Yeah, more eating.

.
.
Things are a little complicated currently.  Is it heating, weather change, not eating enough, sleeping, or a list of other things that are the problem?  I can't say.  I know sleep is off.  I know it is heating up, though the weather seems to change radically and quickly.  I know I am not able to eat as much as I probably should, though now that work has slowed... stopped... not sure... but I do need to eat more, enough to have something in me, probably, in order to work.  Medicine is on track, and I have been doing quite well with it.  I always miss, usually just a dose a week, but as last weekend, a day and an half can happen... even more of a miss.  Still, all in all, I am doing what I can on my part.  When it is difficult to be awake, to function, it is difficult to eat, for a number of reasons.

I made a solid meal hoping it will get the fire of mind and will to spread to the body.  The last of the mash... yes, I smell it first, as with the sprouts.  The last of the sprouts, which were the bean type as well.  I thawed hamburger patties yesterday, checked them too, then cooked those while I heated the mash.  Two of the patties, the grain mix, and what was left of the bean sprouts, a dab of butter, salt and pepper, a teaspoon of hot pepper flecks (only works in hot food, needs to steam activate or some such), and a cup of joe.  Nothing fancy, but it was delicious.  Hunger adds it's own special spice.  I munched one more of the three remaining patties, with just a touch of salt.  Now to digest it all.

I am having to negotiate on some things.  Like, to keep up on medicine, I take the morning medicine as I go to bed... otherwise I lose a day, half a day, or more, trying to base medicine on my wake/sleep cycle.  But I can't take the waterpills when I go to bed, useless or worse... disruptive to sleep... otherwise.  When I wake up, I take the night pills, but add the waterpill.  And I end up taking my shots at night (my morning).  Seems confusing, but it's simple when you learn to skip the psychic rope of need and figure things out.  Nothing is perfect, but... it's what I can do, for now.

I still plan on my list, plus some cooking when I get those things done, a shower and a trip to the post office and then to town.  I am hoping to push into the day well enough to head to town for groceries and a razor in time to be coming back while the post office is still open.  There might be some bigger packages there.  Bleh.  I... lost track of the USPS shippings as I lost track of life, a bit.

If I wake early enough tomorrow, I am hoping to hit the trail.  The whole run, if there is time, if I have the energy.  If I can do that, I am hoping to gear up to use the bigger pack, with fifty pounds in it... maybe more, for my next run.  Not useless weight, but, perhaps, a full gear for a longer hike.  My tent and hammock, plus et. al. should be in by then.  Yeah, I bastardized et. al., it's my way... hush!  And see if my camelbak bladder will fit the bergen's bladder container.  I'll probably take an extra, dry, canteen, to fill with filtered river water as well.  And a device to pull the water out so I don't have to be hunkered over like a moose getting a sip while I filter.  It might even be good, next time or soon, to set up my hammock and take a nap somewhere off but near the trail.  Might could even spend the night if I wear myself enough?  Maybe.

I won't think myself into action, I will more likely simply fall into it.  At least on some things.  Push until you can't, but be prepared for the fall?  Yeah, that's probably the idea.  I'd also like to get my rope gear together and tinker.  I doubt if I have enough strength to do much climbing.  But I might figure out some knots and techniques, I could learn my limits at this time, and maybe, just maybe, I might have a wee bit of fun, even if it is at my own expense.  I've got a lot of credit on that particular card.  Love to spend it too, when I remember.  That is one interest payment I don't mind adding to my life.  Or yours.  Yes, you.

Well... a bit of music, then some other tinkering, then to work?  That's the plan.  Oh, I did check.  Can't, from what I have read so far, roll your own cherry bombs or 150's even in Alaska.  But you can buy and use them.  Yeah, no.  I won't tinker.  I'll read the book, but I won't even bother with the chems.  Just not worth the hassle.  If I need noise it'll have to be storebought or barrel produced.  I can live with that.  Still, I'd like to know a bit more about the stuff.  Curiosity has it's limits, problems, and uses.

How about something other than music?  Coincidences?  Me, personally, I don't abide them.  There is no such thing.

Decisions.

.
.
While I have been spinning, and sitting, I made up my mind on a number of things.  I laid the dollars, picked up the bones, and tossed them like I knew what I was doing.  Just how I do.  It might smart, it might all fail, not my problem.  *grins*  Even if it is.  When you can ease around filters, stumble through collapse, sneak under barriers, and even make Death your bitch, worrying is only something to occupy the more serious recovery times.  Unless your a woman, then... from what I can see from my vantage point, it's usually a full, though sometimes more a part-time, job.  Then you get back to fulfilling the worries you just worked up, uhrm, if you are a man.  No time to worry until something is too broken.  Innit?  You mileage may vary.  My gas tank is full.  *zoom!*

I decided to go with both sets of camping gear.  There was a lot of overlap.  Couldn't get the extra cook stuff this month.  Next month, I suppose.  I got everything I need for each kit, at least for three-season settings.  Winter is a whole other animal.  As I suggested, for warmer areas, these might work for four-season.  If windchill can drop to below zero, I just wouldn't mess with these.  Ogresickleville is not a stop on my hike.  Not if I can help it.  I also added a few more pieces into next month's basket, for climbing.

While I suggested I might not climb until I got some edumucation, and for serious or higher heights I probably won't, I would like to begin... goofing.  I have known this was coming, but I don't recommend it for others.  You, as I, will fall... very possible.  You will not get up, dust off, and do it again in a week or two, or the next day.  I will.  Just how it goes.  You will be in a hospital, if you are lucky.  Don't do it lad, not by yourself, not without training.  I can afford to figure it out the hard way, maybe learn more at some point.  Just up a tree a ways, nothing fancy.

That is, if I can get the fires that seem to have lit focused on the pot to boil the water to run the pistons to...  Yeah.  Even with the migraine earlier, I am back to feeling fairly fit.  Not energetic.  Physically pretty dead.  But my mind is working again, at a rocket-pack pace.  It's trying to spread into the flesh, and probably will.  More so now that I have decided and gone forth with a plan.  And made future plans.  The weather has closed in again.  Crazy.  Good though.  I just wish I could get out hiking again, and working up, before it blazes out there.  I might be able to do it, too.  We'll see.

Tonight?  Dishes.  Laundry.  Weights.  Will be done.  If I can kick those out quickly enough, I may wear the vest for a bit tonight on top of it.  It'll be a push, but when isn't it.  Yeah, maybe the fire is spreading.  If it works, and I can push, I'd really like to hit the trail tomorrow.  It's almost 21:00 and the sun is just going down.  So, even with a later middle afternoon start, I might have time to run the full length.  The canyon lies east to west, mostly, so the light should be similar.  It's even higher, and further, than the ridges to my west, so the light might even last longer.  Only one way to find out.

Oh, right.  Beside nylon straps for making various length climbing devices, I thought to add a few attachments, so as to make a chest harness.  Not so much for climbing, though that isn't a terrible plan for some instances, I have been meaning to make a chest harness.  Something to add gear, a pistol or two, and such.  Yeah, sure, they make them.  But they all look .mil.  One thing I have decided is, no matter what else happens, or when, do NOT dress up like .mil.  You will cause confusion and fear, both to other civilians and to .mil, .gov, .leo.  Do not play soldier, sailor, marine, leo, or any such thing.  Just don't.  Be a civil civilian unless the option isn't there, and even so, don't stick out.  Well, yeah, my yahoo hair do, but... shut up.

Well... Maybe something to eat first.  No food yet, hungry.  Need it later anyway.  Then a bit of reading while that settles.  Then on to more.  Oh, I best boil eggs and make more mash, then set up another alfalfa group.  I'll be sprouting stuff until I feel I have the portions and techniques down, to my satisfaction.  Then I'll be going to smaller quantities, altered schedules, and off weeks.  For now... make it till I got it.  Later.  Ah, but some tunes for you.

Migraine.

.
.
Migraine and doorbell.  I thought.  I blinked a couple of times to see if I was really awake.  I generally don't feel pain, physical pain, when asleep.  Not from dreams.  Pain might creep in from flesh, but not the other way around.  The pain from the migraine wasn't environmental.  It didn't steal into my consciousness as the heat of the sun steals around a curtain, or through a facing wall.  No, this was raw pain.  So I was definitely awake.  I showered yesterday, I believe?  The day before at least though, to be sure.  However, I was in bed, so not sure I wanted to face some company.  Who was it, is what my next move would be based upon.  No vehicle(s).  A bike in the drive.  I was somewhat expecting that, in the back of my mind.  The young man was here to mow.

In that case, I decided to answer the door.  Had to move quickly, he'd been there for a bit.  But didn't want to look too much like a bum, and had to put at least pjs on.  Always sleep with a t-shirt.  Meh, not worried about brushing hair.  He's a guy, doesn't matter.  I mean, up to a point.  Men are generally more forgiving about gruff look.  Most men know it, and understand it.  Often even when rather young.  Plus, with no interest, just doesn't matter.  The one caveat is those men stuck on short (or long) hair, who have an adverse reaction to the other, opposite, types.  "Splitter!"  Since I am a known quantity, with regards to that, again, a null point.

So, I hop out, put on pjs and a robe, and answer.  Yep, mowing, good.  Okies.  Back door will be unlocked if you need to use the restroom, want water or some of that juice mix.  Here are the glasses, there is ice, if I happen to not actually be awake.  Lock on the way out, if you remember.  I think I said something like that.  Did I mention, my head was pounding.  On top of it, it feels like a spike was driven... not sure which direction but... from the back right of my neck up through my left forehead, then I was karate chopped by a good karate chopper on the right side of my neck, about four inches above where the spike seemed to have been driven in.  Delicious.  Back to bed.

