Pushed, more, and then some more.

.
.
Then I paid for the ticket to ride.  I can't say exactly, though I am thinking I have been down for eighteen hours.  I got up to use the facilities fairly often, and drink more milk or water before going on back to sleep.  So, yeah, I think I probably pushed a bit much.  And my muscles are sore and weak.  You know that queasy sore/weak muscle problem when you have the flu or such?  Yeah, that.  If I dreamed, I don't remember.  I didn't let the girls in, I needed to roll and scoot and shuffle and they would have been a problem.  I did feed them first thing though.  Poor dears.  They were even patient.  They know when I get ill like this there isn't much I can do.  They weren't even pushing me for food, probably surprised I remembered.  Oh, well, they do have dry food.  Always.  But they really like their canned.  Usually one a day, two every other day in the winter to help with being housebound.  I'll definitely feed them again later.

All good.  It's winter.  I've been shoveling, off and on like a madman.  I could use with a few more days off.  I do need to do laundry, and dishes, and the house in general.  Not sure I can.  I am pleased with what I did though.  Not bad.  I still think that being more active, doing more work, is the way to make it.  It's not nice, easy, or without price.  I don't know how much is good and what is too much.  It's tricky.  I think I did too much but not quite critically too much.  I may end up sleeping long "nights" for a bit for it.  Or not.  Just... putting out the daily report.  Later.

So, what to do when it hurts.

.
.
First, you have to work your way to an understanding.  What hurts, how, and how do I function around or through it.  Sometimes you just have to settle down and let the pain burn off... through healing, growth, death... beyond what is causing suffering.  If you need to bide time, then do so.  If you can figure a way through, as those who survived impaling, by dodging that which kills, then you figure out how to work around the pain and on to other things, surviving is just one.  Today, I spent a good deal dodging, if not escaping, pain.  I wasn't quite willing to give up.

So, after figuring out my pain centers, some workarounds, and a few matters of will, I decided to get out and finish the frontage to my tastes.  While the distances, on each side but in total, that I shoveled was only about half to two-thirds the distance of my driveway... so 15 to 20 yards... it was deep.  I would guess some of it was eight inches, if some of it was less than an inch right beside the road.  The thing is, the thin stuff was frozen and the thick stuff was very slushy.

Yes, if I can, digging into pain is how I dig out of it, sometimes, often.  Since I often hurt, I dig a lot, though not always does it show.  Though, with this blog, my guess is people finally do understand.  They might not believe, but... they know something is going on in there.

If nothing else, I feel much better about the driveway and frontage.  And, should it snow before long, I will be much more ready to hit it and not have to deal with old snow.  The UPS truck will be by tomorrow.  I know he will appreciate it.  Oh, and, while it is warming to well above freezing during the day, as the mid-afternoon approaches, and the sun gets long, those trickles here and there begin to freeze.  Salt has been added.  Only one small patch anymore, but that's the patch that will get you.  No worries tonight or tomorrow.

Later.

I thought.

.
.
Waking and sleeping are crazy.  Four hour spreads, regardless of bedtime.  And, now, this morning, all of them, it hurts.  I thought I would escape any major session of pain.  Though there may be a reason other than physical from shoveling.  Probably a mix.  I keep missing medicine.  The pain isn't the worst I have known, not close.  It just isn't all that good.

On the good side, the sun is up and out.  I can't quite handle having it invade my a.o.  So it lingers just outside, if it creeps in around the curtains.  A cheering action, so no attempt will be made to keep it out.  Not always is the sun welcome, but this is one of those days.  If I had a way to do it, I might even go out in it for a bit.

I'll see what I can do, keep up on things as I can, do what I must if nothing else... if possible.  Oh, I went to bed in time to be up early.  And I woke early.  I just could not pull it together and wake.  I tried many times, finally surrendering to the fact that anything I did would simply make waking more problematic.  Even now, sleeping an extra five hours, I feel like taking a nap already.  I'll... see what I can do.  Later.

Major nap.

.
.
I sort of suspected that, having waken four hours earlier than I have in nearly a week.  I waited until afternoon, technically, then fell flat on my pillow.  No dreams, though I think I woke in there.  Sam wanted in.  Sassy was a bit late, but took my calves instead.  Crazy cats.  Sleep was wonderful.  First thing I did upon waking was shower.  Yes, I have been a bit... too tired to muss with that for a few days.  I love showers, I love being clean, but if waking around and/or standing are a bit much, then, well... I don't.  I catch up when I can.  Farmer, lawyer, etc... if you have to go long, something has to go short.  Figuring out which to allow presentation status for the needs and demands is the trick.  Currently I am free to choose, skip, decide, without... problems.  So I do.

My arms are still sort of mushy.  They can tighten up a bit, with use.  For now I am just recuperating.  And that means slack guns, mostly.  That was more work than when I had gotten up to benching 300, just before moving out here while in Iowa.  I'll bet people, then and now, were expecting me to pop.  It actually makes me think about getting that heater going, then beginning to work out some out in the garage.  I can obviously, at least for the moment, handle that in the medium-short term.  I'll think about it.  I would have to get some clothes for that sorted out, figure out the heater, and all else.  But, yeah, possible.  That and snowshoeing.  Then again, I tend to push until I overdo, then end up exactly where I currently am... on my butt.  Still, worth a shot, something, anything.  What will kill me is never getting up.  Plus I like to do things, when I can.

Later.

Up, and quite early.

.
.
Very odd.  Awake at just before 9:00.  I didn't go to bed much earlier, if at all.  I actually woke, first, a bit before 7:00.  I thought setting the alarm for 8:00 would be cute.  Didn't even hear it go off.  No clue what is up with sleep.  My guess is, as I am healing from the workout, I am needing less sleep.  There is another sprinkling of frozen bits out there.  I wouldn't call it a real snow.  Looks more like dropped frozen rain, from here.  I'll have to get to it before long.  That might sweep off.  I can't be sure, but it might.  First things first, coffee and a shower.  Maybe some gaming.  For, while I am awake, I am not comfortably awake?  Yeah.

Do I need comfort?  No.  I simply like it.  I will let my body attempt to figure things out.  It just doesn't feel good.  Since there is no rush, I prefer to let my body figure the world out before I just shove it into gear.  I almost suspect that some of my issues come from pushing like there was no tomorrow.  I suppose, given my condition, I have done just that.  Which is why I am in a bit of a spot.

My stomach feels like I have been in a fight.  The lower back has a powerful tickle from time to time, and muscles under all that haven't been used like that in a very long time have trace tickles, the threaten pain, from time to time.  Lungs are a bit tight too.  Cold air, mostly, and large volume exchanges, both, tend to tickle things in there.  Improving, but it's still a bit rough.  Which is why, for the most part, I have been parked lately.  If today is just a sweeper, I will be quite grateful.  Sweeping is much easier.

Later.

While a bit late, earlier.

.
.
My days have been slipping a bit, and worse.  I hit a patch a few days ago where I started to wake a bit earlier and more.  I don't know if I can reverse this aspect of time.  I do it rarely, I try often.  Time will tell.

I grilled ribs last night.  It was... frozen rain snowing, sort of.  I swept a tract near the garage entrance, then took a path out to the front of the drive and did a bit there.  Mostly just hoping to help for the morning while I was cooking.  I wasn't ready to do the whole thing last night.  Especially with food on the way and then a meal, plus it being later.  As I said, I did what I could in the time of cooking.  Once eating commenced, all bets where off.

So, this morning, first thing, even before I officially woke, I checked.  Okay, a bit, maybe an inch.  What I had worked on actually, somehow, stayed mostly clear so the effort had helped.  Back to it, right first thing.  I used the broom on some of it.  As I got to the virgin areas that I had not worked last night, the broom became less useful.  The shovel worked and easily from then on.  Only, maybe, an inch.  The base was becoming slush, but hadn't started freezing yet.  Yes, boys and girls, your... favorite... ogre finished snappily.  I laid salt in the areas where traffic will happen, as I could only get most of the gunk up and it was beginning to freeze.  The last bits simply would not lift without a ton of work.

How do I feel?  Wonderful.  You know, unless the snow is deep, it isn't the weight in the scoop.  It's the bending and lifting.  Light or heavy, that is something I have not done, not this intensely, for ages.  That will get me from now until I'm an hundred.  At which time I am not going to shovel anymore.  Heck, might give it up in my 90's.  Laugh?  Then again, shouldn't you be laughing about a guy who could be on the heart transplant list shoveling?  Race you!

All good.  I haven't done anything else this weekend.  If I am going to be a good boy, I best get to some of these things on my list.  Laundry, dishes, a shower... bleh.  Later.

Tumbling through time and dreams again.

.
.
This time I caught less than last.  However, again, I was sure it was much later.  I woke at 13:00(ish).  I know, from getting up several times, that it was more like 17:00, urhm, earlier.  Never mind all that.  The sleep is good.  Both needed and wanted.  I am still in pretty heavy recovery, or having some other problem... can't be too sure.  Taking a few down days, at least, is required.  Though, as suggested, I might be able to kick a few things out of the park.  Laundry can be started, dishes, and some work in the kitchen.  If I can keep the work low key as I recover, I might just burrow in here at home for a week or two and really work on home.  I love having a clean home, I'm just not good at it.

What?  Oh... I think I will grill meats this afternoon... more like on into evening.  I love love grilled meat.  I have potatoes too, and carrots.  I suppose I could figure something out with those.  Oh, and if the last of the greens are good, I might well add them together and make a salad.  I do like a salad once in a great while.  More a way to enjoy more fats, mind you.  *wink*  Yes, boys and girls, I am all about protein and fat, then everything else in moderation.  Then again, I survived nearly 25 years of a failed heart without medical care for it.  You can knock my notions all you like, but unless you think I truly am unique in very peculiar ways, you might well take my example as a lesson.  One way or the other, not both.  Though, to be honest?  Not my problem.

