.
.
Alright, it looks like I have enough to order tickets. The thing is the application process which had to be activated in order to apply (wtf?!?) went down before I was able to get into it. I'll have to try to contact D.C. about that. I'm not sure how to make the transact as things stand, though there may be a low tech and inexpensive way. Or a bit of trust. I'm always fuzzy about trust, but it has happened before. And that might work either way.
Into town I went. The bank, first thing, then to the store. Nothing fancy, fast and easy, relatively cheap and painless. A fast food dinner on my way home. I had no choice. I have nothing truly prepared and my stomach was threatening me with a working over of my rib cage. I hadn't even seen that hunger creep up, and I had eaten breakfast. Must be part of that ongoing weird thing.
I do believe I will hit the lights a bit more, perhaps fifteen minutes to an half hour, reading while lighting up.
Ah-ha! Something I figured out about women, or women as they relate to me. In a mock conversation, the topic is irrelevant but more the thing is so good I won't be sharing anyway, a woman came to me, angry about the topic(tm). One of the things I said to her, something I am sure of, is that women who are married should not take their anger to another man. A woman who brings her anger to me has very possibly put herself in my (very capable, I'll have you know) hands. Yes, that is one of my key tools in catching a women. If I can get her to bring me her anger I have a very good chance of hooking that fish. Yes indeed. Further, her anger is a lure to me like few others. It is like the flick of a white tale doe's tail to a buck.
Oh, and, at first, I just take her anger. After a bit though, she gets it back with a cold dose of reality. No, I don't get angry with her, I merely tell her she has no right to be angry because what she did was foolish, or such. No, I also don't contrive. It has to be real, all the way. As she struggles with me over her anger, and as I steal it away from her and replace it with some understandings of her failings, and do some other stuff (sort of trying to mature her)... tagged, bagged, and ready for delivery. Right, wrong, we all have our means of attempting to find a mate. This one, for me, is golden. The relationship up to her finally giving me her anger is fuzzy. You just have to be paying attention, learn how to steer her and the conversation, it's fluid not formulaic really, reality not physics. And it isn't guaranteed. Just... it's the best tool I have ever had or used. It's nice when a light flicks on and you get to see your main tools closely, perhaps for the first time ever.
Anyway. A bit more light and reading, after an email. Gosh, I really want to go the that thing-a-ma-bob in the desert. But, yeah, maybe waiting is best.
Later. If the light works. Or good night.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Alrighty then!!!
.
.
Yeah, I think a half hour session under those lights IS QUITE ENOUGH. hehe WOW! They aren't that bright, but sum total? I feel like I just downed two pots of coffee, with sugar, thank you, thank you very much, hey, stay and talk, just a little, a little more, hey, where are you going! That has some serious punch to it. No, I didn't shine it into my face! I am a creature of the night, by habit and perhaps biology. I am sun adverse. I had that light as subdued as humanly possible while still allowing me to use it as a reading lamp. *Don't touch me!* Said I to the light.
And the book? It is a great read so far. Screwtape Letters, or some such, by C.S. Lewis. I had zero idea what to expect. I didn't know if it was a general Christian q&a, a theology manual, or what. Yes, sure, I have read the youngen books by Mr., Dr.?, Lewis. And, yes, I have had this book on my read list since about the time I stopped reading... say... 22 years ago, really... wait, make that 32 years ago. Anyway. However, if I have a book 'on order', I take great pains to avoid spoilers. I do believe I have the capacity to empty short term memory as well, no, better than, any computer. Yes I can dump data, so long as there is no strong or binding principle or emotion involved.
I should have read this book long ago. The few chapters I have glided through have impeccably devastated my efforts at Church attendance. Things I have written here, about dress codes and such, are clearly... explained. As well, the notion that it was about me, the shallowness at times and certainly at the beginning of my new-found career as a Christian... All of it, underscored, explained, highlighted, for my delighted (horrified) full understanding. On the good side, it seems the devil did not drive me from the pew. That has mostly simply been health. Further, much of what I wrote, I later corrected "myself" (I use quotes because I doubt myself, I assume good comes from God, I either allow it or not... or some such... work with me). I know I revisited my discussion of the man who came to Church wearing heavy metal t-shirts. And how I realized... he regularly attended and I did not. No, regular attendance, in this situation, isn't apple to apple, nor is it The Way, if it is rather large. No, just that I had to, and did, rethink the situation. I was humbled, and gladly. So, while I have struggled with the very things noted, I have also sought wisdom for it and I have been satisfied, to the good, with the outcomes. Still, I have to chuckle at how close to home the novel already comes. I hope I can see a bit into my future to avoid a few other potential pitfalls to come? Blarney but when they shoot blind and still hit me!
Shower taken, book read, light lamp ILLUMINATED MY DAY, I shall now seek to complete a few endeavors in town.
Good DAY. Wow but that light is bright, if I didn't mention it. WAKEY NOW. hehe
.
Yeah, I think a half hour session under those lights IS QUITE ENOUGH. hehe WOW! They aren't that bright, but sum total? I feel like I just downed two pots of coffee, with sugar, thank you, thank you very much, hey, stay and talk, just a little, a little more, hey, where are you going! That has some serious punch to it. No, I didn't shine it into my face! I am a creature of the night, by habit and perhaps biology. I am sun adverse. I had that light as subdued as humanly possible while still allowing me to use it as a reading lamp. *Don't touch me!* Said I to the light.
And the book? It is a great read so far. Screwtape Letters, or some such, by C.S. Lewis. I had zero idea what to expect. I didn't know if it was a general Christian q&a, a theology manual, or what. Yes, sure, I have read the youngen books by Mr., Dr.?, Lewis. And, yes, I have had this book on my read list since about the time I stopped reading... say... 22 years ago, really... wait, make that 32 years ago. Anyway. However, if I have a book 'on order', I take great pains to avoid spoilers. I do believe I have the capacity to empty short term memory as well, no, better than, any computer. Yes I can dump data, so long as there is no strong or binding principle or emotion involved.
I should have read this book long ago. The few chapters I have glided through have impeccably devastated my efforts at Church attendance. Things I have written here, about dress codes and such, are clearly... explained. As well, the notion that it was about me, the shallowness at times and certainly at the beginning of my new-found career as a Christian... All of it, underscored, explained, highlighted, for my delighted (horrified) full understanding. On the good side, it seems the devil did not drive me from the pew. That has mostly simply been health. Further, much of what I wrote, I later corrected "myself" (I use quotes because I doubt myself, I assume good comes from God, I either allow it or not... or some such... work with me). I know I revisited my discussion of the man who came to Church wearing heavy metal t-shirts. And how I realized... he regularly attended and I did not. No, regular attendance, in this situation, isn't apple to apple, nor is it The Way, if it is rather large. No, just that I had to, and did, rethink the situation. I was humbled, and gladly. So, while I have struggled with the very things noted, I have also sought wisdom for it and I have been satisfied, to the good, with the outcomes. Still, I have to chuckle at how close to home the novel already comes. I hope I can see a bit into my future to avoid a few other potential pitfalls to come? Blarney but when they shoot blind and still hit me!
Shower taken, book read, light lamp ILLUMINATED MY DAY, I shall now seek to complete a few endeavors in town.
Good DAY. Wow but that light is bright, if I didn't mention it. WAKEY NOW. hehe
Ugh.
.
.
Up before noon, anyway. I believe it was pretty close to the alarm at 11:00 that saw me to get my feet on the floor one final time. I heard the alarm at 8:00, reset to 10:00, then finally to 11:00. Not bad, really. Some days I can go really short on sleep. Today was simply not one of those days. Then again I am still in the tractorbeam sleep pull of medicine, so I am not sure if it really counts. Gosh, but I have things to do. Still, I need to wake. I might give that full spectrum day lamp a chance. While the sun is indeed shining, and at an alarming pace, at this time of year, at this latitude, the sun simply isn't giving off the full spectrum... or more, we aren't receiving the full spectrum from the sun. Angle, distance through the atmosphere, some such things prevent that. Which is why so many have a vitamin D deficiency in northern regions, possibly southern too for all I know.
Hmm. A shower first, to put in my bona fide as to intent to make it to town? Maybe. Then some reading while I hit the lamp. The lamp does work, too! It's a real one, a medical supply one, so it should be about as good or better than anything available any other way. The furnace is up, so that should help get me going too. A bit of coffee, and a bite to eat already this morning, should all combine to help see me to town. I will have to re-read one of my last posts though because I only know I have things to do. I have no idea what those things are. Golly, but it is good to remember food. Eating it is the icing on the cake. How can someone forget to eat... for days or weeks? *shrug* At least my neighbors don't forget me.
Good day.
.
Up before noon, anyway. I believe it was pretty close to the alarm at 11:00 that saw me to get my feet on the floor one final time. I heard the alarm at 8:00, reset to 10:00, then finally to 11:00. Not bad, really. Some days I can go really short on sleep. Today was simply not one of those days. Then again I am still in the tractorbeam sleep pull of medicine, so I am not sure if it really counts. Gosh, but I have things to do. Still, I need to wake. I might give that full spectrum day lamp a chance. While the sun is indeed shining, and at an alarming pace, at this time of year, at this latitude, the sun simply isn't giving off the full spectrum... or more, we aren't receiving the full spectrum from the sun. Angle, distance through the atmosphere, some such things prevent that. Which is why so many have a vitamin D deficiency in northern regions, possibly southern too for all I know.
Hmm. A shower first, to put in my bona fide as to intent to make it to town? Maybe. Then some reading while I hit the lamp. The lamp does work, too! It's a real one, a medical supply one, so it should be about as good or better than anything available any other way. The furnace is up, so that should help get me going too. A bit of coffee, and a bite to eat already this morning, should all combine to help see me to town. I will have to re-read one of my last posts though because I only know I have things to do. I have no idea what those things are. Golly, but it is good to remember food. Eating it is the icing on the cake. How can someone forget to eat... for days or weeks? *shrug* At least my neighbors don't forget me.
Good day.
A good effort.
.
.
To bed early? Not on your... uhrm my... life. An hour or two, it seems, just... watching the dark... darken... or something. I even believed, before getting into bed, that I was tired. Nope! I do have the day lamp down stairs and set up, with the book I will be reading beside it. The alarm is still set for the time that would have been an emergency outer limit wake-up time. My bedroll is still comfortably set for good sleep. I even let the girls in. Somehow, with them messing about and walking on me, I often sleep more soundly lately.
I have things to do tomorrow, and will still make every effort to get to them. Here it is, 2:50 though, and I don't see sleep anywhere on the horizon. I hope that lamp works. I did a bit more reading regarding the use of a sun lamp and the use of melatonin. I can't seem to find the information I need though. I am pretty sure strobing the brights while I sleep, somehow, will neither work to reset my timetable or make the lamp last very long. And waking at 3:00 in the morning to take melatonin isn't exactly how I am going to reset my clock. Next...
I did read a bit about how filtering out blue light might actually help, along with those other things. And, yes, I think the studies seem to be reasonable. It might be worth a try. So, while scouting blue light filtering goggles I ran right smack into gothic and Renaissance clothiers and jewelers. Bleh. As I may have mentioned, I was goth before there was such a thing. These kids today, costuming up. Hmm, anyway... I did see a few things and found a jeweler I had thought lost. I have several pieces of their work from before they were popular, at least on this side of the ocean. As it turns out they have been in business since the mid-1400s. Go reason why goths would... or is it the other way around? Oh yes, I did see something I very much desire and a ring any true American should appreciate. Several things, actually, including some pieces that resemble pieces I have lost (minus the gem, thankfully I have a Dremel for that perhaps) and another piece I should like to own on top of that. But... money, money, money, so just... thoughts. Ah well. But I did find blue light eliminating goggles too. Seriously, it was the only ones I could find after serious searching. Hey, they are double duty. While helping me with sleeping, potentially, they would do well in, say, a desert festival or something? Dang kids?
Well, I suppose, I could try to get a bit of rest in. Now that it is 5:10 (that "research" took some time). I will still try to rise with the alarm, or shortly after. A reset or two might be expected. Though with things to do, one never knows.
Uhrm, good... night? Sort of. Hush... You...
.
To bed early? Not on your... uhrm my... life. An hour or two, it seems, just... watching the dark... darken... or something. I even believed, before getting into bed, that I was tired. Nope! I do have the day lamp down stairs and set up, with the book I will be reading beside it. The alarm is still set for the time that would have been an emergency outer limit wake-up time. My bedroll is still comfortably set for good sleep. I even let the girls in. Somehow, with them messing about and walking on me, I often sleep more soundly lately.
I have things to do tomorrow, and will still make every effort to get to them. Here it is, 2:50 though, and I don't see sleep anywhere on the horizon. I hope that lamp works. I did a bit more reading regarding the use of a sun lamp and the use of melatonin. I can't seem to find the information I need though. I am pretty sure strobing the brights while I sleep, somehow, will neither work to reset my timetable or make the lamp last very long. And waking at 3:00 in the morning to take melatonin isn't exactly how I am going to reset my clock. Next...
I did read a bit about how filtering out blue light might actually help, along with those other things. And, yes, I think the studies seem to be reasonable. It might be worth a try. So, while scouting blue light filtering goggles I ran right smack into gothic and Renaissance clothiers and jewelers. Bleh. As I may have mentioned, I was goth before there was such a thing. These kids today, costuming up. Hmm, anyway... I did see a few things and found a jeweler I had thought lost. I have several pieces of their work from before they were popular, at least on this side of the ocean. As it turns out they have been in business since the mid-1400s. Go reason why goths would... or is it the other way around? Oh yes, I did see something I very much desire and a ring any true American should appreciate. Several things, actually, including some pieces that resemble pieces I have lost (minus the gem, thankfully I have a Dremel for that perhaps) and another piece I should like to own on top of that. But... money, money, money, so just... thoughts. Ah well. But I did find blue light eliminating goggles too. Seriously, it was the only ones I could find after serious searching. Hey, they are double duty. While helping me with sleeping, potentially, they would do well in, say, a desert festival or something? Dang kids?
Well, I suppose, I could try to get a bit of rest in. Now that it is 5:10 (that "research" took some time). I will still try to rise with the alarm, or shortly after. A reset or two might be expected. Though with things to do, one never knows.
Uhrm, good... night? Sort of. Hush... You...
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Into the wild blue yonder? Maybe.
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.
The last... week, two, more, has been rather confusing. Oh, sure, I have been taking medicine. I have found my way to some food but I have been dependent on others for the most part. Sleeping and waking have been crazy. Some work goes forward, but only the type of work that is very straight forward and relatively easy on the body and mind. Reading, studying, even gaming have taken a back seat. It is the medicine, but it could turn to the other without some intervention.
To that end I tried to stay up today so that I would be going to bed in the evening. I am not sure when I woke, though I am thinking it was still morning. The goal is to try to capture a schedule, a day schedule. From what I have read, melatonin might help me reset my circadian rhythm, taken later in the day. I still need to research usage a bit more, and there is no guarantee. The other notion is that bright light in the morning will help me to wake, and help establish or re-establish a day schedule. Hmm, about time I set up the day lamp, and perhaps try to read with it for an hour? I have several places ready to go, depending on which location just feels better to me. I don't know if the lamp still works. Yeah, this might be as good of a time to find out as any other time. So, in the morning, I may just see daylight before the sun is up.
I have checked one of my accounts. I am still having some sort of problem checking the other account online. I don't have a clue as to where to even begin fixing it. I get to that bank homepage, I sign in, and then I am redirected to a blank page. I just updated FireFox, in case that was the problem. An unusual thing is that in the address bar there is a button link to security settings for the page. Nothing I have tinkered with seems to help though. I will have to go to town tomorrow, I need milk and other such. I will check my other account there. I know I dug into my total savings with my mother here, but how much I can't tell. What I do know is that I could pay for two tickets, just on that one part of my savings, and not really be too much worse for the wear assuming the other savings is in the black (should be though). I may go ahead and apply to apply for Burning Man tickets tonight, or whatever, then make one last check about whether my partner in this crime is sure he would want me to buy the tickets. If money is an issue, I don't want to cause him consternation?
So, a few things to do, including to bed early and waking with an alarm clock. I'll give myself ten hours to sleep, though I am hoping I will wake in six to eight hours. When I get up I will attempt to set the sun lamp up, and maybe read for a bit, well, after vitals and medicine. A trip to town tomorrow, to the bank and the grocery store. The dishes will be done tomorrow, I want, need, to start thawing meat because I do need food. I put my foot down and decided no more meat would be thawed until the kitchen was ready for cooking. Maybe, just maybe, I will finish the drywall repair tomorrow. Well, that is the goal. And, of course, if my accounts allow for it and my friend agrees, then I might put in for the tickets. Cheaper, later, for sure. But less sure and one less chance in any case.
Good night.
.
