Good morning?

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Maybe, but... what's it to you!  Hehe  Perhaps not THAT bad.  Actually that question would suggest the wrong note, timber, and meter for today.  Today, so far, is just another blah day in the hot summer cycle.  I note, lately, some of my posts haven't been edited at all.  I will get right on the buffoon who is in charge of that!  Ah well, after a long hot day, keeping it together for a post can be a stretch as bedtime approaches.

I skipped reading more of the book regarding the paleo diet for athletes.  While I may root around a bit more in that dirt, I fear most authors merely spell out their plan, then spend exorbitant amounts of time explaining why their diet (or other theory) works.  To be plainly honest, in 99.9999997432995% of the time, that "proof" is sheer idiocy.  While their theory might be right, or wrong, the hubris that they bring to the table in "proving it" is almost as witless as their proofs.  Look, sure, see that something works and try to explain it.  Try to show your theory is better than others, but don't... you know... actually believe that you actually know.  Even if you are 'righter' than your opponent or near-beer competitor, you honestly probably don't understand enough of the variables to have it right.  Oh, I know, some authors feel called to break out their degree, or learning, and share it.  But they should most often by now know that... academia is mostly a form of king's clothing dementia.  Such is the literary world though.

Oh, right, so I didn't read.  Yes, yes, I'll read a bit more.  I am merely trying to elicit his whole plan.  I don't care about his "why" (as... I might have mentioned).  While I don't actually think the author is an idiot (necessarily, and given the shadow of doubt of course), I just don't think he could understand.  He is merely tracking, or modeling, a phenomena that is seen in nature, much like weathermen track storms but don't really even know why or how clouds form, let alone when and where the next lightning strike, or even tornado or hurricane will happen!  Never mind.  What I did do was to begin digging into Latin.  I didn't actually do the first lesson, I merely read the first lesson.  There is a HUGE difference, mind you.  Engineering school taught me that, if nothing else.  What worked in high school doesn't, well, actually work.  Everyone in college could read and understand in high school, the competition pool just got deep.  Public schools aren't fair competition to other types, unfortunately.  But it does take more than just schools, it takes parenting, a certain type.  Though, to be honest, not all children should be raised to be academically inclined.  That would lead to the ruination of the world.  Or has, even to the level that has been done so far.  I'll... get back to you on that.  Oh, right, my first introduction into declensions.  I now know why Rome failed!  Not only did they fail, and several times, their language was discarded.  It was all because of the language!  Wowowouch.  Then again, I think German actually had more declensions (if I don't think modern languages call them that)?  It's just been a long time since language classes and practice, I suppose.  At least when "past participle" or "nominative" is suggested and slightly explained, it massages understand back very quickly.  Learning a half dozen languages actually puts English, the rules, and the terms, pretty deeply and fearfully into one's bean.

When the air conditioner gets here and I have the drapes set up I should be able to dedicate short periods of time to study.  For now I am going to be previewing the lessons, one per day.  Previewing, as in reading, not actually pulling out a pen and paper and doing them.  What I hated about college, and to some degree high school, was we would we would do three or four lessons per session and skip some of the lessons.  Further, the lessons were based on days of class as much as anything else, so it came down to what was cut from the lessons rather than if anything was cut.  I honestly hate when a book is bought and only partially used!  I figure, if I do this Latin stuff, I will do two to three lessons a day, nearly every weekday, and in a year I would be done, roughly.  Actually, while previewing, I may set a little time aside to figure out a class schedule.  That is some dedication though.  Literally, a full year, at two lessons a day, five days a week?  Study, by the way, is as unnatural as things get.  Sure, study game to realize patterns for an easier hunt, but my guess is hunters more often just stumbled upon 'stupid tricks', and then passed them on.  Actually studying is a man thing, and only for those lucky or unlucky enough to be in a position to do so.  Still, that is my intent.

I keep forgetting the neighbor boy's watch.  So he can track his time.  Now, I am not sure he will be any better about tracking his time, but it is a start.  As time goes by, if he continues with the lawn through the years, he might become quite the little clockpuncher.  Oh I might regret this!  *grins*  Still, it is part of the deal (the deal I just made up!).  And it is nearly his birthday, too.  So... it works.  He is a good kid.  It's sort of neat to watch him grow up, learn, and work.  And he is keeping up on my lawn.  It's really actually starting to look like a lawn, for the first time since I moved here.  I will plant, heavily, this fall, then probably plant again in the spring.  Hopefully, with someone keeping it watered on top of that, I should have a truly lush lawn in another year or so.  I wish I could do it myself, and maybe I will get there, but for now... and probably for at least a few years to come, I will need help.  Help?  Is someone else doing all the work really "help"?  Never mind.

Oh, on to my day.  It looks to be a brutal day again, heatwise.  I know my friend wanted to get out on the cool day but that simply wasn't going to happen.  I NEEDED a cool restful couple of days in which to do NOTHING.  No choice, in any case.  But, today or tomorrow I need to get back out there.  Tomorrow I think, actually.  Cabbage, for the corned beef pot, maybe fresh carrots and potatoes depending on how what I have looks.  Milk is needed too, as is a number of other big and small items.  Nothing major, I'm trying to go cheap, low, and slow on other spending.  Curtains are eating into my cheapskate scale, so I need to pare back elsewhere.  Oh, I ran out of milk so I decided to make some from powder.  I am not using some of that which I bought in bulk, but a 'new milk' or 'milk like' stuff, called <i>Morning Moos</i>.  I think I made it a bit weak.  It doesn't, at all, taste like the old Carnation powdered milk, and I can thicken it, of course.  I will use it up.  It was a curiosity I had.  I will be trying one can of the other milk, off and on, after I use this one up.  I'm just... figuring things out.

Yes, have a good day.

Have a good day.

Definitely more curtains.

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I was going to hold off buying extra new curtains until next month.  However, seeing how much of an impact they have and keeping my home cool during the morning, while the light is on the draped windows side of the house I may just push ahead with that.  Now, it might just be that regardless what I do the afternoons will simply be hotter.  And yet I can't help but believe there is a significant difference.  Until the sun passed it's zenith, my home was almost cool, literally.  Oh, I think I will enjoy having heave drapes for all the windows the sun hits directly, save upstairs, for now.  Those will wait until late summer or early fall, for what they will be worth at that time.

The right air conditioner is on the way.  While I got free shipping, which is nothing to sneeze at, I could not get that sent overnight.  Of course, one of the problems I cam to realize about the first casement ac I looked at was... it wouldn't even ship for a month or two!  They have to build it.  What a joke!  Why offer to sell an air conditioner in the summer that won't be ready until fall, at the earliest?  Between the drapes and the air conditioner, I should be able to have a more reasonable life.  I do love the sun, and even the heat, just not when I can never escape it.  It simply beats me into the dirt.  Which, sort of, is where I am.  Yesterdays cooling helped a great deal, but it is already hot again this evening.  I did forget to open the windows when it cooled outside, but still.

A bit more reading regarding the paleo diet and then I think I am going to peruse the first year Latin book.  Perhaps I will be able to sleep before long.  If it is simply too hot, perhaps a bit more gaming until I, and my room, cool a bit more.

As per what I suggested on another blog, I have started to thaw the corned beef I had in the freezer.  After that last round of that, I... just had to get another.  Then one of the other commenters discussed a deli, or more put up a music link about a deli in Noshville?  Or was that Nashville with a yiddish accent?   I need, and I do mean need, cabbage though.  But I also need milk.  Perhaps I can sneak out tomorrow.  My phone was dead today, so I charged it.  Having just lit it back up I see my friend tried to call me.  I might just give him a call tonight.  Yeah, tomorrow won't be as cool as today but it is what is available.  Hmm, and maybe I ought to check on that gal I've been yammering about. 

The other day I was looking at what someone said was his beautiful wife, a picture, online.  And... for the life of me I couldn't see it.  And he was dead serious.  Then it hit me.  A woman, beautiful, ugly, tall, short, thin, fat?  When you link with her, she... will become beautiful.  It is a real beauty in the eyes.  It's personal.  It's sort of spooky too, because it is a form of dementia.  *grins*

Anyway, I best... Oh, I best eat something first.  My stomach will not let me alone to read, or game if that is what is necessary, until I tend it.  Might as well feed the cats again again again again, I think.  I feed them smaller meals all day long, like how I would prefer to eat.  Good night.

The oddity of timing.

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While I could complain, I won't.  After ordering those curtains, getting them washed, dried, and hung, drooling over the notion for a while once I thought about things, and for the first time in, at least but possibly over, a month?  It rains and cools down overnight.  I will not be testing the thermal properties of my new curtains today.  Oh, but the cool is so delicious, for me to complain would be a serious breech in protocol, a faux pas of epic nature.  It would be akin to buying a parachute, for a flight, just in case, then not having to use it.  Not complaining.

The cool is delicious.  And while for that first bit, before the rain cooled things, it did become a slight swamp around here.  Still, even then, it was nowhere near as bad as Iowa is all of the time.  I am surprised I didn't get pneumonia or something living there.  More so with my heart backing up fluid like it, to some degree, had to be even back then.  Sleep!  I was able to get to sleep by 2:00, and probably could have been to sleep earlier but for the fact that I wasn't prepared.  My mind hadn't coiled around the mouse of possibilities until later, almost as habit now.  When I realized sleep could be had, and easily, and early, *bam*, I hit the sack like a 100 pounds of potatoes coming off the truck... times three.  :p  (there are worse analogies!)  Like I said, to bed by 2:00, and then up well before 9:00, maybe just after 8:00?  Something like that.  Oh, and sleep was beautiful  I even let the girls sleep with me, if the brats tried to roll me for food at 4:00 or 5:00.  Not happening.