Oh, best get medicines set up for another two week set, and probably just refill the other one.  It just works better to have a month set up, then go from there.  I do try to remember medicines.  I have slipped a few times this week.  Oddly, I did well while shoveling.  During my break, in the evenings, I started forgetting.  I was crashing pretty hard, I think, is why.  Failure isn't just an option, it's a likelihood.  In some aspects of failure, the cessation of life, it is a guarantee.  So... don't worry about failing, or succeeding.  Just keep going until you can't, and fall, then arrange for the next ride.  Keep getting up, even knowing that you have to eventually fail.  THAT is the school we were sent to learn in.  That isn't the only lesson, just one of them.  Well... on to today's lesson.

Later.

Not always as planned.

.
.
I made it to town, and about when I had hoped.  Popcorn, popper, butter, and some other things.  Not everything.  Even the movie was left.  Ah well, perhaps next time.  He had <i>Master and Commander</i>, which while we have both seen, we both like.  So that was good.  Next time I will remember the movies.

It was a light evening.  We did go to the store.  We both had a small list.  I got everything, plus, as usual.  It was a fast visit, then back.  I really am not feeling up to much running around.  A little was good, and I really wanted those medicine sets.  Now I have three extra, if one of those will probably be put to use before too long.  Those things really only last a year or two.  With one having failed, the other might well be on the way out.  Still, that gives me two extra.  Which gives me time to replace one, then begin shopping for replacements before being clean out of extras.  I have found that keeping extra extra in stock, as ill as I can be, really buys me time.

Today, or really tonight yet, tomorrow?  I don't know.  I think my sleep is just off.  Not much I can do about it but swim against the flood until I can make some sort of headway again.  All fine.  I am still feeling a bit worn.  I was a little surprised I was able to get out today, but pleased.  I am hoping to get back to it before long.  I have other things I really want to do.  Later.

Dream after dream.

.
.
I couldn't sleep until late.  My body just... too tired?  Yes, something in that neighborhood.  Not a terrible thing, just off.  Then I slept so well.  Waking though, to dreams, which I go through just a bit next.  Powerful.  I kept waking for bathroom use, too.  Just, everything was off.  And, for much of the sleep, I felt as if I was back in the white-water.  No control, if I was pretty sure I would survive.  I couldn't always make sense of what was about me, where I was, what was happening.  In the end, I think, it made sense for the most part.  I thought I saw the time.  First 15:00, then 17:00, time was flying.  I wanted to wake, I simply could not.

It all came to some sort of conclusion.  Some order was put to it.  Waking, real waking, began to happen.  I figured it must be 18:00, or later.  Had to be.  In my dreams, I was angry.  While it was what time it was, it wasn't supposed to be that time.  So... I changed it back.  My conscious mind knew that wasn't possible, my impossible mind cared not about what is possible.  Imagine my surprise when I looked and saw that it was just after 14:00 when I woke.  All good though.  It means my day schedule, if a little off, might be salvageable.  As to meddling with time?  I'll leave that for you to decide upon.  I was just setting down to the machine to write a post, then call my friend, when he called.  Yeah, I'll get it.  We arranged affairs, he would like to go with me when I pick up a medicine set or four, then a movie or two.  Popcorn for me, he can't handle the corn skins anymore.  All fine.  I just had to post this, listen to some music, have this cup of joe and maybe another, then get in and shower.  All good.

The forecast says...

.
.
Nothing until Saturday, and then that is supposed to be rain.  Of course, if it cools enough while raining, after raining, or even potentially before, then during and after... or some combination, that could turn to ice.  Is is not easy to negotiate, even with salt.  A bit of salt while it is coming down, and keeping an eye on things, might work.

I couldn't get to sleep as easily as I had hoped.  Just... achy, a bit.  Nothing major, and not even really painful.  Sort of like how, in an old house, the thing creaks for no seeming reason.  I really did work the heart and body.  I could do more, but would rather not, for a while.  I'm not sure how much more I could honestly take, just that this isn't the end of the line, but if I hit the end of the line that'll be that for a month or something.  Probably.  I'll go down hard.  Still, that was a really good push.  And it didn't cripple me.

I think, maybe, I can get out tomorrow.  I don't want to do a whole lot.  I would like to pick up some medicine-sets, take in the movie, popcorn, machine, and maybe a couple of bigger bowls.  Or something.  It's good having friends who are about as bad off as you, sometimes.  Then I plan to take the rest of the weekend off, or at a very slow attempt at cleaning up.  Good night.

A bit weary.

.
.
The nap was a bit long, though not as long as it might seem.  I have been awake for a good bit now.  I know I dreamed, of war.  Wars that no man will see but others will.  Not all things are about men, you know.  Men, however, will choose when.  The rest is out of their hands on the grander scales.  Each man will have some choices, to some degrees, in his environment.  But in the final war, no man will make any of the real major choices.  The men fighting, initially, will only be men who are fighting for other men, all of who are fallen.  It won't be until these have burned themselves out, and ground the other factions, pretty much, to nothing that another will find his place, call his army... a pitiful unenviable and small host.  It is this army that will resist, and their leader who will call an end to the war through the laying of the dark enemy, to a man, to death in the streets.  Not with arms but with word.  Will, really, but spoken will.  So says a Pied Piper.  Or Jester, Coyote, Raggedy Man, among other names or titles...  *wink*

Anyway, so dreams go.  Someone must ensure that everyone is in their place, in their due time, for the show must go on.  Just do not think that one has to surrender to the belief in the affair, any more than the stage manager must believe in the theater he is helping to present.  Thankfully, a choice was proffered and accepted, and yet a job remains.  Such dreams.  Oh, sure, a middling role is to be played beside.  Some shows are all hands on deck.

I am pretty worn, tuckered.  I will not be shoveling extra on the frontage, as I had proposed.  I am hoping, however, to stay up a bit, have a meal, play the game for a bit, be up reasonably early tomorrow, and check on my friend in the afternoon.  A movie, popcorn perhaps, and a trip to town.  His recliner should be in.  Curious.  I have some, but they are a bit old and small for me.  I have been thinking of getting a bigger one, for when my ankles are troubling.  Which, actually, is fairly rare.  More a thing when I forget my water pill than when I eat excess salt.  No work today, and maybe not tomorrow.  Not sure about a trip to town either, but... that's tomorrow.

Later, or good night.

So strange.

.
.
A day or two of rest, a special moment of repose, and the future and past become available in such odd forms.  I suppose it may mean nothing, or everything.  Perhaps, after feeding the girls, I'll take a short nap.  Even when good, life can be hard in ways.  Beautiful, too.

Wonderful!

.
.
No new snow, no frozen rain, and the sun is shining.  A day or two off snow duty and I am feeling better.  I woke at 8:00 in spite of having gone to bed a bit later.  Though I went to bed earlier than usual too.  I am still sleeping a bit longer.  That is what happens when you push an older class destroyer to it's limits.  Nothing I can't survive it seems.  Still, waking to a clear driveway and sunshine is a great boost to the ego.  I won't say I can always do that.  I will say it is more possible, as I see things.  The more I can do myself, the longer my timeline, if that isn't in my hands, what of it is I will work as I may.

Today is mostly a day of rest.  I wouldn't mind getting a few things sorted and started.  It just won't be a day at the races.  Old home day, no more.  Coffee!  I haven't had that in a while, doing tea lately for some odd reason.  Good enough, I suppose.  Nice for a change.  But it isn't coffee.  Hmm... my friend suggests he does coffee in the morning, tea at night.  Might be worth a while to mix and match things as such for a bit.  Plus, getting in some honey isn't all bad.

I did test sugars, pretty high still, but not the 500, or higher, it had been.  Now that I am back on track I will begin to monitor and pay attention.  I have some options to sugar that I like, if even these will have to be checked to see if they fit my goals.  With medicine coming in, and me back on regular doses, I will start tending consumption and seeing what works and what doesn't.  As I said though, my system is really screwy.  It doesn't match up with what they have been telling me, not in a patent way.  So... I need to figure it out myself, a bit.  I know what they want, numbers-wise, now it's up to me to achieve those since their advice doesn't hold up well.  Fair enough.  If I want to live, it behooves me to pay attention and make the effort.

Life is good.  A day of rest is great.  I may be out tomorrow.  Hmm...  I may just take a movie over, tomorrow, and some popcorn.  A bit of butter and I find I don't need all that much salt on popcorn anymore.  An air popper cuts the fats to just butter.  A nice gig once in a while, now that I found popcorn that seems to fit the region... being dryer and higher elevation, a different popcorn was needed.  My old standby just didn't work in the highlands.  Anyway.... later.

So far, no new snow.

.
.
I'm hoping for a day off.  Not sure that will happen, just that it would be good.  Looking out at a clean driveway has never felt so good, even if it is just for a bit.  It is great to know that I did a lot of it.  I'm not sure how.  It's not as if I don't try other times when I fail, or that I tried any harder this time.

A hoagie sandwich.  Salami, havarti, sliced onion, tomato, and avocado, between two slices of ciabatta bread.  Oh, and a large glass of milk.  The tomatoes were good.  I smelled them before taking them.  If tomatoes don't smell... green, or... earthy... there is a specific tomato smell, then I won't buy them.  These are as good as they smelled.

I am tired though.  I can't quite get to sleep though either.  It's a bit of a bother.  I will be trying shortly.  Later, or good night.

Tired.