The last... week, two, more, has been rather confusing. Oh, sure, I have been taking medicine. I have found my way to some food but I have been dependent on others for the most part. Sleeping and waking have been crazy. Some work goes forward, but only the type of work that is very straight forward and relatively easy on the body and mind. Reading, studying, even gaming have taken a back seat. It is the medicine, but it could turn to the other without some intervention.
To that end I tried to stay up today so that I would be going to bed in the evening. I am not sure when I woke, though I am thinking it was still morning. The goal is to try to capture a schedule, a day schedule. From what I have read, melatonin might help me reset my circadian rhythm, taken later in the day. I still need to research usage a bit more, and there is no guarantee. The other notion is that bright light in the morning will help me to wake, and help establish or re-establish a day schedule. Hmm, about time I set up the day lamp, and perhaps try to read with it for an hour? I have several places ready to go, depending on which location just feels better to me. I don't know if the lamp still works. Yeah, this might be as good of a time to find out as any other time. So, in the morning, I may just see daylight before the sun is up.
I have checked one of my accounts. I am still having some sort of problem checking the other account online. I don't have a clue as to where to even begin fixing it. I get to that bank homepage, I sign in, and then I am redirected to a blank page. I just updated FireFox, in case that was the problem. An unusual thing is that in the address bar there is a button link to security settings for the page. Nothing I have tinkered with seems to help though. I will have to go to town tomorrow, I need milk and other such. I will check my other account there. I know I dug into my total savings with my mother here, but how much I can't tell. What I do know is that I could pay for two tickets, just on that one part of my savings, and not really be too much worse for the wear assuming the other savings is in the black (should be though). I may go ahead and apply to apply for Burning Man tickets tonight, or whatever, then make one last check about whether my partner in this crime is sure he would want me to buy the tickets. If money is an issue, I don't want to cause him consternation?
So, a few things to do, including to bed early and waking with an alarm clock. I'll give myself ten hours to sleep, though I am hoping I will wake in six to eight hours. When I get up I will attempt to set the sun lamp up, and maybe read for a bit, well, after vitals and medicine. A trip to town tomorrow, to the bank and the grocery store. The dishes will be done tomorrow, I want, need, to start thawing meat because I do need food. I put my foot down and decided no more meat would be thawed until the kitchen was ready for cooking. Maybe, just maybe, I will finish the drywall repair tomorrow. Well, that is the goal. And, of course, if my accounts allow for it and my friend agrees, then I might put in for the tickets. Cheaper, later, for sure. But less sure and one less chance in any case.
Good night.
Off with his head!
.
.
Well, okay, just the fuzzy part of it. Well, the fuzzy lower part of it. Yes, I shaved the mutton chops. I looked at the remainder, the mustache, but that would not do for how I think I should look. No, off with his... facial hair. I haven't seen that guy in months! Still ugly, but more recognizable! I had to have fun with the title, being that I am continuing my debate with womenfolk from my past, somehow. And... I keep getting the feeling that "Off with his head!" is a reverberation from the 'chat'.
I do remember discussions with my last lady about right, wrong, winning, losing, and such. As I said, I had stacks of quarters from hundreds of bets I won (even with her pilfering them to hide her shame, and pay her parking *grins*... yeah, babe, I knew). I think she won... three times? Seriously. And it wasn't just on whether George Washington, whether truly seriously or not, was offered a crown... but whether hunters are good for wildlife, whether gun control saves lives and cuts crime, and on and on. The woman was wrong every time. Sure, she could find writers who supported her notion. But when I sent her to find facts that did, and all the facts belied her beliefs, even her pride would not allow her to claim victory, or even a tie. Further, given some time to digest things and being relatively honest if honestly ignorant, she changed many opinions. But that change came with a little bit of hatred. It added up heinously quickly. I'm still almost surprised she didn't kill me. I must have had some means of balance with her, and control. Long term though? Well, we were together... four, five, maybe six years, as a couple? And the intention was long term. Hmmm, maybe?
Further, I didn't and wouldn't do housework, not with a woman type about, mostly. Yeah, I'll cook. So as to eat properly, to include meat and fats. And, yeah, I... might do... some stuff. But I'm not using a vacuum, gah! I'm not cleaning the bathroom, I won't do windows. Yeah, I know I do those things in my own home, on my own, uhrm, with a woman to... help or guide that. But not as the man part of a man-woman thing. Then again I didn't expect her to take care of anything mechanical, electric, heavy, or cumbersome. I didn't expect her to see to security or math. Further, she could have me be her muscle on pretty anything she needed or wanted, much as she pleased. Hey Farm Boy, would you fetch me the milk pail? As you wish. It was a trade thing. And it was a good deal for both of us. As to being right more often? Not my problem. "Oh, you think you are always right!", she would often spout. "If too, you usually are, but that's not the point!", I would see her think but never admit that last.
She learned much from me, and is even now... admitting some things, finally. In another decade I might have had her as a solid conservative, giggling about her past silliness. Hating me even the more! Go figure. Oh, as I have said, she is not a dumb woman. I have met those. And dumb men. And that is fine so long as they understand their position. Heck, I are a dumb man, from time to time, on some things. But I reckon not to stay one, should I have practical needs to the otherwise. On some things, though, I will remain dumb, ignorant, or both. I honestly don't care what some interior designer says, I'm sticking with man things in my man cave, should I bother to mess with that. No pastels, no modernism, no fashion statements, no "this year's edition". And I don't care what the guys in Cali, Hawaii, Timbuktu, or even the guy next door find fashionable. Some examples of where it don't matter none to me.
Ah, life is good. And no woman has killed me yet, too. I'm really hoping that getting out with swimming even, might lead me into another long term... argument. Heheehehehe
.
Well, okay, just the fuzzy part of it. Well, the fuzzy lower part of it. Yes, I shaved the mutton chops. I looked at the remainder, the mustache, but that would not do for how I think I should look. No, off with his... facial hair. I haven't seen that guy in months! Still ugly, but more recognizable! I had to have fun with the title, being that I am continuing my debate with womenfolk from my past, somehow. And... I keep getting the feeling that "Off with his head!" is a reverberation from the 'chat'.
I do remember discussions with my last lady about right, wrong, winning, losing, and such. As I said, I had stacks of quarters from hundreds of bets I won (even with her pilfering them to hide her shame, and pay her parking *grins*... yeah, babe, I knew). I think she won... three times? Seriously. And it wasn't just on whether George Washington, whether truly seriously or not, was offered a crown... but whether hunters are good for wildlife, whether gun control saves lives and cuts crime, and on and on. The woman was wrong every time. Sure, she could find writers who supported her notion. But when I sent her to find facts that did, and all the facts belied her beliefs, even her pride would not allow her to claim victory, or even a tie. Further, given some time to digest things and being relatively honest if honestly ignorant, she changed many opinions. But that change came with a little bit of hatred. It added up heinously quickly. I'm still almost surprised she didn't kill me. I must have had some means of balance with her, and control. Long term though? Well, we were together... four, five, maybe six years, as a couple? And the intention was long term. Hmmm, maybe?
Further, I didn't and wouldn't do housework, not with a woman type about, mostly. Yeah, I'll cook. So as to eat properly, to include meat and fats. And, yeah, I... might do... some stuff. But I'm not using a vacuum, gah! I'm not cleaning the bathroom, I won't do windows. Yeah, I know I do those things in my own home, on my own, uhrm, with a woman to... help or guide that. But not as the man part of a man-woman thing. Then again I didn't expect her to take care of anything mechanical, electric, heavy, or cumbersome. I didn't expect her to see to security or math. Further, she could have me be her muscle on pretty anything she needed or wanted, much as she pleased. Hey Farm Boy, would you fetch me the milk pail? As you wish. It was a trade thing. And it was a good deal for both of us. As to being right more often? Not my problem. "Oh, you think you are always right!", she would often spout. "If too, you usually are, but that's not the point!", I would see her think but never admit that last.
She learned much from me, and is even now... admitting some things, finally. In another decade I might have had her as a solid conservative, giggling about her past silliness. Hating me even the more! Go figure. Oh, as I have said, she is not a dumb woman. I have met those. And dumb men. And that is fine so long as they understand their position. Heck, I are a dumb man, from time to time, on some things. But I reckon not to stay one, should I have practical needs to the otherwise. On some things, though, I will remain dumb, ignorant, or both. I honestly don't care what some interior designer says, I'm sticking with man things in my man cave, should I bother to mess with that. No pastels, no modernism, no fashion statements, no "this year's edition". And I don't care what the guys in Cali, Hawaii, Timbuktu, or even the guy next door find fashionable. Some examples of where it don't matter none to me.
Ah, life is good. And no woman has killed me yet, too. I'm really hoping that getting out with swimming even, might lead me into another long term... argument. Heheehehehe
Odd how ideas spiderweb outword, sometimes at an amazing pace.
.
.
I was remembering some things, from when my mother visited. I had given her, to within my health allowance, unfettered access to command me. She has never had this kind of access to me, or to the work of any man would be my guess. There is a natural resistance, both to work and to obedience, if not just by men either. There were a number of times were I saw pure amazement on her part. Some of that may have been that I offered no resistance in the face of her requests, some of it was at what I could do irregardless of my condition.
I don't think women understand how much horsepower a man can offer, few of them have seen that unbridled. If for good reason. Like anything else, there is a limit to how much and to the life of the machine sum total. Women would use a man up in years if he gave himself to her work whims added to the demands of the world. But too, a workhorse must be fed and maintained. You don't just work an animal, whether a man or a horse, then simply unhitch and send away. If you use the energy which would be used by a creature to tend itself, you must ensure that you balance the equation by caring for those needs. My mother is better at that than most modern women, but she still has the impetuous capricious nature that is, to my mind, the majority of what it is to be feminine. And I think that hate women get of men through various forms of love is... shared to all other men. It's sort of... no, I won't use that analogy... didn't go over with the other half all so well last time. In any case, working a man to death would be the crowning victory any woman would love to achieve. And still they would see themselves as the victim! Heh.
I was only able to release my constraints from, resistance to, her demands because she was reasonable and because I have not been hitched to a woman in some time. My natural, or developed, resistance to feminine coercion has not been kept up to date. Though too, I had much work to be done and could not use my own horse-flesh to those ends. While I could and can work, if I do so I can't think well. The reverse also being true, figuring out how to plan to do work, but plan perfectly enough that I wouldn't have to deal with... complications... was beyond me. A complication while working does cause a stoppage in work, with a restart some time off. Look to the drywall repair as an example. That is a half day job, if you don't use something to speed the drying of the spackle for various coatings. Every complication has led directly to a delay of days. No, but she could think for me when I hit complications.
Yes, I think her amazement was twofold. First that I didn't resist, second what I was able to do... with a little help. I think it is the first time I have ever seen that sort of amazement on a woman's face. Oh, I think I have amazed women before. It's just that, in a relationship, to hedge control and keep it a contest, most women wouldn't show amazement if you sharted out gold nuggets! No, they would ask why you didn't form it into an intricate necklace. The games we play. Oh, no, I won't say men are innocent, but... that part of it is not my problem.
.
I was remembering some things, from when my mother visited. I had given her, to within my health allowance, unfettered access to command me. She has never had this kind of access to me, or to the work of any man would be my guess. There is a natural resistance, both to work and to obedience, if not just by men either. There were a number of times were I saw pure amazement on her part. Some of that may have been that I offered no resistance in the face of her requests, some of it was at what I could do irregardless of my condition.
I don't think women understand how much horsepower a man can offer, few of them have seen that unbridled. If for good reason. Like anything else, there is a limit to how much and to the life of the machine sum total. Women would use a man up in years if he gave himself to her work whims added to the demands of the world. But too, a workhorse must be fed and maintained. You don't just work an animal, whether a man or a horse, then simply unhitch and send away. If you use the energy which would be used by a creature to tend itself, you must ensure that you balance the equation by caring for those needs. My mother is better at that than most modern women, but she still has the impetuous capricious nature that is, to my mind, the majority of what it is to be feminine. And I think that hate women get of men through various forms of love is... shared to all other men. It's sort of... no, I won't use that analogy... didn't go over with the other half all so well last time. In any case, working a man to death would be the crowning victory any woman would love to achieve. And still they would see themselves as the victim! Heh.
I was only able to release my constraints from, resistance to, her demands because she was reasonable and because I have not been hitched to a woman in some time. My natural, or developed, resistance to feminine coercion has not been kept up to date. Though too, I had much work to be done and could not use my own horse-flesh to those ends. While I could and can work, if I do so I can't think well. The reverse also being true, figuring out how to plan to do work, but plan perfectly enough that I wouldn't have to deal with... complications... was beyond me. A complication while working does cause a stoppage in work, with a restart some time off. Look to the drywall repair as an example. That is a half day job, if you don't use something to speed the drying of the spackle for various coatings. Every complication has led directly to a delay of days. No, but she could think for me when I hit complications.
Yes, I think her amazement was twofold. First that I didn't resist, second what I was able to do... with a little help. I think it is the first time I have ever seen that sort of amazement on a woman's face. Oh, I think I have amazed women before. It's just that, in a relationship, to hedge control and keep it a contest, most women wouldn't show amazement if you sharted out gold nuggets! No, they would ask why you didn't form it into an intricate necklace. The games we play. Oh, no, I won't say men are innocent, but... that part of it is not my problem.
Limbo.
.
.
I am still simply hopping from one bit of wakefulness to the next. I have no idea when or how long I will be awake or asleep, and controls are completely off the rail. The higher dose of medicine simply hasn't been put into perspective yet. I am taking it, and very regularly, save the metformin. I need to call my doc and ask if he wants me to take it whether I eat or not. I simply don't eat twice a day. Not at this moment. I expected this sleep disruption, if I never really know how long it takes to shake out the medicine blues. Beyond, the weather and season will play their part.
The sun is blazing away today if the mountains to the south are surrounded in angry or swirling resistant clouds. I can't easily see the mountains, simply noting huge lumps of swirl, with some patches of rock underneath from time to time. The mountains to the east are easily viewed, but not from where I sit. And as with the sleep cycle, activity is off. But with the sun getting in to both mountain and clouds to the south, it almost looks like a reverse shadowbox or something.
Finally, a break from the notion of women both in my sleep and wakefulness. I guess some things have to burn themselves out. The medicine seems to play a very large part, especially regarding dreams of women, when I start or increase the level. Hmm, both more dreams and thoughts of women AND becoming unhinged as to sleep cycle? Go figure! I've watched my girls go through days, even nearly a week, of very active sleep cycles. Sam especially, who will chase or flee in her sleep. Her legs jolting, simulating a run. My dreams seem to be virulent and focused on themes at times. An old hound dog, too lame to chase anymore, lying on the kitchen rug near the pot-bellied stove. No harm it I suppose.
I am hoping things normalize before long. While mostly keeping up on things, I am slipping just a bit. Further, I am not getting ahead on tasks and chores. To be sure, I can never be too far ahead. Whatever I do to prep will require, often, in the end, more work than not having prepped. If I set out everything for a meal, for example, I often end up doing more by making a vegetable too, or adding a step to the cooking process, since it might seem so easy. I then add a pan or two to clean up. Well, if I can make a large enough pot of something, though, that usually pays dividends. With the big freezer and plenty of meal and three-meal containers, I can now store the chili, menudo, roast, or whatever. I haven't gotten that far, save with one batch of menudo I split out into three or four containers, but that is long gone. Yes, another shot of chili might work quite well. But I won't thaw one more meat until I have my kitchen back into full order. Incentives! Yeah, that will probably be done today. If so I will begin soaking beans and thawing meat.
Oh, somewhere in the last bit of dreaming and thinking of women, I started to question some of the anger, hate. Why should it be there? I am not a brutal man, a big lug but quite gentle for the most part. I couldn't really remember from most of my relationships, save a small snippet from my last. With my last love I tried to figure some things out that have bothered me. When queried, she said she hated me because I seemed to get my way far too often, among other things. I had, initially, thought she was being silly, and that I was quite fair with things. After thinking about it though, I kind of think she was right. Not that I minded, she certainly did try to get her way, she simply wasn't as good at it. A woman really holds grudges over these things, and they aren't the best at... plugging for their way. At least that is what I have found. When I got a woman to actually think my way was her idea, even then they eventually do the math and realize they have been had. A thousand such little wounds really does create some serious hate. That wasn't all of it, but... it was a good chunk of it. How to manage that in a marriage though? Yikes!
Good day.
.
I am still simply hopping from one bit of wakefulness to the next. I have no idea when or how long I will be awake or asleep, and controls are completely off the rail. The higher dose of medicine simply hasn't been put into perspective yet. I am taking it, and very regularly, save the metformin. I need to call my doc and ask if he wants me to take it whether I eat or not. I simply don't eat twice a day. Not at this moment. I expected this sleep disruption, if I never really know how long it takes to shake out the medicine blues. Beyond, the weather and season will play their part.
