Replacements.

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I highly doubt that what is on offer instead of wheat noodles, flour bread, or rice of any sort, is going to taste like... well... what it is replacing.  At this point it honestly doesn't matter.  As long as it fills the role well enough.  It isn't so much the flavor that I am missing, as the sense that something isn't in the dish that should be.  Actually, you simply can't have spaghetti without... well... spaghetti.  It just isn't what it is.  And the sauce... without noodles, or even bread?  As I learned tonight, however, meatballs are great just with the sauce and some melted cheese.  Oh, I can do that.  I've been eating plain burgers for a while, so it was a treat.  Yeah, I am working on it.

To the store soon.  Working on a list.  Standard issue foods, like milk, cream, eggs, of course.  Now there are new foods.  Further, I am looking much more closely at labels.  Does this heavy cream have stabilizers?  Does that have dextrose, do those have sugar, is this so and such?  Not just what is in it, but... how many carbs?  Even with a carb count, I am going to have to see if it disturbs my own body's glycemix indexer.  Testing, and more, on new and old.  Of course, with my insulin doing yo-yo tricks I'll... have to test cautiously.

As to the noodles, or noodle replacements really, if they aren't in the stores I shop I have found them at Amazon.  As well as a rice replacement.  Not just random picks, these come recommended.  Not that they will work, for me, but they are a start.  Further, they will give me some notion of how my tastes and tolerances compare with a particular taster.  Here is a link to the spaghetti, fettuccine, and rice replacements... just to show where I am looking.  I have heard that adding a cup of brown rice, to the package, needing no water, will produce a very close run... if my system will handle it well enough.  I think I had brown rice whole, without a blood sugar shock, so...  Actually I might hold off on the rice replacement until/unless testing shows a real need.

It is amazing what all is out there.  It isn't just packaged, either.  Simply cooking cauliflower, then pressing it through a ricer, and... there is another rice/potato substitute.  Crazy what all is out there that I really didn't know.  Or did but conveniently ignored.  Crazy how, until you are ready to take a corner in life, you often won't/can't begin to see around it.  *Boo!*  Run away, run away fast!  Ah well.  I am here now, and cornering fairly well.  I think I am surprising people.  I am not sure that is a good thing.  Some people don't like surprises, some don't like specific surprises.  Ah, the dead man CAN walk... run... disappear.  But... I thought he was, you know... dead... deadish?  Can't we all just get along?  *poof*  *wink*

Later.

Ah... man, gotta watch everything.

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I have not been liking chicken lately.  Just not liking it.  Something... wrong.  Taste buds on the fritz?  It's not extremely recently, but the last year or two or three.  I don't eat chicken often, so dating the problem isn't exact.  On another topic, I began a search in an attempt to locate US caught and handled fish.  I have the link, but that is really pricey.  I'd like to find something I could have slightly more regularly.  Sure, fishing.  But I'm not that good.  Actually, I haven't caught a fish as an adult I don't believe.  I've only tried, perhaps... four or five times.  Still, it's a bit of effort to get good, and then maintain a stock.

No luck finding US caught and processed fish.  China.  And not good.  Really, stay away from fish.  Even cans of tuna are not, most likely, tuna.  What is it?  Hard to say.  Just as likely whatever ends up on the hook, in the net, mixed with whatever tuna is also caught by the sounds of it.  Yeah, I found this out some time back.  Not sure if it matters, in one sense.  If it definitely does in another.  I wonder if the FDA just lets that fly?  They, it is suggested, turn back lots of Chinese fish.  But they only inspect a very tiny portion of what is coming in.  Canadian and Mexican foods are just as bad.  Why do we have them if they can't or won't do their job?

What I found, or saw, or was suggested, is that chickens are not American, often, either.  Great.  I may have to find better sources of chicken, even if just for stock.  What I used last time did what it was supposed to do, and actually boiled clean.  Perhaps I simply don't care for chicken all that much?  There is that.  But there is the concern with foreign poultry.  Fish and poultry are both things you don't want to mess with.  If bad, they will mess you up heartattack fast.  I may speak with the butcher shop tomorrow.  It really depends on what they have going, the price, and such.  I really only like hindquarters, split or not, with skin and bone on and in.  Well, and bones for broth.  They can keep the change.  :p

Fish?  I may simply have to pay the premium for honest, non-poisonous, fish.  Or... as close to it as my wallet can get.  Yeah, you guessed it, I am out of fish and have a hankering for it.  Well, and I am thinking about more chicken broth.  I have enough bones for a broth, if I would like a few more.  Though, I don't think I will be using the pressure cooker.  Why?  That is a very limited method.  I would only get... maybe... a gallon, max?  Whereas, if I used one of my massive stock pots I could get double that or more.  Whought... 36 quarts, divided by four innit?  That's nine gallons.  Won't come close to full, will go down over time, call it half... 4 1/2 gallons without a sweat, especially if water is added through the process, and meat and bones, are taken out.  Math?  I'll... check on it.  Math is fine if I have the quart to gallon thing...  I am almost sure it's 4 to 1.

Gosh, I would sure like America to go back to serving it's own, and correctly, then on to helping the rest of the world.  Until then, buckle up and do what it takes?  Bigger government didn't help, and the blackout made matters much worse.

Some things are so right.

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Other things seem so wrong.  I can't say what it is, but I am crashing today.  I have slept twice!  Hmm, well... maybe it isn't all that bad.  The first time was a nap.  Though I was only awake for a while before crashing again.  Hmm... maybe that was due to the rising temps.  More so since I have learned to, fairly reasonably, sleep through the heat... even with a light blanket on.  Wait... that's crazy.  Just this year, when it was cooler and hadn't heated the surroundings, I had to have the ac.  And that was in order to sleep at night.  Yeah, no, I haven't been using the ac.  Just a fan in there.

The body is back to being grumpy.  Of course, whether it is 22 in less than two weeks, or 30 in three(?) weeks... that is simply a lot of weight off in a very short time.  And, most likely, it is still coming off.  There might well be gaps, perhaps almost more presenting as tears until the other sides stitch themselves back together?  It sure feels like it.

I'm not hungry.  I'm not grumpy.  Just a bit sore.  Oh, and today is dinner day!  And that is coming up shortly.  I'll do a blood sample before eating... which means now.  Hmmm?  Not so good, 189.  Why?  Other than there being a bounce from the orange juice debacle, henceforth the ojd, I'm not sure.  I did add a new liquid sweetener, a stevia type.  Shouldn't have been a problem.  I'll keep watch.  Oh well.  I will be eating within the half hour, and will test an hour after my last bite.  I may do a two hour too, again, just... to see.  Something is really off.  Or so it seems to me.  But then, I can't remember the last thing everything felt as it should.  And I have to wonder, at this point, if that was naivete.

Well, today?  Just staying in the chair, having food, and... I don't know what else.  Later.

Well bless my sainted aunt's thyroid.

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Other than to say something seems to be working out for the better, a minor call out to someone who knows.  I haven't heard such side-kickery in ages, by the way.  Neverthewho.

I got a bit of a nap in.  Needed it, wanted it, could take it, right over the 78 degree mark that was the way of things when dirt.. or pillow.. and face met.  It was an ugly thing, a face being molded into a gravity flattened thing.  And, yet, it was beautiful.  All things must go through the eye of the beholder.  At least one.  Two hours?  Three?  I can't be sure.  Seems more like a nap as things turn.  Which is fine.  I have been... careful... of late.  What with what all.  Even while sleeping, some caution was seen.  I had to wake, but just for normal calls, and that ended my nap.

I woke well enough.  Though I wanted to check something, right away.  I had a feeling.  What feeling?  Can't say, exactly.  Blood sugar.  Test.  Well, whatever I did it was the right thing.  My insulin level read 127!  Was it the broth?  It seemed to shoot the insulin up.  It wouldn't have been the cream, I use that every morning in tea, and in the afternoons on through-fasting days.  It must have had something to do with the broth.  But... what?  Never mind.  As a reward?  You guessed it, a cup of broth.  Though this time only two cubes.  Next time, three.  Two cubes for this volume of water is just too thin.  Actually I'm adding another in with this and warming it.  Make it two more cubes, and some more water.  Too thin is too thin and no amount of salt and pepper can fix that.  I will, in an hour, test again.  I am curious about this bone broth stuff.  Maybe it does jump the blood sugar, but allow it to back down at some point?  Crazy, but good.  It had to go forward, I could tell it was needed.

This gig is going well boys and girls.  Not bad for someone the world has given up upon.  I'll dig out of this grave if it kills me.  I already know the shortest timeline... the rest of my life.  Which I know, without any uncertainty, remains to me.  I'll be looking into some supplements and over the counter things tonight.  Oh, and my leg seems to be red again.  Not swollen.  Might have to see about that.  Yeah, I haven't been wearing the socks, at all... not even every other days like I said I would.  I best get back to that.

Later.

A mild warning.

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If you are going to do bone broth do so slowly and with some caution.  Perhaps more so in the middle of a fast.  As I recall, I reduced the stock to 2~4 to 1 ratios.  And, while I added water, about half or thereabouts again what the cubes created I did consume a fair quantity and added cream in one cup, making it even richer than already being richer than standard.  What is the problem?  Make sure you have a restroom easily available and nothing between you and it until you know how it might react.

Now, both the fasting method and the food choices I have taken to consuming can do this.  That they haven't after nearly two weeks, however, suggests to me that the problem was the broth.  I am going to continue to consume broth.  However I will be cutting volume and, for now, ending the notion of adding cream.  Tea and cream, and coffee and cream, seem fine.  Perhaps as I stabilize on these methods I will be able to play a little more with what I can do.

