Ta pig, she flies... with lipstick? And another she... is back. Gah!

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Well, maybe not quite.  But the hog has been given it's last rights, proper care, and packaging plus a bit of smoking and curing, and is ready for my delicate preparations for final disposal... near final.  :p  And guess who is back?

Something about sleeping, waking, and working again.  Yeah, yeah, okay.  I got it.  But when I am on something, and seemingly healthy enough to chase it, I do tend to work myself to the bone.  At least, going to bed at 5:00... 6:00... 7:00... later?  I was up by noon.  A phone call sort of got me going, about the pig, lipstick, flying...  Don't expect things to make logical sense at some points.  I just hope I didn't say anything funny about what was going through my mind, like... if it has wings, can you just hook those up to a battery, and send it to my address?  When dreams and real life conversations collide... it is kind of funny.  She's still looking at me funny, isn't she?  Gah!

I keep uploading cds and keep seeming to get so very few on no matter how fast I work.  I have, 123 albums and 1443 "items", uploaded, after about a day and a half to two days in real hour terms, assuming an 8 hour day, I would guess.  That is, I think right at a half to a third of what has to go on.  I wasn't sure, during the call, if I would be getting up any time soon, so I asked if I could pick up the pork tomorrow.  Tomorrow is fine, and I bet Saturday would even be fine.  It... isn't going to just walk off.  I may try to figure out getting in today, but no promises.  Otherwise it will be Saturday.  I have too much going on tomorrow and I am psychically stuck on the cds.  What was the old lore about throwing down sesame seeds, and a vampire was required to count them?  Something.

Oh, right, an old question.  And I just answered it actually.  In some lore, giants, nephilim, are considered the origins of what we now call vampires.  Not because they drank blood, per se, though it was thought they did pretty much whatever they wanted as they couldn't really be easily stopped.  (Like the joke, what does a 350 pound canary eat?  Whatever it wants!)  It was that they were notoriously hard to kill, thus things like the stake through the heart, burning, even thinking holy water or the crucifix would help.  None of the latter type of things work, of course, as such are beings of flesh too.  Best to, as I have suggested, use a firearm, shoot me a couple of times near where the spine and skull meet, then chop off my head... to be sure.  That was before I was forming the notion of the possibility of being a giant more, for those who have an interest in seeing me dead.  I only offered that advise to save them and me a lot of trouble, mind you.  I'm polite that way.  There were other things, like being very private, the sometimes ability to get in regular people's minds, and being... different in other ways.  No flying, turning into bats or wolves, or much else truly supernatural.  But vampires are from that mythology, and Lilith is the mother of both the children of Cain who bear the mark and nephilim.  Two different blood lines, for sure.  Not at all... allied blood lines, either.  Their is such great enmity between the two that I am surprised their hasn't been all out war.  Then again, one is exceedingly plentiful, populating a whole continent(s?) and then some, if that is held as the truth of such, while the others are only coalescing as genetically functional bodies become available, and are relatively rare yet.  Such was Lilith though.  Divided houses and all seems to be one of her inherent things.  Never mind.  Just stories for grown children.  Boo?

Hmm, no, I won't make it to the butcher today.  June, June, June...  Please stop?  I know, I know...  I just... gotta... do this!

Good day.

Didn't I just get told that I couldn't stay up and...

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Yeah, yeah, I got that.  And I just said that I needed to create a platform to prepare for sleep.  And I just ignored it all, with my nose in the machine.  While I figured this and that out, loaded my ipod, learned a bit about itunes, uploaded a third of my cds now, it is 4:50 and there is no way...  So, whatever.  I am going to just continue feeding this danged monster until I am out of discs.

On the good side, putting the new battery into the motherboard has brought several other improvements.  First, I don't have to remember to reset the time every time I turn on the machine.  But before that, I don't have to hit 'f4', then choose to exit setup without making changes, hoping in my sleepiness that I didn't hit anything else and that I hit that button and not the save and close button.  I think several other things seem to work better as well.  It was difficult getting going on this.  It was a loaner, and I guess now a trade, on the machine I took in to be fixed.  He wanted the old case, I guess he got it.  The insides were busted up, and his attempts to fix something cosmetic that wasn't a problem I had asked him to fix pretty much killed the machine, so...  that's just how it goes.  Anyway, between exhaustion and waiting, this machine has finally been made fully functional... within it's limits.  I also put the other batteries in their perspective components.  Finally, on so many things...

I am having to take time, loading the cds though too.  The disc player gets really hot.  If that weren't an issue... it would still take a lot of time.  It's just one of THOSE jobs.  Since today is tomorrow, I have a pretty good idea what I will be doing most of the day.  Oh, if I didn't mention it, the swimming coach did reply.  At the rates, and frequency of sessions, she would be willing to consider I think I can, if just barely, swing it.  I hope the V.A. will offer to compensate, but if not I should be able to work on this on my own.  Yeah, I'll be scraping bare bottom.  But I am hoping lessons will improve my skills quickly enough that I can then join the group class... after a bit of a financial break where I just work the training and enhance capacity.  I've let her know when and where I prefer, so I'm hoping to here back, and maybe meet her Friday or something, to seal the deal.

Well, back to feeding this stupid thing.  Later.

That's just rude!

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Right at all night, give or take time for dinner, a very little bit of walking off the strain of sitting, although with a goodly bit of time trying to figure out playlists, which I am still suffering, and some other things.  It seems there are often two ways to do anything through itunes, at least.  However, if you do things one way, some options close to you.  Now, you don't always know you are closing options, mind you.  Right now I am trying to figure out how to get a few songs off the damned thing.  It seems, unless I wasn't doing it right of course, that if you bulk port a playlist, you then can't remove a song?  So, I reset the ipod, as I haven't found a way to get the songs off at all once they are bulk loaded through syncing, now I am trying to load them manually, sort of, from the playlist.  Gah!  I did end up putting 93 albums into itunes though, and I do have a pretty good setup for the swimming playlist.  I am not sure, though, how much more I want to put on the playlist, and I definitely need to tinker with that playlist, and possible another for more relaxed listening... or whatever other things I might consider.  The X'ter has a port for an ipod.  I may have to see if that works with the shuffle at all, or as I would like it.  I have been considering a larger ipod, one that I could use for biking and the X, which carries my whole music library, if I think the sound is worth it.  Years out, mind you, I have a few other prep things left...  like a wheat grinder.

Update.  I figured it all out and the ipod is both set up with the playlist I want, I know how, and have arranged so that I can add and remove songs as I wish.  All is golden.

Maybe not so much?

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I started putting CDs into the external drive as I was preparing, mentally, to get to a few other things.  I am pretty much still doing that.  I have 54 or 55 CDs uploaded.  On the other hand, I thought someone was coming over, if nothing else to watch as I worked on the snow blower.  They didn't show up.  I lost track and just kept going on the CDs.  I thought I would take a little break from that, to create a "swimming" play list.  I think it will work, as I add more albums, putting them, I hope, into my "all" folder.  If... it does what it is supposed to do and I tell it, or have to tell it how do do that?  Huh?  Never mind.  I will probably figure it all out.  That is... a fifth to a seventh of my collection.  The drive was getting a little warm, anyway, so a switching of gears was probably advisable.  Oh, I have heard that you can also 'crack' or such movies, then upload those to itunes.  But with those, you have to obtain free or paid software, figure out what format you want it in then put it on your computer, then upload it.  I haven't even decided on a program (or two, as some do not decode newer movies, needing a second add-on program).  No, I'll do that later.  It is simply good to not have to worry, fully, about losing all of my CDs and DVDs, so it is worth investigating.  Just knowing which format to put it in, though, is nerve-wracking. 

That means, of course, that the snow blower was not repaired.  That will happen, soon.  Nor was my home tended.  Perhaps this weekend?  I guess things take as much time as they take, right?  Still, while I am just sitting here, to, I am decidedly not just sitting here.  And while this is silly work, to a degree, it is one-time silly work, mostly... once I figure a few things out.  While iTunes is great in some ways, it sometimes has the intuitive feel of building a car from scratch, assuming you are a secretary.  Urhm, I mean it is as friendly as a feral cat.  Or, don't try this at home without a kid present to help, the first time!  Never worry, I am both a boy at heart and a techy.  Or, becoming one again.  Every once in a while, when I have been more fit in these last decades, I have done some... rather technical things.  But with memory and such being what it is, or was(?), little of it stuck from this time to the next on to now.  But the native interest, curiosity, basic talents, are all still there.  This doesn't actually count as techy, mostly.


I was starting to think the girls were... doing odd things in my laundry.  My shirt, yesterday, one of those artificial material thermals, was smelling truly terrible.  It smelled more of animal than of fear sweat, if that does happen even now from time to time if fading.  I changed to a different one and I now believe it is simply that those types of shirts become rank very quickly.  It smells like, and I thought maybe the girls had pouted and done so, cat urine.  Nope, just synthetics and mostly normal perspiration.  Just so you know.  At least I know my sniffer still works.

Hmm, back to business.  Oh, was interrupted while typing, so tinkered before I remember to finish this.  I did figure out how to install just the "swimming" playlist.  I have plenty of room for specific songs from the rest of my music too, mostly.  It's amazing how much fits on even this little chip of a music player.

