It isn't husbands who are missing.

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I noticed over at Dr. Helen's the other day, a post asking where all the husbands have gone.  I laughed immediately.  Oh, I know she believes she is an ally, and I know she was taking the lede from another article or post.  So this isn't, mostly, about her article.

The problem with even the idea that men are not available for marriage is a misconception at best.  For one thing, marriage isn't what it has generally been considered, as an institution.  Simply, any security once offered to men through matrimony is gone.  Beside not having any surety of the old form of marriage, there are additional risks involved.  She notes this, of course.  I simply believe it needs to be pointed out much more clearly.  There is no such thing as marriage at this point, not for men, certainly not traditional or faith-based.  It's all a city hall contract, one that is not good for men.

However, the biggest thing is this, it isn't husbands who are missing, it is wives.  How many women can even cook a good meal?  How many women can bake a pie?  How many women even consider doing domestic chores?  Seriously, very few women even consider that.  Further, most wish to have one or two children, at most, if you can coax them into even that!  There are no wives.  Lots of brides-to-be, wannabe wives, but nothing with substance.  Too many of them are so busy working, and destroying the value of employment ensuring they can't be afforded as a stay at home wife and mother, to do the things that are needed for a family.

It isn't men, at all, who are missing from the equation.  Men have simply begun to understand that it isn't in our interests to marry a typically already neurotic woman and hope she won't get bored (too bored, life does get boring), or want to find herself (she will, but will she destroy a family for it), or anything else.  Women are not known for constancy.  Freeing them has been much akin to letting a turkey go free, on Thanksgiving Day, from an ten story building.  Heck, most women can't believe that their freedom has been more destructive to this nation than almost anything else.  Men are here, always have been, always will be.

She suggests that it is just as easy to get sex outside of marriage, actually easier these days, than to get it inside of marriage.  But that isn't it.  Sure, easy sex sounds good, but sure sex is better.  Hunting new dame game every few days is about as fun as picking one's nose.  More, while men might well enjoy having more than one woman, the truth is most men seek an anchor.  A single woman to be involved with.  Even in the secular notions of society, having one main woman is... part of what society is built upon.  It's not about the sex, or how easy that is outside of marriage, it's about not having the availability of a real wife or the security in which to build a family.

It is not going to get better.  The laws created that allow for these things are doing exactly what they are meant to do, break down the family to increase dependence upon the government and weaken other natural bonds that create resistance to government.  Either the government fails, an even worse government (global) replaces it, or the people decide they won't be ruled into slavery.  It has been a slow but sure progress into decline, but it has been engineered, orchestrated.  That the effects are now being felt, at least in these new ways, is just part of the growing pains of a death loving direction.  It's a warning.  If women wanted to marry, their are things they could do.  But they won't.  They like what they have more than marriage.  Or, at this point, perhaps don't even see that they are the problem, or the solutions.

About that nap.

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Yeah, I did set the alarm.  And I did hear it.  I fussed with it for a bit too.  How often I hit the snooze, if I reset the alarm, that I can't tell you.  Eventually the thing was shut off and precious, beautiful, sleep was again entertained.  Yes, pushing will do that.  From about 5:00 (give or take) until about exactly 13:28 (according to my alarm, which is about an half hour fast), I slept like a tired dog.  Without worrying about schedule, just keeping on track, I am much freer to do what I can, when I can, without fighting myself along the way.  So it works as it will, if I do.

I am more sore than stiff as I wake.  I fed the girls first thing, since my hours are so off.  Cats, at least in my estimation, unlike dogs, don't need as regular of feeding.  However, they do need and want food within certain boundaries.  If they get too hungry, my girls will riot.  Cat bras burning, doors being pounded, and little angry feet pounding through the joint tells me it's time... should I forget. 

While I have the bathroom and niche cleared and swept, there was a good deal of dust from when I rolled up, and shook again, the niche rug.  It's a big one.  Anyway, I was too busy and tired to mess with the second little mess last night, but swept that area this morning.  Nothing like grit underfoot to make even an old bear fussy.  I surveyed the damage.  It looks like I am getting well ahead in my plans and goals.  I'm getting there, not going to worry about sleeping when I need it.

I need to do some shopping first.  Cream for coffee, milk, that's about it.  But that is essential, as I see things.  I'll go shopping later this evening.  I missed taking my bedtime meds, so took those when I woke.  I'll take my morning pills in a couple of hours to reset that schedule.  Yeah, I've been doing pretty good with medicines, all in all.  I'd love to go hiking, I just don't think I can today.  I might be able to hit the iron this evening though.  I don't expect me to actually be perfect in my goals, ever.  The plan is just that.  So long as I hit several of the areas, keeping moving forward, and do what I reasonably can (and then some), I'm good with how things happen.  Even if I should get right on top of things, as I fantasize, I will always miss this or that, over-schedule and screw up timing, and just plain miss from time to time.  That is life.

Today will see the floors mopped.  When those dry, I'll put the rug back and vacuum it on top of what it has already gotten.  Then I start in on the kitchen.  A lot of stuff will simply start being tossed.  If it isn't being used, hasn't been used in a long while, or I just don't have a place for it, it'll get tossed.  The idea is to clear and clean everything visible, put away what can go away, and then sweep and mop, clean the counters, and just get the room set up for easy use again.  I probably won't finish the kitchen today, but I should be able to get through most of it.

The "custom" seats for the boat arrived today.  These sit higher than the "pro" seats, making for easier paddling on open water, where falling out of the boat isn't as much of a problem.  I am very excited for the arrival of the kayak.  Tomorrow, most likely.  Hmm... when I am in town, I may... nah... I'll wait until the boat is in so I can plan out the anchor trolley and get everything I need for that all at once.  Oh, I am also considering constructing a sun-shade for the boat.  I won't be building that until next month, but it's one of my first customizations.  Sure, I can use sun screen, but that doesn't do much about the heat.  It'll only be a fair to light weather option, of course.  Any cross wind and such things can become quite problematic.  I'd like to make it adjustable... full, three-quarters, and half length adjustable, perhaps even with side flaps for certain situations... the rising or setting sun, or even light rain.  It also needs to be able to be brought down on the fly.  Cotter-less cotter pins, pvc piping, and cheap ripstop tarp will be my friend in that.

I've sure been enjoying this revivification.  It's much easier to maintain with a dangerous government rattling it's saber through it's own mechanisms and it's bureaucratic arms.  At this point, I am simply trying to figure out the fastest way to heal and scoot.  I'm honestly not sure if there is enough time.  But that will just have to take care of itself.  If I do what I have been doing, and keep adding more as planned, even if the whole thing times out, I should be in enough of a good condition to jump the circuit, bridge the gap, push on through.  It won't be fancy, it won't be easy, but it will be doable.

Later.

Nap time?

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I have been doing bits of work between times of resting.  I haven't fit reading in, but that's on the list.  I did find the manual, and quick-start reference, for the gps device I am probably going to buy.  I want to price check locally.  Sometimes it is cheaper, sometimes not.  For bigger ticket items, it really can pay to compare.  Plus, local can be easier for returns.

The bathroom is cleared, swept, and ready to mop.  I sorted the cat litter, changing some of it out.  I took the trash out, in part because of the litter, but also fit in the packing material that needed to go.  While I was at it, I brought the trash bin back to the back door area.  I need to sweep in the kitchen niche, dumping bits of fly-away litter first, and then vacuum that carpet.  I put the one load into the laundry as well.  Little bits and pieces of this and that.  Hmm, perhaps I will break down the boxes and put those in the recycling bin outside, dump and sweep and vacuum, then take a nap.  I will set the alarm, I can't nap too long.

I should be in shape to finish the bathroom when I am done, and kick the laundry over to the dryer, then prepare to head into town.  Ugh, a shower means I will need to drain the dishes.  Yeah, using the big bin to wash them in.  Oh well.  They should be ready for a simple rinse.  They have been washed twice already.

In my off time, I have been looking over trolling motors for the boat.  I won't, probably, be buying one this year.  It's not just a motor you buy, it's probably a battery and charger as well.  A thirty pound thrust is all my craft can really use, so I have heard.  And the motor needs to be 15 pounds or less, if I read that right.  A deep cycle marine battery is what is best to use, though lead-acid or ADM is another thing.  Gel just seems a little less, and a little more finicky.  Size is also a consideration.  If I wanted a fish finder/depth finder, a bit more battery would be really handy.  And, yes, in time, I would like that.  None of it fancy, just functional and long lasting, but of reasonable cost.  It doesn't seem as if an electric trolling motor would be of much use on an extended outing though.  So I will really have to consider whether to buy any of that.  Unless I could figure out how to recharge it even right on the water, or at a base camp.  Doubtful.  Then again, not a bad thing for day tours and short fishing runs.

Yeah, I'm going to do those last little things, then nap.  It's the only way I will make it out to the store, perhaps a hike, and maybe to the various sporting goods stores.  Later.

Yes, I did start in.

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I'm not in a rush, and yet I don't want to stall too long.  Getting to work is good.  But so is being awake and ready.  I am still a bit sore, stiff, but not tired or weak.  I removed everything from the bathroom floor.  A small step-stool chair I keep in there for various reasons, the dust bin, plus the plunger and stool brush and their containers.  And, of course, dirty clothes have to be moved.  I spilled water from the bucket I had used for washing the weight bench, so I dried that but wanted to give it a bit more time to really dry.  Sweeping even a damp floor is a pain.

