.
.
I won't be going to town today. Not because I can't, or that I am too sore. I simply woke too late to get going. I could shower and just maybe make it in just in time to do a few of the things on my list, or even all of them. But that would assume nothing went wrong. A work traffic stop, some other time distraction, possibly even taking a wrong turn. Further, I am not exactly sure of the hours of operation for some of the places I mean to visit. Do they close at 17:00, 16:30, or even, effectively, 16:00? I simply can't be sure. As is, I don't wish to push into uncertain territory after pushing as I did yesterday. I will attempt to get to bed earlier tonight, and up early tomorrow, taking care of my business before taking my friend out shooting. I may, possibly, head out a bit later, just for grocery shopping, and another meal. HUNGRY. Or I may not.
No worries. I sure would have liked a meal out. But one of the things that arrived at my door today is a rice cooker. Yeah, I know. I said I really didn't want one. And, I still hold to that. After having purchased one for my mother, to great reviews, I decided to pull the trigger on one myself. One never knows, but some certain trusts in some certain others can allow for risks to be harbored. Such is the case with this item. I bought a smaller one, since I don't cook for groups, but it does have a steamer basket as well. Honestly, steamed food is not my favorite. It is usually flat... bland. It removes what little fat is in what is already rather fatless. Not a good thing. I suppose, a smidgen of butter on top of, say, a fish fillet, might help. And it is a rather easy way to cook. I may give that a shot. And it should work equally well with quinoa, millet, and various types of rice.
A few other items, the near last of a line of purchases, arrived as well. Some ammunition to check a specific rifle, to see if it prefers specific bullets by grain of bullet, velocity, or type of bullet... a cleaning rod specifically for that rifle, a tripod for the chronograph I intend to buy next month for exacting reloading, and a few other items along those lines, or long on my list for past projects or needs, or future ones. As with canning, I may never get to it all. But I will surely be geared for it in some smaller or larger ways. Who knows. I do know nothing can happen if the tools, supplies, and intent isn't there. And intent is useless without the rest. While it does sound fun, it is all, actually, a lot of work. Fun, and successes, and working through failures... those are the payoffs, until a better payoff comes along.
While I am doing a few other things, I may see if I can bring some order to my kitchen, enough to not only feed my face, but to "cook" the wood finish and create a space for honing. If that goes well, I will see what of that I can get done. Success feeds upon success. And while I am sore, these tasks should be light enough that they won't be too disturbing today, detract from my efforts tomorrow, and perhaps Friday if I am unable to get to town early enough for my business affairs, and the efforts might even loosen up the sprung springs to a better working order. Shooting is locked in, for tomorrow afternoon, but a morning sprint... is questionable. I believe I have a trip to make Saturday, earlier. So I will be working at getting my sleep cycle in order to make that a more pleasant affair. Yes, I am pushing. But, for now, and again, I am able to do so.
While God loves a busy man, I am sure, too, that He understands my difficulties. I can almost hear Him laugh, at times, in a kindly way. As a Father who sees his son struggling against the world, and sleep, exhaustion, and frustration, even ignorance. I know He loves me whatever I can do, or even when I need or want to back off a bit. It isn't my struggles that please, if they might entertain. It is not my trials, but my faith, that will grant grace. And yet... He built us to... do... like Himself... only, in our immature ways, so far, because of choices and where we are. I don't mind the chuckles, if I sometimes raise a brow, and in a familial way, suggest if He is too ornery about it, that we will tussle. I can almost hear Him breaking into great laughter and suggesting "Crib time!". :p That is actually comforting, in many ways, even as it might be a little vexing. Even one so powerful, in my ways, as I am... to know my place, and surely, is like a warm blanket to a baby.
Later.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
A pleasantly hard morning.
.
.
Did I actually write "morning"? Work with me. Just... *wink and nod* It was just about noon when I woke. I couldn't go down until about 4:00, but went down fast and probably a bit too hard. Lots of aches and pains, but of the sort I really like. All physical, all from work. I was doing the equivalent of yoga, with a decent amount of weight, yesterday. Lowering this piece at a slow enough rate so as not to chip, or shatter, the glass weight, but lowering it with fine details so as to allow bolts to go through small holes. On my back, on my knees, almost always bent over, often bent and twisted to look around, and up to the underside of where some things needed to connect. All... day... long. So, really, I wouldn't complain at twice the pain. And, actually, I am surprised that the pains I felt while falling into sleep did not worsen. No extra swelling, no extra burn from muscles, no nerve twinges as my body unwraps nerves that must have been twisted about bone and other immovable objects in there. No, not even a good solid hard body of pain. Just... a little twitch, burn, and stiffness. Oh well. :p
The toilet, and surrounds, look to be dry. I have used it twice today. One for the morning bladder factor. One just because! A waste of water, I suppose, but... I have so few successes of late, that making it work was a simple joy. Do it again, daddy! *flush* Oh... yeah. If I had it, I might even consider champagne. Well, later. I am still hoping to get to town and do a bit of business and a little bit of shopping. Perhaps grab a meal. Absolutely no promises, mind you. Just, it's still on my mind and I have some mild hope.
I will say this, if I can do that, I still have some serious potential physically. While it wasn't demanding on strength, stamina, or sticking to a task, at full blast, in any of those areas, it did require a mid-level push in all of those areas at once. It means there is still something, or somethings, I can do. I do need to figure out how to do this sort of thing more often, and for longer term and in more complex areas. I do need to figure out my all-stops, so as to work around those. I found that, if prepared, as prepared as you can be when starting any project anyway, the job goes forward much more easily. Using my down time, working through object failure to function to at least do some prep, and I might be able to do more serious tasks. Yes, I want it. The answer? You can't stop halfway through. The question can only be asked by those who can handle the answer though. Hmm....
Now, the next few projects are much lighter. Sanding the workbench, preparing the finish. Sanding and planing the wooden supports for the open porch roofs, then staining those. And, darn it, I want to open up a full place in which to hone one of my straight razors. Sure, winter is coming. And I like to go bearded in the winter. If I can get to this, I can live without a beard for a winter. It's the idea. Sacrifices need, at times, to be made. There are other projects, as well. Some of my projects are just about to completion of their more expensive legs, so I can move on to... say... purchasing supplies and tools for a serious run at fixing the en suit bathroom. I am amazed, as I do various little and big jobs, as just how many tools I do have. I am no longer a humble houseman. I am nearly mid-level. A few more tools, if they are the big ones, and I will be getting into contractor level, if more a static one... dependent on one location, an immobile workshop. But that is good enough for me. I am, myself, pretty much, immobile. So it is fitting, for now.
Later.
.
Did I actually write "morning"? Work with me. Just... *wink and nod* It was just about noon when I woke. I couldn't go down until about 4:00, but went down fast and probably a bit too hard. Lots of aches and pains, but of the sort I really like. All physical, all from work. I was doing the equivalent of yoga, with a decent amount of weight, yesterday. Lowering this piece at a slow enough rate so as not to chip, or shatter, the glass weight, but lowering it with fine details so as to allow bolts to go through small holes. On my back, on my knees, almost always bent over, often bent and twisted to look around, and up to the underside of where some things needed to connect. All... day... long. So, really, I wouldn't complain at twice the pain. And, actually, I am surprised that the pains I felt while falling into sleep did not worsen. No extra swelling, no extra burn from muscles, no nerve twinges as my body unwraps nerves that must have been twisted about bone and other immovable objects in there. No, not even a good solid hard body of pain. Just... a little twitch, burn, and stiffness. Oh well. :p
The toilet, and surrounds, look to be dry. I have used it twice today. One for the morning bladder factor. One just because! A waste of water, I suppose, but... I have so few successes of late, that making it work was a simple joy. Do it again, daddy! *flush* Oh... yeah. If I had it, I might even consider champagne. Well, later. I am still hoping to get to town and do a bit of business and a little bit of shopping. Perhaps grab a meal. Absolutely no promises, mind you. Just, it's still on my mind and I have some mild hope.
I will say this, if I can do that, I still have some serious potential physically. While it wasn't demanding on strength, stamina, or sticking to a task, at full blast, in any of those areas, it did require a mid-level push in all of those areas at once. It means there is still something, or somethings, I can do. I do need to figure out how to do this sort of thing more often, and for longer term and in more complex areas. I do need to figure out my all-stops, so as to work around those. I found that, if prepared, as prepared as you can be when starting any project anyway, the job goes forward much more easily. Using my down time, working through object failure to function to at least do some prep, and I might be able to do more serious tasks. Yes, I want it. The answer? You can't stop halfway through. The question can only be asked by those who can handle the answer though. Hmm....
Now, the next few projects are much lighter. Sanding the workbench, preparing the finish. Sanding and planing the wooden supports for the open porch roofs, then staining those. And, darn it, I want to open up a full place in which to hone one of my straight razors. Sure, winter is coming. And I like to go bearded in the winter. If I can get to this, I can live without a beard for a winter. It's the idea. Sacrifices need, at times, to be made. There are other projects, as well. Some of my projects are just about to completion of their more expensive legs, so I can move on to... say... purchasing supplies and tools for a serious run at fixing the en suit bathroom. I am amazed, as I do various little and big jobs, as just how many tools I do have. I am no longer a humble houseman. I am nearly mid-level. A few more tools, if they are the big ones, and I will be getting into contractor level, if more a static one... dependent on one location, an immobile workshop. But that is good enough for me. I am, myself, pretty much, immobile. So it is fitting, for now.
Later.
Ala-ka-done.
.
.
I just didn't want to give up, even though it was way past bedtime. However, I needed a washer to complete the reconstruction which meant a trip to town. I had wanted to eat. I knew that would be late. This was pushing even that. Still, I got in, grabbed a meal, then went for the washer. While I was at it, I checked some of the supplies I wanted. Cream is way too expensive at Walmart. My preferred milk is pretty pricey too, but that is just fifty cents more and I was only buying two. Splenda, and replacement paraffin bundles, plus a bit extra. I want to stock up on that for canning supplies, as well as having it for the firestarters. I may never get to canning, but I will, eventually, be well stocked for it. A few other items, I suppose. Too tired to try to think that hard.
Tomorrow, if I get up in time, if I can move, I am hoping to do a short run into town. Coffee, cream, and business. I am hoping to keep it as short and sweet as possible. I am already sore from wrestling, ever so gently, with that other white giant. Those toilets, the big boys, do have a bit of heft to them. But that isn't the real problem. Porcelain, it's fragility, added to it's weight, is quite a little monster to work with. It's, for a standard man, a two man job, for some parts of it. As I said, I have strength, even to finesse. I simply don't have stamina. This job should only have taken a few hours, though I did extra and did have a few... problems. Even so, four hours, adding in mopping well, and the problems. I simply don't have enough length in the lungs. Still, I stuck to it, and finished it. I'll... let myself off with a warning. Ugh!
There were no leaks when I lit it up, but I need to keep checking that. But I have to tell you, it's nice having the water seal underneath and the floor cleaned up. Now, when I clean, I'll feel better about the project, knowing the work will go right down to the shine. But boy did that tire me. At least I got a meal out of the project. Good night.
.
I just didn't want to give up, even though it was way past bedtime. However, I needed a washer to complete the reconstruction which meant a trip to town. I had wanted to eat. I knew that would be late. This was pushing even that. Still, I got in, grabbed a meal, then went for the washer. While I was at it, I checked some of the supplies I wanted. Cream is way too expensive at Walmart. My preferred milk is pretty pricey too, but that is just fifty cents more and I was only buying two. Splenda, and replacement paraffin bundles, plus a bit extra. I want to stock up on that for canning supplies, as well as having it for the firestarters. I may never get to canning, but I will, eventually, be well stocked for it. A few other items, I suppose. Too tired to try to think that hard.
Tomorrow, if I get up in time, if I can move, I am hoping to do a short run into town. Coffee, cream, and business. I am hoping to keep it as short and sweet as possible. I am already sore from wrestling, ever so gently, with that other white giant. Those toilets, the big boys, do have a bit of heft to them. But that isn't the real problem. Porcelain, it's fragility, added to it's weight, is quite a little monster to work with. It's, for a standard man, a two man job, for some parts of it. As I said, I have strength, even to finesse. I simply don't have stamina. This job should only have taken a few hours, though I did extra and did have a few... problems. Even so, four hours, adding in mopping well, and the problems. I simply don't have enough length in the lungs. Still, I stuck to it, and finished it. I'll... let myself off with a warning. Ugh!
There were no leaks when I lit it up, but I need to keep checking that. But I have to tell you, it's nice having the water seal underneath and the floor cleaned up. Now, when I clean, I'll feel better about the project, knowing the work will go right down to the shine. But boy did that tire me. At least I got a meal out of the project. Good night.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Back to it.
.
.
I had to take a bit longer of a break. I overheated. It wasn't the difficulty, really, it was the fact that I was bent over while trying to crush the silicon out of the device while also trying not to snap the nozzle off. I have to attach the bowl, connect the tank, hook up the water, and run another bead of silicon around the perimeter. If I can get that done, and take a shower and a break, I might head into town for a bit of shopping and another meal. I've been working up an appetite. I already had supper, but... Still hungry, or more, hungry again. I might as well do some shopping while I am at it. Just milk and cream, probably.
Back to it. Later.
Yep, nope. One of the bolts fell down in, so I had to undo everything, pull the bowl. I spent a good hour trying to fish it out. I am almost sure I have a tool for that, somewhere. I wasted some time looking for that. I could have sworn it was in my regular toolbox. On the good side, it looks like the wax seal is very well seated. The bolts had been sturdy, and seemed to be well seated, when I lowered the seat. And, just to stand, they probably were. But to get a nut to tighten on them, not so much. Well, one of them. And all it takes is one. In any case, I did finally fish that out, if not the easy way, and used plumber putty to hold them a little more strongly in place. They really should have a better system for this, bolt tracks, where the bolts can be removed, for example. It isn't that damn hard and doesn't require an engineer to create. Gah! Oh, but it looks like I won't need to calk along the seems. The silicon I laid in has oozed out so as to cover even that part. I put in a fairly heavy bead. It's my first time working with the stuff, so... All good.
Now I just need to replace the tank, connect the water, make sure that isn't leaking, then take a shower and decide what to do, if anything, next. I am tired, and hungry. The two are fighting. Somehow, either way, I will lose. If I am full I am not sure I will mind. More so if the toilet works, dryly this time. Bleh.
Later or good night.
.
I had to take a bit longer of a break. I overheated. It wasn't the difficulty, really, it was the fact that I was bent over while trying to crush the silicon out of the device while also trying not to snap the nozzle off. I have to attach the bowl, connect the tank, hook up the water, and run another bead of silicon around the perimeter. If I can get that done, and take a shower and a break, I might head into town for a bit of shopping and another meal. I've been working up an appetite. I already had supper, but... Still hungry, or more, hungry again. I might as well do some shopping while I am at it. Just milk and cream, probably.
Back to it. Later.
Yep, nope. One of the bolts fell down in, so I had to undo everything, pull the bowl. I spent a good hour trying to fish it out. I am almost sure I have a tool for that, somewhere. I wasted some time looking for that. I could have sworn it was in my regular toolbox. On the good side, it looks like the wax seal is very well seated. The bolts had been sturdy, and seemed to be well seated, when I lowered the seat. And, just to stand, they probably were. But to get a nut to tighten on them, not so much. Well, one of them. And all it takes is one. In any case, I did finally fish that out, if not the easy way, and used plumber putty to hold them a little more strongly in place. They really should have a better system for this, bolt tracks, where the bolts can be removed, for example. It isn't that damn hard and doesn't require an engineer to create. Gah! Oh, but it looks like I won't need to calk along the seems. The silicon I laid in has oozed out so as to cover even that part. I put in a fairly heavy bead. It's my first time working with the stuff, so... All good.
Now I just need to replace the tank, connect the water, make sure that isn't leaking, then take a shower and decide what to do, if anything, next. I am tired, and hungry. The two are fighting. Somehow, either way, I will lose. If I am full I am not sure I will mind. More so if the toilet works, dryly this time. Bleh.
Later or good night.
Some things took longer than they should have.
.
.
Just unsealing the silicone caulk was a trick. Perhaps it is too old? Or is silicon caulk just a ballbuster to deal with? A hammer, a nail, and half a dozen hits, many of which didn't seem to do anything. A few nearly took the cap off. Bleh. So, after looking for advice on that, I realize I was doing it right, it's just the material I am working with must be too old, or simply not easy to get going. Then, after finally getting that going, I started trying to use it. It was as hard to apply as it was to get flowing. I broke the nipple off several times, confusing where pressure should be applied, pulling the trigger while pushing the gun. Thankfully that was easy to attach back on. But the stuff was murder to work with. I got one bead, I suppose, laid around the interior of where the bowl sits. When I get the rest of it back together, I'll put more around the edge where the floor and bowl intersect.
Next, the wax ring. What a pain. It was just not going together as it should. I got it, I hope, and the bowl is back in place. But I had to take a break after that. None of it went together well, I'm not sure about the wax ring, or even the silicon caulk. I'll keep at it. I do think I will have it together before I go to bed. How well, I can't say. I do have more wax rings, and may see if I need new silicon caulk of if that is just the way it is. So if it leaks from under there, I suppose, once again, I'll... just have to tear it all down again. It's a lot of work, actually. More so since you can't just throw the parts around, and actually have to be very gentle with most of it.