It is still cool, and a bit overcast.  I think that will be ending soon though.  Hmm, after checking the curtains?  Yeah, they are keeping huge amounts of heat out.  Oh, these will make a world of difference, I think.  Standing near the ones facing the sun is like standing near a lit oven.  Wow.  Yep, I am ordering three more sets, for the bedrooms down here.  I am not sure about upstairs though.  While a bit pricey, at $40 a set ($20 apiece, but why not sell them as sets?  That's confusing to bachelors!), they are long lasting and will cut on the electric for ac. Well, when I say pricey, I mean according to my budget and man-brain for home things. Just... work with me. Yeah, I know, curtains can be had that cost hundreds, or even thousands. I will never be there, even if I became rich as a robber baron.

I'm not sure what is in the offing.  I am just drinking in the cool for now, waking slowly.  The cats have been fed, I may be soon or not.  The rest?  I just don't know.  If it stays cool in here but heats up out there, I'm not sure I want to venture out!  At least for today.

Wow, it's curtains for me.

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I received the "blackout curtains" today.  I thought they would be okay, but... you know how advertising often goes.  I was wrong.  These things are beautiful!  Well, they look like corduroy material, which is perfect for a bachelor, but that's not what makes them beautiful.  They do turn a day room into a nightscape.  Perfect, too, for watching television, playing games, and working on the computer, on top of keeping light and to some extent heat out.  Heat will still pass through the windows, curtains can only do just so much on that score.  I will know more as time goes by, and I test their real ability to keep the place cooler.  Because they work so well I do believe I am going to order three more sets, for my bedrooms downstairs.  Perhaps, in time, more for the upstairs windows if I think that might help.  There are a lot of windows up there, though.  Hmm, I would guess it would take six sets.  Then again, they are smaller windows, perhaps each window won't need a full set.  Or, perhaps, I could do them in small batches, a few a month, on top of my other ongoing projects.  Oh, very nice.

UPS arrived to pick up the incorrect air conditioner, so I thought he would also have the curtains.  Not so.  But later when I looked, I found them.  Two different stops?  Perhaps, or he forgot and was coming back through?  All good.  Amazon has already credited me for the return!  Very good.  But having the nest egg means I don't have to sweat an exchange like I did before.  I love that little thing.  I heard complaints, at Amazon, about the curtains smelling.  Well, they were freshly manufactured and dyed, no guff they will give off a bit of odor.  New jeans even do that!  Idiots.  Anyway, I decided to wash them before putting them up.  And I actually got that done.  I had to redry a load of pants and shirts.  Oh, and the shirts were the ones I was having difficulty with spots.  After four sessions of washing they finally came clean (and I don't mean one wash per cycle, sometimes as many as three, ugh!).  All that got folded or hung, and the curtains finished and put up.  I sure hope they help with the heat a bit.  Oh, and the other curtains were way too long.  These I measured before ordering and they don't touch the floor.  They fit the windows... just... right.

All little things, all working to figure out how to be cool enough to live and sleep, but it is going forward.  I now have partials for winter and summer drapes.  I'll need to wash and put the winter drapes up though.  In time my home will actually be ready for whatever is needed.  Over time, it all just... happens.  Nothing will ever be perfect.  But it might just be a smidgen better tomorrow, a bit better even than that the day after, and so on.  Once I make this my home, or turn this house into a home, life will improve.  It is odd, for the first time in over four decades, to finally have a home... my first home.  I don't know if I will be here until I die, but that might be the way of it, long or short.

I hope you had a good day.

The little things.

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I am not getting to bed until late, due to the heat.  So far I have been waking relatively early still, though in part due to... well... the heat!  I am working on a fix for that though.  This morning, and for the next few mornings until the incorrect ac is returned, I am endeavoring to wake early.  I was out of bed well before 9:00 this morning.  I do NOT want to miss getting the old ac back on the truck and on it's way back to Amazon.  The last time I returned a package like this, the delivery company either didn't call, called early to let me know someone would be by in a four hour window, or called right as they got here.  So, the call wasn't much of a heads up in any real way.  I will just try to stay focused. 

It is overcast, a bit, today.  Some rain, any rain, would be welcome.  It isn't really more or less brutal than any other summer, save the dry spell being a bit longer than usual.  But a dry spell in the summer can be like a extended cold snap in the winter, it just puts a kink in the hose... if you know what I mean.  I have my curtains open today.  The view is fantastic.  Unless the sun comes out I will keep the curtains open.  Some people have paid fortunes for views like these. 

I just realized, thinking about this also being a desert, of so many of the old Western movies that had a guy crossing a desert, heading into the mountains or such.  Sometimes half of the survival part was the desert itself, sometimes that was just an inconvenience or the backdrop.  Now, the "desert" I live in is more akin to a highland version of the grassland desert, so there is no real sand (save in sandboxes of course!).  But the idea remains.  It's sort of fun, or can make the heat and discomfort a little... more adventurous?  Something like that.  So long as I can focus on it. 

In my reading of the Paleo Diet for athletes,  just a bit at a time, I am getting the sense that while this diet might work, I can't see it as being all that much of an improvement.  While I agree that, should I be a competitive athlete, this diet might hold promise, I am not an athlete.  And, sure, it could marginally, by a few percentage points, improve my personal performance, with the heart being the problem, that improvement would be conditional.  Further, the loss of those things I enjoy would not be worth the high upkeep of a true paleo diet.  Fresh fruits and vegetables, which I actually like, are very high maintenance items.  They last less than a week, often only a few days.  So shopping and keeping on top of stock in the refrigerator becomes a major pain.  Did it for years, I do know.  Canned items bring sugars back into play for fruits, and drastically cut nutritional value of both.  Plus, canned vegetables introduce salts.  There simply isn't an easy way to bring fresh fruits and vegetables into a diet.  And, lean meats?  They pretty much suck.  I watch people eat them with feigned relish and laugh.  Even my last lady friend, finally, after years of being a 'food Pilgrim' (as I call it), decided to keep t-bone and ribeye on hand in her own home (if organic, last I heard, so not much of it).  Further, as I said, if those earlier paleo-eaters had had their druthers, they would east just about exactly as I do. 

Now, to be honest, I think I am much closer to a true paleo-eater, and naturally, than most people would ever dream of being.  I do think, somewhere in the Navy, that whole thing was sorted out and started.  Some of the guys I knew brought the whole thing of protein vs. carbs vs. fats to a roundtable and we worked these things out.  What we, back then, decided, was that people truly are different.  Some actually do better on slightly varying levels of proteins to carbs.  Fats, it was decided, was pretty a necessity.  Fats, on a maintenance diet, needed to be about a third of all food.  Only during periods were improvement was sought, or like with body builders where building was sought or a show was coming up would fats be cut.  Still, most of us did better on a higher protein diet.  I don't recall all of the details, only that food was of vital interest to my group back when.  Nerdy submariners?  I can't recall.  Probably, who else would discuss such things, and actually employ experimenting for results, to then further bring those results back for discussion and hammering out details?  I think my best mix was about 70ish% (of the non-fat portion of food) protein, for maintenance.  I didn't honestly do a lot of building, I preferred a maintenance workout routine.  If it was a serious routine.  As I recall, lifting to 550 pounds on the bench and swimming 3 miles a day, three days a week.  At least, when I was shore-based.  :p  No, subs don't have swimming pools (if we work really hard at it we don't, anyway).  If we wanted one, all we would need to do is install a screen door?  hehe

Blathering.  Time to get to something.  Since it is still a bit warm, I will continue gaming.  I finished a game, and it's dlc last night.  I have one more game, for sure, to finish.  Deus Ex.  I have all but pacifist (a trophy I am reluctant to obtain for several reasons but may go ahead), and I need to read all of the ebooks in the game.  To that end, I started up the game last night and started in.  It is whack, playing one game on ultra-hardcore, to then switch over to the 'easy' mode of a different game.  Both remembering the new game controls, even on easy, then getting into the new old game mindwise.  Going from wasting everything that moves in a scorched earth policy back to not killing anything, too, is weird.  Why would I be against the pacifist trophy, morally?  Because if bad people really exist, and they do, pacifism only leaves the burden of truly dealing with them to someone else.  All the while, after a pacifist has allowed the bad guys who try to kill him to live, those bad guys continue to harm other people.  Amish use the police (and military) for example, living only on the fat of peace.  Further, pacifism isn't even a Godly thing.  God, did, directly call the Israelis to exterminate peoples.  Christ indicated if this was His kingdom, His followers would be storming the place to free Him.  And Christ came to create strife, between mother and father, parents and children, et. al.  He didn't come to bring peace and the simple notions of love, or the easy life.  Even His crucifixion was a testament to His lack of pacifism.  All things start at home, and He had a choice.  He chose the way of pain.

Like I said... blathering.   Never mind.  Just... go have a good day. 

Oh, right, Happy 4th!

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Yes, these are troubled times.  Yes, America really is on the cusp of losing what makes us special.  But too, yes, many have awaken from the dreaded slumber that was leading us all to our demise.  And I do mean demise. 

Over a million American men have given their lives for 'the cause'.  And, that has kept America free and prosperous.  Not only the men who died, but the men who survived, came home to enjoy the freedoms they had fought to keep, share, even spread.  Those men learned hard lessons, learned too that war is not preferred, and came back to families and jobs.  Those on the civilian side saw the sacrifices and made some of their own, lost loved ones, and learned to make do.  We live in a wonderful experiment, the hope is that we can keep it going.  That will take some work.

Fireworks, cookouts, and whatever.  I hope people enjoy the day.  Party like it's 1776... well, maybe not quite 1776, I think they were getting busy for the real thing, partying would have to wait.  For myself, a few phone calls.  My lady friend called me and I called my mother.  I won't call my friend.  Not until I am in any shape to get out.  I am just... enjoying a pain free day, one that finds me awake and somewhat aware.  Perhaps some reading in a bit, maybe even a shot at Latin.  I am a bit leery of getting too far into Latin without an speaking package.  Yeah, I know.  We don't know how they spoke, in truth.  But there is a more common understanding and a lot of misunderstanding, as well there is the liturgical varietal, which differs from secular or common Latin.  It would be interesting to attend a proper Latin Mass though, and understand it.  Yes it would.