I tried to go back to sleep, but that just was not going to happen.  I rolled, tossed, turned, fussed with Sam, who thought I had become a huge mouse, so that I would get up and feed her I think, or let her out, or both.  Women never can make up their minds.  What do you want?  "Yes, and NOW!"  Right, okay, shut up.  She isn't going to be fed for several hours, and I only happened to let her out because I was checking something, making sure I had unlocked the door.

I've been up for just a bit now.  Made a pot of coffee, waiting on it.  The pain is slowly bubbling away.  I need to get more air into the room.  I've got a window cracked, and the fan going, but that doesn't seem to be enough.  When I open the door in the "morning", it feels like I'm leaving a sauna room.  Moist and hot, and it is a relatively big bedroom, and with a fan going.  I don't get it.  Been like that for two weeks, since it started warming up.  I think that might have something to do with the headaches lately.

Hmm... today?  No clue.  Not going to look until I can get this pain enough gone to think.  Might take a slug of anacin.  Don't think this is leaving as easily or quickly as it usually has been these last few days.  I'll... get some coffee and painkiller down, then... if I can... consider the question.  Bleh.

Okay, yeah, but?

.
.
I am hung up on a decision, perhaps several.  I have a tent now, but it's a bit big for solo backpacking.  I was going to loan it out, but at 15 pounds, was it, that might be a bit much.  Oh, sure, there are three who are going.  They could split it out.  I think they'll be looking for something lighter.  Now, for a summer tent, it's a tank.  Light or strong, really, is the choice.  Sliding scales apply.  Anywho, just by size, it was a bit big for me to wish to pack.  So I started looking.

I looked at smaller tents, bivvies (of the tent style), and then decided to review hammocks.  Okay, most smaller tents are pretty weak.  So, if I wanted to go weak, I'd at least go manageable.  The bivy that caught my attention is made by Snugpak.  The same makers as my backpack.  A name I trust.  They started out making mostly military gear, over there (UK), but then branched out into the civilian market.  They might be a bit overpriced, in one sense.  But quality has a cost.  My experience suggest the quality and cost, for their gear, generally lines up.  Ah, the tent itself.

Well, okay.  I almost had that settled when I remembered I have been thinking about buying a hammock for some number of years.  So... I began looking those over.  Do they make hammocks I would be comfortable using?  I weigh nearly 300, and I'm not on the shorter side.  Most seemed long enough.  And I did find some that could handle my weight easily enough, with a hundred pounds to spare.  I found enough kit to satisfy an initial foray into hammock camping... no-see-um netting, the right tie-offs, and all.

I remind, all things require more things.  Even if you buy a "complete kit", it's never complete.  Ever.  So I considered this, that, and the other thing, which would be required for each, probably both.  Guy lines so as to be able to use all the tie-outs, a strong light tarp (good for tents, necessary for hammocks), better (than typical) stakes, and a few other items.  Then I had to stop and think about use.

A hammock is great, unless you can't find something to anchor it high enough to be elevated.  And a tent is great, unless you can't find a flat enough spot to set it up.  This bivy tent doesn't take much, but it does take some space.  I have been flitting from idea to notion without finding resolution.  I have looked at youtube videos for both, read reviews, considered this and that, tabulated costs... Exhausting.  And still no resolution.  Both?  Together they would still weigh a third (pack, not packaged weights) of my current tent... give or take a pound (give, but hush).  They both set up easily, assuming there is a place to set them up.  I just don't know.

Further, I have been looking at other ways to cook.  I have a multi-fuel stove.  It's finicky, and to my mind fragile.  So I have been looking at other types of stoves.  The tangine is one, the strongest, contender.  Having both offers redundancy.  Around these parts, at certain times of the year, fire is a major hazard.  So having a safer way to cook is important.  As well, I don't actually have any reasonable camp cookware, not for packing.  Titanium?  Maybe.  The price isn't too much worse than stainless, if the size goes down.  A windscreen for either camp stove would be good, especially one that can also be used with a standard small fire.  Redundancy, you see.  But also looking for a number of systems to try.  What works here might not work as well there, or at this or that altitude or temperature. 

So... that has what has occupied my time.  If I buy both, it will take a bit of wind out of my sails, though no great ding, just a serious sting.  Next month I could finish buying the camping gear, so be fully ready to go out.  If I can get back to hiking, I should even be ready for my first overnight.  At least on the trail.  I may head out and car camp before that.  Hmm... just baffled at all and the contrary choices available.  Just not sure.  I am really thinking about pulling the trigger on both.  It would simply offer much more flexibility, if it would take another month before I could finish the gearing.  And, to think, I'll still need a winter tent!  Both are, or are capable of, four season, but I wouldn't push that, not around these parts.  Maybe where winter weather means slightly below freezing, but not in these mean old mountains.  They'd find a popsicle shaped like an ogre.  Even me. 

There is hope I can learn to do with less, in time.  Winter camping can be done with dug snow caves.  Summer can be done with a cheap tarp and a few wool blankets.  Gear will vary.  But... you don't head out camping with the expectation of just surviving without fresh experience or training anymore then you head out on a four day hike not having hiked in a year.  Make sure you have enough to easily (more easily) survive before jumping off that cliff.  Even if you only lose a foot, hand, or toe or finger.  Just not worth it.  You know, when you get frostbit, it doesn't stop even if they get the dead flesh off before it goes bad.  It'll remain with you for months, years, perhaps longer for some.

Anyway... that's what I have been up to.  Bedtime now.  Good night.

Somethings cooking.

.
.
Ah, that would be me.  Not sure what is up, but a fire has lit.  Not sure where that will take me.  Just had dinner, so I'll give that a bit of time to settle before trying to hit some things.

As I look over gear I have, gear I want, and make plans to get out, while realizing I am getting there, pieces of another time come to me.  Never a ranger, of course, but...  I know I used to pack small and tight.  In this last run at camping, I did... okay.  Rolling my clothes.  Many of the techniques in the video are how I have always done things, when I fold, if I didn't remember where I learned to do things that way.  But I knew there was something missing.  I'm not even sure this is exactly how I used to do things, back in some distant time.  But it is close enough.  Sometimes groups shared ideas, sometimes we had our own marks on things, sometimes we did it just how we personally wanted... regardless of training and hallmarks.  Piss off, tired of doing it "our way".  Bits of memory.

Anyway, I found these videos and thought to share out the last little touches of compact packing.  This addition will keep my rolls intact, which makes a lot of things much simpler.  Even on short runs, I like to keep an extra set of clothes, usually in a dry bag, along with a fast-drying layering set... top and bottom.  And, preferable to that, I like two sets of clothes.  My clothing is massive.  This should help even so.

Sleep needs to settle.

.
.
I have no idea what time I made it in to finally be able to lay down and sleep.  I know I must have tried two, three, maybe more times.  Dry firing on sleep sucks.  Especially when you want it really hard.  Jonesing long enough, and you begin to psychically choke out.  If you still can't go down, you pass out on your feet and just hope your body joins you before you get cerebral headaches.  Don't count on dying, either.  Four days, eight days, hell, I myself have done ten days up.  Won't kill you, unless something ancillary, or parallel, catches you.  There is a disease, a genetic flaw, that only presents as an adult, in which the inflicted literally stop being able to hit rem sleep.  It takes months, years, of no sleep.  But first comes madness, as their minds try to dream without the protections of doing so in a sleeping body.  Yeah, some really do have it worse.  Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean what I go through in those times isn't wretched enough.  Further, I realized my body was trying to wake up before I got enough rest.  That might have been part of what has lead to this failing.  So I have been trying... even if I can't remember now... to get a rough guess on when I go to sleep, and hold onto it through sleep.  Might start setting the alarm again, as a check more than as a requirement.  As I said, I don't remember when I went down, now, but when I first tried to wake up I did.  I knew that four hours wasn't enough sleep, so forced myself back to sleep.  Even if I don't remember the time down, I know I got seven to eight hours of sleep, maybe just six?.  Too much sleep is a monster too.  As is being awake too long or not being able to stay awake long.  I know have some input, if it is akin to steering and breaking on ice.

I do feel better.  If I had to guess, half or more of the last week has seen me to too little sleep, as well as some of those other problems.  I started losing track though, couldn't pay attention, focus, or put it all together.  Other things may be the cause, but that became one of the results, then advancing factors, in the fall.  I will get it back in shape.  I do have to see the problem to begin working on it.

Crazy dreams last night, think of riding a nightmare (the mythical creature), but on something like horse speed, through all the time of man.  Not sure if there was a point.  Just taking in both the stories and many actual events, some of them as mundane as hay stacking pilgrims or a new mayor in some tiny village, some as seemingly important as the fall of the Spanish Armada, or the first steps of the rise of Greece or the times and manners of the royal court during the rule of Nebuchadnezzar.  A long sad ride, but also one of hope.  Men try, fail, rebuild, and never quit.  Not... yet anyway.  Only parts of that time are for my eyes.  Not even the Christ could fully see that time, not here anyway.

Yes, the extra sleep, or full sleep I should say, and ensuring that, will see me back to it sooner.  Too much sleep is just as bad.  I have to have six to eight hours down, and try to keep waking times to between twelve and twenty hours.  Stretching too much either way, of either type, too frequently, and I end up going down hard.  Though sometimes, as this time, I think that is a symptom... if turning into a cause all it's own.  I'm down, but I see the problems and am tagging and fixing them.  I'll keep the operational list of work, chores, play, and such going.  I might even get to some of it.  I might even pull some heavies.  I can, sometimes, now... right through death.  But I cannot guarantee... promise.  I can only look and reach through, ready or not.  It either works or falls flat.  But, that is the score for now.

When I first woke, yesterday and today, at least, it was quite rough.  Oddly, I improve rather quickly.  I think the heating world has something to do with it too.  Hmm... ought to check my blood sugar and blood pressure soon.  I am on track with medicine, full doses to my wants with medical guidance up to a point, now tracking can begin with a relatively clear conscience... and purpose.  Later.