On another topic...  I had a rough moment earlier.  I looked at the weight, and thought back.  At the peak of my health, I weighed 240... roughly... always ups and downs.  I also wore a 31 waist.  Just eleven pounds heavier, 27~28 years later, and I'm at a 38 waist.  And that is down from about 46 waist when I arrived in Utah.  I was just on the edge of buying bigger jeans.  I decided to wait to see if the move and this new place would get some weight off, and it did.  Size more than weight, though maybe some weight?  I'll never be to 31 again.  I might get to 36, perhaps 34.  But that'll be down in the 200~220 weight range, assuming I also add exercise, probably several types.  Oh, that stung.  It sure did.  Always will.  Then again, who doesn't go through that?

Later or good night.

I needed that.

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I may have overdone.  I ended up having three (small) coffee cups... those original true coffee cups, of broth.  The first and last were just broth, the middle one got a splash of cream.  Salt had to be added.  In the last one I added less salt though went with black pepper.  Wow.  I could not get enough.  And, yeah, my body was craving it.  Whatever is in there was missing.  Still, I can't go that far in.  I'll have to work on volume.  I used six broth cubes (from the ice cube tray), two per cup.  I only added about a quarter cup of cream.  Salt was added sparingly, and can go down a lot more with black pepper in it's place... or other spices or herbs.  The thing is my blood sugar reading went up to 197 (from about 169).  I'll be checking in a moment to see if it is coming down, as if a normal meal had been eaten, or if there is some sort of problem.  Down to 177...  Hmm... volume?  I want bone broth in there, so I'll have to figure out how much, and such.  It shouldn't be taking my blood sugar up.  Then again, that orange juice really did a number on things.  I am sure it isn't the cream, I use nearly half of a pint in my tea, when I have it.  And it doesn't affect blood sugar.  So...

I really think it is just that the juice messed things up.  I'll have to watch what I eat very carefully to get back down.  And then to keep it down.  I just can't take risks with some things.  Yeah, I can tell that the bone broth was absolutely needed.  My body didn't just consume it, it soaked it in like a dry sponge in a flood.  Could not get enough.  I am just hoping that clears up some of the minor body nags and complaints.  Perhaps even improving life over a relatively good, if slack, run of time.  It's an experiment, all of it, and a complex one.  I'll keep cooking the runs, checking the numbers, and doing what I can.  Later.

Ah!

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The actual what and why.  I hear those often.  Near and far, in many ways.  Never completed.  Just.  How?  Why?  And... a trailing off.  More is wanted to be spoken.  Surprise.  Sometimes awe.  I forget what I was speaking of or writing, sometimes, right while doing so.  Especially if I am uncomfortable about a subject, or even a subtopic within.  I think in this case it was a bit of both.  Sometimes the block passes and I get back to it.  As in this example.

As it turns out, the very particular case discussed... both expressions were used, in the singular, and not too far apart.  The answer is, I am able to answer the questions that aren't asked because I know what they are before they are spoken.  Often I know before the person about to ask had even thought to ask.  It is only possible because, when I write something, or craft works from the works of others, I have already understood the many possible implications.  And, in some, I can see where they are going and how they are reacting without being told.  I don't have to be in the physical presence, though it can allow for more precision.  That is what that was about.  I have said I see in the dark.

It isn't just about what is written here.  I can see trouble coming, and quickly.  Some will say it is for this, others for that.  I, and they, know it has nothing to do with this and that, but a comment in an email.  Oh, yes, they do pay attention.  I am amazed that such things, and slights, make it to the ears that read such.  I do see in the dark.  And they know exactly what I am saying.  If there are troubles, you will know, to a degree, the real cause.

Anyway.  So... yes.  I do see.  No real issue.  I always thought everyone else could see.  I am finding that isn't the case.  Much as most can't... trail... notions... through time and space, see patterns that most miss, and have some ability to put things together.  How well?  As much as I am being viewed, and by whom, I would say... much more than you would suspect.  Oh... just stories.  Unless... you have been hit.  If so, the question is, what next?  *grins*

Right. More notions.

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One of the things about this way of consumption is that it is dehydrating.  That is something I have overlooked.  Why?  In part because I have been fighting over-hydration, and swelling in a leg from that.  Tea is good.  More so being that I often double or triple steep the loose leaves I use.  What does that do?  It weakens the caffeine, and pretty much all else.  While it does offer a varying flavor, so has it's purposes.  Plus it makes tea last that little bit longer.  The problem with dehydration is that it is not simply a matter of water.  There are things in the water being voided that are terribly important.

Now I had not gotten to the point of serious keto-flu, as they like to call it.  Looking at the symptoms, it sure looked like dehydration to me.  And, the symptoms I was exhibiting, if fewer and lighter, were headed that way.  There is a trick for this as well.  And, actually, I had already created the cure before I knew it would be needed.  How is that for taking care of the mocking suggestion that... physician, heal thyself?  Oh, yeah.  Ah, right, the solution.

Bone broth.  It has everything that is being leached by voiding because of the rest of the processes... probably from sweating extra too?  Well, and all around generally being cleaned out.  Remember earlier, in mid to late winter, I made chicken broth, and soup.  The broth I put into ice cube trays, froze, then bagged.  I just... well... wasn't sure I'd ever really have another use for them.  Who knew?!?  I pulled three cube out, put them in a heat-proof glass measuring cup with some water, microwaved until done, added a bit more water and salt (I added no water to the original stock), and... bingo!  That was absolutely delicious.  I am hoping a cup or two of that a day will fix me up sooner rather than later.  I'll still be suffering in the heat a bit, and not stirring all that much until it cools.  And yet I might enjoy fewer aches pains and general or even specific complaints... caused by any number of things.

Monday already?

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Late is the hour.  Which... is great!  I am, somehow, now able to sleep through the hottest part of the day without the heat of the outside disturbing my slumbering.  No crazy fevers, or fevered dreaming, no upset g.i., upper or lower, no feeling of having been baked while asleep, no serious grump upon waking... or that headache fevers can make.  Now, I'm not out in it much, which might also be helping.  But the truth is, quite often, being outside in the heat isn't so bad with all of the outside in which to share the heat.  At least for the times I have been out.

My body is still a bit tender and creaky from losing, changing, fasting, and the switch to 'bio-diesel'.  Burning fat instead of sugar just does different thing.  Fat that has been put here, or there, or such is being slowly taken to the furnace... if I can keep sugars out.  At my weigh-in, I was 251 (not worrying about decimal points, which will average out since I round up).  Last week I weighed 256, the weigh-in before that (not quite a week before, I believe) I was 154, the weigh-in before that, from sickness, had brought my weight down to 271 or 272... from my usual of 280.   My blood test showed 169 this morning... that orange juice sure did a number on my body... it was 166 at it's lowest last eve... yeah... I've been following it closely.  Probably measured four or five times throughout yesterday.  So pissed.  My blood sugar high was 336 from near the start, a fasting blood sugar.  My low, also a fasting blood sugar I believe, was 126 from a few days ago.  I can't swear, but it's been... say... 8~12 cycles of fasting (4~6 if you count each click and clack, up and down, of each kind as one... I count in sets).

I figure, with the heat, I just won't be able to kick a leg over the hump until that starts coming down.  I just can't multi-superman task.  Period.  One hard thing at a time, maybe two.  But that is fasting and the new diet, which are both adjusting both my metabolism and bodily energy source change, and at great speed.  Wrestling with the sun and heat are just... it's too much.  I can tolerate them, and fairly well.  But that is in the passive, not active.

Monday?  Who said that?  Oh, never mind.  Right.  Monday.  I am hoping to get in to the store sometime early this week.  I also need to... do something else.  Time is flying on that as well.  Tick-tock, always.  Still... I think I can, I think there is enough time, I will figure it out.  Hmm...  Hmm?  I don't know.  Later.

Cooling.

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It seems to be really cooling, compared to even yesterday.  Much more so than before that.  It's not even 22:00 and the temp, outside, is just dropping below 70.  That doesn't mean it will get in the mid-40's (I don't think it got cooler, though possibly... stopped checking at some point, if I can't quite be sure when... between 3:00 and 5:00 if I had to guess).  If it gets even to the low 50's, that would be a blessing.

I have been doing research on my diet and fasting method.  I am looking for cues, clues, hints, advice, warnings, and any other information I can collect which I believe I can trust, or is worth putting to the test.  Many, many, many, many people who post videos or blogs are... idiots.  Perhaps, though, different bodies react differently.  Some of them, however, are so out on some very specific and basic things so as to believe they have never attempted reaching ketosis or fasted intermittently.

Still, it really is up to you.  If something seems wrong, off, or it's all going south on you?  You really are in charge.  If someone tells you to do something bad, and you do it, and you have the wherewithal to find and then take the advice?  Then, really, it's on you.  So... I check.  I do, with some small trust, until it works or not.  Especially if someone differs from most others, significantly, in places they shouldn't.  Oh, and if you see an obvious junky musclehead, suggesting the diet is why he looks like a manorexic, just know he's jacking you around.  I exclude those idiot face-timers as fast as I can.  Though dames are in on it from the cutesy side as well.  *zap*

Anyway... one of the things I have been looking at, more closely, is what to exclude.  Some things I will abide, from advice.  Others not so much.  Peanut oil is fine, for some things, to me.  Cottonseed oil not so much.  So, what to do when it could be one or the other?  I found that on the label of cashews.  I'll eat that, in small portions, until it is gone, then either be done with cashews or cashews fried in that.  I went through a number of recent purchases.  Most made muster, smokehouse almonds did not.  Someone else can enjoy them.  Since they haven't been opened, I am hoping to give them away.

Damn!

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Looks like I was right about the orange juice.  Fasting blood sugar, 198.  That little bit in and my body wants to go back to burning sugars.  It is holding on, prepping to make the switch back.  It loves sugars.  Then again I knew this process was not bullet proof, that there would be mistakes, that a learning curve is involved.  No problem, simply disappointing how many steps back that is.  Well, back to the salt mines.

