone in my condition?  I don't know.  All I know is I have done what I could, if I probably could have done more at least shopping wise.

Still, that is better than all I have done in the last week or two.  I'll take it.  Perhaps I might sneak into town tomorrow and get that pole-pick.  And, I will call one of the knights and let him know that fruit for next Mother's Day is tentatively a go.  I have to check back with the manager at the first of the year, then probably a month before, then probably a week before Mother's Day... to keep him on track and get the request on the fast track.  Still, this was a start.  If this goes well I may well ask for fish, or vegetables, for our lenten meals and continue with Mother's Day, just get it on the schedule and planned.  But no more.  Two requests a year is quite enough. 

Later.

Nice, really nice.

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I did call my friend yesterday.  I told him I needed to be in town today and that I would get him out if he wanted to go.  It seems he would like to go.  I then eased myself down into sleep, getting to bed shortly before midnight, hoping I would wake up at a reasonable hour.  I didn't set the alarm.  At 7:30 I popped out of bed like a trooper.  A little sore but nothing that should keep me from more digging today.  After getting to town that is.  A stop at the bank to deposit some ducks, a visit to the grocery store for business not shopping, getting my friend for a day out, a visit to a hardware store, possibly something to eat in there somewhere.  Then back home to hit some shoveling.  It seems to be cloudy currently.  My friend said, though, that it is supposed to hit 80 F today.  I best try to get these things started early.  I hope to be out by 10:30.  Yeah, I'll still be working in hot temps, but I might be able to break my digging up into two shifts.

I am rather surprised that I am doing well.  I didn't overdo too heavily yesterday it seems.  Though medicine might be adding to function, at this point, rather than taking me down?  I simply don't know.  What the increased dosage will do is a whole other thing.  It might be a few days to a week before I see the full effects.  Or it might come as soon as tomorrow.  I best do what I can today.  Living in constant fear of freezing is no fun but that is what I have.

Have a great day.

Brett Kimberlin v. Stacey (The Other) McCain.

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I'm late.  Or, am I?  I noticed this meme going around.  And, while I don't know Mr. Stacey The Other McCain personally, at all, I feel compelled to act.  Well, once I figured out that I was, indeed, called to act.  I do enjoy Stacey's work, I do appreciate his schtick, and I like what he does... respect his work like I used to (thought I did) respect newsmen in general.  He is a real newshawk, not a shill for the left (or right, really).  Besides, he lives the easy life of a working married man!  *grins*

In any case, it seems Brett Kimberlin, a man with a seriously nasty criminal background, with a personality only a mother could recognize offhand and attempt to avoid, has decided that no one should know about his criminal history.  To that end, he has gone so far as to be threatening enough in his actions to force Stacey, with family, out of their home until... things are settled.  And Stacey is not the only one being threatened by this animal.  Well, read more about it from Stacey, though I could link many other bloggers who have their own stories or who are also putting out the facts.  This madness from the left has to be confronted, and stopped, and these behaviors nipped in the bud.  Or, from this point.  Though from now on we are going to have to act much more quickly to stamp out these little firestarters.

Not much.

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It was almost going to be a nothing day again today.  I saw a man arrive and head out back to dig.  I hurried up and dressed to go out.  It seems he has been coming over when I have been gone.  I hadn't checked the hole in a bit, but he has dug the main shaft down, including today, about five feet deep.  He found the pipe, finally, today.  But to get it right I need to dig out another two or three feet down to the original depth of the extra part of the hole I dug, then dig that other part I dug down another two feet, in order that we can get to the pipes and work with them.  After he left I go to it.  I have about a third of what I need picked and shoveled but I... have limits.  I hit my limit and kept going.  I hit one more limit and kept going at a limp.  I finally hit a brick wall.  But I did dig, I picked, and moved some decent amount of dirt.  I feel extremely guilty about... having a working man do my work.  Any man really.  But there is no way I could have done it all.  On the good side, by looks, he thought I was 37, 39, maybe 40.  He was just a bit surprised at my real age.  Then again, he is only 10 years younger but looks more like he is in his mid 20's.  Perhaps men have no idea about age?  Nah, I was a bouncer.  I got pretty good at that, and in dim lighting.  Skills do fade though too.