(Don't let the picture fool you, the holder must be a midget on top of being a woman.  The thing is about equal to the tip of two of my fingers, from the last knuckle to the tip.  My thumb completely blots out the center silver piece.  And while I am large, for my size I have... I'm almost embarrassed about this... petite hands.  It is about as thick as two quarters.  It is said to hold 500 songs, though I think that assumes rather short typically pop-songs, if I will know more as soon as I get the rest of my music uploaded.)

Okay, I am pushing things.

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I need to learn how, and when, to begin backing down for the day.  While I can run a good, and hot, 18 hour day, maybe more, I will not stop.  I have no breaks on my "machine".  After decades of pushing every chance I got because that was the only way to even get a bit of this and that done, now that the world is opening up, I don't have breaks.  I never needed them!  I usually do enough that I could possibly be worn out by it, especially on swim days.  But that isn't enough.  There has to be a 'work shoulder', some period of time where work, and thinking (other than maybe reading or a mild post), and passion must be set aside.  I don't like the notion of television, I don't like where the crafters of such lead people's minds.  I'll figure something out.  My guess is somewhere between 17:00 and 19:00 I have to knock things off.

While I didn't stay up until 4:00 or later, I did stay up later, again.  That isn't necessarily a problem, but with the sort of long day and heavy output it was this time.  I woke late too, again.  I couldn't sleep well.  Tossing and rolling and trying every trick I could remember.  Sleep simply would not arrive.  As I said, I need a soft, then softening, landing of body and mind to ease me into that.  I may need a bit more physical, as well, during the day.  To be honest, house cleaning and my pet projects might be enough, physically, on my non-exercise days.  Just an hour or two of this, then a few hours of that, two or three sessions a day, but regularly.  It is a matter of getting in the habit.  I am still not sure how much I can honestly handle.  I am so used to, pretty much, living in a deep freeze where everything could be exhausting so I had to push when a window was available.

In other words, I didn't get to housecleaning this morning, barely making it out of bed in time to see the morning.  I will be working on the snow blower shortly, in any case.  And I do hope to get back in, after, take a break, then hit my home a bit.  The laundry will be gathered, taken back, and then sorted.  At least one load will probably make it through, maybe two.  Dishes need to be sorted, and I'll wash at least one load, soaking the rest.  And a lot of picking up and straightening needs to occur.  If I can just pick up trash and empty waste bins, that will be a start.  Oh, and I ended up tinkering last night.  I was a little high on my various successes.  But the swim yesterday was beautiful, and that did surprise me.  So, I never did get to trying the dvd player, let alone uploading my music.  That can be what I do during my breaks.

Ah, well, I'm... still rather pleased with what is going forward.  But today, I need to try and tire myself, then begin learning to relax for sleep.  How do you even hit the break?  Is their a psychic button, is it a mental lever, or is it supposed to be automatic?  I... honestly don't know!

Later.

That was a fantastic day.

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Sure, a day late.  Yes, I missed Mass.  Then I got busy.  First, to the pool.

I was a little unsure.  It has been a while since I swam.  The thing is, I think I am still nuclear from the swimming I have done.  I mean, I am still physically jacked, and possibly still, somehow, growing from that.  I'm telling you, my body just isn't normal... or maybe that is normal to be still hot a week and a half later?  Never mind, the point is... I was shaking in my boots a bit.  All went smoothly, getting in, changed, and to the pool.  I had to wait a bit for a lane to open, which was fine.  It gave me a bit of time to get the ipod going.  Finally, a lane opened.  *splash*

I did really well.  I hit it like a hound on the trail.  If you are an audiophile, be prepared to be disappointed.  I don't think it is the greatest sounding device to begin with, but with your ears going under water then out, plus water getting into the ear canal, it can be a bit rough.  But for me, they were beautiful!  I absolutely loved it.  My one worry with it is how long will it last?  It's pretty pricey for a disposable.  I've heard they last a year or two, and on to three or four years.  Now, there is a water-tight case, which you could double up the longevity.  The real problem with that is the case is pretty pricey too, and I am not sure how long an ipod really lasts, in any case?  I'm thinking.  However, if I had to say something about them, I would equate them to a mechanical (sound is mechanical you know) Ritalin.  A woman was walking from my end of the pool toward the exit, beside my (outside) lane.  She was walking at about a normal pace and had 15 feet on me.  I had just gotten back from a lap, but I wanted to see if I could keep up with her.  Actually, I was catching her, for a while.  She must have seen Jaws, though, and had a flashback from it.  She picked up the pace the last 15 to 20 feet.  *grin*  "Oh my!"  I had to have been swimming three miles an hour, then maybe four.  But when she got to five, she lost me.  Should have seen the two hogs in her gunny sack fighting back and fourth to get her out the door though!  *oink, oink*  (No, she wasn't fat, well, save that she is a woman, and that's where bacon goes, thankfully... a larder?  :p )

Oh, I had a blast in the pool.  I really put some heavy work into it, and feel great for it.  The music kept me up, so rests were shorter.  While I didn't get the most distance ever, I would guess I got some of my best times in.  It just felt good to be back in the pool.  For an old, mostly dead, guy, I think I am doing some serious swimming.  I haven't heard anything back from the coach.  So, who knows with that.  Probably saw doomd forev and that was that?  Ah well.  I can't remember the password for my... copacetic email.

I then headed to Lowe's, and picked up what I think is a slightly shorter belt.  I skipped the lights, for now, just didn't want to mess with that today.  I then headed to Best Buy, turned in the memory and exchanged it for an external disc drive.  Nothing fancy, but they were out of their cheapos so not the cheapest either.  Which, actually, is where I usually shop anyway, that price range.  The nice thing is, when this computer dies, I'm not out anything save the required memory.  That should work swell.  Finally, I headed to Walmart, for the batteries, some groceries, and this and that.  I remembered to call my friend.  He still needed eggs and a gallon of milk did sound good, so I got and delivered that.

That, my friends, is a successful day.  Actually, the culmination of several good functional days.  I keep missing Mass, but I'm still working on it.  I still have a problem or three with sleep, but I am able to pull back, give or take, for the first time in decades.  I am gaining control.  I am getting stronger.  I am getting faster.  I am getting smarter.  I am staying with tasks.  I am... pleased.

Let me see, tomorrow?  Actually yet today...  I am hoping this cd player just simply plugs and plays.  If so, I will be uploading, or something, my CDs to iTunes.  If I get that done, and there is time, I will begin loading my ipod with a much more precise song list.  Tomorrow I am hoping to dig into my house in the morning, then work on the snow blower in the afternoon.  Thursday will be a day off.  Though if I have made progress on my home, I may do little things here and there to top that off.  Friday, another swim day.  Plus I told my friend I would bring a movie.  Actually, I'll be taking Screamers, Riddick trilogy, and Unbreakable.  He should find something he likes, though I am hoping he likes Screamers.  It's... my top flick.

Beautiful.

Later.

Ah well.

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I did get my cloud from Amazon transfered to iTunes.  I then loaded my ipod with everything from iTunes.  I even learned how to craft my play list for the ipod.  I even did it and was to bed by midnight, which in theory should have seen me to an early rise.  As is, I was not out of bed until right at 10:00.  I had the alarm set for 7:00, reset it for 9:00 when I finally was able to shake out of the covers, and as I said didn't actually rise until 10:00.  Further, my butt was, and is, dragging.  There was no way for me to make it to Mass on time.  I will simply go swimming and keep trying to fit Mass in.  My guess is I was still a bit jacked about having worked through so many little and big problems!  I simply could not get to sleep last night to save my life.  I... can be excitable, if you might not know it from just looking.

No, no worries.  I simply could not fall asleep.  It will happen and there probably isn't a whole lot I can do about it.  Sometimes I will be able to work through it and get up anyway, sometimes not so much.  I still have a bundle of things to do.  Swimming, first, with a functional ipod.  Then to several stores.  I will probably take the extra memory back, use that to partially finance a new cd player.  Then to another store for batteries, and I will call my friend and see if he needs eggs still and maybe milk?  Then on to the hardware store to look at the belts again and maybe pick up two more light fixtures and bulbs.

I did shoot off an email last night, to one of the swimming coaches, the one that had been recommended.  Look, I am not going to be a model student.  I am working around a health issue the size of a house.  But, I won't be a crisis waiting to happen, either.  And, as hard as I swim, I really do need guidance before I injure my shoulders.  As well, having a coach means I can ask for advice when I get so dang tight.  I just hope she isn't into static stretches.  I was hoping to have an email back, but not so far.

I still need to do even a bit more waking up.  I won't say I am pleased, perfectly.  But I won't jump on my butt either.  I have been hitting things pretty hard and doing a pretty good job of a few fine little messes.  I am keeping up on my projects, and getting in more than I would have thought possible.  I hit breaks, and get to them the next possible chance I get.  And while something often gets forgotten or overlooked, it does eventually and relatively quickly get amended too.  I just won't, can't, let a few dropped eggs cause me to beat my chest, lament, and tear my clothes!  Especially while, when I am out, I get 20-somethings to 40-somethings flirting with me hellaciously.  'Dang butterfly... da-dang... fluttering eyelashes.'  (Who coulda said that?  Bueller?  Bueller?)

Well, a few things, then a shower, then into the drink.  Good day!

Tinkering as fast as I can.