The sun is blazing away today if the mountains to the south are surrounded in angry or swirling resistant clouds. I can't easily see the mountains, simply noting huge lumps of swirl, with some patches of rock underneath from time to time. The mountains to the east are easily viewed, but not from where I sit. And as with the sleep cycle, activity is off. But with the sun getting in to both mountain and clouds to the south, it almost looks like a reverse shadowbox or something.
Finally, a break from the notion of women both in my sleep and wakefulness. I guess some things have to burn themselves out. The medicine seems to play a very large part, especially regarding dreams of women, when I start or increase the level. Hmm, both more dreams and thoughts of women AND becoming unhinged as to sleep cycle? Go figure! I've watched my girls go through days, even nearly a week, of very active sleep cycles. Sam especially, who will chase or flee in her sleep. Her legs jolting, simulating a run. My dreams seem to be virulent and focused on themes at times. An old hound dog, too lame to chase anymore, lying on the kitchen rug near the pot-bellied stove. No harm it I suppose.
I am hoping things normalize before long. While mostly keeping up on things, I am slipping just a bit. Further, I am not getting ahead on tasks and chores. To be sure, I can never be too far ahead. Whatever I do to prep will require, often, in the end, more work than not having prepped. If I set out everything for a meal, for example, I often end up doing more by making a vegetable too, or adding a step to the cooking process, since it might seem so easy. I then add a pan or two to clean up. Well, if I can make a large enough pot of something, though, that usually pays dividends. With the big freezer and plenty of meal and three-meal containers, I can now store the chili, menudo, roast, or whatever. I haven't gotten that far, save with one batch of menudo I split out into three or four containers, but that is long gone. Yes, another shot of chili might work quite well. But I won't thaw one more meat until I have my kitchen back into full order. Incentives! Yeah, that will probably be done today. If so I will begin soaking beans and thawing meat.
Oh, somewhere in the last bit of dreaming and thinking of women, I started to question some of the anger, hate. Why should it be there? I am not a brutal man, a big lug but quite gentle for the most part. I couldn't really remember from most of my relationships, save a small snippet from my last. With my last love I tried to figure some things out that have bothered me. When queried, she said she hated me because I seemed to get my way far too often, among other things. I had, initially, thought she was being silly, and that I was quite fair with things. After thinking about it though, I kind of think she was right. Not that I minded, she certainly did try to get her way, she simply wasn't as good at it. A woman really holds grudges over these things, and they aren't the best at... plugging for their way. At least that is what I have found. When I got a woman to actually think my way was her idea, even then they eventually do the math and realize they have been had. A thousand such little wounds really does create some serious hate. That wasn't all of it, but... it was a good chunk of it. How to manage that in a marriage though? Yikes!
Good day.
It's a good thing for distractions.
.
.
With women flooding my dreams and waking mind, at least I am not as bothered by the fact that my sleep cycle, well... I don't have one. A few hours of sleep or wakefulness here, a dozen or two there, sleep is short, or wakefulness, and alarms and will power are doing nothing for it. So, I ride the currents. Oh, it's not horrible. I am taking my medicine, checking my stats if at odd hours. My one failing is food, thankfully that comes in regardless of my efforts or minding. If I tried to fight it this would turn into a nightmare fast though. When your are in a riptide, you simply swim to a place where you can bargain more gently for your freedom. I have the stamina to see this through and the cognizance to not panic.
A shower was enjoyed tonight. Excellent soup arrived, and is already gone. There was plenty, it just tasted quite good. Well, and I haven't been eating much otherwise. No small meals, or snacks. A bit of the chili-mac remains. I keep forgetting to simply eat though. As I said, even gaming has taken a hit. Tomorrow we are supposed to be hit by a heavy snow. I haven't independently verified. I have heard this from several independent sources though. That's good enough if I might see if we are still expecting incoming.
Oh, about that hate thing. Yeah, it's true. I must admit though, I have never liked it. I just noted that the thing works and how it works. It certainly isn't the whole of the relationship, only a partial component. It... can be entertaining. And I honestly don't have shame for it. I just sort of hoped there might be a... better way. Alpha women have it too, it is just that it doesn't disturb them as deeply. They seem to know how to handle it better, mostly. But weaker women... have to be avoided. Some things I keep in mind as I window shop.
Good day, or more, probably, good night. Hmm, after mid-rats that is. Speaking about food reminded my stomach which sounded the alarm. Can't sleep with all that growling from belowdecks. Good night.
.
With women flooding my dreams and waking mind, at least I am not as bothered by the fact that my sleep cycle, well... I don't have one. A few hours of sleep or wakefulness here, a dozen or two there, sleep is short, or wakefulness, and alarms and will power are doing nothing for it. So, I ride the currents. Oh, it's not horrible. I am taking my medicine, checking my stats if at odd hours. My one failing is food, thankfully that comes in regardless of my efforts or minding. If I tried to fight it this would turn into a nightmare fast though. When your are in a riptide, you simply swim to a place where you can bargain more gently for your freedom. I have the stamina to see this through and the cognizance to not panic.
A shower was enjoyed tonight. Excellent soup arrived, and is already gone. There was plenty, it just tasted quite good. Well, and I haven't been eating much otherwise. No small meals, or snacks. A bit of the chili-mac remains. I keep forgetting to simply eat though. As I said, even gaming has taken a hit. Tomorrow we are supposed to be hit by a heavy snow. I haven't independently verified. I have heard this from several independent sources though. That's good enough if I might see if we are still expecting incoming.
Oh, about that hate thing. Yeah, it's true. I must admit though, I have never liked it. I just noted that the thing works and how it works. It certainly isn't the whole of the relationship, only a partial component. It... can be entertaining. And I honestly don't have shame for it. I just sort of hoped there might be a... better way. Alpha women have it too, it is just that it doesn't disturb them as deeply. They seem to know how to handle it better, mostly. But weaker women... have to be avoided. Some things I keep in mind as I window shop.
Good day, or more, probably, good night. Hmm, after mid-rats that is. Speaking about food reminded my stomach which sounded the alarm. Can't sleep with all that growling from belowdecks. Good night.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Murder lurks in the heart of love?
.
.
Yes.
I was thinking about the dream last night. Most would suspect that there was some sort of problem in a marriage where a woman sought the death of her man, actively. Perhaps I have had... a different reaction from women or been with a unique subset of women. Perhaps I do something to women that... Just that I have never had a lover with whom I had any doubt but that she has had murderous intent despite being true to me, and in love or at least deeply in passion with me. I have even reviewed some of the... very short term loves. In the few handful of those last that I can actively bring to mind I noticed signs of such hatred in each.
My guess is women, without thought, see love as their battle field. Love is a many splendored thing, but with the beauty of it is the ugly. What is said about a woman scorned? Hell hath no fury like it. So what of a woman scorned by her own loss in her version of war? When she loses it all, her fury must be like nothing she has ever known. When she is naked and alone in the arms of the master of her heart, a slave to what men would consider unconscionable, hatred must be a part of the thing. Yes, women want to be owned but there are depths of such that must be overwhelming. Love is as much about control as it is about anything else. Sex is merely the coin of the realm, or the tongue of it.
No, my marriage was... as I would have it, in the dream. Some think I am a dolt because I do not respond to obvious or even subtle hints, threats, disrespect. What most don't realize is I am quite aware. Further, I see most such as... unremarkable in any way. Often those things are even minor, no matter how big they might loom in the mind or heart of the participant. Can I bleed like you? Oh child, you don't have the blood in you to bleed like me, nor the life that would allow you to endure any of my minor wounds. Let's... not compare scars, shall we. Said the dragon as he laid his head to rest, too sleepy to bother with the womanling presenting itself for comparison (consumption). Go on home now, I'm tired. Though... your sister would do well to entreat me. I should... like to parlay with her, if you will.
And yet, in my heart, I know no matter how bloody my wounds, how deep the blade bit, how hard I fell, I will never know the depths of a woman's despair. A thing seemingly greatest when she has fallen in love, and for the fact of being in love. I have always known when it was a real love by the depth of her hate.
Good day.
.
Yes.
I was thinking about the dream last night. Most would suspect that there was some sort of problem in a marriage where a woman sought the death of her man, actively. Perhaps I have had... a different reaction from women or been with a unique subset of women. Perhaps I do something to women that... Just that I have never had a lover with whom I had any doubt but that she has had murderous intent despite being true to me, and in love or at least deeply in passion with me. I have even reviewed some of the... very short term loves. In the few handful of those last that I can actively bring to mind I noticed signs of such hatred in each.
My guess is women, without thought, see love as their battle field. Love is a many splendored thing, but with the beauty of it is the ugly. What is said about a woman scorned? Hell hath no fury like it. So what of a woman scorned by her own loss in her version of war? When she loses it all, her fury must be like nothing she has ever known. When she is naked and alone in the arms of the master of her heart, a slave to what men would consider unconscionable, hatred must be a part of the thing. Yes, women want to be owned but there are depths of such that must be overwhelming. Love is as much about control as it is about anything else. Sex is merely the coin of the realm, or the tongue of it.
No, my marriage was... as I would have it, in the dream. Some think I am a dolt because I do not respond to obvious or even subtle hints, threats, disrespect. What most don't realize is I am quite aware. Further, I see most such as... unremarkable in any way. Often those things are even minor, no matter how big they might loom in the mind or heart of the participant. Can I bleed like you? Oh child, you don't have the blood in you to bleed like me, nor the life that would allow you to endure any of my minor wounds. Let's... not compare scars, shall we. Said the dragon as he laid his head to rest, too sleepy to bother with the womanling presenting itself for comparison (consumption). Go on home now, I'm tired. Though... your sister would do well to entreat me. I should... like to parlay with her, if you will.
And yet, in my heart, I know no matter how bloody my wounds, how deep the blade bit, how hard I fell, I will never know the depths of a woman's despair. A thing seemingly greatest when she has fallen in love, and for the fact of being in love. I have always known when it was a real love by the depth of her hate.
Good day.
Hmm, up. But why so early?
.
.
I can't say as it is truly all that early. It is only early when juxtaposed with bedtime. My mother called this morning. She received her Christmas presents, they fit, and they are handsome gifts. She, most likely, enjoyed the hat more than she enjoyed the sweater. But the sweater will be worn much more often. It's not like she doesn't like, or even love, the sweater. It's just that she is a hat collector and this one is a knit bonnet type beanie, of sort of a singular design, plus it is multi-berry colored. Oh yes, I saw her in that the moment it popped on the page. The sweater was simply utility, if solid, beautiful weave, and a gnarled white and black yarn meant to truly keep her warm in solid classic style.
They had a mixed family (her guy and her/our families) Christmas party yesterday, at her place. If she doesn't do the thing it won't get done, on our side to be sure. She is the matron, have no doubt about that. She can boss around even her older brothers about getting to these things. *grins* Even I mostly know my place. Yes, that is where I got part of my alpha. The rest were genes, baby. Many of my aunts and uncles were there, and some cousins. I know all of her guy's family as well. So it was a truckload of folk. Lots of food, of course, and just pleasant company. A lot of people were happy to see my brother and myself together for the first time in... well... a generation has passed since the last time. It seems my family were impressed with my "weight loss". I asked my mother if she bothered to suggest to them that I hadn't lost a pound? She got a bit upset. For women, it is about the actual weight. I think it is more impressive to not have lost but a few pounds and to look as if you had lost a sixty or seventy pounds. Women don't think much of muscle mass in themselves, and their thinking is based on the feminine. Men and women just think differently on these things. Almost back to Navy days, or such? Anyway...
Dreams, of course. Of women, of course. I had me a younger wife. She bore me three children to about half into the dream. Then she started using gymnastics during... coitus... to try and kill me off. Aye, I saw the score and took the lass well in hand. Wore her out well and proper and kept my life to boot, but kept her from the kill moves. Then we went on to have two more babies before I could remember no more of the dream. It was a boring dream to you all, mostly about sex, sex, and even more sex. Sex is fine, more is better, good sex is more better, more good is superior. It was truly a superior dream. I'll have to check to see if there are any footprints, somehow, 'still' on the ceiling in real life, or if anything else from the dream got transcribed into the real world. Never mind. Gymnastics, eh? Who knew that could be lethal!
My bp has come back up to 150/100 the last few days. I guess that was just a fluke. Oh well. Blood sugars have been in the 220s. Weight is staying put at right about 280s. Oh bloody well.
I'm not sure what today will bring. Just a bit of housework, if I am lucky. I'm simply not pulling my weight. I can't even get into playing my games. A shower won't help but it sure wouldn't hurt, especially after that dream. My word was that a long dream.
Good day.
.
I can't say as it is truly all that early. It is only early when juxtaposed with bedtime. My mother called this morning. She received her Christmas presents, they fit, and they are handsome gifts. She, most likely, enjoyed the hat more than she enjoyed the sweater. But the sweater will be worn much more often. It's not like she doesn't like, or even love, the sweater. It's just that she is a hat collector and this one is a knit bonnet type beanie, of sort of a singular design, plus it is multi-berry colored. Oh yes, I saw her in that the moment it popped on the page. The sweater was simply utility, if solid, beautiful weave, and a gnarled white and black yarn meant to truly keep her warm in solid classic style.
They had a mixed family (her guy and her/our families) Christmas party yesterday, at her place. If she doesn't do the thing it won't get done, on our side to be sure. She is the matron, have no doubt about that. She can boss around even her older brothers about getting to these things. *grins* Even I mostly know my place. Yes, that is where I got part of my alpha. The rest were genes, baby. Many of my aunts and uncles were there, and some cousins. I know all of her guy's family as well. So it was a truckload of folk. Lots of food, of course, and just pleasant company. A lot of people were happy to see my brother and myself together for the first time in... well... a generation has passed since the last time. It seems my family were impressed with my "weight loss". I asked my mother if she bothered to suggest to them that I hadn't lost a pound? She got a bit upset. For women, it is about the actual weight. I think it is more impressive to not have lost but a few pounds and to look as if you had lost a sixty or seventy pounds. Women don't think much of muscle mass in themselves, and their thinking is based on the feminine. Men and women just think differently on these things. Almost back to Navy days, or such? Anyway...
Dreams, of course. Of women, of course. I had me a younger wife. She bore me three children to about half into the dream. Then she started using gymnastics during... coitus... to try and kill me off. Aye, I saw the score and took the lass well in hand. Wore her out well and proper and kept my life to boot, but kept her from the kill moves. Then we went on to have two more babies before I could remember no more of the dream. It was a boring dream to you all, mostly about sex, sex, and even more sex. Sex is fine, more is better, good sex is more better, more good is superior. It was truly a superior dream. I'll have to check to see if there are any footprints, somehow, 'still' on the ceiling in real life, or if anything else from the dream got transcribed into the real world. Never mind. Gymnastics, eh? Who knew that could be lethal!
My bp has come back up to 150/100 the last few days. I guess that was just a fluke. Oh well. Blood sugars have been in the 220s. Weight is staying put at right about 280s. Oh bloody well.
I'm not sure what today will bring. Just a bit of housework, if I am lucky. I'm simply not pulling my weight. I can't even get into playing my games. A shower won't help but it sure wouldn't hurt, especially after that dream. My word was that a long dream.
Good day.
So close. Not.
.
.
Okay, so, I did get started on installing a downloader. Well, no, I did it. The thing is I was not sure about the conversions. So, a bit more digging. FireFox has an app for that. Okay, it has the conversions I am sure about. Fine, so I get that going. I download and... what? I have to have a conversion processor too, for this? Hmm, well, I did download that, in case I needed it. It looks like I do need that. Very well. Will that actually work? I don't know. Well, there is another reason to go with FF's app. I can download right during the viewing, without even disturbing the performance. Yeah, I like that. Still, I will tinker with the various systems if something isn't adding up or just to compare quality. I am trying to get the best quality available. I may have to cut that quality if I want to put it in another format for either the Ipod or my Android phone. Then again, with my Android, I can just hook up to YouTube directly, as if I enjoyed watching videos on a postage stamp! Heh... Still, it's something to tinker with if I have even less of a life than I have now, somehow. Bleh.
The dishes will probably get done, but that will be it. I am not able to focus. How I got this other stuff going I can't say. It more or less just happened. One thing led to another and, there it is. Well, and it takes zero real energy. Uhrm, and most of the things being discussed, if not perfectly understood, were well within my zone of comfort. So, I didn't have to learn, just get a few definitions and comparing qualities from there. There wasn't a lot of thinking involved either. Like I said, it was a zero calorie burn exercise.
Tired. I also have that feeling I get when I have a fever. Odd vision, sort of light headed, a little 'loose'. I'm not dizzy or anything, just a bit out of it. My stomach and sides are feeling better. Diarrhea though, light so far, just enough to have to take my liquid bm more seriously than not. Too much hot sauce? Part of an ongoing flu/cold thing? Don't know. After I do the dishes though I believe I am going to snuggle into the blankets and see if I can fly, fight evil, or even and preferably just sleep.
.