That digging beat the dirt out of me.  Tomorrow?  I'll try and get back out there.  I need to get into town.  He told me what parts to get and I'll get them.  If I can move.  Then again I really don't hurt.  I can usually tell by now if I am going to hurt.  Muscles get really tight and stay that way.  My neck feels pretty tight but the rest of me might be good.  It's more a matter of reserves.  Do I have any spit left.  I simply don't know that, and won't until tomorrow.  I will be calling my friend to see if he wants to get out tomorrow.  We will be stopping at one of his favorite stores.  I had thought to eat but I don't have enough spit for it.  A big glass of milk, a shower, and to bed... after the call.  Oh, right, I best set up my medicines for tomorrow.  Hmm, while I am in town I will buy that heart friendly aspirin, or aspiring dosed for daily heart care.

It does feel good to work.  And I had meant to do it.  I'm just not sure.  Hmm, in to town early, as early as I can, so I can get back to work on the hole, get those steps chunked out, before my helper returns.  I just hate having a man do work for me after he has worked all day.  Work means a lot more to me, in some ways, than it does to most.  What you have the least of is the most precious.  And yet, if nothing else, this takes his time.  The thing he has the least of.  I... just have to try and do at least my part, put in some effort, show that I'm not a complete invalid.  If it kills me.  And... I'll do it.

Good night.

Good sleep, good God, good coffee.

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Oh yes, I've been on a roll with prayers, big and little.  I try to take a good chunk of time before sleeping to pray.  I spend time filling God in on what, who, where, when, and being thankful about the day and what I do have.  As my mind and world begin to come together into some kind of a plan for whatever future I have, yeah... I'm making some other plans too.  I pray on the road, often, because I am a road warrior.  GET IN, GET OUT, THEN HOME!  My mind keeps telling me when driving.  I don't want to be on the roads with you any more than you want me riding your bumper looking for a place to pass when you are driving 55, or 45 to 53, or whatever, on a posted 60 road.  Really!  I want to pass you and be going 65.  And, really, I would much rather be going 85 and just GET HOME, if I don't even when I can.  HOME.  Still, patience and such is sometimes all there is when ten vehicles between you and me decide you are driving fast enough for them.

I really had to consider coffee today.  I have the old, of course.  And, it was... okay.  But I had fresh!  I hate wasting money, product, etc.  I'm not so much a spendthrift or an earth first guy, at all.  I am an efficiency buff.  Efficiency of economy, of action, of electrical power, and anything else.  My whole life has been reduced to getting the very most out of the very least, simply because most frequently that is all I have.  With trembling fingers, as they dropped the old coffee into the garbage, I sniffed a little and got to work grinding the new coffee for a fresh pot.  Oh heaven!  Yeah, okay, I can do it.  And it was worth it.  If I composted I would have felt better.  As is, it just had to be done.  The smell, the taste, yeah...

I had a dream last night.  My friends, guy friends, and myself were having a "guy" party.  Well, that is what we told our wives.  There were a lot of hot women there, of course.  Every once in a while though, we got all the (single hot) women to step out for just a bit, and used our smart phones to talk to our wives, walking around with the vid feed going, letting our wives talk to the other guys.  Telling them how much fun guy bonding we were having.  No wives really wanted to break that up, or show up.  Then we would let the hot babes back in.  Oh, yeah, I could see that back in the day, had I been married.  The truth is I never lied to the women I was with.  I didn't have to.  They knew.  The thing was no promises.  Well, until I hit... what... the 30's, in practice, the mid 20's in principle?  Yeah, something like that.  Even then it was more to do with me than the woman.  Having three or four women, on top of your main, call and harass you whenever they got a stick up there butt was a pain.  Talk about slavery.  Still, it was a... funny dream.  The management doesn't approve, but it 'do know'.  Still, I recommend not making promises you don't intend to keep, or can't keep.  It's... the better part of foul valor, to my mind.  Don't even think about telling me your conscience wouldn't allow it or even that your woman wouldn't.  Don't.  It's not that you are trying to use the wrong key, your using the wrong key at the wrong house.  Go figure it out before you end up married, cheating, then angry at your wife for your failed promises, then divorced or in a horrible marriage.

Today is the day to decide whether to raise my dose of carvedilol or stick with the plan.  I do believe I am going to up the dose.  With my bp still running in the 194-215/124-133 range after two weeks of everything maxed save carvedilol, I simply don't think I have a choice.  My bp has been running that hot for at least two months, since I started monitoring again.  If I don't bring that down something is going to pop.  All I need is another hole in the head, innit?

