.
.
I was only able to stay awake about four hours after waking so oddly this morning. But I used that time as efficiently as I am able. I did a couple of loads of laundry, seriously pondered working on the drywall but it really is too dark to try to cut the holes to exacting angles and straight lines as dark as it was, as well as doing a number of other little things. Researching this and that as well. But when the timer hit four hours I fell like a rider rent with one too many arrows. Ah, but such a wonderful sleep.
Waking, I see it has snowed, again. Perhaps I noticed that before I went to sleep, if I simply can't be sure. My friend suggested it was set to snow for, say, three more days more or less. It seems to be snowing overnight, mostly. My back has become verbal. Every time my brain and the rest of my body think about grabbing the broom my back yelps and kicks me. I may try it anyway, just... because I... No, I'm not a masochist. I just don't like being held at nerve-point. Well, and I tinker with pain, when I have enough going. And I like fulfilling my will over my way, there is strength to be earned in that. I won't swear I will get to it today, but it is on my mind. I don't feel like it, otherwise, either. But, that's not always the point either. I don't do things 'when I feel like it', I do things when I can or must regardless of how I feel, despite what some truly might think. Some can't tell the difference. Neither can I always, absolutely. But when it gets thin enough that I can't do it, the difference is negligible between why this way or why that way. Uhrm, usually.
I didn't wake until almost 14:00 after going to bed at, about, half past 8:00. Whatever. The increased dose, the dropping bp, the weather, the season, still needing to rest up a bit after my mother's visit, could any or all be the sole culprit, but combined? I am probably lucky I am not crawling around like a whipped cur. Yep. So I'll take this minor inconvenience with a glad continence and nature, and use what time I have in the waking world to do my will and tend the way. Laundry has been set back in motion, dishes are in a fresh soak, a pot of coffee has been lit, and I am thinking about... what next. That driveway is looking mighty tempting, that's all I'm saying... Though I may try to get a the drywall squared and cleaned, the replacement drywall cut, boards found, and the first steps in repairing that going. Then see if I am still up to being a great big little boy by playing with snow and will and the broom.
Good day.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
A seedling rig?
.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
Ah! and Wow! But is that actually healthy?
.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
Burning Man?
.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Not a bad day at all, as things turned out.
.
.
I was worried, not before but after removing the snow from my drive, that I was literally going to just shut down. I did it as a single effort, other than occasional standing breathers. And, yeah, it was getting a little tough at the end. I took a sit-down breather, out in the X, in the passenger side, before salting. After I finished that I came in to think on things. I started sliding into exhaustive oblivion. I was not sure what was going to happen. I decided to go on into town. And, no, I wasn't feeling better by then either. I figured, worst case scenario, I either drive home right away or find a motel and crash if it really got bad.
As it turns out, life went along fairly smoothly. I was able to get my friend out to shop. I pushed him around the first store, but just couldn't in the second store. We were shopping for different things so just went our ways. I couldn't think of anything I needed at the hardware store at first. Then I did browse fertilizers. Nothing their that I could identify by brand or chemical that I wanted, at all. And then I remember to look over fluorescent lamps and found two different sorts that would work. Neither are set up as seeding lights so I would not commit. I will have to check about spray painting the areas that could be used as reflectors. Whether that would actually work well enough. Then again, it doesn't have to be exactly perfect. It just... is better when as much of what you are trying to do or use is within specs until you know for sure from trial and error or greater learning what is truly needed and what is bunk.
At the second store I got soft touch 3-ring D binders, the paper I would need, extra pens as mine die and/or disappear faster than I can keep on top of tracking them down, and some other items. I went ahead and bought several packs of 3x5 cards rather than having to wait until I was in the mood to look, then peck and hope I find the ones I have. I think I have all I need to begin, if the lessons are on hold until I am stable again. I don't know if it is medicine, gloomy weather, the change of season, or what. But right now I am just not able to concentrate. At least I can get to a bit of work, so long as it isn't extremely detailed or too intense.
After the store visits, we headed to his place. Yeah, I remembered the movie. And I remembered to get popcorn too! On the way we stopped for a double quarter meal, each. I ate well, easily, and quickly. I was starving. Then I had a bag of popcorn too. I think the movie (300) got his attention, though he couldn't hear it well until I talked him into ignoring the volume number and going by how loud he usually has cable television. Then he could hear. Movies just come out much quieter on most/all systems. All done. He thinks the weather will clear up later this week, for shooting. All good. I suggested, if he thinks that is happening and he wants to go shoot, his best bet is to give me a call the day before. Simply, I am not always able to get motivated in an hour, or even three. If he wants to shoot he just has to go that one step further.
On the way home, though, I was still famished! I had to stop for another meal. Did the snow work take it out of me? Is the medicine pushing buttons? I don't know. What I do know is I have been very hungry today. After two meals, nearly back to back, four sodas, a bag of popcorn, a bit of a snack when I returned home, I am still hungry! Ah well. I won't be working on the drywall tonight. I am hoping to hit the sack a bit earlier, perhaps goofing for an hour or two first. This is probably good night.
.
I was worried, not before but after removing the snow from my drive, that I was literally going to just shut down. I did it as a single effort, other than occasional standing breathers. And, yeah, it was getting a little tough at the end. I took a sit-down breather, out in the X, in the passenger side, before salting. After I finished that I came in to think on things. I started sliding into exhaustive oblivion. I was not sure what was going to happen. I decided to go on into town. And, no, I wasn't feeling better by then either. I figured, worst case scenario, I either drive home right away or find a motel and crash if it really got bad.
As it turns out, life went along fairly smoothly. I was able to get my friend out to shop. I pushed him around the first store, but just couldn't in the second store. We were shopping for different things so just went our ways. I couldn't think of anything I needed at the hardware store at first. Then I did browse fertilizers. Nothing their that I could identify by brand or chemical that I wanted, at all. And then I remember to look over fluorescent lamps and found two different sorts that would work. Neither are set up as seeding lights so I would not commit. I will have to check about spray painting the areas that could be used as reflectors. Whether that would actually work well enough. Then again, it doesn't have to be exactly perfect. It just... is better when as much of what you are trying to do or use is within specs until you know for sure from trial and error or greater learning what is truly needed and what is bunk.
At the second store I got soft touch 3-ring D binders, the paper I would need, extra pens as mine die and/or disappear faster than I can keep on top of tracking them down, and some other items. I went ahead and bought several packs of 3x5 cards rather than having to wait until I was in the mood to look, then peck and hope I find the ones I have. I think I have all I need to begin, if the lessons are on hold until I am stable again. I don't know if it is medicine, gloomy weather, the change of season, or what. But right now I am just not able to concentrate. At least I can get to a bit of work, so long as it isn't extremely detailed or too intense.
After the store visits, we headed to his place. Yeah, I remembered the movie. And I remembered to get popcorn too! On the way we stopped for a double quarter meal, each. I ate well, easily, and quickly. I was starving. Then I had a bag of popcorn too. I think the movie (300) got his attention, though he couldn't hear it well until I talked him into ignoring the volume number and going by how loud he usually has cable television. Then he could hear. Movies just come out much quieter on most/all systems. All done. He thinks the weather will clear up later this week, for shooting. All good. I suggested, if he thinks that is happening and he wants to go shoot, his best bet is to give me a call the day before. Simply, I am not always able to get motivated in an hour, or even three. If he wants to shoot he just has to go that one step further.
On the way home, though, I was still famished! I had to stop for another meal. Did the snow work take it out of me? Is the medicine pushing buttons? I don't know. What I do know is I have been very hungry today. After two meals, nearly back to back, four sodas, a bag of popcorn, a bit of a snack when I returned home, I am still hungry! Ah well. I won't be working on the drywall tonight. I am hoping to hit the sack a bit earlier, perhaps goofing for an hour or two first. This is probably good night.
Earlier, says he. Fine. Fie!
.
.
I called my friend. As I suspected, a shoot is off. Snow equals cold equals tain't going out, much. So I asked about a movie or two. That was fine. Then I asked about time, hoping for a little more time to tinker. Nope, 15:00 was way out. Sooner? Well, I suggested, that he let me see how fast I can get the snow off the drive and front walk, no promises, I'll call when I start on my way in into town. What else can I ever promise though, for sure?
Okay, rather than waking a little more I just headed out to grab a shovel and get to it. Hrm... No shovel. Ah, right, I never did end up buying a grain scoop (my preferred show shovel). But I do have one of those huge shop brooms. Yeah, well, it's worth a shot. It worked pretty darned well. It was a lot of work though. It pretty much took everything I had and then some. But it is done. The broom doesn't get right down to the nitty gritty though. Then again, with a rough asphalt drive, even shovels don't do much better. Aye, but I have ice salt, I thinks to myself. A bit of that on the areas that like to stay ice packed, after a little breather from shoveling, and I am fit as a fiddle, driveway-wise.
To town! In a minute, Lucile. I do need a bit of a breather and to clean up a bit. I am impressed with myself though. That was a goodly little bit of road crew work, for me anywhile. And, really, I think it would be a bit of work for most men. A 25 to 30 yard drive and a couple of inches of rather wet snow add up to a good bit of work. I do think the snow blower would have been more effort. There needs to be three or more inches of snow for that to pan out. I even remembered to hit the little bit on the sidewalk to my front door. I did that extemporaneously, regardless of how fortuitously. It will, as I think on it, tend to keep the food delivery people happy, and deliverymen of all sorts.
Ugh, now to catch my breath. Crashing... Give me a minute.
.
I called my friend. As I suspected, a shoot is off. Snow equals cold equals tain't going out, much. So I asked about a movie or two. That was fine. Then I asked about time, hoping for a little more time to tinker. Nope, 15:00 was way out. Sooner? Well, I suggested, that he let me see how fast I can get the snow off the drive and front walk, no promises, I'll call when I start on my way in into town. What else can I ever promise though, for sure?
Okay, rather than waking a little more I just headed out to grab a shovel and get to it. Hrm... No shovel. Ah, right, I never did end up buying a grain scoop (my preferred show shovel). But I do have one of those huge shop brooms. Yeah, well, it's worth a shot. It worked pretty darned well. It was a lot of work though. It pretty much took everything I had and then some. But it is done. The broom doesn't get right down to the nitty gritty though. Then again, with a rough asphalt drive, even shovels don't do much better. Aye, but I have ice salt, I thinks to myself. A bit of that on the areas that like to stay ice packed, after a little breather from shoveling, and I am fit as a fiddle, driveway-wise.
To town! In a minute, Lucile. I do need a bit of a breather and to clean up a bit. I am impressed with myself though. That was a goodly little bit of road crew work, for me anywhile. And, really, I think it would be a bit of work for most men. A 25 to 30 yard drive and a couple of inches of rather wet snow add up to a good bit of work. I do think the snow blower would have been more effort. There needs to be three or more inches of snow for that to pan out. I even remembered to hit the little bit on the sidewalk to my front door. I did that extemporaneously, regardless of how fortuitously. It will, as I think on it, tend to keep the food delivery people happy, and deliverymen of all sorts.
Ugh, now to catch my breath. Crashing... Give me a minute.
Keeping faith simple.
.
.
Oh, I don't mean I don't ponder the greater depths of life, my memory or what of it remains or the shreds and pieces of it. I do not meant that I don't explore the vastness of the God I face, or what He wants, or who Jesus is and what being Christ meant, and it isn't as if I don't try to fully figure out the Holy Spirit. Sure, I fail, but I look, prod, read, discuss, and explore to my heart's content and my mind's capacity. Others might quip that I go far beyond the latter. Never you mind, I do what I may.
What I mean is, in practical life living, I try to do the right things, do them simply often, but just do them. Since getting to Church is sometimes impossible I pray, ponder, profess. Over every meal I pray. At night, or even at odd times in the day, sometimes for no reason, sometimes for the ill or beset I will pray. But I keep my practical faith simple. I have found that trying to create a grand scheme of religious devotion becomes a burden I cannot fulfill. Even when I have been able to fulfill it, the thing becomes the religion, taking away the correct focus. That's just for me. I can lose myself in the practice while forgetting the reasons. Oh, others can and do find the balance it takes to be fully imbued with the graces of the offices of the priesthood, for example. There are many who lead a wholly holy life, some better than others still. But for me, in this regard, I must remain a humble sheep of the Church. As such, after testing Her out as deeply, harshly, and truly as I am able which ain't too bad, I leave much of the remaining thinking to the Church. Mostly, I say mostly boy, abiding what She has to say on subjects, even or especially, when I disagree. Yep. If you only agreed, or did only what you agreed with, you wouldn't be worshiping God, you would be worshiping yourself, and that... doesn't ever work all that well. I, personally, make a terrible godling. If you think God sucks, you should write your own rules and compare. While I never did that, formally, I certainly know what my rules lead to, and know that is fail. Hmm, I think you would end up re-writing the Koran, if you were as clever as the devil anyway.
Well, on to other things.
.
Oh, I don't mean I don't ponder the greater depths of life, my memory or what of it remains or the shreds and pieces of it. I do not meant that I don't explore the vastness of the God I face, or what He wants, or who Jesus is and what being Christ meant, and it isn't as if I don't try to fully figure out the Holy Spirit. Sure, I fail, but I look, prod, read, discuss, and explore to my heart's content and my mind's capacity. Others might quip that I go far beyond the latter. Never you mind, I do what I may.
What I mean is, in practical life living, I try to do the right things, do them simply often, but just do them. Since getting to Church is sometimes impossible I pray, ponder, profess. Over every meal I pray. At night, or even at odd times in the day, sometimes for no reason, sometimes for the ill or beset I will pray. But I keep my practical faith simple. I have found that trying to create a grand scheme of religious devotion becomes a burden I cannot fulfill. Even when I have been able to fulfill it, the thing becomes the religion, taking away the correct focus. That's just for me. I can lose myself in the practice while forgetting the reasons. Oh, others can and do find the balance it takes to be fully imbued with the graces of the offices of the priesthood, for example. There are many who lead a wholly holy life, some better than others still. But for me, in this regard, I must remain a humble sheep of the Church. As such, after testing Her out as deeply, harshly, and truly as I am able which ain't too bad, I leave much of the remaining thinking to the Church. Mostly, I say mostly boy, abiding what She has to say on subjects, even or especially, when I disagree. Yep. If you only agreed, or did only what you agreed with, you wouldn't be worshiping God, you would be worshiping yourself, and that... doesn't ever work all that well. I, personally, make a terrible godling. If you think God sucks, you should write your own rules and compare. While I never did that, formally, I certainly know what my rules lead to, and know that is fail. Hmm, I think you would end up re-writing the Koran, if you were as clever as the devil anyway.
Well, on to other things.
Feeling better.
.
.
Okay, well, it is always pleasing to go to bed feeling a little green around the gills only to wake to health, and light. Though the day is overcast it is on the brighter side of that, and with the snow to amplify it, it almost has a lightly sunny day cast. With my plants to consider, opening the curtains right away becomes paramount. Ah but it's good to have some green growing things about again. Now I need more. One for the living room and one for the kitchen. When I finish my bedroom, even one or two in there. Perhaps even a smaller one in both bathrooms, if only the big one until I get the en suite in order. Yeah, I like green, and other colors actually, plus the air cleaning it does. I had set the alarm for noon, which would have been an eight hour sleep. The thing is I slept so much yesterday and the day before that... I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I must have needed the sleep though. I woke more than an hour before the alarm and I am ready to... do whatever. That was a lot of sleep over a few days, probably making up for those four hour sleep gigs. Ugh but those are wretched.
I'll spend this first hour just waking. At noon I plan to call my friend, to see what he wants to do. It snowed more, but it isn't too bad or deep. I only hope the snow hasn't frozen yet. If not I can probably shovel this off easier than starting the snow blow master xk1billion. Well, it's not quite that big or bad or tough, but it... does seem like overkill. Most likely he won't want to do much until later in the afternoon though, so I should have an hour or two to get shoveling, maybe to cutting the drywall fill boards and finding a decent wood backing and getting that cut.
When you are feeling terrible, the future looks dim and prospects for doing things look slim. A good night of rest really can bring hope and... more... back. I looked in my wallet. I might have enough walking cash to buy the goods for Latin lessons. Ackh, it makes me feel like I'm going back for the 5th grade or something. I hope I like my teacher!
On to... waking up? I've gotten a good start, with the drapes open. Yes, I think I will enjoy this day. Good day.
.
Okay, well, it is always pleasing to go to bed feeling a little green around the gills only to wake to health, and light. Though the day is overcast it is on the brighter side of that, and with the snow to amplify it, it almost has a lightly sunny day cast. With my plants to consider, opening the curtains right away becomes paramount. Ah but it's good to have some green growing things about again. Now I need more. One for the living room and one for the kitchen. When I finish my bedroom, even one or two in there. Perhaps even a smaller one in both bathrooms, if only the big one until I get the en suite in order. Yeah, I like green, and other colors actually, plus the air cleaning it does. I had set the alarm for noon, which would have been an eight hour sleep. The thing is I slept so much yesterday and the day before that... I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I must have needed the sleep though. I woke more than an hour before the alarm and I am ready to... do whatever. That was a lot of sleep over a few days, probably making up for those four hour sleep gigs. Ugh but those are wretched.