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I bought a couple of CDs, then figured out how to hook up my iPod.  I learned how to put the whole CDs I bought onto the iPod, but not quite yet how to transfer just a few songs, or how to remove the songs I don't want.  I think I see how and where to do it, I am simply not sure if that will cause problems with what I have on their site.  I fear erasing my purchases, or somehow making them difficult to gather well or easily in the future.  I hate instructions that tell you how to do something without indicating how to undo it, or what the full implications might be.  Imagine have a little placard near a button.  All that is written on the mini marquee is "push here".  Would YOU just push it?  Most instructions are based on people who would simply do what they are told to do.  Fortunately or not, I am not one of those people.  I'm still working out the details.

It has been fun, sort of.  For years, these types of projects would have lingered for... well... weeks, months, years, even never being completed.  And even when I got on them, at breaks, they would just stop.  Sometimes I would never get back to them, other times I might work until the next break.  Breaks consist of hitting a wall that I can't immediately fix.  I have hit another wall in part of the project.  But that will be amended tomorrow.  The CD drive will not open.  My guess is it is just old.  I don't know if they can really rust shut, literally, if that might be possible.  It is more likely that the door motor has burned out.  So, tomorrow, to look for another CD drive, and those batteries, on top of Mass and swimming.  But I think I can.  Oh... right... I best get a different belt too.  I will take the one I have in, or the package, and get one that is just a bit shorter.  After I finish the iTunes thing, the snow blower will be finished.  And when I have the right belts, I will get an extra of each next month.

You know, I worked much of the night and a good part of the day figuring this thing out.  It's not much, for many of you, but for me that is mentally akin to my swimming.  None of what I am doing is terribly impressive, on it's own.  But given context... it is the world that I have on my shoulders.  Little men, little worlds.  I'm loving it.  I sure hope to find the strengths for bigger worlds, much bigger worlds.  Though too, may these be... personal sized.  We don't get that choice though.  Not always.  Meh, I'll take what I was made to take.  It is sweet, though!  This part of it.  Oh, I will be trying to find the contact information for the swimming coach, and making contact tonight.  Just a query, at this point, regarding costs and expectations, plus giving some information, so I know, and perhaps can relay pertinent facts to a potential contributor.

Well, a bit more tinkering, an email hopefully, and then on to bed.  I have a very busy day in front of me tomorrow.  Good night.

Update:  I did figure out how to perfect the iPod play list.  I also pulled down the cd's and single from Amazon, and have those on my computer and on iTunes as well.  I will put some of those onto the iPod so that it will have a bit of variety for tomorrow's swim!  The CD player will simply have to be replaced before I can get the rest of my collection into iTunes, and maybe into Amazon.  With both clouds activated and complete I have a much wider variety of devices through which to access all of my music.  All fun and games until someone stays up too late and rubs and eyeball out.  I'll make this quick or finish it in the morning, 7:00 comes early and 8:00 if necessary isn't much better. :p  Good night, again, for sure.

Eureka!

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Okay, an hour or two more digging, tinkering, checking updates, looking over this and that.  I kept checking the iStore, to see if anything had changed.  Then again, I never did find a problem.  Finally, in pure frustration, I simply clicked on one of the empty spots I was supposed to fill in and started typing.  There was no indication that the box was active, no blinking cursor or any other type of hint.  As I typed, my name showed up!  Gah!  Okay, whatever.  So, I filled out the required boxes and sent it in, then did the email confirmation dance, and voila, I now have iTunes and access to the iStore.  *sigh*  Even when it is easy, it just doesn't seem like it.

Now I need to figure out how to upload what I have on CDs, cross over what I purchased at Amazon, and then load my iPod, and... that should be that.  How long have I been trying to get this done?  Didn't I suspect it was a memory issue long ago?  I knew XP wasn't updating (in part due to the clock issue, which is battery driven, which I still haven't replaced (if that is in the works), but just as likely it was choking on too little memory as well).  The thing is, when I am deep in illness, knowing, or much worse, suspecting, is almost worthless.  Those things are like shadows in a cave, at night, from a fire... no form or certainty, even direction can be misleading.  I can't drive my body to get to things, and more I can't drive my mind to believe or risk trying.  With mind, body, and spirit all on a higher phase, and two of those most likely to be climbing nearly vertically until I plateau, with the latter being very strong (if prone to hiccups still), the future looks bright.  Plus, the sun is shining today.

Well, on to my... tasks.  Perhaps I will have my iPad loaded and ready for my swim tomorrow.  Hmm, while I am thinking about that I do believe I will get it plugged into one of the USB ports.  While I now think this is all possible, I have no idea how much real time it will take.  I am not even going to venture a guess.  Not... even... going there! 

Later.

So, you mean I really can't stay up after 4:00 and still expect a normal day?

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Well, okay, I probably knew that.  Don't look at me like that.  Gah!  I'll just... figure out tomorrow, I suppose.  Stop with that, would ya?

On the good side, I can now sign in to Blogger normally, the sign-in link is back on my blog.  As well, it looks like the machine is fully updated.  I checked that again this morning, though I will probably check it again tomorrow morning.  Plus, I have been able to install, and run, iTunes.  I just ran into a problem actually signing into the store, creating an account that is.  One thing at a time.  I will do a bit more tinkering to see about that part of things.  Yeah, yeah, I have said it before, but...  I am pretty sure I will make it in to swim tomorrow.  This isn't quite what happened last week, there was a real one time cause, if I... probably suspected even then that it wouldn't work, and after having proved (mostly) to myself that I can turn back the clock in order to wake...  I have some real confidence in tomorrow.  Since I won't be going in, I will be figuring out iTunes... if that is possible.  Oh, I could still get in for swimming today.  The thing is that I missed Mass.  I am choking on gas costs as is, so I can't honestly expect to add another day of driving into town.  I do have to be frugal.  I honestly don't understand how people can afford to drive to work, own a home (renting is just as bad, sometimes more expensive), have a family, and all that, on my income.  Then again, I'm not even now awake and aware enough in life in general to really understand budgeting and such.  If that will probably never be my forte most likely, either.

Then again, I got home pretty late, with the delay and all.  Further, I wouldn't have been able to sleep until at least 2:00.  It always takes me time to come down, always.  At least for now.  I am amazed to see some of the transformations happening in my life.  I don't quite know if I will ever truly have my life back, but then I am not sure I lived a typical life in the Navy.  I certainly don't remember it fully.  And teen years aren't a normal life either.  I have simply never lived a normal life.  I suppose I will be making that up as I go along, but with the new parameters of age and health conditions as my consciousness breaches the surface from such deep dark depths?  I'll... figure something out.

Sleep was wonderful!  I did enjoy the company yesterday.  And while I consider the game a total waste, to include commercials, such is what is offered to Confucius' wisdom.  I am definitely feeling better than last week.  I am doing better than ever before, and I am still doing bits and parts of my various plans.  I won't complain, and there really is tomorrow this time.  If I still can't get that picture of June out of my head.  My women, from mother to sisters to domestic ladies I have known have all had a very special mock-fu that... can get to me even when I have thought they were wrong.  But when they are right, it... is truly a humbling thing.  Gah!  Just like when I work with women, I don't do the work.  I let them do most of it, just offering guidance.  Women aren't rookies on this score, themselves.  This is an example of a woman just... guiding the stroke to split the log, letting the weight of the axe, me, do the work.  It's... still funny.  If you ought to be careful how you express your notion of their notions on these things.

Something about dobermans with lipstick?  Yeah, well.  That can be fun too, just make sure to... sort of be ready.  You never can tell which time she will laugh with you, do something totally unexpected, or... begin the above.  The above has it's uses, but at the wrong times can just hinder all activity, progress, and such, right as you are late and trying to get out the door to a social event together or such.  Gah!  Not later, NOW, mister... or some such... I remember hearing.  *grins*

Well, back to iTunes...  Later, and good day.

Troubleshooting? Well... okay.

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While the added memory, so far, has not proven to allow me to add iTunes, it may have allowed other things which might end up allowing for iTunes?  A quick search lead to a number of steps, including emptying the temp file and making sure XP was fully updated.  Now, I can't swear either of those will help, but... at least I feel like I am doing something.  Now, emptying the temp file was easy enough.  I had never done it before, to my memory.  Another quick search and that was done.  Then, on to updating XP.  The last few times I tried updating I was rebuffed, out of hand, without a reason given.  This time, Windows updater wanted me to set the calendar.  Well, that was... somewhat hopeful.  With the battery dead in this machine, it has been stuck on 2002 for a long time.  I set that and tried again.  Bingo.  First, XP 3.5 was installed.  I had to then restart the machine.  But first I removed everything Apple had installed.  A restart, then I wanted to see if there were any additional XP critical updates.  Well, just... 63!  So, okay, that is choking through the system.  I am guessing between too little memory and the date being off, Windows Updater just didn't want to even start with the machine the last dozen times I have tried.  *chugging away*  Then again, even after these are downloaded and installed I need to check Updater at least one more time, until it indicates no more updates, then again tomorrow to make sure.

After that, one more shot at downloading iTunes and installing.  If that fails, bedtime.  I will just work on it another time.  I should be in bed now, but... I just... had to... try a few things.  I hate having spent three times the normal amount for an iPod and not have it available.  Plus, having found out how easy it is to install my CD collection, on top of the new stuff I bought from Amazon (probably, unless that requires an iPod touch?!), I really want to get this thing going.  Still, this will mean I will set the alarm for a little later, but I will push to be out of bed, showered, dressed, and on my way in time for Mass.  I think there is still time, if barely.