No shooting, of course, today. He is shopping tomorrow, but I need to get in and do some business, so may do that tomorrow. A bit of shopping would be good too. I'm just, or just about, out of milk and cream. It's been a hard go, really, but... I honestly do like it when I can do it. Even if I cuss just a wee bit while figuring it all out. Later.
.
Just unsealing the silicone caulk was a trick. Perhaps it is too old? Or is silicon caulk just a ballbuster to deal with? A hammer, a nail, and half a dozen hits, many of which didn't seem to do anything. A few nearly took the cap off. Bleh. So, after looking for advice on that, I realize I was doing it right, it's just the material I am working with must be too old, or simply not easy to get going. Then, after finally getting that going, I started trying to use it. It was as hard to apply as it was to get flowing. I broke the nipple off several times, confusing where pressure should be applied, pulling the trigger while pushing the gun. Thankfully that was easy to attach back on. But the stuff was murder to work with. I got one bead, I suppose, laid around the interior of where the bowl sits. When I get the rest of it back together, I'll put more around the edge where the floor and bowl intersect.
Next, the wax ring. What a pain. It was just not going together as it should. I got it, I hope, and the bowl is back in place. But I had to take a break after that. None of it went together well, I'm not sure about the wax ring, or even the silicon caulk. I'll keep at it. I do think I will have it together before I go to bed. How well, I can't say. I do have more wax rings, and may see if I need new silicon caulk of if that is just the way it is. So if it leaks from under there, I suppose, once again, I'll... just have to tear it all down again. It's a lot of work, actually. More so since you can't just throw the parts around, and actually have to be very gentle with most of it.
No shooting, of course, today. He is shopping tomorrow, but I need to get in and do some business, so may do that tomorrow. A bit of shopping would be good too. I'm just, or just about, out of milk and cream. It's been a hard go, really, but... I honestly do like it when I can do it. Even if I cuss just a wee bit while figuring it all out. Later.
Pushing a little harder, a little faster.
.
.
You might not know it from how things turn out, but shooting isn't just a flimsy hobby. I truly enjoy it. As with work, and play, even rest sometimes, my wants are not what happens. If you think just sitting is the goal, a hope, a dream, or a want, or anything but a dire need, you are mistaken. So... I am pushing, hard. As hard as I can.
I chiseled down to the clean, then tried to figure out how to get the backing, kickplate, wood, out of the way. It has gone bad, as has some of the drywall. So, yeah, I have more work to do. Stalling isn't always the best plan, but what is, is. Anyway, I just went brute force, with just a touch of finess to limit the damage to what is still good, and got the wood out. Then I scrubbed. While I don't mop often enough, when I bother to do it, I bother to do it well. One wash mop, then I pull all that water up, then another, and another if necessary, with soapy water, removing as much water as possible after each soapy mop. Then I rinse the mop to clear and clean, and do at least two wet clean water moppings, sopping the water in between, and as a final touch, I dry out the mop, run it clean and clear, and repeat the process one more time. And, so, I did. The only thing I did extra this time was to use an old bath towel to get the floor extra dry in the hope that I can lay a couple of beads of calking sooner than otherwise. Then, of course, I clean the mop for five minutes. Running it in hot water, removing that, and over and over until I can't see an sediment in the squeezed water stream, then do it a few more times. I hate sour mops.
I couldn't find the extra mop head. I know I have one somewhere. But I did find another mop. It had been properly cleaned and set to dry, in the back of one of my utility closets, so it was good to go. I suspect, with two mops, I may buy a couple more replacement heads, on top of the one that has to be replaced anyway. Then put those where I know where they, and other such items, such as vacuum cleaner bags, are stored. Organization takes time. You, if you have never had it, almost have to accident upon such. But if you don't have a mind for it, it won't work. I have just recently obtained the mind for it. But it will... take some time. And it will never quite be completely right. Beyond my personal problems with the notions, there is reality that simply doesn't allow perfect, long term, organization. Saints don't become saints, in other words, without tears, sweat, and blood. Yum! I understand why I used to ignore saints. I am much better off having turned the corner that is allowing me to try to be one though. I've seen both and chosen, in strength, not weakness, in either direction. A gift to be sure.
Well... Next? Oh, I have to take a break. A good hour of music and sitting. No choice. Then I will go in, redraw the line if necessary, remove the old wax ring and at least set out the new one, then lay the calk, add the new wax ring, and put the system back together. I am not sure if that can all happen in one fell swoop, but... maybe. If so, and I have energy for a shower after, shooting might happen. It is unlikely, not impossible. Now... shoo... I need a bit of nothing. Later.
.
You might not know it from how things turn out, but shooting isn't just a flimsy hobby. I truly enjoy it. As with work, and play, even rest sometimes, my wants are not what happens. If you think just sitting is the goal, a hope, a dream, or a want, or anything but a dire need, you are mistaken. So... I am pushing, hard. As hard as I can.
I chiseled down to the clean, then tried to figure out how to get the backing, kickplate, wood, out of the way. It has gone bad, as has some of the drywall. So, yeah, I have more work to do. Stalling isn't always the best plan, but what is, is. Anyway, I just went brute force, with just a touch of finess to limit the damage to what is still good, and got the wood out. Then I scrubbed. While I don't mop often enough, when I bother to do it, I bother to do it well. One wash mop, then I pull all that water up, then another, and another if necessary, with soapy water, removing as much water as possible after each soapy mop. Then I rinse the mop to clear and clean, and do at least two wet clean water moppings, sopping the water in between, and as a final touch, I dry out the mop, run it clean and clear, and repeat the process one more time. And, so, I did. The only thing I did extra this time was to use an old bath towel to get the floor extra dry in the hope that I can lay a couple of beads of calking sooner than otherwise. Then, of course, I clean the mop for five minutes. Running it in hot water, removing that, and over and over until I can't see an sediment in the squeezed water stream, then do it a few more times. I hate sour mops.
I couldn't find the extra mop head. I know I have one somewhere. But I did find another mop. It had been properly cleaned and set to dry, in the back of one of my utility closets, so it was good to go. I suspect, with two mops, I may buy a couple more replacement heads, on top of the one that has to be replaced anyway. Then put those where I know where they, and other such items, such as vacuum cleaner bags, are stored. Organization takes time. You, if you have never had it, almost have to accident upon such. But if you don't have a mind for it, it won't work. I have just recently obtained the mind for it. But it will... take some time. And it will never quite be completely right. Beyond my personal problems with the notions, there is reality that simply doesn't allow perfect, long term, organization. Saints don't become saints, in other words, without tears, sweat, and blood. Yum! I understand why I used to ignore saints. I am much better off having turned the corner that is allowing me to try to be one though. I've seen both and chosen, in strength, not weakness, in either direction. A gift to be sure.
Well... Next? Oh, I have to take a break. A good hour of music and sitting. No choice. Then I will go in, redraw the line if necessary, remove the old wax ring and at least set out the new one, then lay the calk, add the new wax ring, and put the system back together. I am not sure if that can all happen in one fell swoop, but... maybe. If so, and I have energy for a shower after, shooting might happen. It is unlikely, not impossible. Now... shoo... I need a bit of nothing. Later.
Work ethic strikes again.
.
.
I wasn't sure what I would get to today. Then it hit. Like a fully loaded freight train, the need and want and ability to work struck my from the blindside. I was sitting here moaning and groaning, about this and that, and then, bam, I found myself, with chisels instead of scrapers, two different sizes because I wasn't sure... in the bathroom, on my knees. Gah! Remember, always remember, knee pads. Especially on hard floors. So I grabbed, then installed those, and back to it.
As it turns out, what I had thought was rust stains was merely... calcified dehydrated mineral rich water residue. It scraped off quite easily. Mopping didn't work, even with some serious elbow grease and heavy chemicals. A sharp chisel worked quite well, and without scratching the tile. Good tile, good God, good luck. All I'm saying. I am glad I grabbed two sizes of chisels. One worked really well for general use, one of them was much better for certain areas and a few really small problem areas. I wiped it after descaling, or such, but I believe I will mop, if by hand unless I can find a new head for the mop, let it dry, and hit it one more time. To heck with the pencil marks. Besides, those should be easy enough to replace once I get that floor clean.
I am simply excited to get a fresh chance at having the floor look impeccable. There was a lot of water under the stool, so I suspect my suspicion that water does get out under there probably is the truth. I really have tried to keep the bathroom clean in this last year. It's nice to know that I am not the culprit, as a man pig pee'er, for the stains on the floor. Well, probably. I'll know more once I get the floor back to trim, the calking down, and allow some time to pass. You just can't understand how frustrating this little problem has been. Quite a learning experience, however. And... if it works out... I will have more faith in fixing other problems. Maybe there is a solution, at least to some things.
Right... I best get back to it. I am, mostly, over the morning and last evening grump.
My friend just called. "Let's go shooting!", says he. I can't! But... I told him I'd get to work, and if I get done with plenty of light, and with energy, I'll get us to the range. If not, I suggested tomorrow. His sis is taking him grocery shopping tomorrow, so that's out. Thursday, then, if not today. Committees! No one ever gets exactly what they want but everyone might get some hope of getting some of it. Later.
.
I wasn't sure what I would get to today. Then it hit. Like a fully loaded freight train, the need and want and ability to work struck my from the blindside. I was sitting here moaning and groaning, about this and that, and then, bam, I found myself, with chisels instead of scrapers, two different sizes because I wasn't sure... in the bathroom, on my knees. Gah! Remember, always remember, knee pads. Especially on hard floors. So I grabbed, then installed those, and back to it.
As it turns out, what I had thought was rust stains was merely... calcified dehydrated mineral rich water residue. It scraped off quite easily. Mopping didn't work, even with some serious elbow grease and heavy chemicals. A sharp chisel worked quite well, and without scratching the tile. Good tile, good God, good luck. All I'm saying. I am glad I grabbed two sizes of chisels. One worked really well for general use, one of them was much better for certain areas and a few really small problem areas. I wiped it after descaling, or such, but I believe I will mop, if by hand unless I can find a new head for the mop, let it dry, and hit it one more time. To heck with the pencil marks. Besides, those should be easy enough to replace once I get that floor clean.
I am simply excited to get a fresh chance at having the floor look impeccable. There was a lot of water under the stool, so I suspect my suspicion that water does get out under there probably is the truth. I really have tried to keep the bathroom clean in this last year. It's nice to know that I am not the culprit, as a man pig pee'er, for the stains on the floor. Well, probably. I'll know more once I get the floor back to trim, the calking down, and allow some time to pass. You just can't understand how frustrating this little problem has been. Quite a learning experience, however. And... if it works out... I will have more faith in fixing other problems. Maybe there is a solution, at least to some things.
Right... I best get back to it. I am, mostly, over the morning and last evening grump.
My friend just called. "Let's go shooting!", says he. I can't! But... I told him I'd get to work, and if I get done with plenty of light, and with energy, I'll get us to the range. If not, I suggested tomorrow. His sis is taking him grocery shopping tomorrow, so that's out. Thursday, then, if not today. Committees! No one ever gets exactly what they want but everyone might get some hope of getting some of it. Later.
Grumpy morning to you.
.
.
I have no idea what went wrong last night. It's been brewing while I've been sitting. I didn't finish the toilet. When I removed it it was messy. I did clean the area, roughly, but ended up needing to go to bed after that. I am taking a scraper in, next, and whenever, to remove the wax seal. Though I might use it to try to clean the area better. I don't think it will work. The tiles seem more to be rust-stained than dirty, but I'll give it a shot. I got flustered when the pencil marks simply washed away, even while I was trying to be careful. And this morning, my spine, just below the neck and above the shoulder blades feels like someone added a twist-in railroad spike. A cup of coffee, a few anacin, and a bit of waking time, then I will get to it either way.
Cloudy this morning. It seems like rain will probably be on the way. Warm pjs and warm socks have been keeping me warm enough, if it doesn't really seem to matter. Still, for now, I will take being warm, with a chance at work, than cool but without a chance. I can allow cool on the weekends. Even if I can't do much, the intent is an effort sometimes. And, I'll keep that going during the week. At least aches and pains won't slow me up, or stop me. Nor will sickness, at least from intent. It seems a lazy thing. I used to think it worthless. But it's not. And it does mean, when an opportunity presents itself, some work might happen. It's all I have some days, weeks.
Grumpy indeed. But the girls don't let me stay grumpy for very long. Sassy, especially. She is one chipper bird, unless she wants to be ignored. Then she just goes and does. Sam isn't exactly in a happy mood, always. Especially as she ages. But she wants and needs attention, which does bring my mood up. But feeding and tending them does... bring the mood around. If I am too grumpy, they just wait, or sneak in for a cuddle.
Well... on to waking up. Good day.
.
I have no idea what went wrong last night. It's been brewing while I've been sitting. I didn't finish the toilet. When I removed it it was messy. I did clean the area, roughly, but ended up needing to go to bed after that. I am taking a scraper in, next, and whenever, to remove the wax seal. Though I might use it to try to clean the area better. I don't think it will work. The tiles seem more to be rust-stained than dirty, but I'll give it a shot. I got flustered when the pencil marks simply washed away, even while I was trying to be careful. And this morning, my spine, just below the neck and above the shoulder blades feels like someone added a twist-in railroad spike. A cup of coffee, a few anacin, and a bit of waking time, then I will get to it either way.
Cloudy this morning. It seems like rain will probably be on the way. Warm pjs and warm socks have been keeping me warm enough, if it doesn't really seem to matter. Still, for now, I will take being warm, with a chance at work, than cool but without a chance. I can allow cool on the weekends. Even if I can't do much, the intent is an effort sometimes. And, I'll keep that going during the week. At least aches and pains won't slow me up, or stop me. Nor will sickness, at least from intent. It seems a lazy thing. I used to think it worthless. But it's not. And it does mean, when an opportunity presents itself, some work might happen. It's all I have some days, weeks.
Grumpy indeed. But the girls don't let me stay grumpy for very long. Sassy, especially. She is one chipper bird, unless she wants to be ignored. Then she just goes and does. Sam isn't exactly in a happy mood, always. Especially as she ages. But she wants and needs attention, which does bring my mood up. But feeding and tending them does... bring the mood around. If I am too grumpy, they just wait, or sneak in for a cuddle.
Well... on to waking up. Good day.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Watching, adding, subtracting, figuring.
.
.
Sometimes I catch them. I simply can't find out who. Words, songs, distant posts, they put them together. Sometimes I see things I hand't... understood, by tracking their views. Usually I see that someone has pieced together some of my secrets. You can't give it all, or easily, or simply. Most people can't handle the simple. The complex, and more, ideas I haven't come to a full understanding, aren't possible to give, save in the parts that tear out of me. I can't give what I don't have and I won't give, as a whole, what, perhaps, shouldn't be given. Someone is tracking things down. A pro.
.
Sometimes I catch them. I simply can't find out who. Words, songs, distant posts, they put them together. Sometimes I see things I hand't... understood, by tracking their views. Usually I see that someone has pieced together some of my secrets. You can't give it all, or easily, or simply. Most people can't handle the simple. The complex, and more, ideas I haven't come to a full understanding, aren't possible to give, save in the parts that tear out of me. I can't give what I don't have and I won't give, as a whole, what, perhaps, shouldn't be given. Someone is tracking things down. A pro.
Never can tell.
.
.
I just wasn't sure I would get to anything today. I did sort of head that way, and add tools to the proposed work zone. And I did some cleaning. I would have called it 55% against, 35% for, the project going forward, with 10% that something else altogether might be done. I did get to it, but it isn't finished, yet, of course. Now, given how long things always take, and how I often underestimate, given that I have the toilet pretty much parted, bowl from tank, and everything removed save displacing the bowl, and I found the pencil to mark the outline, I am suspecting I will finish the job before I go to bed. Nothing else will, most likely, be started, let alone completed. But this will be enough.
Even with the right tools, there is always something that was twisted, or has become crusty or rusted, or just doesn't work as it should. And so it went. Nothing unexpectedly unexpected, nothing too serious, no cracks in the bowl, so far, or anywhere. No bolts had to be cut off. The remaining parts aren't too bad, assuming a bolt doesn't drop through the floor or such. I just hope this is the actual problem. There is really one one way to know, and I won't actually know until it is done. I've got to admit, plumbing is not exactly my cup of tea. It's almost as bad as being a mechanic. The ideal world, the best laid plans of men, and the practical real world, even at this level, is stiflingly impractical. You just do it until it works, then hope it doesn't just stop working, any of it... all of it. Still, that I don't have to do it every day, I suppose I can enjoy just tinkering. The chores aren't difficult, but they can be nerve-racking. Everything is fragile, even a chip can have dire consequences. Something as simple as tightening a bolt too tight can lead to failure. That is the part that gets to me.
I didn't make it to the post office, and need to. Several things, from what I can tell, are in. And time is ticking. I'm never sure how long things will last before they must be sent back and I have a horrible time tracking the date. If I get the plumbing done, and have any breath left to me, I may make a run to the post office yet today. We'll see.
Later.
.
I just wasn't sure I would get to anything today. I did sort of head that way, and add tools to the proposed work zone. And I did some cleaning. I would have called it 55% against, 35% for, the project going forward, with 10% that something else altogether might be done. I did get to it, but it isn't finished, yet, of course. Now, given how long things always take, and how I often underestimate, given that I have the toilet pretty much parted, bowl from tank, and everything removed save displacing the bowl, and I found the pencil to mark the outline, I am suspecting I will finish the job before I go to bed. Nothing else will, most likely, be started, let alone completed. But this will be enough.