Not wanting to call it for the work period, I headed into the kitchen, turned on the light for the niche that I mean to clean as well tonight, and took a look at what I am facing there.  It's not too bad.  Some boxes and packing material to sort and toss, sweeping and vacuuming will have to take place.  Plus I could probably put in fresh cat litter in at least two of the boxes.  They usually keep one pretty clean, especially if I do my part.  Which I have been doing.  That shouldn't be too much of a problem, along with the bathroom.  If I can keep that area up, when I steam vac the living room, I'll hit the rug in there too.

I also set the dishes up in a fresh soapy soak, and two big pans that need to be washed.  After this post, but before officially going back to work, I will start a, or the, load of laundry.  I don't have enough woolen, whites, or other for a load, but I do have enough colored cotton clothes to push that on through.  That should have my wardrobe pretty much topped off.  If I can stay on top of things, I can probably get by with one or two small loads a week.  I mean to keep on top of things as I get on top of them.

Brushing my teeth regularly, flossing when I have that down... at least at night, three showers/baths a week unless I sweat too much for this or that, keeping finger and toe nails trimmed, and checking and managing small wounds as they happen, are among personal care items I will be tending much more seriously.  It's not that I have been incautious, but I have, until now, been able to slide on some things.  If I plan to get out, and for teeth quite tobacco, I really have to have my ducks in a row on personal care and hygiene.  It's just not a debate.  I have been doing pretty good.  Oh, and speaking of tobacco, I have about three months before my supply is gone.  I will want to store up a good month and an half of 21mg, and about the same for 14mg patches.  I'll probably only use a month of each.  The lower patches have not been necessary in the past, so I skip those.  Better to have a bit too much than too little.

It's a long row to hoe, but I don't see options.  There will be failures.  I will still fall.  But if I can get up, and keep up, mostly on call, much of the time, I will handle problems as they arise.  For tonight, cleaning.  The hope is, as well, to make it to town tomorrow morning for shopping and hiking.  Whether I can get a nap in is another thing.  I'll have to hurry a bit if I want that, if I can even take a nap.  Ugh.

The boat and seats should be in by midweek.  I left the tarp in the back, so as to put the pack in on that, and used it to set up the boat out there, rather than on rocks, mud, dirt and all, especially when it is wet.  Hmm, might put in a couple of old towels to dry it off, make those part of the kit.  While I am in town tomorrow, I may look for a couple of types of anchors and rope.  There are three types of anchors, the standard type though one that opens and closes for various uses would be good, a shallow stick type, and a watersock sort... like a windsock, but for water... to slow drift.  The first two I know I want, the other only if I begin fishing more often.  I'd like to buy some tackle to gear an anchor trolley, but I want to see the boat fully set up to get a better idea of what I want for that.  One, two, or ten things at a time, but there is always more. 

Later.

So many things to learn.

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It isn't, as I have mentioned, going to be just about getting my butt out of the chair.  Beside ignoring my heart failure, and eating the right foods to manage diabetes, and then getting in shape.  There is much to learn.  With the boat coming any day now, and with hiking sort of limited until I can have some idea where I am, I am considering a gps device.  I don't know about these new ones, but I did purchase one some time back.  It was a pain in the ass.  I never did learn to use it well.  Eventually it got put up somewhere.  I might even find it as I begin digging through things.  Nah, even if it works, it wasn't good enough for land and water.  So, I'm looking at a new one.  As I review how to use it, I don't think it is going to be any easier to learn to use.  Still, I have to, at this point.

Learning to use a map, a compass, and other tools and equipment for orienteering will be going forward.  Until that is dependable, though, and even beyond, a gps is simply a necessary tool.  They aren't completely dependable themselves, but... will be better than nothing in a pinch.  I can't just let these things slide now.  I have to learn, I have to push through, I have to read, practice, even call the manufacturer if I get stumped.  One of many things I simply have to do if I wish to get going correctly.

Which reminds me, I need to start reading the printed study book to begin getting ready for the first ham license test.  I guess, beyond being back in bootcamp, I'm back in school.  Some of what I must learn will have not tests or quizzes.  I will either succeed or fail, and failure in this case could be quite inconvenient, perhaps even lethal.  Now that's MY kind of learning.  Cheat on that, will ya.  Boating, hiking, camping, fishing, gps, orienteering, ham radio and licensing, and a dozen other things as they come to pass.  All while pushing my body until it breaks, then picking up and doing that over and again.  I don't know about you, but I am excited.  And that is just the start.  That is just to get me back to functioning well enough that I can tag along on hunts, learn to gut, skin, and butcher an animal, then help pack it out, and other heavier things.  Yeah...  I'll get there, or die trying.

It's amazing what the threat of bureaucracy and women can do to a man.  *grins*  Run, run away fast!  The one I escaped, the other is too worldly so I know I don't have to worry about her.  I think I'm free, I'll make it out.  Not bad, but I best get to it.  Instead of blogging or watching shows, I'll begin reading the ham materials, and maybe pull down the instruction booklet for the gps and read that in with the other.  No, or not much time, for play and pleasure.  Bootcamp, is it?  Yeah.  In over my head, but that is how it is, most people just don't realize it.  Later.

Yeah, okay.

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Given a few days of work and rest, and some distance... and a lot of thought... I can now put out why I returned.  Sure, there was the notion that I was more read than I had hoped.  That was a bit unnerving.  What if you kept a rather true diary, and wrote in it without... parsing, without making it edible for the masses... and then you found out many had read it, or parts of it?  So, yeah, there was that.  And more, specifically who had read.  And, not knowing what parts they read.  I've pretty much put the whole thing out here.  Here, there, it's all in there.  Some of it is coded, hidden in there, but decipherable as a whole, mostly.  But that wasn't the big one.

I have been celibate for over a decade now.  That isn't meant to be a life long thing, only a method of choosing a right wife, or moving on without one... living more rightly as I see it.  Unlike many men my age, the vow is not a light or easy one.  I could easily have sex twice a day, even as is.  Sometimes more often.  The urges are there.  The thing is, as I have come to some minor (very minor, forgive me Lord) master of this vow, I have learned to let most women pass without so much as a notion of interest.  Oh, sure, flirtation.  Trust me, the way I do it, that isn't sexual... mostly.  Just, hmm... more like a way to more properly shake a woman's hand, the right form of it.

I thought I was good.  I thought I was solid.  I thought I could reject without thought or effort.  For the most part that is true.  Oh, there is a local woman who gives me the willies, tests my notions, and makes me sweat and pray.  True.  But she is a good woman.  If she happens to be interested, she won't act on it until a ring is on her finger... mostly, probably.  More so with my own willfulness toward that end capping the ideal.  But, there, I met one of those very rare women who excites me.

Now, this is fine.  I truly enjoy meeting those rare women.  It's like a city human seeing their first eagle, or spotting a rare car for automobilephiles, or such.  The grant of a minor wish, the joy of knowing one has passion yet, and some other things.  The problem was, I saw in her eyes that she saw into mine.  She seemed to know much, too much, but that didn't seem to be a problem.  She was, or seemed to me, open.  Whether she was or not, I failed horribly.  If I had stayed, I would have... tested.  And I don't think she would have said no.  Either way, I failed, hard.  Crap sandwiches and fast moving meteorites, I had to lift and scoot.

So... there you go.  I guess it is safe to say.  It shouldn't cause any harm.  It's... well...  It is what it is.  Now I'll move my music up to be more easily found along with this post.  I hid it back in time, until, or unless, I was ready to let it be heard.  Yeah...  Kryptonite, boys and girls.  Doom found out he is still... hungry.  Too hungry.  Gotta be so everloving careful.  On the good side... it wasn't just a piece of ass that called.  I can be cynical when safe, but when that close to certain women... I know it's more.  Damnations!  Reminds me of what I don't have too well.

Don't try to understand.

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You can't, you don't.  Just... go with the flow.  It's just not about you.  Not even sure if it is about me, feelings, sure.  It just is.  That's all.

A good sleep, hopefully a good day.

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I can't, exactly, remember when I went down.  I was up until after 9:00, well after.  Plus I tossed and turned.  I've been stretching and that just winds things, and maybe wounds things.  But this is my life from now on.  Make it or break it is the method.  I woke right around 18:00, so, if I had to guess, right at about eight hours of sleep.  No alarm.  I don't feel I should push on every area at once.  I will sleep until I wake, and stay awake until I run out of... whatever, then can wind down.  At least I will do that until I am ready to try to bracket that aspect of life too.

Too late to go hiking.  It's growing dark, plus it was cloudy.  I will hike through rain and shine, I do have the gear for that, several times over and various forms, for colder and warmer situations.  The only problem with it being cloudy in the afternoon is that it gets too dark too quickly.  Eventually I probably will find places to do night hikes.  It's cooler.  The thing is that I need to find trails, or places, that allow for a night hike.  Many official trails roll up their invitation at sundown.  Instead of hiking, I am going to clean.  I have cut out my goals for tonight.  The bathroom and the "sewing niche" off the kitchen.  Everything out, reorganize the floor-space, clean, and reassembly of each area is the plan.  I am hoping to do it fast enough to get a nap in later, in hopes of being up long enough into tomorrow to go hiking early.  There is a chance that, if I go hiking early, then sleep, I can keep on my target and, when I wake, hit the "iron" again.  Then more housecleaning.

Tomorrow, aside from the hopes of exercise, I am hoping to strip clean the kitchen, or at least start on it.  It sort of depends on how well I am able to clear and clean the two target areas tonight.  I never really know how long things take.  But that is the plan from this side of the thing.  If I can keep it going, then I will hit the living room after the kitchen.  A nearly complete strip, clean, vacuum, and steam vac of the living room.  Plus another hike.  Every other day, hiking or weight lifting.  Though I might try to do both on Fridays, to get Saturdays off.  Saturdays may become my cooking day.  Cooking a couple of foods for the week.  Bean and ham soup, and maybe grill enough chicken and other meat to get me through.  Oh, and I will begin boiling eggs for easy food and solid protein and fat.  I simply won't be able to keep up on all things at all times, so some sort of plan needs to be in place.