Oh, just have yourself a good, safe, 4th.  Good day.

Up by noon.

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Oh, you know though, that really isn't too bad with a 4:00 bedtime. Plus, I ended up not quite ready to sleep. Surprisingly I was able to read, so read I did. Honestly, sometimes when I go to read, my eyes all but literally cross. I like reading, but it takes focus that I only rarely have available. Then I can turn around and read the bible, several times, over a summer? The bible is a bit different, but I don't read it every summer either. I had questions. Some where clarified with the reading though some will always remain. Anyway, I picked up the book on the paleo diet for athletes. True, in technical terms, I am not an athlete. But it real terms, given my condition, I am on Olympian. I still have vestiges of my old form and strength and power. I do not tease on that score. I may not be as physique-wise beautiful, but under the rust and extra fat my true form remains, not waiting to get out... it is there, whole, in sheep's clothing, if you will. Just weighed down, too much sheep was left in the clothing! hehe

I know understand why D.C. poopoos my definition of the paleo-diet. And, yes, come to think of it, my current version is different from the version I used in the Navy. The reason I was on the leaner version in the Navy is the same reason actual hunter-gatherers were on a leaner version... no choice (and perhaps some peer pressure). Being on my own, well retired considering, has allowed me what I could do then and hunter-gatherers never can do, that is choose a fatter diet. Just understand hunter-gatherers would have killed to get to the easy life they had (which I have) and have the fatter diet I have. Essentially, I am the eminent form of what a paleo-eater would wish to become. Die younger? No, I have already outlived the life-span of hunter-gathering men. Die younger than typical Westerners, modern men? And? Further, since my heart problem was viral, nothing I ate or not could have changed that. I have, too, also outlived most people with my heart problems. Though, true, what is good for me isn't exactly good for others. I won't even try to say that.

The thing about the paleo diet? No milk, no beans, and no whole grains. When I am able to sustain my cooking, that combination, on top of mostly meats, absolutely shreds my diabetes. It makes my diabetes disappear. So, I won't be giving those up for some theory of how some peoples lived and ate before they could get much fat. I have refrigeration, a freezer, and access to meats that are delicious. What I will do, however, is in earnest begin seeking organ meats. Sweetbreads, brains, and adding liver in a bit more. Tongue is already a menu occasional, as are gizzards and heart. I want to add these things, I have... a taste for them and it seems they are quite paleo. What makes me laugh is that the authors dare to suggest dropping beans, whole wheat, and milk, but don't press the reader to eat offal, despite the realization that these things are awesome dietetically. Fools and scoundrels, in my opinion. Especially since I know that, for example, tongue is delicious, gizzards are wonderful, heart is at least okay, and I have heard that properly prepared sweetbreads are absolutely divine. Brain? Well, it will be one of those things, like vegetables for some, that simply is eaten without too much thought. It is simply good for you food. Oh, don't worry about me lambasting the authors. Just consider it a tug-of-war. I do think they are on to something, I just think they give at the wrong points on the wrong things, from time to time. I will review more of the book, and perhaps write an actual review.

I didn't get into the Latin yet. I was figuring some things out with the other book. I jumped to chapters I wanted to read first, though I think the titles were a bit misleading, or at least that the book is more complicated than I might have at first presumed. I don't know how long I will be able to continue reading, just that I will read until I can't, on this subject. Perhaps I will get through it and well into Latin before I go cross-eyed regarding reading again.

Oh, such an odd little life. My lady friend called today. She will be heading to the Boundary Waters this fall, again. I am elated for her. She has been there before, but with what turned out to be a bunch of Sierra lesbians. While she is slightly butch, she is no more lesbian than your standard princess type woman. Not... her... thing... at all. Still, she enjoyed herself on the trip. This time it will be cool and she will be with friends who aren't trying to hit on her. Funny girl. I do like the lass. Oh, she is amazed at how my life is turning out here. The odd things I am doing actually make sense to her hippy-type mind. She is, like myself, and D.C., a natural at being on the far edges of society. We are what we are, society be damned for the most part. But none of us pushes it, I think. We are just what we are. Although, her, D.C., and myself all seem to have our own very disparate forms of pseudo-hippy venues, if there is some interesting overlap. I'm more plain barbarian, D.C. is more diy and economic brain trust, and my lady friend is just a natural flower girl turned grown woman. I like my peoples.

Well, I best get going. I am replaying Dead Space 2, in the most difficult mode, again. Not Hard Core, that is just hard because of saves. But Zealot mode is very difficult. When you win Hard Core, though, it opens up a new "gun" (looks like a foam hand with a pointed finger, like in sporting events for fans). It absolutely dominates. And, when you point and shoot, the character you play either says "bang" or "pow" or "pow, pow, pow". Way too fun and funny. I... had to do it. After that I will try to get the last three or four trophies in the DLC game. Hey, it takes very little physical energy to play, and yet it requires me to think, react, and stay as on top of my real game as possible without being able to act physically. It is what I have.

Good day!

Done?

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After a small bit of work I was able to get a return set up for the first air conditioner I ordered.  That process was rather painless, even without the ability to print a return label myself.  They will be sending the UPS guy by to pick it up.  With that tended, I ordered a real casement air conditioner.  Going by price, there were several a hundred dollars less than the model I picked.  The devil is in the details though.  All of those required shipping costs, which resulted in those models costing more than $50 more, in the end, then the model I chose.  And, at 12K BTU, it... should handle my room and the living room quite well, and perhaps the spare bedroom attached to the living room, for a visitor.  The stone main part of the house acts as a barrier, as if there where doors.  I will experiment with things though, if it ends up costing a bit much or not doing as well as hoped.

Now, the thing weighs 81 pounds.  I can handle installing it, no problem.  My worry is whether the window can handle it.  They are steel, not aluminum as I had first thought.  And yet steel is just so strong.  I suspect a 2 x 4, cut to fit the window, then added to an outside structure, while not pretty, might be what is required.  Nothing is easy, nothing.  But it sure would be nice to have a bit of cool... before 4:00 in the morning.  Bah.

Oh, my friend called today.  My phone was on mute, then had some weird thing happen.  I had to tear off the protector, open the case, and pull the battery.  It was not turning on, or off, or even charging.  I am not sure if it was just the heat or if I need to turn the phone off, hard, a little more often.  No OS is really meant to be a forever on thing.  Way too many bugs.  I'll call him tomorrow.  But, being the 4th, I do NOT want to go out.  Way too many people out there just looking for something to do.  Spooky!  :p

I didn't do any reading, but then I was busy with the return and trying to make sure this order is correct. Ugh, but I trust no one anymore. I could not find any definitive information regarding the size of the window this thing will fit. But I did find pictures, from the side, top, bottom, which make the thing pretty settled. Uhrm, if you can trust pictures and one's own eye. That was as good as I could do. It was a bit warm for reading anyway, still. A shower earlier did not help all that much either. Still, in a week or so, I should have some cooling going on. All I can really do is suffer. It is too warm to sleep during the day, and while I do enjoy the cool of the night, this lack of sleep will catch up with me very soon. I'll do what I can, but it is just treading water for now.

Good night.

Blast it all.

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My air conditioner arrived alright.  But three sites "confused" width with depth.  What does that mean?  It means I have to send this one back and get a different one.  Three different sites had it wrong on this particular unit!  Not only can't you trust any site, you can't trust them as a group.  This isn't the first time such has occurred.  So, another week, I suppose, given the 4th is tomorrow, before I can get some cooling going on.  The delivery guy never even knocks.  He drops the packages and runs as fast as he can.  I almost caught him today, and the ac would have been going back with him if I had.

I may see about getting a return order going, if so I will simply order the right one.  That one can't be overnight-ed though.  So, given the time, at least a week before I can cool things down.  I am watching as my day schedule is being slowly whittled away.  For the time being there is little I can do about it.  Further, it really is too hot to do anything, practically.  Right now my job is to stay as cool as I can, as hydrated as possible, and just take it easy.  I can only guess that the reason I was able to handle this in the last few years has been that I haven't been well enough to notice.  Ah well.  I couldn't get much done then, either. 

I'll keep trying to figure things out.  I am almost sure there is a formula, a way.  It is like being in a maze, but one that changes.  Sometimes the changes are arbitrary, such as how my condition is affected by the weather.  Some of the changes are logical, but difficult to foresee.  I'm not a 'stupid' mouse.  I am exceptional in some ways.  It is just that this maze is incredibly complex, beyond my control or comprehension, and simply non-negotiable in some known and unknown ways.  No, maybe not right now, but I am looking for the way out.  At least I found the food!  :)  Still looking for the female section though.  Bah!

Oh, I think I best raise my water pill level.  I told my doctor I was still taking one and a half tabs... I suspected then that I was going to need it.  Now that I am back on potassium, things are working more smoothly, so I will take that extra half of a tab.  The doctors, some of them, some of the time, are finally learning to... trust me just a bit.  I haven't been very inclusive with them, and for a number of reasons.  One of them is that I can't get 'outside of my little universe or head' enough to include them.  They don't understand that I am clinging on with everything I have, asking me to also do a few more tasks on top of it... is too much.  It is simply more than I can focus to do.  So, they are going to have to guide, give me an idea of what they want as to results, and make sure I have the tools to do that.  That's all.  There isn't another choice.  I'll keep on it though, don't you worry.

Oh, I finally beat Dead Space 2 on Hard Core.  Wouch was that a challenge.  It took a couple of weeks, mostly practicing in Zealot settting.  Zealot is actually a good bit harder, but Hard Core only allows three saves for the whole game.  There are many places which can bring instant death, and even in a normal fight with one critter, death can happen from just a momentary lapse.  So I practiced my fingers off, then hit the big one.  I did it in about three days, when I finally started.  It might be a little thing, but I am not sure all players could achieve this.  I now have all of the trophies for three games, though I still need to do the work for the download content part of that game.  Well, I think I have two or three more trophies to get in that anyway.  Oh, small things, but it keeps me from being bored while I can do little else.