Okay, so, I did get started on installing a downloader. Well, no, I did it. The thing is I was not sure about the conversions. So, a bit more digging. FireFox has an app for that. Okay, it has the conversions I am sure about. Fine, so I get that going. I download and... what? I have to have a conversion processor too, for this? Hmm, well, I did download that, in case I needed it. It looks like I do need that. Very well. Will that actually work? I don't know. Well, there is another reason to go with FF's app. I can download right during the viewing, without even disturbing the performance. Yeah, I like that. Still, I will tinker with the various systems if something isn't adding up or just to compare quality. I am trying to get the best quality available. I may have to cut that quality if I want to put it in another format for either the Ipod or my Android phone. Then again, with my Android, I can just hook up to YouTube directly, as if I enjoyed watching videos on a postage stamp! Heh... Still, it's something to tinker with if I have even less of a life than I have now, somehow. Bleh.
The dishes will probably get done, but that will be it. I am not able to focus. How I got this other stuff going I can't say. It more or less just happened. One thing led to another and, there it is. Well, and it takes zero real energy. Uhrm, and most of the things being discussed, if not perfectly understood, were well within my zone of comfort. So, I didn't have to learn, just get a few definitions and comparing qualities from there. There wasn't a lot of thinking involved either. Like I said, it was a zero calorie burn exercise.
Tired. I also have that feeling I get when I have a fever. Odd vision, sort of light headed, a little 'loose'. I'm not dizzy or anything, just a bit out of it. My stomach and sides are feeling better. Diarrhea though, light so far, just enough to have to take my liquid bm more seriously than not. Too much hot sauce? Part of an ongoing flu/cold thing? Don't know. After I do the dishes though I believe I am going to snuggle into the blankets and see if I can fly, fight evil, or even and preferably just sleep.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Okay, well, one problem... two maybe... sorted.
.
.
Sometimes someone lands a notion on my desk that looks really good. And, it is a great notion. The thing is, once you have a way to fix something, you then have to dig into what all else is around the problem(s) and solution(s) and hope you have the knowledge, skill, ability (for me a very deep thing but something that can be incredible or nonexistent), whether your tech will hold, you have enough tools or money, etc. Nothing is as easy as giving men fire, then saying 'good luck with that'. Heh. Still, sometimes I can make it through.
This time the notion regarded downloading videos. Oh, pulling the program down, installing it, and such, was a breeze. I then went to download a test video and... the program went Greek on me. No, I am familiar with some of the terms. Not familiar with what they mean, some of them are branded such as with Apple video and audio formats, others are things I have seen. None of it made sense. So, just figuring out what format to pull something down and then store it into was... quite a shock.
After a bit of looking around, reading here and there (often reading writers who ramble more than even I do!), I found a couple of pages of information that was laid out as if it was meant to actually guide. The one that keeps popping as the preferred general use format, for me, is MKV. While I do have an Apple Ipod, a small waterproof one for swimming, first I have never been able to get the Apple Store to work on this particular computer, second I wouldn't go with Apple generally, and finally that Ipod doesn't support video. No, for pc use, MKV makes sense for me.
Okay, that bad hair day figured out, I went to play the thing. What do you mean I have to... prove the legitimacy of the OS to get a player? Fine. So I do that, then get the player, then... For only $40, this will play even (probably) the format you wish to view? So, after all that, the machine still won't play. Bullocks on $40 though. So I begin my search for a player that will play the video (which I pulled down in mp4, since I didn't know and wanted to at least test).
After a bit of searching, I landed on the downloader for PotPlayer. No, I don't like the name. Still, this software device has some serious bona fides. After making snap decisions, while downloading, about things not in my area of knowledge, I got the thing up and... It played the download with nary a hitch. I'll have to pull somethings down in the MKV format, and check that. There is still a ways to go. I couldn't easily find how to put the video onto full screen, and there are some other things I would like to figure out, but... not bad for a non-on-day.
I have more tinkering to do. I will probably want to buy memory cards, too, as I don't trust this machine I am using, at all. Days or weeks of downloads could be disappeared on it, one way or another, in moments or less. This is NOT my machine, it is not secure, and it doesn't function well. But it is what I have. So I use it. Never mind, at least I got something done today.
Later.
.
Sometimes someone lands a notion on my desk that looks really good. And, it is a great notion. The thing is, once you have a way to fix something, you then have to dig into what all else is around the problem(s) and solution(s) and hope you have the knowledge, skill, ability (for me a very deep thing but something that can be incredible or nonexistent), whether your tech will hold, you have enough tools or money, etc. Nothing is as easy as giving men fire, then saying 'good luck with that'. Heh. Still, sometimes I can make it through.
This time the notion regarded downloading videos. Oh, pulling the program down, installing it, and such, was a breeze. I then went to download a test video and... the program went Greek on me. No, I am familiar with some of the terms. Not familiar with what they mean, some of them are branded such as with Apple video and audio formats, others are things I have seen. None of it made sense. So, just figuring out what format to pull something down and then store it into was... quite a shock.
After a bit of looking around, reading here and there (often reading writers who ramble more than even I do!), I found a couple of pages of information that was laid out as if it was meant to actually guide. The one that keeps popping as the preferred general use format, for me, is MKV. While I do have an Apple Ipod, a small waterproof one for swimming, first I have never been able to get the Apple Store to work on this particular computer, second I wouldn't go with Apple generally, and finally that Ipod doesn't support video. No, for pc use, MKV makes sense for me.
Okay, that bad hair day figured out, I went to play the thing. What do you mean I have to... prove the legitimacy of the OS to get a player? Fine. So I do that, then get the player, then... For only $40, this will play even (probably) the format you wish to view? So, after all that, the machine still won't play. Bullocks on $40 though. So I begin my search for a player that will play the video (which I pulled down in mp4, since I didn't know and wanted to at least test).
After a bit of searching, I landed on the downloader for PotPlayer. No, I don't like the name. Still, this software device has some serious bona fides. After making snap decisions, while downloading, about things not in my area of knowledge, I got the thing up and... It played the download with nary a hitch. I'll have to pull somethings down in the MKV format, and check that. There is still a ways to go. I couldn't easily find how to put the video onto full screen, and there are some other things I would like to figure out, but... not bad for a non-on-day.
I have more tinkering to do. I will probably want to buy memory cards, too, as I don't trust this machine I am using, at all. Days or weeks of downloads could be disappeared on it, one way or another, in moments or less. This is NOT my machine, it is not secure, and it doesn't function well. But it is what I have. So I use it. Never mind, at least I got something done today.
Later.
Good morning.
.
.
After waking for dinner I was not able to sleep until... well... sometime. Actually I have no idea when I finally went to bed. Or when I woke! Was it 15:00, 16:00, later? It wasn't earlier. I still feel like my innards have been scrambled, set on fire, then had the fire put out with a mallet. My midsection feels like it has been squished from both sides by a unhappy giant. I've had worse though, this is just a notion of those things. On the good side, I didn't miss the Christmas thing, that is next week. No, I really do want to go. Yes, I am still humbug about Christmas songs, but only when they are everywhere and always, wall to wall as they say. I enjoy hearing Christmas music (not to be confused with muzac), and even have been known, when I have the coin, of paying to go hear it. But local is better as a general rule. While one need not be a devotee of Confucius, one only needs to have read his material a bit to understand the man was as wise as the Godless can be. He had no one to teach him, no access to Christ, other than what God has imbued in us. And he used what he had to the utmost. In any case, Confucius had things to say about such, and I do... take those thoughts to heart.
What to do? Oh, I did change the cat litter, get the trash out including emptying the little bins scattered about my warren, take the recycling out, then get it all to the curb. I had forgotten until just as I was ready to sleep. I didn't WANT to mess with it, at that point. But as I have said, what I want and what I do, if I have it to me to decide, are often two different things. Such is being an adult... mostly. God must see us as the oddest creatures. That we don't want to do even what is good for us, even in the short term, let alone what is right, at times, must make Him astonied. Never mind, I got it done.
I still don't know what to do. I am just set the dishes I used for supper and it's preparation to a soak. It is already getting very dark, so working on the drywall? It may happen, just taking things a bit more slowly. I think I have another load of laundry in the dryer to be dealt with, and the rest of the laundry to put up or hang, too. But I need to wake up! I just can't seem to wake. I did turn the heat up, and that helps. The snow was gone off the driveway and sidewalks, front and back, so that job can be checked off (thank you, Father). Hmm, I'm thinking on things. I feel like a nap already, but that is not going to happen. I'll... get to something, soon, I am sure.
Good day.
.
After waking for dinner I was not able to sleep until... well... sometime. Actually I have no idea when I finally went to bed. Or when I woke! Was it 15:00, 16:00, later? It wasn't earlier. I still feel like my innards have been scrambled, set on fire, then had the fire put out with a mallet. My midsection feels like it has been squished from both sides by a unhappy giant. I've had worse though, this is just a notion of those things. On the good side, I didn't miss the Christmas thing, that is next week. No, I really do want to go. Yes, I am still humbug about Christmas songs, but only when they are everywhere and always, wall to wall as they say. I enjoy hearing Christmas music (not to be confused with muzac), and even have been known, when I have the coin, of paying to go hear it. But local is better as a general rule. While one need not be a devotee of Confucius, one only needs to have read his material a bit to understand the man was as wise as the Godless can be. He had no one to teach him, no access to Christ, other than what God has imbued in us. And he used what he had to the utmost. In any case, Confucius had things to say about such, and I do... take those thoughts to heart.
What to do? Oh, I did change the cat litter, get the trash out including emptying the little bins scattered about my warren, take the recycling out, then get it all to the curb. I had forgotten until just as I was ready to sleep. I didn't WANT to mess with it, at that point. But as I have said, what I want and what I do, if I have it to me to decide, are often two different things. Such is being an adult... mostly. God must see us as the oddest creatures. That we don't want to do even what is good for us, even in the short term, let alone what is right, at times, must make Him astonied. Never mind, I got it done.
I still don't know what to do. I am just set the dishes I used for supper and it's preparation to a soak. It is already getting very dark, so working on the drywall? It may happen, just taking things a bit more slowly. I think I have another load of laundry in the dryer to be dealt with, and the rest of the laundry to put up or hang, too. But I need to wake up! I just can't seem to wake. I did turn the heat up, and that helps. The snow was gone off the driveway and sidewalks, front and back, so that job can be checked off (thank you, Father). Hmm, I'm thinking on things. I feel like a nap already, but that is not going to happen. I'll... get to something, soon, I am sure.
Good day.
Sleep?
.
.
I was sure I would be back to bed by now. I tried to lean that way. When that failed I then tried to fight sleep as some form of reverse psychology. Nope. It was like jumping at the bulkheads of a carrier, hoping to get it started tipping. Impotent efforts. I feel like I could drop at any moment, it just isn't happening. I am free falling just high enough that I can see the world falling away from me, but it is falling away at least as fast as I am falling. Just for sniggles, I checked my bp. While not as low as it was this morning, at 139/91, that is still one of the, if not the, lowest bps I have ever seen excluding the numbers this morning. What kills me is that this was the same amount, if not less, of the various medicines I took much of last summer and fall, before I fell and dropped everything. Why lower this time? The heart hasn't improved enough to account for it.
I was still hungry, even after a dinner for four (they feed me quite well). No, this hunger is unusual. I haven't felt this kind of teeth in the demands of my stomach since I was a spurting sprout, trying to fill out the gangly. This is feral, wild, hunger. Never mind. For now I will try to keep it fed to a degree, seeing if it leads me anywhere positive. Sometimes a healing body simply needs more food, a lot more, mine does anyway. A pot of chili-mac, using the home-made hot sauce, did the trick. I used some of the hamburger from the recently butchered cow. Wonderful, all around. Three heaping tablespoons of hot sauce was just about right to mix with two and a half to three pounds of food. I kept my hunger in check, stopping the feast after consuming half the pot. *smacks lips* Oh, but I think I could have eaten the whole pot. Something is up.
While at the dinner the other night, one of the families at my table was the gent and his wife with whom I helped with the cow. Another man is one of the five (technically six) dairy farmers here in town. He was discussing that, though he loved his animals, if one went down he never has found success taking steaks or roasts off it. He only made hamburger from what he decided to use. My partner in crime and I both sort of choked. I didn't want to say anything. At first I was a bit ashamed, oddly. It was just some sort of emotional response. Then I had to choke down a chuckle, as I didn't want to be rude. I have to tell you, as darn neared a steak connoisseur, not by learning but through tasting as much of the stuff as I could get, and seeking the best tastes, and learning what those are supposed to be and learning my own variances... those steaks were delicious. I was more than a little impressed. As I said, they were not ribeye, or ribeyes as are commonly known. But then again, they don't fat out dairy cattle for the slaughter, especially ones who fall and become lame. So, maybe they were unfattened beef ribeye? But, they reminded me of the notion of sirloins, only... good. I don't care much for sirloin, perhaps I don't know how to cook them as a general rule? Do you do something different, other than adding butter, then how you cook ribeye? Anyway, as I said, that was an interesting conversation.
I had forgotten about skiing. What with the ups and downs, I simply lost track. But too, knowing that my physical progression can become stunted, I don't wish to jump into a new sport anyway. If swimming, and possibly weight lifting later, go well, then for several years, then I might consider such a thing. If I am doing well, and everything else is good, I can always rent from time to time. Still, something brought the notion to the fore tonight, so I went looking into back country skiing again. A good link was found at the local college, so I dug through most of it. It was a FAQ, done by some club or other at the college. It was well done, from what I could tell. Bits of data I have picked up elsewhere, in the tiniest parts, were assembled and well developed. The type of skis, the type of boots, lengths of poles, places to consider buying kit even. I truly hope I get well enough to do that. The hope, for that sport, is to pack out for a day or week, into the hinterlands. Not so much mountaineering as modern mountain manning. Perhaps with a hunting license, a good rifle or black powder long gun, a pistol for other and extra, a map and compass, some notion of where to go but no certainty, provisions, into the mountains and weather.
I also have had some songs on my mind. While one of the videos is still on YouTube, one of my favorite is gone, Siouxsie and the Banshees, It's About to Happen... that video is gone. Gah! I wish there was a way to download those. Hmm, I'm going to have to check. Urhm, no... that is DEFINITELY pirating. Gah... I might have to see if those can be bought, then, somehow. I just hate it when one of my favorites goes dead. Some of them are excellent. Ah well, here are the songs, one of them still in video form, that have been haunting my dreams and days. Women truly are fascinating creatures. Mean, cold, cruel, at times. But as beautiful and weak as the are, perhaps that is their only defense? Psychological mace. It works on real men, anyway. Not so much the animal types.
.
I was sure I would be back to bed by now. I tried to lean that way. When that failed I then tried to fight sleep as some form of reverse psychology. Nope. It was like jumping at the bulkheads of a carrier, hoping to get it started tipping. Impotent efforts. I feel like I could drop at any moment, it just isn't happening. I am free falling just high enough that I can see the world falling away from me, but it is falling away at least as fast as I am falling. Just for sniggles, I checked my bp. While not as low as it was this morning, at 139/91, that is still one of the, if not the, lowest bps I have ever seen excluding the numbers this morning. What kills me is that this was the same amount, if not less, of the various medicines I took much of last summer and fall, before I fell and dropped everything. Why lower this time? The heart hasn't improved enough to account for it.
I was still hungry, even after a dinner for four (they feed me quite well). No, this hunger is unusual. I haven't felt this kind of teeth in the demands of my stomach since I was a spurting sprout, trying to fill out the gangly. This is feral, wild, hunger. Never mind. For now I will try to keep it fed to a degree, seeing if it leads me anywhere positive. Sometimes a healing body simply needs more food, a lot more, mine does anyway. A pot of chili-mac, using the home-made hot sauce, did the trick. I used some of the hamburger from the recently butchered cow. Wonderful, all around. Three heaping tablespoons of hot sauce was just about right to mix with two and a half to three pounds of food. I kept my hunger in check, stopping the feast after consuming half the pot. *smacks lips* Oh, but I think I could have eaten the whole pot. Something is up.
While at the dinner the other night, one of the families at my table was the gent and his wife with whom I helped with the cow. Another man is one of the five (technically six) dairy farmers here in town. He was discussing that, though he loved his animals, if one went down he never has found success taking steaks or roasts off it. He only made hamburger from what he decided to use. My partner in crime and I both sort of choked. I didn't want to say anything. At first I was a bit ashamed, oddly. It was just some sort of emotional response. Then I had to choke down a chuckle, as I didn't want to be rude. I have to tell you, as darn neared a steak connoisseur, not by learning but through tasting as much of the stuff as I could get, and seeking the best tastes, and learning what those are supposed to be and learning my own variances... those steaks were delicious. I was more than a little impressed. As I said, they were not ribeye, or ribeyes as are commonly known. But then again, they don't fat out dairy cattle for the slaughter, especially ones who fall and become lame. So, maybe they were unfattened beef ribeye? But, they reminded me of the notion of sirloins, only... good. I don't care much for sirloin, perhaps I don't know how to cook them as a general rule? Do you do something different, other than adding butter, then how you cook ribeye? Anyway, as I said, that was an interesting conversation.