One thing I was considering, and have tried, but will be doing regularly, if doing extra testing regarding, is adding whole whipping cream to a darker tea or coffee (if I start coffee back up, which I am considering).  I am thinking twice a day pretty much every day.  I haven't, specifically, checked blood sugars with that going on.  But I have done it on days on which I have hit lows.  So if it is hurting, it isn't hurting blood sugar that much.  That will keep some fat, right there, to help my body begin more easily seeking it for energy.  If I keep the insulin low, the body has to chase something.  If I put in just enough fat that it gets the scent?  You guessed it.  Well... in theory.  Does anyone actually know?  I mean, really?  They might infer from this or that, or it might be highly suggested, but for the individual or anybody?  I really don't believe they do know.  They see something work, and infer that it is universal and guess why, nothing else.

My body felt like it didn't quite fit my bones a while back.  It is starting to feel like that again.  It feels like meat is sliding off bone, and things that used to be tight are loose.  It is not a comfortable feeling.  Though, I think, it is... probably about right.  I suspect I will go through this for... six months?  a year?  Honestly though, I did actually gain most of my weight right at the beginning of my illness.  They put me on the wrong meds, on top of my convalescence (which I never recouped out of, even to this day).  Those stacked weight on top of my inactivity.  So, I did put it all on in a year, maybe six months.  It hasn't been years of abuse.  Still, it has been on for decades.  Though, at my worst, I weighed 350, 70 higher than what I have weighed for the last... fifteen years?  Something like that.  I have been down to 260, or close to it, several times.  Never under it, and I think I got there more from being ill, or a trick the doctor gave me that shouldn't have worked.  This time is the first time I, mostly, earned.  Started with illness, then I figured out the trick... with a little more information from the web.

Yeah, feels like live meat sliding off living bone, loose areas where something used to be but is gone, and bones that don't have the taught support of skin and muscle they were used to knowing.  It'll work itself out.  I've truly never felt something quite so terribly odd.  Slightly, sometimes more, painful.  Not sure if anacin would help.  Might take some just to know.  Later.

No sleep.

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I just couldn't go down.  While up I went looking for information on a number of topics.  While at it, I ran into a food I've been meaning to make for a while, a long while.  I have most of the ingredients for it, save fresh herbs.  Well, and if you wanted to get picky, I don't have the right onion.  The problem was that it creates a spread.  What does a spread go on?  Bread, often enough.  Which was the case, so I looked for an option there.

First of all?  I think, if I merely focus on adding fat (and not overcooking the burgers and other meats) I'll do just fine.  I do believe homemade mayo and other types of dressings would greatly add to fats and allow me to keep carbs and fats I am not interested in out of my diet.  Egg, lemon juice, olive oil, and... what?  That's pretty close to simple healthy homemade may.  Then just add anything from blue cheese to various spices and herbs for other sorts of dressing.  Bingo.  Plus, adds to greens well, or just goes on some meats just as well.  I am not going to calorie count, I won't even count carbs, fats, or proteins.  I will just, and roughly, aim.

Ah. Problem?

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I started this thing, this change of eating habit... if truly just a controlled version of what I often fall into... on the spur of the moment.  What had I to lose?  I suck at dying.  I'm good with pain, hell, almost adopted each other officially.  I have figured some things along the way.  Still learning as last night showed.  And, well, learning continues?  If something new per day is the going rate, I doubled down.  Now, it's only a maybe.  I'll take it, for now.

Midnight-ish test.

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It is cooling nicely outside.  I opened things up, even in a new are, hoping to see even cooler temps in the cave.  As the midnight hour approached, and passed, I wasn't sure I really wanted to test.  A bit of internal debate and it was settled.  I thought so... 177.  That is a bit lower.  I think that juice really did a number on me.  It might even take a while to get back to fat burning.  We'll see.  I'll still set up an appointment this week.  Not FOR this week, just... next month, early.  Even with this hiccup, the trend should be enough for a sign-off.  Whether it will be forthcoming is another matter.

You know, I think I'll crash for a bit.  Maybe.  Pouting, a bit.  Ah well, no use in crying over spilled milk.  Monday is weigh-in day, if I don't think it will be down much, if any.  Walking... I really have to get that going.  Can't do that until I can be up at a time that is cool enough and light enough.  Gah!  Patience, Cricket.

Yeah, I tracked it.

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A good enough day.  The heat is simply oppressive.  It isn't quite stifling or horrifying, not yet, but it is rough and tumble.  At least for me.  There was no way I was going out.  One of my thermos was reading in the mid 80's, but I didn't believe it.  Not sure what the problem is with that.  If it was 10 degrees high, or low, sure.  But it's off in both directions, and not exactly when that would be expected.  The inside thermometer is good though... and the outside one gives me a very general reading and my gut feeling fills in for the failures fairly well.

Dinner at home.  I am sure I consumed less today than yesterday.  The only difference was orange juice.  Unsweetened, not-from-concentrate, and no.  That won't work.  Yeah, I'll finish the bottle, I just won't ever buy juice again, until things are controlled.  And, then, in very tiny amounts.  Someone once suggested the reason orange juice is consumed in small amounts is due to the acid.  I am thinking, while there may be something to that for some, for many others it is the sugar shock.

An hour after dinner my blood sugar was 217.  Two hours after it was down to 185.  While not a repeat of yesterday, in exactitude, it is similar in style.  I will quit taking a two hour reading.  I keep forgetting what I am doing.  So... I'll restate it, for myself.  As things stand, I would like to continue testing when I wake, an hour after a meal, and some other time that is well away from both waking and food.  That middling one is bound to change.  Currently I am waking just a few hours before mealtime.  So there really isn't a good middling time between fasting blood draw and after meal that isn't... just a repeat.  Hmm, I'm thinking... anywhere from midnight to 2:00, tonight, would be a good time to take a reading.  I could take a reading before meals, too... Just... not sure about that.  I ought to see what others think, see if there is a reason to do so, or...  It would give me a span between... but not when it is so close to waking time.

Actually, you know what?  With the damage done, and it just being a drink, I may simply finish the juice tonight.  I just hate throwing it away.  Hate waste.  And yet I don't want to draw it out.  I am not going to count it as a treat night, either, simply a part of the learning curve.  So there.  It simply is a bit confusing when time shifts and there is no way to tilt it back or forward.  Stuck in a loop that doesn't fit that of the world.

No... I'm just going to dump the juice.  I hate wasting, but I would hate to damage my success even more.  Yeah, I'll just dump it.  Gah!

Later.

How that works...

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I just took my fasting blood sugar.  It is 175.  Gah!  Still, it's below 200, so...  I'll be testing after dinner.  That feast, last night?  Was less than I was eating, by a third, when I started this thing.  Maybe half as much as my first few fast end meals.  From testing, so far, the liquid sugar replacement I have been testing seems to not affect blood sugar.  And I haven't eaten anything since, for sure.  I never was a night refrigerator raider, and besides, I've cleared my fridge and know what I put in.  If anything was missing I would plainly see it.  So... whyfor the higher blood sugar?  What did I eat... a glass of milk, a steak, a hamburger, and a cup of nuts (though pistachios in the shell, so... half a cup or less of actual nut meat).  That was it boys and girls.  And that so thoroughly stuffed me I could only waddle until about 3:00 this morning.  And this is the blood sugar I get for it?  I might have to begin adding chromium (I think that's what it is called) and cinnamon.  There are some others.  Then again, if it comes down, at some point, I won't be able to just starve it, then I will begin having to manage it, to avoid crashes perhaps?  Nah... the last times I fixed it, it simply went down and then became all good.  I suspect it will be the same this time.

Weigh in tomorrow, though I don't expect any weight loss.  However, this week, if I can figure out a time that is less busy out there, and not too hot, I'll begin walking.  Nothing fancy.  Initially just a timed event.  If I can kick it up, I won't mind a bit  of speed walking in an attempt to actually get somewhere in the recommended half hour.  That is just a starter.  Though I... sometimes talk a lot and do little.  I know.  We'll see, I guess.  Later.

Never did nap.

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It's good though.  I would have missed opening things up.  It is down to, according to my trusty thermometer, 52.  Further, it's only 3:19.  I wasn't sure I was reading it correctly, or that it was accurate.  Other forecasts have suggested that everything will be above average and pretty much stay that way until October, into September maybe.  Even nights weren't supposed to dip.  Well.  If true, that fell pretty flat tonight.  Though I don't put a whole lot of trust in most weather "news" these days.  Still, it was there.  In any case, I am going to continue to check... and enjoy the cool.

I still can't believe the after-meal blood reading, the second one.  That is getting pretty close to the normal range.  Further, it is 200 points down from the high about when I started, 210 to be exact.  Now I know how I kicked diabetes twice before, though also why I failed to maintain it.  I stopped eating.  But that was from failure, and was a forced starvation from being incapable of cooking, shopping, cleaning.  With control, as easily as I have been doing things, this really will work.  As I suggested elsewhere, this isn't something I will be doing until I hit my goals.  This is just how I will be doing things from here on in.  Mistakes?  Just go back.  Other health issues that crop up and cause issues?  Work through them, then get back.  I actually think, once I'm back in the ring, my health and diabetes will be able to handle some rough times fairly well.

I'm not sure about the outing tonight.  The heat... in the 90's?  After days of it, and mostly warmer evenings too for the last while?  Plus sleep twisting as it does?  I just don't know.  I love that folk can find their way into the burn, and enjoy.  While I can survive much, I... really have learned when and when not to take risks.  Mostly.  It's not a matter of want, will, or such.  It's simply physics.  They are people, in this case I am a hamster.  Hamsters do not do well in the heat, especially when already slightly heat stressed in the longer run.