I believe I will, now that it has cooled a bit, give the book on the paleo diet a glance or three.  If I get a bit into that and find that I am done with it but still have a bit to go before sleep I will look over the Henle Latin courses.  Wheelocke also has a Latin course, but Henle is a bit more hardcore.  And, yeah, that's how I roll.  When I can roll.

Have a good night.

Sleep happened.

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It was a little tough getting to sleep but, after just a bit of rolling the thing took place.  Up before 11:00, again, I think.  Cats were fed first thing, though Sam just wanted out.  I am still just on the cusp of actually waking.  Slowly but surely I am arranging life to begin again.  By the time I have it arranged, it will be winter and I will have to try to figure that all out!  No, I won't just quit.  No, I won't stop trying.  And, no, I will probably never really catch up, get up, or really get going.  I will always merely stay a little to a lot behind, having a few things going to the good, the majority slipping further and further behind.  That is my lot.

At least I don't hate myself for being non-productive anymore.  I still don't like myself, or the reality.  I can't even say that I am merely lazy anymore.  Actually, just the opposite if it might not seem like it to others.  I am, literally, usually, trying.  If only on the inside.  That effort doesn't usually translate into work done.  What someone sees is a rock, just sitting there.  What they don't see is the rock sweating in it's efforts to move.  Always.  Not just move, but roll, and even roll up hills or mountains!

I am hoping a little ac will help with things, for a while, in the summer.  I hope to get to a little work, and back to Church.  Perhaps adding potassium back in was what was needed, at least once I take care of the overheating issues.  I don't know.  What I did realize though, is that until medicines kicked in I didn't even realize I was too hot.  Until medicines kicked in I was still too cold to get going.  How weird is that?  If I wanted to go without ac, and without getting to any work, all I would have to do is not take my medicine.  Taking medicine then requires ac?  Oh well.  And, I have decided, I am going to see if keeping my home much warmer this winter helps with function.  Prices be damned, if I can get another month or three of better function, or even the whole winter, I will do so.

I keep plotting, planning, and figuring.  I worry about costs so skimp, and it bites me.  But here, in my home, I get to keep experimenting and trying, without someone else in control or some arbitrary system at work like bean counters deciding when and how much heat or ac is needed.  I may even hit about a formula, before long.  Seriously.  If I can keep up the medicine, even increase it a bit.  If I can get the climate tamed at least just enough to see me to function.  If... if... if...  But it is all I have.

Oh, but life is still good.  How can it be?  Because we, once we fell to sin, chose the path of pain.  It is our lot.  But that pain eggs us on, it fits with our sinful bodies and animal life and death.  It is what is needed without perfection.  But God did not abandon us completely to our choices either.  We have hope, there is faith, and of course there is charity.  Even in my broken little life I see these things often, daily.  I touch these things, play with them, arrange them, use them, enjoy them.  I do.  Just read what I just wrote.  To paraphrase... 'life is hell, I can't do anything, haven't been able to for a while, but I think maybe "tomorrow", if I tease this and that just right...'.  Not bad, really.  Not bad.

Hey, have a great day.  And be kind to someone, maybe even someone who simply doesn't really rate it.  It may open up an avenue in them that leads them to a less mean state of existence.  Oh, you don't need to be nice to me.  I'm... good.  *laughs* But do not be gentle to those who know better and choose worse. Not even for a second. Hold The Line.



update: Holy cow, Batman! The ac, most of the books and medical supplies, are set to be delivered today already. With the 4th being tomorrow, I wasn't sure if this stuff would get stuck in transit. Every time I order a book or cd, I add some medical supplies. This time, Israeli bandages for more serious wounds and instant hot and cold packs. Nice little things to have on hand. My kit is coming together slowly, but it is coming together nicely!

Ah, but why?

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As I was planning sleep tonight I decided to really pay attention.  All I remember from last night was that I could not shut down.  Tonight, what happened, was as it came to be time for bed, my perception of heat actually increased.  With the sun down, the outside cool, windows open, fans going, I started to feel warmer than I had all day... when it was actually hot.  Something tripped and my body started to become too warm.  It wasn't food, it wasn't what I was drinking, nothing has really changed day over day.  What has changed is that the days have become warmer, hotter really.  It is reaching 80 F in my home now.

So, why that last burst of heat?  As the house cools down into the lower 70's my perception was that it was hotter than it had been when the thermo suggested it was 80 or 82.  Sleep, of course, was out of the question.  I suspect that I will not be able to simply cool my room, then go in and sleep.  I will probably need to be in there doing something to cool my core, over time.  One of the items of personal interest I just purchased was first and second year Latin book course, and some of the things that make learning a bit easier.  I haven't found a great oral Latin presentation, but that isn't as important.  Among other reasons for the purchase is to, perhaps, read the vulgate along with various old tomes, stories, and such, in their original format.  My guess is it won't be quite all that, the stories.  The vulgate is said to be one of the best translations of the bible, bar none.  Though I am sure some will debate that.  Be careful, look deeply before you place that bet.  What is doubtlessly debateable, is that the vulgate contains books at the time of Luther which were not found in any other source language (at least until the Dead Sea Scrolls, which at least point to such books, or have parts of them).  Anyway, learning Latin would be a good way to cool down and bore my mind into sleep!  Perhaps...  Learning is one of those things that, like reading, really takes up energy.

I am not sure I will get far in my studies.  I have two years worth of material to study (or two courses, not sure if they were meant to be year long studies or semester long studies... the titles... first year... often just means that one course is taught, say, as a freshman, the second course is taught as a sophomore, but only due to the scheduling of the curriculum.  I'll find out soon enough.  When buying a number of books it isn't worth the extra shipping (per each item) to order them overnight (save a special occasion perhaps).  So my air conditioner will probably beat my books here.  How CRAZY is that?  Seriously, that is messed up.  But... I'm not complaining.  I couldn't sort myself to read without a cool enough environment in which to do so.

Hmm, 2:30.  I'll try to sleep.  I may even be able to, having so little sleep "last night".  I sure hope that ac actually fits, works, and life can begin normalizing again.  I am always behind the eightball.  Some of it is lack of planning, some of it is lack of ability, there are many reasons.  But here, in my own home, perhaps I may begin to... get ahead.  There is something about being static that allows one to collect just the right parts and pieces, to begin putting together what works now, and to even begin developing improvements over time for the future.  It is much easier when the rules can't be changed arbitrarily, and when I have something at stake. 

Good night, I hope.

Yeah, best get some sort of air conditioning.

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I could not get to sleep at my regular time.  I tried to get to sleep at 1:48 or something crazy but it was just too residually warm.  No, I am actually getting used to 70's and up to 80, while awake.  Actually, I think if medicine gets sorted out I will do just fine in this temperature range, especially with low humidity.  However, for sleeping, that is simply out.  I ended up not sleeping until 5:40 something.  I just knew that would destroy my schedule.  Nope, woke up at a quarter to 11:00, or thereabouts.  While not perfect, it was good enough.

I was holding off buying an ac.  Time IS money, give or take.  Buy now or wait until I have more, so that it seems less, or... something.  But this time I simply realized if I want to get anything done and keep on a schedule, I will need this.  I will set it up to begin cooling the bedroom at around 18:00.  If the days become further intolerable, I will keep it on a milder maintenance shift.  After doing work, I could always take a shower, then go in and read or something.  Oh, and it is, sort of, a regular air conditioner.  I checked several sites to make sure the width was right, as that is the tricky part.  It just barely fits by an inch, but seems that several sites confirmed the width dimensions.  I will need to add wood and maybe a thermal layer of some sort, but those will help keep the unit in place anyway. Oh, and because I am a premium member? Overnight shipping for $3.95. Hehe! I bet... they didn't mean overnight on an AIR CONDITIONER. But too late for them now. Wait until I order a freezer and fridge? (If I ever get to the point of a dc home electrical grid.)

I am doing much better, even with the little sleep and the heat.  For now, fans are working on overdrive but it is enough.  Oh, I also ordered thermal curtains.  That should help a great deal.  They are also blackout curtains.  Which will work a good deal, save when the cats decide to play peekaboo.  I will save the old curtains, for now, for the winter.  They do quite nicely then.  Yes, much better today.  Will I get out and work?  Dunno.  I don't see it, just still not quite as good as I would like it.  Yeah, I do know what I said.  But sometimes, when it comes right down to it, it isn't about want, would, could, should.  It is simply about being able.  And I am... not always as able as I should like.  My mother, and others, can help me get large tasks, multiple chores, and even heavy work done, but only for short periods.  Two, maybe three, weeks of work is about as good as it gets.  I can't seem to focus, myself, for that.  But others can help, sometimes.

Well, have a wonderful day!  Being pain free, for the last two days, has simply been delicious.  Dinner last night was thin sliced venison on salad, and I am almost betting the salad was home grown.  Man, some days... I know God loves me.  That's all I'm saying right there.  I don't know about this year, but maybe next I hope to find local sources for beef and pork.  If so, and I can get a good enough of a deal, I may end up giving a decent portion of the ground beef to my food providers, just as a bonus.  No promises, I don't know how much it would cost, whether that would be economical, and such.  It's... just something I have been trying to think out.  Oh, they would use it.  Six kids and one income?  But they do rather well.  They have learned what they need, what they don't need, and maybe what a little extra actually means and the values of things.  I am sure it is tight.  I am sure it is hard.  I am always amazed by family dynamics, when I get to see them up close.  And I try not to... intrude.  Just like watching a bird nest in nature, if you know what I mean.

Yes, have a good day.

Okay, tomorrow then?

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It was a good day.  I did take it easy.  But it is the first day in about a week that I enjoyed so I won't begrudge it.  Tomorrow, however, is a new day.  It is definitely hot lately.  I still think I could get that shoveling done tomorrow or the next day.  As well, I plan to be back in town to get my friend out.  If nothing else both of us will be out of our homes and into the world.  I need more milk, I just bought two gallons since I had a pretty full vehicle as was.  A bit more meat for the freezer would be good.  Not much else on the menu.