I honestly wish I could just push through, and wake at a normal(izing) time, but my health simply isn't strong enough quite yet to burn the candle at both ends.  I may be pushing things as is.  I have already missed a week of swimming and I simply can't do that again.  If I miss Mass, I am sure I can still make swimming.  Perhaps I could go in Tuesday though.  I really need to begin hitting Mass.  Three steps forward, one, two, maybe even three back.  Just... more in the positive direction, less in the negative direction, and I will eventually get somewhere.

I'll let you know tomorrow if my efforts were successful.  That would make the stretch worthy.  And it would mean I would possibly have a loaded waterproof iPod in the pool with me by Friday!  Yes, music helps.

Good night.

Now I remember why I stopped watching the super bowl.

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That was the most halfassed attempt at entertainment I have seen in longer than I can remember.  First one team played stupid, then the other.  That looked more phony than All Star Wrestling, more staged than even a King boxing match, and as about as legitimate as most women's tears.  You know, they could do away with steroids and just have them do skits about football?  Sad.  And people paid how much to go to that game, just for tickets?  I don't care if those athletes might be serious.  That they don't play a part in whether their teams win or lose makes the point irrelevant.  I put it right up there with Cowboys & Aliens, where it most righteously belongs.  I was, initially, for the 49'ers.  After they couldn't complete a single first and ten, then debacled their way through the first half with nary a thought to the game...  By the first quarter, give or take three minutes, I didn't care who won as long as the game would eventually be over.  Tag it, bag it, and toss it out with the trash.  I will hold my nose and do the Confucius thing (so long as it doesn't cost me), but the game is dead to me.

I did get more memory for the machine.  I simply pulled the old memory.  I bought two 1 mb chips, though will likely be taking one back ($51 for 1 mb dmr? bleh).  The extra memory is not allowing iTunes to work, either.  So... I simply don't know what the problem is.  I have XP, with S.P. 3 installed.  With the memory being the only problem obviously viable, I have no idea what else could be the problem?  Gah!  I am beginning to simply hate Apple.  If I want music while swimming, though, that is my only really decent option.  While picking up the chips, I checked on batteries, the ones I didn't buy the other day.  Best Buy no longer carries those type of batteries.  Whatever, tomorrow at Walmart I suppose.

Done for the day... Now to chill enough to sleep so I can get up at a decent hour for Mass and a swim.  Good night.

Howdy, neighbor.

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I couldn't get to sleep before midnight, again.  I set the alarm for 7:00 again anyway.  I heard the alarm going off, though for how long I can't be certain.  Time is tricky as I wake.  Sometimes what seems like a few minutes can have been hours, sometimes while it seemed like the alarm had been sounding for hours it had only been sounding for a few minutes.  I mean that literally, I never know until I am awake, for real, in real life.  In this case all the hubbub seemed to have been about 17 minutes.  I wanted to sleep more, so I got up and reset the alarm for 8:00 then went back to bed.  I tossed.  I rolled.  Sleep was not going to happen, so I simply got up about ten minutes later.  I am very pleased with this morning.

My elbows and forearms are killing me, for some reason.  I've probably been sitting in the chair too often, leaning on the arm rests?  But... I always do a great deal of that.  I never can figure out why I become tender or vulnerable at times.  Things just don't always add up.  I wonder if, and this would still be true, my heart has to give blood here, but not there, then over there but not here, and so on, so that I always have parts of my body that are not getting enough, and sometimes for too long?  I am honestly amazed my organs haven't seized, as hard as these things can be, literally painful... even without resting on things as my arms do.  Organs can just hurt in there.

I have decided to, before my next V.A. visit, email the swimming coach and ask what her expectations are as a coach (how often she expects to train me, say, per month), explain my particulars and see how that could or would fit (she wants people she is training to swim three times a week, which may not be possible for me, at least immediately, among other things), and clarify a few other details.  While it is beyond my means, I am wondering if the V.A. might help.  But if I don't have some clarity for them, they won't have enough information on which to base an answer as to funding.  The answer, most likely, is no.  But I would rather have a clean 'no' than a, 'we don't know, what is involved' delaying no.  I really could end up hurting my shoulders though, I can see that even now.  It'll take a while, but a while isn't... all that long.

A bit of this and that this morning, as I prepare to head off to watch the super bowl.  Nothing big, just maybe a little bit of straightening... or not.  I hate housework sometimes.  Gah!  At least I am awake, and going.  Two days in a row.  Now to make it three days plus a swim, and throw in Mass for good measure.  Later.

You've heard the expression... "stop your clock"?

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I realized something very odd today.  Remember when I said my watch had somehow been changed?  That happened right about the time I wrote about the cup, the day I started going through some serious issues.  Well, that is fine, watches get worked, sometimes, right?  Well, no.  My watch, the part of it that had switched, the analog part... doesn't go backwards.  The only way to manually set it almost an hour back is for you to hit the "set" button, and run it through an eleven hours and twenty minute 'reset'.  Which, actually, takes a very long time to do.  It couldn't have happened by accident.  The only other option... is for the analog watch to have simply stopped for forty minutes, then restarted and have been and be running normally again, to this point.  I suppose it could have tripped.  But right when I was having troubles?

When I was younger, and freshly disabled, I had a lot more... trouble than I do now.  I just did.  I also had troubles with analog watches.  I killed them.  I had Timex to... several watches in the $600 range, in the early 90's.  I killed them all within a few months.  I sent the pricey ones in, to be fixed, and usually just got a new one, then another, then my money back.  Timex watches I just tossed.  I couldn't keep a watch on my arm, running, so eventually went digital.  I do wonder, now, if... something about what I go through messes watches up?  Just... the thought sort of came to me when going back over some of what I wrote on the beer night.

I can't read the one post, but the Epica vid... and something about time, halfway through (3:08 on the clock or so).  Yes, "Time is just a concept, and always the first thing to fade".  I don't know if death has something to do with it, but time is just different for me.  I feel like I have been here for so very long.  But how I interact with time is odd, too.  I honestly don't think time means to you what it means to me.  My days can be longer than your weeks, even when I am busy.  Touching outside of time, perhaps... lingers.  I don't know... the watch just... bugged me... then reminded me of the past with them.  But... why didn't I kill this watch?  I just don't know... anything.

Good night.

A nap or...?

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I was starting to get rather tired.  I wasn't sure I would be able to push on through.  It was after noon though... a bad thing.  Naps, if they are going to be helpful and not destructive have to happen by 11:00.  I have slipped a time or two with my schedule kept in tact as extreme exceptions, but generally that is simply the rule.  Oh, wait, the belt!  For the snow blower.  Hmm, but in my research I had not been able to find a thing on it, at YouTube.  I went back and did another search.  I found something similar for another brand...  I did watch that, and it was somewhat generally helpful.  Then I noticed a heavier repair job on a Troy Bilt, so I clicked and watched.  Alright... that... pretty much covered what I was doing, at least the teardown part of it.  There was nothing about putting the machine back together.

I headed out, tools and gloves and hat and jacket.  The teardown, for the most part, was rather painless.  The only tricky thing was getting the clutch engage cord to part from the gear assembly.  Hmm...  When all else fails, use brute force, replacing what might be necessary on the rare occasions something breaks.  If it's expensive, you just learned something!  Well, nothing broke, so all good.  The rest of the teardown went rather smoothly.  I, mostly, figured out how to get the belt wheel off.  It came off oddly though, and I hate when it does that.  It means... it's going to be picky, and tricky, about going back.  I got the belt on, and... tinkered.  I am pretty sure I got it right.  Maybe not every tiny single last syllable, no, but basically I said em', yeah.  Basically.  Hail to the king, baby?

I put the thing back together fairly well.  The chord was, again, a problem.  I thought about cutting the spring a bit, so as to put it back on a lot easier.  The snips didn't work, the big snips didn't work, so I got the BIG SNIPS.  Those worked.  I did lose a cotter pin, for the end of the funnel direction changing bar, so I will have to get some of those.  The problem is, the belt is not tight enough.  I am sure it is simply a matter of... a few more syllables?  :p  My lower back was killing me though.  No worries, now that I know how to tear it down, and have some idea of a couple of things, it will eventually be put back together correctly.  Not bad for the first... mechanical repair in my life, I think?  I haven't even changed a spark plug, or tire, yet, actually. I am over the notion of a nap though!  And, if my back feels better in an hour or two, with the sun out, I might give it another crack.

Later.

What? No, really, what? What!

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Sometimes I have to laugh, just a health issue but...

I did get to bed by midnight.  I had aimed to be in bed earlier but... stuff and things and...  It's as good as I could do.  I slept well.  Celibacy has been strong with me, lately, too.  It's not perfect, but it is much improved.  I still go through phases of weakness.  But now that medicine is a bit settled and health is sort of back, I think I will be more better than more worse, as terrible as the grammar is that does say it best.  I then woke at 8:07 or some such.  The alarm was set for 7:00.  Oh, I heard the bastard.  I just couldn't do much about it, literally.  Still, I... can live with that, if I get up at around 8:00.  And, if I need it, a nap at 11:00 though I am hoping to push through.  It is just one day.  I don't know about tomorrow, and I don't need to.  One day at a time.