Well?  I have been reading a new book.  I need to review the last book.  The new book is going better.  Not that the last book was bad.  Actually it is quite good, just dense... exactly what I cut my more adult reading teeth on in my teens.  Not to Tolkien's depth, but between that and the Narnia series.  With that English backdrop to make it denser.  If you have ever eaten truly English cuisine (I have, just not 'over there'), the gut bomb food.  Might stick to your ribs, might even be tasty, but you carry it for a generation.  Books, done correctly, with the English backdrop, are like that but of the mind.  I just wasn't quite up to it.  Anyway... I am cutting through this other book at a much better rate.  I'll be reading a couple more, and possibly putting others on my list.

The current book is Tom Swift and the Search for Planet X.  If you have a hankering for... at least for me... the books I remember reading when pre-teen and a little older... and even shows and movies... based roughly in science and adventure and some other such, this book might be the ticket.  It really reminds me of the whole era... it was a more hopeful era, a more structured era, but one in which right and wrong didn't need to be spelled out, pushed, or coaxed.  Just saying I am enjoying it.  I might read a bit more, shut things up, and head to bed... if I can.

Good night.

Reverberations.

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Some things just coming back.

Hour after blood test.

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You know, you don't have to read these.  Boring, just for my medical notes, really.  Still... if you have type-2, and medicine is beginning to fail or you are losing trust and hoping for another way?  Or just in the cheering section?  *crickets*  Hmm, actually, crickets are tasty and a fine source of protein.  You do have to add your own fats though.  Lard!  Right... blood sugar reading, an hour after gor... attempting to gorge... 179.  Not great, when compared with 149 or such.  Yet still, I think, in the top (bottom) five blood readings so far.  I'll not complain.  Set up to check in another hour.  I'll just add to this post.  If I can get the hour after to be the highest number, after several successes, I'll stop doing two hour testing.  That, in itself, will be a good sign.  Perhaps, just maybe, indicating that my insulin resistance is waning.  Or would it be waxing?  And, if waxing, on or off?  (Dated joke.  If you don't get it... I'm probably not sure why you are reading here.  Oh, clean joke, not even really a joke... mostly...  Well, yeah, it's a joke, within the rest, a misuse joke?  Gah!  Go away.)

Back at you in a bit.

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Hopeful, always.  Though with no great expectations.  Again, again, that dog can't swim, can he?  Ah, the blood test showed... 126.  If today is, if not exactly but in like, played out tomorrow I will quit doing the two hour test.  I do believe, however, that a nap is in order.  Shortly.  Yeah, with the heat and this and that... sleep might go odd on me.  I'm not going to fuss or worry about it, just as with food and some other things, within some odd bounds anyway.  Later or good night.

Not so hungry as I thought.

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Well, no, I take that back.  If hunger is a sensation, the sensation was great.  If it is the capacity to consume, then it was small, tiny almost.  I cooked enough for... a while.  Though that isn't uncommon.  While I am hoping to go out tomorrow, the meat was already thawed.  Either cook it, and hope it lasts... and cooked meats last a bit longer... or toss it and be done with it.  I am, more often than some might think, hopeful.

I went hunting with a man once.  He knew I was a pessimist.  He brought a dog.  Duck hunting, in a boat.  I knew it wouldn't work.  No ducks, or ducks but no luck, or luck but the bird, or birds if you insist, would be lost.  My friend assured me it would work.  Not truly an optimist, He.  Simply a Man of the true world.  He didn't have faith, He just knew.  So... out we went.  And ducks we saw.  Not close enough initially, but we found a point the birds seemed to be using as a corridor, and from several directions, then waited... mostly hidden in the reads, if the cloud cover assisted as well.  finally a small group came into range, and we were even ready... discussion hadn't diminished our attentiveness to our task at hand.  A shot, a hit, another shot a miss, several more of each, for both.

The time to test was at hand.  The Master called the dog, go, fetch, and pointed in each general direction, mostly to the south along the shore of a small island.  I just knew the dog would fail.  Off it went.  It brought back all the ducks that I could recall.  However, something was just as I suspected.  The dog ran ON the water.  As I thought, that dog couldn't swim.  Good enough or better?  Worse to some?  Right when wrong?  Right and right?

Anyway... that hunger couldn't swim.  I barely ate what I ate last time, and that only because I pushed.  I WANTED to feed that hunger.  There simply wasn't much of it, when it came down to actual food mass.  So over-stuffed now I feel as if I just rose from some Thanksgiving feast of the past.  I've already set the timer for testing blood sugar.  I know I won't be eating again tonight.  Though, might be the heat.  It's 95(ish) outside, 78 inside... not conducive to appetite.  The ac offers some cool, but...  So full.  Help!?!

Heat is chasing.

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The warmer it gets, the later my day.  Eventually I am going to trip right into the day heat for having no choice.  Still, for now, as a cat clinging to the very last of the very end of the brand of night, my days are what they are.  I do not fuss.  Being "retired" means not having to run an exact schedule, or one based on fruitfulness.  Then again, the reason for my retirement is because I have been deemed useless.  A broken toy.  I've tried both sides of amending that.  Broken is broken and alive is alive, neither are mine to alter.  So... nights it is!

Blood test first thing.  Blood sugar is at 139, a new low.  Again.  Oh, but don't think I am taking that lightly.  That is getting to the point where, probably next Monday, I will attempt to make an appointment with a doctor.  JUST for monitoring diabetes.  I need no other care and want no other "care".  I had cleared up diabetes before.  Docs said it wasn't possible back then.  Obviously they are ignoramuses, liars, or thieves.  At some point, with their level of education, the difference seems to become blurred.  As a client, at some point, ignoring it makes me a part of the problem.  Sure, there is something to letting them brush your rock-n-roll hair... but not if it's killing you.

From now on, as long as these test strips work, I will begin testing at both the one and two hour mark after meals.  I really want to seen when the blood sugar spikes, how much, and when it begins to fall.  I might even do a three hour test.  I really want to know what is going on.  When the high spike is at or before the one hour mark I may begin to throttle testing back to that.  Though I may test three hours, or fours hours, after... if awake... to... see some things.  Now that I'm on to something, I am curious how it works.

Oh, what?  I have no idea.  I literally just crawled out of bed.  I doubt if my spelling cap is on.  My thinking cap... Oh... was sitting on it.  And the windows were open, so it's nasty hot in here...   The trick is to let as much cool in, then close the windows before it gets hotter outside than in.  I... thought I'd wake in time, didn't.  So... from now on, windows shut as I go to bed.  That's not the best, but it is the best that I can do.

Later.

Pie, for my celebration day?

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Yeah, didn't I tell you?  While I will be mainly protein and fat, offering only hard carbs (whole grain rice, fruit though limited, etc.) for most of my meals, every two weeks I get a day off for bad behavior.  When I first thought of carbs for such a day, I thought first of sugared items.  And, while I did gnosh on such, which I had purchased for such then lost control, I... think my tastes are changing.

There are several ways you can go with carbs.  Not that you have to go just one way, either.  Still, my appetite really is shrinking.  So having both sweet and savory carbs might be a stretch.  Well, and might even cause a sort of hangover?  Maybe.  What I miss more than sweets, which I am generally not into anyway, are things like breads, pizza, and such.  Not only that, but if I go with a partially whole wheat mix, I might just be able to keep things more in tow.  Why not just splurge when it is totally allowed?  Because I would rather tone down even splurging.  This is the recipe that sort of has my eye.

Not quite intolerable.

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The heat that is.  It is almost 2:00 and the inside and outside temps seem to have, just barely, passed each other.  It is every so slightly cooler outside.  With one at 74 and the other at 78 there simply won't be a lot of relief.  On the other side of things, with blood sugar going down I assume, those temps are tolerable.  Plus I can keep the inside temps in the 70's, usually, through the day.  Though, if it doesn't get into the 60's, all bets are off.  It'll probably get into the 80's.  Still, that is tolerable.  Going out into the 90 and above outdoors is even tolerable for a bit now.  Things really have changed.

I must admit to being tempted by food when in town.  It ended up not being fast food, but the very foods I was buying in the store.  Cheeses, salami, even simple milk.  There were other things.  While I can have a sweettooth, as I am switching to primarily paleo, my sweettooth has changed directions.  Meat is my new candy.  You'd think I would have eaten out of it.  That just isn't so.  My love for the stuff is merely going from first blush romance on into a steadfast love.  I didn't, and won't, buy meats at the shop anymore.  But I will browse.  Luckily the beef and pork I have in the freezer are not the jealous kind.  Probably because they know I am too cheap to more than look?

I can't believe I am doing so well on my fasting.  Sure, I think it is taking a bit of a toll.  My neck and head muscles and other things are truly cranky.  Part of that might be getting used to sleeping with my legs elevated and sitting in a chair with no arm rests.  All of it, together, is throwing me a bit off.  Well, and the heat.  Still, if I am doing this well, now, I suspect when temps come down, even a bit, I will do much better.  Further, being a cold body, and being healthier, I may well do much better most of the rest of the year.  This is, potentially, a huge shift.  I actually had to buy new skivvies... underwear.  Gee, even WallyUnders are getting spendy.  It is getting nasty out there.

There is a town event tomorrow.  I won't be going to that one... just can't.  However, it is a two day thing.  I would like to make it to the next night.  Some folk I know are involved with one of the charities, for the library.  I try to support them in their works.  Can't remember if that one is Friday or Saturday, but that is... just a simple fix.  Well, and even with my... notions... I support libraries (if they aren't negatively focused).  When my mother couldn't afford books, she saw to it that a library card or two was always available to me, and saw to it I could use it or them.  She encouraged, and... it was what... brightened my life as a child.  I do not forget such things.  The other charity would be good to help out as well.  A civil mind in local affairs tends itself well.  Others probably know this.  I have had to figure out much on my own.