If I can actually get the digging completed by Tuesday, the rest of the week will be devoted to getting my bathroom redone.  Perhaps in the next few days, while doing whatever else, I can finally get the bedroom switched over so I can get into the crawl space.  Yeah, I know, I know I was going to do that.  Simply put health has not allowed almost any work.  Focus, energy, pain.  Too much of some, too little of the rest, and sometimes all at once.

The heat isn't a bad thing.  It is helping me stay awake.  It isn't helping me get to things, yet.  All told, I am actually enjoying the heat, so far.  A bedroom air conditioner would be terribly nice though.  But at $340 or more, I... just don't know.  That's a lot of money.  Though there are days, weeks, were the money seems little.  And, actually, that is happening even now.  It does cool off, but not until around midnight.  That won't be improving soon.  Yeah, I may just have to order it and deal with the money, somehow.  Dang it, I didn't want to spend this month!

Well, good night.  Oh, I have a very late card to get out.  Someone who moved who I told I would be sending a little something something.  Argh!  I was ill, then just forgot.  I found the card today, should be on the way before long.  No, I didn't forget you!  I forgot the card.  It's... on it's way.  *sigh*  Hey, but it will be good to get.  Money is never late?

Good night.

No pain, no gain?

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All good, I have gained enough the last four or five days to last me until next year!  I thought that was never going to end, but like a horse on it's circuit, I just kept plodding in the direction I was supposed to go.  Oh, that was brutal, let me tell you.  With no pain this morning I can clearly see the difference.  It wasn't the sugar, either, I snuck a couple of Snickers bars last night.  Yeah, bought them for my long term stash.  Besides, I figure if they get too old?  Some neighbors would probably not mind having a few free treats (under their control, albeit).  Still, I don't think they will make it so long as to be considered too old.  Anyway, perhaps the reintroduction of potassium has helped?  It is a massively distributed electrolyte, and I might have been more than a little low.  So, yeah, that might be it.  Especially as the world heated.  Whatever, it is WONDERFUL!

Still a bit wobbly.  Every morning for the last five days before this morning I woke up feeling like I did the day after, in seventh grade after beating that kid that tried to force me to use pot and having his friend, a junior in high school who worked loading grain sacks at the Co-op, beat me to within an inch of death.  Fuck em', I still didn't smoke.  Heh.  That's okay, I hear that junior had a really rough month at work.  Don't mess with the kid whose mother serves drinks to your bosses.  Just... don't.  Especially when it was over me not using pot in a conservative little town.  She might not have been able to do exactly what a man could do, but she definitely could catch the ear of a man and put things in their heads.  (Gah!  Hehe)

If I can keep it together, I may try to... oh, wait, it's Sunday.  I will just rest up today.  Tomorrow I plan on being out and finishing that durned hole!  Yeah, I know.  But what I have is what I can give, and to date that has been a big fat nothing.  Dishes, though, perhaps, today.  Just the last little bits of them.  Well, and maybe laundry.  A few loads and I should be good.

I thought I would price window air conditioners.  Hmm, after some measuring, and with my windows, a casement ac seemed best.  My word those are expensive!  The cheapest I saw was $339, they easily go up to $500.  Very frustrating.  I keep looking for a smaller unit, one that might squeeze into my window, and just figure out how to put in a really thick thermal shield above it.  The window only offers 19" for width.  I keep looking.  I just hate paying $339, when I know it should only cost about half that.

Anyway, on to waking up.  And, good morning.

Well?

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I can't be sure what is wrong.  I know today was better than yesterday but pretty similar to the two days before yesterday.  Cutting sugar didn't help or hurt, changing my medicine a bit didn't do a thing, being less active seems to help, though "less active" is rather relative.  I did fry a number of pork cutlets, which makes for a wonderful meal.  I have shrunk the glass I use to take the potassium but 2/3rds of what it was.  It still takes a long time to sip that down.  It makes for a very heavy meal like drink.  I have been hitting the aspirin pretty heavy.  I can't keep that up for long though.  I may do some research on what other otc pain medicine can be used safely with aspirin.  While I like aspirin just fine, I am actually lucky to be able to tolerate it daily daily, like the doctors want.  Using it for a pain pill on these rare occasions might upset that balance.

When my vegetable stack becomes large enough, and varied enough, I will begin adding a can of that every other, or every third, meat meal.  I suppose I could add brown rice, or a few other types of grain.  I guess I am simply mostly a protein and fat kind of guy.  I am honestly not sure what vegetable are, in the protein, carb, fat scale, but they don't really seem to fit.  What are they, vitamins and such?  I need butter with them, so I suppose I could call them fats.  :p

Just... updating.  Nothing special happening, nothing planned, little gumption, and not feeling well on top of things.  Other than that, it is pretty good here.  Ha!  No, really.  I plan to get back in to take my friend out for a ride or to shoot Monday or Tuesday.  I don't have an appointment until nearly the middle of next month.  I would, I am starting to seriously think, like to figure out how to set up and install a window air conditioner in my room.  Oh yes.  I certainly would.  I can handle heat so long as I can cool off quickly, if need be, and for sleep.  These hot days, while relatively tamed by my home, are still getting into the late 70's, early 80's.

Never mind.  Have a great evening. 

Rough morning?

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My nap took twelve, nearly thirteen, hours last night.  I may have awaken in the night, and maybe once at some point in the morning, but until about 8:00 I didn't truly stir.  I woke to a seeming wall of pain so getting up was difficult.  I tried to angle my waking approach vector this way, then that, then shifting a bit after that, trying to find a way through to wakefulness that might be somewhat less painful.  I don't think I truly figured anything out that way, but when I finally stirred at a quarter to 9:00, waking was a bit easier.  The pain wasn't as bad as it was initially.  Still rather cranky though, I took extra aspirin with my medicine this morning.  At least it isn't an actual migraine today as it was yesterday.  At least I know I can do things right through a migraine.  Some people really can't.  Vision can get a little fuzzy/funky, but yesterday wasn't the worst of migraines either.

I remembered, first thing, about the groceries.  I brought them in, took them to the basement or wherever, feeding the cats after the first trip.  "But poppo, what about our bellies?", they yammered while bringing in the first packet.  My duty is to them, I accepted that, so, yeah.  With happy kitties out from under feet I carted, sorted, and stored a goodly lot of food.  I replaced what I had used, then some, plus bought groceries for up here.  My main worry, going forward, is meats.  We can't count on refrigeration, let alone a freezer.  It will have to be canned, dried, freeze dried, or something else.  I tried freeze dried meats, beef cuts.  It was somewhere between shoe leather and tree bark, and twice as indigestible.  I don't know how their hamburger is and am reluctant to give it a try, but I will eventually, if more for long term storage.  Canned meats are only good for, say, a year for sure, two or even three years as a serious(ly risky) maybe.

If it comes to the point where I have everything I want truly stocked, save meats, it may come time to consider chickens and goats.  Beef would be my favored, but breeding, handling, feed, and what is produced from what is fed favors the goat far too seriously.  The land I own could sustain up to six, even eight goats, while only allowing for one smallish cow and calf.  And while that one cow would outproduce any single goat on milk, and that one calf would outproduce any single meat kid, the numbers just aren't the same and the kid would be meat ready in months, not a year.  As for chickens?  I am not sure how that would split out, though I would want a breed that would produce good eggs and good meat, rather than a specialist species either way.  But how many one would need to produce both is a whole other notion.  I doubt if more than two chickens a week would be wanted, as things stand.  And even that might be a bit much.  Still, that would be over 50 food chicks.  Which... I simply don't know how many hens would be needed to produce that many feeders, on top of eggs.  I'll... get right on figuring that.

I have decided to simply hold my money for this and next month.  The chronograph will simply have to wait until my mother returns home.  At least I have a good idea of when she will be arriving and leaving.  It is time to begin planning a small vacation.  Just a few days in the mountains.  With it being August though, to be honest, I am not sure even the mountains will offer much refuge from the heat.  I asked my friend where it might be cooler to visit, and being sage in all things Utah, he suggested... Alaska?  Hehehe!  We needed the chuckle anyway.  I am still thinking Park City, though I will be digging around in the next few days.  I want my mom to have a few days off (uhrm, and myself).  If I don't plan it she won't go, preferring to stay right here at home.  And, maybe rightly.  I'm... thinking.  If I thought I could figure something out, even a few day trips, perhaps that might be enough.  But with the blazing heat of August, even those are suspect.  But just staying at the house she will continue to work.  Bah!  Blasted woman!

That extra aspirin has helped.  I've taken my medicine save the potassium, which I will do shortly.  I did notice something else.  I thought I was taking my full dose of medicine, but I had been missing something.  Losartan had been increased to 50 mg, I had been taking 25.  Now they are raising it to 100 mg I believe.  So, until that arrives, I have bumped the dose to 50 mg, as in intermediate step.  The problem was I still had 25 mg tabs, I had been using them two at a time, to use them up.  You know me, I hate to waste... becoming waste not, want not type of guy, finally, or at least finding my way back to that in a functional manner?  Something.  Anyway, when I started medicines back up I simply took one of what was in the bottle, forgetting my old level. I should put a note of what I am taking, the dosage too, right in the sack of medicines. I am back to using up the 25 mg tabs, by two... I will use those up first, then have to use the 50 mg two at a time when I start taking 100 mg.  Hehe  Slow but sure?

Have a good day.

To town.

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Brutal.  My head hurts like it hasn't in months.  Normally headaches are just background noise.  Not today.  For whatever reason I feel the pain, and hard.  I was busy goofing though, when my friend called. I had promised to get him shopping yesterday or today.  Yesterday didn't happen.  He called at 17:30, wanting me to be there to have him at his bank by 18:30!  Okay.  So, I didn't talk long, jumped and moved, showered, counted out some bullets and grabbed a couple of packs of primers he wanted, gussied up, and hit it.  I made it in plenty of time but his bank closed at 18:00.  Ah well.  I went to my bank pulled out the cash he wanted and put it on his tab.  It's not... really a loan.  He wasn't asking for money he didn't have, only money he couldn't get. 