Yeah, I know.  Plans are great until you can't walk, sit up, or think straight.  Then you gotta do what you gotta do.  If I have to take downtime, so be it.  The goal is to get back up when I can.  Hmm... I've been thinking about rafting.  I am going to call that an equivalent to upper body workouts, so I won't expect myself to lift weights when I do that.  A place where I portage a good deal will take care of hiking.  All good.  It is a plan, a good one.  I've got to do it if I plan on doing anything else.  I would like to add pushups and setups, but I am going to wait on those until I can bench my body weight.  A couple dozen of each, first thing in the morning, will eventually just be part of the program.

It's going to hurt.  If past experience is any measure, I will actually gain a lot of weight, at least for the foreseeable future.  My body takes on a lot of muscle, fast, before it ever starts letting go of fat.  For me, even when I could do a serious six month program, I never did see myself to weight loss.  Although, there are some things that will be different this time.  We'll see.  I just don't count on weight loss up front, and not for a long time.  If too, I don't really care about that so long as I am functionally strong and have some more serious stamina.  Those are the key points.  Later.

Can't sleep.

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I had hoped to rest in order to be out hiking today.  I tried at 7:00 or so.  Then I remembered that I needed to take the trash out.  I got that out and went back to bed.  Ah, but there was more to be taken out, I remembered.  After the last bit I simply stayed awake.  It's not that I can't hike later, it's just that I am not exactly sure where to hike later in the day.  I really don't want to hike at night, not quite yet.  If, probably when, I wake too late, I supposed I could just do housework.  I don't want to just sit idle on any given day.  If I can't follow the plan, perhaps I can fulfill the goal in another way?  We'll see.

I am tired.  I just can't sleep.  It isn't even as if I just sat around.  As for the mind, a large part of the reason I blog is to get rid of things my mind chases.  In the dark of the mind, an overloaded thought process, and some strange thinking, can make sleep impossible.  I've stomped most fires out, by writing here.  Not sure what the problem is.  Perhaps working out opened something that will just take time to close?  Maybe.

I'll go try again.  I have the fan on because it is simply too warm otherwise.  Plus, the fan blocks out noise.  It does make noise, but the sound it makes is regular... very easy for me to sleep to, as if a sort of music.  Ugh...  Good night again.  Yeah, I'll just have to use my waking time when I get it, as I can.  I would like to get to the store soon, though.  Maybe even yet today.  I don't need the sun for that.  Good night... I hope.

A cool down, then a shower.

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Okay, then some air dry time.  Love air drying.  Hey, it's an ogre thing.

I unpacked.  I put the tent, fly, sleeping pad, and sleeping bag out to freshen.  I dried the big cooler out.  It was pretty much dry and ready, other than a spit of rain that came through several hours ago.  I sorted the dirty laundry, which was bagged so the other clothes are still good.  Then put up soap, shampoo, and such.  I did a number of other little things, as promised, including collecting all of my dirty clothes for washing tomorrow.  Pretty much everything on the list except sorting and hanging/folding the clean clothes.

Then, yes, I went out and set up the weight bench and bars.  I had to move things around a bit, wash off the benchtop, and arrange the bars, the dumbbells were in here, so I had to find them.  Then I hit it.  Nothing big.  Just a half dozen empty bar routines.  For now, I am hoping to lift every other day, and walk every other day, adding to maybe six days a week.  Some days I may do double duty, to get a day off.  Actually, the goal is to mix and match double duty with single duty days, depending on my schedule.  An overnight hike, however, will mess things up a bit.  I'll worry about that when I get to it.

And more, I won't let the workouts, hiking, and other such, ruin my life.  The goal is to hit the house, clear and clean, sort what stays and goes, and organize it all.  When I get a big enough pile of go stuff, I'll order in one of those on-site bins and dump.  I doubt if that will just be a one-time thing though.  I suppose I could try my hand at a yard sale.  Depends on what I come up with.  If there isn't enough, by my estimation, to bother with a sale, I'll just chunk it all.  I need to do some inquiry regarding those things.  Some of my furniture has to stay until I am ready to go.  I could sit, and sleep, on the floors.  I just don't think so.  A lot of paring, and several tiers of it, ahead.  The less I have, the easier it will be to keep my cave clean though.  Definitely.

Hmm... music.  Yeah.  I've probably given the reasons for the recent mess away.  Some of it, partially.  Can't keep a secret, just like one of the song says.  Still, should be vague enough.  And I don't think it's explicit at all.  Women, though... sometimes they see way too much.  Better at that sort of thing.  Nosy.  :p  Just... dames can be murder when they see right in, especially... never mind.  Later... Good night, more like it.  Hiking and shopping, perhaps a meal with my friend, tomorrow.  But sleep, after a few things.

Better. Much.

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With some contemplation, I have figured out the reason for my flight.  The whole reason.  Yeah, there were other things involved.  A bit of consideration and even I realized that wasn't the whole reason.  Some of those things may have lead to the real reason.  Some were born for fame or infamy, and to lead.  Some reject that.  Of those who reject leadership and all that comes with it are two types.  The most common type are the followers.  Fine.  There can only be just so many chiefs.  The other type refuses not just to lead, but also to follow.  But the world doesn't like those last types.  People are attracted to them like moths to a flame.  Of those moths, some are... more, much more, of a threat to one who wishes to be alone, mostly, than others.  Oh, but there is more.  Much more.  But that is much as I will say.

I believe I will finish unpacking tonight.  Undoing the back pack, setting things out to air dry, finishing off the coolers, sorting and storing.  If I still have juice, I will clean off the weight bench and begin lifting.  Oh, not a lot.  Actually just empty bars, and only about an half dozen exercises.  Bench press, butterflies, military, declined and seated, or some such.  Then on to bed, after a shower, to hit it tomorrow.  Oh, and I'll go through my gear and have a pack ready.  The pack is just for weight, though it has some minor essentials, including a meal, a dry and easily dried change of clothes, some minor gear for lighting a fire and such, if I won't use any of it, most likely, until I actually camp out.  Even then I probably won't use much of it, not for an overnighter.

Yes, I told you, I am beginning.  Waking.  Not from want, as that will never work, but from need.  Not to heal, either, but to escape.  If this looks tough, imagine building a cabin, or tracking, hunting, taking, butchering, hauling, then storing a big animal.  I have to compare and contrast this to that, then consider the potential time constraints, draw a line from one to the other, and chart my path.  It'll be much better if I overdo, so long as I don't break (though if I break, if it is complete, that... is better than doing nothing and the options that come with it).  Tick-tock, tick-tock- tick-tock...  Gotta go!

Later.

Good sleep, intense dreams.

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My sleep has been just about perfect.  Perhaps long by an hour off my eight hour general goal, but that is to be expected, at least by me.  I am more surprised I am not hitting twelve or fourteen hour cycles, rather than the eight and an half to ten hour sleeps.  Waking fresh and good, if still sore and stiff.  Less poorly each day.  Which means hiking may be on tomorrow, along with shopping.  I want to check my pack first, though, tonight.  I want to be healthy, back into trim, enough so that when the boat arrives, I can open it up, pump it up, and sort out how to gear it.  I won't be taking her out until the extra seats arrive, at least.  I still want to check what all is suggested for standard kit on a kayak/canoe.  Probably an anchor and mudstick... another sort of anchor for shallow water, would be handy.  I want to find my flotation vest, neoprene johns, and wet boots, if I don't absolutely need those to start.  I don't know what else would be basically needed/wanted, from a ulitity/safety standpoint.

Dreams.  Serious dreams.  Not hard, not terrible.  Warnings.  I won't share these anymore.  How serious I take them?  Considering all, at this point, pretty seriously.  Just for me.  Several different themes.  On the good side, I have already started taking the advice... before the dreams.  One of the recent ones is complicated.  It is, put in a general way, suggesting that I can have my cake and eat it too, but only if I learn to tip toe on a highwire, while juggling... and juggling around my legs as I tip toe along the windswept line... at night.  Oh, I know that sounds impossible.  Trust me, for me?  It's not.  It just means I have to pay a little closer attention.  Doubt as you wish.  While I, and none, can live like that successfully... I can definitely learn to focus like an old god, before they knew what they really were anyway, for a short while.  The only question is will I, if I think I should go through the trouble, and whether it might not work anyway.  The last of those is irrelevant to my purposes, only something for others to contemplate.  Of course, that is what makes viewing such acts enjoyable... to some.  So, I must decide, for myself, if I should.  Then get to it.  Actually, I will begin prepping for that anyway, the real question is if I should include another, personally, in the show or not.  You all are at a great, impossible, distance.  This one would not be.  And seeing, far more than reading, is believing.

Ah... today?  Hmm...  I believe the last of the unpacking, a bit of laundry, and dishes.  I may also begin tearing into the cave.  Sorting, storing, tossing, straightening.  Beside hiking, gearing the kayak, taking my friend shooting, I am hoping to have the living room broken down, vacuumed, and steam vacuumed by the end of the week.  The end of next week, at the latest, if I hit some walls.  No, boys and girls, there is no rest for the wicked.  And I am a very bad boy.  According to the world.  And in truth, if not the false truth of the world.  Penance and Christ, work and prayer, I will find my way to wisdom and salvation.  It starts, often, with the simple, the humble, the mundane... if in my case right over my own nearly dead body.  Lets see if, as a healers, I can indeed, like my strongest brother, heal myself. 

Coffee should be ready.  Coffee!!!  Later.