.
.
Happily worn.  That sort of feeling you get when you feel like you have done something.  I am not sure I can sleep yet, though I think I can shrink wrap my world in preparation for sleep.  I feel very good, as I like to feel.  Working yourself into condition for sleep makes sleep a medicine, joy, pleasure, need, rather than being just a simple function.  If it snows tomorrow I will shovel tomorrow, unless it starts to snow and doesn't stop.  Though maybe even then, just to not fall too far behind.  If it doesn't snow tomorrow, I may still get out and do a bit more of the frontage area.  Oh, and I am hoping to get back to work on the inside as well.  Laundry, dishes, the freezer, the kitchen, and the bathroom are all on my shortest list, if the order of the list isn't well defined.

My friend called.  His sister will be here until Friday.  She works him like my mother works me, comparatively.  He being more ill, as to affect, with age.  She shopped him until he dropped too.  My mother did the same thing, several times though.  All I did was let him know that I understand, that I think it's funny... more so when it's someone else's turn, and mostly let it go.  He said they had work to do, I made a simple offer but was told they had it handled.  So be it.  I didn't really want to work, I only thought it polite to offer.  Many have helped me.  And I seem to be doing slightly better of late.

Yeah, a bit of gaming as I chill toward sleep.  Good night.

There are limits.

.
.
I've hit a, what I call, soft cap.  I can do more, and easily enough.  I just really don't want to.  I made it to town, did most of my shopping, realized the road was narrowing so I had a bite to eat and then ran home.  I am tired.  Not overly tired.  Just a simple weariness settled into my body and that is that.  Unless there is a disaster and great need, I am done for a bit.

I forgot my phone, so didn't know if my friend had returned my call.  Seems not.  I did receive a call from my doc, I'll check it after the groceries are put up and I have rested a bit, or tomorrow.  I am rather shot.  While it might be looking to get ugly and snow again, it hasn't started that yet.  To great cheer.  If it does snow, I will keep at it as long and well and I can.  If I can't do it a day, I'll skip that day, if two days off are needed, or three, so be it.  I'll do what I can when I can.  Though, from the looks of it, it seems as if I am doing well.

Be well.  Get to it if you can.  If you can't, call me to laugh with or at you.  Maybe both if you are extra lucky.  Anyway... I'll get the groceries up and then put my butt down.  It's needs to be gifted with a chair, and very soon.  Later.

Showered and shaved.

.
.
I am most of the way to getting out of the house to town.  I didn't just do a light shave this time, either.  No sir.  I trimmed it first with the electric trimmer then set up the sink for a hot sudsy safety razor shave.  I haven't quite worked my way to a straight, or saftety straight, razor yet.  For now this will do.  Next, I simply have to finish dressing.  I did call my friend.  No answer so I left a message.  I thought about, since I know his message plays to whoever is there, asking if his sister is gone so we can go to the girly dancing show in Vegas, then swing for some swill in Reno.  I was truly tempted, especially if I thought his sister was still here.  But, no, not yet.  Yes, I have gotten my friends in trouble before.  Though usually innocent like this, since we aren't planning any such thing.  *Cheshire Cat grins*

I best get going if I want some of that bread, and I do.  I may pick up some more deli.  Just a bit this time.  I truly enjoyed, some of it.  I have decided that deli corned beef is not for me.  Salamis of various sorts, rare roast beef, and cheeses will do nicely.  I'm not even a great lover of ham.  I am sure there might be a ham out there I like, for deli.  It would just take some digging.  Just a matter of tastes, really.

I best be off.  Little time for a bread purchase, though a good reason to get back to town later this week should I miss it.  Though... it would be nice to be mostly caught up on my lists for a while, for once.  Later.

So far so good.

.
.
The driveway is still clear.  Nothing dropped after.  It looks like there is some melting, though that my just be from roof-melt.

Muscles are just a bit tight, everywhere.  More like wearing compression clothing than anything.  Every once in a while I get a bit of an intramuscular tickle.  I suspect, if I tightened those muscles hard, right as the tickle runs, I'd get a charlie horse.  Small things, not even really complaints.  Only, perhaps, warnings not to go do somersaults down some sledding hill or such.  *grins*

Out?  I'd sure like to get out.  Just to get out, a bit.  Though milk and cream is probably needed.  I hope I get the day off, of other snow.  If I do, and tomorrow, I'll hit the frontage area, shoveling another ten yards, maybe fifteen.  It really makes back in quicker and safer.  Why back in?  Trying to back out, on even this moderately and pretty reliably busy road in the winter or summer is a trick.  Better to go nose out.  More winter, when hitting the gas might just cause a little movement, then spinning and no movement.

Yeah, well, it's nice to have taken care of the snow last night.  At least since it didn't snow more.  Boy do I need a shower though.  I had hoped to get one in last night, there just wasn't enough energy left.  I think a trip to town will be kept very simple.  Just some shopping, a bite, and back home.  Later.

More.

.
.
Snow.  Of course.  Between 2 and 3 inches, up to plus an half inch... no minuses there.  I thought about shoveling it tonight.  My ego wasn't up to shoveling if it was just going to keep snowing on me though.  I have worked to minimize my ego, but between having some healthy... I think... notions of ego, there is also morale.  Both, at this time, are weak.  Anyway, I kept watching.  I never did see it slow down, not the last time I looked.  I decided to get up and out anyway.  Surprise!  It had stopped snowing and the clouds had cleared out!  Wouldn't have mattered, if I might not have done what I did.

The drive way, complete, of course.  Though no one will be using the sidewalk too soon, I decided to get that anyway.  You never know.  Then I went on to the frontage areas, east and west, and did about 40 yards of that, mostly to the east as I tuckered out there at the last to the west.  Still, now I can glide in, then back into my drive off the road.  Yes... I am a peculiar cat, and pay the price for it.  Oh, and again, I did it all in one shot.  A few breathers, standing mind you, but not more than enough to catch my breath.  I really should get my canteens in action.  Water really helps.

Now, whether you consider this, the end of my day, as Tuesday, then I have shoveled every day since Friday, and shoveled last Wednesday too, I think.  Three of them have been deep or water-heavy.  One I did receive help with.  Yeah... not bad.  If nothing else comes in, at least before I can get out, I will go shopping.  Just milk, maybe some of that fancy bread, and to see if my friend wishes to go along.  His sis was supposed to be in town, and he sounded... a bit private about that.  Fine.  I'll still share my mum if she gets back out this way.  A dinner or such.  It's how we do.  No, seriously, no fuss.  Still, I'll see if she is still here, if he and/or she would like to go out, or what else is up.  If it snows, however, I may just shovel and call it a day.

I may yet take a shower.  Right elbow has a bit of a sting to it, thighs and midsection are smarting a bit.  All else is good.  Love me some work.  You should have seen when I was healthy.  No one believes... so... fine.  But I'm telling you... and you should listen. Good night.

Just resting.

.
.
I'm not all broken up, just a bit on the tired side.  I have played games, blogged, and read.  That is it for the day.  I could have made it out, I could have done laundry or dishes.  I just get that wasn't the best choice.  I shoveled snow from Friday through to yesterday, plus last Wednesday I think?  I am tuckered.  Oddly, the only thing that is a bit sore is my midsection, as if I had done a bunch of setups.  I did miss medicine, in pill form, last night.  I got the other stuff.  Which surprises me.  I would have thought I would have missed more medicine with the work.

I am hoping to get out tomorrow.  A bit of shopping, something to eat, and just to be on the road.  Nothing fancy, not a lot.  I need to pick up more pillboxes.  One of them broke, the other might be about to break since I bought them at the same time.  This time I would like to buy four.  Having a few extra just means shopping isn't as vital.  Medboxes really help me stay regular.  As poorly as I can do, this is much better than before, without.  I am learning that prep isn't just for disasters.

I'm just waiting for dinner, then I'll be heading to bed.  Sleep sounds fantastic.  Good night.

Nice!

.
.
First thing I do these days, is look out a window.  It isn't even about if new snow has fallen, but how much.  I resigned to the notion, just like to prep body and mind as I wake by knowing, possibly, what I face.  The snow yesterday, I thought, wasn't deep and was fresh, so it looked easy.  It ended up being the absolutely most difficult of the shoveling I have done, none of it being easy though.  Ice sticking to the pavement, regular snow removal, working in rain a bit, ugly.  So, today, I was hoping for just snow.  Even three inches isn't too back, as long as there is no ice.  As warm as it has been lately, if ice isn't there right away, best to remove it quickly or ice will form under the pack.

However, this morning, when I looked?  No snow.  Or, not yet.  The salt has been useful, though has thinned greatly by being useful.  So... I will, sometime today, add a bit more salt in those important, high-use areas.  I like to keep people safe.  Slipping can really bust someone up, and there isn't anything the pedestrian can do about it.  I try to minimize salt use, for a number of reasons.  But if it comes right down to keep my vehicle or people safe, salt will be used.  Ah, but the sight of a clear driveway was a grand thing.  I am still mush.  Probably will be for another day or two.

I am not sure if I am going to get to town today.  If it was a simple choice, I would.  I may be a bit to mushy to shop.  Though I might be able to pull it off.  If it doesn't snow by afternoon.  If I can squeeze a shower in.  If I simply can, and then want to push as well.  I know I can, I am simply not sure, in full, that the price, today, is worth the cost.  The cold isn't even a bother, just raw main energy use.

On to some tea.  Good morning, day.

When I break through...

.
.
You would think I would see stars.  Which, yeah, okay.  Some.  But, no.  Neither stars nor black nor pain.  When I break through breaking through several other layers, I see why.  She, her, call her what you will.  Not one, never yet, but maybe.  When I break through I realize that is what I need to do to be able to make a jab at possession.  She will be difficult, even... perhaps especially... if she is on  my... or our... side.  Oh, I'm sure, great physical strength is good for sex too.  But that isn't all or even most of it.  Besides, that part I can still do standing on my hands.  Crazy, I know.  Didn't say I was similar to most, didn't say it makes sense.  Anyway, after brutalizing my bod for the last few days, in a way even a health man would fear and have trouble doing, she is on my mind.