On to the stores.  He needed tobacco, and I needed some too, so to this store.  But that store didn't have this or that, so to another store.  Then, finally, to a last store.  I bought too, my monthly short/mid term supplies (which I broke into, so replaced what I had used as well).  The first day of grocery shopping is always a pricey one, but it lasts well.  My head was hurting terribly the whole time, but I think I was mostly sociable.  He had too much to simply let him off, but I couldn't stay long either.  So I helped him pack it all up, then came right home.  I have the stuff that needs refrigeration in, but the rest will sit in the car until after a nap, perhaps. 

Oh, ouch.  It is a brutal, hard, painful day.  Still, I've enjoyed it, mostly.  Hopefully this is just a passing thing.  I wonder... I have been using sugar since I was out of Splenda.  Perhaps that is what is causing the headaches?  It could be the heat, though the nights have been cool enough for wonderful sleep.  I don't know.  Tomorrow I will begin going without sugar again.  I'll know might find out if sugar is the problem or not.  The knots at the base of my skull are so tight and have been for so long that they are incredible.  I hope another dose of aspirin allows a nap, then a sleep.

Good night.

Ouch.

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A cranky day.  I doubt if the "ruling" yesterday has any part in the pain of this day, if it doesn't help.  A headache, couldn't wake until noon, general illness, not good.  I did get my medicine set up for the next two weeks today, and I started my potassium.  A smaller glass of Gatorade mixed with the stuff is the way I am going for now.  No, I was ill before I took anything.  I may take an extra set of aspirin and hope that deals with the pain.  I can't be certain what the problem is but it is going to be a rough day.

While the ruling yesterday was not good, it actually doesn't effect my outlook.  I had given up on a political cure long ago, if you remember rightly.  Until Romney is seen as being as leftist as Obama is now, nothing will change (for the better).  The Republicans, including Romney, suggest that if elected they will begin to dismantle zerocare.  In other words, they will keep what they want and discard the bits they don't like.  Who knows what they will be keeping, assuming they gain power, but don't count on them not keeping the mandate.  Either through "negotiations" or a realization that the parts they want can't be kept without a mandate.  You have no rights and your reps could give a rip about what you want.  They are all making a fortune off this and monsters like it. 

It is going to be a rough day, whatever.  Still, I need to get to the store, though much later, when it cools a bit.  I had hoped to be in town after dark, but with the sun not setting until well after 20:00 or even 21:00, and Sam's Club not staying open that late, with my friend needing something from them, it looks like I will be heading in more like 17:00, give or take.  I hope aspirin does the job because right now I could not get to town.  Ouch, youch, and zouch.  Not a good start to the day. 

I did fry gizzards for lunch.  Yum!  I used the only flour I had on hand, whole wheat.  And, you know what?  I think I liked it better!  Seriously.  I was quite surprised.  I have several pork cutlets to fry before long.  I look forward to testing those with this flour.  I am absolutely amazed.  Plus, they brown so much better.  Who knew!  And, I still enjoy my little life, what is left of it, and will continue to do so.  Life is hard, but enjoying it?  Not really so hard, no matter what else happens, if I just shut my eyes for a moment and... let things go.  God does not have me here, in life.  Not technically, though there is some suggestion otherwise in the book and theories.  But we will all die, some of us horribly, in great pain.  Some of us live that way.  If I think Father didn't want it that way, He did allow us to choose the way of pain.  Father tells son about gravity, son chooses to jump off the roof of the garage anyway.  Done that, been there, have the memories to boot.  He has me ultimately.  And, yes, that is enough, more than enough.

Later.

No surprise.

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The Supreme Court is showing it's lack of reason to exist. It's sole purpose is to discriminate whether something is constitutional. While suggesting something is unconstitutional, then building a new way in which it can be claimed to be constitutional for it's "client", or self, depending on how you look at things, it has basically suggested that whatever the government does IS constitutional... even when it's not. I figured they would either try to weasel out of making a decision OR declare the abomination as constitutional, somehow.

Some will look at Roberts and wonder what is going on. To be honest, I suspect his Catholicism is behind this poor performance. I am not sure if our Pope takes a stand on things like Obamacare, but the US Bishops do, and it is the wrong side. Why they think they can offer the government the kind of power it takes to perform such potent political and economic maneuvers without losing control of that government, after having seen it happen everywhere and always, is beyond me. Further, if the Bishops are honestly pro-life, at every level, the elder-cide going on just in Britain is atrocious. If someone, over there, is fuzzy in the head, there is a good chance they will simply die from everything from malpractice to simple neglect. My guess is Roberts is on the wrong side of that for his "faith". I am, honestly, beginning to question some of the Catholic hierarchies true intentions. Perhaps abortion and elder-cide is... acceptable, regardless of what they say? Either that or we have to run through a generation of hierarchy that is full of useful idiots, much like academia and all other forms of the elite. I can't be sure, I am watching.

Essentially, to my eyes, the constitution has been declared dead, null, and void. I am not sure if there is any answer to that. The choice for president coming up is between men who both mandated the same government malfeasance that the Supreme Court just upheld, while declaring it unconstitutional. The man who lead the charge to keep the law on the books was put in place by a Republican. I don't see how a Democrat appointee could have done any worse. He has been questionable in all things, now this? There isn't a way out for America through elections. Either conservatives are done or this will become a lot more difficult going forward. The ballot box is corrupted beyond function.

I honestly wish to have died before I saw these times. But here it is. All but toothless and weak, just keeping out of the grave by God's will, there is little I can do about it. Further, I don't think anyone who could do something would. America's elite are just in it for themselves, period. And for them, for now, the getting is good. I don't have much else to say about it.

Odd.

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Oh, and by the way, my posts have gone back to just being health updates, for now.  Why?  Can't focus.  Basically, when my world contracts, the stars, moon, sun, and anything further than my feet can arrive at in a few moments disappears.  Just so you know that I know.  And just so you know why.

While my world may have shrunk to visual focal points, for the most part, I have been getting up early.  I am dragging a bit this morning, yesterday added on top of Monday really put the screws to me.  Monday was all business, but very necessary business (if they end up being able to increase heart function, not holding my breath (though for many reasons :p)).  Yesterday ended up just being an outing that was simply good for my soul.  I have so very few outings that end up being like that that it truly was a special day.  I have no idea why.  Perhaps everything was just right, truly, an epic collusion of factors.  Perhaps I am simply tired and even toast would taste like BACON!  Or maybe I am on the cusp of something, even death, and the last touches of life are... dear.  Whatever the case I am pleased about getting out yesterday.

The hospitals have been calling, setting up appointments.  Oh, and it seems there is something of my old regimen I had forgotten to add, something their blood tests showed.  I have to figure out how to get potassium back into rotation.  The only thing I have found that I can take it with is the very thing that (to my mind) brought back diabetes... Gatorade.  Then again I was drinking it with abandon.  When we dried my body out, until we got that straight, the flushing must have triggered something in my mind for I "needed" fluids like a man dying of thirst.  Perhaps, with just a glass (smaller) of it and the potassium in the morning I can sneak by.  I don't know though.  Oh, they are sending me a glucose tester.  I told the doc I won't be testing every day.  No problem, for him.  Just test a time or two fasting per week and a time or two after eating.  I can do that.  I need to start noting my bp and pulse when I do that, too.  Oh, he asked if my pulse (which was a milder 77) was normal on the medicine.  I suggested it was a bit lower than the more typical upper 80's and 90's.  That baffled him, one of my medicines is supposed to bring that down a great deal.  I wonder who they tested this medicine on?  Certainly not anyone of the Doom heritage!  Nothing works like it should, nor does my body respond as it "should".  Seriously.  If these were all new medicines I could understand, but these are older medicines.  NOTHING does what it is supposed to do.

Waking at just after 6:00, I realized my "schedule clock" has moved backwards.  That IS a sign of better things or imminent death.  Since I am not that lucky it looks like things are getting better.  Sure, just as heat is about to eat the life out of the world I finally begin to do better.  I HOPE that unbearable heat isn't the actual cure.  Then again, better when alive than after.  *grins*

Good day.

So very nice.

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It was a perfect day to get out.  The weather couldn't have been more pleasant.  My friend and I both guessed it to be about 75 F, up where we shot.  A pleasant little valley, up in the mountains, no so very far from a local ski lodge.  It beat me up, being out, but getting ready, and having been out already once this week.  Toward the end I was heading downhill pretty fast.  I have become quite weak.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world though.  I needed to be out, and today is a fluke weatherwise.  Tomorrow it will be 20 degrees <strike>warmer</strike> hotter.  Too hot to do almost anything, possibly even a bit stifling in my castle!  The drive, the shooting, the weather, the mountains, and a friend.  All... very good.

The other day I was speaking with a neighbor.  I told him a bit about my past.  And he told me a bit about his.  His wife was the first woman he even kissed, met her in college, and... that was that.  I am not sure who was more shocked by whose story!  I... thought all guys were like me, or... close... or closer.  Oh, I find his tale endearing, laudable, romantic, wonderful.  I do.  I just have no idea... what it means?  Or something.  I hope he doesn't judge me too harshly, it is as it was.  And I have certainly turned that corner.  But I will never know what he knows, nor will he know my way thankfully.  I wonder how rare having had 50 lovers is (if you include one-night stands)?  Oh, and no diseases.  I truly loved 30 of those women, and one was extra special but she is no more.  

Gone shooting.

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Soon enough.  My friend called and thought today was going to be a lot cooler than tomorrow, and perhaps for the foreseeable future.  Not that today is actually cool, if it does look like there is a breeze or wind going again.  In these things, 88 is definitely cooler than 95 or higher.  I need to shower, trim the beard to stubble, and all that.  I don't know if I will be able to handle 88 F.  That's... pretty warm.  It's only 72 here in the house.  We had a really cool, even cold, night.  I trapped what of that I could.  It looks like it is going to be a very long hot summer.