A dog?

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Well, maybe.  Not right away.  Though it wouldn't be a bad thing, in the mid to long term.  More so if moving is in the plans.  Here, a german shepherd would be preferred.  If Alaska is the way, then perhaps a breed that can handle the climate, and... some other things.  A saint bernard, black russian terrier, or such might be the way to go.  No dog, or even pack of dogs, would be all that good against a bear or even wolves or an angry moose.  But they would be an assist in a bad situation, of many sorts.  Even the most weather able dog would need protection, and have limits, up there.  Heck, even right here.  Dog boots in some of the colder times, if you go out hiking or hunting, might well be necessary.  Feeding them would be quite a chore though.

A bigger dog would have to be trained well, and early.  While I have a hundred pounds on the biggest of st. bernards, most people don't.  And I wouldn't want to have to do that at 70 miles an hour.  No, train them young, be the master, or don't mess with such animals.  I am sure there are other breeds that might work well.  It depends more on what my real want of the dog would be.  As I said, they aren't going to be bear protection.  Dunno, will have to think about it.  Both of those animals, big as they are, prefer to live indoors.  Great, two giants and two cats... that would make for a rumbling cave from time to time!  I don't know about Sam, but I know Sassy would enjoy a puppy about as much as she would a shower.  Which, as such a puppy grew, she might get too!  *shlurp!*

If I do get out a lot more regularly, as I propose... and keep the cave in better condition, whether I move or not I might just find myself in league with a big dog.  A dog would be great company out and about, and my canoe can handle dogs.  Not sure I would risk a bigger dog on whitewater, but for flat waters such a creature would make for decent company and mild protection while I sleep.  I was a bit nervous about food requirements, but for dogs over 75 pounds, the recommendation was 2-4 cups, twice a day (general rule).  Though at 200 pounds, I would guess a st. bernard might... eat a bit more?  Oh, he'd let you know if it wasn't enough...  "Where is Sassy?  Hey, I'm... let her out!"  :p

Bedtime. 

Christmas shopping already?

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Well, yes.  My mother went to get a new phone.  The woman almost talked her into a bad deal.  Thankfully she knew better.  She decided to talk to me first.  Always a good plan, especially when it's on my nickle.  The dumb broad suggested this deal would "save me money".  No, no it wouldn't.  In a year or less I will be ending my overpriced program with them, leaving my mother's phone as the sole system.  No texts, no smartphone costs, just voice.  If I find out they don't have that, I'll cut and run and figure something else out.

However, in deciding to ask, my mother will receive a much better ereader.  All I will pay is for the wi-fi version.  If she wants more, the 3G type, she will have to pay the extra and purchase the service.  I simply will not go there, wouldn't for myself.  There is enough free wi-fi around that she can jack almost anyone... businesses, friends, neighbors, even where she works most likely.  Especially since it won't be actual surfing or such, just loading books.  I am looking at the kindle voyager or paperwhite for her.  I will go with no ads, but as I said, not with 3G.  I'm not even sure 3G is all that available where she lives.

Not this month, not next.  In July or August, though, I might be able to put that into the queue.  But it IS a Christmas gift.  Hmm... if she wants 3G, that could be her birthday gift part?  I'll think on it.  Spare the coin, spoil the parent?  Yahey.  Yeah, that might work well, actually.  Oh, she'll go for it.  Especially after last Christmas.  I went well over, and it was all my decision, plus on target.  Oh, and I already got her for mother's day.  So... I'm in pretty good standing lately.  Off-brands of ereaders, at this point, while they might have decent functions, have great limits as to books.  Currently it's Amazon or it's not, for books and ereaders.  Thankfully she asked first.  Barely.  Gah!

Later.

Hmm...

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Okay.  I keep trying to figure out a musical response.  And, while I can do it safely from my side, the music that fits would too easily be misconstrued to most other minds.  Probably all.  Even those who know me best know me not half so well as they should think.  Well, and we all have a predilection to see ourselves as the center of things.  Not a judgment.  I'm just as guilty as any other, often enough.  Further, for the most part, the quickest way to confuse someone is to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Still, I'm working on it.  I might have it, or not.  Thinking...

While I do need a bit of rest, that effort was rather heavy duty, I also don't want to fall too far.  Actually, I don't want to fall at all.  My goal is to get out even tomorrow.  I don't care what it is I do.  Most likely a very little bit of shopping.  Grocery shopping and for a small spool of lighter fishing line... say 3-5# test, perhaps another a bit heavier, in order to begin practicing with the fly reel and rod.  I am out of milk, and just about out of cream.  Hmm... though for a while, until I get used to not having coffee, perhaps I should look for a cream substitute?  Nah.

I really am going to have to figure out how to change my life.  Perhaps coffee is sort of still necessary.  At least until I can get into some kind of real shape, if that is possible.  If I get to a spot where I am able to do more, for longer, then I should begin looking at options for change.  I may begin eating a lot more eggs, boiled mostly.  It's a very cheap, here anyway, form of protein and fat mix.  Some beginning body builders start with those.  Not that I am even considering becoming a body builder, but I do need to increase muscle mass a bit, and push stamina.  Eggs would be an extremely good food for that.  But only if I am burning enough calories to handle the fat.

I do plan to begin working out, as well.  An empty olympic barbell, to start.  Along with empty dumbbells, and the curl bar.  Plus hiking and paddling, and simply getting out more often, even if just to shoot.  I need to keep my body about as sore as it has been for these last few days, pretty much nonstop.  I have to relearn to not just push through, but embrace the pain.  I need to actually regenerate my sweettooth for physical pain, or I will not be able to survive in the wild.  Even then, it may be a test.  Once I get set up, then I can gear down a bit.

As I go through things, I will need to shift various things.  There will be no milk out there.  Even when camping, milk doesn't last long.  Eggs don't either.  And while coffee lasts, it isn't an easy thing to keep in supply, and tend.  It's a lot of work, a modern, technical, and civilized, consumable.  A luxury I won't want to maintain, at least until I have done the work to make it possible more easily.  But, for a while, I can continue to live on the milk and honey of the land of the lazy and weak... until I can pull away, a piece, part, food, notion, at a time.

Oh, and that does mean I plan on figuring out how to keep my place clean, what I need to start getting ready to remove from my life and home, and things like that.  I won't just focus on the physical.  I have to focus on all aspects, and push.  You can't be unkempt in bear country.  You have to do either do the easy part, and maintain, or do the hard part and figure out how to make those things easier and then do the hard part of making that happen.  It's just the way it goes, if you want to actually live, survive.  I'm not considering these things just to go out and die, or set myself up for failure.  While I might well fail, it won't be from being an idiot.  Or... a willful idiot anyway.

Later.

Yeah, days and nights are in a twist.

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Every time I push like that, days and nights simply have to adjust by themselves.  If I was still camping, the chatter and music would help me figure things out.  Here at home there simply isn't enough outside stimulus.  Then again, I couldn't take that much stimulus for long.  I'd eventually sneak away.  Generally, for a week and maybe as long as a month, I could handle... people.  Longer than that and I would find a quiet place, of mind if that is all that was available, of body at the first physical chance minus having to damage someone to get it.  Unless I am extremely ill, then it simply doesn't matter.  That year in the hospital I was mostly sleeping.  Couldn't get enough sleepppp!

I did get the ice chests in.  I emptied the water out of both, and saved the last of the ice.  I put that in the smaller cooler and then put that in the freezer.  I emptied the big one and am letting it air dry a bit.  The big one still had at least half of the ice I had put in, a third of that had gone to water.  Not bad, given that it had been in the auto or in direct hot sun from day one, that it hadn't been full to the brim with ice, that there was a dry box in there (a thick styrofoam container, what they send insulin in) and a metal steamer tray.  The metal one was used for butter, mayo, cukes, bottles of salad dressing, and such, while the styrofoam one was used for lettuce and carrots.  So, it was far from full of ice, if I did finish packing it with ice when I got to Snowflake.

I also pulled my pack in.  Those are the three heaviest, and bulkiest, items.  The rest should be easy.  I didn't put my tent up, officially.  It will be easy to take up stairs, leaving it open, draping it over a few things until it is ready for proper storage.  I try to brush off, then air dry a bit, all of my gear... even if it didn't rain or collect dew.  Really, not too much else to unloading.  Oh, I suppose the water has some weight to it.  Five gallon jugs are about forty pounds, but that is child's play.  Cleaned before, and clean water, so I'll just keep them as is.  The rest is pretty much mild fluff.  I did leave a jacket, one of my favorites.  I'll have to think about how to get that back.

I'll try, today, to give a call.  I just want them to know I am good, that they weren't part of any problem, that I'm just a twit sometimes.  Wrong or right, as I mentioned, I have to do what I believe I should do.  And I do it.  I call my girls big babies, when they are being churlish, childish, or such, but tell them they are just fine for it.  It makes them part of the club.  Not a great thing, always.  Just nothing to worry too much about.  We all go there.  But, if they wish to blame something, I'll take that hit.  I still think it was reasoned, given my givens.  I just don't always expect to be understood, don't feel that explaining would help, and am a little different anyway.  I should be able to finish unpacking tonight.  I want the Xter to be ready to fit the boat when she arrives.  Hmm... I may keep the ground cloth tarp out, as a safer place upon which to inflate the boat.  It'll work for now, if I need a larger, or a smaller tarp would work, I might get another.  But for now, this one will work.