An hour, maybe a bit more.

.
.
I wouldn't even call it a nap.  I don't think I slept.  Close.  Something got Sam's attention, probably a tom.  I thought I heard something, thinking back on it.  I wouldn't have remembered the noise otherwise.  And I just wasn't... I was too tense, or something.  Not for fear, just... taught.  I don't blame her, or Sassy for sneaking in and up.  When they sleep with me, I often, usually, am "gently" asleep.  Then again, even when they aren't in there, I don't sleep extremely sound... unless I have pushed things.  Or, sometimes, if I have well and truly over-extended.  Sort of like with iodine imbalance, the symptoms of too much and too little can mimic each other, for many of my problems.

Isn't that the way it is with many things?  Or at least some of the results.  Without a way of dealing with being too hot or cold, hungry, thirsty, and maybe some other opposites, the same results occur (for those things).  Getting grumpy, lethargy, but phases too.  Being too hungry can, at times, make me agitated but unfocused, or lethargic, depending at what stage in that.  I do wonder if I suffer from dehydration.  With the waterpill, and real need for it, though, I'm not sure there is much I can do about that.  It's a condition of the cure, in this case much better than the option... that of being perpetually bloated and, worse, unable to breath well.  Panting your way through life is a dog's way, not a man's, or ogre's.

I went in a bit after 1:00, got out of there a bit after 2:30, if I had to guess.  Not really energetic, actually falling down a bit, I just turned to research.  Tools, gadgets, questions.  One of the things I looked into was iodine imbalance, actually.  I'm not sure I am getting enough.  I don't eat packaged foods, and have been using kosher salt.  I may have to add in regular salt, and have been to a degree but just recently.  Kosher is more expensive, and doesn't really add anything when used for cooking.  It's great for crusting potatoes, if split after backing... or crusting a drink glass...  And it offers more taste per volume, to my notion.  But it's better as an addition while dining, just an empty... and worse an iodine depriver... cooking ingredient.  Just something I figured out and thought I'd pass on.

Why consider iodine?  If I end up somewhere outback, I need to consider some of these small health issues.  Yes, they might not kill you.  Or they might.  There are many conditions and diseases that are gone, now.  But they could pop back up in short order by leaving civilization, or though local, regional, national, or global problems.  While I am considering one, in truth I am considering them all.  So, I have started to think... to try to remember... some of the things which could be a problem, and looking for solutions.  Where I am going, I will BE the doctor.  Well, doctor, cook, surgeon, hunter, butcher, clean up crew, lumberjack, carpenter, perhaps electrician, mechanic, guard, and all else.  It is an impossible task, if I want to live like I do.  Which means one of two things.

Anyway, I may brush my teeth again, and try to hit it.  I feel like I could sleep.  I want to sleep.  That may just not be possible, yet.  Rough, ugly, until something sorts out. 

Bedtime?

.
.
Maybe a nap.  I don't know what will happen.  I didn't get to anything more save reading a couple, perhaps even three or four, short stories.  I'll take medicine as I crash, brush and floss.  I gave the girls a treat.  Today dinner was hot dogs, offered apologetically.  More so since they were a little overdone.  I love those, sometimes, especially when overdone!  The alfalfa is about done, but I figured a spot of that in with some ketchup would work.  And it did.  The bean sprouts should be good for a couple more days.  I'll finish the mush off with it tomorrow, or when I wake.  Plus strawberries, watermelon, and potato salad done the way I like.  It felt like a picnic.  Nice.  Even if I altered the memory with alfalfa.  From now on, I'll probably just do a teaspoon of seed, not two.  But I won't make that every week.  With bean sprouts, two or three tablespoons is required.  They just don't increase in volume all that much.  Every other time, every other week, one type or the other.  Just enough to have a week supply of each type per month... if the rest of that didn't make sense.

Tired, recovering from trying to hurdle my sleep schedule.  Even if I hadn't failed, this would have hurt.  It's just a bit worse that I failed on top of spilling.  The price of success is high, always was.  So too failure, just without that stupid grin I get when I win and as I collapse.  As I said, no worries.  Did my best, it just wasn't good enough.  I'm not going to push time, just effort.  But I have run out of time for a while.  Hoping for a nap, but what it is is what it will be.  The weather closed back in.  I don't think it has rained, but I was too asleep earlier to have heard it.  Normally I might be aware of pitters and patters.  I smile in my sleep when I hear that.

I'll keep the plan in place, until I can check some things off the list.  If my weeks go as sideways as day and night, I'll just... keep going as I can, figuring it all out on the fly.  I am almost sure, until the heat hits hard, that I can figure my way back into the saddle.  I will have troubles, from time to time.  It's just the way it goes.  If I can wake at the right time, I would like to try to do the 7.4 mile(?) hike tomorrow.  Working out I can do, technically, any time.  Hiking needs to be between dawn and dusk, well within those.  And that hike is going to take a while.  I suspect three to four hours the first time.  Perhaps I can wear that down to two hours in time, then add weight and get it back to two hours again.  Though, until I run it, and find out just how steep it is, I won't know for sure.  Tomorrow, I hope.

Good night, perhaps.

Coffee, a shower, and braiding.

.
.
I planned to attempt braiding, assuming I could get a shower in, while consuming coffee.  A simple enough plan, requiring some unknown reserves of energy, will, and focus.  Energy levels, always, is a moving target.  Lots today, not tomorrow.  I have learned how to eke out nano watt hours, if not exactly how to coral megawatt hours.  Working on it.  The gauge doesn't always read right, either.  Has to be calibrated, and even then sometimes ignored.  Sometimes, even so, there is a lot more in there, or a lot less.  Haven't gotten a reading yet, not waiting for one.  I just pushed through what I could.

It seems I have the french braid down.  It is a LOT easier when the hair is wet.  Still, wet or dry, you either know the thing or you don't.  I doubt if I have it perfect... the splitting, and taking off even amounts on each side, but I'm not doing this as a glam thing... just a simple tool.  Plus, in time, all skills improve.  You have to start out at the bottom and work your way up.  Always... save those things some can do natively that others spend a lifetime perfecting.  Often never even delving into function, caught up in technique and fear, they never go past being an "expert"... on paper.  Doing, for the most part, is failure followed by some amount of doing, sometimes guided sometimes independent, until enough function is obtained.  Ideas are bankrupt without function.  Anyway, I have it down, basically.  Now I just need practice to bring some level of perfection. 

The rest of the day?  I don't know.  There is the old list.  For how I am feeling, I have already done everything I put on my plate.  Will that be it?  I simply don't know.  That drowsy, sick, nauseous, spinning and falling sensation remains.  It doesn't seem to involve my body, just a head... maybe internal... thing.  When you feel nauseous, is it always in the stomach?  Right now I am not sure.  Could just be a sensory thing from being off.  Only way to be sure is to eat.  Then I'll know.  Sometimes food helps, sometimes not so much.  But, for me, it is the only way to know.  Eating usually helps, in the long run, since it is a rare thing for me to toss it.  And people thought Draino was ONLY bad for you?  Takes a while, but there can be dividends.  :p  If it doesn't kill you, or rip you up, I guess?

No grip work today.  I suspect, doing that every day to exhaustion and then some, didn't help the rest of the mal-conditioning.  When I do that, it sure lights a fire inside.  It's not burning those muscles terribly, or I may be a bit immune to that sensation?  I only seem to really burn when I do something I really shouldn't.  I can lift weights until I can't, putting everything into it, and still not burn... more like the furnace clicking on and heat going up, but none of that burn I used to know.  Though that might be because my shape/condition/health doesn't... or isn't... allowing me to push that hard?  Not sure.  No... might be true of iron, but I am well into it with the grippers.  Should feel burn.  Anyway... 

Okay, here is the plan.  I have doubts, but...  I don't feel like any of it, but...  I might really not get to any of it.  But... this is the plan.  A load of dishes, at least washed.  Probably good for a rinse, as I am doing things these days.  A load of laundry, maybe two.  And then hitting the bench.  That, I have decided, is the plan.  Can't see straight, but... and?  Tomorrow?  A hike.  The whole course, with pack.  Then, tomorrow or the next day, hitting the bedroom.  Sorting, organizing, tossing.  Just the ugly parts of the job, and what I can maintain focus to do.  Reading, for breaks.  Yes, I'm going to try to step back into it.  I'm tired of... doing nothing.  Back into the program.  Lazy!  Sick my eye!  *schwack ~ crack ~ slash*  No time for the easy life, have things to do.

Ah, right. The sweet, cherished memories of

.
.
being trammeled into the dirt by the nature of my reality.  When I try to force myself to be awake at an exact time, when that time is contrary to my internal clock, there is a very good chance I will end up feeling like I do.  I will feel like this for a week, or more.  Hell, I could feel my oncoming migraine in my sleep,  It isn't every time.  It's mostly when I don't, or really can't, bolster the schedule somehow.  In this case, I wasn't able to work.  Then again, for the most part, I had given up on changing my schedule... until this appointment.  I did NOT want to miss it.  I saw that my sleep cycle, left unchecked, would cause me to miss by the middle of last week.  So... I ripped and tore to keep my day from advancing into evening, and even battered it back enough that I thought I might be able to swing it.  Then I couldn't sleep, all last night, and then I couldn't wake up.  I ended up going down at 8:00, hoping I could just a squeeze a nap in... didn't have a choice.  Nope.  I'm up at 15:15, give or take fifteen.  Still too little sleep, feel like road kill, hurt, and feeling ugly... uglier than I look even.  Even my ribs?  Eh tu, Brute?  My ribs are getting more involved with things... could it be the grip work?  Cool!  Get those lazy fu*8ing muscles working!  Even if it feels like the inside of them.  Hey, no one gets a leisure cruise on this ship, not while I'm in command.