Even with the right tools, there is always something that was twisted, or has become crusty or rusted, or just doesn't work as it should. And so it went. Nothing unexpectedly unexpected, nothing too serious, no cracks in the bowl, so far, or anywhere. No bolts had to be cut off. The remaining parts aren't too bad, assuming a bolt doesn't drop through the floor or such. I just hope this is the actual problem. There is really one one way to know, and I won't actually know until it is done. I've got to admit, plumbing is not exactly my cup of tea. It's almost as bad as being a mechanic. The ideal world, the best laid plans of men, and the practical real world, even at this level, is stiflingly impractical. You just do it until it works, then hope it doesn't just stop working, any of it... all of it. Still, that I don't have to do it every day, I suppose I can enjoy just tinkering. The chores aren't difficult, but they can be nerve-racking. Everything is fragile, even a chip can have dire consequences. Something as simple as tightening a bolt too tight can lead to failure. That is the part that gets to me.
I didn't make it to the post office, and need to. Several things, from what I can tell, are in. And time is ticking. I'm never sure how long things will last before they must be sent back and I have a horrible time tracking the date. If I get the plumbing done, and have any breath left to me, I may make a run to the post office yet today. We'll see.
Later.
Pushing.
.
.
Wanting to work, and working, are two different things, generally. Both can actually wear you out, mind you, if you are intent while unable, wanting to work is a waste of good energy. I am stuck between the two. I can work, but only with a lot of pushing and shoving. I don't know if it will yield much, either. I mopped the floor in the bathroom, again, while getting ready to work in there. I also broke the mop. I guess there is a limit to how much twisting a mop will take these days. I sure miss the old industrial metal mop head parts. Still, I got that done, and, with a bit of ingenuity, figured out how to get the last of the rinse water up. The tools are still in there, from my last real shot at the project. And the water has been shut of, and as much flushed out, as is possible. I will need to use an old towel to sop the last of the water in the bowl and tank. I just want the floor to dry, so as to be able to mark around the bowl to give me a notion of where to lay the silicone lines.
Push, shove, hurry, wait, look, figure, never as easy as just doing whatever it is you mean to do. Hmm... fried eggs sound good. I wonder what else I have that would go with eggs. I could check the tortillas, maybe see if there are any vegetables that might fit with eggs. Eggs are so bland. Even with hot sauce, it tastes more just like eating hot sauce on bland cheese. Never mind. I'll figure something out. A late lunch, but that's just fine. Wish me luck in getting at least one task done for the day? I'll need it. Later.
.
Wanting to work, and working, are two different things, generally. Both can actually wear you out, mind you, if you are intent while unable, wanting to work is a waste of good energy. I am stuck between the two. I can work, but only with a lot of pushing and shoving. I don't know if it will yield much, either. I mopped the floor in the bathroom, again, while getting ready to work in there. I also broke the mop. I guess there is a limit to how much twisting a mop will take these days. I sure miss the old industrial metal mop head parts. Still, I got that done, and, with a bit of ingenuity, figured out how to get the last of the rinse water up. The tools are still in there, from my last real shot at the project. And the water has been shut of, and as much flushed out, as is possible. I will need to use an old towel to sop the last of the water in the bowl and tank. I just want the floor to dry, so as to be able to mark around the bowl to give me a notion of where to lay the silicone lines.
Push, shove, hurry, wait, look, figure, never as easy as just doing whatever it is you mean to do. Hmm... fried eggs sound good. I wonder what else I have that would go with eggs. I could check the tortillas, maybe see if there are any vegetables that might fit with eggs. Eggs are so bland. Even with hot sauce, it tastes more just like eating hot sauce on bland cheese. Never mind. I'll figure something out. A late lunch, but that's just fine. Wish me luck in getting at least one task done for the day? I'll need it. Later.
Good morning.
.
.
No, I didn't get to even one more thing last night. Wait, yes I did. A shower was taken. That might seem like a simple thing. Sometimes, here, it is. Sometimes it isn't. But it is a task. While not a task on any list, it is on an ongoing clicker idealism.
Stats this morning were mixed. Weight is right were is should be, if that is a bit high. Blood pressure was okay, if not ideal at 135/95, with a pulse at about 65. Blood sugar was quite high, though. I may do another minor increase with insulin. Medicine has been almost perfectly taken for about a month and a week, minus the dustup with insulin, and just for that. I think I have had three major dips this summer, but have gotten back up each time, fairly smoothly and well. But I haven't succeeded all that well in doing all that much. Little stuff, and not much of it. I have found a reason, a focal point, by which to attempt to gather my resources, mid-term and short-term focus, and such. I am not sure if that will help. Time will tell.
Another cool day. It is cloudy and raining off and on. Warm pj's for sure, today. I have some hope of getting going with what I had planned yesterday. Oh, and I have a couple of pieces of medical business to attend. And appointment is due and a procurement is required. A little music, another cup of coffee, and I will see what I will see. Have a good day.
.
No, I didn't get to even one more thing last night. Wait, yes I did. A shower was taken. That might seem like a simple thing. Sometimes, here, it is. Sometimes it isn't. But it is a task. While not a task on any list, it is on an ongoing clicker idealism.
Stats this morning were mixed. Weight is right were is should be, if that is a bit high. Blood pressure was okay, if not ideal at 135/95, with a pulse at about 65. Blood sugar was quite high, though. I may do another minor increase with insulin. Medicine has been almost perfectly taken for about a month and a week, minus the dustup with insulin, and just for that. I think I have had three major dips this summer, but have gotten back up each time, fairly smoothly and well. But I haven't succeeded all that well in doing all that much. Little stuff, and not much of it. I have found a reason, a focal point, by which to attempt to gather my resources, mid-term and short-term focus, and such. I am not sure if that will help. Time will tell.
Another cool day. It is cloudy and raining off and on. Warm pj's for sure, today. I have some hope of getting going with what I had planned yesterday. Oh, and I have a couple of pieces of medical business to attend. And appointment is due and a procurement is required. A little music, another cup of coffee, and I will see what I will see. Have a good day.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Tools, everywhere, but not THAT one.
.
.
Ouch. I can get a headache when looking for something. Tools are some of the worst. When I am looking for a specific tool it is for a purpose. So it isn't just finding the item, but also that the search is holding up my project. Searches are worse when I am on the edge of function. Every second not only delays the project but burns fumes I can't spare or replace easily. Gah! I got a really good headache going. A handful of anicin should manage it though.
Most of my tools are in pretty good order. I can find a wrench, screwdriver, several various saws, a hammer or mallet, sockets, and probably thirty or forty other things right now. They aren't, all, perfectly ordered. But they are in a general place, and memory serves. It's the rare items, of middling size or which can be covered or back in corners or such, that give me heartburn. In this case it was the greasegun and silicone calking. They were together, I was almost sure. But where they were... I haven't seen them since I bought them, at least a year ago. I think two years ago. I didn't even have a project in progress when I bought them, if I did have a toilet replacement in mind, possibly two. Or maybe just a general notion that bathroom work was in the offing. I need to sit and rest a bit, catch my breath. Oh, and take some anicin.
The goal for today is to dry out and remove the toilet, and the wooden kickplate behind it. But before I remove the toilet, pencil a line around it, then calk two beads under where the stool will sit, replacing all but the wood kickplate. I need to replace that. If I can get that done, I then plan to tinker with the kitchen faucet, with the new piece that I found. If I still have time, and energy, the next plan is to sand the workbench. The thing is, I need to get the trash collected, out, and then the bin to the curb. Perhaps recycling too. I'll find out whether recycling is this or next week, though I think it is next Monday. Something about the sounds last Monday make me think the recycling truck was running then.
Yeah, something has me jazzed. It hits in spurts, I run until stamina dies, and then I rest until strength returns for another sprint. I honestly hate sprints, but if it's all I've got, with as much as I need to do, I'll take it. Later.
.
Ouch. I can get a headache when looking for something. Tools are some of the worst. When I am looking for a specific tool it is for a purpose. So it isn't just finding the item, but also that the search is holding up my project. Searches are worse when I am on the edge of function. Every second not only delays the project but burns fumes I can't spare or replace easily. Gah! I got a really good headache going. A handful of anicin should manage it though.
Most of my tools are in pretty good order. I can find a wrench, screwdriver, several various saws, a hammer or mallet, sockets, and probably thirty or forty other things right now. They aren't, all, perfectly ordered. But they are in a general place, and memory serves. It's the rare items, of middling size or which can be covered or back in corners or such, that give me heartburn. In this case it was the greasegun and silicone calking. They were together, I was almost sure. But where they were... I haven't seen them since I bought them, at least a year ago. I think two years ago. I didn't even have a project in progress when I bought them, if I did have a toilet replacement in mind, possibly two. Or maybe just a general notion that bathroom work was in the offing. I need to sit and rest a bit, catch my breath. Oh, and take some anicin.
The goal for today is to dry out and remove the toilet, and the wooden kickplate behind it. But before I remove the toilet, pencil a line around it, then calk two beads under where the stool will sit, replacing all but the wood kickplate. I need to replace that. If I can get that done, I then plan to tinker with the kitchen faucet, with the new piece that I found. If I still have time, and energy, the next plan is to sand the workbench. The thing is, I need to get the trash collected, out, and then the bin to the curb. Perhaps recycling too. I'll find out whether recycling is this or next week, though I think it is next Monday. Something about the sounds last Monday make me think the recycling truck was running then.
Yeah, something has me jazzed. It hits in spurts, I run until stamina dies, and then I rest until strength returns for another sprint. I honestly hate sprints, but if it's all I've got, with as much as I need to do, I'll take it. Later.
Finally!
.
.
It may have just been a moment. It might be how things will work in the near future. I don't know quite yet. While this week has been active, it has been more of a fake it until you make it sort of thing. Sure, I got things done. But there was no way to make it over the line or do as many extras as I had really hoped. I didn't grimace about it, because just doing something, and reasonable amounts of projects, trips, and such, was such a vast improvement over the last couple of stumbles. Still, I knew I wasn't kicking in.
I thought today was going to be like yesterday. Even with warm long leg sweat bottoms, and the sun being up and out, it wasn't looking like I would be doing anything, again. Which, I suppose, given that it is a rest day, would have been fine. It just wasn't my choice. I noticed that it had just passed noon. The bathroom called, and I needed coffee too. As I completed those tasks, I looked at the double boiler I purchased the other day.
It started with simple curiosity. I wanted to look the pots, lid, and such, over. Coated in a hard, strong, film of plastic to keep the kit bundled, I first had to find my knife, one of them. I prefer my pocket or simpler defense knives for such tasks. It took just a bit. I use them often and they simply travel for other reasons anyway. The two in my pants I like to keep there, so I skipped those. Plus, looking for my knife keeps track of the darned thing. After a rather short search, I popped the plastic off and looked over the parts of the kit. I really hate to use this as intended, as it will not be useful as such again. It is a decent set, and it is one of those things I don't have in my kitchen equipment stocks. Still... Hmm, maybe next month, I will buy another one, just for the kitchen. But that isn't the whole point. It's sort of like using a brand new shirt as a mop. The idea is psychically cloying. Especially if you have, or are, otherwise going without.
From there, several things took off. I ended up seeking, and finding, the paraffin wax needed for the firestarters, which had been waiting on a double boiler. That took a bit, and while doing that, I noticed I had canned oysters. I did mention it was a touch after noon, right? Lunch! But did I have crackers? Yep. Some things... I just like some things, some ways. Though, since I had not only milk, but cream and butter, I could have gone without crackers. It's a matter of... texture, density. Two in one. So I started the water and heat in the double boiler, for the paraffin, and began warming milk, cream, butter, and pepper for the stew. While that was going, I began setting egg cartons out and filling them with lint. Six egg cartons, though, now that I have learned some things, I am thinking I could probably fill eight to ten cartons per load of paraffin. I simply didn't have any more right on hand. One thing off my list, plus lunch.
Further, after I digest lunch, I do believe I will dig into a few other things. Perhaps, as with last week, not as much as I hope. But, this time, in spite of doing less than hoped, that will actually be going over the line, given that the day had been a dead-ender until... something popped. Some times less is more, or even the same is much more. Strange thoughts, but true. Today, already, is more than last week, even if I don't do one more thing. It is much more than I had anticipated. But I don't think it is done. Two simple projects on my mind, though both could turn into... problems. So... I'll see. Later.
.
It may have just been a moment. It might be how things will work in the near future. I don't know quite yet. While this week has been active, it has been more of a fake it until you make it sort of thing. Sure, I got things done. But there was no way to make it over the line or do as many extras as I had really hoped. I didn't grimace about it, because just doing something, and reasonable amounts of projects, trips, and such, was such a vast improvement over the last couple of stumbles. Still, I knew I wasn't kicking in.
I thought today was going to be like yesterday. Even with warm long leg sweat bottoms, and the sun being up and out, it wasn't looking like I would be doing anything, again. Which, I suppose, given that it is a rest day, would have been fine. It just wasn't my choice. I noticed that it had just passed noon. The bathroom called, and I needed coffee too. As I completed those tasks, I looked at the double boiler I purchased the other day.
It started with simple curiosity. I wanted to look the pots, lid, and such, over. Coated in a hard, strong, film of plastic to keep the kit bundled, I first had to find my knife, one of them. I prefer my pocket or simpler defense knives for such tasks. It took just a bit. I use them often and they simply travel for other reasons anyway. The two in my pants I like to keep there, so I skipped those. Plus, looking for my knife keeps track of the darned thing. After a rather short search, I popped the plastic off and looked over the parts of the kit. I really hate to use this as intended, as it will not be useful as such again. It is a decent set, and it is one of those things I don't have in my kitchen equipment stocks. Still... Hmm, maybe next month, I will buy another one, just for the kitchen. But that isn't the whole point. It's sort of like using a brand new shirt as a mop. The idea is psychically cloying. Especially if you have, or are, otherwise going without.
From there, several things took off. I ended up seeking, and finding, the paraffin wax needed for the firestarters, which had been waiting on a double boiler. That took a bit, and while doing that, I noticed I had canned oysters. I did mention it was a touch after noon, right? Lunch! But did I have crackers? Yep. Some things... I just like some things, some ways. Though, since I had not only milk, but cream and butter, I could have gone without crackers. It's a matter of... texture, density. Two in one. So I started the water and heat in the double boiler, for the paraffin, and began warming milk, cream, butter, and pepper for the stew. While that was going, I began setting egg cartons out and filling them with lint. Six egg cartons, though, now that I have learned some things, I am thinking I could probably fill eight to ten cartons per load of paraffin. I simply didn't have any more right on hand. One thing off my list, plus lunch.
Further, after I digest lunch, I do believe I will dig into a few other things. Perhaps, as with last week, not as much as I hope. But, this time, in spite of doing less than hoped, that will actually be going over the line, given that the day had been a dead-ender until... something popped. Some times less is more, or even the same is much more. Strange thoughts, but true. Today, already, is more than last week, even if I don't do one more thing. It is much more than I had anticipated. But I don't think it is done. Two simple projects on my mind, though both could turn into... problems. So... I'll see. Later.
Another day, another chance.
.
.
I didn't go down until about midnight. I think the late sleep was because of the lack of effort yesterday. I probably could have, if I realized the problem... the cool weather, sorted that, if I had spotted it earlier. But by the time I saw the problem the day was pretty much done. The body, like a clock, runs on a sort of spring. The mechanism, as a whole, can be altered. But after half, or more, of the spring strength is used, recalibration is much less successful. Re-winding has several and varied drawbacks. So, what was, was. Live and learn.
Today the sun was up, at least when I looked just a bit ago. I won't depend on that completely, though. When the world is cooled, as an environment, the sun can't just infuse warmth back. It takes time. Until I know better, for certain, I need to tend my body temp a little more closely. - PJ bottoms. Oh, yeah, that helps. I have to work on being warm right off, or I end up having a dead day. I can always cut back to shorts, but, as with the watch, when the spring is half spent, I am stuck.
Today? I don't know. I have a number of chores I would like to explore, finish, fix, or consider. Too many, really. But, one at a time, here and there, and I might get a few of them done. I sleep better each time I finish something, small or large. I sit better in the world. One fewer mental itches scratching around in my bean. Besides, I just like doing, even when I can't completely finish. Sunday, is it? Well, alright. Good day. Get to church, you dang heathen! Take me in your back pocket, even if you think I'm the devil side of things. Who needs it more, if so!
Later.
.
I didn't go down until about midnight. I think the late sleep was because of the lack of effort yesterday. I probably could have, if I realized the problem... the cool weather, sorted that, if I had spotted it earlier. But by the time I saw the problem the day was pretty much done. The body, like a clock, runs on a sort of spring. The mechanism, as a whole, can be altered. But after half, or more, of the spring strength is used, recalibration is much less successful. Re-winding has several and varied drawbacks. So, what was, was. Live and learn.
Today the sun was up, at least when I looked just a bit ago. I won't depend on that completely, though. When the world is cooled, as an environment, the sun can't just infuse warmth back. It takes time. Until I know better, for certain, I need to tend my body temp a little more closely. - PJ bottoms. Oh, yeah, that helps. I have to work on being warm right off, or I end up having a dead day. I can always cut back to shorts, but, as with the watch, when the spring is half spent, I am stuck.