Today I am going to get out and try to pick and shovel.  Just an half hour or so, if I can keep on it.  I'll take a timer.  Anything else I can manage to do will be good.  A load or two of dishes, a load or two of laundry, and some picking up are on the agenda.  Nothing fancy, nothing fast, and only the picking and shoveling as real work.  Something I noticed recently...  I truly despise 'little work', work that doesn't use my engines at something like full capacity.  It takes more energy for me to do dishes, in a way, because I never work up to breaking a sweat, and can't.  Same with laundry.  My system just wasn't made for that kind of work.  It is essential work.  It makes the rest of what I do possible.  But it is more annoying than a small swarm of gnats.  If that were tended I would see myself to a lot more physical work.  While that didn't happen in the past, the opportunity for physical work was not always available.  Here, in my own home, it is.  And I like to do it.  But to do physical work I need food.  And to get food, I need to shop and do cook.  In order to cook and shop I need clean clothes and clean dishes, pots, pans, utensils, and the rest.  That is the weak link in the chain.  Yes, when my mother is here, for example, she takes care of the house so I can simply focus on stuff she can't do, or can't do well.  A wife sure is seeming better and better.

Of course, there is a face that keeps coming to mind when I think about marriage.  Oh, yes there is.  I do believe what I wrote above has a lot to do with the problem some men have with marriage.  But I can't quite think that is all of it.  Women can be just as smart, crafty, object oriented, and fruitful in their efforts as any men, sometimes twice over within their limits.  It's the insane side that I keep obsessing with.  The piss tests ("Do these pants (skirt, dress, whatever) make my ass look big"...  "Why yes, but I love big targets!"), the questions ("What are you thinking?"... "I'm trying not to think, please leave me to that ma'dear."), the paranoia, want for more than I am, horrendous mood changes, odd sex drives, and such that...  Well, and that face.  Oh, the face?  Hmm, this man knows the face.  If I think he... he has a goodly part in the making of that face.  Then again, he probably just bought into the whole 'pretty face is good to marry, so whatever' thing.  And he... obviously has some issues beyond that.  Still... Heh.  Now, I've never really had a broken heart but the other problems he discusses?  I've never been married either.

Yep, another day another chance.  All good.  I have a goodly little bit of time to wake up, read the blogs, check on real news, and just tinker for a bit.  I will probably need a nap by noon.  Hopefully just a nap.  And I should be able to get a number of bigger and smaller things done.  Or... not.  Time will tell.  Hmm, oh, and there is my part of the mowing.  Yes indeed.  Sometime.

Have a good morning!  Go to work with a smile, if you have to fake it so be it.  It's worth the returns.

A bit of homework today.

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No, not actual work.  After months of not being very aware of my finances, simply hoping automatic payment was working, something triggered a review.  Well, and one of the things I did today was to call and regain access to one of my accounts.  Online access is required when that bank is over a thousand miles away.  But what triggered a review was a check, a return from my home escrow.  I have also received some other refunds.  The group totaled over $1300.  I was RICH!  I thought, initially, that I would... spend two to three hundred and plant the rest.  Then I started thinking back.  Hmm, I have been... spending like a Democrat.  So, a review was in order.  As well, when I checked the mail I also found most of my bills.

As it turns out that return money will just, exactly, put my nest egg at the level I wanted it.  In my local account.  My distant account gives me about the refund amounts total over my nest egg 'zero'.  However, while I have all the tools and parts for replacing the water heater, I don't have the water heater.  And there may be additional purchases to be made, so I don't consider the "extra" as extra at all.  Remember, I want to lay new flooring in there first.  That isn't going to just be the flooring, but possibly subflooring, and a drain of some sort (yes, yes, I WILL hook it into the main drain, fine, alrighty?).  Assuming I don't find more trouble under there than even that.  As well, a new toilet, new vanity, and a decent mirror would be very reasonable.  So, that "extra" thousand is looking more like a start.  The vanity may not be a choice, in any case, as it is attached to the floor and the wall.  If the floor is bad I will simply have no choice.  Thought that doesn't break my heart at all, until sticker shock hits me... but that's another story.  I can probably wait, or skip, a new toilet.  It... mostly works.  It's just so damned small!  If the floor is good this should be a breeze though... If I could just get to it!