The cats are so odd.  They can beg for food three hours after having eaten and gobble that down, but then not touch food put out six hours after their last feeding.  I try to feed them every four hours, give or take.  Sam eats mostly hard food with a bit of soft on the side, Sassy eats mostly soft food if she can grumble by on hard food if that is all that is left or all that is left to her.  Sam eats like a fine diner, Sassy is done almost before I get Sam's wet food down.  Weird critters.  I finally got a laser, but neither are at all interested.  Yeah, I guess that is just for kittens.  Ah well, the next time I get a kitten I will have a laser.

I have been gaming, again, lately.  I have been working on trophies.  They aren't quite as easy to get as they might seem.  Unlike, say, schools often, or many modern parents, certain things have to be done, sometimes in order, sometimes with rather difficult circumstances.  I have completed two games, so far.  Dead Space 2 is a bear for the final trophies.  For some games I won't be able to get the trophies.  One of them took 65 hours to play through hard mode, then locked up on me, three times.  I just assume the programmers are idiots.  Well, and they were.  So that game is out, since one of the trophies, of course, is hard mode completion.  Yeah, but it is something to do when I can do little else. 

Oh!  The old coffee is finally gone.  I didn't really need a fresh pot, since I will be heading out shortly, but I made one anyway.  I will have a spot of fresh coffee, to compare.  It sure smelled good while grinding, and even better as it brews.  I do buy some serious coffee.  I just hope, with a little practice, I can make my own that good or better.  The good thing is, if I slightly overdo a French Roast?  I simply have an espresso roast.  Seriously.  And I like them both.  The real trick will be getting the timing down, figuring out how to then get them cool enough fast enough for a particular roast, and learning whether a mixed bean or straight bean is best to my tastes.  What I mean is, coffee beans are much like, say, peppers.  If you want really hot, you go with habanero, if you want a little snap go with jalapeno, and if you just want green go with bell.  But you could mix those for various levels of heat.  I have some doubt that there is all that much difference, once what a particular bean is good for is accounted.  I mean, a bean not good for French roast, of course, would be excluded from my purchase.  But of those that are included, the differences would require sommelier style tongue acrobatics to differentiate one bean from another, and often there would be mistakes. 

Well, I suppose, I best have a cup, get my guns and ammo to the fore, get a shower, and head out.  But if it is simply too hot I will have to back out.  Oh that fresher coffee is much better.  Have a good day.

A good day.

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I'm not feeling the pain that can come with the long day yesterday.  Sure, I'm not exactly chipper, or jumping out of my seat to go do either.  But on the whole today is shaping up pretty well.  The neighbor boy stopped by to water and mow.  I have suggested what he makes, if he keeps the lawn green by watering twice a week, and mows once a week, and he about choked.  No, it isn't all that much, but for a 10 year old... pure gold!  When you put it to them a certain way it gets their attention.  Since, for the last week and this week, he has been doing just that, he will get half of that on payday.  Next month, perhaps, he will keep up on it a bit better.  To be fair it has been hot and we haven't had rain in 21 days, as of today.  That is brutal on lawns.  If nothing else, at least today there is a beautiful cool wind.  It isn't even a breeze, but a true wind.  Oh does that help.

I am just going along today.  If I can get to some dishes, laundry, or a few other things, so be it.  If not, so be it.  I don't have the gumption to push.  But I woke easily, I'm idling well, life is good.  I will, probably, tonight, when the sun goes down, make a stab at sneaking to town.  I need milk, a few other groceries, cat foods, and... it's fun.

I have overspent this month, if on things worth over spending on.  What took me over was the decision to buy both the 9 mm reloading kit plus reloading consumables for that.  Everything else was right on target.  On the good side, I still haven't dipped into my nest egg.  I have more than what I intend for just that, if too I am saving for a .308, a larger long term food purchase, and a few other bigger ticket items.  Still, I am ahead, just a little behind of being quite so far ahead, but only of where I could be give everything, being ultimately very far behind, if... you know what I mean.  Uhrm, is that a self-played head game, a complex algorithm of money-life-time, or just crazy?  *grins*  All I know is that I have goals I am behind, money I will never be ahead with, time of some unknown length to prep, and many other things coming and going, but that with the givens I am doing pretty good.  I do my best, and, really, I am getting ahead.  But in the maelstrom I never quite know, for sure, anything.  I need to stop once in a while and take stock.  Uhrm, when I am too broke or too tired to do more is a good time, unless I am way too tired.

I probably will go light with spending this coming month.  The only thing I will definitely be putting out for is a chronometer and my normal short/midterm food item purchases, plus regular expenses.  With my mother coming in August, probably, I want to have some stores of money.  I think I will put off doing floor work with her this year.  I will try to make her a deal instead.  I will buy the supplies, over this coming year, for her next visit.  I plan on stripping down to the flooring structure and putting in brand new sub-flooring, flooring, and then the top layer of some sort.  What I will do is include her in the decision making.  I want to take her with while I decide what type of flooring to put down as the top layer.  She loves that sort of thing, and she has some solid input on these things.  Actually, while she is here, and with some measurements taken, I might just buy the overlay we pick (to ease her mind, if it is within my budget).  She may not have been good at providing a father, but she was as close to a one-man-band in parenting as a guy could have hoped.  And she still ain't too bad "for an old broad", as my friend might say.  *chuckles*  (Hell no I won't say that to her face!)

You know though, I moved to a right area, I bought a home, I am loading up on food and rotating it, I have some long term stocks, I have figured out food so that I don't starve, waste, and both and some of it is home delivered, I have someone doing my lawn, I am gearing up, getting tools, and learning.  Yes, slowly.  It is all painfully slow.  But then, given my income and health I would say I am moving at a stellar pace.  No, really.  And though I don't like it...  I do have to, sometimes, back off and just appreciate the beauty of the whole operation.  Think of it this way... How long can it take a sniper to move two hundred yards?  Or, think of it this way if neither of those work for you... shut up.

Have a great day.

Not bad, not bad.

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While I had hoped to be in town a bit earlier, I can't truly complain.  I was able to fill the tank and wash the X for the trip before stopping to get my friend onboard.  It was a hot day, into the mid 90's, depending.  In the city that always means it is even hotter.  We arrived an hour early.  My friend was hungry, as was I, but little time was available for him to eat and I wouldn't have been able to join him, so we waited.  I did stop at a station and bought some candy bars and soda.  He could eat that right away, and if they got me in for a blood draw early I could consume something after that.  As it turned out I had to wait for my appointment before the blood draw.  Still, with that food in us, we were able to do shopping before needing to eat a more proper meal.  Testing my A1C (long term blood glucose) and I buy a soda and candy bar for after?  Yeah, hush.  My last A1C was 12.5 (they want it below 6.0 I believe).  Ah well.  Those are rare treats, mind you.

A bit of shopping went forward.  He checked some prices, bought a few items, and enjoyed himself at the first store.  Then to a meal.  And finally to one final store.  We both loaded up on little nothings, items that are much like dime-store items of yore, and a few better items.  I found a great deal on 9 mm ammunition, bought some reloading components, he bought a case, some tools, primers, and more.  It is simply fun to... not worry about it and just do that once in a while.  On the way home I was stopped, going 61 in a 45!  I had simply missed the sign, and suggested that too the officer.  He was rather polite, and let me off with a mere verbal warning.  Thank you, wherever you are.  Heh.  Oh, and I did slow it down (mostly), being much more careful from then on.  And good thing too, the police were out all over on the way back! 

I arrived home and was entering my house when dinner arrived.  You just can't time things purposefully any better at times.  And it was delicious!  My long term oil was here, so I put that down in the cool basement.  Life is going well.

I saw a new doc this time.  He seems pretty swell.  We discussed some things, made a few changes, added a pill for the burning feet, set up a consult for the heart clinic again, then he set up another heart looksee with the sonigram or whatever.  Every time I see new medic types I ask about my heart.  I keep hoping one of them will just come out and say it, but they won't.  It is dire, extremely dire, but that it has been this way for so long is... beyond their understanding.  I know they just don't know how to tell me I shouldn't be alive, they don't want to jinx it, but the numbers are impossible.  So I... sniff around the edges.  They are impressed, pleased... dubious.  It is like they fear I will die right there on the spot.  It makes for weird relationships.  Even the blood draw guy knew what a 15% ejection refraction meant and was startled to see that I had that.  Yeah, for a man in my condition I am a super man.  Uhrm, for what that is worth.  *grins*

The other day I played a song, about a woman lost.  Some time, somewhere, back when, I knew a woman, loved her.  And she loved me.  What happened I cannot remember.  We did not part by choice.  The parting was final.  I know none of the details, only that, to this day, thinking about it rips me up.  I can't remember some things.  I can remember bits of things.  I know that I, for some short time, actually knew love as it was supposed to be.  And I lost it.  There is much that is gone, dead, lost.  I can remember so little though.  Only that it hurts.  Much.  Too much.  It is not fair that I cannot remember.  It makes getting over it very difficult.  Same with some of the other things.  Tripping around blind while my antagonist moves the furniture, changes the rules, and uses sight.  These things are part of the cross I truly must bear, perhaps rightly, perhaps not.

Oh, but today was a good day.  A great day actually.  I didn't weary too much, even in the heat, even with helping my friend, even with the early start.  I did well.  I made the appointment, did some shopping, and put away the long term fats when I got home.  I am amazed at today.  I will need rest tomorrow, but if I can dig back into the last of the dishes and laundry, I might get some of that done.  If not I will simply enjoy my day, resting as needed.  Later, or... maybe... good night.

Up and early.

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I took my medicine first thing, too.  Ouch.  Those days I take it late lead to pretty harsh days lately, and something akin to a hangover for two or three days afterward.  My body is simply globbing onto fluid like a sponge.  I end up, by mid-afternoon, feeling like a balloon.