Nothing but mush.

.
.
Not the drive.  I actually did a really good job of that.  Though it is raining, now.  Seems better than snow, if it can drain off, though it may just be more and more trouble.  It will, before long, if it continues, wash the salt off again, for sure.  No, I am mush.  I can't squeeze my biceps into much.  First, it hurts a bit.  Second, the best I can muster through that is a ball of clay.  There is some meat there, from simple size, but not much else.

The lower back was murder, about half way through the job.  I worked through the pain and it just went away.  My legs are like my biceps... mush.  Now, it's not like I can't do more.  I have hit the icy patches several times since, brought the trash bin back close to the house too.  And I hope to get a shower in, then maybe do some laundry.  But I am not going to push it, or even promise those things.  I could do a lot more, but I would fade quickly.  If I can figure things out, I think I can do much better in time.  I am not sure I can.  I am sure I want to, for fun such as camping, hiking, and snowshoeing... for work, just stuff around, in, and out of the cave... and because.  Who wants to be a cripple?  I sure don't.  Rather work hard, and have the health for it, than fail.  Up to a point, of course.

In my prayers, I have been thanking God.  Both for the snow and the gumption to go to it.  I am well pleased to do.  I offer these things to His glory, really.  They are His, not mine.  I'm just pleased to be able to do the work.  I am certain it pleases Him.  If nothing else it means I keep at it, beyond even my realistic means.  I suspect, as much as I have overdone overdoing, He has probably been right there with me.  Not that I won't keel over, I just won't do so alone.  *grins*  Later.

Wow. That was a lot of work.

.
.
It wasn't the deepest snow, but it was the heaviest by far.  Wet.  As if two inches of rain had fallen, then three inches of snow had topped it.  Worse, the bottom layers were beginning to freeze.  Even though it had been completely cleared and salted yesterday!  Some ran off, but much stayed.  Brutal.

My first idea was to do all the work necessary to get it all up in one go.  Whoa!  That worked like firing a shotgun with the barrel in the wrong direction.  I would know, too.  Yes, Precious, Doom has done some... interesting things in and with his life.  As with the shotgun, no blood no foul.  An immediate change of strategy was required.  Did I mention it was brutal?

So, I went with getting the bulk of wet, unfrozen, snow off first.  That was rather beastly of a chore.  But, over time, I did get it.  I then noticed, with the snow/slush gone, the ice underneath was partially thawing.  So... I got to getting that off.  I tried low and slow, then high impact.  Alright, boys and girls, I am no longer capable of true high impact work.  So, back to low and slow.  I hit every piece of that drive three times.  That was as good as I could get it, promises.  Then I laid salt where it would be crucial... for dinner deliver, for me unpacking the Xterra from the store, whatnot.  But not all of the drive.  I think I hit a couple of ice patches that resisted my greatest efforts too.  Oh, and I did it all in one run.  No break, no nap.  Brutal.

Indeed, life is coming back.  I really should be crippled up, crying like a babe, maybe dying.  Not... thinking about what to do next.  Fuck it, I'll take it.  I always thought I had more to do before I was done.  And, for my part, have always been willing if not always able.

Hmm?

.
.
I really thought I would be in rough shape.  I keep expecting, one day, for nothing to work.  Usually, pushing for a few days in a row will rock my world in the worst of ways.  Pain, exhaustion, schedule twists, then everything else can go downhill from that.  Food irregularity or absence, medicine becoming hit and miss, confusion on top of malaise on top of misguided will, and so on.  Often, if I push, it can all collapse all at once.  Though, this last later winter into early spring, I did go for months at a high pace... until I dropped for about six months.  I don't think it had anything to do with working hard, I had made it past that point.  (Uhrm, when I say working hard, I mean that within my paradigm... a comparative thing.)  I am almost hitting that here and now.  Perhaps I am well enough to go in longer, healthier, shifts.  No guarantees.  I can drop like a rock in a bucket, even when doing well.  I'll just get back up sooner than not.

A bit more snow, but just a spit.  I think the broom should work on that.  And more salting... Whatever happened the other day, it seems to have eaten the salt.  It just isn't keeping the ice away as it usually does.  Well, snow sweeping, then trash and maybe recycling out, then a shower.  I'll see after that.  Hmm... I best get going.  Actually it's probably too late for recycling, so I will focus on trash.

Sleep has been good.  I keep dreaming of the two main sorts of man... or manlike beings.  Man, of course, most know.  Fallen, failed, but with hope.  Just as with man's war with tyranny, man will only lose that fight when he chooses to do so.  And, if prophecy is true, he will.  Today?  Tomorrow?  In a thousand years?  That depends on the heart of each man, then totaled.  It has happened many times, in smaller ways.  It just hasn't happened the final, and total, way... or irrecoverably.  The other sort of man is nephelim.  He is real, he is here.  As a general rule he only hates those with the mark of Cain more than man.  If these are true because, as a very regular general rule, he can't seem to know God.  Know of?  Heard about?  Felt the lash?  Sure.

As I mentioned, I read the bible before I was 10.  Before the Navy, I read it... three more times probably (New Testament).  Since I have read it twice more, plus the Old Testament three times, to catch up a bit.  You know I had to be looking for something.  I knew, to my mind, something was in there.  I also looked in various churches.  Why look so diligently if... there wasn't something... a hope, a belief that hadn't quite taken root, something.  It wasn't until I was early midlife, and by then mostly dead, that something started calling.  Even then it was so... difficult to hear.  Even having to be rested, even in a mostly quiet life, even nearly dead, my nature resisted that call.  It took fifteen years to finally be sure I heard, then having to fight the notion, argue it, challenge God and have Him win.  Even then it took another three years to thrash through all of the paperwork.  Like or not, the Catholic church is not big on invitations.

Oh, don't get me wrong, they are happy enough if you decide to join.  But to become Catholic takes some serious effort, especially for someone in my condition.  It was really up to me.  They would offer the time and place and education, which is a lot.  But it takes... six months?  A year?  Can't remember.  It takes a while, with extra meetings each Sunday, and perhaps other things.  Mostly for someone coming back or the prospective wife or husband hoping to do things right.  Anyway...  It was a brutal battle to find God, to hear Him.  You just have no idea.  Even mostly dead and I fought Him tooth and nail.  Still not sure if He calls all my kind or if just a few of us.  Like marriage, Christianity, of the true kind, is a...  TRAP!  Then again, those are the price for a family and a good eternal life.  Some traps are better than others.

Anyway... the dreams...  In them I see how strange they both are, see with true vision.  So pale, those giants and other of the nephilim.  So cold, intelligently animal, brutal, and yet compassionate to their own... in a very limited play.  Some suggest they should only love and care for their own.  And, up to a point, within their limitations to a degree, that is true.  However, if you stop there, you will be no better than animals.  Even if that is simply tribal?  Yes.  If you limit your compassion to just your own, even just allies at times... animal.  Nephilim, unless they can hear God, and most can't, are extremely worldly creatures.  With spirit, that is what allows them to stay and return.  But without soul.  A dark people doomed to die when the age of flesh is done, for flesh will be burned away and there will be no place for spirits to rise.

Whether man does it with bombs, or the universe does it with a super nova, or this star just ages beyond it's use then becomes a giant, life will end.  Life is an anomaly.  It isn't natural, at all.  It shouldn't exist.  I believe I have heard that the universe isn't so much good or evil, that is a thing of certain aspects of life.  No, the universe is the great balancer, equalizer.  It wants things to balance out.  Since life is unnatural, the universe tends to look for a way to remove this, in a secular sense, sin that is life.  And, one day, it will.  I do not believe, no matter what science has produced so far, that life is natural at all.  Funny thing to note, those who study nature... whether biology or physics... seem to believe there is too much life.  It's more than a study, these days.  It's a partial religion of death, academia that is.  So smart they wish to undo life, even that of their own.  Worse than animals, I guess.

Hrmm?  I don't know.  Blathering as I wake.  Not even sure what I wrote.  I need to get the trash out, and perhaps do some sweeping and salting while I am at it.  Later.

Finally.

.
.
Like it or not, I did get back out.  I shoveled the last of the snow, then salted a couple of areas which I and others use regularly.  The sun was out today, or close.  I think the weather has broken.  I took a shower before getting out.  I wasn't sure I would be up to taking a shower after I finished.  A brutal set of days.  Lots of shoveling, lots of work, too much snow.  I am hoping things taper off soon.  Still, I know now, sometimes, I can work right through troubles.

Trash and maybe recycling need to go out tonight.  And I'd like to at least get my clothing back to the laundry room.  If I am doing okay, I might run one load.  Or not.  Dishes need to be done as well.  I've been spot hitting the bathroom.  The floor needs swept and mopped.  I'll see what I can do.  Tuesday, I believe, is the day I would like to get out.  I'll probably take two pair of slacks to the dry cleaner that day, and do minor grocery shopping.

This week, generally, is being used for housework.  I'll push a bit.  Though I've probably really overdone.  Still, a bit of work, here and there, might be okay.  I am doing well for having really overdone.  Tomorrow is definitely a down day.  Tuesday... maybe, if I still hope to get out that day.  All good, boys and girls.  Either I am peculiar, as regards health, or I just, medically, walked on water.  :p  Later.

More snow.

.
.
Not too much more.  As I mentioned in a comment, while out grilling steak last night, at about 23:00, I noticed more down.  So... I shoveled six to seven feet out from the drive, just, hopefully, to give myself a good start today.  I then ate, goofed until I could come down, and then went to bed a bit before 4:00.  Just could not go down.  Upon waking at around noon, I looked out while passing that way.  No more snow on top of what arrived before midnight.  But it's enough.  Yes, when I get my life together a bit, and a shower and dry time, I'll be back out there.  I'm doing amazingly well for a dead guy.  *grins*

A bit stiff in the lower back, of course.  My muscles are actually in better shape than they were, not as stiff and sore.  All else is pretty good.  I'll keep at it, I suppose.  The love of work has waned just a wee, but the ability and will to it remains just as strong.  Yeah, life ain't bad.