I'll spend this first hour just waking. At noon I plan to call my friend, to see what he wants to do. It snowed more, but it isn't too bad or deep. I only hope the snow hasn't frozen yet. If not I can probably shovel this off easier than starting the snow blow master xk1billion. Well, it's not quite that big or bad or tough, but it... does seem like overkill. Most likely he won't want to do much until later in the afternoon though, so I should have an hour or two to get shoveling, maybe to cutting the drywall fill boards and finding a decent wood backing and getting that cut.
When you are feeling terrible, the future looks dim and prospects for doing things look slim. A good night of rest really can bring hope and... more... back. I looked in my wallet. I might have enough walking cash to buy the goods for Latin lessons. Ackh, it makes me feel like I'm going back for the 5th grade or something. I hope I like my teacher!
On to... waking up? I've gotten a good start, with the drapes open. Yes, I think I will enjoy this day. Good day.
A sort of ill, rough, day... night...
.
.
I can't say why, but I simply feel ill. A bit of nausea, a very mild fever, and just an off thing. The bug bite, at least, is fading. It was a serious one though, and perhaps I am dealing with the after affects of it or an infection that it brought on. Any of that could easily be the problem. It is about time to go back to bed.
I have been plotting and planning the minor garden to go in this year. It might not be as minor as it first seemed. While I probably won't plant all of the peppers I ordered I will be planting many of those I do plant. Habanero, Thai, and serrano for sure, along with jalapeno most likely. I would also like to tinker with several varieties of tobacco, several of the root vegetables such as kohlrabi, rutabaga, and turnip, though in very small sample sized rows. Tomatoes will be going in along with those plants. I plan on putting in several plots of asparagus. Some of those will need to be seeded indoors, some will simply be planted in time. Others, such as the turnips I believe, may even be planted again, mid-summer, in an attempt to tinker with over-wintering. The ones that will take the heaviest toll of attention to detail and timing, though, are the peppers and tomatoes. At even five plants per, though I may seed more and use the best or all of what comes up, I could end up with a pretty serious garden start.
As for seedlings? I have been looking for the best ways of doing those. I have seen a few relatively good planting systems. If you have lots of money you could do some serious seeding, assuming you could keep up with it all. No, I have to start humbly. Further, many of the devices seem rather flimsy. I am hoping to craft a device that might work well for my needs. I have priced several fluorescent lights, that plug in, four footers, double bulb. I would need two for my plan. I have been creating a device, to build, that should be simple enough for my woodworking skills and tool sets, yet would work well to hold a fair number of seedlings, have some flexibility regarding lighting heights and plant rotation as necessary, and still be affordable and doable in an afternoon or three.
I had worried about needing to jump on things. My mother suggested starting seedlings as early as January! Hmm... I did a bit of looking, though, and for the most part, the earliest most locally start with peppers is mid to late February, with tomatoes starting after that. Some start frost resistant tomatoes earlier but I have no such variety. Or yet. So I have time to buy a few things slowly over the course of the next few months. The planter is the biggest expense and first need, as I see things. The lights, a bit of wood, some hardware, a bit of tinkering, and money and time. From there, little and bigger pots and bedding for the seeds, possibly fertilizer, maybe even saltpeter for seed soaking, and various other small items to make the task more sure. Hmm, habanero sauce, but too, salsa. Hopefully I will have enough to harvest some for canning, getting a taste of that if I don't get to canning before then.
Who knows what will happen. I might not be able to get to any of this. And, should I do all this, where it is easier, and indoors, whether I can maintain being out long, well, and often enough to tend the plants? I do have the seed. I have a canner and a cook stove for it. Things are coming together. My heart has even improved modestly. If I fail, it won't be for lack of planning or effort.
Latin lessons are on hold. The plans requires certain school/office supplies that I either don't have or have but will have to find. Some things, definitely, I don't have. I would like to do this right. So, until January, I will be postponing lessons. Simply, I have spent more than I should have already. I need to get back to budgeting and buying over time, within my income. A couple of three ring binders, paper for that, reinforcements for the holes in the paper, separators for the binders and paper, and a few other things the lesson plans call for. Yeah, I could go without. That doesn't work well, as I have found in past courses. I should have some 3x5 cards around though. And I should have plenty of printer paper for various tasks required in the lessons. But I'll have to dig those and a few other things up. Diving in just... doesn't always work. At least I am to the point where I am taking it seriously enough to properly prep to honestly begin.
Tomorrow is the shoot day. We received a blanket of snow tonight though, so I am not sure my friend will want to go. If nothing else I could probably take the movie over. And check to see if he has popcorn. I love me some popcorn while watching a movie. After that though I don't know. I am starting to slow down. I want to get to that drywall repair and putting the fixture in, but... I will just have to see.
Oh, right. Good night, for sure, this time. Probably.
.
I can't say why, but I simply feel ill. A bit of nausea, a very mild fever, and just an off thing. The bug bite, at least, is fading. It was a serious one though, and perhaps I am dealing with the after affects of it or an infection that it brought on. Any of that could easily be the problem. It is about time to go back to bed.
I have been plotting and planning the minor garden to go in this year. It might not be as minor as it first seemed. While I probably won't plant all of the peppers I ordered I will be planting many of those I do plant. Habanero, Thai, and serrano for sure, along with jalapeno most likely. I would also like to tinker with several varieties of tobacco, several of the root vegetables such as kohlrabi, rutabaga, and turnip, though in very small sample sized rows. Tomatoes will be going in along with those plants. I plan on putting in several plots of asparagus. Some of those will need to be seeded indoors, some will simply be planted in time. Others, such as the turnips I believe, may even be planted again, mid-summer, in an attempt to tinker with over-wintering. The ones that will take the heaviest toll of attention to detail and timing, though, are the peppers and tomatoes. At even five plants per, though I may seed more and use the best or all of what comes up, I could end up with a pretty serious garden start.
As for seedlings? I have been looking for the best ways of doing those. I have seen a few relatively good planting systems. If you have lots of money you could do some serious seeding, assuming you could keep up with it all. No, I have to start humbly. Further, many of the devices seem rather flimsy. I am hoping to craft a device that might work well for my needs. I have priced several fluorescent lights, that plug in, four footers, double bulb. I would need two for my plan. I have been creating a device, to build, that should be simple enough for my woodworking skills and tool sets, yet would work well to hold a fair number of seedlings, have some flexibility regarding lighting heights and plant rotation as necessary, and still be affordable and doable in an afternoon or three.
I had worried about needing to jump on things. My mother suggested starting seedlings as early as January! Hmm... I did a bit of looking, though, and for the most part, the earliest most locally start with peppers is mid to late February, with tomatoes starting after that. Some start frost resistant tomatoes earlier but I have no such variety. Or yet. So I have time to buy a few things slowly over the course of the next few months. The planter is the biggest expense and first need, as I see things. The lights, a bit of wood, some hardware, a bit of tinkering, and money and time. From there, little and bigger pots and bedding for the seeds, possibly fertilizer, maybe even saltpeter for seed soaking, and various other small items to make the task more sure. Hmm, habanero sauce, but too, salsa. Hopefully I will have enough to harvest some for canning, getting a taste of that if I don't get to canning before then.
Who knows what will happen. I might not be able to get to any of this. And, should I do all this, where it is easier, and indoors, whether I can maintain being out long, well, and often enough to tend the plants? I do have the seed. I have a canner and a cook stove for it. Things are coming together. My heart has even improved modestly. If I fail, it won't be for lack of planning or effort.
Latin lessons are on hold. The plans requires certain school/office supplies that I either don't have or have but will have to find. Some things, definitely, I don't have. I would like to do this right. So, until January, I will be postponing lessons. Simply, I have spent more than I should have already. I need to get back to budgeting and buying over time, within my income. A couple of three ring binders, paper for that, reinforcements for the holes in the paper, separators for the binders and paper, and a few other things the lesson plans call for. Yeah, I could go without. That doesn't work well, as I have found in past courses. I should have some 3x5 cards around though. And I should have plenty of printer paper for various tasks required in the lessons. But I'll have to dig those and a few other things up. Diving in just... doesn't always work. At least I am to the point where I am taking it seriously enough to properly prep to honestly begin.
Tomorrow is the shoot day. We received a blanket of snow tonight though, so I am not sure my friend will want to go. If nothing else I could probably take the movie over. And check to see if he has popcorn. I love me some popcorn while watching a movie. After that though I don't know. I am starting to slow down. I want to get to that drywall repair and putting the fixture in, but... I will just have to see.
Oh, right. Good night, for sure, this time. Probably.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Huhm? What? Who?
.
.
I have absolutely no idea when I finally went to bed, or, even when I actually woke. The blur between waking, dreaming, sleeping, and all is an absolute blur... a reality slurry of those ingredients put into a blender and given the ol' 'gee whiz' from the device. Here is sort of what might, could, and some of what for sure did happen.
After that last post I listened to a bit more music. There is something fascinating about my last lady love. I was coming to God, finding some of the truths of love with women, and losing her, all at the same time. And she was no ordinary woman, child, crone. Women are all three, once you get to know them. Anyway, so I went in for a nap, or to sleep. At this point, on the new medicines, I had no idea what would happen when I crawled under the covers. For a guy who could still be on the heart transplant list I am doing quite well. For whatever that really means. Nothing means what it should though, I am quite a unique piece of equipment myself. Cardiology nurses are comforted by the beat of my heart, it is so solid and good sounding to their ears. People ask me what I do for a living, I look healthy not mostly dead. Even my cardiology doctor, not the intern but the guy who has been doing this for thirty years or more, thought from his testing that my heart must be... pretty much healed, if the echo cardiogram proved that absolutely wrong. Imagine that, all of it.
Anyway, so crawling into bed on any given day is a crap shoot. But on recently increased doses of medicine, it is doubly so. My mother called back this morning, sometime after I had fallen asleep. I woke though, well enough to talk. I filled her in on the good news. Improved heart function. I also wanted to hear how her foot is doing. Painful, still healing, but better and better and far better even so than before the surgery. Back to sleep after that, for a bit, until the alarm? Or did I just use that time, while still almost awake, to call Midas and cancel? Or was it too early? Dunno. But I did call Midas a bit after 8:30? Something, and I did cancel. The fellow even remembered about the gas cap. Then, at some time later, the V.A. called, one of the P.A.s at the heart clinic (I do like those ladies if I think one of them can be quite put out with me... in a school marmish way). I think it was the one I stress who called. And, by the way, she is... pleased with my efforts and that I am finally taking a more active role, or doing my best, or now or currently able to participate more fully. Ah, she believes that raising the coreg(carvedilol) to 25 mg twice a day is the way to go. My bp, generally at 150/105 average, is still too high. And while it is, 25 mg is the max I can take. Period. Though there is room to increase one of my other medicines. I forgot to tell her I am cutting my water pills a bit, but... Heck, I am doing good to have answered, and to remember the increase.
After that? Fog. I think the girls woke me once. Not happy having poppo sleep through what has typically been feeding time, despite giving them three cans a day until I normalize as a... token gift for the changes... the girls where beating on my door. I know I grumbled, may have come out and told them no and chased them enough to know that feeding times have changed, then gone back to bed without feeding them (they still had dry and my synapses weren't firing well enough to figure out anything else anyway). Then back to bed. A call, at almost 18:00. Tonight was the supper! What time was supper? Uhrm, 18:00. Heh! I had set my phone to give an alarm, but the alarm on it is poor, really only good if I am already awake and just not paying attention. I need to get an app for that, a serious calendar and alarm system type of thing. I need a nagging alarm, or one that can use the incoming phone call ring to let me know. So, with minutes to prep, I actually got to it. I missed one event, wasn't going to miss two. The other was for illness, from the flu shot I think, but missing is missing, makes no difference to me why I missed.
In moments, on pure instinct because not a synaptic connection could be made, I showered, did my hair, dressed, hit the door, and was on my way. I doubt if the whole thing took fifteen minutes, though as if I would have known. I truly enjoy smaller events. A bit of socialization, seeing my neighbors but as an adult, not a sick man who receives food. Listening to how others are living, what they think, watching the interplays between neighbors themselves, between husbands and wives, and as communities. As a foreigner, and a bachelor, I am a misfit, whether LDS, Catholic, or other such groups. And yet my will is toward those ends, so it isn't that I am a complete stranger to the notions. Many of these folks are quite God given, they do as they understand, and that is very good. I am no stranger, in this, either. If we differ, I differ with most religious. My life has lead me to understandings, no other I have met save a few monks, quite... perceive similarly. Anyone with a life that calls on secular involvements will have a different perception than one who has tons of free time to... ponder, along with no real duties that might require them to... placate the Godless at times to a degree, or even abide the rules and such of men in congregate. And for me it is more. Dancing on both sides of death, and so closely, I have an absolutely different tone and approach to God. Not better, not worse, just... with a different focus by needs.
I just returned, leaving a bit early. I stayed longer this time though. I start falling though. The adrenaline rush that allows me to attend smaller events only lasts just so long. When it begins to diminish I begin hitting lows, and wanting to sleep. A crash. I can resist the urge, need, want, of sleep, even when I get home. But only if I close things down a bit. My guess is the reason I can look so good, healthwise, is because of having seen so much 'trouble'. I can and do, at times, push into biological places others with a bad heart have never seen. Adrenaline, and the other gunk like it, can keep you alive when you are so far past exhaustion, pain tolerances, hunger, or any serious mix of stresses that cause many to shut down. But it can only be used if the door to it has been opened by continuous use, perhaps outright abuse. I have literally lived on adrenaline right through death a few times. It's a gift, but a cursed one.
All good, very nice. Hmm, did I just write something? Still not awake, aware, firing consciously on even three of the eight cylinders. I am awake, but I have no idea what it is I am supposed to do. Later?
.
I have absolutely no idea when I finally went to bed, or, even when I actually woke. The blur between waking, dreaming, sleeping, and all is an absolute blur... a reality slurry of those ingredients put into a blender and given the ol' 'gee whiz' from the device. Here is sort of what might, could, and some of what for sure did happen.
After that last post I listened to a bit more music. There is something fascinating about my last lady love. I was coming to God, finding some of the truths of love with women, and losing her, all at the same time. And she was no ordinary woman, child, crone. Women are all three, once you get to know them. Anyway, so I went in for a nap, or to sleep. At this point, on the new medicines, I had no idea what would happen when I crawled under the covers. For a guy who could still be on the heart transplant list I am doing quite well. For whatever that really means. Nothing means what it should though, I am quite a unique piece of equipment myself. Cardiology nurses are comforted by the beat of my heart, it is so solid and good sounding to their ears. People ask me what I do for a living, I look healthy not mostly dead. Even my cardiology doctor, not the intern but the guy who has been doing this for thirty years or more, thought from his testing that my heart must be... pretty much healed, if the echo cardiogram proved that absolutely wrong. Imagine that, all of it.
Anyway, so crawling into bed on any given day is a crap shoot. But on recently increased doses of medicine, it is doubly so. My mother called back this morning, sometime after I had fallen asleep. I woke though, well enough to talk. I filled her in on the good news. Improved heart function. I also wanted to hear how her foot is doing. Painful, still healing, but better and better and far better even so than before the surgery. Back to sleep after that, for a bit, until the alarm? Or did I just use that time, while still almost awake, to call Midas and cancel? Or was it too early? Dunno. But I did call Midas a bit after 8:30? Something, and I did cancel. The fellow even remembered about the gas cap. Then, at some time later, the V.A. called, one of the P.A.s at the heart clinic (I do like those ladies if I think one of them can be quite put out with me... in a school marmish way). I think it was the one I stress who called. And, by the way, she is... pleased with my efforts and that I am finally taking a more active role, or doing my best, or now or currently able to participate more fully. Ah, she believes that raising the coreg(carvedilol) to 25 mg twice a day is the way to go. My bp, generally at 150/105 average, is still too high. And while it is, 25 mg is the max I can take. Period. Though there is room to increase one of my other medicines. I forgot to tell her I am cutting my water pills a bit, but... Heck, I am doing good to have answered, and to remember the increase.
After that? Fog. I think the girls woke me once. Not happy having poppo sleep through what has typically been feeding time, despite giving them three cans a day until I normalize as a... token gift for the changes... the girls where beating on my door. I know I grumbled, may have come out and told them no and chased them enough to know that feeding times have changed, then gone back to bed without feeding them (they still had dry and my synapses weren't firing well enough to figure out anything else anyway). Then back to bed. A call, at almost 18:00. Tonight was the supper! What time was supper? Uhrm, 18:00. Heh! I had set my phone to give an alarm, but the alarm on it is poor, really only good if I am already awake and just not paying attention. I need to get an app for that, a serious calendar and alarm system type of thing. I need a nagging alarm, or one that can use the incoming phone call ring to let me know. So, with minutes to prep, I actually got to it. I missed one event, wasn't going to miss two. The other was for illness, from the flu shot I think, but missing is missing, makes no difference to me why I missed.