I need to find anacin, get a heaping helping of something, at least until I can make it so my brain doesn't feel like it is freespinning away from the shuttle on a twisted cord.  Orienteering is first done of flesh, mind you, then either expands from there or doesn't.  I've been lost in here so many times.  The thing is, inside, you can't make it connect.  The body simply has to work, and it isn't, because I abused it trying to hit a time target.  It'll just have to heel.  No more or less than you can pound a case or fifth and expect the world to simply stop spinning.  Doesn't work that way.  I've only tossed chunks a few times in the last few decades, that wouldn't help here, but it might have helped for the other proposed cause of this loss of balance.  *>>focus<<*  Then again, be bobbing at sea, aiming at a bobbing target.  Oh, you can do it.  Might lose lunch in the process, I might if I could... not sure it helps, though, as I suggested.  No lunch in there... would be bad.  *>>focus<<*

Okay, whatever else, here is the plan.  I will do whatever I can.  There have been tasks that haven't been being done.  I need to attempt to wake first, and gain balance.  I might have to eat in a bit, supper is coming so that should be easy, and I have lighter stuff just in case.  When I can, eat, while trying to wake up, then hit tasks.  Little or big, whatever I can do.  Then, sleep as my body suggests.  No more whipping it one way or the other.  Just let it happen.  I think the weather is misshaping my sleep, extending... I think... my waking cycle, but that just has to be handled through time.  At this time, I cannot fuss with that.  Or I end up here, and get nothing done through it.  I'm a one trick pony, right now, and not good at it even then.

Okay, now... I knew this.  I just thought I had become strong enough to push through it, make it.  I did neither, and got swatted like a fly.  So, back to being the humble servant.  I saw this coming, still thought I might make it.  Not.  I planned on recouping after I finished, in success I had hoped.  Not.  Crap sandwich...  All good, learn, test, and live... or die.  *grins*  I got absolutely clobbered.  *grins*  Worth a shot, I guess.  Maybe next time.  They would have been happy with my teeth, too.  Brushing twice, sometimes three times, flossing at night, mouth rinse twice a day.  Still stained, but in good working order, as with my gums.  Oh well.  I'll be ready to quit tobacco.  As ready as I can be.  On my last roll of tobacco coins... usually lasts a month, but I've been hitting it harder since all lights are green for quitting.  Yeah... later.

Okay, about the fever.

.
.
Not what I at first thought.  I haven't been out in a few days.  Not sure when it happened, but spring seems to be heading sharply into summer.  It's getting warm out there.  Even with the thermo at 66, it is 73 in here.  Until I get used to it, that is just plain hot.  Opening the windows won't help.  It's hotter out there.  Though, maybe, opening the windows and firing up the fans, when it becomes cooler outside, might help.  Even so, I know it was cool, in here, last night.  So it's not going to help much.  I'll just have to acclimate.  Actually, one of the ways to do that, is to get out in it.  When I come home to a cooler than outside cave... well... maybe.  I'll be getting out one way or the other.  I guess I can hope that works.

I am hoping to get up early enough to work out tomorrow.  An appointment I have to make will make that a bit tricky.  There is a chance, and I'll be pulling for it.  With this heat, though, sleeping is going to be difficult.  Maybe the ac will work, and a shower and bath.  I keep messing with the grip stengtheners.  I think I ought to give a couple days between working those.  You'd be amazed at how much just doing those lights up the engine.  I am getting close to having the 200 pounder down, at least in the right hand.  The left hand is lagging.  I pulled out the 250, to get going on it as well.  I am sort of surprised how many muscles it really works to use those.

More reading.  I can do the fiction, but have sort of burned out on the instruction type reading.  I'll get back to that sooner or later.  I'm half way through deer butchering, then will go on to small game and fowl.  I'd like to read more about other livestock.  I can't swear to it, but... depending on where I find, I might be able to keep at least a few chicken, maybe a goat.  I just don't think I could get a cow in there, and breeding would be a nightmare.  Maybe a steer to feed up, but... that would be a heavy investment in pens and feed and defense.  Goats and chickens, being smaller, might be more practical.

Sure, hunting, assuming all goes well, will feed.  It's just good to have backups.  Goats, as well, can be used as pack animals... making a longer hunt a bit easier.  And, perhaps, offering up a sacrifice should an attack occur.  Sheep are good meat, but terrible animals to keep if predators exist, and need lots of grazing, more so than cattle I believe.  Nope, goats and chickens.  The notion of rabbits is okay, but rabbits aren't as healthy as chickens, as a general rule.  Losing a batch of rabbits to illness is more common.  Probably lose several batches of whatever starting out, and once in a while... foxes and such aren't just smart, they are persistent.  Bears, eagles, wolves, badgers, on top of fox, and those on top of weather and health issues.  Livestock might not work well at all, perhaps they need too much care and protection for one to offer.  Just thoughts.  Eggs would be nice, as would fresh milk, even goat milk, for some of the year.  Actually, I like goat milk better.  More... tangy?  Love cow milk, just like goat milk a little bit better.  Well, from what I have tasted.  Who knows in the longer run.

Maybe some reading.  Later.

Rough landing.

.
.
I made reentry at about 13:00.  On the good side, waking up was, mostly, easy enough.  On the bad side, it feels like I crash landed.  Did I sleep wrong?  Or right?  Medicine and food are going down well.  I am not getting things done as I had hoped.  But I am not completely relapsing into a rut.  I suppose I realize that, sometimes, the body will not go one step farther until it has rested, until it is getting what it needs and sometimes a want or two, and that being patient, while keeping the line as taught as possible, is just how it has to be.  My guess is women who have had babies understand that.  In this case, I am doing that myself.  Push!  Ugh.  Only, this time, it'll take years.  More like climbing out of a grave, having to dig out first, and hoping the whole damn thing doesn't collapse.  Take your pick.

I know I dreamed, strong dreams, last night.  Can't remember any of them though.  My right shoulder feels like I just got out of football practice on the days we were hitting and running the dummies.  The rest of me feels out of kilter for that shoulder.  Neck, and the top half of the back, are pretty sore.  Muscle, bone, joints.  Or... more like I'm half through recovery after that.  Yeah.  Ribs to, when I twist.  Yum.  Like me some good old-fashioned pain.  I prefer physical to spiritual if I get the choice.  I just wish I had earned it more physically.  Perhaps I have though.  Sometimes it takes a while for bruising and such to surface on me.  Weeks, even a month, before damage surfaces.  I'm not even sure if that is good or bad.  Maybe I earned it and it's just now showing.

Today is mostly a day of rest.  I am still hoping to do the dishes and laundry, maybe make more food for the week.  This next time I make grain mash, I'll probably do more like a cup and an half.  A cup was too little, two cups was too much.  Only experience will help that make sense.  It's the only way to find what suits need and want.  I have the eggs about right.  And the meats, by eye, seem to be about the right amount.  Just have to work on the grain stuff.  So tired.  But I have to be up even earlier tomorrow.  Then I can let things go.  Trying to maintain a pattern that allows specific things to happen is tricky, and steals much energy, which is part of why I am in a pickle right now.

Oh, and fever continues to haunt my steps.  Just as my night winds down.  It hasn't become debilitating, just shows up and clobbers me a bit.  Hmm... might even know what caused it, though can't be 100%.  I'll see in the next few days.

Later.

Quickening.

.
.
I may have explained, especially in the worst of my illness, that life seemed to pass by quite slowly.  Oh, sure, I mouth the common phrase, about how time seems to fly when we get older.  But that isn't true.  Not for me.  Each week like months, each day like weeks, each hour, each minute, even each second, seems to be their own little lifespan.  The only thing that seems to speed time is when I have much to do and a hard limit, like needing to pack the car and be out for something at a specific time, on an exact day, more so if travel is involved.  That last day or two can go excruciatingly fast, which is why I usually don't sleep, and can even work and drive for 24, even 48 hours sometimes.  Time has been compacted.

As I get better, I thought that might change.  I thought a day would become more normal, or even that I would have the sense that time was slipping away.  I worried about this, as I have been digging out of the grave the last few years.  I wasn't going to let the worry throw me, certainly wouldn't let the fact change my course, if it came to pass.  Odd thing though, that is not the problem.

While I was eating lunch... dinner... breakfast?

.
.
I never can quite tell what term to use when days and nights go catawampus.  Sometimes because I am not sure how long I have actually been awake, sometimes because I don't know what tradition would suggest, sometimes just because.  The last of the chicken from last week, and next to the last meal of mush, plus a grapefruit and a glass of milk.  Anyway, while I was munching, I realized... while working on the anchor trolleys, we didn't really get the knots right.  I have a slick little knot packet, offering a number of general knots, but I couldn't find it.  I think it might be in my pack, come to think of it.  Probably.

Yeah, yeah, cleaned up.

.
.
Someone was knocking at the door.  I was seriously indisposed.  Knocking, after ringing.  No way to get to the door at that moment.  Ah well.  Then I got a shower in.  I didn't want to answer the door until I had showered, though.  Still, there wasn't a choice either way.  Eating more regularly, and well, that makes... uhrm... things happen.

Fever last night.

.
.
Fever, stiff neck muscles and upper body joints and such.  Rough.  Not sure what it was all about.  Seems to be gone this "morning".  Waking somewhere mid-afternoon, but good.  I tried to sleep earlier, sort of like a nap, but that didn't happen.  I am getting ready to take a quick shower, then chill.  The only things I'd like to do today?  A load of laundry.  Not absolutely necessary, not that much to do, just keeping up.  The few dishes that are dirty, just to start the week fresh.  And then hitting the bench.  Reading will go on, in both books.  Well, I finished the second book of short stories so will be starting on the third.  Reading more into the book about butchering, perhaps looking for some specific details, maybe checking about other game or domestic animals, finding more about details... in the book or elsewhere... about ideas that trouble me or raise curiosity.  The only thing to know about learning is that a book, or any source including an instructor, is just the beginning.  The more you know, the more you may need to know.  At some point, it is hoped, you actually apply what you have learned.  From that process you may test what you have learned, and learn from it, improving through further contemplation or functional minor or major other efforts.  Learning is never over until your ability to apply is gone, or you are dead.  So...

