Sleep needs to settle.

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I have no idea what time I made it in to finally be able to lay down and sleep.  I know I must have tried two, three, maybe more times.  Dry firing on sleep sucks.  Especially when you want it really hard.  Jonesing long enough, and you begin to psychically choke out.  If you still can't go down, you pass out on your feet and just hope your body joins you before you get cerebral headaches.  Don't count on dying, either.  Four days, eight days, hell, I myself have done ten days up.  Won't kill you, unless something ancillary, or parallel, catches you.  There is a disease, a genetic flaw, that only presents as an adult, in which the inflicted literally stop being able to hit rem sleep.  It takes months, years, of no sleep.  But first comes madness, as their minds try to dream without the protections of doing so in a sleeping body.  Yeah, some really do have it worse.  Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean what I go through in those times isn't wretched enough.  Further, I realized my body was trying to wake up before I got enough rest.  That might have been part of what has lead to this failing.  So I have been trying... even if I can't remember now... to get a rough guess on when I go to sleep, and hold onto it through sleep.  Might start setting the alarm again, as a check more than as a requirement.  As I said, I don't remember when I went down, now, but when I first tried to wake up I did.  I knew that four hours wasn't enough sleep, so forced myself back to sleep.  Even if I don't remember the time down, I know I got seven to eight hours of sleep, maybe just six?.  Too much sleep is a monster too.  As is being awake too long or not being able to stay awake long.  I know have some input, if it is akin to steering and breaking on ice.

I do feel better.  If I had to guess, half or more of the last week has seen me to too little sleep, as well as some of those other problems.  I started losing track though, couldn't pay attention, focus, or put it all together.  Other things may be the cause, but that became one of the results, then advancing factors, in the fall.  I will get it back in shape.  I do have to see the problem to begin working on it.

Crazy dreams last night, think of riding a nightmare (the mythical creature), but on something like horse speed, through all the time of man.  Not sure if there was a point.  Just taking in both the stories and many actual events, some of them as mundane as hay stacking pilgrims or a new mayor in some tiny village, some as seemingly important as the fall of the Spanish Armada, or the first steps of the rise of Greece or the times and manners of the royal court during the rule of Nebuchadnezzar.  A long sad ride, but also one of hope.  Men try, fail, rebuild, and never quit.  Not... yet anyway.  Only parts of that time are for my eyes.  Not even the Christ could fully see that time, not here anyway.

Yes, the extra sleep, or full sleep I should say, and ensuring that, will see me back to it sooner.  Too much sleep is just as bad.  I have to have six to eight hours down, and try to keep waking times to between twelve and twenty hours.  Stretching too much either way, of either type, too frequently, and I end up going down hard.  Though sometimes, as this time, I think that is a symptom... if turning into a cause all it's own.  I'm down, but I see the problems and am tagging and fixing them.  I'll keep the operational list of work, chores, play, and such going.  I might even get to some of it.  I might even pull some heavies.  I can, sometimes, now... right through death.  But I cannot guarantee... promise.  I can only look and reach through, ready or not.  It either works or falls flat.  But, that is the score for now.

When I first woke, yesterday and today, at least, it was quite rough.  Oddly, I improve rather quickly.  I think the heating world has something to do with it too.  Hmm... ought to check my blood sugar and blood pressure soon.  I am on track with medicine, full doses to my wants with medical guidance up to a point, now tracking can begin with a relatively clear conscience... and purpose.  Later.