Today? I don't know. I have a number of chores I would like to explore, finish, fix, or consider. Too many, really. But, one at a time, here and there, and I might get a few of them done. I sleep better each time I finish something, small or large. I sit better in the world. One fewer mental itches scratching around in my bean. Besides, I just like doing, even when I can't completely finish. Sunday, is it? Well, alright. Good day. Get to church, you dang heathen! Take me in your back pocket, even if you think I'm the devil side of things. Who needs it more, if so!
Later.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
The day has slipped by.
.
.
It was a rest day, so no major problems. I just couldn't get my feet under me. A few hours ago I realized the problem. It's cool. Rain, a cold rain, has been cycling on and off all day. It feels more like a September rain. It's been doing this for the last few days, and more than I am used to it for the last week, really. Perhaps today is a culmination of the cooling over time. It's an unusual thing, at least as I gauge Augusts. I am just getting used to the weather patterns here. Then again, just as with Iowa and everywhere else, the sense that the weather is normal is subjective to which local you speak with. Feeling down? Then the weather is odd. Feeling good? Then it's all good, including the weather. Some are more observant, some less so, and yet that doesn't seem to matter. Stats don't really help because of recent, mid, and long term variability. Hmm... in brief, for a summer day, it is cool enough to feel cold.
No worries. As I said, it is a day of rest. I just got more of a dose of rest than I intended. Tomorrow, if it is the same, I'll pull out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Hmm, actually I'll get that out now. I can't believe I am actually just a bit chilly! Then again, if you know me at all, you know I am enjoying it. And it is restful all by itself. The occasional pattering of rain even more so.
I have started pulling out the big guns when debating. I don't do a lot of actual debate. Most people are either too far gone or too timid. However, I can make a point, or series of them, based on a bit of logic, a bit of the practical, a bit of the historic, and a few other things, then tie them together into a cohesive package. That is the goal anyway. And, sometimes, I am asked to, and do, defend that. I won't say that I am offering perfect logic, only that I am attempting to offer more than snark.
Then again, I don't believe we can corner perfect logic. I am not sure if it is just mankind, but I do believe, after the fall, perfection became a goal that is not attainable in any area of life. It is as if the corners of our minds were like the corners of a cabinet. And, as a group, we all made a decision, one that can't be changed, that made all of those a few degrees, or more, off. Now we can do some practical things with our cabinets, like make sure the coffee cups don't slide out. But in doing so we have to do other things, there is a trade off. Either the cups lean into the cabinet, or the cabinet looks more off-kilter than we like, perhaps both, and worse if we aren't attuned to the notion that we aren't very good at these things. We can still see the idea of a square cabinet, we just can't create that. Yes... something like that. So, I do my best at developing the most appropriate confluence of wrong angles for both function and aesthetics within the confines of imperfection. It's as good as I can do.
Life isn't bad, even when I am a little tired. Needing rest is a good thing. Being able to plan, and consider, work, play, and rest, if none if it at the level I should be able to attain, is still better than the options. All save one, but all things in their due time. One simply cannot rush perfection, especially when approaching it imperfectly already. Yes, yes I do. I think I can be quite funny. Later.
.
It was a rest day, so no major problems. I just couldn't get my feet under me. A few hours ago I realized the problem. It's cool. Rain, a cold rain, has been cycling on and off all day. It feels more like a September rain. It's been doing this for the last few days, and more than I am used to it for the last week, really. Perhaps today is a culmination of the cooling over time. It's an unusual thing, at least as I gauge Augusts. I am just getting used to the weather patterns here. Then again, just as with Iowa and everywhere else, the sense that the weather is normal is subjective to which local you speak with. Feeling down? Then the weather is odd. Feeling good? Then it's all good, including the weather. Some are more observant, some less so, and yet that doesn't seem to matter. Stats don't really help because of recent, mid, and long term variability. Hmm... in brief, for a summer day, it is cool enough to feel cold.
No worries. As I said, it is a day of rest. I just got more of a dose of rest than I intended. Tomorrow, if it is the same, I'll pull out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Hmm, actually I'll get that out now. I can't believe I am actually just a bit chilly! Then again, if you know me at all, you know I am enjoying it. And it is restful all by itself. The occasional pattering of rain even more so.
I have started pulling out the big guns when debating. I don't do a lot of actual debate. Most people are either too far gone or too timid. However, I can make a point, or series of them, based on a bit of logic, a bit of the practical, a bit of the historic, and a few other things, then tie them together into a cohesive package. That is the goal anyway. And, sometimes, I am asked to, and do, defend that. I won't say that I am offering perfect logic, only that I am attempting to offer more than snark.
Then again, I don't believe we can corner perfect logic. I am not sure if it is just mankind, but I do believe, after the fall, perfection became a goal that is not attainable in any area of life. It is as if the corners of our minds were like the corners of a cabinet. And, as a group, we all made a decision, one that can't be changed, that made all of those a few degrees, or more, off. Now we can do some practical things with our cabinets, like make sure the coffee cups don't slide out. But in doing so we have to do other things, there is a trade off. Either the cups lean into the cabinet, or the cabinet looks more off-kilter than we like, perhaps both, and worse if we aren't attuned to the notion that we aren't very good at these things. We can still see the idea of a square cabinet, we just can't create that. Yes... something like that. So, I do my best at developing the most appropriate confluence of wrong angles for both function and aesthetics within the confines of imperfection. It's as good as I can do.
Life isn't bad, even when I am a little tired. Needing rest is a good thing. Being able to plan, and consider, work, play, and rest, if none if it at the level I should be able to attain, is still better than the options. All save one, but all things in their due time. One simply cannot rush perfection, especially when approaching it imperfectly already. Yes, yes I do. I think I can be quite funny. Later.
Puzzles.
.
.
Beside the big puzzles, each day I seek to solve smaller and larger puzzles. Some will take the rest of my life and never be fully solved, or remain solved. Memory what it is, and the softness of reality as we can understand it or contain it, changes, and time, among other oddities and variables make solving even what should be manageable, or even what is manageable, a success and not a known. If you learn to hold your breath for five minutes, will you be able to do that five years from that point? If you solve a rubics cube, even to memorizing the pattern, is this something you will know ten years from now? Such is life. Focusing on needs and some wants requires what had been, and what might become, needs and wants, to whiter in the mind, will, and way. A gift as much as a price.
This day I found myself puzzling life and love. The past, the present, and the future, regarding these things. I look for words thought and music, to explore, explain, or even muddy those waters. The finest definitions and the clearest of thinking cannot overcome emotion, sentiment, even tradition. If logic were purely true, and we were purely logical, we wouldn't be people. Machines? Perhaps. Never mind. I slipped into exploring the mechanics behind what I found myself considering just here. Back to the topic.
I remember my various attempts at love. My early years of libertine love, through naivete, ignorance, even innocence. Sex was an activity. No gain, no loss, just something to do while engaging with a beautiful creature. As time and maturity caught up with the idea, as the reality of pregnancy and emotional and practical implications, social expectations, and so on became a part of the equation, the seemingly ideal libertine approach had to be sidelined. While that did continue for some time, it became a thing that either had to be surrendered, or kept but at a dear price to the idea that I was good. My first real foray into the more adult notion of love and sex ended quite tragically. Not long after, tragedies in other areas, and health failure, lead to an inability to do anything but act and react, almost blindly. I couldn't know love because I couldn't feel it.
.
Beside the big puzzles, each day I seek to solve smaller and larger puzzles. Some will take the rest of my life and never be fully solved, or remain solved. Memory what it is, and the softness of reality as we can understand it or contain it, changes, and time, among other oddities and variables make solving even what should be manageable, or even what is manageable, a success and not a known. If you learn to hold your breath for five minutes, will you be able to do that five years from that point? If you solve a rubics cube, even to memorizing the pattern, is this something you will know ten years from now? Such is life. Focusing on needs and some wants requires what had been, and what might become, needs and wants, to whiter in the mind, will, and way. A gift as much as a price.
This day I found myself puzzling life and love. The past, the present, and the future, regarding these things. I look for words thought and music, to explore, explain, or even muddy those waters. The finest definitions and the clearest of thinking cannot overcome emotion, sentiment, even tradition. If logic were purely true, and we were purely logical, we wouldn't be people. Machines? Perhaps. Never mind. I slipped into exploring the mechanics behind what I found myself considering just here. Back to the topic.
I remember my various attempts at love. My early years of libertine love, through naivete, ignorance, even innocence. Sex was an activity. No gain, no loss, just something to do while engaging with a beautiful creature. As time and maturity caught up with the idea, as the reality of pregnancy and emotional and practical implications, social expectations, and so on became a part of the equation, the seemingly ideal libertine approach had to be sidelined. While that did continue for some time, it became a thing that either had to be surrendered, or kept but at a dear price to the idea that I was good. My first real foray into the more adult notion of love and sex ended quite tragically. Not long after, tragedies in other areas, and health failure, lead to an inability to do anything but act and react, almost blindly. I couldn't know love because I couldn't feel it.
Nice.
.
.
A Saturday, and I knew it. I knew each day this week. I did something pretty much every day. I've kept things rolling. A slow roll some days. I knew what each day was. While summer seems to be closing shop, or at least a bit broken, fall and winter are just fine in the kind of shape I am in. A number of projects are being managed, some nearing their finality, some just a few steps off. Sure, some projects haven't quite gone as hoped. But they have seen some attention and effort. You really can't win them all, up front, first, second, even third shot. Some efforts will never see the kind of fruit one hopes in the beginning. Others, well... It can be amazing what constant small efforts can offer for results.
It is a cool day. It is a day of mild rest. The perfect day for some humble, simple, chores, tasks, planning, and living. I can't remember what I had on tap, roughly, yesterday. And, really, if those things, whatever they were, come up on the block, I may do them. If not I will find something else to fill some of my time. Breakfast was had, medicine will go down in a bit, a cup of coffee has been sipped, it's all a green light so far. I need to get to the post office. If what I suspect to be in, is in, I may have a very specific task for today in preparation for next week.
I have to say, the movie I watched last night was excellent. I wasn't preached secular morality, I didn't have to fumble through modern political correctness or falsified racial, gender, or cultural falsities, and I didn't have the trip over lies and damn lies. The story was simple enough, the hook wasn't as foreseeable as most, though not completely improbable within the notions that were offered. And while it did have a sort of Hollywood ending, it wasn't the type that such a set would typically endorse. The Lady in Black, while a horror, and a good one, was rather... mild, as things go today. Probably too mild, save for some of the thematic sets and notions, for me to call a modern horror. I would say, all givens, it is milder than the werewolf or vampire movies of the earlier part of the last century. So well done, though, that... I truly enjoyed. Miracles are still possible. I watched it merely to kill time between ending my day and bedtime last night. Usually I don't write those up, just watch then go to bed. Further, it is free to Amazon prime subscribers. Double tap.
I best finish waking, sort out my day, and get to some things. Later.
.
A Saturday, and I knew it. I knew each day this week. I did something pretty much every day. I've kept things rolling. A slow roll some days. I knew what each day was. While summer seems to be closing shop, or at least a bit broken, fall and winter are just fine in the kind of shape I am in. A number of projects are being managed, some nearing their finality, some just a few steps off. Sure, some projects haven't quite gone as hoped. But they have seen some attention and effort. You really can't win them all, up front, first, second, even third shot. Some efforts will never see the kind of fruit one hopes in the beginning. Others, well... It can be amazing what constant small efforts can offer for results.
It is a cool day. It is a day of mild rest. The perfect day for some humble, simple, chores, tasks, planning, and living. I can't remember what I had on tap, roughly, yesterday. And, really, if those things, whatever they were, come up on the block, I may do them. If not I will find something else to fill some of my time. Breakfast was had, medicine will go down in a bit, a cup of coffee has been sipped, it's all a green light so far. I need to get to the post office. If what I suspect to be in, is in, I may have a very specific task for today in preparation for next week.
I have to say, the movie I watched last night was excellent. I wasn't preached secular morality, I didn't have to fumble through modern political correctness or falsified racial, gender, or cultural falsities, and I didn't have the trip over lies and damn lies. The story was simple enough, the hook wasn't as foreseeable as most, though not completely improbable within the notions that were offered. And while it did have a sort of Hollywood ending, it wasn't the type that such a set would typically endorse. The Lady in Black, while a horror, and a good one, was rather... mild, as things go today. Probably too mild, save for some of the thematic sets and notions, for me to call a modern horror. I would say, all givens, it is milder than the werewolf or vampire movies of the earlier part of the last century. So well done, though, that... I truly enjoyed. Miracles are still possible. I watched it merely to kill time between ending my day and bedtime last night. Usually I don't write those up, just watch then go to bed. Further, it is free to Amazon prime subscribers. Double tap.
I best finish waking, sort out my day, and get to some things. Later.
Friday, August 22, 2014
A fine day of rest.
.
.
The nap helped. Food helped. Further, with medicine moderated, scheduled, and leveled, life is back on some sort of reasonable track. I may need another day of partial rest.
I am hoping to create more of the firestarters tomorrow, for the grill, camping, whatever. As well, I am hoping to mix the stain concoction for the workbench, and perhaps sand that and get that project started. It will take several days of finishing. Finish is added until the wood no longer soaks it in. Days, a week, more, I simply do not know. There are probably a few other little things, if I can, I would like to do in the next few days. It is a weekend, and I do have business and a visit this coming week, so I will be working, but more lightly, this weekend. Something about deference to the weekend, but a need to get back in the saddle, all while not spilling all of the wind from my sails and ruining next week. Balance, wisdom, efficiency, success, temperament, and a whole bunch of other words that are their own truths or just... words.
Strength has returned, stamina is breathlessly trying to catch up. I feel like, and do, I have far too much to do and far little time to do it. Not only am I behind, I am late. I was late before I started and I have, and will continue, to fall behind until... I am right on time. There is one appointment no one is ever late attending. It isn't a request. Then again, some at least seem to be decades late, or more. I am almost certain that appointment is longer off than even what I currently suspect. I am generally conservative about such estimates. But no one knows.
It truly has been a fine day. There has been darkness. A dream, and the portents that swirled around it. A movie... Lady in Black, with the lead actor of Harry Potter fame. A very good movie. And, if you should see it, the atmospherics, minus quite as much activity, is an old time version of my life. Instead of me chasing shadows, they seem to chase me. Those that were in my life, and others, I should think. I chased them for some time, until I realized they could not be caught, and just what they were. It wasn't enough. Still, understanding has helped. Little bits of actual tinkering transpired. A bit of business. Some planning. A busy day for a rest day. But it all fit neatly into my little pocket-life. Perfect, really. Idyllic, to my notions.
I will sleep well. I will pray for me, you, and them. And I will prepare to shove them off the gang-plank, if such was never actually done. Still... why not, if they deserve it. Justice delayed, and such. It's not even 22:00 and it's well past bedtime? All good. Good night.
.
The nap helped. Food helped. Further, with medicine moderated, scheduled, and leveled, life is back on some sort of reasonable track. I may need another day of partial rest.
I am hoping to create more of the firestarters tomorrow, for the grill, camping, whatever. As well, I am hoping to mix the stain concoction for the workbench, and perhaps sand that and get that project started. It will take several days of finishing. Finish is added until the wood no longer soaks it in. Days, a week, more, I simply do not know. There are probably a few other little things, if I can, I would like to do in the next few days. It is a weekend, and I do have business and a visit this coming week, so I will be working, but more lightly, this weekend. Something about deference to the weekend, but a need to get back in the saddle, all while not spilling all of the wind from my sails and ruining next week. Balance, wisdom, efficiency, success, temperament, and a whole bunch of other words that are their own truths or just... words.
Strength has returned, stamina is breathlessly trying to catch up. I feel like, and do, I have far too much to do and far little time to do it. Not only am I behind, I am late. I was late before I started and I have, and will continue, to fall behind until... I am right on time. There is one appointment no one is ever late attending. It isn't a request. Then again, some at least seem to be decades late, or more. I am almost certain that appointment is longer off than even what I currently suspect. I am generally conservative about such estimates. But no one knows.
It truly has been a fine day. There has been darkness. A dream, and the portents that swirled around it. A movie... Lady in Black, with the lead actor of Harry Potter fame. A very good movie. And, if you should see it, the atmospherics, minus quite as much activity, is an old time version of my life. Instead of me chasing shadows, they seem to chase me. Those that were in my life, and others, I should think. I chased them for some time, until I realized they could not be caught, and just what they were. It wasn't enough. Still, understanding has helped. Little bits of actual tinkering transpired. A bit of business. Some planning. A busy day for a rest day. But it all fit neatly into my little pocket-life. Perfect, really. Idyllic, to my notions.
I will sleep well. I will pray for me, you, and them. And I will prepare to shove them off the gang-plank, if such was never actually done. Still... why not, if they deserve it. Justice delayed, and such. It's not even 22:00 and it's well past bedtime? All good. Good night.
A nap.
.
.
I made it to 14:00. While most of my activities have been light to very light, I have been somewhat active. With two days in town in a row and an early rise, plus light activity, I was sort of surprised I made it to 14:00. That is the tail end of my preferred nap cut-off time, too. I could have napped a bit earlier, but as the need crept up on me I became glued to the chair. Odd how that works. A short nap, less than two hours, probably only an hour of sleep. Just right.