I am feeling a good deal better.  Still a bit stiff and sore, but I won't let that hold me up.  Something else I may do is look for my dry bags, and put a couple of sets of clothing in those, and an extra pair of boots, and begin gearing up a pack for river and lake runs.  Camping gear too, from fire to cook to line to... you know.  I really am looking forward to getting out.  Hmm... I might even try to talk my friend... ol' one leg... into going for an easy row.  Perhaps the fellow heart problem friend.  I doubt if they will go, but who knows.  Just something different for them.  This boat will fit all three, if I can heard those cats in.  Dang kids.  Yeah... out, gotta get out. 

Later.

While I rest, I can't forget some things.

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I sent an email to cancel the lodging for what was going to be my return trip.  There is a 24 hour advance notice requirement, which should be fine.  I will call tomorrow, making sure the email was received, and that the cancellation has been accepted.

I am feeling better.  I will unload gear and all tomorrow.  While still a resting day, I believe I can get some or all of that done.  The ice chests first, the rest as I get to it.  The rest of this week is pretty much done.  It wasn't the drive up, or even the load of work leading up to, and away from, camp.  It was simply all of the work and driving in such a compressed cycle.  Too much.  Still, if I can recover quickly enough, I should be back to things by the beginning or middle of next week.  Now, though, I know I can do a lot more than I thought.  Quite a run.

After I unpack, I will probably get started on my old rods and reels.  There shouldn't be so much wrong with them that a little oil won't get them back in order and quickly.  I then need to find my fishing tackle box, to see what I already have.  I also need to find an anchor.  I probably have the right kind of rope for that around somewhere.  It's fairly inexpensive if not.  Looking over materials about rigging an anchor, and other means of tying off, and various notions about kayaking in general, and inflatable ones in particular, has been happening off and on since I returned home.  Ah, but I need to find out if I have to register my kayak, and if so where and how.  That will be my next task, actually.

I figure fishing from the kayak will give me something to do while I rest.  It might be a reason to go places I might not otherwise have gone.  Excuses are okay, but reasons are what really motivate me.  If I don't have a reason to climb a mountain, I won't.  If paddling an extra mile nets me nothing but an extra mile to paddle back, I can't see how that is useful.  Curiosity is only mildly stronger than an excuse.  No, I have to have a reason, or at least believe there is a reason, to go or do something, anything.  Kayaking, itself, is based on a need, or perceived need or want, both actually.  No more, no less.  The ability to travel where roads don't exist, to fish and hunt and haul such as I might catch or hunt back with less body trauma... things like that.

I will need to learn to live much more humbly if I am to have a chance of living in the wild.  I won't have ribeye up there.  I won't have milk, butter, cream, or even coffee.  No soda, no McDonalds.  Simple, humble, hard.  But, in another sense, quite easy.  If I blunder too much, the mistake isn't jail, or a hospital, but either a slow harsh lesson in what not to do as I gimp through to recovery, or death.  Alluring?  I am not even writing about Alaska.  I mean, just out there... in the forests, on rivers and lakes, and none of them all that far from here.  I am not sure if one can get so lost as to die in the marshes, not these anyway.  You'd have to be a special kind of OCD special for that.  Worst case, look for a farm, leave your craft if you have become too weak from lack of food, and if need be, crawl to the farm.  They probably wouldn't even shoot at you!  :p  I best start changing some of how I eat, work, and play.  Even if I don't move, I will be changing how I live.

Later.
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For a kayak, I don't need to register.  However, with a sail, or perhaps even with a trolling motor, I would need to register.  Maybe.  I may call or visit one of their offices for a more thorough questioning.  Both the trolling motor and windsock type of sail, may be below the radar.  Still, I would like a written allowance if that is what is said.  You know that no matter what you say Soandwhositz said means nothing to Joe the Ranger on the river or lake, but a written allowance puts the thing between those two, not with you as collateral.  Probably.  Though your equipment might get swiped, at least for a while.  Bureaucracy loves you and wants to keep you and everybody else safe... no it doesn't and isn't.  It's an ego maniac looking for someone to screw with.

While I rest.

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I plot!  My escape is imminent!  Well... escape, imminent, and some other definitions are always... hrmm... debatable.  But the idea is sound.

I have been looking over where to escape.  Or, where to practice my escape?  Or, how to practice living, surviving, when I get to where I am escaping?  Who ever knows.  Practicality based on ideals is a funny thing.  So, that makes me a funny thing.  Funny, too, is a debatable term.  Never to worry, for good or ill, I don't die well.  Even if I disappear, I will be grumbling, mumbling, and stumbling my way through a rather long life.  I need it to be hard, it seems.  It isn't to test things, it is to not be dependent.  Dependency is murder.  Even death is kinder than many forms of "care".  No, wait, death is definitely kinder, than almost all forms of "care", "concern", and such.  I understand, that is what most people know anymore.  All save a very few.

Oh, but waters to begin learning to paddle, load, camp, and such, in the state, have been loaded onto a site, for easy perusal. here.  There are others not listed that I know about, though I would have to check allowances, requirements, and the rest.  I will also need to check whether my craft needs to be registered, on which waters, and how.  Bleh.  I won't go into Colorado, but I might check Idaho and Montana.  I don't think Nevada would have much.  Still...  But Idaho and Montana are much closer, perhaps even Wyoming.  Arizona is too far, and probably wouldn't have much either.  Though I may have to take a trip down that way, sometime, to see a friend.  Might look around before I go, and make a nice mess of the trip.

I am also looking at accessories for my craft.  A sail, of some sort, for example.  There is one that can turn the craft into a true sailing vessel, but at $600, I'd have to become much more serious, or be near a massive body of water, to consider.  But there are much smaller, less expensive, options.  As well, a trolling motor would be good for a number of reasons, in certain places.  Both have their limitations, some might be excluded from some waters, but having both could certainly make solo expeditions much more simple, sure.  If I am going to make it in the boonies, solo, a little insurance is good.  Though, really, I have to plan on, and be able to, make it on my own.

The boat should be in within this next week, as well as the extra seats.  I am hoping to be in shape to head out for my first session pretty quickly.  The hope is to be on the water within a week, the quicker the better, after getting the gear.  I will want a few items with the boat, such as an anchor.  Neoprene waders would be handy as well, though not required immediately.  I do have several wet suits, one full and one a john suit, and neoprene boots.  A bit of a chore in hot weather, but would do well enough.  Then again, a pair of water shoes, shorts, t-shirt, and sunscreen, may be all that is really needed to start things off.

I plan to take just enough to have dry clothes, food and a way to prepare it, water and the water purifier, and just enough else that I would feel right should I have to spend a night out.  The plan would be a simple couple of hours out, then a couple of hours back.  The first few times in the water will be finding out where to pack things, how to pack them, and how to use the boat.  Nothing fancy, no intention of a camping trip (just tending the possibility), no whitewater, not much.  Ah, but... finally...  I believe getting a map and a waterproof(tm) gps system might be the way to go.  There are buoys out there, where I will be starting, but going off those could lead to difficulty finding the way back.  Probably a very good item to have if I am going to Alaska anyway, especially since I will be looking for the tourists and going the other way.  Nothing personal, just not out as a tourist.  Plus, wherever people are?  That is where bureaucracy will rear it's nasty head.  Do this!  Don't do that!  Definitely do not do this, that, or that, or we will have your head!  If a bear attacks, be a sport and just die!  Bleh.  Avoid tourists for your life.

Still sore, still a bit stiff.  Too much driving... or... a lot of driving.  I can only imagine what paddling for six to eight hours a day, against even a mild wind, will be like.  Putting up for a day or two, then hitting it again, will be the only way to get in shape.  But there may well be portages.  Some necessary, some just to split the thing between hiking and paddling for variety.  I don't know, sounds like fun to me.  I really have to get set up for various forms of fishing.  I'll check my regular rods and reals, grease or oil as needed, and get that gear set up... plus get cracking on the fly fishing part of it.  Hopefully, by mid-month, I will have enough of that going, plus the raft, to buy a license and begin learning how to fish.  I'm hungry for fish, and maybe even for fishing.

Later.

Mostly a resting day.

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Ribs are pretty sore, arms seem to be okay for now.  I did push, apparently not too far.  I don't know when I will unpack, but I am hoping to get that done yet today.  The coolers are the main concern.  The last time I left things out, one of the ice chests... well... it took a year of cleaning and fussing with it to get most of the odor out.  That isn't one I took, if not for that reason.  I may put a box of Arm & Hammer in that one, see if I can finish it.  Anyway, the main goal is to get the coolers out, emptied, and set up to dry.  The only somewhat heavy item is my pack.  That will be next.  Most of my clothes are still clean.  The dirty clothes are in a sack, so if I get those out and to the washroom in a timely manner, I can probably just put the other clothes up right away.  The rest of it is mostly just leg work.  Some things will take a very minor fuss, such as laying the tent out for a bit of fresh air before stowing it, as with the sleeping mat.  I took a lot less this time, so it should all be good.

My boat should be here very early in the week, same with the extra seats.  The extra seats are made for easy flat water.  Who knows, I may have that up and out within a week, maybe less, of their arrival.  We have good water here, for exploring.  I have been looking at the rivers and lakes within miles, for some time, curious about where they go.  And, I could always get my fishing license while I am at it.  I'll probably skip the veteran discount.  You have to go to a regional office, apply, probably wait (and hope)?  Yeah, I'll just get a regular license.  Plus, the chance of being razzed as a vet goes down if they don't know.  Then again, who knows how much they know after doing a radio check.  No one is anonymous anymore.

As I said, a bit sore.  But I honestly expected to be in worse shape.  I thought my lungs would be a bit funky, from the strain.  That actually cleared them, I think.  It did show me just how far I can push though.  And it makes me want to begin pushing like that much more often.  Paddling, setting up camp, hiking, then hiking and camping with the pack I took this time.  Fewer clothes, food, gear, and a few other things to make up the difference, but sixty to eighty on my back.  I would really, eventually yet this summer, like to find a place to paddle camp.  Perhaps an easier river, or some large lake that has camping areas on it's shores.  Don't know, exactly.  Not sure any of it will happen.  Just a goal, a hope.