Bleh... Anicin... oh... I bought two extra packs of that tonight.  Pricey.  Everything is going up, even more, and getting smaller even so.  Again again?  Yeah.  Later.  Or good night.

Cranky body. Mind at ease.

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I got a shower.  Then considered what to do next.  Cleaning?  Still a bit too warm.  23:19 and it's still 74 out there.  I think, at 21:00ish, it was 81 or so.  A trip to town.  A drive, an outing, supplies and food of various sorts... but too temptation.  As much as I truly am beginning to dislike fast food joints, free (no work or dishes or... just money), fast, hot, done.  And, hating softserve soda, salty tasting as it is to me, going with tea almost makes it possible, even on my diet.  A double or triple burger or thin sliced beef sandwich, without the top bun?  With tea, no sugar?  Doable.  The fried potato might have to be ignored.  But that would leave room for more meat!  Well, and even if I could pass that up, I would be grocery shopping in the middle of a fast.  Just the economic risks!

Still, off I went.  Fearful, humbled by my situation, and yet hopeful.  How is that for a tumble of contradictions?  Mix and mash, then freeze dry for tomorrow, or soon.  I had hoped to wash the car but I didn't need gas.  Yeah, I... mix those two almost exclusively.  When you are mostly dead, and have been for a long time, you learn, like or not, to use energy stones sparingly.  If you can hit two birds, might even wait until you can hit three or four.  And, yeah... if you are patient it works out.  Usually it is grocery shopping and those two things, plus another sort of shopping.  The tanks was full, if my shopping was split over two stores.

I kept trying to make lists.  But when I looked, it pretty much looked like I needed... well... everything.  I didn't think that would be a good thing for a starving man to write on a list when entering a grocery store.  Plus, it didn't work for any other type of shopping I could imagine.  So I skipped the list.  Foot spray, foot powder, insulin tester, this, that, the other thing.  Not so much food, though two things for sure, plus perishables (forgot eggs, but not bad for what I did get).  Liquid sugar replacement to try and... bleh... losing it.  I did get them, I just can't remember now.

So, I get home, get everything put up, find the diabetes machine and... no test strips!  The last one I purchased had them.  So... I went digging for the ones that never worked in the device the VA sent.  Crazy, but... it worked.  At least this once.  Blood sugar?  At 145, it is a new low.  Now, before I thought about it, I had tea, with one of the sugar replacements.  I don't know, yet, if that affects glucose levels so... that might not be absolutely accurate.  Though, on the good side, if that is false it is false in the high range.  Oh yeah.

Shopping was pricey.  But beside several types of foot spray, various sugar substitutes, this, and that, I had cat litter and food to buy.  I buy enough for several months, or more.  Yes, pricey.  However I am finally, mostly, rather well caught up.  I looked for fruit, simply wasn't satisfied with the selection.  I'll wait until fall, picking off grapefruit, or this or that, lightly, to limp by, until then.  It looks like the world just took a major dive.  Can't even get good fruit now?  Wow.

Later.

Scares abound.

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This time a note.  Put into my front screen door.  It was sent by my mortgage company.  They have my mailing address.  They have my phone number.  They used neither, to the best of my understanding.  A note, tucked into my screen door, telling me to contact them.  How long has it been since I paid?  Have I been spending excessively, not realizing I was spending my mortgage?  Dunno.  Or didn't.  Of course, I had to wait until I was ready to talk, hear, understand, make sense.  I waited several days.  Actually I had hoped to swing days and nights around, so as to call in the morning... just in case their office hours are finicky.

I won't say I was terribly frightened, just on the edge of concern.  I checked my accounts.  I considered what else might be coming up for bills, outings, native or seasonal costs, and what was in those accounts.  That bolstered things.  I haven't spent myself broke.  Actually, I've been saving more than I thought.  Gotta quit that!  :p  Still, depending on how long, well...  I could, again, begin negotiating.  So I called.

Well, not too bad.  Two months behind.  Not even an issue.  No need to negotiate, sweat this month, reconsider anything else, or even dodge and swerve in my chair a bit.  Here, take it, now get me to auto-pay.  This time, I am told, the papers will definitely arrive to my post office box.  If they are sent to my street address, they may simply be returned.  I suppose I ought to get in and check my box more often.  Then again, I am just at the point where I might be gaining some health back, enough to do so.  But, that isn't anyone else's problem, is it.

Now I can go to the store without any worries whatsoever.  I think I will add whole whipping cream back into my list.  Adding it to tea in the morning, and around what has become dinnertime but on the day I am fasting through.  I am experimenting, still.  Some say this adds to resolve without messing with blood sugar.  More, it is said to assist in energy potential, as the body learns to use fat as a source of energy.  I wonder if it is too much of a risk, perhaps creating more hunger immediately or in time.  Still... curious.  As well, I like options.  I will know soon enough...  I definitely need to get to the store soon.  At least I don't have to do it with a potential financial specter with which to psychically contend.

The midsection is a bit sore.  I wonder if, as my body learns to eat fat, stored fat, that it also begins to hurt in some ways.  It really does feel like I was in a boxing match, and got some good shots to the mid-sections and lower ribs.  Nothing I haven't truly had before, if it has been quite a while.  Yeah, probably spots emptying of small bits of fat and the body having to figure out what to do with the vacancy.  Not that it's all THAT fast, just that it is slowly progressing at a reasonable rate.  Things are changing, and there is a price for it.  Happily.

A good midafternoon morning to you.

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When the night temps drop into the 60's, life seems a little better.  I can get some of that cool in.  I can open the windows with some expectation of cooler and fresher air.  It's good.  Not perfect.  Optimal is not possible without complexity and expense that... I'm not sure is the best way.  I honestly think linking suboptimal to suboptimal, pulling through, fixing, suffering, and moving around enough to negotiate the conditions is actually the optimal way.  It seems contradictory unless you catch the meaning and realize life isn't about sitting in comfort for as long as you can, but about suffering through to joy, and going back and forth.  So long as you seek the wisdom to find true joy.  It's here, it is real, even I know it, and quite well.  The lust for life might be a gift I may not initially have requested, but through it I have chased wisdom, truth, and such, until... joy found me.  Now I know it quite well, a common acquaintance who visits even in my lowest, most painful, direst moments.  We share a laugh, a memory, perhaps a tear, then peel off to deal with what is to be managed.

Ah, right.  Whought?  Mind is flitting.  Idea to thought to notion to... whoa... blank spot.  Anyway.  Feeling good.  Having sorted out some things in the kitchen, and aired the place a few sessions, and it is okay to travel through the cave again.  Well, other than the clutter.  I really ought to find out about a larger bin, commercial size.  Not just for the clutter... I don't think the clutter is quite that bad?  However, more for paring down possessions.  Clutter fixing will simply be a secondary problem potentially solved by mass removal.

A shower, a bit of cleaning.  Who knows.  I really need to reset the medicine sets.  Not for medicine, just for vitamins.  Now that I am drinking less, and voiding less, I can slow up on the extras... though those are things I highly doubt I am getting enough of, so... and I am only taking them part time.  I may keep them in, see.  Might look up dosing recommendations and such though.  I might also add some things that a number of people have suggested for improving insulin resistance.  There are some purists, who believe all medicine is, pretty much, bad.  Or, at least, that most medicine merely covers up symptoms without dealing with the underlying problems.  That, actually, I do believe, is true.  Though there are times when that is all that can be done.  The problem is those situations are quite rare.  And not all of them are as they seem.  For example, if you got a bad heart, you would be told that only medicine, or even a heart transplant, would save you.  I am easily living proof that the story does not fit the narrative.  Still... I am not a purist.  I will tinker, in mild ways, looking for improvements.  I actually should get both a grocery and sundry list, plus a supplement list, going for my next visit to town.  Too hot now, too busy most likely.  Good time to make a list.

I have started a new book.  No clues or hints.  Not having a difficulty reading it, for this or that reason.  Don't need to comment.  Should kick this out pretty quickly, by the flow... if I don't crash and burn or snag on something else in or out of the world.  He who he who knows.

Later.

Someone thinks so?

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Two, actually, that I suspect.  Can't remember all the particulars, though I think foam either sent this music vid, or did something which encouraged me to find it.  I'm thinking she actually put it up at her blog once upon a time in her blogging life, then I duly stole it.  She might have said it fit, for some odd reason at that time.  Anyway...  Someone else thinks, given what is going on and what I am doing, that I must have some serious grasp on life... or such.

A bit of work.

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Finally.  Through various illness and other problems, through heat and sleep and all else, I kicked up a bit of dust.  Nothing fancy.  Something needed tended in the kitchen.  I had forgotten something.  It kept... doing.  Doing what things that are forgotten, and organic in nature, do.  Easy to find.  Yeah, I... knew there was a problem a while ago.  I just didn't have it going.  Not as much energy as will.  Not about the work, about dealing with the mess.  Right.  However, I didn't want to actually start there.  I wanted to clear out anything that might be questionable, with that pot of... !science! saved for last.

I began in the refrigerator.  Now, some thing just had to go.  Not all of it was bad, mind you.  Some of it was, really, actually, new.  I simply won't use store-bought mayo anymore.  I had a wonderful jar of ranch dressing.  Uhrm, wonderful?  Started with soy oil and went downhill from there.  All Natural!  I dug, tore, tossed, dumped, moved, juggled, jiggled, and...  Well...  Good, for now.  I was already, perhaps a week ago, thinking of taking the fridge apart, then the freezer above as well (if that is in excellent condition from recent shifting for the large meat bundles).  The freezer is only neat... it could use a thaw and cleaning.  Having three freezers gives me very nigh on no excuse not to do that.  Being gimped, well... I might be able to slip past that.  If I end up sticking around a bit longer, I might get a new fridge.  This one would make an excellent second, for rough duty, or seasonal, or special occasions.  Head cheese?  Perfect.  Massive batch of potato salad?  Great.  One part done... It still needs a serious cleaning, and there are some things in there.  Though the little fridge I used, generally, for beer is nigh on empty.  I could store fridge things in there for a bit, easily.  The real problem is that the refrigerator is wedged in such that opening it up, to get out the bottom portion, and worse putting that back, is a massive mess.  Yeah, I can tow the whole thing out.  But it doesn't go back rightly.  A hand, to level it when it is back in place, would be good.  But timing that, so as to even ask for help, is... difficult.