In moments, on pure instinct because not a synaptic connection could be made, I showered, did my hair, dressed, hit the door, and was on my way. I doubt if the whole thing took fifteen minutes, though as if I would have known. I truly enjoy smaller events. A bit of socialization, seeing my neighbors but as an adult, not a sick man who receives food. Listening to how others are living, what they think, watching the interplays between neighbors themselves, between husbands and wives, and as communities. As a foreigner, and a bachelor, I am a misfit, whether LDS, Catholic, or other such groups. And yet my will is toward those ends, so it isn't that I am a complete stranger to the notions. Many of these folks are quite God given, they do as they understand, and that is very good. I am no stranger, in this, either. If we differ, I differ with most religious. My life has lead me to understandings, no other I have met save a few monks, quite... perceive similarly. Anyone with a life that calls on secular involvements will have a different perception than one who has tons of free time to... ponder, along with no real duties that might require them to... placate the Godless at times to a degree, or even abide the rules and such of men in congregate. And for me it is more. Dancing on both sides of death, and so closely, I have an absolutely different tone and approach to God. Not better, not worse, just... with a different focus by needs.
I just returned, leaving a bit early. I stayed longer this time though. I start falling though. The adrenaline rush that allows me to attend smaller events only lasts just so long. When it begins to diminish I begin hitting lows, and wanting to sleep. A crash. I can resist the urge, need, want, of sleep, even when I get home. But only if I close things down a bit. My guess is the reason I can look so good, healthwise, is because of having seen so much 'trouble'. I can and do, at times, push into biological places others with a bad heart have never seen. Adrenaline, and the other gunk like it, can keep you alive when you are so far past exhaustion, pain tolerances, hunger, or any serious mix of stresses that cause many to shut down. But it can only be used if the door to it has been opened by continuous use, perhaps outright abuse. I have literally lived on adrenaline right through death a few times. It's a gift, but a cursed one.
All good, very nice. Hmm, did I just write something? Still not awake, aware, firing consciously on even three of the eight cylinders. I am awake, but I have no idea what it is I am supposed to do. Later?
Late nights and long hours.
.
.
While I have always... disliked having to sleep, albeit loving sleep itself, I don't always like late nights. Oh, well, I enjoy the quiet. I like the dark, if I enjoy the sun too, mostly... at a distance. It is simply that most of the rest of the world is asleep. Most people can't handle, or have no option, to be up or active at night. Most stores are closed, though with the internet things have changed that way. Whatever the case might be at any given time, tonight is not one of my favored over-nighters. Partly, I suppose, because I am still tired but could not sleep, woke up, and that has happened two nights in a row. Well, and the fact that I must stay up... Hmm, though I am considering a nap.
I did find the joists in the ceiling, though not using the magnet I had actually bought for the project. Beside being rather large, I... have some fearful respect for the thing. However, on check out, their online system asked if I wanted some free stuff. Well... DO I!?! Yes I do'ed! In the group of free items were some very small tab magnets (of the same type strong magnet) and a collectiion of various magnets of different lengths and thicknesses that ended up forming a bar. I used the bar of magnets, since it was easier to hold anyway, to finally find the joists, then used the tab magnets to mark the drywall screws. Something is odd about the ceiling, it seems like there is a space between the drywall and the stud, as if there are spacers or something in there. When I was drilling it seemed like that anyway. In any case, the joists where found, the holes drilled, the hooks installed, and the plants are now hanging where they can get a bit more light... Uhrm, when I happen to be up in the day, and remember to open the curtains. They best be hardy plants, that's all I'm saying. Oh, right, I best get those several magnets down and put them away while I am at it.
I also used my instant ice packs and first aid knowledge for the first time, together, tonight. Looking up information on bug bites, and more spider bites, I kept seeing that putting an ice pack on the area for 15-20 minutes could help. While the notion was a complete flop, I did notice a general weakness in my simple supplies. I have no ace bandages. I have the disposable cling stuff, but didn't want to open that up. Part of the problem with that advice is that, being on the inner part of my arm, at an arch, keeping the ice pack tight against the arm while still doing my doings was impossible. Though I suspect the ice pack thing is just for the histrionics, so they feel like they are getting the dire attention such a terrible wound requires. I... don't think it does a damned thing to aid or relieve symptoms. Just... my take. At least in my situation. Still, it was fun to have the supplies to at least try something like that. Well, I also failed to do something I should have known to do. When I wrapped the ice pack in a towel I didn't dampen the towel. Still, I think it is a dud. Then again, if I can find an ace bandage, or something else non-disposable, or an open pack of the disposable stuff, I might give it another try some time while resting tomorrow. Just to be sure. I did rather ding that home health project up pretty bad. Bleh.
Hmm... Nap time. Almost as good as nachos! I am really hungry, but I think I am more tired. I'll keep the alarm on and try to remember to call Midas first thing, then go back to sleep if I can, want, or something. Good night, again.
.
While I have always... disliked having to sleep, albeit loving sleep itself, I don't always like late nights. Oh, well, I enjoy the quiet. I like the dark, if I enjoy the sun too, mostly... at a distance. It is simply that most of the rest of the world is asleep. Most people can't handle, or have no option, to be up or active at night. Most stores are closed, though with the internet things have changed that way. Whatever the case might be at any given time, tonight is not one of my favored over-nighters. Partly, I suppose, because I am still tired but could not sleep, woke up, and that has happened two nights in a row. Well, and the fact that I must stay up... Hmm, though I am considering a nap.
I did find the joists in the ceiling, though not using the magnet I had actually bought for the project. Beside being rather large, I... have some fearful respect for the thing. However, on check out, their online system asked if I wanted some free stuff. Well... DO I!?! Yes I do'ed! In the group of free items were some very small tab magnets (of the same type strong magnet) and a collectiion of various magnets of different lengths and thicknesses that ended up forming a bar. I used the bar of magnets, since it was easier to hold anyway, to finally find the joists, then used the tab magnets to mark the drywall screws. Something is odd about the ceiling, it seems like there is a space between the drywall and the stud, as if there are spacers or something in there. When I was drilling it seemed like that anyway. In any case, the joists where found, the holes drilled, the hooks installed, and the plants are now hanging where they can get a bit more light... Uhrm, when I happen to be up in the day, and remember to open the curtains. They best be hardy plants, that's all I'm saying. Oh, right, I best get those several magnets down and put them away while I am at it.
I also used my instant ice packs and first aid knowledge for the first time, together, tonight. Looking up information on bug bites, and more spider bites, I kept seeing that putting an ice pack on the area for 15-20 minutes could help. While the notion was a complete flop, I did notice a general weakness in my simple supplies. I have no ace bandages. I have the disposable cling stuff, but didn't want to open that up. Part of the problem with that advice is that, being on the inner part of my arm, at an arch, keeping the ice pack tight against the arm while still doing my doings was impossible. Though I suspect the ice pack thing is just for the histrionics, so they feel like they are getting the dire attention such a terrible wound requires. I... don't think it does a damned thing to aid or relieve symptoms. Just... my take. At least in my situation. Still, it was fun to have the supplies to at least try something like that. Well, I also failed to do something I should have known to do. When I wrapped the ice pack in a towel I didn't dampen the towel. Still, I think it is a dud. Then again, if I can find an ace bandage, or something else non-disposable, or an open pack of the disposable stuff, I might give it another try some time while resting tomorrow. Just to be sure. I did rather ding that home health project up pretty bad. Bleh.
Hmm... Nap time. Almost as good as nachos! I am really hungry, but I think I am more tired. I'll keep the alarm on and try to remember to call Midas first thing, then go back to sleep if I can, want, or something. Good night, again.
Now... Come now!
.
.
I did get to bed early, somewhere around 20:00 and change. I slept like a babe. For about four hours, again. At least I don't have to be up early. This is quite annoying. I am fully awake. I don't think I heard anything tonight, I simply woke... I think. Well, I thought I had heard a cellphone, or some sort of alarm. But when I was fully awake the pattern didn't fit anything of mine. Still, come to think of it, I have had that happen before, here, but nowhere else. In this house. It could be dreaming, but it could be real, too. Like a cellphone going off in the attic or crawlspace or somewhere isolated and a bit distant.
Then again, when I go back on these medicines, my sleep has been disturbed in a split-level sort of way before, where I only sleep for four hours at a time. I just don't like odd things, things I can't nail down. If the medicines made me a lighter sleeper, perhaps I am waking to what had not bothered me before. If so, what is that? Dreams? People? An old alarm watch somewhere in my stowed gear? There are ways to check, but those ways require money and work, or even more money to have installed. Time, perhaps, will see me to some of those things.
Whatever though. I am up, but it really isn't the right time nor am I quite awake enough anyway, to do projects. Hmm, I could set the dishes to soak and throw in a load of laundry though. I've set a pot of coffee to the fire, actually that is probably ready by now. Oddly enough I can sleep on coffee, sometimes it even can help me find sleep. At least there is that. My guess is I will probably be crashing in a few hours. Drats. I forgot to call to cancel the Midas appointment. No, I know, I don't have to, really. Just not showing up is enough. It is just that I do prefer to... be up front about things. So I will try to stay up late enough to call. Four hours down, four to eight hours up, rinse and repeat, at least until my body figures out the new doses of medicine, learns to manage the reaction. I've had worse, and the medicine is paying off. I'll take it.
Sassy especially, but Sam too, think that any time poppo rises from the dead that he should feed them post haste. Even if I have been feeding them well and regularly. Nope, I have set a limit of three cans max, per day, and sometimes I only feed them two cans and rarely only one can. Even dry food is limited to several handfuls per day. I will not see Sassy becoming humungous again, it is truly bad for her health. I have decided they are much more affectionate when not bloated to top things off. And even to watch, they play a great deal more if they aren't fed on a whim, just in the environment. A hungry kitty is a happy kitty, curious kitty, attentive kitty, and such. Sassy looks so much better since she lost that pumpkin sized face, too! Pretty... fat... she had become double Sam's weight with all other dimensions being the same. I wasn't going to kill her with "kindness".
That spider bite, from the other night, is still a bit of a problem. I am keeping an eye on it. The swelling has gone down, as extending the skin from level, but the rash size is the same. The dime sized bite site looks like a huge mosquito bump, hard red now, and it changes from lighter to darker, with a further pinkish site/rash about a 1 1/2 to 2 times the size of a silver dollar. The burning and itching comes and goes. If it looks to be developing a hole, or even begins scabbing over, I am going to call the V.A. nurse hotline. This is two days in. While we don't have the brown recluse, I think, we do have the hobo spider. The venom characteristics are similar and I know a woman bitten by the former. She had to have surgical removal of necrotic tissue in her leg, clean to the bone, from a brown recluse. It may simply be an infected typical spider bite, though, too. Even that has to be watched. So I am.
Well, on to something else.
.
I did get to bed early, somewhere around 20:00 and change. I slept like a babe. For about four hours, again. At least I don't have to be up early. This is quite annoying. I am fully awake. I don't think I heard anything tonight, I simply woke... I think. Well, I thought I had heard a cellphone, or some sort of alarm. But when I was fully awake the pattern didn't fit anything of mine. Still, come to think of it, I have had that happen before, here, but nowhere else. In this house. It could be dreaming, but it could be real, too. Like a cellphone going off in the attic or crawlspace or somewhere isolated and a bit distant.
Then again, when I go back on these medicines, my sleep has been disturbed in a split-level sort of way before, where I only sleep for four hours at a time. I just don't like odd things, things I can't nail down. If the medicines made me a lighter sleeper, perhaps I am waking to what had not bothered me before. If so, what is that? Dreams? People? An old alarm watch somewhere in my stowed gear? There are ways to check, but those ways require money and work, or even more money to have installed. Time, perhaps, will see me to some of those things.
Whatever though. I am up, but it really isn't the right time nor am I quite awake enough anyway, to do projects. Hmm, I could set the dishes to soak and throw in a load of laundry though. I've set a pot of coffee to the fire, actually that is probably ready by now. Oddly enough I can sleep on coffee, sometimes it even can help me find sleep. At least there is that. My guess is I will probably be crashing in a few hours. Drats. I forgot to call to cancel the Midas appointment. No, I know, I don't have to, really. Just not showing up is enough. It is just that I do prefer to... be up front about things. So I will try to stay up late enough to call. Four hours down, four to eight hours up, rinse and repeat, at least until my body figures out the new doses of medicine, learns to manage the reaction. I've had worse, and the medicine is paying off. I'll take it.
Sassy especially, but Sam too, think that any time poppo rises from the dead that he should feed them post haste. Even if I have been feeding them well and regularly. Nope, I have set a limit of three cans max, per day, and sometimes I only feed them two cans and rarely only one can. Even dry food is limited to several handfuls per day. I will not see Sassy becoming humungous again, it is truly bad for her health. I have decided they are much more affectionate when not bloated to top things off. And even to watch, they play a great deal more if they aren't fed on a whim, just in the environment. A hungry kitty is a happy kitty, curious kitty, attentive kitty, and such. Sassy looks so much better since she lost that pumpkin sized face, too! Pretty... fat... she had become double Sam's weight with all other dimensions being the same. I wasn't going to kill her with "kindness".
That spider bite, from the other night, is still a bit of a problem. I am keeping an eye on it. The swelling has gone down, as extending the skin from level, but the rash size is the same. The dime sized bite site looks like a huge mosquito bump, hard red now, and it changes from lighter to darker, with a further pinkish site/rash about a 1 1/2 to 2 times the size of a silver dollar. The burning and itching comes and goes. If it looks to be developing a hole, or even begins scabbing over, I am going to call the V.A. nurse hotline. This is two days in. While we don't have the brown recluse, I think, we do have the hobo spider. The venom characteristics are similar and I know a woman bitten by the former. She had to have surgical removal of necrotic tissue in her leg, clean to the bone, from a brown recluse. It may simply be an infected typical spider bite, though, too. Even that has to be watched. So I am.
Well, on to something else.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Optimal.
.
.
Barely, and on the low side, but I will take it. My ejection fraction was 21%, that is up from 15% last time. That is a thirty(ish) percent increase in heart function, in about a year, on the weaksauce medicine I can tolerate, when I can take it. Okay, that's... actually quite promising. To me. It means there is lots of room for improvement, but it also means improvement is possible. Does that mean anything in terms of added function in simple living? Maybe, a hair better, or maybe that is just hope. It is like thinking the person you see in the fog is the person you WANT to see. Time will tell.
That "extra hour" nap turned into two hours. Still, I stopped at the post office and sent off the letters while picking up my seed packet. I still think I did good with this seed company, at least there is that. I may order from the other seed company as well, since I might be interested in playing with the ghost pepper which was only available there. Two good seed companies is all good by my standards. I will be working up a schedule of what to begin germinating, when, and how. Most of the suggested indoor planting tables suggest anywhere from four to eight weeks before "the last frost", in two week intervals. Some things require full sun, some things not so much. Some of the various seed can go into planters while some simply don't do well, requiring dirt gardens.
I am excited about starting a garden. I had thought to... just go for the experience and learning about seed collection. But with the need for peppers for sauce, that attitude has shifted. Do I expect much this year? Next perhaps? No. I am not even sure I will raise enough to produce enough seed for the right genetic diversity required, usually seeds from ten different plants are needed, as a rule of thumb. So, even if it works well I may need to buy seeds next year. No problems there. And, really, until or unless I get to functioning more solidly I can't promise much. I will simply give it a shot. It isn't like starving goats should I fail though. Still, I would feel bad if I end up not keeping up and the plants just withered. They are tasty, but they are beautiful living things. All one has to do is to lose and regain life to see some things in a very... honest or true way about life. I just won't have PETA or the local sheriff to deal with about it.
I stopped in SLC at Well-Foods to get... What? I could not remember! A shopping list of one item and I couldn't pull it off. I am definitely going to tickle a wife someday. She says, "You WHAT"? I say, "I'm sure he is fine, junior is almost 7 and the airport is a friendly place... but I'm right on that. But I DID get those geraniums you wanted, couldn't think of why else I was there." Or... such. Yeah, it's going to happen. I did get some salami though. Gosh is their stuff good. It was coffee that I meant to stop to get, so I could just take the short way home after the pass. I remembered before the short turn-off, and sighed as I drove on by it. I wasn't going to quit, not while I am ahead. So, into Logan, and I did get coffee, then got out of town as fast as I could. I wasn't going to do one more thing. I am done, with Christmas, with shopping, with driving, with everything. After I finish those few projects already in the works, probably tomorrow, I will take some time off. Ugh! Well, after Saturdays shoot, anyway.