I had forgotten about skiing. What with the ups and downs, I simply lost track. But too, knowing that my physical progression can become stunted, I don't wish to jump into a new sport anyway. If swimming, and possibly weight lifting later, go well, then for several years, then I might consider such a thing. If I am doing well, and everything else is good, I can always rent from time to time. Still, something brought the notion to the fore tonight, so I went looking into back country skiing again. A good link was found at the local college, so I dug through most of it. It was a FAQ, done by some club or other at the college. It was well done, from what I could tell. Bits of data I have picked up elsewhere, in the tiniest parts, were assembled and well developed. The type of skis, the type of boots, lengths of poles, places to consider buying kit even. I truly hope I get well enough to do that. The hope, for that sport, is to pack out for a day or week, into the hinterlands. Not so much mountaineering as modern mountain manning. Perhaps with a hunting license, a good rifle or black powder long gun, a pistol for other and extra, a map and compass, some notion of where to go but no certainty, provisions, into the mountains and weather.
I also have had some songs on my mind. While one of the videos is still on YouTube, one of my favorite is gone, Siouxsie and the Banshees, It's About to Happen... that video is gone. Gah! I wish there was a way to download those. Hmm, I'm going to have to check. Urhm, no... that is DEFINITELY pirating. Gah... I might have to see if those can be bought, then, somehow. I just hate it when one of my favorites goes dead. Some of them are excellent. Ah well, here are the songs, one of them still in video form, that have been haunting my dreams and days. Women truly are fascinating creatures. Mean, cold, cruel, at times. But as beautiful and weak as the are, perhaps that is their only defense? Psychological mace. It works on real men, anyway. Not so much the animal types.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Hmm, that shouldn't have been a hit.
.
.
The few dishes are done, the kitchen neatened a bit, most of the laundry run through, what needs folded was folded, but some things remain to be hung and all of it needs to be put away. The cat litter will be swapped out tonight and the trash and recycling taken to the curb. Anything else? No, not a chance. I am honestly surprised I got to what I did do. After supper arrives I may tinker just long enough to digest dinner, take my medicine early, and go on to bed.
While the sleep and run times are all stunted, at least I am finding time within them to do what is needed. I won't begrudge that. And, really, I am getting more done in less time and more done sum total than when I was staying up and sleeping in a typical, normal, generic, expected by the main stream, fashion. I still can't concentrate for squat. It isn't just Latin, or reading. Even in my game, focusing on objectives, remembering how to do some things, and getting all the collectibles has proven beyond my ken. I can play the game, basically, but nothing beyond. I am actually down, pretty hard. That I am doing other things, anything, is a bit of a surprise. I don't generally like surprises, whether I sneak up and find my own personal ones or someone 'gifts' me with a surprise. This one I will take.
I am a bit sore and ill. I can't say what the problem is, just that... Well... it feels like someone used a human organ mixer in there, than beat on the area with a sludge hammer. In a mild way. Gullet juice running loose is making everything a bit green. Well, if I had to fantasize. I have never had internal bleeding like that, well... maybe that once. But that was the least of my problems at the time so I wouldn't have noticed that as a major issue, consciously. If your toe has been hit by a hammer but your hand is on fire, you... sort of not tend to notice the toe.
Actually I don't think I am going to make supper. I am crashing hard, fast, and uncontrollably. Good night.
.
The few dishes are done, the kitchen neatened a bit, most of the laundry run through, what needs folded was folded, but some things remain to be hung and all of it needs to be put away. The cat litter will be swapped out tonight and the trash and recycling taken to the curb. Anything else? No, not a chance. I am honestly surprised I got to what I did do. After supper arrives I may tinker just long enough to digest dinner, take my medicine early, and go on to bed.
While the sleep and run times are all stunted, at least I am finding time within them to do what is needed. I won't begrudge that. And, really, I am getting more done in less time and more done sum total than when I was staying up and sleeping in a typical, normal, generic, expected by the main stream, fashion. I still can't concentrate for squat. It isn't just Latin, or reading. Even in my game, focusing on objectives, remembering how to do some things, and getting all the collectibles has proven beyond my ken. I can play the game, basically, but nothing beyond. I am actually down, pretty hard. That I am doing other things, anything, is a bit of a surprise. I don't generally like surprises, whether I sneak up and find my own personal ones or someone 'gifts' me with a surprise. This one I will take.
I am a bit sore and ill. I can't say what the problem is, just that... Well... it feels like someone used a human organ mixer in there, than beat on the area with a sludge hammer. In a mild way. Gullet juice running loose is making everything a bit green. Well, if I had to fantasize. I have never had internal bleeding like that, well... maybe that once. But that was the least of my problems at the time so I wouldn't have noticed that as a major issue, consciously. If your toe has been hit by a hammer but your hand is on fire, you... sort of not tend to notice the toe.
Actually I don't think I am going to make supper. I am crashing hard, fast, and uncontrollably. Good night.
Short but sweet, actually.
.
.
I was only able to stay awake about four hours after waking so oddly this morning. But I used that time as efficiently as I am able. I did a couple of loads of laundry, seriously pondered working on the drywall but it really is too dark to try to cut the holes to exacting angles and straight lines as dark as it was, as well as doing a number of other little things. Researching this and that as well. But when the timer hit four hours I fell like a rider rent with one too many arrows. Ah, but such a wonderful sleep.
Waking, I see it has snowed, again. Perhaps I noticed that before I went to sleep, if I simply can't be sure. My friend suggested it was set to snow for, say, three more days more or less. It seems to be snowing overnight, mostly. My back has become verbal. Every time my brain and the rest of my body think about grabbing the broom my back yelps and kicks me. I may try it anyway, just... because I... No, I'm not a masochist. I just don't like being held at nerve-point. Well, and I tinker with pain, when I have enough going. And I like fulfilling my will over my way, there is strength to be earned in that. I won't swear I will get to it today, but it is on my mind. I don't feel like it, otherwise, either. But, that's not always the point either. I don't do things 'when I feel like it', I do things when I can or must regardless of how I feel, despite what some truly might think. Some can't tell the difference. Neither can I always, absolutely. But when it gets thin enough that I can't do it, the difference is negligible between why this way or why that way. Uhrm, usually.
I didn't wake until almost 14:00 after going to bed at, about, half past 8:00. Whatever. The increased dose, the dropping bp, the weather, the season, still needing to rest up a bit after my mother's visit, could any or all be the sole culprit, but combined? I am probably lucky I am not crawling around like a whipped cur. Yep. So I'll take this minor inconvenience with a glad continence and nature, and use what time I have in the waking world to do my will and tend the way. Laundry has been set back in motion, dishes are in a fresh soak, a pot of coffee has been lit, and I am thinking about... what next. That driveway is looking mighty tempting, that's all I'm saying... Though I may try to get a the drywall squared and cleaned, the replacement drywall cut, boards found, and the first steps in repairing that going. Then see if I am still up to being a great big little boy by playing with snow and will and the broom.
Good day.
.
I was only able to stay awake about four hours after waking so oddly this morning. But I used that time as efficiently as I am able. I did a couple of loads of laundry, seriously pondered working on the drywall but it really is too dark to try to cut the holes to exacting angles and straight lines as dark as it was, as well as doing a number of other little things. Researching this and that as well. But when the timer hit four hours I fell like a rider rent with one too many arrows. Ah, but such a wonderful sleep.
Waking, I see it has snowed, again. Perhaps I noticed that before I went to sleep, if I simply can't be sure. My friend suggested it was set to snow for, say, three more days more or less. It seems to be snowing overnight, mostly. My back has become verbal. Every time my brain and the rest of my body think about grabbing the broom my back yelps and kicks me. I may try it anyway, just... because I... No, I'm not a masochist. I just don't like being held at nerve-point. Well, and I tinker with pain, when I have enough going. And I like fulfilling my will over my way, there is strength to be earned in that. I won't swear I will get to it today, but it is on my mind. I don't feel like it, otherwise, either. But, that's not always the point either. I don't do things 'when I feel like it', I do things when I can or must regardless of how I feel, despite what some truly might think. Some can't tell the difference. Neither can I always, absolutely. But when it gets thin enough that I can't do it, the difference is negligible between why this way or why that way. Uhrm, usually.
I didn't wake until almost 14:00 after going to bed at, about, half past 8:00. Whatever. The increased dose, the dropping bp, the weather, the season, still needing to rest up a bit after my mother's visit, could any or all be the sole culprit, but combined? I am probably lucky I am not crawling around like a whipped cur. Yep. So I'll take this minor inconvenience with a glad continence and nature, and use what time I have in the waking world to do my will and tend the way. Laundry has been set back in motion, dishes are in a fresh soak, a pot of coffee has been lit, and I am thinking about... what next. That driveway is looking mighty tempting, that's all I'm saying... Though I may try to get a the drywall squared and cleaned, the replacement drywall cut, boards found, and the first steps in repairing that going. Then see if I am still up to being a great big little boy by playing with snow and will and the broom.
Good day.
A seedling rig?
.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
Ah! and Wow! But is that actually healthy?
.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
Burning Man?
.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Not a bad day at all, as things turned out.
.
.
I was worried, not before but after removing the snow from my drive, that I was literally going to just shut down. I did it as a single effort, other than occasional standing breathers. And, yeah, it was getting a little tough at the end. I took a sit-down breather, out in the X, in the passenger side, before salting. After I finished that I came in to think on things. I started sliding into exhaustive oblivion. I was not sure what was going to happen. I decided to go on into town. And, no, I wasn't feeling better by then either. I figured, worst case scenario, I either drive home right away or find a motel and crash if it really got bad.
As it turns out, life went along fairly smoothly. I was able to get my friend out to shop. I pushed him around the first store, but just couldn't in the second store. We were shopping for different things so just went our ways. I couldn't think of anything I needed at the hardware store at first. Then I did browse fertilizers. Nothing their that I could identify by brand or chemical that I wanted, at all. And then I remember to look over fluorescent lamps and found two different sorts that would work. Neither are set up as seeding lights so I would not commit. I will have to check about spray painting the areas that could be used as reflectors. Whether that would actually work well enough. Then again, it doesn't have to be exactly perfect. It just... is better when as much of what you are trying to do or use is within specs until you know for sure from trial and error or greater learning what is truly needed and what is bunk.
At the second store I got soft touch 3-ring D binders, the paper I would need, extra pens as mine die and/or disappear faster than I can keep on top of tracking them down, and some other items. I went ahead and bought several packs of 3x5 cards rather than having to wait until I was in the mood to look, then peck and hope I find the ones I have. I think I have all I need to begin, if the lessons are on hold until I am stable again. I don't know if it is medicine, gloomy weather, the change of season, or what. But right now I am just not able to concentrate. At least I can get to a bit of work, so long as it isn't extremely detailed or too intense.
After the store visits, we headed to his place. Yeah, I remembered the movie. And I remembered to get popcorn too! On the way we stopped for a double quarter meal, each. I ate well, easily, and quickly. I was starving. Then I had a bag of popcorn too. I think the movie (300) got his attention, though he couldn't hear it well until I talked him into ignoring the volume number and going by how loud he usually has cable television. Then he could hear. Movies just come out much quieter on most/all systems. All done. He thinks the weather will clear up later this week, for shooting. All good. I suggested, if he thinks that is happening and he wants to go shoot, his best bet is to give me a call the day before. Simply, I am not always able to get motivated in an hour, or even three. If he wants to shoot he just has to go that one step further.
On the way home, though, I was still famished! I had to stop for another meal. Did the snow work take it out of me? Is the medicine pushing buttons? I don't know. What I do know is I have been very hungry today. After two meals, nearly back to back, four sodas, a bag of popcorn, a bit of a snack when I returned home, I am still hungry! Ah well. I won't be working on the drywall tonight. I am hoping to hit the sack a bit earlier, perhaps goofing for an hour or two first. This is probably good night.
.
I was worried, not before but after removing the snow from my drive, that I was literally going to just shut down. I did it as a single effort, other than occasional standing breathers. And, yeah, it was getting a little tough at the end. I took a sit-down breather, out in the X, in the passenger side, before salting. After I finished that I came in to think on things. I started sliding into exhaustive oblivion. I was not sure what was going to happen. I decided to go on into town. And, no, I wasn't feeling better by then either. I figured, worst case scenario, I either drive home right away or find a motel and crash if it really got bad.
As it turns out, life went along fairly smoothly. I was able to get my friend out to shop. I pushed him around the first store, but just couldn't in the second store. We were shopping for different things so just went our ways. I couldn't think of anything I needed at the hardware store at first. Then I did browse fertilizers. Nothing their that I could identify by brand or chemical that I wanted, at all. And then I remember to look over fluorescent lamps and found two different sorts that would work. Neither are set up as seeding lights so I would not commit. I will have to check about spray painting the areas that could be used as reflectors. Whether that would actually work well enough. Then again, it doesn't have to be exactly perfect. It just... is better when as much of what you are trying to do or use is within specs until you know for sure from trial and error or greater learning what is truly needed and what is bunk.
At the second store I got soft touch 3-ring D binders, the paper I would need, extra pens as mine die and/or disappear faster than I can keep on top of tracking them down, and some other items. I went ahead and bought several packs of 3x5 cards rather than having to wait until I was in the mood to look, then peck and hope I find the ones I have. I think I have all I need to begin, if the lessons are on hold until I am stable again. I don't know if it is medicine, gloomy weather, the change of season, or what. But right now I am just not able to concentrate. At least I can get to a bit of work, so long as it isn't extremely detailed or too intense.
After the store visits, we headed to his place. Yeah, I remembered the movie. And I remembered to get popcorn too! On the way we stopped for a double quarter meal, each. I ate well, easily, and quickly. I was starving. Then I had a bag of popcorn too. I think the movie (300) got his attention, though he couldn't hear it well until I talked him into ignoring the volume number and going by how loud he usually has cable television. Then he could hear. Movies just come out much quieter on most/all systems. All done. He thinks the weather will clear up later this week, for shooting. All good. I suggested, if he thinks that is happening and he wants to go shoot, his best bet is to give me a call the day before. Simply, I am not always able to get motivated in an hour, or even three. If he wants to shoot he just has to go that one step further.
On the way home, though, I was still famished! I had to stop for another meal. Did the snow work take it out of me? Is the medicine pushing buttons? I don't know. What I do know is I have been very hungry today. After two meals, nearly back to back, four sodas, a bag of popcorn, a bit of a snack when I returned home, I am still hungry! Ah well. I won't be working on the drywall tonight. I am hoping to hit the sack a bit earlier, perhaps goofing for an hour or two first. This is probably good night.
Earlier, says he. Fine. Fie!
.
.
I called my friend. As I suspected, a shoot is off. Snow equals cold equals tain't going out, much. So I asked about a movie or two. That was fine. Then I asked about time, hoping for a little more time to tinker. Nope, 15:00 was way out. Sooner? Well, I suggested, that he let me see how fast I can get the snow off the drive and front walk, no promises, I'll call when I start on my way in into town. What else can I ever promise though, for sure?
Okay, rather than waking a little more I just headed out to grab a shovel and get to it. Hrm... No shovel. Ah, right, I never did end up buying a grain scoop (my preferred show shovel). But I do have one of those huge shop brooms. Yeah, well, it's worth a shot. It worked pretty darned well. It was a lot of work though. It pretty much took everything I had and then some. But it is done. The broom doesn't get right down to the nitty gritty though. Then again, with a rough asphalt drive, even shovels don't do much better. Aye, but I have ice salt, I thinks to myself. A bit of that on the areas that like to stay ice packed, after a little breather from shoveling, and I am fit as a fiddle, driveway-wise.
To town! In a minute, Lucile. I do need a bit of a breather and to clean up a bit. I am impressed with myself though. That was a goodly little bit of road crew work, for me anywhile. And, really, I think it would be a bit of work for most men. A 25 to 30 yard drive and a couple of inches of rather wet snow add up to a good bit of work. I do think the snow blower would have been more effort. There needs to be three or more inches of snow for that to pan out. I even remembered to hit the little bit on the sidewalk to my front door. I did that extemporaneously, regardless of how fortuitously. It will, as I think on it, tend to keep the food delivery people happy, and deliverymen of all sorts.
Ugh, now to catch my breath. Crashing... Give me a minute.
.
I called my friend. As I suspected, a shoot is off. Snow equals cold equals tain't going out, much. So I asked about a movie or two. That was fine. Then I asked about time, hoping for a little more time to tinker. Nope, 15:00 was way out. Sooner? Well, I suggested, that he let me see how fast I can get the snow off the drive and front walk, no promises, I'll call when I start on my way in into town. What else can I ever promise though, for sure?