Anyway...  After that, I tore into the kitchen, in general, a bit.  Just... things haven't been being tended as they ought.  I took care of what can go, stacking what needs washed... ran out of disposable plates, will fix that soon... sorted this and that a bit, cleaned a few more things out...  Not perfect, but moving in the right direction.  Then, finally, I took out the fridge trash, then set up a new bag, but decided to empty the pot(s as it turned out) outside.  Yeah.  Very good move.  I did a lot of dumping, but also setting things to soak.  Nasty bit of business but had to be done.

In a bit, maybe, a shower.  Then, maybe, a trip to town.  A few items, disposable cat food and ogre food holders, but also diabetic test strips.  As well as a few other things.  I have been doing poorly with keeping kefir going.  I have some that look to still be okay, and smell good (enough?).  I would like to get some milk going and try to work that back up.  At least enough to test it with my system now that I have the blood tester in use.  I never did truly check that.  Though I have found whole milk to have almost no effect (I drink about a quart a shot, so... it's a solid test).  Heck, even had my blood sugar go down after a quart (and a partial refill).  Huh?  What do you NOT understand about OGRE?  Well, to a degree, by size anyway.  Ah, and liquid sugar replacement.  I'll probably by all three types he indicated, see what I like/can tolerate, and what seems to work.  If all are sat, I'll rotate them!  Choices are much better than none.  And, no, I won't use them in every tea, maybe not every other.  Gum for some, this for some, raw tea mostly.

Oh, I also want to get feet spray and powder.  I don't have a serious problem, but I think those things should sort the problem quickly.  I, for some stupid reason, bought the stuff in cream form last time.  I guess I had forgotten.  The spray is so much better, much more effective, and I simply HATE goo on my body.  It's creepy, nasty, I suppose it gets into the socks and maybe grows stuff?  Bleh.  Spray and powder... several cans and maybe a coupled of powder containers.  The spray runs out very quickly, not sure about powder... it's a new thing to me.

Well... I need to rest, and cool.  Mostly cool I think.  It isn't that the work did me in... actually I am rather amazed that I don't even notice that I just did a decent little jig!  However, I did warm slightly... and with the heat, I... just want to cool a bit.  I am sure hoping to get to town tomorrow.

Awake, a bit cranky. Coping.

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I don't have any more testing strips.  Yeah, yeah, and yeah.  I know already.  It seems my sleep and wake time are equalizing.  Which means tipping my day the rest of the way over into night, so as to bring it back to day, isn't going to happen.  I suspect both sleeping and waking 'me' want's cool and night.  Since they can't have it, they split it.  That is the body working against my will.  In my conditions, there isn't a lot I can do about it.  I could push and pull, but that just wears me out.  Like a coddling babe against a parent.  Just get coddled in more.  And told how cute you are.  Yeah, like that.  NO!  Not the CHEEKS!  I hate that.

I'll keep efforts forward, in theory.  In practice when possible.  Tired?  Not so much.  I do sleep well, and rightly.  I also sleep a bit long.  I think the split between being awake and asleep is, literally, about equal.  On the good side, I do need the sleep.  On the bad side?  My body gets a bit sore from sleeping a bit too long.  Eight hours is optimal, twelve... even though needed by the body... is too long for bones and such.  Thus cranky.  Not crabby, so I can deal with it.  One of those trades that must be made in life from time to time.  We really aren't machines.  And, I think, if most people lived according to how their bodies dictate things, need things, want things, there would be a lot less fuss.  That just isn't always possible for the majority.  I guess you have to fall to be given an allowance for living a natural life.  The rich don't do it.  The poor don't.  Actually, if anyone ever tried, it would be the middle class... at least the ones who thought their lot was sufficient.  Are there any of those left?

On the fasting front, I think the... metabolic changes have worked themselves through.  The gas bloat sensation is gone.  Or, so far today.  I suspect, for a while, especially after meals, I will go through some distortions.  Distortion?  Or would that be a return to how things should be?  After being so confused on food, thus eating wrongly until my body revolted and ate everything and anything looking for the right stuff, I think I found the right track some years ago.  I have been refining that.  While I did well, without the blood testing to back things up, there were still some problems.  Not a single sugar replacement, for example, really, honestly, held up.  Not with heavy use for sure.  I was depending on it heavily, in the beginning of this fasting run.  It failed.  Though there was more.  Finding the right carbs, and keeping them limited even then, plus meal timing and fasting, really?  It's getting me back to where I should be.  There simply will be consequences.

I did more looking for a sugar replacement which is friendlier to my goals.  It seems liquid sugar replacements might be the way to go.  Look, I don't believe in gurus, per se.  They simply, usually, are wrong.  Worse?  They are often selling something that probably isn't good for you, physically, mentally, or spiritually.  One seemed good, until he started touting the satanic veganism.  One seemed good until he wanted you to buy his mix of junk, or pushed "organic" food, on and on.  There is one, so far, I can abide.  He isn't selling anything, that I have seen, after viewing some number of his vids.  He is plain spoken, he is blue-collar seeming, he is humble, but he isn't stupid or wrong, from what I have seen so far.  If you want cutting edge stupid, or are a credential zombie, go elsewhere.  If you want the advise of a man who walked his talk, look into this guy's vids.  Yeah, that's... as close to an endorsement as I give.  But he isn't selling anything, so...  Which means, yeah... for now, so far, to here, an endorsement.  I don't follow everything and every way he spits out, just generally recognize and agree, so far, with what he does say... but... that actually IS one of his pieces of advice.  *grins*

In this case, I... really want something in my tea, from time to time.  Gum is okay, a bit.  But not every time.  I need... want(?)... variety.  So...  When I get out I am going to see if what he suggests are available.  I did look for true stevia root at amazon.  Guess what?  All I could find was produced in China.  Huh?  No way, won't even touch it.  Of course now I wonder if everything like that is coming out of China.  How much of our food goes through China now?  That is scarier than anything I've considered in a while.  They truly poison stuff, accidentally and on purpose.  If I must, I may simply have to use regular sugar, in time... if I get things under control.  Chinese packaged, produced, caught, or other foods are just damned dangerous.

Later.

Sensations were correct.

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Not ill.  Not this, not that.  Gassy.  Not from eating the wrong things, I don't believe.  A condition that is happening as I change what my body uses for energy.  Changing from burning glucose, blood sugar, insulin, or whatever it is or is called to burning fat.  And, burning not just consumed, but perhaps body stored, fat.  This is what is happening, if I had to guess.  Why so long?  As with anything, from engineering, to construction, to discoveries, the process takes as long as it takes.  My guess is that, since I am inactive it took a bit longer.

I was talking to my neighbor about this.  It seems fasting even helps with things like cholesterol.  He is a bit nervous.  I promised I won't try to talk him into it.  I just don't go there.  Even if it works for me, I don't need others to try it.  I don't care if it works for others.  I promise nothing.  I am not sure others can or should try it.  End of the discussion on that.  Now, if he decided to try it?

If you are considering trying it, I wouldn't suggest you go my way.  I simply don't break like you people.  Period.  I don't.  If you decided to do something damned foolish like this, I'd... advise several things.  First, a slower approach.  Don't fast every day, definitely don't fast for two days in a row, then back that with another day of fasting, having no regular meal days.  Especially if you have demands, real life, and other stressors.  Work outside in the heat?  Is your work strenuous, or can it be?  Do you work or live with people?  Then you might really consider just test fasting one weekend day a week for... until you either get the hang of it or realize it isn't for you.  Then, maybe, if you catch it, then try a weekday, then maybe two.  Three fasting days a week, while slower, might be much more practical and could help to keep you from biting someone's head off or running yourself ragged.

I did tell him that my energy levels are actually much better.  It's just that I am waking up late, I have a really bad heart, it's hot as blazes... with lows only in the low 70's there just isn't relief, and I am... I said xenophobic, but that isn't it... agoraphobic and maybe a bit paranoid.  Hell, I am THE Catholic in this town... couldn't be too xeno.  Then again, many Catholics don't like me, so...  *grins*  I'm not a whatever for social or family reasons.  I just don't swing that way.

Ah, right.  I didn't take a blood test before dinner... only had one test strip left.  I wanted to see post dinner.  And, two hours after my last bite?  My blood sugar was 154.  Yeah, I best get in for more strips.  Yes, that is a new low, by 15 points.  It'll do nicely.  Definitely a trend.  Oh, and I had some of the best enchiladas I have had since family used to make it.  The flavor profile was perfect.  It wasn't hot, but a lot of the food I grew up on, Mexican food, isn't hot.  If you liked it hot, and one of the elders saw that you were clueless and no one had helped, they would chop up a jalapeno for you, or sich.  Of course, you would return the favor by running to the store for them, without coaxing, or doing other small favors.  Life was good, but you had to do your part.  Still, I didn't need or want heat tonight, so it was perfect.  I even had a bigger meal tonight, as I hadn't quite planned on dinner.  Forgot.  All good, especially by blood sugar.

Later.

The heat must be getting to me.

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It is not blazing hot, not in here.  I can even handle going outside for a bit, and do for little outings around the property.  Short, fast, mostly out of sight.  As an ogre, you are either oblivious or self-aware.  It depends on several things, and above a certain intelligence, choices.  I mostly stay cloistered.  Which is... more of a problem with the walking routine than anything else.