I took my stats... well... minus my weight.  My scale uses one of those thin batteries, which has died.  I had intended on buying a replacement for that yesterday, along with some others, and for a watch.  The problem is I couldn't find the watch, so I wasn't as motivated, and then just plain forgot on top of all else.  139/87 with a pulse of 71.  Okay, not great, but livable.  Then I decided to just go ahead and take a blood sugar reading.  It had been in the 200's.  No matter how careful I was with what I ate or how well I took the medicine, it was simply staying right at 200.  I just decided to do it anyway, even with the case of beer, a dozen candybars, and pretty much having all but given up on my "diabetic diet" for the last few weeks.  It was... 123.  Hahahahehehehehahaha  What?  No, come on!  What is with this thing?  Seriously?  Never mind.

Today?  I have no idea.  I do need to clean off this computer area.  I would like to hit the kitchen.  I should start in on my bedroom as my sheets and room in general have the fresh stench of fear sweat, gun powder, and sulfur.  God lends me some hellacious odor when I'm in my throws!  At least I know it isn't just in my head, nothing quite like the scents of a torture chamber to add a bit of proof.  It is fading, thankfully.

Maybe I can, finally, get back to swimming Monday.  Since afternoons won't work, though, at all, I simply have to get back to days.  Today is the first morning of the rest of my...  :p  Actually, I even feel pretty good.  Perhaps my health truly is seriously on the heavy side rebound.  If I get up tomorrow, and Monday, I will know for sure.  To be honest, just how this morning worked though... impresses me.  When I have, somehow, done this in the past, it was a hell of an effort and painful, uncomfortable, and a zombie day.  Not this day.

Later.

Hmm, nights just won't work.

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I did get into town, after a shower.  I stopped by the gym.  It was absolutely packed.  Later, I thought.  I did a bit of shopping, if I missed picking up several small batteries at Walmart.  Oh, and I forgot my wallet so I had to return home as well, before doing the shopping.  Way too many coats and pants, that wallet can hide in.  I am surprised I don't do that more often.  A little bit of food, plus something my friend asked for.  Then to the liquor store for another request.  I also looked at their scotch selection.  Seeing nothing I liked, or even had tasted, I looked at the vodka section but didn't see my favorite, then went on to the whiskey section.  There is always Crown Royal, it is good.  And I have actually tried, and enjoyed most of the whiskeys they had.  I just wasn't feeling it.  Few, save C.R., stood out.  And I don't think even C.R., after some scotches I have had, would do.  Then I saw it, something that I truly have enjoyed.  Tullamore Dew.  I don't know if it is considered a fine sip.  I don't care.  I just know that it makes for a great snort once an occasional, until I can find one of my favored scotches.  It's an Irish whiskey, if that actually means anything other than that is or used to be made in Ireland, or by and Irishmen of whatever current nationality.  So, I have something in stock for when I return on a particularly cold day, or have to go out into one... or... just because.

Back to look at the parking lot at the gym.  *shrug*  Pretty much full up.  My guess is as soon as the various schools let out the place is nothing but kids and families.  Fine, fine, it's good to see.  It just isn't where I want to be.  I am simply going to have to force my way back into getting up early again.  I don't know if I can actually back things up, go to bed early, and wake up early, again, or if I still have to force the schedule around.  The former would be a WHOLE lot faster, if not easier, for me.  Maybe as my health improves?  I did call the doc today, and suggested that I am still having outliers in the 140's/90's a couple times a week.  Not a problem, I was told.  That was considered excellent.  I need to remember my stats every day, again, for a while.  They like looking over the book.  At least I have been doing them in 5-7 day periods, so there is some continuity for them to examine.  I must be honest, part of the reason I don't like keeping, or informing docs, is the worry that I will become simply a test animal.  And, yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen that attempted.  Once you are a "good test animal", your health becomes less important (and valuable to your doctor, hospital, M.I.C. (medical industrial complex, which is the real boogeyman)) than the data.  Don't give it to them, for the most part.  That's my opinion, mind you.  Albeit I have slightly more trust with the heart clinic, for my own reasons.

I had thought to make fried chicken gizzards for my friend and myself.  The problem is, he can't eat them.  His teeth are pretty weak and gizzards are, well... tough, chewy.  I am sure we can order in chicken wings though.  I had thought about having a few beers for the game, but I think I'll skip after my recent sipping.  I never was able to drink heavily, day after day.  While I can drink deep, I need days to weeks before I could, and probably can, have another sip.  Certainly when I went, or go, deep.  It truly is the oddest thing.  Oh, I tried... to disastrous results.  And I'm still... tasting... the beer.  I wonder if I have some kind of beer stomach, like a camel?  What surprises me more is that I didn't gain any weight. 

Hmm, on to something else.  A bit of reading and maybe some sleep.  Good night, I hope.

Swimming, I hope.

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I went to bed at about 5:30, setting the alarm for 14:00, but woke closer to 13:00.  I wanted to check my bp, it was 140/90 or so, and weight remained right at 277.  I realize I missed a day of medication in there, the day before the drink, so this isn't all bad.  I still find it a bit funny that I am seeing 140/90 as a bad reading.  Why the medicines didn't do this well before, on the same dose, I can't tell.  And why, after being sure I wouldn't, that I am considering tinkering just a bit more to bring even that down (or let them decide if that is fine to have as an outlier, usually no more than once or twice a week).

Sleep has been quite good, again.  My back, upper and lower, is back to normal.  The stress is gone from it and the lower backache from the tension release was a one-day thing.  I'm almost feeling human again.  No more is my mind troubled with visions or flashes of this or that.  Though, even when I am troubled, I will probably not use this method for this use.  I do need, however, to find something that helps.  Time always helps, eventually, as with prayer.  If I think there has to be something else I could do.

I don't even know what to think of these things.  Visions?  Extreme daydreams?  Dreams that stick around subconsciously and infect my waking hours?  Real possibilities?  Fantasies?  Guilt?  I simply don't know and won't say too much beyond that because I don't know.  I have seen minor things that come to pass.  I have also been totally wrong.  I have had a troubling life, that haunts my steps from time to time as well.  Psychiatry can't be trusted.  And is of no good use, on most things, from what I have seen.  Further, this would be a huge burden to lay at someone's feet.  And while I understand that it may be fictional of sorts, simply by attempting to 'hush' or 'poo-poo' these things won't work either, and that is more aggravating than not, by far.  I sometimes simply have to work through the notions, like a knot or series of knots, until the rope is undone, back to full strength, and useful again.  Any other method simply doesn't help.  I can see why, as a much younger man, I found heavy drinking three to six times a month was a viable alternative.  I just don't think that is... the best of choices at this point.  Plus, it's... pretty pricey.

The weather has been warmer.  My driveway has mostly thawed.  The sun is out and shining, smiling on the world.  I am pleased with what is given me, if I do whine like a baby about it from time to time.  I fried rockfish last night (which was absolutely delicious, by the way... had never heard of that fish before).  I have beans cooked and hamburger thawed, so may make rice, cook some beans and rice with the hamburger, and have burritos for a week.  While I don't care for white rice in the mix, I actually do really like brown rice in it.  I just love that stuff.  Life is returning to normal, finally, again.

Good day.

Hmm, maybe I need to work on the tension?

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I did get back out to the snow blower.  I broke it down, again.  This time I compared the old belt with the new.  They seem to be the same size.  I am suspecting the cord simply isn't pulling the engaging arm far enough, so that will be my next effort.  I put her back together, if not to final form in case tightening the cord just isn't the issue and the belt has to go back to the store.  It became too cold to continue working with the sun beginning to edge down.  Still, I am pleased that I gave it a serious effort and that I think I know what the problem is.  Thankfully, snow blowers aren't the most difficult of projects, at least for this part of things.

I always wondered how these things worked, anyway.  When I was much younger I used to tear things apart.  Unfortunately, mostly having only a woman as a parent, and rarely with the manuals, I never really learned how to button things back up.  The Navy taught me how to work on mechanical things, according to reports.  But I simply don't remember that, or ever having worked on stuff.  If I did, I wish I could remember.  It's sort of spiffy.  *grins*  I do like the work.

It was a beautiful day, with the sun out.  As dusk falls, it remains a wonderful area to be viewing out my windows.  I'll be drawing the curtains, though, soon.  It's been a really good day, too.  Getting up earlier, working on the machine a couple of times, and blog reading and a little commenting.  It's almost an easy day.  Tomorrow will be another day off, if I might do a little work on the computer if needed, then head off to watch the Super Bowl with my friend.  Hmm, I don't even know which teams are playing.  Then, Monday, back to swimming I hope!  It's been a bit.  I am actually gaining muscle pretty quickly.  I have discussed that issue before.  I'm not sure if I have an hormonal imbalance or what... but if I am not cautious when working out I gain way too fast.  I need to figure that out.

Have a good night.  And perhaps good night.  A bit of reading and tinkering on the machine then I'm hitting it as early as I can.

Some things don't make sense.