On the bright side, I have been getting up early, regularly.  My days and nights are straight.  It doesn't really matter, right at this moment, because I can do so little.  But in the near future that could be good.  If nothing else it is pleasing to be awake with the 'big people'.

Making my appointment should be easy enough, today.  I know that it will be a bit of a rough and tumble though, just getting there and through the day.  The added fasting requirement is going to be more difficult having waken early, but it is better to do it this way and be a little hungry than to wake later and have to rush.  At least I can have straight black coffee, or so I was told.  Bleh, but... it's something.

Oh, about coffee...  It seems easy enough to roast.  It is almost like popping popcorn.  It can crack or *pop* twice.  Right before, during, or after that first pop, you get lighter coffee.  That is the coffee most people drink.  From Foldger's standard to most other store bought blends.  And, if you buy boutique coffees, it is literally the lighter colored coffees.  That sort of roast lends to the most caffeine in the final product too.  Now, while I like the notion of extra caffeine, for me, it isn't really needed.  And I dearly prefer darker, richer, coffee.  On a major upside?  Buying green coffee beans is about half to a third of the cost, buying in smaller amounts, as buying pre-roasted beans.  Further, green coffee beans last about a year, and then once roasted can last another six months to year.  What does last mean?  Does it mean literally 'will not poison', or does it mean 'is better before'?

I will be doing some experiments before the year is out.  I am, currently, using up a pound of coffee from six months before my mother's last visit.  It was purchased, left out for three months, she put it in the fridge for three months, I put it in the freezer when she left about a year ago, and just pulled it out and started using it.  It is whole bean, pre-roasted (Columbian Roast).  Now THAT is FRESH!  :p  But, while not a perfect coffee, it is not actually all that bad.  It still beats the Foldgers she buys for her use when here.  Seriously.  Odd, too.  I figure, buying 50 pounds of beans, storing it as best I am able, pulling out a couple of pounds for roasting at a time, that coffee might last me... two or three years, realistically.  I may try several different methods of "preserving" the green beans and several methods of storing the roasted bean, with sampling over time assuming no bad indicators are present.  If nothing else, having 50 pounds of beans on hand at any one time (considering that no more than two pounds per month) would leave me some barter goods.  And, should I find a few methods of truly keeping beans for a longer period, perhaps upping the purchase to 100, or even 200 pounds, over time, for barter.  Coffee would be a serious barter good!

Well, on to... something.  Waking up.  I am almost out of the old coffee and I have a bag of new (relatively speaking, a month old) that I will soon get to enjoy.  The only major difference between new and old coffee is a slightly milder coffee flavor and the lack of that fresh coffee smell in the old coffee, when I am grinding the beans.  I feared acidity, but that doesn't seem to be a problem. 

Anyway, get your bean on then get to it.  Good day.

Not getting out tonight.

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Two reasons for being homebound.  One, I forgot to take my medicine until just a bit ago.  I am, again, swollen like a ballon.  What is up with that?  My feet actually hurt from being so liquid filled!  And I have been taking my medicine pretty regularly.  Hmm, I might start taking some in the morning and some in the evening, that way if I miss one I at least get some of it.  This is dreadful.  The other reason not to go out is, given my limited ability to function currently, that I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon out of town means that doing something tonight would damage my ability to function tomorrow.  I need to get in to see the doc to regain access to the heart clinic.  I can probably get him to fill the prescriptions though, too, right there.  That will ease my mind for now.

I will be taking my friend along for the ride, and so that he may do a bit of shopping while we are there.  Since he doesn't get out as often he has more money to spend when he does get out.  I think he likes being a bigger spender now, and still not really having to worry about what he spends, within reason.  I may look at reloading components, but I won't buy.  I just want an idea of what I am looking at, price wise, for the near future.

Hmm, it's about bed time.  I've got some prayers going out for some of you, Jean and Opus, and families.  Sleep well, as you may.  Peace and comfort.

Oh, son!

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Yeah, I did get out yesterday.  It was mostly just about getting my friend out.  And out we got!  We started with him shopping a new pistol, another .45 as it turns out.  I did buy a few things, but just gun stuff and minor.  Then to lunch.  Yum!  Then on to what ended up being a goodly drive over to Bear Lake, for the drive, for soda, for a bit of gas... just because that is how it worked out.  Finally, on up in the mountains to test that new pistol.  I had one of my pistols along, and a new shoulder holster for it.  Unfortunately I could not stay and shoot long.  I was absolutely crashing through the floor by the time we finished a box of ammo or so.  I hated to pack it in, but... we did quite a lot and I am just coming off a 'bender'.

The good thing, in a way, is I got to see just how feeble I really am.  It settles my mind to know that my lack of function isn't just me being lazy.  Something is terribly wrong right now.  Oh, no worse than before, mind you, and nothing new.  It is just that I really am ill.  Right now.  And it isn't getting better immediately.  Still, I will keep plugging away.  I have things to do.  I am doing what I can, too!  Food is being stored, bits of this and that are being bought, money is being put up, silver is being investigated, and I do what I can around here.  Just... Well, that's good enough.

 Our view coming down to Bear Lake from our side, give or take.

I had hoped to go grocery shopping as well.  I simply could not finish that part of the trip yesterday.  I may do that this evening, when it cools.  The city has become hot, outside altogether has become hot actually.  It's just that the taint of the city, with cars, tar, cement, thousands of people, industry, and everything else becomes even hotter and uglier.   It taints the day.  But in the evening, when the sun goes down, and people hide away at homes, parking their cars and shutting their lips, life becomes much easier to negotiate for shopping.  So... tonight, perhaps, another escape.  Just a short one, to a store or two, in and out, all good.

When I am down, physically, it is easy to get down mentally too.  Juggling eggs?  Ah, but for the most part, I do okay.  Even when I do drop one, or both, or all six? of the eggs, I somehow seem to manage to clean it all up and get back to juggling before too long.  Melancholy, sadness, but oddly I rarely get lonely.  I enjoy company, friends, women, associates.  I am not a loner, I just... can be.  I'm good either way.  Odd.  Come to think of it... I've always been that way.  I feel for people who need people always and everywhere, but more I feel for people who have no need for anybody.  I like being a tweener, ambidextrous in the social world?  Something.

On to something or other.  Be well.

Yesterday?

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Yesterday?  Yesterday was a nothing day.  Today, as well, would have been one as well.  It is just the way of things.  However, my friend called yesterday and... I answered the phone.  I knew I could do nothing yesterday, not a figure of speech just the facts, but I thought maybe today could see me out.  So I have planned an outing.  It is early, so I get to goof a bit, and wake up.  I have set the alarms for 9:00, at which time or thereabouts, I would like to crawl into the shower so that when the time comes, I can just pull on some clothes and go.  Plus, if I shower right about then, I will have time to lounge and regain my strength for the rest of the day.  Yes, it is that bad.

I have an appointment Monday, in the afternoon, in Ogden.  I may see if my friend would like to go along.  I won't be spending much, as I need a conversion kit, dies, and such for my reloader.  While buying a "fine" reloader is great, and I do love my Dillon, an extra, complete, reload set for it, for a pistol anyway, costs about $240 (with dies, caliber change kit, and deluxe change out kit that allows one to simply swap calibers without having to set everything up each time).  That will be my next "gun" type purchase.  I need, probably, two or three more of those, and a chronometer.  Yeah, but...  Yeah... just... yeah.

I took an extra half of a water pill this morning.  I was all out of halves, save one.  I wondered if a little extra final nudge to drain the swamp might work.  Being tired is tiring!  If nothing else, taking that extra half both doesn't waste AND puts my pills on an even score going forward, both of which are pleasing to me.  Sometimes, in life, it is the little things.  Micro little nothings can be more pleasing, when I do them myself, than even winning a million dollars or something foolish.  Truly, the little pleasures are the obverse to pebbles in the shoe.  In my life, the hope is to balance the two.  I can't always tend the gravel that gets lodged, I must press on for I have things to do.  But then, when the opportunity exists, perhaps I can smell the rose while shuffling on with a limp.  The trick is to remember, through the pain and annoyance, not to forget the good things too.  Quite a trick.  But... I like to think I do a half decent job of it anyway.  Yes, I like my little life.  Rocks underfoot and all.

Hey, I'm going to goof, then get ready for the rest of my day.  Enjoy your weekend.

Gotta remember...

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Yesterday I hit a brick wall.  Water levels seemed to be back in full.  Oh... medicine.  I didn't take it until almost bedtime.  Yeah, okay.  Especially when I just started the higher dose of medicine.  I need it, for a few days to a week, to get to a 'therapeutic level'.  After I am physically set, missing a day of medicine usually isn't a huge thing.  But when in the throws of getting better, medicine is vital.  Usually, on the way up, I don't slow.  So, yesterday, hitting a brick wall, I knew something was off.  For the next week I need to be absolutely diligent about medicine.  I have things to do!

I've been dreaming lately.  Just, more like reliving the past.  Women I knew and loved, places I have been, days that were quite good.  Everything an old dog loves to remember when laid out by a warm pot-bellied stove, on his rug, in the winter.  I enjoy most dreams, anymore.  The bad ones are very rare these days.  I don't miss waking up exhausted, with soaked sheets, sometimes with a rageon in the bean too.  At least that rage never affected others.  Unlike some who have been touched by darkness, I was able to keep it private.  No, just good dreams anymore (more so since typical nightmares are actually entertaining to me).  But these most recent dreams were simply wonderful.  I have known some fine women.  If too, I think, whether a woman is fine or not depends greatly on... the man, too?  Yes, I think so.  It's only a shame that I wasn't able to settle down with one of them.  For me, for them.  It just... wasn't time.

Hey, kids, I've got to do some waking up, then maybe get back to things if I can.  I may only be able to work through that wall from yesterday.  Otherwise I will finish what of my chores is possible.  Be good.  Love someone, smile at someone, but also have the courage to frown about things that are wrong.  Good, bad, ugly.  Good day.