Tylenol, then medicine after a bit of coffee.  Later.

Well, okay.

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Truth be told, I did go to Saguaro Man.  It was a long drive.  From the time I woke for the haircut, until I pulled into my midway stop for sleep, I had been awake for 28 hours.  I slept for twelve hours then drove the rest of the way to the campsite.  I then set up my tent and gear.  I helped another set up his tent, and another rearrange his camp in several ways.  Then, my friends showed and I helped (mildly) them set up their camp.  Me and the Mrs. chatted more than helped, I think.  Though, honestly, I think she was doing, mostly, what she could.  He was just getting a bit grumpy from hunger.  *chomp*  No really frayed nerves, just a little nip and bark, until things were mostly in order and food was started.

A few drinks, some talk.  Mostly everyone was tired.  They went out for an evening stroll, and then I did.  I stopped at several camps, talked, but then came to a conclusion that unhinged me.  I am known.  I won't get into particulars, and it's not for debate.  Not once, or twice, but several times, I realized some things.  So... I picked up camp and headed out.  Beside that not being the right place to be known for this blog, I...  never mind.  I decided to return home.

So, unrested, and after a long day of driving and working, I sorted, stored, figured, packed, and left.  Being late and such, I ended up spending the first seven or eight hours only getting about five to six hours of driving in on the correct path.  By which time I was completely bushed.  I found a hotel and pulled in.  Luckily, there was a room open.  They had been booked the night before, someone must have left early, and the room either was prepped or became prepared, and I took it.  Charged for two days, since I was checking in at 7:00 or 8:00... but at that point, I really didn't care.

I crashed until a maid knocked on the door about noon.  Yeah, it woke me.  It shouldn't have, but when I'm in foreign (hostile, always hostile, if it's foreign) places, I did nearly impossibly wake.  Caught before she came in.  I was only able to sleep until 16:00 after that.  Witch!  I then had a bite to eat, and once again hit the road.  Chenle or some such, along 191, in Arizona, is where I stopped.  After that, I drove until I arrived at the cave at about 4:00.  I won't be unloading the Xterra until my shoulders stop being numb!  That was a lot of driving, and work, in a very short period of time.

I keep thinking, though... something is going to have to happen with the blog.  Or not.  Hmm, maybe, until I go, I won't do anything in which tickets are purchased, people might know me from here, and some other things.  I need to, personally, become invisible again.  What is funny though, is when I am finally recognized?  The awe that I really don't look like I am on death's door, or a really old infirm man.  They are expecting the appearance of a gimped up old man, maybe with a cane, barely walking, looking tired, deadish.  And... to teens and 20 and 30 somethings I may appear that way, it is no more than normal for my age.  Perhaps less, but debatable.

Oh, tired.  Sore and tired.  Stiff, sore, tired, and... tired.  Did I mention that I am tired?  :p  Yeah, no, definitely ready for some sack time.  I hope I am feeling up to unloading in the "morning".  Good night.

Yeah, no.

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After a bit of sleep, I am still sore and tired.  I'll be going back to bed almost immediately as well.  Crap sandwiches and hemlock soda!  Hmm...  Nah, not that hungry.  Anyway...  I have decided to call the Cats, see what is happening, let them know, and all that.  I hope they don't hate me.  I do, a little.  At least I've got a good pout going on.  I doubt if I will post for a while... probably.  Just so dang mad.  At least I haven't been messing the place up, though I haven't been cleaning, either.  PJ's, coffee, medicine, and pout.  Don't want no stinking food!  Too sore to enjoy, cook, clean up after, or anything anyway.

Later.

Well...

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I was finally able to catch the Cats.  Desert says, 'Well, okay.  Just take care, make what of it you can, no worries'.  He knows I pushed well beyond my ability, so far.  His health can bug him, so he knows, personally, what overextending can do.  The Mrs. seems to like Doom, but hate him too.  I swear, cross-eyed cats and women... or is it the other way around?  Depends on how close you can get your finger to the bridge of their nose?  :p

I am feeling a little better.  Lower back is just killing me though.  It's like a muscle danced with a nerve and they both got hooked up on my hip, on both sides.  Would that be a ballroom event, or does it take more couples?  Youch but I shouldn't joke about that.  I'll be walking regular before you know it.  If I get to feeling better, I'll let you know before I go anywhere.

No, no work.  While I did get the Xter packed, I am not taking a damn thing out, even if I end up going nowhere.  Not until I can walk without looking like I need a cane, or even a walker.  I've got to say, prospects are not good.  Actually, I think it is about time to either make the call on the reservation or head out.  Not looking good at all.  Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Too tired.

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It doesn't look like I'll be going today, as I had planned.  I'm tanked.  Stiff, sore, tired.  Too stiff, sore, and tired.  I'll let the Cats know.  Wouldn't want them worrying.  I'll keep the return reservation open, to see if I can make it for some of the time.  If not, I have 24/48 hours to cancel.  I should have known not to push so hard.  Ah well, live and learn, innit.  I'm not even going to post more than this.  Sleeepppp!  Later.

I couldn't move fast enough to get to sleep.

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The water jugs were easier than I thought they would be.  That was a big part of why I was dragging, actually.  I've only got a few hours to sleep if I want to get out early.  I know if I sleep, there is a decent chance I won't be out as I had hoped.  Still, not sure a long drive is in the works without some sleep.

I have to wrap a few things up, but the last of it is all together, sitting on the big cooler.  One of the tricks will be fitting the coolers in, especially that big one.  I have ice to help cool them down until I can stock them full of ice.  It's heavy just as is.  With meat and the rest in there, it is going to be a chore.  Unlike the water.  I think, empty, it weighs as much as two jugs.  Then again, if I just add one bag of ice up front, and the meat and such, it should be doable.  Once fully loaded with ice, I may need a hand with it.

I can't believe how many small details I had to manage right at the end.  I guess I hadn't planned it out as well as I had hoped.  Though, then again, maybe that is just the way it goes.  Even with the problems, it seemed to go much easier this time.  Though my body is sore, stiff, tired, a minor headache is working it's way through.  The final bit of packing, then I'll decide about a nap, or sleep.

Burning some serious mojo just getting ready.  Yeah, but I have a place, and day, to sleep a bit more than half way.  Yeah, I'll probably do just fine.  Later.  Or good night.  You probably won't know until I am there, or wake...  Wait, you won't know if I am there.  If you hear nothing?  I'm either there or dead.  *grins*  Both sound rather inviting at the moment.  Later, much later, or until early next month!

Does it always take longer than you thought?

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Yes, it actually does take longer.  A lot longer.  Well, and you always forget some of the little detail work, or extra things.  I have most things packed and loaded in spite of that.  I have to fill the water jugs, put the hibachi in, deal with the meats and other foods if that is for the morning.  I have the map-directions sorted and ready, I just need to check my email, and put the name of the camp director/leader/whatnot on several of the pages of the directions.  Oh, and figure out how to pack the last of the bigger bags of foodstuffs.  Bleh.  When I pick up the steaks, I am going to see if they have dishpans.  Those are perfect for bathing, washing dishes, just about anything.  Oh!  I best bring some forks and knives.  And put butter into the kit that is to go in the cool-but-not frozen section.  Gah!

While I was resting I did a bit of research on the inflatable kayaks.  I compared the two models more closely, the 380x and the 420x.  What I found was, that for taller people, the 420x was a better fit.  Definitely for two paddlers, but also if taking camping gear for a bit or longer.  The difference in performance, in those conditions, was negligible.  So... I decided on the 420x.  It's what I really wanted anyway, just a bit pricier and I feared it would be harder to handle solo.  With the one problem eliminated, I went for it over cost.  I found a site that was offering a special.  A fearful thing, but there seemed enough legit about them to take a risk.  So, I dropped the hammer before I got cold feet, and the deal went away.  A forty two pound craft that can handle class IV whitewater, and carry a payload of up to 850 pounds?  Yep.  Now, I wouldn't try that at the same time, even if it was packed by a pro.  Still, three hundred pounds of gear and myself, most likely, would be fine on whitewater, up to a point.  I ordered the pro package, which means lower seats.  I also want the deluxe seats, for flatwater.  It's a matter of how high you sit in the boat, between the types of seats.  I went with a pro-package because I couldn't find pro seats, on their own, but could find deluxe.  I also ordered a motor mount.  I don't know when I could get a motor, battery, and recharger, but the mount was enough less, added to the deal and the package, that it seemed prudent.  I will also need to purchase a live preserver...  Wait, I may have one of those.  Fugly, but it should work.  If I can find it, didn't toss it?  Never mind.

Yeah, my body is grumpy, my mind is tired, but I want to fill and load the water jugs, get the maps to the auto, get the grill in, then grab and pack silverware of some sort.  I'll take a little nap then, set the alarm, have my clothes ready to go, and sail out somewhere between 6:00 and noon at the latest, I hope.

My back!

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Stooping, lifting, packing, moving, it is getting to me.  I do have the gear in, and the clothes packed.  I am just figuring out some of the small details.  Coffee, personal care items, I still have to fill water tanks, all sorts of small details.  And, the dishes.  I am not sure if I can push through and get those washed or not.  Lets flip a coin and go with not.  But I still need to drain them.  What else?  Map printouts, stapling them in groups, and writing a name on them.  It seems like there is always more.  I will set the coolers near the freezer.  Actually, the last one.  One is in the freezer, one is near it.  Ugh!  Running out of steam.