I am feeling a bit rough today.  Nothing too terrible, just not doing the best.  Almost as if I was gassy (I am not, just that sort of midsection discomfort).  That, a minor headache, and generally ache or ill sense that doesn't really seem to have a cause.  A bit lower in energy, mild lethargy.  Hmm...  I wonder if the weather is doing some sort of flip-flop.  That can throw things a bit.  Or, maybe, my health is just shifting gears, getting used to burning fat instead of carbs, cleaning out, tanking up.  Maybe I am not drinking enough fluid.  Or, maybe, it is just the heat catching up to me, clobbering me, if more gently with a few things settled and lower insulin allowing for greater temp tolerances?  I simply don't know.  I'll live, easily.  This is so mild as to merely be slightly annoying.  Very mildly dizzying if I try to push, ever so slightly uncomfortable, but nothing that would interfere with doing anything.

I'm hoping for an up day to hit cleaning around the cave.  Bleh.  Later.

Up and at it, late but good.

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The heat is starting to become annoying.  I might have to do something crazy, like drive up into the hills one of these days.  The hills cap at 13k and change, so... there will be some cooling up there.  If I go through my gear roughly, I am sure I could gear up for an overnight if I wished it.  Just to find a place that isn't too busy and doesn't charge.  Good luck with that.  Possible, I suppose.  Whatever.  I think that would require removing mass from the the gravity spike I call a chair.  Boff uv em'?  Yep.

Blood test, first thing.  I was hopeful.  At 212 it wasn't horrible, if not a new low.  I'll take it.  It's in the low five, probably.  A shower shortly.  Who knows after that.  Shortly?  Within three hours anyway.  Not moving fast, or well.  Not ill, or achy, or... just... it's a slow day.

I can see that easily, saw it before I woke.  No worries, just the way it is.  Best to deal with things as they are then try to push through what isn't.  It's tolerable, and can be dealt with, but it can't be undone or overridden.  Survived, if patience and other tools are brought to bear on situations which would otherwise call for gumption.  As I've said, even at my slowest, I am fast.  Which means, at least at one time, I could think, choose, then act, before some people would notice the trouble.  And, even as fast as the world seems to come at you, it's... usually your eyes deceiving you.

There is usually far more time to both think, then react, than most neophytes can imagine.  Their mind is skipping reality, only seeing every fifth frame or such, and they believe their eyes... having nothing else with which to base time upon, because of adrenaline, and to produce more, and other chemicals.  Cortisol?  Somesuch.  If you have lived for... even days but certainly years at a time, mostly, flooded with the stuff, you learn to set it aside and do what you need to do, when you need to do.  Others might even think you really are a superman... but... it's an illusion caused by natural chems and their inexperience with living on the edge of extinction.  Being mostly old and mostly dead, not sure what remains to this old mountain...  Don't want to test it, but... don't really care on the other hand.  Made as I am for what I do.

Hmm?  Right.  Today?  We'll see.  Bleh.  Later.

Wow. Speechless.

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Thankfully there is the keyboard.  I didn't test after dinner, not right away.  It's been... almost three hours.  I actually stopped eating by 20:00 and it's just a bit after 23:00.  I went ahead, tested.  Better a bit late than never.  I'm down to two test strips, which means I need to get in soon.  Still, at three hours after, I am surprised.  My blood sugar was 179!  That's my second lowest number, and after a meal... meal-ish... two?

Grapefruit, then a cup of pistachios.  Then I grilled bacon twists.  I added slivers of onion into the folds, but didn't come close to eating them all.  Being just smoked, they were managable as compared to salt cured then smoked.  I made four, some left for later... or not.  That's a bit much.  Goes good with mustard.  With that I had three boiled eggs, no salt needed, and a large glass of milk.  Hmm, reminds me, I best thaw hamburger tonight.  Hamburger patties, I'm telling you, it's where it is at.  Just, I need to watch them more carefully.  Grilling them is superb.  Though, what doesn't grill well?

You know, I really need to make ranch dressing, and some others.  Not sure if I'll get to it by tomorrow.  But certainly, maybe, by the next meal time?  A little extra fat doesn't go very far at all!  :p  I'm telling you, I'm having the time of my life slimming down on fat.  Believe as you like, I certainly do.

It is getting, and staying, much warmer.  Ac is okay, but...  I guess I'll just have to use it.  Days and nights are off, and I don't think that genie is going back in the bottle soon.  Sleep is diving from heat, but so is waking to a degree.  Each is trying to claim the night.  While sleep is shrinking due to the big light in the sky being on all day and half the night.  Whatever.  I'll... just do what I can.

If I can go a week with my blood sugar in the sub-200 zone, I'll make an appointment.  Or try.  I'd love to crash but it just isn't going to happen.  Later... maybe.

Just some randoms.

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A grapefruit first, then pistachios.  They call an half cup a serving, of pistachios.  I call it a tease.  I know wherefor I speak... write... hush.  The bag had "eight" servings.  No, four.  Thing is, if I don't split it out I'll eat it gone.  So I split them out into four plastic containers.  No acid, no heat, plastic will do on the short term.  Even so, I can't have pistachios every night.  I will also be looking for other varieties of nuts.  Expensive though.  Still, every other night I would like to add some sort of tree nut to my diet.  Peanuts, for now, are out.  Okay if you don't have insulin issues.  It's just not worth the risk, as I see things, for me  at this point.

There is something else missing in my life.  And, yeah, this video highlights it.

Forever! Are we there yet?

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Remember being a kid?  I don't have to remember.  *grins*  Still... the idea is... while your parents where driving somewhere faroff(tm), and you would say it was taking for eve r, asking if you were there yet?  Remember?  Well, I am at it even though I am the driver.  At least I am old enough to spot enough to know that, while, no, I am not there, I am getting there.  What isn't clear is exactly which exact path is best, or fastest, or surest... or how much longer the trip will take.  Though, in all honesty, the trip is never over.  Once the destination is reached the trip does not end.  It is just that, perhaps, another path may be chosen.  I went so far off track with diet and such, if because I was legitimately suffering from what often ends life... and not being treated for that... that getting back to something is going to take a long time.  Yeah, even if I control diabetes, eliminate it... even if I lose every extra ounce of fat (if that isn't, actually, the goal at all), it will still take a long time to undo, or redo, some things.  And that won't necessarily fix the heart.

Okay, see what I mean?  Are we there yet?

Getting off my butt is the next trick.  That may be more difficult than fasting, or what I had thought of fasting before trying it.  I do know why fasting seemed so impossible, thinking back.  It's because trying to cut consumption IS, for me, nearly impossible.  I can't just have a little.  Beef, rice, candy, makes no difference.  Tease me with food and you'll see why I might be called Modi in some circles.  The transformation is ugly, but what the transformed critter can do is more so.  Anyway, getting off my butt, eh?  Just walking, to start things.  Weight lifting is great, but you have to be in some shape and form or you can get hurt.  I simply want a couple weeks, maybe a month, to make sure air flows well, blood circulates rightly, muscle bone and such all work at slower speeds and under lessor loads.  THEN I can begin.

Again, are we there yet.  No.  But I can almost imagine it from here.  Or, at least the beginning of the end of the beginning.  Convoluted but honest.

When I do get to exercises, there are only four, three up front, that I will be going with.  The four core, minus one, plus another that seems to be excellent for my wants and needs, and other plans.  I refuse to do squats.  Did I get stuck, did I get hurt doing them?  I don't know.  All I know is fuck you.  Not even negotiable.  I think most people who do them are just asking to blow something.  I'm talking career ending.  The others are great.  The one that would be new to me, really, is pull ups.  Well, new probably since being ill.  I just never went back to them.  I'm sure I used to do them.  It was one of the best show-off things you can do, for women.  Here is a link with more detail (did not look it over too closely to see if it's on target, other than listing the right cores plus the extra).  I will say this, about those.  Regardless of your fitness, starter or deeper in... if you want to truly get stronger, those are the exercises.  Once you master those, and attain your goals, if you have weaknesses those can then be targeted.  Do this first to find where your weaknesses are.  I'm not sure these will get you size, not all that quickly.  If strength is your goal, this is where to go.  Just don't go manorexic about it.

Yeah, it's actually been on my mind for a while.  I've been trying to figure out a way back to that.  Too many things have been in the way.  Now that I have been forced to do it myself, there might be a way to do it all... not just the medical, but the rest of it too, on into fitness.  Too old and still too ill for school, probably.  Not sure about that, anyway, for many reasons.

I didn't want to weigh in.

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I knew I hadn't lost more weight.  I wondered if some had been put back on.  I just felt it.  Now, while weight loss is secondary no one likes to plateau, or worse.  Still, getting on the scale, once a week, is part of the gig.  Yes, true enough, 256.  I've gained two pounds back.  Could have been worse.  From my long-time average of 280, I am still down 24 pounds.  That isn't even 10% though, mind you.  It is a start.  I suspect that until I begin to actively burn calories, to kick my body into gear, that weight loss will be at a standstill.  Though, too, I think that while my body is at a tipping point, it is a weighted tipping point due to the fasting.  IF I can push it over the lip and into fat burning, I don't even have to go all that far.  The momentum, along with fasting, will greatly favor weight loss.  Therefore, pretty soon rather than a few weeks, I am going to begin walking before breaking the fasts... which will be 3/4 times a week, depending on the week/fast schedule.  Okay, bad news out of the way, with a plan to possibly fix it.  Good news?