Well, at least I know about the heart. And it is good enough, for now. It is a real beginning. I wasn't just blowing smoke about living decades more. Well, to my mind. And they really can't believe how good I look for how bad I am, even with the new and improved numbers. I shouldn't say this but... I've had an erection all day, even before getting the numbers. Seriously. Not sure what is up with that, save that something thinks we will be bumping into a wife... and somebody is ready. Yeah, and this start-up of medicines has had the predictable usual affect, but like never before. Confession is needed, bi-daily some days. And that is with all my effort to the contrary. Gah! *grins* It might not be green sprouts, but he sprouts, he do! Like a 17 year old all over again. Gosh but I hate(d) that. Ah well, women were really nice to me all day. Seriously. How do they even know from forty paces, and why do they think it's all about them anyway? *laughing... at something, everything*
Yeah, but I am spent. I am going to stay up longer as supper is coming in (they missed Tuesday so are making it up today). I would be staying up later, anyway, to try to stretch into days a bit, for now, whatever. Tomorrow is more-holes-in-the-ceiling day, and maybe patch and light for the other ceiling. Dishes and laundry will by my secondary goals. Gotta keep a grip.
Well, later or good night.
.
Barely, and on the low side, but I will take it. My ejection fraction was 21%, that is up from 15% last time. That is a thirty(ish) percent increase in heart function, in about a year, on the weaksauce medicine I can tolerate, when I can take it. Okay, that's... actually quite promising. To me. It means there is lots of room for improvement, but it also means improvement is possible. Does that mean anything in terms of added function in simple living? Maybe, a hair better, or maybe that is just hope. It is like thinking the person you see in the fog is the person you WANT to see. Time will tell.
That "extra hour" nap turned into two hours. Still, I stopped at the post office and sent off the letters while picking up my seed packet. I still think I did good with this seed company, at least there is that. I may order from the other seed company as well, since I might be interested in playing with the ghost pepper which was only available there. Two good seed companies is all good by my standards. I will be working up a schedule of what to begin germinating, when, and how. Most of the suggested indoor planting tables suggest anywhere from four to eight weeks before "the last frost", in two week intervals. Some things require full sun, some things not so much. Some of the various seed can go into planters while some simply don't do well, requiring dirt gardens.
I am excited about starting a garden. I had thought to... just go for the experience and learning about seed collection. But with the need for peppers for sauce, that attitude has shifted. Do I expect much this year? Next perhaps? No. I am not even sure I will raise enough to produce enough seed for the right genetic diversity required, usually seeds from ten different plants are needed, as a rule of thumb. So, even if it works well I may need to buy seeds next year. No problems there. And, really, until or unless I get to functioning more solidly I can't promise much. I will simply give it a shot. It isn't like starving goats should I fail though. Still, I would feel bad if I end up not keeping up and the plants just withered. They are tasty, but they are beautiful living things. All one has to do is to lose and regain life to see some things in a very... honest or true way about life. I just won't have PETA or the local sheriff to deal with about it.
I stopped in SLC at Well-Foods to get... What? I could not remember! A shopping list of one item and I couldn't pull it off. I am definitely going to tickle a wife someday. She says, "You WHAT"? I say, "I'm sure he is fine, junior is almost 7 and the airport is a friendly place... but I'm right on that. But I DID get those geraniums you wanted, couldn't think of why else I was there." Or... such. Yeah, it's going to happen. I did get some salami though. Gosh is their stuff good. It was coffee that I meant to stop to get, so I could just take the short way home after the pass. I remembered before the short turn-off, and sighed as I drove on by it. I wasn't going to quit, not while I am ahead. So, into Logan, and I did get coffee, then got out of town as fast as I could. I wasn't going to do one more thing. I am done, with Christmas, with shopping, with driving, with everything. After I finish those few projects already in the works, probably tomorrow, I will take some time off. Ugh! Well, after Saturdays shoot, anyway.
Well, at least I know about the heart. And it is good enough, for now. It is a real beginning. I wasn't just blowing smoke about living decades more. Well, to my mind. And they really can't believe how good I look for how bad I am, even with the new and improved numbers. I shouldn't say this but... I've had an erection all day, even before getting the numbers. Seriously. Not sure what is up with that, save that something thinks we will be bumping into a wife... and somebody is ready. Yeah, and this start-up of medicines has had the predictable usual affect, but like never before. Confession is needed, bi-daily some days. And that is with all my effort to the contrary. Gah! *grins* It might not be green sprouts, but he sprouts, he do! Like a 17 year old all over again. Gosh but I hate(d) that. Ah well, women were really nice to me all day. Seriously. How do they even know from forty paces, and why do they think it's all about them anyway? *laughing... at something, everything*
Yeah, but I am spent. I am going to stay up longer as supper is coming in (they missed Tuesday so are making it up today). I would be staying up later, anyway, to try to stretch into days a bit, for now, whatever. Tomorrow is more-holes-in-the-ceiling day, and maybe patch and light for the other ceiling. Dishes and laundry will by my secondary goals. Gotta keep a grip.
Well, later or good night.
A bit of sleep.
.
.
I thought I would struggle with sleep. It actually came rather easily. The problem, it turns out, is that it didn't last long. Four hours is a might wee. I may yet go back to bed for a bit. I can't be sure what woke me, but something did. At first I thought it was the girls being squirrels but when I came out of my room they were both huddled in their individual 'sleep 'til we eat' bundles. Hmm, but it seems that I heard something that got my attention. That I am sure of. It wasn't anything... dangerous sounding, like someone trying to break in or such. Nothing that raised an alarm. I just thought the girls were hungry, or playing, or... something like that. Ah well. But then I couldn't get back to sleep.
A bug bite, last night, actually while I was in town somehow, right on the inside of my left bicep. I couldn't tell if it was a bite or an allergic reaction to something at first. When I noticed it, it was a harsh red band, about four inches long and perhaps an half inch wide, from a quarter to the front of my bicep back to the middle of the muscle. This morning it has turned into a huge red splotch, filling out that length into a full reddish pink circle, oddly with the bite area now visible but in the upper section of the circle, not the center. Just so you know. :p
Hmm, yeah, another hour of sleep wouldn't hurt. Good night, again.
.
I thought I would struggle with sleep. It actually came rather easily. The problem, it turns out, is that it didn't last long. Four hours is a might wee. I may yet go back to bed for a bit. I can't be sure what woke me, but something did. At first I thought it was the girls being squirrels but when I came out of my room they were both huddled in their individual 'sleep 'til we eat' bundles. Hmm, but it seems that I heard something that got my attention. That I am sure of. It wasn't anything... dangerous sounding, like someone trying to break in or such. Nothing that raised an alarm. I just thought the girls were hungry, or playing, or... something like that. Ah well. But then I couldn't get back to sleep.
A bug bite, last night, actually while I was in town somehow, right on the inside of my left bicep. I couldn't tell if it was a bite or an allergic reaction to something at first. When I noticed it, it was a harsh red band, about four inches long and perhaps an half inch wide, from a quarter to the front of my bicep back to the middle of the muscle. This morning it has turned into a huge red splotch, filling out that length into a full reddish pink circle, oddly with the bite area now visible but in the upper section of the circle, not the center. Just so you know. :p
Hmm, yeah, another hour of sleep wouldn't hurt. Good night, again.
Best do it now?
.
.
A bit of goofing, after the trip, of course, to catch my breath again. But I was dying to see if the keyhole saw would work. Like a charm it did. The job will go forward. I have everything else for that, now. Not tomorrow, perhaps Friday if I am up to tinkering, since I no longer need to be back into town for an auto checkup. The Christmas gift to my mother has been sent, all online that one. As last things, tonight, before too much time passes, I decided to just send my brother and his wife money for Christmas. As well, the last bit I had promised my lady friend, technically her birthday present since she has her Christmas present, was set up to be sent. A bit of money so that she can pay for her 4G plan, so as to be able to browse the internet, email, and such, from home.
I do have five or six dishes and such I could wash. I am feeling tired enough that I may sleep though. I don't wish to let that slip and find myself driving tired. No, those will just have to wait. I am pleased with what I have done and am about to do. If I can get cracking fast enough I will be to the post office to send these letters I just put in envelopes and pick up my seeds before heading to SLC. Some things, when done, just... allow some breathing room in my mind. These things are among those.
When I finish hanging the plants and repairing the drywall and installing that light I will probably take a few weeks off. With a goal, though, of keeping everything else up and then getting into my bedroom for cleaning and pipework in the bathroom, along with beginning swimming, in January. While Santa works, I will slumber I do believe. Well, if the doctors leave me alone. Heh.
Good night.
.
A bit of goofing, after the trip, of course, to catch my breath again. But I was dying to see if the keyhole saw would work. Like a charm it did. The job will go forward. I have everything else for that, now. Not tomorrow, perhaps Friday if I am up to tinkering, since I no longer need to be back into town for an auto checkup. The Christmas gift to my mother has been sent, all online that one. As last things, tonight, before too much time passes, I decided to just send my brother and his wife money for Christmas. As well, the last bit I had promised my lady friend, technically her birthday present since she has her Christmas present, was set up to be sent. A bit of money so that she can pay for her 4G plan, so as to be able to browse the internet, email, and such, from home.
I do have five or six dishes and such I could wash. I am feeling tired enough that I may sleep though. I don't wish to let that slip and find myself driving tired. No, those will just have to wait. I am pleased with what I have done and am about to do. If I can get cracking fast enough I will be to the post office to send these letters I just put in envelopes and pick up my seeds before heading to SLC. Some things, when done, just... allow some breathing room in my mind. These things are among those.
When I finish hanging the plants and repairing the drywall and installing that light I will probably take a few weeks off. With a goal, though, of keeping everything else up and then getting into my bedroom for cleaning and pipework in the bathroom, along with beginning swimming, in January. While Santa works, I will slumber I do believe. Well, if the doctors leave me alone. Heh.
Good night.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Okay, alright, yes.
.
.
I got a shower in but skipped the shave. The shower about floored me. Tired. It ended up that supper was to be arriving between 18:00 and 19:00, so... I waited for that. I needed to wait anyway, to get a second wind. After I ate I started to mentally sort out what I wanted to accomplish tonight. My shopping list was hammered down, and I ensured the list went with me. A good thing too, I had to constantly check the list. Not that there was all that much but the items were diverse and my mind keeps wanting to just shut down. Tired.
On the good side, in spite of being up to 280.6 pounds, I can actually easily get into my "thin" jeans (somewhere between 37/39 waist). I am starting to think, perhaps, that I developed muscle while my mother worked me. Considering how lathargic I had been, it wouldn't take much to have built up, if it might take time and food to fill out. And I seem to be dried out, with the water pills. My ankles, abdomen, fingers, and everywhere else seem normal so that I might be cutting my water pill by half a tab, down to one and a half tab, so as not to pursue a dead horse with it. I, considering I am an ugly man, look as good as I have looked in decades tonight. I'm not overflowing my thin jeans, and the muscle shirt looks like... well... like it belongs on me. Heh.
Before I left I wanted to find the old gas cap, to see if that was what was causing the engine light to be freaking me out. A bit of looking, and a number of other items were found along the way, including my old multi-meter. It's digital and relatively modern, from the mid 90's. I'll have to check it, though it probably needs a 9v battery. I believe I took that out long ago when storing it. I hope I did! After a goodly bit of looking I finally did find the gas cap. The guy at Midas believed that the engine would take a run cycle, but would turn off the light, if that was the problem. I suspected differently. So, before starting the engine, I put the new/old cap on. Ahhhh... No engine warning light when I lit her up, or when I lit her up after each store or on the way home! So, I can cancel the car doc appointment and drive to SLC with no worries.
In town I took the non-contact volt tester in for an exchange first thing. I went and got another. Nope, it too refused to make sound. The only other option was to upgrade and hope, I wasn't willing to give that company a third try, or really a second as that is why it was tested before I left the store. I didn't think to test the Milwaukee brand device before leaving, though I should have. No problems, it does work. At $10 more, it better have worked. I then grabbed a punch/keyhole saw and decided to also get the add-on for the Dremel. Why? Because I know part of the drywall I will be cutting is directly attached to a joist. Which means the punch saw will not do well there. Further, as I begin messing with other electrical around my home I am guessing I will find other areas where having something that cuts just through the drywall without cutting what is behind it will be a better, if messier, slower, and more expensive means of doing the job. It will be a specialty tool for those odd areas. At least I didn't go whole hog and by the cordless Dremel too (it was there, begging me to take it home, at the right price too, Bah!).
On to the grocery store. I about had sticker shock, the bill rang up to slightly over $200. Okay, 3 months worth of cat litter (which can be hard to find, even if I didn't want to start storing some of it I wanted to have more than one extra bag on hand), so... yeah. And, about that much in wet cat food, three month's worth, as I rotate that, and wanted to fill up my 'use' larder which was empty, while also adding just a few boxes of it to the mid-term larder (there is no real way to long term store pet food, I think, save by raising chickens and fishing?). Milk, cat treats, and chocolate covered cherries finished the list. I've tasted boutique chocolate covered cherries, but to be honest, I enjoy Queen Anne cordial cherries by far. I saved getting coffee for tomorrow. I may just check Well-Foods, or whatever, in SLC, so I can take the faster/shorter way home though. Plus, I enjoy shopping there. Brings back memories of another life, if I have to put up with hippies and snobs to do it. Of course, there is some fun to raiding their 'sanctuaries', bringing my form and nature right through their hateful "peaceful" little world, like a tank through Jonestown or something. *evil grins* It might frighten some of the littlens, but it lets the bad actors know to be good.
No, I didn't make it to my friends. I got a later start than anticipated, I was and am already dragging bottom, and I just didn't think it would work. Bleh. I think we are scheduled for a Saturday shoot. I will just have to figure out how to keep that, then find out when he wants to go again and make that.
Tomorrow I have to be up and out by... 10:00 is my guess. With a long shower tonight, a quicky will do in the morning. Since I will driving through the noon rush, I don't want to shave my time too closely. A two hour trip can quickly turn into a three or four hour trip. An accident, heavier than usual although usual is bad enough. Yep, tomorrow I will find out if the medicine has done a thing, what of it I can take and have taken. I am a bit afraid of this test. If my heart is much improved, than the problem is me or something else. If it isn't improved... options thin a bit. Hmm, we will see. A slight improvement though, to 20% or even 30% would be... the optimum answer. I guess time will tell.
Oh, well, now to figure out how to try to sleep, or even rest, before too long. I don't want to go in sleep deprived or otherwise stressed. I wonder, if I get there early, would they mind if I sacked out a bit? They might need to use a cattle prod to wake me though. Heh.
Good night.
.
I got a shower in but skipped the shave. The shower about floored me. Tired. It ended up that supper was to be arriving between 18:00 and 19:00, so... I waited for that. I needed to wait anyway, to get a second wind. After I ate I started to mentally sort out what I wanted to accomplish tonight. My shopping list was hammered down, and I ensured the list went with me. A good thing too, I had to constantly check the list. Not that there was all that much but the items were diverse and my mind keeps wanting to just shut down. Tired.
On the good side, in spite of being up to 280.6 pounds, I can actually easily get into my "thin" jeans (somewhere between 37/39 waist). I am starting to think, perhaps, that I developed muscle while my mother worked me. Considering how lathargic I had been, it wouldn't take much to have built up, if it might take time and food to fill out. And I seem to be dried out, with the water pills. My ankles, abdomen, fingers, and everywhere else seem normal so that I might be cutting my water pill by half a tab, down to one and a half tab, so as not to pursue a dead horse with it. I, considering I am an ugly man, look as good as I have looked in decades tonight. I'm not overflowing my thin jeans, and the muscle shirt looks like... well... like it belongs on me. Heh.
Before I left I wanted to find the old gas cap, to see if that was what was causing the engine light to be freaking me out. A bit of looking, and a number of other items were found along the way, including my old multi-meter. It's digital and relatively modern, from the mid 90's. I'll have to check it, though it probably needs a 9v battery. I believe I took that out long ago when storing it. I hope I did! After a goodly bit of looking I finally did find the gas cap. The guy at Midas believed that the engine would take a run cycle, but would turn off the light, if that was the problem. I suspected differently. So, before starting the engine, I put the new/old cap on. Ahhhh... No engine warning light when I lit her up, or when I lit her up after each store or on the way home! So, I can cancel the car doc appointment and drive to SLC with no worries.
In town I took the non-contact volt tester in for an exchange first thing. I went and got another. Nope, it too refused to make sound. The only other option was to upgrade and hope, I wasn't willing to give that company a third try, or really a second as that is why it was tested before I left the store. I didn't think to test the Milwaukee brand device before leaving, though I should have. No problems, it does work. At $10 more, it better have worked. I then grabbed a punch/keyhole saw and decided to also get the add-on for the Dremel. Why? Because I know part of the drywall I will be cutting is directly attached to a joist. Which means the punch saw will not do well there. Further, as I begin messing with other electrical around my home I am guessing I will find other areas where having something that cuts just through the drywall without cutting what is behind it will be a better, if messier, slower, and more expensive means of doing the job. It will be a specialty tool for those odd areas. At least I didn't go whole hog and by the cordless Dremel too (it was there, begging me to take it home, at the right price too, Bah!).