Well, maybe a bit of pain.  Nothing to worry about.  I won't even look for the anacin.  I thought about it last night.  By that time I was crashing, so skipped looking for something I wouldn't have been able to find.  It was as if I had done too much.  Then again, I might have been a symptom of sitting, computing, and reading, too much.  I really haven't been doing much of that, not in long stretches, for the last three months.  Oh, a bit, but often interspersed with other work and play.

I haven't had a treat in a while, so last night I made store-bought peach cobbler.  I didn't expect much from it.  I had to cook it at a much higher temp, and much longer than the package indicated, but finally got it done to my satisfaction.  I made whipped cream for on top.  I really didn't expect much, and thought I might have to toss it, to be honest.  It was a whimsical purchase, back when I was being less formal about shopping.  As it turns, it was actually quite good, even before the whipping cream addition.  I have an apple one still in the freezer.  I'll try that in a couple of months.  Oh, yeah, health and all.  But a treat is due to all, even ogres from time to time.

Bedtime early?

.
.
Not sure, but I am sure leaning into sleep.  While the sun was out, it seemed mighty cool.  That wasn't really the problem though.  I simply think I have pushed too hard for too long and it is catching up with me.  I'll continue when I can.  I will keep trying.  I simply piled too much on and need a rest.  Clouds or not, cool or not.  A plateau or a slip?  Time will tell on that.  I have been doing bits and pieces, so it's not a stop... not yet.

I did dig into the book about butchering, skipping to venison, deer so far, at least.  I was not aware that there is a disease among deer that makes opening bone or messing with brain matter, a problem.  It's some kind of wasting disease, like madcow, but not quite as terrible.  I have to wonder if that will get into other populations.  Moose, elk, caribou, even predators like wolf and bear?  It seems, at this point, it doesn't transfer to humans.  It sounds like they are fearing it though.  It almost sounds like we aren't being told everything, possibly anything, about some things.  Just given... a heads up on some things.

I've also been reading more of the fiction.  Not sure, but I might reach the last of the three book series before the weekend is out, especially if I am still down.  Tomorrow I hope to hit the weights again, though next week I'd like to put two days between each exercise, at least.  Now that I am eating better and more regularly, I may begin looking at some other things.  I do need energy to burn, I do need protein to repair.  It's been a long time since I looked all that closely at diet.  Carb loading is out, but that never worked for me.  And I don't think my exercises would merit protein loading after workouts, but it might.  Just a closer look, now that I have a half decent meal plan.

I need to do a bit more shopping.  And pull meat out to grill tomorrow.  Brots are super, really do well with the grain type mash.  But other pork will do just as well, as does chicken (if I can time it right... too done is rubbery, too raw is... pretty rough and dangerous).  Hmm, hamburger, cooked and crumbled, then heated with the mash, might do well too.  Fruits are okay, just for something when nothing else sounds good, or as dessert.  I've gone back to cream in the coffee, since my lungs have straightened out.  Carefully at first, and even now only in every other cup of coffee, give or take.  But I'm not using splenda anymore either.  Just because.  Black or white and bitter.  Oh, and I learned, at least with good teas, you can... certain types... steep them multiple times... five, maybe six on some.  Some are one shot.  I'd like to explore that.  An especially good trick for packing, and having something warm to drink after camp is made and bedtime approaches.

Right, a last thought.  I think I need to quit commenting.  I'm not of a mind to be civil.  Not necessarily on purpose.  As I push the buttons, civility becomes too think to hold what is under.  Most people just want to sail on happy, even if seemingly unhappy, waters.  They don't want to be perturbed, questioned, or even bolstered in their doubts.  They just want someone to say it's all good, that'll work out, that they are being paranoid.  I can't do that.  I'll leave you to your hopes that you are wrong, or even your belief that there is no problem at all.  I can't help, even if I am right.  So... I'll just bite my lip and move along.  I understand.  I am sure there are some areas I might be too heavy in, and others I won't even see coming myself.  Gotta get out of this place, for myself.  Even if I am wrong.

Well, yeah, bedtime.  Or an attempt at it.  Maybe a bite first.  Apple, grapefruit?  Nah... orange.  Good night.

Oh, right, climbing.

.
.
While I am getting on things, if in a bit of a funk this week, something else has come up.  Oh, not for right away.  But something that has been on my mind for some time.  Climbing, of course.  I have some gear for that, I remember bits and pieces, but I don't have the strength and stamina, as I see it, to really begin working with this.  Not yet.  Even if I seem strong enough, and might be compared to some other men, when weight to strength ratio is measured, I am much weaker than it might seem.  While good roping techniques will mitigate that, I do not want to have to depend just on that.  I need to be sure that I can handle my own weight, pretty much just with hand and arm strength.  For my own reasons.  Mechanisms, knots, rope, and even techniques, fail.  They just do.  Sometimes because of human error... too tired to get the technique right, not paying attention and missing a single loop in a know, forgetting to tie a stop knot, anything, nothing, chance.

Climbing isn't being considered as a sport.  While, when the activity gets of the ground it will become a minor sport project, climbing is considered a skill, a survival skill.  A way to take a short-cut, either in an emergency or just because a forty mile hike takes a lot longer, more energy, and more risk from wildlife, than a hundred, two hundred, or even more, cliff might offer.  And there are reasons to climb trees, as well.  Not sure I want to lumberjack that way, but there is caching potential, even sheltering options, if the ground is not friendly or too wet.  Simply a skill.  One I do not count myself currently well versed regarding, nor intelligent enough (or too intelligent to try) to self teach.  Sure, some can, and have.  Often missing better techniques, surer knots, and learning with some safety built in.  So I went looking.

The place I found is centered on rock climbing, but that would do for a start.  There is some, possibly significant, crossover between rock and tree climbing.  My guess is, those who do both, have the potential to cross over the best of both, with some experience and when rigged for each.  That and, while my interest seems to lay mostly with tree climbing, because of the ease of practice and a few other things, in truth, rock climbing and belaying would be the more common survival use of roping.  It might also be a good place to meet someone who climbs trees, and make some connections for learning that area of the skill/sport. 

I'll keep pushing exercise and hiking, maybe working up to sprints within the year, adding in kayaking and camping.  I'll keep up on the cave, and advance the cleaning and organization.  I'll keep reading books on this and that, looking forward to other things like climbing, snowshoeing, and maybe add in cross-country sloped and flat, winter camping, and some other things.  When the time is right, as I can, I'll get on into these other things.  As I move on, I begin drooling to do more.  I just want basic skills, then experience to sharpen those, the strength and stamina to get out, and I am doing it.  Like a caterpillar climbing a tree, one push at a time.  Even if I have to rest, or even backtrack for whatever reason, I'll make it.  And if I don't?  I'll earn wings and fly.  I'll get there, now.

I'm not leaving just to die.  I'm not doing it for fun.  But I'm not doing it as a punishment, to myself or others.  I am leaving because I don't think this even can turn out well.  I don't want to witness it, or even have to become a part of it.  I can't really help.  I could surely hurt.  I don't mind pain, my own.  I just don't want to see or participate in what is coming down the pike for the many.  Even the good will become hard, and sometimes too hard, if forgivably.  But forgiveness doesn't bring the dead back.  And even when it's right, dead is dead.  Hate me for it if you like.  I am simply not interested in being predator or pray to good, bad, "neutral", or ugly men.  That's all.

A twofer.

.
.
I've been grumbling about my high efficiency front loader since I purchased it.  No matter what I do, the L.G. washer washes delicates and wools with hot water.  I don't have any real delicates, but I have a lot of wool and silk.  All of my socks, basically, and most of my near-skin layering wear.  Since other people, and myself, have already shrunk fit some of that, it doesn't seem to have worsened the shrinkage, but it has maintained it.  As I begin prepping for more outdoor work, and as my socks are aging anyway, I'll be replacing them.  I just wasn't quite sure what to do about the problem.  When you are tired, all of the time, not all that active, and such, figuring out problems can come to a standstill.  Especially when just getting food in the face is a challenge.

Well, as I am activating, moving, fixing, cleaning, building, working, exercising, some of the old problems come back into view.  And along with everything else, those problems begin being tended.  In this case, I was looking for a solution to another problem... cleaning clothes, dishes, and such, on the trail.  One aspect of that, in specific, was cleaning clothes.  A solution I had viewed, mostly for prepping and more specifically for a grid down situation, but couldn't quite decide was adequate, came back into view.  A hand washer.  This specific hand washer.  I have looked at a number of items and systems, but for the price and convenience and all other variables that mean something to me, this seems to be the one.  Great for if electricity fails, on top of the new roles I am hoping something could fill.  I may also consider a washboard, at least for here at home.  Might be okay car-camping too, but only if I did that for a longer period... several days but more like several weeks or more.

I believe this is actually a threefer?  Yeah.  Working when all else fails, doing well on the trail, and offering a cleaning solution for wools and other more delicate things.  So I can be sure to be using cold water.  It's more work, which is probably why I sat on the fence with it.  Part of the reason.  We all still have some doubts about whether it is all going to fall apart, don't we?  No one wants that.  Those, perhaps like me, who know it is coming, have this thing that maybe, just maybe, it will be a slow dive.  It might even not be noticeable over the remainder of a middle-aged man's life.  Hope springs eternal, more so if they would drop the oxygen masks and stone us into compliance.  "Breath, you just gotta breath lad.  It'll be great!  You'll see."