I won't be doing much else today. I am worn from this, that, and the last few days. I am much better than I was last week though, even so. I have begun sparring, with a wakeful and conscientious mind. Rather than blathering about feelings, or opinions, I have been trying to slice with what logic I can bring to bear on topics. Oh, I... do have a dark side. Apoplexy is something I commonly cause in moderns, most of whom have never even been in a fist fight, yet whose vote is considered when choosing politicians to face off against whole cultures which are ready, willing, able, and actually actively slicing off heads of men, women, and children. So liberal heads simply explode. One could wish anyway. So, my comments are not always... appreciated. I figure, if nothing else, I am easing them into a very certain future. If they won't vote to even defend their very lives, insisting on the magic of diplomacy and having "conversations with the enemy", then they will be having conversations with the enemy. But not over there. Welcome to the grand future.
Sam has really fluffed out. We have had some cold winters since I have been here, but she has never furred up this heavily before. I am thinking this might really turn into a cold winter. Sassy is an indoor cat, so she doesn't really change. Sam prefers outdoors, and will risk even snow for a little "me time". It isn't just Sassy she escapes. It's the cave, and me. And, of course, too... she is a hunter at heart. A think I dearly love about the little snagglepuss. Precisely violent with a keen reasoning, but not unwilling to enjoy it. A girl after my own heart.
Yes, yes, perhaps I am in a somewhat dark mood. Dreams of Vlad Tepes, and marching forth with him against the Ottomans. A terrible enemy only bested by being more terrible. Being in the Order of the Dragon, myself, I had sworn to protect Christendom, and did so. The only souls lost were those of the blood cult and those who helped them. Dems, then and now, have bowed to gold and betray all they can for it. They can't betray their principals, at least. They don't have any. Such dreams...
Later.
.
I made it to 14:00. While most of my activities have been light to very light, I have been somewhat active. With two days in town in a row and an early rise, plus light activity, I was sort of surprised I made it to 14:00. That is the tail end of my preferred nap cut-off time, too. I could have napped a bit earlier, but as the need crept up on me I became glued to the chair. Odd how that works. A short nap, less than two hours, probably only an hour of sleep. Just right.
I won't be doing much else today. I am worn from this, that, and the last few days. I am much better than I was last week though, even so. I have begun sparring, with a wakeful and conscientious mind. Rather than blathering about feelings, or opinions, I have been trying to slice with what logic I can bring to bear on topics. Oh, I... do have a dark side. Apoplexy is something I commonly cause in moderns, most of whom have never even been in a fist fight, yet whose vote is considered when choosing politicians to face off against whole cultures which are ready, willing, able, and actually actively slicing off heads of men, women, and children. So liberal heads simply explode. One could wish anyway. So, my comments are not always... appreciated. I figure, if nothing else, I am easing them into a very certain future. If they won't vote to even defend their very lives, insisting on the magic of diplomacy and having "conversations with the enemy", then they will be having conversations with the enemy. But not over there. Welcome to the grand future.
Sam has really fluffed out. We have had some cold winters since I have been here, but she has never furred up this heavily before. I am thinking this might really turn into a cold winter. Sassy is an indoor cat, so she doesn't really change. Sam prefers outdoors, and will risk even snow for a little "me time". It isn't just Sassy she escapes. It's the cave, and me. And, of course, too... she is a hunter at heart. A think I dearly love about the little snagglepuss. Precisely violent with a keen reasoning, but not unwilling to enjoy it. A girl after my own heart.
Yes, yes, perhaps I am in a somewhat dark mood. Dreams of Vlad Tepes, and marching forth with him against the Ottomans. A terrible enemy only bested by being more terrible. Being in the Order of the Dragon, myself, I had sworn to protect Christendom, and did so. The only souls lost were those of the blood cult and those who helped them. Dems, then and now, have bowed to gold and betray all they can for it. They can't betray their principals, at least. They don't have any. Such dreams...
Later.
Ongoing projects.
.
.
While I am resting today I am not just setting around. It's not even noon and I've taken care of a few processes for some ongoing projects. Just because all you see from the crocodile is bubbles doesn't mean the bubbles are just from breathing. Percolation. Actually, I need to throw some meat down the hatch to keep that part of life up. While I was out to dinner yesterday, I went ahead and bought some broasted chicken so I wouldn't have to cook for a few days. Yeah, but I knew I had pushed it. And food helps with recovery if I can keep that going. And with coffee, or better yet milk, on tap, that should work out well.
My mother called. My brother sent me some ridiculous sum of money for my... For no reason. In talking with him, he told her to make sure I cashed it. Having a loose check out there gives him the heebiejeebies. Now, cruel as I am, I accidentally already took pity on the lad. While I was out yesterday I added the thing to my account. I'm actually pleased to have done something just right, even if it was just the happenstance of an odd confluence of events. On some things, a broken clock does have more surety. It's nice to be lucky, even if I can't imagine him sweating the situation. Oh, I love him. But I like him too. Which... gives me lots of room for mischief. Don't you wish you knew me better?
Pieces and parts of projects in progress and soon to be. This, that, the other thing. It is never sure, it is never over, it is never complete, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even a snail, eventually, gets there. Even a turtle finds love. Even Doom has some little touches of joy. I might not get to much, physically. Though I already have done some things. One of the ongoing project just got a touch of my magic. A piece, a part, a learning or three, some measurements, and... more necessities and possibilities ordered. And, with a relatively clear economic conscience.
Lunch? Why, I do believe so. Foul fowls frolicking cold and featherless leave me wishing to warm them with my presence. I think I mentioned crocodile in there, somewhere. It's not just for passing time doing the nearly unseen, war, or love, you know. Gnom... gnom gnom. Hungry! Later.
.
While I am resting today I am not just setting around. It's not even noon and I've taken care of a few processes for some ongoing projects. Just because all you see from the crocodile is bubbles doesn't mean the bubbles are just from breathing. Percolation. Actually, I need to throw some meat down the hatch to keep that part of life up. While I was out to dinner yesterday, I went ahead and bought some broasted chicken so I wouldn't have to cook for a few days. Yeah, but I knew I had pushed it. And food helps with recovery if I can keep that going. And with coffee, or better yet milk, on tap, that should work out well.
My mother called. My brother sent me some ridiculous sum of money for my... For no reason. In talking with him, he told her to make sure I cashed it. Having a loose check out there gives him the heebiejeebies. Now, cruel as I am, I accidentally already took pity on the lad. While I was out yesterday I added the thing to my account. I'm actually pleased to have done something just right, even if it was just the happenstance of an odd confluence of events. On some things, a broken clock does have more surety. It's nice to be lucky, even if I can't imagine him sweating the situation. Oh, I love him. But I like him too. Which... gives me lots of room for mischief. Don't you wish you knew me better?
Pieces and parts of projects in progress and soon to be. This, that, the other thing. It is never sure, it is never over, it is never complete, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even a snail, eventually, gets there. Even a turtle finds love. Even Doom has some little touches of joy. I might not get to much, physically. Though I already have done some things. One of the ongoing project just got a touch of my magic. A piece, a part, a learning or three, some measurements, and... more necessities and possibilities ordered. And, with a relatively clear economic conscience.
Lunch? Why, I do believe so. Foul fowls frolicking cold and featherless leave me wishing to warm them with my presence. I think I mentioned crocodile in there, somewhere. It's not just for passing time doing the nearly unseen, war, or love, you know. Gnom... gnom gnom. Hungry! Later.
Back in postive territory.
.
.
From what I hear, the stock markets too. So long as they keep burning the value of the dollar, as per worldly fiscal pursuits, the markets will keep *increasing in value. I am glad my ups and downs aren't based on corporatist government mismanagement of the dollar. All I'm saying there.
Even with a quicker cool down, an easier shorter day out, and everything else working in my favor, I could not get to bed until a bit after midnight. I think I was tired enough a bit earlier. I simply didn't have the energy to get up and go to bed. Some of you know exactly what I am talking about. I set the alarm for 10:00, hoping to wake earlier. Right after 6:00 I woke and comfortably. It's a very nice morning. No real aches or pains, but that doesn't mean much. Some mornings I feel pain right away. Sometimes then it fades as I wake, or not. Some days I can't feel pain until I am awake. I never know which it will be. Two days to town in a row makes me suspect I will suffer mild pains today, muscles, relating to walking a couple of miles. You didn't think I just road an electric cart, did you? And, when on my own, I move. It will be simple, and mild, pain, and last for a few days. The better type of pain, as I have suggested. The rust chipping pain I enjoy.
A pot of coffee brews, medicine is looking me in the eye, the notion that I need to order insulin is in my mind, and a few tasks haunt me into wakefulness. All good things. It is turning into the perfect sort of day. If I can get to some of those things, or all of the few that taunt, which I might, it would become a perfect simple, humble, rest type day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a terribly wonderful dream. In it I had lived a rushed life. As a military officer, who had jumped ranks and then risen well into mid-level command, I had become accustomed to being given generic orders, managing and arranging how those were done, and who would do them, and moving on, but very successfully. For the first twenty years of my career, in the dream, I had been as hard-driven, and hard-bitten, as a ten penny nail. I commanded no more or less than I demanded from myself... exceptional, nearly reckless, dedication. Then, as in real life, I became stricken. I don't know what the illness was, but the effects were similar if a little less restrictive compared to real life. Then, as in real life, I had to make choices, surrender my hopes and plans for, probably, a jump to upper, civilian, or diplomatic command. I wasn't ready for it, no one is, not even those who naturally decline. And yet, there it was.
I had two choices, really. I could face the reality, or hide from it, or worse. It was a serious struggle, especially while still trying to control the steering wheel of life while falling asleep at that wheel. After a time, I came to understand, to relent. A passenger, rather than driver, in life, it would have to be. But more, I came to appreciate the gift. Much more quickly, and surely, than I have in real life. Able, in the dream though, to carry on more of a life, though I am not sure, from the dream and my real life, which would actually be more difficult. One more teasing, offering some possibilities. The other a complete end to most physical function. In either case, I did come to enjoy, be a part of the world in a patriarchal, but simpler, fashion.
Through time I came to associate with the younger men, the up-and-comers who would replace my generation. I retained access through my reputation and past success. I became someone these types would seek out, for wisdom, for advice both career and personal, as a mentor, teacher, even rough philosopher. As with real life, I found God, who became my anchor. But I didn't completely ignore the mundane, the secular, the political, the chain of command structure to which I had been a party. As such, I looked for men who were like what I had been, specifically. I hoped to guide them, even with their health, into a better place.
In the case in question, the younger, but middle-aged, man I had targeted was more in the political and bureaucratic, rather than military circles. He rarely had time for friends, such as myself. Worse, he had little time for the only human friend he should have time to tend... himself. I began working with him quite simply. Just as a friend who had time when he could spare it and wanted a moment of company. I slowly bridled him with mild demands of time, and effort, but kept that from becoming overwhelming, an annoyance or too great of one. Then the real work began.
Slowly, over time, I brought him to slow down, just a bit. I showed him, still quite passively, some options to being a man solely based on his career. I pointed out, and suggested he pursue old friends, then to make new friends. Lightly, but surely, as all men who succeed are busy men. As with such things as salt, it only takes a bit, only enough. Just... to add more people to his list, who he could call when need or want was there, visit on a rare day off, or when traveling nearby, or even to find a reason to take a little time doing something other than the business of business as that was or could be availed. I helped him rediscover his wife, make attempts to reach out to his, now grown, children. I even talked him into the pew, if different from mine, from time to time... here or there, wherever he was.
I watched him grow up before my eyes. Perhaps he was always on the path, perhaps he just needed a little nudge, but maybe he would never have found his way. Who can ever know such things. As it was, my time was coming up. I knew it was time. For the first time in this man's life as an adult, at my funeral, I saw him cry. He kept it minimal, few could have seen, but ghosts see all, and truly, if that state is just a phase as was mine. I knew I had done one good thing in my life. I even had some wonder if I wouldn't, as time is different on the other side, and there are things that must be done, perhaps seem him in heaven as I arrived. He, unlike myself, had decided to change his life for the better but hadn't needed to be crippled to do so. Gladly, he was not the only man at my funeral whose life I had helped to reform. It was a fine funeral, even if the casket was a bit tight for my ego.
It was a wonderful dream.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning.
.
From what I hear, the stock markets too. So long as they keep burning the value of the dollar, as per worldly fiscal pursuits, the markets will keep *increasing in value. I am glad my ups and downs aren't based on corporatist government mismanagement of the dollar. All I'm saying there.
Even with a quicker cool down, an easier shorter day out, and everything else working in my favor, I could not get to bed until a bit after midnight. I think I was tired enough a bit earlier. I simply didn't have the energy to get up and go to bed. Some of you know exactly what I am talking about. I set the alarm for 10:00, hoping to wake earlier. Right after 6:00 I woke and comfortably. It's a very nice morning. No real aches or pains, but that doesn't mean much. Some mornings I feel pain right away. Sometimes then it fades as I wake, or not. Some days I can't feel pain until I am awake. I never know which it will be. Two days to town in a row makes me suspect I will suffer mild pains today, muscles, relating to walking a couple of miles. You didn't think I just road an electric cart, did you? And, when on my own, I move. It will be simple, and mild, pain, and last for a few days. The better type of pain, as I have suggested. The rust chipping pain I enjoy.
A pot of coffee brews, medicine is looking me in the eye, the notion that I need to order insulin is in my mind, and a few tasks haunt me into wakefulness. All good things. It is turning into the perfect sort of day. If I can get to some of those things, or all of the few that taunt, which I might, it would become a perfect simple, humble, rest type day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a terribly wonderful dream. In it I had lived a rushed life. As a military officer, who had jumped ranks and then risen well into mid-level command, I had become accustomed to being given generic orders, managing and arranging how those were done, and who would do them, and moving on, but very successfully. For the first twenty years of my career, in the dream, I had been as hard-driven, and hard-bitten, as a ten penny nail. I commanded no more or less than I demanded from myself... exceptional, nearly reckless, dedication. Then, as in real life, I became stricken. I don't know what the illness was, but the effects were similar if a little less restrictive compared to real life. Then, as in real life, I had to make choices, surrender my hopes and plans for, probably, a jump to upper, civilian, or diplomatic command. I wasn't ready for it, no one is, not even those who naturally decline. And yet, there it was.
I had two choices, really. I could face the reality, or hide from it, or worse. It was a serious struggle, especially while still trying to control the steering wheel of life while falling asleep at that wheel. After a time, I came to understand, to relent. A passenger, rather than driver, in life, it would have to be. But more, I came to appreciate the gift. Much more quickly, and surely, than I have in real life. Able, in the dream though, to carry on more of a life, though I am not sure, from the dream and my real life, which would actually be more difficult. One more teasing, offering some possibilities. The other a complete end to most physical function. In either case, I did come to enjoy, be a part of the world in a patriarchal, but simpler, fashion.
Through time I came to associate with the younger men, the up-and-comers who would replace my generation. I retained access through my reputation and past success. I became someone these types would seek out, for wisdom, for advice both career and personal, as a mentor, teacher, even rough philosopher. As with real life, I found God, who became my anchor. But I didn't completely ignore the mundane, the secular, the political, the chain of command structure to which I had been a party. As such, I looked for men who were like what I had been, specifically. I hoped to guide them, even with their health, into a better place.
In the case in question, the younger, but middle-aged, man I had targeted was more in the political and bureaucratic, rather than military circles. He rarely had time for friends, such as myself. Worse, he had little time for the only human friend he should have time to tend... himself. I began working with him quite simply. Just as a friend who had time when he could spare it and wanted a moment of company. I slowly bridled him with mild demands of time, and effort, but kept that from becoming overwhelming, an annoyance or too great of one. Then the real work began.
Slowly, over time, I brought him to slow down, just a bit. I showed him, still quite passively, some options to being a man solely based on his career. I pointed out, and suggested he pursue old friends, then to make new friends. Lightly, but surely, as all men who succeed are busy men. As with such things as salt, it only takes a bit, only enough. Just... to add more people to his list, who he could call when need or want was there, visit on a rare day off, or when traveling nearby, or even to find a reason to take a little time doing something other than the business of business as that was or could be availed. I helped him rediscover his wife, make attempts to reach out to his, now grown, children. I even talked him into the pew, if different from mine, from time to time... here or there, wherever he was.
I watched him grow up before my eyes. Perhaps he was always on the path, perhaps he just needed a little nudge, but maybe he would never have found his way. Who can ever know such things. As it was, my time was coming up. I knew it was time. For the first time in this man's life as an adult, at my funeral, I saw him cry. He kept it minimal, few could have seen, but ghosts see all, and truly, if that state is just a phase as was mine. I knew I had done one good thing in my life. I even had some wonder if I wouldn't, as time is different on the other side, and there are things that must be done, perhaps seem him in heaven as I arrived. He, unlike myself, had decided to change his life for the better but hadn't needed to be crippled to do so. Gladly, he was not the only man at my funeral whose life I had helped to reform. It was a fine funeral, even if the casket was a bit tight for my ego.
It was a wonderful dream.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good morning.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Another trip to town.
.
.
There was one item I wanted to purchase yesterday which I didn't have the time tot buy. As well, after checking the mail, I had a few pieces of business to attend. And, after being absent for a couple of weeks, I was able to get my friend out for a bit, again. Plus, another easy meal. It will eat me up for a few days. All fine and dandy. I have to time to recover. And, with a final tool, the equipment to do some light work. If I can get to it.
Finances are looking good. I had been fearing them. I still have a check to write out this month. I wish he would remind me, but it's all good. Sometimes, when I am down for long jots of time, I lose track of finances. That's always spooky. Then every purchase becomes suspect, every financial consideration becomes scary. While not in perfect shape, I'm in much better shape than I had hoped. Enough that I can relax, breath, and have a meal out once in a while. Just knowing, good or bad, helps with the jitters.