On to the grocery store. I about had sticker shock, the bill rang up to slightly over $200. Okay, 3 months worth of cat litter (which can be hard to find, even if I didn't want to start storing some of it I wanted to have more than one extra bag on hand), so... yeah. And, about that much in wet cat food, three month's worth, as I rotate that, and wanted to fill up my 'use' larder which was empty, while also adding just a few boxes of it to the mid-term larder (there is no real way to long term store pet food, I think, save by raising chickens and fishing?). Milk, cat treats, and chocolate covered cherries finished the list. I've tasted boutique chocolate covered cherries, but to be honest, I enjoy Queen Anne cordial cherries by far. I saved getting coffee for tomorrow. I may just check Well-Foods, or whatever, in SLC, so I can take the faster/shorter way home though. Plus, I enjoy shopping there. Brings back memories of another life, if I have to put up with hippies and snobs to do it. Of course, there is some fun to raiding their 'sanctuaries', bringing my form and nature right through their hateful "peaceful" little world, like a tank through Jonestown or something. *evil grins* It might frighten some of the littlens, but it lets the bad actors know to be good.
No, I didn't make it to my friends. I got a later start than anticipated, I was and am already dragging bottom, and I just didn't think it would work. Bleh. I think we are scheduled for a Saturday shoot. I will just have to figure out how to keep that, then find out when he wants to go again and make that.
Tomorrow I have to be up and out by... 10:00 is my guess. With a long shower tonight, a quicky will do in the morning. Since I will driving through the noon rush, I don't want to shave my time too closely. A two hour trip can quickly turn into a three or four hour trip. An accident, heavier than usual although usual is bad enough. Yep, tomorrow I will find out if the medicine has done a thing, what of it I can take and have taken. I am a bit afraid of this test. If my heart is much improved, than the problem is me or something else. If it isn't improved... options thin a bit. Hmm, we will see. A slight improvement though, to 20% or even 30% would be... the optimum answer. I guess time will tell.
Oh, well, now to figure out how to try to sleep, or even rest, before too long. I don't want to go in sleep deprived or otherwise stressed. I wonder, if I get there early, would they mind if I sacked out a bit? They might need to use a cattle prod to wake me though. Heh.
Good night.
I am not going to just quit.
.
.
Something is wrong. I could just crawl into my shell. And sometimes I probably will, from time to time, without thought. If your hand has slipped into fire, withdrawing it from the heat is NOT a choice. Only a true psychopath or other variant, or a powerful man who has a call above his own safe keeping and a need, could keep his hand in the fire. So, I will sleep, by needs, from time to time. This is not one of those times where I am quite in the fire. Or, maybe it is. But I have things to do, I have a few goals I want to accomplish, before I... slip.
To that end I called my mother last night. A few final gifts needed to be reviewed, an address needed to be found. She was asleep, so she said this morning when she called back. All good, I have the information. Plus I got a little chat time with the mom-type. All good. She called as I was crawling into bed, but before I had really even gotten to the doze zone, so it worked. After my sleep, I woke, and in typical scattered fashion, went through a chaotic run time but ended up getting my weight, bp, and such. But before taking medicine I decided to call the heart clinic, to let them know that my bp still isn't lowering much and about that spike. They were happy to hear from me, and reminded me that I have an echo cardiogram tomorrow. Yep, I knew and plan to be there, making the P.A. happier still. She suggested they will wait for the results of the echo, then reassess my medicine. I will call them Monday if I haven't heard from them before that. Yes, I am going to try to work with these people much more closely, if I have to do it over the phone at times.
Next I called Midas. They can't see the X'ter until tomorrow or Friday. Fine, but I can't do it tomorrow, not knowing how long it might take, having an appointment in SLC midday. So I set up for a Friday visit. It's the best I can do. I do suspect the gas cap, a locking one but one which has been jacked too often. I am not sure it is locking down as it should now. So, I need to look for the old cap, I kept it (at the time, kept for sentimental reasons... I'm a stock preferring kind of guy). I will place that on before going to town. Finally, I plan to get a shower and hit the stores soon. I have hardware and grocery needs, I could probably also get some coffee. I have been avoiding, mostly, soda. A small thing, perhaps, but tending coffee is less... automatic? It is a task and a chore, requiring grinding coffee by hand, making the coffee, then mixing my slurry just right. It keeps me more involved with my and the world.
So, while I may be slipping, while things seem to be getting away from me in dark little ways, I am not just going to lay down and take it. I am going to be fighting for my life. I got a bit of a quickening through the visit my mother paid. I then added kindling to that fire with starting up medicine and opening up the heart clinic and my gp visits. And now my home is much more homey and still rather serviceably kempt. I don't want to lose track of this. So, for my part, I will... dig in. Like I tried to dig in, and did at times, in engineering school. My stock life is as hard as engineering school would be for most. Everything is either a test, or material to be learned for some mid-term and certainly the finals. It is impossible, but... I can, and have many times, done the impossible. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe not, in secular terms, but... it's often the road, not the end, that justifies effort in the mortal realm. So, here I go.
Hmm, a shower, shave, and a Skip to My Lou to town (no pun intended). Good day!
.
Something is wrong. I could just crawl into my shell. And sometimes I probably will, from time to time, without thought. If your hand has slipped into fire, withdrawing it from the heat is NOT a choice. Only a true psychopath or other variant, or a powerful man who has a call above his own safe keeping and a need, could keep his hand in the fire. So, I will sleep, by needs, from time to time. This is not one of those times where I am quite in the fire. Or, maybe it is. But I have things to do, I have a few goals I want to accomplish, before I... slip.
To that end I called my mother last night. A few final gifts needed to be reviewed, an address needed to be found. She was asleep, so she said this morning when she called back. All good, I have the information. Plus I got a little chat time with the mom-type. All good. She called as I was crawling into bed, but before I had really even gotten to the doze zone, so it worked. After my sleep, I woke, and in typical scattered fashion, went through a chaotic run time but ended up getting my weight, bp, and such. But before taking medicine I decided to call the heart clinic, to let them know that my bp still isn't lowering much and about that spike. They were happy to hear from me, and reminded me that I have an echo cardiogram tomorrow. Yep, I knew and plan to be there, making the P.A. happier still. She suggested they will wait for the results of the echo, then reassess my medicine. I will call them Monday if I haven't heard from them before that. Yes, I am going to try to work with these people much more closely, if I have to do it over the phone at times.
Next I called Midas. They can't see the X'ter until tomorrow or Friday. Fine, but I can't do it tomorrow, not knowing how long it might take, having an appointment in SLC midday. So I set up for a Friday visit. It's the best I can do. I do suspect the gas cap, a locking one but one which has been jacked too often. I am not sure it is locking down as it should now. So, I need to look for the old cap, I kept it (at the time, kept for sentimental reasons... I'm a stock preferring kind of guy). I will place that on before going to town. Finally, I plan to get a shower and hit the stores soon. I have hardware and grocery needs, I could probably also get some coffee. I have been avoiding, mostly, soda. A small thing, perhaps, but tending coffee is less... automatic? It is a task and a chore, requiring grinding coffee by hand, making the coffee, then mixing my slurry just right. It keeps me more involved with my and the world.
So, while I may be slipping, while things seem to be getting away from me in dark little ways, I am not just going to lay down and take it. I am going to be fighting for my life. I got a bit of a quickening through the visit my mother paid. I then added kindling to that fire with starting up medicine and opening up the heart clinic and my gp visits. And now my home is much more homey and still rather serviceably kempt. I don't want to lose track of this. So, for my part, I will... dig in. Like I tried to dig in, and did at times, in engineering school. My stock life is as hard as engineering school would be for most. Everything is either a test, or material to be learned for some mid-term and certainly the finals. It is impossible, but... I can, and have many times, done the impossible. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe not, in secular terms, but... it's often the road, not the end, that justifies effort in the mortal realm. So, here I go.
Hmm, a shower, shave, and a Skip to My Lou to town (no pun intended). Good day!
Alright, who said anything about square dancing?
.
.
Two to four steps forward, one to six back, advancing through time if nothing else. Over, around, through, and over. You are getting there. Now take your partner and swing her... hey, where did she go? Dreams, thoughts, actions, can all hit you at once in your conscious mind. It is quite a dance, life. Just when you know the steps they change the tune, timing, timber, speed, or even put the whole thing under water. No, not a bad thing. There certainly is variety. There is challenge. While there is failure, even one so humble as I finds success from time to time.
The headache, after two doses of aspirin, has receded. It seems to want to come back. Since I am in no pain from that sense, it isn't my problem. I decided to call my mother, but first I thought I had best see if someone did indeed call. Yes, someone called. I missed the KoC meeting tonight. Blast it, I was probably needed to be there too. Well, that is how it goes sometimes. I then tried to call my mother. I need some information for sending something to my brother and family. Oh, nothing big or fancy, just something, you know, a fruit basket? Maybe a few items to hint at prepping, like a couple of... no, perhaps on a birthday. Fruit, or cheese, or a mixed Christmas basket of some kind, for this year. It has to be good quality though, they are used to living near world class fruit sellers, at least at one time in their life. I had thought about a fruit of the month subscription, but that is... a bit out of my price range, this year for sure. I'm still thinking, I just need the package address, which is different from the mailing address. Gah!
Another shot of the hot stuff. Hmm, didn't phase me tonight. I checked my bp, this morning before crashing. Even on the higher doses my bp was way up. I just can't figure this thing. I took the bp again a bit a go, and it is still rather high. Sleep must have helped, if not all that much. I will be calling in tomorrow, to see if they want me to kick the medicines up a notch yet. Three or four days should have brought it down. Oh, and my weight is up, to 280.6. I am not eating any more than ever. I had, temporarily, stopped voiding nearly as much as usual, but I resumed 'race horse' style voiding a day or two ago, so I really thought weight would at least stay even. Nope. I didn't even bother with blood sugar testing. One more negative and throwing in the towel seems the better notion. Not really, it just gets depressing when you are doing all the 'right things'(tm) and things actually get worse. Heh. No real worries though, that's just the game I suppose.
I am fearing, beyond, that I am falling apart. I am, to a degree, keeping up on things. Laundry is lagging, the kitchen is slowly wearing around the edges if the primaries are being tended, and my ability to do things is weakening. Further, my sleep cycle seems to be in a slow decay. At least now I know that the majority of the problem isn't sleeping too much, for the most part, at this time. My sleep cycle problem consists of a slow creep in the number of waking hours. A few hours more here, four hours there, a bit of a backtrack this night, but generally I end up staying up an extra hour or two, on average, as I lose my grip. Just a little dab will do you. Just checked my phone again. I received three other calls since I last checked. My phone was not on mute so I should have heard those calls. Gah! Stupid phone sometimes. No, it was with me the whole time. And I have it on vibrate and ring, so that if I can't hear I can feel it. Oh well.
I am feeling a lot like Charley Brown today. It's not a horrible thing, just... Then again that is part of the reason I hated the comic. It was always on the verge of depression and only looking down, ever. I consider the comic to be state propaganda, trying to get us used to never winning, never getting ahead, and just settling with that. Bleh. I don't need to be all cheery every day, I just don't want to think that is as good as it gets, because I know better, even in my condition. On the bright side, missing the KoC meeting gave me a notion of the date, which lead me to check something, and yep, I have an appointment coming up Thursday. A bit of a sacrificial, and I don't like doing that, but at least I won't lose them both.
The propane cooker is in, the seeds are supposed to be at the post office, and the magnets... Last I saw they were somewhere in California still. Though that data was old. I am guessing if it isn't in SLC, then it is probably actually out on a truck, or will be this morning. Ah, and I best get in tomorrow for that trouble light. I hate that thing, and keep forgetting to have it checked. I will probably call Midas and see if they deal with that, and whether they handle warranty work. I am hoping so. There are other options, if necessary, if nothing else to find the problem. Yeah, I need to go to several stores as well. If it ends up being later in the day, as I suspect, I might see if my friend wants me to drop by after shopping, bringing a movie along. I think it will be 300, if I can find it and if he is interested.
Good night.
.
Two to four steps forward, one to six back, advancing through time if nothing else. Over, around, through, and over. You are getting there. Now take your partner and swing her... hey, where did she go? Dreams, thoughts, actions, can all hit you at once in your conscious mind. It is quite a dance, life. Just when you know the steps they change the tune, timing, timber, speed, or even put the whole thing under water. No, not a bad thing. There certainly is variety. There is challenge. While there is failure, even one so humble as I finds success from time to time.
The headache, after two doses of aspirin, has receded. It seems to want to come back. Since I am in no pain from that sense, it isn't my problem. I decided to call my mother, but first I thought I had best see if someone did indeed call. Yes, someone called. I missed the KoC meeting tonight. Blast it, I was probably needed to be there too. Well, that is how it goes sometimes. I then tried to call my mother. I need some information for sending something to my brother and family. Oh, nothing big or fancy, just something, you know, a fruit basket? Maybe a few items to hint at prepping, like a couple of... no, perhaps on a birthday. Fruit, or cheese, or a mixed Christmas basket of some kind, for this year. It has to be good quality though, they are used to living near world class fruit sellers, at least at one time in their life. I had thought about a fruit of the month subscription, but that is... a bit out of my price range, this year for sure. I'm still thinking, I just need the package address, which is different from the mailing address. Gah!
Another shot of the hot stuff. Hmm, didn't phase me tonight. I checked my bp, this morning before crashing. Even on the higher doses my bp was way up. I just can't figure this thing. I took the bp again a bit a go, and it is still rather high. Sleep must have helped, if not all that much. I will be calling in tomorrow, to see if they want me to kick the medicines up a notch yet. Three or four days should have brought it down. Oh, and my weight is up, to 280.6. I am not eating any more than ever. I had, temporarily, stopped voiding nearly as much as usual, but I resumed 'race horse' style voiding a day or two ago, so I really thought weight would at least stay even. Nope. I didn't even bother with blood sugar testing. One more negative and throwing in the towel seems the better notion. Not really, it just gets depressing when you are doing all the 'right things'(tm) and things actually get worse. Heh. No real worries though, that's just the game I suppose.
I am fearing, beyond, that I am falling apart. I am, to a degree, keeping up on things. Laundry is lagging, the kitchen is slowly wearing around the edges if the primaries are being tended, and my ability to do things is weakening. Further, my sleep cycle seems to be in a slow decay. At least now I know that the majority of the problem isn't sleeping too much, for the most part, at this time. My sleep cycle problem consists of a slow creep in the number of waking hours. A few hours more here, four hours there, a bit of a backtrack this night, but generally I end up staying up an extra hour or two, on average, as I lose my grip. Just a little dab will do you. Just checked my phone again. I received three other calls since I last checked. My phone was not on mute so I should have heard those calls. Gah! Stupid phone sometimes. No, it was with me the whole time. And I have it on vibrate and ring, so that if I can't hear I can feel it. Oh well.
I am feeling a lot like Charley Brown today. It's not a horrible thing, just... Then again that is part of the reason I hated the comic. It was always on the verge of depression and only looking down, ever. I consider the comic to be state propaganda, trying to get us used to never winning, never getting ahead, and just settling with that. Bleh. I don't need to be all cheery every day, I just don't want to think that is as good as it gets, because I know better, even in my condition. On the bright side, missing the KoC meeting gave me a notion of the date, which lead me to check something, and yep, I have an appointment coming up Thursday. A bit of a sacrificial, and I don't like doing that, but at least I won't lose them both.
The propane cooker is in, the seeds are supposed to be at the post office, and the magnets... Last I saw they were somewhere in California still. Though that data was old. I am guessing if it isn't in SLC, then it is probably actually out on a truck, or will be this morning. Ah, and I best get in tomorrow for that trouble light. I hate that thing, and keep forgetting to have it checked. I will probably call Midas and see if they deal with that, and whether they handle warranty work. I am hoping so. There are other options, if necessary, if nothing else to find the problem. Yeah, I need to go to several stores as well. If it ends up being later in the day, as I suspect, I might see if my friend wants me to drop by after shopping, bringing a movie along. I think it will be 300, if I can find it and if he is interested.
Good night.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Why not own such love, if it be true?
.
.
I was asked, the last time these memories surfaced, why if such a terribly beautiful love existed for me, why I didn't claim it. And, yes, I could. It is there. She remains. I am. I knew I could not, then, regardless of my toying with the notion. I now know the answer.
She must have asked God if she could be loved. Loved not for her flesh, or or works, or any perfections or social graces or innocences, which she may or may not have. Whether sent or happenstance, we met. I taught her, that to one man, one she desired and respected, if in her own catty, love-hate, way, she could be called to be owned. And I did so. Through the terrors and violence of notions she poured out to me, I never flinched, I saw her contrived horrors for what they were, and they were at most inconveniences but just as often play things for me. I was able to love her beyond just her flesh. She thought to test and found that I was true. Truer than any man she had ever met.
But she could not be a wife. Her passions for such had faded. But she now knows she... is lovable. Forgiven maybe. I stole her rage and hate and returned to her the hope of life, love. In her wisdom, she would not bind me to her, taking what she received, giving me her fire and what she thought was her hate, returning her to becoming almost a simple human woman again. But not a wife, that was no longer her calling. Wisdom in what they do, not in what they say, quite often, is how to learn from women.