Later.

Yes indeed.

.
.
Now, being the time of day it was, I had some suspicion that I might get the snow removed before help arrived.  What I did not take into account was that it is a weekend.  Normally helpers would be otherwise occupied at that time.  So, I was rather surprised to see help had arrived.  Though, too, I must admit that I was happy.  I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing, myself, again.  I had full intention of doing as much as I could.  And maybe, through time, I would have gotten it.  I was quite pleased with help.  I really needed it this time.  A good run mind you, but over my head.  Ah, and we measured.  There is a width along the road, as wide as my driveway, but that isn't paved.  The paved part is actually 30 yards, which is what I suggested to them.  And, right on the dot.  Plus another ten feet of gravel along the road, which, if I can, I clear another 90 feet along.  I often said 40 feet or 50 feet, here, but trying to... not brag or exaggerate.  I really did think it was 30 yards though... 90 feet.  It is, and now I know.

I tried to use the snowblower on some of that extra length, but it died.  I'll let it sit for a bit.  I'll check the oil before I go to town next time.  But, when it died, I sort of did too.  I am done with shoveling, sweeping, and machining for a while.  Still, hopefully, I will get out Monday or Tuesday.  There are a few minor items I wish to buy, some grocery shopping, and a few slacks to the dry cleaners.  I know, I keep trying to get my Sunday-go-to-meeting wear set up, and I will.  So much to do, so little time I can actually functionally use.  I'll get there.

Later, or good night.  A spot of food, first, though, for sure.  Steak!?!  I think I have some thawed.  Yum!  Still, whether I'll post again is a whole other issue.  Be well in either case.

I think I can.

.
.
I really do.  No, I'm not in the best of shape.  My lower back is a bit tight and sore.  My arm and leg muscles are a bit tight and queasy.  And yet I am not completely out of the running.  How much I can do at a time, or altogether, time will tell.  I think, if it doesn't snow on top of my efforts, I might be able to get the whole thing.  And, one way or another, I very likely will get it all done, if not hitting it twice if it snows more.  I will only be able to get ahead if this is it, for snow, for now.  If not I will at least get the old off.  And since I do it in shifts, I might have all of it off some areas... at least by the time I finish.  Winter can be harsh, innit?  Not bad for a gimp, either.

Gaming goes on.  For not great particular reason, I am attempting to level this tune rather highly.  That is what makes pve (player versus environment... as opposed to pvp, or player versus player) much easier.  The problem with high level pvp is that most players don't want to, and perhaps can't, play pve well enough to level that high.  Most pvp players are in it merely for the stupid attacks on other players, which means many of of just skip social to avoid pvp hacks.  Not interested.  Though it would be nice to be able to play online without the risk of invasion, for cooperative attacks on in-game bosses, and reading messages.  As I see it, pvp ruins this, and many other games.  It is the attempt to make us all borg.  Not interested.

In any case, I am doing well in the game.  I think there is still a boss or two I skipped earlier, because they were beyond my skills.  Bosses I need to find then take down.  The game is interesting, in that you can skip many boss fights.  The ones you can't skip, you can level to beat.  The ones you can skip, by the time you first meet them, you may well not have a good chance of leveling to beat.  Some idiots tell you to just do it, in spite of their obvious failures to do so well or easily.  I have found a better path, and learned when to ignore the advice of idiots.

Well, on to snow removal.  Should be interesting.  I am hoping, though this takes me down for a bit, it opens up the opportunity for me to get out snowshoeing and winter camping.  I'm hoping this will help me get back into shape.  And it just might.  Later.

Not too much more snow.

.
.
But enough.  And, with some on top of other, after this and that.  I did removed the larger chunks, from each side.  And yet an inch or two more down after one side was cleaned, then an inch or two on the other side.  Only the sidewalk had just a bit more, the least.  If I can, I will get back out there.  I will probably use the snowblower, at least on the heavier parts.

Sore?  Tired?  A bit.  Nothing to write home about, if nothing to sneeze at.

I would sure enjoy a shower, before anything else.  Then, perhaps, after a few or more hours of waking, get back to it if I can.  It seems I have been doing enough work to have... opened up the opportunity for more work, or less pain from work.  If I can continue I will.  If I could just keep that ability to work up I could do a lot more in life.  Some of my failure is physical, when the heart is really bad or not doing enough in a particular area (like not feeding muscles due to the demand by vital organs), or when those organs aren't in the queue and are complaining.  Some of it is more mental... can't focus, remember, use mental or spiritual drive because that side is asleep.  Still, I am quite sure, if I can bump up physical, I can live a much better and easier life.  I love the work.  I still think a wife might help here.  Especially if she learns how and when to push.  Which she might well wish to do, and not even for my purposes.  She can use me to craft her world more exactly.  It behooves a woman to learn to use the massive capacity in this old Cold War relic.

Oh well.

.
.
It seemed to have quit snowing, last time I was out working.  Perhaps it was just very light, not visible as it had grown dark.  Though headlights and porch lights should have shown.  After this last break, it appears to have snowed another inch or two.  I realized upon seeing that, I could not keep up.  Still, I did a path along the walk to get the shovel which was near the sidewalk area.  Since that hadn't been hit, I hit that area.  Now nothing is completely piled up.  I just feel a bit better.  Then I came back to near the garage and cleared ten feet out from the garage and the back porch area, then simply put the snowblower away.  No reason to bug the neighbors when it's just continuing to snow.  Can I get back out tomorrow?  I don't know.  I'm not sure I will be able to get out of bed, or more than stumble to a seat before the tv/console game.  Probably for days.  Though, who knows.

I won't be sleeping really early, but I might make it to bed by, perhaps before, 2:00.  If I had done another half hour to hour shift though, I would have been awake much of the night.  Sometimes it's the opposite, usually I can tell, not always on anything though.  Probability.

I will have to come down a bit.  An hour or two gaming, then on to sleep, if I was a betting man.  Got to give it to me, for my health, this was good.  Very good.  If it doesn't end up killing me.  :p  Good night.

Definitely.

.
.
During my break... another inch.  Not to be dismayed, I got back to it.  Being only an inch, I thought shoveling would work better.  And, well, it did.  Until I completely ran out of energy for that.  I pulled the snowblower back out.  Not the best, with so little and so dry of a snow.  But it is working.  I am, perhaps, more than half way finished.  And it has stopped snowing.  I might get ahead.  Though if this is the way weather will play, I may be soon to fall behind.  On the good side, if anyone decides to help out they won't have the old old, old, and new.  That's four or five inches.

I am cooking, red hot, burning.  That is a whole heck of a lot of work.  I'll have to take (another) good long nap, then hit it in an hour or so.  I want it done, tonight.  I hope the sound doesn't bother any too much, but I don't have a choice.  I know, tomorrow, I will be good to simply be getting out of bed.  And, for a week, it will be much the same.  I wasn't even fully recovered from my last stints.  Yeah, tonight or never.  And I need my drive open, in case I need to get out in a few days.  It really is now, or someone else, or never.  Pardon the racket.

I have a sandwich ready.  I made two yesterday, but one was more than more than enough.  So, rather than wasting, I wrapped and reefered it.  I just need to add baby spinach and italian dressing... the gooder, if not absolute best, kind.  Not this break, not right after my next work, but a break after even that.  Yeah, I'll be up late.  When I push it, going down is either unavoidable or impossible.  I can tell already, I won't be down until... 2:00? 4:00?  Maybe later.

Later.

Snow.

.
.
I wouldn't have been able to get out today anyway.  Sure, you can drive right over it.  Then you end up slightly freeze locked the rest of the winter, or until a good thaw comes along.  So...  I wouldn't have gotten out anyway.  And, earlier, I couldn't have shoveled or else.  Too tired.  Though I kept hoping for an opportunity.  It did arrive.  Shoveling was out.  But I was able to get the snow blower going.  Sure was noisy starting up.  Once it got going it was fine.  After the machine tossed most of the snow, I have started to sweep what remains.  I have, perhaps, have the drive finished.  Then I'll need to do the short piece of sidewalk, if I will probably shovel that.  And, then, finally, I'll lay some salt.  Can't have folks slipping.  If it stays good tomorrow, I would like to take a shovel to weeds in the drive.  They came up through the cracks.  Now they are frozen in place.  Bleh.

This will wear me out.  So be it.  I probably need to be worn out more, on top of where I was.  It'll mean a couple of more days down.  If more snow arrives, I'll try for that too.  I do like to work, when I can.  While some men with bad hearts really can't work, and I can't always, when I can I really can... for my health.  It's probably actually good for me.  I'm not good at keeping the cave up, just not genetically predisposed, I suppose.  But I was a worker, and a hard worker, until the main timer went down.  The will is still there, and sometimes the way.

A bit of gaming, then back to it.  Later.

Not recovered.

.
.
For the last three weeks, I have gotten out twice in a row each week, then maybe, on one or two of those weeks, another day out.  It was a push, to break out of what had been a bit of a lock up, or down, depending on how you see things.  That lock down had been in play since the start of summer, mostly.  Sure, I had things to do.  Yes, my new friend had made requests.  But I always have things to do, if not always requests.  I had hoped to be better, recovered, today.  I am not.  The lungs are a bit sore, if also they feel as if the bit of work and activity has cleared... something... out.  Tired but clear, the lungs.  A bit of a switch.  I just wish I could work well enough to get them in shape, while keeping them clear and thus not tired.  My body, my muscles, are all just a bit sore.  I suspect, using them a little, they simply aren't getting enough blood flow to repair from the simple use.  No headaches, of muscle or other natures.  Only organ pains a day or two in this episode.  A general malaise, however.  Though that might be as much winter as a worn out body.  Though I can tell I am worn.  I need more days down.  No real choice.  Though, perhaps, I can get to a few things here in the man cave.  Or not.  Bleh.  I will aim at some work though, mind you.