I have to pick up an order on my way through town.  I'll gas up the next town over, better prices and no worse traffic.  Then I'll drive until I need more gas.  I did call the store, and set up an earlier readiness for the order.  I will have to put some ice in the coolers, might yet do that tonight.  Just to get them chilled.  I'll finish loading ice when I get to the store to pick up the order.  Their cooler is indoors, and the ice is always rock solid.  Then just a drive.  I am hoping to be good and tired by the time I check in.  Perhaps sleep right away, but be ready to go early the next morning.  A 4:00 jump would see me in just as they opened, if I get a fill and maybe a bite on the way I won't race the gate.

I'm only writing, mind you, to clear my head and allow focus after such a short sleep.  I won't promise I will be out early, only that I should be able to be out early if it all works.  Hmm, not sure if I printed out the hotel number.  I could just write that on a couple of the maps.  The thing about these trips, is you never really know what to bring.  This time I am bringing almost nothing.  Just what I need to wear, and eat, and small gifting items.  None of the baubles and goop that I took before.  I didn't use a thing of it.  I just drove myself nuts trying to pack according to a recommended list.  Bleh.

Well... a bit of music and resting, then back to the grind.  Later.

Why not haiku?

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I realized it a bit ago.  But with one of the haiku writers having written, and a fine, haiku, I didn't want to spoil her moment.  As that isn't what this was about.  I found a great deal of resistance to my haiku writing.  I wasn't all that aware, back then.  But I could sense it.  Part of the reason I couldn't get more information, as I do see in the dark, is because those who resented my work could not identify the problem.  Political.  Yes, there was that.  It was more than that though, a lot more.  I have thought about it through time.  I, as I said, recently figured it out.

Idealism.  Haiku, traditionally, is supposed to be ideal.  It also is to exclude humanity.  I am notably anti-ideal.  If you can't eat it, or ____ it, piss on it.  Not... absolutely, mind you.  But the gist is there.  Further, humans were almost the whole of my topics.  Technically, I am anti-haiku.  This irritates poets.  Whether the poetry works, more so if it does.  But being of the ideal, the poetic, they have no means of reasoning out why my sort of poetry causes such profound anger, or loathing.  Yes, but that is the reason.

No, I don't believe in, or even in the concept, of poetry.  I have pretty much hated it since childhood.  I have tried to like it, or find parts of it I could enjoy, and I have absolutely failed.  Frost?  Eat me.  Stupid people who can't deal with life, who dig into what isn't so as to avoid what is.  Thankfully, most poets starved.  *smile*  As did most artists.  And for good reason.  I find it even more a joy that many of their works are now nearly priceless, but they got not but pennies in their day.  Such effort should not be rewarded, especially some of it.  The good ones, true artists, are rewarded.  Those of the ideal, who are wise, keep their day job, and just dabble in the insane, the foolish, and whatnot, on their own, as a reward of it's own.  That I can respect.  Just not trying to become rich or famous on the drivel.  Let them eat their pens, pencils, paint, and/or canvas.  I suppose one could say, to some forms of art, I am agnostic, at best.  Probably more artistically atheist to some forms of art.

Don't take it hard.  I can enjoy your work, as an after affect of life.  I just cannot tolerate the ideals behind the idealism that is often expressed.  To exclude humanity from art that is created by, and intended to be enjoyed by, humans, is an affront to my mind.  Fundamentally, it is removing the artist, and thus the art, from the art.  It is to art what communism is to government, the soul, the church.  Dead, death, retribution for the secular sin of living.  A horror.

I don't really care for my haiku, but it is human, and reality based.  I might start dabbling in it again.  It doesn't lie about the hardship of life, the truth of sin, the beauty of mankind, suffering, or anything else.  It doesn't seek to escape.  Yes... I think I should begin again.  I just won't join a community.  I am as much anathema to them as their idealism to me.  Only, for them, it is personal, often, even if they don't know why.  I now know why.  Yeah, I feel much better about that particular itch, and my poetry, now.

I best get going.  Perhaps I will write some poetry on the way, or there, or on the way back.  Later.

Four hours.

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Not quite, and not straight through.  That is the number of hours of sleep I got, give or take.  I went down about 9:30, set the alarm for 12:00, then after a bit of a struggle, reset the alarm for 13:00.  Then I had to jump and run, shower, dress, and drive.  I got four or five miles out of town when I realized I needed to go back for something.  *tick-tock tick-tock*  I made it, on time, for my appointment.  Give or take.  Zoom, clickety clack go the scissors.  Bzz, go the trimmers.  I let her know that rumors of things to come are just that.  Ignore even the horse, I may have suggested.  Then headed out.  A stop at the bank, a trip to the store.  I got some of it, set some of it up for a pickup tomorrow.  Hmm... actually, I may call and see if the order can be picked up even earlier.

A lunch, somewhere, right after the trim.  Oh, and I set up an appointment to begin learning the French braid when I get back, near the end of next month.  She thinks we ought to do a true mohawk.  I like the idea, but that would mean my hair would make me stand to 7'4", as it is now!  Which, on the surface, sounds really cool.  Until you realize I am already ducking some doors and have to drive.  I want to learn to braid first.  She suggested getting before the 4th, and going with read white and blue?  Sounds cool to me.  Gotta figure out how to get one of those, too.  A son, to teach right?  First I have to find a wife that doesn't freak.  Yeah... I'll stick with the mohawk, for now.  Perhaps, though, we could do a mohawk, but slick it down and back?  Something.  Oh, it'll get noticed.  I already get notice with my hair as is.

Hmm... what do I have to do tonight?  Ah, pack clothes and sundry, load everything, store the various food items, but to be ready to pack first thing tomorrow.  And, if I can, hit the dishes.  If all else fails, I will drain the dishes and just let them air dry while I am gone.  Stagnant water gets nasty fast.  Oh, and I hope to remember to get a stack of checks to the city utility, to be put in the box as I leave.  I don't guarantee that, depends on if I can find a new check fill easily enough, and find time and mind to write them and store them in an envelope to go.  Bleh.

Just a bit of rest, from my run to town, first.  Ugh.  Oh, I best call the store, and change the pick-up time.  I may try to make an really early run.  If they are open for check in by 14:00, I could leave here around 7:00 and make it just on time, assuming no stops (which means a seven to eight hour drive, but really means more like ten hours with gas and a food stop).  Then I can lounge until I leave for the camp site tomorrow, and early.  The longest part of the trip is the first day.  I think there is five to seven hours (depending on gas and or food stops).  I could make sandwiches, but where is the fun in that.  One more hassle, one too many.

Later.

I may be pushing too hard.

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I still have the dishes to hit again, then rinse.  Trash has to be collected and put out.  But I have tended all of the laundry, folded and put up the final two big baskets, sorted what I am taking and put that into one area.  I still need to pack that, and get my essentials.  Soap, shampoo, toothbrush/paste/floss, and such and sub-pack, then full pack that.  Ugh.  Running out of juice, lower back is beginning to throb.  And, an appointment coming up, plus I need to do last minute shopping of foods and a few dishpans, in case I need to do tent bathing.  Oh, and fill the water jugs.  I did get them washed out, at least.

I may just have to take a nap.  I may be getting a call this morning, so... Oh, wait.  I definitely have to get the trash and recycling collected.  I'll nix breaking down boxes, but the rest has to go out.  That's all I need to come home to!  Yeah, I'll get that collected and out, then take a nap.  I still think I am easily in better shape this run, then last time.  Oh, and I won't be packing for doomsday, as I did the first Burning Man.  Men can live much more simply.  Only if there is a woman along does it take everything and the moon?  More so, anyway.  Just the clothes and toilet paper needs for a woman are... extravagant.  I'm probably packing more than I need, perhaps more than I will use, but well within reasonable.  I've never known a woman who doesn't pack three times as much, and that was the frugal ones.  Truth.  Oh, I suppose there are special cases.  I've just never known one.  Actually, I am only taking this much so as to be social (wear clean clothes more often) for women.  If it was a man's camp, I'd have two or three shirts, two part of pants and shorts, fresh unders, and probably just three pair of socks.  Even my packing is based on the feminine.  Bleh.  Shows I care though!  Mostly.

Yeah, trash.  Gotcha.  Then a bit of crash time, with my phone near me, and the alarm set.  Getting tight and harsh.  Later.  Much later.  Good night, actually, sort of.  Double bleh.

These last tasks seem like murder!

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Well, there are a lot of dishes, and they had to be washed twice.  That is always a pain.  Laundry isn't so bad.  I did the whites, but then had a few whites of a different kind that needed washed.  I have done all of my laundry.  I mean, just about every stitch I own... well... two thirds of it.  I think it will end up being six loads, plus the three loads that had been washed but left untended.  Ugh.  Lots of little things, as well.  I cleaned the toilet bowl, a weekly thing normally.  I missed last week, I think.  I'll wash it again right before I leave.  And there will be laundry from these last days, but not enough to even make a small load.

Looking at the clock, I see I am actually making pretty good time.  It isn't the clock, or the effort, that is beginning to flag, but me.  When the laundry dries, I'll deal with that quickly.  The dishes will wait until I get trash and such out, then to the curb.  Then I will choose some shirts to take, and get my clothes and personal care items sorted and packed.  That'll be it for today, on those scores.  Dragging, flagging, tired.

I have an appointment this afternoon, for one more trim before I go.  I'll pack everything this evening, to be ready to head out.  I need to pick up a few more things at the store, while I am in town.  Then it is off to the races.  I guess.  Bleh.  So tired, but I have things yet to do.  I'm be ready to sack out when I get to camp, at least until evening.  Then I'll be ready to get out and play!  I hope?  Probably.  Yes, I will.