She is now kin, but never to be a wife, to me or any other. No, that love for her still lives, but it has been transformed. The notion still irks at times, chafes, as does watching a flower lose it's bloom or the season pass from summer to fall to winter. But I do not question these truths anymore than I question God Himself. Harsh is this life we lead. But knowing a powerful seed has been planted, and that the seed springs eternal, has allowed me some... bittersweet joy. I merely hope she chooses to grasp what she has gained.
It is a beautiful thing. Something I will... always have with me. A gift few will know. I became a champion to a lady. Perhaps neither of us deserved that grace. But I don't think evil can ever touch such things either. I just can't know more than what is written here about it all, though. The rest of it is God's alone.
.
I was asked, the last time these memories surfaced, why if such a terribly beautiful love existed for me, why I didn't claim it. And, yes, I could. It is there. She remains. I am. I knew I could not, then, regardless of my toying with the notion. I now know the answer.
She must have asked God if she could be loved. Loved not for her flesh, or or works, or any perfections or social graces or innocences, which she may or may not have. Whether sent or happenstance, we met. I taught her, that to one man, one she desired and respected, if in her own catty, love-hate, way, she could be called to be owned. And I did so. Through the terrors and violence of notions she poured out to me, I never flinched, I saw her contrived horrors for what they were, and they were at most inconveniences but just as often play things for me. I was able to love her beyond just her flesh. She thought to test and found that I was true. Truer than any man she had ever met.
But she could not be a wife. Her passions for such had faded. But she now knows she... is lovable. Forgiven maybe. I stole her rage and hate and returned to her the hope of life, love. In her wisdom, she would not bind me to her, taking what she received, giving me her fire and what she thought was her hate, returning her to becoming almost a simple human woman again. But not a wife, that was no longer her calling. Wisdom in what they do, not in what they say, quite often, is how to learn from women.
She is now kin, but never to be a wife, to me or any other. No, that love for her still lives, but it has been transformed. The notion still irks at times, chafes, as does watching a flower lose it's bloom or the season pass from summer to fall to winter. But I do not question these truths anymore than I question God Himself. Harsh is this life we lead. But knowing a powerful seed has been planted, and that the seed springs eternal, has allowed me some... bittersweet joy. I merely hope she chooses to grasp what she has gained.
It is a beautiful thing. Something I will... always have with me. A gift few will know. I became a champion to a lady. Perhaps neither of us deserved that grace. But I don't think evil can ever touch such things either. I just can't know more than what is written here about it all, though. The rest of it is God's alone.
Youch!
.
.
No, I didn't make it through the day. Somewhere around 10:00 I crashed like a plane after all it's engines die. At least it was quick. My friend called a short time after that to let me know that... the firing range is not open today, so I was off the hook. I think the rest of the world called after that. Something about something, or did I ever answer? Or where all the calls in my dreams. Eventually I will check my phone. Wow! My head pounds with a terrible ache as if I had gone on a bender. Hot stuff, that MUST be the culprit. Nah, probably just one of those weird night things. A build up of energy from staying down while nominally well enough in all but one way to work, sparked by a leap into work? Maybe. Did I dance on the tables, did I shoot out the lights? Like I would know!
Dreams of fire, war, tribulation. Fighting through buildings, cities, regions, continents, worlds. Fire and death everywhere, disease, cowardice, bravery, horror, rot, and the rest. Not bad, if I could put those on film I am almost sure I could create an instant cult classic. It seemed so real, down to the scent of fear and strife and the vigor of war and shame of mortal and immortal death. I would never turn that into film, I think... It will be... free to view for all who live to that time. No quick end, as is hoped in the Mayan calendar failure. Just finding food, a place to not be shot at as often, even friends or family one can trust, will be... fleeting luxuries. But what was I doing there. Warring, sure. What was my purpose though? Or was war itself the purpose? I saw no other reason for my being or what I was doing, and yet it was not... simply wanton. There was no satisfaction, sating, from the nature of my efforts. It was more like pulling weeds than slaughter, gratuitous or otherwise. There was no political, social, or other common cause. I simply don't know. It... didn't, and doesn't, bother me. It wasn't for my own causes, or really that of any man or organization. And somehow it wasn't an evil, either. I sensed that much.
Ah well, dreams can be so odd. Who can ever lay claim to knowing them. I have seen fools try. Men can't even square a circle precisely to perfection yet, or even do what they do with it all that well or quickly or easily, all contrivances or the use of tech tool tricks, how could they know such a thing as dreams any more than they can know weather patterns save by looking out their window, with any instant certainty? At least it wasn't one of the bad dreams. I was just doing my job, alone, without fear or need of fear. Without the real fear of war, that of losing one's own, death has no sting if the only thing to be lost, for some of us, would be our own lives. And I don't even think I could die, in the dream.
Hmm, I am not sure I am staying up. An extra dose of aspirin for this gorgeously brutal pounding in my head and then I may lay back down and try to sleep through this thing. Hmm, maybe another shot of that hot stuff though? Gosh, Wally, but I love that stuff. Maybe that mild fire did rekindle something? Dunno, but it is good to feel some heat. No less than coming into a warm home after being out in bone-shattering cold for weeks or something. Months? Years? Yeah, another little doser. At this pace I may need another crafting of this stuff before a couple of months are through. If so I will probably go a little bigger, aiming at a three to four month supply of the stuff. If I can plant, and grow, a half a dozen of the various peppers needed this summer, this might end up being a great canning project! A couple years of this stuff could see me comfortably warmed through whatever may come.
Gah but that head hurts! Later, or good night again.
.
No, I didn't make it through the day. Somewhere around 10:00 I crashed like a plane after all it's engines die. At least it was quick. My friend called a short time after that to let me know that... the firing range is not open today, so I was off the hook. I think the rest of the world called after that. Something about something, or did I ever answer? Or where all the calls in my dreams. Eventually I will check my phone. Wow! My head pounds with a terrible ache as if I had gone on a bender. Hot stuff, that MUST be the culprit. Nah, probably just one of those weird night things. A build up of energy from staying down while nominally well enough in all but one way to work, sparked by a leap into work? Maybe. Did I dance on the tables, did I shoot out the lights? Like I would know!
Dreams of fire, war, tribulation. Fighting through buildings, cities, regions, continents, worlds. Fire and death everywhere, disease, cowardice, bravery, horror, rot, and the rest. Not bad, if I could put those on film I am almost sure I could create an instant cult classic. It seemed so real, down to the scent of fear and strife and the vigor of war and shame of mortal and immortal death. I would never turn that into film, I think... It will be... free to view for all who live to that time. No quick end, as is hoped in the Mayan calendar failure. Just finding food, a place to not be shot at as often, even friends or family one can trust, will be... fleeting luxuries. But what was I doing there. Warring, sure. What was my purpose though? Or was war itself the purpose? I saw no other reason for my being or what I was doing, and yet it was not... simply wanton. There was no satisfaction, sating, from the nature of my efforts. It was more like pulling weeds than slaughter, gratuitous or otherwise. There was no political, social, or other common cause. I simply don't know. It... didn't, and doesn't, bother me. It wasn't for my own causes, or really that of any man or organization. And somehow it wasn't an evil, either. I sensed that much.
Ah well, dreams can be so odd. Who can ever lay claim to knowing them. I have seen fools try. Men can't even square a circle precisely to perfection yet, or even do what they do with it all that well or quickly or easily, all contrivances or the use of tech tool tricks, how could they know such a thing as dreams any more than they can know weather patterns save by looking out their window, with any instant certainty? At least it wasn't one of the bad dreams. I was just doing my job, alone, without fear or need of fear. Without the real fear of war, that of losing one's own, death has no sting if the only thing to be lost, for some of us, would be our own lives. And I don't even think I could die, in the dream.
Hmm, I am not sure I am staying up. An extra dose of aspirin for this gorgeously brutal pounding in my head and then I may lay back down and try to sleep through this thing. Hmm, maybe another shot of that hot stuff though? Gosh, Wally, but I love that stuff. Maybe that mild fire did rekindle something? Dunno, but it is good to feel some heat. No less than coming into a warm home after being out in bone-shattering cold for weeks or something. Months? Years? Yeah, another little doser. At this pace I may need another crafting of this stuff before a couple of months are through. If so I will probably go a little bigger, aiming at a three to four month supply of the stuff. If I can plant, and grow, a half a dozen of the various peppers needed this summer, this might end up being a great canning project! A couple years of this stuff could see me comfortably warmed through whatever may come.
Gah but that head hurts! Later, or good night again.
What a little heat can do!
.
.
No, I won't be sleeping tonight.
Yes, I still plan to be out tomorrow.
.
No, I won't be sleeping tonight.
Yes, I still plan to be out tomorrow.
So... just how hot IS habanero sauce?
.
.
Well, it depends. Store bought is okay, but not really hot. The stuff I made using this recipe? Medium. Really? Really. Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't hand it a medium heat scale like it was a failing grade, or even a C. No, it is a wonderful sauce. And for me to give it a medium means most of you should only be near it with near nigh-on nuclear proof garb. What was splendid about it, for me though, was that, for the first time in ages, I have eaten something that seemed... well... hot. I got that old time feeling back, a feeling I enjoy. And while my thermostat didn't click into the stratosphere or even the ceiling, it was quite enough to put a smile on my face. So, those peppers I ordered are definitely going into the dirt. The thing is, for some reason (I put tracking on them), the seeds ended up at the wrong town in Utah. The seed dealer suggested that the mail delivery is really awful. My guess is they have a personal problem with their local post office, someone there doesn't like them. Still, the package is supposed to be guaranteed. If the problem isn't the post office, than the dealer might simply be problematic. I'll know shortly. In any case, I have done a bit of digging on reputable hot seed dealers (didn't think I would need to research THAT too though, silly me). I have one lined up, if need be. Ugh.
I must admit, I was a bit surprised that this sauce didn't hit me harder. That means there is room for the ghost pepper, coming in at 1,000,000 on the Scoville Scale. Habanero come in at between 300,000 and 500,000. The ones I used were on the lower end of that scale, being store bought, but that is still pretty serious heat. The hottest stuff I could find, to date, before that, was the 100,000 S.S. (ramped) cayenne powder. Still, this sauce will more than adequately do. Further, even if I do happen about the 1M S.S. pepper, and make a sauce with it, I will probably continue to make this habanero sauce. It is, simply, tasty. To put this into perspective, a jalapeno is about 5,000 on the Scoville Scale. So this sauce I made today is between 60 and 100 times as hot as jalapenos. Hmm, odd.
Oh, and it didn't "stink" my house up. I might be immune, but I don't think the girls are. Sassy shrank back from the habanero end I offered. She was curious, so... And they are acting fine. Trust me, if the girls are unhappy about something, I am the FIRST to know it. The difference might be, though, that I used an All-Clad pan. Those lids hold down, and don't let steam out almost at all. One more reason to buy really good pans. Hmm, now to find something to put the sauce in. I forgot to buy a squeeze bottle for it. Oh, I'll think of something.
Another load or two of laundry, cleaning the bit left to do in the kitchen, and doing my Latin lesson should see me about ready to relax (game) for an hour and then hit the sack. I did tinker back there on the drywall, but I realized that just had to be wrong, which lead me to realizing a keyhole saw was needed. Oh, supper arrived while I was doing my sauce. That came out all wrong. Anyway... It was quite an interesting take on home-made fast food. A sweet cornbread wrapped around hotdogs then baked (a real corndog), much better than anything commercial. And the fries where also high end. A mix of purple potatoes and regular potatoes, sliced into normal sized fries. I hope those children enjoy the work and thought their mom puts into their food. I sure do! It's good, haute cuisine, and fun too!
Tomorrow? I am going to make a huge effort to wake early enough to, well, wake, then shower, then get to Mass, and finally to pick my friend up. I could use some things from the grocery store and the hardware store, but if it comes down to a choice, it will be the keyhole saw and exhanging the non-contact voltage detector (I will try the new one right in the store, I hate having to make return trips!). It might be too cold for my friend to want to shoot though. If so, we will just go shopping and maybe to eat. I could take a DVD for him to watch, as well. Dunno, thinking on it all. A trick to getting out the door with what I want, just like medical things, is to have everything set up and ready, in a specific place, and then just... fall into it. Potassium packet by glass, set near medicines, where I sit first thing in the morning, all near my bp cup, diabetic tester, and that all sends me to the scale first for weight. DVD on the kitchen table, near the medicines. Best put the DVD there now though. Memory what it is.
Well, on to... things. Good night.
.
Well, it depends. Store bought is okay, but not really hot. The stuff I made using this recipe? Medium. Really? Really. Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't hand it a medium heat scale like it was a failing grade, or even a C. No, it is a wonderful sauce. And for me to give it a medium means most of you should only be near it with near nigh-on nuclear proof garb. What was splendid about it, for me though, was that, for the first time in ages, I have eaten something that seemed... well... hot. I got that old time feeling back, a feeling I enjoy. And while my thermostat didn't click into the stratosphere or even the ceiling, it was quite enough to put a smile on my face. So, those peppers I ordered are definitely going into the dirt. The thing is, for some reason (I put tracking on them), the seeds ended up at the wrong town in Utah. The seed dealer suggested that the mail delivery is really awful. My guess is they have a personal problem with their local post office, someone there doesn't like them. Still, the package is supposed to be guaranteed. If the problem isn't the post office, than the dealer might simply be problematic. I'll know shortly. In any case, I have done a bit of digging on reputable hot seed dealers (didn't think I would need to research THAT too though, silly me). I have one lined up, if need be. Ugh.
I must admit, I was a bit surprised that this sauce didn't hit me harder. That means there is room for the ghost pepper, coming in at 1,000,000 on the Scoville Scale. Habanero come in at between 300,000 and 500,000. The ones I used were on the lower end of that scale, being store bought, but that is still pretty serious heat. The hottest stuff I could find, to date, before that, was the 100,000 S.S. (ramped) cayenne powder. Still, this sauce will more than adequately do. Further, even if I do happen about the 1M S.S. pepper, and make a sauce with it, I will probably continue to make this habanero sauce. It is, simply, tasty. To put this into perspective, a jalapeno is about 5,000 on the Scoville Scale. So this sauce I made today is between 60 and 100 times as hot as jalapenos. Hmm, odd.
Oh, and it didn't "stink" my house up. I might be immune, but I don't think the girls are. Sassy shrank back from the habanero end I offered. She was curious, so... And they are acting fine. Trust me, if the girls are unhappy about something, I am the FIRST to know it. The difference might be, though, that I used an All-Clad pan. Those lids hold down, and don't let steam out almost at all. One more reason to buy really good pans. Hmm, now to find something to put the sauce in. I forgot to buy a squeeze bottle for it. Oh, I'll think of something.
Another load or two of laundry, cleaning the bit left to do in the kitchen, and doing my Latin lesson should see me about ready to relax (game) for an hour and then hit the sack. I did tinker back there on the drywall, but I realized that just had to be wrong, which lead me to realizing a keyhole saw was needed. Oh, supper arrived while I was doing my sauce. That came out all wrong. Anyway... It was quite an interesting take on home-made fast food. A sweet cornbread wrapped around hotdogs then baked (a real corndog), much better than anything commercial. And the fries where also high end. A mix of purple potatoes and regular potatoes, sliced into normal sized fries. I hope those children enjoy the work and thought their mom puts into their food. I sure do! It's good, haute cuisine, and fun too!
Tomorrow? I am going to make a huge effort to wake early enough to, well, wake, then shower, then get to Mass, and finally to pick my friend up. I could use some things from the grocery store and the hardware store, but if it comes down to a choice, it will be the keyhole saw and exhanging the non-contact voltage detector (I will try the new one right in the store, I hate having to make return trips!). It might be too cold for my friend to want to shoot though. If so, we will just go shopping and maybe to eat. I could take a DVD for him to watch, as well. Dunno, thinking on it all. A trick to getting out the door with what I want, just like medical things, is to have everything set up and ready, in a specific place, and then just... fall into it. Potassium packet by glass, set near medicines, where I sit first thing in the morning, all near my bp cup, diabetic tester, and that all sends me to the scale first for weight. DVD on the kitchen table, near the medicines. Best put the DVD there now though. Memory what it is.
Well, on to... things. Good night.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Where to even begin sometimes.
.
.
Having never worked in construction, plumbing, home electrical type of jobs, starting from scratch isn't really an option. I can read, look at YouTube posts, and start from that. Just as often as not, bad advice is given. Popularity, there as elsewhere, trumps reason or purpose at times. Still, before long, I realize something isn't working and do a bit more digging. Knowing the questions and some of the answers that don't work and why, is much better at producing better solutions. There are no perfect solutions, only better and worse, is one of the laws it seems. Oh, what am I discussing? Ah, cutting drywall.