I have been dreaming.  Bright, strong, interesting dreams, too, if I can't keep them in memory.  And sleep has been good, if I have been having to keep the door open to allow heat in, which also brings the cats in, which can disturb sleep.  At least I have been sleeping well, if a bit short, often at six to seven hours.  And I need to go to bed earlier.  Gah!  How to force these things, I do not know.  Even when I worked, sleep and wake were crazy.  They would manually reset, but just as now, only through great pains.  Back then I was well enough to swing a double double shift and force a reset.  Now, not so much.

I'll keep at it.  Good day.

Just fiddling.

.
.
I never really know.  Although, from time to time, I suspect.

Rough.

.
.
I'm glad I stuck with two bottles of beer.  I don't think that was the problem if I am sure more would not have helped.  A bit of a fever last night, upset stomach, headache, and just ugly parts of some of the night.  I tended myself as well as I could.  Some of it just, there was no way to treat it.  It was, thankfully, mostly mild.  I have simply done too much over the last few weeks, after being down for a while... down for too long really.  All good.  I'll pay the price and keep up as I may.

It is a pretty morning.  We have been getting sun more lately.  Today is an iffy one, as regards sun.  Though it is a bit brighter, not so heavily overcast, here first thing.  It is another day of rest.  Though it would be good to get a shower in, maybe shave, perhaps do some laundry and/or dishes and/or work in the kitchen.  But just little bits.  I really can't push too much.  Not yet.  A bit, though, is always good.

I'll do what I can.  Pray, for you and me, even if you should not like me.  *cough*  Seriously, though.  I really don't mind.  And if I don't like you, though truly I can't think of any I don't like, even those of you who don't like me... but even so... I would pray for you more, and the right kind.  I figure if someone doesn't like me, they probably have a problem, because I don't hold grudges, mostly.  And those very few that I hold, or in which my opponent refuses to see their errors, I turn it over to God for some time in their future.  Ask, whether I am here or not, and should I know about it, know that it has been turned over to God for remediation.  Easier to work with me, though God knows my will, if He also knows our faults.  Don't try to sneak one by.  *wink*

Later.

Well, no beer.

.
.
Until things get straightened around, no beer.  And I am trying to, if not very well, watch what I eat in an attempt to get back in shape.  It might or might not help.  Oh, and I finally purchased the sugar substitute the wife of my deacon suggested.  Took long enough.  Yeah, no, it isn't just doing things they know about that can take a long time.  While I have been getting out twice a week lately, I have so many things I need to do in that time that... well... I still haven't arranged for Sunday clothing, I haven't quite gotten an oil change or cleaning in... if money played a part.  The kitchen, and rest of the cave really, languishes.  I do what I can.

Still, no beer.  Or, no large amount.  I have a couple of beers at a time, once or twice a week.  At my size, it doesn't offer a buzz.  But that isn't why it is consumed.  I simply like having a change of pace, something different to drink from time to time.  I sure would like to drink to Lemmy.  Hmm, perhaps a couple of beers would do.

I am still pretty wiped.  The nap didn't seem to help all that much.  It was simply required.  I was a bit worried that it was too late, and a nap would mess things up.  I didn't, for one thing, have a choice.  Down I went.  It looks like that won't be an issue.  While it is 22:00 and change, which is later than what I would like, it isn't too far off.  And with today being a day of rest there is hope I won't need extra sleep tonight.

I might be up against it, in many ways.  And yet, oddly, I often seem to figure out how to get on through.  Even when the woman doing my billing at the hospital has a grudge.  *grins*  Yeah, I know.  She must be the one, some time back, who was riding my bumper, then when I forced her to pass she drove really slow, then had other problems.  Yep, I... didn't see her well enough, but I get a sense of things.  Now I know.  Funny thing is, unlike her, I really don't care.  She can't mess up my day... even if she shot me to death.  You just can't win against some things, if that is what you are aiming at.  The best way would be to be better, but many people simply don't have that in them.  Yeah... I realized it after my first visit it, had it, mostly, confirmed on this visit.

Good night.

A favored bard has died.

.
.
Bowie?  Fu u!  No, a bard for my type.  Lemmy Kilmister.  And, now, the fake part isn't the part you'd think was fake.  Born Ian Fraser Kilmister.  The lead singer of Motorhead.  A band I, when they dropped, was weened upon.

A few of my favored, to give you an idea.  Yeah, you probably didn't hear of him.  And yet you think of yourself as cultured having heard of Bowie?  Psha!  Yeah, these songs mean a great deal to me, personally.  The first was just the way it often was.  The second as I was figuring my way through and beyond the first.  Many people really don't care, as long as their bread is buttered, their linens are fresh, and their meal is hot and on time.  Nor, as I have come to understand, can or should they.  What, exactly, about sacrifice, do some people, including myself at one time, not understand.  Even if it isn't for an exact man or woman, sacrifice is real, and about ideals, even if it seems, at times, to only be for your brothers to the left and right of you.

Tiring, for a day of rest.

.
.
Oh, but at least it makes me chuckle.  I do my best, kiddies.  I push and pull.  I knew today would be half a day and less.  I've spent all my fuel cells and then some.  While I am about to crash for a short nap, I have actually done more, gaming, than I thought I would.  I also wondered about in-game survival.  Reflexes, concentration, focus, and physical agility using the controller to react to those other things, when I am really tired, can be problematic.  As it turns out, I downed two or three new bosses without a death.  I have died a few times, but... that IS Dark Souls 2.  You WILL die.  How often, to a degree, is up to you, your skills, and a bit of luck.  All I am saying is I have done much better than I thought I would... in game.  In life, otherwise, it's about what I expected.  I didn't think I'd need a nap, but I should have realized it.  Or at least the potential.

Tomorrow, as well, will be a slow day.  Then, I am hoping, out Friday.  Maybe early, too.  I'll see if my friend wishes to go.  Dang kids!  It's good to be getting out, to have someone to run with, and all.  I'll always miss my friend who died.  But he wouldn't want me to just sit around and then die.  He was both of our friend.  Anyway, Friday then I might take two weeks off from the outside world and attempt to get the kitchen in order, then the living room.  No promises, but that is the plan.  If I can get things up to some sort of specs, I'll have my friend visit and make a meal here.  Let him do a bit of shopping on the way, but split it or pay whole, makes no difference to me.  We'll see.

Nap time, now.  Later.

Good boy.

.
.
I really have been good.  I've been pushing to get and take medicine, I rescheduled with my doc once I got medicine going, I am back on right doses.  I have been out taking care of business, moving things around, setting live back up.  I had my tires rotated, oil change and cleaning are planned for next month.  Money, while not too tight... I just prefer to wait for those expenses.  I have been doing as well as I can.  Eating, shopping, taking care of other things.  Which is why I haven't been blogging so much.  It is taking everything I've got to catch back up.

Between this and that I have been gaming and sleeping.  Who would think that someone in my condition can, after a rough start albeit, end up being able to pretty much plunder a game like Dark Souls 2.  There is still a boss or two who gives me troubles, or a surprise that catches me off guard.  And yet I am ripping things up in game fairly well.  And the game has been eating up all the sitting time I end up requiring from being out and about two days in a row, shopping, visiting my friend, and taking care of business.

I have a day or two down.  Two days in a row really beats me up, at least until I get back in some kind of shape, and when health is good and while that lasts.  I have actually been enjoying the cold though, which is good.  Still taking care of too many things to mess with snowshoes, but the idea is still there.  I really am hoping to go camping, a few times anyway, in the winter.  Nothing fancy, not clear across the high country.  Just a few days out and in and back, if I can.

Back to resting through gaming.  Later.

Sweetelydo... or don't?

.
.
Just being jazzy on the swing around.  Sleep to wake, fully recovered.  It isn't even that shoveling snow should be all that bad... if I could keep up with life in general.  It's just that, when I haven't done anything for months, THEN almost any work is half murder.  But shoveling a 10' x 40' x 3", plus a bit of sidewalk, plus part of a perpendicular run...  Well, that's a bit of work on any day, quadruple the load after being mothballed for six months.  And, yet, I did it and enjoyed it, mostly.  I also recovered fairly quickly.

I suppose a quick recovery, a good sleep, and being back on a day schedule all adds to putting a little extra kick in my limp this morning.  Oh, and tea is ready!  I've had tea for the last few days as my primary liquid.  Adding honey sometimes, and other sweeteners at different times.  Gotta mix it up.

My mother did call me back yesterday.  It seems she was helping a friend, one of her lady friends.  She had broken an ankle, and they were either going to leave her in the hospital, then send her to a nursing home, or as it ended up take her home for just over the weekend and then decide what to do.  It is a lot of work having to do complete care.  The woman doesn't want to go to a nursing home, but the family decided otherwise.  At least until/unless she regains strength and heals.  She is a headstrong woman, something she might rue as she easily passed it to her children.  *grins*  The woman has coming through a lot, so I am hoping she does end up back at home.  But, with all else, it is too much to care for her if she can't do much on her own.  Anyway, for whatever reason, cell phone reception was bad where she was.  At least now I know.  I was actually becoming worried about her.