Anyway, this will work.  I already have a tub for the tub that I was using for dishes.  Now that the sink is working, the plumbing is cleared, and I am mostly staying on top of things, I probably won't be using that tub for dishes anymore.  Even then, it could do double duty in a pinch.  After it arrives, and I have decided from my own efforts that it is useful, or look for something else (I'm on it, I really am, and many other things these days), I will begin replacing my wool sock inventory.  The ones that have shrunk a bit too much, the ones which have heels that are getting to thin... though I might see if darning really works and if I could learn that too...  But some of them just need to be exchanged.  Some are great, save for the size.  I am sure some clothing charity would be happy to offer those out.  Even the socks that, in my estimation, are beyond repair, could be used for the material.  So they won't just be tossed, either.  It's just that these types of socks should not be crushing the feet, they don't even work the best that way.  Well, and I probably need new boots, several pair.  My feet seem to still be growing as well.  I suspect I might have inched up a bit in height, again, too.  Yeah... I know.  Hey, I'd bottle that and sell it, if I could.  Nothing in my life seems to... just stay put.  Perhaps that is why I don't ever stay put myself?

I've got some kind of stitch in my side.  I've had it since I tried to sleep the first time, around midnight I think.  Before that, but it's when I noticed it.  It's as if I did windsprints.  I remember those, rib-based charley horses.  It's mild, just nagging.  Hmm... what did we do for those?  Ah, stretch!  And... as per coaches... more windsprints!  That'll fix it!  I'll leave the windsprints, I hope, for the fall or spring.  But I will stretch.  Thank you, journaling!  Now I definitely can't say you have never given me anything... if it works.  

No idea.

.
.
I don't know when I finally went to bed.  After 8:00.  I read for a while even after going to bed.  Probably pushed it, in one sense.  I wasn't pushing though, I simply could not sleep.  Headache this "morning".  Not even sure when I woke.  A couple of hours ago?  I know I made coffee, first thing.  Then did this or that, here or there, in the cave.  Don't ask, I don't know.  Little things in the kitchen and bathroom, some duty, some chore.  I took medicines before I finally crashed, all save the water pills.  I wait until I am awake before taking those, if I take "morning" medicine while going to bed.  Either I end up sleeping through their function, or stumbling to the bathroom all "night".  Just took those.  Friday, is it?  Well... who asked YOU!  Oh, wait... never mind.

I don't know if the sun has been out all day, but it is certainly out now.  Oh, partly, but very partly, cloudy now.  High, if with some serious dark, billowy clouds.  Urhm, my idea of a perfect spring/summer day.  I opened the shades just enough to enjoy, and begin getting used to some light and day.  Might reset the cycles easier?  I don't really push at those, just use the time I have, when I am awake, as I may and then some.  Or, have been until this week.  If the sun is back on the menu, I am hoping to pull out of the slump faster.  Maybe I needed some breathing room though too.  The dead, even near dead, are not supposed to dance like that.  Not that I care about expectation, probability, statistics, or even facts.  I'll do what I can, damn the torpedoes.

I am aware of my situation though.  Today is going to be mostly lighter things.  Collecting dirty clothes and starting those, probably just one load.  Reading and breakfast and of course a touch of blogging.  This should wrap that up.  Then into the bedroom, to begin figuring that out.  Hmm... then again... I have never fully sorted the living room back into place.  But that is going to take... well... that will be a bit more complex than what I have going today.  I still need to drill the shelf arms to hold the bits that will hold the glass, figure out the... maybe I could put the furniture pieces in the spare bedroom, on the far side of the bed... perhaps even stacked if that works out... solved but needs to be done... might get that today, then go through the boxes of stuff I set up on the couches, and put things, like pictures books and nick-knacks, what of them I have, back into place.  I might get some of that done, though, when the bedroom becomes too much.  I can do that while just sitting there, and without too much thinking.

Tomorrow isn't going to be too busy of a day.  I am hoping to lift weights, maybe work on the boat, perhaps make the stick anchor.  A good day, if I am going to be in the garage, to see if the electrical out there will support drilling holes into the shelving.  Hmm, and setting up my bench stool.  I've had that all winter, I think.  Just never got to it.  Oh, and I might pull out my shop vac and dust the place out?  Yeah, maybe.  It's been a slow week, I'll try to take Sunday off more completely.  No hiking Monday, I have an appointment.  Then again, days and nights are so off, hiking is going to be tricky until days come back around.  Parks and trails generally close as dusk... then again, days are getting longer, 16:00 isn't even close to dusk, if pushing out that early might be tricky.  Can only order what is on the menu, can only push for just so much beyond that.  I'm working on it.

No sleep, not yet.

.
.
Hush, now.  I tried.  I went in and... waited.  I don't know how long.  Not exactly sure when, though I think it was around 2:00.  Sleep just can't be forced.  Actually, I think the blockage was working out later.  It takes my body, even from the light sets I am doing, a while to come down.  If I force the breaker closed, juice runs, then the machine is charged and just has to run down.  I probably shouldn't do more strenuous exercise after 15:00 or so.  I'm now in one of those... fogs.  Not asleep, not awake.  I know I won't wake and yet sleep seems so far off.  On the good side, there is sun!  On the bad side, just the bits of it that are getting in through the sun-beater curtains is a bit too much.  Still, I'll enjoy the sun as I may.

I did call my mother today.  I had meant to call my brother, just... well...  Anyway.  He lives near enough the ground zero of an area that is having problems.  They are okay, so far.  I'll keep them, and those not so fortunate, in prayers.  Though the reason I called was to see if she was still on e-cigs.  She is, has been since... February... I think she said.  I am glad for her, for a number of reasons.  It is as good as it will get.  She has had a burn stick in her hand longer than most people have been alive.  I am surprised, pleased, even impressed, that she has gotten this far.  Has to watch her food, she says.  Boy, don't we all?  Then again, I've quite tobacco before, I know that added weight to hunger.  For me, I suspect she wouldn't like regular fire sticks anymore.  So, as soon as my supply is gone, assuming the patches arrive, I'll be quitting.

The only caveat is, if my teeth start falling out, I'm going right back to tobacco.  Too many ex-chewers quit and then loose teeth and their mouth falls apart.  If my teeth give me fits, I'll go back.  I am brushing twice a day, flossing at night, and using various mouthwashes as well, plus picking clean after every meal.  Sometimes just for something else to do.  Once I quit, I may try a number of home-remedy teeth whitening schticks.  I don't want them truly white though.  That isn't natural, if you have ever seen it.  Usually on someone with a tan, too.  Should be your clue right there.  I've been cutting coffee and tea, trying to go with about six cups a day (down from two pots of twelve cups each, mind you).  But that is as far as I will get with that, pretty much.

I told her I'd be a different man when she saw me next.  I've got until mid-fall to follow through.  An uncle may be there.  The last time he saw me I weighed 350, seventy to eight more than I weigh now.  I don't seem to be losing an ounce.  I'm a bit surprised I haven't gained actually.  I can tell by belts, pants, and shirts, though, that the weight is definitely being reconfigured.  I still have a belly, just not even enough of one to make a true Santa without a pillow.  Legs and arms are getting bigger, stomach is getting smaller, hopefully I really will be a different man if I can keep it up.

Sleep blogging.  Great.  Dream-thinking-writing.  I'm going to try to crash.  Maybe read the butcher book, then crash?  Look it over as the lights dim, anyway.  Nah, won't give me nightmares.  Just food.  Might make me hungry though.  Hmm... I am already hungry.  I'll much some eggs and maybe an orange, then call it a day... or whatever you call it when you sleep shortly after the sun comes up.  I just don't know that term.  Good... day... night.

Need to check something.

.
.
I went ahead, on the order for this coming month, and pulled the trigger on my supply of nicotine patches.  Simply put, they work.  About a month of 21mg, then another of 14mg.  Anything less seems to be unneeded.  And, sometimes, I lower the patch more quickly, then quit before I finish the last month of stuff as well.  However, it seems like to trip to visit my brother is still on.  My mother indicated she had switched to electronic cigarettes.  If she has stayed on those, then I will be ready to quit as soon as my stash dries up.  I have, perhaps, a month, maybe month and an half, of supply left.  No fuss if she has gone back to regular, I'll just delay quitting.  I don't mind having the supplies laid up though.  It puts controls at my fingertips.  Yeah, I'll quit.  Just have to avoid heavy smokers and such for a good year or two, and not smoke cigars my own self.  Just a bite of the poison, once quit, will lead right back to it.  And it does take some sort of spirit stamina to quit, which if that fails... takes time to rebuild.

Tomorrow?  Hmm, not exactly sure.  It's been a lame duck session this week, even with what I got done today.  I was able to eat a bit better, the last few days, and that seems to help.  Well, and I did miss meds over the weekend.  Plus the pushing up to this point and the gloomy weather.  Not excuses, possible reasons.  It's been a dark spring so far.  I am actually quite impressed with having been able to push through most of it.  So, I'm not even complaining.  Just taking notes.  But tomorrow?

I am actually hoping to get a load of laundry in, first thing... or after waking... whichever works out.  Then getting in and beginning on my bedroom.  That is going to be a slog.  I don't know how long it will take, but just sorting, storing, shuffling, and figuring, before I ever get to cleaning, will take anywhere from three to four days to two weeks.  Then I will begin moving furniture out for taking care of the floors.  This time I have baking soda.  When I do a final dry vacuum, after vacuuming and steam cleaning, I'll put baking soda on both the bedroom and living room floors, letting that sit overnight, then vacuuming that out.  I'll probably hit, in there, with diatomaceous earth as well.  I don't think it's needed, probably just spiders, but... sure.  Spritz it every once in a while, a day or two before vacuuming.