I had been lead to believe that, essentially, a angled box cutter would do just fine to cut the drywall. And, I used it to cut out the first one. What a nasty piece of work that turned out to be. No, I think the final product is fine, but it sure didn't take the 10 seconds that it should have, or was (artificially) shown to work on some YouTube posts. No, it took at least an half hour, was imprecise, was a lot of work, and will need to be... cleaned up a bit. A bit more looking and two tools popped. A keyhole saw and drill with a digger bit and a Dremel with a specific attachment. Okay, for now the keyhole saw will, mostly, work. I have beams to navigate in these particular drywall cuts, so it will be a bit tricky for some of it. But for now, that will work much better. I was almost certain I had such a tool. A bit of looking found no such saw. Hmm. Never mind. However, when I do begin working on the electrical, the Dremel, with a static (if imprecise) depth gauge, might be the way to go, for putting in new or bigger boxes if need be. One in particular caught my eye. I already have a corded, but would need to purchase about 2/3rds of the price of a cordless one which already comes with all the pieces I would otherwise be buying (and those bits will work on both Dremels). However, after just a bit more digging, the Dremel is more for gadgeteers than serious diy'ers, at least for cutting drywall. So, a keyhole saw will go on the list for tomorrow's excursion. I'll save the cordless Dremel for dreamy gadgeteering eye candy unless I find needs that it fills peerlessly.
I have been tinkering on a few things today. I also did get my winter travel pack together and ready to be put in the X. I need to fill one of the canteens partly, get a few candles a tin can for those and several more fire lighting means (I have all but the candles... somewhere), and it would be good to put in a better medical kit, but for now it will do. Food (the gnarly type so it isn't eaten out of simple human laziness), a set of warm quick drying under clothes plus snow pants, a couple of collapsible canteens, thermal "blanket", a couple of head coverings, a minor med kit, a folding pick-shovel. All in a medium backpack. There are other things I like to keep in the vehicle, like a box of older or less used gloves, mittens, and hats. Extra regular clothes. Toilet paper. I even have a smaller fire extinguisher out there, and a minor manual pull ratchet with enough muscle to pull my vehicle over short distances. Hmm, a snow/ice anchor would be good, too, if those things cost a small fortune. But I really need to get good jumper wires and learn how to use those, pull rope/chains, and eventually tire chains.
Be prepared, wherever you go. In time, perhaps, I will have the perfect kit and have it organized and always in place. For now, home or on the road, I have what I have. Hmm... a flare gun? I've... always wanted one of those. You don't think they actually signaled for Batman with a bat light, do you? Heck no. But that information was a city-secret. They used bat-flares! I'm telling you, you guys will believe anything. :p So, what do I do, when/if I ever get fully prepared? Why... I wait. Or die. Duh. *grins*
On to making that hot sauce, I do believe. Wish me luck. Hmm, I might actually bring one of the fans down from it's winter storage, just in case it gets too nasty. I had hoped that the propane cooker would be here, and that I could use that, but with the snow down and with it being so cold out now, I am not sure that would work. Although... 52k btu's is an AWFUL lot of cooking torque.
I can hardly believe how many jobs are either being done, have been done, or are about to be done. Yeah, you do this on the weekend and more, but this is ME being discussed. I don't know how long it will last. I'll keep trying to do, and add to, my lists.
Later.
.
Having never worked in construction, plumbing, home electrical type of jobs, starting from scratch isn't really an option. I can read, look at YouTube posts, and start from that. Just as often as not, bad advice is given. Popularity, there as elsewhere, trumps reason or purpose at times. Still, before long, I realize something isn't working and do a bit more digging. Knowing the questions and some of the answers that don't work and why, is much better at producing better solutions. There are no perfect solutions, only better and worse, is one of the laws it seems. Oh, what am I discussing? Ah, cutting drywall.
I had been lead to believe that, essentially, a angled box cutter would do just fine to cut the drywall. And, I used it to cut out the first one. What a nasty piece of work that turned out to be. No, I think the final product is fine, but it sure didn't take the 10 seconds that it should have, or was (artificially) shown to work on some YouTube posts. No, it took at least an half hour, was imprecise, was a lot of work, and will need to be... cleaned up a bit. A bit more looking and two tools popped. A keyhole saw and drill with a digger bit and a Dremel with a specific attachment. Okay, for now the keyhole saw will, mostly, work. I have beams to navigate in these particular drywall cuts, so it will be a bit tricky for some of it. But for now, that will work much better. I was almost certain I had such a tool. A bit of looking found no such saw. Hmm. Never mind. However, when I do begin working on the electrical, the Dremel, with a static (if imprecise) depth gauge, might be the way to go, for putting in new or bigger boxes if need be. One in particular caught my eye. I already have a corded, but would need to purchase about 2/3rds of the price of a cordless one which already comes with all the pieces I would otherwise be buying (and those bits will work on both Dremels). However, after just a bit more digging, the Dremel is more for gadgeteers than serious diy'ers, at least for cutting drywall. So, a keyhole saw will go on the list for tomorrow's excursion. I'll save the cordless Dremel for dreamy gadgeteering eye candy unless I find needs that it fills peerlessly.
I have been tinkering on a few things today. I also did get my winter travel pack together and ready to be put in the X. I need to fill one of the canteens partly, get a few candles a tin can for those and several more fire lighting means (I have all but the candles... somewhere), and it would be good to put in a better medical kit, but for now it will do. Food (the gnarly type so it isn't eaten out of simple human laziness), a set of warm quick drying under clothes plus snow pants, a couple of collapsible canteens, thermal "blanket", a couple of head coverings, a minor med kit, a folding pick-shovel. All in a medium backpack. There are other things I like to keep in the vehicle, like a box of older or less used gloves, mittens, and hats. Extra regular clothes. Toilet paper. I even have a smaller fire extinguisher out there, and a minor manual pull ratchet with enough muscle to pull my vehicle over short distances. Hmm, a snow/ice anchor would be good, too, if those things cost a small fortune. But I really need to get good jumper wires and learn how to use those, pull rope/chains, and eventually tire chains.
Be prepared, wherever you go. In time, perhaps, I will have the perfect kit and have it organized and always in place. For now, home or on the road, I have what I have. Hmm... a flare gun? I've... always wanted one of those. You don't think they actually signaled for Batman with a bat light, do you? Heck no. But that information was a city-secret. They used bat-flares! I'm telling you, you guys will believe anything. :p So, what do I do, when/if I ever get fully prepared? Why... I wait. Or die. Duh. *grins*
On to making that hot sauce, I do believe. Wish me luck. Hmm, I might actually bring one of the fans down from it's winter storage, just in case it gets too nasty. I had hoped that the propane cooker would be here, and that I could use that, but with the snow down and with it being so cold out now, I am not sure that would work. Although... 52k btu's is an AWFUL lot of cooking torque.
I can hardly believe how many jobs are either being done, have been done, or are about to be done. Yeah, you do this on the weekend and more, but this is ME being discussed. I don't know how long it will last. I'll keep trying to do, and add to, my lists.
Later.
Winter, finally.
.
.
I am enjoying the snow. It sure brightens things up, especially on these darker, overcast, days. I guess my predictions for a long winter are gone. It could still be a heavy winter, but that doesn't seem to be panning out either. All good, I had actually feared that rather than hoped for it. My weather-dar must be off. Time will tell. It is much easier to enjoy without the sense of being trapped by weather.
I set the alarm for... way early, considering when I went to bed. As could be guessed, I failed to rise. I reset the alarm, adding another hour. Nope. Finally my brother called, at about what should have been the correct amount of sleep, and that worked. I simply can't cheat myself on sleep for a normal day. For travel it seems I have little choice. I simply can't sleep the night before an early appointment. But that is it's own thing.
I had been meaning to call my brother anyway. I feel like a dolt when I mean to call and before I get to it... Hello? Still, I take the gift as is, and just try to keep that in mind for the next time. Like my brother? Of course not, he is my brother! I love him. Heh. We are like cats and dogs, night and day. We are so similar and yet in such different ways. I do worry about him. At least he was placed with a good family. He is blessed with a good wife and two children who don't let him become too grumpy or set in his ways. Well, they try. Us older guys are... well... we go from being pups to dwarves... if you understand some of the notions of dwarves (mythical, lore, not real). Their social nature. There is no way around that. Well, and we all start getting that Fred Flintstone (cartoon) facial thing, look, Barney had it as well.
In an hour or two, if I am feeling good still, I will begin work on the drywall sections out back. So far, though, it is looking good for that today. I best call the V.A., right now actually... Okay, they are all busy, doc, front desk, etc. I had to just leave a message. Actually, I have been thinking... perhaps it would be better to prepare the hot sauce today. Tomorrow, after the outing, I might be a bit too tired. Other than that, what? I am not awake enough, quite yet, to think that far ahead... or remember.
Have a good day.
.
I am enjoying the snow. It sure brightens things up, especially on these darker, overcast, days. I guess my predictions for a long winter are gone. It could still be a heavy winter, but that doesn't seem to be panning out either. All good, I had actually feared that rather than hoped for it. My weather-dar must be off. Time will tell. It is much easier to enjoy without the sense of being trapped by weather.
I set the alarm for... way early, considering when I went to bed. As could be guessed, I failed to rise. I reset the alarm, adding another hour. Nope. Finally my brother called, at about what should have been the correct amount of sleep, and that worked. I simply can't cheat myself on sleep for a normal day. For travel it seems I have little choice. I simply can't sleep the night before an early appointment. But that is it's own thing.
I had been meaning to call my brother anyway. I feel like a dolt when I mean to call and before I get to it... Hello? Still, I take the gift as is, and just try to keep that in mind for the next time. Like my brother? Of course not, he is my brother! I love him. Heh. We are like cats and dogs, night and day. We are so similar and yet in such different ways. I do worry about him. At least he was placed with a good family. He is blessed with a good wife and two children who don't let him become too grumpy or set in his ways. Well, they try. Us older guys are... well... we go from being pups to dwarves... if you understand some of the notions of dwarves (mythical, lore, not real). Their social nature. There is no way around that. Well, and we all start getting that Fred Flintstone (cartoon) facial thing, look, Barney had it as well.
In an hour or two, if I am feeling good still, I will begin work on the drywall sections out back. So far, though, it is looking good for that today. I best call the V.A., right now actually... Okay, they are all busy, doc, front desk, etc. I had to just leave a message. Actually, I have been thinking... perhaps it would be better to prepare the hot sauce today. Tomorrow, after the outing, I might be a bit too tired. Other than that, what? I am not awake enough, quite yet, to think that far ahead... or remember.
Have a good day.
Winding down.
.
.
It has been a good day. Food delivered and some made, a shower taken, little chores tended. I am keeping my home very warm, it seems to just feel better while I am trying to relax. I will read the lesson in Latin again before I sleep. Oh, I did run vinegar through, then out, my coffee machine. After several vinegar and then clean runs, it should be ready to deliver fresher tasting coffee again. Not that it needed it, just that it doesn't hurt and I can't do too much else.
Tomorrow? A call to the Ogden V.A., to get the diabetes medicine. If I feel okay after a couple of hours of being awake I am planning on working on the drywall replacement. The light fixture itself will be a simple thing once the ceiling is repaired. The installation will be built right into the repair, only the full install will have to wait until several coats of goo and the drying between each coat, then some paint. My real worry is getting the holes squared well enough that I can easily square the patch drywall material so that I don't have too big of gaps. The cutter just isn't sharp enough, or something. I'll look online before I close up shop. Beyond that I hope to remember to call my brother. That is it, other than doing the little things of life, things that not so long ago were more than I could do. Function will come and go, as always, though.
Tuesday the hope is to be able to get into town. A few groceries are needed, an exchange for the non-contact voltage tester is planned, and of course the main events of getting myself to Mass, then taking my friend to the range. A bit of shooting is always a good thing, and has been sorely missed. As has male company. Two bulls stray onto a range, the first bull says... Anyway. Ah, and if I am still doing okay, I may try to put together that habanero sauce in the late afternoon. Hmm, reminds me, if I am going to be later getting back, I need to call the folks who feed me and let them know they have a night off. My friend and myself can always... find a place to feed to poor starving man-things.
A day off Wednesday. If everything happens as planned, or if nothing happens and rest was still needed, hopefully by then I can get to something. Fie, that's as good as I can make things. At least I am not mostly unconscious, in pain, mentally out of it, or such. Heck, I'm even almost enjoying the attempt to 'quiet' my life consciously, if that doesn't make much sense to me, beyond the physical seeming need. Could you imagine being lazy on top of being really sick? You would think that would be automatically lethal, wouldn't you? I would think that.
Good night.
.
It has been a good day. Food delivered and some made, a shower taken, little chores tended. I am keeping my home very warm, it seems to just feel better while I am trying to relax. I will read the lesson in Latin again before I sleep. Oh, I did run vinegar through, then out, my coffee machine. After several vinegar and then clean runs, it should be ready to deliver fresher tasting coffee again. Not that it needed it, just that it doesn't hurt and I can't do too much else.
Tomorrow? A call to the Ogden V.A., to get the diabetes medicine. If I feel okay after a couple of hours of being awake I am planning on working on the drywall replacement. The light fixture itself will be a simple thing once the ceiling is repaired. The installation will be built right into the repair, only the full install will have to wait until several coats of goo and the drying between each coat, then some paint. My real worry is getting the holes squared well enough that I can easily square the patch drywall material so that I don't have too big of gaps. The cutter just isn't sharp enough, or something. I'll look online before I close up shop. Beyond that I hope to remember to call my brother. That is it, other than doing the little things of life, things that not so long ago were more than I could do. Function will come and go, as always, though.
Tuesday the hope is to be able to get into town. A few groceries are needed, an exchange for the non-contact voltage tester is planned, and of course the main events of getting myself to Mass, then taking my friend to the range. A bit of shooting is always a good thing, and has been sorely missed. As has male company. Two bulls stray onto a range, the first bull says... Anyway. Ah, and if I am still doing okay, I may try to put together that habanero sauce in the late afternoon. Hmm, reminds me, if I am going to be later getting back, I need to call the folks who feed me and let them know they have a night off. My friend and myself can always... find a place to feed to poor starving man-things.
A day off Wednesday. If everything happens as planned, or if nothing happens and rest was still needed, hopefully by then I can get to something. Fie, that's as good as I can make things. At least I am not mostly unconscious, in pain, mentally out of it, or such. Heck, I'm even almost enjoying the attempt to 'quiet' my life consciously, if that doesn't make much sense to me, beyond the physical seeming need. Could you imagine being lazy on top of being really sick? You would think that would be automatically lethal, wouldn't you? I would think that.
Good night.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Yep, I still have to take it slow.
.
.
My heart just isn't feeling quite right. Not that it is going to stop, or whatever. It is tired. It keeps wanting to kick it up a few notches. I am refusing to allow it to shove me over that cliff. As I might have mentioned before, I don't actually know how to relax. I have a half a dozen projects in the works one way or another, I have social calls to make, I have contacts to maintain, I have... things to do. I can't quite ever get my mind off what needs to be done, could be done, or could be redone better. I am trying though, to let these things slip, at least for a while.
However, I see where the shower arm, that comes out of the wall, needs to be made water-tight. I see where I can (within code too, if marked by warning stickers) change the two prong outlets with gfci receptacles, and I now know how to do that, including how to optimize that expense and still add non-gfci 3-prong outlets further along the lines if they are in series. Of course the (perhaps both) toilet could use a new wax base ring, tightening, and sealing/calking. Well, the toilets might need more, depending. Oh, but I will probably be installing a bigger actual toilet in there before too much longer. How much work to put in now then? Depends on creating a realistic timeline, which depends on how quickly I can nail down a solid replacement toilet that is affordable, large, and truly flushes right (many are simply junk). Plus a dozen other tool, consumable, and other organization projects just waiting to be started. So much to do, and I have the tools, at least, and I suspect I have half of the expendable supplies. Such a drudgery to hurry then wait.
My blood pressure is staying in the lower of the more recent and better ranges. I am hoping, now that I remembered to up my doses, that perhaps it will come down even 20 points on either side of the slash, hash, or whatever you call it. That is possible, considering it has come down... 60 points, high and low, give or take, since restarting medicine. Of course, it won't matter. Until the heart itself is feeling better I am fully grounded from flight, travel, work. My blood sugar is way up, 176 fasting, so... I definitely have to remember to call my Ogden doc about sending metformin. I have been, mostly, watching what I eat, so... yeah. But diabetes won't stop me from working, unless it reaches the 600 range or higher. Still, something to watch.
I am doing little things though. Dishes are being kept up, food and medicines are is being consumed, the girls are getting attention, food, and care. I decided to get a shower in today, always a good thing. After I finished I decided to clean the high-stool my mother uses to raise the loo to her comfort, and the plunger holder. No, the high-riser was clean, just... to clean it for sure before storing it. She is fastidious... women... cats... women... I can't quite tell the difference sometimes. The plunger enclosure, however, needed a bit of work. Little things like that, when I see them and it works out, are being done. I did start the Latin lessons. I am supposed to read the section twice, one down one to go. Reading that type of material twice in a row really doesn't seem productive. A little time to soak it in and produce questions or cement the material works best for me.