Okay, rather than waking a little more I just headed out to grab a shovel and get to it. Hrm... No shovel. Ah, right, I never did end up buying a grain scoop (my preferred show shovel). But I do have one of those huge shop brooms. Yeah, well, it's worth a shot. It worked pretty darned well. It was a lot of work though. It pretty much took everything I had and then some. But it is done. The broom doesn't get right down to the nitty gritty though. Then again, with a rough asphalt drive, even shovels don't do much better. Aye, but I have ice salt, I thinks to myself. A bit of that on the areas that like to stay ice packed, after a little breather from shoveling, and I am fit as a fiddle, driveway-wise.
To town! In a minute, Lucile. I do need a bit of a breather and to clean up a bit. I am impressed with myself though. That was a goodly little bit of road crew work, for me anywhile. And, really, I think it would be a bit of work for most men. A 25 to 30 yard drive and a couple of inches of rather wet snow add up to a good bit of work. I do think the snow blower would have been more effort. There needs to be three or more inches of snow for that to pan out. I even remembered to hit the little bit on the sidewalk to my front door. I did that extemporaneously, regardless of how fortuitously. It will, as I think on it, tend to keep the food delivery people happy, and deliverymen of all sorts.
Ugh, now to catch my breath. Crashing... Give me a minute.
Keeping faith simple.
.
.
Oh, I don't mean I don't ponder the greater depths of life, my memory or what of it remains or the shreds and pieces of it. I do not meant that I don't explore the vastness of the God I face, or what He wants, or who Jesus is and what being Christ meant, and it isn't as if I don't try to fully figure out the Holy Spirit. Sure, I fail, but I look, prod, read, discuss, and explore to my heart's content and my mind's capacity. Others might quip that I go far beyond the latter. Never you mind, I do what I may.
What I mean is, in practical life living, I try to do the right things, do them simply often, but just do them. Since getting to Church is sometimes impossible I pray, ponder, profess. Over every meal I pray. At night, or even at odd times in the day, sometimes for no reason, sometimes for the ill or beset I will pray. But I keep my practical faith simple. I have found that trying to create a grand scheme of religious devotion becomes a burden I cannot fulfill. Even when I have been able to fulfill it, the thing becomes the religion, taking away the correct focus. That's just for me. I can lose myself in the practice while forgetting the reasons. Oh, others can and do find the balance it takes to be fully imbued with the graces of the offices of the priesthood, for example. There are many who lead a wholly holy life, some better than others still. But for me, in this regard, I must remain a humble sheep of the Church. As such, after testing Her out as deeply, harshly, and truly as I am able which ain't too bad, I leave much of the remaining thinking to the Church. Mostly, I say mostly boy, abiding what She has to say on subjects, even or especially, when I disagree. Yep. If you only agreed, or did only what you agreed with, you wouldn't be worshiping God, you would be worshiping yourself, and that... doesn't ever work all that well. I, personally, make a terrible godling. If you think God sucks, you should write your own rules and compare. While I never did that, formally, I certainly know what my rules lead to, and know that is fail. Hmm, I think you would end up re-writing the Koran, if you were as clever as the devil anyway.
Well, on to other things.
.
Oh, I don't mean I don't ponder the greater depths of life, my memory or what of it remains or the shreds and pieces of it. I do not meant that I don't explore the vastness of the God I face, or what He wants, or who Jesus is and what being Christ meant, and it isn't as if I don't try to fully figure out the Holy Spirit. Sure, I fail, but I look, prod, read, discuss, and explore to my heart's content and my mind's capacity. Others might quip that I go far beyond the latter. Never you mind, I do what I may.
What I mean is, in practical life living, I try to do the right things, do them simply often, but just do them. Since getting to Church is sometimes impossible I pray, ponder, profess. Over every meal I pray. At night, or even at odd times in the day, sometimes for no reason, sometimes for the ill or beset I will pray. But I keep my practical faith simple. I have found that trying to create a grand scheme of religious devotion becomes a burden I cannot fulfill. Even when I have been able to fulfill it, the thing becomes the religion, taking away the correct focus. That's just for me. I can lose myself in the practice while forgetting the reasons. Oh, others can and do find the balance it takes to be fully imbued with the graces of the offices of the priesthood, for example. There are many who lead a wholly holy life, some better than others still. But for me, in this regard, I must remain a humble sheep of the Church. As such, after testing Her out as deeply, harshly, and truly as I am able which ain't too bad, I leave much of the remaining thinking to the Church. Mostly, I say mostly boy, abiding what She has to say on subjects, even or especially, when I disagree. Yep. If you only agreed, or did only what you agreed with, you wouldn't be worshiping God, you would be worshiping yourself, and that... doesn't ever work all that well. I, personally, make a terrible godling. If you think God sucks, you should write your own rules and compare. While I never did that, formally, I certainly know what my rules lead to, and know that is fail. Hmm, I think you would end up re-writing the Koran, if you were as clever as the devil anyway.
Well, on to other things.
Feeling better.
.
.
Okay, well, it is always pleasing to go to bed feeling a little green around the gills only to wake to health, and light. Though the day is overcast it is on the brighter side of that, and with the snow to amplify it, it almost has a lightly sunny day cast. With my plants to consider, opening the curtains right away becomes paramount. Ah but it's good to have some green growing things about again. Now I need more. One for the living room and one for the kitchen. When I finish my bedroom, even one or two in there. Perhaps even a smaller one in both bathrooms, if only the big one until I get the en suite in order. Yeah, I like green, and other colors actually, plus the air cleaning it does. I had set the alarm for noon, which would have been an eight hour sleep. The thing is I slept so much yesterday and the day before that... I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I must have needed the sleep though. I woke more than an hour before the alarm and I am ready to... do whatever. That was a lot of sleep over a few days, probably making up for those four hour sleep gigs. Ugh but those are wretched.
I'll spend this first hour just waking. At noon I plan to call my friend, to see what he wants to do. It snowed more, but it isn't too bad or deep. I only hope the snow hasn't frozen yet. If not I can probably shovel this off easier than starting the snow blow master xk1billion. Well, it's not quite that big or bad or tough, but it... does seem like overkill. Most likely he won't want to do much until later in the afternoon though, so I should have an hour or two to get shoveling, maybe to cutting the drywall fill boards and finding a decent wood backing and getting that cut.
When you are feeling terrible, the future looks dim and prospects for doing things look slim. A good night of rest really can bring hope and... more... back. I looked in my wallet. I might have enough walking cash to buy the goods for Latin lessons. Ackh, it makes me feel like I'm going back for the 5th grade or something. I hope I like my teacher!
On to... waking up? I've gotten a good start, with the drapes open. Yes, I think I will enjoy this day. Good day.
.
Okay, well, it is always pleasing to go to bed feeling a little green around the gills only to wake to health, and light. Though the day is overcast it is on the brighter side of that, and with the snow to amplify it, it almost has a lightly sunny day cast. With my plants to consider, opening the curtains right away becomes paramount. Ah but it's good to have some green growing things about again. Now I need more. One for the living room and one for the kitchen. When I finish my bedroom, even one or two in there. Perhaps even a smaller one in both bathrooms, if only the big one until I get the en suite in order. Yeah, I like green, and other colors actually, plus the air cleaning it does. I had set the alarm for noon, which would have been an eight hour sleep. The thing is I slept so much yesterday and the day before that... I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I must have needed the sleep though. I woke more than an hour before the alarm and I am ready to... do whatever. That was a lot of sleep over a few days, probably making up for those four hour sleep gigs. Ugh but those are wretched.
I'll spend this first hour just waking. At noon I plan to call my friend, to see what he wants to do. It snowed more, but it isn't too bad or deep. I only hope the snow hasn't frozen yet. If not I can probably shovel this off easier than starting the snow blow master xk1billion. Well, it's not quite that big or bad or tough, but it... does seem like overkill. Most likely he won't want to do much until later in the afternoon though, so I should have an hour or two to get shoveling, maybe to cutting the drywall fill boards and finding a decent wood backing and getting that cut.
When you are feeling terrible, the future looks dim and prospects for doing things look slim. A good night of rest really can bring hope and... more... back. I looked in my wallet. I might have enough walking cash to buy the goods for Latin lessons. Ackh, it makes me feel like I'm going back for the 5th grade or something. I hope I like my teacher!
On to... waking up? I've gotten a good start, with the drapes open. Yes, I think I will enjoy this day. Good day.
A sort of ill, rough, day... night...
.
.
I can't say why, but I simply feel ill. A bit of nausea, a very mild fever, and just an off thing. The bug bite, at least, is fading. It was a serious one though, and perhaps I am dealing with the after affects of it or an infection that it brought on. Any of that could easily be the problem. It is about time to go back to bed.
I have been plotting and planning the minor garden to go in this year. It might not be as minor as it first seemed. While I probably won't plant all of the peppers I ordered I will be planting many of those I do plant. Habanero, Thai, and serrano for sure, along with jalapeno most likely. I would also like to tinker with several varieties of tobacco, several of the root vegetables such as kohlrabi, rutabaga, and turnip, though in very small sample sized rows. Tomatoes will be going in along with those plants. I plan on putting in several plots of asparagus. Some of those will need to be seeded indoors, some will simply be planted in time. Others, such as the turnips I believe, may even be planted again, mid-summer, in an attempt to tinker with over-wintering. The ones that will take the heaviest toll of attention to detail and timing, though, are the peppers and tomatoes. At even five plants per, though I may seed more and use the best or all of what comes up, I could end up with a pretty serious garden start.
As for seedlings? I have been looking for the best ways of doing those. I have seen a few relatively good planting systems. If you have lots of money you could do some serious seeding, assuming you could keep up with it all. No, I have to start humbly. Further, many of the devices seem rather flimsy. I am hoping to craft a device that might work well for my needs. I have priced several fluorescent lights, that plug in, four footers, double bulb. I would need two for my plan. I have been creating a device, to build, that should be simple enough for my woodworking skills and tool sets, yet would work well to hold a fair number of seedlings, have some flexibility regarding lighting heights and plant rotation as necessary, and still be affordable and doable in an afternoon or three.
I had worried about needing to jump on things. My mother suggested starting seedlings as early as January! Hmm... I did a bit of looking, though, and for the most part, the earliest most locally start with peppers is mid to late February, with tomatoes starting after that. Some start frost resistant tomatoes earlier but I have no such variety. Or yet. So I have time to buy a few things slowly over the course of the next few months. The planter is the biggest expense and first need, as I see things. The lights, a bit of wood, some hardware, a bit of tinkering, and money and time. From there, little and bigger pots and bedding for the seeds, possibly fertilizer, maybe even saltpeter for seed soaking, and various other small items to make the task more sure. Hmm, habanero sauce, but too, salsa. Hopefully I will have enough to harvest some for canning, getting a taste of that if I don't get to canning before then.
Who knows what will happen. I might not be able to get to any of this. And, should I do all this, where it is easier, and indoors, whether I can maintain being out long, well, and often enough to tend the plants? I do have the seed. I have a canner and a cook stove for it. Things are coming together. My heart has even improved modestly. If I fail, it won't be for lack of planning or effort.
Latin lessons are on hold. The plans requires certain school/office supplies that I either don't have or have but will have to find. Some things, definitely, I don't have. I would like to do this right. So, until January, I will be postponing lessons. Simply, I have spent more than I should have already. I need to get back to budgeting and buying over time, within my income. A couple of three ring binders, paper for that, reinforcements for the holes in the paper, separators for the binders and paper, and a few other things the lesson plans call for. Yeah, I could go without. That doesn't work well, as I have found in past courses. I should have some 3x5 cards around though. And I should have plenty of printer paper for various tasks required in the lessons. But I'll have to dig those and a few other things up. Diving in just... doesn't always work. At least I am to the point where I am taking it seriously enough to properly prep to honestly begin.
Tomorrow is the shoot day. We received a blanket of snow tonight though, so I am not sure my friend will want to go. If nothing else I could probably take the movie over. And check to see if he has popcorn. I love me some popcorn while watching a movie. After that though I don't know. I am starting to slow down. I want to get to that drywall repair and putting the fixture in, but... I will just have to see.
Oh, right. Good night, for sure, this time. Probably.
.
I can't say why, but I simply feel ill. A bit of nausea, a very mild fever, and just an off thing. The bug bite, at least, is fading. It was a serious one though, and perhaps I am dealing with the after affects of it or an infection that it brought on. Any of that could easily be the problem. It is about time to go back to bed.
I have been plotting and planning the minor garden to go in this year. It might not be as minor as it first seemed. While I probably won't plant all of the peppers I ordered I will be planting many of those I do plant. Habanero, Thai, and serrano for sure, along with jalapeno most likely. I would also like to tinker with several varieties of tobacco, several of the root vegetables such as kohlrabi, rutabaga, and turnip, though in very small sample sized rows. Tomatoes will be going in along with those plants. I plan on putting in several plots of asparagus. Some of those will need to be seeded indoors, some will simply be planted in time. Others, such as the turnips I believe, may even be planted again, mid-summer, in an attempt to tinker with over-wintering. The ones that will take the heaviest toll of attention to detail and timing, though, are the peppers and tomatoes. At even five plants per, though I may seed more and use the best or all of what comes up, I could end up with a pretty serious garden start.
As for seedlings? I have been looking for the best ways of doing those. I have seen a few relatively good planting systems. If you have lots of money you could do some serious seeding, assuming you could keep up with it all. No, I have to start humbly. Further, many of the devices seem rather flimsy. I am hoping to craft a device that might work well for my needs. I have priced several fluorescent lights, that plug in, four footers, double bulb. I would need two for my plan. I have been creating a device, to build, that should be simple enough for my woodworking skills and tool sets, yet would work well to hold a fair number of seedlings, have some flexibility regarding lighting heights and plant rotation as necessary, and still be affordable and doable in an afternoon or three.
I had worried about needing to jump on things. My mother suggested starting seedlings as early as January! Hmm... I did a bit of looking, though, and for the most part, the earliest most locally start with peppers is mid to late February, with tomatoes starting after that. Some start frost resistant tomatoes earlier but I have no such variety. Or yet. So I have time to buy a few things slowly over the course of the next few months. The planter is the biggest expense and first need, as I see things. The lights, a bit of wood, some hardware, a bit of tinkering, and money and time. From there, little and bigger pots and bedding for the seeds, possibly fertilizer, maybe even saltpeter for seed soaking, and various other small items to make the task more sure. Hmm, habanero sauce, but too, salsa. Hopefully I will have enough to harvest some for canning, getting a taste of that if I don't get to canning before then.
Who knows what will happen. I might not be able to get to any of this. And, should I do all this, where it is easier, and indoors, whether I can maintain being out long, well, and often enough to tend the plants? I do have the seed. I have a canner and a cook stove for it. Things are coming together. My heart has even improved modestly. If I fail, it won't be for lack of planning or effort.
Latin lessons are on hold. The plans requires certain school/office supplies that I either don't have or have but will have to find. Some things, definitely, I don't have. I would like to do this right. So, until January, I will be postponing lessons. Simply, I have spent more than I should have already. I need to get back to budgeting and buying over time, within my income. A couple of three ring binders, paper for that, reinforcements for the holes in the paper, separators for the binders and paper, and a few other things the lesson plans call for. Yeah, I could go without. That doesn't work well, as I have found in past courses. I should have some 3x5 cards around though. And I should have plenty of printer paper for various tasks required in the lessons. But I'll have to dig those and a few other things up. Diving in just... doesn't always work. At least I am to the point where I am taking it seriously enough to properly prep to honestly begin.
Tomorrow is the shoot day. We received a blanket of snow tonight though, so I am not sure my friend will want to go. If nothing else I could probably take the movie over. And check to see if he has popcorn. I love me some popcorn while watching a movie. After that though I don't know. I am starting to slow down. I want to get to that drywall repair and putting the fixture in, but... I will just have to see.
Oh, right. Good night, for sure, this time. Probably.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Huhm? What? Who?
.
.
I have absolutely no idea when I finally went to bed, or, even when I actually woke. The blur between waking, dreaming, sleeping, and all is an absolute blur... a reality slurry of those ingredients put into a blender and given the ol' 'gee whiz' from the device. Here is sort of what might, could, and some of what for sure did happen.
After that last post I listened to a bit more music. There is something fascinating about my last lady love. I was coming to God, finding some of the truths of love with women, and losing her, all at the same time. And she was no ordinary woman, child, crone. Women are all three, once you get to know them. Anyway, so I went in for a nap, or to sleep. At this point, on the new medicines, I had no idea what would happen when I crawled under the covers. For a guy who could still be on the heart transplant list I am doing quite well. For whatever that really means. Nothing means what it should though, I am quite a unique piece of equipment myself. Cardiology nurses are comforted by the beat of my heart, it is so solid and good sounding to their ears. People ask me what I do for a living, I look healthy not mostly dead. Even my cardiology doctor, not the intern but the guy who has been doing this for thirty years or more, thought from his testing that my heart must be... pretty much healed, if the echo cardiogram proved that absolutely wrong. Imagine that, all of it.