I almost, just because, didn't want to do any more testing.  Ego is such a fragile thing, isn't it?  When we tie it to this, or that, or...  Especially when we are putting in some effort.  It had to be done.  I got my blood serum device out, set it up, plunged for red gold, and did the test.  Ah, finally, some success.  At 169 fasting blood sugar, that is a low.  It is also incentive.  Not that I would have quit, either way.  Only... I may have had to start looking at other options... a three day to one day fast?  Maybe.  Exercise added in, if that is already being queued for other reasons.  A stronger look at the foods I am eating.  Of course all of those things are still... under consideration.  Oh, and with exercise, when to do that is still under consideration.  Right before the fast is to end seems popular.  And it might be best at first, as it might well drive hunger, or otherwise weaken, until the body is ready to do that further from an eaten energy source.  Everything is under review, and probably has to remain that way.  For a long time, more directly, then later more simply as occasional reviews in an attempt to tweak or improve or alter to my needs and wants.

Alright, after a bit of review, some things are going to change regarding meals.  First, carbs first.  Good or bad, if I am going to eat carbs, they will be eaten first.  What sort of carbs?  Rice, of course, and other grains.  But fruits are also carbs, as are many vegetables.  So... whether included in the first meal, or ahead of the first meal (as with grapefruit this afternoon), carbs go in first.  Why?  When the body is pretty much carb-dry, it will soak those in and use them.  If the body is full, from a previous meal, then the carbs have less chance of being used.  Since carbs, more than anything, are my enemy, I want them used, not free to do as they please, which is to produce fat.  Heard that, several places, read it here and there, made sense.  (I do ignore much, some cretins really push teh stupid.  I don't abide it, or pursists.)  Oh, and I am seriously thinking of cutting the eating window from 15:00 to 21:00 down to from 17:00 to 21:00.  I almost never have eaten in that last few hours, and it simply codifies my behavior while giving fasting it's due credit.  My consumption is already dwindling as well.  Really... it's a plan that is coming together.  Not there quite yet, but on the way.

So, yeah.  Weight still near the bottom, about as low as I have seen it in... 27 years?  Yeah.  And the blood sugar as low as it has been since... a while.  But the lowest since I have been trying to cut it, and on a trend-line I can live with, and perhaps keep my drivers license.  We'll see.  Still probably moving to Alaska.  It'll just be easier.  As for the disappointment?  Mild compared to the satisfaction.  A pet project versus my intended goal...  I'll deal with two pounds for 30 points off my previous low blood serum count.  Oh yeah.  Later.

That's more like it.

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I just checked my blood sugar.  It was 217.  I was beginning to wonder.  While that is still high, it is trending down, and well.  Now to keep it trending down.  Two problems, heretonow.  One was obvious.  Even bubble gum is too much.  Candy is simply impossible.  Any sugar, at all, more so during fasting times, will simply not work.  Every two weeks I will break that, might even do that weekly for very short periods of time... say if I returned to visit family and was invited to several different meals.  Real fruit pie!  Just not regularly.  Further, when I break with the sugar-free thing, it won't be for junk food, it'll be for something really good... like... real fruit pies, or other deserts that are real treats.  The trick is to make small items... if I think I know how to do that... think fruit hot pockets.

Buying that at the store or even a restaurant is no good anymore.  There is so much else in there beside sugar... vegetable fats, shortening, and vegetal estrogen, and... lots of other junk.  It would be nice if a restaurant opened which truly made stuff from scratch, and quality scratch.  Was that ever really a thing though?  Don't even trust those organo-joints.  They'll use "organic" (for whatever that means to start) up front, then use the cheapest adds, and who knows what else they aren't showing to keep it "fresh".  Always was, mostly, a gag.  Easy and hot, maybe seen as cheaper to give out money than stand and cook and shop and clean?  Maybe reasonably, if you portion your butt out by the dollar.  Bleh.  Was that a rant?  *grins*

So, what?  I don't know.  I am pleased that the sugar-free gum really is usefully replacing sugar replacements.  None of those was helping with the glycemic down-trend.  The gum combined with tea is.  I am sure hoping to break 200 fasting, but... as I suggested, it does whatever it seems to want, in the short run.  I'd like to get to town, though probably not tonight.  And, if I sleep tomorrow like I did today, I won't be up until mid-afternoon tomorrow.  Ugh...  Just high summer rolling over me, I suspect.  At least it isn't truly brutal.  It isn't even uncomfortable.  It's just that, while this toad is comfortable, I know the water temp is slowly rising, if I still can't jump on out.

Later.

Actually I can.

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Think about food, that is.  Even on my off days.  I don't get to eat until tomorrow afternoon.  Fine.  I can still consider what I might eat.  And, maybe, do some cooking in prep.  Some things are better left not cooked, like meats.  The scent is too much.  Even God suggested the oblations from such were... much favored.  If cooked meat can claim God's attention I simply would not have much resistance.  However, there are some things I can cook.  Rice, for example.  It smells okay, for cardboard.  :p  It tastes better, more so with butter.  Simply on a smell thing, it just isn't all that tempting.  I'm thinking making Elmer's glue probably might be of a similar order.

And I can watch vids.  Make plans, set things to thaw, stuff like that.  Hmm... if I could get the kitchen in order, I could probably do more prep.  Like, if I want onions chopped, sliced, diced, or such... or carrots... for stew or saute...  Of course, that would mean cleaning.  Have I mentioned that I need to do cleaning?  I do.  While there are a thousand things I haven't eaten, that I know of easily, which I would like to try, there are also thousands of things I know to eat, like, and would like to eat again.  Some from longer ago, some from more recent learning.  One of those things, and maybe sometime this week, is liver.  Beef, though really calf, liver.  With onions, and gravy.  Absolute favorite?  Yes and no.  If you were raised on them, you learned to like them as a part of family and home.  There is more than just the flavor.  Now, if my mom cooked them, than probably both.  But, cooking them on my own, I have a 50/50 chance of scoring it right on the flavor front.  And yet, that is on the menu for this week.  Trick is to thaw in time.

Actually, once I fully figure out my system, thawing is much easier.  I am learning how much I can eat during meal periods.  I am learning that, over time, I am actually eating less (and enjoying a whole lot more).  In a bit more time, I will truly peg how much to have prepped and thawed for each day.  More?  Since one of three days I don't eat at all, I have time to thaw just the right amount.  My two eating days have to be consecutive, so... it is much more regulated and segmented.  Now just to figure out more exact amounts, if also to have extra good food on hand just in case, and then put regular practices into play.

It's actually fun to tinker with food on the off day.  To consider what could be made, might be made, or even just examine fantasy foods I would most likely never be able, or possibly willing, to make.  If video could convey scent, yeah, no.  Since it can't, I can play all day in the virtual kitchens.  It's sort of like women on video aren't tempting.  I can't sense them.  I can't smell them.  We can't look into each other's eyes.  Simply not tempting.  Oh, well, yes, ideas.  Nothing more, usually far less.  Must be difficult for those who have no control, or... such?

Liver?  Yeah.  I really am thinking that, gravy, onion, and a big glass of milk would be super.  Not tomorrow.  I'm going to let the thought simmer.  It'll be thawed.  But I'll wait until Tuesday.  I may be adding something new... a bit of bacon for the fat.  Why wait a day?  As I told my last, others, and even you.  Because I can.  *wink*

Good and bad?

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Ugly in there too, somewhere.  Ugly, by the way, is neither good nor bad on it's face.  Unforgivable sinfulness, those who won't be judged because they aren't culpable, though who also cannot make it to heaven.  A simple death is their lot.  The lower order of my kinsmen, or... part of my kin, or more one of the two bastard branches of my lines.  Is it like with the census, even one drop?  Can the King call one away from their lot?  I have three lines I could claim, or which could claim me.  None of us claim each other though.  Humans like to think they are all that, but they are the only ones born to perfection and they threw it away.  Not much to have pride in there.  That's one example of ugly, anyway.  Huh?  Shut up.  Are you talking to ME?  Memememe.  Mirror or at, you or me.  I love this game.  Shut up.

Yeah, my "morning" has been like that.  Just waking at about 14:00.  But I've been trying to rough out a path to wakefulness since 9:00.  It just wasn't working, for whatever reason.  My mind has been giggling and throwing rotten fruit at all the entertainers passing through vision, dream, and thought.  Not sure what is up with that.  Not sure I approve.  But it has been a gas.  If nothing else, just the release from normality, possibly slightly from even sanity... if in a milder way, entertaining as a simple release.

Fasting blood sugar is at 237.  I will, now that I am not using sugar replacements and will not be splurging on sugar treats, see in this next week how well things go.  I knew I would have to figure things out.  I knew there would be kinks.  That I have kept my consumption to within the time box given, and fasted one and two days, back to back, consistently... are all very good things.  Hiccups are part of the gig.  I didn't even let those beffudle me.  I have even gotten my leg fluid problem under control, and away from medicine, while beginning this.  I'll do this.

A bit sore.  Still a bit sleepy.  Not sure why.  Not too worried, mind you.  Life skids sideways from time to time.  As summer deepens I know that I will begin to fail ever so slightly.  This year is actually fairly good, though figuring out the trim of the cave, to truly keep temps down, has been quite helpful.  Even so...  Though, I suspect, if I can figure my way out there, and to eat up some heat and play or work, even just a bit, even just a few times a week, that will make the cave even that much better.  Knowing is intelligence, doing?  That is wisdom.  Being so ill that wisdom might kill or seriously hurt you?  That's walking, barefoot, on razor blades... which I am already doing with the fasting.  One thing at a time, at a time.  I'll get to the getting out part in August.  For now I will learn this particular risk.

Gosh, I really need to do some things.  Blood test strips, clean, clean, clean, and more cleaning.  Do some laundry over, some dishes.  Clean, sweep, mop.  Go do things outside, cut those branches.  And... did I mention...  CLEAN.  Bah!  It's good to be the king unless you are it.  Though... it's not all bad either.  Later.