The thing with Latin, or any language, at this point, is that I know enough that some of it is going to be extremely boring. Mixed in there will be what I don't know. How to keep engaged? I'll see. My goal is to take the slower paced curriculum track and see where that gets me. I am more than certain I have the capacity for the higher pace, since I can do it any time in the day without missing a "class". However, that would be with a teacher. I have no teacher. Further, at this time, I have no oral cues. I can read the differences between English and Latin, and they make sense, and there aren't that many exceptions, but in a list of words, back to back, while fiddling with grammar as well, it might be a trick. So, the slow pace seems most advisable, for now. No teacher, no oral presentation... so, yeah. The goal, initially, will be to begin reading the Vulgate, following the Latin Mass, or at least learning (memorizing) some of the prayers in Latin, hopefully bits of those within the year. After that? Perhaps reading some of the ancient texts, if that would be several years out. Perhaps Socrates, Plato, or the others, are more reasonable sounding in their native tongue, though I doubt it. Still, it would be a minor if real academic triumph to self-teach Latin then read such a tome, and more, to reply to it in the native tongue. Aye, but who would read it? Heh. Never mind. It is, if nothing else, a bit of quiet time to work the mind while reaching some goals.
With my home straightened, work in progress truly going on or solidly in the works, with projects popping up all the time on top of those, and with my ability even in illness to mostly maintain and sometimes get a bit further ahead, I am finally feeling like I am getting somewhere in life. True, my life doesn't extend beyond my doorstep, on a regular basis, at least yet. And, sure, I am not all that fit, nor will I probably ever be able to be very fit, or more, being fit won't make a lot of difference with such a weak heart. But I am digging my way to as much of life as I can, and doing it rather smartly. A day or two more of rest and I will begin digging in more seriously again, if this time at a bit slower of a pace. I'll save the marathon work for when my mother arrives. Gah! I wish I had half that much umph.
Hmm, later? Probably.
.
My heart just isn't feeling quite right. Not that it is going to stop, or whatever. It is tired. It keeps wanting to kick it up a few notches. I am refusing to allow it to shove me over that cliff. As I might have mentioned before, I don't actually know how to relax. I have a half a dozen projects in the works one way or another, I have social calls to make, I have contacts to maintain, I have... things to do. I can't quite ever get my mind off what needs to be done, could be done, or could be redone better. I am trying though, to let these things slip, at least for a while.
However, I see where the shower arm, that comes out of the wall, needs to be made water-tight. I see where I can (within code too, if marked by warning stickers) change the two prong outlets with gfci receptacles, and I now know how to do that, including how to optimize that expense and still add non-gfci 3-prong outlets further along the lines if they are in series. Of course the (perhaps both) toilet could use a new wax base ring, tightening, and sealing/calking. Well, the toilets might need more, depending. Oh, but I will probably be installing a bigger actual toilet in there before too much longer. How much work to put in now then? Depends on creating a realistic timeline, which depends on how quickly I can nail down a solid replacement toilet that is affordable, large, and truly flushes right (many are simply junk). Plus a dozen other tool, consumable, and other organization projects just waiting to be started. So much to do, and I have the tools, at least, and I suspect I have half of the expendable supplies. Such a drudgery to hurry then wait.
My blood pressure is staying in the lower of the more recent and better ranges. I am hoping, now that I remembered to up my doses, that perhaps it will come down even 20 points on either side of the slash, hash, or whatever you call it. That is possible, considering it has come down... 60 points, high and low, give or take, since restarting medicine. Of course, it won't matter. Until the heart itself is feeling better I am fully grounded from flight, travel, work. My blood sugar is way up, 176 fasting, so... I definitely have to remember to call my Ogden doc about sending metformin. I have been, mostly, watching what I eat, so... yeah. But diabetes won't stop me from working, unless it reaches the 600 range or higher. Still, something to watch.
I am doing little things though. Dishes are being kept up, food and medicines are is being consumed, the girls are getting attention, food, and care. I decided to get a shower in today, always a good thing. After I finished I decided to clean the high-stool my mother uses to raise the loo to her comfort, and the plunger holder. No, the high-riser was clean, just... to clean it for sure before storing it. She is fastidious... women... cats... women... I can't quite tell the difference sometimes. The plunger enclosure, however, needed a bit of work. Little things like that, when I see them and it works out, are being done. I did start the Latin lessons. I am supposed to read the section twice, one down one to go. Reading that type of material twice in a row really doesn't seem productive. A little time to soak it in and produce questions or cement the material works best for me.
The thing with Latin, or any language, at this point, is that I know enough that some of it is going to be extremely boring. Mixed in there will be what I don't know. How to keep engaged? I'll see. My goal is to take the slower paced curriculum track and see where that gets me. I am more than certain I have the capacity for the higher pace, since I can do it any time in the day without missing a "class". However, that would be with a teacher. I have no teacher. Further, at this time, I have no oral cues. I can read the differences between English and Latin, and they make sense, and there aren't that many exceptions, but in a list of words, back to back, while fiddling with grammar as well, it might be a trick. So, the slow pace seems most advisable, for now. No teacher, no oral presentation... so, yeah. The goal, initially, will be to begin reading the Vulgate, following the Latin Mass, or at least learning (memorizing) some of the prayers in Latin, hopefully bits of those within the year. After that? Perhaps reading some of the ancient texts, if that would be several years out. Perhaps Socrates, Plato, or the others, are more reasonable sounding in their native tongue, though I doubt it. Still, it would be a minor if real academic triumph to self-teach Latin then read such a tome, and more, to reply to it in the native tongue. Aye, but who would read it? Heh. Never mind. It is, if nothing else, a bit of quiet time to work the mind while reaching some goals.
With my home straightened, work in progress truly going on or solidly in the works, with projects popping up all the time on top of those, and with my ability even in illness to mostly maintain and sometimes get a bit further ahead, I am finally feeling like I am getting somewhere in life. True, my life doesn't extend beyond my doorstep, on a regular basis, at least yet. And, sure, I am not all that fit, nor will I probably ever be able to be very fit, or more, being fit won't make a lot of difference with such a weak heart. But I am digging my way to as much of life as I can, and doing it rather smartly. A day or two more of rest and I will begin digging in more seriously again, if this time at a bit slower of a pace. I'll save the marathon work for when my mother arrives. Gah! I wish I had half that much umph.
Hmm, later? Probably.
Hmm, crunch, chewy, somewhat tasty, but what is it?
.
.
Ah, I think that would be the new day! Heh. I didn't sleep until 6:00. In spite of doing little things all day I simply couldn't tire. Gaming in the last hours probably saved me from staying up even longer. Waking at 14:00, the girls were fed first thing. Well, almost first thing as those water pills are insistent. At least they aren't waking me up several times a night, or every night, certainly not as often as the first weeks of taking them. Weight, a fasting blood sugar, bp, medicine with a potassium slurry, then breakfast. All that before I could probably rightly recall my name.
Something seemed... different this morning. Sam wanted out after scarfing, so... Snow! And it stuck. Not a lot, perhaps an inch or so ended up staying, but the grass still pokes out. I opened the curtains and received a bolt of heat. The reflected sun is a potent thing. It is a good day. I want to go to Church but I can't, today. I must rest. You have no idea how fearful locking your heart into some kind of overdrive is. I won't be doing that again soon. Rest, today. Perhaps Tuesday, since I am going in to take my friend shooting, I can be there for a noon Mass. But not today, not tomorrow. So many things to do, things I want to do, I have the energy otherwise, the tools, the means, the supplies, but... no. I am grounded. I simply won't be complicit in my own death, not on purpose.
I am still hoping that this stretch might be the beginning of expanding my world though. Once I get rested, I want to begin planning to finish some tasks and chores here at home. Then I want to get in to swimming, and if so Church, more regularly in January. I want to find my stride. I want to see how much I can expand my boundaries. Latin lessons will be starting, some time, today. If I get hooked on that I may begin calculus studies again. If that works, between sessions of that, I may add chemistry or physics courses. Just two courses at once, for the foreseeable future, and that only if the Latin lessons hold up. Can I do it? I honestly don't know. I doubt it. But then... look how far I have come. Plus, I am still alive so there is always some hope where there is life?
If I can't get going soon, in a couple of hours, I will try to jump start things with a shower. I had hoped to begin experimenting with minor calisthenics by now, but that will have to wait too. That will be my lead in to swimming, so perhaps I don't spend quite as much time, initially, just catching my breath at the shallow end of the pool, when I start swimming. But swimming... is something else. Even if it is a passive exercise to my mind the resistance is whole, complete, encompassing. Further, the inward pressure from the water, the extra effort to expand the lungs against the water pressure, and not being able to breath at all times, make it a much more intense workout than what non-swimmers might think.
I am excited. I see change, or death, coming. I am pushing every boundary. I am taking what my mother started with her visit and trying to figure how to launch myself with it. Having a homier home, a clean home, and keeping up with it, is just the beginning. I see, even at this humble pace, I have to be so careful though. Gah! Hope, faith, charity. Starts at home, you know. All things do. But too, you can't give what you don't have. There is that. I am working on the bars of my cage, perhaps I have more treasure to share if I can just get out.
Good day.
.
Ah, I think that would be the new day! Heh. I didn't sleep until 6:00. In spite of doing little things all day I simply couldn't tire. Gaming in the last hours probably saved me from staying up even longer. Waking at 14:00, the girls were fed first thing. Well, almost first thing as those water pills are insistent. At least they aren't waking me up several times a night, or every night, certainly not as often as the first weeks of taking them. Weight, a fasting blood sugar, bp, medicine with a potassium slurry, then breakfast. All that before I could probably rightly recall my name.
Something seemed... different this morning. Sam wanted out after scarfing, so... Snow! And it stuck. Not a lot, perhaps an inch or so ended up staying, but the grass still pokes out. I opened the curtains and received a bolt of heat. The reflected sun is a potent thing. It is a good day. I want to go to Church but I can't, today. I must rest. You have no idea how fearful locking your heart into some kind of overdrive is. I won't be doing that again soon. Rest, today. Perhaps Tuesday, since I am going in to take my friend shooting, I can be there for a noon Mass. But not today, not tomorrow. So many things to do, things I want to do, I have the energy otherwise, the tools, the means, the supplies, but... no. I am grounded. I simply won't be complicit in my own death, not on purpose.
I am still hoping that this stretch might be the beginning of expanding my world though. Once I get rested, I want to begin planning to finish some tasks and chores here at home. Then I want to get in to swimming, and if so Church, more regularly in January. I want to find my stride. I want to see how much I can expand my boundaries. Latin lessons will be starting, some time, today. If I get hooked on that I may begin calculus studies again. If that works, between sessions of that, I may add chemistry or physics courses. Just two courses at once, for the foreseeable future, and that only if the Latin lessons hold up. Can I do it? I honestly don't know. I doubt it. But then... look how far I have come. Plus, I am still alive so there is always some hope where there is life?
If I can't get going soon, in a couple of hours, I will try to jump start things with a shower. I had hoped to begin experimenting with minor calisthenics by now, but that will have to wait too. That will be my lead in to swimming, so perhaps I don't spend quite as much time, initially, just catching my breath at the shallow end of the pool, when I start swimming. But swimming... is something else. Even if it is a passive exercise to my mind the resistance is whole, complete, encompassing. Further, the inward pressure from the water, the extra effort to expand the lungs against the water pressure, and not being able to breath at all times, make it a much more intense workout than what non-swimmers might think.
I am excited. I see change, or death, coming. I am pushing every boundary. I am taking what my mother started with her visit and trying to figure how to launch myself with it. Having a homier home, a clean home, and keeping up with it, is just the beginning. I see, even at this humble pace, I have to be so careful though. Gah! Hope, faith, charity. Starts at home, you know. All things do. But too, you can't give what you don't have. There is that. I am working on the bars of my cage, perhaps I have more treasure to share if I can just get out.
Good day.
Latin?
.
.
Well, yes. Latin. I did buy manuals to begin learning, some time back if you recall. I have yet to purchase reviewed and acceptable oral Latin CDs/DVDs, but I have found a set for that. At about $100 I have been holding off. I am hoping to make that purchase in January. However, I would like to begin with Henle's first book. To that end I went in search of a guide to using that book, a course schedule, curriculum. The internet kept telling me to just buy "the guide(tm)". I thought I had purchased everything for the first two years already, but that guide did not seem to be with my collection of books. Hmm, one more look. Ah, there it was! It was thin, much larger otherwise, and under some other books and receipts on my bedstand.
Since I need to back off some things, and I don't want to simply game, I thought to set the material out for in the "morning" (whenever I wake up). Since I am doing well with a host of typical daily events such as, weighing myself, checking bp, feeding the girls, de-pooping their kitty litter, making coffee, taking meds, and feeding my face, that adding in an hour or two of instructions might be doable. While Latin is not easy, to be sure, neither was German or French. If I have forgotten most of what I learned of those, I learned them well enough to roughly pass as a native, at one time, with some brevity of speaking on my part (in French, at least, the bastages). The difficult part, regarding Latin, is there are two aspects to it (functionally, regarding general world use, not including various archaic national pronunciations, or even eras of the true ancient language itself). There is ecclesiastic and classic Latin, within the realm of non-hyper-academic usage. How different the two are I can't yet say. I haven't seen too much from the ecclesiastic side other than that there are differences and limitations to both, but the classic side seems to be full of vulgar twits who seriously look down their noses at the group that kept the language alive for them to base their snobbishness upon, heh. Never mind, just... noting. Just read through some of the comments on secular Latin forums if you don't believe me. That is to be expected from the Godless. The thing is, I am not sure if this is going to end up being more like learning medieval and modern French, all at once, or if there are only slight variances... Ugh. Still, tomorrow will see me at the start. Oh, and Henle's teaches both, at once if you wish it.
Dinner was quite good. Instead of mashed potatoes, however, I used up the baking potatoes my mother had purchased while here, and as baked potatoes. I only ate one, but I baked all four. They are quite good fried, or in any number of ways. Once pre-baked it is merely a matter of heating them in some manner. I also fried onions and mushrooms in the pan, before adding the steak. Tossing the asparagus over the simmering piles of mushonions to simmer for the last few minutes saw me to a fine meal. A couple of slices of rye toast on the side, with a glass of milk, clenched the deal. It was such a good meal I had to use a real plate and stainless utensils, but everything is washed, and most of it is dried and put away, save for the over-the-pan grease catcher. It'll dry just fine overnight though.
Yeah, bed is calling. Even the girls have called it a night. Quitters! Heh.
Good night.
.
Well, yes. Latin. I did buy manuals to begin learning, some time back if you recall. I have yet to purchase reviewed and acceptable oral Latin CDs/DVDs, but I have found a set for that. At about $100 I have been holding off. I am hoping to make that purchase in January. However, I would like to begin with Henle's first book. To that end I went in search of a guide to using that book, a course schedule, curriculum. The internet kept telling me to just buy "the guide(tm)". I thought I had purchased everything for the first two years already, but that guide did not seem to be with my collection of books. Hmm, one more look. Ah, there it was! It was thin, much larger otherwise, and under some other books and receipts on my bedstand.
Since I need to back off some things, and I don't want to simply game, I thought to set the material out for in the "morning" (whenever I wake up). Since I am doing well with a host of typical daily events such as, weighing myself, checking bp, feeding the girls, de-pooping their kitty litter, making coffee, taking meds, and feeding my face, that adding in an hour or two of instructions might be doable. While Latin is not easy, to be sure, neither was German or French. If I have forgotten most of what I learned of those, I learned them well enough to roughly pass as a native, at one time, with some brevity of speaking on my part (in French, at least, the bastages). The difficult part, regarding Latin, is there are two aspects to it (functionally, regarding general world use, not including various archaic national pronunciations, or even eras of the true ancient language itself). There is ecclesiastic and classic Latin, within the realm of non-hyper-academic usage. How different the two are I can't yet say. I haven't seen too much from the ecclesiastic side other than that there are differences and limitations to both, but the classic side seems to be full of vulgar twits who seriously look down their noses at the group that kept the language alive for them to base their snobbishness upon, heh. Never mind, just... noting. Just read through some of the comments on secular Latin forums if you don't believe me. That is to be expected from the Godless. The thing is, I am not sure if this is going to end up being more like learning medieval and modern French, all at once, or if there are only slight variances... Ugh. Still, tomorrow will see me at the start. Oh, and Henle's teaches both, at once if you wish it.
Dinner was quite good. Instead of mashed potatoes, however, I used up the baking potatoes my mother had purchased while here, and as baked potatoes. I only ate one, but I baked all four. They are quite good fried, or in any number of ways. Once pre-baked it is merely a matter of heating them in some manner. I also fried onions and mushrooms in the pan, before adding the steak. Tossing the asparagus over the simmering piles of mushonions to simmer for the last few minutes saw me to a fine meal. A couple of slices of rye toast on the side, with a glass of milk, clenched the deal. It was such a good meal I had to use a real plate and stainless utensils, but everything is washed, and most of it is dried and put away, save for the over-the-pan grease catcher. It'll dry just fine overnight though.
Yeah, bed is calling. Even the girls have called it a night. Quitters! Heh.
Good night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)