Sleep was great.  I did dream about a man who asked me if I really intended to ask for the hand of a specific woman.  I asked him how the sun would obtain the moon.  He didn't get what I was after.  I simply suggested that the sun chases the moon day and night but never lays claim.  In a way, I suggested, it is because the moon stays far enough away.  It is that simple.  If she gets close enough, attempts on her hand will be made.  If she chooses not to be more than an idea, a love from afar, all she has to do is keep her distance.  Live is very simple.  Men have their times, where the ball is in their courts.  Women have their time.  And never are they at the same time, by the rules of such reality.  It is, at this time, in this way, in her court.  Though I have made it completely clear that, should she enter my court, I will steal the ball and attempt to score.  *wink*  Have no doubt, if she arrives to play, I will play to win.  The ball is in her court at this moment.  That is all, you may return to quarters.

Well... on to my day.  A shower, shave, perhaps some fussing, feeding the cat, then gaming until I decide what else to do.  Later.

Okay, yeah, sure.

.
.
I asked a question.  I believe I got an answer.  Do I present that way?  Maybe not exactly, but very plausibly within what is real and among the reals themselves.  Both songs could easily be seen as who I really am or could be or have been... to some varying degrees.  In the first, yeah... it's there.  In the second, should I find a nubile wife, definitely.  And, at times, I can resemble some of the rougher states of those shown.  Resemblance, perhaps of kin like ways.  Perhaps just in certitude, though I think more.  I think, sometimes, when people read here, they think it's just... stuff, writings, stories.  When they meet me and... something clicks?  It can hurt.  The way many truths hurt.  Whether about me, or simply about reality, is for the... one whose eyes have been opened to know, or choose or understand.  In time it all becomes clear, to great suffering.  Just the way it is.  Disturbing.  Even if they don't agree, they do see that I do believe.  No story, or not so much.

And, I tried to explain this video to them, which is why they went to that post to explain their problem.  Well, and that I don't believe politics is the solution.  Huh?  Nope.  Unless God is your politics.  Politics is only, and ever, and at it's very best, a necessary evil.  It isn't, can't be, and won't be the solution.  But if men are well armed, there is a much reduced incidence of crime, both citizen on citizen and state on citizen.  Anyway, this is the video, and ideas, I expressed.  How to arm the other eleven.  Indeed.

Better.

.
.
While I couldn't do much, the pain has been milder.  It still keeps me immobile.  Though as such I can find comfort.  Some days I feel like pushing it, or have to and can.  Some days, like today and yesterday, I simply did not have an interest or need in pushing through the pain.  Yesterday was more gritting and grinning.  Today was all about not moving.

It seems as if the female missionaries have moved on.  Too bad, but there are so few, it's probably good that they are shared around.  A couple of young men showed up today.  Being a mess, and not being able to describe why...  We had a bit of a discussion, but I think they wanted to just leave.  Not sure what I said.  No worries, if they are looking for work or souls to save, I understand.  They are welcome to visit, or not.  I do look a bit rough, can't blame them.

I don't know about tomorrow.  I'm not sure about the rest of today.  Gaming, mostly, today.  I called my mother.  Reception was poor.  She said she would call back but never did.  So, a bit ago, I called her and gave her some razzleberries.  Nothing too serious, just...  Some days, when it all goes wrong, one gets the sense of being pariah.  Not really, I mean I don't take that all too seriously.  And yet, it rubs.  It's funny being human, or close enough... such delicate egos, emotions, and weather/season can add to it, or perhaps even been mostly the whole of it.  No worries, just fussing today... can't do much else.

Oh, but I'm doing better in the game.  Amazingly better.  Not sure, it is as if a light switch came on and now I see.  I am beating bosses I had trouble with, and new bosses I thought might take me down... ones I had not fought before even, and winning on the first shot.  It sure eats time as I heal.  And while I was shoving my days back into daytime.

Later.

No go for today.

.
.
What started out as a minor twinge in my lower back ended up being a bit more.  Nothing too terrible, just trying to skip through it was not going to work.  If I stayed still, it was easy.  If I moved, straight lines were best and less enjoyable.  If I did anything for any sort of time, my body vetoed the effort quickly and unforgivingly.  No worries, I thought that might be the case.  A day or three down may end up being necessary.  Though I am going to make an attempt at an end play and get some things done on the slow and sly.

I am about done for the day as well.  I can't remember when I woke.  Perhaps 3:00, maybe 6:00, I just don't know.  I am done now.  It was definitely worth being able to get the snow removed.  It really is good to work, when I can.  My friend suggested that many men with bad hearts end their lives shoveling.  I didn't say this then, but the notion is pretty much how I feel on the subject.  If I start closing down my life to tend something, I might as well just end my life.  Yeah, there are limits.  And there are things that are more, or less, advisable.  And, yet, if I can't live, I am already truly dead.  Which I am not.  Mostly.

Good night.

I did survive my youth.

.
.
Oh, and yeah, it was... odder.  Where do you think these stories derive?  Anyway...  While I'm not quite on some beach, on some island, with some bimbos... I could be should I wish it.  I suspect that men to end up there, if they ever finally do come to even more of a spot of wisdom, will find something more like what I have.  Oh?  Yeah.

Dreams fade when they are painted on the world.

.
.
Yes, dreams too.  Haunted by events of the near future.  Burning shadows with the fires of truth, repentance, righteousness.  Giving even of life, if necessary.  I am not alone if there are others much closer to the line, of flesh.

As I head into dreams...

.
.
Just some thoughts.  Something out there.  Something... telling, warning, remembering... forgetting.

I did get out.

.
.
It was more than I probably should have done.  Just shoveling was enough for the day, really.  Thirty five to forty feet, four inches deep at least.  Wait, actually I did a measure, with my index finger, let me measure... okay... three inches and small change, actually.  Still, that is a lot of work.  It did wear me out, no doubt.  And it took three different runs at it to get the last of it.  Plus I went out and salted (which really helped with the temps above freezing for the last few days).  My back is a bit sore, I know I will sleep well, but I didn't stop there.

I called my friend.  If he could help me get going on my vehicle, I would be in, and take him to a shop there in town.  We talked quite a bit, then took care of the Xterra, then headed to the bakery coffee shop.  He knew of the place, but thought it had closed.  It had closed, but opened recently under new management... or such.  Tea and sweets, for all the efforts.  But he paid.  I also picked up a loaf of bread.  True professional bakery stuff.  It's called the Crumb Brothers, I do believe.  A very good place to stop in, take a friend, for coffee or tea.  I'm not sure if they do meals, but I would like to try various offerings.  The bread, by the way, is fantastic.  The treats were very good.  I just like to have a number of places I can call home, of sorts.

After that we went shopping.  When one or both of us aren't too sick we might end up getting into all sorts of the right kind of trouble.  I need the same sort of help he needs, and I can help on some of the things he likes to do.  Both of us are considered, and are, too slow for many regular groups.  For hiking, or camping, we just don't fit.  However, we can both survive just fine.  Just don't push or prod.  I can drive, I just don't have the... gumption?... yeah... gumption to get out, on my own.  He may have the gumption, but can't really handle some of the rest of it.  Oh, and he had considered Burning Man.  I think that would be a bit much.  The heat alone.  But the crowding, getting around... nah.  However, there are local burns.  I'd like to see him visit one of those.  Just to see.  I think he would be surprised at how personable many of the people are.  Rude, sometimes, kindly sometimes, but fairly real people.  Not a bucket list thing, just... a thing.  Not a bad one.  And I messed up last time, if for the right reasons.  With someone else there I would have to learn to... deal with the situation.  I'm telling you, she had it all in the right places and ways.  And I think she had an eye game going on.  She wasn't sure, she wanted me to be, and I was becoming sure.  Anyway...  I'll have to figure it out more honestly next time.

Burned out.  I will sleep well.  A shower in the morning, and I may head back in, to get an oil change and a tire rotation.  Or Monday, if I can't.  I also need to get back to working on getting Sunday go to meeting clothing ready.  Bleh.  Later... Or, good night actually.  Sleep well, I will.

Today or not.

.
.
I am finally well enough into the day schedule, that I considered escaping into town.  A bit of shopping.  Perhaps a meal.  Maybe a visit.  When I went to bed last night, or the night before?  I thought someone had been by.  I crashed so hard, it was the day I stayed up until 19:30 (I think).  Yes, that was several days ago.  Yesterday I only stayed awake until 15:00.  Anyway, I checked, and, yep, someone, two someones, had been by.  I only noticed one set of prints, but in my dream state of near-wakefulness, I heard two voices.  Don't know what they wanted, but it's all good.  There was no way I could have waken.  I had pushed, that day, like a mule.

So, today, getting out?  Ah, right, but what allowed me to know that someone had visited was tracks.  Which... aren't a problem.  It was what the tracks were in that was the problem.  Snow.  I saw some of it coming down, but it didn't seem to be all that much... deep.  I'll bet that was four to five inches.  Not extremely wet, but not pure fluff either.  Yeah...  So, I got on it.  My drive is clear, but that did bust me up just a bit.  I still like working, when I can.  After I finished, I salted a few nasty patches.

I then called my friend.  He has been calling me, and missing.  I don't know if I simply haven't heard the phone.  While I keep it near, it is still easy for me to miss.  Either that or I have been asleep when he calls.  I'd like to go visit.  Make a meal over there.  I may have to take a pot or pan, depending.  Like I said, if I am going to be there for a long time, I might as well make a decent meal.  Roast beef, potatoes, and rutabaga is my plan.  And an offer he can't refuse.  If he helps me get my vehicle ready for a professional cleaning, oil change, and tire rotation, I'll get him over to the steak house.  It's been a while since I have been there.  I can't quite see to getting all the work myself.  But with two cripples, and incentive, perhaps I can get the Xterra tended.  Plus get a meal out.  Either way, I will get the Xterra work done, soon.

Oh, and since I was feeling a bit fancy, I made it to the post office today.  Just... because.  I was awake, the drive was clear, and I felt like it.  I like to do the little, and big, things of life.  I do.  I love it when I can.  Annoying?  Sure, sometimes.  But, too, a part of life.  I have cheated death so harshly, but death has cheated me greatly too.  So I enjoy even the prices, costs, of life, when I can.  Later.