Anyway, so crawling into bed on any given day is a crap shoot. But on recently increased doses of medicine, it is doubly so. My mother called back this morning, sometime after I had fallen asleep. I woke though, well enough to talk. I filled her in on the good news. Improved heart function. I also wanted to hear how her foot is doing. Painful, still healing, but better and better and far better even so than before the surgery. Back to sleep after that, for a bit, until the alarm? Or did I just use that time, while still almost awake, to call Midas and cancel? Or was it too early? Dunno. But I did call Midas a bit after 8:30? Something, and I did cancel. The fellow even remembered about the gas cap. Then, at some time later, the V.A. called, one of the P.A.s at the heart clinic (I do like those ladies if I think one of them can be quite put out with me... in a school marmish way). I think it was the one I stress who called. And, by the way, she is... pleased with my efforts and that I am finally taking a more active role, or doing my best, or now or currently able to participate more fully. Ah, she believes that raising the coreg(carvedilol) to 25 mg twice a day is the way to go. My bp, generally at 150/105 average, is still too high. And while it is, 25 mg is the max I can take. Period. Though there is room to increase one of my other medicines. I forgot to tell her I am cutting my water pills a bit, but... Heck, I am doing good to have answered, and to remember the increase.
After that? Fog. I think the girls woke me once. Not happy having poppo sleep through what has typically been feeding time, despite giving them three cans a day until I normalize as a... token gift for the changes... the girls where beating on my door. I know I grumbled, may have come out and told them no and chased them enough to know that feeding times have changed, then gone back to bed without feeding them (they still had dry and my synapses weren't firing well enough to figure out anything else anyway). Then back to bed. A call, at almost 18:00. Tonight was the supper! What time was supper? Uhrm, 18:00. Heh! I had set my phone to give an alarm, but the alarm on it is poor, really only good if I am already awake and just not paying attention. I need to get an app for that, a serious calendar and alarm system type of thing. I need a nagging alarm, or one that can use the incoming phone call ring to let me know. So, with minutes to prep, I actually got to it. I missed one event, wasn't going to miss two. The other was for illness, from the flu shot I think, but missing is missing, makes no difference to me why I missed.
In moments, on pure instinct because not a synaptic connection could be made, I showered, did my hair, dressed, hit the door, and was on my way. I doubt if the whole thing took fifteen minutes, though as if I would have known. I truly enjoy smaller events. A bit of socialization, seeing my neighbors but as an adult, not a sick man who receives food. Listening to how others are living, what they think, watching the interplays between neighbors themselves, between husbands and wives, and as communities. As a foreigner, and a bachelor, I am a misfit, whether LDS, Catholic, or other such groups. And yet my will is toward those ends, so it isn't that I am a complete stranger to the notions. Many of these folks are quite God given, they do as they understand, and that is very good. I am no stranger, in this, either. If we differ, I differ with most religious. My life has lead me to understandings, no other I have met save a few monks, quite... perceive similarly. Anyone with a life that calls on secular involvements will have a different perception than one who has tons of free time to... ponder, along with no real duties that might require them to... placate the Godless at times to a degree, or even abide the rules and such of men in congregate. And for me it is more. Dancing on both sides of death, and so closely, I have an absolutely different tone and approach to God. Not better, not worse, just... with a different focus by needs.
I just returned, leaving a bit early. I stayed longer this time though. I start falling though. The adrenaline rush that allows me to attend smaller events only lasts just so long. When it begins to diminish I begin hitting lows, and wanting to sleep. A crash. I can resist the urge, need, want, of sleep, even when I get home. But only if I close things down a bit. My guess is the reason I can look so good, healthwise, is because of having seen so much 'trouble'. I can and do, at times, push into biological places others with a bad heart have never seen. Adrenaline, and the other gunk like it, can keep you alive when you are so far past exhaustion, pain tolerances, hunger, or any serious mix of stresses that cause many to shut down. But it can only be used if the door to it has been opened by continuous use, perhaps outright abuse. I have literally lived on adrenaline right through death a few times. It's a gift, but a cursed one.
All good, very nice. Hmm, did I just write something? Still not awake, aware, firing consciously on even three of the eight cylinders. I am awake, but I have no idea what it is I am supposed to do. Later?
.
I have absolutely no idea when I finally went to bed, or, even when I actually woke. The blur between waking, dreaming, sleeping, and all is an absolute blur... a reality slurry of those ingredients put into a blender and given the ol' 'gee whiz' from the device. Here is sort of what might, could, and some of what for sure did happen.
After that last post I listened to a bit more music. There is something fascinating about my last lady love. I was coming to God, finding some of the truths of love with women, and losing her, all at the same time. And she was no ordinary woman, child, crone. Women are all three, once you get to know them. Anyway, so I went in for a nap, or to sleep. At this point, on the new medicines, I had no idea what would happen when I crawled under the covers. For a guy who could still be on the heart transplant list I am doing quite well. For whatever that really means. Nothing means what it should though, I am quite a unique piece of equipment myself. Cardiology nurses are comforted by the beat of my heart, it is so solid and good sounding to their ears. People ask me what I do for a living, I look healthy not mostly dead. Even my cardiology doctor, not the intern but the guy who has been doing this for thirty years or more, thought from his testing that my heart must be... pretty much healed, if the echo cardiogram proved that absolutely wrong. Imagine that, all of it.
Anyway, so crawling into bed on any given day is a crap shoot. But on recently increased doses of medicine, it is doubly so. My mother called back this morning, sometime after I had fallen asleep. I woke though, well enough to talk. I filled her in on the good news. Improved heart function. I also wanted to hear how her foot is doing. Painful, still healing, but better and better and far better even so than before the surgery. Back to sleep after that, for a bit, until the alarm? Or did I just use that time, while still almost awake, to call Midas and cancel? Or was it too early? Dunno. But I did call Midas a bit after 8:30? Something, and I did cancel. The fellow even remembered about the gas cap. Then, at some time later, the V.A. called, one of the P.A.s at the heart clinic (I do like those ladies if I think one of them can be quite put out with me... in a school marmish way). I think it was the one I stress who called. And, by the way, she is... pleased with my efforts and that I am finally taking a more active role, or doing my best, or now or currently able to participate more fully. Ah, she believes that raising the coreg(carvedilol) to 25 mg twice a day is the way to go. My bp, generally at 150/105 average, is still too high. And while it is, 25 mg is the max I can take. Period. Though there is room to increase one of my other medicines. I forgot to tell her I am cutting my water pills a bit, but... Heck, I am doing good to have answered, and to remember the increase.
After that? Fog. I think the girls woke me once. Not happy having poppo sleep through what has typically been feeding time, despite giving them three cans a day until I normalize as a... token gift for the changes... the girls where beating on my door. I know I grumbled, may have come out and told them no and chased them enough to know that feeding times have changed, then gone back to bed without feeding them (they still had dry and my synapses weren't firing well enough to figure out anything else anyway). Then back to bed. A call, at almost 18:00. Tonight was the supper! What time was supper? Uhrm, 18:00. Heh! I had set my phone to give an alarm, but the alarm on it is poor, really only good if I am already awake and just not paying attention. I need to get an app for that, a serious calendar and alarm system type of thing. I need a nagging alarm, or one that can use the incoming phone call ring to let me know. So, with minutes to prep, I actually got to it. I missed one event, wasn't going to miss two. The other was for illness, from the flu shot I think, but missing is missing, makes no difference to me why I missed.
In moments, on pure instinct because not a synaptic connection could be made, I showered, did my hair, dressed, hit the door, and was on my way. I doubt if the whole thing took fifteen minutes, though as if I would have known. I truly enjoy smaller events. A bit of socialization, seeing my neighbors but as an adult, not a sick man who receives food. Listening to how others are living, what they think, watching the interplays between neighbors themselves, between husbands and wives, and as communities. As a foreigner, and a bachelor, I am a misfit, whether LDS, Catholic, or other such groups. And yet my will is toward those ends, so it isn't that I am a complete stranger to the notions. Many of these folks are quite God given, they do as they understand, and that is very good. I am no stranger, in this, either. If we differ, I differ with most religious. My life has lead me to understandings, no other I have met save a few monks, quite... perceive similarly. Anyone with a life that calls on secular involvements will have a different perception than one who has tons of free time to... ponder, along with no real duties that might require them to... placate the Godless at times to a degree, or even abide the rules and such of men in congregate. And for me it is more. Dancing on both sides of death, and so closely, I have an absolutely different tone and approach to God. Not better, not worse, just... with a different focus by needs.
I just returned, leaving a bit early. I stayed longer this time though. I start falling though. The adrenaline rush that allows me to attend smaller events only lasts just so long. When it begins to diminish I begin hitting lows, and wanting to sleep. A crash. I can resist the urge, need, want, of sleep, even when I get home. But only if I close things down a bit. My guess is the reason I can look so good, healthwise, is because of having seen so much 'trouble'. I can and do, at times, push into biological places others with a bad heart have never seen. Adrenaline, and the other gunk like it, can keep you alive when you are so far past exhaustion, pain tolerances, hunger, or any serious mix of stresses that cause many to shut down. But it can only be used if the door to it has been opened by continuous use, perhaps outright abuse. I have literally lived on adrenaline right through death a few times. It's a gift, but a cursed one.
All good, very nice. Hmm, did I just write something? Still not awake, aware, firing consciously on even three of the eight cylinders. I am awake, but I have no idea what it is I am supposed to do. Later?
Late nights and long hours.
.
.
While I have always... disliked having to sleep, albeit loving sleep itself, I don't always like late nights. Oh, well, I enjoy the quiet. I like the dark, if I enjoy the sun too, mostly... at a distance. It is simply that most of the rest of the world is asleep. Most people can't handle, or have no option, to be up or active at night. Most stores are closed, though with the internet things have changed that way. Whatever the case might be at any given time, tonight is not one of my favored over-nighters. Partly, I suppose, because I am still tired but could not sleep, woke up, and that has happened two nights in a row. Well, and the fact that I must stay up... Hmm, though I am considering a nap.
I did find the joists in the ceiling, though not using the magnet I had actually bought for the project. Beside being rather large, I... have some fearful respect for the thing. However, on check out, their online system asked if I wanted some free stuff. Well... DO I!?! Yes I do'ed! In the group of free items were some very small tab magnets (of the same type strong magnet) and a collectiion of various magnets of different lengths and thicknesses that ended up forming a bar. I used the bar of magnets, since it was easier to hold anyway, to finally find the joists, then used the tab magnets to mark the drywall screws. Something is odd about the ceiling, it seems like there is a space between the drywall and the stud, as if there are spacers or something in there. When I was drilling it seemed like that anyway. In any case, the joists where found, the holes drilled, the hooks installed, and the plants are now hanging where they can get a bit more light... Uhrm, when I happen to be up in the day, and remember to open the curtains. They best be hardy plants, that's all I'm saying. Oh, right, I best get those several magnets down and put them away while I am at it.
I also used my instant ice packs and first aid knowledge for the first time, together, tonight. Looking up information on bug bites, and more spider bites, I kept seeing that putting an ice pack on the area for 15-20 minutes could help. While the notion was a complete flop, I did notice a general weakness in my simple supplies. I have no ace bandages. I have the disposable cling stuff, but didn't want to open that up. Part of the problem with that advice is that, being on the inner part of my arm, at an arch, keeping the ice pack tight against the arm while still doing my doings was impossible. Though I suspect the ice pack thing is just for the histrionics, so they feel like they are getting the dire attention such a terrible wound requires. I... don't think it does a damned thing to aid or relieve symptoms. Just... my take. At least in my situation. Still, it was fun to have the supplies to at least try something like that. Well, I also failed to do something I should have known to do. When I wrapped the ice pack in a towel I didn't dampen the towel. Still, I think it is a dud. Then again, if I can find an ace bandage, or something else non-disposable, or an open pack of the disposable stuff, I might give it another try some time while resting tomorrow. Just to be sure. I did rather ding that home health project up pretty bad. Bleh.
Hmm... Nap time. Almost as good as nachos! I am really hungry, but I think I am more tired. I'll keep the alarm on and try to remember to call Midas first thing, then go back to sleep if I can, want, or something. Good night, again.
.
While I have always... disliked having to sleep, albeit loving sleep itself, I don't always like late nights. Oh, well, I enjoy the quiet. I like the dark, if I enjoy the sun too, mostly... at a distance. It is simply that most of the rest of the world is asleep. Most people can't handle, or have no option, to be up or active at night. Most stores are closed, though with the internet things have changed that way. Whatever the case might be at any given time, tonight is not one of my favored over-nighters. Partly, I suppose, because I am still tired but could not sleep, woke up, and that has happened two nights in a row. Well, and the fact that I must stay up... Hmm, though I am considering a nap.
I did find the joists in the ceiling, though not using the magnet I had actually bought for the project. Beside being rather large, I... have some fearful respect for the thing. However, on check out, their online system asked if I wanted some free stuff. Well... DO I!?! Yes I do'ed! In the group of free items were some very small tab magnets (of the same type strong magnet) and a collectiion of various magnets of different lengths and thicknesses that ended up forming a bar. I used the bar of magnets, since it was easier to hold anyway, to finally find the joists, then used the tab magnets to mark the drywall screws. Something is odd about the ceiling, it seems like there is a space between the drywall and the stud, as if there are spacers or something in there. When I was drilling it seemed like that anyway. In any case, the joists where found, the holes drilled, the hooks installed, and the plants are now hanging where they can get a bit more light... Uhrm, when I happen to be up in the day, and remember to open the curtains. They best be hardy plants, that's all I'm saying. Oh, right, I best get those several magnets down and put them away while I am at it.
I also used my instant ice packs and first aid knowledge for the first time, together, tonight. Looking up information on bug bites, and more spider bites, I kept seeing that putting an ice pack on the area for 15-20 minutes could help. While the notion was a complete flop, I did notice a general weakness in my simple supplies. I have no ace bandages. I have the disposable cling stuff, but didn't want to open that up. Part of the problem with that advice is that, being on the inner part of my arm, at an arch, keeping the ice pack tight against the arm while still doing my doings was impossible. Though I suspect the ice pack thing is just for the histrionics, so they feel like they are getting the dire attention such a terrible wound requires. I... don't think it does a damned thing to aid or relieve symptoms. Just... my take. At least in my situation. Still, it was fun to have the supplies to at least try something like that. Well, I also failed to do something I should have known to do. When I wrapped the ice pack in a towel I didn't dampen the towel. Still, I think it is a dud. Then again, if I can find an ace bandage, or something else non-disposable, or an open pack of the disposable stuff, I might give it another try some time while resting tomorrow. Just to be sure. I did rather ding that home health project up pretty bad. Bleh.
Hmm... Nap time. Almost as good as nachos! I am really hungry, but I think I am more tired. I'll keep the alarm on and try to remember to call Midas first thing, then go back to sleep if I can, want, or something. Good night, again.
Now... Come now!
.
.
I did get to bed early, somewhere around 20:00 and change. I slept like a babe. For about four hours, again. At least I don't have to be up early. This is quite annoying. I am fully awake. I don't think I heard anything tonight, I simply woke... I think. Well, I thought I had heard a cellphone, or some sort of alarm. But when I was fully awake the pattern didn't fit anything of mine. Still, come to think of it, I have had that happen before, here, but nowhere else. In this house. It could be dreaming, but it could be real, too. Like a cellphone going off in the attic or crawlspace or somewhere isolated and a bit distant.
Then again, when I go back on these medicines, my sleep has been disturbed in a split-level sort of way before, where I only sleep for four hours at a time. I just don't like odd things, things I can't nail down. If the medicines made me a lighter sleeper, perhaps I am waking to what had not bothered me before. If so, what is that? Dreams? People? An old alarm watch somewhere in my stowed gear? There are ways to check, but those ways require money and work, or even more money to have installed. Time, perhaps, will see me to some of those things.
Whatever though. I am up, but it really isn't the right time nor am I quite awake enough anyway, to do projects. Hmm, I could set the dishes to soak and throw in a load of laundry though. I've set a pot of coffee to the fire, actually that is probably ready by now. Oddly enough I can sleep on coffee, sometimes it even can help me find sleep. At least there is that. My guess is I will probably be crashing in a few hours. Drats. I forgot to call to cancel the Midas appointment. No, I know, I don't have to, really. Just not showing up is enough. It is just that I do prefer to... be up front about things. So I will try to stay up late enough to call. Four hours down, four to eight hours up, rinse and repeat, at least until my body figures out the new doses of medicine, learns to manage the reaction. I've had worse, and the medicine is paying off. I'll take it.