I might even try to get a hike in.  My sleep is off, so I don't know.  I want to get back out.  You know, for a longer run, I could go without my pack?  Nah, I want my pack with me.  I just do.  I want to get used to having it, always, when on a trail.  If anything, I should slip a ten pounder in.  For a ten day hike, I'm going to be carrying a good lot of weight, eighty pounds isn't out of the question, even with water sources and a means of filtering my drinking water.  Hmm... yeah.  Actually, I should either stretch the length of hike, speed, or weight, not two or three at a time.  I think I'm going for extra distance, after that thinking.  I don't think I can actually go faster, for the last distance.  I could add weight, but I don't feel ready for that.  So... the full course it is.  Or as far as I can get.  That would be 7.4 miles.  Yeah, that would make poppa happy.  And tired, but in a happy way.  If I can get my butt out.

Dang it!  I just realized I missed an event today.  A graduation.  I'll get a card next time I am in town.  And do some collaboration with parents about needs and wants.  I like the young man, just... my head and sleep cycles are a bit off.  Never mind.  I'll... fix it as I can.  Nearing bedtime.  Good night.

I really didn't think I would get it.

.
.
Dragging hard.  I have, at least, been doing medicine, brushing teeth, feeding and tending the girls and their boxes.  More than that is a struggle.  Finally, today, I hit the dishes.  After a fresh hot rinse, I just finished them right then.  I even put a fresh load in to soapy water.  Few dishes, as I have explained, but there are always more, always.  Then I dragged my reluctant butt out to the garage, pulled the Xterra out, cleared the bench, got the ten pounders from the back seat floorboards, and tinkered with the weights.  Then I let it rip.  Not much rip, but it was what I had, plus a bit.  I'll try to hit them again Saturday.  Monday I am planning on a hike.  I am not sure whether to take it a bit slower and try to go longer, or hit what I have already done.  I would like to hit the whole path, which is 3.7 miles, one way.  Not sure if I am up to it.  That is getting close to my goal of ten miles in a day.  The goal is ten miles a day for two days in a row, mind you, and with gear.  A 30 to 35 pound pack is not full kit.  And this isn't even quite ten miles.  But... it's a start.  And there are much steeper paths off it, which could add mileage and difficulty.  I know I am not up to those yet, either.  But it's there.

I am hoping to finish off the dishes before bedtime.  More reading.  It is something to do.  Plus I'll like to look over the book about butchering.  It's more of a technical manual, so it won't be exhilarating, scintillating, fair.  Just something to begin wrapping my head around the start to stop process of getting food off hoof, bone, out of hide, and then parsing it out.  Reading helps a bit, videos can help, but the real thing is the only way to get notions truly cemented.  Butchery is not for the timid, or even the weak.  To do it yourself, however, is more honest.  So many hide behind those who feed and protect them, living in fantasy.  That time is near an end.  Don't spit on me, bro.  But then, that's why I am leaving.  Part of it.

The bean sprouts got a couple of spots of sun, and greened a bit.  I don't think they green all that much though, it might not be necessary for these types.  I did get those in, rinsed and drained very well a final time, then into an airtight bowl and into the fridge.  Not sure they taste all that much different than alfalfa, but the texture is different.  Hmm, I'll probably try to green them anyway, the next time or two, if the sun decides to come out more normally.  Just curious.  I'll probably have a bowl of mush, some of each type of sprout, and a brot along with that.  I'd still like to try some of the spicier sprouts, you can keep the ones that taste like regular green peppers though.

Yeah, a bit of reading.  Then reading from another source.  Finish off the dishes.  A shower, then a bath?  Yeah...  Hmm... a meal in there first though.  Oh... I've been working the 200 pound grips, and the 150 to finish the exhaustion stage.  I had my first click today, completely closing the 200 grip, but just with my right hand.  My left is lagging.  I always thought the left hand was supposed to be stronger on right-handers?  Not so much, or at least not in my case.  I'll keep going.  When I can do three sets of ten clicks in each hand with the 200, I'll move on up to the 250 pound grip.  If that goes as fast as this, I may need to order the 300 not this coming, but the next month after it.  *squeeze*

Clouds and rain.

.
.
It's not so much bringing me down as slowing me down.  Which, I suppose, is fine.  My batteries aren't all solar, but there is a strong component to that.  And, in some conditions, when it is going to be dark, I plan... or at least realize... less will be done.  It's just that the dark is a bit unseasonable.  Thankfully flooding, here, has been minimal.  Urhm, from what little I have heard... mostly from word of mouth mind you.  No television, I don't listen to the radio, and anyway I don't think forecasters have any more clue than I do, if they can report events after the fact... if they can be trusted.  Most can't be trusted.  You earn your labels, they have earned theirs.

I couldn't get to my plans yesterday.  Simply no juice.  I did get a shower in.  I did eat a couple of times.  Not much else.  I did read though.  Hufta!  I read, read some more, and kept on reading.  It was something to do.  Something I could do.  Today, just in case, I have the curtains open.  But more, I have the bean sprouts, in their jars tilted to drain in their ramekins, just in case the sun does show for a bit.  They should be done sprouting, but I am hoping for some greening before eating.  I've nibbled on some of the alfalfa sprouts, in with other stuff.  It's... well... green.  I can't really see it as food, more as edible vitamins.  I ought to look at what vitamins I do take, see if some or all of them can be replaced this way.  More as a back up, and literal dietary supplement, than a food source... or... some modernist, over if flalsely scientified, notion. 

There IS something to nutrition, but academia, government, and media, are not to be trusted on these matters, at all.  They prove to fail worse than broken clocks, which means they probably aren't just wrong, they mean to be wrong.  Do your own research, ignore those who are more food (organic and such types) cultists, hawkers of whatever it is, and those branches of the government already mentioned.  Experiment a bit, if you can.  I wouldn't recommend sprouts for boys and young men, mind you.  And with some large notion of limits and care even for men.  And only in limited amounts to anyone.  Post menopausal women, I suppose, could handle the stuff, might even need it.  But there are limits.

I didn't get a bath in yesterday.  Today, perhaps.  More so if I can hit the bench.  I can still get in two workouts, if I go ahead and work out Saturday.  Since this week looks to be a bust, even if something pops and I can bust into work the rest of the week, I think that is possible.  As to work?  I might be able to get some things going.  I'm going a bit stir-crazy not doing much.  And I have pushed, there just isn't a way to push around this.  Not right now.  Or... so far.  I keep looking for a way in, or out, or over, under, or... whatever.  I'll find it shortly.  Just not so far.

At least the drains are going.  *whoosh!*  I really didn't think baking soda and vinegar would actually work.  The only thing I will say about the advice, is... don't use hot water until you hear the pipes run clear.  If the bubbling seems to stop moving forward, add more schitzel to move it along, and let it clean and clear past where you can hear it, perhaps hit it one or two more times every half hour, THEN pour hot water down to finish off and fix any remaining vinegar or baking soda.  If your drains are as much of a mess as mine were, it might... take a bit.  Be patient.  Well worth it.  And you probably have the stuff in your pantry.  Took me one and an half small boxes (smallest) of baking soda and two gallons of vinegar (though, in part, because I kept pouring hot water down, initially, killing the action... learn from me, don't do that).  I probably could have gotten off with a gallon of vinegar if I had known in advance just what it was I was going for.

Hmm....  Yeah, I'm still aiming for dishes (just need a fresh hot rinse so they are easy to dry), a workout, then a shower and bath.  It might seem as if I am aiming low, but... in my shoes, you would realize I am aiming at the moon.  The boiler room guys, general mechanics, electricians, and other 'do it' guys, in my body, seem to have taken an unauthorized shore leave.  :p  Hey, I've... been there done that, technically.  If It's on paper, even if on paper that isn't on paper, it's got to be true, innit?  Shut up and don't think so hard.  Your tongue flicks, you bite your lip, and your eyes tend to cross.  Cute, but... knock it.  Later.

Drain update.

.
.
Okay, the bathroom sink is doing much better.  I wasn't sure about the tub, until I finally took a shower.  *zoop*  Right down.  There is still a limit, but that is just the pipe.  It's like amperage and wire thickness/volume.  Only so much, only so fast.  But!  I think it is running at full volume within allowances, maybe for the first time since I've lived here?  And the toilet is even flowing better.  Yeah, no.  I haven't finished the dishes yet.  I've been busy doing nothing.  Well, a shower.  I think someone is going to stop by, which is why I pushed the shower and then have been waiting.  Maybe, maybe not.  Did I miss them when I was in the shower?  Didn't think I heard the bell.  Never know.

Thunder, rolling down the valley.  While I don't feel like a bowling pin, I can only assume, if they had ears and a way to process, that is what it would sound like.  The valley acts like a lane, directing the sound, channeling it.  Strike!  That crazy dame writer I reviewed the other day, her style... it's invaded my brain.  Yeah, but it's fun while I'm, mostly, resting.  Another hour and, if no one stops, I'll hit the bench. 

*pump, pump, slump... pump, pump, slump... breath lad... you gotta breath!* 

I do okay on the weights.  Lowballed it to start, to get breathing, angles, and some other things sorted out.  Though I pushed jumping from bars to weighted bars a bit I think.  All good, it's still light enough, but more of a challenge.  I just hate dumping nothing but bar into the air.  Seems wrong.  I will be putting twenty on the dumbbells and thirty or fifty on the curl.  It's the plan anyway.  I am hoping to get two workouts in this week, then back things off to two hikes and two bench excursions per week.  Three of each is a bit much.  At least while I'm tearing into the cave.

Medicines are back on track, and I have mostly recovered.  I knew something was off.  Threw me off feed, too.  I need to keep the clock wound tight, and on time, or I dump.  Then again, I also need to learn to back down properly.  It's messy, I'll have to... I don't know.  I'm surprised I am doing what I am, shouldn't bark so much.  I'll get there, but not as well, quickly, or easily, if I am not patient and cautious.  Later.