It's either a train or the sun.

.
.
I seem to be approaching the light at good speed.  I was awake until 17:30(ish) last night, the latest I have been up in a long time.  Or was it 19:30(ish)?  Yeah, I think it was the last.  As I recall, I set the alarm for 5:00, after rounding up, adding eight hours for sleep, then tossing in another for good measure, using the alarm, it was hoped, as a backstop, not a primary means of waking.  Huh?  Yeah.  I ended up waking at 1:00 or 2:00?  Maybe 3:00?  To be expected when I make a huge jump in my schedule.  I think the latest I have stayed up, beside that, was 15:00 yesterday, but more like 13:00 the last few days before that.  My effort is the same, day to day.  The effects just happen.  I'm honestly not sure all of my effort actually means a damn.  That doesn't mean I'll quit, it's just being honest.  Hey, as the widow who offered her coin, and was praised for having given all she had... so it is with me and my will.  I might not change the world, or even myself.  I will die trying.  And, you know what, like my schedule coming around of late?  Sometimes it does work.

Now, pushing my schedule as I have has left me pretty much busted up.  I won't be doing much else.  I can't, really.  Gaming, to push the hours.  And for something simply to do.  I haven't even been blogging.  There simply hasn't been anything to say.  I haven't even been thinking.  Though I had a wonderful dream about some of my various "brothers".  Men and boys who at one time were kin of one sort or another.  Some of them ended far worse, some of them are far worse and not dead.  I have known some fine men.  Even those who have failed... where good in ways, to a point.  Even the ones who did wrong, start to stop, taught me.  I have lead, trained, learned, followed (to a degree), laughed, and even cried with my companions.  I pray for the living and the dead.  And that they might find forgiveness, as I surely do.

My friend has called, several times by the look of it.  A message has been sent.  I need to get in to town for other things, getting him out would be good too.  I would like to get him to the men's group.  Though I am having great troubles attending myself.  If nothing else, getting in a couple of times a month.  Oh, and perhaps, since he talks all day (not judging, definitely not judging), making a meal when I go in.  I will be ordering ducks to replace those I lost.  And I am going to plan on buying a whole beef this spring.  Then, three months after that, half an hog.  I'll be giving some of the beef out.  It would also be good to feed folk.  He said he owes a woman or two.  If not both at the same time, perhaps having a choice guest to eat with us from time to time might work as well.  Just some thoughts.  Oh, and food pictures... he might be able to help or tinker along with me on that.

I am back, well, on medicine.  I am trying to eat more regularly.  I do slip here, while doing well there, always something.  I'll keep at it.  I'd love to be out in the snow, even once in a while.  Taking pictures, snowshoeing, perhaps even winter camping.  I'll... I'll get there.  Later.  *wink*

Push and shove.

.
.
My days are becoming real days.  It isn't too rough, either.  No great pains, I'm not even seeing minor sufferings.  Medicine is back on track.  I hope to add a bit more in.  Nothing fancy.  Though if I can hit the whole of the kitchen, top to bottom, then go even deeper, clearing even shelves, that would be good.  I may be to that point again, or not.  Of course, getting dress clothes ready to attempt a run at confession and Mass would be good.  Plus, if we get a fresh snow before too long, I would love to try out the snowshoes.  Those I can probably do one way or the other.  I'd like to practice with them, dry, here inside first.  But that isn't absolutely necessary.  I have taken a couple of heavy falls, on iced pavement (one was covered with snow, so easy to miss... the other was a time I was trying to get out and help those who came to help).  Yes, I can handle a full hard fall.  Neither even made me sore later.  *grins*

I do need to check my accounts, make sure everything is good there.  I need to do a bit of shopping, though that will have to wait until tomorrow.  After I finish the corned beef and cabbage, I'd like to make ham.  some to be added in with beans, some to be frozen for other uses.  I've never made scalloped ham... is that is how it is called?  Coin sliced potatoes with cheese sauce and ham.  Oh, well, and some simple ham, which I will probably eat first, splitting portions for those other meals as I go.  If I cook a few sides each week, then a whole large meal once or twice, I can keep in food, for the most part.  Having eggs on hand, and a few other items, makes it all easier... if I could keep up on dishes.

I have shifted my days around.  I am about half way there.  No fast moves, nothing drastic.  I can do that, but not without great pains.  Of course, I know it will slip back, in some amount of time.  I think, in the thirty years I have been mostly dead, the longest I was able to keep to schedule has been since they began treating my heart, and has been three months.  College was brutal.  If I made class, I had to either be on one "shift" or another, or break through my sleep cycle to make it to class while I should have been sleeping.  Those options, of course, and missing class.

Well, on to something.  Mostly gaming.  I has been keeping me awake without wearing me down to much in a physical way.  Sure, it's Dark Souls II, an sob of a game to be sure.  Just as soon as I figure something out, something else comes along that doesn't want to work... or the game just decides it's my turn for a dying streak.  Yes, the game cheats.  Yes, it has flaws.  It, really, is a lot like life.  Or, at least, my life.  And more literal than usual.  Very few people die, let alone multiple times.  Few have, in just about all ways, lived on either side of that line, and so closely, as I have.  Often in more than one way.  That game and much of the music here really is more my story than anything else.  If I had the ability, I would be in Oregon.  While I don't think they will win, not this one, if nothing is done we will all surely lose.  Some will have to be murdered, some will have to go to prison, and bureaucrats will have to be seen as the enemy that they are and then dealt with.  Too steeped on death's door, even in this minor way, to end up on another is all.

Every time...

.
.
In this last month, every time things were looking up they faltered.  On the other hand, every time life was looking to crash, it didn't.  It has been a very slow, mild, middling, but low, roller coaster.  Nothing done but nothing broken.  No great function but no terrible pain(s).  It's 8 F out, and I'd love to be out in it.  I can handle it, if I am not sure I could do much.  And it might wear me down a bit over the line... or not.  I do like the cool, usually.

I still haven't arranged my clothing, or dug into the freezer or kitchen.  But, today, I am going to make a move on those things.  If I can get clothes together, and keep pushing my day further into the real day, I may attempt to make an special appointment for confession, as it might be a month or so before I can be awake during the regular time...  Then, if I can do that, figure out a weekday Mass.  Even just one a week, though with the hope of more.  And, as time rolls around, a high Mass, one on Saturday or Sunday.  Or both.  I also need to arrange some other things, with regards to church and charity.  I know, I know.  God forgive a forgetful lost fool.  The intent really is there, the mechanics and such are often lacking.  Perhaps I can be there on the next high holy, Easter.  And I would like to help out with lent meals.

Pushing?  Yes, but why I have been asked.  I have had many answers to that question, through time.  Now, though, I believe I have the real answer.  Even when it hurts, perhaps especially when it hurts... when it pains me in other ways, as an annoyance, even a grievance... when it would be easier to just quit, to give in, or up, or out... among other things...  That is when holding on, making all effort, continuing... even if those things are just in my mind... that is holding on to life, and the truth, perhaps Truth, of life.  When God chose me, and I chose Him back, I have come to realize, that was a very large part of the package.  Not as a generality, or theory, or even some certainty but without any real costs or price.  Life is holy.  Even mine.  And it must be sought, right through the shadow of death.

Rather than condemn me, join me.  Not for my sake, for yours.  Sad to see so many who have a full whole life who throw it away, abuse it, reject it.  I have every reason, of a worldly nature, to do just those things.  Not only do I not, I literally dance on my grave.  I know, in time, it will be proven false.  I know, even now, what I suffer is just as false... in the whole of Truth.  Yes, join in the rhythm of life.  Later.

I'll keep at it.

.
.
Days and nights are completely topsy-turvey.  It is 8 degrees out there, F not C.  Though, while it snowed more as I returned the other day, and then while I slept, someone, again, hit the driveway.  Awesome!  I am trying to keep up.  It just isn't working well.  The cold isn't getting to me.  It's just... everything and all.

I have been figuring out food, give or take.  I keep forgetting medicine, but the will is there.  The memory, focus, isn't.  Just beat sudoku in 8 seconds though.  That is my new second fastest time.  I have done 5 seconds once, 8 seconds once, 9 seconds probably a score or two of times, then 12 seconds many times.  Though even a 12 second game isn't all that bad.  Even if I have done it a hundred times, I doubt if most people can, ever, play a game that fast.  I'm not sure what that speed puts me in, percentage wise.  Though I am guessing it is in the... nosebleed section.  I'm not sure it is IQ based, but there probably is some sort of neuro-intellect thing going on.  It is both physical and intellectual.

Anyway...  I had hoped to make corned beef and cabbage for my New Years meal.  I bought the meat several days ago, but then forgot what I was doing and froze it along with the other meats, though I did remember to keep a package of steaks out, which served well enough.  The day snuck up on me, I guess.  I have it thawed and will make some for tonight.  Yes, I remembered red potatoes as well.  All I could find was red cabbage.  Not sure if it will be much different.  Will find out soon enough.

I have been gaming, to try to stretch days, stay awake, all that.  I've been staying up on the girls.  Food, litter raking, and just extra attention.  When they can't get out, when it is too cold, extra attention to each eases their cabin fever.  I can tell, fewer fights.  I haven't gotten dress clothes set up yet.  I'm... thinking on it.  Bleh.  I'll keep trying to remember to focus, or some such.  With medicine, potentially, back on track...  That sure spooks me.  I'd hate to drop it all and walk.  But that is just as possible.  Should I be troubled with some things.  We will see next time, and should my doc decided to add a medicine, or change something.  Every time I get ready to deal with this I twitch just a bit.  It might work out.

Good day and good night.