Still, this puts my quickly shrinking nest egg back to rights and wakes me up.  Although I did notice that my phone is overpaid by nearly $200 and my electric utility bill is again at over $500 above what was due.  I'll... eventually get that paperwork to get the utility payment hooked directly to what is due... eventually.  That adds to having a little room to play, though, with the on suite bathroom upgrades.  Oh, and I did finally take care of that one nagging bill, the city utilities.  I paid $200, plus checks out to September, and probably more than what I owe each month.  Plus I ended up only owing about two months in back dues, so that I ended up overpaying by $130 or so right up front, which adds another nearly four months after September (maybe even another month by monthly overpayments too, maybe).  Yeah, my bills are... good.  My nest egg is good.  And payday is just around the corner.  I only pay on three actual debts currently.  The Xterra will take a bit, my home much longer, but the card is coming down just fine (though that card company sold out and I don't too much care for the company that bought it, any funny stuff and I'll sacrifice some nest egg and send the payments I had been sending to the card to my nest egg instead... no (interest rate) funny stuff).

What I need to start doing, and have never done well to date, is to tack things down.  I really didn't think I would make it to my mid 20's, then 30's.  But... here I am.  And I was moving quite a lot, still with dreams of some magical future, or at least near future.  To figure out costs, expenses, and create a budget.  With the nest egg I have a little room for error and to figure things out.  Once I have a reasonable handle on things, I then need to start tackling my home payments.  I would like to add 50%, perhaps 100% if I can swing it.  It would be fun to absolutely demolish that loan as fast and hard as I can.  I just have to make sure I don't try to squeeze myself too tightly.  I still need nominal improvements, repairs, common living, a little luxury, and a bit of breathing room.  How much?  I... I simply don't know yet.

Oh, no worries.  It'll take me six months to a year to ever get going on this.  You know me.  You KNOW me.  But, once a thing is realistically on my radar, eventually it will get hit.  Turtle 1 to control, I have a lock.  I repeat, I have a lock.  And I'm... well... right on that.  Yeah, YEAH, I'm... where's the button.  What?  Nap time...

Yeah, it is looking good.  It's looking better than it ever has for me.  Since I just can't seem to die as probability seems to dictate should be the case, I best get ready to survive to my 111th birthday.  If I make it, I know some doctor's graves I am going to find.  Yep, I'm going to piss on them.  And smoke a cigar while doing so, with a double scotch on the rocks hold the rocks, and probably hire a stripper to entertain me while I do it.   Just...  Some things are just going to have to happen, that's all.  I hope God will forgive.  Still, I have to wonder if He won't have just a touch of understanding too.  Yipee kiyeah... *mumbles* psychopathogens.

Well, dinner arrived!  I am hungry.  Have a great day!

Hmm...

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I was sure, after that last post, that I would pull it together.  As I sat reading a few more blogs, then tinkering, my will was slipping.  I became lethargic, then sleepy to the point of going in and laying down.  I popped up and set the alarm in the hopes that, with a few hours of rest, I would be ready to go to town.  I had my doubts.  I checked my blood pressure, it was 210/124, I just can't understand that.  I have been taking my medicine, 'xactly.  I laid back out, covered over, and started to drift.  I was just about to fall asleep when a little voice caught my attention.  *now*  Or, some such.  Such a small word, but in the blackening consciousness that is the beginning of sleep it electrified me.  So quiet, so passive, so powerful.  I got up, pulled out the trimmer to get most of the beard knocked off, grabbed clean shorts and a t-shirt, and headed in to the functional  bathroom.  I quickly started the shower water, washed my glasses, then *censored*.  Climbing out of the shower I shaved the rest of the way, dressed, with my partial wear, doodled my hair into a high flattop, sort of, then headed to the bedroom to finish my affairs.