I simply need to cool down and relax for a bit, then get to sleep as early as possible. Last night I was up rather late, 23:00, 0:30, something. Exhausted from the day, and heat, and then having to cool, and come, down from the day, I couldn't catch the time. I tried, it just wasn't happening. I set the alarm for 8:00, I think. I woke a goodly bit earlier. I can't remember the time of waking either. I think I will be able to cool off and sleep earlier tonight, and hopefully wake at a reasonable hour again. Coffee does help.
Something I am going to do over the next several days is to create a day plan. Something that is every day, and some things that are occasional throughout the week. Medicine, brushing teeth, shaving perhaps, things like that, as they are needed. I may put the things that are a must into my e-calendar, or to do app if that seems reasonable. A short term thing, it is hoped, until certain things become regular. Though, without a bit of help, I am not sure that is possible. I stumble for reasons, or seeming no reason, on my own. Still, it's a part of the plan. The way will have to be worked out. But the plan can be created, and attempted, on it's own, and first.
A few more anicin with medicine tonight. Two days of getting to and working through town, shops, heat, and driving are sort of getting to me. Good night.
.
There was one item I wanted to purchase yesterday which I didn't have the time tot buy. As well, after checking the mail, I had a few pieces of business to attend. And, after being absent for a couple of weeks, I was able to get my friend out for a bit, again. Plus, another easy meal. It will eat me up for a few days. All fine and dandy. I have to time to recover. And, with a final tool, the equipment to do some light work. If I can get to it.
Finances are looking good. I had been fearing them. I still have a check to write out this month. I wish he would remind me, but it's all good. Sometimes, when I am down for long jots of time, I lose track of finances. That's always spooky. Then every purchase becomes suspect, every financial consideration becomes scary. While not in perfect shape, I'm in much better shape than I had hoped. Enough that I can relax, breath, and have a meal out once in a while. Just knowing, good or bad, helps with the jitters.
I simply need to cool down and relax for a bit, then get to sleep as early as possible. Last night I was up rather late, 23:00, 0:30, something. Exhausted from the day, and heat, and then having to cool, and come, down from the day, I couldn't catch the time. I tried, it just wasn't happening. I set the alarm for 8:00, I think. I woke a goodly bit earlier. I can't remember the time of waking either. I think I will be able to cool off and sleep earlier tonight, and hopefully wake at a reasonable hour again. Coffee does help.
Something I am going to do over the next several days is to create a day plan. Something that is every day, and some things that are occasional throughout the week. Medicine, brushing teeth, shaving perhaps, things like that, as they are needed. I may put the things that are a must into my e-calendar, or to do app if that seems reasonable. A short term thing, it is hoped, until certain things become regular. Though, without a bit of help, I am not sure that is possible. I stumble for reasons, or seeming no reason, on my own. Still, it's a part of the plan. The way will have to be worked out. But the plan can be created, and attempted, on it's own, and first.
A few more anicin with medicine tonight. Two days of getting to and working through town, shops, heat, and driving are sort of getting to me. Good night.
A bit ruffled.
.
.
Mildly sore muscles. Otherwise everything checks out. Yesterday wasn't much, in a literal way. In a relative manner it was a good little tumble. I may, in the near future, look back on this and these times as quaint, simple, naive, ways.
.
Mildly sore muscles. Otherwise everything checks out. Yesterday wasn't much, in a literal way. In a relative manner it was a good little tumble. I may, in the near future, look back on this and these times as quaint, simple, naive, ways.
Amazing stupidity.
.
.
Watching what is happening in Ferguson, and everywhere in America, and reading posts, "news", comments, I feel like I have fallen into a well of pure stupid. I have no means of cleaning myself from the taint. Writing about it myself doesn't really help but it is the only method I have to try to bat the idiocy aside. With writing, I can at least assure others I am not negotiable when it comes to foolishness.
Most of what I read is a call to calm, patience, allowing the system to work. I am told, and with authority, that everything is fine and this is just a misunderstanding. At best, which is not good enough by far, I am told to give the police a chance. This in spite of the US DOJ doing everything it can to hinder a proper investigation, a governor trying to indict an innocent officer who was criminally attacked by a criminal, and criminal support for the criminal who was shot by his community. On the other side is the party that suggest no such opportunity should be granted... to the police, and specific policeman For doing his job.
I realize, much more acutely, how off the internet is. Most writers, especially the self-proclaimed, conservative writers, are anything but liberals trying to bend the notions. Pacifying conservatives, supporting actual liberal notions. Broken arrows. At least one of the "conservatives" doesn't claim to be conservative. And, after this, I finally believe him. Wrong side of the line and for the wrong reasons. You can't support chaos for constitutional reasons while ignoring all the constitutional fallacies that are inherent in what you support. Not honestly. Oh, no worries, he has been getting an eyeful. I will be sharpening my sword for more exacting responses, as my method has been week in iterating these notions, to this point. That is going to change, drastically.
There can be no peace if there is no peace offered, no one in the warring faction offering or respecting the notion. There can be no tolerance, after giving that fifty years and more of a chance, to people who only demand more no matter what is given or offered. There is no means of negotiating left. There is no way to avoid what is going to have to happen. At best, things must be, temporarily, put back into the ragged box until the time is ready. The problem with that is that the time will never be ready for those who are too weak of will, morality, ethics, or any other measure, to deal with the situation. It looks like the only way for this problem to be solved, conclusively, is for it to run into a full blown catastrophe so that those who still wish to yield may be the first to bear the fruit of it, and the rest can assault this national crime against citizens. First individually as necessary, then developing C&C. If they don't get a solid grip on this, the people will.
There are other, more reasoned, ways. But the lack of interest and will, morality and character, honesty and forthright acceptance of the simple notion that there is good and evil and that one is better than the other, make those options impossible to enact. They should have been careful about wishing for bottom to top, top to bottom. They thought it would work in their favor. It won't. And, while currently, top to bottom is in their favor, that isn't enough without the two being in alignment. Further, the top is knee-capped from it's own incompetence and support of the wrong side of the thing. Bottom to top, if loosed, will win, and to liberal detriment. So... Let it be.
.
Watching what is happening in Ferguson, and everywhere in America, and reading posts, "news", comments, I feel like I have fallen into a well of pure stupid. I have no means of cleaning myself from the taint. Writing about it myself doesn't really help but it is the only method I have to try to bat the idiocy aside. With writing, I can at least assure others I am not negotiable when it comes to foolishness.
Most of what I read is a call to calm, patience, allowing the system to work. I am told, and with authority, that everything is fine and this is just a misunderstanding. At best, which is not good enough by far, I am told to give the police a chance. This in spite of the US DOJ doing everything it can to hinder a proper investigation, a governor trying to indict an innocent officer who was criminally attacked by a criminal, and criminal support for the criminal who was shot by his community. On the other side is the party that suggest no such opportunity should be granted... to the police, and specific policeman For doing his job.
I realize, much more acutely, how off the internet is. Most writers, especially the self-proclaimed, conservative writers, are anything but liberals trying to bend the notions. Pacifying conservatives, supporting actual liberal notions. Broken arrows. At least one of the "conservatives" doesn't claim to be conservative. And, after this, I finally believe him. Wrong side of the line and for the wrong reasons. You can't support chaos for constitutional reasons while ignoring all the constitutional fallacies that are inherent in what you support. Not honestly. Oh, no worries, he has been getting an eyeful. I will be sharpening my sword for more exacting responses, as my method has been week in iterating these notions, to this point. That is going to change, drastically.
There can be no peace if there is no peace offered, no one in the warring faction offering or respecting the notion. There can be no tolerance, after giving that fifty years and more of a chance, to people who only demand more no matter what is given or offered. There is no means of negotiating left. There is no way to avoid what is going to have to happen. At best, things must be, temporarily, put back into the ragged box until the time is ready. The problem with that is that the time will never be ready for those who are too weak of will, morality, ethics, or any other measure, to deal with the situation. It looks like the only way for this problem to be solved, conclusively, is for it to run into a full blown catastrophe so that those who still wish to yield may be the first to bear the fruit of it, and the rest can assault this national crime against citizens. First individually as necessary, then developing C&C. If they don't get a solid grip on this, the people will.
There are other, more reasoned, ways. But the lack of interest and will, morality and character, honesty and forthright acceptance of the simple notion that there is good and evil and that one is better than the other, make those options impossible to enact. They should have been careful about wishing for bottom to top, top to bottom. They thought it would work in their favor. It won't. And, while currently, top to bottom is in their favor, that isn't enough without the two being in alignment. Further, the top is knee-capped from it's own incompetence and support of the wrong side of the thing. Bottom to top, if loosed, will win, and to liberal detriment. So... Let it be.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
To town and back without death or injury.
.
.
I had meant to be out at 13:00 but that time came and went. My friend called me a bit after that. I suggested a 14:30 arrival. I was late, as usual, but initially just fifteen minutes in the blind. On the road out of town, however, construction brought all traffic to a stop for 20 minutes. I was far enough out that I don't think a reversal of course would have gotten me to town any sooner. It probably would have been worse. While the time frame would have been the same, I would have ended up on the far side of town, struggling against the heaviest shift change traffic. My friend is used to me being late. Still, I called once I was past the blockage.
A bit of looking, here and there. I went to buy .22 bullets and realized my wallet wasn't with me. Gah! That's the second time in very recent recall. My friend bought them for me, and I thought, maybe, we could just keep on. But that couldn't have worked. My task in town was not just to visit. I needed groceries, stuff from the hardware store, and a double boiler. So I had to drive home. Technically even later, but my friend wanted out. He just got a little more out than he what he had bargained. They are .22 long rifle, but they are subsonic. Not ideal but it is as good as I can do, for now. I don't mind subsonic, I just have too much of that. I like a good mix. Bullets are my stocks and bonds, my portfolio, and it's too heavy in light and too light in heavy.
A bit of window shopping. I would truly love a .357. My friend bought another 9mm, and will probably buy a .357 himself, before long. Still, it's fun to look. We also looked at a .44 magnum and a .454/.44/410 pistol, just for kicks. Beside having no use for either of those, I have no interest. Rifles are for hunting, perhaps shotguns. Pistols are for people and minor dangerous pests. In my book. Sure, I'd have a .500 magnum, if I could. But just for... looks, mostly. It would be duly shot three or four times a year. But the ammunition alone would mean I couldn't keep such a firearm fed. It might have a purpose, if all you could have was a pistol in bear country. But I would have a shotgun and slugs or a rifle with the right loads... or I wouldn't be in bear country. Have you ever noticed that the game wardens and rangers who tell you that you don't need to be armed are armed? Typical lying, self-serving, bureaucrats. I would give them a simple choice, go without guns, like everyone else, or allow guns for everyone who wants them and can have them. Same for the gungrabbers among cops. Choices, consequences. But, but... what about bad guys? Yeah, exactly!
I got everything on my list, and then some, save the double boiler. I am hoping to get into town again tomorrow. Since I have done all else, I should be able to get that. Oh, and I have started asking the local stores if they will do bulk ammunition specials. I at least want to compare prices. From what I have heard so far, none are willing. One store, the salesman deferred but suggested it was unlikely. Ah well. I simply had hoped to do business locally if possible. If they won't play, I will simply have to continue to order my ammunition online. Larger selection, cheaper prices even with shipping, and to my door. I'm nearly caught up on stocks, at least for handguns. Just a few more purchases. Then a break. Then I need to start using and replacing. It is so difficult to shoot while trying to build up reserves. At least the salesmen I spoke with didn't blink too much about my requests. Right now, from what I can tell, buying is cheaper than building ammunition, at least for handguns. Rifle ammunition, for quality, is a whole other issue.
I am way too tired. It is nearly 21:00. I was exhausted, and worse, at 19:00 but was still in town. I am simply too hot to sleep. I will have to cool down, then, unfortunately, crash very hard. I just hope I hit bottom in sleep and rebound before tomorrow. I hope to get back into town. I couldn't promise, only... suggest that I would try. A glass of coffee, with cream... oh I do love cream... will actually help tick up, then release, the levers that allow for sleep. Along with medicine. Later... No... Good night.
.
I had meant to be out at 13:00 but that time came and went. My friend called me a bit after that. I suggested a 14:30 arrival. I was late, as usual, but initially just fifteen minutes in the blind. On the road out of town, however, construction brought all traffic to a stop for 20 minutes. I was far enough out that I don't think a reversal of course would have gotten me to town any sooner. It probably would have been worse. While the time frame would have been the same, I would have ended up on the far side of town, struggling against the heaviest shift change traffic. My friend is used to me being late. Still, I called once I was past the blockage.
A bit of looking, here and there. I went to buy .22 bullets and realized my wallet wasn't with me. Gah! That's the second time in very recent recall. My friend bought them for me, and I thought, maybe, we could just keep on. But that couldn't have worked. My task in town was not just to visit. I needed groceries, stuff from the hardware store, and a double boiler. So I had to drive home. Technically even later, but my friend wanted out. He just got a little more out than he what he had bargained. They are .22 long rifle, but they are subsonic. Not ideal but it is as good as I can do, for now. I don't mind subsonic, I just have too much of that. I like a good mix. Bullets are my stocks and bonds, my portfolio, and it's too heavy in light and too light in heavy.
A bit of window shopping. I would truly love a .357. My friend bought another 9mm, and will probably buy a .357 himself, before long. Still, it's fun to look. We also looked at a .44 magnum and a .454/.44/410 pistol, just for kicks. Beside having no use for either of those, I have no interest. Rifles are for hunting, perhaps shotguns. Pistols are for people and minor dangerous pests. In my book. Sure, I'd have a .500 magnum, if I could. But just for... looks, mostly. It would be duly shot three or four times a year. But the ammunition alone would mean I couldn't keep such a firearm fed. It might have a purpose, if all you could have was a pistol in bear country. But I would have a shotgun and slugs or a rifle with the right loads... or I wouldn't be in bear country. Have you ever noticed that the game wardens and rangers who tell you that you don't need to be armed are armed? Typical lying, self-serving, bureaucrats. I would give them a simple choice, go without guns, like everyone else, or allow guns for everyone who wants them and can have them. Same for the gungrabbers among cops. Choices, consequences. But, but... what about bad guys? Yeah, exactly!
I got everything on my list, and then some, save the double boiler. I am hoping to get into town again tomorrow. Since I have done all else, I should be able to get that. Oh, and I have started asking the local stores if they will do bulk ammunition specials. I at least want to compare prices. From what I have heard so far, none are willing. One store, the salesman deferred but suggested it was unlikely. Ah well. I simply had hoped to do business locally if possible. If they won't play, I will simply have to continue to order my ammunition online. Larger selection, cheaper prices even with shipping, and to my door. I'm nearly caught up on stocks, at least for handguns. Just a few more purchases. Then a break. Then I need to start using and replacing. It is so difficult to shoot while trying to build up reserves. At least the salesmen I spoke with didn't blink too much about my requests. Right now, from what I can tell, buying is cheaper than building ammunition, at least for handguns. Rifle ammunition, for quality, is a whole other issue.
I am way too tired. It is nearly 21:00. I was exhausted, and worse, at 19:00 but was still in town. I am simply too hot to sleep. I will have to cool down, then, unfortunately, crash very hard. I just hope I hit bottom in sleep and rebound before tomorrow. I hope to get back into town. I couldn't promise, only... suggest that I would try. A glass of coffee, with cream... oh I do love cream... will actually help tick up, then release, the levers that allow for sleep. Along with medicine. Later... No... Good night.
Wednesday?
.
.
No clue where the week went. Last I remembered I was hoping to get started Monday.
I've got a minor headache from recent psychic trips. Don't mix tnt with fertilizer. I woke at a real time this morning, slept well last night, and am sort of on track. I showered this morning. Rested as was needed. Then just finished setting up and taking medication. It looks like I have enough medicine to last a couple of months more. I won't need to order until next setup. I best order the insulin, however. That would be cutting it too close. Just... not right now. I have another thing on my mind and can only do, or think about, one thing at a time at the moment.
If I can get some gumption back after fussing, I hope to head in to town. I groceries, something that will work as a full or partial double boiler, and something at the hardware store. I could just use a tin can for the double boiler. But for larger projects it won't work. And there are some other drawbacks. I won't be going expensive, just functional. Oh, and a meal, and inviting my friend along. It's been a while. Can't do much, but if I can get him out for a bit, that's enough. Oh, and I best check the mail. One of the final, or final big pieces, of one of my projects, should be in.
I am almost feeling human again, as human as I can feel that is. Still a little tired. Still not quite up to snuff. But not bad. That handful of anicin and a meal will help. I would grill something, but first I need to make some of those firestarters. Egg carton, paraffin, and laundry lint, which will probably be the first thing I do with the double boiler. A little hum-drum, but working up to a bit more. A bit of music then I will see if I am fit to travel. Later.
.
No clue where the week went. Last I remembered I was hoping to get started Monday.
I've got a minor headache from recent psychic trips. Don't mix tnt with fertilizer. I woke at a real time this morning, slept well last night, and am sort of on track. I showered this morning. Rested as was needed. Then just finished setting up and taking medication. It looks like I have enough medicine to last a couple of months more. I won't need to order until next setup. I best order the insulin, however. That would be cutting it too close. Just... not right now. I have another thing on my mind and can only do, or think about, one thing at a time at the moment.