Shiny new packages.

.
.
Well, not shiny.  I like the delivery system, so this isn't a knock.  And it depends on the shipper (Amazon is sterling, which is only 92.5... BUT... is as good as it can get as I see things).  UPS, FedEx, USPS, really, they do a pretty good job.  I love UPS, as almost always I can track.  Just a hobby thing.  Still, it's... I prefer to see where things go, if I don't always completely understand.  Cali to Kentucky then to here?  I still think there might be a corruption in the shipping business, a carryover (and siphoning perhaps) of China's subsidized shipping.  Warp the market, guess what?  The market get's warped.  Yet, I have taken enough science and math to understand that all is not always as it seems.  Sometimes, when combining costs, speed, and a flawed (or natural) system, the shortest path isn't a straight line.  Much as using a river, it just isn't straight.  Of course, there is no such thing as a straight line, over any real distances, on the globe.  It's an arc, at best, mind you.  But that's getting picky, unless you are a pilot or ship captain, or plot for such.  Submarines, by the way, were tre groovy in this way.  The only thing, technically, we couldn't do, was a somersault, or more than a brief flight.  :p  And, actually, that was more because men and gear... would have some... issues, or so I heard.

Anywhile...  What was I on about?  Right.  Package.  Packages.  Love getting my order in, after watching them get closer, dodge this way or that, then... *bam* right in the kisser.  Or... hands anyway.  Moleskin, hiking, as I go farther and faster, will require it... or at least advise it.  Tincture of iodine... or some such, is on the way as well.  Deet repellant, too, lots of it, in small containers so a loss isn't a complete loss.  An land anchor for my boat, what I bought the small breakerbar to work.  Screw it!  Literally.  Several books, nurse's medicine guide, butcher guide, and finally laid down some dollars on a real home electrici guide.  THAT should see some sparks lit!  I still want to rig the garage with at least a reasonable workshop subpanel.  I just don't care too much for buzz snaps and smoking Doom.  It's... happened before.  Ah, and hand strengtheners.  I was about right on those.  I bought 150, 200, and 250 grippers, package deal or I might have skipped the 150... maybe.  I skipped the 100's as far too lame, and the 300's as out of my... grip.  I can do the 150's without issue.  The 200's, though, I will need to work.  I can give the 150's to someone who... seems to think he needs, or maybe just wants, or has a bit of jealousy for a family member who had, a strong grip on life.  By the time he masters those, I might be able to hand off the 200's.  Hey, that ain't bad.  Most guys, when I shake, I fear that I have hurt them, even going super easy.  Limp wrists are for cheese, unless they are really ill, or old.  Women don't count, either way.

Yes, I suppose I annoy.  So... why are you still reading?  Some do like it hot!  :p

Oh, right...  If I get angry about something here?  It... really doesn't affect you, or real life.  I hate embalmed cheese.  But if you invite me to eat with you, and that is what you used?  I'll take a small portion, more if it turns out tasty.  I won't bark, certainly not bite.  If you offer me your hand, and you are weak from whatever, I'm not going to harsh on you.  I might note, might question, might... but just like here, only in my mind.  If it's too much for my nature, I'll just avoid.  I really, truly, very... extremely rarely... ever bark or bite.  For innocents, it's if I am tired, hungry, thirsty, too hot or cold, all of those together even more, and you catch me off-guard with a teh stupid action or word... or if you become a conscious or unconscious threat to me, mine, or others around for no good reason.  Though action is more likely in that last scenario.  I'll be angry after I've retreated, ended your threat, or killed you.  But just for a second, then I'll move on.

Hmm?  Right.  Strange day.  I'll do the dishes shortly, hit the weights a bit later.  The sun came out for just a sec, didn't notice until the packages arrived.  Damn it!  Now it's going.  Going.  Pretty much gone.  Damn it.  I ought to get over my weather depression and leave the curtains open, just a bit, just for those moments.  Still, got a good buzz going from the sun smile.  Later.

Whispering in the corners.

.
.
I don't know what I do, always.  Sometimes I suspect, perhaps this time.  Collusion to understanding occurs, or someone just wants to pinch themselves about what I write, wrote... or what it comes down to.  Like an itch in my head.  Sometimes I can find the idea or human source, sometimes I can guess, sometimes not.  I try to scratch it, massage it, or work it out... or at least whatever is itching, regardless of the source.  This is what I hit with the most recent mind slur.

Today?

.
.
Well, I don't know.  I put the dream section separate, because... well... it's a serious downer.  It is what it is, and what will be will be.  But, for now, I am where I am, facing the direction I am going, and I'll keep this journal entry on that track.  Didn't want to taint this meat of effort and hope with the bile of those truths, understandings.

I can't say today is a great day.  I worked a bit Saturday, and Sunday was busier than it should have been.  So getting going, even today, is...  It probably won't happen to a greater extent.  As I used to stretch my sleep or wake cycles into days, I am stretching my week into weeks.  Sometimes it just happens.  Some people can do it.  I end up paying a price, a steep one.  And so it is.  Yesterday was off, today will be as well, most likely.  I'd like to hit normal weekend things though, sort of as I did yesterday.

Finishing some dishes, a meal or two, but coffee as I wake.  A fresh pot was made ready last night, and loaded this morning.  It's good that it's not a weekend.  I need to order medicine, some of it.  I ordered some Monday, through the automated system, and will try again with another medicine today.  Sometimes that seems to go through, sometimes not so much.  And, while it is, technically, a weekend, I would still like to hit the weights.  It's been a while, just so busy with the cave.  When I get on a track it is sometimes difficult to get off it.  Having ten pounders in stock is great.  I'll probably up the dumbbells and definitely the curl bar, though I'll leave the barbell alone for now.  I like to increase in parts, almost never whole, unless I hit that magic button from time to time, and can raise everything, all at once, and sometimes in groups for a while.  I'm not there yet.  I know it when I see it.

Grain mush and sprouts for breakfast, after some coffee soothes jangled nerve and tight muscle.  Yeah, it can do that.  I have been reviewing other sorts of sprouts.  Some charge way too much, others are just goofy (charging less for organic than inorganic?  Really?), so I'm looking around carefully.  Local prices are okay, but not optimal.  And selection isn't great (couldn't find mustard or radish, except in mixes I didn't really like).  Though there is a new store in town that might have more of a selection.  Daikon radishes, a Japanese thing I think, are great, that is another sort of sprout that might have some interesting flavor.  I might try the lentils I have, for sprouting.  I have a LOT of lentils.  When I ordered, I didn't realize, exactly, just how much was coming.  No loss there, in my view, as long as they last stored this way.  Cracked, or sprouted, wheat is okay too, though more a think for cooking or baking, as I see it.  Hmm... never did get a grain mill.  Money... gotta wait for that to build back up though.  Money, money, money, innit?  Or time, or effort.  When one thing isn't in the way, another is.  Oh, I could buy the machine, and easily enough.  I am just getting used to having a good little cushion (I do mean little, compared to a solid, real, saver).  But, it's what I have with where I am at.  Still, I want that cushion to be larger before buying.  Always little and big things on the list, always.

I made a small little purchase recently.  Included in the set is a book on butchering meat, game and tame.  I am sure there are limits to the book, but it will be a start before I am carving a moose, bear, beaver, goat, or caribou into dinner.  I have butchered a small deer, if I butchered the butchering.  But I did it without a book, minus help, and on my own as the first animal I have ever worked.  A blood mess.  But I did get enough good meat off to have processed into jerky and summer sausages.  Thirty pounds worth?  Something.  It was a small deer, and I missed or ruined almost as much as I got.  They probably had to toss some of the meat because of fur.  Still, it worked out.  I... just don't want to have to start at that point in the future.

Most of the drains seem to be faster.  The tub is not all that much faster though.  Or doesn't seem to be.  I'm thinking of getting a bath in today.  Lemon-lime salt soak?  Yeah.  I really like that one.  I'm out of the bigger jars, using them for salt soaks, sprouting, and losing one to droppage.  I'll be buying another stack or two of those the next time I am in town.  They hold 16 ounces, I believe, half quarts.  Is there another term for that size?  Cups and pints would be larger numeratored fractions, though there might be some old-timey term.  I don't know it.

Raining, again.  Cloudy.  Cool, but I have the thermo up.  Tired of being tired, with a sense of wet, and cold.  I can fix one of those.  I have been reading a good deal.  Not sure how many short stories I have burned through.  An half dozen?  A dozen, in the last three or four days?  It's sort of like speed dating.  Some don't get the full time.  Not interested in lesbian lifestyle, worse when they have a kid.  Poor kid.  Most of the stories are by the socially and culturally disaffected generations, but some are tolerable, some are junk, some are reasonable.  Even if I didn't come from the typical family, or other, it is the ideal.  The hope.  To be supported.  I'm surprised Vox put this in.  Most of it is good.  I guess, with a group of authors and publishing what it is, it is surprising to get a majority of even 'good-enough'.  And, like when I watched television, skipping the trash is the option.  Though, often, you can't tell if it is trash until you are into it a bit.

I have one more in this line of books, after this one is finished.  Then I don't know.  I'm not reading at the pace I had been, but I am going at a pretty good clip.  Sometimes I take a little breather between stories, sometimes I just try to shift perspective on the fly.  Either way, it slows down my reading.  I'm hoping I have a chunk of a book to hit next.  Though, when the book about butchering comes in, I am hoping to read it along with the sci-fi/fiction.  Had to do it in college, if I didn't care for it much.  As with food and working when not feeling like it, though, it really isn't about feelings.  Not real life, can't be.  That's what's wrong with my, and adjacent, generations.  Feelings, and living for those.

Later.