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I have heard some suggest the Church, and Church members, shouldn't, and even don't have the authority to, judge.  I promise that is not true.  Explicitly, implicitly, She and we must judge.  What we cannot do, and even the Church won't do this, is damn.  The most She can do is excommunicate, which is neither final (it can and has been lifted) nor even meant to be a form of justice, being considered spiritually medicinal (which is why I am not sure it is not used much more frequently on openly pro-abortion, pro gay marriage, and other such politicians!).  We simply don't have the authority to damn.  What we can do is see behavior that is sinful, scandalous, (literally) hurtful, and deal with the person(s) involved.  A simple word to the wise might do.  I've... heard them.  I knew, they were right, or tried to explain if it was just a misunderstanding.  I have also said them, if I try to be cautious, tentative, but sure on some things.  I can't tell someone they can't do something.  The Church as an institution, can, and has to say that, at times.  I actually think leniency, at least in American Churches, at least on true dogmas, is more the problem than any other issue?  The Church's job is to shepherd souls.  The only way it can do that is through social and spiritual pressure, the offer of heavenly rewards, inclusion, and exclusion, and teaching that hell is real and final.  We do not easily come to God's will, not any more.  And God's will is... well...  Look, Moses didn't get to but see the Promised Land, after all his work.  Christ was rather strict, He really wasn't just a go-along-to-get-along type, like some hippie wandering the highways, byways, cities and towns.  What did He say to the wealthy young man who wanted to follow Him?  What about the temple money changers?  Even telling His own, chosen, to get behind Him, calling him Satan!  The Church has a difficult job and few tools.  She has to use them.  And so do we, as an organic part of the Church!

I know the Church seems hard.  I have an aunt who married a Catholic man.  Both are divorcees, he was not able to obtain an annulment.  I am not completely sure of all the details, of where or how they married, though I am sure it couldn't have been a Church wedding.  But I do know that at least she, and maybe he, cannot take the Eucharist while they are married, unless one of them dies.  Really?  Well, yes.  Is the Church arbitrary on this?  Well, yes and no.  I mean, the canon is there, the laws and means of things are there, but there is always some variance due to the fact that different people may be involved and even one person can vary, even on the same day.  I do trust that the Church was given, and has taken, the authority of the keys, and I do trust that She does Her utmost to tend that trust.  I don't always like the truth, or the answer, but who does, or even always should?  I don't like gravity, at least when I fall.  I don't like that I have to sleep.  I don't like that I have to eat, if I can enjoy that a great deal too, the effects of which I also don't like.  What I like has nothing to do with what is.

Do I think She is perfect?  No.  She is the bride Christ left to us, as our Mother.  Single parenting is... challenging.  However, after much research, lots of questions, comparing apples to apples and trying to have others toss in lemons, oranges, and donkeys into the comparisons to try and confuse things, I have to say, I personally am well pleased with... my... Church.  Sticks to stones, Pope to whom I share my pew with, priests to group leaders, dissemination of the Word to teaching, history to Magisterium, the many and varied Sacraments, Saints, all of that which makes Her tick.  She, in my humble estimate, is doing a fine job, if I have a quibble or two.  I've kicked those tires.  And, while a socialist or simply non-believing member becomes apparent from time to time... I have to wonder where better for them to be!  If I would like to see them included in controls a little less often, if they tend to be the ones who LOVE CONTROL (while decrying Church power, the very thing they often try to assert)!  A perfect assembly of very imperfect people, but it's a beautiful thing, and She still works... somehow, as usual.  :p  I have to think Christ, even with the 12, had to do a face-palm, seriously, and often.  "Jesus, they are" *smoke rolling out of ears* *panting from rushing to Him* "using YOUR name to expel demons!"  (Don't we have a patent on Your name?)

Why can the Church say homosexuality is a sin, for example?  Well, maybe because both the New and Old Testament say it?  Perhaps because the tradition of most religions and cultures considers it against nature?  Perhaps because biologically, even, it is non-productive and literally destructive.  Even pagan cultures have very much considered it more than a sin, but on to a crime.  As well, the difference between the Church and, say criminal law, is that the Church can be chosen or not.  People who know what the Church's dogmas are, and choose to flaunt or ignore them, or even try to change them, are simply way off the mark and only hurting themselves, spiritually and otherwise quite often.  If you want to be gay, the Episcopalian church will accept you, as will most mainline churches, right into their ministry if you want quite often.  But if the Church believes something to be a sin, it is of vital importance for the Church to teach, and prohibit, such behavior, to within Her ability, even for Her own sake, it is Her duty, one she would be failing by not informing a sinner of his or her sins!  Gah!  There are many such social issues.  If you don't want to be Catholic, because you don't believe in Catholicism, fine, I guess.  But don't try to change the Church, especially, not to the point of breaking Her duty.  Don't even get my started on women in the priesthood.  I think women in combat is actually slightly wiser.  And if you have looked at that at all, with any kind of logic, you know that is so broken it fails before it is fully spoken, let alone done.  A female marine officer, after two tours, had her career ended and became infertile for the strain.  And officers don't hump their junk like enlisted men.  They simply don't have even that much strain put on them.  So a female priest?  *sigh*

Go on, find a church that "fits", allows the sins you like, puts women and gays in their ministry, or just doesn't act all bossy about your soul.  It is yours, after all, or at least you will be attending to it and it's salvation or damnation, right?  It's between, what, you and Jesus?  What should the Church have to do with it?  It's all about having great friends, picnics (well, not so much with fewer and smaller families), or... just having scintillating conversations even sometimes about religion, right?  I'll pray for you.  Heck, even if we become enemies, as I do pray for them... in a way.  I just don't get why some people want to change to the Church to be "more like America" or whatever else they are trying to model it on (usually some secular broken false dream of reality, developed in college or somewhere else equally antithetical to reality), seeing the wreck this nation is in, socially, fiscally, and in every other way?  Seriously, find another church.

Well...

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A bit of a headache and dehydration, of course.  The missionaries were set to stop by this evening, and they did.  I did let them know of my activity, if I suggested they not follow in my footsteps.  I would suggest most don't, including myself, drink a case in a night.  Beside the stress test I was hoping to... reset some of this spiritual angst, and maybe the physical complaints.  Then again, while it seemed to enhance those for a while in the cup, the minor headache, and oddly lower back ache, plus the general malaise, is sort of doing the trick, for now.  Maybe it will, or did... help sort that out?  Actually, I'm thinking the lower back ache is a step toward healing from the taught back skin and muscles?  That would... make sense... that whole area was just... rippled, taught, even almost tender.

We have pretty good discussions, actually.  These two have a decent head on their shoulders and seem to have studied fairly well.  Of course, we will have differences.  But there is much to be discussed about the matters, minor clarifications or such, for our own thoughts, and sometimes in common, and of course our own anecdotal testimonies.  God is, truly, wonderful, and His works are something to marvel at.  I do think it is good to sharpen beliefs, and that doesn't happen quite as well as having someone with a different faith to discuss these things.  I haven't been the best at looking things up, if I have stumbled across a number of notions anyway.  For example, I need (even for my own purposes) to understand baptism better, go over the first communion a bit, and some other things.

Baptism hadn't been an issue for me, since I was baptized shortly after birth.  And while I have had discussions about it, those were long ago.  I had, like the LDS, initially believed in baptism by submersion.  That was one thing, for my part, where I believe my (foster) father 'learned me'.  It wasn't, by far, the only place, just one of them.  It would be nice to have the basics, and some depth, on these issues, if... there are so many issues to know!  I might look for a guide for the basic dogmas and learn the ins and outs of those?  Summit.  I do have a pretty good grasp, of the bible, a bit of the catechism, and faith generally.  But it definitely needs work.

They asked about coming over for the Super Bowl.  Well, I would love to have them, but I have plans.  And my friend is probably going to have another friend and myself, and has little room.  Well, and we... might be having a beer or three during the game.  So I suggested that they come by early, before I go, and that they make themselves welcome while I am gone.  I've even told them, and will remind them, that there is popcorn, and I will set out the popcorn maker and some bowls.  I think I have a 12 pack of Sprite, too, that I will refrigerate for them (they can't have caffeine).  Oh, as I said, I was having trouble with getting iTunes to work on my machine.  The one... luxury... they are allowed, generally, is an iPod.  So, they asked if they could use my machine for iTunes.  Well, I let them know of the problem, and they think they can help.  But, heck yes.  Even if I just had iTunes, I would certainly let them use my machine for that.  If they can figure out the problem, and it takes a memory upgrade, we can probably check the machine to see if it will take it and, while in town for the Super Bowl, I can grab the memory, and have the thing fixed by their next visit, for their use, unless they want to stick around after the game and wait for me to return if a simple upgrade will do.  Or, whenever they have the time.

Whatever some may say, I think they do a great service and to themselves.  I would love to see more churches provide some similar programs.  Various missionaries have been good to have as company, religious sharpening, and they have done many services directly, or gotten those done, like the tree limb on my roof.  I have seen them help many others, as well.  Even if that were not so, and they were just decent college kids, if I trusted them for the most part, I would happily share.  You see, I'm not greedy or jealously hoarding, if I do take ownership and private property seriously, it is just that I don't believe I should give to someone else who then gives that away, and often to people who don't deserve, or often even need.  The only thing I really support, in that way, is making sure children, and really families, are fed and perhaps very temporarily housed (only due to calamities, not as a lifestyle).  That sharing should be minimal and... otherwise uncomfortable.  It should be humbling, if not crushingly so either though.  I don't mind sharing, though only the shirt off my back if I have a t-shirt under it... due to the Putin-effect.  At least I know I shouldn't go shirtless.  Gah!  Charity is a wonderful thing, the government, however, has ruined the notion of charity and turned it into a power grab on top of it.

A few Anacin, medicines, and... maybe on to bed.  I've got to say, I'm not your typical invalid.  I well and truly am limited, but... my limits have... more flexibility, if just temporarily.  *shrug*  Working on that, though, too.

Later or good night.

In the news...

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Just a few things that caught my eye...