If I can get some gumption back after fussing, I hope to head in to town. I groceries, something that will work as a full or partial double boiler, and something at the hardware store. I could just use a tin can for the double boiler. But for larger projects it won't work. And there are some other drawbacks. I won't be going expensive, just functional. Oh, and a meal, and inviting my friend along. It's been a while. Can't do much, but if I can get him out for a bit, that's enough. Oh, and I best check the mail. One of the final, or final big pieces, of one of my projects, should be in.
I am almost feeling human again, as human as I can feel that is. Still a little tired. Still not quite up to snuff. But not bad. That handful of anicin and a meal will help. I would grill something, but first I need to make some of those firestarters. Egg carton, paraffin, and laundry lint, which will probably be the first thing I do with the double boiler. A little hum-drum, but working up to a bit more. A bit of music then I will see if I am fit to travel. Later.
Pacified.
.
.
It seems, after a long bout between the two most potent aspects of myself, they have worked it out between them for now. I can't be sure when I went to bed. 16:30-18:30, I think. I was completely lost in those worlds after 13:00, 13:30 maybe. I know. I had my phone right near me, and received a bunch of calls, but didn't realize any of them. They might have been later, haven't checked the times they were logged yet.
Sleep was quite good. If I dreamed, those were lost when I stirred, and woke. Nothing but sleep, so far as memory serves. I woke at about 4:30. Feeling good, really, and ready to do some things. I need to set up my medicines first thing, then maybe call about anything that is running shy. I definitely need to reorder insulin. I think I have the bottle opened this month, and one remaining. I need to keep up on that. That... little misstep was a bit more harsh than I like to realize.
Oh, I best feed the girls. So far they have just let me know they have claws, and begged. All fair enough. I just had to spend some time waking before being able to leave my chair. If I take too much longer, they will find ways to "accidentally" scratch me. While I hate being scratched, I... sort of favor their little tricks and charms. They don't have much to work with, but don't mind using what they have. While they shouldn't have to beg, they also shouldn't beg, not until a reasonable time has passed. It's a... continuing negotiation. I like that they keep me on my toes and I am compelled to maintain order. A balance.
No call to anything this morning. Just a... bit of nothingness though with potential for something. Later.
.
It seems, after a long bout between the two most potent aspects of myself, they have worked it out between them for now. I can't be sure when I went to bed. 16:30-18:30, I think. I was completely lost in those worlds after 13:00, 13:30 maybe. I know. I had my phone right near me, and received a bunch of calls, but didn't realize any of them. They might have been later, haven't checked the times they were logged yet.
Sleep was quite good. If I dreamed, those were lost when I stirred, and woke. Nothing but sleep, so far as memory serves. I woke at about 4:30. Feeling good, really, and ready to do some things. I need to set up my medicines first thing, then maybe call about anything that is running shy. I definitely need to reorder insulin. I think I have the bottle opened this month, and one remaining. I need to keep up on that. That... little misstep was a bit more harsh than I like to realize.
Oh, I best feed the girls. So far they have just let me know they have claws, and begged. All fair enough. I just had to spend some time waking before being able to leave my chair. If I take too much longer, they will find ways to "accidentally" scratch me. While I hate being scratched, I... sort of favor their little tricks and charms. They don't have much to work with, but don't mind using what they have. While they shouldn't have to beg, they also shouldn't beg, not until a reasonable time has passed. It's a... continuing negotiation. I like that they keep me on my toes and I am compelled to maintain order. A balance.
No call to anything this morning. Just a... bit of nothingness though with potential for something. Later.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Not bad.
.
.
I made it to 17:00. Ghosting on rage, sort of. No worries, it looks like the two things kept balance, as I thought they might. I was also able to visit shades from the past. Odd how, in certain moments, everything becomes a bit clearer, or per object. I still don't know, at the moment, the details. Only some faces and good memories. I may know tomorrow, or in my dreams. I will forget soon after putting it all together. I can't be sure what I see is quite right, but then, who can when it comes to memory? I just wish it all had more substance, to my mind, than water. Whatever I try to grab, hold... simply flows away quickly, in time.
My eyes hurt, just a bit, from the odd sleep patterns, mostly. Not napping this morning is part of it, but then I couldn't. I am hoping the other side is available to help me get into town, soon. I don't want that full blast, though, either. It is just as problematic as nothingness, with half the fat (a bad thing, in my book). Just a bit more tilt toward the wild and I might be able to figure a shopping trip.
Good night.
.
I made it to 17:00. Ghosting on rage, sort of. No worries, it looks like the two things kept balance, as I thought they might. I was also able to visit shades from the past. Odd how, in certain moments, everything becomes a bit clearer, or per object. I still don't know, at the moment, the details. Only some faces and good memories. I may know tomorrow, or in my dreams. I will forget soon after putting it all together. I can't be sure what I see is quite right, but then, who can when it comes to memory? I just wish it all had more substance, to my mind, than water. Whatever I try to grab, hold... simply flows away quickly, in time.
My eyes hurt, just a bit, from the odd sleep patterns, mostly. Not napping this morning is part of it, but then I couldn't. I am hoping the other side is available to help me get into town, soon. I don't want that full blast, though, either. It is just as problematic as nothingness, with half the fat (a bad thing, in my book). Just a bit more tilt toward the wild and I might be able to figure a shopping trip.
Good night.
Transition.
.
.
A time, a potential, I can't quite tell yet.
While one part of my body is shutting down, another part is waking. They almost seem to be balancing each other. Meanwhile I am getting a headache from the strain.
.
A time, a potential, I can't quite tell yet.
While one part of my body is shutting down, another part is waking. They almost seem to be balancing each other. Meanwhile I am getting a headache from the strain.
A simple song that probably doesn't mean much.
.
.
It's a reflection of a sentiment, the remnants of shadows only remaining in memory. I may not be toast but I'm not cream and spice, either. Never mind. Just... passing on a thought as I drift in my own little way. No real message, as I suggested, just a feeling. Not even a bad one, or a good one, I guess.
.
It's a reflection of a sentiment, the remnants of shadows only remaining in memory. I may not be toast but I'm not cream and spice, either. Never mind. Just... passing on a thought as I drift in my own little way. No real message, as I suggested, just a feeling. Not even a bad one, or a good one, I guess.
Does anyone have...
.
.
a blue remote controlled truck, extra batteries, and a lot of time? I am just trying to figure out how to get to town. I am out of some things that I really like. When I am toast it doesn't matter. I can't know, or care. But when I am simply hung up, as I am now, then I notice what I am missing. Oh, about the request? I saw a vid that... got me thinking is all. The video got my gall worked up, a bit, too. If a turtle can do it, I should be able! Well... it's the notion. And that turtle is seriously booking. There is hope!
.
a blue remote controlled truck, extra batteries, and a lot of time? I am just trying to figure out how to get to town. I am out of some things that I really like. When I am toast it doesn't matter. I can't know, or care. But when I am simply hung up, as I am now, then I notice what I am missing. Oh, about the request? I saw a vid that... got me thinking is all. The video got my gall worked up, a bit, too. If a turtle can do it, I should be able! Well... it's the notion. And that turtle is seriously booking. There is hope!
Toil, tricks, and goals.
.
.
I couldn't make it out yesterday, or do much. I was able to stay awake until 15:30, but was, essentially, blind deaf and dumb for the last four hours, give or take. When my sleep patterns break, there are two ways they can fracture. The first is through confusing day and night. This is difficult to repair, but it isn't all that complicated. It is just a matter of 'doing it', which takes time and sometimes great pains and effort. The other way my sleep cycle can fail involves sleeping in very odd cycles. Involving up to three sleep cycles in a day, to one sleep cycle every few days. I am at two sleep cycles per day. It rips up usable awake time, but sleep hits like a hammer. No choice. I can, as I did today, stretch and pull. But function goes to zero. And there is a risk, in that haze, that my awake time will begin to stretch too far, if I push too hard or lose consciousness too fully while awake. Days, weeks, even months of haze can begin cycling if I do that.
The only thing I can do in that last type of break, is to attempt to push, gently, and figure out some control. As is, pushing my afternoons is one part of it. The other part is trying to sleep, or nap, in such a way that I can maintain the push and day cycle as much as is possible. One might liken it to creating a firebreak nap. Today, going to bed at 17:30, then waking at about 1:30, I will try to be awake until 4:00, maybe 5:00, then attempt a nap of two to four hours, rising just in time to get a nearly full day in, as long as I can reasonably push it. I had hoped to be to an event at 19:00 tonight, but that won't be possible. I might be able to push it, but I would neither be in any kind of shape to be out, and I would probably mess up my pattern. Thankfully, save when medicine becomes an issue, or the weather is changing quickly, my breaks in sleep patterns have become much rarer. Actually, having dinner arrive three days a week, in a certain time window, over time, has given me a pattern I can follow. As a lighthouse beacon, over probably a year, I learned when to surface and be ready. And, mostly, I can.
Probably seeming madness to some. But this is what I have. Being studious, if too often lost, more so in the past but continuing a bit, it has been a tangle to work with. My health sometimes allows little else, but it is something. A struggle. Something to work on. So I do. It is satisfying when I, eventually, tame the beast enough for a smoother ride. I just happen to be in, not on, that beast. Later.
.
I couldn't make it out yesterday, or do much. I was able to stay awake until 15:30, but was, essentially, blind deaf and dumb for the last four hours, give or take. When my sleep patterns break, there are two ways they can fracture. The first is through confusing day and night. This is difficult to repair, but it isn't all that complicated. It is just a matter of 'doing it', which takes time and sometimes great pains and effort. The other way my sleep cycle can fail involves sleeping in very odd cycles. Involving up to three sleep cycles in a day, to one sleep cycle every few days. I am at two sleep cycles per day. It rips up usable awake time, but sleep hits like a hammer. No choice. I can, as I did today, stretch and pull. But function goes to zero. And there is a risk, in that haze, that my awake time will begin to stretch too far, if I push too hard or lose consciousness too fully while awake. Days, weeks, even months of haze can begin cycling if I do that.
The only thing I can do in that last type of break, is to attempt to push, gently, and figure out some control. As is, pushing my afternoons is one part of it. The other part is trying to sleep, or nap, in such a way that I can maintain the push and day cycle as much as is possible. One might liken it to creating a firebreak nap. Today, going to bed at 17:30, then waking at about 1:30, I will try to be awake until 4:00, maybe 5:00, then attempt a nap of two to four hours, rising just in time to get a nearly full day in, as long as I can reasonably push it. I had hoped to be to an event at 19:00 tonight, but that won't be possible. I might be able to push it, but I would neither be in any kind of shape to be out, and I would probably mess up my pattern. Thankfully, save when medicine becomes an issue, or the weather is changing quickly, my breaks in sleep patterns have become much rarer. Actually, having dinner arrive three days a week, in a certain time window, over time, has given me a pattern I can follow. As a lighthouse beacon, over probably a year, I learned when to surface and be ready. And, mostly, I can.
Probably seeming madness to some. But this is what I have. Being studious, if too often lost, more so in the past but continuing a bit, it has been a tangle to work with. My health sometimes allows little else, but it is something. A struggle. Something to work on. So I do. It is satisfying when I, eventually, tame the beast enough for a smoother ride. I just happen to be in, not on, that beast. Later.
Monday, August 18, 2014
The nap helped.
.
.
Perhaps limiting sleep helped too. I've tried the alarm before, recently, it just hasn't been effective. I suppose that it worked... actually, I woke before the alarm. Just a few hours down. Though knowing the alarm would go off, and wanting to be up and getting up, shows a return of some control. Crazy lately, like your steering wheel simply failing, or more like it doing what you request, but not in a timely fashion. I did add five cc's of insulin last night. That may have helped with the rudder this morning. I simply don't know, not for sure.
I can't swear to it, but I am beginning to plan a run into town. It might be today, it might be a week off, or more. I simply don't know. I need to do some shopping, and get a card out, and check the mail. More than that, I simply want to escape the dungeon. It isn't a horrible place, it just gets old after a while. As I said though, there hasn't been any lasting pain for several days, my heart seems to be working normally again, my organs, muscles, and bones seem to have solidified. That slow heartbeat was spooky, lasted about a week, going from bad to worse. A pump, every two to three seconds, even if you don't know a thing about medicine, should be rare and odd enough to spook even the most level headed folk. There is always the doctor, but since the VA doesn't reimburse, and the local hospital refuses to try, I can't trust going in. And I can't drive two or three hours in that kind of shape.
I see the Ferguson incident is proving exactly as I suspected. The cops actually did need that equipment, and this is an example of why they should have it. If they use it poorly, they won't keep it. Though, to a degree, this is an example of poor usage. Having it, but not using it, is a waste of good money. Perhaps, if this is just going to be a waste of money, then it shouldn't go forward. I understand, if they had used the equipment, they would have had even more trouble with the local third-worlders. But third-worlders cannot be negotiated with. And some point, law will have to do what it has to do or close up shop and let them live as they will. I think stripping citizenship and repatriating said miscreants to whoever will take them in, for a small fee, would send a much clearer message. Some things cannot be tolerated for the whole. Barbaric tribalism is one of those things.
They rally, as they often do, around criminals. They hide guns in some incidents, they come forth as lying witnesses, and they do this as typically as most other people come forth and risk death to tell the truth. They are just the opposite of what is wanted for citizenship. The usual types, Dems of course, but now Libertarians, are knee-jerk jumping to their side. Innocent until proven guilty is a two way street, and Libertarians had better decide, and quickly, which side of the street they are going to be on. Currently, it isn't my side of the street from what I have seen of this event. They were just about to suss control from the lost Republican party. They have shot themselves in the foot on this one. If they are simply chaos mongers and trouble makers, I would rather have pure business in charge. Get up to speed on this one, and don't do it again.
Enough about that. After nagging on other pages, I figured I should spit something out here. There you go. Later.
.
Perhaps limiting sleep helped too. I've tried the alarm before, recently, it just hasn't been effective. I suppose that it worked... actually, I woke before the alarm. Just a few hours down. Though knowing the alarm would go off, and wanting to be up and getting up, shows a return of some control. Crazy lately, like your steering wheel simply failing, or more like it doing what you request, but not in a timely fashion. I did add five cc's of insulin last night. That may have helped with the rudder this morning. I simply don't know, not for sure.
I can't swear to it, but I am beginning to plan a run into town. It might be today, it might be a week off, or more. I simply don't know. I need to do some shopping, and get a card out, and check the mail. More than that, I simply want to escape the dungeon. It isn't a horrible place, it just gets old after a while. As I said though, there hasn't been any lasting pain for several days, my heart seems to be working normally again, my organs, muscles, and bones seem to have solidified. That slow heartbeat was spooky, lasted about a week, going from bad to worse. A pump, every two to three seconds, even if you don't know a thing about medicine, should be rare and odd enough to spook even the most level headed folk. There is always the doctor, but since the VA doesn't reimburse, and the local hospital refuses to try, I can't trust going in. And I can't drive two or three hours in that kind of shape.
I see the Ferguson incident is proving exactly as I suspected. The cops actually did need that equipment, and this is an example of why they should have it. If they use it poorly, they won't keep it. Though, to a degree, this is an example of poor usage. Having it, but not using it, is a waste of good money. Perhaps, if this is just going to be a waste of money, then it shouldn't go forward. I understand, if they had used the equipment, they would have had even more trouble with the local third-worlders. But third-worlders cannot be negotiated with. And some point, law will have to do what it has to do or close up shop and let them live as they will. I think stripping citizenship and repatriating said miscreants to whoever will take them in, for a small fee, would send a much clearer message. Some things cannot be tolerated for the whole. Barbaric tribalism is one of those things.
They rally, as they often do, around criminals. They hide guns in some incidents, they come forth as lying witnesses, and they do this as typically as most other people come forth and risk death to tell the truth. They are just the opposite of what is wanted for citizenship. The usual types, Dems of course, but now Libertarians, are knee-jerk jumping to their side. Innocent until proven guilty is a two way street, and Libertarians had better decide, and quickly, which side of the street they are going to be on. Currently, it isn't my side of the street from what I have seen of this event. They were just about to suss control from the lost Republican party. They have shot themselves in the foot on this one. If they are simply chaos mongers and trouble makers, I would rather have pure business in charge. Get up to speed on this one, and don't do it again.
Enough about that. After nagging on other pages, I figured I should spit something out here. There you go. Later.
I just can't tell.
.
.
There is some sort of problem. Is it the weather, is the thing with medicine still lingering, is it something else. Dreams of the past, portents of a possible future, the complexity of life disproven by the very required simplicity I am currently living. So much and yet so little. It isn't a bad time, it just isn't a time grounded in the known. Yes, back to bed. I have no choice.
In times like these, I can't help but think events from the past have much more affect on the present than might be understood, even by me. I have gone places, seen things, eclipsing life itself. Being social, but moving as often as I have, I have known so many people, experienced so many things and places. While not quite as literal as the movie Ground Hog Day, arrangements can be created to nearly recreate past situations and explore them. Looking for better, worse, or other sorts of results. And I did, consciously at times, unconsciously other times. And with a host of actors who had never played the role before, but pretty much knew the lines, it was a simple thing. A swirl, as I sleep, wake, dream, remember, and consider the future.