Yes!  I made it out.  And I hit every store on my list.  Not fully successful though, no offal was to be found at the places I stopped.  I bought a ton of short to mid term food.  Any grouping seems small, but combined I have a dozen cans of several vegetables and a number of fruits.  I did buy sweets, and sugars.  Canned tuna and chicken were purchased in bulk.  A number of bags, plates, and various other items were also purchased.  While not perfect, not complete, and not everything I had hoped to buy, I did buy enough to see me through a short dry spell.  I will be working on the list, adding pieces and parts, if a bit more slowly, as I go through the next few months.  But it has started.  It was a pleasure to sort and then store the items away in what one might call the beginnings of a true larder.  While certainly not a chef's larder, it has the promise of being any families blessing in times of lean or fat.  I hope to spend between a hundred and two hundred at the beginning of each month, only buying items I know I can and will eat and use, or buying a sampling to test, on top of typical groceries.  No, no list at the moment, I just went and bought.  At $320ish and change, I put a decent little pile of food and extras together. I also bought ham, milk, and things I need for right this week, right now.  I made it to the coffee shop and tobacco outlet.  And, as a final insult on top of injury, I bought a meal on the way out of town.

Oh, by the way, by my reckoning?  That will be the last tobacco purchase I make.  The next time I get to town, and I need to as I couldn't get as much wet cat food as I wanted, I will buy my first month of patches.  I will definitely grab my friend this next time too.  I bet he is itching to get out.  Perhaps Friday, I need to see the store manager I have been meaning to discuss some things with as well and his next workday is Friday.  Next month I will buy another month of patches, and when my mother gets here, or a bit before or after (I won't waste that tobacco!), I will begin using the patches.  She has quit and has laid down the gauntlet.  Well, actually she dropped it and my big toe is still throbbing from it but the first telling sounds better.

I won't, however, be shoveling and picking at the hole.  Beside it looking as if it will rain at any moment, I am done.  For now.  I was able to do all the shopping and putting everything away without a hitch, but doing more is definitely not in me.  Oh, I best move the X back into the garage too.  Quite a day, quite a haul.  I even managed to finally check my mail.  I set the dishes to a fresh soak before I left.  I do not know if I will be getting to those, but you know...  I really am itching to do one more thing today.  No promises.  I simply can't promise.   But... maybe.  Life is good.

Well, I hope you are having a good day yourself.  Or at least holding up, holding on, or enjoying the fall.  :p  If you can't choose it, at least figure out how to enjoy it.

Ah, looks like the day!

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Before I went back to bed I did a bit'o'research.  No, not in Ireland.  It seems this things cats do is common.  It also isn't what I feared, a mating thing.  It's called a Flehmen Response.  It is a way for a cat to memorize a scent, though cats seem to not just memorize scents but to also analyze them.  All good, and yes, I feel better.  No, I'm not a cataphobe either.  I just... some things... even some notions are just a bit creepy. After the research, I went down for a bit more sleep.  Good sleep.

Waking an hour or two ago I decided hunger was a real issue.  While a bit of hunger is good to keep me active, too much hunger is a problem in itself, and might lead me to overeat at just the wrong moment, either crashing my plans or at least making the drive home a real drag.  Since it was still early, and some of the stores wouldn't have been open quite yet anyway, I decided to see what could be made.  It turned out that I still had a can of corned beef hash, a carton of jumbo eggs, and my cast frying pan has been being kept used yet cleaned.  Take all ingredients including pan, blend to a medium consistency, add a little hot sauce, pour over ice, and... breakfast.  Give or take.  A few hours to let that settle, maybe an hour more, and I should find myself in the shower, then shaven, dressed, and ready to go.

For a guy who goes slowly, I move when on my feet.  Time, you see, is the issue.  Not how much energy I expend in that time.  I remembered the last item for my list this morning, while enjoying breakfast, and added it to the list.  Finally, I put the list in order.  My goal is to hit every single item on my list and in the order now listed.  I know which way to enter town, which way to enter and leave the various shops, and believe it will be done.  I won't be able to stop and do a social call though.  Too much of what I am buying needs to be refrigerated quickly.  And with as many places as I will be stopping this constraint will be tested a bit as is.  However, with some things managed, and perhaps as a treat for doing a bit or a lot more digging if I can get to that, I will see me into town tomorrow again.  Well, soon in any case.  I really shouldn't do things day after day, that really has ended up beating me into the dirt.  Or is that actually the right way, since I seem to fall down no matter?  I still am not sure about that.

Never mind all the concerns.  At this point I simply live my life to the best of my ability, do what I can, and pick it all back up when I can.  I enjoy what I get, what I have, and what I am looking forward to doing.  Good, bad, ugly, it's just the way any particular day might be.  Since I can't change reality I have decided to change my outlook on it.  It's all good if there are times that are better.

Good morning.  Get out and have yourself a fine day.  It is up to you, you know.