Later.

Pacing.

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The last load is in the dryer, most of the dishes have gotten a first hit, dinner has been eaten.  Now I just wait for a bit of settling, then hit it again.  Most of my clothes for the trip were sorted last night.  Shirts, cloth and tools for the kilt (and accessories), and refuse of both sorts, finishing the laundry and dishes it is hoped, and then packing what will go in the backpack (clothes, mostly, along with personal kit).  I think I can it all done tonight.

I ordered test strips for my meter.  They came without a chip.  I tinkered with it, off and on, but found no way to enter the code.  The man who brought supper thought to look into it.  Nope, he couldn't find a way either, even with instruction reading.  So I went online.  There isn't a way.  Not that I saw.  Great, so they send me useless test strips?  I knew they were getting nutty over there, but this?  I'll call tomorrow.  No real hurry quite yet.  I'm not up to full dosage on that... probably.  Still, I think that was meant to happen.  Typical thin-skinned medical passive-aggressive b.s.  Actually, placing that order?  I got a lot of feedback.  Why do want that?  I don't know if we can do it.  Yada-yada.  From a pharmacy tech?  Really?  Yeah, best to get out of the V.A. system altogether.

When I get back I will need to begin looking for a for-pay doctor.  The first thing I will ask is if they accept medicade or medicare.  Those will be scratched off the list.  Then I compare what is left.  Any doctor with government involvements is likely to be too busy with paperwork, too controlled by/devoted to bureaucracy, and potentially too incompetent for me to trust.  Government docs have a blackeye in my book, at this time.  And not just because of the V.A.  Yeah, definitely gotta get out of here.  There is much more that they could do.  And, while I could fight and win most of it, I don't want the hassle.  If you aren't willing to become a guinea pig ward of the state, do not go to a Veterans' Hospital.

I tore into one of the bags of chips yesterday.  Gosh, it's been so long.  Now I know why it has been so long.  Potato chips suck.  I liked the salt and vinegar coating, a bit.  The rest of it was like cardboard.  That is what you get from either cooking, or having your food cooked, at home, for a long time.  Processed foods taste horrid.  Meat, potatoes, milk (whole), sour cream, whole cream, maybe vegetables (the woman who often does my cooking can do them well), the rest can be left to rot.  I have to eat some of it some of the time, but sure wouldn't want to try to live on it.

Grumpy?  Oh, a bit.  Just getting the junk out before my next run.  Put it down in writing, then move on.  I keep thinking about Alaska.  The only thing that would keep me from it is probably death.  Not a bad option, if you think about it.  I even know what to expect, with the hope of more even so.  I've come a long way from that first visit.  While I might not be foolish enough to expect heaven, I might hope I am humble enough to just let go and let God, this time.  It isn't even that I changed my life, though that makes letting go easier.  It's that I realize why I changed, what I changed.  And, that I entertain life so easily, and attempt to do so rightly, but in faith, not certainty, knowledge, or strength.  I do believe I do believe.  If the rest of the people wish to live in shallow pools of ego and wit, and decry those who choose faith and humility, let them burn.  I see that they do not, and don't believe they need to, listen.  Not to me, but to God.  So be it.

Later.

I am simply amazed.

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I sort of thought the work from yesterday would take me down.  Or at least that I would be a bit stiff and sore.  I don't even have stiffness of bone or muscle.  Between seven and eight hours of sleep was quite enough, and I woke easily really.  I have the laundry going to finish drying, then plan on hitting the dishes a first time, then jumping into garbage and recycling collection and removal.  No kryptonite in sight, so I am not slowing down.  If I have it as I wish, I will have two days to just float, essentially, until the first camp day.  If I can't sleep at the appropriate times, I will read or more just rest my eyes.  My sleep schedule is off, but that fixes itself when completely surrounded by savages!  I... I mean... uhrm, people.  :p  Hey, they could look at you funny or something!

My mom called me, for the first time in ages.  She got a good dose of sun after some seeming long period of gloom.  The sun, especially after cool and gloom, is one of those natural highs.  We might not be able to live on sunshine, but we would have a miserable life without it.  In time, I suppose we could get used to it.  But some little part of our shine would be lost with it.  Assuming, of course, that some means of survival without it were possible.  Or we went underground, or water, and were furnished with what we need.  She was nearly a songbird.  I tried not to get a word in edgewise.  I realize, I shine too brightly too often.  Don't know how to moderate, always.  But today, I did.  *chirp, chirp, chirp*  Always a good thing to hear.

I've been thinking about a vow of silence.  Oh, not sure when, or how I could really do it.  Doing it while I'm prepping for what may come is not feasible.  Taking that vow in the middle of nowhere, alone, would be silly.  I wonder if I could take a day or two, once a month?  Just wear a sign, preparing a little badge, and perhaps writing instructions for in case I must communicate?  You don't want to be a fool with the notion, or a show-off.  It's a complicated notion, in the world.  Monks have a set-aside place for it.  And an understanding from others, if even that is questioned outside of their demesne.  Most people don't even understand celibacy.  And don't want to understand.  Still, it's been on my mind.

I have been thinking.  If I do make a place for myself in Alaska, perhaps building several smaller cabins, for those who wish to visit the land, even apart from me, just on their own, might be an idea.  All they have to do is get their and be good neighbors.  No hunting, really, unless game was exceptionally available.  But fishing, and a quiet life.  To heal, hike, live simply, quietly, for a while or longer.  Not a commune.  My land, and my stuff is mine.  Just an offer for a setting.  If they wish to connect with manual labor, they could help build another cabin, or create a raised store house, or even help (or on their own, once taught) cut firewood.  Actually, they would have to do that on their own, after a point.  It wouldn't be a lodge, or for pay.  Just... a possibility, assuming the improbable comes to pass at that.

Sleep was good, coffee is good.  Still need a bit to wake, then back to it.  I really think I can clear the slate for the trip and get the cave in order.  When I go to town tomorrow, I might just get a small bucket of chicken so as to not have to cook before I go.  One more little thing tended, but a thing that comes with a lot of associated work and clutter and dishes.  Later.

Still going.

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So much to do, running down on time.  Two more loads of laundry, one in the dryer, the other will go in after my socks are done.  That is all laundry except whites.  I rarely where whites, though I may still finish those off tomorrow just because.  It looks like just about all of my whites need washing, so...  That will be all of the washing I have, save a rug and the clear shower curtain.  I also set up the main pillbox I will be taking, the secondary one was set up the last time I did medicine.  The dishes are set to a soak.  I also emptied three water containers.  I might yet wash and rinse them.  I won't fill them until tomorrow, as I used the outside faucet for that and I don't want to do it at night.  The inside cold water runs through a water softener.  Salty.  Several other little things have been taken care of as well.  It seems like a lot of work.  And, I suppose, it is.  But compared to getting out, it is much easier.  If nothing else, getting out as often as I have has made domestic work seem much easier.

I still have quite a few things to do.  Most of those things can't happen until I am ready to pack, and some things not until I am ready to go.  So it isn't as bad as it seems.  Basically, loading the vehicle, packing clothes and kit, loading the ice chests, and an appointment tomorrow afternoon.  Oh, right, and getting trash and recycling out tonight.  I am, probably, ahead of where I thought I would be at this point.  So many little details.  Money, medicine, food, water, gear, domestics, and so many other things.  But it really is feeling almost normal this time.  I figure, if I hike a bit, then camp while hiking or fishing, this might even become second nature.  And if I can bust myself into shape, perhaps these things won't be quite as much as a push as they now seem?  Nah, longer trips will always require a good bit of work, attention to detail, planning, and will feel rushed as the time approaches.  Yeah, it's just how it has to be.

Ugh... Just waiting for the laundry to finish so as to cycle it through.  I won't leave anything in the washer, even overnight.  Too risky, especially if I could (and I could) forget and then be gone for a while.  Well fed, well worked, ready for sleep.  All very good.  Good night.

Late, but not as late as yesterday.

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I got the clothing, towels, and such sorted.  Some of what is going is stacked, under my raincoat in the hopes of keep the girls off the pile.  The dishes have been set up.  I will wash them in the "morning".  I may put another load of laundry in, but I want to have everything back there, for sure, first.  (Yeah, right.  I always miss something(s).)  I may warm some of the pizza up for another go.  I've done a bunch of little and bigger things, but I keep needing breaks.  Old.

Tomorrow, I hope to finish laundry and dishes, finishing sorting what clothes to pack and getting that packed.  Hmm...  Oh, and getting the trash and recycling out.  If I do that at night... actually I will have to do that tomorrow night.  I'm not sure I will be up early enough the following day to get that out.  I don't want to be sweating that while I sleep.  I never sleep well when I push that.  Oh, while I put another load through, I might empty and clean three of the water containers, then refill those so they are ready.  But that is it for tonight.

There is always more, isn't there?  What gets done will get done.  Actually, camping, once I am set up, WILL be a break.  Crazy but true.  And, the drive, to and fro, isn't so bad, especially with a stop near the middle.  A straight through run isn't even bad, it just makes me a bit clumsy when trying to set up.  I like to be fresh when arranging camp... at least fresher than a twelve or fourteen hour drive allows.

I've gotta say, I am pleased with what I have done.  It's just a start.  I still have to pace things, but I am pacing a lot more things, breaking out of the single subject at a time mindset.  Now to keep it up.  Oh, right, one last thing I want to tend is my utility bill.  I think this is the last month that checks are set up for it.  I'll try to remember to get a dozen checks filled out and in the drop box before I go.  It's as close to automation as I can get, for now.  Hmm, instead of pizza, how about some grilled meat?  Yes!  Later.