And yet, sometimes, I have to wonder... just how much is the past coming forward, and some of what happened in the past being the truth of events. Some would say my sanity is loosely hinged. A possibility, of course. Simply, there isn't an objective measure, much as being far out to sea, with nothing else in sight, trying to navigate. There are places, and events, that defy explanation. Too many have seen to outright deny, but in a condition where understandings are obviously questionable. While I am almost sure I am not in purgatory, I am not always sure where I seem to be is where I am. Then again, I don't think one needs to pass through death to realize this. That just adds to the... doubts about here and now. I would lend you my shoes. I simply don't think wearing them would help you. It probably isn't possible. As I fall, again, into sleep, my mind begins to wander. A song I heard, with a video, bearing some resonance on the topic.
.
There is some sort of problem. Is it the weather, is the thing with medicine still lingering, is it something else. Dreams of the past, portents of a possible future, the complexity of life disproven by the very required simplicity I am currently living. So much and yet so little. It isn't a bad time, it just isn't a time grounded in the known. Yes, back to bed. I have no choice.
In times like these, I can't help but think events from the past have much more affect on the present than might be understood, even by me. I have gone places, seen things, eclipsing life itself. Being social, but moving as often as I have, I have known so many people, experienced so many things and places. While not quite as literal as the movie Ground Hog Day, arrangements can be created to nearly recreate past situations and explore them. Looking for better, worse, or other sorts of results. And I did, consciously at times, unconsciously other times. And with a host of actors who had never played the role before, but pretty much knew the lines, it was a simple thing. A swirl, as I sleep, wake, dream, remember, and consider the future.
And yet, sometimes, I have to wonder... just how much is the past coming forward, and some of what happened in the past being the truth of events. Some would say my sanity is loosely hinged. A possibility, of course. Simply, there isn't an objective measure, much as being far out to sea, with nothing else in sight, trying to navigate. There are places, and events, that defy explanation. Too many have seen to outright deny, but in a condition where understandings are obviously questionable. While I am almost sure I am not in purgatory, I am not always sure where I seem to be is where I am. Then again, I don't think one needs to pass through death to realize this. That just adds to the... doubts about here and now. I would lend you my shoes. I simply don't think wearing them would help you. It probably isn't possible. As I fall, again, into sleep, my mind begins to wander. A song I heard, with a video, bearing some resonance on the topic.
No idea.
.
.
I can't be sure when I went to bed. It was shortly after that last post, but between this and that, I honestly can't tell, after publishing, when they system actually says it gets published. I'll check with this post, and today. The problem is, that has varied in the past. I sort of lost track of following up on it, though I believe it has just changed from a one hour difference of time stamp to real time, to a two hour delay. I tried to change my time code, but they knew where the input was from. My guess is, when the governments wants the ability to shut off information, they are actually pretty good about it. Too bad they can't try for honest governance with the same zeal.
In any case, I woke at nearly 1:00. I simply couldn't stay asleep. Dreams, I know that, but nothing that stuck. I must admit, the dreams I have had, I have enjoyed, for the most part. I am nearly certain that, even if some of the data was skewed, or more about possibility, that there was a great deal of memory involved in them. The one I keep digging at is the one in Africa. I'm trying to... place... some of that. And, while I have associated with a group like that, and as a single milspec somehow in contact with such a group, I don't think we traveled together. Or not, to any of it. Dunno, but it's been on my mind.
I am feeling better, just not doing much better. I have to figure this out. I have a whole bunch of things that need tended. Having all of the time in the world doesn't help if you can't get out of the chair. At least I have gotten out of bed. That took a lot of years. I was in bed more than I am now even when I was in engineering school. I am truly surprised that didn't kill me, given the true nature of my condition. I don't think it would have been the physical part of it. While that was brutal, my body seems to do what it can and if it runs a little too hard, to just shut it down as it needs. But the mental stress. Sleeping for a month, and waking with only a few days to prep for midterms or finals, barely being awake enough to take in the data, and long days and night of study. Engineering school is perpetual cramming as is, toss in triple-dip cramming, and the pressure asserted for perfection, and... yeah.
But, actually, I enjoyed even that. If it was my own money, and no worries about getting a job, I'd still be in school. Though I think I would try to live on campus, somehow. So that making it to class wouldn't require a drive over iced streets, and group studies would be easier to set up and attend. Time is tight for engineering students. A double degree in electrical and mechanical engineering, though a few others might be interesting, then a degree in either differential equations or calculus. On to a masters in technology mathematics, while getting a degree in philosophy on the side. And, finally, a ph.d. in the combined field of engineering. Yeah, something like that. Well, that would be the goal. So, of course, sitting around is rather... harsh. I might even, through that, seek sword training, the official training. But, off the record, as usual. Knowing I will probably never hold a job means I can't ask the VA to fund my romp, even at the lower levels, and I can't afford it. And there would be no guarantee that I could make it.
I am feeling good, and rather awake. I simply doubt if I will be awake all that long. Four to six hours, perhaps, though I may be able to push through to 13:00 as I did today... before taking a nap until 17:00, closer to 18:00 actually. Crazy sleep pattern and I have little control. It isn't getting better, but there is no pain. I'll keep working on it.
.
I can't be sure when I went to bed. It was shortly after that last post, but between this and that, I honestly can't tell, after publishing, when they system actually says it gets published. I'll check with this post, and today. The problem is, that has varied in the past. I sort of lost track of following up on it, though I believe it has just changed from a one hour difference of time stamp to real time, to a two hour delay. I tried to change my time code, but they knew where the input was from. My guess is, when the governments wants the ability to shut off information, they are actually pretty good about it. Too bad they can't try for honest governance with the same zeal.
In any case, I woke at nearly 1:00. I simply couldn't stay asleep. Dreams, I know that, but nothing that stuck. I must admit, the dreams I have had, I have enjoyed, for the most part. I am nearly certain that, even if some of the data was skewed, or more about possibility, that there was a great deal of memory involved in them. The one I keep digging at is the one in Africa. I'm trying to... place... some of that. And, while I have associated with a group like that, and as a single milspec somehow in contact with such a group, I don't think we traveled together. Or not, to any of it. Dunno, but it's been on my mind.
I am feeling better, just not doing much better. I have to figure this out. I have a whole bunch of things that need tended. Having all of the time in the world doesn't help if you can't get out of the chair. At least I have gotten out of bed. That took a lot of years. I was in bed more than I am now even when I was in engineering school. I am truly surprised that didn't kill me, given the true nature of my condition. I don't think it would have been the physical part of it. While that was brutal, my body seems to do what it can and if it runs a little too hard, to just shut it down as it needs. But the mental stress. Sleeping for a month, and waking with only a few days to prep for midterms or finals, barely being awake enough to take in the data, and long days and night of study. Engineering school is perpetual cramming as is, toss in triple-dip cramming, and the pressure asserted for perfection, and... yeah.
But, actually, I enjoyed even that. If it was my own money, and no worries about getting a job, I'd still be in school. Though I think I would try to live on campus, somehow. So that making it to class wouldn't require a drive over iced streets, and group studies would be easier to set up and attend. Time is tight for engineering students. A double degree in electrical and mechanical engineering, though a few others might be interesting, then a degree in either differential equations or calculus. On to a masters in technology mathematics, while getting a degree in philosophy on the side. And, finally, a ph.d. in the combined field of engineering. Yeah, something like that. Well, that would be the goal. So, of course, sitting around is rather... harsh. I might even, through that, seek sword training, the official training. But, off the record, as usual. Knowing I will probably never hold a job means I can't ask the VA to fund my romp, even at the lower levels, and I can't afford it. And there would be no guarantee that I could make it.
I am feeling good, and rather awake. I simply doubt if I will be awake all that long. Four to six hours, perhaps, though I may be able to push through to 13:00 as I did today... before taking a nap until 17:00, closer to 18:00 actually. Crazy sleep pattern and I have little control. It isn't getting better, but there is no pain. I'll keep working on it.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
A joke?
.
.
A man lived a... questionable life. He never slowed down or repented, living hard and wrong until one day he realized that yesterday was his last day. As he woke to his future, a terrifying creature stood before him. Come with me, he was told. You have been bad on a number of fronts, so you get to choose which hell you will suffer. Taken a bit aback, but somehow compelled to follow, the man started thinking that... at least he had some choice.
The first door the creature stopped in front of was hot. The creature opened the door to people surrounded by flames, perpetually burning and healing and burning more. How about this room, the creature asked? May I see the other choices before choosing? Of course, suggested the creature. No rush. Onto the next door. Opened, it revealed people standing chest deep in muck, sewage, all sorts of nasty watery... stuff. I would like to see what else may be chosen, first. Knowing this would be forever, he wanted to choose as wisely within his lot. This is the final choice, suggested the beastly creature, as he opened the next door. A room of people being crushed by falling rocks, healing then continuing to take damage.
The man decided, quickly, before he lost the option. I choose the room where people are standing in the muck! And so that was his lot. He entered the room, and since conversation wasn't allowed, merely stood there. Foul, but relatively painless. Just as he was settling in for eternity, a voice boomed, as if over a poorly constructed loudspeaker. It said, "Okay, break is over, back on your hands!".
Well... back on my hands, indeed. Bedtime, again, already. Never mind. Good night?
.
A man lived a... questionable life. He never slowed down or repented, living hard and wrong until one day he realized that yesterday was his last day. As he woke to his future, a terrifying creature stood before him. Come with me, he was told. You have been bad on a number of fronts, so you get to choose which hell you will suffer. Taken a bit aback, but somehow compelled to follow, the man started thinking that... at least he had some choice.
The first door the creature stopped in front of was hot. The creature opened the door to people surrounded by flames, perpetually burning and healing and burning more. How about this room, the creature asked? May I see the other choices before choosing? Of course, suggested the creature. No rush. Onto the next door. Opened, it revealed people standing chest deep in muck, sewage, all sorts of nasty watery... stuff. I would like to see what else may be chosen, first. Knowing this would be forever, he wanted to choose as wisely within his lot. This is the final choice, suggested the beastly creature, as he opened the next door. A room of people being crushed by falling rocks, healing then continuing to take damage.
The man decided, quickly, before he lost the option. I choose the room where people are standing in the muck! And so that was his lot. He entered the room, and since conversation wasn't allowed, merely stood there. Foul, but relatively painless. Just as he was settling in for eternity, a voice boomed, as if over a poorly constructed loudspeaker. It said, "Okay, break is over, back on your hands!".
Well... back on my hands, indeed. Bedtime, again, already. Never mind. Good night?
Crashing, but pushing.
.
.
I'm trying to push through so that tomorrow I might be able to attend something. It gets thin in the higher stratospheres of effort. I need to be awake until, perhaps 13:00, maybe a little later. Medicine isn't helping or hurting, at this point. It is merely struggling through another crazy Saturday, trying to get days and nights back on track. As things go, I doubt if I will make my goal. Sometimes, as I have suggested, it is in the struggle that all that can be realized is obtained. And, so...
Not much else. Hmm, I think I am feeding the girls, roughly, in the real morning and real evening. I have been tending their litter box. I can tell when I do that well. For whatever reason, when that is kept clean, they stay immaculately clean to the touch. When they fails they begin getting a bit dusty. They are currently pristine. I have been trying to eat well, and I do eat something pretty much daily. Sometimes twice a day. I will need to get into town soon though, I am running low on cream, out of milk, and onions might be good. I hope to grill chicken and brots, soon. Sliced, grilled, onion is a tasty side. If, next, I thaw hamburger, there is nothing like fresh raw sliced onion on that. Now that I have ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. Gah... I should get fresh buns, too. I never seem to have it all, or fresh enough. I'll put it on my list.
I am simply ghosting right now. I have no clue about this or that. I'll get to the store when I can, do what chores beyond what I am keeping up on when possible, but... right now I just need to figure out how to be awake at the right times. There is always tomorrow, and next week, but that is nothing sure either, so getting things done sooner, rather than later, is the preference. A big glass of ice water sounds good. Maybe too. Then I think I have to crash. I'll try to make it a nap, but that hasn't worked well lately either. Later.
.
I'm trying to push through so that tomorrow I might be able to attend something. It gets thin in the higher stratospheres of effort. I need to be awake until, perhaps 13:00, maybe a little later. Medicine isn't helping or hurting, at this point. It is merely struggling through another crazy Saturday, trying to get days and nights back on track. As things go, I doubt if I will make my goal. Sometimes, as I have suggested, it is in the struggle that all that can be realized is obtained. And, so...
Not much else. Hmm, I think I am feeding the girls, roughly, in the real morning and real evening. I have been tending their litter box. I can tell when I do that well. For whatever reason, when that is kept clean, they stay immaculately clean to the touch. When they fails they begin getting a bit dusty. They are currently pristine. I have been trying to eat well, and I do eat something pretty much daily. Sometimes twice a day. I will need to get into town soon though, I am running low on cream, out of milk, and onions might be good. I hope to grill chicken and brots, soon. Sliced, grilled, onion is a tasty side. If, next, I thaw hamburger, there is nothing like fresh raw sliced onion on that. Now that I have ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. Gah... I should get fresh buns, too. I never seem to have it all, or fresh enough. I'll put it on my list.
I am simply ghosting right now. I have no clue about this or that. I'll get to the store when I can, do what chores beyond what I am keeping up on when possible, but... right now I just need to figure out how to be awake at the right times. There is always tomorrow, and next week, but that is nothing sure either, so getting things done sooner, rather than later, is the preference. A big glass of ice water sounds good. Maybe too. Then I think I have to crash. I'll try to make it a nap, but that hasn't worked well lately either. Later.
Listening to music past.
.
.
I do that, once in a while, for no other reason than that the music I have chosen has fit, like a puzzle piece into my understandings, revisiting offers more than my first exploration allowed, sometimes multiplicatively, even exponentially. My resources are not squandered on finding pleasure, or joy. Nor do I waste what I have avoiding those things, or seeking only pain. I merely look, and what I see, and how I see it, is noted and deciphered. Puzzles, all intertwined, to one final ultimate puzzle. It is beyond me in it's grandness, and it's greatness is both too big and too small. Even what is my size is not something I can always understand. The effort, in many cases, is the success. But the trip can be quite wonderful.
.
Sleep is simply out of control.
.
.
I am trying to figure out what is passing for day and night and then push things around. I shove, but the walls of this thing are goo. I push and shove and end up inside the walls, with no air or strength left to pull out. *!Zap!* Down I go. I can't tell the time when I go down, didn't realize I was out of 'air' until I am falling, but falling so fast I have no time or way to connect with logic or my surroundings. I do make it to bed before blacking out. If I have a notion, like "feed the cats", "check their litter" ingrained, my body can follow those. Automatic pilot folks, I haven't been mostly dead for a generation without learning some things. This is why I may, possibly, in a bad situation, be counted upon. I can focus through death, for the right reasons.
And yet, today, after several days of knowing nothing, I did focus on capturing the time of the collapse. I have been trying to see the time for days, and maybe did, but until today it hasn't remained in memory. It was somewhere around noon forty, and some other numbers... seven? Close enough to give me an idea what I am working with. I woke at 23:40-47 tonight. Staying up that late in the morning, trying to push through, is rather harsh. I sleep very hard. I sleep long. I woke in great pain, but that has passed. I don't know if today will be like tomorrow, but I was pretty crippled yesterday. It was a good day. I woke well enough, the mind worked. But the body was disabled.
The summer started out well. And in some ways it has been quite nice. It just hasn't been as active as I had hoped. I will keep trying. Pushing through when I can, enjoying what of life I may, even suffering as well as I am able. I will experiment with a few things, in time, to try to create more function. I hate negotiating with the strength of medicine, but I don't see another choice. Down, a bit. Who cares if I live for fifty years if I can't stand most of the time. And, if that doesn't help, well, I'll just boost the level again in the hopes of a longer term recovery. Time always tells, if you know the right question and couch and support it correctly. Be careful with what you ask.
Later.
.
I am trying to figure out what is passing for day and night and then push things around. I shove, but the walls of this thing are goo. I push and shove and end up inside the walls, with no air or strength left to pull out. *!Zap!* Down I go. I can't tell the time when I go down, didn't realize I was out of 'air' until I am falling, but falling so fast I have no time or way to connect with logic or my surroundings. I do make it to bed before blacking out. If I have a notion, like "feed the cats", "check their litter" ingrained, my body can follow those. Automatic pilot folks, I haven't been mostly dead for a generation without learning some things. This is why I may, possibly, in a bad situation, be counted upon. I can focus through death, for the right reasons.
And yet, today, after several days of knowing nothing, I did focus on capturing the time of the collapse. I have been trying to see the time for days, and maybe did, but until today it hasn't remained in memory. It was somewhere around noon forty, and some other numbers... seven? Close enough to give me an idea what I am working with. I woke at 23:40-47 tonight. Staying up that late in the morning, trying to push through, is rather harsh. I sleep very hard. I sleep long. I woke in great pain, but that has passed. I don't know if today will be like tomorrow, but I was pretty crippled yesterday. It was a good day. I woke well enough, the mind worked. But the body was disabled.
The summer started out well. And in some ways it has been quite nice. It just hasn't been as active as I had hoped. I will keep trying. Pushing through when I can, enjoying what of life I may, even suffering as well as I am able. I will experiment with a few things, in time, to try to create more function. I hate negotiating with the strength of medicine, but I don't see another choice. Down, a bit. Who cares if I live for fifty years if I can't stand most of the time. And, if that doesn't help, well, I'll just boost the level again in the hopes of a longer term recovery. Time always tells, if you know the right question and couch and support it correctly. Be careful with what you ask.
Later.
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