Sassy especially, but Sam too, think that any time poppo rises from the dead that he should feed them post haste. Even if I have been feeding them well and regularly. Nope, I have set a limit of three cans max, per day, and sometimes I only feed them two cans and rarely only one can. Even dry food is limited to several handfuls per day. I will not see Sassy becoming humungous again, it is truly bad for her health. I have decided they are much more affectionate when not bloated to top things off. And even to watch, they play a great deal more if they aren't fed on a whim, just in the environment. A hungry kitty is a happy kitty, curious kitty, attentive kitty, and such. Sassy looks so much better since she lost that pumpkin sized face, too! Pretty... fat... she had become double Sam's weight with all other dimensions being the same. I wasn't going to kill her with "kindness".
That spider bite, from the other night, is still a bit of a problem. I am keeping an eye on it. The swelling has gone down, as extending the skin from level, but the rash size is the same. The dime sized bite site looks like a huge mosquito bump, hard red now, and it changes from lighter to darker, with a further pinkish site/rash about a 1 1/2 to 2 times the size of a silver dollar. The burning and itching comes and goes. If it looks to be developing a hole, or even begins scabbing over, I am going to call the V.A. nurse hotline. This is two days in. While we don't have the brown recluse, I think, we do have the hobo spider. The venom characteristics are similar and I know a woman bitten by the former. She had to have surgical removal of necrotic tissue in her leg, clean to the bone, from a brown recluse. It may simply be an infected typical spider bite, though, too. Even that has to be watched. So I am.
Well, on to something else.
.
I did get to bed early, somewhere around 20:00 and change. I slept like a babe. For about four hours, again. At least I don't have to be up early. This is quite annoying. I am fully awake. I don't think I heard anything tonight, I simply woke... I think. Well, I thought I had heard a cellphone, or some sort of alarm. But when I was fully awake the pattern didn't fit anything of mine. Still, come to think of it, I have had that happen before, here, but nowhere else. In this house. It could be dreaming, but it could be real, too. Like a cellphone going off in the attic or crawlspace or somewhere isolated and a bit distant.
Then again, when I go back on these medicines, my sleep has been disturbed in a split-level sort of way before, where I only sleep for four hours at a time. I just don't like odd things, things I can't nail down. If the medicines made me a lighter sleeper, perhaps I am waking to what had not bothered me before. If so, what is that? Dreams? People? An old alarm watch somewhere in my stowed gear? There are ways to check, but those ways require money and work, or even more money to have installed. Time, perhaps, will see me to some of those things.
Whatever though. I am up, but it really isn't the right time nor am I quite awake enough anyway, to do projects. Hmm, I could set the dishes to soak and throw in a load of laundry though. I've set a pot of coffee to the fire, actually that is probably ready by now. Oddly enough I can sleep on coffee, sometimes it even can help me find sleep. At least there is that. My guess is I will probably be crashing in a few hours. Drats. I forgot to call to cancel the Midas appointment. No, I know, I don't have to, really. Just not showing up is enough. It is just that I do prefer to... be up front about things. So I will try to stay up late enough to call. Four hours down, four to eight hours up, rinse and repeat, at least until my body figures out the new doses of medicine, learns to manage the reaction. I've had worse, and the medicine is paying off. I'll take it.
Sassy especially, but Sam too, think that any time poppo rises from the dead that he should feed them post haste. Even if I have been feeding them well and regularly. Nope, I have set a limit of three cans max, per day, and sometimes I only feed them two cans and rarely only one can. Even dry food is limited to several handfuls per day. I will not see Sassy becoming humungous again, it is truly bad for her health. I have decided they are much more affectionate when not bloated to top things off. And even to watch, they play a great deal more if they aren't fed on a whim, just in the environment. A hungry kitty is a happy kitty, curious kitty, attentive kitty, and such. Sassy looks so much better since she lost that pumpkin sized face, too! Pretty... fat... she had become double Sam's weight with all other dimensions being the same. I wasn't going to kill her with "kindness".
That spider bite, from the other night, is still a bit of a problem. I am keeping an eye on it. The swelling has gone down, as extending the skin from level, but the rash size is the same. The dime sized bite site looks like a huge mosquito bump, hard red now, and it changes from lighter to darker, with a further pinkish site/rash about a 1 1/2 to 2 times the size of a silver dollar. The burning and itching comes and goes. If it looks to be developing a hole, or even begins scabbing over, I am going to call the V.A. nurse hotline. This is two days in. While we don't have the brown recluse, I think, we do have the hobo spider. The venom characteristics are similar and I know a woman bitten by the former. She had to have surgical removal of necrotic tissue in her leg, clean to the bone, from a brown recluse. It may simply be an infected typical spider bite, though, too. Even that has to be watched. So I am.
Well, on to something else.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Optimal.
.
.
Barely, and on the low side, but I will take it. My ejection fraction was 21%, that is up from 15% last time. That is a thirty(ish) percent increase in heart function, in about a year, on the weaksauce medicine I can tolerate, when I can take it. Okay, that's... actually quite promising. To me. It means there is lots of room for improvement, but it also means improvement is possible. Does that mean anything in terms of added function in simple living? Maybe, a hair better, or maybe that is just hope. It is like thinking the person you see in the fog is the person you WANT to see. Time will tell.
That "extra hour" nap turned into two hours. Still, I stopped at the post office and sent off the letters while picking up my seed packet. I still think I did good with this seed company, at least there is that. I may order from the other seed company as well, since I might be interested in playing with the ghost pepper which was only available there. Two good seed companies is all good by my standards. I will be working up a schedule of what to begin germinating, when, and how. Most of the suggested indoor planting tables suggest anywhere from four to eight weeks before "the last frost", in two week intervals. Some things require full sun, some things not so much. Some of the various seed can go into planters while some simply don't do well, requiring dirt gardens.
I am excited about starting a garden. I had thought to... just go for the experience and learning about seed collection. But with the need for peppers for sauce, that attitude has shifted. Do I expect much this year? Next perhaps? No. I am not even sure I will raise enough to produce enough seed for the right genetic diversity required, usually seeds from ten different plants are needed, as a rule of thumb. So, even if it works well I may need to buy seeds next year. No problems there. And, really, until or unless I get to functioning more solidly I can't promise much. I will simply give it a shot. It isn't like starving goats should I fail though. Still, I would feel bad if I end up not keeping up and the plants just withered. They are tasty, but they are beautiful living things. All one has to do is to lose and regain life to see some things in a very... honest or true way about life. I just won't have PETA or the local sheriff to deal with about it.
I stopped in SLC at Well-Foods to get... What? I could not remember! A shopping list of one item and I couldn't pull it off. I am definitely going to tickle a wife someday. She says, "You WHAT"? I say, "I'm sure he is fine, junior is almost 7 and the airport is a friendly place... but I'm right on that. But I DID get those geraniums you wanted, couldn't think of why else I was there." Or... such. Yeah, it's going to happen. I did get some salami though. Gosh is their stuff good. It was coffee that I meant to stop to get, so I could just take the short way home after the pass. I remembered before the short turn-off, and sighed as I drove on by it. I wasn't going to quit, not while I am ahead. So, into Logan, and I did get coffee, then got out of town as fast as I could. I wasn't going to do one more thing. I am done, with Christmas, with shopping, with driving, with everything. After I finish those few projects already in the works, probably tomorrow, I will take some time off. Ugh! Well, after Saturdays shoot, anyway.
Well, at least I know about the heart. And it is good enough, for now. It is a real beginning. I wasn't just blowing smoke about living decades more. Well, to my mind. And they really can't believe how good I look for how bad I am, even with the new and improved numbers. I shouldn't say this but... I've had an erection all day, even before getting the numbers. Seriously. Not sure what is up with that, save that something thinks we will be bumping into a wife... and somebody is ready. Yeah, and this start-up of medicines has had the predictable usual affect, but like never before. Confession is needed, bi-daily some days. And that is with all my effort to the contrary. Gah! *grins* It might not be green sprouts, but he sprouts, he do! Like a 17 year old all over again. Gosh but I hate(d) that. Ah well, women were really nice to me all day. Seriously. How do they even know from forty paces, and why do they think it's all about them anyway? *laughing... at something, everything*
Yeah, but I am spent. I am going to stay up longer as supper is coming in (they missed Tuesday so are making it up today). I would be staying up later, anyway, to try to stretch into days a bit, for now, whatever. Tomorrow is more-holes-in-the-ceiling day, and maybe patch and light for the other ceiling. Dishes and laundry will by my secondary goals. Gotta keep a grip.
Well, later or good night.
.
Barely, and on the low side, but I will take it. My ejection fraction was 21%, that is up from 15% last time. That is a thirty(ish) percent increase in heart function, in about a year, on the weaksauce medicine I can tolerate, when I can take it. Okay, that's... actually quite promising. To me. It means there is lots of room for improvement, but it also means improvement is possible. Does that mean anything in terms of added function in simple living? Maybe, a hair better, or maybe that is just hope. It is like thinking the person you see in the fog is the person you WANT to see. Time will tell.
That "extra hour" nap turned into two hours. Still, I stopped at the post office and sent off the letters while picking up my seed packet. I still think I did good with this seed company, at least there is that. I may order from the other seed company as well, since I might be interested in playing with the ghost pepper which was only available there. Two good seed companies is all good by my standards. I will be working up a schedule of what to begin germinating, when, and how. Most of the suggested indoor planting tables suggest anywhere from four to eight weeks before "the last frost", in two week intervals. Some things require full sun, some things not so much. Some of the various seed can go into planters while some simply don't do well, requiring dirt gardens.
I am excited about starting a garden. I had thought to... just go for the experience and learning about seed collection. But with the need for peppers for sauce, that attitude has shifted. Do I expect much this year? Next perhaps? No. I am not even sure I will raise enough to produce enough seed for the right genetic diversity required, usually seeds from ten different plants are needed, as a rule of thumb. So, even if it works well I may need to buy seeds next year. No problems there. And, really, until or unless I get to functioning more solidly I can't promise much. I will simply give it a shot. It isn't like starving goats should I fail though. Still, I would feel bad if I end up not keeping up and the plants just withered. They are tasty, but they are beautiful living things. All one has to do is to lose and regain life to see some things in a very... honest or true way about life. I just won't have PETA or the local sheriff to deal with about it.
I stopped in SLC at Well-Foods to get... What? I could not remember! A shopping list of one item and I couldn't pull it off. I am definitely going to tickle a wife someday. She says, "You WHAT"? I say, "I'm sure he is fine, junior is almost 7 and the airport is a friendly place... but I'm right on that. But I DID get those geraniums you wanted, couldn't think of why else I was there." Or... such. Yeah, it's going to happen. I did get some salami though. Gosh is their stuff good. It was coffee that I meant to stop to get, so I could just take the short way home after the pass. I remembered before the short turn-off, and sighed as I drove on by it. I wasn't going to quit, not while I am ahead. So, into Logan, and I did get coffee, then got out of town as fast as I could. I wasn't going to do one more thing. I am done, with Christmas, with shopping, with driving, with everything. After I finish those few projects already in the works, probably tomorrow, I will take some time off. Ugh! Well, after Saturdays shoot, anyway.
Well, at least I know about the heart. And it is good enough, for now. It is a real beginning. I wasn't just blowing smoke about living decades more. Well, to my mind. And they really can't believe how good I look for how bad I am, even with the new and improved numbers. I shouldn't say this but... I've had an erection all day, even before getting the numbers. Seriously. Not sure what is up with that, save that something thinks we will be bumping into a wife... and somebody is ready. Yeah, and this start-up of medicines has had the predictable usual affect, but like never before. Confession is needed, bi-daily some days. And that is with all my effort to the contrary. Gah! *grins* It might not be green sprouts, but he sprouts, he do! Like a 17 year old all over again. Gosh but I hate(d) that. Ah well, women were really nice to me all day. Seriously. How do they even know from forty paces, and why do they think it's all about them anyway? *laughing... at something, everything*
Yeah, but I am spent. I am going to stay up longer as supper is coming in (they missed Tuesday so are making it up today). I would be staying up later, anyway, to try to stretch into days a bit, for now, whatever. Tomorrow is more-holes-in-the-ceiling day, and maybe patch and light for the other ceiling. Dishes and laundry will by my secondary goals. Gotta keep a grip.
Well, later or good night.
A bit of sleep.
.
.
I thought I would struggle with sleep. It actually came rather easily. The problem, it turns out, is that it didn't last long. Four hours is a might wee. I may yet go back to bed for a bit. I can't be sure what woke me, but something did. At first I thought it was the girls being squirrels but when I came out of my room they were both huddled in their individual 'sleep 'til we eat' bundles. Hmm, but it seems that I heard something that got my attention. That I am sure of. It wasn't anything... dangerous sounding, like someone trying to break in or such. Nothing that raised an alarm. I just thought the girls were hungry, or playing, or... something like that. Ah well. But then I couldn't get back to sleep.
A bug bite, last night, actually while I was in town somehow, right on the inside of my left bicep. I couldn't tell if it was a bite or an allergic reaction to something at first. When I noticed it, it was a harsh red band, about four inches long and perhaps an half inch wide, from a quarter to the front of my bicep back to the middle of the muscle. This morning it has turned into a huge red splotch, filling out that length into a full reddish pink circle, oddly with the bite area now visible but in the upper section of the circle, not the center. Just so you know. :p
Hmm, yeah, another hour of sleep wouldn't hurt. Good night, again.
.
I thought I would struggle with sleep. It actually came rather easily. The problem, it turns out, is that it didn't last long. Four hours is a might wee. I may yet go back to bed for a bit. I can't be sure what woke me, but something did. At first I thought it was the girls being squirrels but when I came out of my room they were both huddled in their individual 'sleep 'til we eat' bundles. Hmm, but it seems that I heard something that got my attention. That I am sure of. It wasn't anything... dangerous sounding, like someone trying to break in or such. Nothing that raised an alarm. I just thought the girls were hungry, or playing, or... something like that. Ah well. But then I couldn't get back to sleep.
A bug bite, last night, actually while I was in town somehow, right on the inside of my left bicep. I couldn't tell if it was a bite or an allergic reaction to something at first. When I noticed it, it was a harsh red band, about four inches long and perhaps an half inch wide, from a quarter to the front of my bicep back to the middle of the muscle. This morning it has turned into a huge red splotch, filling out that length into a full reddish pink circle, oddly with the bite area now visible but in the upper section of the circle, not the center. Just so you know. :p
Hmm, yeah, another hour of sleep wouldn't hurt. Good night, again.
Best do it now?
.
.
A bit of goofing, after the trip, of course, to catch my breath again. But I was dying to see if the keyhole saw would work. Like a charm it did. The job will go forward. I have everything else for that, now. Not tomorrow, perhaps Friday if I am up to tinkering, since I no longer need to be back into town for an auto checkup. The Christmas gift to my mother has been sent, all online that one. As last things, tonight, before too much time passes, I decided to just send my brother and his wife money for Christmas. As well, the last bit I had promised my lady friend, technically her birthday present since she has her Christmas present, was set up to be sent. A bit of money so that she can pay for her 4G plan, so as to be able to browse the internet, email, and such, from home.
I do have five or six dishes and such I could wash. I am feeling tired enough that I may sleep though. I don't wish to let that slip and find myself driving tired. No, those will just have to wait. I am pleased with what I have done and am about to do. If I can get cracking fast enough I will be to the post office to send these letters I just put in envelopes and pick up my seeds before heading to SLC. Some things, when done, just... allow some breathing room in my mind. These things are among those.
When I finish hanging the plants and repairing the drywall and installing that light I will probably take a few weeks off. With a goal, though, of keeping everything else up and then getting into my bedroom for cleaning and pipework in the bathroom, along with beginning swimming, in January. While Santa works, I will slumber I do believe. Well, if the doctors leave me alone. Heh.
Good night.
.
A bit of goofing, after the trip, of course, to catch my breath again. But I was dying to see if the keyhole saw would work. Like a charm it did. The job will go forward. I have everything else for that, now. Not tomorrow, perhaps Friday if I am up to tinkering, since I no longer need to be back into town for an auto checkup. The Christmas gift to my mother has been sent, all online that one. As last things, tonight, before too much time passes, I decided to just send my brother and his wife money for Christmas. As well, the last bit I had promised my lady friend, technically her birthday present since she has her Christmas present, was set up to be sent. A bit of money so that she can pay for her 4G plan, so as to be able to browse the internet, email, and such, from home.
I do have five or six dishes and such I could wash. I am feeling tired enough that I may sleep though. I don't wish to let that slip and find myself driving tired. No, those will just have to wait. I am pleased with what I have done and am about to do. If I can get cracking fast enough I will be to the post office to send these letters I just put in envelopes and pick up my seeds before heading to SLC. Some things, when done, just... allow some breathing room in my mind. These things are among those.
When I finish hanging the plants and repairing the drywall and installing that light I will probably take a few weeks off. With a goal, though, of keeping everything else up and then getting into my bedroom for cleaning and pipework in the bathroom, along with beginning swimming, in January. While Santa works, I will slumber I do believe. Well, if the doctors leave me alone. Heh.
Good night.
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