Wyoming, and Arizona, have, or are in the process, of writing laws whereby any new federal laws regarding firearms are not permissible.  What legal grounds they have, and whether it is merely bluster, remain to be seen.  If enough states did this, it would, potentially, come under a special provision.  It might be akin to the ratification of an amendment to the constitution, a 2/3 majority (of states) have to agree.  I am rather surprised to see that more states have not moved such bills forward.  Having sheriffs put forth what they have is not enough.  Sheriffs can be pressured, and are prone to big politics.  To be honest, I don't think states should stop there, that should be the bare minimum.  I actually think most states need to roll back federal involvement in firearm issues altogether, as a group of states, and rely on state ordinances, and most need to mandate state preemption, as Utah does, so that cities cannot "self-regulate".  There is a reason even SLC and Ogden are not parts of the high gun crime areas.  They certainly have gangs, thugs, vast swaths of the underclasses, and large groups of immigrants from different nations who don't want to fit in.  But more good guys have, and know how to use and use better, firearms.  I was surprised it wasn't a Democrat area, either.  I do think those things go together, though it being Romney, I think some LDS donks ducked their party, at least in Utah.

I do believe in reasonable state oversight regarding firearms.  I don't believe everybody should simply be able to buy a firearm, if that would be better than a total ban.  I also don't believe the federal government has a place in that.  The federal government is proving too unreliable, and too locally unaccountable, as well as just wrong on this and other issues.  States really have to begin picking up and taking back their share, and weight, in governance.  I think most states are afraid, as the economy continues to... hrmm... soften.  *cough* depression *cough*  Which is, on the face of it, insane.  They have to know the feds have no money, and are simply printing to cover any "help" they are offering, which has to further erode the value of the dollar and deepen and lengthen the depression.  "But all the other states are doing it", I seem to hear.  Well, remember when your parents suggested that it didn't matter what others do, or get to do?  But, there it is... most states would rather have printed worthless (actually worse than worthless) money than deal with realities or take back control and risk "losing that money".  Gah!

On another issue, I have discussed Russia's impeding doom, for a very long time, here.  Their national native fertility rate is, and has been, the worst of the... more modern? world.  While Russia has never recovered from communism, and is really just a more mildly totalitarian version of it's former self, it is leading the rest of the nations in it's decline.  Vladmir seems to think that Boyz II Men, a queerified group, or at least a typically metrosexual one, is going to help women in Russia decide to have babies.  Bureaucrats are completely clueless, atheist ones top that list.  What about the broken culture and the dolts who helped to break it does this little dictator not understand?  Women will not have babies so long as they would have to raise them with the prospect of feeding their children and themselves on less than I spend to feed my cats!  If he wants to save Russia, he will have to make it so a man can afford to feed himself, a wife, and children without being so close to starvation that he and they will never see their way free from a crushing life.  Women don't want to have babies AND have to work, either, and they don't want to have babies alone.

No matter what modern socialist types think women have become, they know nothing.  While feminists, around the world, to this day, denounce marriage (which honestly means they denounce even being mothers despite what even some of them happen to do), they don't speak for women.  He should know that feminists are just a propaganda tool, one his people helped develop in order that some would gain power through the BREAKING OF THE FAMILY.  And, yet, there he is, trying to use his own propaganda tools, that of pop culture in this case, to fix a problem that can't be solved other than by undoing the strangle-hold on wealth held and kept by a few.  If he wants to save Russia, if that is even possible, he needs to begin figuring out how to form a government of laws, ending feminist propaganda and egalitarianism, and promoting the family.  Then again, I'm not sure he is doing anything more than getting himself in another article, pictured shirtless.

And, by the way, Putin, dude, put a shirt on.  Seriously.  Or at least, you know, actually work out.  They have drugs to help you look good, ask most Hollywood male leads, they know the stuff.  Now the stuff may shrivel your balls, and make it so you can't partake in romance, it might make you moody, and partially insane (if... that's an issue for you?).  But... really... wear a shirt or work out.  You ain't got what it takes to go shirtless.  Just... trying to help.

Okay, well, there is that.

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I don't think I will need to work on my stamina in at least one area.  I didn't know how deep that went, and I probably still don't, but that is as far as I need to go as to testing.  I simply wanted to know that a bit more than a six-pack wouldn't bowl me over.  Urhm... check.  I do think... I may have dropped a grenade, or dozen, while in my cup.  I can't remember where all they are, urhm, or where any of them were let.  Gah!  As for the spiritual sweat?  I've seriously been going through a harsh period.  I never know the why or whence of such, just that I can whine with the "best" of them.  I suppose those things have to happen, as a fallen man.  We simply can't directly connect with the Father when we hear things that go bump in the night, not right yet.  I hope when I grow up, that I won't still need a nightlight? 

I do have a very minor headache.  I am a bit thirsty.  But a case?  Well, that... will do that.  I probably won't have another beer for... a while.  It truly was just a test.  I won't say I passed, but I certainly didn't fail.  While I like beer, I don't exactly love it that much.  On another note, last evening's events may have helped kick my schedule further into change.  I don't know if today is anomalous or will be the beginning of the resetting of my schedule.  I sort of hope it is the latter.

Oh Father, send my father to lend me...

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Comfort... or my due end!!!


Please, I beg of you, Father.  Give me a breather, give me a rest.  I know it won't kill me, but it is ripping me apart.  Oh, Father.  Please... please?  Please.  I need... a little time.. anything.  The whip was less painful.  Please!  As You wish.  Guide me.  Mercy!!!

How many ghosts must I hide from...

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When I am the dead?

Men of steel, or iron at least?

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I sometimes wonder what God is really about.  Well, don't call me a fool.  Men of greater magnum have asked no less.  Onto my third, and final as for the first case, sip of beer, I have to wonder.  I have placed the extra case of beer in the refrigerator, as I am about to empty the first case down my gullet.  Nummy, by the way.

Okay, the last heavy sip I have had consisted of four beers.  Well, actually, I pushed it a bit more recently with a six pack or two.  But even that was in my... effort toward expanding my... horizons.  So, tonight, without effort, a case has gone down my throat?  Yes, indeed.  Just in fluid volume, that is.... hmm... 12x12x2... 288 ounces of beer.  True, that is only 24 bottles.  But it is, theoretically, 24 ounces of scotch, rum, vodka, or what have you...  Down the hatch.  *glug*  Well, when I finish this last... sip.

Never mind.  I was just curios.  Tomorrow I might know more, if this was a fools errand or simply... a reality.  A case, though?  At my level of alcohol virginity?  I do think God makes some men... different.  Well, on to my sip.

Good night.  For, good or ill, this is it.  Sleep well.

Well, that wasn't working...

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Let's try this.  I had four beers, while cooling down.  I still can't quite eat.  Then again I was almost as red as my avatar from working the X'ter.  Sure, I didn't get it out, but I sure worked my butt off doing... no work, as my physics grad neighbor would have suggested... bastard.  :p  (Technically, in physics, if no movement occurs then no work has been done.)  Now, I would have countered that I did, indeed, move snow.  As well as the shovel (if that was negligible without snow in it), and actually, just moving my own mass, we will call it mass for now, was indeed, work.  Still, I hate the notion of physics... from some of it's ways of viewing things... if as I think about it, because they are incorrect.  If you push a rock that has a mass of, say, 150 kg, 20 meters, then push it back to the exact spot from where it initially sat, to include an almost exact repositioning, regardless of what physics says, work was done, damn it!

The point, however, is not physics, it is beer.  While the beers were tasty, trying to drink like that to build up my stamina will never do.  No.  Not a bit.  So, I got my stein out.  Cat hair?  Bleh.  So I washed it out.  I only filled it about... a little less than half full.  No, not for pessimistic reasons, or even optimistic reasons, though those notions did occur to me.  Still, I don't want to push it until I know my limits.  A six pack on top of four beers should be a... beginning.  If I do that well, I may have another.  If I am having trouble, I can end my... exercises.  Plus, my doctor... something about only having a beer or two.  If I scratch the first four as ill-advised medical practice, this stein and maybe the next, will be well within his recommendations!

Yes, my stein is on the larger side.  It can easily hold a twelve-pack, plus salt and tomato juice and/or lemon or lime juice, when I am into that.  Just salt tonight.  I tried to get a picture from online.  I simply couldn't find even a smaller, say 144 oz. or 4 liter, stein.  So, you will just have to imagine the double handled ceramic monstrosity from which I sip.  I can't quite drink from this one one handed, possibly even when it is... lightened.  I can get it up to my face one handed, and do, but then need my other hand to steady it a bit.  I sure miss my old single handled 6-pack (and a bit more even with salt and tomato juice if interested) stein.  I could do that one easily one-handed.  And I am in much better shape now than I was then.  But this one is just a wee too big, for now.  I could, if there wasn't a bit of an in-turned lip, put my whole head in this one... if beer baths aren't quite my thing.  There is nothing like knowing the Lord loves me though, when looking at what seems to be an endless supply of beer as I look down the well of beer, limited only by my throat! 

This should loosen me up a bit.  Welp, back to drinking.  Cheers!

Yeah, well, I gave it a heck of a shot.

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After being bulldozed by events for a bit, I decided to try to fight back into the game.  Yeah, moving slow, no doubt, this morning.  Of course, I figured out why time has been so... weird.  My watch, somehow, was reset back about an half hour from real time (which means it was 40 minutes off all of my clocks, save my smart phone, as I run 10 minutes leeway time on everything else).  Okay, that explains why time was so hard to nail down for so long.  Anyway, a shower and to the butcher shop I went, after fixing my watch.  I'm going to be keeping an eye on the watch though.

I looked it up, quickly, online, before I left.  Well, the problem is, I don't actually know these towns.  So, turning right at this, not the next, intersection can lead you to be looking for the shop in the wrong town.  Which I did.  But I looked pretty darn good.  Guess what?  Uhrm, it wasn't there.  :p  Smartphones can be a lifesaver.  I had stopped at what might have been the place.  There was a guy cleaning out the drives, so I asked him.  He said... something... and then something else.  Oh, I heard him, what he said went in and was heard in the left ear, then passed and was heard out the right ear, not a bit of it stuck.  So, I got out my phone, tried to tinker with the map.  Finally found a search and put in "butcher".  Ah...  Then I had to figure out how to turn off the annoying "turn left" without turning off the map follow!  Gah!

The hog order was a lot easier than what I had thought.  He ran through some things and I suggested yea or nay.  And, then, when he was through, I suggested that I wanted cubed cuts for canning.  He recommended the shoulders for that, and yeah, it is what I thought before if I was there to learn as well.  The ground is just what it is, if I did take and even split of hot Italian and maple sausage as well.  I had to call back while in Logan, I had forgotten to ask for half of the bone-in chops to be the thicker Iowa type cuts.  I love em' thick once in a while.  That should be ready the 7th.  All good.

After that I headed in to Logan to see about a swim.  Nope, at least not right away.  They had swim teams in from 15:00 to 19:00, or... something like that, today.  I decided to take care of some needs to see if I could chew up enough time to be there for swimming later.  I headed to Home Depot, but they don't carry Troy-Bilt.  Back to Lowe's.  Looking over their selection, I believe I got the right belts and cotter pins.  I also bought a shovel.  It isn't as good as the neighbors, in my mind, but it will work and is similar.  After that, a run to the gas station, then the store, and as it was sort of closing in on the time for the pool to open I headed back to the gym.  I couldn't find a parking spot, so I just... headed home.  Hey, I tried!

Pulling into my drive, as I usually do, I got through fine.  Backing over the hump, however, the X'ter got hung up.  Dinner arrived.  I was late on everything, including getting home for that.  If too, I kept thinking it was Thursday.  Gah!  At least I don't think it is Friday.  Well, the folks delivering it just suggested they would come by later, and the Mr. came by right as I was working on freeing my rig.  I hated to ask for help, but...  I did.  We couldn't get it.  I almost thought to just leave it, but that wouldn't have been good.  Not at all.  Besides, I had JUST WASHED IT, of course.  This has been the first time I have been out where the weather has been decent enough to consider a wash, while filling her up, so I took it.  She would have been a mess from traffic flying by.  I called the neighbor.  He promised to be over with the boys.  I grabbed a handful of Snickers.  Hey, don't ask empty handed unless you have no choice.  I forgot with the other fellow.  *sigh*  I do try.  I had dug it out as well as I could myself.  But that just wasn't doing it.  They dug for a bit, but that, again, wasn't doing it.  So, a toe-rope and a tug.  *bump*  And then they cleared so that I could use that path to pull in then back up.  I was pretty much shot from digging, trying to push myself, helping the other neighbor, and such.  I figure I more than made up for not swimming...  God's will, you see?  :p  Taskmaster!  Gah!  *grins*

I've been too grumpy and taught all day.  Yeah, I know why, but that just isn't going to work.  I am going to have to get ahead of 'the horses' and slow things down.  *grwllll*

Well, I did happen to buy two cases of beer.  I need to... increase my tolerances for all things.  And, I will be testing my tolerance right straight away.  As soon as I chill a bit, I have dinner here.  I just can't eat after a heavy workout.  That is worse than drinking to much, for me.  So, cheers.  Bleh.  Hmm...  Maybe the full day will see me back in bed, ready for an easy day tomorrow, then a swim Friday?  *urhp*  Could be.

Later, or good night.

Yeah, yeah, getting back to things.

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My days are off.  I keep having to check my calendar to see what day it is, on my smartphone.  I keep forgetting anyway.  Even knowing now, I keep thinking it is Thursday.  Freaky.  I got to bed, and slept rather well.  Not as well as it should be.  It has been almost a week since I slept right.  It's like the notions were coming together before the flash.  I think it's getting better now, though.  Since it is Wednesday, I might try to get a swim in today, then Friday if I can.  Yeah, well, I can only do what I can do.

I went in to shower this morning.  My t-shirt, in the pits and under my chest, was soaked.  Not damp, not a little moist, wet, like I had dipped my shirt in water.  I stank, too.  Yuck.  Sometimes I get far enough way from the flesh that I think I am just... writing stories.  Then reality hits me, right there, in my hands and in my nose.  It is getting better though.

The shower was wonderful.  There is nothing like clean skin and man acceptable fragrances.  Well, my shampoo could be considered a little girly smelling, but I am claiming that the peppermint body soap is perfectly acceptable for even an ogre.  The hair gel I use takes care of the shampoo smell, and is definitely manly anyway.  Plus, the mild antibacterial properties clean up any minor wounds.  Even though my girls love me, they aren't always aware of just how sharp their little but multiplicative pointy things are.  I usually don't fuss about that, we are, after all, just having a little fun.  Their claws remind me that my size and strength does matter, and my size and strength reminds them that claws and teeth hurt.  But none of us are too picky.  *tickle tickle*  *bat* *swat*  Bwats!  All of us!

The butcher shop called.  I told them I would be in in a few hours.  Time is ticking but I am still running a bit slowly.  One more round then I will hit it. 

Have a great day!

Have you ever been whipped?

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The first thing you feel is a burst of pain.  It pretty much dominates your mind, though some other things might be noticed too.  You might feel hatred right then, too, no matter your intent.  Or all things might go from your mind.  If you feel hatred, that will be gone shortly, as you become exhausted beyond understanding.  I can't tell you which order, or even if there is an order, of things that takes place next.  Your pulse increases, as if you had plunged into ice cold water on a hot day.  Your skin tightens, in places it might even spasm, and goose bumps jut out seemingly immediately.  Muscles tighten like rope stretched to the breaking point.  Between skin and muscle, your joints can strain under the pull.  You begin to sweat.  *ssswhissssh*  *CracK*  Right as it cracks your world opens up to things you never thought you could know.  You know you are alive but wish you weren't, perhaps.  You might even lose control of your bowels and/or bladder.  Now, after a few days, when the immediate wound(s) begin to heal if it was that deep, or the pain fades, you are left with a taughtness of skin and muscle and bone that just doesn't fade for a rather longish time, if ever in some ways.  It runs clean through the skin, muscle, bone, right to your soul, and you continue to sweat at varying amounts for some time, a stinky fear sweat.

I suspect I got a little close to my... notions.  I've been suffering from what resembles a whipping recovery period since before writing the cup post.  It's why I couldn't sleep, or wake up well.  Heck, I thought it was already Wednesday night.  Ah well, I'll figure it out.

No, I didn't go swimming or make it to the butcher shop.  I am hoping I come down enough to rest a bit better tonight.  My neighbor and family came over and scooped the drive, I helped for what I was worth.  They outnumbered me though.  *grins*  While here, we looked at the snow blower.  After unbolting the gear housing, it was immediately clear that one of the belts had broken.  A bit of digging and we got that out.  No problem.  When I buy a replacement I might ask what else I should keep on hand for it.  I am sure the cotter pins, a handful of them, would be good to keep.  I am sure if one belt broke, the other probably isn't long to follow, so two of those, two of both most likely.  I don't know how involved replacing the belts are, but I will be looking that over tonight.  I've had and been using this machine since... two years before I left Iowa, so... five years of ownership, if only four years of use?  I didn't use it the year I rented.  And this is the first issue, so... yeah... no problems there.

After researching regarding the pork cuts, I've just decided to speak with the butcher, let him know some of what I am hoping to do (canning, both ground and cubed), and see what portions of this and that might be best.  I know I would prefer smoked bacon to side pork, if that latter is good, too, once in a while.  And smoked hams are... well... a very much enjoyed household item.  It might be good to get one or two for a gift meal.  Chops are great, but just how many?  It seems as if you can get a ton of chops if you go... hog crazy.  Though I am sure my friend wouldn't mind a few of those.  I have just decided, this time and maybe for the next several times, to play with things and see where it ends up, learning from experience rather than trying to force such a complex issue in a day or two of "book learning".

I want to be up and going tomorrow, within regular hours.  I probably won't swim but once, this Friday, this week.  Hey, it will happen.  And this was a rather... unusual... experience.  I did think, for a bit, about a spiritual adviser.  A comment made me consider it the more, if I suggested why not to do that.  While I didn't think so in comments, and those difficulties are real.  Another issue is, how do you explain such things to another person?  No, they don't understand.  When I was allotted a ptsd councilor, what I said there was more than was comfortable.  That was mild compared to this.  If a trained professional can't handle minor stuff, how much less someone just trying to help you on your Christian path?  No, I think such things are my burden, alone.  Sure, I shared it here, but that was just... well... PG.  Trust me, what I 'sensed' couldn't be shown in a theater, YouTube, or... anywhere. I won't even discuss the particulars.

Well, I should begin getting ready for bed.  The alarm will be set for, say, 10:00.  If I can't do that, then I will reset it for noon.  I've lost the morning.  *shrug*

Good night.